my bully wants it back?! r/AITA
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- Опубликовано: 6 сен 2024
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As a Christian the last story was one of the weirdest things I’ve heard. I definitely don’t believe the mother in law the fact that both ‘possessed’ things were things OP cherished leads me to believe she wants OP gone.
I once had someone I knew through church ask me, in full seriousness, what God was trying to tell her through her dream of having lunch with two celebrities. The problem with people who believe that everything, literally everything, is a sign from God is they're usually reading what they want to hear onto an unrelated event. Example: bat flies by MIL's window, it's a sign DIL's statue is demon-possessed. My bi sister starts up LGBTQ+ affirming theology talks at her church, some now ex-friend has a "vision" (dream) it's from Satan and got the talks banned (sister now goes to different church). Another lady came barging into my sister's thrift store demanding she take down a "Satanic" helmet on display. The helmet in question was Japanese. I'm thinking DIL in the story is either a POC, LQBTQ+, different religion/denomination, or just less conservative than mother-in-law. Those are the types of people who charismatics start having "signs" about.
@@LoonyLuna798 That was definitely my first thought. These people use their religion to ostracize anyone that isn’t similar to them. The son believing everything she says also rings some very familiar bells with controlling Christian parents
My thoughts as well. Given how overly attached the bf is to his mother it seems like the mom is jealous of the younger woman in HER son's life and is lashing out at her using demons as an unfalsifiable vehicle.
I wonder if she could be experiencing some kind of delusion? She might be consciously lying, but she could also be dealing with some real mental health stuff, and it's just unfortunate that what she's able to use her faith to convince her son that her delusions are real.
Could also be schizophrenia. But that does not explain the son.
It actually angered me that one of those people didn´t see his sister's family as a family just because they don´t have kids. Somebody can be in a family without kids!
Same. Even worse, she clearly doesn’t even see her sister as a valid human being.
yeah that was super strange. and the fact that they seemed to have made their mind up on the "proper conclusion" was strange
DO NOT MARRY PEOPLE WHO WONT STAND UP FOR YOU. Every family has their own issues. Everybody faces hardships in life. A marriage is a partnership where the both of you face these issues together. They're not meant to be the additional obstacle in your life.
The tiny possessed dragon statue that draws baby dragons in is a great idea for a dnd campaign tho
Great video btw - Shaaba is just brilliant tbh
Ooh, really great idea for a campaign! I need to remember this 😂
Omg yes!
The 'christian' mother in law one made me roll my eyes. The only things (we're told) that MIL sees as 'posessed' are things that belong to OP in some way. She just has a problem with OP and the fiance is a mummy's boy who won't stand up for the woman he plans to marry. OP needs to assess the relationship and if she's feeling truly valued and whether she wants a marriage ruled by her MIL or not
The most horrifying thing for me was, that the dragon-demonized woman had given up her GRANDFATHERS vinyl collection to please MIL. They weren't even hers to give/sell away! Grandpa had given them to her for safekeeping! Hopefully grandpa don't get the urge to see the collection sometimes in the future, he would be heartbroken :( And if there really were some valuable collectables, she will be in deep sh*it if her grandpa has mentioned them (or the collection) in his will.
You just can't rid someone else's belongings, no matter if they are located under your roof!
I agree, that was a poor decision. I imagine she was too timid to protest. Hopefully the dragon drama is the straw that makes her decide “ENOUGH!”
When OP said they got rid of their Grandfather’s Vinyl Records, it hurt my soul. I hope in some way they are able to get them back
I’m pausing and ruminating on the Happy Meal toy story… I am legit SHOCKED that a bully remembered what they did to her. Like I always think of mean people tossing mean things out there and the victims are the ones who remember them… but this makes me think the bully was SO AWFUL that she was super proud of what she did and thought about it often enough to remember it. That’s SO SHITTY. Wow.
Personally I think that the bully genuinely regretted her actions. Being a bully as a child would be something to be very ashamed of, not proud. It was just that she’s so desperate for money that she’d do anything for it. And she did listen to op and remembered when they said that the toys would be worth something in the future. To me it just sounds like a desperate person in need. Doesn’t justify her actions though, and op was right to not wanting to give it back.
I wonder why nobody felt the need to point out that whatever the reason the bully gave OP the toy, it was given as a gift and nobody is ever entitled to ask for a gift back, because when it leaves the gift-giver's hands, they lose ownership and it is no longer theirs.
@@lottejuulke79 if she was sorry she wouldn't have gone on that long ass rant after being refused such a ridiculous ask. Like, you'd be surprised at the number of bullies who stay the exact same way for the rest of their lives and never regret their actions because they never start seeing other people as human
In the context of the story, I wonder whether the bully was remembering OP's reason for wanting the toys (them being worth money in the future). The bully, desparate for money, remembers this and hopes that child-OP was correct. That's why she wants the toy back, to sell, like child-OP planned to. That shows something maybe similar to respect? Like they respect OP's inteligence, and recognise that maybe OP knew better than them, even though they still clearly have contempt for OP as a person and are willing to hurt them emotionally.
If my partner legitimately believed a dragon statue had a demon in it that was making his mom sick, i would be like "yeah, this ain't it. i gotta go."
I would be checking the carbon monoxide levels in that house, that's for sure.
