I was recently in a car accident. The officer came up to my door. I opened the door and I said, "I have anxiety, and I need your hand," and he extended his hand. He also to have a medic talk to me, but my sister had arrived. I am ashamed of anxiety and depression. This is the first time I did not try to suck it up,
Feeling called out about that emotional and often irrational thinking. I'll run off those thoughts for days then when things go right, start wondering if I'm making the right decision. If I can relax into the problem solving mind using the data I received from my emotions, I can get to manageable solutions, but it can take days or weeks to get there.
I totally overreacted yesterday, putting all sorts of extra meaning on why my hubby forgot something I asked him to bring me. Seeing this video now will help me from doing that to him today. And I'll be sure to give him a kiss and an apology, too! Thanks, Amber! 😀
you say that sometimes an addict won't get into recovery for themselves because they really don't want to or they wouldn't be using. I get that. But I don't think my daughter has anyone else to get sober for. Since I locked her out many years ago, I'm off the list although it's very true. I don't believe she feels I love her nor do i surmise she feels love for me because of that past incident. She says I have broken her heart so many times. I don't say how many times my breaks every day.
Hi Rita, People can also get sober for other external reasons like a job, or not wanting to go to jail, or they get sick of feeling bad all the time. While people are in active addiction they hold on to past hurts and grudges as a way of justifying bad decisions/behavior. Chances are, if your daughter got sober, she would be able to move through her hurt feelings.
In that scenario about the roommate/spouse/child, I know I'd totally snap. I frequently go off about these kinds of things. Thanks for sharing this video. I'll try my best to not go overboard.
This thought-control concept works! I had a "nervous breakdown" back in April of 2003 (nope, no addictions; just heavy clinical depression). I had hit my rock bottom, and for the 1st time in my life (I turned 30 that july), I learned that you actually for-real can grab-hold of self and exert control. I was amazed in a few short weeks, on how this thought-control actually works! Been honing it ever since. I cannot imagine how I used to live my life before! ...Thanks for so many such great videos!!!!!
My son who struggles with addiction does this all the time. I feel like it’s partly why he uses because he attaches negative meaning to things all the time, then believes the negative things he’s telling himself like “they don’t care about me”, then he decides “well I don’t care about them either” and sabotages good friends, relationships etc. He then feels bad about himself because he believes those lies that no one likes him. Etc. it’s a viscous cycle and when I tell him to think about the incident and see what role he played etc he won’t accept any responsibility and says things like “I like myself the way I am so they should too.”
I’m so glad I found u , I grew up in an alcoholic household. I said my whole like I would break the cycle and now I’m living in an marriage with alcoholic. 😔Once in recovery and now off the bandwagon . I’m will be listen to many of your videos
Thank you so much for your advice! I appreciate it so much - I often let my emotions get the best of me which has caused many health issues. I have tried al-anon and it has helped but I am still so undecided about what to do - so much more to my story... a very sad one. Thank you so much for posting these videos - I bless the day I found you!
This is really helpful to me. I read that to be happy at work you should assume the people you deal with have the best motives possible. Maybe I interrupted you bc I was excited about something - not because I don't care about your ideas. I've applied this to my neighbors, family, friends, and online friends. It keeps me from stewing over little oversights and comments. I'm going to use some of your ideas to add on to what I've been doing.
The first part of this video really spoke to me and my tendencies. Like 😳 wow! Thank you! Although a little uncomfortable, I actually enjoyed being “called out” in a way and thinking of it in a productive manner. I would LOVE to see more videos like this. Thanks bunches!!!
Hi Amber, Love your video. From my perspective the truth in a empathetic honest way, showing YOUR BOUNDARIES and tell it as it truly is, is extremely important! You have to identify the emotion in that exact moment or you can listen breath and take a moment to digest the truth and come back to it when you are ready and express that proper emotion how your boundaries have been compromised and how that effects YOU!! That is my perspective. Let me know what you think of my perspective Amber, I totally value your perspective..thks Amber just love your way of thinking.💞👍👍🖖
Omg that's so me. I act first and then think after. I thought I was crazy but this video has helped me cuz it made me feel like you were talking to me, if that makes sense. I'm going to try this cuz I can't take arguing with my boyfriend over me overreacting.
What you said about the response time, especially in dealing with an addict and we text A LOT, it's the majority of our time of interaction. He is not my boyfriend but we've been on and off for so long as FWB and now we are just friends, which I NEVER was ok with FWB, but it's hard not to react/treat him like a boyfriend because we are close, even when I've been gone for over 2yrs this time...sigh...thank you for the controlling emotions videos...it's really helping me, I always think he doesn't care but being that he always lets me back into his life and has gone out of his way to help me in the past (even tho we weren't sleeping together) shows me that he probably actually does.
