5 Signs Of Narcissists Losing Their Moral Compass
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- Опубликовано: 28 апр 2024
- Basic morality is necessary for any type of relationship. Dr. Les Carter explains how the defining features of narcissism indicate a lack of an inner moral compass, then he highlights five of the most dominant indicators of their poorly conceived values and standards.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his RUclips channel, his videos have received more than 110 million views.
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They didn't lose a moral compass. They never had it to begin with! 😮
The fact that narcs choose their evil behaviour is that they are they're own worst enemy, and create hell for themselves and others! It makes no sense! When they have the chance to change with a loving relationship and they destroy over and over again, it's difficult to have sympathy!! They don't care that their partners might have had a more painful childhood! No, they're the only victims!?? Instead of learning that genuine caring is a positive and useful attribute they hurt and damage to the full! If you're in a narc relationship, leave because things only get worse!! They'd watch you die and 'get off' on it and probably photo your death and keep it as a memento!! 🙏🙏🙏🙏♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Ding ding ding🛎😅
That would be my comment too. 🎉
😲! It’s a broken compass!
Exactly
If you didn’t specifically ask the perfect question… they do not disclose anything
A message for the narcissists: " You can fool some people sometimes but you can't fool all the people all the time. So now we see the light..."
They don't think "lies of omission" are lies.....
How nice it would be if she stopped at _only_ omission.
Yes!! I had this argument MANY times and always had to just walk away from it.
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯
They expect it from you but not themselves
Yes! I hate this double standard so much!
@spacegirl226 I am a practicing Christian and when he told me he cheated I started calling her his whore. He looked at me and said I can't believe you talk like that. ????? Here is a man that cursed with curse words! What?!
You are kind. They DEMAND it, and see no valid reason whatever for noncompliance. Geez.
Yes exactly, two sets of rules…
They want you to respect them but yet they treat you badly.
Everything is perrectly fine as long as they get exactly what they want. But woe betide you if there is even the slightest deviation from their unrealistic expectations of you.
They don't like to be told "no".
They are liars. You dont need liars in your life. Dont let them in.
I’m finally getting that and I’m almost 60!!!
"A narcissist's self-absorption trumps their morality. Where as a healthy individual, your morality trumps self-absorption."
Hits the nail right on the head! Wraps it all up in this one statement.
Truth!
Yes it “Trumps” it.
The have no moral compass, only
Ego driven selfish compass.
Satan is The Egotist.
2 Timothy 3 💯
Isaiah 53
They'll criticize your morals, and tell you that they're above reproach. But they're moral when it suits them, and only then.
The golden child/budding narcissist is conditioned by their narcissistic caregiver(s) to not have a moral compass. The unspoken dynamic is “I don’t call you out; you don’t call me out.” The golden child who violates society’s rules does not receive even kindly discipline for their infractions, leading to a sense of entitlement. The narcissistic caregiver(s) is/are concerned with whether or not another authority figure has knowledge of such an infraction, and how that knowledge might affect the family. This sends a message to the golden child/budding narcissist that they are entitled to do as they please, that society’s rules are for the less entitled and that they must keep an eye out for who is watching because image is everything.
You have to get to a place of acceptance. They are not going to change. Ever. It IS the worst case scenarios that you can imagine. Accept reality. It isnt going to end.
Narcissists use and hurt without remorse and it becomes somewhat predictable. The thing that hurts most is the people who enable them and become their surrogates. They do and say and act similar. Do they feel like garbage afterwards? It does not seem like it. Do they apologize? Nope.
Totally agree...
Me too (Agree) 🎯
Their compass points towards whatever makes them look good or gets them off the hook. The rest is irrelevant!
When i first started seeking information about narcissistic people, i had empathy for them because of their pain in childhood. Now, i have very little empathy for them. I was severely abused in childhood and throughout my life. I dont think it's my inherent right to destroy other people! I dont see people as things to get what i want. I love and care for people. I now believe they are evil. The Bible says God gives us free will. He sets before us life and death, so we may CHOOSE. They choose evil every time.
