no you can't see my baby 👶🏽 r/AITA
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 5 сен 2024
- Join The Self Love Club! www.youtube.co...
HEY LET'S BE INTERNET FRIENDS:
Instagram @sherbetlemon007
Twitter @sherbetlemon007
TikTok @sherbetlemon007
Twitch @shaabaandjamie
Our site: shaabaandjamie . c o m
Jamie's channel: @Jammidodger
Our gaming channel: @shaabaandjamie
Be kind and have a great day (:
That “good etiquette vs good manners” comment reminded me that an older definition of gentleman and lady was simply “someone who wants their guests to be comfortable.” That is more about good manners than good etiquette. Good manners are about inclusivity. Good etiquette is about gate-keeping.
Omg, that's exactly it! This is the same vibe I get from old "Miss Manners" columns where the writer gets annoyed at people using "manners" to cause drama instead of just being considerate.
I once heard an etiquette specialist say : "Commenting on someone's bad etiquette is bad etiquette."
Absolutely!
Etiquette is often used to create and enforce a social class difference.
It's bs to let it matter so much.
There's a difference between "we have a fish knife because, lifehack, it's easier to cut fish with" and "you pleb have failed the test". if there's a good reason behind an etiquette rule (like "we feel more comfortable doing things a certain way"), fine, but there's no universal reason.
EXACTLY! I was invited as a teenager to a government function by a US ambassador, and my dad came with me but didn’t wear a tie. He realized everyone else was wearing ties and felt embarrassed, but the ambassador took off his own tie to make my dad feel more welcome. THAT is manners.
as a working class girl that doesn't have the finest etiquette and grew up in poverty, that classism expressed by the second poster seriously grinded my gears and as i am white I don't even have that aspect to add into the mix. I tried a relationship with an upper middle class guy once and it was a disaster. his family were totally obnoxious to me. i am now with a Mexican guy, i have met all his family in mexico, they respect my vegetarianism although they are from a farming rural area, they all talk to me and include me in conversation . they want me to be with their son. I have come to the conclusion that class can be far harder to over come than cultural differences as these people can be so entitled and superior.
The first story made me uncomfortable. The mil sounds like she's been masking her toxic feelings and her truth just slipped out. I agree with him demanding a sincere apology before having any contact with his wife and baby. It's his mom and his place to keep her in from hurting his new family.
My guess is the mil or perhaps both inlaws expected her to convert to their religion, to be in a relationship with their son, but that didn't happen immediately. So they thought she might do so eventually, but hasn't. Now they are having a baby and she still hasn't and it's dawning on them that she might not ever and their grandchild will be raised by a non-believer, so the dam broke.
@@willowarkan2263 Now that's a toxic expectation and desire with little effort by the Inlaws.
@@Neojhun just the bit about how they expect her to raise the child outside of the church and how they view her absence of faith gave me the impression that it might be a situation like that.
@@willowarkan2263 I understand wanting her to join the religion. But being demeaning to somebody who was actually trying is good way scare off people.
Yup!
There was an amazing update to that first story! And the partner nailed it in his response to his parents:
“ Okay so sorry it’s taken me a while, these past few hours have been exhausting!
But, first of all - thank you for all your messages of support, they have made me confident in my first major decision as a mama! Also, it’s so crazy how many of you are amazed that my husband is extremely supportive - is this not a usual thing? 😅
Secondly, my in laws decided to text my parents - who we hadn’t explained the situation to, and ask if it would be okay if they visited with them tomorrow, WITHOUT asking us. Luckily, my mum knew better than to reply and she asked me first. My husband has since messaged them, the lovely sweetheart that he is, and told them that it was a fake pregnancy, with a fake labour and now it’s a fake baby but we refuse to have fake people having fake relationships with her - bless his heart!
His parents were very confused by the message, but we still have not received an apology. Right now, my heart is breaking - not for me, but for my little girl who won’t know her family unless they apologise - but especially for my husband who has endured years of this behaviour and tried to protect his sisters from it. I do hope that they decide to own their actions and apologise, as I’d love for them to be a part of this journey, but for now I am just focused on my beautiful little girl and my amazing husband!”
Good to hear it's turning out okay. Love the husband's message!
Soo its a pattern of behavior. As stated above... sooo they're just abusive assholes and this actually wasn't unexpected and they need to abandon their asses and dip as fast as possible...
It's always sad when good people have terrible families. He and his sister are good people in spite of their parents. One of my brothers-in-law has horrible parents. They are raging alcoholics who neglected their kids for their entire lives, play favorites with their kids, show outward malice toward my sister and him for being more successful than they are (they're terrible with money), and hate my sister and their oldest daughter's husband because he doesn't tolerate their atrocious behavior. I don't think they want kids, but if they did, this very much sounds like a stunt they'd pull. Thank God her husband and sister-in-law stood up for her when she needed it most. I wish the best for them and their little girl. :)
W HUSBAND!!!!!
Thank you for posting this :)
i, too, once told my spouse that my mom had raised concerns over them not using a spoon properly.
the difference is that i was telling them in a "you would not BELIEVE the dumb thing my mom just said" sense, because getting mad over a spoon is ridiculous.
That third lady really needs to have an honest conversation with her spouse about both of their needs instead of just demanding things. No one should be pressured into doing something they don't want to do.
sounds like therapy is needed for both. Individually and as a couple.
@@taybug77 if you're suggesting the husband needs therapy purely because he doesn't want to have sex that's not great but i agree that they would almost definitely benefit from at least couples counseling
@@Ari_C no he needs therapy because he is not expressing himself well and he is in a /marriage/. When you are in a marriage sex is expected. Wanting sex is expected. Sex whenever you both have time for it is expected. It's a /marriage/ and they have had sex like 10 times in 7 years. My husband and I did that in the first two weeks we were dating. Then you know, it cooled off, and now two years of marriage and 3.5 years together later probably every two or three weeks now lol and it's something we /talk/ about. It's something we both communicate about. It's an issue lol! And its probably because we have adhd and get distracted constantly! This guy is in a commitment to sexual intimacy. He has issues if he has left his partner completely hanging enough that she felt the need to ask the AITA thread. He is a fish out of water and a divorce is probably what they need. Sorry hun you have a friend you've slept with once or twice not a husband. Leave him. It's like those people who are like "oh yea this aunt of mine won't sleep in the same room anymore after 10 years of marriage and didn't have sex with her husband for 20 years." And then there's a sane guy who says "yea no I'd leave her for that the first year, that's ridiculous." Like, once someone makes it clear they no longer want a sexual relationship with their lawfully wedded spouse that marriage should honestly be automatically dissolved without a fuss. It's not a marriage without sex unless that was agreed on beforehand.
