I personally have heard my husband say 12 of these. That alone says their is a problem, actually, my education on some of these is what first clued me in there was a problem. Literally, after we got married, he's say some version of these and I thought "that's what an addict says." Thank you Amber for spreading the word. Families need to hear this!
I have most of those monsters 😔 I'm struggling bad...your videos have helped both my husband and I...I have put that man through hell and because of your videos, he understands addiction much better...I would say that you have saved my marriage so thank u💕
I love the visualization / personification of these monsters. Helps a lot! And it’s monsters talking not the person you love when they’re clear. “Hate the drug not the person”.
I’ve been watching your videos to better understand my family member’s disease and challenges, but this video in particular struck me because I hear all these monster mouths about my sugar addiction. People laugh at me and don’t take it serious at all when I say I think I have a problem with sweets cause everyone likes sugar and treats and it’s not as bad as alcohol or drugs. But my teeth, dental bills, energy, focus, and health have suffered because of my inability to control my sweet intake. My least favorite thing about it is how it affects my kids they see me not have any self control and they want to copy me. Anyways thank you for helping my understand and identify that these monsters just want to consume me and not help me.
I don't know if this is helpful, but these things have helped me: 1) a few drops of sweet leaf brand liquid stevia in a cup of hot water and some unsweetened cocoa takes care of my choco craving 1.5) I make a pitcher of fresh lemon and lime juice and some drops of liquid stevia to taste (cream of tartar can cut the juice if too tart / sharp) and that helps with my citrus sweets craving. 2) Dr. Eric Berg and Thomas De Lauer y t channels are about nutritional education, healing yourself through lifestyle and nutrition, and keto but - you don't have to go keto - just low simple carb is good too. There are some other keto channels that are recipe based I think dr. Berg has a keto food channel too. Anyway, the keto desserts and recipes are helpful because they are supposed to be low carb / sugar free and don't spike your insulin (inviting type two diabetes) so there might be useful stuff there. 3) Dr. Berg's website and blog has tons of low carb recipes. 4) Sugar / simple carb addiction is a real thing and it DOES do lots of bad stuff to our short and long term health. So it's a good thing to research and change. Start small with healthier substitutions. Health (and delicious) meal prep is a huge tool for me - I need it so I never find myself starving which is where and when I'll grab anything - the worst, easiest, fastest, cheapest most convenient thing arouns. Cutting out sweets for me (and others have said this too) is surprisingly something you can get used to - things I used to love I can't eat anymore because they taste way too sweet now. Supposedly taste buds can change in as little as even 30 days. We gravitate to what's familiar but the thing is, we can make anything familiar if we work and keep at it. It's the whole changing patterns thing - switching old patterns for new ones.
I'm so glad I found your videos. They have been so helpful. I have a loved one who is an addict is struggling a lot now and i feel so lost on how to help him anymore. Understanding these triggers and why they happen is so important. It's so hard to let go of the ones we love and to see such potential be thrown away. I really am trying to educate myself as much as possible to be able to help him to recovery while maintaining a healthy boundary between us and trying to keep myself sane in the process.. its not easy nor is it for the weak.. i still have hope and i hope for a happy ending.. I am from a small island in Canada and the mental health and addiction crisis here is terrible.. with very little help available for those who truly need it. I wish there was more.. I'm binge watching now.. You ease my anxiety so much!! Thank you!!💕
Me too Hope it’s working out I recently married to not seeing or hearing this info Trying to help Gut wrenching Now, I’ve sent her away Been terrible roller coaster. I feel lied to Violated Used Guilt Ashamed It’s awful Binge watching these vids helps
Thank you so much for this. I knew nothing about drugs , I didn't even know synthetic marijuana existed. Sadly I married someone who was addicted to synthetic marijuana. This is so what I need to hear as I get so confused with the anger and projections towards myself I can't even begin to think through or rationalise what he is saying. Yesterday he started up again telling me he needed to relax so he could play the piano and write a song. Oh my ???
I have to let you know that I have become a fan of your channel, just recently having signed up. In particular I like this video, because I work as Peer Specialist in the VA and this talk of monsters is something that I do as well. It lets the person conceptualize that their drinking/drugging problem is not them, it is something they deal with, and that can help with their feelings of self worth and allowing themselves to move forward.
Caffeine, research, with some good smelling wax melts can keep me up all night. When I get to a stopping point in my reserch i can finally go to sleep, but when i wake up I will go right back to where I left off in the notebook. I will ignore family and friends unless they want to be part of my research and learn with me. I will lose sleep over this monster: I can get this figured out. I have to cut myself off. It's midnight right now! Thanks, Amber, your team is a great support for me. Yes, I going to bed now. 😅
I feel pot usage has some ones that are unique to it. Maybe they technically fall under the ones you already mentioned but the energy behind them is slightly different. For me those monsters are “it’ll just feel good!”, “it’ll help me be more relaxed/less rigid” and “it’ll be easier to be creative.” I think because pot is societally seen as being more “chill” and non addictive, and to some degree it is easier to be functional with pot than other substances (for some people), you can trick yourself into thinking your monsters are less “desperate” so they’re okay to have. I suppose this is true for all substances, but pot seems to get a pass in a weird way. No one (even non smokers in my life) has ever actually told me my usage is a problem, but I KNOW it is because of how it’s compromising my life experience and the fact that I’ve never been able to stop. That’s the evil of a weed addiction, it can almost hide in plain sight. Thank you for this content Amber! My life has been improving tenfold despite my addiction, but I desperately want to be PRESENT for it! The tools and insights you offer are so helpful, and hopefully I can use them to kick this habit for good
I used to rationalize “ drinking to clean my house”. Not only would I end up not cleaning it but it would be even bigger wreck and I’d be drunk accomplished nothing
Can you do this topic but for the things that addicted people tell their naive loved ones? (“I’m not an alcoholic, I already stopped for 7 days.” “Trust me, I already learned my lesson and won’t ever do that drug again.” “I can cut back and control it.”)
Im a recovering addict myself and I feel so good that my sons dad who is in his active addiction listened to this and found it helpful I sent it to him on facebook message hopefully it helps him to have this way of thinking or a new perspective
@@PutTheShovelDown Yeah me to usually he isn't that open minded, it might be because recently he wanted to get clean but he left detox to right as he was going to get in. So I sent it to him after he got done telling me he still was going to keep trying.
