pranking my infertile wife? r/AITA
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- Опубликовано: 16 окт 2024
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I'm going to disagree with the last story. She is NOT the AH. It is not the restaurants job to determine if you are lying or not about an allergy. They should respect most, if not all requests. They have already shown that they cannot be trusted, so she had to resort to telling them she had an allergy. My question is, was she the first person to ever walk into that establishment with an allergy? Why did they have to do a 2 hour cleaning process to provide food for her? It's a high end restaurant, and surely the chef could have provided a vegan and or allergy friendly meal without a 2 hour deep clean!!! For those who said she was the AH and the reason restaurants don't trust them... that is NOT on her or anyone else! That is on the restaurant who cannot abide by a request, and puts something in the food to "test" to see if you are lying!!! That is on the chef/cook, not on previous guests!!!
I totally agree with you, don't forget, OP called in advance to say she had allergies and the best they could do for her was plain pasta with salt and pepper? Then they charged the family extra for the "deep clean", please, super shady.
It was a steak house, so I can see why they wouldn't have vegan options, but even so, it does make me wonder how disgusting the kitchen was that they had no surfaces that wasn't contaminated. Do they not have stainless steel counters or are they working on butcher block?
Yeah that's my view of this too. Like did they really not have a single clean surface and pot? And for that matter after a 2 h clean you should be able to do more than Salt and pepper pasta you apperently just deep cleaned you entire kitchen so there should definitly be more possible than plain pasta ... .
I've been a camp counsler and had kids with severe food allergies or dietary restrictions that we only got to know on the first day right before dinner they still got food just fine and the kitchen of that camp was tiny and most definitly not Staffed with highly trained cooks.
@@elaexplorer Do they not serve veggies with their steaks? Surly a chef at a high end restaurant can come up with something!
I agree with you on this. Sure, it's awful to lie about an allergy but in this specific context I can understand it.
The allergy one- I worked at a place where we FREQUENTLY (multiple times every day) had people who claimed they had a gluten allergy, that would suddenly turn into "oh its only a sensitivity" when they wanted the gluten heavy meatballs on their specially prepared (special pan, EVERYTHING has to be gotten from containers from across the way so they weren't contaminated, etc) gluten allergy dishes. We also got the occasional customer with celiac disease. We treated every customer who claimed an allergy exactly the same way- with EXTREME care. It didn't matter if we had 3 busses full of kids waiting for us to make them food, we slowed the kitchen down to make sure we got our allergy dishes right. And sometimes we'd mess it up right at the end and garnish with frickin parm. But because we have standards, we'd apologize to whoever has to recook it, get the mistake dish out of the way, and then prep it all again, because it isn't going out if it's not to allergy standard. We had no actual idea which customer has an allergy or not, no matter how obvious we felt it might be. So we wouldn't risk it.
Tldr; it shouldn't matter if she's actually allergic or not, any self-respecting restaurant should maintain allergy standards if an allergy is brought up, even if they don't believe the allergy is real.
I have Hashmotos that triggered Celiacs too. Gluten now brings so much pain and I have a few food allergies that will trigger bad migraines to the point I ended up in the ER. The place you talked about sounds like a God send and hope it's still doing well.
Yea my mom has a gluten sensitivity the doctors didn’t do anymore tests yet so we don’t know how bad it is but to be safe she doesn’t eat food that’s touched gluten and we always cook her food first to make sure that the pan doesn’t get any issues
It really scks how entitled people can massively increase your workload like that, but I want to remind you that many of us are so SO grateful for what you do! It's terrible to see a loved one sick for the rest of the night and following day, head above the toilet and in pain for hours, because some dumbass kitchen apparently cuts their gluten free bread with the same knife that they use for all the other bread. As you said, any decent kitchen knows what they're doing. Even fricking MCDonalds can get it right nowadays. But to know you put in that work, it must be frustrating with some customers but those with real allergies are probably super grateful for your mindset and hard work. Thank you! ❤
@@Peachessssss13 I obviously don't know which tests were done, etc, but if possible I think your mom should see a GI doctor for celiac testing. If it's just a sensitivity, then she can do what she's doing now, or she can choose to eat some gluten sometimes if she wants to, but if it is celiac then continuing to avoid it is obviously super important, but it also means that the rest of your family might need to get tested too..
My dad has celiac disease and had symptoms of it, I didn't. When he tested positive it was recommended that I test too and I did turn out to have celiac disease. Had he never looked to get tested, I would still be eating gluten and I would be potentially endangering my life in the long run since continuing to eat gluten when you have celiac disease can lead to cancer.
As someone with several strange allergies, thank you!
Even when I cook for myself I still occasionally trigger my allergies and end up with a blister in my mouth because I forgot to wipe the stove and I have roommates.
So THANK YOU for doing your best to keep people safe ❤️
as an autistic person who can't eat spicy and no one takes it seriously, i HAVE to lie and say i'm allergic to spicy food/capsaicin so that people will take it seriously. while the result of me eating spicy food is not as severe as death, it's physically, mentally, and emotionally painful, and meltdowns/shutdowns take a long time to recover from.
i've had friends take me to korean restaurants after assuring me repeatedly that it's not spicy, order an item for me that they promise is not spicy, and then i take a bite and it makes me have a meltdown and cry my eyes out because of sensory overload from the spiciness. and they're just like, "but it's not even that spicy." like, no! i can't have any amount of spice at all! this even happened multiple times. each time i trust my "friends" and the same shit ends up happening. (yay for autism and gullibility!) being asian makes them take me even less seriously and it fucking sucks.
also, in many situations it's dangerous to disclose that i'm autistic. many people see meltdowns as a moral failure and sensory sensitivities as "being a whiny bitch" or "you just gotta toughen up and deal with it". some people become hostile/aggressive/demand proof (especially because i'm not the autistic stereotype of a young white boy). there are even some people who specifically prey on autistic people because they are more likely to be socially isolated and more easily trusting than others (that's also the reason why autistic children shouldn't carry blue pumpkins for trick-o-treating! publicly displaying their autism could attract predators).
so, no. i don't think op is the AH for lying about allergies. the businesses that don't take their customers' food restrictions seriously are the AHs, and op is just doing what they need to do to get their needs met. it's the same deal as telling an uber driver that you're "meeting up with your boyfriend at the hotel" rather than traveling alone, or telling a random stranger approaching you that you're "waiting for your parents to pick you up." these people need to stay safe and get their needs met, and if the only way to do so is by lying, then so be it.
also, yeah, it's probably illegal to charge for food allergies.
I absolutely feel your pain, I’m neurotypical but can barely handle black pepper without it ruining a meal for me. Just wanted to comment that in many neighborhoods the blue pumpkin is a sign for food allergies, not necessarily autism. Many neighborhoods/houses display a blue pumpkin if they have non-food treats or allergen friendly treats that would safe for such kiddos (like glow sticks or fidget toys)
I'm neurotypical, so do not suffer from meltdown, but probably have a mild case of what we call ARFID, which is essentially an slightly increased sensitivity towards textures, which a lot of autistic people have. Some foods just make me uncontrollably gag if I try to force myself to eat more than a bite of it, some just cut my appetite short, some make me nauseaus for the rest of the day. You said it so perfectly : people will act like it's a deep moral offense if you show disgust, or refuse to eat something, especially if the meal in question is considered healthy. 😅 All strength to you, because I can almost imagine how people must react to your meltdowns. I hope you find people more empathetic towards you to have a meal with you in the future.
Fellow autistic here. My problem is mostly with textures, but beets and cucumbers make me go completely into overdrive. I can't swallow the food, want to puke, and can't eat anything that touched these items because they still have the same taste/ colour.
Since I'm vegetarian, those are kinda used often in dishes people offer me, so I just started saying I'm allergic. If I say "I don't like it", it's reductive and doesn’t explain how bad it makes me feel. But a speech about autism and how it affects your relationship with food doesn’t feel appropriate either. So, a fake allergy it is.
Baby noise one was absolutely cruel. I wouldn’t be willing to provide free housing for someone who did this, especially family.
Yes. This was an extreme case of cruelty. It is something like this that could have lead to a tragic end. How they thought this was funny is beyond me.
I learned whole dealing with infertility that people who aren't done really understand how devastating it can be. There were a lot of edgelords who thought ridicule was fair play.
Those two "kids" are making the typical fake apology of "I'm sorry you got so upset at a joke." 😒
This was _beyond_ cruel. This was such a severe level of pure sadism that I think they should be on a watch list.
I don't even want kids of my own, ever, and just hearing that story second-hand was almost making ME cry. JUST evict them? If they tried that with my loved one, they'd be lucky if a punch wasn't also included.
