I believe my ex who is a narcissist absolutely loves his kids. But i think he loves them very differently than the way i love them. He loves them for what they give him - pleasure pride and all the opposite emotions. Disappointments. He tries to make them into what he wants them to be not who they are.
I think that most narcissists, at least the ones I know ( mom and husband) DO NOT LOVE THEIR KIDS because their definition of love is only when their kids make them feel great, look great, do something great that they take credit for and especially my mom loves me when I’m paying for everything!. And also when they have an AUDIENCE! They love being told what great parents they are!And most importantly, both my mom and husband have been able to abandon their kids on a dime and then blame the kids😳
I admire your willingness to be open and share your life, emotions and experiences being a person who has been diagnosed with NPD. NPD does not define you. It’s just a part of you that you are bravely and courageously trying to get help for. Blessings to you and your good work!!!🙏😊
If love is conditional, is it really love? With narcs, I see they often show loving behaviour to their kids only when it's convenient for them and brings them positive attention and accolades. I thought the definition of love was that it's unconditional and puts the loved one first.
The parent child relationship is reversed. The child has to be the mature, responsible, unconditionally loving and forgiving one. The adult is a selfish, immature, volatile, child and expects love and adoration.
I don't think there is such a thing as true unconventionalvlove. Its rare at the least. I mean if a kid is just bad and self destructive and toxic there is so much you can do before you starting hurting yourself. I believe in healthy respectful love. But unconditional love can damage the parents if it continues on a practical level. I am talking parents that practically re motgaging their home again and again for a drug addicted ungrateful daughter i have personally witnessed that. They are nearly broke by the fifth time and then can only offer emotional support but no practical support.In certain situations you can risk your own sanity and well being making your kids become before you for too long when its clearly unreasonable. I think healthy practical love is realistic . that's about helping them as best you can within reasonable boundaries without being affected adversely yourself. You have a right to sanity and happiness just as much as your kids. No??? Besides we live in the physichal realm where duality exists so by its very nature unconditional love is absolutist in nature and that's hard to achieve in this realm of consciousness. In an absolute spiritual realm yes its definitely happening but not in this existence where everything has a polar opposite eg hot then cold loved then hated etc etc I hope this makes some sort of sense
I especially love it when their own kids go without but they supply everything for their step kids and the step family worships them. They don't see his own kids going without. But no worries, this Mom will give everything she has! I'm Mom & Dad
"I would have more free time" or "I would do my job better if it weren't for my kids".... Wow I can't count how many times I've heard my son's father say that. Not only blaming him, but me as well and how "we" derailed his life. This is spot on. And also how narcissists will turn around and pretend to be good parents on social media. Thank you for your transparency. I wish you continued healing and progress in your life. 🙏🏼
Exactly my mother blamed me because she was a teen mom..for the rest of my life I heard how she could have been this and that and even a doctor if it weren’t for me. Meanwhile so many women go back to school. I was a single mom who went to nursing school. My mother used it all as an excuse. She also used to tell me that I couldn’t be a nurse or couldn’t have a career constantly. Such Sabotage!
I remember him saying to me in the beginning..."I've just received everything I ever wanted". A few year's later??? "I never asked for any of this". When I told him that I was pregnant with our 2nd child? He stormed out the door after giving me the hateful GLARE.
I only feel love from my parents when they see me being successful. But the ironic thing is all of us kids were only struggling so much BECAUSE of the constant verbal abuse. Now that I’m an adult and I’m healing and doing well for myself, I get approval and compliments and favors from them. But it means nothing to me. I needed my parents love when I was struggling, it’s easy to love myself and feel good about myself when I’m doing well. They’re support does nothing for me when it’s superficial and I’m already proud of myself for overcoming the abuse.
I hate you had to grow up in that environment. Sometimes, I think verbal abuse is just as bad a physical abuse. I know a lot of people would disagree, but it tears you down to the point where you don't even want to live anymore.
They love the ones or one who can worship him. The golden one or ones. The scape goat or goats no, because the scape goat cannot be manipulated by him. He loves to play daddy to other peoples kids.
Man ole man you’ve been barreling through these fabulous videos, all of which are chock full of great 👍🏾 information. Very needful and appreciate. Keep em coming!
This is a wonderful video and that fact that you are so self aware makes you already doing more than most parents . The struggle is real …… wonderfully said …… a rest of development or neglect or over indulged creates the personality issues
My covert narc ex loves his kids cause he can control them and use them to control me. He doesn't give a shit about their wellbeing. He doesn't spend any time them and when he does he tells them crap and lies about their mother. He does NOT love his kids. I'm scared for their grown up life..
I hate that you are going through this, but I'm glad to know that I'm not alone. He makes me feel like I'm crazy. We have been divorced for three years, and he still tries to control me through my kids. I used to be so scared of him. I just knew I would not make it out alive. He has never hit me, but when I left, I was afraid for my life.
Thank you so much for your complete authenticity. You have helped me better understand my 74 year old mother. I did have to go no contact to some degree, Your channel has helped immensely in my own healing and forgiveness. Thank you so much
In my opinion, as a Narcissist’s child I’m 17 years old and I believe my dad does love me, he would do anything for his kids, especially when me and my sibling were younger he would work hard every day for us. The only thing is that he can’t emotionally empathize most of the time and be there for you emotionally but when it comes to physical affection that’s a whole different story.
I applaud you for what you are doing. It's hard in this world of everyone judging and mental health being ignored by doctors. Keep your informative videos coming. I just wish there were more people like you out there. Thank you Lee.
