Im 50 years old and proud to be... i wish women would learn that the "IT" girl is the girl who lives her life authentically and isn't worried about trends or anyone else. There's no one else in the world like you. Be yourself!
@@CrustyUggNobody is 100% unique and never has been, but the specific way we’re all put together is completely unique. Many different people can have the same single experience, but no one before or after you has lived your exact life. You’re the only one who can do it so in that way we are all one of a kind
You cannot say that almost no one is truly different etc because you haven't met most people on this planet. You can probably only talk about people who are visible online, in media and those near you. @@CrustyUgg
i would define myself as someone who primarily expresses myself through my art and characters, specifically cartoons and even more specifically cartoons inspired by the 90's-2000's-(early-mid)2010's era of cartoons. as a person i generally consider myself to be pretty friendly to just about anyone (as in literally treating everyone like a friend until proven otherwise), someone who is very (VERY) passionate about the stuff i like (for example cats, opossums, and currently geometry dash for whatever reason), and someone who enjoys just about anything that exists even if they're considered very mundane things like lying in bed or going out to eat. idk if any of those would define me as an ''it girl'' per say, but what i can say is that i have a very clear idea of who i am and what i like and i think that's pretty neat
@@Bleplebeianthis is really good and can help shield you from overconsumption, or at least thoughtless consumption that doesn't fit your vibe or values.
@@Bleplebeian You know who you are, you do things that you genuinely love, and you treat people with respect. You are definitely an it girl. I pray that you thrive in your art and continue to stay blessed and don’t let anyone change you. 🫶🏽
@@Gourmanda thank you! one of my future dreams for my art is to be able to make a kids show. i even already have the two main characters designed and written
@@Bleplebeian Be sure to copyright your work before giving your ideas to ANYONE !!! Keep everything to yourself until you are finished, sometimes telling people your goals blocks them from happening, you never know who is praying on your downfall. Wishing you the absolute best in all of your endeavors.
The problem is the “it girl” is just being skinny with long hair, clear skin, and basic clothing, some people will never achieve this, and some will be pretty unhealthy when meeting these standards. I looked like this at some of the WORST times of my life. What’s crazy is I look so much more “rough” now when my habits and choices are better. I’m hoping this aesthetic nonsense makes this whole generation realize how uncool it is to generalize/ stereotype or project expectations based on appearance when that judgement is simply based on a temporary state someone’s vessel is in.
How many It Girls of the past looked like they had their life together and then the public found out about their drug problems, eating disorders, abusive relationships etc. Its all a facade.
This video was a huge gamechanger for me. I knew about trends and boxing in my identity but I didn't realize how much I was buying to be confident. I have ADHD and autism so shopping has always been a huge way for me to attempt to mask and blend in. I see women I want to emulate and try to buy things to become them but in actuality they have worked so hard and are confident internally that no jacket is going to make that happen to me. I will now definitely use this kind of reflection as a filter when wanting to buy new clothes. Your channel has helped me so much already, thank you for this!
I also have AuDHD and have done the same thing with buying things to try to be like someone that I find interesting or who seem to be living a life that I want to be living. I am working on just being my own person now, even if that person seems a bit weird or “off”. It is taking a LOT of inner work, though!
I think people just need to start putting more effort into finding themselves and not trying to follow trends or fit into an "aesthetic box" because otherwise this is a never ending cycle that will just lead to being broke, unhappy and never satisfied. And I am also speaking from experience buying products to fit a "certain aesthetic", its such a toxic pit.
This stuff existed well before Tiktok, IG, etc. the only difference now is the inability to get away from social media. There were always looks to go after: the 90s gaunt waif, 80s supermodel. I mention those because they were big when I was born and into my childhood. Having the lowest rise flare leg jeans like all the 00s pop stars was a thing and I went after that. Kids trying to find themselves will look to many places. And if you are a person who's more driven by external factors, this is harder to get away from. I knew someone growing like this; we called him Trendy Bobby. Always in the latest gear of the 00s. When I got older, I settled on dressing how I wanted to as a child: a necromancer, sith lord, member of the galactic Senate vibe. But I have Big Girl Money and my mom can't tell me no at almost 40.
As a woman who's nearly 50 I can say every decade had its It Girls. In the past it was just promoted in different formats. Remember the fashion blogs of the 2010s and them listing every item they were wearing.
Yes It’s a fantasy for a lot of ppl to become rich (and usually famous) and own hundreds of shoes, tons of designer clothing and bags, more cars than someone needs, a big house with way more room than they need I feel like this is why lottery winners go broke. They try to buy this rich lifestyle that’s not sustainable rather than just allowing the money to work for them
I’ve had one aesthetic my whole life (generally spooky/dark) and it’s nice to not feel any pressure to trend jump. I know who I am I know what I like. And it’s looking like that goth fairy from tinkerbell
Finding your personal style is weird. It can start with such small things. I discovered I like wearing yellow nail polish. I like how it looks, I like how I feel. Don't have anything else figured out, but I know that.
I totally agree with you on this. I've had small elements over the years that have clicked into place for me too. From a particular nail polish (like you), to headbands, and overshirts. Sometimes it's the small stuff and they can have a really big impact if we're able to notice them. Thanks so much for sharing one of yours!
watching this has helped me understand more of why, when i was obsessed with TikTok aesthetics and trying to find 'my aesthetic', i ended up even more miserable and frustrated. you put it so perfectly; it's not the aesthetic you're buying, it's the *identity*. and that isn't something that can be purchased.
@mossy_brickens yeah, it's definitely been...a process. it's tough as a creator as well when the vision in my head of my 'style' doesn't or can't line up with my reality. but i've made a lot of progress and am slowly but surely becoming more comfortable with my identity. :) thank you for the in-depth advice, i really appreciate it!
I didn't like trends in highschool, I care for them less now, and honestly I'd rather be an "isn't" girl. Please don't perceive me lol. 18:39 One issue goths, and to a lesser extent punks, is that people have co-opted the fashion and watered it down. Taylor Swift and Kim Kardashian got called goth because they were all black at certain points. Meanwhile my friends and I get harassed still. I get yelled at all the time, and on Halloween some jackoff stopped me to take a photo, without asking. It just irritates us that our styles have become iconic, but not on us lol.