As someone with a LOT of allergies (i don’t eat at restaurants at all anymore for safety), I think it’s ok for people to say they have a serious allergy if that’s what it takes to have their dietary needs respected. People “crying wolf” shouldn’t be a problem because you should NEVER have to *prove* that your need is real or serious. OP didn’t make the restaurant deep clean their whole kitchen, that was their protocol for making sure they could make a genuinely vegan meal.
There is a frightening amount of ableism in society against people with allergies or any dietary restrictions, but that problem is not the responsibility of people with issues that aren’t life-threatening. It’s the responsibility of the people making the food to (within reason) make it safe for their customers.
In this case the restaurant owner (or chef) was friends with her parents so definitely found out the allergy was a lie. The whole charging hundreds of dollars extra to make an allergy free meal is absurd.
EXACTLY!!!
@@elaexplorer it's like charging someone to use a wheelchair ramp
I have a long list of kind of obscure and abnormal allergies, plus an intolerance I don't include in the allergy list, that oddly have a line of where I can't/can eat the food. OAS is an allergy where my body reacts to raw food as if its the pollen I ate instead. So an example: anaphylaxis to an apple is likely, but the baking process to an apple pie breaks down the proteins enough my body don't mistake it for the pollen anymore. Somewhat simplified explanation, but still difficult for some to understand so I tend to avoid a lot of fruit and veggies when I eat out rather than try to explain and not be believed or take the chance something is actually cooked enough for me to eat without a problem.
I used to sit on the fence about people claiming allergies they didn't have but over time I've realized that if that's what it takes for people to have their dietary requests taken seriously than I understand it. Beyond that I find it somewhat infuriating that we need to divulge our medical information to have our requests taken seriously. Like I understand the need for others around us to know about allergies in order to best help us, or those preparing foods to avoid items, but at the same time a restaurant should also be able to just follow the request of "fruit in a side bowl" (a dinning partner can eat them) rather than explaining the reason for asking is because the melons stacked on top of my pancakes could likely send me to the hospital.
To be honest that level of deep cleaning to be able to make a vegan meal also seems so weird. The restaurant should be clean enough that it should take 20-30 minutes at most in my opinion/experience in food service to clean it enough to have a space they can cook vegan friendly on. Plus 2 hours of cleaning to make it vegan friendly and the best you can do is plain pasta? That they charged 100's of extra dollars for? I feel like that had to be taking the parents for a ride - or OP's parents told them the story to make them pay for the dinner, since they could have perceived it as getting embarrassed in front of their chef friend, especially if the chef found out the lie like @elaexplorer suggests.
Yep, I have a wide variety of food allergies as well and I also think OP is not the AH. It does not trivialize the matter for us, it doesn't work like that. There is no crying wolf and there are no negative consequences for us unless you are being obvious. Keep it on the dl, don't talk about it in the restaurant and you're good. Everyone deserves their needs met. Besides, I'm sorry but that restaurant is shady as fuck. You can't feed someone something without disclosing it.
I have a severe pineapple allergy and have to be very aggressive about making sure that people are careful with my food. I also have a lot of experience working in restaurants. The problem with restaurants not taking dietary restrictions or allergies carefully is not caused by one or two people lying about why they need specific food, and the restaurant is absolutely lying about having to deep clean their kitchen to make some noodles and fruit or whatever it was. For customers with a peanut allergy, I had to wipe down the counter with a clean rag, wash my hands/arms to the elbow, put on fresh gloves, grab a fresh cutting board and whatever else I needed from the dishwasher, and then prepare their food in front of them. It took one person an extra few minutes, maybe two people if I needed something that wasn’t already in the dishwasher. It wasn’t a big deal. We never charged extra. NTA
The noodles and fruit ‘dish’ was also pretty passive-aggressive for the kitchen to make after they’d ‘scrubbed the whole kitchen down.’ If you really went through all that trouble you’d make some effort to make a passible meal, especially if you charged a couple 100 for it. If I was the mum I’d go after that chef bestie for being rude.
this is what i wanted to say! the RESTAURANT is responsible if they choose NOT to believe a customer about THEIR allergies!!!! doesn't matter if the customer lied or not.
i never really worked at a restaurant kitchen bc i was a waiter (i did help out tho with the little things if we were really understaffed) but i DID help out most of the time at the bakery of my sister. it was more of a family business, it was just under her name. my sister's and brother baked the bread and other small pastries, my mother made the cakes and pies etc.
back then my oldest sis had an infant and before that was obviously preggo, my other sis had another job, so both left most of the time right after baking and my brother just didn't had a lot of clue about cooking, so i did the breakfast course most of the time. we had a lot of regulars that were elderly people, which meant special dietary needs and habits. and yes, some had allergies. did it took me 1-2 minutes more to prepare stuff? yes. but it never was a problem bc we always had the dishwasher running and always clean utensils. also some customers asked for alternate milk options which we obviously offered, so i respected that and took out a clean milk jug and didn't just rinse out the milk from a dirty one and THEN made their coffee or tea. we also had a small vegan section even tho there was almost no demand. maybe like every 3-4 weeks one person asked for something vegan. my family and i knew our customers needs/dietary habits by heart. we took everything seriously even "weird" requests. there was a guy who wanted his milk coffee to be made in a specific way, it wasn't vegan nor lactose free nor some kind of allergy, it was just a little quirk of his. or the woman who wanted cappuccino but the cup had to be filled to the half and the top half had to be foam. is that technically cappuccino? no. but who am i to judge or police what people want to drink or eat? and like i said it's a small bakery and most of my family members and i worked almost the whole day alone. i'm talking about 10-12 hours shifts depending on the day.
it's just ridiculous that a whole ass restaurant has such poor management skills and comes up with lies to literally just scam the shit out of people. op was definitely NOT the asshole even if they lied.
p.s. in my country your business is considered a bakery when you sell bread and other pastries, doesn't matter if you also sell meals or coffee. as soon as you make bread and sell it, it's a bakery.
Unless they haven't properly cleaned their restaurant in a LONG time so now they have to do a deep clean... which they still shouldn't have charged for
THIS! I have served and prepared food for many customers with allergies. It is annoying and some requests simply can't be met but all you need is to maintain clear communication with the customer about what you are able to do and what they should expect. This *includes* a warning for upcharges (I have never heard of a cleaning fee but if they felt the need to charge one it should not have been sprung as a surprise on the bill!)
Also, covering up the mistake of adding parm to the pasta is completely unethical. There are often mistakes when preparing modified orders. If you catch a mistake you remake the food, end of story.
Yeah wth is with them charging so much extra (which they didn’t tell op about) ?? Is that a thing? Do customers with allergies need to pay more for cleaning regularly??
okay...but why is a restaurant not taking allergies seriously put onto the OP and not on the restaurants? If feeding people is literally your job, either tell the people they can't eat there (I've gotten this response and I'd rather hear that and move on to a different restaurant than have someone give food I'm allergic to!) or take the allergy seriously ... it should definitely be illegal to say they addressed the concern then didn't.
Yes !! an honest I'm sorry we dont have anything currently that is completely free of (whatever) is much prefered surely? As chef I'd see what I could rustle up even if that was just a salad!
Yes, as someone who has food allergies I have had to leave restaurants because there was nothing that I could eat. I explain why I'm leaving then go.
Agreed!
Yea, most times I try a new restaurant or return to one I haven't been to in a while I'll check the menu online to check and make sure they are things I can eat or if substitutions are able to be made.
Yeah; all those YTAs and I was like 'if they took dietary restrictions seriously in the first place, it wouldn't have even been needed and that's *their fault*, not hers.'
I agree on the not lying about allergies thing, but I find it weird that people are putting the blame on OP for possibly endangering other people when it's ultimately the fault of the businesses for not believing customers' allergies. Assuming that a customer is lying about allergies should NEVER be a risk that a restaurant is willing to take. It feels like scapegoating to (what i imagine to be) a relatively small # of people lying instead of focusing on the fact that many businesses would rather not do the work to accommodate for people with allergies.
Absolutly right!
I think the point was that if a restaurant hides a supposed allergen and there doesn't seem to be any reaction, then it justifies (in their own minds) doing it again. However, not all reactions are obvious or instant anyway and the restaurant should definitely just respect their customers requests regardless.
You know what, if you haven't eaten dairy in a long time, eating it will likely do cause some reaction because your intestines aren't used to it anymore. As a vegan I have spent many a night running to the toilet because of "only a little bit of butter"
I don’t get the one person saying they’re allergic to meat because it makes them sick for a couple days, so their allergy counts but being vegan isn’t a legitimate excuse. I haven’t eaten meat in 24 years. Eating meat would 100% make me sick at this point while my body processes it. I understand a life threatening allergy is very different but “it’ll make me sick for a few days” really isn’t different at least compared to what I’d experience.
