10 Things Funeral Directors ACTUALLY Want You To Know
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- Опубликовано: 10 июн 2024
- Kari Northey, a funeral director and embalmer, lists 10 items that funeral directors want you to know about the work they do, your rights, and things that are often confusing.
@KaritheMortician
kari@KaritheMortician
@theickfactor3894
This is a very sensitive profession for funeral personnel and families. Bless everyone and all you do! 🙏❤
Thank you!
Thank you for being so open and honest !!!
You are welcome!!
Hello Again,
I am a retired mortician in California, and I have shared my thoughts in this forum before.
First I wish to say, Kari tells the truth. I trust her more all the time.
I have an exception to report. Though Kari already explained it.
My wife died suddenly in her early 40s. She was buried in a rental casket. It had been used many times and by then needed to be replaced. The family that ran the mortuary we chose were friends. They were getting a new rental casket and offered us the old one at quite a savings. And we (my wife's family and I,) are very grateful.
Next I wish to reaffirm that we mortuary employees can definitely be touched by the stories behind some cases that come in. Tears and all. AND I made sure NOT to get used to sad stories. People need mortuary personnell who CAN be touched.
Thanks for this opportunity to speak. I hope it helps.
Definitely a small item I didn't mention with the rental is buying the shell at a reduced price. Thank you for bringing this up!
Rental caskets?
@@dorisbilley8991
Hi Doris. My name is Michael. I retired from mortuary work 5 years ago, in northern California. I have 21 years in that business under my belt.
Your question is so brief. Here is my assumption, that the subject is new to you. Perhaps when you first heard the words "rental casket" you wrinkled your nose and said, Huh? We will go with that, in hopes of giving an adequate reply concerning rental caskets. (I am offering my 2 cents worth as your question is at least 2 days old now, and I can't find where you have been answered. And we know Kari is working, so maybe this will help you both.)
In cases of cremation, where there is to be a funeral first, with casket present, this is the casket used. Sometimes the presence of a casket is to hide the fact that the loved one is going to be cremated. This happens. In other cases, the family just wants a normal funeral, casket present, and soon thereafter, the cremation.
In any case someone who is going to be cremated won't need a casket. But they can use one temporarily.
People being cremated just need a "rigid container" when the time comes. In my part of the country this is usually a large cardboard box. It looks like a huge shoe box.
But a rental casket is an empty shell. There are factory-made liners that fit the rental casket. They are similar to the shoe box type of thing, but they come with a nice fabric lining, a pillow and a few other things. When the liner is placed in the rental casket, it is made to look like a regular casket with very few adjustments. Open viewings can be held in it, and you can't tell that it is a temporary, combination setup. It looks that nice.
After the funeral, the rental casket liner, complete with the decedent in it, is drawn out, documented and sent to the crematory. The now empty rental is put away and is ready for the next time.
The dead person never touches the casket shell. When someone rents that casket the next time, there is no concern about sanitation.
Mortuaries are careful about germs. They also like to kerp things looking nice. So they replace the rental casket now and then so it always looks new. For my wife's funeral, she was the last one to use her mortuary's rental casket, so I bought it outright and she is buried in it in the usual way. And given the fact it was a used item, soon to be replaced with a new rental casket I was given quite a discount on her rental casket's last and lasting use. This helped, as funerals are such an expensive thing.
One last note. I have heard of situations where the family had gone through with the cremation, but the funeral was to be held later, and the family wanted the funeral to look normal. There have been unusual cases where the rental casket was placed in the chapel or church and looked normal. Or it might be a regular casket from the show room. But empty. In such a case, the family knows all about it and has had a hand in this arrangement. But the people attending the funeral just assume the normal thing. This is unusual, but the mortuary's aim is to please the family of the decedent. The family is paying for it. They have their reasons for anything special they want done. We try to cooperate.
Michael Dougfir thank you that makes sense, I was how you rented a casket because usually it is only a one time deal. Both my parents were cremated, my dad dint want a formal service he just wanted something private at home with immediate family.
