My ex didn't want me to work. He figured that I'd never be able to break free and support myself. I surprised him. After 22 years, this doormat turned into a magic carpet and flew away!
I was finally fin, and mentally ready…been through counseling finally got my soc. Sec…..then he got gr 4 brain cancer so I’m still trapped…if he keeps having clear MRIs I may have a window of opportunity.. however, if the tumor regrows the drs say he would have a craniotomy again and repeat the whole process over of surgery, treatment etc. . He had a glioblastoma and in 98% of cases they grow back. There’s only a small % who live 2, 5 or 10 yrs..I can’t wait much longer as I’m 67’ he’s 72 ..I can’t put up with this til I die..
Yes. I was financially decimated. It’s definitely a form of control post relationship. A learned behavior. I am told that the Roman Catholic Church hierarchy keeps their priests “ in control” by keeping them poor.
Finances have been a core abuse. He owes me literally 100s of thousands. He is dying but lives well while I am often nearly destitute and dependent on government benefits. When he dies I should get his SS. This has all made my life unstable and stressed. Definitely abuse. He lost in court yet still did not pay. SMH.
Normal fun holidays with friends disappeared when the narc arrived almost 30 yrs ago. Left after a year but his philosophy must have been: "Gone but not forgotten...I'll make sure of that."
@@Soothsayer937 Any happy occasion is ripe for the narc to narc ! OMG ! The narc is not "special needs" the narc is satan in full bloom. (& gov jobsworths facilitate the situation also.)
It's interesting how people, who were / are abused by a narcissist speak in terms of being TRAPPED by the narcissist and ESCAPING from the narcissist. I, myself, was trapped but have escaped...
I fell into alcoholism dealing with my narcissistic husband trying to cope with constant lying cheating and putting blame on me Now i am trying to live a sober life 3 weeks strong . Thank you for these educational videos they keep me going and stay motivated
Live a sober life. Your mind will be clear your soul enriched & you will have freedom. My life is so improved with out the narc/addict. I’m taking my time to heal. Trauma based therapy. We had no idea what we were living in.
Narcisists keep you trapped in their cage of abuse and the most effocient way to do it is to keep you somehow dependent on them - financial abuse leads the way. Thank you dr Carter.
Because they need the gifted and the fake family and their fake cop fraud system is a lie top to bottom left to right lying about everything illegal narc in hiding liars and rapists Darvo stalker liars
It was so funny when I married my ex narcissist, the very first red flag was my clothes would come up missing. I remember one day I had brought it up to her about a coat disappearing, which was the only one I owned at the time. I will never forget her response was, "I didn't like it, so I got rid of it." I remember telling her that you do realize you don't discard people's belongings without their permission.
lt seems like that, they combine self and non self (their victim). Consequently, they do strange things..such as taking action without other side's permission.
my mother would do the same things when I was at school. even after I got older... yeah. or I would find my things in my sisters room. specifically clothing that we didnt wear the same size of. I would get it back all stretched out of my shape. I hated them both more than they hated me. and they havent a clue.
Creative One narc on the premises & within hours hid my ring ( me doing dishes ) --- then watched me look for it - see the game ? The narc always attempts to appear as "superior."
I videotaped my narc husband and told him I was taping him, and he said he didn't care and I captured all of his horrific outbursts and went to the police station and he was arrested on felony domestic abuse. 50,000 bond. The narc will eventually cause their own demise.
I recorded my dad and he behaved worse and said I was a disrespectful "b". His behavior was extremely violent, including threatening my friend, and he had the audacity to say I force him to act that way. A grown man.
I attempted to record my ex, he attacked me physically and took my phone. When I got it back I called police, they did nothing and even seemed to take his side as I was hysterical and he sat quietly and composed. I filed for divorce. And, of course the financial abuse keeps them in control with hidden accounts, hidden assets in Bank vaults and who knows what else. It is really criminal what they do even after decades of marriage, they are pure Evil.
I feel for you. Your story is reality. Probably the norm. Here u can get a investigater after situation becomes a homicide. I know life isn't fair. But... No body seems to work. U can not even get a police report. You can have a incident #. Homicide gets help. Who cares then?@@Dustypa66
With the scolding, they will talk very slowly and repeat themselves multiple times, as if talking to a not very bright toddler - but if you call them on it, they claim they have no idea what you are talking about. Their "inside information" is often completely or mostly false - designed to discredit you and enhance their image.
Intimidation, mind games, controlling, manipulation. That is what I've been through for 20 years. I am done. I'm not getting involved with those toxic people ever again.
My mother-in-law would use her *perceived* self-importance & her position of power as the family matriarch to keep me trapped in her abuse ... she behaved like a queen ruling & reigning over her subjects within her little kingdom, and everyone, but me, played their role. I wasn't the doting daughter-in-law, eager to please the queen ready to bend over backwards for her highness. Instead, I started pulling away so I could free myself from her abuse and control. My absence and silence would make her crazy. But I had to distance myself from her to preserve my mental health and marriage. Glad I did. And thankfully my husband understood :)
Sounds like my mother in law. But my husband is the golden child. At age 63 he still makes daily references to his mother, who I secretly call the Queen Mom. Now it is over. We separated 8 months ago. No more contact from her any more. The whole family und completely stopped any interaction 😢
He has started picking fights over nothing. When I disagree with him he tells me to get out of his house. Married for 36 years together 40 and he wants to throw me away like I’m an old pair of shoes. Last week I was his “Babydoll”. I hate this roller coaster.
He started picking fights - something is happening in his life. He lost a source of Narc supply, or he's afraid of someone or something. Keep your precious items out of harms way. Secure your accounts and documents. Have your car keys and ample cash ready; you might WANT to spend the night in a nice hotel.
@@lindac6919 It's your house too, especially after a marriage that's lasted that long. He should leave. I agree that something nefarious is up with him.
Oh my God! That is me this week! One day, get out, next day, you should stay and we’ll work it out, next day, when are you leaving, ? Today, hello dear, I was wondering if you would like……. No! I want you to apologize for your behaviour and not blame me for your feelings etc. My triggers are from my childhood, he’s not guilty. His triggers are because of me. 🤔 End of conversation!
I understand that part that when you disagree with them ask you to leave the house. He even left me on a highway because i didn't agreed with him because he was mad about something
It was a big step to call my experience “abuse” even to myself. After decades of justifying or “forgiving” it and enduring their justifications and rationales I just don’t care anymore. When they are confronted with the memory of one of these incidents they reply that they were probably wounded too in the moment so they responded that way. Another tactic is to say they don’t really remember it. My response is that the abuser may not remember but the victim sure does! They believe I should “forgive and forget” like they do. Try being on the receiving end of their behavior and see how quickly they would forget! It’s sick and twisted!
Do a lot of narcissists tend to go on about mental health awareness, healing, kindness, good vibes, etc?? My abuser is a mental health *professional* and their contradictory nature is disturbing and, frankly, dangerous..
For me, it was sheer bewilderment that I had no idea what was going on. I was trying my best to be the loving, supportive husband to my (now estranged, narcissistic) wife. The love bombing made me think I was being successful (and appreciated), so this went on through 3 years of dating and engagement and 22 years (out of the 27 we were together) of marriage. I thought I knew her, and could handle her fears and disappointments. I had no idea.
Dude, I have been with my narcissistic husband for 33 years, didn't realize till a year ago, and am finding it hard to leave him. He has disabilities, and I know that he will fall back into his drug and/or alcohol abuse if I leave him, and as much as I hate him, I do love him also. I keep watching Dr Carter, hoping to find my way. You are in my prayers for strength and peace. Thank you for sharing.
Aaron, it is such a shock to all we know. Isn't it? But things seem better for you now. God has a way of directing us. You are so much stronger than you know and better than you were treated. Stay true to that core you. All will be well.
@@tammywhitten6248 Learn to protect yourself and your interests, as they will not. Leaving is only an option. If you can find a way to keep your sanity with low contact instead of no contact, then do what works best for you. We (here on TH) care about you. Narcs only care about themselves.
@@nancytwigg4631 Thank you, Nancy. I (and all my family and friends) see the positive direction of my life. They see that my actions prove my identity, as opposed to the accusing words (with no proof) of my estranged, narcissistic wife. I'm in a good place with good TH people.
I have been scapegoated in my narcissistic family so that my toxic family members can keep getting away their abuse towards me and healthier members. I am setting boundaries to break free from their sphere of influence and live my own life in peace.
I remember telling my soon-to-be ex that the reason I was responding differently to him was because, “I’m on Team Healthy.” That took him by surprise. Ha! Thanks for being here for us Dr. Carter. You are a great coach!!!
I can spot a narcissist very quickly, that's something I learned with the years. Still working on my vulnerability with them, for example I still cannot stop thinking about something the narcissist said (their comments and so on). SO for me my work is keeping distance with the narcissists in my mind, stop "talking to them" in my mind.
Marco, yes, i wished i could stop talking in my brain, hec the rewind button is rough, thank ya Marco, stop talking linda your on dope, you know it dont help, of course you lazy nut linda, you know how to get off track, you know how to stay off track, but Doctor Carter sends me peace, thank ya Marco, my brain is like 0 no, please stop hurting, dont be making fun of the nut, talk about fed up, it was time to tell that nut, im sorry Marco you sometimes just cant stop thinking about whst was done, what was said, enough is enough especially when you been watching this nut forever, thank you Marco, peace please is my go team healthy, stay on the top shelf, dont go down to nothing ,our Doctor is ok in helping so much, his heart is so big for all of his community
This is my main failing in dealing with them. The rewind button over and over. My head cannot manage the info that comes from them and sets me right back to that 3 year old. Rewinds of my childhood and adulthood is like always but WHY! why did they say this or that why do they do this or that. My head cannot comprehend the dysfunction and toxic messages it receives. There is no fathoming it and it's far worse now they're elderly and im sick. I think there is no fathoming it and that's the problem, what doth you do with stuff that makes no sense whatsoever. It's impossible to talk it through with them. It's like they puke all over you and you're trying to work out why. There's no real explanation except they don't care and that's the hardest bit. How can a parent not care how you think or feel.........
My ex narc disposed of my student nurse uniforms and books. I was trying to gain some freedom and he felt threatened. Fortunately the admin at the nursing school were very supportive and helped.