I inherited my dad's house despite my sister having a kid. It's not common, but it happens under certain circumstances. I lived with my dad and took care of him for years and my sister didn't want the financial burden and liked the area where she lived. We actually got complimented on how easy we made the reading of the will since we both accepted what we got and even offered to let each other have something if they wanted it. Neither one of us wanted to make it a more difficult time than it already was
Siblings with good relationships ftw
My gran made everyone sit down years before her death and asked them, to start thinking about what each wanted to keep in case of her death. We all had pretty clear expectations how stuff would be divided fairly. That way we could just keep our minds on grieving her and connecting with the family when she died. No need to fight over money, when you all had a chance to discuss this with clear heads, when emotions were not boiling over.
First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. Secondly, thank you for sharing this positive experience, it's a great example of how things should go and I'm glad you and your sisters relationship was not affected ❤️
@@eline6731 We're actually a little bit closer for it. She likes to come over because this is the house we grew up in
@@cacklebarnacle15 That's nearly what my dad did. He made his will and told almost everyone what they would get so they knew what to expect. He did leave the majority to me, but he knew I would divide everything as it was needed/wanted and it was mostly sentimental things. He didn't have a lot of valuables to give out.
My philosophy is that you are entitled to your own opinions, thoughts, feelings, actions, etc, until they start to negatively effect other people. And not like, "oooh, those gay people over there living their lives effects me!" Cause that's a trash reasoning. That's a persons own homophobia affecting themselves.
Same. I know a semi anti-vax? Woman whose daughter was allergic to the vaccine and got very sick. She's refusing to get vaxxed herself and I don't know how to tell half the whole reason she needs to get the vaccine is to protect people like her daughter, so she can still care for her
On the dragon story: one, are we sure the tiny dragon MIL saw go by the window wasn't a dragonfly? (Bit of a dad joke, couldn't help myself). Two: I noticed not only is it only OP's stuff that gets possessed, it's always something related to one of her family members. Not sure if this is a way to try to isolate her from her family, or simply a way to ensure that she is forced to make an emotional decision, putting her in-laws above her own family to prove her loyalty, or even a way to ensure she feels incredibly guilty and hurt by each instance of demonic item purging. It's very sad, whatever the reason, and I hope she rethinks this relationship.
Really hope the OP in the last one leaves that place fast! MIL sounds like she is either super manipulative (driving OP away from her precious son) or else she needs therapy - it's one thing believing in Demons, quite another seeing them absolutely everywhere!
Deffinitelly, either case is true. In both cases, RUN AWAY!
Clearly in MIL’s mind the OP is the “demon” for “possessing” her son.
She doesn’t yet have the leverage to get rid of OP. She’ll get there! And her son will agree with her.
The house story.
When my husband's grandmother passed, her will stated that all her jewelery was to be split between her daughters evenly value-wise. They gathered it all up and had each piece apprised before sitting down to do a "draft" where each person chose a piece one at a time oldest to youngest and they kept track of how much their collection was worth so that towards the end they could change tactics and the people with less value in theirs took priority and they evened out the value. However, my MIL isn't big on jewelery. She took a few pieces with sentimental value to her, but really didn't care about any other pieces. Now, they had yet to go through anything else to figure out what to do with everything. so my MIL said that if she could have the living room furnisher, she'd count that as the rest of her jewelery value and her sisters could continue without adding her into the draft. They agreed that was a fair trade. (MIL wanted the furnisher to give to husband and I as we were in the process of buying and moving into our house and we didn't own any living room furnisher as we had been renting before with roommates who had that covered before we moved in with them. The furnisher was all old but beautiful and in very good condition since grandma was the type to not let people actually sit on the chairs/couch. We had expressed interest in one set of chairs in particular if no one else had wanted them who was higher up on the food chain for choosing stuff claimed them, MIL got us those two chairs plus some, which we are very grateful for. Yes, sorry to Grandma but we do actually sit on the chairs and got rid of the plastic covers. lol) Anyway, I feel like OP of the house story and her sister could have worked out something like that. I'm sure it's not JUST the house that they are dealing with. They could be like "If I get the house full stop, you can have these other things of value and sentimental value to do with as you please to even things out." if OP can't just buy sister's half of the house or, like Shaaba suggested, gives a "rent to own" type payment plan each month to slowly buy out sister's half of the house. either way, OP is not entitled to just get the house full stop without giving their sister her fair share in some way.
I think it's adorable that you call it furnisher. It's actually spelled furniture.
We kids did that with my grandmother’s collection of teacups. Drew lots and then each of us got our turn to choose, one by one.
I've never seen anyone spell furniture that way. I'd be fascinated to hear your accent
@@jnewcomb Thank you, I could not figure out what they meant. I thought it was a particular piece of furniture that I hadn't heard called that before.
"demon" dragon statue: NTA Just because she doesn't like an item it doesn't mean she can throw her beliefs around to use it as a manipulation tactic. I honestly would have rented a small storage unit and stored anything MIL claimed had a demon in it. Meanwhile, making my escape plan.
I wonder if OP could have had the statue blessed by a priest just to pacify MIL while she figures out if this is the relationship that she wants to stay in.
I suspect MIL thinks Catholics are evil too. She sounds like a rabid fundamentalist evangelical.
Whooooa the second story hit super close to home.
I was also dating someone a few years ago who refused to give me my things back when we broke up...
It was a small amount of distance (1.5 hours) and we fizzled out because of a lack of interest on my end rather than a trust breaking incident. When I told him I wanted my things back, he tried to get me to come to where he was to pick them up. For months, I asked him over and over to mail them to me, offering to cover the cost , and he would continually make excuses or procrastinate- always telling me he was planning on getting to it soon but never sending them.
