I have been living in India for almost 4 years now and I have to say I see so much good also in the "arranged" marriages. Both good and not so goos sides are there. In the west also when people are trying to find a life partner and the love of their life, often the reality is that it's much harder than you think. Falling in love is one thing, but sharing the rest of your life with someone, raising kids, coordinating your passions and careers etc is a whole other thing to work out. I'm married to an Indian man, we were not arranged together, we fell in love online and now a few years later I ca say that it is very important to love and respect the other person and of course never tyo be forced to share your life with someone. At the same time I feel like many people misjudge and have unrealistic expectations about future life when they fall in love and that's when an arranged marriage might work better :) so many sides to this whole thing! Love from Kerala, are you going to visit here???
Falhawk73 India is country of illiterate farmers and land-laborers. Parents control and dominate adult children's lives. Indian parents choose and decide husbands and wives for their adult children. Unmarried adults of opposite sex are not allowed to socialize with each other. Have you ever wondered why Indian movies show many love stories and love songs in their stories? It's for all educational purpose. Slowly, young Indians are opening up to idea of dating and marrying person of their choice. Many Indians still date and socialize with opposite sex secretly. Still many villagers frown up the idea of unmarried adults of opposite sex together. You must have noticed many incidents of Indian villagers attacking and humiliating unmarried couples socializing. Many Indian hotels do not let unmarried couples to check in. It is not illegal for unmarried couples to check in hotels but hotel management and Indian police harass and humiliate unmarried couples and accuse them for indulging in prostitution. Prostitution is illegal in India.
ok i dont know who are you n where are u form .. lemme educated u india is countries which contributes in every aspects of life check out the no. of ceos even in nasa if there is no indian there is no nasa...u r totally misinformed .. for u marriage may be license to fuck but for u its a divine bonding and growing relationship
Sankhadeep Madhu You are dumb. Have you heard the term 'brain-drain'? Indian CEOs of which companies? Western companies? Why Indians work in western companies? Why not in Indian companies? Where are the manufacturing giant companies of India which are dominating entire world market? Do you know where NASA is located? What about ISRO (Indian Space Research Organisation)? Do you even question the narratives of your media and politicians who taught you all of this? Do you even ask your politicians that if Indians are such geniuses that they can become CEOs of foreign companies but then why India does not have cluster of world class manufacturing industries and required infrastructure even after 70 years of independence? Why India still is a agriculture based economy? Why India still has millions of homeless children begging on streets? Why Indian men rape 'loose' women walking alone in night on streets who do not behave ideally like Sita mata, amma, behan or gehrelu mahilaye? Yeah! it is such a divine bonding and relationship that if wife does not bring enough dowry then wife is burned alive. Adult daughters and sisters are treated like properties of fathers and husbands. If she crosses that line, she gets murdered by her own parents and brothers. Such a divine relationship and culture! Wow!
Sankhadeep Madhu When I was a child, i had to fetch milk from milk store everyday. Everyday a dog used to come alone with milk utensil and money, sent by dog owner. Dog gets milk in utensil, gives money to milk store clerk and returns home with milk alone. Even some dogs can act intelligent if they get properly trained. Does that smart dog represents smartness of entire population of dogs on planet Earth? If some dogs/cats/cows/donkeys can be intelligent then why can't some Indians can be intelligent? Does few intelligent Indians represent 1.3 billion Indians? Does that explains why India is such a poor country? Does Mukesh Ambani and his multi-billion dollar house in Mumbai represents poor living conditions of 1.3 billion Indians?
Sankhadeep Madhu See! how pissed off you are by stating facts to you. 😂 What happened to your divine culture and relationship? If you are ignorant of the facts that how many rapes are happening in India and how many rapes are not reported due to fear then you are an idiot. Just three major companies? Are they equivalent to popular brand names like Apple, Microsoft, Facebook, Google, Starbucks, McDonalds, BMW, Ferrari etc. These companies are western business icons all over the world. India ranked 132 spot out of 195 countries, for ease of doing business in International Finance Corp.’s 2013 edition of the Doing Business study. Doing business in India is extremely difficult due to red tape bureaucracy, corruption, lack of infrastructure, large unskilled workers and labor laws. Could you explain why so many Indians are unemployed and homeless?
I'm South African in a relationship with an Indian man for the last 4 years, and it has been very frustrating with his parents, especially mom cause they don't accept our relationship, in fact they've said we have to break up, she's threatened it's either me or them, they've flat out said, he has to marry an Indian woman(must have grown up in India) Hindu woman. He's living in die US now, we r long distance, he has told them straight we r serious and staying together but to no avail. I've lived in Bangalore before with him for a year, I've met couples, Indian couples who went through the same thing, some stay together, some break up because of family pressure. And I know some of his friends had arranged marriages and they are happy, but this video is just talking bout one side, the good side of arranged marriages, many people also get manipulated into doing it, threats of suicide or disowning their children. Not all Indian parents are that understanding of accepting, I've spoken to his father and he said to me, 'we are not forcing him, but he has to choose from the women that we consider suitable' and I told him that is not a choice. People should be able to choose the person they want to spend their life with, that is the most important decision you'll ever make. You choose the person you are willing to sacrifice and compromise for otherwise if things don't work out you will hold a lot of resentment towards the people who manipulated you into it, not everyone is strong or mature enough to stand up to their parents, they might just go along with it and regret it later. Not him or I are willing to break it off, we are hoping for the best and we will have a lot of hardships in the future if his family won't accept it, but it's our choice and we are willing to face whatever comes our way together
I'm sorry that you don't understand...that's my experience after being in a relationship with an Indian for 4 years, living in India for 1 year and talking to numerous Indian people about their personal experiences, not merely an opinion formed after watching a 20 minute video, and you don't talk about what's better for him, he's a grown man capable of making up his own mind, just because you and others have had a good experience with arranged marriage doesn't make it so for everyone, and if you want to add a comment or reply be an adult about it, don't be calling names or assume what I'd reply back, this is not a discussion about what's right or wrong, every culture has their good points and bad points...this is about what's right for the individual person, having the freedom to live the life they choose, choose the partner they want without the enormous pressure of family and society telling them their choices are wrong and they know what's best
I have to say you sound very much like his mother, you've made up your mind about western society and your bias can be seen so clearly in your comments, I never said this is right or that is wrong, my bf has friends who went for arranged marriages, they are happy with their choices, that's the only point, that it should be a choice and manipulation or fear of being ostracized from family is not making it a choice, it's being forced. I am more than willing to be part of the family, I've not been given a chance, the only reason they might give me a chance is because he's still here next to me after 4 years telling them he's not leaving me, and this isn't just cause I'm a foreigner, why don't you go read the comments of your fellow Indians on here, so many have the same complaints, infact I think it's better you talk to them, they have a much more indepth understanding and experience with it, and I agree parents want the best for their children but sometimes they have to let them make their own decision and the person you choose to marry is probably the most important one, you obviously have a chip on your shoulder and need to vent, point is you sound like you only want to defend your point and point a finger at another group, the group that 'only live for themselves', 'gives up on parents', 'selfish and immoral people' 2-3 years marriage' honestly, there is no point to discuss anything with someone who is that obviously for one thing and against another, you can't open your mind to anything else, don't bother replying
Chantel Human If he loves you and can't able to marry just his parents don't want then you dating wrong guy or his family is wrong. I know my neighbour whose parents positively accept a Swedish girl
The idea of incompatibility leading to a split is the issue here. In order to break the traditional thinking you and your guy have to toughen up and ensure you never split including now, after making an announcement that you are together. You can change their perception like anything by love strength and commitment. You got to slug it out together or yours will be yet another one that didn't make it regardless of the pressure. Most of all you must prosper in life in your endeavors and both of you must have a hand of encouragement and heart filled with love to make that happen. Only then you will earn everyone's respect. You want to do this for the rest of your life be together. Get far from your families until you prove to all that you can make it and they will come around specially after a grand child. and seeing that you turned your life around on your terms whatever that means to you.
@@chantelhuman7401 I hope you and him are still together... I wish you luck, don't let his family dominate, even if they threaten to leave the man. If they do, then they just don't love him. Speaking as an Indian.
Roman, I just saw this video and can I indulge in a long comment. Its important question that needs to be answered for both westerners and young indians. I apologize in advance if it gets bit Freudian. As a Indian who has lived in the west this is the number 1 question I get asked - "Are marriages still arranged in India ?" "wow how can you marry someone you have never met before or just met once?" "Is your mother arranging a girl for you when you go back to India?" etc etc. Initially I did not have any suitable answers. Now that I am 50 and having observed and interacted with western culture, dated western women I can appreciate their curiosity. I arrived in the west when I was 22 and was not mature to answer these questions about my own culture. So I started looking into where my own ideas of marriage came from and what it meant to me and why arranged marriage did not feel wrong in India but its viewed with such suspicion and alieness in the west. Some even would drop their jaw when they asked me these question giving me the feeling sometimes that indians are still "primitive" and not "civlized" enough to put "love" above all in a marriage and somehow "arrangement" was transactional hence men and women are sacrificed at some cultural altar destroying their lives and aspiration. lol I know I am flowering my language or maybe overreading into western minds but you get the point. :-) Growing up as kid I have always seen arranged marriages happening around me. Young uncles and aunts and cousins getting married. You hear phrases like about oh "they found a nice boy" or "they found a good prospect"..heheh yes the english word prospect has been used.. And there will be a sort of excitement in the family of trying to find out who this "new" person who is coming into the family. "Who is she?" "how is she" "oh is he handsome" "oh he is good at this and that" etc etc And it a joint discovery process for the person who has gotten married and families. Everybody will picture the boy and girl in their head as a couple etc etc. There are three broad aspects of marriage that a Indian child and young indian minds are prepared for from childhood that are distinct from western children that makes arranged marriage not so primitive. Those are 1) Family over individual responsibility through marriage 2) Intimacy with opposite sex 3) Predeterminiation thru hand of the unseen force - God, Destiny, "kismet". Each of these 3 ideas are well sewn into indian nurture and social fabric such that arranged marriaged fits well into the indian context when the girl or boy becomes marriageble. Arranged marriage only works when the boy and girl has the right mindset and has been prepared in the above 3 areas. Family vs Individualism: Increasingly these aspects are undergoing drastic changes in terms of attitude becoming more westernized or "individualistic" so the "magic" of arranged marriage is replaced with bit of "shame" of arrangment as it gets seen as a regressive practise. The purpose of marriage in the west is individual goal of pursuit of happiness. Create a nuclear unit for themselves their spouse and their progeny. The indian purpose of marriage still tends to be about extending the size of the family network. The family network is a powerful network that guarantees a support system. Family pitches in if you fall sick. Family will help you with finding a job, educating you. If you are in trouble you reach out to your family network for help before going to law enforcement or the government. In the west its different. If I am in trouble I will call the police. if I am in job trouble I will file for welfare and govt will give me social security cheque. In India its family. This support does not end at age 18. Its life long so marriage subconsciously is about bringing in someone new who will join this network and do it with love, a sense of adjustment and hopefully also help with creating beautiful memories and children. It does not always work so but that is the general expectation in an ideal scenario at least. You will notice in india educated and economically independant families choose love marriage because they afford to fall in love and go on their own. Love marriage is more expensive and west can afford it as each unit splits and gets their own house car and seperates from the network. In India nuclear families are not for all but some who can afford it. Intimacy and marriage: Indian Youngsters want to be seen like their western counter parts and want to claim that they have boyfriends and girlfriends for X years before marriage. "modern individualistic aspirational people don't do arranged marriages" "They are in control of their own destiny or want to be seen in control of it anyway". You will never see a Indian Movie star in india ever admitting they had a arranged marriage. There maybe a few exceptions here and there. Media will even make fun of them that that movie star is not "civilized" and still "native" because they were not developed enough to find "love " on their own. I remember years ago a top bollywood actress Madhuri Dixit chose a arranged marriage and there was so much ridicule even from her own peers as if she is some primitive regressive role model for indian women. You see, Successful people go for "love" marriage. What the indian youngsters don't understand or not told about "love marriage" is that just like in India the above 3 values are introduced by the society the western society has some foundational aspects introduced early to help them make a decision on whom to "fall in love with" there is system of "dating", "courtship", "individual choice" and even social milestones like school PROM that teach kids how to navigate the complex terrain of gender relations culminating into a marriage. The Indian equivalence of that is the kid having the assurance and comfort that his parents and broader family network will take care of those choies and present him with choices suitable to him or her temperament and disposition. Indians falling in love stumble thru it without a proper introduction to the ritual of dating or wooing techniques that are well oiled in the west. Vast majority of indian women and men are not taught how to handle direct contact by opposite sex and how to go about it.. Most fall in love outside the gaze of family and society and thru watching movies and getting information from internet and western sources. Indians also don't realize how expensive the ritual of "falling in love" is. I have taken western women out on dates and sometimes its expensive the flowers, the restaurants. Sure you can have a coffee at a coffee shop too but you have walked around indian cities and parks and restaurants. You will not find a nice spot where a young couple can go and sit. It takes a lot and society has not prioritized it. Indians find it romantic to fall in love in western cities like london new york or paris and you will see bollywood exploit that idea in their depiction of love. Now comes the real topic of intimacy. Indians attach lot of value to physical intimacy with marriage. The union of two bodies is considered holy and one preserves themselves for that event. Arranged marriages help in fuse these two events together - Having sex for first time happens at same time as marriage. This is huge thing that psychologically helps in the bonding and binding of two souls even though they may have been total strangers prior to their marriage. Its a explosive psychological event that westerners don't understand and indians don't understand when they learn about love marriage in the west. Westerns seperate out physical intimacy from marriage. They "try out" the physical plumbing before committment..hehehe Indians keep the sanctity of physical intimacy reserved and they go hand in hand. Now a days indians have sex before marriage and automatically arranged marriages become meaningless to them because they want to "try out" before marriage. It all comes in a packages. There is no black and white answer. I find a certain charm and purity in indian marriages because the couple has saved them for the first night and that fusion seals a life long pact of monogamy, trust and loyalty that is uniquely indian and can be quite refreshing and different than a western way of looking at intimacy as a individualistic pleasure entitlement. Destiny and Kismet. Indians are huge with this. Indians are superstituos and always want to believe that the universe and a force outsides their own sphere of control and influence knows best. So in that sense their parents arranging or a friend or someone suggesting a match for them is "meant to be". That such a arrangement came to be as a result of their own destiny or karma and hence its been given to them and who are they to challenge it. So as the lady above says a sense of compromise and acceptance supersedes a sense of entitlment and individual control over one's needs. Such a marriage may seen as submissive and subserviant but if both spouses approach the marriage with a let go spirit marriage can be wonderful. The magic of marriage is also like a princess or cinderalla moment.. who knows how the prince or princess is and since its going to be "the one and only one" peole don't look for flaws and they accept for however they are. Its not unusual to see marriages in india where the couple may look very different. One maybe very attractive and other not so attractive. A very intelligent wife coupled with a not so intellignent husband but they accept it and try to make the best of it. I don't want to suggest here that with such low divorce rates marriage are always happy. Belive me lot of indian marriages are just as bad if not more as western marriages. In india its usually the wife who compromises and with growing feminism and women empowerment the ideas of marriages are changing but here arrangement vs love has nothing to do with those change in attitudes.