@@Ari_C To be fair, it COULD just be his normal sex drive, but it COULD also be coming from another place - maybe he's not straight, maybe he was abused, maybe he thinks sex is "dirty". If it is negatively affecting his life (obviously it is), then he should talk to someone and get to the bottom of it, even just so that he can communicate about the topic (and his feelings toward it) more effectively.
@@Kreepie11 It could be a medical issue - low testosterone sometimes quashes sex drive in men.. and women. Higher testosterone in men and women tends to increase sex drive. It could be a completely different hormonal imbalance. There are lots of reasons, whether physical, mental, emotional, or orientation.
Heck, you can be asexual and still have a high sex drive - it's just that you just aren't sexually attracted to your partner even if you enjoy the act or love them or maybe you'd prefer to just use a toy instead. Communication is key, but it's also a good idea to make sure everything else (physically/mentally/etc.) is okay too.
The sister of the first story is incredible. Such a good sister, sister in law and aunt, she probably knew that she would be in big trouble with her parents but didn’t care at all and put her brother, her nephew and OP first of everything, even herself. Op should take her in if she needs it after the whole affair, the parents seem very abusive, and not only to Op, the sister definitely had to deal with them before when they put a similar stunt
I have an alternative point of view on the first husband that might be helpful.
Sometimes, especially if you've been raised in an environment without healthy boundaries, the best choice is to basically recuse yourself and back whatever your partners decides.
It takes a lot of trust in your partner to do this, and brutal honesty with yourself about when you can be trusted to participate in making decisions like this, and when your upbringing has so throughly compromised your understanding of healthy boundaries and norms that your input cannot be trusted.
Not saying that's what he's doing, but if it is, I can attest that it's an active choice, rather than passive non-action.
That's a really good point
I respect that view. Good insight.
That's a really good point!
I yhink it might also be because he already chose that between his family and his wife, he is firmly on his wife's side. Whether she wants to distance herself from the family or still try to fit in, he might be equally on board with either choice. Especially since she tried so hard to integrate into his religion, he genuinely might not know what she wants the most rn.
We don't really know how he communicated it to her, whether he was passive or wanted to put her wishes first (especially after everything she went through).
In the end, it's not a problem to let your partner decide. What's wrong is making them take full responsibility for the decision, even though it was your choice to go along with their wishes. Or making them feel like they HAVE to be the one to decide.
@@annakaro9081 Agreed!
If this comes up, you 100% have to be upfront in what you're doing (and why), and be prepared to not only accept their decision, but also to actively back them up in making it happen.
It also helps to sit in on any discussions leading up to your partner making that final call, though it's important to give yourself grace if you aren't in a place where that would reduce the stress on your partner.
Growth is good, as eventually you should aim to get to a place where you can trust yourself enough to help make these decisions, but your partner shouldn't bear any more of that burden than absolutely necessary (and even then, only as much as they're willing to shoulder).
My ex and I both came from Christian families & weren't taught good communication skills when it came to sex. He was never especially interested, and eventually came out as gay, so I can definitely empathize, and agree that therapy and communication is needed!
Yeah it's tough all around. I was on the other side and I've now fully accepted that I'm asexual. Despite this I used to sleep with my exes frequently but it was just to keep them happy and because I felt like I was doing the right thing. I developed several health complications because of this. Overall it's a shitty situation for both parties.
I also remember getting really upset if I was asked for more sex, because to me, sex 1-2 a week was me trying REALLY hard.
oh wow, good for him but you have my sympathies; that must have been tough.
@@thes0mething I was also on the other side. The last long-term sexual relationship I had (a total of about 5 years together, though this was many years ago) was when I was in my mid-20s and just starting to suspect that I might not be your average bisexual. I was fine having sex with him, if he initiated it. Sex made him happy, and it wasn't pleasant enough for me. (I'm not a sex-repulsed asexual.) However, I never felt like initiating myself and when he starting bringing that fact up, I didn't know how to respond. I could understand that he felt unwanted. Unfortunately, the reality was that he was kind of right. I really valued our relationship, but I wasn't sexually into him (or really much of anyone). He couldn't be in a relationship where I wasn't as attracted to him as he was to me, and that was the end. It was a really sad time, but it definitely helped me realize that while I still identify as bisexual, my low levels of sexual attraction also make me asexual.
@@jospinner1183 Is it so much bisexual as biromantic? You can be a biromantic asexual, or a biromantic demisexual, or demibiromantic asexual with low sex drive, or any number of other orientations. The potential combos are practically endless.
@@NotAFanOfHandles Oh, there are endless combinations. I don't usually think very much about my romantic alignment. I guess I might be demiromantic, but it's not something I consider often.
As far as sexuality, bisexual is a useful description, because I do occasionally experience sexual attraction, and that attraction doesn't depend upon gender. I fall along the asexual spectrum as well, because I don't frequently experience sexual attraction, and if asked I'll generally classify myself as demisexual because attraction usually requires a pre-existing relationship (platonic or romantic).
Labels can be helpful for some people, but they aren't necessary. I mostly use labels when I need to describe my experiences to others. I don't know that being able to label myself as asexual or ace-spec would have been all that helpful when dealing with that old ex of mine. The relationship was a bit of a mismatch, and while it hurt a lot during the breakup (he wasn't particularly kind to me at the time), it's good that it ended. Labels, no matter how precise, weren't going to alter that.
The rich dude one hit home. I grew up very very poor, but I'm white so not quite the same. When I was 19 I started dating a guy who was rich. He constantly would mention that his family is worth hundreds of mil, and that he alone was "worth 16 Mil". He kept putting off me meeting his family for a while because of these , until I got my first good modeling job that is. Constantly was saying stuff like how smart I was despite going to public school, etc. Much more classist and gaslighting bullshit but what took the cake was when we were waiting for a train to go on a weekend trip, where I possibly might have been meeting his mother "if things went well", the train was running 2 hours late. This happens with trains. but he started to get all pissy about it, making comments about "of course you're not upset about the delay, you are used to taking trains that don't run on time, but I paid for these tickets and expect more", then he actually went to the ticket window and pulled the "do you know who I am?" line! He said a whole bunch of rude and disgusting things to pretty much every worker he saw. Needless to say I left him on that platform and never talked to him again after that disgusting display. I hate to say it but every other person I dated of "privilege and means" has acted similarly, completely without human decency and compassion, constantly throwing their weight around. I don't understand it.
