In an old children's book, Giant Jam Sandwich, they do indeed use a helicopter to transport a giant jam sandwich. Idk if that's what he was referring to, but I thought it was a hilarious coincidence
IKR?! I no longer do updates on my apple ipod touch cus the last time i did an update it changed things around and made everything 10X more complicated and work WAY slower
More bugs. I’ve seen a sum total of two bugs fixed (out of probably well over a hundred that I’ve reported to Apple so far about iOS)... In SIX MAJOR revisions.
fun fact: there is a clause in the iTunes terms and conditions that runs like this-'You also agree that you will not use these products for any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture or production of nuclear, missiles, or chemical or biological weapons.' Go look it up for yourself.
+BritanniaGamer fun fact: you could tell me just about anything is in the term and conditions and I will just take your word for it. god knows Im not checking.
10 years old and still true! I'm an engineer, tech-savvy. I used to write my own software, for example. I have a PC, but I use Itunes for music. I haven't downloaded anything for a while, but I wanted 1 song. It took me at least 30 minutes to get through the login, resetting password, entering the code sent to my cellphone, and then just simply figuring out which option to seldect. OK, I got to Search. entered my song, found it, selected it, and about 3 albums' worth of songs appeared. I finally thought I'd selected just the song I wanted because all menus disappeared ... I checked my laptop. Nothing. Honest to God, I'd chain these website designers to a desk and make them use each other's software for a week. I wouldn't give them any food or bathroom options, either. I think that then they might realize how bad they are. I guess where we've come to is something we've always known. The average guy is not very smart. Unfortunately, they've gained more control over our lives than before.
@@Blackadder75 Can you really blame us for being a bit grumpy? We have to deal with fellow Americans all the time. That sort of thing tends to fray the nerves after awhile. I've just spent an entire year trying to dodge anti-maskers who are trying to kill me, give me a bit of slack.
@@Primalxbeast sorry , I have no clue why I typed that 3 months ago, but be assured that I always meant those other kind of Americans. edit: on second thought: it was during the Trump riot days. i guess I had not a very positive image of americans at that point.
@@Primalxbeast I must say "we have to deal with other Americans" is jotted in my mind and I now realize that is quite a bit of what ails me. Your comment made me laugh almost as much as the video. Fabulous.
Apple is smooth and sexy to make them easier to stick up. The least ridiculously expensive alternative to Windows is Linux. Ubuntu for me, but other flavours exist. i.e. Mint, etc.
links that lead to empty articles in wikipedia are not blue, as pointed out above, they are red. no one "makes" them blue, the colour is determined by the server, when the page is sent to each client. if the link is to a non-existent wiki page, it will never be blue. on other websites, sure. on wikis, no. what eddie is doing here is something comedians do a lot, called "lying for comical effect". he is not describing a real situation. if you think his stories are factual, clearly you are the one "not smart enough for his humo*u*r".
I once read the terms and conditions of a certain website that stated I agreed to give them ownership of my soul- needless to say, I did not join, whether or not the soul is real, I didn't want to take that chance.
If the future wars would be fought with throwing computers at each other, I think those people that collect old computers like from the 60s would have everyone beat. Those things weigh a ton. These new models barely hurt your feelings when you get hit by one.
I saw this show live...i think this one is from madison Square Garden. I saw him while he played Radio City Music Hall....it was all the same material. It was brilliant! I loved it.
Jebediah Kerman Talking about other comedian specials, did you not read the comment?..... Just incase, OTHER COMEDIANS SPECIALS. Other comedians should incorporate screens for there specials for those in the back row. -.-
I've learned how to skim through license agreements. I skip over the we, I, us, them, and other definitions but I do read the privacy and responsibilities parts. That's how I got the free car. There was a link to a brand new car in a user agreement. Boy, am I glad I read it!
A few years back I bought some jam at a fete, then put it in the cupboard and forgot about it. When Eddie started talking about jam I remembered it and desperately wanted a jam sandwitch. Talk about Pavlov. Oh to wield such power.