Either way, shame on the restaurant for not taking a very normal dietary restriction seriously until someone said it was life threatening and then trying to blame the customer for that. Maybe if they took things seriously in the first place, they wouldn’t be in this position.
@@hannahk1306
That doesn't matter
I am vegan, but I'm also a manager of a restaurant and all managers in the US have to have a food managers certificate, otherwise health inspectors can/will shut a restaurant down for this.
And there are entire sections on allergies. If a customer says "I'm allergic to coconut" you cannot lie and say "nothing on our menu has coconut" when, let's say they use coconut oil to cook, you can and will be held liable.
The correct answer would be "we cannot guarantee that any of our food has not become cross-contaminated" or "we cannot fulfill that request"
A restaurant, At least in the US is not required to meet every dietary need, they are however required to disclose any and all ingredients and OP should have reported that restaurant to the health inspectors.
Dairy is in the top 8 of food allergies and quite common. And if they do it once, they're going to do it again.
The charge for the deep clean though is bullshit and you disclose that before the meal. Also, that's the cost of running a damn restaurant. Shady af
Here in the UK the baby noise phone calls would be considered harassment which is a criminal offence. At 18 and 19 the law considers you adults even if your family think of you as a couple of kids. Getting evicted is far less stressful than getting arrested. So they should consider themselves bloody lucky after what they did.
I think it could be in many states in the US too. I was wondering. This action is so deeply malicious. Unless they are the most sheltered kids on the planet, this shows a deep-seated anger and even hate toward their aunt.
@@trinitybernhardt9944 yea I only think violence is the best choice but they at least deserved a will smith for that one
It is here too in Canada. If someone did this to me I’d have their butts arrested then I would evict them
I believe it is in the US too.
Aussie here- if someone did that to my relative, the cops would have been called in five minutes. This is one of the cruelest forms of harassment I have ever heard of. There is no sane way to spin this as a "prank".
As someone with a dairy allergy, it's INCREDIBLY hard to get restaurants to actually respect it when you tell them no dairy in your meal. SO MANY dishes add cheese to basically everything and I can't count the number of times I've been served a meal with cheese on it and told to my face that there is no cheese on it or that they didn't think cheese "counted." It's absolutely maddening.
I have childhood memories of eating out at a pizza restaurant where my parents had to bring a pizza base and cheese for my brother (the restaurant just added tomato sauce and cooked it), because the restaurant couldn't work out how to cater for my brother's dietary requirements. We usually avoided Italian restaurants for this reason, but I think there were very limited options for places to eat on this occasion.
This was probably about 20 years ago and most places are now better now, but it's frustrating that some places still won't properly cater for special dietary requirements. It's particularly baffling when they'll cater for a dietary choice, like vegetarians, but not for people who CAN'T eat certain foods.
They think you won't notice, doubled over the toilet the next day in agony, I noticed...
I totally get you. However I also kind of understand why this person pretended they had an allergy (not that I necessarily think it was the right thing to do, I can just understand it). I'm vegan, but because I haven't eaten dairy and eggs in years I now have a really bad gut reaction any time I accidentally eat them (horrible stomach pains and nausea, toilet trouble etc). I don't have an allergy, I just can't tolerate these foods anymore. But because I say "I'm vegan" a lot of restaurants just couldn't care less, presumably because they think "meh, it won't kill her". Not only does it make me ill, it's also quite upsetting for me when I find animal products in my food, just as it would be upsetting for a Muslim to find pork in their food even though it wouldn't hurt them. I personally think it's about time that restaurants started taking all dietary restrictions seriously, no matter what the reason is, because if you don't take it seriously you don't know who you could be harming and how, whether that be emotionally/psychologically, giving them stomach pains or literally giving them anaphylaxis. It's wrong either way
My husband doesn’t have an allergy but he doesn’t like cheese. He always requests no cheese. At least 50% of the time there is cheese on is food.
Agreed. My sister has been vegetarian for over 30 years and we have both been vegan for almost 4 years. We have given up on the restaurants in our area because we always get sick because they put meat or dairy in. The closest restaurant we trust (vegan only dishes) is 2 hours away. It is SO frustrating.
For the last one, I'm digging my heels in on NTA. Those YTA comments sounded very much like victim blaming. "These restaurants don't respect anyone's diet needs and it's YOUR fault!" No. It's the restaurants' and the chefs' choice to disrespect their customers. OP had to be dramatic to be heard and is getting shamed from all sides. Was the several hundred dollar bill not enough? The name of the restaurant should have been posted so people who are careful with what they eat know not to patron the establishment
Right, also the restaurant should have disclosed the costs before hand, give the person the possibility to bring their own food and not offered such a shitty dish.
@@leza4453 And to continue the shitty dish point, how does it take HOURS to sanitize like one pot for pasta and a dish and pretty much that’s it??? What even needed to be sanitized with such a *complex* dish??
@@laurelloaf I’ve worked in food service for quite a while and I have never heard of sanitizing the whole kitchen. In my experience, you just clean/ sanitize the surfaces that you’re working on and I really don’t see why that would take longer than like… ten minutes tbh. That’s just a very inefficient or incompetent way to run a kitchen.
exactly! I cook for a living and making things vegan is more work (sometimes not all) but has to be respected. I do always ask if this is a serious allergy or not as obviously for instance making something gluten-free and not in a gluten-contaminated area makes a HUGE difference to the person depending on the severity of the allergy!
@@LilDinoGuy seconding the kitchen/ line cook experience party here: every item we cook with is REQUIRED by law to take a trip into the Sanitizer pit before being put back into the shelf. everyone wears gloves when handling meat (BY LAW) and we must sanitize and clean all surfaces when working with sensitive items. unless it's a nut allergy or celiacs where being in the same room as X food you're allergic to? "sanitizing the whole kitchen" simply..... isn't a necessity. if you do have to sanitize the whole kitchen? okay? clean up takes us 30 minutes lol. even a deep clean happens OVERNIGHT and happens once a week anyway. respecting peoples allergies is the standard, not the exception.
Allergy OP is not the a-hole. I get where people with allergies are coming from when they say that people lying to restaurants makes things harder for them, but the fact is that the restaurant really should have respected OP's wishes in the first place, and OP was just doing what needed to be done to get food they could eat. The restaurant is the one in the wrong for serving food that their customers told them they can't eat, not the customer for doing what needed to be done to be taken seriously.
Agreed
THIS. It's not the OP's fault that restaurants and people don't take the requests and/or needs of customers seriously. If restaurants were actually listening to customers to begin with, OP wouldn't even have had this problem
I think everyone is the arsehole in that scenario but OP is definitely the lesser of two arseholes.
The restaurant are huge arseholes for lying to OP about what's in their food and refusing to make really modest and reasonable adjustments for their veganism and, even worse, CHARGING EXTRA for someone they believe to have a serious food allergy.
OP is also an arsehole for making the kitchen go through all the extra work of scrubbing down utensils and surfaces etc. when it was totally unnecessary (though I think it's going a bit fair to blame them for the general culture of not taking allergies seriously enough).
It was done out of ignorance and under provocation rather than malice so I do empathise with OP but still a big no-no to lie about serious allergies. The same way it would be an arsehole thing to lie about having a disability because it was the other way your employer would let you work from home.
Basically, people lying about allergies doesn't make restaurants not take dietary restrictions seriously. Restaurants not taking dietary restrictions seriously is what makes people lie.
I wouldn’t have done it, and I don’t expect to be catered to by restaurants that aren’t vegan friendly. But NAH. They made a mistake and learned, not asshole. Restaurant is.
"Does anaphylaxis mean anything to them? No. Because people like OP." THIS IS LITERALLY VICTIM BLAMING. If the restaurant would have taken OP seriously from the get go there wouldn't have been a problem!! Good god this gets to me
It's like the one with the eviction, it's wasn't OP who was tensing the atmosphere in the family, it was the niece and nephew who literally started the problem.
Being angry someone lied isn't blaming a victim.
Diets are a choice, not a medical condition. They should be respected. I 100% agree the restaurant was in the wrong for not respecting her from the start.
I *also* think she's an asshole for lying about having an allergy. I'd also think it would be an asshole thing to do if she claimed her dog was a service dog when it isn't so she should bring it into places dogs that are untrained should not go. It's the lying part that sucks, and makes people believe the legitimate cases less.
@@stolenrelicHaving a fake service dog and saying you have an allergy so your needs are respected is not the same thing at all. I truly believe most of the negative comments about op is just because they’re vegan, being a vegan is a choice but do you know why people choose to be vegan? Because they simply physically feel ill eating an animal or animal products, because they just don’t want to… it’s not a light decision people make for fun.