@Esther Thank you, Esther. I am retired now from nursing after 33 years. It was my call and perhaps if not for the narcissist I may not have found it. I had a 2 yr old at the time and did not want to expose her to the insanity. The divorce was insane, but here I am, I have succeeded and found peace.
Jesus delivered me from a 20 yr abusive marriage. I always tried on my own but ended up returning. God called me and gave me the strength To leave blessed is the name of the lord and is healing me and now I have the peace that Jesus promised me the peace that surpasses all understanding
These toxic individuals are too proud to self-reflect. They are definitely shame and fear based ... hence their arrogance and entitlement! 🤦 Thank you for all your support and dedication to the topic Dr C ... we sure do appreciate you!! God bless you and Gus. ❣️
Spot on video Dr Carter! Lack of curiosity = lack of empathy 😮😮😮 wow. I once asked the ex - “you never ask any questions about me” his response “I know you better than you know yourself” 🤦♀️ now that I’m free - I’m realizing he never really knew me at all. In healing, I am worthy and worthy of others getting to know me
@trulelovemakeover, I'm sick and was pleading with my elderly mother to understand. (This has been a lifelong pattern). I said you don't understand how I feel. She answered I know how you feel. That was it end of! Talk about crushing. Now I know why as a kid I'd fawn and plead. I just wanted to be understood. She doesn't care to......
That was a helpful insight for me too. I’ve noticed lately that my narc spouse has a shocking lack of curiosity but never connected it to a lack of empathy. They will often tell me how well they know me and how close we are. Sadly they haven’t noticed a change since I started grey rocking them most of the time. Good luck!
I’ve said the same thing so many times to mine. “It seems that you have no interest in me”..”do you know what music I like?”..etc..he never had any curiosity about me while I got into everything he loved and the work he did. So sad. I let myself go in every way to support and cheer him on for years while he never even saw me.
Me too. Holidays are always difficult for me. I’m trying to let go of the longing for a happy family who wants to be together with no drama. Many thanks to Dr. C. What would I do without this channel to turn to any time of the day or night?❤
@Esther me too. I have wasted too many years trying to fit in with all of these narcissist in my family. It’s time for me to reach out and find people who will be good to me. I know I’m going to be painted the bad guy to my family. I don’t think I have a choice. Staying here trying to figure out their craziness is too painful. I want healthy relationships or none at all.
@Esther thank you Esther. I was thinking today about what I’ll say to my daughter when she wants to know why I wouldn’t go to her daughters birthday party tomorrow. There is no way of explaining to narcissists. When all I have to do is pick up the phone and call her and I’ll be back, in the same dysfunctional loop again, but I will have my family around me. The choices we make our so difficult. But once my eyes were opened to what was really going on, I made my decision. I will get stronger and go on and find people who will be good to me. So happy to a found this group of people who understand.
I have been abused terribly by my family. I am so angry all of the time. I am a Widow alone and I have had other people in addition to my family bothering me. I feel like I am living a nightmare. I don't want to be so angry all the time but the abuse was so bad I just can't seem to stop thinking about it. I pray for Peace but again I just keep thinking of how much they did and the devastating effects it had on my life. My family are sadistic in addition to being Narcs. I am the youngest of six from a Dysfunctional Family. I never even really saw the abuse as abuse. It is only since my husband died and they attacked me like literal vultures that I realized how bad they really are. I feel like my heart and soul are broken.
He didnt want me associating with my grown daughter or grown son. I was the only person helping him and it turns out that he was talking about me to other people. Things that happened during our marriage he would call his mom and tell her everything, then she would tell the other family members. My ex husband died 11 months ago and I am healing.
Bonnie, I just want to give you a huge hug, you've survived alot, some of the worst narcissisim I"ve ever come across. I hope you have a wonderful new life opening up to you, and I think you will. You have realized there's a problem and you're not the evil one, that's a big start. Prayers for your continued healing, Bonnie, you did not deserve what was done to you.
@e grogan Thank you so much! You dont know what it means to me to hear these kind words. I was with him 14 yrs. I didnt understand what the problem was but after self help he had NPD.
It has been soul destroying and HELLISH to live every single day with a narcissist who loathes me, cannot for the life of him be kind, constantly baiting me into fights to get his supply, gaslighting me about so many things, and he controls all the finances so I'm stuck.
It’s astonishing after you get the research, are free, don’t contact them at all and have moved on…. Then suddenly they show up and want to work on things 🤷♂️🤣 the education on the subject is so important to stay far away and not fall back into the cycle
It's so uncanny how all of this goes on, for years sometimes before you realize YOU'RE not the problem, but the NARC is the problem when the light switches on and you come to realize this toxic personnality. Then, you educate yourself with videos such as these and put in practice the helpful Team Healthy ideas. And as much as all these suggestions DO HELP , my narc husband is just seething because he's loosing more and more control, to the point that I now lock my bedroom door at night, ( no we do not share the same bed anymore) because my instinct commands it... He unjustly distrusts me, that I've now come to distrust him.
Absolutely correct--all of it! I endured 17 years with a naarcissist and because we went into a business together, my "sentence" so far has been another 3 years of everything you've just described. I've gotten to the point of wanting to walk away and let him take the business to save myself. I'm now 66 years old (my birthday is today) and yay, I had to spend it by punching into a time clock and every move I made was scrutized for my horrible errors. I would like to spend my remaining years not to be forced to listen to him talk about hiimself by the hour so I can go make a quilt for mmy grandson. In peace! Maybe I should write a movie about what I went through and see if the Lifetime Movie channel would pick it up. It could have a trailer calling it "Death in slow motion". It might be therapeutic for me to get it out on paper, but audiences would be horrified.
Dr. C. I needed to see this video today. I woke up at two this morning, my mind churning over the dysfunction by my covert, narcissist, daughter, and how badly I allow myself to be hurt by her. Your videos are keeping me grounded in reality, even though it’s a very hard truth to bear being alone is much better than being with abusive people. Thank you. Beverly.
When your child is abusive, it is just so much harder to extract yourself from the relationship. You live in hope, you feel responsible, even when they are getting on. Well, I guess I made many mistakes in raising my son, but he's taken on a pattern of abuse from my ex whom he is close to. It's a deja vu nightmare. Dr C's kind wisdom and professionalism is just the tonic we need to help build and maintain those boundaries!
How did she end up that way? This is one thing i don't understand. My dad is a horrible malignant narc but my grandmother is absolutely the sweetest. I have witnessed him be abusive to her as well. So, I'm wondering if he became this way from his father, whom I never met.
I have a daughter like your’s. She has killed close relationships with the entire family. It hurts too that she thinks I’m the problem🤷♀️ But hubby & I , with our 3 others kids with two spouses…. All have wonderful sane relationships. But I’m the crazy one, though now the two spouses of my kids are the problems to her too .
Yes. The narc sued 13 of my health care providers without my consent, without telling me. And the provider’s office and attorney’s were mad at me and investigated me.
Trauma bonded....glad I am progressing nicely past the hell of those first 6 months. The nights alone, the anxiety, the ruminations, the self-doubt, the embarrassment, the smear campaign. I will forever be affected by the shock and bewilderment of the discard. I am grateful for the effect, for I am stronger and better because of it. I am proud of my emotional intelligence and maturity. Sympathy goes to my lost boy....71 years old and forever foolish, stuck at 17. A knowingly, hurtful "saint," victim, hero, martyr. If they only knew....
I get you wholeheartedly... my lost boy is also 71 but I doubt that his emotional maturity is of that of a 17 year old... more likely 7 years old... So very sad! So VERY sad! Sending you a huge virtual hug, my Friend ❤
@WakeyWakey1111 Thank you for the support and virtual hug. It does me such good to make use of Dr. C's forum to actually put into words what was done to me. Write it down, put it out there. It helps me to take accountability for my unknowing people pleasing ways. I am no victim, eh? We are survivors! Thanks again, let's stay Team Healthy. I so wanted that love. It was all a figment of my imagination, lost in his self-serving, needy ways, and altered reality of himself. Staying away from liars and his monkeys has helped! Thanks again.
Me too! Especially the smear and humiliation that happened behind my back. But that was then and this is now. I'm too old to start over but my remaining life mission is making sure the narc won't "win". This is a personal war that I refuse to lose. 🤨
It’s amazing how consistent the stories are. How you can’t really “know” what it’s like to be on the receiving end until you have been through it. After years of being confounded by their behaviour you research narcissist and a tonne of bricks falls on you. For those in the middle, as Nancy says you will be stronger on the other side. Thanks for sharing Nancy and great summary Dr C. Love to all.
I find another way of them to keep being in control is by telling you how YOU affect them. Like you make the choice to do something that benefits you and you go through with it, and it doesn’t involve them, but they say how heartbroken or upset or sad they are: by you setting a boundary, not going there for a holiday, or not doing what they wanted you to do. It lays on a lot of guilt and their emotions and wants become your job to cater to and prioritize over your own. (This is what I’ve noticed in how my husband esteems his parents’ needs and wants over his and wife and kids.) I’ve started to soothe myself by thinking of “sorry you feel that way” and still doing what I feel is best for me.
My ex-sister in-law is a narcissist and keeps treating the children as possessions, when ever she hears no or doesn’t get her own way she retaliates! She has no boundaries and is making outrageous claims about controlling behaviour, abuse and fear, everything she claims she is the one doing. It’s terrifying!
It's particularly annoying when the person/narci who is so controlling & scolds me like I'm a child , us in fact quite immature ~ I am the mature, grown-up 1, which he hates. Also hating that I know more about things & usually correct, 99% of time. He's spent adult life working & watching junk TV, who'd he think had to take care of our biz, if wasn't him?! I've tried for 30+ yrs to get him to do things with me -- chores & fun stuff too, narcis are stubborn resisters! Now, wants to insult me, scorn me, & etc? Anything to make me fail, or he just acts like I did, makes me look & feel failure. But I try & build him up...when he does do anything ~ thought maybe if he felt better about himself...? Is like working with 2-3yr olds, where nice comments on job they did, makes them want to do it more. It works with 2-3yr olds , but wasted effort on husband?! So, guess it's official then ~ some husbands are harder to teach new behaviors to, than whole class of 2-3yr olds. "Okkkkk....um....can I trade him in, for the little children? LOL
Dr. Carter, YES! The scolding and feeling reprimanded although I’m a middle age adult! Thank you for putting this into words🙏🏼. What a helpful video, many thanks!
