Finally narc free, no more hoovers, no more madness. No Contact wasn't an option for me, I simply stayed until I had learned all the lessons I needed to be taught. It wasn't pretty and I am fundamentally changed as a person but I kept my soft heart and kindness, they just have a barbed wire perimeter now. I knew that I couldn't let go so I had to make myself as unappealing as possible by being 'difficult' and asking the questions, challenging, calling them out. Once they lose interest in you you're home and dry. Painful? Excruciating, but I can see it from the other side now like a weird reflection in a rear-view mirror. Living with the shame and embarrassment of what I allowed doesn't always sit well but after years of psychological warfare I'm free. Which means that you can be too, I promise. Never give up trying x
The number one lesson I've learned from HG Tudor is ignoring the Narcissist is the most powerful wounding weapon of all. Very satisfying from my perspective when practiced.
I agree It is the best to not even narcs Imagine someone doesn’t see you hear you feel you….that canceled his her humanity that’s messed up. And narcs leave you quickly when you ignore them itnis powerful
very true, i hear my mother is going crazy still after 10 years of me ignoring her. I grey rock her once every year or two if i see her at a family event. Looney Tunes.
My next door neighbour does not want me saying hello to her, says her dogs will attack each other. In the past when I have seen her out the front and said hello, I would get a nasty text message off her. Yet if she saw me out the front whether she was speaking with someone else on her property or I was speaking with someone on my property "she would yell out hello and my name until I acknowledged her" I ended up writing a letter and dropping in her mailbox saying I have blocked her phone number, that her double standards are toxic and I think it is best that we just keep to ourselves.
The worst part is that you have to truly give up and no longer be bothered with s false someone you one cared about. Ignoring a nails just, but it also takes away from you :(
Without us, Narcs are nothing. Remember that empaths. We are the ones that have all the power. They are the appliance and we are the battery or life force. Time to unplug! As HG says, when you know you go! 😊
Well said! Becoming weaponized empaths is what we are all striving to be. I didn't sense any narcissism in this comment at all. We all have the right to interpret it differently though.
This is so sick. In my experience it's true. The big mistake people make is thinking they can get through to the narcissist, finally find the way to solve the situation and unlock the problem. Big mistake. They don't want the problem unlocked. For them, there IS no problem. Just as long as you are miserable trying to understand them, they see no problem at all.
There was a moment when I'd been pushed to the point of a breakdown. Up until that point I'd managed to hold onto my stoicism for quite awhile, letting her abuse fall off of me, but that day I cracked. I was screaming at my N, losing my shit, and I paused, looked in her eyes, and saw... pleasure. She was pleased. That's when I realized that she'd rather be screamed at than ignored. She'd rather be talked at than never talked to at all. Hell, she'd rather be hit than abandoned. It does break my heart because I know what made her this way. I know the shattered childhood that shaped her. But I can't help her and I can't have a good life with her.
She told me when I said (before knowing about narcissism) when i was provoked and pissed “let me be i am so mad at you and and if I talk further I would disrespect you and say and thing because I’m overwhelmed with anger and don’t reason properly please let me be” few days of silence I received panic emails from her saying “ angry and mean is better nothing please say something”….I didn’t know back then that actually I was wounding her deeply….anyway…this is sad at the end of the day.
Luke 12:53 NLT Father will be divided against son and son against father; mother against daughter and daughter against mother; and mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.
I still find it sad when you consider the root cause of the narcissist’s perspective. Neglect, of the worst kind and in every respect. Nobody wins in the end. Not the narcissist, not the empath. The only option is not to play the game. Emotions are ours to give, and they are given freely but they are also ours to take away. Hard hitting video.
Rage. Rage. His rage over me blocking him after I called him out publicly on his philandering ways was what sent him to me that morning and drove him to attack. Two felonies later, and he wishes he would've just gone straight to work. He is being ignored now! No contact protective order.
And it’s quite possible that many narcissist that feel they were somehow neglected, ignored, abused, etc. during childhood were simply delusional and saw/felt those things when they really weren’t present. Or at least they were greatly exaggerated by the narcissist in the making. I understand the genetic predisposition and agree with the premise. There are far too many children that are truly and horrendously abused, that never become narcissist.
Right cause what we know, Is that they frequently call out “perceived slights. They make stuff up as well… I would t be surprised if these are those that like blaming their parents for things and they had a great childhood they were just ungrateful… however, I do think some of them genuinely are products of their own environment… but! We all have had something happen to us to some degree, but not every one goes around breaking and hurting people. It’s a choice.
Ignoring them drives them crazy. As soon as I found out that the ex was a narc I went no contact. He met a friend of mine by chance and the only thing he said to her was: She ignores me. She was a bit dumbfounded by this encounter and when she told me I smiled. Yes, it worked. Finally I felt empowered and not confused.
When I eventually left him after a week of silent treatment, I told him I had nothing left to give. He replied "If you love someone, there is always more to give". Wrong.
I’m sorry for you HG, and all other narcissists, every child deserves to be loved unconditionally. Whether, or not, the narcissist would want to be that other than what they are, they truly miss out on the most wonderful feeling of loving.
Best video ever! Glad to know I'm on the right path. The more I ignore the narcissistic monster, the easier it becomes to continue that way. I'm a nice person but I'll turn into a complete asshole if you f@@@ with my feelings.
Ugh, these people are so exhausting. He would keep me up all night, with never ending monologues, shouting screaming, and if I left the room, begging him to let me go to sleep, he would go even crazier. One time he actually screamed and shouted for hours because I brushed my teeth (after a dinner party we had held which ended at 3 am) without asking him first if it was ok.
Thank you, HG Tudor, for your valuable series. They helped me to realized that I was dealing with a narcissist and it all makes sense now - the behaviour, the manipulation, tantrums etc. I will continue listening to your analysis.
My narc always said NEVER ignore me. He hated it. After leaving him he would stalk me. I had to block him but he always wriggled his way back in by hoovering. Turning up outside my house and job.
