Fatal Attraction Syndrome | Borderline Personality Disorder & Stalking
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 16 июл 2024
- This video answers the questions: Is borderline personality disorder associated with stalking? What is unwanted pursuit behavior? What is fatal attraction syndrome? What are the characteristics of female stalkers?
Sansone RA, & Sansone LA. (2010). Fatal attraction syndrome: stalking behavior and borderline personality. Psychiatry (1550-5952), 7(5), 42-45
De Smet, O., Uzieblo, K., Loeys, T., Buysse, A., & Onraedt, T. (2015). Unwanted Pursuit Behavior After Breakup: Occurrence, Risk Factors, and Gender Differences. Journal of Family Violence, 30(6), 753-767.
Meloy JR, Boyd C. Female stalkers and their victims. J Am Acad Psychiatry Law. 2003;31(2):211219.
innovationscns.com/these-boots...
McEwan, T. E., Daffern, M., MacKenzie, R. D., & Ogloff, J. R. P. (2017). Risk factors for stalking violence, persistence, and recurrence. Journal of Forensic Psychiatry & Psychology, 28(1), 38-56
Storey, J. E., Hart, S. D., & Lim, Y. L. (2017). Serial stalking of mental health professionals: Case presentation, analysis, and formulation using the Guidelines for Stalking Assessment and Management (SAM). Journal of Threat Assessment and Management, 4(3), 122-143.
Katz, J., & Rich, H. (2015). Partner Covictimization and Post-Breakup Stalking, Pursuit, and Violence: A Retrospective Study of College Women. Journal of Family Violence, 30(2), 189-199.
Ngo, F. T. (2018). Same-Sex and Opposite-Sex Stalking in the United States: An Exploration of the Correlates of Informal and Formal Coping Strategies of the Victims. International Journal of Criminal Justice Sciences, 13(1), 230-246.
sitting in my silent home, 7am.
my phone on full volume: WELCOME TO MY SCIENTIFICALLY INFORMED-
:)
😂
I can relate
haha
Me
I've learned that it's pretty common for victims of narcissists to investigate, especially when the narcissist is very abusive and strange. All the victim has to do is confront the narcissist and the narcissist then turns the tables and uses it as ammunition to call the victim a stalker. It happens all the time.
Annabelle Love Thank you for this. Yes, when one partner is very deceitful, monitoring and things which could be interpreted as surveillance may be natural, because of the desire to know what’s really going on.
That's been happening to me. The person chased after me then exploited me for a lot of money. Then they started saying I'm stalking them when I began asking questions and when I finally said I'd had enough and was leaving they threatened to slice my throat. I also unfriended them on messenger before that and they texted me to ask if I'd unblock them. How is it possible to stalk someone you tried to cease contact with? The person is spreading rumours because they didn't get their own way and I did try to find out information, but they committed fraud/a romance scam.
The narcissist will also think a person is obsessed if they try to get direct answers or maybe want to be repaid or receive an apology.
Xmx2772 That’s horrible. I’ve been a victim of that in person (financial exploitation), and I’ve had people try to financially relationship scam me online, but I was fortunate to get out before losing anything, in the online situations. Are you even believe somebody tried to traffic me online, as the conversation led to airline tickets to a foreign country and thinly veiled talk of sex work. I’ve seen a lot and I one hundred percent believe you. I’m so glad you got out. Some of the distortions abusers/scammers come up with is unbelievable! I think that’s a lot of what I found for it before, because “nobody would do that, right?” Wrong! But we all live and learn and I’m just glad you got out, too!
Xmx2772 Absolutely. I had a man who would cheat on me. When I’d comment, “I haven’t heard from you all day. What’s up?” or, “Did you really sleep for 24 hours straight?” he’d accuse me of “monitoring” him, making accusations or underhanded comments, and would demand an apology before speaking to me consistently again. This from a man who had me photograph intersections out the car window after he asked where I was (he wanted me to prove my actual whereabouts). The projection and reversal is mind-boggling!
Another interesting thing to note is that the stalker will discard the victim when they find another source to feed their narcissism.
Yes and it is partly a relief and you also wish you could protext his next girlfriend from this ...
@@trinity6764 Right, but the only problem is that warning someone of legitimate concerns can (and will) be turned around and manipulated to make you look like the stalker. Narcissistic trademark. They stalk, harass and continue to antagonize throughout, but they want NO responsibility for their actions thereafter. Try confronting a narcissist, sociopath, psychopath or any other type of manipulator for their crazy behavior, and you will be called a stalker/harasser every single time.
If you're talking about a narcissistic stalker then yes, but this video is about borderline stalkers.
Narcissists will hoover.
I hope so ...
Had this happen to me back in the 1980's when there were no stalking laws. Police wouldn't help. It was very scary to say the least. It went on for 5 years untill I finally moved far away so he couldnt find me. I barely knew him, met him through a mutual aquintance, he asked me out to dinner. Some things he said while at dinner I found were really strange. When he approached me for a 2nd date, I told him politely I didn't feel we were a match and wished him well. That is when the stalking began. I developed severe anxiety as a result of this stalking. Abolutley horrible to go through this. I feel for anyone going through this. There are stalking laws now report it ASAP to police if this is happening to you.
That sounds awful. The idea that you can be stalked and the law could not do anything about it, in the 80s. TG, today, things are very different.
I’m in a bit of a weird situation currently. I was very close with this friend for 9 years. I had no idea she was inclined towards women… she never shared that side of her…. She could no longer hide her romantic feelings and rather than share them, she projected and accused me of having romantic feelings…. It was never that for me, I considered her a sister/family. She ended the friendship, I tried and tried to work things out until I realized it was never a healthy friendship and decided it was the best thing for both of us to let it go. 11 years later,I’ve since married, she walks past my new home ( technically she shouldn’t know where I live) she happens to be places frequently I am and doesn’t live in my neighborhood. It’s all subtle and I believe it’s so there’s deniability. I don’t have enough to take to the police but it does make me watchful.
I spoke to a woman who admitted she stalked her ex-boyfriend. She described driving by his house, sometimes for hours every day. She mostly talked about a plan to "get him back." She eventually stopped stalking him, and in a strange twist of events, he tried to get back with her and she rejected him. She didn't appear to have BPD, she didn't really fit the diagnosis for most personality disorders. I've known a few stalkers, both male and female, and the common denominator in all of them were emotionally unavailable parents.
Wow. That’s a good point.
That's sad they couldn't go to their parents.
Haha, I know this is a serious issue but I personally know innumerable women AND men who have done the same thing, even in so-called "good" relationships. It's like one big soap opera. They drive by repeatedly or go as far as checking their partner's email or phone without permission. It's bizarre. Oh but so common.