tube or not tube your comment was insightful and I learned a lot from both it and the video. Maybe now I know why my relationship with an Indian man always leads to us butting heads.
tube or not tube u hv articulated the reality quite well. I would like to add some points. In general, it's not just about being superstitious, but most Indians have this basic spiritual view of live in general n everything related to our existence. It is ingrained in our culture n we grow up with this understanding. Same goes for marriage, most educated individuals here believe it's just not about two physical individuals but there is also a spiritual dimension to finding a complimenting life partner. This aspect might not be discussed too much but there is always an undercurrent of this philosophy n understanding if u dig deeper in most marriages in India. Also, in India, nowdays there r lot of places like malls which r not that costly where youngsters can meet n it's not such a rarity. In my opinion, most so called love marriages in west are 'self arranged' marriages - a different version of arranged marriage in which family might not be involved n responsibility lies wholly on the individual. But the process of looking for option, selecting, checking out compatibilty, is quite similar. Instead of it being a combined family effort, it's an individual effort. There r pros n cons to both. None is better than the other as there can be risks in both the methods.
@write Intent I fully agree with you. The spiritual dimention of marriage just comes from the eco system or atmosphere in India. Nothing special about it. I like the term self-arranged but what I found in western society iis watching how at very early stage western parents prepare their children for it. Its all about making the children make their own choices and it shows in the language "Baby would you like this dress or that dress?" "baby Do YOU want to wear jeans or dress".. Very early on kids are told to be individuals and choose things that will make them happy. Marriage is then defined as choosing someone that will make them happy. Another thing that is taught in the west is that you can "fall in love" and with just same speed and certainity people "can fall out of love" too. Indians don't know or appreciate that aspect of it and can't handle it very well. I have several cousins with love marriages which have failed and all of the women in those marriages are more miserable then the guy who is usually the guilty party for the marriage failing but its hard in the women. Because these women cannot handle the fact that "love can end" too. In the west marriage is not an end all. A marriage will last until the guy loses his job or has a roving eye or "they fell apart due to irreconcible differences" which really means their individualism overrode the joint goals of the marriage and love is just as practical a emotion as that. Its not some spiritual other worldly "meant to be" contract as its in India. The west will look at it pragmatically treat it and the western society allows men and women to find love and lose love over and over again. Indian society has not built the infrastructure for it due to the spiritual nature of marriage and the "one and only monogamous nature" of the idea of marriage. Its not only in India other Asian countries too have some of the same attitudes towards intimacy and marriage or love and marriage. Try dating a chinese woman and if you date her for a long time as a guy you better get ready to get married. Those women are not messing around their family will chase you down if you dont bring up marriage. You sometime see this absurdness in crude way in Indian movies. A villian will rape a girl and the village will make the villian marry the woman. Its the fusion of physical union and marriage going hand in hand. Its believed that marriage will reform the guy and he will turn into a "nice" guy after marriage hehehehe.. These things will work only if the contract of arrangment is considered sacrosanct.
@kelley Out of curiosity what are the general areas of contention with your indian partner ? Are they more value based differences or practical cultural behavioural differences ? For example does he like his underwear hung on the door knob but you prefer that he folds it neatly into a rhombus shaped figure and place it in the bottom drawer...heheheheh I have a whole view on indian vs western aesthetic sense but that is for some other time.. Will let you reply.
First time someone has explained the real reason of success of Indian arrange marriages. Thanks very much for putting the things in a really positive way Roman.
Most of your videos are basically conversations and not walkthrough through touristic spaces. I really like this quality of your content. It's different from other travel channels.
I think people who have been in arranged marriage are really mature, understanding and they compromise alot but still they are happy. I hope one day i find someone like her. Keep the videos coming love from mumbai ❤
Show bobs and vagene u r everywhere on this comment section repeatig the same stuff again n again. U seem to hv some rosy ideas about love marriage. Do u even know anything about marriages or just keep sharing from what u hv seen from movies. If u analyse properly, most of the so called love marriages in west are 'self arranged' marriages where ppl go on dates to select a prospective partner n then slowly might develop love. The modern day arranged marriages in India in most middle class families r something similar, only difference being the whole process is in knowledge of n participation of family, which makes it more productive. Exceptions of some abnormal families n cases are there in all societies.
One of my long standing theories is that people who lived in india two millennia ago were more liberal than what the western cultures are aspiring to be now a days. the sculptures on temples dating 300 BC couldn't have been created by a conservative society(twitter :@IndiaHistorypic), Indian society could have been forced to become conservative only after greek and islamic invasions started that's when women started covering their upper body and started wearing veils, and Indian society started protecting themselves rather than freely expressing themselves. Americans are lucky in that sense they got a fresh start, and they have weak neighbours north and south , and oceans to east and west.
shashank suman Indian parents who live in collective Indian communities, dominate and dictate lives of their adult children. They choose and decide husbands and wives of their adult children. Adult children are not allowed to socialize with unmarried adults of opposite sex. Indian parents bear marriage expenses of their adult children. Indian sons get property rights of their parents and expected to take care of their older parents by keeping them with their wives and children. Adult daughters do not have property rights. To compensate lack of property rights for their daughters, Indian parents give money, jewelleries and expensive gifts to their daughters during their marriages. Poor Indian farmer families who have 4-5 daughters who could not afford to give money, jewelleries and expensive gifts during their daughters weddings, has to borrow money on higher interest rates. With introduction of gender-detection medical technology, Indian parents are able to detect genders of their pre-born babies. They started aborting their female fetuses which has caused gender-imbalance in India. There are more men than women in the country. Indian parents could not find wives for their adult sons and their sons are not allowed to socialize with unmarried women. Sexual frustration is rising among Indian men. Rising population, sub-standard education, lack of industrial work-skills, unemployment, homelessness and highly competitive environment is triggering social unrest and rise of crimes in India. Families are base of human civilisation. Indian parents are responsible for higher population, gender-imbalance, arrange marriages, dowry culture and illiteracy in India.
Show bobs and vagene U seem to be living in some parallel world of your own n like to believe that u r very knowledgeable. Don't mistake ur own perspectives or observations as facts. These might be true for ur family but that doesn't give u the right to speak for others or generalise for everyone. On a side note what does your intelligent enlightened mind infer about the probable causes of total breakup of family structure, increased mental illnesses, overdependance on narcotics, increased violence culture in student communities in most wesrern societies. If u want ur statements to be based on some real documented facts go n dig some correct info from here, before u open your bug infested mouth ruclips.net/video/IAeTXi0oHIQ/видео.html
Write Intent What mental illness, narcotic abuse and violence has to do with love marriages? What is the reason behind over-population, gender-imbalance, illiteracy, homelessness and rising sexual crimes against women and children in India? Is it due to rising number of love-marriages in India? I already watched that RUclips video. I am one of subscribers of her RUclips channel. She is telling those things in the video which I already knew. I am well-aware of western pedophiles and sex tourists traveling into poor countries. I also noticed that how she cleverly showed nicer and cleaner looking parts of India in her video.😂 I do my thorough research before opening my 'bug infested mouth'.😂
Show bobs and vagene similarly, what is the connection between all the ills prevailing in India n arranged marriages. Here, the discussion is on perceived image of arranged marriage in western media n society but you chose to ramble about ills in India repeatedly throughout the comment section. You seem to be too frustrated at this point to hv a balanced discussion or share ur viewpoint in a proper comprehensive manner. N what is wrong if karolina chose to show the good views of India. Don't other countries hv awful locales but they r not targeted n consciously highlighted everytime everywhere. It is western hegemony n sense of superiority which makes them talk rubbish about India n also asia as a whole. Asian n Indian achievements r always downplayed. Also, negativity sells n India being a huge mass of humanity provides ample opportunities to hunt for such stories. N negative portrayal of a place or society provides instant gratification n sense of superiority to the one watching or reading. Why the ills n heinous crimes committed by whites on blacks n britishers on natives of their colonies not discussed as much in western media. Most of the young britishers dont hv any knowhow of what atrocities their forefathers committed in India n the extend to which they looted the country n they r enjoying the fruits of their forefathers loot n robbery shamelessly . But ppl like you hv very constricted viewpoints or suffer from slave mentality. I hv said whatever i wished to say on this topic n hv no intention of continuing the discussion with you. Hope u hv a nice day!
In India it is not just a marriage of boy and girl. It's family marriage. We respect family value a lot. I live with my wife, my parents and grandparents in same home. I mean three generations living together under same roof
India reached Mars Arrange marriage is a system where adult children are treated like personal properties of parents and relatives where they buy and sell their adult children like cattles on sale. Adult children never grow up and have their personal choices. It is all done for 'sake of love'.😂
Subhra Chakraborty????? India is a country of illiterate farmers where parents control lives and decisions of their adult children. Indian government could not provide quality education, build infrastructure and manufacturing industries. Those stereotypes holds some truth and makes sense to me. It is like going to school and children are teasing and bullying us.😂
you will like it because you are a man, due to patriarchy you can happily live in your comfort zone we I.e., with your parents and your grand parents, whereas the girl has to not only leave her family but also has to adjust to a new family and treat their family like hers. Please man up and live separately, if your ask your wife she won't say she wants to leave cos she doesn't want to hurt you or afraid of society and your parents. Please man up.
Loved this! I have been doing research on arranged marriage in India and this was a great addition. I wish we could have had a Q&A sessions. From what I have learned arranged marriage is different depending on where you come from in India. I wondered if she would agree with that? The other point I was going to make is, growing up the older women used to always say, "you marry the family" I never understood that until I got older and they are correct. Yes, you marry the person but like it or not as my mom would say , the family comes along as a package. Our older generations here got that and it got lost over time here as being inclusive in the marriage decision. but I think other cultures still acknowledge and accept it as reality. I also because our families and friends know us all to well they will tell us the truth overall if we are willing to listen.
It is difficult to define arranged marriges in today’s India. I find it subjective to the family you are from. My parents or family are open to an idea of me dating someone as well as they arranging me with someone( and nothing here would be without my consent or interest) on the other hand I do have friends who are not given a chance to even talk to the boy( and i talk about an educated urban family here) . Then i have friends who kind of were made to meet someone by their parents and dated for 6 months and their families knew that they were going out . They ended up getting married after 6 months .I would say if your family here in India is liberal you could call arranged marrige as your parents setting u up with someone. I would say it would be unfair to define what arranged marrige in india today is. P.S i loved your videos.
Right, That's what makes it so interesting to me. Arranged marriage seems to be evolving regarding what it is (perhaps you're right - that it's not really possible to define any more) and how different parents relate to it and the degree of choice that someone has. PS Thank you xo
Love this video. I have always felt that their was a misconception of what marriage is supposed to be, and as a person that has never been married, this video was insightful. Very well done.
Hi roman, great content💕 your videos help me to rationalise and strengthen my heart. ive just lose the love of my life to an arranged marriage. My heart literally sank but im glad actually that he finally did agree to it after the effort of three years of trying to convince his parents fail. Beautiful five years altogether. Arranged marriage sure have lots of benefits💕 his mother would have someone to care and look after her, the house will be full of her grandchild laughter, the parents sure deserves all that love and care. Its just that its so hard to mend the heart/kill the love when literally the love on both side was still very much alive and are still there. God bless them dearly.
You are one of the rare travel vloggers who is travelling and connecting with the local people and not just like these other hipsters who be "getting their cultural experience" just site seeing and eating local food but staying away from the people who make the local cultures what they are. Also must say you are beautiful. You should visit my ancestral homeland of Bangladesh and visit my mother region of Sylhet. Also visit Cox Bazar and Chittagong Hill Tracts. I'm 3rd generation British Bangladeshi so quite disconnected from the motherland.
I got married an year ago . I had an arranged marriage and I am in love with my wife ,, and we fight we too but it's exciting . I've had some relationships before and learned that there is no one perfect . Hang out for a long time and you would start finding flaws in everyone but companionship I would say could only happen if you except with who ever they are. being judgemental all the time is a two way thing you would judge someone and someone else would judge you and it never ends and an arranged marriage goes through a lot of filters from both the sides it's like judge all you want now before the marriage from ever angle like your father would judge and your mother would judge everyone from the family would have a right to say what they like or not for the other family because marriage in India is not just a connection between the two people who are getting married it is also that two families are coming together it's like a feasibility analysis . I don't say it is the only way or this is the right way it is one of the way . There are customs which are suitable for one culture like for eg. There are tribal cultures where finding a suitable person depends upon how high one could jump , head hunter tribes from north East India had a custom where one could only marry if they bring a severed head of man from another enemy tribe . So that was a feasibility criteria . I think seeing the demand of relationships a person has to carry after marriage in India ,I mean Indians are very family oriented this seems to be a viable way. And for someone from outside like the makers of this video this could be an exotic way of getting hitched . By the way I like the open dialogue .