I wish I learned this lesson earlier in life and also learned once you suspect someone is an attention hound to get away, no need to be polite. Normal or empathic people get angry, yes, but not in the cold than hot manner of a narcissist. Empaths and normals get angry and then slowly come down, they don't get angry in the morning, nice an hour later, then angry again after dinner. That is not normal. Empaths and normals who are friends can reply to a direct question with a direct answer, no need to be vague.
Empaths also want love, and we want to matter. I also grew up having to earn love. It was never enough. This is why I keep repeating this pattren with narcissists. It's a no win situation. My mother was the original narcissist. I have a question HG: Why can't the narcissist accept our love?? We give it freely. Why must they punish us for being human?
Great video, and I am the unkind person, painted black. I won. I gave him fake negative fuel for a few weeks when I got rid of him, then I dropped him in silence.weeks he tried. I know him, he was going to get violent. And voila: non-molestation order. And now his behaviour flagged. He won't put a foot wrong, well not directly. Ignoring them, cuts deeper than anything else. Watch the emotional fall out by their quick need to grab fuel. 😁 Their unpredictability is so predictable. Use it.
Describing how our very best effort was never enough for our parents. I bent myself backwards to be the daughter that they could be proud of but they never acknowledged my accomplishments yet grugeled every wrong doing. The feeling of never measuring up makes you live with so much anxiety to be "perfect" it's no wonder we grow up to he adult who always feel that they fall short. But my mother wont ever accept that ,nor would my father ,he was never present always working
Hg I listen to all your work and it’s so helpful...I also feel sad for you because despite being a narcissist your still helping us empaths and even though you say the reasons your doing this it’s still helping others...it’s sad that you don’t know any different,you are missing so much in the real world...it must be awful to never feel happy or never feel love or want to be loved...
As usual a brilliant video and reveals the very real experiences between the empaths and the narcissists... The empathic love versus the narcissistic fuel... Thx HG ❤️
He’s extremely controlling. He aggravates me for any sense of reaction. He only speak to me to ask questions never about casual things or current events. Only questions. Or bragging on himself. Otherwise? I sit in silence. He is crazy! I am planning my exit. It’s going to take time.
@@minoozolala --- It's not a matter of caring or not at all. It's a matter of denying the 'hits' that occur when the name is mentioned. Power through withdrawal.
LL Childs, Even better Prince Williams brother and his wife. HD Tudor, do you think there is a bit of narcissism in Harry, in spite of his empathetic characteristics. Is his horrible behavior of throwing his family under the bus, just from the lies his wife tells him or do they both have a bit of narcissism in them.
HG this is one of those really good ones. I feel at some time the very best if these need to be archived and released as a set. I lived with the shit you describe here for twenty years. Ha! Thanks man
Narcissism is a personality disorder. He never truly loved me, he often said he hated me and insisted that I... Never Ignore Him. This is part of the vicious cycle of narcissistic abuse.
I have to disagree if the narccist masks and fools his target then they truly don't know. If you leave and never come back lesson learned. Anyone can be a target of them.
HG- I came back to this video specifically to tell you that I did this last Friday and it was AMAZING. My partner has a narcissist ex-girlfriend who spent a lot of time interfering in our relationship. She did not want him when she had him, only after multiple discards/shelvings when he had moved on and was happy with me. It was a long saga and I will spare you the details, but we ran into her for the first time EVER after 4.5 years on Friday night. We successfully ignored her for TWO HOURS while she made an ever-increasing spectacle of herself, trying to make sure we knew she was there (it was hard not to, given that more than once she walked so close in front of us that she almost touched us on her way to the bathroom, when she absolutely did NOT have to take that path). Her current IPPS (lived with him for at least 3 years) was there with her and NOT happy with her behavior and it was obvious. It drove her absolutely insane that we refused to acknowledge her existence the entire time, so the situation quickly went from slightly triggering for me to quite entertaining. She acted like a clown, and thank you for helping me handle it like a queen. I'm pretty sure they did not have as good of a night as my partner and I did. 🙂
Thank you for your channel. I value your work. I don't hate narcissists. Generally, I hate the word 'narc'. I've met a lot of narcissists and I seem to be a narcissist magnet and I've been physically, emotionally and mentally abused by a narcissist, I have a permanent physical injury due to the violence by someone I loved, but I've never hated him or any other narcissist in my life, the narcissists who abused me weren't always the same person but understanding the reasons for NPD, and reading about the topic helps. To me, understanding the roots and different causes of different personality disorders, and awareness of what NPD is are self evident, not bitterness and hatred and wanting to revenge and act upon it.
I could never understand why he was on cloud nine the morning after an alcohol induced fight!! He would love bomb me for a couple days after I got really mad at him for his behavior! Now I get it!! Sick
Christmas day should be fun,when we are all trapped in together all day no shops open.I had better make plans as the narcissist cooks once a year on Xmas day.Its run like a military operation and always turns out really well unless he's tired and becomes forgetful,then I have to just be back up in case he forgets the turkey.
"For there would be a real pleasure in watching it. He would be able to follow his mind into its secret places. This portrait would be to him the most magical of mirrors. As it had revealed to him his own body, so it would reveal to him his own soul."
Oh my,there were many times where my daughter would have to come first , she would need more attention/time, and I remember watching him and the look on his face,I always wondered if he was left out as a child which he was, thank you Hg
How about total indifference that's all I feel nowadays for your kind you are amusing dear teacher I feel nothing for anyone other than my dog and cats
I am not surprised that you like negative fuel, a good argument where you win.Last night the narcissist was kept out late,shopping and was in a cantankerous mood on the way home,so much so that he was convinced that the correct turnoff was the wrong one and I was given the whiplash drive as we drove in the wrong direction.Warnings were given tonight that I was only allowed to shop locally so that he could get some sleep.As we sat having the evening meal,my son and I were in deep conversation,the narcissist was simmering as he felt ignored.I thought I know, I will make my son laugh at the drive home last night,sometimes I have a tiny devil on my shoulder.I was only seconds into it when, Kaboom the narcissist is now furious and left the room.Thats ok because it gave me time to get ready to go out.Timing is everything with a narcissist and knowing when to keep out of the way.Memo to self .. Never ignore them.Got it HG.