This is very common, in my experience. Yeah, makes sense that parents would be emotionally unavailable. Like, they need to maintain that connection in a desperate way.
"The common denominator in all of them were emotionally unavailable parents." This! Sad, but true.
As someone with BPD I’ve actually met a lot of other very scary people with BPD. I’ve known one who stalked and fantasised about killing her ex and I’ve known a borderline man who fixated on me and said/did some really unhinged shit. I’ve been in DBT for years because I don’t want to ever be that detached from reality. I know we can get help and manage our symptoms, I wish more people in the psychiatric industry believed in us
So many stalkers are lurking in gyms these days. They are creeps who just cannot accept that people are not interested in them. Say hello to the wrong person and you end up being stalked these days.
A person living with Autistic Spectrum Condition who is unable to form and maintain relationships may approach people in ways which come may across as stalking / pursuit behaviour.
That statement may be accurate in most cases, but does not apply to high functioning autism. People with high functioning autism really do not differ much from most people, other than autistic criteria that is much more sidelined in their lives.
Many high functioning autistic people live a large part of their lives without even knowing they have it. Myself included
Oh boy, I’ve been there and done that. 🤦♀️
Maybe the others are the ones who are incapable
@@dm5129 I live with high functioning autism - identified age 41 I used to do all sorts of things to try and make friends as I had no idea how. I did a social skills intervention and am getting better at understanding the social world and connecting with people. This friendship formation thing though does not come naturally to me - however I am still experiencing changes in my life as a result of my new found skills.
@@susantomlinson4268 may i ask what things you tried to do to make friends?
We desperately need to create non profit based therapy help centers where we offer group therapy where people can finally address those childhood traumas and work their ways through them.
Yes. I agree.
Love how one person disliked this thirteen minute video four minutes after it’s gone up. Someone is bitter. 😉 I will like it to cancel it out. 😊
🙂
I liked too 🤗
Wow you are observant! Good call.
That's just Todds stalker
@Dom Trussardi LOL! 😜
Fb has made stalking easier it seems.
@M Z I've been stalked on
Fb, RUclips & Twitter
Apart of that comes with being a RUclipsr. Once I knew I was being stalked the person was blocked.
M Z sorry for your loss.
Never use your real name online and never use a picture of your face. People will attack your face.
If we are to consider stalking as monitoring, then stalking is exactly why FB is so popular. People are nosy. We are all nosy to some extent. That is social media is so popular. Inquiring minds want to know.
@@annabellelove6739 The thing I don't like about FB is, maybe you are right, we are all nosy to a degree, but what happens is, you get your fix of finding out what's going on by going online to the exclusion of actually having real face to face communications. You actually wind up isolated from staring at the electronic screens all the time. You get separated from real people and wind up picking up propaganda from all the screen time and don't even know it.
I have been stalked by 3 guys who were scarily obsessed with me and 2 girls who were both my ex-roommates that I had to cut out of my life because they didn't understand boundaries. All but 1 of the guys had VERY strong BPD traits...I thought it was just a random theory I had with my personal experiences that BPD and stalking almost go hand-in-hand, and I was somehow egging them on to stalk me (?), so hearing this researched evidence on BPD and stalking validates me so much! Thank you Dr. Grande!!! It isn't about me but their BPD potentially!
You're welcome 🙂
I was stalked as well. By a woman. No fun.
@@norman1741 Welp, you sound like a bit of an incel. A lot of women *have* been stalked, and no, we don't think it makes us seem more attractive - it's a deeply uncomfortable and scary experience. Women are allowed to share their experiences - it doesn't mean we're bragging about trauma.
Norman J a stupid and desperate comment 👎
@@vihaze6725 Well said!
Anyone who has ever dealt with someone who has BPD knows how dangerous they can be. There is a reason why outside sources such as attorneys and law enforcement should be aware.
we're not always dangerous people. I think it's incredibly damaging to stigmatize mental illness, regardless of what diagnosis simply because of what the symptomology or personal experience is. some of us get treatment and are not these evil people or narcissistic people.
@@jaredbowman1351 some are. I've been stalked by borderline men
Yeah if they're not stalkers themselves and if they will believe a person on this.
5 stalkers did not like being outed.
I have stalked. But I don't do it anymore.especially since I quit drinking more than 15 years ago
I will not do it anymore. Ive had urges too. But I know that it is really
Self defeating behavior .
Its actually been longer than 15 years since I've acted this way.
Last time was 1995.
It just makes me feel so icky engaging like that.
I just don’t think forcing someone to love you makes sense. Because love is a force in itself.
Forcing it. Is just not realistic
Belinda Monroe I have a relative who stalked someone when he was abusing substances and drinking. It certainly doesn’t help one’s frame of mind.
Its against the law as much as it is self defeating.. i have no interest in being imprisoned. Or ordered no contact. Im an adult.
Im responsible for my own behavior
And emotional well being
Ive also been stalked. Its happened several times
I have a woman i dated that's a psychotherapist and alcoholic that does what he called unwanted pursuit behavior. It's been like a year and i still get emails. They always come around 9 or later so i know she's in the wine when they happen i just dont reply. She showed up at my house once but that was about a year ago so i am hoping that wont happen again. But alcohol does seem to be a big factor. I think she drives by my house because she seems to email me when my car has been out of town for a while.
I had a true stalker. Unfortunately I have to clarify because some people assume that I just knew someone who was creepy. He found my info without me giving it, frequently broke into my house, threatened me, texted me up to 500 times a day, and threatened my now husband when we were dating. He threatened a few dares. Anytime someone does anything even close to a boundary breach, take it seriously. Mine started out as just as bordering on stalking and harassment, but quickly escalated. People dismiss early stalking or ‘unwanted pursuit’ as just an awkward crush. It’s always unhealthy and concerning, and it can very easily and very quickly get worse.
A friend of mine was stalked by a woman he had gone to school with but never spoken to or interacted with. She invented an alternate history in her head where they had been in a relationship together and he broke it off. She spent several years writing essays to him on facebook, trying to contact his friends, and even tried to get physically close to him at his college.
A clear, informative distinction between Stalking and Unwanted Pursuit.
Stalking and unwanted pursuit are the same in court.
When the obsession with the Favourite Person goes too far...
This is one topic that I find very interesting although I did not experience it in real life. 40 years ago, stalking was part of the romantic arsenal and nobody was seeing or perceiving it as a threat. It was kind of endearing and funny ....but now, how times have changed....Thank you for your video!
True, but domestic violence used to be permitted too. Some things have changed for the better.