I just started the video but so glad I found you. Read some comments and I don't want to negate from people's painful experienced but I've always hated that those with legitimate mental health issues like this are cast out in most healing content. All with diagnosed and undiagnosed NPD are at different stages of healing or haven't even begun to heal. Defensiveness is huge with NPD. Opening up to love after growing up with unhealthy dynamics and trauma isn't easy. No one is the same! My big family of origin was raised by parents who had extremely traumatic lives in places with essentially no laws around abuse and in residential schools. They experienced so much without proper parenting and that made it tricky for them to be entirely present or emotionally, mentally, physically healthy. They always had spirituality through our native ways on the land and Christianity though. Survival mode is very common among those with arrested development and it causes a lot of conflict in relationships. Thank you for sharing. I need to underline that it's not an excuse for bad behaviour and to cause others pain but if we truly want to help those we love, we have to meet them where they're at so they can learn to grow and heal.
Wow! This is exactly what I witnessed attempting to raise not only my stepson but our own two daughters as well. Their father was forever 'off' catering to other children in his job as well as the very friend's of my own children. Always needing to uphold this fake image that he was such a nice guy. We were all suffering from the abandonment issues that he as a child experienced from his own childhood. His mother left him at the young age of 9 and claimed that she would send for him in 6 month's. She moved after his father divorced her. She didn't pick him up for approximately 2 year's. He stayed with his best childhood friend until that time... So sad what has gone down and yet he never allowed me to truly be his significant other...He gave that privilege to of all people?? His mother.
The father of my son doesn't love him. He uses him like a stuffed animal, takes him out of the shelf if he needs supply, is jealous of a five yo. He is not interested in him, does not know him at all, never ask personal questions, doesn't talk with him much. The child knows his name and was once (!) at his apartment. He mainly uses the child to punish me. There is no love inside him. He is not able to create a bond. So sad. My son is intelligent and helpful and very outgoing, sensitive and charming. He is so much more than his father, but I get a glimpse how his father could be.
My former husband was diagnosed too. He made false allegations against me, turned our son against me. I can't believe he loves him because he has systematically removed his mother from his life for no reason other than his own insecurity around me leaving him.
So true. After watching (and defending) my ex husband with his kids and my kids there was definitely a fave child and one he raged at because he was more emotional than the other one. My kids got treated nicely until they got old enough to recognise bad behaviour and voice it. At one point I had two stroppy young teenagers in the house and I was married to one of them! My therapist has said many times my ex saw his kids, my kids and me as an extension of himself not as individual people. I do believe he loves his kids but not in an accepting parental way. It was conditional like everyone else - but don’t leave him or challenge him. I feel sorry for them but they don’t live with him so they have space
I honestly believe its a case by case situation. Some do, some dont. I agree that not all narcissistic people are bad people. But whej it comes to MY own personal experiences with mine, i honestly believe MY narc doesnt. When i left and we talked custody, for him it was more like splitting of the assets than what was the best thing for them emotionally. He hasnt seen them in months, but will call me and tell me that they 'can call him whenever he wants', trying to put the responsibility of communication on them and myself. And no, he refuses to pay child support because IM the one that left (he was violent and unfaithful). Edit: when we were together, he refused to lift a finger to actively parent them in any way.
Alot of narcissist don't love their children, because unconditional love for your children is putting them before your own self, but when you see they will watch their own kids go without or instead buy or do something for themselves. Their love is superficial. Right and out of his three children with me, he treats my older child different than the other younger two children.
My ex husband gets triggered if our daughters don’t make him look like an amazing dad in front of others but I’m gonna keep fighting in prayer and remind them that they are amazing for who they are and speak life into them
My kids father does not love them. He only started coming to get them after I got in a new relationship. My oldest said he hates his father because they don't do anything while with him, and he is very mean to them for no reason. He has a new supply that he has do everything for the kids. I blocked him ok social media and stopped posting pictures of the kids so he can't steal my pictures of them.
My husband, who I believe is a narcissist, judges his sons and definately wants them to be what HE wants them to be and not who they are. one of his sons Ghosted him. this son knew before I did, apparently, that his dad was a narc.
Darling, with time and hindsight you will get over it. Trust me! I was married to a malignant Narc that used our daughter as a tool to punish me. My kid had a lot of emotional and psychological issues because of him. She cut contact at age 11 because it was too painful. We have been Narc free for 5 years and despite his constant attempts at hoovering we have remained NC and life’s great! He can’t love your son or anybody else in the world. It is nothing personal against u. Just move on and get ur kid some therapy and be open with him...my daughter is 17 years old and she really doesn’t give a damn- she relishes the peace and a clear mind free from his mind control and games! Wishing u the best❤️😘.
I don’t know for sure I don’t have the ability to diagnose people with narcissism but I think my mom and my ex bf are narcissistic and your channel is really helpful for me to cope with their behaviors towards me. I feel valid in cutting off my ex boyfriend and for the first time at peace with the idea I’ll never talk to him or see him again. I also feel better about keeping a safe distance from my mom. It also helps in my own healing when I think everything is my fault I remind myself my mom was narcissistic and it’s not my fault she might have a personality disorder. So thank you.
My narc does this thing of not being there emotionally for the kids too but when it's time for school grades and awards at school he likes to brag to his dang mother and she ignores us... Its like he constantly wants her approval. They annoys me.... He ignores my children but when they achieve something it's a big thing only for that day👀
My parents abused me hardly in all means, and I saw they enjoing my pain. But what's confusing, they were attached to me, I wanted at age 17 to move to another country just to escape and they moved with me. And they cannot leave me alone from reaching me.