I’ve noticed lately how often I’m afraid I’ll “get in trouble”. Growing up I was very anxious about getting in trouble or disappointing my parents and I never realized I still had that fear. I’m a grown adult and can’t actually get in trouble no matter what the narc thinks or says. It’s another step to freedom!!!
Tell me about it! My husband was forevever occupied in eroding my financial stability, running up debts that ate into the house hold budget. As I was the major breadwinner, "I could always afford it". He tried several times to get large loans by using our house as co-lateral. I refused to be guarantor each time and that earnt me a beating each time. If I "ignored" him I was in for a night's sleep deprivation. until I agreed to have sex with him, the last thing one wants when sleep is needed to cope with long days at work in order to keep a roof over our heads. Even when he was dying of cancer. He still found the strength to be nasty to me yet be thoroughly charming to others.Even though he has been dead 15 years I am still getting over the abuse my husband dished out, I still get the occasional nightmare featuring him as the antagonist.
I learn something new about this bizarre lunacy every time I listen to one of the videos. My husband always steps in to take over something that I'm doing. It's just so annoying but I never realized that that was a symptom of their bizarre behavior. Thank you.
Wish I'd known this information sooner ... I spent 35 years putting up with my abusive, narcissistic mother-in-law (she passed away last month), who clearly enjoyed tormenting me and she was so clever at it, but I didn't know what to do. She would *act* as sweet as pie towards me when my husband was around, but as soon as she had me alone either in person, or over the phone, then she would say the meanest, cruelest things to me. And because my husband didn't hear her say that then it became her word against mine -- total gaslighting!! But I wasn't about to let her win, and in the end, I won. So I finally went no contact with her and my husband even told his mom to stop calling me and I blocked her number. She was VERY unhappy with that because I was no longer accessible to abuse anymore. So she started abusing me through gossip within the family, because she needed her *fix* to hate on me somehow. I put up with this nonsense for 14 months after going no contact until she finally passed away last month. Thank God her abuse is over!
"smelly abode," lol. Thanks for the laugh! But in all seriousness, I recently blurted out to my Nmom that I don't like her and she acted stunned. I said, "what, the year's long estrangement didn't clue you in?" Even though it was a sad and maybe mean thing to say to an elderly person, I feel like it kind of liberated me. It's so hard to be emotionally honest to an N because they don't. want. to. hear. it. It's like my mother has lived her whole life ducking and weaving emotional truths to the point that now she's totally isolated and I'm the only person left on the planet who will deign to speak to her. It's tragic, really.
Mines a recluse, wont do things with his friends, wants me around constantly, after yrs of me working and him retired, he suddenly has huge fear of abandonment snd doesn't want me out of his sight....etc
I have broken free from the chains of narcissistic people who never saw the goodness to maintain a healthy lifestyle by being law abiding citizens, instead he follows the path of methodology. I have strong belief in values that give me respect and integrity. I have always lived a Christian life from childhood which has thought me the true depths of worthiness, and this is the path I follow through this journey of life with the blessings of God. This is very peaceful. Thanks so much for your help and support. I am aware of this behavior in people and trust my intuition. God bless. ❤
Last Sunday I taught the first of 3 lessons at my church about narcissism. I see it as part of the human condition that is depicted in the Eden story. If you'd be interested, you can find it on YT. Look up St. Alban's Episcopal church, Waco, and you should find it.
It's So Hard to get thru health problems when the ppl arnd you are playing those games😥. My family abused me until I became disabled, & abandoned me in adulthood bc I'm (a worthless joke). IF I meet a 'partner', so far, That person ends up using my medical against me. My ex-husband used my illness against me when he started cheating, so I Feel You so much. Praying All of us (sick) folks dealing w/ a narc environment Get Better now, & are able to be independent enough to free ourselves. I Really Hope you're Safe, & we can all find the resources to get well & escape. Much Love❤️
Trapped in an abusive relationship going on 5 1/2 years now. It’s been a living hell. I have a four year old with her whom I can’t imagine being without, he’s been the best thing to ever happen to me. It just seems like there’s no good option for me. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.
oh my gosh.... this is so familiar!!! I was so abused at a job I loved, I stayed way past time I should have left... every time I went there, when I came home I was a wreck and my family had to put me back together.... it took years to get past it. Don't narcisists feel guilty at all??? ever????
Hey Dr Carter, when did you find the time to plant a listening device in my parent’s home? This is my 3rd time listening to this vid, and you hit every mark of the oldest brother being the primary caretaker of my nonagenarian parents. Thank you for the knowledge, enlightenment, and encouragement to get help. Truly.
Can we have a video on how narcs go through targets? I was my covert narc mom's scapegoat and #1 target for abuse. I went no-contact and soon my golden child brother is contacting me trying to pull me back in because now he's target #2. Next, I hear from my mom's best friend via letter trying to pull me back in because she's target #3. Now my aunt is target #4 and if she calls, I will not be answering.
I broke free from my narcistic mother and family who financially abused me. They had a hold on me - emotionally - for much longer when I had a burnout. When I found out what they all did I ended up at the emergency from distress. It has been 4 years since I closed the door on my family and asked them to leave me alone. Almost 10 times I wnet to the police beacause they wouldn't stop stalking and contacting me. They still won't let go no matter how much I set my boundaries; it's a red flag for them. Most exhausting thing I've ever experienced! Thanks so much for your videos!
The smear campaign has seemed to be the worst for me…. I am slowly recovering and have found intermittent peace that no one can take. I have actually become stronger and learned to survive. I am now focusing solely on myself, from self care to gaining new skills so I can get the hell out of it. It’s been an eye opening experience 😮, but I am great full it happened now as I am so much more dependable and at peace ✌️.
@@SurvivingNarcissism ❤️ How I wish to have a session with you Dr. Les! Your voice and your kindness are helping me tremendously right now. Your kindness and the warm tone of voice that you have reminds me of my Grandfather. He was the mother and the father figure I've never had even if it lasted just 8 years, I think he saved me by showing me love and care. Which none in both families never did. I'm so lucky to have met him. Thanks for all the help, understanding and the humanity you show all of us here! It feels really lonely recovering from these very cruel individuals.. My biological mother now I am more sure than ever she's a malignant narcissist, really psychopathic and my biological father as well. I'm so glad that at the age of 30 I've finally gone no contact with all of them. This time is going to be FOREVER. I think they've ruined me enough, I'm still picking up the pieces of myself. I'm so lucky to have my cat. He's my baby. He shows me love and doesn't hurt, lie or cheat on me. Gas is so sweet by the way! It's a pleasure to see him in the background 🙂 Thanks again Dr. Les Carter 🙏
It all boils down to the anger and contempt they have against God knows who for God knows what since God knows when. The hate they have is real and the agenda is to make you pay and the revenge they are seeking will never end. Get as far away from them as you can.
Yes I have been abused by intimidation. It s very aggressive, but thanks to your sessions dr c I am coping. For 2 year I did not speak to my narc. He shouted at me and I set a boundary.I do not speak to men who shout at me and think that sort of behaviour is ok. For 2 years he has done everything to antagonise me, and to ignore me and cut me out. I have totally ignored him. Thanks to your sessions I walk in life in The best way I can and simply get on with my life.I ignore him but the other day he suddenly spoke to me…..it was a surprise but quickly I thought new forms of old misery ….not for me. I ignored him. He called my name and said I had left my garage door open. It was not the end the world and I felt no need to speak to him . Or have him in my life. I have broken free. He can not make me look less than, and I will not be subjected to his abuse. Thanks for your help. Couldn’t do it without you. Judy frommuk
Dr. C, Do you think narcissists get more desperate the older they get? It occured to me that, the more relationships they "go through" the more urgent their need to find and keep the next supply would be because, like all of us, perhaps they feel they need to make the most out of their remaining years and those years are becoming fewer. I left my abuser a year ago and I've also had to go NC with my narcissistic mother. I'm living a peaceful, safe life now thanks to the help that you and other caring individuals like you have provided.
@@Soothsayer937 Yeah, my ex husband was trying to put me in a position to where he could "make me leave", too. His last act was going to be controlling even my exit. I was extremely patient, planned every detail of my departure, and cleared every single possession of mine out of "his" house while he was gone on a fishing trip. Surprise!
I think they do get more desperate as they get older, and also even more abusive. As time goes by, even the covert narc has trouble keeping the mask on. My mother got way worse in her old age, and I finally had to go no contact 3 years ago. I couldn't take her over-the-top behavior towards me anymore!
This sounds like the feeling of my rebellious young daughter who wants a life with no correction, no boundaries, or rules if so she's being abused controlled and mistreated.
... this is also so true in a Dangerous High Control Group where the Psuedo-Personality Overlay IS that of a covert narcissist (and often develops because of the all prevailing social-psychological milieu, that's why there are so many who behave and feel the way they do.) Steven Hassan refers to the continuous entrapment and ensnarement as Undue Influence. I believe that is the appropriate term for a cyclical pattern and downward spiral of entrapment and ensnarement, vulnerable to even FURTHER coercion, extortion, stalking, and undue influence. Extremely covertly dangerous (such that outsiders find it difficult to recognize.)
I thank God for prayer and I'm praying for my loved ones deliverance from these abusive relationships. Just waiting on God to bring deliverance from this/ these people. It's hard I know, but I know that all things are possible with God.
That was the worst torture for me with my ex vindictive narcissist!Watching what he did to the kids and turning the kids into his weapons pawns and spies, his flying monkeys!
@Texas Refugee that's what he's doing with his family and now I'm getting texts saying that I'm the problem if that's the case then let me get the my fur baby and they will never see me again that's all I want.8years of this abuse
@@jenniferw4326 Can you take the 4 legged and go? Chances are your 4 legged has an idea of what is going on and that can't be good for her. Animals are very sensitive I've learned and can be deeply affected by it. Hope you can find a way out of the misery.