"people grow, and not always in the same direction" is something I didn't know I needed to hear
For the first story: Absolutely no contact until the parents apologize and explain where all that nonsense was coming from. Make sure they have also apologized to your partner's sister for the abuse they gave her.
Also, maybe we could cut the partner just a little bit of slack. This post was apparently written within hours of the delivery. He has been dealing with a stressful interchange with family and trying to support his partner while she was giving premature birth to their child. His mind and heart are overflowing right now. The fact that he said, "Whatever you want," doesn't necessarily mean he is neutral on the matter. It may simply mean that he is exhausted and hasn't fully processed his feelings about what his parents did. Not everyone processes emotions on the same timetable.
In the first story we also need to mention the baby is premature! She might be in nicu, it’s still covid! I wouldn’t invite ppl to meet my premature baby regardless to all in-laws behavior the night before.
Defo!
It doesn't sound like it. They are at home it sounds like?? Also pregnancy lengths can be misread if they aren't tested thoroughly so she could totally have been 35-39 weeks along.
@@summeryoung1026 I was born at 34 weeks and spent almost a month in NICU before I went home. Unless the gestational age was way off, they're probably still in the hospital.
On that first story, honestly the nicest response that the in laws deserve would be: you can't have any contact with the baby until you *sincerely* apologize and admit you were wrong, and if it happens again contact will be permanently cut off. The next nicest response would be the petty one about the "fake monstrosity baby who hates your religion."
The second one is absolutely the asshole. Not only was he being racist and classist, but as an autistic person I recognized that he was being ableist too. I don't do neurotypical "social rules" and they are exhausting for me. Masking causes burnout and is damaging to us. Also the fact that he signed her up for that class WITHOUT asking her first...just, wow. Gross.
With the last one, yeah she's being too pushy. If he's not going to want sex very often (regardless of his reasons), she needs to decide if she is okay with that and if it's a dealbreaker for her. If sex is too important for her to (practically) give up, then maybe she needs to think about finding someone else who can fulfil that need for her.
Thank you for pointing out the ableism there. I completely missed it!
I agree with everything you said and you raise a good point about ableism that I didn’t even realize.
As someone who is asexual I have definitely been pressured into having sex with my partner to make them "stop whining about it". It made me resent it all and obviously wasn't good for my partner either. Back then I wasn't aware that I was asexual so it wasn't something we could discuss before the relationship. But eventually we agreed that it wasn't working. And we have a much healthier relationship now as friends.
Im sorry about that :(
As someone who found out they're asexual after marrying, it is definitely possible to go through the whole relationship without that topic coming up. Especially if there's religion involved
I kept telling myself that, after I'm married, I'll want to do it cause I'll be "allowed to". Turns out, it don't work that way. Who knew 😂
Spoilers:
The one with the etiquette lessons sounds like something that would happen in a Disney movie, with the writers then desperately try to convince the audience that this is totally cute you guys!
Pygmalion/My Fair Lady IRL
[shudders]
@@anonymousfellow8879 omg just what i was about to comment lol
@@summer_the_rae
Right?? Outside of Catchy Music and stanning Audrey Hepburn and Julie Andrews (movie, broadway) the premise and script is SO disturbing. (And Higgins gets his way…)
Like, I performed it in college (as Pygmalion; really the only difference between scripts is that Pygmalion is public domain whereas MFL needs liscencing because of the added Broadway-ness of it…and they don’t give it up very often) and actually reading it As-Is -like a nerd; I learn my lines better if I know everyone elses’ too- is a massive “getout GetOut GETOUT?!???” to Eliza.
…it was a bit of a consolation that the writer never intended Eliza and Higgins to be romantic-coded or really even QueerPlatonic, and when pressured about it he got mad and wrote a thing where Eliza marries Freddie afterall or something. But yeah-Higgins is supposed to be Obsessive, not Desireable
i was thinking that it's literally Pretty Woman, which surprisingly enough, it's a Disney movie
I love how my first thought was "Beauty and the Beast" 😂 although in that case he was acting like...well a beast so idk what the morals are there,...and he did hold her captive so😂
Nearly had a heart attack before I saw the r/ and thought you had a baby without ever even telling us you were pregnant.
Same.
Like that second story was just this perfect storm of yikes. the intersection of race, gender and class struggle encapsulated in one incredibly inconsiderate act. It's almost worthy of a parable.
Last story:
I was in this situation in my teens, and I was called the a hole for refusing. Now I know I'm asexual, back then I had no explanation for how it felt for me, so I had no (accepted as) valid reason to refuse.
Also, I'm the girl in this situation, and I don't know how we ended up in a relationship.
For the last one; the way I read it, it sounds like a yes YTA for asking over and over. But, hear me out, in a relationship we work together to help get past the conflicts. So when there is a conflict and a "no" to something that feels like it impacts your relationship in a big way, your role is not to ask again or coerce a "yes" it is to communicate and collaborate on understanding both why it is a "no" AND why is that a problem for you? Assuming they are the one in the wrong for saying "no" to sex in a marriage and the answer is for them to change their stance and say "yes" to full-fill an obligation is an outdated belief we no longer have to subscribe to. The husband is not wrong for not wanting it and the wife is not wrong for wanting it, but they both need to work to understand the other's "why" and come to a boundary that works for them.
even without the race dealio,the classism was horrendous, my best friend wasn't allowed to go anywhere with me,couldn't go to my house,I couldn't go to hers,and honestly she probably wasn't even supposed to be friends with me, the main reason is because I was lower class than her apparently,and her father absolutely hated me and said I was a bad influence because my dad was an alcoholic ( who wasn't home 90% of the time btw,and no one was allowed over if he was there)and her father was a police officer,no joke,and she was forced to study for crazy amounts of time because she wasn't allowed to get lower grades than me,and I was a supposed gifted kid, I was in 4 out of 7 classes 2 grades or higher above me and maxed out their reading tests and crap,so her relationship with her parents was wack because she was expected to perform crazy hard tasks and only talk to kids preparing to go to a private school(she was trying to get into a private school as well) ,point here is that classism sucks for everyone involved,but especially young kids who don't understand why ones parents were so against the other that they couldn't even be kids and interact with eachother outside of school.