The It Girl thing is so funny to me because of the two icons that come to my mind. The first is Chloe Sevigny, THE It Girl of my childhood. In no way does she fit the mold of the current TikTok It Girl archetype. Chloe always did her own thing, and that's what made her shine. The other is Miss Piggy, because that is who I aspire to be. I can't be the only one that loved Miss Piggy's Guide to Life? Truly a woman ahead of her time, I kid (but not really). What ends up being funny to me about the current iteration is that it is so safe and bland. It's an aesthetic that showcases both rank and conformity, much like a military uniform. You can't dress weird like Chloe or have a huge personality like Miss Piggy. Everything must be safe, manicured, almost sterile.
I wish I could find the button pin a college classmate gave me. I'm in my 50s, the pin read: "In a world full of copies...Here's to the originals"! That was all the way back in the late 80s! Wear what you wear and what feels comfortable on and wear makeup that enhances your beauty!
As a historian I find this topic absolutely fascinating. Chasing the trends the it girl put forth has been going on for centuries! As a human in 2024 I can tell you I chased after the “that girl” aesthetic in my late twenties and suffered financially and mentally lmao. Now I buy what i actually use and find appealing (also your channel is one of the only ways I “watch” TikTok now hahaha). Thanks for another great conversation!
When you say you do not need to fit in a box I totally agree. I’ve notice that gen z seems very interested in micro defining things and putting everything in a box.
Man this makes me feel so validated. I was growing up in the late 10s early 20s and now i’m 21. Ever since I began to try and find an identity, i have been trying to fit i. the boxes that the internet showed me In middle school i was trying to be a Fairy Kei girl, then in HS I began to want to be Punk, and then I wanted to be Goth, Then i was Dark Academia Then i wanted to be decora then i wanted to be pastel gamer girl, 80s girl, it girl, then i wanted to be Downtown girl I still crave these boxes. I crave my entire life to look aesthetic and i’m really trying hard to not focus on that. I think this channel and other channels like this have helped me try and reframe my view. I’m a person- not a pinterest board
I'm 36 and am still trying to find my identity 💀 All jokes aside, I think being a cosplayer helped me with my identity because I learned to play around with aesthetics while developing my personal sense of self (and keeping a budget 😂). Also, from all the fashion magazines I read growing up, your twenties are supposed to be the time where you try everything to see what suits your personality best! I hope you have fun exploring your aesthetic identity during this decade, and enjoy your lifelong journey as a person of style.
I would advise taking a long break from all social media. All of it. I think it’s hard to see how much all of it influences and controls you when at your age it’s all you’ve known.
It's hard for a young girl (or woman) to find her own style when she is continually bombarded with different styles, each presented as the "thing to be" to be popular, etc. The it girl style is just one of many possibilities - boho, goth, etc - paraded before a person before their entire personality is even developed. Thus influence gets a strong foothold at a young age. One can find the style that best suits them and yet, when the next trend comes in, she is going to need to fit the new trend into her style. And that's where they get you! Many videos are all about how to incorporate new trends (buy new stuff) into your existing style. So even if you have selected the preppy, it girl style as the style that rings most true to your own tastes, next season boho chic comes in and now what is a preppy girl to do? She needs to watch more videos to figure out how to add just the right boho inspired pieces to maintain her style and still look new and fresh. It's all about keeping it new and fresh each season. I'm a really old bat who has witnessed this my entire life. It's not a new thing, it's why designers put out new collections of clothes and makeup seasonally, but never before has access to such a glut of info and products been available so easily and almost without effort. For so many years women had to go and buy a magazine, and we could only afford one, if we were interested in seeing what's new on the horizon. I did that. We had limited access to the choices and our lives were not all about the new trends, the new trends were something of interest to maybe add a piece or two to our wardrobe. Now it is constant in every form of media and there is really no escape. IMHO, we need to teach this and the next generation how to navigate that so they can live their best lives. A re-education, if you will. It's easy to blame the media for what it is and what it does, but it is just a voracious beast that keeps growing, as is its nature. You will never be able to rid people of that without major banning (and I am pretty much usually against any banning because it only leads to more desire) of the beast. The real and permanent solution is to enable people to choose wisely or to choose not to participate at all and that is going to require a new path to be put forth to give us the power to say no, this is foolishness. Attitudes don't change in a minute. But they can change over time. Thank you for putting out videos like these that are an attempt to awaken some new thoughts into brains that have been marinated in over consumption. I am not anti-consumerism, but I am totally against over consumption as I have seen how much it has robbed me of in my own life and would warn any and all that can hear my voice to beware. This is getting too long to be readable but I have a boatload of products that I now have a hard time getting rid of because once you purchase something you form an emotional attachment to it. You spent good money on it. That makes it twice as hard to get rid of as it was easy to purchase. OK< that's it.
Can we talk about the infantilising language of It "girl" and That "girl"? Not only infantilising, but makes it appear that you need to be youthful to be this kind of woman.
ive said this before in other comment sections but i feel like aesthetics are best enjoyed online, mostly or entierly. because i do like aesthetics myself (weirdcore, webcore, stuff like that) but do i know when i wont like them anymore? no. so instead, i engage with those aesthetics online through games and edits and stuff like that, which i feel is a better and less environmentally harmful way to be ''aesthetic''. if you've liked a particular ''aesthetic''/look for years, then sure, redecorate if you want, but please try to get rid of your old stuff in a responsible way through either selling or donating them. that's what im doing, since im redecorating my room right now.
part of the enjoyment of these aesthetics for some folks come from exactly what you're talking about. Participating in a specific aesthetic from afar like watching content online or making pinterest boards. It doesn't always translate offline or into big wardrobe declutters. Thanks for this reminder
I also think people forgot how folks kind of curated an aesthetic vibe within a limited container, such as a scrapbook or a little memory shoebox before social media. The feeds of images to consume visually online are nearly infinite...but the physical space in your house is obviously definitely not!😂
I agree with you but I do want to say that I think some people who engage in this aesthetic stuff online are part of actual subcultures on and offline.
Just to address your title card specifically there being brands for subcultures like goth, punk or grunge, I think these movement in particular as being anti-establishment started off as DIY signature aesthetics like ripped jeans, safety pins or black eye makeup that were later co-opted and capitalized by brands. Not that this video is about that.
I don't find it bad that people want to be "it girls" or have an aesthetic in general. I think the issue is linking it to solely material things, and not finding community or actual sense of self. It's all just being reduced to material things. Buying things and trying to portray a lifestyle out of your means is not an aesthetic!