My Ex only gave attention to our son when he wanted him to preform in sports. He would be harsh on him if our sons performance wasn’t at a level that made the ex feel good about himself. The ex wouldn’t do anything outside his own obsession at the time with our son. Never just played with him. Movies where about it. No speaking. Perfect for the ex.
Thank you for sharing. I was just having a moment grieving the idea of the kids I never had with him.. Then, I remembered part of the reason I chose not to have kids with him at the time was because I predicted this exact scenario. I know, I know, I dodged a bullet not having his kids!
Our daughter is grown now, but the problem I had is that my stbx THINKS he is a great father, when he was ( is) a TERRIBLE father. He was a hammer- 24/7, and he turned our daughter into a very insecure and depressed person. She hates him and has gone no contact with him for the last several years. He is furious about it, and of course, blames me.
I'm a narcissist and I love my kids but when they try to talk to me about issues they have I feel very uncomfortable and I don't really know what to say so I try to just say something positive and they can feel that so they try not to talk to me about any problems cause they know it's causes anxiety in me I wish I could sympathize with them but I can't.
We have divorced for three years, but I will never be able to get rid of him. He makes me miserable. Since I met my fiance, my ex has backed off a lot because my fiance does not allow him to control me. However, my ex still makes me feel like I am a horrible mother. The other day, I asked my ex for $50 to help buy homecoming clothes for our oldest son. He acted like he didn't want to give me that much. I told him that if he would pay $50, my son's almost step dad would pay the rest. My ex got mad and asked if I was expecting the clothes to cost more than $50. I proceeded to tell him that he needed a shirt, tie, pants, and a haircut. His response was this - WE DO NOT PAY FOR JUSTIN'S HAIRCUTS! WE PAY FOR JACOB'S! This pissed me off so I told him that it was a shame that my son's step dad was paying for his homecoming clothes, but his real dad didn't even want to pay $50! I also pointed out that I have to drive to town every single day on my weeks to transport our son to and from football, but he doesn't even provide transportation on his own weeks and never paid me the $40 to help like he promised. This set him off - somehow I became an evil person for "coming at him sideways" when he did nothing to provoke me. He is trying to raise "Godly boys" and for me to act the way I did, I must have been intoxicated or my "boyfriend" put me up to it. Long story short - he sent me $50.... my fiance, whom I don't even live with, paid $250.
Even if it annoys you that your son expresses more emotions than you did at that age, aren’t you happy that he is able to express himself and is learning to manage his emotions? Doesn’t it make you happy that because of his ability to share his feelings without fear then he will struggle less in relationships and will have a better chance of fostering healthy relationships with others as he grows?
@@MentalHealness I know…From one parent to another, it’s easy to see how much you love all of your kids. My kids annoy me all the time too. But I love them to pieces. They wouldn’t be kids if they didn’t. :)
How do you tell your child you love them but then walk away from them and move to another state 1000 mi away to marry another woman and chase your desires? Is that love? When they return from a visit with him they are completely emotionally dysregulated because they have to hold everything in. It's heart breaking.
My narc ex is abusive and violent toward myself and our baby. I’m trying to keep him away via the court system, yet I still hope that he loves our baby…. I think I am kidding myself 😔
My ex is 100% a narcissist. & I believe he has a small soft spot for our son but I’m not sure if he loves him. He plays step dad currently to THREE kids and ignores his own until it’s convenient.(Like taking photos I post of him from my FB & posting him when he hadn’t called to check in on him in 2months) or his family asks about “the baby”. Btw we live 6hours apart & he thinks I should ALWAYS bring my son to him when I don’t I’m playing games and keeping his son away.
@@MentalHealness Yes imagine 6 hour road trip with a toddler ALONE Whew 😰 Thankfully I realized it wasn’t my responsibility alone to make that trip.🙏🏾I wish I’d found you earlier.
I feel like my ex husband never loved my oldest son, but he loves my youngest. He treats my oldest son terribly. He doesn't give him any space or privacy. He has all his passwords and even has all of my sons texts sent directly to his own phone. He doesn't let him go places with friends or anything. My youngest son is a different story. He is very calm and easy going, and my ex has always favored him. However, he still doesn't treat my youngest right. They are both afraid to set him off.
So now I see why the narcissist just fell in love with my daughter, I met him when she was just short of 1 years old, and when she start school she was a A student and she still is, in her last yr of high school, but he loved 🥰 her, he have a son and he did for him as well, he was so sweet to my daughter he treated her like she was his own wasn’t nothing she ask for, she didn’t get, she got the best of the best. But he always say his son mother tried to turn him against him 🤷♀️🤷♀️..
My ex narcissist is not acting in a way that is best for them… trying to take their mom from them for no reason at all… my oldest is suffering the most
I think narcissists breed narcissists, however; every child doesn’t become a narcissistic person. I have tendencies that came from my childhood but I’m also an Empath. I think Lee is right, narcissists view their children as an extension of themselves. So they can’t empathize with them, but they can or they can fake empathy with people that they’re trying to impress. I’m thinking of my dad and his twin and empathy is very low on their list of emotions, I try very hard to maintain healthy boundaries with them, they don’t like it; but I know healthy boundaries is good for everyone.
I should add that narcissists love their kids .. they know what looks right … they understand how a parent is supposed to appear ! So they do those things BUT can they FEEL connected or be 💯 selfless? Not sure it’s very conditional I believe not speaking about LEE but my own experience with a narcissistic father who provided & protected but very conditional with his affection & love … and i married a man just like him
How is your marriage working? I ask because I am just now painfully realizing my wife is a narcissist and I was groomed from day 1 now into 7 yrs together it has become toxic and painful and am considering divorce for my mental health but I love her very much and am a Christian and am struggling with letting go.