Agree, my ex tries to sneak in and still tries to control me by offering to buy me things or take me places, calls alot to be nosey about where I'm at, where I went, who I saw but he's sneaky about the asking....and it's freaky how he seems to know where I go!...such a manipulator. I make boundaries now that I live alone❤❤
People need to remain independent, have your own finances so you don't rely on anyone for anything. Abusers are poor little miserable toddlers who toss you away when they've finished playing. Don't give them headspace.
Dr Carter this is hard to watch; it’s almost like you have been observing my life. Thank you for sharing your life’s learnings for free; I am grateful.
Dr C. you just described my narc in complete detail, I distance myself from him best i can and don't react. He tries to track me down as much as he can, it's sick.
It is not a healthy lifestyle to be in a relationship of any kind with a narcissist. Get away from them and keep as much distance from them as possible.
I want to add to this comment that I posted before regarding when I lost my job because I got into a big blow up with a Covert narcissist co worker felt that she could not compete with me and was so insecure and threatened in my presence and hated me so much to the point that the narcissist threatened to fight me and I had to call the police on her at work and my supervisor literally suggested that I get a restraining order,a week prior she had just threatened to fight another employee, nurse that called her out on her HARASSMENT and Her BS . Mind you we are both Nurses that will have both of our careers ruined if we get into any kind of trouble 👿 this Demon was so envious of me and my possessions that she was willing to throw her whole life away for nothing I had been complaining to my job about her for months and so did a lot of my other co works and my job just continued to enable her bulling ,negative and toxic behaviors so I just blew up on her and told her how horrible she was all the while during the argument all she could do was body shame me but of course she had no legitimate answers to her behaviors towards me when I questioned her about her hate towards me her answer was “ I just don’t like your ugly A “ you can feel in the blanks .Extremely childish and very unprofessional behavior.This was about 4 days ago we both got fired and now I’m looking for another job . It’s extremely frustrating to me because my job knew what was going on and knew what this narcissist was capable of and literally did nothing I’m now looking for a attorney to take my case against the job .This Narcissist was so sneaky and covert with her drama and hate the she knew how do ever thing behind the since very well.They just kept telling me that they didn’t know what to do and told me to just keep ignoring her and behavior only got worst and worst.The Administrator and Don kept passing the buck when I ask several times if they could have me and the Covert Narcissist come in and sit down to talk . I knew that if they ask her to sit down and talk to try to resolve her issues with me she would refuse to do so and probably even get mad a quit her job because this is just how childish she really was and that would have worked out just great for me ,but again my job did nothing I really wished they had of handled it differently .The Narcissist should have fired when she made the first attempt to fight another co worker days ago and I might still have my job this is really a shame …..
This happened to me several years ago and it was devastating. But its not you, its the toxic management. I found out the area I worked in closed after the mandates because many quit and they couldn't keep people there to begin with.
She has Followed me to my new job and is now currently working there part time claiming that she didn’t know I was working there and it’s just a coincidence,unbelievable I have reported her to the state board nursing enough is enough….
I will be enrolling in the Free to BE Me workshop!! I have been blessed with an inheritance !!! I know the information given boy Dr. Carter will be worth every penny!! I was trapped for over 4 decades.
I deal with all of this on an almost daily basis. It's amazing to me to finally see it for what it is. I think she was even tracking my phone location (we share cell account), because i've been out of town for work and my work is wind dependent (i work at sea) and i noticed the days i was not working were the days she was incredibly vicious towards me via text messages. I turned off my phone tracking and afterwards the abuse became much more random in recent weeks. unreal.
He took over laundry for 15 years, saying I was incapable. I never renewed my license because he constantly told me I couldn't drive. This is month 3 of doing my own laundry and I expect to get my license back by February 2025 as a 46 year old. 😊
In my case my narcs were my family of origin. Abusers too. Both parents. Then siblings. Continued into adulthood. I couldn’t see a way out. Trauma bonded probably. But I was the truthteller they all hated and scapegoated. When I set firmer & firmer boundaries & kept to them they went nuts. But I stayed cool. Then they set me up to go to their home (said they missed me-hoovering) and there was an ambush weapon attack waiting for me. Injuries. I called police & went No Contact right then forever. God made a way through a “Red Sea” I couldn’t see my own way through because of prayer for Him to intervene and He did! No contact now with ALL the lifetime enablers, flying monkeys (oh, the smear campaign!), bystander witnesses, neutral relatives who witnessed the abuses all my life…Cut all ties of and when you can with God’s help.
@@ZeeJayEssJay Sounds just like my situation. The door never looked better! Walked on out and my daughter is now my next task but I will no longer take any abuse what so ever. 😊
I need help! I’ve been in silence and neglect for 20 years. I recently stopped the financial support and it’s been hell. Things are getting worse. I feel like an empty shell. I get no affection. I feel like a object…clean/cook/sex. But no affection no kind words nothing at all. I don’t even get looked at while speaking. I’m not sure what to do anymore. I just keep the distances. Because sometimes i go into a depression. Please help
Team Healthy is a good place to hang around. I applaud your decision to speak out. Speak truth. Don't hide. No one can make you feel less of yourself unless you let them. Your humanity brings an intrinsic value to your world. There are many here not just willing, but actually wanting to talk/listen.
@@re03387 I’ve been there. Feeling alone, even in a room full of people. Feeling alone in a big, empty house that was once full of people. Reach out. Allow others to reach in. Let people help.
This describes my daughter-in-law perfectly. She did all of these things to me and told my son and grandchildren that I am the problem. She has my family convinced that they are all victims of something that I was supposed to have done to them. They quit speaking to me a few years ago and now my son has even turned against me. I haven't seen him or my grandchildren in a long time. It hasn't been easy but I am doing my best to survive without my family. It's hard to believe that narcissists can be so cruel but they actually enjoy being that way.
@@Goose619 You're dead wrong. You obviously haven't been beaten down, screamed at for no reason, blamed for just trying to be yourself, physically assaulted because you didn't give in to their demands, lied about behind your back, made you feel worthless and didn't have a reason to live. I'm still carrying the emotional scars from the 27 years she lived in my home. Maybe you're describing yourself cause you're sure not describing me.
This is really a small thing, but it says so much…. I like my steak well done, and for some reason my spouse is always trying to get me to eat ,eat medium…you’re eating it to dry etc… we went to a steak place where you cook your own steak… I had mine on the pit, went to get a salad and he chose to turn my steak over! It just made me really annoyed…. Like ‘I know what’s best for you’… that was the message! Such a small thing..but such a ‘controlling move’
Key word is trapped they want you to remain their victim. How delusional can one get?!
My ex didn't want me to work. He figured that I'd never be able to break free and support myself. I surprised him. After 22 years, this doormat turned into a magic carpet and flew away!
I was finally fin, and mentally ready…been through counseling finally got my soc. Sec…..then he got gr 4 brain cancer so I’m still trapped…if he keeps having clear MRIs I may have a window of opportunity.. however, if the tumor regrows the drs say he would have a craniotomy again and repeat the whole process over of surgery, treatment etc. . He had a glioblastoma and in 98% of cases they grow back. There’s only a small % who live 2, 5 or 10 yrs..I can’t wait much longer as I’m 67’ he’s 72 ..I can’t put up with this til I die..
YESS! good for You
Financial abuse. Other than the mind games, financial abuse is a key practical way that keeps the cycle going.
*_Your soul is mine._*
Yes. I was financially decimated. It’s definitely a form of control post relationship. A learned behavior. I am told that the Roman Catholic Church hierarchy keeps their priests “ in control” by keeping them poor.
How can one be financially abused if one has a job?
That's why they tell you "You are my property"
Finances have been a core abuse. He owes me literally 100s of thousands. He is dying but lives well while I am often nearly destitute and dependent on government benefits. When he dies I should get his SS. This has all made my life unstable and stressed. Definitely abuse. He lost in court yet still did not pay. SMH.
I hate that we have to be here in comments on a holiday. Such a horrible place- being trapped by a narcissist.
Normal fun holidays with friends disappeared when the narc arrived almost 30 yrs ago. Left after a year but his philosophy must have been: "Gone but not forgotten...I'll make sure of that."
Free yourself
@@Soothsayer937 Any happy occasion is ripe for the narc to narc ! OMG ! The narc is not "special needs" the narc is satan in full bloom. (& gov jobsworths facilitate the situation also.)
It's interesting how people, who were / are abused by a narcissist speak in terms of being TRAPPED by the narcissist and ESCAPING from the narcissist. I, myself, was trapped but have escaped...
I fell into alcoholism dealing with my narcissistic husband trying to cope with constant lying cheating and putting blame on me Now i am trying to live a sober life 3 weeks strong . Thank you for these educational videos they keep me going and stay motivated
👏👏👏💪💕👍💖❣️❣️❣️
I turned to alcohol on June 11, 2021, bc of mine.
Live a sober life. Your mind will be clear
your soul enriched & you will have freedom.
My life is so improved with out the narc/addict. I’m taking my time to heal.
Trauma based therapy. We had no idea what we were living in.
@@sandracaezza7234 thanks for your thoughtful words
@@povertylevelphilanthropy1524 stay strong stay sober
Narcisists keep you trapped in their cage of abuse and the most effocient way to do it is to keep you somehow dependent on them - financial abuse leads the way. Thank you dr Carter.
Because they need the gifted and the fake family and their fake cop fraud system is a lie top to bottom left to right lying about everything illegal narc in hiding liars and rapists Darvo stalker liars
Very correct 👍
Or.. through them having health problems or gr 4 cancer
It was so funny when I married my ex narcissist, the very first red flag was my clothes would come up missing. I remember one day I had brought it up to her about a coat disappearing, which was the only one I owned at the time. I will never forget her response was, "I didn't like it, so I got rid of it." I remember telling her that you do realize you don't discard people's belongings without their permission.
lt seems like that, they combine self and non self (their victim). Consequently, they do strange things..such as taking action without other side's permission.
my mother would do the same things when I was at school. even after I got older... yeah. or I would find my things in my sisters room. specifically clothing that we didnt wear the same size of. I would get it back all stretched out of my shape. I hated them both more than they hated me. and they havent a clue.
@@meralguzey..ph.d538 Interesting thought.
When you said that, bet she looked confused. "I can't?? Says who?!!