I had a situation like this, I went to a school in a rich area that was near where I lived, so both of my closest friends' parents hated me just because of where I lived. I wasn't allowed at their house because they thought I was gonna rob them (what I was actually told) they kept accusing me of being a bad influence and thought I was gonna introduce them to drugs despite the fact I've never even done any (it was rich kids who gave them drugs because duh, they could afford them in the first place???). One of their dads would sometimes follow him to school just to make sure he wasn't walking with me and at one point he fully banned him from hanging out with me and would ground him if he was caught seeing me. His mum was at the school sometimes because she was one one the people who funded it, and would rage if she saw us near each other.
It's weird as hell and I don't get why some families can be so controlling over who their kids hang around with, my parents were just like "cool you have a friend" and stayed out of their personal lives. The older I get it makes me more and more angry that fully grown adults hated me just for being poor.
Absolutely appalling behavior on the part of every snobby,elitist parent mentioned here.I'm so sorry you had to deal with their horrible attitudes and behavior.
Reminds me of one of my old middle school friends- I thought she was rich for a while because she wore bright bedazzled clothes and makeup. I only ever went to her house once (her family owned a dump) and I remember being so awed by the massive yard full of old cars and her sister’s 20 pairs of left behind goth boots. Kids do not think about classism. People don’t naturally care about that sort of thing. My family was always less openly classist (her father sounds like a fucking nightmare :/) but I can’t say it didn’t impact how they acted about our friendship at all.
I wasn’t allowed to go over to her house because of her dad and brother- I was furious until my parents explained it to me AND she also dropped some hints about how unpredictable they were. As a kid I don’t know why I didn’t think she was in much danger from that tbh :/
She was a great person. We lost contact around middle school just from lack of being around each other in that kid school way, and I don’t know if she had the best time, our school had a notorious like... he was himself fucked up because no child should be able to be described as a fuckboy but like. He was kinda a fuckboy. Hurt a lot of girls in the general city area :/
I really hope she’s okay now, or doing better and happy wherever she’s at.
The value systems of beauty and worth under capitalism have never made much sense to me anyway, but I’m definitely still unlearning classist shit and trying to be more aware of my privileges as a person from an upper middle class background back when the middle class was a thing in America
@@ryandthatsit6323 I found a Twitter thread a while ago of people recounting times adults had been ruthlessly cruel to them as poor children in front of their peers- it’s a form of normalizing and justifying classism to people who have little to no natural tendency to care about shit like that. Whether it’s conscious or not, the adults are actively teaching by example that poverty is to be viewed as a punishment and symptom of lesser ness, of failure. It’s obscene🤗
it still would be fucked up even if she was white, but her being a poc makes it so much worse if you take into account how poc are viewed as "backwards" and "uncivil". a white guy signing his woc girlfriend to an etiquette class is 😬
2- Absolutely YES! He thought less of her because of her "poor" upbringing, because apparently her race and actually thought he was doing something "good" for her & was confused when she got mad. Hopefully he read the replies and learned a bit of compassion.
I think that's my main question too, like are they being apologetic now that the baby was born. Like "Oh my bad, I totally didn't realize how stupid I was being. Can I see the baby?" OR is it like "Let us see the baby to prove you had it or else we'll keep being toxic about it". Those two things are completely different situations and would need to be handled differently. Either way she has the right to just be like no, she's not the a**hole for that. But like I'd handle them different ways depending... just personally.
Last story makes me think of my mom and dad... Grew up super religious.. no sex before marriage (mom got laid once a month.. at her insistence.. if me and genetics are any indication I think it's likely my dad was Ace)
Even if they dated 2 years before marriage in that setting they might not have even kissed before! It's awful that they find themselves seemingly incompatible sexually when obviously they must have quite a strong personality bond. Unfortunately, I think that one is probably doomed if sex is a deal breaker for her.
As a non-asexual in a relationship with an asexual (he came out about 5 years into our relationship) I can say it is definitely doable to have very different amounts of sexdrive. It just takes a lot of communication about wants and needs and a bit of creative thinking. There are a lot of in betweens between nothing at all an the full sex experience with every step included. Those steps can help bridge the gap too.
At first in the etiquette one, I wasn’t sure where it was going. I’ve had friends come over from different up bringing a than me (and I mean I’m in the lower middle class, so privileged but I’m not rich), and she took things from my pantry without asking, tried to take things home, and continued to ask for things after I said no (“can I eat this candy?” “No, it’s my brother’s” “but he’s away at college he isn’t gonna eat it” ???)
But this has clearly turned into more of a Gilmore girls chaos situation where it was like you must be pish and posh or something.
I think if it’s basic decency you can also just explain that to someone w/o etiquette classes. Like “hey, my family is really quiet and expects voices to be low, don’t eat before everyone sits and says a prayer” stuff like that”. But I have to say that does NOT seem like the case. Wish we had more context tbh.
That sounds more like either a culture/personal boundaries thing rather than a class thing personally? But idk
My friend was married 10 years and had even less sex. He'd only recently told her he was never interested in it fully knowing she has always wanted lots children. He had continued the charade until he finally made a much money as her, she'd paid off his student debt and "they" bought a house. They got divorced not long after (so really really recently) and she's never been happier.
Moral of their story, people need to be completely honest with each other about their needs, expectations and life goals before marriage. If actions do not align with words regardless of reason and number of times they push the convo away, walk away. Marriage is a prison if both parties are not happy and satisfied with the status of things.
Etiquette classes 🤯😂 I'd be running for the hills.
Right? Like "Honey, you can kiss my lower tax bracket ass goodbye."
You're right. In situation #2 I'd say the word privileged would've been prefered instead of blessed.
It's somehow implying that one is blessed and others aren't and that somehow makes one more special.
He's got a real colonial hangover with his own personal civilising mission.
Also, blessed, if you’re coming at it from a position of faith, can imply that you’re a better person than other people. If others aren’t blessed, God didn’t see them as deserving of a blessing (or some bs like that).
@@athenarocks7657 exactly, that's what I wanted to say.
We want to see the baby:
Maybe they should wait until the due date since they thought she was faking. If they've apologized then possibly sooner. They put up road blocks to safely delivering this person, they don't get to forget how terrible they were now that the danger has passed. I can see them wanting to apologize in person, which also makes sense.
As a sex adverse asexual I would certainly say that last one is complicated but ultimately the gal is the asshole. Obviously there are layers to what is going on, discussions need to be had, and if she's desiring sex in her relationship and he clearly doesn't maybe they need to discuss a change in their relationship status.
I'm a sex indifferent asexual (only recently realized it and I'm still trying to figure out if I'm demi or gray-ace) and my long term boyfriend is very much sex positive. We've had a lot of discussions about it since I realized and we've also been talking with a therapist. We really want to make things work, but it's been difficult.