After being back at work for the past 15 months, without a break, the last of my colleagues returned after being gone for 2 years. Right away she's charging around the work area, picking it apart... I could see she was going to be a problem, just like she was always complaining before the shutdown. She sent me a text on my day off about something at work. I ignored it because I saw it as a boundary issue - and I was working with her the following day. She had also sent me 2 emails which I didn't notice, so she got no response. It took her about a week, during which time she apparently worked herself into a frenzy of resentment, to come to work and explode all over me about not doing this and that, and not responding to her. Guess what? My colleague is a Narc! I never really knew what was wrong with her before, so negative, gossiping... Now, through my education with HG, I understand. Although I can have a temper, I did not react with anger, but gradually diffused the situation. We work in close quarters, so I can't escape. Although I survived the initial attack, it reverberated throughout me later that day and evening, and I woke up the next morning with a brutal headache. I know I have to do something...Meanwhile, as I secretly plot my escape somehow, I will continue to ignore her. I really saw the result of ignoring a Narc.
Jesus is coming back for His children & I'm so happy that I'm 1 of them. He died & rose again for us ALL. Only He knows our true hearts & minds . I was beaten so badly ,for so many yr's. that I KNOW I'm a walking miracle from Him. I should have been dead so many times. Even after I left the man ,I was put & put myself in2 the worst situations ever. I was truly naive when I left him at 25yr's old, but he lived for 12 more yr's. I realize now that only w Jesus and 1 b truly free. 1'st John 1vs.9; if we confess our sins He is faithful & just to forgive us our sins & cleanse us from all unrighteousness. He cannot deny himself . Faithful & True..something IS UP. I believe the antichrist is alive now & it may b our or our childrens generation that sees the mark of the beast. 666. On our foreheads or right wrist. I pray for the strength & steadfastness of him to take our fear away & b able to die for him ,as he died the worst, yet most blessed death for us. He didn't HAVE to. He loved us enough to do it anyways.I for 1 know I was a basket case for yr's. Our Lord Jesus is the great healer of heart, mind, EVERYTHING. I praise & thank Him for the lung disease I've had since I was 2yr's old. It has pulled me back to Him many times when I wandered. God Bless u & yours..
You are painfully describing my life. This series is helping and almost exorcising a very painful life at the hands of a narcissistic father and father of my child.
@@hgtudor-theultra Really good to hear that.. I have just decided to subscribe. Would you consider doing a video on why the narcissist won't return personal property that has no monetary gain to them? Thank you for this excellent information.
Hello Mr Tudor, I hope you’re having a great evening, thanks for all the videos, very much appreciated. I was thinking about the dynamics you’re often talking about when it comes to the narcissist vs the Empath. And I got a picture in my head, of the so called “co-dependent” (mutual) interest a narcissist and an empath have for one another initially, when they first meet. The very vivid pictured I saw was: “ *A narcissist is dancing salsa (or at least a dance for two) in order to gain/have/preserve control, whereas the empath is dancing Zumba (a group activity) in order to please as many as possible and when (if) ensnared, the empath tend to happily dance whatever, even a polka dance* “ *So is it possible that an empath don’t have a “clear picture” of their own personality, and are a cluster of different emotions they feel when interacting with others* ? *Or, how would you best describe an empaths personality vs “a normal* ”? I hope what I’m thinking and asking make sense. Many thanks in advance. /Regards Grace
What about shame? Is it fuel for narcissist? I mean if the empath feels (and shows ) shame for having once the narc in her life. How narcs handle the feeling that the empath is embarrassed for associating herself with a narc lacking personality and charisma?
There is perpetual internal shame in the narcissist. Their reaction to our shame at wtf did I see in him/her is non existent; they continue to believe they are the epitome of ‘whatever’ adjective feels best to them. They are focused & angered by their loss of control & fuel by our abandonment of them.
Armed with the knowledge gained from HG 💪 way too powerful now to ever get duped again, found my forever Narc right here! Why fw any other when you have the Ultra. Unfathomable, unlimited and unstinting. One satisfied Sapio 💦
Mr HG Tudor like you I was raised by a mother that was a narcissist and I wonder now if I would of reacted like u!! would I think it was better than how I am now and u know how that felt like with a mother like that and don't tell me u dont feel things for u feel them enough to to fake it so perfectly that a woman feels totally loved for the first time ever and if u would think for a minute how PAINFUL THAT IS to an Empath who was raised by someone who did not have the ability to give or show love and then you come along and she thinks finely someone loves her and loves her for just her and to have the feeling of true love that makes her feel safe she is so afraid to believe it but she starts to and u shit on her YOU CAN NOT SEE WHAT LEVEL OF CRUEL AND JUST PURE EVIL THAT IS cmon u are not even close to stupid u know that what u do brings a level of pain that brings about serious damage to the way she views herself and life forever after that and I just cant get to a place where I can appreciate anything else u do because of that pain that u bring to a woman who did nothing wrong but fall in love with u
The most unacceptable thing is that you know all this about yourself, yet you choose to stay the way you are. Most of us don’t want to be selfless when it’s needed, but we do it anyway. You are loved. Love is action, not just an abstract feeling. This is not negative fuel; it’s reality. One last request: accept this love and grow up.