Creative One narc on the premises & within hours hid my ring ( me doing dishes ) --- then watched me look for it - see the game ? The narc always attempts to appear as "superior."
I videotaped my narc husband and told him I was taping him, and he said he didn't care and I captured all of his horrific outbursts and went to the police station and he was arrested on felony domestic abuse. 50,000 bond. The narc will eventually cause their own demise.
Good for you.
I recorded my dad and he behaved worse and said I was a disrespectful "b". His behavior was extremely violent, including threatening my friend, and he had the audacity to say I force him to act that way. A grown man.
You go girl! That was Bold. Every success I have when being bold is required, my confidence grows. So proud of you 🥰😁💃
I attempted to record my ex, he attacked me physically and took my phone. When I got it back I called police, they did nothing and even seemed to take his side as I was hysterical and he sat quietly and composed. I filed for divorce. And, of course the financial abuse keeps them in control with hidden accounts, hidden assets in Bank vaults and who knows what else. It is really criminal what they do even after decades of marriage, they are pure Evil.
I feel for you. Your story is reality. Probably the norm. Here u can get a investigater after situation becomes a homicide. I know life isn't fair. But... No body seems to work. U can not even get a police report. You can have a incident #. Homicide gets help. Who cares then?@@Dustypa66
The narc requires a straight jacket - yet is still roaming about in public - politicians being a prime example.
With the scolding, they will talk very slowly and repeat themselves multiple times, as if talking to a not very bright toddler - but if you call them on it, they claim they have no idea what you are talking about.
Their "inside information" is often completely or mostly false - designed to discredit you and enhance their image.
Intimidation, mind games, controlling, manipulation. That is what I've been through for 20 years. I am done. I'm not getting involved with those toxic people ever again.
👍
It is astounding how all narks act in the same way. The behaviors seem to be identical across time and cultures. Once again, thank you Dr C.
People are people no matter where they are or when they lived. Learning from mistakes is the big challenge.
Exactly! The system allows this.
@@T00124 I’m not sure I understand
All because Mommy either abused or over babied..... really sad, isn't it????
@@julioj.5655 It's satan's system.
My mother-in-law would use her *perceived* self-importance & her position of power as the family matriarch to keep me trapped in her abuse ... she behaved like a queen ruling & reigning over her subjects within her little kingdom, and everyone, but me, played their role. I wasn't the doting daughter-in-law, eager to please the queen ready to bend over backwards for her highness. Instead, I started pulling away so I could free myself from her abuse and control. My absence and silence would make her crazy. But I had to distance myself from her to preserve my mental health and marriage. Glad I did. And thankfully my husband understood :)
Yep you have it figured ,leave these people and enjoy life .they are just nutters.
Sounds like my mother in law. But my husband is the golden child. At age 63 he still makes daily references to his mother, who I secretly call the Queen Mom. Now it is over. We separated 8 months ago. No more contact from her any more. The whole family und completely stopped any interaction 😢
My MIL AND mother to a tee. Both matriarchs that think they own the entire family.
He has started picking fights over nothing. When I disagree with him he tells me to get out of his house. Married for 36 years together 40 and he wants to throw me away like I’m an old pair of shoes. Last week I was his “Babydoll”. I hate this roller coaster.
He started picking fights - something is happening in his life. He lost a source of Narc supply, or he's afraid of someone or something.
Keep your precious items out of harms way. Secure your accounts and documents.
Have your car keys and ample cash ready; you might WANT to spend the night in a nice hotel.
@@lindac6919 It's your house too, especially after a marriage that's lasted that long. He should leave. I agree that something nefarious is up with him.
@@lindac6919 and also keep pets away from them. They often will hurt pets to hurt you. I made sure to take my dog to my mom's.
Oh my God! That is me this week!
One day, get out, next day, you should stay and we’ll work it out, next day, when are you leaving, ? Today, hello dear, I was wondering if you would like…….
No! I want you to apologize for your behaviour and not blame me for your feelings etc. My triggers are from my childhood, he’s not guilty.
His triggers are because of me. 🤔
End of conversation!
I understand that part that when you disagree with them ask you to leave the house. He even left me on a highway because i didn't agreed with him because he was mad about something
It was a big step to call my experience “abuse” even to myself. After decades of justifying or “forgiving” it and enduring their justifications and rationales I just don’t care anymore. When they are confronted with the memory of one of these incidents they reply that they were probably wounded too in the moment so they responded that way. Another tactic is to say they don’t really remember it. My response is that the abuser may not remember but the victim sure does! They believe I should “forgive and forget” like they do. Try being on the receiving end of their behavior and see how quickly they would forget! It’s sick and twisted!
!!
Do a lot of narcissists tend to go on about mental health awareness, healing, kindness, good vibes, etc?? My abuser is a mental health *professional* and their contradictory nature is disturbing and, frankly, dangerous..
@Esther thank you Esther. Hope you’re well.
they're hypocrites, literally a walking contradiction!! their words have no value because they're cowards at heart💯
They are insufferable when you can see it and they get adoration from the public.
For me, it was sheer bewilderment that I had no idea what was going on. I was trying my best to be the loving, supportive husband to my (now estranged, narcissistic) wife. The love bombing made me think I was being successful (and appreciated), so this went on through 3 years of dating and engagement and 22 years (out of the 27 we were together) of marriage. I thought I knew her, and could handle her fears and disappointments. I had no idea.
Dude, I have been with my narcissistic husband for 33 years, didn't realize till a year ago, and am finding it hard to leave him. He has disabilities, and I know that he will fall back into his drug and/or alcohol abuse if I leave him, and as much as I hate him, I do love him also. I keep watching Dr Carter, hoping to find my way. You are in my prayers for strength and peace. Thank you for sharing.
Aaron, it is such a shock to all we know. Isn't it? But things seem better for you now. God has a way of directing us. You are so much stronger than you know and better than you were treated. Stay true to that core you. All will be well.
@@tammywhitten6248 Learn to protect yourself and your interests, as they will not. Leaving is only an option. If you can find a way to keep your sanity with low contact instead of no contact, then do what works best for you. We (here on TH) care about you. Narcs only care about themselves.
@@nancytwigg4631 Thank you, Nancy. I (and all my family and friends) see the positive direction of my life. They see that my actions prove my identity, as opposed to the accusing words (with no proof) of my estranged, narcissistic wife. I'm in a good place with good TH people.
I can relate, with the exception of being estranged. It leaves you constantly questioning yourself.
I have been scapegoated in my narcissistic family so that my toxic family members can keep getting away their abuse towards me and healthier members. I am setting boundaries to break free from their sphere of influence and live my own life in peace.
I remember telling my soon-to-be ex that the reason I was responding differently to him was because, “I’m on Team Healthy.” That took him by surprise. Ha! Thanks for being here for us Dr. Carter. You are a great coach!!!
So pleased, Lynn!
I can spot a narcissist very quickly, that's something I learned with the years. Still working on my vulnerability with them, for example I still cannot stop thinking about something the narcissist said (their comments and so on). SO for me my work is keeping distance with the narcissists in my mind, stop "talking to them" in my mind.
Marco, yes, i wished i could stop talking in my brain, hec the rewind button is rough, thank ya Marco, stop talking linda your on dope, you know it dont help, of course you lazy nut linda, you know how to get off track, you know how to stay off track, but Doctor Carter sends me peace, thank ya Marco, my brain is like 0 no, please stop hurting, dont be making fun of the nut, talk about fed up, it was time to tell that nut, im sorry Marco you sometimes just cant stop thinking about whst was done, what was said, enough is enough especially when you been watching this nut forever, thank you Marco, peace please is my go team healthy, stay on the top shelf, dont go down to nothing ,our Doctor is ok in helping so much, his heart is so big for all of his community
This is my main failing in dealing with them. The rewind button over and over. My head cannot manage the info that comes from them and sets me right back to that 3 year old. Rewinds of my childhood and adulthood is like always but WHY! why did they say this or that why do they do this or that. My head cannot comprehend the dysfunction and toxic messages it receives. There is no fathoming it and it's far worse now they're elderly and im sick. I think there is no fathoming it and that's the problem, what doth you do with stuff that makes no sense whatsoever. It's impossible to talk it through with them. It's like they puke all over you and you're trying to work out why. There's no real explanation except they don't care and that's the hardest bit. How can a parent not care how you think or feel.........
Do not let him/ her occupy space in your head.... Someone told to me in passing once.
This is insightful. Thank you
The ruminations after the encounter is the biggest obstacle for me.
Narcissists do all those things instinctually, because they’re predators.
they're cowards, it's all a cowardly defense mechanism, they must put u down to make u feel exactly how they feel internally! stay away 💯
You're right....they are predators.
My ex narc disposed of my student nurse uniforms and books. I was trying to gain some freedom and he felt threatened. Fortunately the admin at the nursing school were very supportive and helped.
@Esther Thank you, Esther. I am retired now from nursing after 33 years. It was my call and perhaps if not for the narcissist I may not have found it. I had a 2 yr old at the time and did not want to expose her to the insanity. The divorce was insane, but here I am, I have succeeded and found peace.
My ex narc did something with my mother's ashes
@@nikiaharvell27 I'm so sorry. That's monsterous. Mama hugs from afar friend. ❤
Jesus delivered me from a 20 yr abusive marriage. I always tried on my own but ended up returning. God called me and gave me the strength To leave blessed is the name of the lord and is healing me and now I have the peace that Jesus promised me the peace that surpasses all understanding
These toxic individuals are too proud to self-reflect. They are definitely shame and fear based ... hence their arrogance and entitlement! 🤦 Thank you for all your support and dedication to the topic Dr C ... we sure do appreciate you!! God bless you and Gus. ❣️
Thanks, Julie!
Well said
I was a teenage bride, and all of it happened. Glad it is past tense!
Same here.. I didn't know what a narcissist was... wow, soon learned after I got married..
Spot on video Dr Carter! Lack of curiosity = lack of empathy 😮😮😮 wow. I once asked the ex - “you never ask any questions about me” his response “I know you better than you know yourself” 🤦♀️ now that I’m free - I’m realizing he never really knew me at all. In healing, I am worthy and worthy of others getting to know me
What he meant to say was...I know all about you that I want to know. That would have been more honest.
