My biggest struggle when it comes to friends is that my efforts were never reciprocated, and I think that's because as time passes we didn't have anything in common so instead of bringing closure they would just cut me off. They would stop answering my calls and texted messages and it would leave me feeling confused and baffled because there wouldn't be any quarrels or misunderstandings. I've learned that some people will cut you off in life for no legitimate reason at all which is why I bet people very carefully before opening myself up. I'm not saying I'm a perfect person, however I definitely have learned how to community feelings in a respectful and loving way. I've learned to establish boundaries and executive those boundaries with compassion and clarity. I really enjoyed your video and subscribed 😎 you hit home for me on a lot that you said and you reminded me to remain friendly and to keep an open heart. God bless you and your channel.
Only I am genuine.. Only I am good.. Only I am original.. Only I am unique.. This is arrogant if it wasn't true ... Friendship is an attribute only I have.. You animals just have mercantilism .. I am the only True Divine Masculine ... not a degen fem @@ch3ckm8
Only I am genuine.. Only I am good.. Only I am original.. Only I am unique.. This is arrogant if it wasn't true ... Friendship is an attribute only I have.. You animals just have mercantilism .. I am the only True Divine Masculine ... not a degen fem @@ch3ckm8
This is true. People discard so easily, even the ones they have called their "best friend." Does "best friend" really not hold much meaning anymore? For a long time, I had an existential crisis because of this. Did I actually have a friend all these time? Was everything just in my imagination?
The thing is, loneliness is apart of the human condition. There is no phenomena of millennials and Gen z people being more lonely than any other generation. Why do I say this? Because I love reading and that is a common thread in literature all over the world over thousands of years. Buddhism focuses a lot on overcoming loneliness because it’s a way that we create suffering for ourselves. Being solitude is good until one feels lonely that’s when you have to look inside and see what you’re trying to solve through filling space around you. Toxic culture is also a cry for help in that people are suffering from traumatizing familial, social, and political conditions. I focused so much energy on myself learning how to speak my truth, self sooth, and make space for others. I come from a Haitian household as well and they are the ones who taught me my bad conflict resolution skills that as I am growing up and maturing I realize it takes humility, patience, and self soothing to have space for conflict. I only have one friendship who will meet me in the middle with respect through conflict. I think it’s quite rare. But sometimes I do feel lonely because I see what “best friends” look like and think I want that for myself but often it’s not the kind of depth I’m looking for.
You are so so so wise beyond your years. At 32 these are things that my friends and I are dealing with. It takes so much effort to invest in friendships. But it’s worth it. It’s worth setting the boundaries and addressing conflict and committing to growth. But it makes life richer.
My best friend and I are still friends. We became best friends when we were 13 years old, but we knew each other since we were like 5 and we are both 32 years old. We had our conflicts and we resolved them. I have another 2 best friends who are sisters and we are really good friends since 2006 to current. What helps is communicating with each other. Communicating is important not only in couples but best friends. Also making room to let the friendships to grow and change as well as allowing grace.
This is an iconic video. It needs more views. Nobody has touched on this subject with such nuance and it’s a call for self awareness and taking responsibility - something missing from today’s pop therapy and pop psychology discourse.
Thanks for this vid, you call it out so well. We have more resources than ever to overcome past traumas and improve relationships, but instead we take is as having infinite time to make friends. The reality is, not maintaining friendships is a top 4 deathbed regret. This is how things end for most people, because they refuse to set intention today.
This video, damn! 🙌🏽 I feel like this video spoke to me personally, I often shy away from conflict in friendships & it’s something that’s scary to me because 1) I feel like this will result in a friendship breakup (given prior situations) or 2) I personally won’t be able to forgive and move on…definitely something for me to unpack in therapy lol. Soooo many good points in this video that are rarely talked about!