I dint even get mad anymore. I just silently scream inside change the laundry and then go cry about how I can't ask or say negative about the situation cuz then I'm told how the feelings I'm having are incorrect and that's my fault for feeling that way
When my husband does or doesn't do certain things it triggers me because it's always the same old addiction behaviors that never change. Me not reacting is key, although it makes me feel like I'm letting him walk all over me and disrespecting our marriage by not stopping the behaviors because he promised he would. I've resolved that he won't because he won't get help or stop drinking and smoking pot.
Hey Lori, This is a perfect example of thinking that will set you up for negative feelings and outcomes. The words that stand out to me are "behaviors that NEVER change". "he WON'T because". You've already decided that he will never change and that he walks all over you. I'm worried that you and he will forever be locked into a power struggle. Is there any room to shift this self-talk just a tiny bit?
This is a tough pill to swallow when this happens all the time. Over time when you feel such an imbalance and you truly are doing everything when they sit on their butt drinking and not doing anything. The emotions seem valid? It makes the non addicted family member feel alone, isolated and overwhelmed. And it’s not like you can say anything to them because then you are a nag. It’s a sore subject for sure!!
Conclusions... what I’m going through now... but I know what is going on, but conclusions come in on details of what all is happening while it’s going on
Hi Judy, Are you saying that you don't jump to conclusions about what is happening (because you already know what is happening), but that you do jump to conclusions about the details of the happenings?
@@PutTheShovelDown I do know what is happening... but the details of what all is going on as it’s happening.. and undoubtedly I had a gut feeling and wasn’t conclusions... my worst nightmare was really going on....and still is
4:14 anger and disappointment. But it is my job to attend to clothes and as a control freak co dependant I would not trust the job to be done anyway. Or I would have called on my broken cell phone. I wouldnt leave a shirt I really needed to someone else
What about if the scenerio had been a pattern, it repeats. I.e. The person you asked to change laundry didn't, and it's not the first time. It happens multiple times.
I came first time here and my English is poor. (It is my fourth languages.) After 5:30 I don't understand what is the main point. The road is busy, the flat is dirty. Okay. A little bit toooooo long for me and please open wide your mouth because I don't understand if you are speaking with closed lips. But I see you are beautiful and smart. Only not everyone is English or American here. :-(
🙋♂️Learn more about dealing with Grudges and Resentments: 👉ruclips.net/video/_VIugjqik24/видео.html
I was recently in a car accident. The officer came up to my door. I opened the door and I said, "I have anxiety, and I need your hand," and he extended his hand. He also to have a medic talk to me, but my sister had arrived. I am ashamed of anxiety and depression. This is the first time I did not try to suck it up,
Catastrophising and jumping to conclusions are places I go to so quickly. It gets me into a lot of trouble in my relationships
It's so easy to do!
Same here!
Me too and I'm tired of being like that. It makes me feel terrible after
Oh wow the shift I feel just moving from the word anxiety to feeling afraid wooow thank you
So glad that was helpful!
Feeling called out about that emotional and often irrational thinking. I'll run off those thoughts for days then when things go right, start wondering if I'm making the right decision. If I can relax into the problem solving mind using the data I received from my emotions, I can get to manageable solutions, but it can take days or weeks to get there.
I totally overreacted yesterday, putting all sorts of extra meaning on why my hubby forgot something I asked him to bring me. Seeing this video now will help me from doing that to him today. And I'll be sure to give him a kiss and an apology, too! Thanks, Amber! 😀
That takes a lot of humility! Good for you
I love your southern accent 😊 it's so soothing and sweet. Thanks for the motivation
Awwwww, thanks NK!
you say that sometimes an addict won't get into recovery for themselves because they really don't want to or they wouldn't be using. I get that. But I don't think my daughter has anyone else to get sober for. Since I locked her out many years ago, I'm off the list although it's very true. I don't believe she feels I love her nor do i surmise she feels love for me because of that past incident. She says I have broken her heart so many times. I don't say how many times my breaks every day.
Hi Rita, People can also get sober for other external reasons like a job, or not wanting to go to jail, or they get sick of feeling bad all the time. While people are in active addiction they hold on to past hurts and grudges as a way of justifying bad decisions/behavior. Chances are, if your daughter got sober, she would be able to move through her hurt feelings.