My husband, my best friend of 30 years, married almost 20 years, sober for almost 16 years, decided after I was away for two weeks our marriage is over, we weren’t working out and he wants a second chance at life, even though his dad and him have said that I saved his life. I found out he’s having affair, It feels like that’s his addiction right now. This is so validating to hear that the monster will tell a long-term recovering addict ways to get close to active addiction first. He’s acting and is doing the exact behaviours he used to do while actively using. It feels like dopamine rush from the affair in hiding and sneaking around is the drug right now and I’m devastated.
Great video! Getting sober had been somewhat rewarding. I've been 6 days on sublocade and doing well. Also I was able to help a great organization lobby for a parole reform bill and we got it passed and waiting for the gov to sign off on. Thank you for the video! I have a its Friday and i chunks drink lots of water Monday i won't get caught. Or i could do it once a month. That never worked.
Boy, this really fits now. I am so upset. My daughter and I just got into a senseless argument about smoking weed and her accusing me of being clueless. She left to go back to her boyfriend's house in a huff. I feel overwhelmed. I feel like sending a quick message, but don't know what to say.
@@PutTheShovelDown I am sitting here just feeling so emotionally empty thinking about my daughter and how much I'm hurting. I read the above post from a couple months ago and thought I can relate to this poor mom and then realized I was the one that wrote it. Wish there was a hotline so I could talk to someone.
Wow great video! One monster that my boyfriend suffered from the most is "I will have more fun if I go to it tipsy." So he would pregame before every concert, every festival, every party. What actually would happen is once we got to the event, he'd start getting really drunk by the time I was barely tipsy. Next morning he wouldn't remember what happened at the event. I am like "remember this and this and this happened wow it was so fun". He'd be like ''I don't remember that night but I think I had fun" Like good job you just spent $300 on a concert that you didn't go to xD One of the first things he liked about not drinking is he remembers the events clearly now! I cannot wait to go to more concerts & festivals and reflect back on things. It is nice to make actually memories I am excited xD xD
Funny thing is "I will have more fun if go to it tipsy" monster and I get along pretty well only because I take him super literally xD Tipsy it is then no more drinking hahaha
Getting the bulk discount on alcohol is not a good idea. This also applies to the deli also. I was once, long ago, Christmas help at a deli. We were told to mention the bulk boxes with ten sausages and fancy decorative paper wrappings to customers as often as possible. A mother turned me down by saying "The more I buy, the faster my sons eat the sausage. All it does is make me have to come back to the store that much sooner."
I have a 33 year-old daughter she is what I call a binge addict we will stay drugged-up for seven or eight days and then stay sober two to three weeks it's like a cycle anytime it gets worse and worse how she is in such denial it is unreal she's always thinking she's the victim
I have heard lots of Hollywood film celebrities say. "Of course I go to cocktail parties. It's what everyone else does. Everyone in my age decade drinks."
I realized there's a whole other part to this. This video covers part one - part two is coming up with our antidote / replacement thoughts / reframed thoughts we use instead in response to the monsters as they pop up. We need to come up with and memorize our response thoughts in addition to the monster thoughts so we can be ready with our replacement / substitution / resoonse thoughts - like a hammer in a game of whack a mole - so we can become champion whack a mole players!😁
In improv they say " yes, and..." seems like it could help reframe some of these as choice statements. Although some like the "Responsible thing to do" one might run a bit out of control down that rabbit hole... 🤔
So I have a couple monsters you haven’t named: I’m successful monster- I make more money than my parents, I live on my own, I have my own car, my own place and I have a lot of expendable income so what if I decided to do a lil drugs this weekend. It’s in the budget. Stress monster-well, my stress is a lil up and this will help you relax Boredom monster-it’s not like I haven’t anything else to do right now, why not use?
I know someone that has a monster that says I need to barrow a tool or something from a meth heads house or I just want to stop by their house because I don't have any friends, but I won't do anything.
Hi Amber! My teen just finished a 30 day rehab treatment and is doing pretty good about being honest ( as I am doing therapy and support group to deal with all the honesty) . My question is he has been asking me to keep a vape pen with nicotine for the occasions that he wants to relapse or is experience anxiety and I would have control and give to him. What type of therapy or approach should I do so he doesn’t want to vape. ? Thanks
Vaping nicotine is one of those tough issues. Although we don't think it's good, it's not something that we focus on eliminating. It's a tough call when they're really young.
Thank you Amber! I’ve said all of these and my addiction was limerence. Is that unusual? I’ve never been addicted to a drug but which one is most similar to the dopamine hit from limerence?