Thank you so much for brining this up about the cancel culture and discarding friendships at the drop of a hat. I was raised by a stick it through fight for it mindset. Personally for me I noticed this a lot of it in South Korea where friends (I thought we could tough it through and build memories) but they were a very much of an easy ghost/cancel mindset if a situation gets hard. This was kinda a foreign concept to me so it would look like I was clingy crazy on my part for trying to still hang on to friendships (These were friendships with non-Koreans) I don't see friendships as easily disposable so I had clashing with that until I eventually ended up adapting to that in fear and in protection of myself and learning to also behave like they were behaving. Bouncing out at the sing up uncomfortableness and/or just letting things go. When I came back to the states I could relax a little and knew who true friends were and not just ones of location convenience, but still as we get older we have to in separate directions across the globe as we start our own lives. But I could deal with this better than separation of friendship due to an uncomfortable situation that no one could tell me about until the last minute or not at all while resentment was building. It def was a life lesson anytime I try to travel over there. Experienced that the most in SOKO. I think that place does things to people to make them adapt nd act like that. Maybe they have stayed there for too long. Anyway I could go deeper and more into this but ill stop here. Thanks for sharing. The friendships break ups hurt more than a romantic one ever has for me because they know all my secrets, awkward, and most vulnerable me. They know my most truest form and have generally lasted longer.
Great video. I am twice your age and let me tell you, everything you said is sage advice. I also find you can bloom wherever you are planted. Whenever I have lost a deep friend, the universe has sent me another. Get active in communites where you are and be a FRIENDLY PERSON, and good people will gravitate to you. Bless your journey and spirit!
That was really well said & it's good you're aware that conflict resolution is an option in friendships. Thanks for pointing this out. Usually I end friendships because intuitively I can sense the person isn't going to change. Also I have difficulty relating to them as I've changed & they haven't. Also I'm an introvert so I enjoy my own company & I feel less motivated to maintain "difficult" friendships.
This video has got to be the best friendship video. True people, real people are all older generations. I had this done to me, someone I considered like family. 1 day just abandoned me for asking if she was ok as she sounded very sad.😢 Life to short when u find good friends treasure them.❤❤
@cazimim3375 Yeah, older than me, but I thought older wiser kind of thing but. People are like fruit.regardless there age I guess u just have to pick the good ones. 👍
Thank you for this amazing video Kelsia. I'm going through a very emotional time with my friends and relationships with people in general. Hearing this gives me hope.
I had a friendship break up and it was painful. She was getting really toxic and I’m not saying that word lightly. I was also a bad friend too cause I was trying to change her. I prayed about it and realize that the friendship was just not healthy at all. She didn’t want to hear it and got mad when I started setting boundaries and broke up with me. I let her go. I have 2 other best friends. Our friendship is a long distant one because I moved to a new state. I put it on my weekly planner to make time for our weekly calls and also we send meme on instagram lol. We also travel back and forth to see each other. I’m trying and I want to try other things too. I love our friendship it’s not perfect but we want the best for others and I hope our relationship can evolve as we growing as different individuals.
Hi! I just wanna tell you that your video is beyond amazing, i love every single advice you've told in here. It gives a lot of realizations to me. I am a person who often being passive-agressive, and that "resolution conflict" might be really overlooked by me, so, yeah, i gotta try that. Thanks for making this :)
thanks for brining up the 1st gen thing. all of my white friends always talk about their grparents and second cousins and im like damn, i last saw those people when i was 12. im 20 years old now. it hurts!!
What if you can’t find your community or tribe in where you live? I’m currently 28, and I still live home with my parents. My parents are going to divorce since my dad is a narcissist. I lost my best friend and my inner circle when I was in college. Graduated in 2019 with my bachelors in psychology. And all I feel that I am good for is my intellect. As of now, i haven’t found my tribe or community. I work at a high school, though the co-workers are nice and wonderful to be around. Sometimes I feel alone since most of them are moms and are older and are in different stages of life. I honestly don’t know what to do, I’m currently in therapy. I feel like my ex best friend took my joy and confidence because with her, I could be myself and be vulnerable. Since it’s been 5-6 years, I just haven’t found my people and I feel alone. I almost died two years ago when a car rammed into my parents while I was in the house when it happened. I’m trying to figure out why I’m still alive. When there’s times I just want to give up on myself and say fuck this. I have a feeling I might have social anxiety. I don’t have a problem conversational with people. It’s just people being flaky or the worry that I will be to “negative “ as my ex bff told me.