I had a lot of pain in childhood-- and beyond. I never became a NARC. It's not an excuse!
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
🫂🙏❤️
@@Anonymous-gn3ly I am so sorry all that happened to you!!! Sending caring thoughts of love and comfort.
im so sorry.. How awful. 😢😢😢😢😢
I remember this one time where I was 'reacting' to the narcissist's tactics on that particular day and screamed at him that he had no morals for saying what he had just said, and he simply looked at me with a slight smile and shrugged his shoulders...like he agreed and didn't care. They know they have no morals and really don't care...period.
He was HAPPY that he got you pissed off. He was ENJOYING it.
@@henrykujawa4427 Right, they live for conflict and confusion.
They’re bowling balls ricocheting across lanes. 😯😬😁😆
Oh yeah, the smirk as they're getting off on your emotional misery is disgusting.
@@CatsInHats-S.CrouchingTiger 😁👍
They use everything as a manipulation tool. The truth is so fluid for them and takes all the shapes they need for the "ME, ME, ME" screenplay. Unfortunately...
They're hypocrites, not Humanists
Never 61 yrs old acts like he’s still on high school he’s a victim people are hit out to get them !
The moral compass is an option. If it works for them in accusing, cool. But otherwise…,
Ahhhh, but that’s not really a moral compass, is it?
It’s pretending to have a moral compass, imitating others (like you said) when it’s convenient for them.
@@Teacher369 I dunno. I guess it all boils down to whether they know what they are doing or they don’t.
👋 I’m convinced my sociopathic sister believes her deluded narrative. She must know that she’s lying and creating false documents but it’s all justified in her mind because the end always justifies the means. (No conscience)
@@SandraII-in9sl "A strong ego-magnetic field" -- well said 🎯💯😆
@@Teacher369I think that is exactly my point. She must know. But either she does not care, or she cares MORE for something else, that excuses her from any consequences. Whether it be your sister or my ex-wife, they still know what is off target, but choose that instead. Theology geeks will understand my “off target” reference.
They are definitely constant schemers. Spot on.
That's scriptural.
I want to live in my integrity and have nothing to do with those predatory abusive people. They are intrusive intruders on all fronts of your life possible. Ignoring them and walking your own separate way is the way for me.
Never developed a conscience
Brain dead
My "one more time" has finally been the "last time ". Agreements continue to be broken and with no consequences other than gray rocking. Sad, a relationship with no relationship.
Their moral compas is set for He'll.
With no repentance or conscience in sight! I bid them farewell and just move on. Justice is God's job, not mine. My life now consists of joy and peace of mind ,heart and soul. Love and kindness are my Montra
Thanks Dr. C.!😂
Yes, good thoughts. I needed this reminder.
How can they lose what they don't have? They only have the thinly veiled appearance and illusion of a moral compass.
In summary: A lot of narcissists go from marriage to marriage while relying on their only excuse called, "We drifted apart." "We drifted apart" or else conducting a smear campaign against their estranged spouse who wants to leave the marriage too while hoping to get treated fairly during the divorce.
It's funny you say this, and I don't just mean peculiar funny. I mean, literally belly laughing funny. My soon to be Ex narcissistic husband is now saying this exact thing. He's going around telling everyone that we just grew apart, and it's hurting him soo badly to make a decision to leave. Bare in mind I left him over a year ago to another state, and we haven't lived under the same roof in a while. I'm just going through the motions. He just wants a new excuse to be difficult and extra.
My nex had a moral compass for some things. It was selective. But, when it came to fidelity and family responsibility, his moral compass was dead in the water.
I say she has "self-serving ethics". If her reputation can be damaged, she won't do it. Even if doing that thing is the FIX to what they already did wrong.