Hi Roman, am ur new subscriber. I recently came across ur India video, love ur India vlogs. Keep doing the expense for a day & interaction w/ local Indians. If you are interested in arranged marriage you should check out Bollywood movie Vivah too. Its a innocent love story, beautiful arranged marriage movie.
As a Western, an arranged Indian marriage seems interesting. Perhaps- we should consider this concept in America. But- what are the divorce rates of arranged marriages in India? Are they forced? I would like to hear a younger male and female Indian perspectives on arranged marriage. This woman has a very mature concept on marriage predicated on compromise. Very interesting!
Louis Lark Nope. I have heard rarely heard in news but never have seen even heard before me even with a any neighbors or family or relatives. It's a rumor spread by westerns and misconception recognised with youths. Arrangement of a marrige is a pre checkup/trial of an invention before implementation(or shopping a cloth after trial) trial. I hope you understand a little bit. Arranged Marriage is the complete form of love marriage. Either you pick someone or choose and or your parents pick, they will only arrange and final decision will be yours.
Nothing works if work is not put into it. Statistics is a measure of a process. It doesn't determine the process. Marriages in India works on a large part or atleast used to work on a large part because of the thinking. Divorce was never a concept or word thought or spoken or even heard about hence it was never an option. All differences had to be resolved because living in an unhappy environment for ever is unacceptable to the soul as the sole purpose of soul being on this planet is to experience happiness which comes from within, and there is no alternative. Marriages fail because their failure exists in the minds of the participants. Brain is a powerful thing. It will create what comes to it. However the soul determines what comes in the Brain. You are in control.
I will give you more idea on this. 1 generation back let's say in 70's, girls were at mercy of their parents', mostly fathers' wish. So, girl's father was approached or he approached someone, mostly through relatives. Good father would discuss with his daughter if the prospect looks good, or he himself would decide if he is not gentle. He would likely meet the potential groom as well but not one to one, generally in group to judge him. In a group, so as to not embarass the groom if guy is rejected. Once it was decided that the guy could meet the girl in presence of family the guy had power to decide whether he chooses her or not but she had no power. She would be left with embarrassment of rejection, which would not be the same day but after a few days. Or the guy would marry her. Now this was in 70s and in the part where I come from. Others may have their own variations. In my generation, it has changed. Women now work and so are empowered and along with them those who do not are also empowered. So, typically in middle class now one of these happen: 1. parents find a potential match through relatives, friends sometime agencies, match horoscope of both, and if these match, share mobile numbers and ask them to meet and decide. 2. Or the girl and boy will find a match for themselves in matrimonial sites (something like tinder) but almost always in the same caste/culture (because that's what most parents will accept and also for cultural compatibility) and talk and agree/disagree and will inform parents if they do, and their parents will meet following that plan the marriage dates. 3. or the profile of girls or guys will be created by parents and they look for suitable match. So, in modern arranged marriages there are the steps and generally in this order: 1. Find a potential match (Essential), initial consent of both guy and girl without talking to each other. 2. Match horoscope (mostly followed, I would say 98% cases) 3. Families meet, without girl or guy 4. Guy and girl talk over phone and then meet few times with or without presence of family 5. If they agree then marriage planning goes ahead. This is how it is where I come from. But then India has hundreds of communities, so it could be different elsewhere.
Now the ugly aspect of arranged marriages. Girl's family is expected to give some dowry to the girl. Now this doesn't look so bad given till recently the share of married girl in father's inheritance wasn't there by law. ugly truth - this dowry is negotiated in some communities (not mine, in mine it's a gift) and changes with how the groom earns, how ugly or beautiful is the girl etc. Uglier - This amount is ridiculous in some of the communities and not in the name of the girl in some of the communities. Ugliest - Some people torture new bride if the promised dowry isnt paid and sometimes murder. Dowry deaths (murder or suicide) are still too many in India, 5000+ per year. I am sure if the community wise analysis is done a small percentage of all the hundreds will account for most of these.
these arrange marriages stay together because it would be a disgrace to the family if they were to separate. usually the women suffer in these arrange marriages in india. the men usually have more freedom
A lot of marriages are semi-arranged in the States. Asians do it all the time: Family members set somebody up with a suitable partner. My wife went off to grad school in the States from Korea. And she very few possessions. But her mom gave her a traditional gown...because you never know...
Very true. A friend of mine from high school was in a semi-arranged marriage as well. His family picked the woman, he met her, and shortly thereafter they were married. And he says he's happy. So it's a win.
Such a noble initiative from Roman to sit down and discuss these ideas which the west have about India but are not necessarily that accurate. Great video again Roman.
zerodensityheart Indian parents who live in collective Indian communities, dominate and dictate lives of their adult children. They choose and decide husbands and wives of their adult children. Adult children are not allowed to socialize with unmarried adults of opposite sex. Indian parents bear marriage expenses of their adult children. Indian sons get property rights of their parents and expected to take care of their older parents by keeping them with their wives and children. Adult daughters do not have property rights. To compensate lack of property rights for their daughters, Indian parents give money, jewelleries and expensive gifts to their daughters during their marriages. Poor Indian farmer families who have 4-5 daughters who could not afford to give money, jewelleries and expensive gifts during their daughters weddings, has to borrow money on higher interest rates. With introduction of gender-detection medical technology, Indian parents are able to detect genders of their pre-born babies. They started aborting their female fetuses which has caused gender-imbalance in India. There are more men than women in the country. Indian parents could not find wives for their adult sons and their sons are not allowed to socialize with unmarried women. Sexual frustration is rising among Indian men. Rising population, sub-standard education, lack of industrial work-skills, unemployment, homelessness and highly competitive environment is triggering social unrest and rise of crimes in India. Families are base of human civilisation. Indian parents are responsible for higher population, gender-imbalance, arrange marriages, dowry culture and illiteracy in India.
in arranged system, marriage comes before love. You fall in love afterwards with the partner who is there for you. Marriages fall apart if that does not happen.
My ex was manipulated into leaving me by emotional blackmailing and suicide attempts and her parents are forcing her to choose from one of 5 guys to marry by the end of the year.
Vinayak Tyagi love means u love them from the first look so yes it exists that’s nonsense thinking it’s just the stupid backward culture which is dated back to 500 years ago
Ok so your comment deals with two things. First, it seems to be a disagreement on defining 'love marriage'. In this, i would accept that I just commented one 'statement. and not its full context. When Madhu ji talks about 'love marriage', she means one where the role of family is minimum and two people who are in love have total centrality. Considering that even in love marriages in India, role of family in finalizing the alliance, during the whole process of getting marries and post marriage remains very significant there is practically no difference. The marriage is still not just between two individuals but an alliance of two families. Although i may point out, if it is only about 'from the first look' that could happen in arranged marriage as well. So how would you classify such a marriage? The second part is more of a difference in 'general worldview'. In my opinion, it is not complete truth to just accept what is more popular in contemporary times to be the 'best thing there is'. Just that something exists from 500 or 5000 years doesn't back it bad. If something exists only from less than a hundred years, we may not have fully seen its long term social impacts (though i am aware of the concept of 'Gandharva marriages'). Nor do i think 'love is the end all' is complete truth, every individual gains from family and society, and has certain duties towards both. Thanks for reading :)
Your guest wasn't being honest. She said "no one imposes on you," but I know this to be untrue from personal experiences. Perhaps she belongs to a higher socio-economic class, which affords her more freedom than most in India.
Yup!!! We all need to speak out on the reality!!! I am so tired of hearing this kind of dishonest fake rhetoric you always hear from desis. In reality they just want to perpetuate something that feeds their pathological need to control their children's entire lives. I've been harmed myself by the complex system of social control maintained by arranged marriage and so has my partner who I am with despite his family not accepting me bc of my identity/caste/religion. Let's not deny that arranged marriage often comes with coercion, pressure, harassment, and even violence. Desis have seen these stories but they still turn their eyes away and end up talking like this auntie here, lying to themselves and to the rest of the world, and it is shameful imo.
I had two Indian roommates at a U.S. college. They never went back to India. They entered arraigned marriages anyway. All persons were successful individually. There were no divorces. The kids all became successful and didn't cause any problems. Saw that the average length of a "love" marriage in the U.S. is eight years. 7 years to separation, a year for the booster rockets to kick in. They went back to India to choose a wife. One I know had at least three girls to choose from.
This is Rasheeda, on my husbands page. Compromise is the Key to Every and Any Marriage! Thank you for the insight. I support arranged marriage and wish my children were open to it. P.S. there is also a show that I won't miss (I'm into reality also)" Married At First Sight" which is more of an imposed arranged marriage however the couple get the choice to divorce after 8 weeks. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. I like the Indian culture well especially the woman in this video and how she respects her children's opinions and understands she can and will learn from them everyday. Family support in a marriage is imperative. the only thing I kinda disagree with is the fact that the families do not support the couple once one has decided to no longer remain in the marriage which brings me to the reason i searched this video. It was because of another reality show i watch (I told you I like reality) called 90 Day Fiance - the other way where instead of the person coming to America on a K1 Visa the American moves to the other country. One couple in particular Sumit and Jenny. Jenny has moved to India to Marry Sumit and finds out Sumit is in an arranged marriage. Now I am the first person to say Sumit is wrong just for not being honest to Jenny however, I really believe they Love one another. The families have stepped in and this is how Jenny found out about the whole marriage to another woman. Now Sumit has expressed to his family his feelings about Jenny and of course you know how that went but my point is he tried to tell the parents that he wanted out.Granted I don't know the true background story only what is shown on tv so I don't know how long they have been married or anything. Check it out if you can. they even have a pillow talk segment where couples watch the show
Hi Roman. I really enjoyed this vlog. I am a single woman open to a loving committed relationship. I think my "picker" is off. Lol I may be open to an arranged marriage. I'm curious to know if astrology is utilized as a part of the match?
Is it possible that the perception or experience is different based on economic status or social status? Oh and I feel you, there are many times I wish I could be arranged lol Great video.
well, your guest speaks only for 10% of the Indian arranged marriage where they both allow their children to discuss and then allow to get married, while in the majority of these arranged marriage men are given the chance to select the bride, and girls are imposed to get married to that person.
YES... 20-30-40 years ago, it was like that.. Parents would decide everything.. Now it has been "Modified" because of the FAILURE of Some arranged marriages.. Now Parents Also realize that boy-girl should Meet and Talk and like each-other.. Still appx. 75% of Marriages are Arranged in India. Parents Search for Bride/Groom and then Boy-Girl Meet & Talk..
Chita ......no there has-been always 100 of option in old times too for girls or boys to chose and match making.........only in some families they do marage like business
Not true. till a generation ago the dad would feel proud that he has "brought up" his son or daughter in the correct way by proclaiming that they will marry "whoever he chooses" without saying a word. This was a big proud moments for parents espcially the dad that their children are obedient and trust them with the most important decision of their lives without even making a sound. Its a cultural thing. Choice was very limited. I am talking prior to 1960s perhaps.
tube or not tube you r wrong, even in villages, the final word was taken from kids in 60's also. Maybe it was not so in illiterate families. I know for sure having known instances of my close relatives from that generation who refused someone because of educational background or distant native place. Reasons in those days might hv been different n interaction between boy n girl very different but final say was always from them.
Nishant Kumar nope in marriage their is nothing like elite or non elite.. Non elite do also have brain.. Plus consent of bride and groom is always part of Indian culture and everyone either elite or non elite follow Indian culture.. In holy book Ramayana also they have mentioned concept of swamvar.. The concept of self choosing.. Go and see at root level... Don't make perception at sitting before your computer screen
I'm reading so many interesting views and experiences on here about arranged marriage and the mistaken belief that parents don't seem to care about who their "children" marry in the United States, but families and parents can be just as vicious here in the USA as in India. Many parents still believe that they can dictate everything about their grown children's lives here. And if you dont marry who your parents think you should marry, they will make your lives a living hell. This seems to be cross-cultural. It is not just in India or Asian countries. Bottom line is that parents need to understand that their children are sentient beings, and when they reach young adulthood, they need to be treated as such and their views and choices respected. Yes, I am a mother of a 22 year-old and 25 year-old, I am their mother and here to support and give advise when asked. I dont always agree with their choices or decisions, but it is their lives, not mine. I would never, ever dream of forcing them to do something that I want. But my mother's generation is not that way, most of them seem to think that they have a right to dictate everything about their grown children's lives, and can be incredibly mean and cruel emotionally, mentally, and financially if their adult children do not do exactly as told.
I’ll tell you what actually happens. It generally starts with the girl’s family informing relatives and friends that they’re looking for a groom. Then her parents go around taking her heavily photoshopped photographs (as in with a lightened skin tone and free of blemishes and pimples) and show it to a suitable groom’s parents. Sometimes they’ll reject you for not having a straight nose. Sometimes girls reject guys for baldness etc. It’s not all about looks, they also look at income, family background and status. Then, parents negotiate a deal, as in how much dowry needs to be paid by girl’s parents. In the end, they often don’t deliver all of what they promised. The cost of marriage ceremonies is solely taken up by girl’s parents. Guy’s family gifts gold jewellery to the bride. Finally, the bride leaves her parents and stays with the guy.
Wow. Sounds like a good description of how it can/does happen for sure. A friend of mine (a guy) was shown a booklet of potential of potential wives. But he's still single so I guess he didn't choose any.
Im indian so I have to marry someone whos indian. I do not agree with me at all, I think its important for the person to find love and meet someone on their own. There needs to be a connection, I do not want to have the same marriage like my parents. A part of me never wants to get married so I might just stick with that and not get married.