@trulelovemakeover, I'm sick and was pleading with my elderly mother to understand. (This has been a lifelong pattern). I said you don't understand how I feel. She answered I know how you feel. That was it end of! Talk about crushing. Now I know why as a kid I'd fawn and plead. I just wanted to be understood. She doesn't care to......
That was a helpful insight for me too. I’ve noticed lately that my narc spouse has a shocking lack of curiosity but never connected it to a lack of empathy. They will often tell me how well they know me and how close we are. Sadly they haven’t noticed a change since I started grey rocking them most of the time. Good luck!
I’ve said the same thing so many times to mine. “It seems that you have no interest in me”..”do you know what music I like?”..etc..he never had any curiosity about me while I got into everything he loved and the work he did. So sad. I let myself go in every way to support and cheer him on for years while he never even saw me.
He said that to me too.
Narcissists like to be in control but not held responsible..
Every time I say the same thing, but this video is literally making it possible for me to make it through this day.
Me too. Holidays are always difficult for me. I’m trying to let go of the longing for a happy family who wants to be together with no drama. Many thanks to Dr. C. What would I do without this channel to turn to any time of the day or night?❤
@Esther me too. I have wasted too many years trying to fit in with all of these narcissist in my family. It’s time for me to reach out and find people who will be good to me. I know I’m going to be painted the bad guy to my family. I don’t think I have a choice. Staying here trying to figure out their craziness is too painful. I want healthy relationships or none at all.
@Esther thank you Esther. I was thinking today about what I’ll say to my daughter when she wants to know why I wouldn’t go to her daughters birthday party tomorrow. There is no way of explaining to narcissists. When all I have to do is pick up the phone and call her and I’ll be back, in the same dysfunctional loop again, but I will have my family around me. The choices we make our so difficult. But once my eyes were opened to what was really going on, I made my decision. I will get stronger and go on and find people who will be good to me. So happy to a found this group of people who understand.
Me too
I have been abused terribly by my family. I am so angry all of the time. I am a Widow alone and I have had other people in addition to my family bothering me. I feel like I am living a nightmare. I don't want to be so angry all the time but the abuse was so bad I just can't seem to stop thinking about it. I pray for Peace but again I just keep thinking of how much they did and the devastating effects it had on my life. My family are sadistic in addition to being Narcs. I am the youngest of six from a Dysfunctional Family. I never even really saw the abuse as abuse. It is only since my husband died and they attacked me like literal vultures that I realized how bad they really are. I feel like my heart and soul are broken.
It's all about double standards with them.
bingo!💯🎯
Yes, Dr. C., I was abused. I never attributed that concept/word to my experience until I saw this video. Another step in my healing. Thank you.
JW The good Dr. Is aware from where the blame emanates. The satanic pit.
I just recently came to the same realization. Every encounter practically was abusive, yet I negated it to the point of denial.
@@rosieb471 Looking back, it's astonishing. I hope that you are doing well, Eagle Eye.
❤️❤️❤️
He didnt want me associating with my grown daughter or grown son. I was the only person helping him and it turns out that he was talking about me to other people. Things that happened during our marriage he would call his mom and tell her everything, then she would tell the other family members. My ex husband died 11 months ago and I am healing.
Bonnie, I just want to give you a huge hug, you've survived alot, some of the worst narcissisim I"ve ever come across. I hope you have a wonderful new life opening up to you, and I think you will. You have realized there's a problem and you're not the evil one, that's a big start. Prayers for your continued healing, Bonnie, you did not deserve what was done to you.
@e grogan Thank you so much! You dont know what it means to me to hear these kind words. I was with him 14 yrs. I didnt understand what the problem was but after self help he had NPD.
"I'm not obliged to someone who treats me that way."
Yes - the word receptacle is exactly what it's like. A verbal receptacle of bitterness and anger.
It has been soul destroying and HELLISH to live every single day with a narcissist who loathes me, cannot for the life of him be kind, constantly baiting me into fights to get his supply, gaslighting me about so many things, and he controls all the finances so I'm stuck.
It’s astonishing after you get the research, are free, don’t contact them at all and have moved on…. Then suddenly they show up and want to work on things 🤷♂️🤣 the education on the subject is so important to stay far away and not fall back into the cycle
It's so uncanny how all of this goes on, for years sometimes before you realize YOU'RE not the problem, but the NARC is the problem when the light switches on and you come to realize this toxic personnality. Then, you educate yourself with videos such as these and put in practice the helpful Team Healthy ideas. And as much as all these suggestions DO HELP , my narc husband is just seething because he's loosing more and more control, to the point that I now lock my bedroom door at night, ( no we do not share the same bed anymore) because my instinct commands it... He unjustly distrusts me, that I've now come to distrust him.
There's a song "You're not the Problem."
Time to move out completely.
Absolutely correct--all of it! I endured 17 years with a naarcissist and because we went into a business together, my "sentence" so far has been another 3 years of everything you've just described. I've gotten to the point of wanting to walk away and let him take the business to save myself. I'm now 66 years old (my birthday is today) and yay, I had to spend it by punching into a time clock and every move I made was scrutized for my horrible errors. I would like to spend my remaining years not to be forced to listen to him talk about hiimself by the hour so I can go make a quilt for mmy grandson. In peace! Maybe I should write a movie about what I went through and see if the Lifetime Movie channel would pick it up. It could have a trailer calling it "Death in slow motion". It might be therapeutic for me to get it out on paper, but audiences would be horrified.
Dr. C. I needed to see this video today. I woke up at two this morning, my mind churning over the dysfunction by my covert, narcissist, daughter, and how badly I allow myself to be hurt by her. Your videos are keeping me grounded in reality, even though it’s a very hard truth to bear being alone is much better than being with abusive people. Thank you. Beverly.
When your child is abusive, it is just so much harder to extract yourself from the relationship. You live in hope, you feel responsible, even when they are getting on. Well, I guess I made many mistakes in raising my son, but he's taken on a pattern of abuse from my ex whom he is close to. It's a deja vu nightmare. Dr C's kind wisdom and professionalism is just the tonic we need to help build and maintain those boundaries!
@@AnnePerkins-po5jo walking away from your child is so hard even though you know it is the only thing that will save you.
How did she end up that way? This is one thing i don't understand. My dad is a horrible malignant narc but my grandmother is absolutely the sweetest. I have witnessed him be abusive to her as well. So, I'm wondering if he became this way from his father, whom I never met.
I also have a very abusive son who is now using our grandchildren.
I have a daughter like your’s.
She has killed close relationships with the entire family. It hurts too that she thinks I’m the problem🤷♀️
But hubby & I , with our 3 others kids with two spouses…. All have wonderful sane relationships.
But I’m the crazy one, though now the two spouses of my kids are the problems to her too .
Yes. The narc sued 13 of my health care providers without my consent, without telling me. And the provider’s office and attorney’s were mad at me and investigated me.
Leila . Any angle, however bizarre the narc will exploit!
Oh my!
On an optimistic note, we all have free will and thus the freedom to say "no" is within our gift.
Precisely!
"Team Healthy" has become my Motto. It has become my Lifes Purpose. No other lifestyle will do.
So pleased!!
"Team healthy" 👍
Amen. I am with you on this. 🙏🌷
This can be a never ending cycle unless you do something to break it! But, woe betide you if you do!
Trauma bonded....glad I am progressing nicely past the hell of those first 6 months. The nights alone, the anxiety, the ruminations, the self-doubt, the embarrassment, the smear campaign. I will forever be affected by the shock and bewilderment of the discard. I am grateful for the effect, for I am stronger and better because of it. I am proud of my emotional intelligence and maturity. Sympathy goes to my lost boy....71 years old and forever foolish, stuck at 17. A knowingly, hurtful "saint," victim, hero, martyr. If they only knew....
I get you wholeheartedly... my lost boy is also 71 but I doubt that his emotional maturity is of that of a 17 year old... more likely 7 years old... So very sad! So VERY sad! Sending you a huge virtual hug, my Friend ❤
@WakeyWakey1111 Thank you for the support and virtual hug. It does me such good to make use of Dr. C's forum to actually put into words what was done to me. Write it down, put it out there. It helps me to take accountability for my unknowing people pleasing ways. I am no victim, eh? We are survivors! Thanks again, let's stay Team Healthy. I so wanted that love. It was all a figment of my imagination, lost in his self-serving, needy ways, and altered reality of himself. Staying away from liars and his monkeys has helped! Thanks again.
Me too! Especially the smear and humiliation that happened behind my back. But that was then and this is now. I'm too old to start over but my remaining life mission is making sure the narc won't "win". This is a personal war that I refuse to lose. 🤨
O ya the embarrassment is a big key in the puzzle - total clown clowns & stands there for the audience of flying monkeys !
It’s amazing how consistent the stories are. How you can’t really “know” what it’s like to be on the receiving end until you have been through it. After years of being confounded by their behaviour you research narcissist and a tonne of bricks falls on you. For those in the middle, as Nancy says you will be stronger on the other side. Thanks for sharing Nancy and great summary Dr C. Love to all.
They become ensnared in the traps they set for others and then get angry at others for not falling in the trap.
I see you've met my mother!
I find another way of them to keep being in control is by telling you how YOU affect them. Like you make the choice to do something that benefits you and you go through with it, and it doesn’t involve them, but they say how heartbroken or upset or sad they are: by you setting a boundary, not going there for a holiday, or not doing what they wanted you to do. It lays on a lot of guilt and their emotions and wants become your job to cater to and prioritize over your own. (This is what I’ve noticed in how my husband esteems his parents’ needs and wants over his and wife and kids.) I’ve started to soothe myself by thinking of “sorry you feel that way” and still doing what I feel is best for me.
it feels like emotional manipulation what they do
My ex-sister in-law is a narcissist and keeps treating the children as possessions, when ever she hears no or doesn’t get her own way she retaliates! She has no boundaries and is making outrageous claims about controlling behaviour, abuse and fear, everything she claims she is the one doing. It’s terrifying!
There is no amount of medication, therapy or in-house mental health institution to fix these people!