@@bossfan49 oh yes. If you lacked a moral upbringing you can put butter or margarine on the bread first, but for dilettantes two pieces of plain white bread separated by 25mm (1") jam is the food of the gods.
A complex mish mash between modern technology & old school ways. Finally the update has completed, having waited bloody ages for it's completion, yet its still as bloody slow as it was before.
+Ben Tagg (MissilePower12) Ive read them once to see what kind of crap was in it, but now I cant be bothered. Eventually you have to agree anyway because you'll need to update the software or it'll stop working properly :/
Ben Tagg I read 'em every damn time. First 'proper' job was in commercial dispute resolution - it taught me that you should always know what you're signing. Companies slip some sriously shitty clauses into the T&Cs, partly because they bank on most people not reading it.
Since it is well known that so few reads the T&C, it should not be admissible in court. Like it's illegal to put a warning label in font so small that no reasonable person can read it.
I remember hearing a story many years ago where a company wanted to see just how many people actually read Terms so they put in a line near the end that explained how they could receive like $200 if they sent in a request. It was on a news outlet so there may have been some truth to it.
they also had something similar in the terms and conditions of a online game selling store and for each game you brought you sold a little piece of your soul or life and they did it to show no one read the terms and conditions
In this context, the PC and the Mac are different. Even Steve Jobs agreed. Yes the Mac is a PC, but when comparing the two systems, its a Mac and a PC.
Pavlova was the world's best ballet dancer, most famous for her "dying swan" from Tsjaikovskijs "Swan lake", not an opera singer. She also had a pet swan named Jack. Pavlovas are actually rather good, if you you strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, kiwis, and mangos. You should try it next spring.
pavlov was a scientist/ animal behaviourist who trained dogs by ringing a bell when it was time for food, so his joke was he rang a bell and dogs made pavlovas, I'm guessing coz it's sounds similar to pavlov x
few years ago GAME put in their terms and conditions that anyone who agrees gives their soul to them. Only did it for a day, NO ONE noticed what they had agreed to.
I eard a few years ago, that a company put in his terms and condicions, that if the reader sends them a email, they will give him 1000 dolars. It took six months to someone sends them a email and receive the money.
Because the vast majority of humanity doesn’t tend towards original thoughts. They just like hearing their favorite part spoken to them in their head in their own voice Island feeling as though they’re clever for getting the joke. I figure at some point the only original thoughts left are going to be the ones no one should ever have.
when someone is extremely intelligent, well read, educated, eloquent and stuff, comedy is the only option. or defense against reality.
comedy, or ketamine
Au contraire, it is the ONLY reality.
It’s so ridic, comedy is surely one of the best defences against reality.
"Eloquent and stuff" that right there is comedy.
🙄
"Helicopters are used to transport jam around." LOL! My new fav comedian!
Warrior Girl and those helicopters were probably made out of spoons :D
Warrior Girl all that's missing is an evil giraffe piloting a helicopter.
In an old children's book, Giant Jam Sandwich, they do indeed use a helicopter to transport a giant jam sandwich.
Idk if that's what he was referring to, but I thought it was a hilarious coincidence
So happy for you. Can you PLEASE tell us ALL about your preferences?
@@Richusbabe thanks for that! Wouldn’t doubt it. He’s so intelligent and witty, he can tie anything up together .
Eddie izzard is like a Pixar film, you need to watch him about 5 times to spot all the jokes and understand them, the guy is on another level.
Robin Williams' crazy brother with diluted DNA. 😁😀😉
Phil Jon but Robin Williams isn't funny.
I didn't know that about Pixar movies.