I finally planned to drive all the way up to grab my box of stuff, but when I told him I wasn't going to socialize with him when I picked them up, he flat out refused to meet up with me and tried to manipulate me into having a conversation with him. He blew up so hard that I felt incredibly uncomfortable, and decided to call it.
Sometimes letting the drama go is worth more than material things. Even if they're sentimental or expensive...
Agree 💯
That sucks. YOu shouldn't have had to go through that just to try to get your stuff back, and the ex of the poster shouldn't have to either. That OP was absolutely in the wrong. The fact that they were the one to cheat in the first place, they should have considered making the effort to give the stuff back their duty for being such a bad person in the first place and causing the break up.
The inheritance thing is so strange. Isn't it usually split equally between all siblings in terms of value?
You would think, but if there's a will, that is how the estate is split. Been there, done that...
I haven't spoken to my mother since 2013 and I'm sure she wouldn't want me to inherit half of her home (I have a brother) but where I'm from I can decide to contest the will and I would win. There are legal ways to go around it, but she would have to spend a lot of money to pay lawyers, fees etc...or she could sell the house to my brother for a ridiculously low price, but that would also mean spending money that she doesn't have.
To be honest I'm not interested in the house, I have my own and my brother needs it more, he's also 46 and single and there's a good chance that my kids would get that house one day. Anyway, I'd be more than happy to leave it to him, but it feels good to know that my mum's stressing about it
Yes. When my grandmother died my dad and his brothers all got part of the house. They decided to give my youngest Uncle first dibs if he could pay for their parts of the house, in the end he decided that he couldn't afford it and they sold the house.
Legally, if there's no will and the people inheriting can't reach an agreement, then yes. If the inheritors can reach an arrangement as to who gets what, then there's no need to sell the assets. If there's a will, it can be contested but is not that common that the person contesting the will is proven right. Inheritances are a lenghty and complicated process because everyone is looking out for their own interests only.
@@ianbarnes961 depends on the country you're in. Here in the Netherlands you cannot disown your children from you will. They will always have a right for a certain percentage, no matter what the will says.
These stories are fascinating, I think I tend to have the presume people who ask AITA are in the right because they aren't trapped into the mindset that they are right by default. Then you hear: Imma be brief 'cus I know I'm right but AITA...
😂😂😂 that was a hilarious red flag!
I would seriously re-think those marriage plans... if he believes everything his mother says and isn't smart enough to realize that his mother is seeing dragons because she has convinced herself there is a demon in it.
Nutso.
waitwait, you got rid of the vinyl?
why are you living in that house!
I would never ask for something back that I had given someone else. If it was a situation where I could ask to borrow, I might, but never outright ask for it back.
Yes, but that is unfortunately what addiction does to a person. I'm willing to bet that when that person does get sober they will be fully ashamed of their actions.
Yeah unfortunately with the last story - I know from experience that the accusations of the items being possessed is likely targeted hooey. Back when I was a teen and lived in a certain area my family had an Evangelical minister as a family friend. On my birthday she found out I had tarot cards bought from a new age store and made a big deal of it so I had to burn that $40+ deck in the back yard. For a long time I also justified it with it being part of her belief system but nowadays she legitimately is online stating she literally went to Africa and cured the people of blindness and performed other such miracles. Every time someone targets an item as evil like this MIL did it serves two purposes: 1. It lets them get away with prejudices or targeting people and 2. It bolsters the power of their faith and makes people feel like they can’t call them out in the future either because it’s their “genuine belief” or they have “religious proof” in those visions. She’s literally just targeting OP and also keeping her son under her influence by always having something to point to and “get rid of” because she’s had “dreams” about it. Likely the OP will be targeted directly eventually.
I get the feeling last MIL is just using the whole ‘demon’ thing as an excuse to get rid of DIL’s stuff because she doesn’t like it in her house. It’s a control/jealously thing, the superstition is just a cover.
I identify as Pagan and a witch, so I do believe that items, especially used ones, can get negative energies attached to them. But my first advice, if you have something you believe has bad juju, Cleanse It! There's loads of different ways to cleanse an item that don't involve throwing it out, or destroying it. Definitely think this lady was on a bit of a power trip, and potentially trying to get the op to leave. Absolutely ridiculous.
Imagine if she was to tell her MIL that she would rather cleanse the dragon like a Pagan witch suggested!! lol
@@lapatti Idk about christians but catholics can get holy water from their local church to basically do the same (bless the item), so it's not a terrible idea
Yeah I was thinking that OPs MIL has alternatives that would be in line with her faith. There are lots places around the world where Christian's hold beliefs in things like deamons & possession (Mexico, Africa, etc). Its highly likely OPs MIL is connected to a church. So, this is an issue she could bring to her minister/priest/prayer circle. The fact she's not turning to her spiritual support system, and is instead insisting her son to throw away a gift intended for his MIL, may indicate that she is feeling threatened by the upcoming wedding. Again that's an issue she can get support around from her spiritual community.
The fact the couple can't agree on how to address the issue makes me think they're not compatible. There are plenty of couples out there who have different beliefs from each other. Sometimes one partner is more obesvant than the other. Sometimes the couple are of different religions. One partner could be an atheist or agnostic. Whatever the difference couples who thrive are able to agree on whats okay and what's not okay for them. If you can't reach a compromise, without compromising your own beliefs, then the relationship is probably not the right one for you.