We had a celebration of life
For my mom, I had her ashes there but in a pretty wooden box my husband and son in law made. Both their ashes were scattered.
That is a good idea though for people who still want a viewing and a casket at the funeral.
Now that I think about it, we know someone who had a viewing of her husband and he was cremated later so they must have it available here. Thank you for answering.
You chose this career and make plenty of money so. Please don't whine
As always, thank you for your work and thank you for caring. You alone are changing the face of the funeral industry for me.
You are welcome!
I think this is one of the best videos you’ve ever done! It’s simple, straight forward and heartfelt. One thing I admire about you is your ability to connect with people and take things back down to the human level. I agree that sometimes people fixate on the negatives they hear about the funeral industry and tend to be very stand-off ish. But it’s also a human reaction to fear what you don’t understand. You have done a marvelous job of taking the “taboo” out of the funeral industry and taking the time to answer so many questions. Keep up the great work and looking forward to your vids on England!
Thank you! Make sure to share with someone who needs to hear the info!
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I’d love to see a video talking about the “craziest” request families have asked for!
Me too
Great idea!
Amen lol
im not sure how I would feel about a situation where we are placing judgment upon what grieving families wanted
You are a real angel! We need more funeral directors just like you. Greetings from England 🙏🏻🥰
I miss your country!! We were just over there! Thank you
I totally agree Keri is a 100%
Spot on credit to her profession And she also has a radiating personality. With a lot of compassion. We need more people like
Keri attending to the families. Thank you Carrie I will always look to you for advice 🌹
You are so soft spoken and sweet. Thank you for being SUPPORTIVE. 🥰🙏🏾
A good way to save money at a funeral is purchasing a damaged casket. Even if the casket has a very small scratch, it is considered "damaged" and cannot be sold. We had a family member that was buried in a casket that was purchased by the funeral home three years before. The only damage on it was a blemish that was the size of a pinky nail. It was right by the handle of the casket. You would not have noticed it unless someone pointed it out. We got it for the cost the the funeral home paid. The funeral director was happy to see it leave their storage facility!
How did they present it to you? A scratch and dent special that was available? I am honestly curious how they brought the option up?
Kari Northey We were having to raise money for my uncle’s funeral since he had no life insurance. He had a cancer diagnosis and died 8 days after he found out. The funeral director knew we were low on money so this was what she had for an idea.
Michelle Ballard that is great!
Thank you so much for this incredibly informative video! I really wish more people were more receptive about talking about death and what our loved ones want to be done with their remains. Both my husband and I have discussed this extensively.
That is so wonderful!
Beautiful video Kari! The funeral home that took care of my mama and grandma was so amazing. I could pick up the phone and call with any question and it would be answered. Anytime I have to be in the building I always tell them how thankful I am that they took such great care of her.
So glad to hear this!
THANK YOU.Awesome video.Your an amazing woman.MY idle.Some one has to do it&I can't think of ANYONE ANY better than you to do it.Thank you for ALL you do Kari,I truly believe you are doing your God sent gift.WE LOVE OUR funeral lady.... Kari Northey.
Thank you!
@@KaritheMortician UR THE BEST of the BEST.I admire u so VERY much!!!!
Thank u so much for answering a lot of questions for me sweet lady ! God bless u ! 💖
Greeting from AZ. I love your videos so much. Every since I was a little girl I’ve always wanted to know the “ins and outs” of the behind the scenes funeral process. This is the field I should’ve gone into. Thank you for educating so many of us that want to know more. Keep them coming for us!
You are welcome!
Thank you so much I'm glad I felt your Channel you're a very nice person very honest and I really really enjoy it my wife is going to become a funeral director:) she is taking classes in January for it ty again love the Burrows family
Thank you so much!
Good luck to your wife!!
Yw and ty too
Kari when my father-in-law passed at we were at the funeral home making the arrangements his wife kept telling the funeral home personal "He sure was a SOB". She would say this over and over and over again. The funeral home personal looked so embarrassed. Finally towards the end of the appointment she said "I'm sure going to miss Sweet Old Bill". We all cracked up and he laughed with us.