Yes! I could follow him like people followed the Grateful Dead, because I'm sure every show is different, and every one is great.
its actually a she. Izzard is genderfluid
0:13 “Lady Badcrumble” those who cheered are old fans of Eddie 😂
SJ Sixx I laughed lol. Call back reference
As someone who missed the boat on Eddies early work, I was going to ask, but never mind I’ll look it up on Alta Vista
Mr. Izzard, You are now, and have been for years, my favorite "executive" comedian. "well done, sir"
He wont read this you failure
@@buhtsecks1303 whether Eddie reads it or not, there's no reason to be mean😡
buht secks What’s your problem, dude? Your mom didn’t hug you enough?
Executive transvestite, last I heard
@@buhtsecks1303 why such a dick mate?
"Then you get the update, and nothing has changed."
If you're lucky. 'Cause often, the software will be WORSE than before.
+SethBlizzard Or better.
tomlxyz Or crashes like usual.
IKR?! I no longer do updates on my apple ipod touch cus the last time i did an update it changed things around and made everything 10X more complicated and work WAY slower
@@OsamaBinLooney There are still updates for the iPod touch?!
More bugs. I’ve seen a sum total of two bugs fixed (out of probably well over a hundred that I’ve reported to Apple so far about iOS)... In SIX MAJOR revisions.
fun fact: there is a clause in the iTunes terms and conditions that runs like this-'You also agree that you will not use these products for any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture or production of nuclear, missiles, or chemical or biological weapons.'
Go look it up for yourself.
+BritanniaGamer Well fuck. There went my plans for the weekend....
+BritanniaGamer That's the very reason I didn't agree to the terms and conditions.
+BritanniaGamer fun fact: you could tell me just about anything is in the term and conditions and I will just take your word for it. god knows Im not checking.
Ryan Ochoa fun fact: there is a clause in the terms and conditions that says:
Ryan Ochoa is stupid"
guess it must be true.
BritanniaGamer dude wth? That was unnecessary.
I now know that jam was first made by Mr. and Mrs. Jam; no need to Wiki it. Thanks, Ed!
The "Wikipedia tangent". Then you snap out of it an hour later and think "why am I reading about Sint Maarten of all places?"
He's absolutely right about the terms and conditions!
Appreantly the terms and conditions on iTunes are as long as Shakespeare's Tempest and would take as long to read.
sophie waghorn Equally interesting too :P
Please. You could read the tempest 20 times before you finished any T&Cs for anything. You'd doze off about 30 times less too.
Just pure comic genius. Love this guy
I cannot believe Eddie dissed PC's like that! ... you put the handle in & turn the handle thing... nearly died LMAO
CHOCKS AWAY! lmao
E=PN⁵ * 10 (Monkey⁹)
Yup. Those maths are solid.
And it's all true!
Honestly, the silliness of 'Monkey9' makes me smile every time I think of it
Only Butters has read the terms and conditions.
Melissa Metivier 😂😂😂😂😂 polka will never die.
I always do that's why I'm not humancentipad
What a glorious human being
The Universe took 14 billion years to produce humans. Bit of a long project, and it's still in the Proof Of Concept stage..
10 years old and still true! I'm an engineer, tech-savvy. I used to write my own software, for example. I have a PC, but I use Itunes for music. I haven't downloaded anything for a while, but I wanted 1 song. It took me at least 30 minutes to get through the login, resetting password, entering the code sent to my cellphone, and then just simply figuring out which option to seldect. OK, I got to Search. entered my song, found it, selected it, and about 3 albums' worth of songs appeared. I finally thought I'd selected just the song I wanted because all menus disappeared ... I checked my laptop. Nothing. Honest to God, I'd chain these website designers to a desk and make them use each other's software for a week. I wouldn't give them any food or bathroom options, either. I think that then they might realize how bad they are.
I guess where we've come to is something we've always known. The average guy is not very smart. Unfortunately, they've gained more control over our lives than before.
Tell me ..why in what part of your mind did you think we wanted to know this.
🥱😴💤💤💤💤💤💤💤
I kid you not just as he sed nothings changed - an update alert popped up interrupting the video...i nearly fell out my chair...laughing!
do you use a mac? :)
"No one in the universe has read the terms and conditions."
I have. But I fell asleep halfway trough, so some of it is a bit blurry.