Never ever ruminate narcissistic relationships Team Healthy because they consider others as 'Useful Idiot/s', many thanks for reminding the phrase Dr. C.🙏🌷🕊💝🤗
This morning I was watching a 1954 episode of "SHERLOCK HOLMES", "The Case of the Tyrant's Daughter" (very loosly inspired by "The Problem Of Thor Bridge"). A tyrannical father always had to have everything his way, always had to be the one in control, and he couldn't stand losing that control over his daughter, who was planning to get married. First he harrassed the guy, then he tried to bribe him to leave her. When that didn't work... he COMMITTED SUICIDE in such a way as to make the fiance look guilty of murder! Every word in the story that described the father, I kept thinking, "NARC!" Just before he died, the father told his house-keeper, "I always win-- I ALWAYS WIN!!!" It was terrifying.
Yikes!
Yep, sounds about right. NARCISSIST!
I was watching the movie Sweeney Todd that Tim Burton directed and I felt that the judge was very much a narcissist and his loyal assistant Beadle was his flying monkey doing his dirty work for him.
Gee ~ Losing something you never had is one neat trick!
Very well said. Integrity indeed is truly lost with narcs.
Exactly right. And they will make attempts to force their Target to do immoral things....just so they can hold it over your head to use in threats to control your life. When I said "No, I will not do that"...next I'm threatened with "Well...everybody will hate you". And worse threats later on. They only get worse. Thank you Dr. Carter for helping all of us here !!
My narc boss gave a "Masterclass" of what he termed The Gold Standard of a High Moral Employee. In the meantime, I'm waiting to see which episode of American Greed: Scum, Schemers, Scoundrels, Sociopaths, Psychpaths,& Shattered Dreams he'll be featured on.
Lol. Oh the IRONY.
This is why I'm single now. The pain from a lack of a moral compass was/is unbearable. 😢
They never had it!
I was thinking the same thing!🤔
I thought so.
What moral compass?
Imho, you have to first possess a moral compass in order to lose it. I never met a Narcissist with any morality whatsoever.
Liars are boring because lies are the ultimate in platitudes, what they want you hear.
Omg, the truth thing is 100%. The amount of stories, to lie their way out of something, is unreal.
Unless they've specifically said the 'actually word(s)' you've said verbatim, then they never said it. Yes, they might have 100% implied it, or said it in a round about way, or said something but not used those exact words. To them, it never happened.
My mother has a terrible temper, and she terrorized the family with it growing up. She yelled at us (but can't remember) and even now she yells at everything -- inanimate objects like brooms, toasters, coke cans, etc etc. "You yahoo!" "Jerk!" When I asked her recently why can't she stop yelling at every little thing, she said, "Well, I'm angry. I yell at objects so I don't yell at people."
But she still yells at people. My brother gets it all the time, and he also, as a toxic monster she created, gives it right back. Neither can control their temper and have never had to.
I explained that I am angry too. I am very angry, in fact. But I don't take it out on people or Keurig machines. I sit with it and allow myself to be with that anger and move on from it.
Her response: "Well, good for you!"
I can't win.
It's the weirdest thing seeing devout "Christians," with no moral compass but a lot of knee-jerk judgments about others, who give themselves free passes for their nastiness and unscrupulous behavior.
Thanks, Dr. C!
Speaking as a Christian, I have known a few Christians who put on a good show on Facebook about how much they love God and how amazing He is. They often post Bible verses, God's love and mercy, faith and all that. But they have mistreated me and others. Got angry easily at me for misunderstandings or because I called them out for some nonsense they said or did to me. Delete or block me for ridiculous reasons.I also noticed these types of people hardly or never post anything about sin, dealing with temptations, growing as a Christian, anything "negative". They also hardly post about anything else going on in their lives. Some of them I suspect are narcissists.
Because of some bad experiences, I am very cautious now when I see Christians post mostly about God, Jesus, positive Bible verses and very little else. I used to find women who posted like that attractive, since they appeared to be God fearing but not anymore. Knowing who they are in person and on video is what really matters.
Remember the old saying, " Misery loves company?" These individuals love to spread, misery, love to listen to others suffering and misery, with a false empathy. So it becomes a loop of misery, anger, and now a sect of negativity. I have fallen prey to it, too many times, but although having experienced it, will not become one of THEM, and have instead used it as a learning experience and growth.