The first one is so deeply sad.
The last one: learning about the five love languages might really help. If she loves physical touch as her primary love language and he doesn’t, learning about the ways he does love her might be helpful.
It makes me wonder also if maybe he is on the autism spectrum. Many people in that situation just don’t feel comfortable with touch most of the time.
My thought is that if she understands that he’s not rejecting her personally and it’s mostly a touch thing, that might help her not feel so rejected? If she needs to feel pretty, maybe she can ask him to say words of affirmation when he believes them. My husband of 25 years has trouble getting words out, he has something called aphasia at times, which makes words stay stuck inside. He just isn’t a talker, but he shows his affection in other ways that I appreciate.
If you are craving sexual release, I highly recommend a quality vibrator that plugs into the wall. If you only need the physical release, that baby is your friend. Perhaps start by just holding hands more? Find other ways to get physical touch? I am postmenopausal and it’s affected my libido severely. However, my husband and I work toward lots of snuggling and touching and connection. He really does appreciate physical touch as a love language, so I’m working really hard to figure out how I can give him as much of that as I can.
I just can’t recommend learning about the five love languages enough. You can go to their website and read all that information without even paying a thing.
A vibrator can't replace the bonding that happens through sex. There is a reason that people evolved to have recreational sex in couples and humans are the only animal to do it. They need therapy to help them work out the source of this issue, but you can't just tell someone to forget or pretend the rejection and lack of sexual attention they are getting from thier spouse can be earased by a vibrator. You can get the sexual release but you can't get the sexual bonding. Hello oxytocin anyone?
@@mellie4174 it's not true that only humans have recreational sex, some apes and monkeys are known to do it too
The 5 love languages guy is the last thing they need in their marriage. He was a horrible piece of shit please look into this and spend less time on that hideous website. He believed that divorce was morally reprehensible and you had to make things work even if you had been sexually and physically abused. His "love languages" have no basis in fact and are honestly laughable. Please educate yourself on this you seem to be blissfully unaware.
@@mellie4174 there’s such a thing as cuddling sensually and then finishing yourself off.
If that’s not something viable for one or both partners and they aren’t sexually compatible, there are things they can do besides splitting up, but that’s also a valid reason *to* split up.
You don’t know them. You don’t know sex toys wouldn’t be good enough. Oxytocin isn’t just released from sex.
Fuckin big brain club garbage
That one person was so right that he needs to face the fact his parents put his wife and child in danger. And over nothing at all. This is bonkers.
Please can we have a Shaaba & Jamie podcast? I love listening to you speak, such a soothing voice
When it comes to the etiquette classes I believe there is a way to do it ”right”. If your parents have some weird standard which they expect your partner should meet you should inform your partner. You can then tell your partner that if it would make them more comfortable there is etiqette classes avaliable but that it isn’t a must.
Any potential etiquette classes should be for the sake of your partner, not your family.
Please post more of these AITA episodes...they are so funny, interesting and entertaining! I laughed so much watching them! Greetings from Italy!
ahhh so glad you like them! x
Great video as always. This is the safest and most comfortable place on the internet. We all can feel comfortable for who we are. Thank you.
Ugh, the social etiquette one really upset me. I'm not gonna pick on his words because English isn't my first language and I can see how someone who's _less fortunate_ in terms of wokeness (😘) might be struggling to express themselves (still: yikes). However, his actions speak volumes:
*He* was obviously scared of his parents' response and instead of working through that & maybe establishing some boundaries he decided the path of submission - _for her_ ! And there is so much wrong with that!
If *he* is scared, he shouldn't take *her* into account for it - it's his emotion, not hers.
He could've asked *her* how she felt about it, maybe could've warned her of the ridiculous & bad mannered expectations on etiquette his parents bring to the table (lol). He could've asked her if she needed anything from him to support her & what.
He could've talked to his parents beforehand to tell them how their expectations make him feel uncomfortable & that he doesn't want her to feel the same way. A good mannered host should be sensitive to this.
He could've asked himself why he's scared of his parents' reaction and where that emotion comes from & maybe deal with it eventually. Work through your issues, man.
But no, he acted as if he was doing *her* a favour, although he was doing it all for himself.
This dude needs to work on the way he's handling his emotions.
On top of that: ignoring that racism is a thing & definitely charging up this situation is not helping anyone with anything.
Not “unwoke” or whatever to acknowledge the realities of poverty. Kinda the opposite actually.
Unless you mean woke “if we do not speak the name of the problem it will simply vanish with no work or change on our end” liberal sense, then yes, dead on wording 😂
That second dude should have talked to her and decided together if the class was necessary instead of just signing her up without talking to her first imo
Communication is so important in a relationship.
Ironically he’s the rudest person in that relationship. Unfortunately he’s probably not the rudest person in his life if he thinks you can do that to another person. Put them through a fuckin behavioral course like a pet. Eugh 🤢
“I don’t eat haggis just because there Scottish “
- Shabba 2022
People who hold religion over their families are nuts my blood brother used to be that way. Glad I was able to get to them.
I can't get over that AH signing his girlfriend up for etiquette sessions. And that horrible language about how she's beautiful and interesting "despite" being poor. The whole thing was just so unbearably cringeworthy.
so excited to see this has become a series! :D
I really really like these videos when you do them. You are so honest and also not cruel in the slightest. You’re a very thoughtful person and I enjoy your take on complicated issues.
An agreement to be non-monogamous can often solve issues with sex drive problems. Because sometimes humans get things outside the marriage. Sometimes it's a buddy to play sports with. Sometimes it's a friend to vent to. And sometimes it's healthy sex. No judgment to anybody that chooses that path. I've seen it destroy relationships and save them.
Yeah I was thinking if they have incompatible sex drives but still want to be partners or coparents etc., a healthy open relationship, or closed or open poly, would be great!
Going into labour at all, a scary intense time when u need all the support u can get. Going into labour at 34 weeks adds so many more layers of terrifying and therefore only increases the level of support and love needed from all their around u. What an awful and unacceptable reaction from the parents. Regardless if it wasn't 'real' labour, is just a bizarre response.
That second guy was so unconsciously classist it hurt
I love listening to you talk these through, you’re just so lovely and level headed. Not on topic but I think your hair looks so cool in the video. ❤️
Okay hear me out. I get the concerns about etiquette and there is def nothing wrong with telling your spouse about it BUT there is a big difference between booking a course for them or suggesting that. Like if I were their gf i think i would want to do the etiquette course cuz i am extremely uncomfortable when I feel people are judging me but if my partner just booked a course for me without me asking i would be extremely mad.