That is very interesting. My stalker seems to be very harmless and in fact although pushy and forceful otherwise. Ready to do almost anything to keep me comfortable and happy with him yet one thing he don't do- he do not leave me for good. Do you know any stories where stalkers end up being good hudbands? Honestly, I have no idea of where this going to lead as I am engaged to sociopath and not a stalker tries to snach me :-D And THAT is a little bit disturbing :-D (and no, I am not scared of sociopath as I am handling him very well, he is just like lazy, needy two-legged cat but he takes such good care of our cat that I can forgive almost anything in exchange :-D When I see them together it melts my heart. Yet if I was to leave relationship, I am not sure if I would not be really assaulted for the first and last time in my life. That is a former very vile criminal and he is famous women abuser although he likes me too much to even lift a finger against me)
@@gothic-rosenovorossiya5740 "He's hurt women before, but he won't do that to me" - Many women who were hurt by said person
@@gothic-rosenovorossiya5740 You like living dangerouosly, don't you? This is a very common delusion that "Oh, I am exceptional, he would never hurt me, we have a special thing" bladibladibla. I hope you are still alive...
Yes, it was common in movies, and it always ended with the two of them getting married. Today one wouldn't dare trying something like that, because then he might call the police...
My coworker met this man online who is married and she got his number, called him until he blocked her and now she is moving a mile from his house 3 states away. She obsessively looks at his wife's Facebook photos )the man blocked her a long time ago) and she truly believes that this man and her are in a relationship. She seems normal is every way but dealing with this man.
Thanks Dr. G , Ive been stalked and its no joke! Ive been diagnosed with bipolar and borderline and i wasnt the stalker. It ruined my life quite a bit , caused me to feel paranoid. Thankfully its all behind me. Have a great 4th of July.
You're welcome - Happy 4th of July!
LIFEISAJOURNEY LETITGO Stalking ruined my life, too. If I could go back, I would’ve handled it differently. I feel like the way I responded gave the stalker a lot of satisfaction. But it wasn’t all my fault. That was still in the days when the criminal justice system would accuse you of watching too much TV if you reported stalking. Now, the response is much better.
Dr. Todd Grande How interesting that female stalkers are more likely to be violent. The opposite is the case with most crimes (males are generally more violent). I wish this had been known in the 90s, when police didn’t take my case seriously, largely because my stalker was female. She sent me a bullet in the mail and a note which read, “You have another one coming but I don’t know when you’re going to get it.” I think they figured the stalker being female meant it was not a true threat. I thought the threat was pretty obvious! I had people laugh at me for being afraid of a woman, even though I am a woman. But now there are known cases where stalkers kill males, such as Jodi Arias. Thank you for busting stereotypes with your scientific approach!
Im glad is over, is also over me. My psychiatrist helped me but put me a paranoid. Yet male Dr help me better than woman, they want to fight me when the male studies what word to use in order to be cautious.
@@DrGrande this might be the first time I’ve seen you respond to a comment.
Dear Dr. Grande, I deeply hope that my watching and commenting your vids is WANTED Pursuit Behaviour. This is another great topic. I really enjoy you non-judgemental attitude towards all kinds of human abysses. Thanks.
I’m male and my stalker is female. She’s been following me for almost a decade now. Originally I use to react to it hostilely, yelling at her, chasing her off my property, and calling the police. I didn’t know it was rooted in a cognitive disorder and that I was only exacerbating the problem.
Be careful.
i am glad i read this comment and that you came to realize that a person who displays this kind of behaviors are not monster, and many have been neglected in childhood. Many people do not care, because they just care about themselves. It's good that you realized it.
Many times i got my stalking behaviors exacerbating because the guy with whom i had sort of a small relationship, would yell at me and treat me like trash. At the end, i was just trying to get his attention, which i deeply knew it was impossible because he did not want me around anymore. I was putting myself in a place of humiliation, even when this guy would scream on my ears and other worst things... I would get more and more irritated, the anger was more and more, to the point i would get horrible feelings like wanting to kill myself because i thought i shouldn't exist as a person... and i felt it was unfair the way he was treating me, because.. at the end of the day, i served a purpose on his life , i did felt used and i felt like trash. This person would be so convicted that i was an horrible human being and a monster and called me crazy, psycho and that i was mentally ill. i was caving a hole even bigger.... when i was alone i would spend hours crying and internalizing ideas of lack of self worth, and i would feel tempted to kill myself because i thought that the only way to make that person happy was to kill myself... Now i am a totally different person. I think i developed PTSD and Social Anxiety Disorder, as i feel extremely uncomfortable interacting with other people, no matter the context. And i do feel i completely ruined my brain. Never more. I promised myself i would stay alone for the rest of my life. Sometimes i cry, because it is really sad having to choose to not having friends and partners... But at least i know i am safe... because.. regardless of what i have done or what the other person might think, at the end of the day, no one will care and no one will love me, and thinking that once i wanted to end my life because of other person it really makes me sad. So i abstain myself. Never more.
@@sofs994❤
Great use of words to explain the concepts!
They are more likely to be sociopathic sadists than BPD. You have to be cruel and heartless to do what they do.
Incorrect statement. Sociopaths rarely stalk people, unless it's out of boredom or revenge. People with BPD are very anxious, impulsive, obsessive, and desperate. They may feel very intense emotions, and react accordingly, without any self-awareness. They may not realize how their behaviors resemble "stalking." However, I disagree that stalkers have to be cruel or heartless. People have different reasons for stalking, and their behaviors can vary in severity. Regardless, for myself, I was stalking someone for four years and I didn't realize how my behaviors were making them feel uncomfortable and annoyed. I viewed my behaviors as romantic, and I was completely oblivious. I wouldn't consider myself to be a cruel or heartless person though, I feel immense guilt for my actions because I pushed away someone who I thought was close to me.
Your situation is different to mine. He admitted to following me before I knew him. He knew I was grieving and vulnerable, so he chose me to Lord it over. I thought he was sweet when I first knew him, but he turned out to be a control freak, and told me I could confide in him, when in fact he was getting information to use against me. When I said I didn't want to bother he was livid. He gossiped and lied turning everyone against me. He follows me knowing I know, not because he cares, but to show me he knows where I am going and what I am doing. He has tried turning my friends against me, and is constantly gas lighting me. He just wants to destroy me, or thinks he can break me so I will bother with him. He's got no chance now. If you got guilt and care for the person, your stalking is different to my situation.
@@cookiehale1445 oh I see, he definitely sounds more like a sociopath than a borderline. I'm sorry that you went through this, perhaps you could get a restraining order against him?
@HellKittyUwU went to the police so they could warn him to keep away from me. It's been 20 months now, hoping he will get fed up.
@@cookiehale1445 he probably is, sociopaths get bored really easily. If you don't give them attention, they'll eventually give up.
Thank you, Dr. Grande. Another very interesting discussion. I kept thinking of Jodi Arias's behaviour as I listened to this.