Spot on.
I guess The narcs in my family keep trying to '"use" me...BUT IT NEVER WORKS...My grandaughter is 23 and still tries...BUT...I HAVE A HEAVENLY FATHER THAT WONT LET IT HAPPEN !!!
With SOOO many narcs in my family...and no morality whatsoever.....
I truly appreciate your videos.
🎉🎊🎆💖
Thank you !!!!
Since I do not exactly know what you mean....Could the"HEAVENLY FATHER" you reference also qualify as a narcissist who is trying to "use" you?
#5. I've got one that likes to pretend that he "doesn't intentionally" hurt people (a bald faced lie in its own right) he "just doesn't care." Therefore, that makes him "not an A-hole." Right.
“ To Err Is Human;
To Try To Cover It Up
Is Even More Human ! “
The narc I know never had a moral compass. She is everything you describe, but never had a moral compass.
i agree with fred, BUT, if they had any sense of right and wrong, but are giving even that up, i'm guessing you'll see a lot of rationalizing/excuse-making/justifying, denying (facts), lashing out/raging, attacking you to deflect from their misdeeds...but in the end, with no moral compass whatsover, i suppose things will inevitably spiral downward into mayhem and chaos, possibly to the point of committing murder, by any means available to them. seems to be what's happening to me by the narcs not welcome in my life, albeit very covertly and slowly.
My husband's lies are almost daily now. He tries to blame me by saying he is just doing what I said but in reality, it is usually the opposite of what I have said. I am getting so tired. I truly wanted to just end my life to get away from his abuse.
I've been there. I longed for peace and the thought of ending my life seemed like a solution.
Don't do it!!!!
Maybe you can't imagine a life on your own (as I couldn't). But you will survive - leave him!
The release of now living in peace and freedom will give you strength. Don't stay in abuse!!!
Greetings from Germany.
It's easy for others to tell you to leave the relationship, but please don't sacrifice yourself anymore for it. You deserve to be happy and to be safe! 💓
Time to leave when you are at this point. Get help, reach out, you can just go step by step. I encourage you to take a step. You are of great value.
@@Sabina-ve9ie 💖
@@patg.7192 🙏❤🩹
My response to anything he says to me is: yes,no, I don’t know.
Rules for thee but not for me.
My Narc Mother...forced my little sister, age 10 to call up Daddys Office and tell his boss..'My Daddy ..self pleasures.. ' yes. And of course the child would ask all she met what does that M word mean? 🙄..on my brothers 8th birthday...just as he was getting ready to blow out his candles, she told him..'make a wish that your father would leave us'....she wanted to poison our food, she attempted suicide...Nmother died in 91 but her memories linger on. May God have Mercy on her Soul
that is sad .. may you heal from those awful memories.
@@randy_cbc8811 thankyou
I'm going to court for reacting . And being told to shut up like I can't be a victim of a narcissist 😅
Sheesh, broken compass, broken humor, broken spine. 😬🤔 🚪 🤭
Thank you Dr. Carter. Making progress. Slow but steady. Need rest today. Back at my agenda tomorrow.❤
I don't think they ever had one.
Thank you Dr.C and Team Healthy ❤️
My son has no morality, no empathy. He is a person who enjoys punishing me.
I am so tired of being accused, and hurt by him. He dose the nice game when he wants something.
He uses us, controls, situations and uses us until he has someone pat him on the back and tell him how great he is. He lies and makes up stuff about us. Like we were idiot parents who abused him. It makes his next victims feel sorry for him, and hate us.
One time his new wife called us up ( I'm sure he was listening) and ask us when are you going to quit bringing up his childhood when he was just a teen. I said what are you talking? But she said we should let his past go. My husband and I were flabbergasted. We had no idea what he had told her, but she believed it and now hates us.
We haven't heard from them since October. So our punishment is no Christmas, birthdays, Mothers Day, or Anniversary. This is our punishment.
I'm so sick of him doing this to us.
The Videos have helped me realize I don't have to put up with his games.
What we live with in our twilight years is pure hell. I am seeking peace.