VIEWERS: use this list just as a study guide - you don't want to miss Amber's insights. LISTS OF MONSTERS - MONSTER MOUTH THOUGHTS: 1) one last time monster 2) just a little bit / just a few 3) "don't let them control you!" 4) you're nothing but a piece of trash (cuz of what you've done in the past cuz of your use, which makes you feel bad which makes you want to use again, etc, vicious cycle) 5) the Costco Plan monster - get a bulk amount cuz cheaper (no! you'll just use all that all up - and asap) 6) it's not that big a deal (everyone does it, etc etc) 7) YOU'VE never done (thing XYZ) so YOU'RE okay and not an addict (never mind the many other things you HAVE done, this monster will find the ONE thing you haven't done wrong so you must be just fine!) 8) the congratulations! monster - you did it! You passed your test, milestone, etc. So celebration time! (NO - you celebrate in different ways now) 9) the only on "special occasions" monster - THIS ONE IS ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR, COMMON, & DEVIOUS. 10) the just cut back monster 11) the coast is clear monster - no one's here except you, so... 12) the might as well cuz things couldn't get worse monster (addicted use ALWAYS makes things worse) - also called - the "case of the eff-its monster" - the "what's the point anymore monster" - the "black and white thinking" monster - the "all or nothing" monster (exactly the same as the black and white thinking monster) 13) you can't quit cuz you just don't have it in you monster 14) I'm only hurtimg myself monster ( no - if you have ANYONE who depends on you or cares about you, your hurting them) 15) you already ruined it, - you relapsed, so might as well use anyway. Double team monster - one makes you relapse, the other keeps you in relapsed. 16) it would be rude not to go or leave early to the event that's full of temptations for you 17) it's the only thing that helps me sleep / function / etc etc 18) don't tell people you're in recovery cuz it might make them feel bad. Wrong:. No secrets! Secrets keep those secrets alive. 19) it's none of their business so you don't need to tell them (that can help you leave the window open for you to use again) 20) As long as you don't use THAT specific thing or substance, it's not that bad - booze is okay as long as you don't use coke, or some other "that thing". 21) the "I NEED it, I DESERVE it" monster 22) the "I'm a grown a$$ man or women" monster - a version of the "they can't control me" monster 23) the "you've got money" monster - you have money that could be spent on the substance. Maybe some extra money other than usual. Long haul monsters: 24) If you keep going to the barbershop, you're eventually going to get a haircut. If it can't get you to use now, it will do something NOW (get you to go to the barber shop) to try to get you closer to using LATER (getting a haircut). 25) The little things monster. It tries to disconnect you from your program or sponsor over little things. This meeting was pointless today! So why go anymore? You find something to get mad at your sponsor about - so you quit going, etc. Important: These monster mouths are ALL liars trying to get you to believe them. Also, we all have monster mouth thoughts whether we have addictions or not. We are ALL rationalizing, justifying and deceiving ourselves in one way or another with disempowering thoughts we very likely aren't even aware of (until we train ourselves to become aware of them) if/when struggling with problems and challenges. A viewer here says we ALL (addicts and non-addicts) have monster mouth thoughts - one definition is "trans-generational conditioning of self hate" (I suppose that applies especially if we internalized disempowering messages from our families and parents and they did the same from their families, etc., etc.) Anyway, that viewer goes on to say their all lies and they are ALL a function of "our unevolved reptilian brain" (or "subconscious" , "unconscious" or "the primitive brain"). KEYS / SOLUTION: The "name it to tame it" technique. Naming these monsters is an awareness tool that helps us identify recognize and be aware of them when they show up. Once we're aware of them we can choose our response to them, and our response to them needs to be: They can only stay strong and active if you feed them. So don't feed them / don't listen to them - if you are vigilant and deliberate in your response and with your saying no to them and practice that, they WILL weaken and go dormant BUT remember to STAY vigilant cuz they can come back - and once you listen to ANY of them again, they ALL come back. They come back as soon as you start deceiving yourself again / justifying / rationalizing things and usage again. You need to remember that EVERY one of these thoughts, if fed and encouraged and believed, result in using the addictive substance again. Think of every time you've had them before - it ended badly - just the way the monster thoughts wanted it to. So go back to not feeding them and using your antidote / Hero thoughts to replace / substitute the monster thoughts. Use reframing of negative thoughts to positive ones instead / and thought replacement / substition exercises as another technique / weapon against these monsters of unproductive and undermining negative thoughts. On that note, we all might want to write up this list of monsters and any others we can think of and write up the thoughts we can use to REPLACE these thoughts when we do get them. Basically, make a MONSTER MOUTHS & HERO MOUTHS lists. Where you memorize the monster thoughts - with their names (name it to tame it technique) and then also memorize the antidote "Hero" thoughts so we can be ready with them to REPLACE the monster thoughts - like a quick draw gun slinging pistols when these thoughts pop up so we can shoot em dead in their tracks and replace and substitute them with thoughts that empower ourselves instead when and as we need to. Think of this as "thought replacement therapy" or the "thought replacement technique" (or substition). As soon as you are aware of (and can name) a thought that doesn't serve you - a monster thought, replace the thoughts that don't serve you / substitute them with the thoughts that do serve and empower you instead. One concept the thought substitution technique takes advantage of in order to work is the "you can't have more than one thought at a time" brain phenomenon. To test this, try to think of the melody of two songs at the same time. You can't. Another example of this is if someone were to say "try NOT to picture of a polar bear". You can't, right - you're thinking of a polar bear. But you CAN switch out that thought with a different one - now think of an elephant - youve replaced the polar bear with an elephant. It's the same idea - we can use thought substitution to choose our thoughts by 1) being aware of what thoughts we're thinking to begin with, 2) and replacing the ones that don't serve us with the thoughts that empower us instead. Start with the top of this list. 1) "the one last time" thought monster / monster mouth. Replace it with a thought hero of something like "I see you "one last time" monster, but I HAD my last time - I'm an addict in RECOVERY now which means I don't use anymore - I choose sobriety instead". It's also important that you replace the negative, disempowering thought with a positive, empowering, and actionable thought instead. To combat the negative, you've got to combat a negative with a positive.
@@PutTheShovelDown Thank you, Amber. I worry that posting my notes like this WONT be appreciated by the content creator because they might see it as something people can use as a replacement for watching the videos and then the video and channel won't get views. I just added a note at the top of my comment to emphasize its use as a guide / outline to help follow along - not a substitute. I gotta take notes to digest and retain all this invaluable info, and don't want to lose it. So I figure might as well write up some of my notes in the comments. 🙂 I wish I could do it for all the vids but probably not possible / practical for me. What I should also include are the time stamps but maybe it's not too hard to find the sections in the video without those. Also, everyone (at least me anyway) is always looking for a comment that summarizes the content especially for long vids. BUT I think it maybe helps people retain and or follow along with the video - and not compete with it / act as a substitute for watching the video. If I see a list / notes like this, I'll still want to hear everything you say about the topic. So I guess I think of it as a study guide / tool and not a replacement for watching the video - I don't think people will skip the video if they see the list - I think it will be and AND not OR. At least that's how its meant and how I would use it. I hope you're genuinely okay with my posting these and not upset - and if you are, that you'd let me know. I don't want to reduce the views of your channel - it needs to thrive so it can reach people so they can benefit from it like me. Thanks for this hugely useful channel. All your videos are amazingly educational - I just watched three videos last night that were super helpful / really useful. - I finally understood the how what why of "connection is the solution to addiction" phrase which always confused me (I'm always like, what does that even mean and if that's all it takes, then why is there rehab and 12 step programs, and strategies, and a whole field of science behind it, etc.?) - and the serotonin and oxytocin connection to addiction was also eye opening: The 3 videos I just watched that were really useful on explaining the "connection" between connection and addiction and it's role and place in it and recovery: 1) Overcome Addiction By Addressing the Root Cause of Addiction 2) Become the Best Version of Yourself 3) Stop Self Sabotaging Behaviors For Good Thanks, Amber!