So I was with a man who is a narcissist which I did not see until recently. We divorced cause he beat up my son, his stepson, while my son was protecting me from him. He hasnt talked to his own daughter, my stepdaughter, in almost 2 years. He always hated doing all the kid things. Now that we are divorced he treats the younger two way different than he treated the older two. How do I trust him with the younger two?
@@graciesday9820 no it seems that with him being a narcissist if you trust him he might seriously hurt your kids to get back at you listen to mental healness he know what he talking about if you try to trust him you putting your kids in danger.
There's no yes or no answer. My ex abandoned his children. I paid the child support. They weren't my children. He is shit. No not all Narcissist can love. He couldn't even love the dog.
My ex narcissist had 3 girls with his first marriage and then had 2 boys with me. He will always treat his girls better than our kids. He never spend time with our kids but he did with his girls and stuff like that. I don't know if he did it only to make me feel sad or just because their his golden children and ours are not🤷🏻♀️
Literally going through the same with my soon to be ex husband his son from his previous relationship is his golden child he makes any and all sacrifices for him but my daughter gets no time ,attention ,barely does anything financially for her , and etc
My sons father is narcissist everyone around him tell him he ain’t good for himself and his family. Something mentally wrong with him. I knew he was narcissist. What can I do to help him he doesn’t believe in therapy 😒
Sounds like you were a "parentified child" and so you might get a little jealous of your kids (not in a bad way) but in a sense that you never had a childhood like they did
Both my parents and my ex are narcissists. My parents are bad people, and they don’t love their kids. But my ex was a good person who didn’t know how to act right. I totally agree with this, that not all narcissists are bad people. I truly believe deep down that if he sobered up and went to therapy he’d be a lot like you. I know he’d want to learn how to better, where my parents would never even admit they were wrong.
The definition of love in the Bible that I think is a healthy and accurate description of love....no I don't think my father nor the father of my son loves in that way. I would describe whatever my father felt for me and whatever my son's father feels for our child as a conditional interaction style, tolerance with some attention to needs; as deemed reasonable as based upon himself (the narcissist) and what he perceives.... not based upon an attempt to examine and understand the child and the child's individuality.... and what the child needs and want as an individuals separate from himself. So my father wasn't able to "love" me because he couldn't see me.... he could only see and relate to who what he perceived was reflective of himself that was a part of me. And my attempts to "love" him as a non-narcissistic person, and his raging interaction style used with me was extremely damaging and it impaired my ability to recognize healthy love. Thus I connected to a partner much like him. I would say if a parent would not want the child to connect with someone like themselves, perhaps what they're giving is not necessarily love but something else.
My ex say don't see his son cos Im not nice.... But he love him. 6 Years boy never see his dad and I don't know what to say to him.... Don't want talk bad about dad but? Im lost with that 🤷🏼♀️
Let's just be fr. I have 2 sons by a narcissist and our first child hes all about our second child is disabled and he knows in his heart that my 2nd child is his son but because hes handicapped he swears someone elses dna mixed in please make that one make since lmfao but fr it hurts my feelings hes sm into our 4yo then our 3yo because he is disabled and this has been bothering me sm! Can I just say thank you for giving me a way to vent about it 💜 I love that you own your shit (hes not there yet) personally I think if he doesn't soon I'll have to leave it's been 10 years and I didn't know what a narcissist was until 4 years ago and it's been a battle fr but thank you for letting me vent I appreciate you sm just for being honest thank you!!!!!
I believe my ex loves our daughter. He just doesn’t have the ability to allow her to be herself. He doesn’t like the things she’s into; he didn’t care until she got into soccer. I know he loves her though .
I would love for you to address if a parent creates PARENTAL Alienation. My son and I where very close(only child) but my Ex and his family created a world that I was toxic. My son is estranged 5 years now as is my whole side of my family. Now is that love?
Could you do a video abt sex with the narcissist? Do y’all feel emotions during or after sex? Do y’all feel feeling of love at all during sex? Or lust?
My ex narc walked away from his step son after being in his life from the age of 2.5 in diapers yep dropped him without even a good bye ! Never ever asked to see him and he had a decent relationship with my sons dad so he could of went through him to take him to lunch or see him … he’s a cold hearted selfish demon
All parents struggle with these exact same things bc kids are so self absorbed & narcissistic 😂😂 but in time they stop those behaviors (we hope) but this Video is wonderful ….
Bruh.. Don't listen to that damn lady.. She making blanket statements, because she's as big as a damn blanket. 😂 You're a good person. I don't mean that as an insult. You're doing what the 99% isn't doing. You're also doing way more than alot of NON NARCISSIST. We appreciate you and your honesty and the help you're providing. You're doing the right thing despite it being hard at times. We understand this and we admire you a LOT for you, your efforts, and the legacy you're leaving behind. We are all very proud of you. Your mental fortitude despite your fears, is what we all aspire to one day have as well, so we can walk this world with confidence despite its obsticles. Thank you very much for your help, your time, your videos, and your one on one's that you provide to us, despite how overwhelming and repetitive it can be for you at times. May you live long and prosper, and success always find you, stay with you, just as your words and helpful ways have stayed with us. We appreciate you ever so much brotha. 💪
I admire your willingness to be open and share your life, emotions and experiences being a person who has been diagnosed with NPD. NPD does not define you. It’s just a part of you that you are bravely and courageously trying to get help for. Blessings to you and your good work!!!🙏😊
I believe my ex who is a narcissist absolutely loves his kids. But i think he loves them very differently than the way i love them. He loves them for what they give him - pleasure pride and all the opposite emotions. Disappointments. He tries to make them into what he wants them to be not who they are.