@@MeltedBrains89 Christains have ways as well. I wanted a bracelet once that was pretty and, due to a long and boring backstory, my mom was worried about something similar. She still got me the bracelet and prayed over it with some anointing oil. I MIL is that worried, there are steps she can take within her faith so the item doesn't need to be thrown out. Although, as a Christian, I think she's gone way too far and probably has some underlying resentment to the OP and is projecting it onto her stuff.
Ciuld also be that the MIL has schizophrenia.
at first i understood the mother in laws side because im superstitious too, but after hearing she has a pattern of calling things demons possessed i feel like shes probably just paranoid or has some sort of problem w op 😭
MIL is taking advantage of her (and her son’s) superstitions to get rid of OP’s stuff - and, eventually - OP.
That MIL could just ask to call an exorcist to make sure the stuff is safe. She clearly wants to keep her son's fiancée away
I don't think that's a 100% a great idea because if she asked a priest of her choosing to come over he would probably just feed into her beliefs more making it worse.
Although it isn't a bad idea all together
She could also pray over the item and use holy water/anointing oil, depending on her branch of Christianity. It sounds to me like she just doesn't like the OP and is nitpicking her stuff.
It is pretty normal to leave your collections with your parents while you are in school. 21f who is not home is possibly in college. And it's her right to leave them where they are safe when she doesn't have security and space. Context!
I have a lot of stuff stored at my niece’s cuz I simply no longer have room (3 BR house to 2 BR apartment).
With the house (story 3 I think?) He can always take a loan for her half of the house with the house as collateral. Essentially putting him as a homeowner with a mortgage payment every month (instead of rental payments he currently has and even then it's only payments for half the price of the property so still getting one hell of a deal) and his sister still gets her half of the inheritance.. it's.. not that hard...
“GET A MORTGAGE!”
That was my first thought.
Your intro "We're gonna be diving into some arseholes today" just killed me. 😄 But I have to say, the sibling with the three kids was an absolute arse, and not even able to see it, assuming they were in the right.
Willing to bet, with that MiL, that nothing she or her son brought into the house was ever "possessed" and in need of being thrown out...
My ex and his mom were very similar to the last question/story. It was a very toxic environment for me. The broke up was very painful because I allow him to use me till the end, but I am MORE THAN HAPPY now since that monster-in-law is not my problem anymore.
Really hope OP follows in your footsteps ❤
When I see these extreme Christians spending their lives in fear of absolutely everything and anything, sensing a demonic interference anywhere I'm so sorry for them. (There was one article, where Frozen was considered demonic, because lo and behold you could see Elsa's naked shoulder there). I was brought up in Christianity and I say this dragon thing could be considered idolatry. Honestly, assigning supernatural powers to objects is exactly that and it's considered a sin last time I checked. Plus the idea of living in this kind of family gives me the creeps. Seriously this screams THERAPY for me, this amount of fear.
With the last one, I find it interesting that both of the things that the MIL claimed that there were demons in were to do with OP's family- their grandfather's vinyl and a gift for their mother.
Regarding the bully wanting the McDonald's toy back. I would say "Sure", get their address, go to McDonald's and pulled used food wrappers from the trash and mail them.
I want a tiny dragon summoning statue 😍 Seriously though OP and their fiancé need to have a serious chat about their relationship and OP needs to safeguard herself against dominating in laws
Hey shaaba I love this reddit and think your view is great and very insightful
1 :NTA but maybe could give the toy back as they seem to need it more than you and maybe be a bit petty
2 : YTA becase OP 1: did a bad thing ,2: he offered to get to pay right
3: YTA i think because they both want the house they could and should have been able to see giving someone 100percent and one person nothing it's basic maths
4 NTA: honestly I'm surprised you haven't left at the vinyls as they were irreplaceable I would have by now lol
These are just my opinions merry Christmas children. 😊
Ugh, the house one really hits home with me. My grandma recently passed and left her house to my sister and me. I wanted the house and my sister didn't, so I bought out her half. THAT'S HOW THESE THINGS WORK. If he can't afford it then he either needs to get a loan or sell the house.
I bought my nibling a funko pop vinyl as a silly gift about 5 years ago, it cost me £9. About a year ago they looked up the value of all their pops (they have a lot now, but in very different fandoms than the one I got them) and it was valued at over £160, idk what it is now. I didn't ask for it back. I didn't ask them to sell it and go halves. None of that. I was just happy for them that they had one that was now considered fairly hard to find and it was now worth a lot more than I paid for it, that's the goal of collectibles, isn't it? Alongside enjoying looking at them, of course.
As someone who put a lot of money into my own collectibles some 15-20 years ago only for the brand to crash & go out of business, causing them all to plummet in value, I would understand if they wanted to cash it in & put the money towards something they need or want, but even though it's not from a fandom they are into they won't sell it, because it became a sentimental gift with a memory attached.
Basically, I thinknif someone gives you a gift that then appreciates in value then they have no right or room for expectation that you would give it back to them etc. Even if the woman is hard up, it sounds like some of that may be of their own making (drugs wise) and there's no guarantee that she'd sell the toy and use the money for food or bills. Of course, OP might have been more compassionate if it was someone who hadn't been mean to them and even used the toy as a way to bully them. But, if at the end of the day there's no expectation/obligation of returning a gift that appreciates in value to someone who actually cares about h loves you, then that doubly applies to the bully. This OP is definitely NTA. I hope in a few years time it's worth thousands and that OP sells it and goes on a really nice holiday and then posts the dpics tagging the bully as being the one to make it happen by bullying them in school. But...I was bullied in school too, it did a real number on my self esteem, so I guess I'm just that kind of petty now, lol.