For the last one, my first thought was about allergies, but to do with the original issue. If the person asking for no dairy products was allergic, instead of a vegan, that restaurant could have made them seriously ill or even killed them. Just mixing in the cheese isn't going to prevent a reaction!
It shouldn't matter why someone asks for an alteration to their meal, that should be respected (if they're asking for excessive changes, then I think it should be ok to suggest a different dish though).
Personally, I wouldn't have eaten at that restaurant again, because they clearly don't respect their customers and it makes me wonder what else they're doing to the food!
totally agree, its not hard to make something dairy free!
They also said that the hosts were friends of the restaurant. Wouldn't the staff have been more accommodating to the customers. Lying about what was in the food is so wrong. If they weren't listening to what you were saying, I would have asked for the manager and told them about cheese in a dish that had been told was cheese free and you were wary of trust. Could this manager absolutely be sure you got a meal you could eat. It might have worked without your lying about allergies. You could definitely say you had food sensitivities and didn't want to be sick for days.
wtf is wrong not only with those prank callers, but with the dad?? He won't speak to them if they get evicted, not because of their cruel actions? Sounds more manipulative than anything.
And that restaurant spent two hours cleaning their entire kitchen to produce plain pasta with salt and pepper? I highly doubt that they did any such cleaning.
Yeah... truly deep cleaning an entire professional kitchen takes way longer than two hours.
And cleaning enough prep dishes to make one batch of plain barely-seasoned pasta takes way less... unless you have no idea what you're doing. They made boring pasta out of spite for being forced to adapt to the customer's needs, not because it's the best they could manage.
Not to mention that pasta is typically made with flour and egg. Sooo they unless they made fresh specialty pasta from scratch, they very likely STILL crapped the bed on their only job
@@shannono9421pasta is typically without eggs, at least in Italy! Store bought italian pasta (such as basic barilla pasta) as well as handmade pasta! There are types of pasta with eggs (such as many types of tagliatelle) but they are a minority!
The prank call thing is -sadistic-. I legit gasped and felt sick to my stomach even thinking about that poor woman being on the receiving end of those calls. That's a disgusting thing to do, and I would expect better from CHILDREN, much less semi-adults.
I was so worried when I saw the title bc I thought it was the husband pranking his wife.
Same, and I kept wondering what the scenario might be that would NOT make him the AH ;)
Same, but i actually found the situation worse than i imagined, like repeated phone calls? During a period of such vulnerability? I thought it would be some sort of bad joke and the husband hadn’t realised how sensitive of a subject it was (still bad), but that was truly awful. I’ve said my whole life i don’t want kids of my own but despite that, coming to terms with the fact that i won’t even have a choice -unless some laws change in my country- has been hard on me; i can’t even begin to understand the pain this couple was going through and at 18 & 20 they had absolutely no excuses
Same
Even if and when he kicks them out, he’s NTA. Perhaps because I’m infertile myself, but you do not mock something like that. It’s such a profound feeling of loss of a future you’ve always envisioned. Who pulls such a d!ckhead move? At 18&20, your brain might not yet be fully developed, but empathy and knowing right from wrong should be solidly formed by that age.
Yeah completely agree. I’m very set in having no children for many reasons and think that’s still just a horrific thing to do to anyone and would be very disturbed by that kind of “prank”. And I definitely feel that 18 and 20 are plenty old enough to know that if they were decent people. I’m 19 and would never dream of saying or doing anything like that even though I can’t relate and feel I’ve been like that a while already.
Empathy as a concept is known, but at that age the parts of brain that handle emotions are not fully developed. So there is a real thing there. That still DOES NOT make this okay. Anyone is able to think; person gone through something hard -> I make person sad -> that is bad.
Like, anyone from 3yr olds to brain damaged. There is a kind of "impediment" in the brain still, but it does not cause this.
yh as an under 18 Its absolutely clear that what they did was abhorrent
I dont even think it can be justified, i am 20 years old, and i have no interest in ever having children, but i would never make fun of or throw it in someone's face that they're unable to have children
i hope he did kick them out. so messed up.
In regards to the last one, the kitchen claiming they spent hours scrubbing the entire kitchen, fryers, and everything else to supply a single plain pasta dish and some fruit is just insane and absolutely taking the piss. I've worked in kitchens and you scrub only what needs to be scrubbed for the dishes required by the allergy sufferer (sometimes everything and sometimes a minimal amount) - in this case a section of counter top, chopping board, knife, saucepan, and cutlery/crockery. The biggest arsehole is the restaurant and kitchen in my opinion.
Yes, I think the 'fake food allergy' story deserved a vote of 'ESH' "Everyone $ucks Here"... the OP was wrong to lie about the allergy, but the fact that they felt the need to lie because of past problems, and how the restaurant was so shady & charging the parents extra, etc, means everyone involved is equally A$$ holeish.
Why didn't they disclose the costs before that, so the person could just have brought their own food?
I don't agree with the YAtA from the allergic commentors. Why should the restaurant take people with allergies more or less serious because of this? They dont know the allergy was fake, so if anything, they learned how to prep their kitchen for future allergic guests.
Why would that OP be the ahole for working around the fact that their dietary wishes weren't met? If you're going to give zero fucks anyway just say "sorry we don't accommodate vegans/ people with dairy allergies" and leave it at that. Not fake it.
@@leza4453 Exactly! Do they do a 2 hour clean for everyone who comes in with an allergy? You order a $40 meal and get a bill for almost $300 because they had to clean first??? That restaurant is shady!!!
I was thinking I was biased as a vegetarian without food allergies, but this is exactly what I think. If they lied because they didn't like a food, then yes, they're the bigger AH, but they requested something without multiple times and the restaurant didn't accommodate and went so far as to hide the dairy at one point. they're absolutely justified at that point. Then for the restaurant to charge so much to clean without informing them first? that's absolutely scummy and I certainly wouldn't go to that restaurant again.
@@leza4453 thank you!!!! all this ppl excusing the restaurant as if they don't have literally the health of ppl at their hands. ppl can lie, you still to take every allergie seriously
As a fellow vegan this last story got to me. Lying about allergies is bad but it's an act of disparation. Restaurants and family members should take your values seriously and in case of a restaurant give you what you paid for. The fact that dietary choices as well as allergies are not taken seriously is awful. And that lying about allergies negatively affects people with actual allergies is obviously awful but the blame it still on the restaurant and society's low opinion of veganism that makes these lies one of few options in some cases.
This!
I knew a guy who was not only lactose-intolerant, but legit allergic to dairy. He had to literally tell restaurant folks "No cheese, please. And I don't mean take the cheese off. It has to be made without cheese or I will literally die." It was the only way for him to get them to take him seriously. Poor guy.
THIS THIS THIS.
Right? Like, how hard is it to *not* add cheese to the pasta? I'm imagining some douche chef holding the shaker over the plate, saying sarcastically, "Oh no. I can't avoid getting cheese over this sauce. What ever shall I do..."
Yep. I'm vegan and back when I used to go out to eat I only felt comfortable eating at vegan restaurants.
My sibling is allergic to nuts, seeds, and shellfish and there have been so many times where we tell restaurants this and they still fuck up and my sibling gets sick. I think in general, lying about an allergy is shitty but also the restaurant should be prepared for people with different diets or food needs because someone could have an allergy so they should be cleaning their kitchen and checking the contamination anyways. The fact that they charged the parents extra is ridiculous because its their jobs as chef and possibly owners to run a safe restaurant for people or say "no we don't accommodate that" . Also why are the parents still going to this restaurant when they obviously don't respect their customers or care about people's well-being?
That was my wondering. Why the hosts kept going back to this restaurant when the staff literally lied about food being cheese free but wasn't. Plus other mistakes.
@@westzed23 Yes, it's clear that person's family doesn't respect their dietary needs either. I mean, I don't love that they lied, but they were still the least to blame out of everyone in that story. The restaurant and the family were both much worse.
@@mirandarensberger6919 Oh I agree. It definitely was worse for the restaurant's actions.
I thought I heard at the end the parents were friends with someone who runs (or the chef) the restaurant in question. No doubt getting a discount on the wedding catering is more important to them than their other child's dietry choices.
"I need my cooks to wash their hands when they leave the bathroom,
Can you guys accommodate me"
"Yeah sure"
Tbh, the thing the niece and nephew did would be an immediate "choose sides" situation for me. No contact until they write out an apology that makes me want to give them a chance, and no guarantees that ever happens no matter how many letters are sent. And until then, I'll do family gatherings only if they aren't invited. Oof. I'd be BIG mad. That's such a cruel joke, and yeah, 19 and 20 is a dumb age, but dumb isn't the word for their decisions. That's such an extreme thing to call a joke.
