The Secret That Almost Killed Me | Kirsten Johnson | TEDxSDSU
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- Опубликовано: 1 июл 2018
- Sometimes keeping a secret can take a profound toll on your mental as well as physical health. Here Kirsten Johnson shares her experience of repressing years of traumatic sexual assault and the long road to recovery. Kirsten Johnson is a life coach, RUclipsr and author of the upcoming book Elephant. Johnson makes videos on anxiety, addiction, shame, spirituality and living your life purpose. She is also the creator of The Elephant Heard, an online community comprised of people rising up to their full potential after the trauma of childhood sexual abuse.
Johnson is passionate about teaching people how to transform their relationship with fear so that they can live an empowered life. She holds a Masters in Statistics from UCLA and a BA in Psychology. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
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“As a culture, we don’t want to talk about the underlying trauma.” The thing is, unless and until we talk about the underlying trauma, we don’t heal.
And if we don't know what it is?
Why not talk it to God if somebody is an atheist? Nobody mentions that.
Every pause, every word, shook me. She was so brave to tell her stories. She helped me become more open about my suicidal ideation, and made me seek help. Thank you for that, Kirsten.
Omar Ilyas I’m so happy to hear you’ve woken up to a deeper healing 🙏🏼❤️
Omar Ilyas so is everyone that is on this channel
I agree.
Thank you Kirsten
Michaela Torn I will keep you in my thoughts. I’ve been there. I’m so sorry you’ve had to struggle & deal with things no one deserves. It’s taken me years of therapy, soul searching & many medications. I still have really bad days. But I’m now almost 36, have 3 kids of my own & know healing (maybe not completely, but enough to have a full life) is possible. I really hope you’re doing better 💜
Dear Sister,
You are courageous.
This secret is unbearable.
I don't understand how as a human someone could actually do that to another human..
Johnhitbox The sad truth is that the human that commits The act against another human most of the time because something happened to them or it was done to them as well. A vicious cycle.
There are humans, and then there are humans
Johnhitbox agreed
ESPECIALLY because they were her friends! HOW COULD THEY DO THAT?!?!
It's about power and control over someone.
Telling the secret to the wrong person can really put you inside a never ending spiral. It can be dangerous, so choose the person wisely. Letting someone into the most traumatic event of my life was awful, I was made to feel repeatedly, it was my fault. I wish nobody goes through, what I went through. I know how that deep depression and anxiety can kill you like a poison from inside.
I'm so sorry that happened. It is absolutely not your fault.
I shared my secret when I was 13. Today I am 33. I have told my secret to at least 32 professionals... Nobody helped me. They added to the trauma. Society put me aside. I cannot but smile and pretend that I am ok to cope with work. Nobody truly understands me and my pain. I am alone with it. A few weeks ago I started EMDR which is my last resort... because I tried everything and I emptied my pockets to be shown the way to healing.
You need to be heard! If you need a ear and a empathetic voice I’m here!
i empathize, i told my secret at 12 and 16. today i am 20. people heard but never understood. bottle pills sit in my medicine cabinet. endless nights of crying. drugs and alcohol to make it better. diagnosed with depression, anxiety and bipolar 2. in my culture it’s often swept under the rug. but i speak my secret to myself. although i was failed, i made it. every day is a huge accomplishment because i’m here no matter how hard it is. this is my secret, this is my truth. this is my elephant.
@@georgehuergen9056 you are brave and amazing and I believe in you
@@georgehuergen9056 the physical body has no power , the mind set does and even greater in power is the you spirit. the pathway to your spirit is your mindset. absolutely is not the physical- not thing,place,time distance.
Jesus can heal you 🙏 ❤️
I "deal" with PTSD.
All I want is "sacred time & space" to heal.
I continue to be in "toxic environments" focused on re-victimization.
Thanks for letting me share 💝
One of the most relatable speeches I've ever heard. Crazy. I am not alone
hey , are you ok ?
You are definitely not alone
You are not alone. You are 'fine'.