@@PutTheShovelDown Amber - please re-read my original comment - I added a few things - but especially what I added at the end - I realized there's a whole other part to this. This video covers part one - part two is coming up with our antidote / replacement thoughts / reframed thoughts we use instead in response to the monsters as they pop up. We need to come up with and memorize and / so we can be ready with our replacement / substitution thoughts - like a hammer in a game of whack a mole - only unlike whack a mole, this is a game we can win! 😁
I’m 37 and I’m in a co dependency heroin and crack relationship. I just can’t stop for anyone or anything I just don’t know what to do I’ve been on a Meth script for about 20 years and see a drug councillor but I just don’t see anything changing anytime soon I have depression and bad anxiety and when I’m not using i’m miserable my body aches or im just sleeping for 15 hours a day. This is on the off chance but do you have and advise? Thanks so much Hayley UK
How about the classic "I'm not as bad as Mark. He's the town drunk. He's the one that makes everyone cringe and say "Oh no!! What stupidity did he do today?" At least when people talk about me in town they don't cringe and say "Ewww! Oh him!!" The short label is "I'm not that guy that makes others cringe"
I have Just last time, just a littel bit, everyone does it, you can't be an addict, only on special occasions, you just need to cut back, you dont hurting anybody but youreself, you already ruined it, it's none of their business, My monsters changes their woises. But the monster Who is the strongest is....just one last time
I'm struggling with marijuana addiction and I get the “its not that big a deal monster” that’s a lie. I've engaged in behaviors that resemble crack addict behind it……
Is she joking? Her best advice to beat an addiction is don't listen to or feed the compulsions? Oh. Ok. Would every addict out there please just stop listening to and or feeding their addictions please. Whew. Glad all the addicts can be cured now. That was easier than I thought.
@Real Data Are YOU joking? Have you seen her body of work?!?! in real time life as an innovative counselor, on RUclips, on other online support groups? Did you actually expect that ANYONE was going to provide a magic pill to POOF cure addiction in one video?
@@theresasmith343 my point is beating addiction isn't that easy. This video (not her body of work) is how to beat an addiction. I think everyone is not seeing the deficiencies in her advice here. Instead everyone is just addicted to positivity. Positivity alone cannot beat addictions.
Addiction Demons It will help me be more creative. I’m more easygoing if I have a little. What’s the point, life is miserable either way. Just buy some to prove that you can resist it. Everyone else has abandoned me, but _ has always been there. Sure, you woke up without your pants on and saw that you sent some hateful text messages to the people who love you and you choked one of your only true friends for some slight that you concocted in your delusional mind and felt utter shame for a week, but that was 2 weeks ago nobody is thinking about that anymore. At least I’m not on Heroine. She is probably going to leave me anyways. I go to work everyday, and I’m not hurting anybody but myself. I deserve it. And the demon king “internal silence and raw agony….you already know you will”.
If there's a recovery saying: "if you keep going to the barber shop you're eventually going to get a hair cut"? If my therapist said this stupid analogy I would walk out. That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Is this a southern thing? I would never say that to anyone especially if they are addicted to a substance. I think therapists also need to be smart and not treat their clients like idiots. Now I'm going to hang out with my buddies at the barber shop like everyone does...
When one counselor isn’t a good fit for you then just move along and keep scrolling till you find the perfection you seek. It’s not helpful to everyone else when you act like a jackal.
I agree A H ‘s videos are excellent ‼️👍 I intend to try and listen to them ALL within the next year !!! Hey any knowledge works !!! awareness coupled with humility , outside strategy, n support, n strength n fellowship n sharing with others with so molar struggles VS. solo ness secrecy n just muscleing it with sheer willpower ??!?! I’m goin with her! Take a hike You sound like denial to me
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For more on the psychology of addiction: ruclips.net/video/jDILnf2mAeo/видео.html
You’ve brought me great healing and understanding. I can’t thank you enough.
Wow! Thank you so very much for your generous donation, Brianna! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I personally have heard my husband say 12 of these. That alone says their is a problem, actually, my education on some of these is what first clued me in there was a problem. Literally, after we got married, he's say some version of these and I thought "that's what an addict says." Thank you Amber for spreading the word. Families need to hear this!
I’m so glad this was helpful!
I have most of those monsters 😔 I'm struggling bad...your videos have helped both my husband and I...I have put that man through hell and because of your videos, he understands addiction much better...I would say that you have saved my marriage so thank u💕
Wow! I'm so happy to know that these videos are helping families!!!! You made my day 😁😁😁
Hi nano I really encourage you to get out of this hell.
@@SunShine-xs7ig I'm trying my best
@@graynano8695 all the best to you.god bless you
I love the visualization / personification of these monsters. Helps a lot! And it’s monsters talking not the person you love when they’re clear. “Hate the drug not the person”.
Thanks Jessz! I'm really glad you liked it!
I’ve been watching your videos to better understand my family member’s disease and challenges, but this video in particular struck me because I hear all these monster mouths about my sugar addiction. People laugh at me and don’t take it serious at all when I say I think I have a problem with sweets cause everyone likes sugar and treats and it’s not as bad as alcohol or drugs. But my teeth, dental bills, energy, focus, and health have suffered because of my inability to control my sweet intake. My least favorite thing about it is how it affects my kids they see me not have any self control and they want to copy me. Anyways thank you for helping my understand and identify that these monsters just want to consume me and not help me.
I completely understand what you're saying about the sweets!
Oh i would like to apologize i never knew u could get addicted to sugar
I don't know if this is helpful, but these things have helped me:
1) a few drops of sweet leaf brand liquid stevia in a cup of hot water and some unsweetened cocoa takes care of my choco craving
1.5) I make a pitcher of fresh lemon and lime juice and some drops of liquid stevia to taste (cream of tartar can cut the juice if too tart / sharp) and that helps with my citrus sweets craving.