He can't chnsge its in his brain. That would be like me trying to get rid of your English Language.. U might just stop speaking English but it'd still be in ur head. That's why they can't change
Weird. Narcs ignore me (once they have control). Everything on their terms and the silent treatment... That's why I don't ignore ppl, I never, ever wanted to be like *that*. Nose stuck in the air, not looking at you, not acknowledging you, ignoring what you say - especially when you feel like it's important, that it's something that warrants discussion... Only occasionally replying with a nasty quip and then some rare, random positive nyah nyah nyah stuff to keep you off balance and confused. No compassion. Snotty... Never addressing why they're ignoring you, so that whatever abomination you're committing can't be remedied... Subsequently, I have no real problem being alone. It's better than being around silent treatment insult in your face. The monotony of that one trick pony... "If I'm in some kinda mood, everyone's gonna pay! And my constant little punishment is ignoring you!" But, not in words of course. Nonverbal hints and negative vibes, with far less grace than an animal that can't spk. As a child, I used to think something was wrong with ppl who didn't acknowledge you when you're speaking. Like, maybe they're so whack and disengaged, they just don't hear your little child voice. Now I know it was spite in many of those cases. Or maybe they thought I was a narcissist. Idk, I just knew I didn't want to ever act like that because I thought it was so weird, confusing, and ugly as a child. I'm loyal to a fault. I have difficulty with this ignoring business, despite knowing it would hurt them the most. :/
He walked through Restraining Orders & a Stalking order ,which was kind of rare in the 90's. I know that men r abused also. Kindness mistaken for weakness..
Their perception indicates they see and know love. When or how do they know within they can’t feel love, themselves? Where is their personal insight coming from?
Hopefully HG won't read this and get more full of himself in his narcissistic mind😆 but he must be the smartest person I've ever listened to and if I was asked if there was one person in the world I could meet and talk to, it would be HG! The person that taught me everything I know about my husband, the middle midrange narcissist type A!
I think I wounded the LMRSOMATIC from last year when I didn't show up for his last day at work. I couldn't say good bye, too painful and so I didn't go in that day. Instead I gave no response to him, no call, no text, nothing for him. I think my no response caused him to be wounded. Am I correct, HG?
Goodness me! I had the very same experience as a child with my Father I am assuming that you were describing your Father, HG I learnt from a very young age from my Father that “Love” was Conditional and earning it meant that the Goalposts would be constantly moved And BOY! Did I keep jumping through his hoops! While my 2 Sisters just told him to FUCK OFF and stopped talking to him I only realised that my Father was a Narcissist after he died I grew up assuming that this Conditional Law was why I became a Codependent Empath ie always putting other people’s needs before my own and also why I became such a Perfectionist But listening to you in this Video I could just as easily have become a Narcissist myself! The fact that my Codependent Empath Mother was also so wrapped up in my Father and miserable as a consequence, so much so that she didn’t notice just how miserable her 3 daughters were, was probably a contributing factor Does that mean that Codependent Empaths like me are “made” by Narcissists like you so that we are then “attracted” to other Narcissists?
Hg you ARE important. It's not the emotions you derive from others that makes you important. Emotions that others have are about them and have nothing to do with you. Some people are emotional some are not. The truth is those emotions do not make you important. It's who you are that makes you important. Be HG. That's as important as you will ever be and that's plenty! I'll tell what you don't want ... For people to forget you. People forget people who hurt them because they don't want to remember it trust me on that. Stay cool HG. ruclips.net/video/HhZ1BdMtw_Q/видео.html Empaths always forget the bad and remember the Good. That's why we so optimistic. You know that.
Oh damn am I the N or the Empath? Sounds like some of the things the narc did about repeated calling and showing up at someone’s house I did that. Never don’t that in my life I guess I was just so hurt and wanted him to talk to me I cried often. It was so hurtful this experience
No, you are not the Narcissists just for caring. Narcissists don't care about another person enough to cry and feel discarded. It sounds like he was ignoring you. I hope you were able to escape from him. Give him Nothing but Silence. I've blocked my ex. I used to do what you've been doing.
Yes I left communication open even after the slander and discard. Until he threatened my life. Getting healing from a narcissist is like going through a drug detox
Finally narc free, no more hoovers, no more madness. No Contact wasn't an option for me, I simply stayed until I had learned all the lessons I needed to be taught. It wasn't pretty and I am fundamentally changed as a person but I kept my soft heart and kindness, they just have a barbed wire perimeter now. I knew that I couldn't let go so I had to make myself as unappealing as possible by being 'difficult' and asking the questions, challenging, calling them out. Once they lose interest in you you're home and dry. Painful? Excruciating, but I can see it from the other side now like a weird reflection in a rear-view mirror. Living with the shame and embarrassment of what I allowed doesn't always sit well but after years of psychological warfare I'm free. Which means that you can be too, I promise. Never give up trying x
I can relate all too well
The number one lesson I've learned from HG Tudor is ignoring the Narcissist is the most powerful wounding weapon of all. Very satisfying from my perspective when practiced.
I also see that to be a fact!
I agree It is the best to not even narcs Imagine someone doesn’t see you hear you feel you….that canceled his her humanity that’s messed up. And narcs leave you quickly when you ignore them itnis powerful
His voice is very similar to that of Lawernce Fox, a political commentator in the UK.
Positive fuel or negative fuel, fuel is fuel. But once the narcissist is ignored that drives them crazy.
very true, i hear my mother is going crazy still after 10 years of me ignoring her. I grey rock her once every year or two if i see her at a family event. Looney Tunes.
Indeed.That caused a narcissist wounding. 🙃
Hehehehehe, gladvi drive them crazy!!
My next door neighbour does not want me saying hello to her, says her dogs will attack each other. In the past when I have seen her out the front and said hello, I would get a nasty text message off her. Yet if she saw me out the front whether she was speaking with someone else on her property or I was speaking with someone on my property "she would yell out hello and my name until I acknowledged her"
I ended up writing a letter and dropping in her mailbox saying I have blocked her phone number, that her double standards are toxic and I think it is best that we just keep to ourselves.
The worst part is that you have to truly give up and no longer be bothered with s false someone you one cared about. Ignoring a nails just, but it also takes away from you :(
Without us, Narcs are nothing. Remember that empaths. We are the ones that have all the power. They are the appliance and we are the battery or life force. Time to unplug! As HG says, when you know you go! 😊
Hear hear !
if you are a true empath its not in you to do this!! its not who you are!! the narc wil become more broken and you know what that means??
That sounded a bit narcissistic to be honest 😆
Well said! Becoming weaponized empaths is what we are all striving to be. I didn't sense any narcissism in this comment at all. We all have the right to interpret it differently though.