And this is true on any abused victims, physical or psychological. Many feels silenced and unable to speak up while the abuser happily goes on with their life pretending to be great person for everyone else... until they find new victim.
one day I'll find my voice, I hope.
I'm praying for you☺
((hugs)) to you...
🖤
I hope you do 🙂 I really do 😁
Diana-that day is TODAY!
She was incredibly lucky to go to such a upscale recovery center.. speaking as a recovered addict, what most people have to settle for due to lack of funds is horrible... everyone deserves a world class recovery- or at least a facility with enough COMPETANT, well educated addiction professionals and psychologists who can be one on one with each patient and not overworked and understaffed like all the facilities are these day. God bless every addict suffering and in recovery.
I agree with you.
I so agree. Pray that they will be successful in their recovery process and find much peace, love and healing that they truly deserve. 🙏❤
*COMPETENT
And recovery from the physical and emotional damage to a normal family who has a mother in stage 3 pre-liver pserosis type 2 diabetes, heart disease and reoccurring Pancreatitis deserves to see her son as not responsible for his situation and consequences and should be made aware of what the good people are doing to stop abuse and allow her to have her son financially support her as well as enjoying her life shame free. A cousin who deserves to get his children back and the relationship with the love of his life without shaming him for anything he has been accused of, not proven.
I have a right to have my grievance addressed by judiciary and the other rights i have to not be held upon public trials or for others who are on parole to be able to run well and have equal opportunity to a shame-free community/society that allows us to treat one another in a respectful and the 🪙 golden rule to treat others as we too expect to be treated
Thank you for sharing your elephant. Powerful stuff. The flight, flight or freeze reaction is not a choice. Hearing you say this really struck me. The revictimisation shocked me. The ability to change the pattern soothed me. So many people don’t speak about this including me so thank you for speaking.
Helen Evans you’re welcome 🙏🏼❤️🐘 It all shocked me at first too! Xx
I can talk to my psychologist but not toy parents i dont want em to know dont know why
@@idfcagainidfc25
Protecting yourself maybe?
i called a treatment center today because of you. thank you for having the courage to talk about this, you are helping so many people.
How are you doing now? I hope you are better and on the "upward spiral" now or even thriving!
I have been looking for so long for someone who's gone through anything even remotely similar to me. Thank you for being the voice I need to hear right now.
Stay brave. Everyone loves you. (｡♡‿♡｡)
Susan Stone you’re not alone I am a survivor too
You are not alone. I have felt the same way. I live so isolated still. Feel like I don't live but I exist.
😢💕💔🙏
As a survivor of several ’revictimizations’, I also found listening to Joyce Meyer very helpful.
It's Complex-PTSD. Ptsd caused by *continued* trauma. Ptsd is trauma from a singular event. This poor girl endured years & years of continued trauma & abuse 😞😭
Tons of respect for this Kirsten.
She is so right. And don't tell yourself that your elephant isn't big enough to be worth some help. Because nobody else can make that decision. only you know, how you feel about something.
Abuse, alcohol, benzo's, opiate, panicked.
Been there, you did well to survive, and further study to advocate those still suffering Kirsten, thankyou.
I honour your bravery for speaking your truth and calling out the elephant on the room. We can all learn a valuable lesson here, so thank you Kirsten for putting it out that, not sugar coated, raw and honest and hard. I am as always in awe of your courage & bravery as you face the demons within. Keep being you, you are so loved. Xx
Thank you Lorraine ❤️❤️❤️ Let's get free! :)
You are so incredibly brave, Kirsten. Thank you for having the courage to get up there and share your story. You have already helped so many people in your life, and I know there will be many more after watching this.
Thank you Jacqueline ❤️❤️❤️
2 minutes in and I have goosebumps and feel every single word she is saying .. I’m still working on my ptsd and still haven’t let anyone know... this gave me hope that one day I will be able too😔❤️
I was never afraid to tell my story. My problem was finding people who care, listen, and do not take advantage. Trust me when I say this that the secret I bare could tempt even the highest of some professionals to take advantage. No, issue is about trust. It is about respecting, and understanding. It is about recognizing, with respect other people's boundaries.