I am SO HERE for this discussion. My further two cents is that I actually think that a big part of being an "it" girl is actually BEING the girls (influencers) who get sent the next trendy products FOR FREE, as PR. And then they turn around and present these "next big thing" items that companies have decided are going to be popular (by sending mass PR, sponsoring ads, hyping with brand trips) - and then people who watch then feel compelled to "keep up"...but we will never have "it girl status" by having to buy the "cool things" ourselves. I'd argue that in this specific case (it girl) it goes beyond the aesthetic and extends to being a "chosen one" who no longer has to buy the stuff. (I do agree with everything you said about identity and aesthetics though). My opinion may just be a result of my own "deep dives" into issues I'm seeing with general consumer culture online and PR and sponsorships 👀 Edited to remove duplicate word
There's a documentary called the century of the self which talks about where this kind of consumer culture all began after World War 2. It's a multi part doco, really worth watching.
You could make a video about how alt subcultures fall for the same problems discussed here. It's so interesting and worrying usually alt people to go against consumerism and trends, often affirming that they have their own stye and identity, genuinely unaware that, they also follow certain trends and are persuaded to consume certain things. Btw this has nothing to do with beople considered "possers". I'd say that, in some alt subcultures have certain products so tied to them that *not* consuming those would make someone a "posser"
My kneejerk reaction was: “It girl, That girl… this all sounds so inane! Why would women fall for such blatant marketing?” After listening to Shawna’s thoughts and ruminating over coffee, I think that the idea of “selling an identity” makes a lot of sense (not the same as supporting it, thinking it’s a good thing, condoning it, etc.). If you think about it, this kind of content is usually aimed at and features women in their teens and 20s… and that’s the formative age when we naturally seek to define our own identities. Add to that all the factors (good and bad) that make it super easy to acquire the trappings of an identity (an “aesthetic”)-and here we are, in a world where companies like Shein, Sephora, Amazon, etc etc make millions upon millions, by commodifying a natural process of coming of age.
yes, selling identity and belonging can be very powerful to young people (or anyone) trying to figure out who they are. One of the women in the video mentioned about connecting with other people your age. Belonging can be a powerful motivator too
You are like my therapist to help my over-consumption habit, lol. I'm so glad I found you! Your videos have been so helpful for changing my mindset and "de-influencing" myself. ❤
lol I was already thinking "oh not another 40 minute video" and in fact it's just as good as the ones I've watched before... and possibly the most important one. You can't buy your way into an identity, and I need to keep reminding myself of that.
Couldn't agree more with what is being said. And this trend is like too much for middle class specially those coming from developing countries. This (reversibly and ironically) sets them back, makes them feel horrible and affects their well-beinf
It's so funny how loud people are being about quiet luxury these days 😂 so many people make social media content about how to look like they belong in the "wealth whispers" category that it's become a trend... when the whole point of that look and lifestyle was to not be part of trends!
I would love for you to do a video on sustainable fashion, and slow fashion brands. Christy Dawn, Linennaive, Everlane.. not sure who else. There are a ton of influencers out there who exclusively wear these brands, push their discount codes etc. I am all for paying people fairly and having ethical practices, using natural materials.. to spend $600 on a dress, not many people can do. I believe in the ethics of it but I feel that that price tag is for the wealthy 1% of the population who treat that amount of money like it's pennies. A lot of influencers get these free articles of clothing and push it to their audience.. a lot of women who are likely in their 20s-30s, a lot of moms, and they're likely going into debt to have these brand names and curate an 'ethical' cool girl & clean beauty aesthetic. everything you've also said in this video applies to these influencers and brands as well. There's a sense of guilt in not participating in this "ethical" consumption if you can't afford it.. but at the end of the day, it's another article of clothing on this planet that could end up in a thrift store, and then eventually a landfill. Wearing what you own and not giving into trends is the answer, and thrifting I suppose but that is still consumption..
I think it’s normal to look around in your environment and see a pattern- example, a popular pair of shoes or gadget- there is only so much of this stuff made, most things are mass produced, it’s reasonable logic to trust purchasing something when a lot of people around you are having success with that object. I do agree we can’t just watch a video like we could 10 years ago and trust these favorites really are their favorite. I do miss the days where people didn’t want to be labeled or put into boxes. Can I not be covered in tattoos and prefer classical music? Looks can be deceiving just as often as people tend to be closed minded.
Hey Shawna! I’d like to offer some constructive feedback. I’ve recently found your channel and I’m definitely loving your content. I think you’re doing really great so far, and I also think your videos are important for people to see, BUT I’m finding that I have to watch your videos on 1.25 speed to stay engaged (not something I ordinarily do). I’m not a content creator, so I don’t have a solid suggestion on what a possible solution could be, but I think if you can somehow pace your videos differently, you may see an increase in engagement and viewer retention. Again, I’m no expert by any means. And I hope you don’t take this to be offensive in any way. I say all of this with peace and love 🫶🏼 Thank you for the messages you are spreading with your platform- more people need to see your content!
I don’t find anything wrong with watching 1.5 speed. I think being more succinct is something she’s trying to do, it requires a lot more editing of each script, and being good at writing an essay and putting together an argument. It takes practice and I think she’s going to get there!
I agree, and I don’t find anything wrong with it either (unless there are several added clips that I want to watch at regular speed), but there are people who would click off simply because they can’t be bothered to change the speed. I think she’ll get there too! I see great potential here!
i personally like her delivery, feels a bit more like a natural conversation instead of someone reciting a script. i don't really want every creator i watch to all have basically the same style of videos and way of speaking. maybe some points could be a bit more streamlined, it just comes down to preference i guess, and that social media (tiktok especially) tends to shorten a lot of people's attention spans.
@@slvr323You may like it, but like you mentioned, people have shortened attention spans these days, and, in part, that’s why I provided the feedback that I did. I think you’re right about preference, but unfortunately for her, and anyone who shares the same opinions on the topics she discusses, this sort of delivery isn’t generally preferred by a wider audience 😕
@Jessicaddy that's a perfectly valid stance, just pointing out some people do like these type of videos, and while there is always room for improvement, it's also okay to have a slightly different approach. to each their own 🙂
I think the it girl trend focuses a lot on how others are viewing us - validation from others of being an it girl. It girl is the one who focuses on her wellbeing and happiness for herself not for social media.