Old parents are looking for a household cleaner, caregiver and a cooker. Boy use their new wife. Indians has no love. How you can love of you don't know somebody first.
Basically Indian parents are ready to take responsibility of anything they do towards their kids.So they never run away from taking responsibility of their kids marriage.
Arranged Marriages exist every where and have been going on for years no matter what race or nationality you are. At the end of the day any caring parent just want them to be with a man or women who will love and care for them Arranged or not arranged they are still divorces and people who have been married for 50 years my grandmother was one of those people and that wasn't arranges Just marry who you want and have common sense about it.
I do not agree with arrange marriage . People should be free to choose who they want to spend their life with. It's wrong for the parents to choose for them. When your an adult you should have the right to fall in love and marry who you choose. My opinion. Don't attack me. ✌🏻✌🏻✌🏻
Jenny Aka Janet Slatten I am an Indian. Please listen to me. Indian parents who live in collective Indian communities, dominate and dictate lives of their adult children. They choose and decide husbands and wives of their adult children. Adult children are not allowed to socialize with unmarried adults of opposite sex. Indian parents bear marriage expenses of their adult children. Indian sons get property rights of their parents and expected to take care of their older parents by keeping them with their wives and children. Adult daughters do not have property rights. To compensate lack of property rights for their daughters, Indian parents give money, jewelleries and expensive gifts to their daughters during their marriages. Poor Indian farmer families who have 4-5 daughters who could not afford to give money, jewelleries and expensive gifts during their daughters weddings, has to borrow money on higher interest rates. With introduction of gender-detection medical technology, Indian parents are able to detect genders of their pre-born babies. They started aborting their female fetuses which has caused gender-imbalance in India. There are more men than women in the country. Indian parents could not find wives for their adult sons and their sons are not allowed to socialize with unmarried women. Sexual frustration is rising among Indian men. Rising population, sub-standard education, lack of industrial work-skills, unemployment, homelessness and highly competitive environment is triggering social unrest and rise of crimes in India. Families are base of human civilisation. Indian parents are responsible for higher population, gender-imbalance, arrange marriages, dowry culture and illiteracy in India.
Jenny Aka Janet Slatten He is an idiot. Anything which shows them in poor light, they resort to name-calling and bashing. That Indian girl in the video, has a thinking head. She properly constructs her thoughts in her head and then speaks out. She appears dull while speaking. I have similiar tendencies. I over-think and over-analyze over matters, properly constructs my thoughts and speak slowly and softly. I understand her thought process. I have noticed that many Indians don't think too much and blurt out whatever comes out of their mouth without thinking about the consequences.
I'm a westerner that knows very little about Indian culture, but I wanted to know, how carefree is premarital dating in Indian culture compared to western cultures or southeast Asian cultures too for that matter? This might be an awkward question to answer and for me to ask as well, I apologise in advance if it is and hope someone can answer it, but with sexual abuse, sexual taboos, being worse in India's culture, would you say that Indian women consequently end up becoming more socially or for that matter sexually reserved around guys then women of western and other Asian cultures that have a more carefree sexual, or social lifestyle? Additionally as India advances in the future do you see Indian culture changing in these regards to become more like the West or more like other Asian cultures that are already like western cultures? As far as arranged marriages in India do you see that declining and becoming more socially open with marriage standards like the West as well? Once again I hope nobody finds these questions offensive, I just wanted to compare these things with western cultures.
Ghara dekh Bara dekh Kantha bhangi kuda dekhe...bujhi dekhi jhia de..... Means look investigate the house, the family, its pedigree, inveztigate their past , present and the finance and pedigree and history if found satisfactory then only give your daughter in marriage.....thats a hindu arranged marriage. Its a mutual agreement and match making by joroscope, marriage between families... Am married for 28 yrs by now...arranged marriage....
According to data in India Arrange marriage last more then love marriage. My parents celebrated 30 years of marriage and I see this kind of example a lot around my environment
India reached Mars Yes, arrange marriages last long because societial pressure is extreme and divorces are considered as taboo. Arranged marriage couple stick together in their marriages due to societial pressure and taboos even when they are dead from inside.😂
Last more? It's just forced to last this way. We had a aunty and uncle in our colony who's also 30 years marriage was completed. They didn't celebrated it and clearly that aunty told my mom that their relationship is not good that's why they aren't celebrating. There's no love between them and they just compromising for the sake of society and their children and living under one roof. You'll see many such cases in India. Even I have seen in some marriages there's so much of violence and they are choking under such relationship and they aren't able to take divorce because of society. Don't make an illusion that arrange marriage is an happy marriage when it's not. So many compromises at the costs of personal happiness and sacrifices. For me arranged marriage is a big no unless the boy and girl are ready to do an arranged marriage because of their personal choice and not their parents' choice
Show bobs and vagene Haha true! In my family also a fight is going on with parents so I have to speak! The lady is of the age 50+ and she's making it sound that everything's alright with arranged marriage and leaving the darker side aside as if that doesn't happen in Indian society. Believe me this arrange marriage is like a cult, who ever been the part of this cult is systematically brainwashed to insure that people who aren't part of this cult should be told how fabulous this arranged marriage works and everything's is so nice and people who are doing love marriage is stupid and disgrace to the society. And reasons and logics don't work with this cult because all you have to do is force (use any method physical, mental, financial torture) your daughter or son or any youngsters of the society to follow the same path.
Saniya there 100 so such stories. I have a friend who did love marriage their parents also accepted it. 3 year down the line they got divorced. Now he did arrange marriage he is very happy with her n they are having a great life together.
The arranged marriages were the most common thing all over the world. Just remind yourself the royal families in Europe. The marriage had been more related to business and interests than anything else.
It's good that you found an Indian who is arranged to talk about it. Most westerner's would have found a white person who has heard and read about it and made some silly conclusions about it.
i was in many Indian homes on my trips. they were all arranged. they got along but, i did not see any spark, any deep love. They talk, but, seem distant. Something missing. And how about the first night of marriage, sex with a virtual stranger. Maybe more like rape? I have read many autobiographies on Hasidic Jews and they have arranged marriage. The wedding night is a quick event with a virtual stranger...quite the same. Divorce is rare in Indian homes out of tradition, taboo. Staying together does not mean happy. The homes I visited were couples in their early 30s with young children, so arranged marriage is still the norm in India. Good for them. That is what they are used to. I prefer love, even if it does not last forever. .
typical dumbass don't have anything to argue so talk about rape and all .. by the way if take percentage rape to population in india is way less then most country .
chirag shetty Yeah! most women are afraid of reporting rape to insensitive Indian police and extremely slow judicial system. Indian society shames rape victims.
@@davidjohnson7852 when did I mention the financial angle? My parents are intercaste married. Dad is from lower caste. My cousin from dad's side has also married a higher caste. These were simple love marriages where the families eventually agreed
Sorry for misunderstanding you other than America cast systems Chile revolve around Financial stability. Where parents don't want their children marrying someone that doesn't have the same Prosperity outlook as the daughter or the son. One time I was talking with the guy in India and he was soliciting me for work saying that he needed a job so that he could date because without a job and money coming in it was difficult for him to find a girlfriend there. I also recall there being a story about how Indians are buying up a lot of gold because they shower the bride and groom with gold as a sign of the family's prosperity
Today marriage means a recipe for disaster. Children r not satisfied with parents and wife is not satisfied with husband, because everyone wants a rich life, and everyone cannot become a king or president. 25 years ago I had never heard a news of any woman killing her husband but now its quite common even in the villages and I am really afraid of the future in next 25 years. For a happy life, v should be happy with whatever v have, and should not compare with other rich people moreover people should look at the people who r below the poverty line. Today in india women have became a killing machines, they are destroying their own future. But I think working women are better than the house wifes, because they earn and knows the value of money, and will not have enough time to compare and dippressed. And depression could ruin the family and the future.
Arrange marraige are best thing...as i feel Marraige is all about Sacrifice.... Two strangers meet one day.....share their secrets....try to know each other.
deepak singh Love marriage is like that too.😂 Two strangers meet, know each other's secrets, attracted to each other, become lovers and decide to live together and raise family. There is no need for sacrifice for anyone 😂. Sacrifice for who? 😂 For your older parents and community elders? 😂 Why don't your parents let you to make your own decisions and choose partner of your choice because you are an adult person. Is that so difficult for your parents? 😂
Dewan Krishanu I am not talking about dating. 90% of time people date, make him/her bf/gf, have sex multiple time, get bored after some time , now find another one by telling "its not working". Thats the story of dating. Worst concept...there is no charm in it
Show bobs and vagene You are Idiot bro.....Sacrifice means adjustment......pls go on... See the condition of delhi....where dating and love marraiges are very comman....thats reason everyday atleast 100 cases of divorce are filed everyday......because they don't want to adjust. Even love marraige is total failure unless it is arranged by parents.....so even You are adult....your marraige won't work without consent of "old members of community".....and you can't force them to disagree....its their right
deepak singh Your life is your life, belongs to no one else. You are master of your own life. What a slave mentality you have. That explains, why Indians remained slaves to foreign invaders for thousands of years. Your love marriage failed because you did not keep your promises. You took your marriage partner for granted. You have cheated on her. Your partner trusted you and you have betrayed trust of your marriage partner. You are responsible for failure of love marriage, not concept of love marriage itself. In political sense, communism and socialism failed because people could not keep up with ideals of socialism and communism which is equal distribution of wealth among each members of society. Under Socialism and Communism system, workers got lazy, refused to work, refused to contribute, refused to share and cheated and betrayed each other. Democratic system also failed in many countries because voters did not vote for best interest of entire country but for their own selfish narrow minded interests. In comparison to socialism, communism and democracy, capitalism and dictatorships worked and proved successful because people under capitalism and dictatorship, worked hard for fear of being beaten by their capitalist factory owners and violent dictators who would not mind violating human rights of their workers. Your parents and community elders are like capitalists and violent dictators to your marriage who are forcing you at stay together with your marriage partner, even when you and your marriage partner are unhappy and feeling miserable. Problems lies with you, not with concept of love marriage. You are kind of person who deserve to be beaten up and kicked by authority figures to make your marriage work unfortunately. Without beating and kicking you, you cannot remain honest and loyal to your marriage partner. 'Latto ke bhoot, batoon se nahi manate' type of person you are. Love marriages are like government jobs which everyone desires it but once they get it, they don't want to work with honesty and sincerity. Arrange marriages are like private companies jobs. Gaand par laat padegi thabi tu kaam karega. Some people work honestly and sincerely even working in government jobs without beaten and kicked by anyone. You are an idiot, I am not.
Why arranged marriages are better ?! India has just 5% divorse rate ...as compaired to 50% in the west ...! The number says it all ...about success stories ! :)
dude the no says that we do not give freedom to our women, they are bounded to accept a failing miserably life, even they do not like the husband. you have never met with these people I have met and experienced with them, we have to acknowledge that we are wrong so we can bring changes.
Lesa divorce rates mean lesser rights for women. It actually denotes that in African and other poor countries. Less divorce rates is not equal to happy marriages, just socially pressurized marriages and less rights for women and also men.
chirag shetty Just like dictatorship works better than democracy and socialism because people by nature are dishonest, lazy, likes to dominate and exploit others. These people deserve to be beaten by authority figures to make marriage work. Nothing wrong with love marriage. People are cheaters and deceivers who take their marriage partners for granted. Love marriage works for honest and sincere people, not for dishonest people.
Getting to know happens very less. Since most of the parents while parenting girls, do authoritarian parenting so usually they are not given the choice and liberty which an Independent girl should get. Also please understand, the guy that you met only 4 times or even less, how can a girl let that man fill her womb, this sicken me to death. Why in every scenario a girl should "COMPROMISE"? Why they shouldn't get "SATISFIED"? Is it just because they carry the emblem of culture? This is not at appropriate. Unless and until if a women wants to be a 'SEX SLAVE.'
hardly a vlogger out there who reaches out so far and connects so deeply with ppl of another country 👍🏻👍🏻great content as always!
a lot of black and white women in america can be very unaccepting of indian women marrying their men.
I have been living in India for almost 4 years now and I have to say I see so much good also in the "arranged" marriages. Both good and not so goos sides are there. In the west also when people are trying to find a life partner and the love of their life, often the reality is that it's much harder than you think. Falling in love is one thing, but sharing the rest of your life with someone, raising kids, coordinating your passions and careers etc is a whole other thing to work out. I'm married to an Indian man, we were not arranged together, we fell in love online and now a few years later I ca say that it is very important to love and respect the other person and of course never tyo be forced to share your life with someone. At the same time I feel like many people misjudge and have unrealistic expectations about future life when they fall in love and that's when an arranged marriage might work better :) so many sides to this whole thing!
Love from Kerala, are you going to visit here???
Falhawk73 India is country of illiterate farmers and land-laborers. Parents control and dominate adult children's lives. Indian parents choose and decide husbands and wives for their adult children. Unmarried adults of opposite sex are not allowed to socialize with each other. Have you ever wondered why Indian movies show many love stories and love songs in their stories? It's for all educational purpose. Slowly, young Indians are opening up to idea of dating and marrying person of their choice. Many Indians still date and socialize with opposite sex secretly. Still many villagers frown up the idea of unmarried adults of opposite sex together. You must have noticed many incidents of Indian villagers attacking and humiliating unmarried couples socializing. Many Indian hotels do not let unmarried couples to check in. It is not illegal for unmarried couples to check in hotels but hotel management and Indian police harass and humiliate unmarried couples and accuse them for indulging in prostitution. Prostitution is illegal in India.
ok i dont know who are you n where are u form .. lemme educated u india is countries which contributes in every aspects of life check out the no. of ceos even in nasa if there is no indian there is no nasa...u r totally misinformed .. for u marriage may be license to fuck but for u its a divine bonding and growing relationship
Sankhadeep Madhu You are dumb. Have you heard the term 'brain-drain'? Indian CEOs of which companies? Western companies? Why Indians work in western companies? Why not in Indian companies? Where are the manufacturing giant companies of India which are dominating entire world market? Do you know where NASA is located? What about ISRO (Indian Space Research Organisation)? Do you even question the narratives of your media and politicians who taught you all of this? Do you even ask your politicians that if Indians are such geniuses that they can become CEOs of foreign companies but then why India does not have cluster of world class manufacturing industries and required infrastructure even after 70 years of independence? Why India still is a agriculture based economy? Why India still has millions of homeless children begging on streets? Why Indian men rape 'loose' women walking alone in night on streets who do not behave ideally like Sita mata, amma, behan or gehrelu mahilaye? Yeah! it is such a divine bonding and relationship that if wife does not bring enough dowry then wife is burned alive. Adult daughters and sisters are treated like properties of fathers and husbands. If she crosses that line, she gets murdered by her own parents and brothers. Such a divine relationship and culture! Wow!