Except that's not love. He's using them as human trophies and simultaneously trying to control who they are as people.
@@Nancy-yw1rr yup.
That is called conditional love. Parents are supposed to have unconditional love for their kids.
I think that most narcissists, at least the ones I know ( mom and husband) DO NOT LOVE THEIR KIDS because their definition of love is only when their kids make them feel great, look great, do something great that they take credit for and especially my mom loves me when I’m paying for everything!. And also when they have an AUDIENCE! They love being told what great parents they are!And most importantly, both my mom and husband have been able to abandon their kids on a dime and then blame the kids😳
And that ain`t love!
I was raised by a narcissist. My childhood was full of abuse. So was most of my adult life.
🥺
Same
Me too, sexually, physically, mentally, my parents enjoyed my pain
I admire your willingness to be open and share your life, emotions and experiences being a person who has been diagnosed with NPD. NPD does not define you. It’s just a part of you that you are bravely and courageously trying to get help for. Blessings to you and your good work!!!🙏😊
If love is conditional, is it really love? With narcs, I see they often show loving behaviour to their kids only when it's convenient for them and brings them positive attention and accolades. I thought the definition of love was that it's unconditional and puts the loved one first.
🎯
The parent child relationship is reversed. The child has to be the mature, responsible, unconditionally loving and forgiving one. The adult is a selfish, immature, volatile, child and expects love and adoration.
I don't think there is such a thing as true unconventionalvlove. Its rare at the least. I mean if a kid is just bad and self destructive and toxic there is so much you can do before you starting hurting yourself. I believe in healthy respectful love. But unconditional love can damage the parents if it continues on a practical level. I am talking parents that practically re motgaging their home again and again for a drug addicted ungrateful daughter i have personally witnessed that. They are nearly broke by the fifth time and then can only offer emotional support but no practical support.In certain situations you can risk your own sanity and well being making your kids become before you for too long when its clearly unreasonable. I think healthy practical love is realistic . that's about helping them as best you can within reasonable boundaries without being affected adversely yourself. You have a right to sanity and happiness just as much as your kids. No???
Besides we live in the physichal realm where duality exists so by its very nature unconditional love is absolutist in nature and that's hard to achieve in this realm of consciousness. In an absolute spiritual realm yes its definitely happening but not in this existence where everything has a polar opposite eg hot then cold loved then hated etc etc
I hope this makes some sort of sense
When a narcissist uses your own children against you...that's NOT love 💔
I especially love it when their own kids go without but they supply everything for their step kids and the step family worships them. They don't see his own kids going without. But no worries, this Mom will give everything she has! I'm Mom & Dad
stay strong, you got it
Ohhhh...I hear you and I feel your pain. Absolutely.
"I would have more free time" or "I would do my job better if it weren't for my kids".... Wow I can't count how many times I've heard my son's father say that. Not only blaming him, but me as well and how "we" derailed his life. This is spot on. And also how narcissists will turn around and pretend to be good parents on social media. Thank you for your transparency. I wish you continued healing and progress in your life. 🙏🏼
Exactly my mother blamed me because she was a teen mom..for the rest of my life I heard how she could have been this and that and even a doctor if it weren’t for me. Meanwhile so many women go back to school. I was a single mom who went to nursing school. My mother used it all as an excuse. She also used to tell me that I couldn’t be a nurse or couldn’t have a career constantly. Such Sabotage!
I remember him saying to me in the beginning..."I've just received everything I ever wanted". A few year's later??? "I never asked for any of this". When I told him that I was pregnant with our 2nd child? He stormed out the door after giving me the hateful GLARE.
The sad thing about it is the kids know it.
😢
I only feel love from my parents when they see me being successful. But the ironic thing is all of us kids were only struggling so much BECAUSE of the constant verbal abuse. Now that I’m an adult and I’m healing and doing well for myself, I get approval and compliments and favors from them. But it means nothing to me. I needed my parents love when I was struggling, it’s easy to love myself and feel good about myself when I’m doing well. They’re support does nothing for me when it’s superficial and I’m already proud of myself for overcoming the abuse.
I hate you had to grow up in that environment. Sometimes, I think verbal abuse is just as bad a physical abuse. I know a lot of people would disagree, but it tears you down to the point where you don't even want to live anymore.
Lee this is incredibly helpful to kids old enough to understand. You and your wife are helping other peoples kids. It's brave and I thank you both!
Thank you so much for your transparency and being so candid! Your channel is so helpful and appreciated💛
They love the ones or one who can worship him. The golden one or ones. The scape goat or goats no, because the scape goat cannot be manipulated by him. He loves to play daddy to other peoples kids.
😢
"He loves to play daddy to other peoples kids " Hit me hard
@@Lydia_l I’ve experienced this 2
Man ole man you’ve been barreling through these fabulous videos, all of which are chock full of great 👍🏾 information. Very needful and appreciate. Keep em coming!