This is a brilliant content. Social media and dating apps haven't helped either. I genuinely hope Gen Z and millennials wake up to this reality asap, otherwise, I'm worried about what their late 40s/50s/60s etc will look like. The very same generation promoting polygamous relationships, situationships, fwb, going with the flow, hyper-individualism etc... Without much thought about investing in meaningful connections/community!!!?? Yeah, I am very worried. Anyways, hoping for the best.
In the gen z culture, it's been normalized to "ghost" someone. This is the worst punishment as the person has no clue what happened. They are left feeling worthless and unable to process the situation.
This was the most sound video about our generation & our flaws. Thats right, we are easily offended and run at the first sight of conflict. My advice - be easy going.
Just had a friendship breakup and it was sooooo hurtful! Still processing it & trying to learn to forgive and move on.
My biggest struggle when it comes to friends is that my efforts were never reciprocated, and I think that's because as time passes we didn't have anything in common so instead of bringing closure they would just cut me off. They would stop answering my calls and texted messages and it would leave me feeling confused and baffled because there wouldn't be any quarrels or misunderstandings. I've learned that some people will cut you off in life for no legitimate reason at all which is why I bet people very carefully before opening myself up. I'm not saying I'm a perfect person, however I definitely have learned how to community feelings in a respectful and loving way. I've learned to establish boundaries and executive those boundaries with compassion and clarity. I really enjoyed your video and subscribed 😎 you hit home for me on a lot that you said and you reminded me to remain friendly and to keep an open heart. God bless you and your channel.
Same. People seem to be so self-absorbed and discard friendships so easily. It makes you think people are just naturally disingenuous.
@@ch3ckm8 Exactly.
Only I am genuine.. Only I am good.. Only I am original.. Only I am unique.. This is arrogant if it wasn't true ... Friendship is an attribute only I have.. You animals just have mercantilism .. I am the only True Divine Masculine ... not a degen fem @@ch3ckm8
Only I am genuine.. Only I am good.. Only I am original.. Only I am unique.. This is arrogant if it wasn't true ... Friendship is an attribute only I have.. You animals just have mercantilism .. I am the only True Divine Masculine ... not a degen fem @@ch3ckm8
This is true. People discard so easily, even the ones they have called their "best friend." Does "best friend" really not hold much meaning anymore? For a long time, I had an existential crisis because of this. Did I actually have a friend all these time? Was everything just in my imagination?
That's why other people like me don't make effort too. Why making effort for people who are going to ditch you...
Friendship is an attribute only I have.. You animals just have mercantilism
The thing is, loneliness is apart of the human condition. There is no phenomena of millennials and Gen z people being more lonely than any other generation. Why do I say this? Because I love reading and that is a common thread in literature all over the world over thousands of years. Buddhism focuses a lot on overcoming loneliness because it’s a way that we create suffering for ourselves. Being solitude is good until one feels lonely that’s when you have to look inside and see what you’re trying to solve through filling space around you.
Toxic culture is also a cry for help in that people are suffering from traumatizing familial, social, and political conditions. I focused so much energy on myself learning how to speak my truth, self sooth, and make space for others. I come from a Haitian household as well and they are the ones who taught me my bad conflict resolution skills that as I am growing up and maturing I realize it takes humility, patience, and self soothing to have space for conflict. I only have one friendship who will meet me in the middle with respect through conflict. I think it’s quite rare.
But sometimes I do feel lonely because I see what “best friends” look like and think I want that for myself but often it’s not the kind of depth I’m looking for.