It's particularly annoying when the person/narci who is so controlling & scolds me like I'm a child , us in fact quite immature ~ I am the mature, grown-up 1, which he hates. Also hating that I know more about things & usually correct, 99% of time. He's spent adult life working & watching junk TV, who'd he think had to take care of our biz, if wasn't him?! I've tried for 30+ yrs to get him to do things with me -- chores & fun stuff too, narcis are stubborn resisters! Now, wants to insult me, scorn me, & etc? Anything to make me fail, or he just acts like I did, makes me look & feel failure.
But I try & build him up...when he does do anything ~ thought maybe if he felt better about himself...? Is like working with 2-3yr olds, where nice comments on job they did, makes them want to do it more. It works with 2-3yr olds , but wasted effort on husband?!
So, guess it's official then ~ some husbands are harder to teach new behaviors to, than whole class of 2-3yr olds. "Okkkkk....um....can I trade him in, for the little children? LOL
Dr. Carter, YES! The scolding and feeling reprimanded although I’m a middle age adult! Thank you for putting this into words🙏🏼. What a helpful video, many thanks!
I’ve noticed lately how often I’m afraid I’ll “get in trouble”. Growing up I was very anxious about getting in trouble or disappointing my parents and I never realized I still had that fear. I’m a grown adult and can’t actually get in trouble no matter what the narc thinks or says. It’s another step to freedom!!!
Tell me about it! My husband was forevever occupied in eroding my financial stability, running up debts that ate into the house hold budget. As I was the major breadwinner, "I could always afford it". He tried several times to get large loans by using our house as co-lateral. I refused to be guarantor each time and that earnt me a beating each time. If I "ignored" him I was in for a night's sleep deprivation. until I agreed to have sex with him, the last thing one wants when sleep is needed to cope with long days at work in order to keep a roof over our heads. Even when he was dying of cancer. He still found the strength to be nasty to me yet be thoroughly charming to others.Even though he has been dead 15 years I am still getting over the abuse my husband dished out, I still get the occasional nightmare featuring him as the antagonist.
" I thought that's what you would want. I can't do anything right ! "
I learn something new about this bizarre lunacy every time I listen to one of the videos. My husband always steps in to take over something that I'm doing. It's just so annoying but I never realized that that was a symptom of their bizarre behavior. Thank you.
Wish I'd known this information sooner ... I spent 35 years putting up with my abusive, narcissistic mother-in-law (she passed away last month), who clearly enjoyed tormenting me and she was so clever at it, but I didn't know what to do. She would *act* as sweet as pie towards me when my husband was around, but as soon as she had me alone either in person, or over the phone, then she would say the meanest, cruelest things to me. And because my husband didn't hear her say that then it became her word against mine -- total gaslighting!! But I wasn't about to let her win, and in the end, I won. So I finally went no contact with her and my husband even told his mom to stop calling me and I blocked her number. She was VERY unhappy with that because I was no longer accessible to abuse anymore. So she started abusing me through gossip within the family, because she needed her *fix* to hate on me somehow. I put up with this nonsense for 14 months after going no contact until she finally passed away last month. Thank God her abuse is over!
O Gawd - the mil told formerly nice to me relations that I had VD ! + demanded 500 bucks off me the 2nd time I met her/IT.
@@sylviasimpson-n2o🤗🤗
"smelly abode," lol. Thanks for the laugh! But in all seriousness, I recently blurted out to my Nmom that I don't like her and she acted stunned. I said, "what, the year's long estrangement didn't clue you in?" Even though it was a sad and maybe mean thing to say to an elderly person, I feel like it kind of liberated me. It's so hard to be emotionally honest to an N because they don't. want. to. hear. it. It's like my mother has lived her whole life ducking and weaving emotional truths to the point that now she's totally isolated and I'm the only person left on the planet who will deign to speak to her. It's tragic, really.
Be sure to keep those boundaries no matter what. If no one else speaks to her, that means you're her only supply. Let those rivers run dry on her 😂
Mines a recluse, wont do things with his friends, wants me around constantly, after yrs of me working and him retired, he suddenly has huge fear of abandonment snd doesn't want me out of his sight....etc
Nobody deserves to be in the abuser’s traps. Narcisists are driven by evil forces.
I have broken free from the chains of narcissistic people who never saw the goodness to maintain a healthy lifestyle by being law abiding citizens, instead he follows the path of methodology. I have strong belief in values that give me respect and integrity. I have always lived a Christian life from childhood which has thought me the true depths of worthiness, and this is the path I follow through this journey of life with the blessings of God. This is very peaceful. Thanks so much for your help and support. I am aware of this behavior in people and trust my intuition. God bless. ❤
Last Sunday I taught the first of 3 lessons at my church about narcissism. I see it as part of the human condition that is depicted in the Eden story. If you'd be interested, you can find it on YT. Look up St. Alban's Episcopal church, Waco, and you should find it.
Coercive control is illegal in the U.K.
I seen a video of a supposed lady possibly praying n arrested for that in the u.k
That's really interesting, we should have that law too.
Its hard to prove it and we have to realize its what we're going through. Difficult if the family you grew up in was narcissistic.
Interesting!!
Thank you for this video. We don't need to tolerate it and nobody needs to live inside the confines of someone else's falsified reality.
The act of trapping someone in an abusive situation is abuse!
Needed to hear this today, thank you. I've been ill and my narc husband is accusing me of having a pity party.
Me too. I got covid. It’s a signal….
It's So Hard to get thru health problems when the ppl arnd you are playing those games😥. My family abused me until I became disabled, & abandoned me in adulthood bc I'm (a worthless joke). IF I meet a 'partner', so far, That person ends up using my medical against me. My ex-husband used my illness against me when he started cheating, so I Feel You so much. Praying All of us (sick) folks dealing w/ a narc environment Get Better now, & are able to be independent enough to free ourselves. I Really Hope you're Safe, & we can all find the resources to get well & escape. Much Love❤️
Trapped in an abusive relationship going on 5 1/2 years now. It’s been a living hell. I have a four year old with her whom I can’t imagine being without, he’s been the best thing to ever happen to me. It just seems like there’s no good option for me. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.
Prison of turmoil. Indeed. He's younger than me. I believe is disguising himself as an older man.
oh my gosh.... this is so familiar!!! I was so abused at a job I loved, I stayed way past time I should have left... every time I went there, when I came home I was a wreck and my family had to put me back together.... it took years to get past it. Don't narcisists feel guilty at all??? ever????
No, they do not
NEVER
Hey Dr Carter, when did you find the time to plant a listening device in my parent’s home? This is my 3rd time listening to this vid, and you hit every mark of the oldest brother being the primary caretaker of my nonagenarian parents. Thank you for the knowledge, enlightenment, and encouragement to get help. Truly.
Regarding the listening device...I have people.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Of course you have people…I would initiate an investigation, but your valuable insight tip the scales exponentially….
Can we have a video on how narcs go through targets? I was my covert narc mom's scapegoat and #1 target for abuse. I went no-contact and soon my golden child brother is contacting me trying to pull me back in because now he's target #2. Next, I hear from my mom's best friend via letter trying to pull me back in because she's target #3. Now my aunt is target #4 and if she calls, I will not be answering.
Thanks for explaining what the non-physical abuse looks like. That is meaningful for me.
I'm running away
It's too terrible.
I broke free from my narcistic mother and family who financially abused me. They had a hold on me - emotionally - for much longer when I had a burnout. When I found out what they all did I ended up at the emergency from distress. It has been 4 years since I closed the door on my family and asked them to leave me alone. Almost 10 times I wnet to the police beacause they wouldn't stop stalking and contacting me. They still won't let go no matter how much I set my boundaries; it's a red flag for them. Most exhausting thing I've ever experienced!
Thanks so much for your videos!
This is absolutely the truth about the narc husband in my life.
The smear campaign has seemed to be the worst for me…. I am slowly recovering and have found intermittent peace that no one can take. I have actually become stronger and learned to survive. I am now focusing solely on myself, from self care to gaining new skills so I can get the hell out of it. It’s been an eye opening experience 😮, but I am great full it happened now as I am so much more dependable and at peace ✌️.
I know Gus is the mastermind behind your videos. Thank you two! These videos are really healing. 💛
You figured out my secret!
@@SurvivingNarcissism ❤️ How I wish to have a session with you Dr. Les! Your voice and your kindness are helping me tremendously right now. Your kindness and the warm tone of voice that you have reminds me of my Grandfather. He was the mother and the father figure I've never had even if it lasted just 8 years, I think he saved me by showing me love and care. Which none in both families never did. I'm so lucky to have met him. Thanks for all the help, understanding and the humanity you show all of us here! It feels really lonely recovering from these very cruel individuals.. My biological mother now I am more sure than ever she's a malignant narcissist, really psychopathic and my biological father as well. I'm so glad that at the age of 30 I've finally gone no contact with all of them. This time is going to be FOREVER. I think they've ruined me enough, I'm still picking up the pieces of myself. I'm so lucky to have my cat. He's my baby. He shows me love and doesn't hurt, lie or cheat on me. Gas is so sweet by the way! It's a pleasure to see him in the background 🙂 Thanks again Dr. Les Carter 🙏
Blessings to you Dr C from Brenham - home of Blue Bell Ice Cream!
I like that town, Brenham Texas
I haven't had any Blue Bell since last night!
It all boils down to the anger and contempt they have against God knows who for God knows what since God knows when. The hate they have is real and the agenda is to make you pay and the revenge they are seeking will never end. Get as far away from them as you can.
Yes I have been abused by intimidation. It s very aggressive, but thanks to your sessions dr c I am coping. For 2 year I did not speak to my narc. He shouted at me and I set a boundary.I do not speak to men who shout at me and think that sort of behaviour is ok. For 2 years he has done everything to antagonise me, and to ignore me and cut me out. I have totally ignored him. Thanks to your sessions I walk in life in The best way I can and simply get on with my life.I ignore him but the other day he suddenly spoke to me…..it was a surprise but quickly I thought new forms of old misery ….not for me. I ignored him. He called my name and said I had left my garage door open. It was not the end the world and I felt no need to speak to him . Or have him in my life. I have broken free. He can not make me look less than, and I will not be subjected to his abuse. Thanks for your help. Couldn’t do it without you. Judy frommuk
PURE GOLD , THANK YOU DR.
My ex did ALL of these things. So glad I figured him out.