In that scenario about the roommate/spouse/child, I know I'd totally snap. I frequently go off about these kinds of things. Thanks for sharing this video. I'll try my best to not go overboard.
This thought-control concept works! I had a "nervous breakdown" back in April of 2003 (nope, no addictions; just heavy clinical depression). I had hit my rock bottom, and for the 1st time in my life (I turned 30 that july), I learned that you actually for-real can grab-hold of self and exert control. I was amazed in a few short weeks, on how this thought-control actually works! Been honing it ever since. I cannot imagine how I used to live my life before! ...Thanks for so many such great videos!!!!!
Wow! That's fantastic. Any advice for other viewers?
Instead of anxious, excited. Nervous is another one but that could be excitement, too. Excited is a much more positive take on anxious or nervous.
Saying excited instead of anxious makes a HUGE difference!
@@PutTheShovelDown I picked that up from a Zen monk and teacher, Cheri Huber, from LivingCompassion.org
My son who struggles with addiction does this all the time. I feel like it’s partly why he uses because he attaches negative meaning to things all the time, then believes the negative things he’s telling himself like “they don’t care about me”, then he decides “well I don’t care about them either” and sabotages good friends, relationships etc. He then feels bad about himself because he believes those lies that no one likes him. Etc. it’s a viscous cycle and when I tell him to think about the incident and see what role he played etc he won’t accept any responsibility and says things like “I like myself the way I am so they should too.”
You're probably spot on. I see that kind of cyclical thinking all the time!
Mind blown 🤯! Where have you been my whole life?!? Thank you!
Awwww thanks Laura!
I’m so glad I found u , I grew up in an alcoholic household. I said my whole like I would break the cycle and now I’m living in an marriage with alcoholic. 😔Once in recovery and now off the bandwagon . I’m will be listen to many of your videos
Thank you so much for the positive feedback!
@@PutTheShovelDown im here for it. And have already sent a few videos to a family member. Your an angel sent from above!
Guilty. Thank you for telling me what I need to hear.
Thank you so much for your advice! I appreciate it so much - I often let my emotions get the best of me which has caused many health issues. I have tried al-anon and it has helped but I am still so undecided about what to do - so much more to my story... a very sad one. Thank you so much for posting these videos - I bless the day I found you!
Thank you Donna. I'm really glad these videos are helpful! 😊
I’m still thinking about your limerance video. I’d never heard that word before
I reacted the same way when I heard the word limerence!
This is really helpful to me. I read that to be happy at work you should assume the people you deal with have the best motives possible. Maybe I interrupted you bc I was excited about something - not because I don't care about your ideas. I've applied this to my neighbors, family, friends, and online friends. It keeps me from stewing over little oversights and comments.
I'm going to use some of your ideas to add on to what I've been doing.
Love that! Spot on 👏👏👏👏
Really REALLY needed to hear this now...for the sake of me and my son!!!
I'm so glad this was helpful, T!
Love this, really need these!! Please do more!!
You got ur!
Yes more help like this!
you got it.
Great topic! Please keep informing us. You are a great help! Your program is outstanding! Thank you!🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
My pleasure! More to come 😉
The first part of this video really spoke to me and my tendencies. Like 😳 wow! Thank you! Although a little uncomfortable, I actually enjoyed being “called out” in a way and thinking of it in a productive manner. I would LOVE to see more videos like this. Thanks bunches!!!
Hi Chey! I'm so glad you found this helpful 😁😁😁😁😁
I definitely want to learn more! Thank you, Amber 💜
You got it!
Hi Amber,
Love your video.
From my perspective the truth in a empathetic honest way, showing YOUR BOUNDARIES and tell it as it truly is, is extremely important!
You have to identify the emotion in that exact moment or you can listen breath and take a moment to digest the truth and come back to it when you are ready and express that proper emotion how your boundaries have been compromised and how that effects YOU!!
That is my perspective.
Let me know what you think of my perspective Amber, I totally value your perspective..thks Amber just love your way of thinking.💞👍👍🖖
Love it! Especially the part where you said "tell it as it truly is"!
@@PutTheShovelDown 🙂💞
Omg that's so me. I act first and then think after. I thought I was crazy but this video has helped me cuz it made me feel like you were talking to me, if that makes sense. I'm going to try this cuz I can't take arguing with my boyfriend over me overreacting.
I'm so glad this was helpful, Tonya!
When I have anxiety it goes up, and then down to depression. I write, write, write.
Great stuff!