Thank you for your honesty.
Great points to know, Kari !
Thank you for explaining very clearly the need for a business to give good care, AND remain financially viable....after all, Funeral Directors need to pay for housing, food, and expenses we ALL have !
It's a career --- and that means getting paid for the good work you do : )
Thank you! As always (so far) very informative!!
You are welcome!
Thank you for sharing all the videos that you do.
You are welcome!
Be kind to the funeral director and staff. They are human also, and death affects them too. I have observed this at the last several funerals that I have been too. The staff at my friend’s viewing and funeral were kind and sympathetic. The director for my husband’s grandmother, was such a kind and caring young lady. She shared with us, that she loved meeting our family, and though it was closed casket, offered the family a chance to see Grandma. She was honest, because Grandma had not been embalmed (the family’s choice). I imagine that giving that level of support to each family, can be so exhausting as well as rewarding. 💜❤️
Thank you!
very informative! So glad for transparency and education!
Great video as always, Kari! So interesting! 😊
Thank you!
Thank you so much Kari with your awesome explanations of the business .
You are welcome!
This is very informative information and it's a big help to families. We can appreciate how you go into it with consideration for the family. Thank you!
I appreciate that!
Kari, you've made many, many informative videos. I just happen to think this one is easily in the Top 10. Thank you.
Thanks so much for this info.
Another awesome video...you have taught a lot of us a lot of things for sure! I was just at a family funeral yesterday and people around me were saying how the funeral home must have made good money because the cemetery was directly across the street etc. I found myself saying, did you count the number of employees or professionals in attendance, I counted 5 or 6 - they not only need to make a living but deserve to! I can so appreciate the time, overhead etc that goes into what you do. Like you said good and bad everywhere but let’s not assume the worse in everyone. Rant over lol. Thanks again.
Thank you so much!
So beautiful with a calming voice
Thank you so much!
Hi Kari😀 very tasteful and well done...a great video for anyone....
Thank you!
Very helpful. Thank you.
You are welcome!
Very good points as usual Kari,which are very important for people to know.I can relate to the one about funeral directors being sad too.I lost two family members within a relatively short period of time,and I could tell the director,who cared for my mom not long before,and who was now caring for my brother,was definitely affected.Long story short,we were supporting each other through this, I believe.I don't live in the town where his funeral home is anymore,but I have seen and talked to him from time to time when I visit.
My lesson from the experience is I wished I would have asked him "How are you doing" FIRST.I will remember that from now on.
.
Thank you
Excellent video. I learned a great deal.
Great info Kari, thank you! :)
Thank you!
Very Good! Thank You.
Thank you!
thank you for sharing this info.
You are welcome!
Excellent video. I used to be a funeral director and your information is very good and helpful.
Thank you
Thanks for the info very instructive
Thank you!
Very informative! Thanks
Thank you
Awesome thanks for the video.
No problem 👍
Hi Kari ..l love all the your videos thanks for being so open and honest..greetings from Albuquerque NM .. I'm originally from Chihuahua Mexico.
Thanks for sharing!!
thank you for this video it was very informative
Thank you Kari I appreciate the information you supply. I also wanted to say you are adorable!
Oh thank you!
You're AMAZING!!
Well said, and thoughtful too.
Thank you
Enjoying your blogs, looking forward to looking in becoming a Director one day.
Thank you!
Wholy smokes your good and very in depth.Thank you !!
THank you!
Thank you for making this video thank you for your openness and your honesty like I said I live in I live in Canada I think some of the things you said in terms of that the funeral home is a business and I I understand that and the other points that you made the one point that you made is that when you are embalming a person that you do cry and I can understand that you're you're human and just that the 10 points that you made were very educational to me and like I said I live in Canada so I think some of the points may also be applied to Canadian funeral homes so thank you once again for a good video and take care ♥️
You are very welcome!
Awesome video💓💓💓
Thanks 🤗
More people need to hear this. I'll show to those who want to know. Admire what you are doing!
Thank you!!