Dr. C, Do you think narcissists get more desperate the older they get? It occured to me that, the more relationships they "go through" the more urgent their need to find and keep the next supply would be because, like all of us, perhaps they feel they need to make the most out of their remaining years and those years are becoming fewer. I left my abuser a year ago and I've also had to go NC with my narcissistic mother. I'm living a peaceful, safe life now thanks to the help that you and other caring individuals like you have provided.
@@Soothsayer937 Yeah, my ex husband was trying to put me in a position to where he could "make me leave", too. His last act was going to be controlling even my exit. I was extremely patient, planned every detail of my departure, and cleared every single possession of mine out of "his" house while he was gone on a fishing trip. Surprise!
I think they do get more desperate as they get older, and also even more abusive. As time goes by, even the covert narc has trouble keeping the mask on. My mother got way worse in her old age, and I finally had to go no contact 3 years ago. I couldn't take her over-the-top behavior towards me anymore!
+ Natalie. Don't think so - the narc just keeps searching for supply.
@@Soothsayer937 The ones with cash extorted from others die comfy in their own beds !
Dr Ramani has a video on this. Yes, they get worse. Die alone in a nursing home. Oh well 🤷🏼♀️
This sounds like the feeling of my rebellious young daughter who wants a life with no correction, no boundaries, or rules if so she's being abused controlled and mistreated.
... this is also so true in a Dangerous High Control Group where the Psuedo-Personality Overlay IS that of a covert narcissist (and often develops because of the all prevailing social-psychological milieu, that's why there are so many who behave and feel the way they do.) Steven Hassan refers to the continuous entrapment and ensnarement as Undue Influence. I believe that is the appropriate term for a cyclical pattern and downward spiral of entrapment and ensnarement, vulnerable to even FURTHER coercion, extortion, stalking, and undue influence. Extremely covertly dangerous (such that outsiders find it difficult to recognize.)
I thank God for prayer and I'm praying for my loved ones deliverance from these abusive relationships. Just waiting on God to bring deliverance from this/ these people. It's hard I know, but I know that all things are possible with God.
Something times it not the narcissist that keeps you in the situation it can be something else you can't leave behind by choice 😔😥😭
Yes, like our children
@Tammy Whitten mine is a four legged daughter
That was the worst torture for me with my ex vindictive narcissist!Watching what he did to the kids and turning the kids into his weapons pawns and spies, his flying monkeys!
@Texas Refugee that's what he's doing with his family and now I'm getting texts saying that I'm the problem if that's the case then let me get the my fur baby and they will never see me again that's all I want.8years of this abuse
@@jenniferw4326 Can you take the 4 legged and go? Chances are your 4 legged has an idea of what is going on and that can't be good for her. Animals are very sensitive I've learned and can be deeply affected by it. Hope you can find a way out of the misery.
Agree, my ex tries to sneak in and still tries to control me by offering to buy me things or take me places, calls alot to be nosey about where I'm at, where I went, who I saw but he's sneaky about the asking....and it's freaky how he seems to know where I go!...such a manipulator. I make boundaries now that I live alone❤❤
People need to remain independent, have your own finances so you don't rely on anyone for anything. Abusers are poor little miserable toddlers who toss you away when they've finished playing. Don't give them headspace.
Dr Carter this is hard to watch; it’s almost like you have been observing my life. Thank you for sharing your life’s learnings for free; I am grateful.
Dr C. you just described my narc in complete detail, I distance myself from him best i can and don't react. He tries to track me down as much as he can, it's sick.
It is not a healthy lifestyle to be in a relationship of any kind with a narcissist. Get away from them and keep as much distance from them as possible.
Break tha bond do it now - not so easy at it seems ever a struggle but there is an exit in time...
I want to add to this comment that I posted before regarding when I lost my job because I got into a big blow up with a Covert narcissist co worker felt that she could not compete with me and was so insecure and threatened in my presence and hated me so much to the point that the narcissist threatened to fight me and I had to call the police on her at work and my supervisor literally suggested that I get a restraining order,a week prior she had just threatened to fight another employee, nurse that called her out on her HARASSMENT and Her BS . Mind you we are both Nurses that will have both of our careers ruined if we get into any kind of trouble 👿 this Demon was so envious of me and my possessions that she was willing to throw her whole life away for nothing I had been complaining to my job about her for months and so did a lot of my other co works and my job just continued to enable her bulling ,negative and toxic behaviors so I just blew up on her and told her how horrible she was all the while during the argument all she could do was body shame me but of course she had no legitimate answers to her behaviors towards me when I questioned her about her hate towards me her answer was “ I just don’t like your ugly A “ you can feel in the blanks .Extremely childish and very unprofessional behavior.This was about 4 days ago we both got fired and now I’m looking for another job . It’s extremely frustrating to me because my job knew what was going on and knew what this narcissist was capable of and literally did nothing I’m now looking for a attorney to take my case against the job .This Narcissist was so sneaky and covert with her drama and hate the she knew how do ever thing behind the since very well.They just kept telling me that they didn’t know what to do and told me to just keep ignoring her and behavior only got worst and worst.The Administrator and Don kept passing the buck when I ask several times if they could have me and the Covert Narcissist come in and sit down to talk . I knew that if they ask her to sit down and talk to try to resolve her issues with me she would refuse to do so and probably even get mad a quit her job because this is just how childish she really was and that would have worked out just great for me ,but again my job did nothing I really wished they had of handled it differently .The Narcissist should have fired when she made the first attempt to fight another co worker days ago and I might still have my job this is really a shame …..
1977. Over the top ! WoW just Wow !
This happened to me several years ago and it was devastating. But its not you, its the toxic management. I found out the area I worked in closed after the mandates because many quit and they couldn't keep people there to begin with.
She has Followed me to my new job and is now currently working there part time claiming that she didn’t know I was working there and it’s just a coincidence,unbelievable I have reported her to the state board nursing enough is enough….
@Doedi-sp9wb No way OMG! She is crazy! Sorry I dont have words that are encouraging right now except for document everything!
Thank you very much for explaining all these different abusive behaviours. It is so helpful. Gus is also adorable.
Thank you for your videos. It really helps, especially on the extra bad days. I'm so tired.
Living in a trap 24/7 is exhausting
I will be enrolling in the Free to BE Me workshop!! I have been blessed with an inheritance !!! I know the information given boy Dr. Carter will be worth every penny!! I was trapped for over 4 decades.
Best wishes, Kathi!
I deal with all of this on an almost daily basis. It's amazing to me to finally see it for what it is. I think she was even tracking my phone location (we share cell account), because i've been out of town for work and my work is wind dependent (i work at sea) and i noticed the days i was not working were the days she was incredibly vicious towards me via text messages. I turned off my phone tracking and afterwards the abuse became much more random in recent weeks. unreal.
He took over laundry for 15 years, saying I was incapable. I never renewed my license because he constantly told me I couldn't drive. This is month 3 of doing my own laundry and I expect to get my license back by February 2025 as a 46 year old. 😊
How to find the right EXIT? ✅
In my case my narcs were my family of origin. Abusers too. Both parents. Then siblings. Continued into adulthood. I couldn’t see a way out. Trauma bonded probably. But I was the truthteller they all hated and scapegoated. When I set firmer & firmer boundaries & kept to them they went nuts. But I stayed cool. Then they set me up to go to their home (said they missed me-hoovering) and there was an ambush weapon attack waiting for me. Injuries. I called police & went No Contact right then forever. God made a way through a “Red Sea” I couldn’t see my own way through because of prayer for Him to intervene and He did! No contact now with ALL the lifetime enablers, flying monkeys (oh, the smear campaign!), bystander witnesses, neutral relatives who witnessed the abuses all my life…Cut all ties of and when you can with God’s help.
@@ZeeJayEssJay Sounds just like my situation. The door never looked better! Walked on out and my daughter is now my next task but I will no longer take any abuse what so ever. 😊
He makes me feel like I'm going insane I take my chances being homeless that's the kind of crazy thinking I have living with him.
I need help! I’ve been in silence and neglect for 20 years. I recently stopped the financial support and it’s been hell. Things are getting worse. I feel like an empty shell. I get no affection. I feel like a object…clean/cook/sex. But no affection no kind words nothing at all. I don’t even get looked at while speaking. I’m not sure what to do anymore. I just keep the distances. Because sometimes i go into a depression. Please help
run, save urslf or you'll be drained of ur existence 💯
Team Healthy is a good place to hang around. I applaud your decision to speak out. Speak truth. Don't hide. No one can make you feel less of yourself unless you let them. Your humanity brings an intrinsic value to your world. There are many here not just willing, but actually wanting to talk/listen.
@@killadjango6995 I wish I could. It would be a so hard my daughter would suffer a great deal.
@@aaronkwolfe I really appreciate that. I find myself feeling very alone. Sometimes I don’t even speak because I feel so empty inside.
@@re03387 I’ve been there. Feeling alone, even in a room full of people. Feeling alone in a big, empty house that was once full of people. Reach out. Allow others to reach in. Let people help.
This describes my daughter-in-law perfectly. She did all of these things to me and told my son and grandchildren that I am the problem. She has my family convinced that they are all victims of something that I was supposed to have done to them. They quit speaking to me a few years ago and now my son has even turned against me. I haven't seen him or my grandchildren in a long time. It hasn't been easy but I am doing my best to survive without my family. It's hard to believe that narcissists can be so cruel but they actually enjoy being that way.
Really sounds like you’re the narc. People get away from you to protect themselves
@@Goose619 You're dead wrong. You obviously haven't been beaten down, screamed at for no reason, blamed for just trying to be yourself, physically assaulted because you didn't give in to their demands, lied about behind your back, made you feel worthless and didn't have a reason to live. I'm still carrying the emotional scars from the 27 years she lived in my home. Maybe you're describing yourself cause you're sure not describing me.
This is really a small thing, but it says so much…. I like my steak well done, and for some reason my spouse is always trying to get me to eat ,eat medium…you’re eating it to dry etc… we went to a steak place where you cook your own steak… I had mine on the pit, went to get a salad and he chose to turn my steak over! It just made me really annoyed…. Like ‘I know what’s best for you’… that was the message! Such a small thing..but such a ‘controlling move’
Just being you isn't good enough...for him! Be you anyway.