You're welcome 🙂
Am I the only person who do not see Jodi Arias behavior in any way weird or even really dangerous? A man messed woith her mental health for a long period of time. No woman deserve to be used and abused, and he was using and abusing her, playing with her feelings. That was total cruelty. I do not think she would ever in her life kill again if she was let to live free. I do not think she would be careless enough to jump into next relationship so trustingly. I somehow do not see her fault in this story. I don't even feel sorry for her abuser. You abuse someone for too long and too harsh for THEIR mental health, and they will snap. I suppose, some goes on the killing rampage, some kills themselves instead, but that level of total torture and abuse that she was subjected to was never considered for some reason./ Why always killed ones are such saint suddenly? I mean, in many cases. A teenager was a total bully and gang member and a criminal who did own people money he did not intend to return, and when he gets killed he suddenly becomes such a golden child and such a hero. Same here. Maybe I am wrong but I definitely do not see Jodi as any harm to anyone- except her abuser.
@@gothic-rosenovorossiya5740 you might want to watch at least a little of the trial. Travis's behaviour is talked about in great detail, as well as Jodi's. We know the decision the jury came to.
Interesting discussion. The female who stalked my family fits the demographic description at the end of the video. I guess it's because this is about BPD it doesn't include discussion of stalkers who may also be as motivated by ego as by the desire to ensnare or secure an intimate partner, or to intimidate anyone who may be in the way of the primary target.
Doctor grande is so important to my life . Because Im trying to get my life on a good track . I’m thankful for the consistency of this whole series
Very informative and quite sobering indeed... thank you, Dr Grande.
Excellent information and explanations! I’m in the family law business and I will refer this video as mandatory viewing.
Thank you 🙂
Excellent answer, Sakura - Bravo!
Excellent comment, I mean
Amazing information, thank you:) Doctor for sharing!
A woman I knew was so convinced a man was in love with and was stalking her, but the truth was she loved him and was stalking him, years later I learned that this is called erotomania. As far as I know she still holds this belief 20 years later, Although she now holds the belief that he 'ruined' her life and no longer pursues him. I tried to help her but I became the target of her hostility because I refused to believe he was controlling songs on the radio to give her subliminal messages.
She was bat crap delusional! 😱
As a person with some borderline traits I feel I understand certain types of stalkers (which obviously doesn't mean I justify their actions). I know very well how it is to fall in love and to think that you will never ever be happy in your life unless you are with that person. In my case these feelings were always unreturned, and in some cases their objects were poeple I didn't know personally. But regardless of the mind telling you it makes no sense, you feel you will be unhappy till death unless that singer or teacher or friend returns your love. So you basically do all you can to make that person love you: you write emails, write messages to them on Facebook and then wait with beating heart because if they don't respond, it means you're worth nothing. So, although I personally never went further, I can imagine wanting to force the person into a relationship. I also understand the impossibility/difficulty in accepting that the object of your idealization turns out to be different from what you imagined, or that he/she simply has changed. I believe I have some idea of why someone might want to kill the person who "disappointed" him/her. It's simply so unbearable when you still have the ideal in your head, and at the same time you have begun to see the reality of the person you have been in love with. That said, I've been trying to understand the mechanisms going on in my head for a long time, which helps me manage my emotions, but it's a very slow process with a lot of traps and failures along the way.
As a Borderline, I have found myself to be the one who is stalked!"
Very interesting video, thanks Dr Grande! You do a great job in providing information about very emotive topics in a non judgmental way. Could you do a video on BPD and if the traits differentiate between men and women? Thanx 😅
Thank you for another awesomely informative video Dr. Grande!!! Happy 4th of July to you and the family!!!
Happy 4th of July - 🙂
@@DrGrande thank you 🇺🇸
Stalking doesn't just happen with romantic relationship it can happen where someone stalks friends, their adult kids, co workers etc. My bfs bpd etc mother has for lack of better words has stalked my bf, her ex-husband, her ex-husbands current wife and myself. It got so bad at one point my bfs dads wife had to call the cops. Unfortunately the cops didn't do anything other than tell my bfs mother to have no contact. She continued stalking and harassing a few weeks later and goes in phases til this day.
I always say, if a person is being stalked, it will not really stop. A person has to be very careful to make a final getaway: no info whatsoever to anyone around them.
I went no contact with my family 20 years ago, they carried on stalking me (dropping in at my workplace or at my home address, telling the concierge and the neighbours I was a drug addict and a prostitute), I eventually moved to a different country. They carry on trying to find out where I live and work, and I found out that they claim (to people outside the family) we're in touch regularly.
Quite interesting in that I can totally see now how stalking can occur with BPD after your explaining. Great vid Doc & happy 4th if you celebrate.
Thank you Dr. Grande for the breakdown. I am currently in such a serious situation. And you have described the behaviors my harasser/stalker down to a tea! She happens to be female and I am doing all safety measures that I can come up with to remain safe. Thanks again to help people in my situation understand better.
Happy Independence day, Dr. Grande, with love and thanks. S x.
I see a Dr. Grande video on BPD. I like, watch and comment immediately.
I have BPD & struggle with stalking behaviours. When someone hurts me, I want to hurt them back tenfold, so I stalk & psychologically terrorise them. When I feel that I've regained control & have made my point, I drop them & move on - they'll always be looking over their shoulder, though.
When I was a teenager/young adult, I also stalked people that I obsessively crushed on - strangely enough, that had the opposite effect & drove people away, when in my mind I was proving to them how loyal I am, how I'd make a good partner, how much I love them.
Why waste your energy in that
BPD is not a real thing. Youre spoiled and over react when you dont get what you want or your way. Get Help.
I also have BPD and put myself in situations when I have a crush on someone and so many times I thought it was mutual but no. I feel I am a bit like a stalker when I realize I am rejected by my love interest when declaring my romantic intentions. I use to feel guilt because reading the situation wrong.
But in a relationship where I am in love, I let myself be gaslighted and that makes me more jealous and obsessively try to to expose how they hurt me, so I can get a reason to get away from him. It is horrible when you feel like you have to stalk your man who is mean to you. And it gets an obsession because nothing is more scary than being abandoned by a narcissist you love. When you have BPD you have big troubles with rejection.
I have also been stalked by strangers many times, and as I have BPD have bad self esteem, I sometimes give in just for being liked. I act like a person with no self respect. But I have had real obsessive stalkers, one that murdered someone and one that almost killed me during kidnapping/ rape. I am so naive it is strange I am alive.
All this has taught me is that I am worth nothing as a woman. I try not to interact with men any more because with my problems it leads to no good. I am no good with feelings and relationships.
I was stalked by someone like you, I accidentally triggered her with profanity and she began becoming obsessed with me, love and hate me at the same time and confessed to wanting to chase me to hell and inflict revenge 500x and ruin my life. It went on for years, she also stalked males she find attractive and crush on, and could find a lot about someone online. Name is Katherine.