Thank you so much
This is a wonderful video and that fact that you are so self aware makes you already doing more than most parents . The struggle is real …… wonderfully said …… a rest of development or neglect or over indulged creates the personality issues
My covert narc ex loves his kids cause he can control them and use them to control me. He doesn't give a shit about their wellbeing. He doesn't spend any time them and when he does he tells them crap and lies about their mother. He does NOT love his kids. I'm scared for their grown up life..
stay strong
I hate that you are going through this, but I'm glad to know that I'm not alone. He makes me feel like I'm crazy. We have been divorced for three years, and he still tries to control me through my kids. I used to be so scared of him. I just knew I would not make it out alive. He has never hit me, but when I left, I was afraid for my life.
Thank you so much for your complete authenticity. You have helped me better understand my 74 year old mother. I did have to go no contact to some degree, Your channel has helped immensely in my own healing and forgiveness. Thank you so much
you’re welcome
In my opinion, as a Narcissist’s child I’m 17 years old and I believe my dad does love me, he would do anything for his kids, especially when me and my sibling were younger he would work hard every day for us. The only thing is that he can’t emotionally empathize most of the time and be there for you emotionally but when it comes to physical affection that’s a whole different story.
I applaud you for what you are doing. It's hard in this world of everyone judging and mental health being ignored by doctors. Keep your informative videos coming. I just wish there were more people like you out there. Thank you Lee.
I just started the video but so glad I found you. Read some comments and I don't want to negate from people's painful experienced but I've always hated that those with legitimate mental health issues like this are cast out in most healing content. All with diagnosed and undiagnosed NPD are at different stages of healing or haven't even begun to heal. Defensiveness is huge with NPD. Opening up to love after growing up with unhealthy dynamics and trauma isn't easy. No one is the same! My big family of origin was raised by parents who had extremely traumatic lives in places with essentially no laws around abuse and in residential schools. They experienced so much without proper parenting and that made it tricky for them to be entirely present or emotionally, mentally, physically healthy. They always had spirituality through our native ways on the land and Christianity though.
Survival mode is very common among those with arrested development and it causes a lot of conflict in relationships. Thank you for sharing.
I need to underline that it's not an excuse for bad behaviour and to cause others pain but if we truly want to help those we love, we have to meet them where they're at so they can learn to grow and heal.
Thank you so much for your honesty. It is refreshing.
Thank you Diana
Wow! This is exactly what I witnessed attempting to raise not only my stepson but our own two daughters as well. Their father was forever 'off' catering to other children in his job as well as the very friend's of my own children. Always needing to uphold this fake image that he was such a nice guy. We were all suffering from the abandonment issues that he as a child experienced from his own childhood. His mother left him at the young age of 9 and claimed that she would send for him in 6 month's. She moved after his father divorced her. She didn't pick him up for approximately 2 year's. He stayed with his best childhood friend until that time... So sad what has gone down and yet he never allowed me to truly be his significant other...He gave that privilege to of all people?? His mother.
The father of my son doesn't love him. He uses him like a stuffed animal, takes him out of the shelf if he needs supply, is jealous of a five yo. He is not interested in him, does not know him at all, never ask personal questions, doesn't talk with him much. The child knows his name and was once (!) at his apartment. He mainly uses the child to punish me. There is no love inside him. He is not able to create a bond. So sad. My son is intelligent and helpful and very outgoing, sensitive and charming. He is so much more than his father, but I get a glimpse how his father could be.
My former husband was diagnosed too. He made false allegations against me, turned our son against me. I can't believe he loves him because he has systematically removed his mother from his life for no reason other than his own insecurity around me leaving him.
So true. After watching (and defending) my ex husband with his kids and my kids there was definitely a fave child and one he raged at because he was more emotional than the other one. My kids got treated nicely until they got old enough to recognise bad behaviour and voice it. At one point I had two stroppy young teenagers in the house and I was married to one of them! My therapist has said many times my ex saw his kids, my kids and me as an extension of himself not as individual people. I do believe he loves his kids but not in an accepting parental way. It was conditional like everyone else - but don’t leave him or challenge him. I feel sorry for them but they don’t live with him so they have space
I believe there are different levels to narcissism. Ones I was with didn't want their kids
I believe that as well because my daughter’s narc boyfriend asked her to abort his child and she did unfortunately 😔
@@godsfavor6939 my baby daddy asked me the same and when she was born, wished death in here cause it took attention away from him.
@@Murcurybun omg that’s horrible I’m sorry he even said that to you. I hope all is well with your child.
@@godsfavor6939 yes she is good and he is in prison for beating the woman after me nearly to death
@@Murcurybun 😳😳😳 I’m so glad you got away from him!!!!!!!
Your mirror analogy finally helped me understand my parents. Thank you. Your analogies are really helpful.
I honestly believe its a case by case situation. Some do, some dont. I agree that not all narcissistic people are bad people.
But whej it comes to MY own personal experiences with mine, i honestly believe MY narc doesnt. When i left and we talked custody, for him it was more like splitting of the assets than what was the best thing for them emotionally.
He hasnt seen them in months, but will call me and tell me that they 'can call him whenever he wants', trying to put the responsibility of communication on them and myself. And no, he refuses to pay child support because IM the one that left (he was violent and unfaithful).
Edit: when we were together, he refused to lift a finger to actively parent them in any way.
i think it is case by case
Alot of narcissist don't love their children, because unconditional love for your children is putting them before your own self, but when you see they will watch their own kids go without or instead buy or do something for themselves.
Their love is superficial. Right and out of his three children with me, he treats my older child different than the other younger two children.
My ex husband gets triggered if our daughters don’t make him look like an amazing dad in front of others but I’m gonna keep fighting in prayer and remind them that they are amazing for who they are and speak life into them
You explain it well. Makes so much sense.