I really appreciate your channel and the discussion you raise. We need broader streams of discussion and thought along these lines, thanks for leading it.
I really enjoy your videos. You do such an amazing job! I feel like your my big sister giving me advice. So refreshing. Please keep making videos ok :)
Honestly I find that the desire to be an "it girl" stems more from a want to be yourself while still having the love and respect for your style/'look' you might get from following trends... Idk maybe just me!! But when I was a teen and wanted to be an 'it girl' it was bc I thought that nobody thought my 'look' was cool and I wanted to be myself and still be a cool trendsetter Much love for ur videos tho!! These are very fun to watch while moving into a new place, plus they convince me I don't need too much new stuff even tho I'm moving!
Oh wow, great topic! I’ve never been a fan of anyone who is a trendsetter. In my mind they ruin perfectly good things by promoting overuse, over purchase, and once most people jump onto their made up trend they have moved to something else so other people are always behind, and the item becomes passé. It’s circular insanity. In Jr High school I realized the stupidity of following someone else’s choices. I became comfortable just being me and thank goodness-it saved me a lot of heartache and headache, albeit not part of the popular crowd. I think true adulthood is rejecting trends and being comfortable as we are. 😁
Oh goodness, buying trend magazines at airports before flights, taking me back. Otherwise, everyone looks best in what they feel most comfortable and what works for them, which is why aesthetics are so weird to me - if you think something looks cool or cute but you’re visibly uncomfortable or it doesn’t work for you, then it’s not right. Staying off instagram until 2015 and never going on TikTok I think saved me. It bleeds a bit onto my algorithm a bit on instagram and my brother’s girlfriend (who i love) follows this, so it’s not entirely out of my purview, but at 30 I already know who I am pretty well and what products and fashion I like. I do feel bad for people just a bit younger.
I have fallen victim to this as i got on the pink aesthetic skincare routine tok, i will admit, but it has also helped me so much as i now put way more attention to skin and beauty care and i also have never been this motivated to work on myself and lose weight to get healthier It also got me into the coquette aesthetic even tho i usually lean towards black, somewhat edgy stuff. I feel great in it! But that doesnt mean i'll stop wearing my old clothes that are still awesome too
i honestly found a lot of peace in my appearance once i stopped consuming fashion and makeup content on the internet. i have found my own personal style that suits my day to day life… i also hardly if at all wear makeup anymore. youre not meant to fit your life into clothes and makeup, clothes and makeup are meant to fit your lifestyle :-)
I used to see those aesthetic product photos a while ago on my feed. They were all in for example different shades of pink or lavender and some kind of makeup bag in that same color. I immediately clicked "not interested", I thought the same thing you did like there wasn’t anything about why that person likes those product how it feels and wears, etc. just pretty looking packaging in different shades of pink/lavender. I don’t need those.
I feel like the aesthetics products are out of control. It started on pinterest and some older social media/tv/magazines as overall ideas & trendy suggestions. but not strict rules, life style, labels, boxes, or for sales like tiktok, fast fashion, instagram etc.
I've worked really hard to distance myself from products and things making up my sense of identity and worth. These 'it girl' lists are so hurtful in that inherently, they rely on low self esteem and consuming :(
The signature scent got me. Because I do actually have a signature scent and love it when people tell me they thought if me when they passed something very coconutty for instance. Then I realised I didn't 'pick' a signature scent. I just found hair products I really loved that smell of coconut and since people noticed the coconut but not my perfume, I stopped putting on my perfume and now live a coconutty life. It's really great to be recognised by a scent people love, but it's shouldn't be a goal in life, it's just some extra flavour to the life you already lead. Or some extra scent. Like your perfume.
As a person who has struggled with dry skin and psoriasis since before puberty, i beg you, please use lotion in moderation!!! LET YOUR SKIN BREATH BABES
Really good video on this, explains it really well. I am quite interested in tabletop games and minatures so have quite a lot of things for that. Though its a hobby and I am part of quite a few in person and online communities which do enjoy I hope this makes sense not sure if it does sorry
Normally, I get a mix of advertisements. On your channel, I get nothing but tiktok shop or temu. It's very ironic. I guessing the algorithm knows you're talking about them.
This is so random but, I have a question: I feel like when you were still doing more "beauty RUclips" types of videos (like project pans, etc.) didn't you say you were in a PhD program? Did you finish? Or was this all a hallucination I had lol? I was just curious about where things went.
Im 50 years old and proud to be... i wish women would learn that the "IT" girl is the girl who lives her life authentically and isn't worried about trends or anyone else. There's no one else in the world like you. Be yourself!
Yes!❤🎉
There are plenty of people who are similar to each other though.. especially nowadays.. almost no one is truly unique and different
@@CrustyUggNobody is 100% unique and never has been, but the specific way we’re all put together is completely unique. Many different people can have the same single experience, but no one before or after you has lived your exact life. You’re the only one who can do it so in that way we are all one of a kind
You cannot say that almost no one is truly different etc because you haven't met most people on this planet. You can probably only talk about people who are visible online, in media and those near you. @@CrustyUgg
A true “it girl” is your aura and how you treat people, not how many expensive things you have.
i would define myself as someone who primarily expresses myself through my art and characters, specifically cartoons and even more specifically cartoons inspired by the 90's-2000's-(early-mid)2010's era of cartoons. as a person i generally consider myself to be pretty friendly to just about anyone (as in literally treating everyone like a friend until proven otherwise), someone who is very (VERY) passionate about the stuff i like (for example cats, opossums, and currently geometry dash for whatever reason), and someone who enjoys just about anything that exists even if they're considered very mundane things like lying in bed or going out to eat. idk if any of those would define me as an ''it girl'' per say, but what i can say is that i have a very clear idea of who i am and what i like and i think that's pretty neat
@@Bleplebeianthis is really good and can help shield you from overconsumption, or at least thoughtless consumption that doesn't fit your vibe or values.
@@Bleplebeian You know who you are, you do things that you genuinely love, and you treat people with respect. You are definitely an it girl. I pray that you thrive in your art and continue to stay blessed and don’t let anyone change you. 🫶🏽
@@Gourmanda thank you! one of my future dreams for my art is to be able to make a kids show. i even already have the two main characters designed and written
@@Bleplebeian Be sure to copyright your work before giving your ideas to ANYONE !!! Keep everything to yourself until you are finished, sometimes telling people your goals blocks them from happening, you never know who is praying on your downfall. Wishing you the absolute best in all of your endeavors.