After Hannibal, Dr. Gideon went to make stand up comedy in the afterlife.
god Eddie's hilarious
I think he'd had a drink before the how as he seemed half-legless.
I can’t get over how funny Eddie is while simultaneously seeming like one of the nicest people on Earth. So warm-hearted. How does he do that?
By not being American, for starters
@@Blackadder75 Can you really blame us for being a bit grumpy? We have to deal with fellow Americans all the time. That sort of thing tends to fray the nerves after awhile.
I've just spent an entire year trying to dodge anti-maskers who are trying to kill me, give me a bit of slack.
@@Primalxbeast sorry , I have no clue why I typed that 3 months ago, but be assured that I always meant those other kind of Americans.
edit: on second thought: it was during the Trump riot days. i guess I had not a very positive image of americans at that point.
@@Blackadder75 No need to apologize, I wasn't offended, I was just being silly. :+)
@@Primalxbeast I must say "we have to deal with other Americans" is jotted in my mind and I now realize that is quite a bit of what ails me.
Your comment made me laugh almost as much as the video. Fabulous.
" ... and then you get the update - and nothing has changed." In a nutshell!
Apple is smooth and sexy to make them easier to stick up. The least ridiculously expensive alternative to Windows is Linux. Ubuntu for me, but other flavours exist. i.e. Mint, etc.
"And then you get the update and nothing has changed..."
Is it weird that I have a crush on this guy? I think he's handsome. Plus he could carry on a decent dinner conversation.
He likes women not men. He's not gay. He just dresses up as a woman.
I'm a straight guy and I have a bit of a crush on Eddie Izzard. XD I'd be mortified at dinner though - I don't know how I could keep up with him!
@@Nautilus1972 apparently he feels like a lesbian trapped in a man's body! He is bloody handsome though!😍
@@Nautilus1972 Yeah... but OP's name is Rebecca, so.
Not weird at all. Wit and intelligence are sexy.
He describes something I call "bluelinking". And it's why I love Wikipedia. So much random information.
"why did you put it in blue?"
It's not. It's in red...
+zoidberg590 never seen a red link on wiki in my life.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Red_link
huh cool. never stumbled upon one before :D
links that lead to empty articles in wikipedia are not blue, as pointed out above, they are red. no one "makes" them blue, the colour is determined by the server, when the page is sent to each client. if the link is to a non-existent wiki page, it will never be blue.
on other websites, sure. on wikis, no.
what eddie is doing here is something comedians do a lot, called "lying for comical effect". he is not describing a real situation. if you think his stories are factual, clearly you are the one "not smart enough for his humo*u*r".
nice of you to explain, no need to call someone dumb though
Wow, aside from his very early days, Eddie has never looked this butch while performing.
I like cisvestite(?) Eddie. It's a nice change of pace :)
Is it my imagination, or is he one change of shirt colour away from being Danny Archer in Blood Diamond?
I once read the terms and conditions of a certain website that stated I agreed to give them ownership of my soul- needless to say, I did not join, whether or not the soul is real, I didn't want to take that chance.
Contracts are not enforceable if they have unconscionable clauses, so you're ok.
How do I watch this so many times, and still forget the PC bit, that gets me every fucking time.
Difference between Mac and PC: Mac is three times as expensive.
kamran102 100x the quality for 3x the price is a pretty good deal. Bentleys cost more than Hondas.
I've always preferred a windows pc over a mac pc
Love love. Must watch several times to catch all the jokes. Brilliant
If the future wars would be fought with throwing computers at each other, I think those people that collect old computers like from the 60s would have everyone beat. Those things weigh a ton.
These new models barely hurt your feelings when you get hit by one.
Brilliant. "Chocks away!" :)
I'm wondering how he knows I'm still using XP?
He was slightly off with the PC update. It updates, and then it never turns on again, and then you get a new computer.
I saw this show live...i think this one is from madison Square Garden. I saw him while he played Radio City Music Hall....it was all the same material. It was brilliant! I loved it.