Yea, being young is not an excuse for cruelty. If a 15 year old pulled such an evil "prank" it'd be inexcusable. I don't think age is at all a factor in that story, just the cruelty of the niece and nephew.
Eeeexactly. You can have empathy at any age
As a recovering alcoholic I fully support not giving in to social pressure and "just one won't hurt". For people with any form of addiction, issues with food - this mentality can really damage any progress that's been made and/or lead to a full on relapse
To be honest, I know why halfheartedly lying about allergies can negatively affect those who do have allergies. But in this case didn’t OP pretty much expose the exact problem that people with allergies would have had to face otherwise? Like the restaurant clearly didn’t take any of it seriously, right? I‘m not sure if it was a thing about how it was obvious from the start or found out that OP lied and through that made it more unbelievable, but either way the restaurant did not take any of it seriously and afterwards charged a horrendous price for taking stuff seriously as they should have from the start. Btw is it normal to price allergic people extra for the effort that had to be made? Sounds fishy to me. Idk man, I just think if they had to go so overdramatic to the point of crossing this line just to be respected, then the restaurant to me seems like they wouldn’t have taken most allergic customers seriously from the start. But in the end I wouldn’t know.
I fully blame you for the fact that I’ve now become fully invested in this subreddit. Also your hair looks like it would taste like a yummy buttercream frosting
That story about the pranking a woman with infertility honestly made me so sad and hurt for her. It's hard enough for someone struggling with or unable to conceive (that wants to have kids) to have to see babies while going out in public, or even just pregnant women. It hurts so much. The amount of pain those calls would have, especially from loved ones, is unimaginable. I don't know about evicting them, but there should definitely be some sort of consequence. I've dealt with fertility issues and it is so hard. I would have been devastating to have those calls.
Why would you be willing to free-house people who are so cruel to you? That kind of cruelty deserves eviction. As someone else said, it is harrassment and punishable law. Eviction is actually more lenient. Those two disgusting legal ADULTS have not only bitten the hand that fed them, but bitten it clean off. Torturing someone like the poor infertile woman in that much mental pain is so disgusting I cannot even find the words. Who finds that funny? Even at six years old I wouldn't have found that funny, let alone at 18! Freaking psychopaths!
I’m a vegan for 3 years and my body stopped producing lactase so now I’m lactose-intolerant …
I think though that it’s legit to lie about allergies. Allergy or not, they should provide you with a dish free from whatever you don’t wanna eat.
Yesss. Thissss.
There's a little more to it than this though. An allergy doesn't just require an ingredient to be removed it ALSO requires the kitchen to change/ scrub their utensils and chopping boards etc. to make sure there aren't traces of the allergen in the dish.
If you make kitchen staff do that extra work when they didn't need to then YTA.
Or if it cannot be done safely due to the complexity of the allergy or whatever reason, then at least be respectful and just flat out state you are unable to provide the service safely.
@@theomegajuice8660 If you ask for vegan, vegetarian, halal, or any other dietary reason that is not simply that you don't like or don't prefer the ingredient, they should change the utensils and chopping boards anyway, and actually I would expect them to.
I love how you said "6 months" and it never occurred to you that a 6 month old asked for a chocolate superhero cake for his birthday 😂
How can they make the family pay for the cleaning and then serve such a shitty dish? Why didn't they disclose the costs before that, so the person could just have brought their own food? Also, don't agree with the YAtA from the allergic commentors. Why should the restaurant take people with allergies more or less serious because of this? They dont know the allergy was fake, so if anything, they learned how to prep their kitchen for future allergic guests.
It's like charging someone in a wheelchair extra because they used The expensive ramp that you had to go out of your way to install.
And You don't even tell them till they get the bill.
I cannot even comprehend that baby cry prank. I'd never speak to those family members again much less do anything kind for them. Holy shit
I don't have a food allergy per se, but I have some food intolerance, mainly fresh cucumber (luckily not pickles) and avocado. The worst that can happen is nausea and intensified IBS symptoms, but it's still not fun to get nauseous after a meal, and explaining a difference between an allergy and intolerance is frustrating and tends to be pointless - people just do not take it seriously. One time someone even sneaked a cucumber into my sandwiches after I told them about my food intolerance (even a juice from a cucumber can be enough for me), so nowadays I simplify any discussion by telling, that I'm allergic. I'll never say that it's a life threatening allergy, but just the word "allergy" is enough.
I have the same issue and symtoms and I usually go the same route. I don't want to have to explain the nuances everytime (or talk about my reactions, especially bc it comes up during or right before meals, usually 🙃). Having allergies/intolerances are the most exhausting thing, honestly. For me, every meal with other ppl devolves into explaining my no-go foods (milk, eggs, gluten so it's hard to avoid) and then ppl pitying me and telling me how aweful it must be and how they couldn't cope 💀 I practically have a prepared speech and I'm always annoyed in advance.
I'm sorry about the cucumber incident, something similar, though less malicious, happened to me (aunt assuring me the ice cream was non-dairy, already seemed annoyed, I tasted it and knew it was milk, then she went "oh my lactose-intolerant friend always eats these so it's okay" and then I checked for myself and it was just normal milk ice cream with normal milk chocolate)
as someone with a pepper intolerance caused by ptsd I can say its miserable the number of times people assure me food isnt spicy only for it to trigger an anxiety attack and make it so I can hardly breath right. So like saying allergy is sometimes the only way to be taken seriously
I'm still going to say NTA on the last one. I understand the frustration and anger that the people with allergies are feeling, but they're getting angry at the wrong person. If restaurants are using people lying about allergies as a reason not to believe anyone that says they have allergies, then the problem lies with the people looking for any excuse not to believe people with allergies, not whoever happened to provide them with whatever excuse they're using. It's basically another type of respectability politics.
Look at it this way: imagine I handed you a gun and told you it was loaded, but when you checked you saw that I was lying and there were no bullets in it. Now imagine the next day I hand you another gun and again tell you it's loaded. At that point would you be fine to point it at someone and pull the trigger because you're sure this time I'm lying about the gun being loaded? No, of course not! Because yeah, maybe I'm lying, but maybe I'm not, and why would you risk killing someone over that? That's how restaurants should be treating people who say they have food allergies.
(Now, I would say that restaurants have the right to be annoyed at someone lying about food allergies when in reality they just don't like a certain food, as there is a difference between the degree of time and effort in just excluding an ingredient and in doing everything possible to make sure a dish is allergen free, but this restaurant lost the right to that complaint when they repeatedly ignored OP's requests previously.)
I have several food allergies and dietary restrictions, but I get where OP was coming from in that situation. I haven’t had beef or pork in years, got served pork accidentally, and was incredibly sick after. If OP had lied right away about being allergic that wouldn’t be right, but the restaurant repeatedly ignored their requests. Do I think they should’ve said life threatening? Absolutely not. But I also understand how hard it can be to get a chef to listen to restrictions you might have. I think everyone in that situation was wrong and needs to have a reality check though.
Also, a restaurant near me has now started to ask about any restrictions/allergies you have as soon as they seat you, and that was the most painless restaurant experience I think I’ve ever had! They were so respectful and it was so helpful knowing I wouldn’t have any reactions to my food. I wish more places did that 🥰
That is so cruel! Wth?! With family like that who needs enemies! I don’t give a crap what shitty excuses they give THEY KNOW WHAT THEY DID WAS CRUEL!
My mother-in-law baked me a vegan cake for my birthday. I'm not vegan, but she is, I love mom's cooking and the periods of time that I live with them and she feeds me healthy vegan meals are very cherished. I did sneek out to eat vegetarian fast food and felt like a silly rebellious teen with my cheese.
I have severe seafood allergies and a couple of other food allergies. And I honestly dont care whether that OP lied about having an allergy or not. Restaurants should be listening to customers and taking precautions and giving options regardless. I know there are plenty of folks who disagree with me. But the fact is that no matter how many times someone may “cry wolf,” it is always on the restaurant if they don’t take an allergy seriously.
I do think lying about allergies can have a time and place. For example: I have a very specific reaction to laughing gas but it’s not considered an “allergic” reaction. I pass out cold, wake up, then get violently sick to my stomach. I also have this reaction some painkillers. I’ve actually had doctors try to prescribe those medications to me even after I told them about this reaction because they would imply it was somehow my fault i.e. I didn’t eat before taking it or something, so I now lie and tell them all I have a standard allergic reaction to those medications.
The only doctor who didn’t question me about this reaction and took it seriously was the anesthesiologist for my top surgery. When I told him about this reaction to laughing gas he said “Well we definitely don’t want that when you’re fresh out of surgery” and gave me the full gamut of anti-nausea stuff to keep me from having a similar reaction to the anesthesia.