You are so so so wise beyond your years. At 32 these are things that my friends and I are dealing with. It takes so much effort to invest in friendships. But it’s worth it. It’s worth setting the boundaries and addressing conflict and committing to growth. But it makes life richer.
My best friend and I are still friends. We became best friends when we were 13 years old, but we knew each other since we were like 5 and we are both 32 years old. We had our conflicts and we resolved them. I have another 2 best friends who are sisters and we are really good friends since 2006 to current. What helps is communicating with each other. Communicating is important not only in couples but best friends. Also making room to let the friendships to grow and change as well as allowing grace.
This is an iconic video. It needs more views. Nobody has touched on this subject with such nuance and it’s a call for self awareness and taking responsibility - something missing from today’s pop therapy and pop psychology discourse.
Thanks for this vid, you call it out so well. We have more resources than ever to overcome past traumas and improve relationships, but instead we take is as having infinite time to make friends.
The reality is, not maintaining friendships is a top 4 deathbed regret. This is how things end for most people, because they refuse to set intention today.
This video, damn! 🙌🏽 I feel like this video spoke to me personally, I often shy away from conflict in friendships & it’s something that’s scary to me because 1) I feel like this will result in a friendship breakup (given prior situations) or 2) I personally won’t be able to forgive and move on…definitely something for me to unpack in therapy lol. Soooo many good points in this video that are rarely talked about!
Thank you so much for brining this up about the cancel culture and discarding friendships at the drop of a hat.
I was raised by a stick it through fight for it mindset.
Personally for me I noticed this a lot of it in South Korea where friends (I thought we could tough it through and build memories) but they were a very much of an easy ghost/cancel mindset if a situation gets hard. This was kinda a foreign concept to me so it would look like I was clingy crazy on my part for trying to still hang on to friendships (These were friendships with non-Koreans)
I don't see friendships as easily disposable so I had clashing with that until I eventually ended up adapting to that in fear and in protection of myself and learning to also behave like they were behaving. Bouncing out at the sing up uncomfortableness and/or just letting things go.
When I came back to the states I could relax a little and knew who true friends were and not just ones of location convenience, but still as we get older we have to in separate directions across the globe as we start our own lives. But I could deal with this better than separation of friendship due to an uncomfortable situation that no one could tell me about until the last minute or not at all while resentment was building.
It def was a life lesson anytime I try to travel over there. Experienced that the most in SOKO. I think that place does things to people to make them adapt nd act like that. Maybe they have stayed there for too long. Anyway I could go deeper and more into this but ill stop here. Thanks for sharing.
The friendships break ups hurt more than a romantic one ever has for me because they know all my secrets, awkward, and most vulnerable me. They know my most truest form and have generally lasted longer.
Great video. I am twice your age and let me tell you, everything you said is sage advice. I also find you can bloom wherever you are planted. Whenever I have lost a deep friend, the universe has sent me another. Get active in communites where you are and be a FRIENDLY PERSON, and good people will gravitate to you. Bless your journey and spirit!
Thanks for sharing!!
That was really well said & it's good you're aware that conflict resolution is an option in friendships. Thanks for pointing this out. Usually I end friendships because intuitively I can sense the person isn't going to change. Also I have difficulty relating to them as I've changed & they haven't. Also I'm an introvert so I enjoy my own company & I feel less motivated to maintain "difficult" friendships.
This video has got to be the best friendship video. True people, real people are all older generations. I had this done to me, someone I considered like family. 1 day just abandoned me for asking if she was ok as she sounded very sad.😢
Life to short when u find good friends treasure them.❤❤
Friendship is an attribute only I have.. You animals just have mercantilism .. I am the only True Divine Masculine ... not a degen fem
Older gen? LOL they are even worse
@cazimim3375 Yeah, older than me, but I thought older wiser kind of thing but. People are like fruit.regardless there age I guess u just have to pick the good ones. 👍
Thank you for this amazing video Kelsia. I'm going through a very emotional time with my friends and relationships with people in general. Hearing this gives me hope.