Best one I've seen yet! :D
"Kenny? Rogers? ...two people" might be my favorite joke in this whole thing... every part of it is brilliant, but that makes me laugh so damned hard.
I love his jacket
Same, I had a couple of female ones in the 80's with coloured lining. Loved them
Eddie did a wonderful Christmas movie about a sharing of the Christmas spirit. He's also a great actor.
I don't know why most comedians don't have screens for live shows it makes so much sense for jokes that revolve around facial expressions and actions.
Don't you think? I think it's a pretty good idea. I've always wondered; why not?
Cinam Zee There is a screen... did you even watch the full video?
Jebediah Kerman Talking about other comedian specials, did you not read the comment?..... Just incase, OTHER COMEDIANS SPECIALS.
Other comedians should incorporate screens for there specials for those in the back row. -.-
I've learned how to skim through license agreements. I skip over the we, I, us, them, and other definitions but I do read the privacy and responsibilities parts. That's how I got the free car. There was a link to a brand new car in a user agreement. Boy, am I glad I read it!
Mmmhmmm. Of course that happened to you. Personally you.
Reminds me, I need to update iTunes...
Hamsterdrive
Here's a reminder to up date your itunes! Hahaha!
omg this guy revived me , kudos
I feel sorry for the people who have to write the terms and conditions. There probably the few that read them.
a very intelligent man .
I saw him live in LA. What a night that was.
British comedians are just funnier somehow.
A few years back I bought some jam at a fete, then put it in the cupboard and forgot about it. When Eddie started talking about jam I remembered it and desperately wanted a jam sandwitch. Talk about Pavlov. Oh to wield such power.
Jam sandwich? That's an actual thing? Two pieces of bread and only jam in between?
@@bossfan49 oh yes. If you lacked a moral upbringing you can put butter or margarine on the bread first, but for dilettantes two pieces of plain white bread separated by 25mm (1") jam is the food of the gods.
absolute comedic genius
Brilliant comedy
This is pure awesomeness and should be the ACTUAL terms and conditions on EVERYTHING!
Then everyone would really read them! :D
If he came on and read the T & C to me, I would listen!
Ditto 😁👍🏻
idk about you but I wouldn't want "We'll take your buttocks and sell them to the Chinese" to be on whatever terms of agreement I sign
‘I don’t know what they want with us any more. Don’t they know we agree with them’. Ahahah
A complex mish mash between modern technology & old school ways. Finally the update has completed, having waited bloody ages for it's completion, yet its still as bloody slow as it was before.
i’m always in awe of the comic genious of this find person, yes i meant find.
i’d love to see EI’s history of WW1
it was a tv special from 2011 - eddie izzard: live at madison square garden
I manged to get from feaces to sword on wikipedia
Impressive.
"Shit stabber" was the link word, wasnt it?
I thought of the most boring thing I could and looked up "door". There is someone in this world that loves doors.
I've only once not read the terms and conditions before I checked the box, and I felt so bad about it that I went back and read it thrice.
this was such a good look for her
He wasn't a her then. Stop trying to score woke brownie points 😆
Mr Minky and Lady ..Whatevercrumble should absolutely always go together .
wait.......how can you know this?
my god..........you have read the terms and conditions!!! all hail!!!
I'm the only person in the universe who reads the terms and conditions... I'm a freak...
+Ben Tagg (MissilePower12) Ive read them once to see what kind of crap was in it, but now I cant be bothered. Eventually you have to agree anyway because you'll need to update the software or it'll stop working properly :/
Ben Tagg I read 'em every damn time. First 'proper' job was in commercial dispute resolution - it taught me that you should always know what you're signing. Companies slip some sriously shitty clauses into the T&Cs, partly because they bank on most people not reading it.
Since it is well known that so few reads the T&C, it should not be admissible in court. Like it's illegal to put a warning label in font so small that no reasonable person can read it.
You're all freaks! Love all the freaks.