Suggestion: Hey, a little heads up my family has these ridiculous thoughts about etiquette and they might judge you if you use the wrong fork. It is absolutely stupid and I disagree with them and if they say anything i will stand up for you but if you’re uncomfortable being judged we absolutely don’t have to go or I could sign you up for a class or teach u some but feel absolutely no pressure to do anything at all they are ridiculous.
In story #3 I think if she's insisting on having sex she is the asshole. But regardless this couple really needs to talk.
Agree with your statements, Shaaba. My own SO recently brought up our different views on money management, and I had to restate/insist on my boundaries
The thing where religious people feel entitled to treat people badly for not converting is bizarre to me. You should be whatever faith you want, but if you have that right, so do other people.
The second story sounds like that part in ‘Pretty Woman’ where Julia Roberts calls snails “slippery little suckers”. Atleast that’s the POV that the OP thinks from 😂
Loving the reddit content and your take on it 😍
I love this. You. This channel. This segment. All of it.
There is so much love and wholesomeness coming from you. I’ve just had an argument with my bf and was really upset and angry. I am now feeling so much better. Thank you.
Also, you and Jamie have really found each other. Your vibes fit together perfectly.
Last story is rough. Communication is the key to that one and being a sex pest is not. the OP has lived with this guy for a long time, she should have some idea how his libido goes. If she has concerns or issues talking is better than demanding. W0W.
In the second story, I think part of it is also the approach that the poster took. If they'd said to their girlfriend, "hey, my family is super snobby and I think will have unreasonable expectations for you when you meet them. I love you the way you are, and I want you to know what to expect and to have as many choices available to you for how you want to handle that," the social etiquette class could have been turned from "this is how you should act" to "this is what they'll expect - how do you want to handle criticism if you don't do it?" But the fact that op just signed her up without asking really indicates that they wanted her to change her behavior, not "be prepared"
Eid Mubarak and Congratulations on your Engagement 👏🏽
Someone might have already commented this - but the reason someone is one the internet just a few hours after giving birth….. is because that is a very boring time when nothing happens. 😂 After the baby is born, if nothing has gone terribly wrong, (most births go a little bit wrong, depending on your definition - you’ll never feel “fine” immediately) you spend hours/days mostly hanging out in a hospital bed.
And newborns mostly sleep the first day, and eat-sleep-poop the days after that.
And yes, you spend a lot of time staring at the baby miracle, but you can only stare at someone for so long before reaching for a book (or your phone). 😊
Thank you for bringing up the royals for Social Etiquette Guy. That’s the *only* time classes might be OK.
I love shaaba doing these kinds of videos, her advice is always from the heart even when it's negative advice.
I have so many things I could send into shaaba so react to haha sooo many things I could do with advice on.
I have adhd and always feel like the asshole when trying to give advice because even when trying to helpful I just always seem to come away feeling like I made things worse.
Anyways another great video shaaba ♡
Would you and Jamie be interested in making a podcast? I love listening to AITA reddit podcasts, but the ones I could find were kind of... a bit too straight for my taste :D And I love listening to you folks
I have to say in the case of the etiquette lessons I would have taken them and dumped him as soon as he paid for them. My mother was from the wrong side of the tracks and never got over the middle class. She did her best to learn etiquette herself and to teach us. Not so we would have to be like people we did not like, but so we would never feel out of place. She liked the idea that her children could walk into a biker bar, or a fancy hotel and be just as comfortable. She would say not that you have to act that way, just that you can. That guy yea he is the a ho
Yes, I fully agree that you've found the niche of the channel, it suits you so well 🥰🥰🥰
Genuinely worried that the etiquette class one was about my old relationship but I see that this is a new post, not from 6 years ago thank god
Shaaba, #2 was absolutely a woman of colour. The guy was such a jerk in the comments. The only "manners" she was lacking was not knowing what fork to use.
If it was only a fork issue it was worried badly.
My mom has yelled and will continue to yell at me if I’m holding my fork “upside down” It’s sooooooo infuriating, just let me live.
@@spicybeantofu in the comments he made it very clear that it was just about not knowing which forks to use. Many people asked him for specific examples of her lack of manners. He had none. But he did mention the forks.
Suppose that of this couple one is British, one is American, both from similar backgrounds. The correct manner of using a fork would be totally different. How you use a fork is a combination of many things and has nothing to do with whether you are compatible with other people.
@@missharry5727 his issue was that she has never experienced a fancy dinner with a million utensils set out, so she wouldn't know what fork to use for each course. A "problem" easily solved by saying "start from the outside and work your way in. If you aren't sure, just watch me!"
Why had she never experienced this before? Because she isn't rich like him. So, his real issue is that she's poor and he's embarrassed by her. She isn't the one lacking manners
Ok so I know it's the classic poly person thing of pitching polyamory as the answer, but if the last person really loves her husband but they have wildly differing sex drives then a carefully negotiated "open" relationship is probably better for them than a closed one that isn't working
I think the woman seriously needs to work on her communication and consideration for her husband before any form of polyamory is viable for them, though.
@@Iamtk777 that's very true, it'd only solve anything if it's done properly and that's going to be an uphill climb from where they are
I just have so many so much more important things to do in life than prevent the spoon hitting my teeth when I eat soup! Like, maybe these folks should go and take up some voluntary work with an organisation that helps the homeless or something.
I can kinda relate to the guy with the ettiquette class. I almost certainly didn't come from the same kind of wealth that he did, but there's definitely an expectation to adhere to certain traditions when my familt eats. The first time I brought a partner home, I prepped them about the traditions beforehand (nothing NEARING ettiquette classes. Just like 'heads up, my parents are super strict. Eat with both knife and fork at all times, never talk with your mouth full and never interupt anyone' kind of thing.) My partner didn't follow ANY of them, and my parents disliked them from then on. It wasn't that they didn't like my partner's personality, it was more that they felt that there was a lack of respect for their house rules. I was also upset, because I had warned them, and my family is super important to me. Even my siblings- who are far more laid back- were upset. I stopped seeing them shortly after, because it really upset me.
This being said, to just out of the blue sign your partner up for ettiquette classes? Unbelievable. He either thinks she's incapable of good manners, which is lowkey racist and classist, or he thinks his parents will hate her so he wants to give them nothing to hate about. In which case, either don't date her or fuck your parents. In that situation there are no win-win scenarios. Either way your partner suffers.
Even without the context you don't have to see anyone during Postpartum period.