Though I don’t know if you do this, and it seems like narcissism is involved because she accused me of stalking and gaslighted me when I confronted her, and turned the tables on me, and played victim. This part I don’t think is BPD, it apparently is highly a NPD thing.
Can you talk about how mental health may make someone feel physical pain and also vice versa?
I have bpd and it physically hurts me every day
I lived this nightmare with my husband after we first met. His ex-girlfriend was on a mission to make us miserable (even though she lived another state and had remarried!). I contacted law enforcement and she is awaiting her day in court.
Did you ever get a reason from her
I fight the urge to destroy my ex'es family in revenge myself :-D Never did anything about it ever in my life and I try not to act on my urges ever, but oh, my! I am afraid, my PTSD will never end as long as my ex will live. And that is scary to know it is in me. I am glad I did not interfere with them ever, because I definitelyprefer to be a good citizen :-D Did you and your husband tried both asdk his ex to come and have an adult chat about the problem? Having the possibility each to tell your side? Maybe that would work out?
Remember the 80's song by the Police, Every Breath You Take? What we took as hopelessly in love back in the 80's would now be considered a stalker's anthem. I was never stalked probably bc people who are obsessive or overly attentive... creep me out.
@troonorth I didn't know that. It finally makes sense lol Thank you :o)
Dr Grande, have you ever read Gavin de Becker's, " The Gift of Fear "?
He writes about predicting violent behavior in people, abusive tendencies, and violence in stalkers. Without going into disorders, he describes a good bit of behaviors that seem to overlap with possible diagnoses of antisocial personality disorder, borderline, narcissistic etc and I was wondering what you might think about his criteria.
Just wondering if compulsive traits may be a factor in some stalking behaviors
Super interesting. Thank you 😊
I have comorbid BPD and bipolar II. It took many years for this diagnosis. I have struggled socially. The depression of BPII pairs terribly with the chronic feelings of emptiness of BPD. No motivation to live, no motivation to die. But the idea of pursuing someone when it’s unwanted or if there are no clear signs that they’re interested makes me very uncomfortable and I have never partook in that behaviour. I guess that BPD has a number of traits, and therefore how a sufferer behaves can be quite different. I avoid throwing myself into relationships. I’m very cautious. Maybe it’s a different manifestation of avoiding abandonment. But I’d rather not make someone’s life a nightmare. And I treasure the people I have in my life.
Thank you I learned a lot from your concise video.
The movie: *Play Misty for Me* from 1971 is along the same line. Very scary.
Great video. Love this film. Can't believe Micheal Douglas didn't win an Academy award for his performance. Absolutely brilliant.
I was the psycho ex. There would be few times I'd call my ex to tell him that I missed him...I did it mostly to tell him how much of a piece of shit he was for using me, lying to me, leading me on, and betraying me. My last time was when I decided that I wanted to ruin his day...so I showed up to his house (wasn't there), so then I drove to the restaurant he always wanted to take me to and found him with his new partner....I told the waiter to add another seat at the end of the booth and sat with them. I pretty much did an emotional dump on him right in front of his new partner, exposed how he "defended gold diggers" (Facebook post...then I walked out. His new partner confronted me cursed me out and called me a sociopath...I told him that I was diagnosed with BPD comorbid with Bipolar Disorder. I drove home and have never made any form of contact ever since. I even blocked all of his social media...Now he has his friends who I never really talk to randomly texting me to check on me since he can't get any access to my social media profiles.
I own what I did. At first I was ashamed, but I don't regret it. I wanted revenge, I wanted to make his life a living hell. I wanted him to suffer the way I did. While I didn't get him to suffer or at least him to show outwardly...I know I causes havoc and chaos in his life. I will admit that ever since I've truly let go and stop giving my energy to him and focusing on myself...I find that I'm much more calmer, mentally stable, and less depressed.
Do you have other videos regarding celebrity stalking? My family experienced this during my childhood and I would like to know more about it. Thank you for making these videos, they’re very helpful. 🙂☀️🙏🏻💕
Unrequited love. Unreciprocated.
Thanks Todd very interesting.
Think I have a problem.
I knew I had a problem but now I am thinking it is more serious than thought prior to watching this video.
Thanks Todd..
My stalker used to stalk me and my ex in food co-op . She'd just pop up and start verbally attacking me, yelling "you are gonna pay !" and my ex never allowed me to report her.
🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 THANK YOU!!
Thank you for your insight
As a teenager I had a friend who became obsessed with me, he stalked me, followed me, called home sometimes in the middle of the night to my house. He wanted me to be his girlfriend at any cost . I tried to explain to him I wasn't interested in him but he didn't understand why....after some time he finally let go and we became good friends. He had a girlfriend then but after some time se broke up with him and he desperately called me and wanted to talk with me about it. He had then lost a lot of weight when I saw him again. He had some issues about understanding other people's emotions as I remember now...
Hi Dr Grande! Thank you so much for all your contents. Can you please be very kind to explain what is "frustration complex within the Helen Fisher" theory please?
Thanks Doc. I feel better now that I know what to think about my stalker.
I have BPD and I've stalked a man for four years. I repeatedly messaged him and followed him around. At some point, I've even faked my own identity so I could talk to him. I'm not proud of what I've done, but I'm trying to forgive myself and grow as a person. I believe I romanticized my behaviors, and viewed my stalking as a gesture of love.
I think it makes sense that a narcissist would be unlikely to be a stalker, they aren't capable of that level of obsession with someone not themselves. At least not for a sustained time, I'd imagine. Stalkers seem to be fleeing from themselves, pursuing their target and dedicating a lot of time to thinking only of that person, a narcissist draws people in with manipulations and tries to get attention, rather than give it. Does that make any sense?
I have BPD and never stalked anyone. Wtf?
Great analysis I did not realise that BPD can be linked to stalking. I think whether or not you have a personality disorder there is always a danger of becoming obsessed with someone, that one person you convince yourself you cannot live without ! My father used to say never dwell on anyone or anything, he was a very wise man. Going off topic slightly do you think Diana, Princess of Wales had BPD, I have read some stories that say she may have had some traits. It seems to me that she did feel abandoned when Prince Charles went back to Camilla, she was such a beautiful person, inside and out, and yet she seemed lost when he divorced her.
Yeah it can sometimes happen with bpd, but most borderlines don't do this, and many stalkers don't have bpd.