This was so powerful. The problem is many times your own family do not believe you. They can’t accept the truth and that in itself is another trauma. This happened to me and it is emotionally isolating. However, you are right the only way out or ‘up’ is by speaking out and honoring our authentic self.
I'm 42 and I am still afraid frequently,thank you so much for sharing!!
I’m the same age as you and just recently opened up about all my traumas to my husband. He knew about some of it but we only recently dug into the meat of all of it. I have PTSD. Find someone and tell your story! I am still working through things but it does help to talk about it. You will be glad you did!
This is my story to the exact same words. Embrace your voice, believe survivors, change the culture.
It breaks my heart to listen to this. Poor woman.
I’m glad she’s recovering from all this horrible trauma.
I can't believe how similar our stories are. You have helped me so much. Thank you for not being silent.
about a week ago I told a good friend, someone who I trust more than anyone, about what happened to me as a kid. it was liberating. this is so real
you were never a kid, you were a child
I don’t want to silently suffer anymore so I told my sister
Good for you!
Good job jazzy! I don't know how old your sister is or if you found help but keep telling someone until you get help, your voice is your power
Well-done never forget you are loved
💜
❤❤
Wow! At first I thought she was never going to speak. She kept pausing, it was like it was so hard to drag every word out.
All of a sudden it was like a raging flood, spilling out of her like lava, gushing higher and faster every second.
That was an amazing story, she had so much pain, so much trauma. I am glad she got help, and is using her experience to help others. Bless her.
When she talks about her recovery the joy and relief in her voice is so amazing.
I can't even process right now. This young lady very well may be the strongest person I've ever heard speak.
I used to tell random people about my story .. because I’m too afraid to tell someone i know 💔☺️
how cruel can a person be? so happy for her. love her and hope she continues inspiring others.
Thanks Kristen.
Such a courageous woman who by sharing her stories has hopefully made us more aware and strong.
Fantastic talk Kristen. I've known you "virtually" for a while but didn't know your whole story. What has always struck me about you is your adventurous spirit along with your generosity, courage, and contagious joy. I'm so pleased you overcame those challenges and now I better understand where those powerful traits spring from. Thanks so much for your honesty and transparency and for speaking up and out to encourage others to begin an upward spiral.
Thank you Michael ❤️❤️
It’s a disorder if you don’t experience post traumatic stress from these things. PTS, is a normal reaction to horrific events, it’s not an abnormal response. You only have a disorder if you don’t feel bad when bad things happen. Love to you all.
That's interesting I've never heard that before
I was in foster care, I have no memories of what happened. I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD due to trauma in early childhood.
for whatever might have happened, I am sorry that you had to go through that. even if you don't remember, it is sad that you had to suffer its effects regardless. thank you for sharing your experience, however much or little you have revealed, and I wish you the best of luck in living a life that is fulfilling and safe.
anne welch i am so sorry. I hope you get the help and support you need
I have a lot of secrets, but I'm slowly getting them out. I'm going to therapy, I've been there for 2 sessions, and have already told my mom about my depression. that's the very top of the iceberg but at least it's a start.
(edit) I'm also still going through a lot, and to be honest I'm still in a very toxic mindset.
Sounds very courageous to me ❤️
Self awareness is one of the first places to be. Keep pushing!
This is a wonderful and powerful talk. Words are weapons. I also love that you use the word survivor, not victim. I've asked my friends recently to call me a survivor, not a victim. Thank you for this talk ❤️
This talk is fantastic....and knowing this woman went through what she did....makes it even more resonating. She has a very positive message to tell! What a love she has!
I’m very proud of you Kirsten. Powerful message. Keep up the real path. It matters. You matter.
Wow,,!!!! You’ve just told my own life story - I related to everything!, I’ve stayed silent for too long and your talk has helped me feel,less isolated . I’ve stayed silent on so many traumas as I didn’t want to be judged. Wishing you continued health and sobriety and thanks for sharing 🙏🏼💕💕
Your story sounds so much like mine.... thank you, beautiful soul..💪💪
stay strong 💕
Mine too. Thank you. ❤️
Mine too.