2) Dr. Eric Berg and Thomas De Lauer y t channels are about nutritional education, healing yourself through lifestyle and nutrition, and keto but - you don't have to go keto - just low simple carb is good too. There are some other keto channels that are recipe based I think dr. Berg has a keto food channel too. Anyway, the keto desserts and recipes are helpful because they are supposed to be low carb / sugar free and don't spike your insulin (inviting type two diabetes) so there might be useful stuff there.
3) Dr. Berg's website and blog has tons of low carb recipes.
4) Sugar / simple carb addiction is a real thing and it DOES do lots of bad stuff to our short and long term health. So it's a good thing to research and change. Start small with healthier substitutions. Health (and delicious) meal prep is a huge tool for me - I need it so I never find myself starving which is where and when I'll grab anything - the worst, easiest, fastest, cheapest most convenient thing arouns. Cutting out sweets for me (and others have said this too) is surprisingly something you can get used to - things I used to love I can't eat anymore because they taste way too sweet now. Supposedly taste buds can change in as little as even 30 days.
We gravitate to what's familiar but the thing is, we can make anything familiar if we work and keep at it. It's the whole changing patterns thing - switching old patterns for new ones.
I'm so glad I found your videos. They have been so helpful. I have a loved one who is an addict is struggling a lot now and i feel so lost on how to help him anymore. Understanding these triggers and why they happen is so important. It's so hard to let go of the ones we love and to see such potential be thrown away. I really am trying to educate myself as much as possible to be able to help him to recovery while maintaining a healthy boundary between us and trying to keep myself sane in the process.. its not easy nor is it for the weak.. i still have hope and i hope for a happy ending..
I am from a small island in Canada and the mental health and addiction crisis here is terrible.. with very little help available for those who truly need it. I wish there was more..
I'm binge watching now..
You ease my anxiety so much!!
Thank you!!💕
Welcome to our little community Jess. I'm so sorry you're going through this, but you're in the right place. We're glad you're here 💖
Me too
Hope it’s working out
I recently married to not seeing or hearing this info
Trying to help
Gut wrenching
Now, I’ve sent her away
Been terrible roller coaster.
I feel lied to
Violated
Used
Guilt
Ashamed
It’s awful
Binge watching these vids helps
Don't feed the monsters! Don't listen to them.rhank you for this good advice 👍.
You got that right!
Thank you so much for this. I knew nothing about drugs , I didn't even know synthetic marijuana existed. Sadly I married someone who was addicted to synthetic marijuana. This is so what I need to hear as I get so confused with the anger and projections towards myself I can't even begin to think through or rationalise what he is saying. Yesterday he started up again telling me he needed to relax so he could play the piano and write a song. Oh my ???
Hi Jillian, I'm so glad this was helpful!
I have to let you know that I have become a fan of your channel, just recently having signed up. In particular I like this video, because I work as Peer Specialist in the VA and this talk of monsters is something that I do as well. It lets the person conceptualize that their drinking/drugging problem is not them, it is something they deal with, and that can help with their feelings of self worth and allowing themselves to move forward.
Wow, thanks for the positive support. And extra thanks for being a peer support specialist and helping spread recovery!
Caffeine, research, with some good smelling wax melts can keep me up all night. When I get to a stopping point in my reserch i can finally go to sleep, but when i wake up I will go right back to where I left off in the notebook. I will ignore family and friends unless they want to be part of my research and learn with me. I will lose sleep over this monster: I can get this figured out. I have to cut myself off. It's midnight right now! Thanks, Amber, your team is a great support for me. Yes, I going to bed now. 😅
Wow, this is priceless! I know that my (still drinking) alcoholic husband is falling for these, "self talk" monsters.
I'm so glad it was helpful, Dana!
I feel pot usage has some ones that are unique to it. Maybe they technically fall under the ones you already mentioned but the energy behind them is slightly different.
For me those monsters are “it’ll just feel good!”, “it’ll help me be more relaxed/less rigid” and “it’ll be easier to be creative.”
I think because pot is societally seen as being more “chill” and non addictive, and to some degree it is easier to be functional with pot than other substances (for some people), you can trick yourself into thinking your monsters are less “desperate” so they’re okay to have. I suppose this is true for all substances, but pot seems to get a pass in a weird way. No one (even non smokers in my life) has ever actually told me my usage is a problem, but I KNOW it is because of how it’s compromising my life experience and the fact that I’ve never been able to stop. That’s the evil of a weed addiction, it can almost hide in plain sight.
Thank you for this content Amber! My life has been improving tenfold despite my addiction, but I desperately want to be PRESENT for it! The tools and insights you offer are so helpful, and hopefully I can use them to kick this habit for good
You're spot on , Nova! Those are great examples!
Thanks for teaching this stuff.
My pleasure!
Thank you so much!! 🥰 I have a close one who struggles. It helps to hear your knowledge and experience, so thank you so much for sharing!! 🤗🤗🤗
You are so welcome!
I used to rationalize “ drinking to clean my house”. Not only would I end up not cleaning it but it would be even bigger wreck and I’d be drunk accomplished nothing
Thank you for sharing that, Kristi! That's a great example of the Monster Mouths! 🤐
Can you do this topic but for the things that addicted people tell their naive loved ones? (“I’m not an alcoholic, I already stopped for 7 days.” “Trust me, I already learned my lesson and won’t ever do that drug again.” “I can cut back and control it.”)
Get topic suggestion, Lara! I'm putting it on my list right now😀
Im a recovering addict myself and I feel so good that my sons dad who is in his active addiction listened to this and found it helpful I sent it to him on facebook message hopefully it helps him to have this way of thinking or a new perspective
Wow! I think it's great that he was open minded enough to listen. That's a really good sign!
@@PutTheShovelDown Yeah me to usually he isn't that open minded, it might be because recently he wanted to get clean but he left detox to right as he was going to get in. So I sent it to him after he got done telling me he still was going to keep trying.
My husband, my best friend of 30 years, married almost 20 years, sober for almost 16 years, decided after I was away for two weeks our marriage is over, we weren’t working out and he wants a second chance at life, even though his dad and him have said that I saved his life. I found out he’s having affair, It feels like that’s his addiction right now. This is so validating to hear that the monster will tell a long-term recovering addict ways to get close to active addiction first. He’s acting and is doing the exact behaviours he used to do while actively using. It feels like dopamine rush from the affair in hiding and sneaking around is the drug right now and I’m devastated.