Glad you enjoyed it
What you said about the response time, especially in dealing with an addict and we text A LOT, it's the majority of our time of interaction. He is not my boyfriend but we've been on and off for so long as FWB and now we are just friends, which I NEVER was ok with FWB, but it's hard not to react/treat him like a boyfriend because we are close, even when I've been gone for over 2yrs this time...sigh...thank you for the controlling emotions videos...it's really helping me, I always think he doesn't care but being that he always lets me back into his life and has gone out of his way to help me in the past (even tho we weren't sleeping together) shows me that he probably actually does.
Yes! Thank you! I want to know more about those!
😁😁😁
I’m sorry Amber I couldn’t manage my emotions today I let my addictive love one have a piece of my mind …
We all get pushed over the limit from time to time, Esther!
YES!!! Please more. This was so helpful
I dint even get mad anymore. I just silently scream inside change the laundry and then go cry about how I can't ask or say negative about the situation cuz then I'm told how the feelings I'm having are incorrect and that's my fault for feeling that way
sounds like you might be experiencing gaslighting. Here's a video I made on that topic: ruclips.net/video/5kDczK92fdE/видео.html
When my husband does or doesn't do certain things it triggers me because it's always the same old addiction behaviors that never change. Me not reacting is key, although it makes me feel like I'm letting him walk all over me and disrespecting our marriage by not stopping the behaviors because he promised he would. I've resolved that he won't because he won't get help or stop drinking and smoking pot.
Hey Lori, This is a perfect example of thinking that will set you up for negative feelings and outcomes. The words that stand out to me are "behaviors that NEVER change". "he WON'T because". You've already decided that he will never change and that he walks all over you. I'm worried that you and he will forever be locked into a power struggle. Is there any room to shift this self-talk just a tiny bit?
@@PutTheShovelDown yes, and I have. The outcome is the same. He rejects counseling and will take jail over changing to reach his full potential.
Then he turns around blames me to stay the victim and in his addiction. What can I say to him that will reach him?
@CHAR SIU Thank you. I wish he could see this.
This is a tough pill to swallow when this happens all the time. Over time when you feel such an imbalance and you truly are doing everything when they sit on their butt drinking and not doing anything. The emotions seem valid? It makes the non addicted family member feel alone, isolated and overwhelmed. And it’s not like you can say anything to them because then you are a nag. It’s a sore subject for sure!!
I would be livid
I have a Woodriffe near me too here in Fife in Scotland
Wow! That's cool. Is it a really busy road?
Conclusions... what I’m going through now... but I know what is going on, but conclusions come in on details of what all is happening while it’s going on
Hi Judy, Are you saying that you don't jump to conclusions about what is happening (because you already know what is happening), but that you do jump to conclusions about the details of the happenings?
@@PutTheShovelDown I do know what is happening... but the details of what all is going on as it’s happening.. and undoubtedly I had a gut feeling and wasn’t conclusions... my worst nightmare was really going on....and still is
Excellent information! Thank you so much! B 💪
so glad you liked it!
Thank you..i need as much help as possible
Happy to help, Ali! 😃
Would it be bad if I never ask anyone to do anything cause it’s easier not to😊
Yes, because it will lead you to resentment.
That was fabulous thank you
But I did put some healthy boundaries down about respecting me
Nice work 😊🤩
4:14 anger and disappointment. But it is my job to attend to clothes and as a control freak co dependant I would not trust the job to be done anyway. Or I would have called on my broken cell phone. I wouldnt leave a shirt I really needed to someone else
This was just an example of how we assign meaning to another persons behavior which only causes problems in relationships.
Sad they didn’t think of me 😢
This was head on. I was just thinking about my daughter who blew me off and is not answering my text.
Thanks True Self! I'm glad this one hit the spot!
What about if the scenerio had been a pattern, it repeats. I.e. The person you asked to change laundry didn't, and it's not the first time. It happens multiple times.
I think some people say "depressed" when they are bored.
You're so right!
Be a person not an emotional reaction
Do you have a download of all the emotion words?
Enraged. Overwhelmed. Pissed!!! Disappointed
On edge - that pit in your stomach that is always there.
Go by facts not feelings
I came first time here and my English is poor. (It is my fourth languages.) After 5:30 I don't understand what is the main point. The road is busy, the flat is dirty. Okay. A little bit toooooo long for me and please open wide your mouth because I don't understand if you are speaking with closed lips. But I see you are beautiful and smart. Only not everyone is English or American here. :-(
👍👍👍🌺 !!
😀😀😀
Really let down.
a little frustrated to say the least.
Hopeless.