As for the house one. OP seems so sure of himself. I have a brother like that. OP needs to understand that legally, thatxs not how it works. If there's a will then it likely states what is to happen to the house. If there isn't then the law dictates everything be split equally between the surviving issue (in this case her children). OP can't just decide that it makes sense he gets the house and his sister gets nothing just because eh has kids, what if the reason sister doesn't have kids is because she wants her own house first, how many kids you have has no baring on inheritance unless there's a stipulation in the will. If he can't give her equal value of the house then he doesn't get the house. Talk about greedy. He's the biggest asshole, doing this to his sister while she likely just wants to grieve.
As for the demon one...yeah, she needs to get out fast. Why wasn't the breaking point getting rid of her grandpa's records, that makes me so sad. If it were just this one item, I'd be like, eh...woman's a bit loopy but whatever, however, this is starting to be a pattern. This is not a family she wants to marry into. Definitely not the ahole for not getting rid of the ornament. I would have been tempted to say OP was a _little bit_ of an ahole for not walking away when the records were supposedly the demonic problem, but ultimately I feel too sad for her to call her such, I'm sure she already beats herself up over it enough. Fiance's mother is either a manipulative b* or she needs professional help. Either way, not OP's problem, since the fiance supports the delusions, he's a problem and will likely only get worse. Leave.
I live with my partner and my MIL and, honestly, the only way it works well and we are all okay is putting clear boundaries for all of us. And that includes that, your MIL doesn't get to decide what do you buy or not lmao, she can have her believes and you should respect them (my MIL is a bit religious and it's been okay so far) but that shouldn't affect your stuff. Lots of communication for them and, if it doesn't work and your partner is That Freaking Unable to see that this is wrong, then yeah, get out, this cannot be healthy as a life compromise.
I've got one: My older sibling asked me to co-sign for my nephew to get him a student loan for college. I had good credit at the time but have been on disability for the course of this issue. They both told me there would be NO WAY I would ever get stuck with the debt, and wanted to know in haste if I would cosign. I really did want to see someone in the family finally have a good shot at making something of themselves, but thought there would be no way an unemployed 18 year old and a disabled person would get approved for the loan. We went in and applied, and got the loan for $30,000. Fast forward around 6 years, he only went just long enough to get the money and run (quit college after 3 months) and I'm stuck with the debt. They went to Disneyland and Cancun. Debt is up to around $45,000 now, I can't pay, and my sibling told me "If you were dumb enough to fall for that, you deserve it." I told them to have a nice life, but I would never talk to them again unless they started taking responsibility and paying on the loan. AITA?
Holy shit, NTA! I'm really sorry, that's awful.
NTA! By saying you "fell" for it, she's implying that they were planning this all along. I don't know if you could take them to court (probably not, since you did sign the loan), but I do think it would be worth consulting a lawyer to find out if there's anything at all you can do.
@@606Jelly Thank you for your kind words, I've been so confused over the whole business 😱
@@mirandarensberger6919 So far, the only thing I can think of is a disability discharge. I tried getting in contact with sister and nephew during the early days of the fiasco I found out they need to make at least 3 payments and sign off that they would take responsibility for payments before they can do a cosigner release. My sister said "I will never talk to my son on your behalf" when I asked her if she could ask him if he could try to help me out of this...😕
This is awful! I am so sorry for you. The lost trust in your family is the worst part of the story!
For the first story - absolutely shouldn't give the toys back because of the bullying (and just rude to ask)....But also if the bully has addiction issues and needs the money, then giving the toys back would be enabling her addiction! That's something I would be uncomfortable doing even if it wasn't for the bullying
This, if she's in active addiction she's 100% using that money for her own addiction, she needs therapy/rehab not just more money.
um, she's clearly suffering financially and in need of money, and the idea that she shouldn't be given money to yknow support herself because "oh she might use it on alcohol" is very. concerning to say the least. it's the same rhetoric that's used against homeless people. obviously i agree that op is nta and the bully is on some wild shit but im addressing your comment specifically, you absolutely should not withold on giving a person in need financial support because you think they would spend it on alcohol/drugs. they can learn to break their addiction with support, it isn't up to you to decide
The house inheritance one- I spent the last 5 years of my fathers life taking care of him in his home so he didn't have to go to a nursing home. I did get the house because we were lucky enough that there was enough for my siblings to get equivalent, in other assets. While I felt entitled to first choice on the house, I never expected my siblings to short themselves to make that happen.
Literally pictured the last one as a comedy skit. Like OP brings something home and there's just a little old lady who points and is like "it's got a demon, throw it away" (in my head it's the do the roar voice) 😂
The last one with the "possessed" dragon: This MIL seems to pull the demon card on things that connect DIL with her family. DIL can hold her own in this, but I would worry, down the line, if there are children in that family. MIL might pull the same thing, when the kids have toys that she's not ok with, or even if DIL raises them to behave in a way MIL does not agree with. That child does not bow down to MILs will? Clearly they must be 'possessed' by a demon. And then what? Exorcism? Throw the whole child out? I wonder if that Mommas Boy will stand up to MIL when his own kids are on the line...
A lot of "demonic visions" are also explained by sleep paralysis dreams/hallucinations, which from what I've heard can seem extremely real.
And those conditions don’t make you a demanding manipulative ahole. This is about control and vindictiveness.