Med reactions are weird that way though. I react to 3 antibiotcs (Penicillin, Clarythromicin, Erythromicin) it's not exactly an allergy (or at least the tests always show up negativ) but fingers swollen to the point you cant move them and explosive diarria aren't exactly what I'd call things to ignore when you're already sick enough to need antibiotcs. I just tell them I cant take those 3, most of the time they assume it's an allergy without me mentioning the word.
I hate the baby crying one as well. Like, I'm autistic, I have a literal communication disorder and I'm aware that that's not something you'd do to someone. I feel so awful for the wife and I hope she's okay.
Usually, I have a more nuanced approach when I watch these videos you make, but I'm really livid about the "prank". That's not a prank, that's abuse and harassment. If I were the OP, I'd kick them out without a second thought. They're plenty old enough to learn consequences and if he lets it slide, they'll be cruel again, to him and his wife and to other people too. Because that's what it was: cruelty and nothing short of it. Not to mention that giving them a free pass would be a gross disrespect towards them as a couple and especially towards his wife since she was the target. The dad trying to plead with his brother for his own advantage it's also to blame. It's not his fault those two were assholes, they're old enough to take responsibility; but he shouldn't try to pressure the OP. Let them tidy up after themselves. If you are in difficult circumstances and your brother was helping, well, your children were ungrateful, mean and disrespectful. Let's see if they find another accommodation by themselves. Seriously, if they are to learn anything, they should be kicked out and only, maybe, allowed back in after they learn how lucky they were. And this time, charge them rent, they lost the privilege of freeloading. Fair is fair.
For the first story, OP could go for a medical check up with an endocrinologist. Being unable to lose weight, despite your efforts, can be tied to other problems, mainly hormonal. A pretty plausible cause would be hypothyroidism, and it's treatable.
For anyone looking to lose weight, remember to do it only for yourself and not for others. Your body is yours and you want to pamper it. Don't exhaust yourself with heavy routines and starving yourself. Just eat mostly healthy foods, drink water and walk around 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week. That should keep you healthy. Don't ban things you like from your diet, you can eat them in moderation. Once or twice a week is perfectly fine! It's also not about how your body looks or how much you weight, it's about being healthy. That looks different for everyone. And remember to take into account your mental health.
Just went to watch this video and am getting a message "We're processing this video. Check back later." 😢
The last story is EXACTLY why I hate going to restaurants.
I like to cook and I like to know what's in my plate. Being a vegetarian (almost vegan) I have had people -even in my own family (my grandfather was a butcher, I've stopped eating meat for over 10 years and I think this year is the first year they are finally starting to understand I will not ever eat meat again)- hiding meat and meat products in dishes they made for me.
Vegetarians options are still very limited in France (don't even think about being vegan and eating out... Maybe some cities are better than others but if they have one vegetarian dish on the menu you're in luck).
And in a more general way, I don't like that I can't see how they are making the food that is going to enter my body. Eating out in a restaurant is a really stressful experience for me and is not worth the expense.
This is a really long comment about me talking about my boring life but I just wanted to say I can relate to the last OP.
I can relate too. I have been vegan for many years and this is sooo disgusting. Also, I thought the days of plain pasta were behind us, as vegans are more common now. How can they make the family pay for the cleaning and then serve such a shitty dish? Why didn't they disclose the costs before that, so the person could just have brought their own food? Also, don't agree with the YAtA from the allergic commentors. Why should the restaurant take people with allergies more or less serious because of this? They dont know the allergy was fake, so if anything, they learned how to prep their kitchen for future allergic guests.
@@leza4453 I completely agree with what you said about allergies.
you should no thave to feel that way hun ...hugs
I had very similar problems with my family. When my cousin got her first place, she insisted on hosting Thanksgiving, which I usually did (so that I knew what was in each dish). She and I worked for a solid week building a menu that was safe for everyone- with the exception of the turkey itself, I could have everything! I was thrilled!!
Then when I arrived at her house, she told me that her mom had kicked her out of her own kitchen and done everything herself. I had a scoop of plain mashed potatoes, half a can of cold green beans, and a salad with the vegan dressing my cousin had already bought for me as a surprise. Not a spice in sight! No seasoning or anything! My other aunt expressed her concern about my meal (because I was also pregnant), but my cousin's mom poo-poo'd it and said "Vegetarians are used to bland food. She'll be fine."
I got the last laugh, though. My aunt fell in love with my pie, "especially the spice mix in the apple!!" Her face was priceless when i told her that I'd made them *and* they were vegan.
(We haven't spoken since. :D )
@@NaomiJameston What an asshole move from your aunt.
A similar disappointment happened to me at a family wedding a couple years ago. I was excited because the buffet had several vegetable dishes, but then my sister checked because she had a hunch that they would have butter, and they did 😭 all I could eat there was the salad and cranberry juice 🙃
Forcing someone to make exceptions to addictions is honestly so dumb. (I don’t know about sugar tho). My alcoholic father had quit drinking for 10 years and then made the mistake of thinking „once in a while is fine“. guess what happened. He relapsed, steadily getting worse, almost starting to take other substances again as well and ended in a panick attack and atrial fibrillation, landing him in the hospital. Started another withdrawal and stayed away from alcohol ever since. Guess how many times his company chose beer breweries for the regular company events…
And that is exactly the problem with food addiction. Obese people can't simply "quit". We HAVE to keep eating and can't go cold turkey. That is one of the reasons why it is so hard to manage and control weight, because you have to keep on taking your drug every single day, without spiralling down. What addict is ever that strong for the rest of their lives?
Sugar is more addictive than cocaine and stimulates the same centers of the brain.
I can't get over how terrible that restaurant is. To charge someone several hundred dollars to have an allergy friendly dish??? And the best they could with advance notice was plain pasta? They were just being cruel.
Oh my goodness! The baby prank is absolutely horrific! What the heck kind of person does that?!? 100% NTA and the niece and nephew are jerks of the highest degree. They ruined the relationship already!
Being infertile and having my ex husband leave me over it (even though he knew I was before we started *dating*), I already know I'm gonna get so angry watching this.
One thing I noticed was missing from the prank call one: how does the wife feel about evicting them? We're told she cried her eyes out when she received the prank calls, but nothing about how she reacted to finding out it was her niece and nephew making them. She doesn't seem to have been involved in the initial decision, since kicking them out appears to be something OP did in the spur of the moment when he went to confront him, and then when talking to his brother later, OP tells him that "MY decision" will stand. Idk, it's possible the wife is totally in agreement and OP just didn't mention it because he assumed it was implied; it's just something I noticed.
So, on the allergy topic, I worked at a summer camp last summer. The staff cook there, after I had personally told her about the fact I'm lactose intolerant and it being listed on the med forms we all had to turn in, REPEATEDLY told me there wasn't dairy in food there was VERY OBVIOUSLY dairy in. This led to there being meals where I couldn't eat almost anything that was cooked because I didn't want to take lactaid with every meal. I still ended up getting sick almost every day I was there and I'm pretty sure it's because she cooked EVERYTHING in butter.
That would make me so mad. I’m also lactose intolerant and things like accidentally drinking coffee with normal milk makes me sick for about 24 hours… And the pills I can take costs ~20 cent per pill - that builds up really fast if you take them often!
I’m getting angry on your behalf now 😂 (and a bit worried over the kids at that camp… If the cook treated your intolerance this way, how did she treat kids with similar issues? 😮)
How is that "prank" not a legal offense tho??
I am pretty sure it is. But if they don't report it to the police, how are they to do anything. Trying to play cruelty like that down to calling it a prank is mind boggling. And the entitled AHs are only mad because they got found out, not because they see what they did is cruel AND illegal!
I live in a country where service stations serve vegan pies so it's hard to understand restaurants would be like this and still financially survive
Right?! Where I live we’re not quite at the vegan pie level and there are still a few restaurants that don’t have options on the menu, but they ALWAYS respect dietary restrictions and substitutions if they are able to!
I would evict my niece and nephew even if that prank was done to a total stranger. It says more about them than about the uncle.
There's no excuse for such a vile behaviour
I have audio processing disorder and every time I always think you say hi b*tch*s and every time I go ohhhhh peaches
I struggle with the last one too because I have a friend with celiac disease and it makes it really difficult for her to find truly gluten-free options when people are just touting gluten-free like a fat. But on the other hand, if restaurants just listen to their customers, then people wouldn't feel the need to lie. But I think if I were in that situation I would just choose not to eat at that restaurant. And if I knew that it was going to be unsafe for me to eat there, I just wouldn't. I don't know I feel like if you're family loves you and cares about your lifestyle and or allergy, they would choose a catering option that actually gives a damn
Story 1 reminds me of the time my mom made a cake for my birthday, but I was ill and depressed so I didn’t want to eat it and make myself potentially worse. My dad forced me out of my bed and berated me for breaking my mom’s heart since she’d worked hard on the cake
Edit: thank you Shaaba. It was this video that made my realize I probably wasn’t entirely in the wrong back then
Also, the "prank call" one made me LIVID. If someone did that to my loved one, I would fucking chew them out over it. That kind of behavior is disgusting and abhorrent and shows an utter lack of empathy. Personally, I question the parenting they received to think that what they did was baseline acceptible, let alone funny.
