Why Is There So Much Spousal Murder on “Dateline”? - Jim Gaffigan: Quality Time
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- Опубликовано: 28 сен 2024
- Jim Gaffigan shares the two times he believes it’s socially acceptable to lie and details a murder plot he saw on an episode of “Dateline.”
#StandUp #JimGaffigan #QualityTime
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the murder victim is always beautiful, everyone loves her, she lights up the room when she walks in....
But there was that pesky matter of the $10 billion life insurance policy...
Yep, blah blah blah blah blah, and she loved taking walks in the park....
I have thought the same thing, no one is just a witch, not many people really liked her, she wasn't very nice .....
She's not just any kind of beautiful either. She's a "bombshell."
@@philochristos Ha!
I'm a little insane with PTSD. But this guy brings tears to my eyes. So funny 🤣 and in a crazy way he tells the truth. Good to laugh again
LOVED the brief impression of Keith Morrison's unmistakable (bizarre) cadence. Morrison has this way of somehow managing to place emphasis on every syllable of every word, creating a maximum level of intrigue. He does this by varying something- is it pitch or tone or both?- to a greater degree than most people do, which does cause a person to automatically have to pay more attention to his words. (These will be invariably HILARIOUS.)
Also, he has a deep mellow voice, & doesn't talk very fast.
Nice word salad
@@breadoflifefaiupu8992 I don't know the technical terms for what Keith Morrison is doing (with said cadence, emphasis, etc.); I'm a layman. If you work with voices or with sound, you might have more a more refined understanding than I do of any relevant terms.
He's so right about the "They had the perfect marriage" intro.
Reminds me of Conan and Bill Hader talking about Snapped 😅
"You took a vow! Do it yourself!" Lol
Ha ha! 😂 yeah, obviously they DIDN'T so it drives me nuts when they open like that. It's like if you end up offing your spouse, there was never a time your relationship was even close to "healthy" much less perfect and should never have gotten past the initial dating stage. Blech! 🤢
There's no such thing as "perfect marriage". Marriage is a hopelessly flawed legal contract. Friendship is healthy; marriage isn't.
I played this to my wife and she laughed now when every time we have a disagreement it end with me saying “ they had the perfect marriage “ and it breaks the tension
Jim is a true master of his craft and a privilege to watch and listen to.
CONGRATS ON 100!!!🎉🎈🏆
He's a pig
Jim starts talking about Dateline...I start picturing Bill Hader doing his Keith Morrison imitation.
Lol
Keith Morrison is Matthew Perry's stepfather. Remember this fact, remember it always.
@@773SleepyHollow So Keith is married to Morgan Fairchild😛, nice.
Hader nailed it perfectly. I've watched it at least 50 times. 😆
ooooOOOOHHHHHHHoooooooo...
That was outstanding! This is some of the best stand up I've seen. The delivery and the timing was effortless and perfect.
You took a vow, do it yourself!!
"that's part of my alibi..." Snuck in that genius yet again, sir 😎
I love him!!! He's hysterical without needing to curse! 🤣
Have you seen the RUclips channel: Dry Bar Comedy? They are all funny and no cursing!
Yes!!!!
Who cares if he “curses” ? Go back to your cave.
CLEAN COMEDIANS BORE ME.....The only time I don't curse is when I'm asleep....and I curse the moment I wake up....
@E R That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Curse words are like any other words. They can be funny or not funny. It all depends on the context, timing, etc. Jim Gaffigan's favorite comedian was Richard Pryor. Pryor cussed more than a sailor on every set.
The Keith Morrison impression!!!😂😂😂😂
When there is a murder the police look at the spouse first. That's all you need to know about marriage.
Have you been taken downtown yet?
@@markbeames7852
😁😂
😆
If people would just actively raise their kids to not be narcissists....
Look at the in-laws, not the outlaws.
"They had the perfect marriage...or so it seemed."
"They were the perfect couple...or were they?"
Years ago, when few knew about this guy and he started to play the theaters, I was able to get front row tickets for 30 bucks a ticket. He signed my hot pockets box.
That's hilarious! His "Hot Pockets!" bit will probably be an earworm for the rest of the day. 😂
wait, you paid $30 to see an unknown? wow.
@@steveswangler6373 I knew about him. And the 30 was for the front row. He was not a total unknown. But again, this was a theater and not a club.
Must be cool to have seen him blow up
I played a Theater. .