Great talks 💎💛💚💙
Thank you!
By all means, you’re 100% entitled to have a “bad” day. Especially in this line of work. With that said, not too many people get the opportunity to die when they choose to. Also, if you’re tired, overwhelmed, overworked, on call, etc...please remember that YOU chose to be in this field of work so no one really cares how you are feeling at that particular time. I mean this with 100% respect for yourself as well as the profession. Obviously, we do not know anything about each other but from the couple of videos I’ve personally seen, you come across as sincere and caring, just to name a couple of things. Again, I’m not saying ANY of this to be disrespectful, just calling it like I see it. Thank you for taking the time to get some more information out there.
I anticipated at least a few people saying just this :) I get it. We choose what we do and it has its life choices with it. You would be surprised how many people assume we are at the funeral home working at 10 PM on a Saturday or 5 AM on a Tuesday and are upset when we are not at our computers or are not next to our files to access the information.
Years ago, I read an article about “inner city funerals” and thought it odd. The rental casket would explain what was said. The story was told by a teenager talking about friends dying. She said they would take rocks and scratch the casket so they would have to use that specific casket for the burial. These were really poor families with very tragic stories of losing children. I wish I remembered where I saw the story because I would like to reread it now that I have more knowledge.
That would be a very interesting read!
My funeral director this morning waited toward the end of our meeting.
Everyone dies, I've told my boys to give me the cheaper funeral, I'll always be in there hearts, as they will with me
Thank you for all you do ❤️
You are welcome!
I would love Kari to care for my family when it it's their time to pass. I wish I we was near you Kari. We're stuck in Havre De Grace Maryland.
Thank you for that compliment
Could you do maybe a “two minutes” on a rental casket? I love all of your information!
studio.ruclips.net/user/videoPOWHp-MCD7s/edit
I should have known there was one somewhere. Thank you!
My family has bought 2 caskets online and save about $3000 per casket. Came quickly, in perfect shape. It was identical to what funeral home tried to sell us. But I guess its up to the family/individual preference i guess.
If you saved $3000 per casket yoh must have spent an insane amount for a casket
Awesome video as usual Kari.
I just watched one of the best videos I’ve seen in dying and thought I would share it with u all. The channel is :
Christina Newman
The video is titled:
Her last 5 days.
It’s told by Christina’s best friend. The way she described this passing on literally has calmed many many fears about my on immortality.
I’m sorry if this is off your topic, but it really touched me so much that I thought I would share the story that follows a new mom with terminal cancer.
Hi! First I wanna say I love your YT name! And that you do rescues! ❤ I just rescued my Pitty last month! He's the sweetest! 🐾🐾😊. And also I was wondering if you have a link to the video? Sounds interesting, but sad too. Thanks much and for all you do for animals!
I will check it out!
guardians animal rescue/ state certified 501c3 Yes, Anna did a great job on talking about those last days with Christina. Christina and I were friends on Social Media, and it’s hard to believe she has been gone for 5 years. Her daughter had a baby earlier this year. I will never forget Christina, or the things I learned from her. 💜❤️
Just watched Court TV Trial. PLEASE replay/reissue this. Would be so helpful. Also what happened during the beginning and height of COVID-19 is not the best narrative for the funeral business, we need to remember this in our critical comments.
Can you explain what you mean at the beginning of Covid?
@@KaritheMortician The beginning, people dieing in droves and we didn’t know if a mask helped or not. We had no vaccines, funeral homes were refusing to help families of deceased COVID-19 patients. Just go back and look at your videos the confusion in the funeral business was real.
You are someone who really found their calling in life. If I were younger I would seriously look into this as a career. I chose the medical field and I don't regret that but at age 62 it's too late to start another career. I would love to see pictures. I understand the privacy issue but as with the medical field I would think you could with the families permission. I'm especially interest In the before and after reconstruction pictures I've found on the internet. Reminds me of the plastic surgeons I worked with. 💜
I love your channel. I have a question. I know I want to be cremated. In a liquid cremation, does the skeleton be absorbed as well, or are the bones just disarticulated and have that to deal with?