Very well said....
I guess it's a paradox that it's the easiest thing in the world for a narc to ignore others when it suits them.
It’s not love “ it’s loving what we do for them”. Period.
Hi Andie I recently subscribed to your channel cos I love your readings. So good tosee you commenting here
Yep
They love how we love them.
This is so sick. In my experience it's true. The big mistake people make is thinking they can get through to the narcissist, finally find the way to solve the situation and unlock the problem. Big mistake. They don't want the problem unlocked. For them, there IS no problem. Just as long as you are miserable trying to understand them, they see no problem at all.
Strangest behavior when you ignore them. They squirm and burn when you ignore. Very strange. Justice.
There was a moment when I'd been pushed to the point of a breakdown. Up until that point I'd managed to hold onto my stoicism for quite awhile, letting her abuse fall off of me, but that day I cracked. I was screaming at my N, losing my shit, and I paused, looked in her eyes, and saw... pleasure. She was pleased.
That's when I realized that she'd rather be screamed at than ignored. She'd rather be talked at than never talked to at all. Hell, she'd rather be hit than abandoned.
It does break my heart because I know what made her this way. I know the shattered childhood that shaped her. But I can't help her and I can't have a good life with her.
Real talk
She told me when I said (before knowing about narcissism) when i was provoked and pissed “let me be i am so mad at you and and if I talk further I would disrespect you and say and thing because I’m overwhelmed with anger and don’t reason properly please let me be” few days of silence I received panic emails from her saying “ angry and mean is better nothing please say something”….I didn’t know back then that actually I was wounding her deeply….anyway…this is sad at the end of the day.
Luke 12:53 NLT
Father will be divided against son and son against father; mother against daughter and daughter against mother; and mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.
Getting strong reactions makes narcs feel important like they really matter.
Indeed. They feel powerful when are able to control your mood and emotions overall. Their ego love drama and chaos.
Such despicable creatures. 💩🤡
@@asryn96 yep 🎯
I still find it sad when you consider the root cause of the narcissist’s perspective. Neglect, of the worst kind and in every respect. Nobody wins in the end. Not the narcissist, not the empath. The only option is not to play the game. Emotions are ours to give, and they are given freely but they are also ours to take away. Hard hitting video.
Wow. That was REALLY powerful. Thankyou
Rage. Rage. His rage over me blocking him after I called him out publicly on his philandering ways was what sent him to me that morning and drove him to attack. Two felonies later, and he wishes he would've just gone straight to work. He is being ignored now! No contact protective order.
I was so afraid I I contacted FBI FBI lol 🙈
And it’s quite possible that many narcissist that feel they were somehow neglected, ignored, abused, etc. during childhood were simply delusional and saw/felt those things when they really weren’t present. Or at least they were greatly exaggerated by the narcissist in the making. I understand the genetic predisposition and agree with the premise. There are far too many children that are truly and horrendously abused, that never become narcissist.
Right cause what we know, Is that they frequently call out “perceived slights. They make stuff up as well… I would t be surprised if these are those that like blaming their parents for things and they had a great childhood they were just ungrateful… however, I do think some of them genuinely are products of their own environment… but! We all have had something happen to us to some degree, but not every one goes around breaking and hurting people. It’s a choice.
All so true.Negative or postive attention, makes no difference, they fuel off controlling all our emotions.
Ignoring them drives them crazy. As soon as I found out that the ex was a narc I went no contact.
He met a friend of mine by chance and the only thing he said to her was: She ignores me.
She was a bit dumbfounded by this encounter and when she told me I smiled. Yes, it worked. Finally I felt empowered and not confused.
When I eventually left him after a week of silent treatment, I told him I had nothing left to give. He replied "If you love someone, there is always more to give".
Wrong.
My God... 😢 🙏
"... there's always more FUEL to give". 💩
Yea they have plenty of shit left to give us coz it never ends in their demented minds...
Pay attention to me...yes until my bucket is empty and then im no value..so glad i finally ran away.
I’m sorry for you HG, and all other narcissists, every child deserves to be loved unconditionally. Whether, or not, the narcissist would want to be that other than what they are, they truly miss out on the most wonderful feeling of loving.
Best video ever! Glad to know I'm on the right path. The more I ignore the narcissistic monster, the easier it becomes to continue that way. I'm a nice person but I'll turn into a complete asshole if you f@@@ with my feelings.
Ugh, these people are so exhausting.
He would keep me up all night, with never ending monologues, shouting screaming, and if I left the room, begging him to let me go to sleep, he would go even crazier. One time he actually screamed and shouted for hours because I brushed my teeth (after a dinner party we had held which ended at 3 am) without asking him first if it was ok.
Yep. I had nights like that more than I can say! I love sleeping!!!! If he raged while I wanted to sleep oh man not good. Bastard lol
Thank you, HG Tudor, for your valuable series. They helped me to realized that I was dealing with a narcissist and it all makes sense now - the behaviour, the manipulation, tantrums etc. I will continue listening to your analysis.
You are welcome.
I ignored a narcissist on easter day and I am still very happy about it because I know he hated the fact I didn't respond to him!
Good job now I'll be totally ignoring all the narcs.
Ignoring narcs is the ultimate narcissistic injury! They HATE that! Oh well, sorry bout your luck🤷
Preach. I once walked past the narcissist colleague. Didn't even give her eye contact. She started to cry and walked out from work.
My narc always said NEVER ignore me. He hated it. After leaving him he would stalk me. I had to block him but he always wriggled his way back in by hoovering. Turning up outside my house and job.
Or the best "talk to me later...if you want..."
Yes im a traitor and i love every moment of it 😁
The negation of narcissism isn’t vitriol. It’s silence.
I’m exhausted from all these demands...great video as always.
I HAVE nothing left to give. I always told her one day she would go too far.And she did.
I wish I learned this lesson earlier in life and also learned once you suspect someone is an attention hound to get away, no need to be polite. Normal or empathic people get angry, yes, but not in the cold than hot manner of a narcissist. Empaths and normals get angry and then slowly come down, they don't get angry in the morning, nice an hour later, then angry again after dinner. That is not normal. Empaths and normals who are friends can reply to a direct question with a direct answer, no need to be vague.