Sankhadeep Madhu When I was a child, i had to fetch milk from milk store everyday. Everyday a dog used to come alone with milk utensil and money, sent by dog owner. Dog gets milk in utensil, gives money to milk store clerk and returns home with milk alone. Even some dogs can act intelligent if they get properly trained. Does that smart dog represents smartness of entire population of dogs on planet Earth? If some dogs/cats/cows/donkeys can be intelligent then why can't some Indians can be intelligent? Does few intelligent Indians represent 1.3 billion Indians? Does that explains why India is such a poor country? Does Mukesh Ambani and his multi-billion dollar house in Mumbai represents poor living conditions of 1.3 billion Indians?
Sankhadeep Madhu See! how pissed off you are by stating facts to you. 😂 What happened to your divine culture and relationship? If you are ignorant of the facts that how many rapes are happening in India and how many rapes are not reported due to fear then you are an idiot. Just three major companies? Are they equivalent to popular brand names like Apple, Microsoft, Facebook, Google, Starbucks, McDonalds, BMW, Ferrari etc. These companies are western business icons all over the world. India ranked 132 spot out of 195 countries, for ease of doing business in International Finance Corp.’s 2013 edition of the Doing Business study. Doing business in India is extremely difficult due to red tape bureaucracy, corruption, lack of infrastructure, large unskilled workers and labor laws. Could you explain why so many Indians are unemployed and homeless?
I'm South African in a relationship with an Indian man for the last 4 years, and it has been very frustrating with his parents, especially mom cause they don't accept our relationship, in fact they've said we have to break up, she's threatened it's either me or them, they've flat out said, he has to marry an Indian woman(must have grown up in India) Hindu woman. He's living in die US now, we r long distance, he has told them straight we r serious and staying together but to no avail. I've lived in Bangalore before with him for a year, I've met couples, Indian couples who went through the same thing, some stay together, some break up because of family pressure. And I know some of his friends had arranged marriages and they are happy, but this video is just talking bout one side, the good side of arranged marriages, many people also get manipulated into doing it, threats of suicide or disowning their children. Not all Indian parents are that understanding of accepting, I've spoken to his father and he said to me, 'we are not forcing him, but he has to choose from the women that we consider suitable' and I told him that is not a choice. People should be able to choose the person they want to spend their life with, that is the most important decision you'll ever make. You choose the person you are willing to sacrifice and compromise for otherwise if things don't work out you will hold a lot of resentment towards the people who manipulated you into it, not everyone is strong or mature enough to stand up to their parents, they might just go along with it and regret it later. Not him or I are willing to break it off, we are hoping for the best and we will have a lot of hardships in the future if his family won't accept it, but it's our choice and we are willing to face whatever comes our way together
I'm sorry that you don't understand...that's my experience after being in a relationship with an Indian for 4 years, living in India for 1 year and talking to numerous Indian people about their personal experiences, not merely an opinion formed after watching a 20 minute video, and you don't talk about what's better for him, he's a grown man capable of making up his own mind, just because you and others have had a good experience with arranged marriage doesn't make it so for everyone, and if you want to add a comment or reply be an adult about it, don't be calling names or assume what I'd reply back, this is not a discussion about what's right or wrong, every culture has their good points and bad points...this is about what's right for the individual person, having the freedom to live the life they choose, choose the partner they want without the enormous pressure of family and society telling them their choices are wrong and they know what's best
I have to say you sound very much like his mother, you've made up your mind about western society and your bias can be seen so clearly in your comments, I never said this is right or that is wrong, my bf has friends who went for arranged marriages, they are happy with their choices, that's the only point, that it should be a choice and manipulation or fear of being ostracized from family is not making it a choice, it's being forced. I am more than willing to be part of the family, I've not been given a chance, the only reason they might give me a chance is because he's still here next to me after 4 years telling them he's not leaving me, and this isn't just cause I'm a foreigner, why don't you go read the comments of your fellow Indians on here, so many have the same complaints, infact I think it's better you talk to them, they have a much more indepth understanding and experience with it, and I agree parents want the best for their children but sometimes they have to let them make their own decision and the person you choose to marry is probably the most important one, you obviously have a chip on your shoulder and need to vent, point is you sound like you only want to defend your point and point a finger at another group, the group that 'only live for themselves', 'gives up on parents', 'selfish and immoral people' 2-3 years marriage' honestly, there is no point to discuss anything with someone who is that obviously for one thing and against another, you can't open your mind to anything else, don't bother replying
Chantel Human If he loves you and can't able to marry just his parents don't want then you dating wrong guy or his family is wrong. I know my neighbour whose parents positively accept a Swedish girl
The idea of incompatibility leading to a split is the issue here. In order to break the traditional thinking you and your guy have to toughen up and ensure you never split including now, after making an announcement that you are together. You can change their perception like anything by love strength and commitment. You got to slug it out together or yours will be yet another one that didn't make it regardless of the pressure. Most of all you must prosper in life in your endeavors and both of you must have a hand of encouragement and heart filled with love to make that happen. Only then you will earn everyone's respect. You want to do this for the rest of your life be together. Get far from your families until you prove to all that you can make it and they will come around specially after a grand child. and seeing that you turned your life around on your terms whatever that means to you.
@@chantelhuman7401 I hope you and him are still together... I wish you luck, don't let his family dominate, even if they threaten to leave the man. If they do, then they just don't love him. Speaking as an Indian.
Roman, I just saw this video and can I indulge in a long comment. Its important question that needs to be answered for both westerners and young indians. I apologize in advance if it gets bit Freudian. As a Indian who has lived in the west this is the number 1 question I get asked - "Are marriages still arranged in India ?" "wow how can you marry someone you have never met before or just met once?" "Is your mother arranging a girl for you when you go back to India?" etc etc. Initially I did not have any suitable answers. Now that I am 50 and having observed and interacted with western culture, dated western women I can appreciate their curiosity.
I arrived in the west when I was 22 and was not mature to answer these questions about my own culture. So I started looking into where my own ideas of marriage came from and what it meant to me and why arranged marriage did not feel wrong in India but its viewed with such suspicion and alieness in the west. Some even would drop their jaw when they asked me these question giving me the feeling sometimes that indians are still "primitive" and not "civlized" enough to put "love" above all in a marriage and somehow "arrangement" was transactional hence men and women are sacrificed at some cultural altar destroying their lives and aspiration. lol I know I am flowering my language or maybe overreading into western minds but you get the point. :-)
Growing up as kid I have always seen arranged marriages happening around me. Young uncles and aunts and cousins getting married. You hear phrases like about oh "they found a nice boy" or "they found a good prospect"..heheh yes the english word prospect has been used.. And there will be a sort of excitement in the family of trying to find out who this "new" person who is coming into the family. "Who is she?" "how is she" "oh is he handsome" "oh he is good at this and that" etc etc And it a joint discovery process for the person who has gotten married and families. Everybody will picture the boy and girl in their head as a couple etc etc. There are three broad aspects of marriage that a Indian child and young indian minds are prepared for from childhood that are distinct from western children that makes arranged marriage not so primitive.
Those are
1) Family over individual responsibility through marriage
2) Intimacy with opposite sex
3) Predeterminiation thru hand of the unseen force - God, Destiny, "kismet". Each of these 3 ideas are well sewn into indian nurture and social fabric such that arranged marriaged fits well into the indian context when the girl or boy becomes marriageble. Arranged marriage only works when the boy and girl has the right mindset and has been prepared in the above 3 areas.
Family vs Individualism:
Increasingly these aspects are undergoing drastic changes in terms of attitude becoming more westernized or "individualistic" so the "magic" of arranged marriage is replaced with bit of "shame" of arrangment as it gets seen as a regressive practise. The purpose of marriage in the west is individual goal of pursuit of happiness. Create a nuclear unit for themselves their spouse and their progeny. The indian purpose of marriage still tends to be about extending the size of the family network. The family network is a powerful network that guarantees a support system. Family pitches in if you fall sick. Family will help you with finding a job, educating you. If you are in trouble you reach out to your family network for help before going to law enforcement or the government. In the west its different. If I am in trouble I will call the police. if I am in job trouble I will file for welfare and govt will give me social security cheque. In India its family. This support does not end at age 18. Its life long so marriage subconsciously is about bringing in someone new who will join this network and do it with love, a sense of adjustment and hopefully also help with creating beautiful memories and children. It does not always work so but that is the general expectation in an ideal scenario at least. You will notice in india educated and economically independant families choose love marriage because they afford to fall in love and go on their own. Love marriage is more expensive and west can afford it as each unit splits and gets their own house car and seperates from the network. In India nuclear families are not for all but some who can afford it.
Intimacy and marriage:
Indian Youngsters want to be seen like their western counter parts and want to claim that they have boyfriends and girlfriends for X years before marriage. "modern individualistic aspirational people don't do arranged marriages" "They are in control of their own destiny or want to be seen in control of it anyway". You will never see a Indian Movie star in india ever admitting they had a arranged marriage. There maybe a few exceptions here and there. Media will even make fun of them that that movie star is not "civilized" and still "native" because they were not developed enough to find "love " on their own. I remember years ago a top bollywood actress Madhuri Dixit chose a arranged marriage and there was so much ridicule even from her own peers as if she is some primitive regressive role model for indian women. You see, Successful people go for "love" marriage. What the indian youngsters don't understand or not told about "love marriage" is that just like in India the above 3 values are introduced by the society the western society has some foundational aspects introduced early to help them make a decision on whom to "fall in love with" there is system of "dating", "courtship", "individual choice" and even social milestones like school PROM that teach kids how to navigate the complex terrain of gender relations culminating into a marriage. The Indian equivalence of that is the kid having the assurance and comfort that his parents and broader family network will take care of those choies and present him with choices suitable to him or her temperament and disposition. Indians falling in love stumble thru it without a proper introduction to the ritual of dating or wooing techniques that are well oiled in the west. Vast majority of indian women and men are not taught how to handle direct contact by opposite sex and how to go about it.. Most fall in love outside the gaze of family and society and thru watching movies and getting information from internet and western sources. Indians also don't realize how expensive the ritual of "falling in love" is. I have taken western women out on dates and sometimes its expensive the flowers, the restaurants. Sure you can have a coffee at a coffee shop too but you have walked around indian cities and parks and restaurants. You will not find a nice spot where a young couple can go and sit. It takes a lot and society has not prioritized it. Indians find it romantic to fall in love in western cities like london new york or paris and you will see bollywood exploit that idea in their depiction of love. Now comes the real topic of intimacy. Indians attach lot of value to physical intimacy with marriage. The union of two bodies is considered holy and one preserves themselves for that event. Arranged marriages help in fuse these two events together - Having sex for first time happens at same time as marriage. This is huge thing that psychologically helps in the bonding and binding of two souls even though they may have been total strangers prior to their marriage. Its a explosive psychological event that westerners don't understand and indians don't understand when they learn about love marriage in the west. Westerns seperate out physical intimacy from marriage. They "try out" the physical plumbing before committment..hehehe Indians keep the sanctity of physical intimacy reserved and they go hand in hand. Now a days indians have sex before marriage and automatically arranged marriages become meaningless to them because they want to "try out" before marriage. It all comes in a packages. There is no black and white answer. I find a certain charm and purity in indian marriages because the couple has saved them for the first night and that fusion seals a life long pact of monogamy, trust and loyalty that is uniquely indian and can be quite refreshing and different than a western way of looking at intimacy as a individualistic pleasure entitlement.
Destiny and Kismet.
Indians are huge with this. Indians are superstituos and always want to believe that the universe and a force outsides their own sphere of control and influence knows best. So in that sense their parents arranging or a friend or someone suggesting a match for them is "meant to be". That such a arrangement came to be as a result of their own destiny or karma and hence its been given to them and who are they to challenge it. So as the lady above says a sense of compromise and acceptance supersedes a sense of entitlment and individual control over one's needs. Such a marriage may seen as submissive and subserviant but if both spouses approach the marriage with a let go spirit marriage can be wonderful. The magic of marriage is also like a princess or cinderalla moment.. who knows how the prince or princess is and since its going to be "the one and only one" peole don't look for flaws and they accept for however they are. Its not unusual to see marriages in india where the couple may look very different. One maybe very attractive and other not so attractive. A very intelligent wife coupled with a not so intellignent husband but they accept it and try to make the best of it. I don't want to suggest here that with such low divorce rates marriage are always happy. Belive me lot of indian marriages are just as bad if not more as western marriages. In india its usually the wife who compromises and with growing feminism and women empowerment the ideas of marriages are changing but here arrangement vs love has nothing to do with those change in attitudes.
tube or not tube your comment was insightful and I learned a lot from both it and the video. Maybe now I know why my relationship with an Indian man always leads to us butting heads.
tube or not tube u hv articulated the reality quite well. I would like to add some points. In general, it's not just about being superstitious, but most Indians have this basic spiritual view of live in general n everything related to our existence. It is ingrained in our culture n we grow up with this understanding. Same goes for marriage, most educated individuals here believe it's just not about two physical individuals but there is also a spiritual dimension to finding a complimenting life partner. This aspect might not be discussed too much but there is always an undercurrent of this philosophy n understanding if u dig deeper in most marriages in India.