Sooooo glad to hear that
Friendship is an attribute only I have.. You animals just have mercantilism .. I am the only True Divine Masculine ... not a degen fem @@KelsiasDiary
Such a good point. Yep ask yourself first, who are you there for?
You are so on point with this advice. Conflict resolution is key.
Loved every second of this video Kelsia. Super raw and relatable, this is the type of content we like to see!
A new darkskin black girl on my algorithm. God bless!!
I had a friendship break up and it was painful. She was getting really toxic and I’m not saying that word lightly. I was also a bad friend too cause I was trying to change her. I prayed about it and realize that the friendship was just not healthy at all. She didn’t want to hear it and got mad when I started setting boundaries and broke up with me. I let her go.
I have 2 other best friends. Our friendship is a long distant one because I moved to a new state. I put it on my weekly planner to make time for our weekly calls and also we send meme on instagram lol. We also travel back and forth to see each other. I’m trying and I want to try other things too. I love our friendship it’s not perfect but we want the best for others and I hope our relationship can evolve as we growing as different individuals.
I appreciate this video so much!! It really clicked on some points that relate too. Thanks again!
this was soooooooo well put! great video girl!
I love every point made in this video! Thank you for this! Peace & blessings 💚🌸
Hi! I just wanna tell you that your video is beyond amazing, i love every single advice you've told in here. It gives a lot of realizations to me. I am a person who often being passive-agressive, and that "resolution conflict" might be really overlooked by me, so, yeah, i gotta try that. Thanks for making this :)
thanks for brining up the 1st gen thing. all of my white friends always talk about their grparents and second cousins and im like damn, i last saw those people when i was 12. im 20 years old now. it hurts!!
I love your voice. It's so soothing and grounding. 😌
came from tiktok
You’re pretty that’s what I have to say. Good stuff 💜
You are so wise 🙌🙌🙌
What a powerful video. Thank you.
This is such a good video Kelsia! You made some great points and this was super relatable
What if you can’t find your community or tribe in where you live? I’m currently 28, and I still live home with my parents. My parents are going to divorce since my dad is a narcissist. I lost my best friend and my inner circle when I was in college. Graduated in 2019 with my bachelors in psychology. And all I feel that I am good for is my intellect. As of now, i haven’t found my tribe or community. I work at a high school, though the co-workers are nice and wonderful to be around. Sometimes I feel alone since most of them are moms and are older and are in different stages of life. I honestly don’t know what to do, I’m currently in therapy. I feel like my ex best friend took my joy and confidence because with her, I could be myself and be vulnerable. Since it’s been 5-6 years, I just haven’t found my people and I feel alone. I almost died two years ago when a car rammed into my parents while I was in the house when it happened. I’m trying to figure out why I’m still alive. When there’s times I just want to give up on myself and say fuck this. I have a feeling I might have social anxiety. I don’t have a problem conversational with people. It’s just people being flaky or the worry that I will be to “negative “ as my ex bff told me.
This is a brilliant content. Social media and dating apps haven't helped either. I genuinely hope Gen Z and millennials wake up to this reality asap, otherwise, I'm worried about what their late 40s/50s/60s etc will look like. The very same generation promoting polygamous relationships, situationships, fwb, going with the flow, hyper-individualism etc... Without much thought about investing in meaningful connections/community!!!?? Yeah, I am very worried. Anyways, hoping for the best.
In the gen z culture, it's been normalized to "ghost" someone. This is the worst punishment as the person has no clue what happened. They are left feeling worthless and unable to process the situation.
and or fix whatever the problem might have been.
😭exactly 💯
hi gurl this is my lifeeeee
Great take ❤
stop this is legit my mind set and this is wot is hapeningggggggggg
just texted her
This was the most sound video about our generation & our flaws. Thats right, we are easily offended and run at the first sight of conflict. My advice - be easy going.
0:55 in my early 20s and i can still relate that the intimacy between friends has decreased significantly. Friendship breakup are real🥲