I was Beaten and Arrested..
Law Suit too. They hated my Clothes...
Kidding ...
If they ever do a Phillip Seymour Hoffman bio pic, I think Jim Gaffigan would be perfect.
Why not get Phillip Seymour Hoffman?
@@markbeames7852 💀
@@sothisispermanence1898 how do you know?
@@markbeames7852 just a hunch?
Actually Jim Gaffigain starred in a movie called "In Cold Blood" which is biopic about Truman Capote, a weirdo writer who was obsessed with some murderers.
I have just heard this man's stand-up just today, and I will admit that I had no idea he is that funny. I've been aware of him for years due to his acting roles. His murder jokes from this clip are the highlight of my day.
I love Jim! He's so freakin funny :)
"I don't value your time" - He was being a doctor
Not only is the spouse the overwhelmingly first choice as a murder suspect, 80 or 90% of murders are committed by relatives or friends. There may be an equally strong case in favor of becoming a hermit.
That's why you usually hear "old" and "hermit" used together.
Yes!!
🤣🤣🤣 I'm bringing my plushies, though.
And a lifetime supply of peanut butter cups.
It’s the life insurance policies and cell phones that always trip up these murderers.
Cellular Towers can triangulate your calls to locate your whereabouts while Life Insurance discussions with your spouse all of a sudden comes about when budgeting your finances so those maybe precursors. 😆
Along of course with their 'I'm so smart' attitude. Which cops notice right away, along with the smell of guilt.
Don't forget internet history.
Raquel SH Yes!! Never a good idea to google “antifreeze toxicity.”
The girlfriend on the side is also a hint to move away to another town as soon as possible.
Are you serious a Jim Gaffigan channel?! this day can't get any better. 😂
We totally did the spicy ice cream thing to our toddler!
Oh so you're not supposed to put actual spice in the ice cream to put them off?
Shiiiiiiiiiiiii
Hilarious 😂
A great idea😄
They didn't believe you just felt sorry for you they knew you needed the ice more.😺😆
We would have something on the counter, like cookies or whatever, and the kids would see them and get excited... I would say, "Don't eat those! They taste like soap. Seriously, those are going in the trash, they're terrible." and when the kids went to sleep, we would eat them.
....then they went on a hike in the Colorado mountains. Only Fred returned. Susie was nowhere to be found.
Susie was still in a full-body cast from falling (hmmm) beneath a train several months before, but she desperately needed fresh air. Maybe it would help with uncontrolled seizures (hmmm) that began when the family piano crashed through the window and fell on her head.
This hits differently now 😳
Billy Graham's wife was once asked if she ever considered divorcing Pastor Graham.
"Divorce", no, murder, yes!"
I remember hearing Kathie Lee Gifford, saying that on Regis and Kathie Lee.
It's older than that. Jack Benny used it about his wife and my mom had remembered a famous movie star using it as well. Can't remember who but since she told me in late 70s and I got the impression the interview was at least 10 or 20 years before that maybe it was along the lines of Liv Ullmann, Jessica Tandy, Joanne Woodward or someone else from an earlier era.
Hahaha wow
He murdered that audience.
😂
Please listen again to the video. The laughter sounds like pre-recordings. If you've ever been to a live comedy show, everyone doesn't laugh on queue nor stop on queue.🤔
His jokes were on point. Totally killed it.
My husband n I have been together for almost 9 years now and only watch crime shows because we only have basic cable right now and we joke about this all the time... 🤩
Same with my wife. We stopped saying " wanna watch Dateline tonight?" and now we say "Wanna watch Murder tonight?"
Good luck....
If you're unfamiliar or have a life...
😆
This is SO accurate 🤣🤣🤣
I saw that exact episode of Dateline he is talking about!
Of course you did
Me too
they dropped acid...so..we've been using sodium pentathol unnecessarily as a truth serum all this time, huh?
When I watch Dateline, my wife looks at me and says “ Taking tips? Getting ideas? “with a real angry 👀 look. Really hard to go to sleep after that.
Projection, she's plotting.
Hmm sounds like the line of questioning from my old man! :) Take care!
You might be a woman identifying as a man ... if your watching murder shows. Statistically woman account for the majority of thier viewers.
@@dormantmenace Possibly but oddly enough not the majority of murderers! Take care!