The It Girl is not attainable. No one has their life together. Not when you're 25, 45, or 85
As a 44 year, I can totally relate to what you are saying.
The problem is the “it girl” is just being skinny with long hair, clear skin, and basic clothing, some people will never achieve this, and some will be pretty unhealthy when meeting these standards. I looked like this at some of the WORST times of my life. What’s crazy is I look so much more “rough” now when my habits and choices are better. I’m hoping this aesthetic nonsense makes this whole generation realize how uncool it is to generalize/ stereotype or project expectations based on appearance when that judgement is simply based on a temporary state someone’s vessel is in.
How many It Girls of the past looked like they had their life together and then the public found out about their drug problems, eating disorders, abusive relationships etc. Its all a facade.
lol at the woman in the video naming hailey bieber as if her resources aren't a huge factor in her "being that girl"
yep, money plays a big role here
This video was a huge gamechanger for me. I knew about trends and boxing in my identity but I didn't realize how much I was buying to be confident. I have ADHD and autism so shopping has always been a huge way for me to attempt to mask and blend in. I see women I want to emulate and try to buy things to become them but in actuality they have worked so hard and are confident internally that no jacket is going to make that happen to me. I will now definitely use this kind of reflection as a filter when wanting to buy new clothes. Your channel has helped me so much already, thank you for this!
I also have AuDHD and have done the same thing with buying things to try to be like someone that I find interesting or who seem to be living a life that I want to be living. I am working on just being my own person now, even if that person seems a bit weird or “off”. It is taking a LOT of inner work, though!
god, same. i definitely use clothing as a form of masking
I am truly happy that my videos are helpful 💕
I think people just need to start putting more effort into finding themselves and not trying to follow trends or fit into an "aesthetic box" because otherwise this is a never ending cycle that will just lead to being broke, unhappy and never satisfied. And I am also speaking from experience buying products to fit a "certain aesthetic", its such a toxic pit.
she (woman in tiktok) sounds so judgy. a lot of times the person in the ratty old tshirt might be in a depressive episode just trying to survive
Right. I have been struggling for two weeks in just survival-mode and taking care of myself is like the first thing to go.
At the end of the day, why do you even care if others are in a ratty old tees? Let people live. So long as they are not causing harm to others
@@aesinamno actually 😭 i always see people complaining about how “kids these days don’t dress up anymore” it literally doesn’t affect them tho
i remember the 2010s when we didn't want to be in boxes. I miss those days. the 2020s are bringing out the worse in us
Honestly it was always there social media just makes it available for us to see.
This stuff existed well before Tiktok, IG, etc. the only difference now is the inability to get away from social media. There were always looks to go after: the 90s gaunt waif, 80s supermodel. I mention those because they were big when I was born and into my childhood. Having the lowest rise flare leg jeans like all the 00s pop stars was a thing and I went after that.
Kids trying to find themselves will look to many places. And if you are a person who's more driven by external factors, this is harder to get away from. I knew someone growing like this; we called him Trendy Bobby. Always in the latest gear of the 00s. When I got older, I settled on dressing how I wanted to as a child: a necromancer, sith lord, member of the galactic Senate vibe. But I have Big Girl Money and my mom can't tell me no at almost 40.
As a woman who's nearly 50 I can say every decade had its It Girls. In the past it was just promoted in different formats. Remember the fashion blogs of the 2010s and them listing every item they were wearing.
Is “aspirational over-consumerism” a thing? I feel like this is that.
it's absolutely a thing and totally part of this
Yes
It’s a fantasy for a lot of ppl to become rich (and usually famous) and own hundreds of shoes, tons of designer clothing and bags, more cars than someone needs, a big house with way more room than they need
I feel like this is why lottery winners go broke. They try to buy this rich lifestyle that’s not sustainable rather than just allowing the money to work for them
I’ve had one aesthetic my whole life (generally spooky/dark) and it’s nice to not feel any pressure to trend jump. I know who I am I know what I like. And it’s looking like that goth fairy from tinkerbell
Finding your personal style is weird. It can start with such small things. I discovered I like wearing yellow nail polish. I like how it looks, I like how I feel. Don't have anything else figured out, but I know that.
I totally agree with you on this. I've had small elements over the years that have clicked into place for me too. From a particular nail polish (like you), to headbands, and overshirts. Sometimes it's the small stuff and they can have a really big impact if we're able to notice them. Thanks so much for sharing one of yours!
❤
watching this has helped me understand more of why, when i was obsessed with TikTok aesthetics and trying to find 'my aesthetic', i ended up even more miserable and frustrated. you put it so perfectly; it's not the aesthetic you're buying, it's the *identity*. and that isn't something that can be purchased.
@mossy_brickens yeah, it's definitely been...a process. it's tough as a creator as well when the vision in my head of my 'style' doesn't or can't line up with my reality. but i've made a lot of progress and am slowly but surely becoming more comfortable with my identity. :) thank you for the in-depth advice, i really appreciate it!
I didn't like trends in highschool, I care for them less now, and honestly I'd rather be an "isn't" girl. Please don't perceive me lol.
18:39
One issue goths, and to a lesser extent punks, is that people have co-opted the fashion and watered it down. Taylor Swift and Kim Kardashian got called goth because they were all black at certain points. Meanwhile my friends and I get harassed still. I get yelled at all the time, and on Halloween some jackoff stopped me to take a photo, without asking. It just irritates us that our styles have become iconic, but not on us lol.
The It Girl thing is so funny to me because of the two icons that come to my mind. The first is Chloe Sevigny, THE It Girl of my childhood. In no way does she fit the mold of the current TikTok It Girl archetype. Chloe always did her own thing, and that's what made her shine. The other is Miss Piggy, because that is who I aspire to be. I can't be the only one that loved Miss Piggy's Guide to Life? Truly a woman ahead of her time, I kid (but not really). What ends up being funny to me about the current iteration is that it is so safe and bland. It's an aesthetic that showcases both rank and conformity, much like a military uniform. You can't dress weird like Chloe or have a huge personality like Miss Piggy. Everything must be safe, manicured, almost sterile.
I wish I could find the button pin a college classmate gave me. I'm in my 50s, the pin read: "In a world full of copies...Here's to the originals"! That was all the way back in the late 80s! Wear what you wear and what feels comfortable on and wear makeup that enhances your beauty!