Also, in India, nowdays there r lot of places like malls which r not that costly where youngsters can meet n it's not such a rarity.
In my opinion, most so called love marriages in west are 'self arranged' marriages - a different version of arranged marriage in which family might not be involved n responsibility lies wholly on the individual. But the process of looking for option, selecting, checking out compatibilty, is quite similar. Instead of it being a combined family effort, it's an individual effort. There r pros n cons to both. None is better than the other as there can be risks in both the methods.
@write Intent I fully agree with you. The spiritual dimention of marriage just comes from the eco system or atmosphere in India. Nothing special about it. I like the term self-arranged but what I found in western society iis watching how at very early stage western parents prepare their children for it. Its all about making the children make their own choices and it shows in the language "Baby would you like this dress or that dress?" "baby Do YOU want to wear jeans or dress".. Very early on kids are told to be individuals and choose things that will make them happy. Marriage is then defined as choosing someone that will make them happy.
Another thing that is taught in the west is that you can "fall in love" and with just same speed and certainity people "can fall out of love" too. Indians don't know or appreciate that aspect of it and can't handle it very well. I have several cousins with love marriages which have failed and all of the women in those marriages are more miserable then the guy who is usually the guilty party for the marriage failing but its hard in the women.
Because these women cannot handle the fact that "love can end" too. In the west marriage is not an end all. A marriage will last until the guy loses his job or has a roving eye or "they fell apart due to irreconcible differences" which really means their individualism overrode the joint goals of the marriage and love is just as practical a emotion as that. Its not some spiritual other worldly "meant to be" contract as its in India.
The west will look at it pragmatically treat it and the western society allows men and women to find love and lose love over and over again. Indian society has not built the infrastructure for it due to the spiritual nature of marriage and the "one and only monogamous nature" of the idea of marriage. Its not only in India other Asian countries too have some of the same attitudes towards intimacy and marriage or love and marriage. Try dating a chinese woman and if you date her for a long time as a guy you better get ready to get married. Those women are not messing around their family will chase you down if you dont bring up marriage. You sometime see this absurdness in crude way in Indian movies. A villian will rape a girl and the village will make the villian marry the woman. Its the fusion of physical union and marriage going hand in hand. Its believed that marriage will reform the guy and he will turn into a "nice" guy after marriage hehehehe.. These things will work only if the contract of arrangment is considered sacrosanct.
tube or not tube That explains why Indians are into child marriages.
@kelley Out of curiosity what are the general areas of contention with your indian partner ? Are they more value based differences or practical cultural behavioural differences ? For example does he like his underwear hung on the door knob but you prefer that he folds it neatly into a rhombus shaped figure and place it in the bottom drawer...heheheheh I have a whole view on indian vs western aesthetic sense but that is for some other time.. Will let you reply.
First time someone has explained the real reason of success of Indian arrange marriages. Thanks very much for putting the things in a really positive way Roman.
Most of your videos are basically conversations and not walkthrough through touristic spaces. I really like this quality of your content. It's different from other travel channels.
Great video. The indian woman has such great wisdom. I love what the said about compromise. Great interview.
Thanks! Yes. It was so great talking to her.
I think people who have been in arranged marriage are really mature, understanding and they compromise alot but still they are happy. I hope one day i find someone like her. Keep the videos coming love from mumbai ❤
RUclips Troll People in arrange marriages are meek and submissive who accept an incompatible marriage partner as their sealed fate.😂
Show bobs and vagene u r everywhere on this comment section repeatig the same stuff again n again. U seem to hv some rosy ideas about love marriage. Do u even know anything about marriages or just keep sharing from what u hv seen from movies. If u analyse properly, most of the so called love marriages in west are 'self arranged' marriages where ppl go on dates to select a prospective partner n then slowly might develop love. The modern day arranged marriages in India in most middle class families r something similar, only difference being the whole process is in knowledge of n participation of family, which makes it more productive. Exceptions of some abnormal families n cases are there in all societies.
One of my long standing theories is that people who lived in india two millennia ago were more liberal than what the western cultures are aspiring to be now a days. the sculptures on temples dating 300 BC couldn't have been created by a conservative society(twitter :@IndiaHistorypic), Indian society could have been forced to become conservative only after greek and islamic invasions started that's when women started covering their upper body and started wearing veils, and Indian society started protecting themselves rather than freely expressing themselves. Americans are lucky in that sense they got a fresh start, and they have weak neighbours north and south , and oceans to east and west.
shashank suman Indian parents who live in collective Indian communities, dominate and dictate lives of their adult children. They choose and decide husbands and wives of their adult children. Adult children are not allowed to socialize with unmarried adults of opposite sex. Indian parents bear marriage expenses of their adult children. Indian sons get property rights of their parents and expected to take care of their older parents by keeping them with their wives and children. Adult daughters do not have property rights. To compensate lack of property rights for their daughters, Indian parents give money, jewelleries and expensive gifts to their daughters during their marriages. Poor Indian farmer families who have 4-5 daughters who could not afford to give money, jewelleries and expensive gifts during their daughters weddings, has to borrow money on higher interest rates. With introduction of gender-detection medical technology, Indian parents are able to detect genders of their pre-born babies. They started aborting their female fetuses which has caused gender-imbalance in India. There are more men than women in the country. Indian parents could not find wives for their adult sons and their sons are not allowed to socialize with unmarried women. Sexual frustration is rising among Indian men. Rising population, sub-standard education, lack of industrial work-skills, unemployment, homelessness and highly competitive environment is triggering social unrest and rise of crimes in India. Families are base of human civilisation. Indian parents are responsible for higher population, gender-imbalance, arrange marriages, dowry culture and illiteracy in India.
True
Show bobs and vagene U seem to be living in some parallel world of your own n like to believe that u r very knowledgeable. Don't mistake ur own perspectives or observations as facts. These might be true for ur family but that doesn't give u the right to speak for others or generalise for everyone. On a side note what does your intelligent enlightened mind infer about the probable causes of total breakup of family structure, increased mental illnesses, overdependance on narcotics, increased violence culture in student communities in most wesrern societies. If u want ur statements to be based on some real documented facts go n dig some correct info from here, before u open your bug infested mouth ruclips.net/video/IAeTXi0oHIQ/видео.html
Write Intent What mental illness, narcotic abuse and violence has to do with love marriages? What is the reason behind over-population, gender-imbalance, illiteracy, homelessness and rising sexual crimes against women and children in India? Is it due to rising number of love-marriages in India? I already watched that RUclips video. I am one of subscribers of her RUclips channel. She is telling those things in the video which I already knew. I am well-aware of western pedophiles and sex tourists traveling into poor countries. I also noticed that how she cleverly showed nicer and cleaner looking parts of India in her video.😂 I do my thorough research before opening my 'bug infested mouth'.😂
Show bobs and vagene similarly, what is the connection between all the ills prevailing in India n arranged marriages. Here, the discussion is on perceived image of arranged marriage in western media n society but you chose to ramble about ills in India repeatedly throughout the comment section. You seem to be too frustrated at this point to hv a balanced discussion or share ur viewpoint in a proper comprehensive manner.
N what is wrong if karolina chose to show the good views of India. Don't other countries hv awful locales but they r not targeted n consciously highlighted everytime everywhere. It is western hegemony n sense of superiority which makes them talk rubbish about India n also asia as a whole. Asian n Indian achievements r always downplayed. Also, negativity sells n India being a huge mass of humanity provides ample opportunities to hunt for such stories. N negative portrayal of a place or society provides instant gratification n sense of superiority to the one watching or reading. Why the ills n heinous crimes committed by whites on blacks n britishers on natives of their colonies not discussed as much in western media. Most of the young britishers dont hv any knowhow of what atrocities their forefathers committed in India n the extend to which they looted the country n they r enjoying the fruits of their forefathers loot n robbery shamelessly . But ppl like you hv very constricted viewpoints or suffer from slave mentality. I hv said whatever i wished to say on this topic n hv no intention of continuing the discussion with you.
Hope u hv a nice day!
your Co host today is very mature. wish more people like her existed in the world!!
In India it is not just a marriage of boy and girl. It's family marriage. We respect family value a lot. I live with my wife, my parents and grandparents in same home. I mean three generations living together under same roof
India reached Mars Arrange marriage is a system where adult children are treated like personal properties of parents and relatives where they buy and sell their adult children like cattles on sale. Adult children never grow up and have their personal choices. It is all done for 'sake of love'.😂
Subhra Chakraborty????? India is a country of illiterate farmers where parents control lives and decisions of their adult children. Indian government could not provide quality education, build infrastructure and manufacturing industries. Those stereotypes holds some truth and makes sense to me. It is like going to school and children are teasing and bullying us.😂
Subhra Chakraborty????? I agree with you. Those changes would come when quality of education and living standards improves.
you will like it because you are a man, due to patriarchy you can happily live in your comfort zone we I.e., with your parents and your grand parents, whereas the girl has to not only leave her family but also has to adjust to a new family and treat their family like hers. Please man up and live separately, if your ask your wife she won't say she wants to leave cos she doesn't want to hurt you or afraid of society and your parents. Please man up.
@@chaitanachaitu8799 speaking facts!
Your co host has got lot of wisdom. She is amazing speaker🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Loved this! I have been doing research on arranged marriage in India and this was a great addition. I wish we could have had a Q&A sessions. From what I have learned arranged marriage is different depending on where you come from in India. I wondered if she would agree with that?
The other point I was going to make is, growing up the older women used to always say, "you marry the family" I never understood that until I got older and they are correct. Yes, you marry the person but like it or not as my mom would say , the family comes along as a package. Our older generations here got that and it got lost over time here as being inclusive in the marriage decision. but I think other cultures still acknowledge and accept it as reality. I also because our families and friends know us all to well they will tell us the truth overall if we are willing to listen.
It is difficult to define arranged marriges in today’s India. I find it subjective to the family you are from. My parents or family are open to an idea of me dating someone as well as they arranging me with someone( and nothing here would be without my consent or interest) on the other hand I do have friends who are not given a chance to even talk to the boy( and i talk about an educated urban family here) . Then i have friends who kind of were made to meet someone by their parents and dated for 6 months and their families knew that they were going out . They ended up getting married after 6 months .I would say if your family here in India is liberal you could call arranged marrige as your parents setting u up with someone. I would say it would be unfair to define what arranged marrige in india today is.
P.S i loved your videos.
Right, That's what makes it so interesting to me. Arranged marriage seems to be evolving regarding what it is (perhaps you're right - that it's not really possible to define any more) and how different parents relate to it and the degree of choice that someone has. PS Thank you xo
Love this video. I have always felt that their was a misconception of what marriage is supposed to be, and as a person that has never been married, this video was insightful. Very well done.
Thank you!
Hi roman, great content💕 your videos help me to rationalise and strengthen my heart. ive just lose the love of my life to an arranged marriage. My heart literally sank but im glad actually that he finally did agree to it after the effort of three years of trying to convince his parents fail. Beautiful five years altogether. Arranged marriage sure have lots of benefits💕 his mother would have someone to care and look after her, the house will be full of her grandchild laughter, the parents sure deserves all that love and care. Its just that its so hard to mend the heart/kill the love when literally the love on both side was still very much alive and are still there. God bless them dearly.
You are one of the rare travel vloggers who is travelling and connecting with the local people and not just like these other hipsters who be "getting their cultural experience" just site seeing and eating local food but staying away from the people who make the local cultures what they are.
Also must say you are beautiful.
You should visit my ancestral homeland of Bangladesh and visit my mother region of Sylhet. Also visit Cox Bazar and Chittagong Hill Tracts.
I'm 3rd generation British Bangladeshi so quite disconnected from the motherland.
I got married an year ago . I had an arranged marriage and I am in love with my wife ,, and we fight we too but it's exciting . I've had some relationships before and learned that there is no one perfect . Hang out for a long time and you would start finding flaws in everyone but companionship I would say could only happen if you except with who ever they are. being judgemental all the time is a two way thing you would judge someone and someone else would judge you and it never ends and an arranged marriage goes through a lot of filters from both the sides it's like judge all you want now before the marriage from ever angle like your father would judge and your mother would judge everyone from the family would have a right to say what they like or not for the other family because marriage in India is not just a connection between the two people who are getting married it is also that two families are coming together it's like a feasibility analysis . I don't say it is the only way or this is the right way it is one of the way . There are customs which are suitable for one culture like for eg. There are tribal cultures where finding a suitable person depends upon how high one could jump , head hunter tribes from north East India had a custom where one could only marry if they bring a severed head of man from another enemy tribe . So that was a feasibility criteria . I think seeing the demand of relationships a person has to carry after marriage in India ,I mean Indians are very family oriented this seems to be a viable way. And for someone from outside like the makers of this video this could be an exotic way of getting hitched . By the way I like the open dialogue .
Yess bro....arranged marraiges are much better than love marraige
Hi Roman, am ur new subscriber. I recently came across ur India video, love ur India vlogs. Keep doing the expense for a day & interaction w/ local Indians. If you are interested in arranged marriage you should check out Bollywood movie Vivah too. Its a innocent love story, beautiful arranged marriage movie.
As a Western, an arranged Indian marriage seems interesting. Perhaps- we should consider this concept in America. But- what are the divorce rates of arranged marriages in India? Are they forced? I would like to hear a younger male and female Indian perspectives on arranged marriage. This woman has a very mature concept on marriage predicated on compromise. Very interesting!
Louis Lark Nope. I have heard rarely heard in news but never have seen even heard before me even with a any neighbors or family or relatives. It's a rumor spread by westerns and misconception recognised with youths. Arrangement of a marrige is a pre checkup/trial of an invention before implementation(or shopping a cloth after trial) trial. I hope you understand a little bit.
Arranged Marriage is the complete form of love marriage.