I appreciate it
My kids father does not love them. He only started coming to get them after I got in a new relationship. My oldest said he hates his father because they don't do anything while with him, and he is very mean to them for no reason. He has a new supply that he has do everything for the kids. I blocked him ok social media and stopped posting pictures of the kids so he can't steal my pictures of them.
😢
My husband, who I believe is a narcissist, judges his sons and definately wants them to be what HE wants them to be and not who they are. one of his sons Ghosted him. this son knew before I did, apparently, that his dad was a narc.
🥲
My sons father doesn’t love him and it breaks my heart.
😢😢
Darling, with time and hindsight you will get over it. Trust me! I was married to a malignant Narc that used our daughter as a tool to punish me. My kid had a lot of emotional and psychological issues because of him. She cut contact at age 11 because it was too painful. We have been Narc free for 5 years and despite his constant attempts at hoovering we have remained NC and life’s great! He can’t love your son or anybody else in the world. It is nothing personal against u. Just move on and get ur kid some therapy and be open with him...my daughter is 17 years old and she really doesn’t give a damn- she relishes the peace and a clear mind free from his mind control and games! Wishing u the best❤️😘.
I don’t know for sure I don’t have the ability to diagnose people with narcissism but I think my mom and my ex bf are narcissistic and your channel is really helpful for me to cope with their behaviors towards me. I feel valid in cutting off my ex boyfriend and for the first time at peace with the idea I’ll never talk to him or see him again. I also feel better about keeping a safe distance from my mom. It also helps in my own healing when I think everything is my fault I remind myself my mom was narcissistic and it’s not my fault she might have a personality disorder. So thank you.
My narc does this thing of not being there emotionally for the kids too but when it's time for school grades and awards at school he likes to brag to his dang mother and she ignores us... Its like he constantly wants her approval. They annoys me.... He ignores my children but when they achieve something it's a big thing only for that day👀
My parents abused me hardly in all means, and I saw they enjoing my pain. But what's confusing, they were attached to me, I wanted at age 17 to move to another country just to escape and they moved with me. And they cannot leave me alone from reaching me.
My Ex only gave attention to our son when he wanted him to preform in sports. He would be harsh on him if our sons performance wasn’t at a level that made the ex feel good about himself. The ex wouldn’t do anything outside his own obsession at the time with our son. Never just played with him. Movies where about it. No speaking. Perfect for the ex.
That’s mine
Thank you for sharing. I was just having a moment grieving the idea of the kids I never had with him.. Then, I remembered part of the reason I chose not to have kids with him at the time was because I predicted this exact scenario. I know, I know, I dodged a bullet not having his kids!
Our daughter is grown now, but the problem I had is that my stbx THINKS he is a great father, when he was ( is) a TERRIBLE father. He was a hammer- 24/7, and he turned our daughter into a very insecure and depressed person. She hates him and has gone no contact with him for the last several years. He is furious about it, and of course, blames me.
he deserves that no contact
Thank you bro... This took a little pressure off of me... She is pretty good to the children...💪💪💪💯💯😀😀😀
No problem 👍
I'm a narcissist and I love my kids but when they try to talk to me about issues they have I feel very uncomfortable and I don't really know what to say so I try to just say something positive and they can feel that so they try not to talk to me about any problems cause they know it's causes anxiety in me I wish I could sympathize with them but I can't.
I really admire your openness about the things you are working on within yourself to make your life and your family’s life better.
Thank you so much!!
We have divorced for three years, but I will never be able to get rid of him. He makes me miserable. Since I met my fiance, my ex has backed off a lot because my fiance does not allow him to control me. However, my ex still makes me feel like I am a horrible mother. The other day, I asked my ex for $50 to help buy homecoming clothes for our oldest son. He acted like he didn't want to give me that much. I told him that if he would pay $50, my son's almost step dad would pay the rest.
My ex got mad and asked if I was expecting the clothes to cost more than $50. I proceeded to tell him that he needed a shirt, tie, pants, and a haircut. His response was this - WE DO NOT PAY FOR JUSTIN'S HAIRCUTS! WE PAY FOR JACOB'S! This pissed me off so I told him that it was a shame that my son's step dad was paying for his homecoming clothes, but his real dad didn't even want to pay $50! I also pointed out that I have to drive to town every single day on my weeks to transport our son to and from football, but he doesn't even provide transportation on his own weeks and never paid me the $40 to help like he promised.
This set him off - somehow I became an evil person for "coming at him sideways" when he did nothing to provoke me. He is trying to raise "Godly boys" and for me to act the way I did, I must have been intoxicated or my "boyfriend" put me up to it. Long story short - he sent me $50.... my fiance, whom I don't even live with, paid $250.
The short answer is no. 😂 lol.
Even if it annoys you that your son expresses more emotions than you did at that age, aren’t you happy that he is able to express himself and is learning to manage his emotions?
Doesn’t it make you happy that because of his ability to share his feelings without fear then he will struggle less in relationships and will have a better chance of fostering healthy relationships with others as he grows?
i'm proud of my son
@@MentalHealness I know…From one parent to another, it’s easy to see how much you love all of your kids. My kids annoy me all the time too. But I love them to pieces. They wouldn’t be kids if they didn’t. :)
Great insight in your videos. I’m wondering if you might have been the “golden child” for a narcissist mother?
this was good. thank you! This brought clarity.
Good for you you’re getting help
How do you tell your child you love them but then walk away from them and move to another state 1000 mi away to marry another woman and chase your desires? Is that love? When they return from a visit with him they are completely emotionally dysregulated because they have to hold everything in. It's heart breaking.