As a historian I find this topic absolutely fascinating. Chasing the trends the it girl put forth has been going on for centuries! As a human in 2024 I can tell you I chased after the “that girl” aesthetic in my late twenties and suffered financially and mentally lmao. Now I buy what i actually use and find appealing (also your channel is one of the only ways I “watch” TikTok now hahaha). Thanks for another great conversation!
That tiktoker is wack... become an "it girl" by ..... doing general basic beauty trends that have existed for decades. Alright lol
Lol they are delusional. It's like they just discover something and assume no one else has ever heard of it lol
When you say you do not need to fit in a box I totally agree. I’ve notice that gen z seems very interested in micro defining things and putting everything in a box.
Man this makes me feel so validated.
I was growing up in the late 10s early 20s and now i’m 21. Ever since I began to try and find an identity, i have been trying to fit i. the boxes that the internet showed me
In middle school i was trying to be a Fairy Kei girl, then in HS I began to want to be Punk, and then I wanted to be Goth, Then i was Dark Academia
Then i wanted to be decora
then i wanted to be pastel gamer girl, 80s girl, it girl,
then i wanted to be Downtown girl
I still crave these boxes. I crave my entire life to look aesthetic and i’m really trying hard to not focus on that.
I think this channel and other channels like this have helped me try and reframe my view.
I’m a person- not a pinterest board
I'm glad that my channel has helped and I hope you find your identity that makes you feel like you 💕you absolutely deserve that
I'm 36 and am still trying to find my identity 💀 All jokes aside, I think being a cosplayer helped me with my identity because I learned to play around with aesthetics while developing my personal sense of self (and keeping a budget 😂).
Also, from all the fashion magazines I read growing up, your twenties are supposed to be the time where you try everything to see what suits your personality best! I hope you have fun exploring your aesthetic identity during this decade, and enjoy your lifelong journey as a person of style.
I would advise taking a long break from all social media. All of it. I think it’s hard to see how much all of it influences and controls you when at your age it’s all you’ve known.
It's hard for a young girl (or woman) to find her own style when she is continually bombarded with different styles, each presented as the "thing to be" to be popular, etc. The it girl style is just one of many possibilities - boho, goth, etc - paraded before a person before their entire personality is even developed. Thus influence gets a strong foothold at a young age. One can find the style that best suits them and yet, when the next trend comes in, she is going to need to fit the new trend into her style. And that's where they get you! Many videos are all about how to incorporate new trends (buy new stuff) into your existing style. So even if you have selected the preppy, it girl style as the style that rings most true to your own tastes, next season boho chic comes in and now what is a preppy girl to do? She needs to watch more videos to figure out how to add just the right boho inspired pieces to maintain her style and still look new and fresh. It's all about keeping it new and fresh each season. I'm a really old bat who has witnessed this my entire life. It's not a new thing, it's why designers put out new collections of clothes and makeup seasonally, but never before has access to such a glut of info and products been available so easily and almost without effort. For so many years women had to go and buy a magazine, and we could only afford one, if we were interested in seeing what's new on the horizon. I did that. We had limited access to the choices and our lives were not all about the new trends, the new trends were something of interest to maybe add a piece or two to our wardrobe. Now it is constant in every form of media and there is really no escape. IMHO, we need to teach this and the next generation how to navigate that so they can live their best lives. A re-education, if you will. It's easy to blame the media for what it is and what it does, but it is just a voracious beast that keeps growing, as is its nature. You will never be able to rid people of that without major banning (and I am pretty much usually against any banning because it only leads to more desire) of the beast. The real and permanent solution is to enable people to choose wisely or to choose not to participate at all and that is going to require a new path to be put forth to give us the power to say no, this is foolishness. Attitudes don't change in a minute. But they can change over time. Thank you for putting out videos like these that are an attempt to awaken some new thoughts into brains that have been marinated in over consumption. I am not anti-consumerism, but I am totally against over consumption as I have seen how much it has robbed me of in my own life and would warn any and all that can hear my voice to beware. This is getting too long to be readable but I have a boatload of products that I now have a hard time getting rid of because once you purchase something you form an emotional attachment to it. You spent good money on it. That makes it twice as hard to get rid of as it was easy to purchase. OK< that's it.
I went on vacation for a week and came back to 3 new videos from you I’m eating GOOD this fine Saturday
Can we talk about the infantilising language of It "girl" and That "girl"? Not only infantilising, but makes it appear that you need to be youthful to be this kind of woman.
I almost included a section on this but didn't for time purposes so thanks for pointing it out!
ive said this before in other comment sections but i feel like aesthetics are best enjoyed online, mostly or entierly. because i do like aesthetics myself (weirdcore, webcore, stuff like that) but do i know when i wont like them anymore? no. so instead, i engage with those aesthetics online through games and edits and stuff like that, which i feel is a better and less environmentally harmful way to be ''aesthetic''. if you've liked a particular ''aesthetic''/look for years, then sure, redecorate if you want, but please try to get rid of your old stuff in a responsible way through either selling or donating them. that's what im doing, since im redecorating my room right now.
part of the enjoyment of these aesthetics for some folks come from exactly what you're talking about. Participating in a specific aesthetic from afar like watching content online or making pinterest boards. It doesn't always translate offline or into big wardrobe declutters. Thanks for this reminder
I also think people forgot how folks kind of curated an aesthetic vibe within a limited container, such as a scrapbook or a little memory shoebox before social media. The feeds of images to consume visually online are nearly infinite...but the physical space in your house is obviously definitely not!😂
I agree with you but I do want to say that I think some people who engage in this aesthetic stuff online are part of actual subcultures on and offline.
Just to address your title card specifically there being brands for subcultures like goth, punk or grunge, I think these movement in particular as being anti-establishment started off as DIY signature aesthetics like ripped jeans, safety pins or black eye makeup that were later co-opted and capitalized by brands. Not that this video is about that.
I don't find it bad that people want to be "it girls" or have an aesthetic in general. I think the issue is linking it to solely material things, and not finding community or actual sense of self. It's all just being reduced to material things. Buying things and trying to portray a lifestyle out of your means is not an aesthetic!