So, while I do agree that the second dude was being a bit of an ass, I think I'm a bit less ready to condemn him than everyone else is. Now, just arbitrarily signing her up for an etiquette class is incredibly insensitive and not a good thing to do in a relationship, but I think it could be coming from a place of genuine caring. The story gives me the impression that he isn't trying to force her to change the way she is, that he doesn't feel like she needs to have "proper manners" or whatever you want to call it for him to love her, but he knows that his parents will be really horrible to her and make both their lives worse if she shows up acting very informally. A better solution would have been to explain the situation to her, explain that his parents are really classist, and that they would take issue to her not knowing the table manners they expect. Make sure she knows that, if they were horrible to her, he would take her side, but he'd rather she not have to deal with that. I mean, there's no good way to deal with that situation. He probably does genuinely care about his parent, and he probably doesn't want to cut them out of his life, but he clearly also cares about his girlfriend, and wants to arrange a situation where they can all get along.
Sometimes we try to shield the people we love from bullying, and end up making it worse because we send this message of "who/how you are is wrong in some way" Instead of "You're great, but some people are assholes - how do you want to deal with that / I'm here if you need me"
yeah but the way the post was worded only put the onus on her, he didn't say "my parents are classist old school assholes who will judge her and maybe even be nasty to her if she doesn't act the way they expect over dinner", it was all "oh poor her and her financial struggles, oh I need to save her the embarrassment of being an ordinary person" you know? Like I agree that it might come from a place of caring for her, but it just ends up showing how classist he is and how he's not challenged his mentality in any way yet.
Another option would be to introduce them in a situation that is very informal. Choose a place where the girlfriend would feel comfortable and where the parents will also expect informal behavior. Perhaps at a park watching sports, rather than a formal dinner at a restaurant.
Yes but he didn't do any of what you said. He made the choice not to so he clearly wanted to send the message he sent. If he wanted to send a different message he would have.
This is honestly the exact same way i took the situation as well. I came to the comments to see if anyone else felt the same way as me cus it seemed like my opinion was the minority from the video lol. But i think you explained it perfect. It seems like he had good intentions and does love her for her but dealing with parents can be tricky especially if there is a major class difference. Obv you want you parents to like your SO but that might not be so easy if your parents are very judemental/classist etc. and so he was trying to make sure them meeting had the best chance of going well as possible. Like you said also i do think it was the wrong move to sign her up for that class without asking/having a conversation about it first. I guess you could call him an asshole for that. But i really dont think hes any where as bad as other people are making him out to be. More of a good intentions/bad execution kinda situation.
The baby thing. If she forbids the in-laws from seeing the baby and especially if they start threatening they will cut of the in-laws the MIL will take that as proof she's trying to "take away" her son etc. and the situation will escalate. Demanding an apology and/or wanting to rest and not have more visitors is valid. And the MIL should not be given power to rule and manipulate.
I love your channel! So warm and wholesome and level headed. We love in depth discussions using kindness! ❤️❤️
I'd love it if she said "you can't see the baby until after the original due date" but definitely at least an apology needs to come first, and not just as they're coming in the door, first before a decision is even made. Putting church service before an actual child is bonkers. And how would they feel if OP was having a miscarriage? That is petty crap and I'm glad OP is seeing spouse's family for the two-face people they are.
That ettiquette one..... he was being condesending. Eeeek
I had an old boyfriend come to me years later with an issue. (We were still friends) His new girlfriend was from a well off family and he was invited to dinner with them-his problem was that he didn’t know anything about fine dining or proper etiquette. I got out all my grandmother’s silverware and set up my dining room table to demonstrate. My husband helped, too. We explained each kind of fork, knife and spoon, as well as all the types of glasses. He was so grateful as he wanted to make a good impression on her parents. They were engaged about six months later-mission accomplished. Difference was, he ASKED for help. No one assumed he would need it or thrust it on him unasked.
The first story sounded like the third movie in the ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding’ Franchise lol
For the last couple whose sex drives are so incompatible, there are ways around it; incompatible libido does not need to make or break an otherwise healthy relationship. However, said ways around it deviate a lot from the expected social "norm" and will take a LOT of open, healthy communication.
Wait…..Jamie’s Scottish?! I knew he was awesome! 🏴💙🏴🤍🏴
I'm living for your reactions to the rich dude story.
Hey shaaba i just woke up from a nightmare and needed a good distraction and this video did just that. Thankyou!
I would love them to do a section of AITA (even if wasn't reddit but peaches/spuds stories) but with each one having to take opposing views and debate/argue it out.
I always look forward to Shaaba’s videos 💕
As an asexual and s3ggsual harassment victim as soon as I heard the last one I said yes. The context doesn’t matter, whether you are in a relationships or not, whether you have been together for a long time or not, you do not have the right to demand such a thing from someone as you claim to have. Yes she was the asshole, she does not have a right to demand his body just because they’ve been together for such a long time.
i agree wholeheartedly, i identified her as the AH immediately as well. badgering consent out of someone is never okay- if that ever happened to me i wouldn't feel much like staying in that relationship.
Hey you're being too rough here. A lot of people aren't familiar with the ace terminology and what that means. Also a lot of asexual people I know just realised that they were asexual in their 30th+. I am on the other side of that situation and have to deal with a boyfriend that probably is ace but refuses to acknowledge it. It's not easy. I'm an advocate for enthusiastic consent and would never be a damn pest but it is hard not getting your bodily needs met. I'm thinking about ending my own relationship since therapy and communication did not solve that issue for us and would advice that woman to do so as well. Sometimes the incompatibly is just too strong.
@@el4244 Speaking as someone who has been through sa in multiple relationships before... Pestering like the OP has done is coercion, and coercion in that context is 100% a form of sa. It's abuse. OP is the ah. Saying otherwise is minimizing and dismissing the existence and impact of sa. It doesn't stop being abuse just because "he MIGHT be ace, and if he is, she MIGHT not know about it." It's still abusive behavior, no exceptions.
Is she evil? Dunno, can't know. Not enough info, though seems unlikely. But the behaviors she's doing to her husband are still abusive even if she doesn't realize how abusive she's being. Most abusive behaviors aren't done from a place of evil intent to abuse in the first place though. They are born from a mindset of entitlement/control, and that's exactly the mindset the OP has towards her husband in that post. She can change her mindset and behaviors to be not abusive if she puts in the work, but in the moment in time captured by the post, she was behaving abusively.
@@el4244 You have to consider how this situation would look if it was flipped like her husband said. If a man pesters a woman daily into having sex and she repeatedly says no, no on is going to think that's okay. But because it's a woman pestering a man it's seen as fine.