Amber, thank you, you are really awesome!❤️
Awwww, thanks Joy! 😊You're the best!
I wish I could get my son to listen to this
Great video! Getting sober had been somewhat rewarding. I've been 6 days on sublocade and doing well. Also I was able to help a great organization lobby for a parole reform bill and we got it passed and waiting for the gov to sign off on. Thank you for the video! I have a its Friday and i chunks drink lots of water Monday i won't get caught. Or i could do it once a month. That never worked.
I'm so glad to hear you're finally feeling some relief, Anthony!
Boy, this really fits now. I am so upset. My daughter and I just got into a senseless argument about smoking weed and her accusing me of being clueless. She left to go back to her boyfriend's house in a huff. I feel overwhelmed. I feel like sending a quick message, but don't know what to say.
Hi True Self, Are you feeling like you should have said or done something differently? If so, then I think it's completely fine to say that to her.
@@PutTheShovelDown I am sitting here just feeling so emotionally empty thinking about my daughter and how much I'm hurting. I read the above post from a couple months ago and thought I can relate to this poor mom and then realized I was the one that wrote it. Wish there was a hotline so I could talk to someone.
The monster imagery is so useful! Thanks so much! I'm glad I found your channel. 😍
I'm so glad you like it! Thanks for watching and especially for your kind feedback 😊
Wow great video! One monster that my boyfriend suffered from the most is "I will have more fun if I go to it tipsy." So he would pregame before every concert, every festival, every party. What actually would happen is once we got to the event, he'd start getting really drunk by the time I was barely tipsy. Next morning he wouldn't remember what happened at the event.
I am like "remember this and this and this happened wow it was so fun". He'd be like ''I don't remember that night but I think I had fun" Like good job you just spent $300 on a concert that you didn't go to xD One of the first things he liked about not drinking is he remembers the events clearly now! I cannot wait to go to more concerts & festivals and reflect back on things. It is nice to make actually memories I am excited xD xD
Funny thing is "I will have more fun if go to it tipsy" monster and I get along pretty well only because I take him super literally xD Tipsy it is then no more drinking hahaha
Bingo! That's a great monster mouth example 🤩
One of my wife’s sayings to me was, do you know every day is not Friday right? And that one stuck with me
Getting the bulk discount on alcohol is not a good idea. This also applies to the deli also. I was once, long ago, Christmas help at a deli. We were told to mention the bulk boxes with ten sausages and fancy decorative paper wrappings to customers as often as possible. A mother turned me down by saying "The more I buy, the faster my sons eat the sausage. All it does is make me have to come back to the store that much sooner."
Have them all
I have a 33 year-old daughter she is what I call a binge addict we will stay drugged-up for seven or eight days and then stay sober two to three weeks it's like a cycle anytime it gets worse and worse how she is in such denial it is unreal she's always thinking she's the victim
It's s so frustrating to be dealing with someone who's thinking is so distorted!
I have all of them
I have heard lots of Hollywood film celebrities say. "Of course I go to cocktail parties. It's what everyone else does. Everyone in my age decade drinks."
"everyone does it"... That's a classic one!
I realized there's a whole other part to this. This video covers part one - part two is coming up with our antidote / replacement thoughts / reframed thoughts we use instead in response to the monsters as they pop up. We need to come up with and memorize our response thoughts in addition to the monster thoughts so we can be ready with our replacement / substitution / resoonse thoughts - like a hammer in a game of whack a mole - so we can become champion whack a mole players!😁
💯💯💯💯💯
They all sound like country music lyrics LOL
In improv they say " yes, and..." seems like it could help reframe some of these as choice statements.
Although some like the "Responsible thing to do" one might run a bit out of control down that rabbit hole... 🤔
Saying "yes and" Is a great technique!
hello Amber I hear the little monster saying "just one drink won't hurt"
So I have a couple monsters you haven’t named:
I’m successful monster- I make more money than my parents, I live on my own, I have my own car, my own place and I have a lot of expendable income so what if I decided to do a lil drugs this weekend. It’s in the budget.
Stress monster-well, my stress is a lil up and this will help you relax
Boredom monster-it’s not like I haven’t anything else to do right now, why not use?
Spot on! Love this!!!
I know someone that has a monster that says I need to barrow a tool or something from a meth heads house or I just want to stop by their house because I don't have any friends, but I won't do anything.
I've heard that monster before. I just wants to get you as close as possible because it knows that once you're there, it's all over!
Hi Amber! My teen just finished a 30 day rehab treatment and is doing pretty good about being honest ( as I am doing therapy and support group to deal with all the honesty) . My question is he has been asking me to keep a vape pen with nicotine for the occasions that he wants to relapse or is experience anxiety and I would have control and give to him. What type of therapy or approach should I do so he doesn’t want to vape. ? Thanks
Vaping nicotine is one of those tough issues. Although we don't think it's good, it's not something that we focus on eliminating. It's a tough call when they're really young.
Thank you Amber! I’ve said all of these and my addiction was limerence. Is that unusual? I’ve never been addicted to a drug but which one is most similar to the dopamine hit from limerence?
Hi Pat, it's not unusual at all. I think Limerence is possibly the most powerful addiction!
VIEWERS: use this list just as a study guide - you don't want to miss Amber's insights. LISTS OF MONSTERS - MONSTER MOUTH THOUGHTS:
1) one last time monster
2) just a little bit / just a few
3) "don't let them control you!"
4) you're nothing but a piece of trash (cuz of what you've done in the past cuz of your use, which makes you feel bad which makes you want to use again, etc, vicious cycle)
5) the Costco Plan monster - get a bulk amount cuz cheaper (no! you'll just use all that all up - and asap)
6) it's not that big a deal (everyone does it, etc etc)
7) YOU'VE never done (thing XYZ) so YOU'RE okay and not an addict (never mind the many other things you HAVE done, this monster will find the ONE thing you haven't done wrong so you must be just fine!)
8) the congratulations! monster - you did it! You passed your test, milestone, etc. So celebration time! (NO - you celebrate in different ways now)
9) the only on "special occasions" monster - THIS ONE IS ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR, COMMON, & DEVIOUS.