Charles never really left Camilla. It was a well known "secret" within the royal family that Camilla was his mistress. Charles' and Diana's marriage was an arranged one made specifically because an heir was needed after Charles. Charles was getting older, was not married, and obviously hadn't produced an heir, so a suitable, younger and hopefully fertile woman who had some vague ties to royalty was found - Diana. He never professed to love her and I'm certain she knew that Camilla was always in his life. I think, being as young as she was, she thought that Charles would eventually settle down and become a regular royal husband and drop Camilla. Of course that didn't happen and she became sad looking, depressed, and anorexic, had an affair with a driver or bodyguard (can't remember), and finally filed for divorce. She stayed around as long as she did because she really, really wanted to be a queen (according to a relative). I think she was just quite immature thinking she could get Charles away from the woman he is said to have always loved. The whole thing was a nasty business and Charles should have never gone along with the pressure from the Queen. Too many people were hurt by this marriage.
Watch Lady Collin Campbel channel if you would like to know more about Diana, more realistic stories than just rumours ;-)
I was surpised by narcissim and psychopathy not being related to stalking behaviours, I would have assumed otherwise.
I am surprised also because narcissists will hoover their objects and surely use online social media and investigation to do so.
I think I’m dealing with unwanted pursuit but it’s not just one person. It is because of one person though. It started because of him.
Thank you, Dr. Grande. I have been stalked by more than one man. And continue to fly below the radar. You've accurately described *all* of the behaviors. I've seriously examined my *own* mistakes and worked diligently in Therapy. INTP, basically. It's so easy for me to see, comprehend and advise what *doesn't* directly involve ME. 🙃🐯
You are quite welcome 🙂
nobody nowhere I’m also either INTP or INTJ
@@brittaolson6550 Interesting. Then you understand *exactly* what it's like. 🙋👍🐯
nobody nowhere Yes. Many people lack introspection and insight, but not us! I’m certainly not perfect but at least I’ve got that.
@@brittaolson6550 None of us are perfect. I'm sure Dr. Grande would tell you (while laughing) that he isn't perfect. Introspection can be tough at times, but essential -- and very worthwhile. ❤🐯
Interesting comments on this one. Lots of examples …
Hi Dr,
I need to ask, how do you deal with stalking? A childhood friend reached out to me at the beginning of this year, and I had 2 conversations with her. Within the second conversation she called me multiple times a day, at all hours of the day. I just blocked her on social media and her number too. She would call me 3-4 times in a row if I never answered (which I never did). This was back in March, and all of a sudden she got a new number and called me, leaving voicemails etc. How do I deal with this? I hardly know her, within 2 conversations it escalates so quickly. I’m very concerned it may lead to stalking.
(She has BPD). I hadn’t spoken to her in over 10 years prior to these two small conversations.
Some females even stalk their ex 'friends with benefits' new and serious love interest....sometimes with deadly consequences. The Stephanie Lazarus case is probably a good example...
Norla Vine very good example
How do I deal with a female stalker?
She knows I am homosexual and yet she's obsessed with me and can't stop harassing me night and day. Truly scary.
The worst part is that there is no help for males victim of stalking since the social convention is that only males can become stalkers but not females.
Take down the evidence, and show the community.
call the cops and give her restraining order
It sounds like she wants to turn you out
@@jamiezebra23 lmao
@@dixienormous6969 😂😂🤣she wants to clap him 😉😳
I’m struggling to think stalkers aren’t on the psychopathic scale at all, or can’t be. Or I’m perceiving what you’re saying wrongly Dr Grande. Thank you for your video. 😊
My ex is ASPD. During the initial stages of our involvement, he stalked and harassed me. I asked him to leave me alone 16 times but he continued to pursue me and even went as far as sending messages on FB to strangers to ask questions about me. He also engaged in chat sessions with my close girlfriends to get information before pursuing me (my girlfriends didn't tell me about this until things became creepy with my ex).
In my opinion, it's one thing to legally stalk- to follow, monitor, harass, etc. with intent to harm. But when someone becomes involved with a narcissist, psychopath, sociopath or another disordered individual who stalks throughout the love bombing/grooming phases of a relationship (very common behavior with narcissists), I don't think reactionary behavior which includes information gathering and continued confrontations is abnormal; in fact, I would say it is expected. Most normal people would want answers after having been exposed to such deviant, malicious and nonsensical behavior. Frankly everyone I've personally known, who has demonstrated forms of stalking (with intent to harass after having been rejected), are seemingly narcissistic or psychopathic in other areas of their lives as well, and not only in relationships. But when someone, after having been involved with a narcissist/psychopath, begins to "stalk," and has never demonstrated similar behavior prior to the toxic involvement, then I would immediately suspect that it had more to do with long-term narcissistic abuse than anything else. There are too many factors to consider before readily pointing the finger to BPD. As I have mentioned in a different post, I have known well-accomplished professionals who have monitored their own spouses and/or sig others when things seemed off, and if they didn't do it, they hired investigators to gather information.
Additionally, there have been recent studies to show that there are just as many men with BPD as women, but have been misdiagnosed as narcissists and/or psychopaths. Interesting stuff. Could be that male stalkers are not narcissistic or psychopathic at all; instead, they too could be BPD. But at the end of the day, I don't care what they are; if their behavior is seemingly dangerous (and consistently toxic), then it's time to move on.
It's odd because you said it's rare for men to be stalked and by a stranger. Like under 2%? I feel like no odds were in my favor then. It got so bad he ended up stabbing me one night.The very last of 6 months of almost constant stalking and scaring me. I was taking my trash out and he came up behind me, stabbed me in my back and ran off. I didn't get a chance to defend myself because I didn't even see him coming. It was the scariest thing ever just laying in the parking lot with blood coming out of my mouth and back I had a collapsed lung and spent weeks in the hospital recovering. Thankfully neighbors knew a little about what was happening and called an ambulance.
I only met him once at a bar but I never actually knew the guy. Yet I had to deal with that idiot almost everywhere I went. I caught on I was being stalked after seeing him every where. He would follow me to the store, work, my parents house, the gym. It got so bad I thought he was never going to stop. He put scotch tape on the peep hole of my apartment door that way I couldn't see out of it. He would also put death threats on my door and it was a lot of awful intense writings. I didn't understand how someone I didn't know that much could hate me and get off on scaring me so much.
He is now in jail and will hopefully stay there. Btw the police were hardly any help at all until after I was hurt. But after the fact in court I found out more details about him. Like who he was and that he had schizophrenia which he wasn't being treated for it and something in me at the bar attracted him but in a dark way. Also he said he had a sexual infatuation with me. Which to this day is hard for me to understand.
Anyway I posted this just to point out that men can be stalked by men too. Who may be a stranger with serious issues. Even though I'm gay I never thought another man would follow me the way he did and put death threats on my door like that. He would also creep around anytime I was outside shirtless jogging or going to work. It was so weird to have a man twice my age trying to watch me when I'm just trying to go through my daily routine. On 2 occasions he tried to make his way into my apartment through the window.