Lovely video.
Thank you!
I agree!
I have an interview this afternoon for the position of a funeral director. Any tips?
I'd love to see a video about the dancing pall bearers and the dancing praise breaks. They really make it a celebration.
I Can’t figure out why my Relatives didn’t use a Rental for a 15 min. 2 Family Visitation? Deceased was Not Embalmed!!! Cremation took place Next day. Deceased was on a GURNEY with a Blanket over It??
I admire what you said about veterans because I am one. I did get my plot free but my wife and I paid to have our memorial bench made and put on it. We have seen it and we love how we were treated. We have our companion urn and creamation and bench all bought and paid for. We can always add to it if we want to.
That is wonderful :)
A version of this video should be played for each family. Question: can you sell a casket that has been previously used as a rental? Important answer!
There is no doubt my dear you are one of these very caring and loving directors. I do pray when it's my time to go I get someone as you. I know we are dead and all but I think it's a comfort knowing that one would be handled with love. I have another question that I havent been ready to know since my son passed away. But I do think I'm ready. My son was my brave Marine. He was blown up in Afghanistan. When he arrived home he was in a casket with a flag on it. Yes I knew he was blown up but I guess with shock and all I didnt comprehend it. I seen the casket and I was very anxious to make sure it was my son. I didnt wish death on any other parents son but I kept thinking maybe a mistake. Maybe when he gets to the funeral home I can see. When we arrived they did telk me get whatever you want cause it was all paid for. We picked eagles to go on the corners of the casket. We had all the extras. They even did a BENCH for us to sit on at his grave sight. I finally asked to see my son and was told there really isnt much to see. He was in pieces and he may not even all be there. They said he arrived in a bag. My question is do they arrive in a body bag and stay in that or is it another kind of bag? Since he was in pieces what would you do to prepare him? Would that bag be moved just to the other casket we picked out. He was only 26. His viewing was two days. We had over 5000 people attend. He was loved by so many. We didnt smell anything at all. But if he was in pieces how would you embalm him so he wouldnt smell. My only thought for a few years was he comfortable. I know that sounds stupid. Guess a bag of body part couldnt look to comfortable. I asked to least see a foot or a hand but it was just parts of it and they wasnt attached. They advised it's best I didnt see. It took awhile for me to realize it had to be my son in the casket. But every now and then I still wonder. Thank you for your time sweet gal. Much love from Utah
So sorry for your loss. Thank you for your son's service to our country.
He would have been cared for at the military mortuary most likely, which means they prepared his remains and whether in a body bag or not he would have been handled and treated. There are several videos about the work they do at Dover to care for those that die serving our country. You might watch them to see what they do. They are well done and respectful videos. Big hugs to you!!
@@KaritheMortician
Where do we find the videos re: the handling and preparation
Of the military decedents?
Thank you. When my wife passed in 2018, I received 0 from social security, in fact they took that month's amount OUT of our account! A year later I got that money resorted but never ANY help in her death. I appreciate these videos wish I had seen them then.
Thank you
I went to a funeral today we're a rental oak casket was used.. I noticed the end of the casket was warped.
It sounds like it was time to retire it
How involved do you allow a family to be in the preparation of a loved one ?
How do you get your skin or make up to change like that kind in a slow motion upwards
I am sorry I don't understand the question
Funeral homes don’t make caskets. They order from a company, no? Can you explain why the caskets a funeral orders can’t possibly come with dents or anything else that might be of concern?
So, if the consumer orders a casket or if the funeral home has to order out, what makes their ordering less concerning than if a family orders?
I had a baby in 2001 that was stillborn. We had him cremated. When we went to go pick up his remains I thought the funeral director was going to take us to a private room. But nope he came right out to the front lobby and handed him over to us with others in lobby to see this take place. That was 21 years ago and I will never forget that. As far as getting anything for a baby is free wasn’t the case for our baby. We didn’t have the money and had to put it on a credit card. It was $600 for the cremation and the urn. By far the worst time in my life. He was our miracle baby that never had a chance.