I think the guy who WROTE them didn't even read them.
I remember hearing a story many years ago where a company wanted to see just how many people actually read Terms so they put in a line near the end that explained how they could receive like $200 if they sent in a request. It was on a news outlet so there may have been some truth to it.
Not going to lie... he makes PCs sound awesome!
There are reasons I only allow updates to iTunes about once a year.
"Then why did you put it in blue?"
OMG, Eddie, I share your sentiments about Macs and iTunes fully.
Then in a loud voice, a clear voice you say... Chocks away! Lmao
On Eddie, you slay me.
Especially here in Thailand were no matter what I do the conditions still come in Thai ...... but who reads it anyway right
they also had something similar in the terms and conditions of a online game selling store and for each game you brought you sold a little piece of your soul or life
and they did it to show no one read the terms and conditions
In this context, the PC and the Mac are different. Even Steve Jobs agreed. Yes the Mac is a PC, but when comparing the two systems, its a Mac and a PC.
So good. A classic comic. Love him.
Still love him... even though he's a Mac. :)
I read the terms and conditions...do I understand all of them.
Yeah sure. ☑️
"Chocks Away!"
Is he honestly trying to imply that Apple *isn't* the choice of the computer illiterate?
Did anyone else look up 'pavlova'... on Wikipedia?
It's a kind of a cake my mother makes occasionally, but no one seems to like it. (She makes good cakes too, except this one)
Isn't it basically a jumbled heap of meringue with a bucketful of raspberries dumped on top of it?
yes, I gues, but my mom uses pomegranate
Pavlova was the world's best ballet dancer, most famous for her "dying swan" from Tsjaikovskijs "Swan lake", not an opera singer. She also had a pet swan named Jack. Pavlovas are actually rather good, if you you strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, kiwis, and mangos. You should try it next spring.
pavlov was a scientist/ animal behaviourist who trained dogs by ringing a bell when it was time for food, so his joke was he rang a bell and dogs made pavlovas, I'm guessing coz it's sounds similar to pavlov x
BEST Pavlov Dog joke of all.
Brilliant!
sharing post from while on holdidays. shameful!
I feel sorry for the poor bastard who had to write out the entire terms and conditions
Don't. He was a lawyer working for a major tech company. Translation: Dude got paid. Probably a boatload.
It was Siri. So it's fine.
How is it possible to feel sorry for a lawyer ?
The bastards deserve everything bad that happens to them.
bastards
Not “poor”... more like “quarter-million per year”
few years ago GAME put in their terms and conditions that anyone who agrees gives their soul to them. Only did it for a day, NO ONE noticed what they had agreed to.
My dad reads the Terms and Conditions.
I eard a few years ago, that a company put in his terms and condicions, that if the reader sends them a email, they will give him 1000 dolars. It took six months to someone sends them a email and receive the money.
My Apple using friends seem to be infuriated by updates because nothing works anymore and their peripherals end up in a charity shop.
But... but after any update, my mum's PC blows up.
Genius.
“Chocs away!!” WMSL XD
I want to see him live now.
u cant
knowing the argument that will surely insue, i must remind everyone that the existance of a soul is opinion based
Love his outfit, but i think some of his most funny and best work was when he was in the dress.
Legend.....And how very true?
He's hilarious no matter what he's wearing.
I've never seen a comedy show more true than this XD
Genius!!
This man is just so random. Hilarious.
THE BLUE LINE OF TIME
what i dont understand is why people in the comments always quote the words that are said in a video. I watched the video. so no need to repeat it.
Because the vast majority of humanity doesn’t tend towards original thoughts. They just like hearing their favorite part spoken to them in their head in their own voice Island feeling as though they’re clever for getting the joke.
I figure at some point the only original thoughts left are going to be the ones no one should ever have.
I read the T&C... That's why I don't use Paypal anymore since their last change, "$2,500 is "fair", my ass.
It runs perfect, I can (if I want) still play the games I had on it.
He has a thing about jam!!