I never thought something like that would happen to me and I've never been the same since. I have very bad PTSD and have nightmares every night. I just feel like this was all so pointless. I'm not writing this for any reason other than wanting people to be aware of how real stalking can get and that it can happen to men as well.
sorry that you experienced this and thank you for sharing
@@ARMAGEDDONsCOMING Thank you, I was very nervous to share all that for some reason. It's hard for some people to realize that men can be stalked to an extreme level by another man. I'm just going through a tough time right now even though it's been 6 years, my ptsd with nightmares and triggers are a daily battle so i'm reaching out wherever I can.
Thanks again !
@@1marilynable by a man by anyone, and it is downplayed, and even encouraged sometimes to make the man feel like he should "man up" or other claims. it is predatory behaviour, I think it has happened to a lot of men but has been under-reported. The problem lies with the stalker, they lack shame and introspection and the inner brakes to say "stop!" Do you have an outlet to talk to? if you can get an empathetic therapist, and emphasizing "empathetic" because some of them lack the ability to put themselves in another person's shoes. It is about the betrayal and reduction of your sense of trust in humanity and the ill intent of the person hunting you, this needs to be validated.
Omg I felt this. 👀
I went out with a girl who was borderline and it didn't end well, worst relationship experience of my life and I have my guard up when I meet someone now as I don't want the same to happen again
Thank you so much for this video! I have been stalked before, and it is NOT a pleasant experience. I broke up with him b/c of his weird behavior. He "did" things to my car (I found very creepy - not going to describe it - trash at my car tires multiple times), found that someone had drained my radiator, received creepy phone calls at work where I was a a receptionist and he played recordings of TV material that contained someone calling the the first name of the boyfriend that I had after breaking up with the creep, and received a phone call from this guy at my MOM's house - and I had never given him her number. It took a long time to get that person out of my life.
I am sorry for people with personality disorders, but some of them cross a LINE and there is no turning back from that line. Maybe I'm an ice queen, but I hold every person responsible for their behavior. Do I expect too much from people? I expect the same from my own self, so I don't think so, but then I don't have a Class B personality disorder.
Thank you so much for this insightful information. I love your videos because they are all fodder for introspection and mindfulness in how I can be (1) more responsible in life, (2) more aware of the "issues" of others and thereby better prepared, and (3) more thoughtful as to how I can help others who might have these issues or who have been victims of the issues.
I have chanced upon many of your helpful videos and really enjoy them. I myself have been stalked by an enforcer of the law which put me in a self-decided precarious predicament here in the UK. The irony is, a few years ago I was prescribed with BPD which, in truth, was a blessed relief because I was a nervous wreck at the time. I have never stalked anyone and wouldn't harm a flea on a rat - I am more inclined to self-harm in various ways like cutting (and I cut deep). I am basically 'all bark and no bite'. I still don't really understand if this developed at a teenage stage or whether it was predetermined from birth as in some imbalance in the brain. I was relieved to have my diagnosis and actually shed tears of that relief - right in front of my elderly mother. I have received little to no help for it but that aside, I would prefer a more holistic approach. My stalker was probably in possession of a much worse mental condition because we were never intimate and had just one 'blind date'. Thankfully I was due to relocate so kept that quiet but everything you describe happened to me in spades. I think it is important in today's technologically advanced world to retain evidence but seeing as this guy was a police officer I was understandably reluctant to report him xx
Dr. Grande, can you please do a video on the "INCEL" dark underground movement that relates to misogeny; it is very scary.
Seeking Peace & Truth Great topic!
Studies show that guys who can't get laid cause ovarian cancer in women they've never met.
You make things like their monsters rather then realistic. People judge too much and people scar themselfs.
That’s what happens when you think that you’re “God’s gift” to the opposite sex.
Been there. Could have gotten arrested. 💔😔
Thank God that behavior was dealt with! 😌💜🌹
Perhaps individuals with BPD might consider discontinuing stalking behavior if they perceive potential legal consequences. While their actions may still fall within the stalking realm, their inability to genuinely experience love could facilitate halting such behavior when necessary. However, during episodes of primary psychopathy, they may struggle to cease their actions in other contexts. Stalking allows for reflection, unlike impulsive situations.
Scary stuff! That movie was insane! And Glenn Close killed it! Literally! 😂👍🐇
Another good example in the movie world is ‘Play Misty for me’. Chilling!
I have all the 8 signs of bpd apart from self harm. And based on Dr. Grande's description of fatal attraction syndrome. it's highly likely that i have it too. I stalk excessively on random girls in facebook most of the time.worst is,i am establishing this very deep attachment to them inspite not even knowing them peraonally and holds very deep,painful grudges if they unfriend me.
@@gatordays1538 bright light you are..
I can see where this can lead to some real shit! Love is/can be involved. It doesn't always mean delusional love!✌🙏💜
This is such a good video... but it scares me how closely my ex fits into this category...1 year of no contact finally (after police involvement) but he still has the keys to the place I live and is apparently struggling with his BPD and his view of women...i worry about what more I can do to protect myself and family (apart from trying to get the locks changed).
I read about something that happened in my city that haunts me to this day. A year ago,
A young woman and her family were having dinner together, and (as they were considering getting back together) she invited her ex boyfriend to come along. He arrived and they all talked and spent time. Out of nowhere he pulled out a knife and stabbed her repeatedly in front of the entire family. He then killed himself. It happened so fast, both dead by the time paramedics arrived. The ex boyfriend must’ve been planning out and made a concrete decision - there was likely nothing she could’ve done to dissuade him.
How about compare and contrast reactive attachment with borderline?
Can you explain Celebrity Worship Syndrome (CWS) and if it is related to BPD or other mental disorders and what is the treatment?