Tks for sharing part of your life story. I too am working on my traumas, EMDR is helping. It took a semi road rage assault to bring out the deep and hidden ones. My wife is by my side supporting me as I walk thru so many T’s and the anxiety , panic , crying ext.
I’m over 60 urs old. Guys and gals Please deal with yours ASAP.
So inspiring to hear your journey 🙏🙏🙏
CPTSD is a form of PTSD but more severe. I understand her whole story. Me too. xoxoxo
Hope you are better now. Wish you all the best.
@@steppenfuchs5608 thank you 😊 i am so much better and i get more and more aware daily. xoxox thank you for your caring energy.
Can relate on multiple levels. Glad for her recovery and sharing her story.
You’ve inspired me *so* much. Thank you. I decided to come out about my problems. You’re stronger than you’ll ever know. ❤️
Very courageous! There are things I myself could confess. Thank you for your inspiration and bravery.
i couldn’t really sit through the video yet but thank you for being so brave and telling your story. I’ve saved this video and will finish watching it one day. That little bit Ive heard is powerful enough.
Thank you for sharing this. It's strange, yet comforting to hear someone else describe the same feelings you've experienced. Glad to see she's opening up and processing the trauma that has changed the trajectory of her life.
Me too. Still in recovery. Thank you for sharing your story.
Also Victim of Old-School Child Abuse, TY for your Ted Talk
Thank you for sharing. Silence must stop for cycles of violence to end.
Sister, preach! I see you, I hear you, we understand each other’s pain. The fear of leaving the house and sleeping anywhere that anyone could access me really hit home. To this day, I sleep with a locked bedroom door.
So proud of you Kirsten! You're one strong person 💛
She's so amazing that I felt every word she said
The right thing to do and can take years to realise ...I love TED talks and people like this that are brave and giving..Thank you
Thank you so much I really needed to hear this ... and your so strong and amzing.
She’s very brave for sharing this story! God bless you Kirsten❤️❤️❤️
This was a very moving speech. Thank you for sharing your story. When you’ve spent your entire life burying and denying standing up, speaking your truth like this has to be both terrifying and so freeing.
What an incredibly gifted speaker on such a heartbreaking topic. I hope this helps open the door for other survivors to communicate their story and pain.
Love you Kristen. I’ve had your same symptoms especially with klonipin. What gave me my issues are different than yours but similar in the source of many things. I like a lot of your content on your channel
Great speech!!! Thanks for sharing. 🙏🏼💜🤗
Powerful truth. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing you story, Kirsten. I'm so glad that you are rising above the things that were done to you. God bless you for being willing to be vulnerable in order to help others.
This is one of the bravest people I’ve seen.
Hmmm...not gotten out in the World much? Many are this Brave.✌🌜⚡⭐⚡🌞🌝🌛
Wow this took huge amounts of strength to share- thank you 🙏
i'm so sorry for you and all the people who were abused when they were young. you should always have a voice.
Thank You - as uncomfortable as I felt about Your mesaage, I made myself listen. You have described similar events that occurred in my life. It's like a hard punch to the gut when ever I hear of other's trauma.
Inspirational to many!! Keep talking as the more we all hear it the more others will also speak up. We are ready for the truth to surface! It’s time to change our world from pain into love💗
Kirsten Johnson you are a total inspiration, much love and respect to you and all watching.
What a wonderful discussion. As I mentioned on FB, this is such a relevant and necessary dialogue that needs to happen more. I truly believe this message can help those who are considering suicide are their only option to feel safer opening up about their pain and trying to find the proper help to heal.
❤️❤️❤️
Upward spiral of mental health....owning your pain.. thankyou Krsten
Wow, just wow...so relatable. Thank you for validation for fellow PTSD sufferers
Thank you for sharing your story.