When my grandma went to a nursing home my mom and my aunt got the house and my uncle got the family lake house. My mom and my aunt ultimately sold the house but I lived in it alone for 2 years and we offered up any of the possessions inside the house to my uncle after divying up what we ourselves wanted. The house paid for my grandmother’s care until she passed and we’re mostly fine with how it turned out, except there’s a few small objects in the lake house my uncle won’t let us have.
Maybe he’s just not ready to part with them yet. I’ve felt that way. Now I’d just like someone to have them who appreciates them ❤
Can I point out in the last story that the OP's future mil forced her to violate a trust? Those vinyls -- regardless of their value & rarity -- did not belong to her. She was entrusted with their care and keeping, not given them to own. Imagine in the parable of the talents if the master had returned home and one of the servants he'd entrusted his possessions to had said, "My mother-in-law said they were full of demons, so I threw them away. Sorry. You're out of luck." People of God throughout scripture are commanded to be honorable in their care of the things entrusted to them. So, in essence, as soon as that woman demanded the op trash the things she'd been entrusted to safekeep and care for, she was demanding her future daughter-in-law act in an anti-Christ-like manner, obeying her and her feelings rather than the clear guidance of scripture. Time to walk away.
Okay but if there's a dragon ornament somewhere out there that can bring little dragons to the window..... I WANT IT
In my dad’s family (they’re English) their mum’s house was left solely to his sister but that was fair because she was the one who looked after my nan toward the end. We live in Australia, the youngest brother lives in York and the other brother is an alcoholic
To the OP who not only admitted to cheating on their partner, warranting a break up, literally anywhere in the world not giving the person's property back is called THEFT! I hope their ex presses charges.
People getting really greedy and entitled over items gained after a loved one passed away just always makes me feel nauseous. I can’t fathom the mindset. I’ve seen it in my own family - people fighting over other peoples things, harassing each other for items they wanted, using their role as durable power of attorney to steal money from the person in the hospital and get all assets put in their name (the latter had to be settled in court, because the money they stole was supposed to go toward the hospital bills). It’s just icky, and borderline childish, and something I doubt the person passing would have ever wanted.
Thankfully my sister and I are in full agreement on that, and my mom is hellbent on making sure everything stays as fair as possible. “If neither of you want it, sell it. If both of you want it, sell it. There’s no point in fighting over it, and I’ll already be gone, so it’s not like I’d have any use for it.” This of course now includes my little step brother, but the sentiment is all the same - there’s no point in fighting and being hurt over objects and things; there’s no reason why greed should destroy a family. I’m not sure what it technically is on my dad’s side, but even if he decided everything should go to my little step and half siblings, I’m fine with that. It’s not worth fighting over.
In the case of the house being split between two people. If you let them live in it with the understanding they will pay you money every month. Get an agreement with a lawyer! Do not say oh well it’s my sibling they will pay me. There is no better way to ruin the relationship between you. Better yet, make them get a mortgage. That way you get the lump sum that you are due and the bank can have the hassle of making sure they pay.
On the last one, I would like to add that regardless of whatever religion or lack there of that you follow, you are still responsible for yourself and your conduct. So often people do things, in-the-name-of-whatever and it’s treated as this get-out-free card. People’s beliefs should be respected, but it doesn’t mean they can invalidate consequences because it’s out of their hands, the religion told them so. If the m.i.l. thinks the dragon is a demon, that might be a genuinely held belief, but it does not excuse crossing OP’s boundaries.
"A tiny dragon was flying by her window" 😅😅😅 God, I can't stop laughing. MIL should go to a good therapist. This is one of the funniest stories I have ever heard. Thanks for sharing this pearl! 😄😄😄
A bully turning out to be a completely loser, what a shocker
I'm echoing others on the dragon one that said I'm doubting Mom's motives. EVEN if she genuinely thinks items are possessed/demonic it's awfully convenient that it applies to the OP'S items/family more than once... maybe it's subconscious, maybe it's intentional, but either way I think she is just using those beliefs and her ability to use her son to act out against the OP.
Also echoing the fact that having a wackdoodle/pushy/manipulative mother-in-law isn't really what's important here. THE SON is.
She needs to run far and fast from that entire deal.
For the second one; not wanting to travel is fair enough, even if costs are covered. Not wanting to mail the stuff because you don’t want them to be lost is fine. If he’s saying “i’m fine with some being lost in the mail, it wouldn’t be your responsibility” refusing the mail stuff is just a dick move
My mum has a joint inheritance of her late mother's house with her other siblings. It's not that uncommon
For that last one, all I can think is what if they had a child someday and the MIL said the child had a demon? No good very bad situation. Best be moving on.
When you say, "Hi peaches," it's like a warm hug.
The last story is why I really dislike people that say religion and spirituality is not important when dating. You need to make sure that your Worldviews on such things before getting serious and especially before you move in or marry. Equally important is to figure out how much influence the family of a potential partner has over them. Not vetting for these things can be especially dangerous once children and other big life decisions are involved.
Regardless of the circumstances, no one is ever obligated to give a gift back. Even an engagement ring, and certainly a gift that was given with malice or as a mean prank.
The forum actually specifically states that it's not for getting advice, but for others to judge you . . . but everything else she's saying is wise and true.
That dragon story reminds me of a relative of mine who is of the unhinged persuasion and destroyed a painting I found on the side of the road and took a Buddha statue from my late grandma and just threw it as far as they could to get it away from their property.