Thank u for your video.. I was in a short term relationship which I ended in mid 2020. I explained to him in the nicest way possible and even wished him happiness and when he sent me a message I just said I've said all I needed to say and didn't want to go in circles and I said too him it was best we went our separate ways. He then bombarded me with many msgs and calls and I msged him the last time asking him to please stop as it was unwanted and the guy threatened me.. So I felt I had no choice but to 'ghost' him as he already had communication from me expressing everything.. Even though I had 'negative' reasons for breaking up I didn't want to resort to nastiness.. Seriously, he kept ringing me even though he was aware I asked him to stop and even had voicemail with background noise and once him breathing. Really creepy.. But then he stopped but then it would start up again.. Would go acouple months then missed calls again and now after about 3 or 4 months I got a missed call and a text msg, asking how I was. Then multiple calls and the last one was over a week ago. It's been on and off for 2 years.. So you get the idea? He sounds like he fits the Unwanted pursuit behaviour.. I'm frustrated as I have blocked him on other things like social media but I was told I would have to change my mobile number which I can't as important people have it.. So it goes to blacklist but the guy is still able to ring MY number etc.. He also knows where I live. I am now in a new relationship and I'm not sure if unwanted pursuits can be dangerous in any way? All I want is for the dude to cease contact as he's only torturing himself.. I NEVER responded or WILL as I have moved on with my life and I'm actually in a really good place where I'm doing well and I am happy.. It's not fair on me and I think he's being very selfish and stupid.. It's been 2 years and it wasn't even a longterm or serious relationship even.. Please don't ask me to communicate with him as I have nothing nice to say to him anymore... Apologies for the rant but I just needed to get that out.. I truly do not understand it...
he is obsessed. the reason could be so many. maybe because you dumped him, he was never validated as a child, or maybe he is a NARC and cannot accept being dumped because that kinda hits their ego. But if he just text you and call you and don't really say anything else rather than trying to have a conversation with you, then i think it should be ok... but if he starts threats or something even more creepy you should go to the police and show the calls and text messages and all and you can ask for a restraining order. I myself have been a stalker, and always after a romantic breakup. i have never stalked friends. It was always guys and after romantic breakups, and normally, this people would get rid of me and treat me like trash. i would obsess over them for a few weeks, then drop the stalking behaviors when back to reality. During stalking there was times that i would loose touch with reality... i also have bpd and fear of abandonment. But stalking someone for years and years.. that i think is too much, i don't know... there are many stories like the one you shared and for me it seems like he is more of a NARC, because he goes months and months without trying contact and then sudendly he tries to hoover you back, because he got bored, or because he wants to see if you are interested again... To be honest, i never really understood the reason why someone would share intimacy with me, being friends and all, even short term relationships, and out of a sudden, they just dump the person... It happened to me many times and i seriously got severely traumatized , to the point that i lost all my friendships and i do not talk to anyone. I only go to work and speak to clients and colleagues and come back home and thats it. Thats how serious it got... to the point that i felt i wanna die and stuff. Now i abstain myself to contact with other people because i do not want to hurt anyone and i don't want to harm myself anymore, the way i did , by completely disconnecting with reality to the point that i would stop loving me and wanted to kill me because of other person... this is kind of BPD traits as i lack sense of self.
Thank you!
Not all Bpd is the same
👍
Not to be offensive but I guess if you have BPD it probably all feels extremely unique, to those who don’t have it it’s depressingly similar each time you encounter it. Good luck making great choices for you and those around you.
@@GillJacobIsaac I have bpd and everyone I know who's encountered other borderlines says I'm nothing like the other borderlines they've met. It is a pretty wide spectrum. And yes, I do make great choices for me and those around me.
Lila Tournay from Dexter season 2 would be another great subject for a video on this same topic. In fact that entire series is full of characters that would make for great mental health videos.
My boyfriends ex is a borderline and now we’re in a relationship with her ..Insert sarcastic grin...it’s like riding a rollercoaster. Depending on where she on the love-hate wheel is the difference between which one of us is the target of her rage. She moved about 30 miles away for a short time. Which is the best life has been. She won’t commit to others or she over commits and scares them off. She is the mother of his child, who is 19 now, but if we stop placating her, we’ll he does I don’t get involved or engage with crazy. Crazy always wins.when he reached him limit she feels abandoned and I’m the reason they are no longer together. This is over 3 years we’ve been together and she is escalating in the “loving him” phases especially. Just two weeks ago she was bold enough to come to my home. I heard knocking on the door but tapping. I thought it was my son being a jerk (he’s 13) I was screaming and then I got scared so I ran into the yard (my son & boyfriend were down by the river in the back yard) she walked around the garage ,oddly timid, but I didn’t recognize until she spoke and ask for him. I went off on her ..she scared me ..I told her to shut the fuck up and go stand in the driveway and she did!...pause like she was bold enough to come on my property then she takes direction like that. We haven’t heard a peep ..it’s scary ..anyone want to decipher the next move? ...she has done it all to me but in order to get my attention you have to either effect my ability to earn a living or take care of my child. She has tried and failed on both...but I kind of like to live, otherwise the other two are pointless..I ask my boyfriend what he did. For whatever reason she felt very comfortable thinking she could walk on our property. Like she must if expected he would back her or something so what is cooking in her melon. Baby steps were working to back her off but when she has a break up she rallies wanting his attention with non stop messages, telling him she will put the dogs down she kept after the break up, driving the son crazy until he takes it out on his dad..there is always something...I don’t think I would be safer leaving him as I would just take on another role on the wheel of delusions.
Hi Dr. Grande excellent as always. I saw the netfliks documentary, and wonder what your thoughts were about his aquittal of the first 2 murders. I still felt he was guilty.
I like anything on borderline because I have it.
i bet you also have two scoops of icecream
@@kungfujoe2136 That is correct sir!
I hope you find true love and not a narcissist. Thats a trigger for anyone.
NOW, Todd? It's 3.58 AM here & now I can't fall asleep before listening to you! :D
Go back to bed zzzz
@@mrp8173 Not a snowballs chance in hell! xD
@@mirjanadolenec3099 only trying to help
3AM here. I feel your pain.
I think we are getting to a situation where there is a label for everything. 'Unwanted pursuit behaviour' could also be said to be 'a broken heart' In a toxic relationship, the other party can make you feel as if you are addicted to that person. Who has the personality disorder then ?
I wonder how much of the behaviour classified as stalking is related to the breakdown of family and distress caused by general atomisation. People are quick to discard each other these days.
Simple. No one in the free world is expected to put up with toxic people and their various shenanigans, family or not. If an abusive family member cant get that through their thick skulls, and have proven that they will stop at nothing to control their familial "property", through stalking, and destroying their peace, they'll learn soon enough. My npd mother learned the hard way. Some horrid family you break free from will see you as literal tagged property, will laugh in your face if you protest,and will even cross state lines, try to triangulate with your new social circle, trespass onto your property and ruin your life for even daring to think you could be free of them.. Family who does that even after all their prior years of questionable actions is no longer a family member to me. They are an automaton running on pure predatory, mechanical, blank eyed instinct, and if they keep crossing lines, you do what you need to do to put them down, or put them away for you and other's sake. Some people cannot be helped, and most of us aren't mental professionals. Some of us were born to literal monsters, and in that case, all you can do is run fast and run far as soon as you are able. Make a plan to change state, country, looks, name, ssn asap in extreme cases. Times are changing, and adult kids born to monsters, or horrific families are finally realizing they don't have to take it.
@@ARedMagicMarker I agree 1000 percent. We don't stay children forever and when we grow up and realise what's around us it's literally survival instincts to want to get the hell out of there
what do you think about PUA or PUA style life coaching?