CTSCAPER dear Lord....that is so true! It's so abnormal.
Empaths also want love, and we want to matter. I also grew up having to earn love. It was never enough. This is why I keep repeating this pattren with narcissists. It's a no win situation. My mother was the original narcissist.
I have a question HG: Why can't the narcissist accept our love?? We give it freely. Why must they punish us for being human?
They are envious of our contentment because they have none .
Great video, and I am the unkind person, painted black. I won. I gave him fake negative fuel for a few weeks when I got rid of him, then I dropped him in silence.weeks he tried. I know him, he was going to get violent. And voila: non-molestation order. And now his behaviour flagged. He won't put a foot wrong, well not directly. Ignoring them, cuts deeper than anything else. Watch the emotional fall out by their quick need to grab fuel. 😁 Their unpredictability is so predictable. Use it.
Wow that was hearing the innermost thoughts of the narc. Well done
Fascinating. It was all so confusing, but I can see clearly now. Thank you HG.
Who cares how a narc thinks unless you’re going to warn others!
Describing how our very best effort was never enough for our parents. I bent myself backwards to be the daughter that they could be proud of but they never acknowledged my accomplishments yet grugeled every wrong doing. The feeling of never measuring up makes you live with so much anxiety to be "perfect" it's no wonder we grow up to he adult who always feel that they fall short. But my mother wont ever accept that ,nor would my father ,he was never present always working
And if you feed them they won't respect you
He has always stalked me
Hg I listen to all your work and it’s so helpful...I also feel sad for you because despite being a narcissist your still helping us empaths and even though you say the reasons your doing this it’s still helping others...it’s sad that you don’t know any different,you are missing so much in the real world...it must be awful to never feel happy or never feel love or want to be loved...
As usual a brilliant video and reveals the very real experiences between the empaths and the narcissists... The empathic love versus the narcissistic fuel... Thx HG ❤️
Narcissists want you to tell them 'that you love them'.
He’s extremely controlling. He aggravates me for any sense of reaction. He only speak to me to ask questions never about casual things or current events. Only questions. Or bragging on himself. Otherwise? I sit in silence. He is crazy! I am planning my exit. It’s going to take time.
“Never ignore me.” That is why I will now, going forward, always call Harry’s wife “Harry’s wife”.
Lol. Do you really think she cares?
@@minoozolala --- It's not a matter of caring or not at all. It's a matter of denying the 'hits' that occur when the name is mentioned. Power through withdrawal.
@@minoozolala Erase her name: she certainly cares about that. Call her #HarrysWife: this negates her, which enrages her.
LL Childs, Even better Prince Williams brother and his wife. HD Tudor, do you think there is a bit of narcissism in Harry, in spite of his empathetic characteristics. Is his horrible behavior of throwing his family under the bus, just from the lies his wife tells him or do they both have a bit of narcissism in them.
Thank you Sir Tudor my tutor.
Yes ignore them all ignore ignore 😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄
HG this is one of those really good ones. I feel at some time the very best if these need to be archived and released as a set. I lived with the shit you describe here for twenty years. Ha! Thanks man
Narcissism is a personality disorder. He never truly loved me, he often said he hated me and insisted that I... Never Ignore Him. This is part of the vicious cycle of narcissistic abuse.
Those attracted to narcissists largely have personality disorders themselves.
@@threadbear7609 Maybe co-dependents by large? But, I disagree with you because anyone is susceptible to this kind of abuse.
I have to disagree if the narccist masks and fools his target then they truly don't know. If you leave and never come back lesson learned. Anyone can be a target of them.
HG- I came back to this video specifically to tell you that I did this last Friday and it was AMAZING. My partner has a narcissist ex-girlfriend who spent a lot of time interfering in our relationship. She did not want him when she had him, only after multiple discards/shelvings when he had moved on and was happy with me. It was a long saga and I will spare you the details, but we ran into her for the first time EVER after 4.5 years on Friday night. We successfully ignored her for TWO HOURS while she made an ever-increasing spectacle of herself, trying to make sure we knew she was there (it was hard not to, given that more than once she walked so close in front of us that she almost touched us on her way to the bathroom, when she absolutely did NOT have to take that path). Her current IPPS (lived with him for at least 3 years) was there with her and NOT happy with her behavior and it was obvious. It drove her absolutely insane that we refused to acknowledge her existence the entire time, so the situation quickly went from slightly triggering for me to quite entertaining. She acted like a clown, and thank you for helping me handle it like a queen. I'm pretty sure they did not have as good of a night as my partner and I did. 🙂
Thank you for your channel. I value your work. I don't hate narcissists. Generally, I hate the word 'narc'. I've met a lot of narcissists and I seem to be a narcissist magnet and I've been physically, emotionally and mentally abused by a narcissist, I have a permanent physical injury due to the violence by someone I loved, but I've never hated him or any other narcissist in my life, the narcissists who abused me weren't always the same person but understanding the reasons for NPD, and reading about the topic helps. To me, understanding the roots and different causes of different personality disorders, and awareness of what NPD is are self evident, not bitterness and hatred and wanting to revenge and act upon it.
I'm a magnet too
I could never understand why he was on cloud nine the morning after an alcohol induced fight!! He would love bomb me for a couple days after I got really mad at him for his behavior! Now I get it!! Sick
This is pure gold, spot on.
My favorite thing to go is to ignore narcissistic people!!! ✅🙌🏽
Narcs need a hit man after them, period!
Christmas day should be fun,when we are all trapped in together all day no shops open.I had better make plans as the narcissist cooks once a year on Xmas day.Its run like a military operation and always turns out really well unless he's tired and becomes forgetful,then I have to just be back up in case he forgets the turkey.
So so effective. Thank you.
Narcissists seem so much happier. They do all this because it makes them happy. I want to be happy. I want to be like the narcissist then.