I am SO HERE for this discussion. My further two cents is that I actually think that a big part of being an "it" girl is actually BEING the girls (influencers) who get sent the next trendy products FOR FREE, as PR. And then they turn around and present these "next big thing" items that companies have decided are going to be popular (by sending mass PR, sponsoring ads, hyping with brand trips) - and then people who watch then feel compelled to "keep up"...but we will never have "it girl status" by having to buy the "cool things" ourselves. I'd argue that in this specific case (it girl) it goes beyond the aesthetic and extends to being a "chosen one" who no longer has to buy the stuff. (I do agree with everything you said about identity and aesthetics though).
My opinion may just be a result of my own "deep dives" into issues I'm seeing with general consumer culture online and PR and sponsorships 👀
Edited to remove duplicate word
this is very much true and part of how it girl products become popular!
Oh it's true. Companies have always done this even before influencers were a thing
There's a documentary called the century of the self which talks about where this kind of consumer culture all began after World War 2. It's a multi part doco, really worth watching.
this is exactly the kind of thing I'd be interested in, thank you for sharing!
You could make a video about how alt subcultures fall for the same problems discussed here. It's so interesting and worrying usually alt people to go against consumerism and trends, often affirming that they have their own stye and identity, genuinely unaware that, they also follow certain trends and are persuaded to consume certain things.
Btw this has nothing to do with beople considered "possers". I'd say that, in some alt subcultures have certain products so tied to them that *not* consuming those would make someone a "posser"
My kneejerk reaction was: “It girl, That girl… this all sounds so inane! Why would women fall for such blatant marketing?”
After listening to Shawna’s thoughts and ruminating over coffee, I think that the idea of “selling an identity” makes a lot of sense (not the same as supporting it, thinking it’s a good thing, condoning it, etc.). If you think about it, this kind of content is usually aimed at and features women in their teens and 20s… and that’s the formative age when we naturally seek to define our own identities. Add to that all the factors (good and bad) that make it super easy to acquire the trappings of an identity (an “aesthetic”)-and here we are, in a world where companies like Shein, Sephora, Amazon, etc etc make millions upon millions, by commodifying a natural process of coming of age.
yes, selling identity and belonging can be very powerful to young people (or anyone) trying to figure out who they are. One of the women in the video mentioned about connecting with other people your age. Belonging can be a powerful motivator too
You are like my therapist to help my over-consumption habit, lol. I'm so glad I found you! Your videos have been so helpful for changing my mindset and "de-influencing" myself. ❤
lol I was already thinking "oh not another 40 minute video" and in fact it's just as good as the ones I've watched before... and possibly the most important one. You can't buy your way into an identity, and I need to keep reminding myself of that.
Couldn't agree more with what is being said. And this trend is like too much for middle class specially those coming from developing countries. This (reversibly and ironically) sets them back, makes them feel horrible and affects their well-beinf
I consider this the intellectual and personal equivalent of “money shouts, wealth whispers”.
It's so funny how loud people are being about quiet luxury these days 😂 so many people make social media content about how to look like they belong in the "wealth whispers" category that it's become a trend... when the whole point of that look and lifestyle was to not be part of trends!
@@agentwaterfowllol right? It's so counterintuitive and they don't even realise that
I would love for you to do a video on sustainable fashion, and slow fashion brands. Christy Dawn, Linennaive, Everlane.. not sure who else. There are a ton of influencers out there who exclusively wear these brands, push their discount codes etc. I am all for paying people fairly and having ethical practices, using natural materials.. to spend $600 on a dress, not many people can do. I believe in the ethics of it but I feel that that price tag is for the wealthy 1% of the population who treat that amount of money like it's pennies. A lot of influencers get these free articles of clothing and push it to their audience.. a lot of women who are likely in their 20s-30s, a lot of moms, and they're likely going into debt to have these brand names and curate an 'ethical' cool girl & clean beauty aesthetic. everything you've also said in this video applies to these influencers and brands as well. There's a sense of guilt in not participating in this "ethical" consumption if you can't afford it.. but at the end of the day, it's another article of clothing on this planet that could end up in a thrift store, and then eventually a landfill. Wearing what you own and not giving into trends is the answer, and thrifting I suppose but that is still consumption..
I think it’s normal to look around in your environment and see a pattern- example, a popular pair of shoes or gadget- there is only so much of this stuff made, most things are mass produced, it’s reasonable logic to trust purchasing something when a lot of people around you are having success with that object. I do agree we can’t just watch a video like we could 10 years ago and trust these favorites really are their favorite. I do miss the days where people didn’t want to be labeled or put into boxes. Can I not be covered in tattoos and prefer classical music? Looks can be deceiving just as often as people tend to be closed minded.
🙋♀️ classical symphony musician here, and I just wanted to say many of us ARE tattooed, to varying degrees 😁
Hey Shawna! I’d like to offer some constructive feedback. I’ve recently found your channel and I’m definitely loving your content. I think you’re doing really great so far, and I also think your videos are important for people to see, BUT I’m finding that I have to watch your videos on 1.25 speed to stay engaged (not something I ordinarily do). I’m not a content creator, so I don’t have a solid suggestion on what a possible solution could be, but I think if you can somehow pace your videos differently, you may see an increase in engagement and viewer retention. Again, I’m no expert by any means. And I hope you don’t take this to be offensive in any way. I say all of this with peace and love 🫶🏼 Thank you for the messages you are spreading with your platform- more people need to see your content!
I don’t find anything wrong with watching 1.5 speed. I think being more succinct is something she’s trying to do, it requires a lot more editing of each script, and being good at writing an essay and putting together an argument. It takes practice and I think she’s going to get there!
I agree, and I don’t find anything wrong with it either (unless there are several added clips that I want to watch at regular speed), but there are people who would click off simply because they can’t be bothered to change the speed. I think she’ll get there too! I see great potential here!
i personally like her delivery, feels a bit more like a natural conversation instead of someone reciting a script. i don't really want every creator i watch to all have basically the same style of videos and way of speaking. maybe some points could be a bit more streamlined, it just comes down to preference i guess, and that social media (tiktok especially) tends to shorten a lot of people's attention spans.
@@slvr323You may like it, but like you mentioned, people have shortened attention spans these days, and, in part, that’s why I provided the feedback that I did. I think you’re right about preference, but unfortunately for her, and anyone who shares the same opinions on the topics she discusses, this sort of delivery isn’t generally preferred by a wider audience 😕
@Jessicaddy that's a perfectly valid stance, just pointing out some people do like these type of videos, and while there is always room for improvement, it's also okay to have a slightly different approach. to each their own 🙂
Check on your Liberal Arts friends. We are not okay! 😅 Out here researching and writing dissertations as a fun hobby
this is...very true
I think the it girl trend focuses a lot on how others are viewing us - validation from others of being an it girl.