The bully story reminds me of how my bullies sometimes try to add me as a friend on Facebook still to this day as if we were good friends at school. One guy was absolutely terrible to me and has persistently sent me friend requests, even after not seeing each other for 10 years. I got so sick of it I blocked him.
Good for you for blocking him!!
Before my mother died, she gave my oldest sister her house as a gift. She wanted my sister to have the house (there are good reasons for this, all of us agreed) and if she died before doing this it would have been complicated because a home automatically gets split between all inheritors.
The last one needs to DTMFA and run like hell from that family.
As someone raised as a Christian, that last story hits close to home. My mom would accuse anything and everything of being demonic, (like my view of a trainyard outside my bedroom window.) I don't know if it's a seriosuly held belief, it seems more likely that she was trying to exersize some matter of control over life, me, the family... Whatever.
To be clear, I'm fully aware this isn't a typical Christian thing. But it's also not entirely out of left lfield either, particularly among Evangelicals and rightwing Christians.
Side note:
I find it strange that people like this even exist. (Rightwing/perpetually afraid Christians.) The people who champion the wealthy, prosperity gospel, whatever Manifest Destiny has evolved into today... Just very un-Christ-like. Imagine, Jesus of Nazareth, supporting Trump. Like, did we read the same book?
I am not a believer, but I have empathy for those that are. What it must be like to have the face of your faith, (at least here in the US,) be all this hatred. It's frustrating enough for me to hear all the anti-Christian sentiments and I'm no longer one of them. As if being a Christian precludes someone from being a good person or something. (I do understand that there are many who have trauma because of Christianity, so I try to grant them grace while they work through that.) Also, I am making a lot of assumption about MIL, so grain of salt. It just reminded me of my experience a little bit.
Tangentially related: Islam. Another religion I see picked apart frequently by people who champion social progress. Equating cultural practices in some countries to the entire religion itself. Again, I know that this stems from trauma for many who were raised in it- NOT ALL. But when ex-Christians engage in it, they're usually white and it just gives me willful ignorance, or at the very least it gives me wanting to enact retribution or justice on a group of people to vent out an un-processed trauma. I think we need more compassion. Criticizing religion is necessary like all parts of culture- but it'd behoove us to remember that these aren't strawmen, but real people just like me and you. End of my essay... Now.
How could this fiancée have gotten rid of her grandpa’s vinyl collection? All she had to do was contact grandpa and let him know he needs to find another safe home for his collection. She has already in effect stolen her grandpa’s property to appease this MIL. No! Mail the dragon to your mother & then leave this dysfunctional household as soon as practicable.
Superstitious MIL: Break up. Move out. Run. Run. Run.
Am I the only one cry laughing at the whole tiny dragon one😂😂😂
Yes. It is a horrible situation to find yourself in. Really difficult.
Regarding the siblings and the property, when my grandparents died, the house went equally to my mother and her two siblings. They didn't want the house, my mother did. My mother had to buy them out of their share, basically. Even though my mother was the eldest, there wasn't any sort of assumption that she deserved the house over her siblings. I think the person is in the wrong assuming the house should be theirs just because they have kids. My two cents.
A few years ago my grandmother passed away and neither of her children wanted her summer house. However, my husband and I wanted it.
So they (by choice) split the inheritance, giving the house to my mom and the value in money to her brother. My parents then gifted the house to me and the monetary value of it to my brother (confused yet? 😂). My husband and I now own the summer house of our dreams, which we could not have afforded usually, and my brother can finish school without having to work during breaks. 😊
That’s a way to handle an inheritance in a fair way - not by giving it to the one who “most deserve it”!
I've always given my ex's their things back after the breakup. They had to come get it because I can't drive, but I always offered to get a ride to drop it off. The only exceptions were sentimental things, like a drawing one made me or a birthday card, and gifts they'd given me. I do think the OP might slightly be clinging to the ruins of this relationship. She doesn't want to travel to give it to him, but she still wants to see him one last time, so she's gonna make him come to her. Giving the stuff back is the final nail in the coffin and she has to admit it's really over.
Awwww, I agree; I think it’s cool to collect something. Never change; unless you want to.
Awfully convenient that the demons are only attaching to OP's stuff instead of the MIL and her son's
Cheating one got my legit angry 😭
"Bats are basically tiny dragons in a way"
So controversial, yet so brave
To the second one, the house inheritance: I bought my brother's part of my parents apartment and my brother's was the one with a family. It's a normal thing to do in Spain. This enable the two of us to have a lower mortage payments. My brother had more cash for the family and I had smaller fees
9:14 uh yes, paying out your siblings is very common.
Afaik, in German law, you literally have to if you both inherit it legally and one wants to sell it, the other wants to keep it - then the one who wants to keep it HAS to pay out the other one. If they can't afford it, they have to sell the house to pay out the inheritance. Totally a thing. Wtf, houses are SUCH a valuable asset. She's making a bad deal by only getting half the house's CURRENT worth, because property values rise so damn much.
First they came for the vinyls, and I did nothing... Then the dragon statues... ... Until finally, they came for me
This situation aside; I'd like to challenge the assumption that helping an addict is enabling.
LAST STORY : OP NTA, BUT THE MIL IS - UNQUESTIONABLY!!!!!
something i noticed about these is when someone says they're not in the wrong or act like they're right they always turn out to be the asshole
It is actually fairly normal to split things according to who has more kids in my country. It still ends up as a point of friction for many families though.