They never happy. They never grateful. They never take accountability
They are definitely NOT HAPPY!
I'm sorry HG, you deserve love without a catch.
Oh how delicious is to ignore a narcissist! Real pleasure, they should see their faces, how desperate they become! 😁😄😆🤣😂
"For there would be a real pleasure in watching it. He would be able to follow his mind into its secret places. This portrait would be to him the most magical of mirrors. As it had revealed to him his own body, so it would reveal to him his own soul."
Dorian Gray?
Brilliant. I knew one narcissist one of whose books (poetry of I recall) was titled “Hated and Feared.” It was about him, of course.
Oh my,there were many times where my daughter would have to come first , she would need more attention/time, and I remember watching him and the look on his face,I always wondered if he was left out as a child which he was, thank you Hg
How about total indifference that's all I feel nowadays for your kind you are amusing dear teacher I feel nothing for anyone other than my dog and cats
“never ignore me” =
fear of abandonment 🤫
You said you fear not…
I question your diagnosis
HG, I decided to play his game.
I do ignore..hell yes..
I am not surprised that you like negative fuel, a good argument where you win.Last night the narcissist was kept out late,shopping and was in a cantankerous mood on the way home,so much so that he was convinced that the correct turnoff was the wrong one and I was given the whiplash drive as we drove in the wrong direction.Warnings were given tonight that I was only allowed to shop locally so that he could get some sleep.As we sat having the evening meal,my son and I were in deep conversation,the narcissist was simmering as he felt ignored.I thought I know, I will make my son laugh at the drive home last night,sometimes I have a tiny devil on my shoulder.I was only seconds into it when, Kaboom the narcissist is now furious and left the room.Thats ok because it gave me time to get ready to go out.Timing is everything with a narcissist and knowing when to keep out of the way.Memo to self
.. Never ignore them.Got it HG.
After being back at work for the past 15 months, without a break, the last of my colleagues returned after being gone for 2 years. Right away she's charging around the work area, picking it apart... I could see she was going to be a problem, just like she was always complaining before the shutdown. She sent me a text on my day off about something at work. I ignored it because I saw it as a boundary issue - and I was working with her the following day. She had also sent me 2 emails which I didn't notice, so she got no response. It took her about a week, during which time she apparently worked herself into a frenzy of resentment, to come to work and explode all over me about not doing this and that, and not responding to her.
Guess what? My colleague is a Narc! I never really knew what was wrong with her before, so negative, gossiping... Now, through my education with HG, I understand.
Although I can have a temper, I did not react with anger, but gradually diffused the situation. We work in close quarters, so I can't escape. Although I survived the initial attack, it reverberated throughout me later that day and evening, and I woke up the next morning with a brutal headache. I know I have to do something...Meanwhile, as I secretly plot my escape somehow, I will continue to ignore her. I really saw the result of ignoring a Narc.
Wow! That was a great last minute..
Does it sound familiar? Of course it does!
That was THEN. Now is a new creation.
Yeah life is weird. Everyone’s just grinding and pretending even if narcissists do it more. Something is up
Jesus is coming back for His children & I'm so happy that I'm 1 of them. He died & rose again for us ALL. Only He knows our true hearts & minds . I was beaten so badly ,for so many yr's. that I KNOW I'm a walking miracle from Him. I should have been dead so many times. Even after I left the man ,I was put & put myself in2 the worst situations ever. I was truly naive when I left him at 25yr's old, but he lived for 12 more yr's. I realize now that only w Jesus and 1 b truly free. 1'st John 1vs.9; if we confess our sins He is faithful & just to forgive us our sins & cleanse us from all unrighteousness. He cannot deny himself . Faithful & True..something IS UP. I believe the antichrist is alive now & it may b our or our childrens generation that sees the mark of the beast. 666. On our foreheads or right wrist. I pray for the strength & steadfastness of him to take our fear away & b able to die for him ,as he died the worst, yet most blessed death for us. He didn't HAVE to. He loved us enough to do it anyways.I for 1 know I was a basket case for yr's. Our Lord Jesus is the great healer of heart, mind, EVERYTHING. I praise & thank Him for the lung disease I've had since I was 2yr's old. It has pulled me back to Him many times when I wandered. God Bless u & yours..
You are painfully describing my life. This series is helping and almost exorcising a very painful life at the hands of a narcissistic father and father of my child.
Just.wow - I learn so much from your vids
Good, everything you need to know will be found here.
@@hgtudor-theultra Really good to hear that.. I have just decided to subscribe. Would you consider doing a video on why the narcissist won't return personal property that has no monetary gain to them? Thank you for this excellent information.
Excellent video
Hello Mr Tudor, I hope you’re having a great evening, thanks for all the videos, very much appreciated.
I was thinking about the dynamics you’re often talking about when it comes to the narcissist vs the Empath.
And I got a picture in my head, of the so called “co-dependent” (mutual) interest a narcissist and an empath have for one another initially, when they first meet.
The very vivid pictured I saw was:
“ *A narcissist is dancing salsa (or at least a dance for two) in order to gain/have/preserve control, whereas the empath is dancing Zumba (a group activity) in order to please as many as possible and when (if) ensnared, the empath tend to happily dance whatever, even a polka dance* “
*So is it possible that an empath don’t have a “clear picture” of their own personality, and are a cluster of different emotions they feel when interacting with others* ?
*Or, how would you best describe an empaths personality vs “a normal* ”?
I hope what I’m thinking and asking make sense. Many thanks in advance.
/Regards Grace
sad but true
What does grey rock do?
I'm out I can breathe I am never allowed
And we need to build an program for them
What about shame? Is it fuel for narcissist?
I mean if the empath feels (and shows ) shame for having once the narc in her life.
How narcs handle the feeling that the empath is embarrassed for associating herself with a narc lacking personality and charisma?
There is perpetual internal shame in the narcissist. Their reaction to our shame at wtf did I see in him/her is non existent; they continue to believe they are the epitome of ‘whatever’ adjective feels best to them. They are focused & angered by their loss of control & fuel by our abandonment of them.