That's too funny. Actor Mark Consuelos said he was once disturbed that his wife was watching "Snapped" so intently. He said when he saw her hours later, she was still watching, "and now she's taking notes." 🤣
He's very quirky in a funny way. I enjoy Jim talking about his family. And the way he talks about life in general.
This is brilliant! I'm a big fan!
"He's better than murder than comedy" - he's totally killing it up there
A most excellent pun!
I remember getting hooked on the ID channel, and my ex wife looked at me and said "You've been watching that channel alot...do we need to talk?"
Or... "It was a quiet town, where no one ever thought this could happen..." Only, it happens mostly in those small towns, so how anyone could think it couldn't happen in whatever small town they're in, I don't know.
Sometimes on cul-de-sacs (as if cul-de-sacs are sacrosanct).
I love this!! I hope to see him live in the coming months.
He's a brilliant comedian and also I like the fact he's clean.
You can still be young and appreciate the comedy of Bob Hope and his timing reminds me of him
I have six cast iron skillets....The small egg sized pan is just in case
he annoys me. The largest 14" matches the size of the steering wheel.
So it will look like an accident.
Absolutely, when it comes to marriage, child rearing and of course, murder, lying is imperative.
OK Karen
@@breadoflifefaiupu8992 Not quite, man-baby, whiney Kevin.
"...you took a vow; do it yourself."
It's interesting how one person tripped acid so hard they admitted to murder but another person also tripping held it together well enough to recognize that they should go to the police about it.
😂😂🤣🤣They should sell that as a shirt!! 😂😂 Most marriages end in murder #Dateline
The Dateline bit killed.
I always think they couldn't be that perfect cuz one's dead and the other one's guilty. LOL
I rhetorically posed to my coworkers if there was a reason to be concerned once married couples started watching shows about spousal murder. That elicited lots of knowing looks, coupled with laughter.
When I was taking classes a few
years ago one of the male students
got ran over by his wife. All the females
in the class asked what did he do? 😂
If you don't like Jim you don't like comedy. His appeal is universal.
Every one of those Dateline episodes has the cops questioning the wrong suspect at first and then zeroing in on the spouse
Every second of this is pure gold ahahaha
A hot pocket inside a hot pocket. Now they're just messing with us
It's a hot pocket with micro hot pockets inside of mini hot pockets inside the hot pocket. Your plumber will love you.
hoooooot pocket!
Oh I forgot to ask Jim what he thought of the Hot Pocket recall.
He's slightly wrong about the murder/lying thing. I also watch a lot of crime shows, and people say things like ".....and they didn't even have the decency to xyz," and I just think, "Ma'am ....this guy just murdered somebody, on purpose, I think we're pretty far past decency." So yeah, people do get offended by stuff like that, like, what are you supposed to do, murder someone and *then* tell the truth? Seems like the wrong time to do that.
And I think that applies a lot to what could appear to be an accident. Like if it looks like he may have pushed her too hard during a fight and she fell & hit her head. People will look at that and say, "he should have just come clean and admitted what he did, instead of burying her body in the backyard."
@@rustinstardust2094 Pushing someone too hard during a fight, causing her to fall and hit her head, resulting in her death is not an accident.
@@rustinstardust2094 That's either second-degree murder or voluntary manslaughter depending on why they were fighting in the first place.
@@kateyare4708 Pushing someone too hard isn't an accident, but the killing part would be an accident in that scenario.
To be honest STFU your ruining the joke 😂
I've often thought to myself that if somewhere down the line Gaffigan just snaps, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
Projecting much?
Nah.....he’s a good dude
Emphasis on "if."
“He was better at murder than comedy”
@@soccermommyNPC "But that's when the laughter stopped."
I love this one, Gaffin & Dateline fan here! Not lying☺️
This is a great stand up...to laugh at the issue of murder is something I thought would be impossible. Dateline used to do great stories but now it is about killings
This is great comedy. That's why I hate comedians who complain about cancel culture when the reality is they're not clever about how to deliver material.
Comedy is a hard art form, figure out how to get the laugh on seemingly offensive material.
It seems to get the viewer's attention.
Marriage Is like a deck of cards. It begins with a Heart and a Diamond and ends with a Club and a Spade. Old joke :)
You sicken me
That self insult at the end was Hilarious
Jim once honored me with his pre letterman standup for that night when I drove him to the train station. He was shooting a small indie movie I was working on. Nicest guy, incredibly talented!
Yes, I tend to harp on the murder part..
When you care enough to lie ...