10) the just cut back monster
11) the coast is clear monster - no one's here except you, so...
12) the might as well cuz things couldn't get worse monster (addicted use ALWAYS makes things worse) - also called
- the "case of the eff-its monster"
- the "what's the point anymore monster"
- the "black and white thinking" monster
- the "all or nothing" monster (exactly the same as the black and white thinking monster)
13) you can't quit cuz you just don't have it in you monster
14) I'm only hurtimg myself monster ( no - if you have ANYONE who depends on you or cares about you, your hurting them)
15) you already ruined it, - you relapsed, so might as well use anyway. Double team monster - one makes you relapse, the other keeps you in relapsed.
16) it would be rude not to go or leave early to the event that's full of temptations for you
17) it's the only thing that helps me sleep / function / etc etc
18) don't tell people you're in recovery cuz it might make them feel bad. Wrong:. No secrets! Secrets keep those secrets alive.
19) it's none of their business so you don't need to tell them (that can help you leave the window open for you to use again)
20) As long as you don't use THAT specific thing or substance, it's not that bad - booze is okay as long as you don't use coke, or some other "that thing".
21) the "I NEED it, I DESERVE it" monster
22) the "I'm a grown a$$ man or women" monster - a version of the "they can't control me" monster
23) the "you've got money" monster - you have money that could be spent on the substance. Maybe some extra money other than usual.
Long haul monsters:
24) If you keep going to the barbershop, you're eventually going to get a haircut. If it can't get you to use now, it will do something NOW (get you to go to the barber shop) to try to get you closer to using LATER (getting a haircut).
25) The little things monster. It tries to disconnect you from your program or sponsor over little things. This meeting was pointless today! So why go anymore? You find something to get mad at your sponsor about - so you quit going, etc.
Important:
These monster mouths are ALL liars trying to get you to believe them. Also, we all have monster mouth thoughts whether we have addictions or not. We are ALL rationalizing, justifying and deceiving ourselves in one way or another with disempowering thoughts we very likely aren't even aware of (until we train ourselves to become aware of them) if/when struggling with problems and challenges.
A viewer here says we ALL (addicts and non-addicts) have monster mouth thoughts - one definition is "trans-generational conditioning of self hate" (I suppose that applies especially if we internalized disempowering messages from our families and parents and they did the same from their families, etc., etc.)
Anyway, that viewer goes on to say their all lies and they are ALL a function of "our unevolved reptilian brain" (or "subconscious" , "unconscious" or "the primitive brain").
KEYS / SOLUTION:
The "name it to tame it" technique. Naming these monsters is an awareness tool that helps us identify recognize and be aware of them when they show up. Once we're aware of them we can choose our response to them, and our response to them needs to be:
They can only stay strong and active if you feed them. So don't feed them / don't listen to them - if you are vigilant and deliberate in your response and with your saying no to them and practice that, they WILL weaken and go dormant BUT remember to STAY vigilant cuz they can come back - and once you listen to ANY of them again, they ALL come back. They come back as soon as you start deceiving yourself again / justifying / rationalizing things and usage again.
You need to remember that EVERY one of these thoughts, if fed and encouraged and believed, result in using the addictive substance again. Think of every time you've had them before - it ended badly - just the way the monster thoughts wanted it to.
So go back to not feeding them and using your antidote / Hero thoughts to replace / substitute the monster thoughts.
Use reframing of negative thoughts to positive ones instead / and thought replacement / substition exercises as another technique / weapon against these monsters of unproductive and undermining negative thoughts.
On that note, we all might want to write up this list of monsters and any others we can think of and write up the thoughts we can use to REPLACE these thoughts when we do get them. Basically, make a MONSTER MOUTHS & HERO MOUTHS lists. Where you memorize the monster thoughts - with their names (name it to tame it technique) and then also memorize the antidote "Hero" thoughts so we can be ready with them to REPLACE the monster thoughts - like a quick draw gun slinging pistols when these thoughts pop up so we can shoot em dead in their tracks and replace and substitute them with thoughts that empower ourselves instead when and as we need to.
Think of this as "thought replacement therapy" or the "thought replacement technique" (or substition). As soon as you are aware of (and can name) a thought that doesn't serve you - a monster thought, replace the thoughts that don't serve you / substitute them with the thoughts that do serve and empower you instead.
One concept the thought substitution technique takes advantage of in order to work is the "you can't have more than one thought at a time" brain phenomenon. To test this, try to think of the melody of two songs at the same time. You can't. Another example of this is if someone were to say "try NOT to picture of a polar bear". You can't, right - you're thinking of a polar bear. But you CAN switch out that thought with a different one - now think of an elephant - youve replaced the polar bear with an elephant.
It's the same idea - we can use thought substitution to choose our thoughts by 1) being aware of what thoughts we're thinking to begin with, 2) and replacing the ones that don't serve us with the thoughts that empower us instead.
Start with the top of this list.
1) "the one last time" thought monster / monster mouth.
Replace it with a thought hero of something like "I see you "one last time" monster, but I HAD my last time - I'm an addict in RECOVERY now which means I don't use anymore - I choose sobriety instead".
It's also important that you replace the negative, disempowering thought with a positive, empowering, and actionable thought instead. To combat the negative, you've got to combat a negative with a positive.
I love the way you organize all this information. 😍😍😍😍🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩
@@PutTheShovelDown Thank you, Amber. I worry that posting my notes like this WONT be appreciated by the content creator because they might see it as something people can use as a replacement for watching the videos and then the video and channel won't get views. I just added a note at the top of my comment to emphasize its use as a guide / outline to help follow along - not a substitute.
I gotta take notes to digest and retain all this invaluable info, and don't want to lose it. So I figure might as well write up some of my notes in the comments. 🙂 I wish I could do it for all the vids but probably not possible / practical for me.
What I should also include are the time stamps but maybe it's not too hard to find the sections in the video without those.
Also, everyone (at least me anyway) is always looking for a comment that summarizes the content especially for long vids. BUT I think it maybe helps people retain and or follow along with the video - and not compete with it / act as a substitute for watching the video.
If I see a list / notes like this, I'll still want to hear everything you say about the topic.