My aunt has a pork and dairy allergy that developed along side her celiac disease. Yes, there can be a huge struggle and scrub down in a restaurant when someone says there's an allergy. I've been on the restaurant side, and the scrub down sucks. It interrups service and kitchen flow. HOWEVER. I was trained to do it, and if the only way to get your dietary needs taken seriously is to say allergy, do it sparingly. Good on OP for calling ahead, shifty on the restaurant.
The little sibling's comment about chocolate cake was so adorable!
As a person with a tree nut allergy, the second OP is definitely NTA. I have been to plenty of parties/event where I am unable the eat any of the food there at all. As unfortunate as it is to be a young child with an allergy, that little boy is going to have to get used to the fact that there are some foods he just can't eat. I personally hate it when people try to accommodate to my allergy because I feel bad that they bent plans for my sake, so that family shouldn't have to accommodate to other people's dietary restrictions.
On the last one, I personally think that OP is walking on the fine line between the asshole and not the asshole. While I hate that they cried wolf and is making restaurants more unsafe for people like me, the restaurant is definitely the asshole for creating the need to cry wolf when they broke OP's trust multiple times before.
They’re not making the restaurant more unsafe, though. The restaurant should be respecting food choices regardless of the reason.
I'm wondering if the restaurant charging a fee for their cleaning and prep would be considered a violation of the Americans with Disabilities Act in the US...
One big thing I’ve learned from all of these vids: a good prank is only a good prank if everyone involved gets a positive laugh out of it, including the person being pranked. If the person being pranked isn’t laughing, you’re just being mean.
As someone who has body dysphoria and being terrified of having kids and having nightmares about it (I know not same thing but where I'm coming from) I can't IMAGINE the stress and heart ache of hearing baby noises over the phone after hearing your infertile .
1) they had to hear the news and process what that meant to know it would hurt her feelings to "prank her"
2) as someone with siblings who are extremely hardheaded and only learn when their actions have consequences better they learn first hand their actions have very real consequences and family or not you don't make MULTIPLE calls a DAY for SEVERAL days, past 1 call even I feel they are especially targeting her waaayy to much .
Geez.
So cruel.
And thirdly , go to therapy if you think that's okay I know the woman probably needs it now in-between crying
i recently "lied" about food issues but it was at a wedding that was in boston near the coast and most of the wedding menu was seafood/shellfish (since thats a big thing on the coast of Massachusetts , and the wedding was literally held on the bay overlooking the water so that was kind of the theme) so RSPV slip had a thing where you could choose your plate from a couple diff. options and most of them were seafood except one that was steak (im not a vegetarian but i dont really eat red meat either) they had a space asking if anyone had allergies so i just wrote down that i had a seafood allergy and also told them i was a vegetarian even tho i wasnt lol.
i was able to get the mystery vegetarian option at the wedding which ended up being a kind of whipped squash goulash/bisque with tomato chunks and topped with some cannellini beans and little peices of carrot. no idea what it was called but it was actually really good and much more filling than i would have thought (probably the beans maybe what made it more filling. i kind of want to figure out how to recreate the recipe cause it was tasty :) )
5:10 everything you said about not limiting is so true. I have lost 165 pounds in total. I'm down to a healthy weight and it was a long journey. For me, one of the biggest things that really helped me break through my barrier, the weight that I always got stuck at and could never get below no matter how healthy I ate and how much exercise I did, was a course of therapy to understand my relationship with food. A big thing that we worked on was the idea that 1. Food was a reward 2. That the less healthy options were only for special occasions (in the past i had maintained a very healthy diet most of the time and then ate the occasional unhealthy thing for birthdays, friends or my own, or other big events), but it wasn't good for me. This left me with the mindset that if I wanted something that was sweet I needed to either earn it by exercising enough, eat a healthier version of it, or wait for the next big event. Instead I now eat what I want when I want, just less of it. All food has a place in a healthy lifestyle. And it's amazing that when I do this and have this healthier attitude I still want sugary sweets but I just never crave a ton of them. It's a craving for one brownie from a pan and the pan lasts so long that I usually can't get through it all before they go bad or I want ice cream but I don't crave the entire pint, I may have a few bites, maybe a single serving, often I'll get an ice cream sandwich and have half. By not acting like sweet things are special at all they lose all appeal for being a binge food. Because I still sometimes try to use food as a reward I've even started turning the pricier fruits at the store into binge foods, usually its the out of season fruit that I'd have to wait a few months for and I have to decide if it's worth spending the money on it.
I'm quite severely lactose intolerant (and veggie) so I do occasionally tell a restaurant that I'm allergic to dairy instead of intolerant because some places really do not take it seriously. Its the only way that has worked for me to actually get food that won't make me ill...so though I am lying and "crying wolf" I don't feel bad about it because it would make me ill to eat that food and I need them to take that seriously.
I do the same thing. I’m “severely intolerant” of lactose, nuts and almonds (and previously apples as well) and tend to just tell restaurants I’m allergic, since it’s so much easier than explaining... But I also live in a country where allergies are respected, so there’s never been a problem.
The baby noise one broke my heart :( what sick bastard would even think to do that?!
You mentioned your relationship to diets, and I remembered where this channel started... Wow you've (we've) come so far!
The last one I can see from both sides, I have a food allergy, its not a common one so I struggle for people to take it seriously and wouldn't like it if someone made it even harder for me to have safe meals. On the other hand, while not a vegetarian or vegan, for some reason I simply find the taste of most meats disgusting, meat also triggers something in my brain that makes me instantly lose my apatite and I have to wait as much as an hour before I am hungry enough to eat, so while I can technically digest meat without throwing up or having anaphylaxis, it is a very unpleasant experience, so on more than one occasion at special events where food is being served and there are no vegetarian or vegan options, I have claimed to be allergic to the kind of meat that was present in that situation so I could have something else made. I felt guilty every time as I knew that wasn't what I was, but the alternative would be not eat at all and possibly pass out from hunger.
But why would it make things harder? The restaurant now at least had a trial run in how to prepare their kitchen. They don't know the allergy wasn't as severe.
@@leza4453 Are you talking about the video or me?
To the food allergy story: like I get the lie… also it’s RURAL PENNSYLVANIA so not shocked. I’m a vegan myself and while I don’t personally lie (major city, not in PA, with vegan only restaurants). I also have encountered so many people who don’t know what that means (think that means gluten free, met someone who thought soy wasn’t vegan… my parents got mad at me for getting irritated but like… SERIOUSLY). So, I get it as a way to make sure needs are met. But also like your family knows you’re vegan and could have said something to he restaurant in advance and have no business charging the parents. I don’t agree with the “makes folks take food allergies less seriously.” Like why wouldn’t you take that seriously just because of one person? How serious allergies can be is pretty well known. Plus I think self reflection about your inability to meet customer needs to the point that folks need to lie… like that says more about you than the person.
I stopped eating sugar for a year when I was a teenager. I was doing great. It didn't have much any benefits, but I was sticking with it and I was super proud of it...until one of my friends got fed up with me not sharing chocolate with her. She essentially shoved it into face and restarted the whole process. One taste from that turned me back into binging sugar and I have still, decade later, extremely hard time stopping myself from eating too much sugary things. Pushing sugary things at people who try to limit it assholery, be it for love or not.
This! Exactly this is why “learning to control it” cannot work for me! I’ve been yo-yo dieting since I was 13, and it wasn’t until I completely gave up sugar and grains that I finally reached my goal, and have maintained it for almost a year and a half. I’m almost 61. Owning up to the physical reaction my body has to sugar and other processed junk is what finally allowed me to break through and have success. I avoid those “foods” like the plague!
7:34 as a person with dairy allergies I have never once felt left out when people are eating cake at a birthday, especially if their are other deserts. this feels like the mother projecting onto her child to me.
In the US, it actually is illegal to do something like serve a food and lie about its ingredients. It's a type of food tampering, and if a person were to be truly allergic and it came out that the cook/server knowingly broke that, they could be charged with some serious crimes.
Shaaba you beautiful human! Thank you for making your content. It was a ray of Sunshine to watch while being up in the middle of the night sick not being able to sleep 😍🤩
For that first one, I will say that every time I go on a diet and see success, whether that is in feeling good or losing weight, I always cheat for my birthday, and it always spirals from there, so yeah, making exceptions for your birthday can definitely take you out of the mindset and make it really hard to get back into it.