Whenever I’m sad, I just come to this clip so I can hear Jim say “they had the PERRFECT MAARIGE.” I think I’ve commented on this video before probably...I just wanted to reiterate....Jim Gaffigan is the best...and that line has to be my favorite impersonation of all time 😂
2:14
Perfect Keith Morrison impression.
You wouldn’t like this ice cream, it’s very spicy. 🤣
Finally someone i can relate to on relationships and the thoughts that occur 😃
I thought they were good murder jokes.
@Steve Yochim haaaaaaa :)
Funny fella Jim. Thx for the laughs
"Acid.....as tradition would have"😄
His Keith Morrison cracked me up 😂 "they had the perfect marriage"
Note to self:
It takes 3 concrete blocks.
He’s killing it.
Jim is amazing
When my daughter was around 10 she went through a lying phase. I talked to her like an adult about what lying does to your ability to be trusted. I talked about the reasons people lie. I finished off our talk by making a deal with her. If you never lie to me, I will never lie to you. If there is something you can't or don't want to talk about just say that. We can discuss why we can't talk about it, but must respect that the other can not talk about it. She turns 22 this year. I have NEVER lied to her about anything. She is my best friend. We talk about everything together. ❤
Always great!! I've loved him for a long time! Loved his show called The Jim Gaffigan show on tv land too! It was hilarious! Miss that show so much! Must see if you love Jim Gaffigan! 👍👍👍🤣😂💛🐝💛
A stand up, who isn’t saying f**k three times in each sentence ! ! Now I have to find his every act and watch it 🤓
May I recommend Mike birbiglia to you as well.
@@madisont3123 yup hes great too
the great thing is he has like 10 long specials. so much material to keep u busy. ive been watching his stand up for like 20 yrs. i remember when he only had 1 kid hah. now he has like 7 and theyre starting 2 get older..and so am i..wow i just depressed myself. same reason i cant bring myself to change that 8 yr old profile pic of me when i was 29
Brian Regan - another great clean comedian.
@@madisont3123 just watched one, thanks.😊
Well, death do us part...
Well, I remember when I was in high school, my World History teacher mentioned that in France, it doesn't matter how many years it's been since your spouse has died, you can't remarry to move on.
I've liked this goon since the rolling rock commercials like A100 yrs ago.
he found the funny in a very difficult subject. true master
I was wondering when Dateline went to all murder too.
I was just bitchin about that myself. Every damn episode.
My criminal justice teacher said that murder sells
@@100samanthamarie murder is like sex.
3:08 hey wait a second, when I was a kid my family went up north on vacation at the lake and our little aluminum boat 🚣♀️ DID have a concrete cinder block 🧱, a rope was tied through it for an anchor ⚓️
I hate to tell you this but that is how you know you're poor. I had the same thing. The difference is my boat was a wee bit more swanky as it was a fiberglass hull. Though a 20 year old fiberglass hull boat is much worse than a 20 year old aluminum hull boat.
And no one complained about Sparky’s barking after that...
thanks. I needed a laugh.
This is absolutely hilarious !!great material and delivery
Hit nail on head 😅
You are a terrific husband. Keep the concrete blocks out of the home!
I appreciate your style of comedy.
He was killing it with those jokes!
Thanks for the laughs, Jim! ❤️😂
Remember he said this.
I saw this one. It was so crazy.
Jim killed!
I love Gaffigan
Why are you not in movies???? You are great!!!
Thanks…I feel better now !
Right there with ya, Jim! I like to watch dateline and find all those stories puzzling on Murders. Why would you murder when you could just Uhm divorce? Or I dunno, LEAVE?
You're killing me
It's a natural defense mechanisim 🤣🤣🤣
😂😂G.O.A.T!!!
The term "news-magazine show" is an insult to news magazines.
Have you seen Newsweek or Time lately? They insult themselves.
Haha....you know SOMEONE'S getting killed! 😂
Let me ask you: "How much constitutes too much?" 😁
I have seen that episode. I can confirm the guy was sloppy.
Do you happen to know which episode it was?
Yeah lol with today’s technology, it doesn’t take much for any murderer to be sloppy. They once rightfully convicted a guy by distinguishing dna between different trees of the same kind. (Forensic Files is my favorite show). When they caught him with that evidence I was like wow that’s amazing that’s what he gets for being a pendejo!
I was so confused when I checked into dateline years after it switched. This brought clarification
He is funny. My favorite