Either you pick someone or choose and or your parents pick, they will only arrange and final decision will be yours.
Nothing works if work is not put into it. Statistics is a measure of a process. It doesn't determine the process. Marriages in India works on a large part or atleast used to work on a large part because of the thinking. Divorce was never a concept or word thought or spoken or even heard about hence it was never an option. All differences had to be resolved because living in an unhappy environment for ever is unacceptable to the soul as the sole purpose of soul being on this planet is to experience happiness which comes from within, and there is no alternative. Marriages fail because their failure exists in the minds of the participants. Brain is a powerful thing. It will create what comes to it. However the soul determines what comes in the Brain. You are in control.
I will give you more idea on this. 1 generation back let's say in 70's, girls were at mercy of their parents', mostly fathers' wish. So, girl's father was approached or he approached someone, mostly through relatives. Good father would discuss with his daughter if the prospect looks good, or he himself would decide if he is not gentle. He would likely meet the potential groom as well but not one to one, generally in group to judge him. In a group, so as to not embarass the groom if guy is rejected. Once it was decided that the guy could meet the girl in presence of family the guy had power to decide whether he chooses her or not but she had no power. She would be left with embarrassment of rejection, which would not be the same day but after a few days. Or the guy would marry her.
Now this was in 70s and in the part where I come from. Others may have their own variations.
In my generation, it has changed. Women now work and so are empowered and along with them those who do not are also empowered.
So, typically in middle class now one of these happen:
1. parents find a potential match through relatives, friends sometime agencies, match horoscope of both, and if these match, share mobile numbers and ask them to meet and decide.
2. Or the girl and boy will find a match for themselves in matrimonial sites (something like tinder) but almost always in the same caste/culture (because that's what most parents will accept and also for cultural compatibility) and talk and agree/disagree and will inform parents if they do, and their parents will meet following that plan the marriage dates.
3. or the profile of girls or guys will be created by parents and they look for suitable match.
So, in modern arranged marriages there are the steps and generally in this order:
1. Find a potential match (Essential), initial consent of both guy and girl without talking to each other.
2. Match horoscope (mostly followed, I would say 98% cases)
3. Families meet, without girl or guy
4. Guy and girl talk over phone and then meet few times with or without presence of family
5. If they agree then marriage planning goes ahead.
This is how it is where I come from. But then India has hundreds of communities, so it could be different elsewhere.
Now the ugly aspect of arranged marriages. Girl's family is expected to give some dowry to the girl. Now this doesn't look so bad given till recently the share of married girl in father's inheritance wasn't there by law. ugly truth - this dowry is negotiated in some communities (not mine, in mine it's a gift) and changes with how the groom earns, how ugly or beautiful is the girl etc. Uglier - This amount is ridiculous in some of the communities and not in the name of the girl in some of the communities. Ugliest - Some people torture new bride if the promised dowry isnt paid and sometimes murder. Dowry deaths (murder or suicide) are still too many in India, 5000+ per year. I am sure if the community wise analysis is done a small percentage of all the hundreds will account for most of these.
these arrange marriages stay together because it would be a disgrace to the family if they were to separate. usually the women suffer in these arrange marriages in india. the men usually have more freedom
Highly underrated channel , can’t believe she has only 5k subs
Thank you!
Loved the content and the way u try to understand about india as a traveller
I like the interviewer. Im subscribing. Very interesting
A lot of marriages are semi-arranged in the States. Asians do it all the time: Family members set somebody up with a suitable partner. My wife went off to grad school in the States from Korea. And she very few possessions. But her mom gave her a traditional gown...because you never know...
Very true. A friend of mine from high school was in a semi-arranged marriage as well. His family picked the woman, he met her, and shortly thereafter they were married. And he says he's happy. So it's a win.
Unexpectedly Indian woman explained arranged marriages beautifully. As an Indian, I can vouch it. We most have mindset like that.
Such a noble initiative from Roman to sit down and discuss these ideas which the west have about India but are not necessarily that accurate. Great video again Roman.
zerodensityheart Yes, how much we enjoy gang-raping women and children which western people don't understand.😂
zerodensityheart Indian parents who live in collective Indian communities, dominate and dictate lives of their adult children. They choose and decide husbands and wives of their adult children. Adult children are not allowed to socialize with unmarried adults of opposite sex. Indian parents bear marriage expenses of their adult children. Indian sons get property rights of their parents and expected to take care of their older parents by keeping them with their wives and children. Adult daughters do not have property rights. To compensate lack of property rights for their daughters, Indian parents give money, jewelleries and expensive gifts to their daughters during their marriages. Poor Indian farmer families who have 4-5 daughters who could not afford to give money, jewelleries and expensive gifts during their daughters weddings, has to borrow money on higher interest rates. With introduction of gender-detection medical technology, Indian parents are able to detect genders of their pre-born babies. They started aborting their female fetuses which has caused gender-imbalance in India. There are more men than women in the country. Indian parents could not find wives for their adult sons and their sons are not allowed to socialize with unmarried women. Sexual frustration is rising among Indian men. Rising population, sub-standard education, lack of industrial work-skills, unemployment, homelessness and highly competitive environment is triggering social unrest and rise of crimes in India. Families are base of human civilisation. Indian parents are responsible for higher population, gender-imbalance, arrange marriages, dowry culture and illiteracy in India.
in arranged system, marriage comes before love. You fall in love afterwards with the partner who is there for you. Marriages fall apart if that does not happen.
This an arranged marriage which gives both opportunity to voice opinion and choose. you may be thinking of forced marriages.
B Arrange marriage is like drug dealing. Forced marriage is like robbery or gang-rape (Indian style).
Great informative video Roman, for bring up this subject. Thanks for sharing.
That was a great conversation from both of you ... 👍
Thank you!
Phenomenal informative discourse.
My ex was manipulated into leaving me by emotional blackmailing and suicide attempts and her parents are forcing her to choose from one of 5 guys to marry by the end of the year.
To borrow from Madhu Kishwar : There are no love marriages in India , there are either self-arranged or family-arranged marriages .
Vinayak Tyagi love means u love them from the first look so yes it exists that’s nonsense thinking it’s just the stupid backward culture which is dated back to 500 years ago
Ok so your comment deals with two things. First, it seems to be a disagreement on defining 'love marriage'. In this, i would accept that I just commented one 'statement.
and not its full context. When Madhu ji talks about 'love marriage', she means one where the role of family is minimum and two people who are in love have total centrality. Considering that even in love marriages in India, role of family in finalizing the alliance, during the whole process of getting marries and post marriage remains very significant there is practically no difference. The marriage is still not just between two individuals but an alliance of two families. Although i may point out, if it is only about 'from the first look' that could happen in arranged marriage as well. So how would you classify such a marriage?
The second part is more of a difference in 'general worldview'. In my opinion, it is not complete truth to just accept what is more popular in contemporary times to be the 'best thing there is'. Just that something exists from 500 or 5000 years doesn't back it bad. If something exists only from less than a hundred years, we may not have fully seen its long term social impacts (though i am aware of the concept of 'Gandharva marriages'). Nor do i think 'love is the end all' is complete truth, every individual gains from family and society, and has certain duties towards both.
Thanks for reading :)
Your guest wasn't being honest. She said "no one imposes on you," but I know this to be untrue from personal experiences.
Perhaps she belongs to a higher socio-economic class, which affords her more freedom than most in India.
Yup!!! We all need to speak out on the reality!!! I am so tired of hearing this kind of dishonest fake rhetoric you always hear from desis. In reality they just want to perpetuate something that feeds their pathological need to control their children's entire lives. I've been harmed myself by the complex system of social control maintained by arranged marriage and so has my partner who I am with despite his family not accepting me bc of my identity/caste/religion. Let's not deny that arranged marriage often comes with coercion, pressure, harassment, and even violence. Desis have seen these stories but they still turn their eyes away and end up talking like this auntie here, lying to themselves and to the rest of the world, and it is shameful imo.
she knows arrange marrage in very mordern way that is also right but she didn't covered the full picture
what equipment are you using for recording? Your sound is so clear...
Good Morning , keep going and great day ahead. God Bless You.
I had two Indian roommates at a U.S. college. They never went back to India. They entered arraigned marriages anyway. All persons were successful individually. There were no divorces. The kids all became successful and didn't cause any problems. Saw that the average length of a "love" marriage in the U.S. is eight years. 7 years to separation, a year for the booster rockets to kick in. They went back to India to choose a wife. One I know had at least three girls to choose from.
This is Rasheeda, on my husbands page. Compromise is the Key to Every and Any Marriage! Thank you for the insight. I support arranged marriage and wish my children were open to it. P.S. there is also a show that I won't miss (I'm into reality also)" Married At First Sight" which is more of an imposed arranged marriage however the couple get the choice to divorce after 8 weeks. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. I like the Indian culture well especially the woman in this video and how she respects her children's opinions and understands she can and will learn from them everyday. Family support in a marriage is imperative. the only thing I kinda disagree with is the fact that the families do not support the couple once one has decided to no longer remain in the marriage which brings me to the reason i searched this video. It was because of another reality show i watch (I told you I like reality) called 90 Day Fiance - the other way where instead of the person coming to America on a K1 Visa the American moves to the other country. One couple in particular Sumit and Jenny. Jenny has moved to India to Marry Sumit and finds out Sumit is in an arranged marriage. Now I am the first person to say Sumit is wrong just for not being honest to Jenny however, I really believe they Love one another. The families have stepped in and this is how Jenny found out about the whole marriage to another woman. Now Sumit has expressed to his family his feelings about Jenny and of course you know how that went but my point is he tried to tell the parents that he wanted out.Granted I don't know the true background story only what is shown on tv so I don't know how long they have been married or anything. Check it out if you can. they even have a pillow talk segment where couples watch the show
Hi Roman. I really enjoyed this vlog. I am a single woman open to a loving committed relationship. I think my "picker" is off. Lol I may be open to an arranged marriage. I'm curious to know if astrology is utilized as a part of the match?
Alashea yes but in love affair which later transform into arranged marriage no one bothers about horoscope
Pramedh Indra Hello. Thank you for your response. Have a wonderful day.😊
Is it possible that the perception or experience is different based on economic status or social status? Oh and I feel you, there are many times I wish I could be arranged lol Great video.
roman can you tell us what in africa and arab world.why americans so much talked about india.
well, your guest speaks only for 10% of the Indian arranged marriage where they both allow their children to discuss and then allow to get married, while in the majority of these arranged marriage men are given the chance to select the bride, and girls are imposed to get married to that person.
YES... 20-30-40 years ago, it was like that.. Parents would decide everything.. Now it has been "Modified" because of the FAILURE of Some arranged marriages.. Now Parents Also realize that boy-girl should Meet and Talk and like each-other.. Still appx. 75% of Marriages are Arranged in India. Parents Search for Bride/Groom and then Boy-Girl Meet & Talk..
Chita ......no there has-been always 100 of option in old times too for girls or boys to chose and match making.........only in some families they do marage like business
Not true. till a generation ago the dad would feel proud that he has "brought up" his son or daughter in the correct way by proclaiming that they will marry "whoever he chooses" without saying a word. This was a big proud moments for parents espcially the dad that their children are obedient and trust them with the most important decision of their lives without even making a sound. Its a cultural thing. Choice was very limited. I am talking prior to 1960s perhaps.
tube or not tube you r wrong, even in villages, the final word was taken from kids in 60's also. Maybe it was not so in illiterate families. I know for sure having known instances of my close relatives from that generation who refused someone because of educational background or distant native place. Reasons in those days might hv been different n interaction between boy n girl very different but final say was always from them.
you are talking about the 5% elite here .
As one goes the down the class . . the role of parents increases.
Nishant Kumar nope in marriage their is nothing like elite or non elite.. Non elite do also have brain.. Plus consent of bride and groom is always part of Indian culture and everyone either elite or non elite follow Indian culture.. In holy book Ramayana also they have mentioned concept of swamvar.. The concept of self choosing.. Go and see at root level... Don't make perception at sitting before your computer screen
I'm reading so many interesting views and experiences on here about arranged marriage and the mistaken belief that parents don't seem to care about who their "children" marry in the United States, but families and parents can be just as vicious here in the USA as in India. Many parents still believe that they can dictate everything about their grown children's lives here. And if you dont marry who your parents think you should marry, they will make your lives a living hell. This seems to be cross-cultural. It is not just in India or Asian countries. Bottom line is that parents need to understand that their children are sentient beings, and when they reach young adulthood, they need to be treated as such and their views and choices respected. Yes, I am a mother of a 22 year-old and 25 year-old, I am their mother and here to support and give advise when asked. I dont always agree with their choices or decisions, but it is their lives, not mine. I would never, ever dream of forcing them to do something that I want. But my mother's generation is not that way, most of them seem to think that they have a right to dictate everything about their grown children's lives, and can be incredibly mean and cruel emotionally, mentally, and
financially if their adult children do not do exactly as told.
What a cool lady, respect ma'am
I’ll tell you what actually happens. It generally starts with the girl’s family informing relatives and friends that they’re looking for a groom. Then her parents go around taking her heavily photoshopped photographs (as in with a lightened skin tone and free of blemishes and pimples) and show it to a suitable groom’s parents. Sometimes they’ll reject you for not having a straight nose. Sometimes girls reject guys for baldness etc. It’s not all about looks, they also look at income, family background and status. Then, parents negotiate a deal, as in how much dowry needs to be paid by girl’s parents. In the end, they often don’t deliver all of what they promised. The cost of marriage ceremonies is solely taken up by girl’s parents. Guy’s family gifts gold jewellery to the bride. Finally, the bride leaves her parents and stays with the guy.
Wow. Sounds like a good description of how it can/does happen for sure. A friend of mine (a guy) was shown a booklet of potential of potential wives. But he's still single so I guess he didn't choose any.
Really good video!
Thank you!