So I guess I think of it as a study guide / tool and not a replacement for watching the video - I don't think people will skip the video if they see the list - I think it will be and AND not OR.
At least that's how its meant and how I would use it. I hope you're genuinely okay with my posting these and not upset - and if you are, that you'd let me know. I don't want to reduce the views of your channel - it needs to thrive so it can reach people so they can benefit from it like me.
Thanks for this hugely useful channel. All your videos are amazingly educational - I just watched three videos last night that were super helpful / really useful. - I finally understood the how what why of "connection is the solution to addiction" phrase which always confused me (I'm always like, what does that even mean and if that's all it takes, then why is there rehab and 12 step programs, and strategies, and a whole field of science behind it, etc.?) - and the serotonin and oxytocin connection to addiction was also eye opening:
The 3 videos I just watched that were really useful on explaining the "connection" between connection and addiction and it's role and place in it and recovery:
1) Overcome Addiction By Addressing the Root Cause of Addiction
2) Become the Best Version of Yourself
3) Stop Self Sabotaging Behaviors For Good
Thanks, Amber!
@@PutTheShovelDown Amber - please re-read my original comment - I added a few things - but especially what I added at the end - I realized there's a whole other part to this. This video covers part one - part two is coming up with our antidote / replacement thoughts / reframed thoughts we use instead in response to the monsters as they pop up. We need to come up with and memorize and / so we can be ready with our replacement / substitution thoughts - like a hammer in a game of whack a mole - only unlike whack a mole, this is a game we can win! 😁
I’m 37 and I’m in a co dependency heroin and crack relationship.
I just can’t stop for anyone or anything I just don’t know what to do I’ve been on a Meth script for about 20 years and see a drug councillor but I just don’t see anything changing anytime soon I have depression and bad anxiety and when I’m not using i’m miserable my body aches or im just sleeping for 15 hours a day.
This is on the off chance but do you have and advise?
Thanks so much Hayley UK
Here’s my OCD kicking in… the COAST is clear… comes from attempting a hostile invasion by sea🤫
Hmmm, interesting!
How about the classic "I'm not as bad as Mark. He's the town drunk. He's the one that makes everyone cringe and say "Oh no!! What stupidity did he do today?" At least when people talk about me in town they don't cringe and say "Ewww! Oh him!!"
The short label is "I'm not that guy that makes others cringe"
That's a great one!
"Feed me, Seymour!"
That's exactly what it's like!
One last time
Now, that's a monster I'm familiar with! 🤐
👏👍🏻very good collection of different types of monsters ...🦖😈🧟♀️🧛♀️🤡💀👾🐛👻🧟♂️🕷🐲 ... 😵☹️🤯.
A few last times ( more than a few)
Can we influence the "Don't let them control you like that" monster to see addiction as slavery and resist the other monsters?
We sure can!
I have
Just last time, just a littel bit, everyone does it, you can't be an addict, only on special occasions, you just need to cut back, you dont hurting anybody but youreself, you already ruined it, it's none of their business,
My monsters changes their woises. But the monster Who is the strongest is....just one last time
Spot on!
Another name for "You're Not An Addict!" is "not yet" syndrome. It can't be that bad because I have not done [ ----- ] yet.
I love it!
I'm struggling with marijuana addiction and I get the “its not that big a deal monster” that’s a lie. I've engaged in behaviors that resemble crack addict behind it……
Monster mouth…I don’t need a sponsor, AA,NA or smart recovery “ I can do it on my own”
Spot on 🎯
I have them all.
Cookie Monster 🍪🍪🍪
Is she joking? Her best advice to beat an addiction is don't listen to or feed the compulsions? Oh. Ok. Would every addict out there please just stop listening to and or feeding their addictions please. Whew. Glad all the addicts can be cured now. That was easier than I thought.
@Real Data Are YOU joking? Have you seen her body of work?!?!
in real time life as an innovative counselor,
on RUclips, on other online support groups?
Did you actually expect that ANYONE was going to provide a magic pill to POOF cure addiction in one video?
Really‽ Seriously, just move on! Go somewhere else and be a piranha! We don't need your negativity! Bye 👋
Ok. I'm wrong. Addicts - the answer is to not listen to or act upon your compulsions.
It’s identifying your monsters. The visuals help.
@@theresasmith343 my point is beating addiction isn't that easy. This video (not her body of work) is how to beat an addiction. I think everyone is not seeing the deficiencies in her advice here. Instead everyone is just addicted to positivity. Positivity alone cannot beat addictions.
Please give more credit to AA and stop implying that AA says you are powerless over recovery… that is exactly why we work the inside job.
Mental monsters are real 👿 👹
I will hear noone will know
That's a good one!
Uh-oh
Addiction Demons
It will help me be more creative. I’m more easygoing if I have a little. What’s the point, life is miserable either way. Just buy some to prove that you can resist it. Everyone else has abandoned me, but _ has always been there. Sure, you woke up without your pants on and saw that you sent some hateful text messages to the people who love you and you choked one of your only true friends for some slight that you concocted in your delusional mind and felt utter shame for a week, but that was 2 weeks ago nobody is thinking about that anymore. At least I’m not on Heroine. She is probably going to leave me anyways. I go to work everyday, and I’m not hurting anybody but myself. I deserve it. And the demon king “internal silence and raw agony….you already know you will”.
Wow! These are great examples. A++++++++ You have great insight and awareness of these addict monster mouths!
If there's a recovery saying: "if you keep going to the barber shop you're eventually going to get a hair cut"? If my therapist said this stupid analogy I would walk out. That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Is this a southern thing? I would never say that to anyone especially if they are addicted to a substance. I think therapists also need to be smart and not treat their clients like idiots. Now I'm going to hang out with my buddies at the barber shop like everyone does...
When one counselor isn’t a good fit for you then just move along and keep scrolling till you find the perfection you seek.
It’s not helpful to everyone else when you act like a jackal.
I agree A H ‘s videos are excellent ‼️👍
I intend to try and listen to them ALL within the next year !!!
Hey any knowledge works !!!
awareness coupled with humility , outside strategy, n support, n strength n fellowship n sharing with others with so molar struggles VS. solo ness secrecy n just muscleing it with sheer
willpower ??!?!
I’m goin with her!
Take a hike
You sound like denial to me