Wow... I can say a LOT on the morality of Earth.. How do we deal with people who lie? This is where I can use my spiritual gift.. I can sense when people lie.. If I start from the place of stillness the lie that people give takes me away from that place.. Then going back to that place for the answer.. It is 100% about the place of stillness..
They want you to do for them, what they will NOT do for themselves - even if it means hurting others - they want YOU to do their bidding so they don't have to get their hands dirty. They sit there like butter melts in their mouth. That's when you have to enforce your boundaries.
Did they ever have one?
Still listening.....cant help feeling deep compassion for this type of person because they seem to have been thrown into life, forced to survive all alone, witjout ever being fortified and equipped with things like unconditional parental love, belonging, indentity, personal worth & value? What a living hell to be in!!! It sounds like a baby soul got thrown in to the coldest pit of suffering and torture, & that they have no other avenue? Ive seen people preach to people who are physically hungry, & parents who throw heavy moral standards on unloved children. Putting the cart before the horse. This is horribly sad to me 😢
Your sympathy is understandable but perhaps not fully informed. Not all narcissistic individuals lived a horrible childhood with abandonment, abuse, ridicule, or other PTSD producing issues. Just saying.
@@pamelar5868 Thank you for enlightening me!!! I think I was looking through my own lense of trauma & projecting? What you said is a relief because it'll be a lot easier to put anger where it belongs knowing this 👍👍👍❤️
Listening would include application of knowledge to really understand... it might not have been your experience being on the receiving end of Narcissistic behavior. I truly hope you never will be. However, for many like myself who have, one can understand how an empathetic person would and could be easily manipulated. Knowledge is power only is the knowledge is relevant and used. This knowledge that underscores Narcissistic abuse does not excuse the behavior or the pain and destruction that results thereafter to the true victim/s. Rather, it brings to light that these individuals will find a reason and any excuse to continue their bad behavior. Sorry, not sorry! I cannot feel empathy for someone who cannot and will not do the same for others. Tried that...done that... at my expense and suffered.
@@roxannetaitano1490 Great points, thank you!! Especially not excusing the abuse!! Yep, I've been plagued with them all my life too (friends, boyfriends, etc.) & the repressed anger inside due to the abuse is a real problem for me, it has made me jaded and untrusting
I don't feel compassion for them anymore, but I do feel pity. I grew up being thrown into that cold pit, but I couldn't do to another person what was done to me. I wonder how some of us who were abused and neglected gain self awareness and some of us don't.
Compassion has limits, I think. Someone who continues that destructive behavior regardless of seeing how it hurts them and others wastes compassion. It makes no difference to them. They wouldn't know what to do with compassion but squander it and demand more, and then tell you you weren't being compassionate.
When it gets that bad, pity from a distance is a reasonable choice.
My mom and sister are both malignant. Rip you off a few times? Thank your lucky stars. They want your emotions. Don’t give ‘em? Run.
I asked someone I suspected was narcissist once how she would feel if her partner became sick or disabled and she didn't hesitate to say, "What's in it for me!"
Oh my! That ship sailed long ago. Good thing I know how to navigate by the stars...
Thank you for this video.
Whatever moral compass a narcissistic individual may start out with is fairly quickly placed on "mute." Over time it gets disconnected and eventually is completely removed. Along with all the other "standard equipment" like accountability, authenticity, empathy, honesty...you know, like all the "useless junk" no self-respecting narc has any use for. Stay tuned in and Stay Healthy!
Educational
It's always a relief listening to your words of wisdom.
My older sister is wicked, evil
She remarried at 78 to a man 5 years her senior. He'd had his own business, owned a nice home. She wanted everything, so proceeded to pick apart his family. He wouldnt listen to her, begged her to not break up his family. So she wrote down all of the things about his family she thought were unacceptable..he still wouldn't break from his family. It came down to her or his family. As soon as he agreed with her she had him sign the house, his bank accounts, etc over to her. I tried to tell her how wrong this was, but she wouldn't listen. When he passed she wouldn't put an obituary in the paper because she didn't want his family to find out. I stopped contact with her..cannot tolerate her evilness. This man adopted those 4 kids. He loved them and his grandkids. She couldn"t stand it. Such a cruel thing she did. And she professes to be such a great Christian. I could write a book on how she has been incredibly cruel to her daughters, to me and our mother. She caused such chaos....I am so glad to be free of her, but have intense anger for her over her actions towards others over the years.