As a person allergic to chocolate, yes it did suck (especially when I was young), but I never even thought to be mad at the kid who wanted things with chocolate, like what😂and there was never any desserts I could have as a substitute! My parents just started to make me my own things to bring to parties or I'd just deal with it lol
‘an asshole without mens rea’ is my favourite terminology ever. 🤭
So, I’m dairy intolerant and gluten intolerant. I was fully GF and DF in Middle School but have largely ignored my intolerance for years as I has no notable side effects. Recently, I have gone DF again due to a trip abroad triggering my issues and causing me to have stomach problems. On top of that, my step mother has Celiac, as does my mother’s best friend. My mom herself also has several food issues that, while not deadly, are extremely uncomfortable. My step siblings both have actual Dairy allergies that have wavered in their severity over the years, and my other step brother has an allergy to say, his fiancé has one to coconut. One of my best friends has an allergy to anything that is ever remotely a nut including coconut.
So I know a thing or two about allergies. When I was younger, I remember not being able to eat much on a family trip to Seattle, this was probably about 10 years ago (oh my god) and it was really frustrating. Another time, on a trip to Mexico, every person with a food allergy was triggered, my step mom, my step brother and his fiancée. Luckily, the last two spit theirs out and had their meds on them. My step mom doesn’t see symptoms for a few hours. So even if you say that you have an allergy, sometimes it won’t matter. You just have to be super vigilant. But some restaurants are super good about it. Like, at subway they have to wipe down the counter and change gloves and stuff if you ask for a gluten free bun (which they have individually wrapped). I even told them that they didn’t have to because I wasn’t fully allergic but it’s protocol. Another time (in London actually) I went to a Japanese restaurant with my one friend and they had an allergy specialist who acted as our waiter because of my friend’s allergies. It was the coolest thing.
In my family, my mom and I never say that we are allergic because we aren’t. Generally mom mom just says she “can’t have” something, I’ll either say the same or just say that I’m intolerant. Usually, people will ask about cross contamination. People freak out if you say allergy, especially a deadly one. I don’t blame that last girl for wanting to lie….but she didn’t have to say it was an allergy. She could have just called to say that she couldn’t have those things due to dietary reasons and mention the past issues with the restaurant.
As for the cake kid…I mean, I had friends buy me cupcakes from this GF bakery in town before. And I was usually okay to have something every once in a while. And I would sometimes feel left out if there wasn’t something planned for me. But it wasn’t their fault. If there was something that I could eat, I would just eat a shit ton of that. Maybe the chocolate kid didn’t get cake but he had other options. I don’t know what options specifically, but cream puffs don’t have chocolate and I would eat those over cake any day.
I happen to be vegan (for over 10 years, so yeah, if someone serves me meat, I get super sick) and have a dairy intolerance. It is so very annoying when menus don't have at least one meatless option that isn't always covered in cheese. I usually just order whatever item I can ask for the cheese to be omitted from, but also hate that I am paying for cheese I am not getting and would make me sick if they forget to omit it. I've been made sick by so many restaurants who haven't taken my needs seriously, but also have been rather touched when people do double check the ingredients lists on things that should be fine (without me even asking).
"Chocolate is all around us". Excellent reference!
For the extremely cruel niece and nephew it would not be hard to evict them. Any trust in them is gone. They have to be held accountable for their actions. This situation could have lead to a tragic ending. Perhaps they should be made to pay the costs of therapy for their aunt and uncle.
Hey Shaaba! I clicked on your video within the first 30 secounds, I was browsing RUclips and looking for content to watch! Thanks for providing this to us viewers. :)
I’m sad about the baby noise one too Shaaba, just remember not all people are awful. Thanks for being one of the world’s kind and loving humans. Your videos never fail to make me smile and think about things from other perspectives ❤
Allergies - I grew up NEVER getting to eat the cake at birthday parties due to my allergies. The hosts wouldn't even buy me something -- my mom would send me with me own dessert! We also kept some at school with my teacher in case kids brought in cupcakes for their birthdays. Usually was a non-dairy "ice cream" sandwich. This was in the 90s and early 2000s.
I too am allergic to chocolate. I go to parties assuming the cake will be chocolate and that way I'm not disappointed. I'm often pleasantly surprised that it isn't and I can eat it. The poster had other sweet things that weren't chocolate. They told the relevant guest that the chocolate was there so they didn't end up accidentally eating their allergen. That was the end of their obligation. The birthday person or the person throwing the party decides the flavor of the cake, not the guests.
I feel like in the allergy case, the restaurant should have asked up front if she wanted that meal (bloody dry pasta after all) if charging for cleaning costs is part of it. I also wouldn't go into a store, buy some jeans and have people charge me for hand-painting it in a colour I did not even choose to have on there. So yes, the restaurant did an asshole move in my opinion.
Don't know what the rest of the family is complaining for...more cake for everyone else...wait, AmITheA***hole for thinking that? lol
Yeah Shaaba I definitely agree with what the parents did about the kids calling with those baby noises because I probably not only evict the kids(adults) I'd probably KICK THE LIVING SHIT out of them, That is cruel and unforgivable!!
The chocolate cake made me think of a friend I have from high school who has a kid with PKU. This kid has a very restrictive diet because of it, but his mom/my friend is great about bringing something for him. It's hard for a small kid sometimes, but it's something he will need to learn about and manage his whole life.
Where the party thrower knew about the one child's allergy, they could have gotten a vanilla cupcake for them to have.
As someone who has struggled with infertility/child loss, and has a good relationship with my nieces and nephews, not only would I kick them out, I’d report them to the police. There is no excuse at all for that. Maybe once would be a mistake. This wasn’t a mistake
They CHARGED for a serious allergy?? Wth???
What was going on in that kitchen that they had to scrub every inch for an allergy?? What if someone did have a serious allergy, you just aren't prepared for that??
I would never eat there. If they have to deep clean for allergies, I bet they have a ton of dangerous cross-contamination too
On the first one, I've suffered from a pretty bad eating disorder my whole life so I can certainly relate to feeling like an asshole for refusing food
I’m going to stop telling people I’m allergic to chocolate now that I have this information, it’s better to not put others at risk for a selfish reason
That allergy post is why even though I have allergies, I'm reluctant to share that I have them when ordering food. My allergies aren't all that severe (I don't go into anaphylactic shock, but I do get an itchy throat and lips and produce mucus to the point that my nose is completely stuffed and I can feel it make my airway a bit tighter) and often takes larger quantities (spoonfuls) to be triggered so I don't mind cross contamination of my food. It's NOT the restaurant's job to try to judge whether or not someone is lying about their allergy. They should just respect it and make the food taking it into account. Sure it sucks to have to clean all the surfases before hand and be extra careful about cross contamination, but less people would lie about it if you let them remove food items they don't like in the first place!
A party guest at my daughter’s 5th birthday party had an allergy that excluded him from eating most cake. His mom brought him a piece cake that he could eat so he didn’t feel left out.
My husband is lactose intolerant (he hasn't been allergy tested but any dairy will cause pain for days) and finding restaurants with dairy free options is a struggle, but recently we went to a restaurant that made us so happy. The server asked us upfront if there were any allergies or restrictions, told us the options, and they made sure his meal had no dairy. We gave a big tip, and I wish this could be standard practice everywhere. Most of the time we have to specifically look and ask and they won't accommodate. We like to cook and often make dairy free/gluten free/vegan food so we know it's not that hard to make those adjustments. A restaurant that considers itself high-end should have no excuse.
This first one made me so mad because this sometimes happens to me when my family wants to get fast food and I don't feel like eating out so they try to guilt me into eating out with them and I hate it! I have honestly thought about getting the food and then throwing it in the garbage right in front of them to demonstrate how pissed off I am, though I would never actually waste food like that.
If you ever wanted to explore other subreddits I feel like stories about Kevin would be a funny one
I really LOVe your r/AmITheA**hole videoes. Thank you for doing them. And thank you for beeing a beautiful person in and out 🏵
The one with the baby sounds was intetional psychological torment. Nothing else. They knew what would hurt the most and did exactly that, systematically. It's really like psychological torture. At 18 amd 20 you are more than able to understand how deep parental feeling s go and how having children or not can have existential meaning to you. Can be tied to your sense of self, identity, your purpose and even worth in this world. Even, of course, if at 18 and 20, wanting children yourself may still be far off from what you think about, or you don't ever want children at all, you absolutely have the capacity to understand the meaning and importance of it for other people. This was an evil scheme and almost seemed like designed to actually break OPs partner.