Hi mam Indian ,doing great travel video,but we also want to see other countries ,their culture
There's more to come from all over. Unfortunately I've been ill and unable to film too much. More coming soon I hope....
ur doing grt job , keep it up
Im indian so I have to marry someone whos indian. I do not agree with me at all, I think its important for the person to find love and meet someone on their own. There needs to be a connection, I do not want to have the same marriage like my parents. A part of me never wants to get married so I might just stick with that and not get married.
Awww. Well I hope you get to choose for yourself to stay single or to marry whoever you deem best.
Old parents are looking for a household cleaner, caregiver and a cooker. Boy use their new wife. Indians has no love. How you can love of you don't know somebody first.
Basically Indian parents are ready to take responsibility of anything they do towards their kids.So they never run away from taking responsibility of their kids marriage.
Arranged Marriages exist every where and have been going on for years no matter what race or nationality you are.
At the end of the day any caring parent just want them to be with a man or women who will love and care for them
Arranged or not arranged they are still divorces and people who have been married for 50 years my grandmother was one of those people and that wasn't arranges
Just marry who you want and have common sense about it.
I do not agree with arrange marriage . People should be free to choose who they want to spend their life with. It's wrong for the parents to choose for them. When your an adult you should have the right to fall in love and marry who you choose. My opinion. Don't attack me. ✌🏻✌🏻✌🏻
Jenny Aka Janet Slatten I am an Indian. Please listen to me. Indian parents who live in collective Indian communities, dominate and dictate lives of their adult children. They choose and decide husbands and wives of their adult children. Adult children are not allowed to socialize with unmarried adults of opposite sex. Indian parents bear marriage expenses of their adult children. Indian sons get property rights of their parents and expected to take care of their older parents by keeping them with their wives and children. Adult daughters do not have property rights. To compensate lack of property rights for their daughters, Indian parents give money, jewelleries and expensive gifts to their daughters during their marriages. Poor Indian farmer families who have 4-5 daughters who could not afford to give money, jewelleries and expensive gifts during their daughters weddings, has to borrow money on higher interest rates. With introduction of gender-detection medical technology, Indian parents are able to detect genders of their pre-born babies. They started aborting their female fetuses which has caused gender-imbalance in India. There are more men than women in the country. Indian parents could not find wives for their adult sons and their sons are not allowed to socialize with unmarried women. Sexual frustration is rising among Indian men. Rising population, sub-standard education, lack of industrial work-skills, unemployment, homelessness and highly competitive environment is triggering social unrest and rise of crimes in India. Families are base of human civilisation. Indian parents are responsible for higher population, gender-imbalance, arrange marriages, dowry culture and illiteracy in India.
Jenny Aka Janet Slatten dull
What's dull ?
Jenny Aka Janet Slatten He is an idiot. Anything which shows them in poor light, they resort to name-calling and bashing. That Indian girl in the video, has a thinking head. She properly constructs her thoughts in her head and then speaks out. She appears dull while speaking. I have similiar tendencies. I over-think and over-analyze over matters, properly constructs my thoughts and speak slowly and softly. I understand her thought process. I have noticed that many Indians don't think too much and blurt out whatever comes out of their mouth without thinking about the consequences.
That's your opinion. Many will disagree. That doesn't mean arrange marriage is wrong or something like that.
Roman Around the The World . Why don't you get you a young person's perspective, not only a parent's on arranged marriage
I'm a westerner that knows very little about Indian culture, but I wanted to know, how carefree is premarital dating in Indian culture compared to western cultures or southeast Asian cultures too for that matter? This might be an awkward question to answer and for me to ask as well, I apologise in advance if it is and hope someone can answer it, but with sexual abuse, sexual taboos, being worse in India's culture, would you say that Indian women consequently end up becoming more socially or for that matter sexually reserved around guys then women of western and other Asian cultures that have a more carefree sexual, or social lifestyle? Additionally as India advances in the future do you see Indian culture changing in these regards to become more like the West or more like other Asian cultures that are already like western cultures? As far as arranged marriages in India do you see that declining and becoming more socially open with marriage standards like the West as well? Once again I hope nobody finds these questions offensive, I just wanted to compare these things with western cultures.
parents provide a "dating service". They match particulars but the bride and groom finalize.
Rohit Khosla There is a difference between dating and marriage 😂 Marriage comes long after dating numerous people😂
Ghara dekh Bara dekh Kantha bhangi kuda dekhe...bujhi dekhi jhia de.....
Means look investigate the house, the family, its pedigree, inveztigate their past , present and the finance and pedigree and history if found satisfactory then only give your daughter in marriage.....thats a hindu arranged marriage. Its a mutual agreement and match making by joroscope, marriage between families...
Am married for 28 yrs by now...arranged marriage....
According to data in India Arrange marriage last more then love marriage. My parents celebrated 30 years of marriage and I see this kind of example a lot around my environment
India reached Mars Yes, arrange marriages last long because societial pressure is extreme and divorces are considered as taboo. Arranged marriage couple stick together in their marriages due to societial pressure and taboos even when they are dead from inside.😂
Last more? It's just forced to last this way. We had a aunty and uncle in our colony who's also 30 years marriage was completed. They didn't celebrated it and clearly that aunty told my mom that their relationship is not good that's why they aren't celebrating. There's no love between them and they just compromising for the sake of society and their children and living under one roof.
You'll see many such cases in India. Even I have seen in some marriages there's so much of violence and they are choking under such relationship and they aren't able to take divorce because of society.
Don't make an illusion that arrange marriage is an happy marriage when it's not. So many compromises at the costs of personal happiness and sacrifices. For me arranged marriage is a big no unless the boy and girl are ready to do an arranged marriage because of their personal choice and not their parents' choice
Show bobs and vagene Haha true! In my family also a fight is going on with parents so I have to speak!
The lady is of the age 50+ and she's making it sound that everything's alright with arranged marriage and leaving the darker side aside as if that doesn't happen in Indian society. Believe me this arrange marriage is like a cult, who ever been the part of this cult is systematically brainwashed to insure that people who aren't part of this cult should be told how fabulous this arranged marriage works and everything's is so nice and people who are doing love marriage is stupid and disgrace to the society.
And reasons and logics don't work with this cult because all you have to do is force (use any method physical, mental, financial torture) your daughter or son or any youngsters of the society to follow the same path.
India reached Mars nothing trumps love. I don’t believe in it. Family doesn’t always know best
Saniya there 100 so such stories. I have a friend who did love marriage their parents also accepted it. 3 year down the line they got divorced. Now he did arrange marriage he is very happy with her n they are having a great life together.
Married arranged IS sooo Sad 😢
Ban Arranged Marriage
The arranged marriages were the most common thing all over the world. Just remind yourself the royal families in Europe. The marriage had been more related to business and interests than anything else.
Great though lady respectful 👍
It's good that you found an Indian who is arranged to talk about it. Most westerner's would have found a white person who has heard and read about it and made some silly conclusions about it.
i was in many Indian homes on my trips. they were all arranged. they got along but, i did not see any spark, any deep love. They talk, but, seem distant. Something missing. And how about the first night of marriage, sex with a virtual stranger. Maybe more like rape? I have read many autobiographies on Hasidic Jews and they have arranged marriage. The wedding night is a quick event with a virtual stranger...quite the same. Divorce is rare in Indian homes out of tradition, taboo. Staying together does not mean happy. The homes I visited were couples in their early 30s with young children, so arranged marriage is still the norm in India. Good for them. That is what they are used to. I prefer love, even if it does not last forever. .
In Indian families the parents dictate to the kids it’s not about respect and they have no option it’s a nightmare
Queen Mummy u tell ur kid not respect u. Let's c how they turn.
typical dumbass don't have anything to argue so talk about rape and all .. by the way if take percentage rape to population in india is way less then most country .
chirag shetty Yeah! most women are afraid of reporting rape to insensitive Indian police and extremely slow judicial system. Indian society shames rape victims.
iam sorry you have bad parents...thats it...
Queen Mummy u are also dumbass
So in India's caste system can the women marry a man from a higher caste and be accepted e.g. Crazy Rich Asian?
That's a good question. I need a Part 2!
If it's arranged marriages, then it's unlikely. But there are inter caste couples whose love marriage has been accepted by the family.
@@ssam7384 so it sounds like they're not necessarily accepting the loss but they're accepting the arrangement based off of financial potential?
@@davidjohnson7852 when did I mention the financial angle? My parents are intercaste married. Dad is from lower caste. My cousin from dad's side has also married a higher caste. These were simple love marriages where the families eventually agreed
Sorry for misunderstanding you other than America cast systems Chile revolve around Financial stability. Where parents don't want their children marrying someone that doesn't have the same Prosperity outlook as the daughter or the son. One time I was talking with the guy in India and he was soliciting me for work saying that he needed a job so that he could date because without a job and money coming in it was difficult for him to find a girlfriend there. I also recall there being a story about how Indians are buying up a lot of gold because they shower the bride and groom with gold as a sign of the family's prosperity
I wish I was born in India expression at 14:01
Today marriage means a recipe for disaster. Children r not satisfied with parents and wife is not satisfied with husband, because everyone wants a rich life, and everyone cannot become a king or president. 25 years ago I had never heard a news of any woman killing her husband but now its quite common even in the villages and I am really afraid of the future in next 25 years. For a happy life, v should be happy with whatever v have, and should not compare with other rich people moreover people should look at the people who r below the poverty line. Today in india women have became a killing machines, they are destroying their own future. But I think working women are better than the house wifes, because they earn and knows the value of money, and will not have enough time to compare and dippressed. And depression could ruin the family and the future.
Arrange marriage is like tinder date but here we use parents instead of app lolz 😁
Arrange marraige are best thing...as i feel
Marraige is all about Sacrifice....
Two strangers meet one day.....share their secrets....try to know each other.
deepak singh that is called dating
deepak singh Love marriage is like that too.😂 Two strangers meet, know each other's secrets, attracted to each other, become lovers and decide to live together and raise family. There is no need for sacrifice for anyone 😂. Sacrifice for who? 😂 For your older parents and community elders? 😂 Why don't your parents let you to make your own decisions and choose partner of your choice because you are an adult person. Is that so difficult for your parents? 😂
Dewan Krishanu
I am not talking about dating.
90% of time people date, make him/her bf/gf, have sex multiple time, get bored after some time , now find another one by telling "its not working".
Thats the story of dating.
Worst concept...there is no charm in it
Show bobs and vagene
You are Idiot bro.....Sacrifice means adjustment......pls go on...
See the condition of delhi....where dating and love marraiges are very comman....thats reason everyday atleast 100 cases of divorce are filed everyday......because they don't want to adjust.
Even love marraige is total failure unless it is arranged by parents.....so even You are adult....your marraige won't work without consent of "old members of community".....and you can't force them to disagree....its their right
deepak singh Your life is your life, belongs to no one else. You are master of your own life. What a slave mentality you have. That explains, why Indians remained slaves to foreign invaders for thousands of years. Your love marriage failed because you did not keep your promises. You took your marriage partner for granted. You have cheated on her. Your partner trusted you and you have betrayed trust of your marriage partner. You are responsible for failure of love marriage, not concept of love marriage itself. In political sense, communism and socialism failed because people could not keep up with ideals of socialism and communism which is equal distribution of wealth among each members of society. Under Socialism and Communism system, workers got lazy, refused to work, refused to contribute, refused to share and cheated and betrayed each other. Democratic system also failed in many countries because voters did not vote for best interest of entire country but for their own selfish narrow minded interests. In comparison to socialism, communism and democracy, capitalism and dictatorships worked and proved successful because people under capitalism and dictatorship, worked hard for fear of being beaten by their capitalist factory owners and violent dictators who would not mind violating human rights of their workers. Your parents and community elders are like capitalists and violent dictators to your marriage who are forcing you at stay together with your marriage partner, even when you and your marriage partner are unhappy and feeling miserable. Problems lies with you, not with concept of love marriage. You are kind of person who deserve to be beaten up and kicked by authority figures to make your marriage work unfortunately. Without beating and kicking you, you cannot remain honest and loyal to your marriage partner. 'Latto ke bhoot, batoon se nahi manate' type of person you are. Love marriages are like government jobs which everyone desires it but once they get it, they don't want to work with honesty and sincerity. Arrange marriages are like private companies jobs. Gaand par laat padegi thabi tu kaam karega. Some people work honestly and sincerely even working in government jobs without beaten and kicked by anyone. You are an idiot, I am not.
Why arranged marriages are better ?! India has just 5% divorse rate ...as compaired to 50% in the west ...! The number says it all ...about success stories ! :)
Apoorv Saxena Low divorce rate does not mean success of marriage 😂.
Apoorv Saxena People stay in prison despite the problems because they cannot get out 😂
dude the no says that we do not give freedom to our women, they are bounded to accept a failing miserably life, even they do not like the husband. you have never met with these people I have met and experienced with them, we have to acknowledge that we are wrong so we can bring changes.
Ayan Khan ...stop triple talaq and halala
Lesa divorce rates mean lesser rights for women. It actually denotes that in African and other poor countries. Less divorce rates is not equal to happy marriages, just socially pressurized marriages and less rights for women and also men.
Arrange marriage last better then love marriage.
chirag shetty Just like dictatorship works better than democracy and socialism because people by nature are dishonest, lazy, likes to dominate and exploit others. These people deserve to be beaten by authority figures to make marriage work. Nothing wrong with love marriage. People are cheaters and deceivers who take their marriage partners for granted. Love marriage works for honest and sincere people, not for dishonest people.
Getting to know happens very less. Since most of the parents while parenting girls, do authoritarian parenting so usually they are not given the choice and liberty which an Independent girl should get.
Also please understand, the guy that you met only 4 times or even less, how can a girl let that man fill her womb, this sicken me to death.
Why in every scenario a girl should "COMPROMISE"? Why they shouldn't get "SATISFIED"?
Is it just because they carry the emblem of culture? This is not at appropriate. Unless and until if a women wants to be a 'SEX SLAVE.'