Thanks so much for this. Some of her experiences resonate with me; I have suffered from panic attacks and anxiety too, I am also a recovering alcoholic: I am now 8 years and 9 months sober. I have some traumas that I have been dealing with alongside bipolar disorder. For me I am learning that there's a lot of help out there but I had to be willing to listen and understand and stop getting in the way of my healing. God bless.
This woman is so inspiring she has gone through a time that no one should ever go through.
YOU ARE SO STRONG. Thank you for telling your truth
this is such an amazing talk.
And about 30 other things you mentioned. Revictimizations, the adverse physical effects of unmanageable stress due to trauma (mine was the manifestation of Shingles at 21- the entire nerve plexus was illuminated with a sick open sore that was painful even when not being touched, and that same exact region of my back will start aching when I’m under more stress than typical, a rapid hair loss on my scalp which has never fully returned probably because my stress has remained constant if not slowly increased over time, and I even have unexplained dental issues as someone who is very adamant about my dental hygiene).... so many things just hit all my nails on the head during that talk. Thank you.
You are beautiful, strong and you are a survivor
My heart needed this
You are very strong and brave, and I pray you heal completely ♥️ May the almighty God bless and help you💕
Happy to say that the same power it takes to suppress my abuse , is the same power I now function in. Not to mention if you can speak to ur friends about it, you will be surprised how much permission it gives another to speak of it, sometimes for the first time
I have found that it seems to be the majority of women in recovery were actively using to kill the pain of some kind of horrid abuse. The substance abuse is a secondary problem because of it. Some of us have found our way through the pain of abuse yet still struggle with addiction to substances, sick relationships, overindulgence in various things and CPTSD. For some of us recovery has become a way of life and helps us daily stay out of the ditches. I can not say enough good things about recovery, it saved my life. Nothing is perfect, including recovery. I had to find a solid support group of longtimers and become solid myself before dealing with newcomers, yet still have found nothing that has given me more or better healing. Oddly enough the focus on the real self pulled me away from the made up egotistical survival self. Today I keep my head up and face my challenges with confidence, not ego. Thank you for speaking your truth and hopefully planting the seed that grows the vine that so many of us have been able to grow and be fruitful on, instead of wilting in pity and shame. It works when you live it.
So powerful... brave...
Top 5 tedtalk for me. So awesome!
Kirsten Johnson, thank you for giving this speech. I’m not yet at a point where I can continue to watch this video, but hopefully soon I will be able to.
Hi... yo don't know me and I don't know you... I hope that you've come to this point now though. Sending love either way.
Thank you SO much for sharing with us, Kirsten! My gosh do I feel you... I feel you so much! All my love to you. You are amazing and inspiring. It's so hard to live with the trauma aftermath every single day, physiologically and psychologically. It's a pain indescribable.
❤️Ug, yes, I hear you. And thank you. Wishing you much peace on your healling journey.
Thanks, So Much For The Vlog!! 😍😘🙆🤔😭🤕💞💞
Sad story . Beautiful impressive amazing soul . Thank you, bless you. All your dreams come true.
Every Heart ♥️ has a Story to Tell.
I Broke my silence often, but Most of The people, even professionells could Not handle IT. Now Jesus Christ is my healer and does Wonder ✨🙌🦋💃
Thanks for sharing. You are amazing!!!
You're welcome Nik and thank you!
The thing that angers me is why don't these men and sometimes women know or are they pretending they don't know they're hurting these survivors? We need to teach our children better that they will only be respected when they respect others their boundaries etc and just because your peers do it or that movie star does it doesn't make it ok!
Thank you for sharing!!!♡♡♡♡
Love to you!!!♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
This is my story I have been though this I am now crying to myself about myself to learn real self love again before it first happened when I was 4 1/2
Love and light you.
PRAYERS for US ALL TRYING TO HEAL 🙏❤️💕 from those we TRUSTED
God bless you, He will heal you.
Hope you heal💕
Me too. I found my voice and i am finally healimg.
❤️
I needed this
What an inspiration! 🌷Thank you for this! 🌷Me too!