A narc can't miss...what they dont have.yikes!a moral compass is so humanly,life vital😮
Thank you for the great information. God bless you
Glad it was helpful!
So true. My ex girlfriend had once told me “I have morals but I’m not sure what they are” 😂
"But" means, Erase what I just said, here comes what I really mean.
( USA 🇺🇸) : btw: thank you 😅: again: thank you 😊
Question?: is the bulk of narcissistic behavior a result of shame? That instead of learning healthy coping skills and communication they've learned to just deflect and shift blame to avoid accountability? So in that essentially narcissism has become their shield to themselves?
Good day Dr. C and Gus! THANK YOU for sharing your knowledge with Us!
Thanks for session. I thought you were funny. I do keep hoping things will be different, and you wisely said ‘it won’t be’. Hilarious. Thanks for you sanity.Judy from uk
My N older jealous sister, which I went no contact with 8 months ago, fell and broke her wrist. I am sure now, she is thinking how I could have helped her , had I not gone no contact.
Factoring in other peoples irresponsibility relative to your decisions is pretty sound life advice in a narcissistic world. Self determination will get you farther in life than relying on other people.
Thank you for continuing to navigate me through the situation I am going through with a parent. Your videos have been life-saving.
Thank you, Dr. Carter. I truly appreciate your videos, and I'd be grateful if therapists would inform the public more about the potential dangers of getting into conflict with a person lacking a moral compass. I think only Dr. Rosenberg emphasizes not to call out a narcissist in any setting otherwise it may have grave consequences for you.
From my experience, the person became so unrecognizable during a private conflict that they made it clear they would hammer me if I dare degrade their public image. I would check my mail bin for months every day terrified will I hear from them again. I was so scared.
Yes. Sexual coersion about acts I was not comfortable with led to the divorce.
The mask of shame by leon wurmser is a very interesting read
Time stamp 10:58 That's profound.
Excellent! 💯 on target!
Amen 💯 thank you 😊
I hate narcissists.
Comment on the "short": They Want You To Be Like Them". Wow! I've been trying to wrap my brain around comments made by 2 NPDs in my life. Boyfriend who returned after a break says "you have to be like me"! Strange comment. Then my older sister who I see once every couple of years, greets me with "are you like me?" What?! is she talking about? Never did I emulate, envy or admire her. These narcs have strange brains. In fact, she copies my vocabulary, my style in clothes, etc.
I appreciate your understanding of this stuff, Dr. Carter. Thanks so much.
This is sooooooo true!
9:58 reality check. Thanks Dr. Carter
Gus really loves his naps! 😂❤
You gotta be good at something!
God bless you sir 💜✞🕊
Are they more of a-moral or more of immoral...?
It seems to me they are more in the field of a-morality... especially when narcissism is a full NPD (so to speak). What do you think, dr C?
Thank you so much for all your teachings
Why does my narc husband say that when I say to him " I love you". He said it feels like a slap. And when I say " you mean you don't want me". He says I didn't say that. Left years ago and comes to visit maybe once a year (he blocks my calls. I can't even tell him about our son or other grown kids or grandkids) how can this man be a Xian?
Thank you, you advice really helps!
Thank you Dr C. This was short and sweet and what I needed today!
Thank you for sharing insights to look for and be aware of. Helps with moving forward to avoid repeating bad interactions.
You are so welcome!
Thank you
Your videos are always very good. But THIS ONE is above and beyond.
Could you please do a video for the viewing of the narcissistic person?
Yes I’m one of the hardheaded people that pray he can change, that we are worth him changing. (Fairytale)
Thank You~
This my life for 15 year's. 😢