It girl is the one who focuses on her wellbeing and happiness for herself not for social media.
I really appreciate your channel and the discussion you raise. We need broader streams of discussion and thought along these lines, thanks for leading it.
you did a great job explaining it but also I never realized until now how much more insanely brainrotting all of these aesthetics are than I thought
I really enjoy your videos. You do such an amazing job! I feel like your my big sister giving me advice. So refreshing. Please keep making videos ok :)
this is so sweet, thank you so much! 💕
Honestly I find that the desire to be an "it girl" stems more from a want to be yourself while still having the love and respect for your style/'look' you might get from following trends... Idk maybe just me!! But when I was a teen and wanted to be an 'it girl' it was bc I thought that nobody thought my 'look' was cool and I wanted to be myself and still be a cool trendsetter
Much love for ur videos tho!! These are very fun to watch while moving into a new place, plus they convince me I don't need too much new stuff even tho I'm moving!
Oh wow, great topic! I’ve never been a fan of anyone who is a trendsetter. In my mind they ruin perfectly good things by promoting overuse, over purchase, and once most people jump onto their made up trend they have moved to something else so other people are always behind, and the item becomes passé. It’s circular insanity. In Jr High school I realized the stupidity of following someone else’s choices. I became comfortable just being me and thank goodness-it saved me a lot of heartache and headache, albeit not part of the popular crowd.
I think true adulthood is rejecting trends and being comfortable as we are. 😁
Oh goodness, buying trend magazines at airports before flights, taking me back. Otherwise, everyone looks best in what they feel most comfortable and what works for them, which is why aesthetics are so weird to me - if you think something looks cool or cute but you’re visibly uncomfortable or it doesn’t work for you, then it’s not right. Staying off instagram until 2015 and never going on TikTok I think saved me. It bleeds a bit onto my algorithm a bit on instagram and my brother’s girlfriend (who i love) follows this, so it’s not entirely out of my purview, but at 30 I already know who I am pretty well and what products and fashion I like. I do feel bad for people just a bit younger.
I have fallen victim to this as i got on the pink aesthetic skincare routine tok, i will admit, but it has also helped me so much as i now put way more attention to skin and beauty care and i also have never been this motivated to work on myself and lose weight to get healthier
It also got me into the coquette aesthetic even tho i usually lean towards black, somewhat edgy stuff. I feel great in it! But that doesnt mean i'll stop wearing my old clothes that are still awesome too
i honestly found a lot of peace in my appearance once i stopped consuming fashion and makeup content on the internet. i have found my own personal style that suits my day to day life… i also hardly if at all wear makeup anymore. youre not meant to fit your life into clothes and makeup, clothes and makeup are meant to fit your lifestyle :-)
I used to see those aesthetic product photos a while ago on my feed. They were all in for example different shades of pink or lavender and some kind of makeup bag in that same color. I immediately clicked "not interested", I thought the same thing you did like there wasn’t anything about why that person likes those product how it feels and wears, etc. just pretty looking packaging in different shades of pink/lavender. I don’t need those.
Wasn't the term "It girl" a thing until 2014? It's crazy to see it making a comeback.
It’s been around for a really long time
Like at least for as long as people have been being able to become famous
@@phoenixfritzinger9185 yeah, what I meant to say is that, the last time it was largely used was until 2014, since then I haven't heard it till now
I feel like the aesthetics products are out of control. It started on pinterest and some older social media/tv/magazines as overall ideas & trendy suggestions. but not strict rules, life style, labels, boxes, or for sales like tiktok, fast fashion, instagram etc.
Very excited to hear your take🎉
I only recommend trends that you actually like. I refuse to participate in any trend that I don’t truly love. Doesn’t happen often.
I agree confidence is more important that any consumer good in the limelight
Oh please, for the love of god, let's start calling tiktok, tik tik 😂🎉🎉 #campaign
I've worked really hard to distance myself from products and things making up my sense of identity and worth. These 'it girl' lists are so hurtful in that inherently, they rely on low self esteem and consuming :(
Great video!🎉
The signature scent got me. Because I do actually have a signature scent and love it when people tell me they thought if me when they passed something very coconutty for instance. Then I realised I didn't 'pick' a signature scent. I just found hair products I really loved that smell of coconut and since people noticed the coconut but not my perfume, I stopped putting on my perfume and now live a coconutty life. It's really great to be recognised by a scent people love, but it's shouldn't be a goal in life, it's just some extra flavour to the life you already lead. Or some extra scent. Like your perfume.
I'm so early omg, can't wait to watch!
As a person who has struggled with dry skin and psoriasis since before puberty, i beg you, please use lotion in moderation!!! LET YOUR SKIN BREATH BABES
this video was very interesting.
I was listening to it while assembling an Ikea bamboo stool. 😅
It’s just show, buy and no tell of the products.
Strong Enneagram 5 vibes
I am learning about problems I never seen around me
Really good video on this, explains it really well.
I am quite interested in tabletop games and minatures so have quite a lot of things for that. Though its a hobby and I am part of quite a few in person and online communities which do enjoy
I hope this makes sense not sure if it does
sorry
Worst nonsensical drinking game ever....
Charlotte’s stuff is legit
Normally, I get a mix of advertisements. On your channel, I get nothing but tiktok shop or temu. It's very ironic. I guessing the algorithm knows you're talking about them.
This is so random but, I have a question: I feel like when you were still doing more "beauty RUclips" types of videos (like project pans, etc.) didn't you say you were in a PhD program? Did you finish? Or was this all a hallucination I had lol? I was just curious about where things went.
i think she mentions something about her academic history/academic career in the q&a. it's mentioned in one of the recent videos
🏵️
wtf is an it girl
WOAHHH I'm early
There is no it girl aesthetic. There’s that girl aesthetic in the clean aesthetic, but there’s no it girl aesthetic.
Tomayto, Tomahto 🍅 🤷♀️
I’ve seen plenty of videos call it “it girl” aesthetic. Same thing anyways
@@ghostmain3382 oh I guess I just didn’t know all the different names of the aesthetics. I am probably not the right demographic for this video.