HOLY SHIT they charged you that much for a baby! I am mortified that a funeral home did that!
Excuse my language
@@KaritheMortician yep they sure did. I was more upset that he handed us our baby in the front lobby than a private room.
@@KaritheMortician it’s okay I’m a cusser🤣🤣🤣🤣
What music is this? I have heard it so many times but dont know what its called
Just a freebie from RUclips
What if I want a casket that the home doesn’t carry and needs to come from say Batesville how long does that take and is there a risk
Sometimes next day
My husband and I were talking he asked if I went first if I wanted to be buried or cremated. I said neither appeal to me, so just surprise me lol. But the natural burial sounded ok maybe it will be offered here one day. Still don't like the idea of dirt on my face but the idea of a claustrophbic casket freaks me out but being burnt....its not like I would know anyway ....😕
What happens if Someone has no insurance or money when they die.?
My sister is funny she said she doesn't want to be cremated because the fire would hurt. I told her it would be more painful to be embalmed. None of it hurts because the nervous system no longer functions after death. Lol
Hard to think past that though
In Norway its illegal to take the ashes home, you have to spread it somewhere.. you can’t keep it in your house and that sucks
@@gabrielegoldschmidt2436 😱😒
One thing I didn’t know until I did work experience at a funeral directors is that in a lot of cases when an infant is cremated there aren’t many, if any, remains left. The bones are so supple that quite often they disintegrate so there’s nothing left to grind into the “ashes”
You can control the burn with the newer machines to ensure more cremated remains to return which is awesome
Kari Northey oh wow, I didn’t know that! Thank you :)
I want a green burial when I get pass away
Love them!
PS Kari, sorry I misspelt your name
No worries!!
I have a couple questions. If a rental casket is used, what is the body buried in? And how do you keep death from consuming your life when you are looking at it every day? Does it make you live better or fearful? Etc? Just things I've always wondered about. Please and thank you.
A plastic case or a cardboard box
You focus on the living you are caring for!
Thank you
I want know the 10 things funeral directors, don’t want you to know.
Alot of them don't want us to know ALOT of things...That is why I am a die hard Kari fan.She will tell you straight up... Anything...She doesn't sugarcoat things,but has that calming, soothing voice&sweet appearance to answer difficult questions truthfully.
There is a video on it and they are all crap :)
It......is a business!!!!!!!!!!!!
never let them know how much, you have to spend lol
Very true but we don't try to take all their money
Does anyone else think that the 11 "dislikes" are just jealous? 😄
Lol :)
One thing is the hefty bill you'll receive for the funeral
That's no secret
At 05:00, anyone else besides me, find it creepy as Kari is talking that I cannot but help to look down the long hallway behind her left shoulder...maybe expecting to see a ghostly figure to be standing there or walk-about?!?! I mean c'mon, it's a funeral home afterall !!!
That would have been fun!
Kari Northey - Yeah right! No Thanks 😩😂 !!!
How do you cope with that?
With what?
@@KaritheMortician With the emotions of the family of the dead.
Kari the mortician. LLC.
:)
@@KaritheMortician interesting times.
I feel quilty for embalming my mom, I did not have a wake for her anyway, I feel I disrespected her
you did not disrespect her.
Is cremation healthy for the Environment?
Just as much of a footprint as burial actually
What ? Didn’t really understand
momof2 the environmental footprint it leaves on the earth. As much of our resources is used as with burial
Wow never knew that you could “rent” a casket. Funny the things you don’t know..
Kari, the card with the number and explanation of what you said in the video is very confusing because you have the card showing after you just said that thing. You should show it before you say it in my opinion..
Thank you. I didn’t want the info before because then it spoils what I will be saying. I tried to use it as a sum up of my talking.
Can I take a Big Mac with me?
Sure thing
My Dad passed Easter Sunday his egg was in casket with him
This is what you chose to do.
Physicians,Dentists, ministers, and all kinds of other people have to be ready for others as well, so stop complaining or get something else to do!
When was there complaining?
Why are the bodies are hard after embombing