That one that refused to give the happy meal toys back: NTA. I don't blame them at all. As someone who was bullied (albeit not to this extent), I wouldn't give it back to my bully either. A gift is a gift regardless of whether it was intended as a joke or not. Not entitled to give it back because it's worth some money and bully is in a tough spot financially. The way I look at it is: not my problem. Maybe I'm projecting my pent up resentment toward my bullies in this, but I still stand by it.
The one that won't give the boyfriend his stuff back: YTA. Seriously? I can understand if he was the one who cheated and you're being petty (still not right, but whatever). But, you cheated on him, he found out from a mutual friend (so you didn't own up to the fact that you messed up), he ended things with you and now you are holding his stuff hostage? He's even offering to cover the shipping cost. Accept that you messed up and things are over and just give him his stuff back.
The one with the house: YTA. Okay, the sister is fine with OP having the house (even though the fact that OP feels entitled to the house because they have kids and their sister doesn't is messed up to say the least), she just wants her half of the value of the house. Yeah. That happens. Completely normal. Unless the mother specifically said OP gets the house and sister is not entitled to any of the house's value in a will or something, the sister is entitled to her half of the house's value. That's why people I've known have just sold the parents house after they've passed and split the money equally amongst their siblings because it's just easier when all the money is in hand to split it vs. one sibling taking over the house and having to scrounge together the half (or whatever percentages) the house is worth for their siblings.
The one with the tiny dragon outside the window: NTA. Okay, I have no words. Clearly the MIL wants OP gone and if the fiancé is going to keep taking his mother's side, it's only going to cause problems in their marriage. My petty self would tell MIL that if she's concerned that the dragon statue and grandpa's vinyls are bringing demons into the house then she can find somewhere else to live (I am assuming that MIL moved in with them and not the other way around) and if fiancé was also worried, I would tell him that he can leave with his mom. I would have done this when the demand came for grandpa's vinyls to go. I also might try to claim that her prized possessions need to be thrown out because they're bringing demons into the house and throw them out. Bet she wouldn't like that, but hey fight fire with fire. OP needs to put her foot down now before it gets even worse. If fiancé and MIL can't get on board with this, it's best to just leave. She will never be able to be happy in a situation like that. What happens if MIL tries to claim OP is a demon? What if they have kids and MIL says they're demons? And no Shaaba you aren't the only one that thought "That's cute. I want to see a tiny dragon" I said the same thing.
For the happy meal toy story. It was a gift. It doesn't matter if it was given as a joke. The bully has not right to ask for the gift back.
Sisters fighting over inheritance: unless you live in the UK and the estate is entailed, the value of the house is split among the children. This woman will be your sister long after all the money is spent and the children are grown. Grow TF up and find an equitable way of splitting your mom’s stuff. You don’t get extra sisters.
The person who wouldn't give her ex his stuff back is totally TA! I had a guy dump me (after a short relationship). I'd left a couple of clothing items at his house, one of my favourite shirts (I still miss it almost 6 years later, it had been a birthday gift from my day). I tried for weeks to get the things back!! I offered to fetch it, we also had mutual friends that could have gotten it for me and given it to me the next time we saw each other. Honestly, I was so upset because he blue-ticked my continuously to the point where I eventually asked the mutual friend if he could even help out... He said to just let it go and eventually I had to. Clearly still a bit salty about it.
Not sure if this is cultural but in the US (or at least the region of the US I live in) it is extremely normal for one child to inherit the house while other assets (e.g. larger land, money/savings, personal belongings) are divided based on either the parent's will or the children's discussions. I think that this is sort of an ESH situation personally.
i wonder if with the house thing, they could have sister "inherit" the house, and op buys it with a mortgage valued at half the house (or whatever percentage is fair after taxes and whatnot). that way the bank pays sister her half, and op just has a half mortgage to pay for the half of the house (which would be less than rent or a whole new house).
Update to dragon story - he threw out the dragon but it led to a conversation where he is now supporting her properly against MIL. MIL has cancer that might have spread to her brain making her delusional.
Tiny dragons may actually be useful at keeping bad vibes away!
Step 1 - send the dragon and claim you binned it
Step 2 - Buy some random piece of tat and act like you absolutely adore this item
Step 3 - wait for MIL to inevitably claim your "beloved" item is possessed
Step 4 - say you binned item
Step 5 - place the item around in conspicuous places and act really freaked out about it having "returned"
Step 6 - escalate until she admits she made the whole thing up
The house one, maybe it's not affordable either, but she could get a mortgage on the house and by her sister out that way? That's what I did with my siblings. Maybe someone in the comments said that? Not got there yet
As an adult toy collector, I don’t even sell mine (from the first story), although it’s great to brag about their worth 😁
The house guy opening with “I’m pretty sure I’m in the right” was not a good sign lol
The stuff back after break up thing, it takes a lot of effort to pack things to ship esp expensive things. I would say he can come over and pick his stuff up although I think it was mentioned that she cheated so I would def do the meet halfway option if the ex just couldn't come over.
In reference to the tiny dragon story, as a Pagan I cleanse almost everything I buy second hand so maybe the person can cleanse them through prayer or whatever Christian's do to cleanse and do it around the mil?
Why has the sibling not considered finacing buying out the sister's half of the house? It would be easy because he is inheriting 50% equity in the house.
Maybe the little dragon appeared to PROTECT the household from the demons. Did she consider that?! Even if MIL did see a dragon, she has no way of knowing it's evil. Or even that it's the same dragon as the statue!
"The only demon is your MIL".... that was exactly what I was thinking!