Also, asexuality is not the same as libido. It is entirely possible that OP;s partner just has a low libido and therefore doesn't get horny as often, that doesn't mean he doesn't desire her. If sex is really that important to you, end the relationship because it won't work out, but only after several conversations.
OP claims to have been in a relationship with him for years, which makes it her responsibility to go up to him and talk about these issues. The conversation really should have happened before they got married, because now separation is going to be a pain. Divorce is so painful and long that it should be the last resort, and she should be trying to accommodate for him. It is not his responsibility to provide her with pleasure, it is her responsibility to ensure he feels safe and comfortable, and vice versa.
second OP (the classist one) is soooo bad. i checked out some of his comments too and he literally does not understand why saying "less fortunate" or "beautiful despite being poor" are offensive, despite literally hundreds of people explaining it to him. he also admitted it's "crazy" that he's dating her since he "doesn't usually date women like her" (and he clarified that he meant poor and non-white) so it's just wild. he's one of the densest people i've ever seen on AITA and it really seems like he only went on there to be proven right.
I remembered a story of when a guest at Windsor Castle didn't know that you should mush your peas on the back of your fork before eating them and how everyone was a little concerned because they weren't eating correctly infront of the Queen. But then the Queen started to eat the same way and everyone else copied.
Oh god, the etiquette one reminded me of my family 😬 I went no contact with them when I turned 18, not specifically because of the etiquette thing but that’s definitely a huge red flag!
TBH I dont feel like the etiquette guy is an asshole....yet. He is clearly trying to learn, he talks about his upbringing and to me it seems like he himself wants a different way of life and is trying to get away from it but still wants to respect the ways of his parents.
We dont know how he reacted after reading the comments and his fight with his gf, if he truely changed his actions and just let her be, he isnt an asshole, he is just a regular dude trying to do his best and learn.
If he still insisted on the lessons and her being "not good enough" and "special despite her past" yeah than he is an asshole, but please dont burn someone to the ground for making mistakes and trying to learn...
I would say he was an asshole for doing this, the act is done regardless of how he feels about it after. However he already shows more then many that he is doubting his actions, assuming he wasn't looking for validation in the subreddit. He could be a recovering asshole.
If he had asked this before going through with it, then I would grant that he might have some serious work to do on himself, but hadn't been an asshole yet.
Last on. You need another partner. This man is asexual. You are not. This is the beginning of a life of bitterness if you don’t RUN.
Guy in number 2 doesn't realize that his class expectations/norms aren't universal, and assumes they should be (and everyone else is just not measuring up to the correct standards of the fortunate, for which he's willing to pardon them as occasion allows due to their unfortunate circumstances).
Ah you are such a lovely lady. I watched some of your videos with Jamie. You are wise beyond your years, perceptive, funny and yet very caring. Thank you for spreading your own special brand of happiness xx
the first story made me so uncomfortable mostly because I am greek myself and I know people who would go the same, but saying it's "bc of the religion" as probably the mother would explain is just not true, my whole family are orthodox and none of them act like that, so the toxicity these people have is a huge problem for everyone around them
That “boyfriend” is literally the most uptight person imaginable.
All these talks about fancy dinners and then there’s just my boyfriend and I sitting at a park and eating chips.
I hate the 'budiffamandidit' defense so much. I feel like demanding sex from someone that seems like they ain't feeling it is a lil weird. They got so many machines and vibrators that can get her off if the sex ain't divorce material 🤣
"... first less fortunate woman..." well bless your heart for reaching down I guess?
For the couple with different sex drives, that’s complicated. I have sympathy for both, but I also think that they are BOTH the asshole.
She is, for being pushy about sex with somebody who doesn’t want it.
He is too, because he should have been more up front about his lack of interest in sex before they committed to each other with marriage. Well, maybe he didn’t know... That’s what makes it complex.
Perhaps an open relationship is under solution in that situation.
yeah, I think it was probably a very Christian marriage with no discussions of sex beforehand, that's what makes the most sense, he's probably gay or asexual, and if sex is something the wife needs in a relationship it might not work out. But hopefully, they can find a solution that works for them like having an open relationship or something else.
He also might not have been aware how much he wasn't going to want sex. And this has clearly been a consistent thing for them, so it really shouldn't be news to her 7 years into the relationship.
I embraced my asexuality several years into a marriage with someone who is very not asexual and it has caused a number of issues regarding his sex drive vs mine. Yeah, if I had embraced and stopped being in denial about that side of me earlier in our relationship we probably wouldn't have gotten married but sometimes there are things you don't learn about yourself until you're already too far past the line to just cleanly cut it off.
@@OdinsSage I understand, and pressuring somebody in that situation is definitely not right.
I just have empathy for the person who has sexual desire and is forced to choose between infidelity or denying this part of themselves. That's a really awful situation too.
The answer isn't to force somebody to have sex who doesn't want it, because that is gross and not okay. Ideally, both sides would have empathy for each other and work out a situation where both sides can have their needs met. (Whether that's some degree of an open relationship, or respectfully parting ways.)
With more communication, maybe they can come up with some creative options that they are both happy & comfortable with. Perhaps partner A reads a sexy story aloud while partner B pleasures herself. Perhaps they give each other massages or take a bath together for a feeling of closeness and intimacy. Perhaps they do a strip tease, or draw each other nude for the aesthetic appreciation of each other's beautiful bodies without physical touch. There are lots of options. But they need to have a good long talk about what their needs and goals are, because it sounds like a lot has gone unsaid in their relationship.
@@quietestkitten It doesn't have to be infidelity. They could also agree that she is allowed to have sex with other people. Now, if this is a very Christian marriage, it might be difficult for them to imagine, but if they are otherwise happy together, her having sex with other people might be a solution
The second story reminds me the episode of Friends where Pheobe meets Mike's parents😂
My four spritelings took etiquette classes, we are not upper class people, they took it for fun. When my 14 yr old went out with her girlfriend and her very snobby parents she picked up her pizza with her hands and when the mum said ' you have no manners " she laughed and said 'I've always found that have an unshakable sense of self and execute it with poise and kindness ... I'm sorry we disagree on who is rude here, I'll go." And she walked out. I just laughed when she played the video ( she had forgotten her GoPro was still on )
Great video - I had to subscribe. All three were interesting examples to think about & learn from. I agree with the way certain word choices raised little red flags for you in the second example. And I like how you gave the option for the people who were in the wrong to do better next time.