Thank you
Don't touch any of their things
Armed with the knowledge gained from HG 💪 way too powerful now to ever get duped again, found my forever Narc right here! Why fw any other when you have the Ultra. Unfathomable, unlimited and unstinting. One satisfied Sapio 💦
Mr HG Tudor like you I was raised by a mother that was a narcissist and I wonder now if I would of reacted like u!! would I think it was better than how I am now and u know how that felt like with a mother like that and don't tell me u dont feel things for u feel them enough to to fake it so perfectly that a woman feels totally loved for the first time ever and if u would think for a minute how PAINFUL THAT IS to an Empath who was raised by someone who did not have the ability to give or show love and then you come along and she thinks finely someone loves her and loves her for just her and to have the feeling of true love that makes her feel safe she is so afraid to believe it but she starts to and u shit on her YOU CAN NOT SEE WHAT LEVEL OF CRUEL AND JUST PURE EVIL THAT IS cmon u are not even close to stupid u know that what u do brings a level of pain that brings about serious damage to the way she views herself and life forever after that and I just cant get to a place where I can appreciate anything else u do because of that pain that u bring to a woman who did nothing wrong but fall in love with u
The most unacceptable thing is that you know all this about yourself, yet you choose to stay the way you are. Most of us don’t want to be selfless when it’s needed, but we do it anyway. You are loved. Love is action, not just an abstract feeling. This is not negative fuel; it’s reality. One last request: accept this love and grow up.
He can't chnsge its in his brain. That would be like me trying to get rid of your English Language.. U might just stop speaking English but it'd still be in ur head. That's why they can't change
HE DOESN’T CARE; HE’S A PSYCHOPATH!
Weird. Narcs ignore me (once they have control). Everything on their terms and the silent treatment... That's why I don't ignore ppl, I never, ever wanted to be like *that*. Nose stuck in the air, not looking at you, not acknowledging you, ignoring what you say - especially when you feel like it's important, that it's something that warrants discussion... Only occasionally replying with a nasty quip and then some rare, random positive nyah nyah nyah stuff to keep you off balance and confused. No compassion. Snotty... Never addressing why they're ignoring you, so that whatever abomination you're committing can't be remedied...
Subsequently, I have no real problem being alone. It's better than being around silent treatment insult in your face. The monotony of that one trick pony... "If I'm in some kinda mood, everyone's gonna pay! And my constant little punishment is ignoring you!" But, not in words of course. Nonverbal hints and negative vibes, with far less grace than an animal that can't spk.
As a child, I used to think something was wrong with ppl who didn't acknowledge you when you're speaking. Like, maybe they're so whack and disengaged, they just don't hear your little child voice. Now I know it was spite in many of those cases.
Or maybe they thought I was a narcissist. Idk, I just knew I didn't want to ever act like that because I thought it was so weird, confusing, and ugly as a child. I'm loyal to a fault. I have difficulty with this ignoring business, despite knowing it would hurt them the most. :/
He walked through Restraining Orders & a Stalking order ,which was kind of rare in the 90's. I know that men r abused also. Kindness mistaken for weakness..
"I want it all." Depeche Mode
Their perception indicates they see and know love. When or how do they know within they can’t feel love, themselves? Where is their personal insight coming from?
All of your videos are good and informative, but this one is Biene biene... the truest truth. I consider it the crowning truth of NPD.
Hopefully HG won't read this and get more full of himself in his narcissistic mind😆 but he must be the smartest person I've ever listened to and if I was asked if there was one person in the world I could meet and talk to, it would be HG! The person that taught me everything I know about my husband, the middle midrange narcissist type A!
I think I wounded the LMRSOMATIC from last year when I didn't show up for his last day at work. I couldn't say good bye, too painful and so I didn't go in that day. Instead I gave no response to him, no call, no text, nothing for him. I think my no response caused him to be wounded. Am I correct, HG?
Goodness me!
I had the very same experience as a child with my Father
I am assuming that you were describing your Father, HG
I learnt from a very young age from my Father that “Love” was Conditional and earning it meant that the Goalposts would be constantly moved
And BOY! Did I keep jumping through his hoops! While my 2 Sisters just told him to FUCK OFF and stopped talking to him
I only realised that my Father was a Narcissist after he died
I grew up assuming that this Conditional Law was why I became a Codependent Empath ie always putting other people’s needs before my own and also why I became such a Perfectionist
But listening to you in this Video I could just as easily have become a Narcissist myself!
The fact that my Codependent Empath Mother was also so wrapped up in my Father and miserable as a consequence, so much so that she didn’t notice just how miserable her 3 daughters were, was probably a contributing factor
Does that mean that Codependent Empaths like me are “made” by Narcissists like you so that we are then “attracted” to other Narcissists?
For my own good
And he needs to come to me
I'll just leave this 👍⛽
Hg you ARE important. It's not the emotions you derive from others that makes you important. Emotions that others have are about them and have nothing to do with you. Some people are emotional some are not. The truth is those emotions do not make you important. It's who you are that makes you important. Be HG. That's as important as you will ever be and that's plenty! I'll tell what you don't want ... For people to forget you. People forget people who hurt them because they don't want to remember it trust me on that. Stay cool HG. ruclips.net/video/HhZ1BdMtw_Q/видео.html Empaths always forget the bad and remember the Good. That's why we so optimistic. You know that.
Oh damn am I the N or the Empath? Sounds like some of the things the narc did about repeated calling and showing up at someone’s house I did that. Never don’t that in my life I guess I was just so hurt and wanted him to talk to me I cried often. It was so hurtful this experience
No, you are not the Narcissists just for caring. Narcissists don't care about another person enough to cry and feel discarded. It sounds like he was ignoring you. I hope you were able to escape from him. Give him Nothing but Silence. I've blocked my ex. I used to do what you've been doing.
Yes I left communication open even after the slander and discard. Until he threatened my life. Getting healing from a narcissist is like going through a drug detox
Penn & Teller fool us comes to mind. Revealing how it's all done.
Not once has he came up to me