My narc ex is abusive and violent toward myself and our baby. I’m trying to keep him away via the court system, yet I still hope that he loves our baby…. I think I am kidding myself 😔
My ex is 100% a narcissist. & I believe he has a small soft spot for our son but I’m not sure if he loves him. He plays step dad currently to THREE kids and ignores his own until it’s convenient.(Like taking photos I post of him from my FB & posting him when he hadn’t called to check in on him in 2months) or his family asks about “the baby”. Btw we live 6hours apart & he thinks I should ALWAYS bring my son to him when I don’t I’m playing games and keeping his son away.
6 HOURS!?!
@@MentalHealness Yes imagine 6 hour road trip with a toddler ALONE Whew 😰 Thankfully I realized it wasn’t my responsibility alone to make that trip.🙏🏾I wish I’d found you earlier.
The man that I am now trying to get myself away from is exactly like this to a T. Everything that you are saying he literally does and says.
I feel like my ex husband never loved my oldest son, but he loves my youngest. He treats my oldest son terribly. He doesn't give him any space or privacy. He has all his passwords and even has all of my sons texts sent directly to his own phone. He doesn't let him go places with friends or anything. My youngest son is a different story. He is very calm and easy going, and my ex has always favored him. However, he still doesn't treat my youngest right. They are both afraid to set him off.
So now I see why the narcissist just fell in love with my daughter, I met him when she was just short of 1 years old, and when she start school she was a A student and she still is, in her last yr of high school, but he loved 🥰 her, he have a son and he did for him as well, he was so sweet to my daughter he treated her like she was his own wasn’t nothing she ask for, she didn’t get, she got the best of the best. But he always say his son mother tried to turn him against him 🤷♀️🤷♀️..
wow
My ex narcissist is not acting in a way that is best for them… trying to take their mom from them for no reason at all… my oldest is suffering the most
😢
Do you love your kids or do you think you love your kids?
i love my kids
@@MentalHealness thank you
I think narcissists breed narcissists, however; every child doesn’t become a narcissistic person. I have tendencies that came from my childhood but I’m also an Empath. I think Lee is right, narcissists view their children as an extension of themselves. So they can’t empathize with them, but they can or they can fake empathy with people that they’re trying to impress. I’m thinking of my dad and his twin and empathy is very low on their list of emotions, I try very hard to maintain healthy boundaries with them, they don’t like it; but I know healthy boundaries is good for everyone.
NPD is a spectrum
I should add that narcissists love their kids .. they know what looks right … they understand how a parent is supposed to appear ! So they do those things BUT can they FEEL connected or be 💯 selfless? Not sure it’s very conditional I believe not speaking about LEE but my own experience with a narcissistic father who provided & protected but very conditional with his affection & love … and i married a man just like him
How is your marriage working? I ask because I am just now painfully realizing my wife is a narcissist and I was groomed from day 1 now into 7 yrs together it has become toxic and painful and am considering divorce for my mental health but I love her very much and am a Christian and am struggling with letting go.
So I was with a man who is a narcissist which I did not see until recently. We divorced cause he beat up my son, his stepson, while my son was protecting me from him. He hasnt talked to his own daughter, my stepdaughter, in almost 2 years. He always hated doing all the kid things. Now that we are divorced he treats the younger two way different than he treated the older two. How do I trust him with the younger two?
you can't really ever trust him it seems
@@MentalHealness so..are my kids safe with him?
@@graciesday9820 no it seems that with him being a narcissist if you trust him he might seriously hurt your kids to get back at you listen to mental healness he know what he talking about if you try to trust him you putting your kids in danger.
There's no yes or no answer. My ex abandoned his children. I paid the child support. They weren't my children. He is shit. No not all Narcissist can love. He couldn't even love the dog.
My ex narcissist had 3 girls with his first marriage and then had 2 boys with me. He will always treat his girls better than our kids. He never spend time with our kids but he did with his girls and stuff like that. I don't know if he did it only to make me feel sad or just because their his golden children and ours are not🤷🏻♀️
Literally going through the same with my soon to be ex husband his son from his previous relationship is his golden child he makes any and all sacrifices for him but my daughter gets no time ,attention ,barely does anything financially for her , and etc
Same for me,My ex does any and everything for his first daughter and mines can’t even get a phone call,Now he’s blocked for ever
My sons father is narcissist everyone around him tell him he ain’t good for himself and his family. Something mentally wrong with him. I knew he was narcissist. What can I do to help him he doesn’t believe in therapy 😒
Does my narcissistic ex deserve empathy
how did he treat you?
Sounds like you were a "parentified child" and so you might get a little jealous of your kids (not in a bad way) but in a sense that you never had a childhood like they did
I think they do.
everyone is different
Both my parents and my ex are narcissists. My parents are bad people, and they don’t love their kids. But my ex was a good person who didn’t know how to act right. I totally agree with this, that not all narcissists are bad people. I truly believe deep down that if he sobered up and went to therapy he’d be a lot like you. I know he’d want to learn how to better, where my parents would never even admit they were wrong.
The definition of love in the Bible that I think is a healthy and accurate description of love....no I don't think my father nor the father of my son loves in that way. I would describe whatever my father felt for me and whatever my son's father feels for our child as a conditional interaction style, tolerance with some attention to needs; as deemed reasonable as based upon himself (the narcissist) and what he perceives.... not based upon an attempt to examine and understand the child and the child's individuality.... and what the child needs and want as an individuals separate from himself. So my father wasn't able to "love" me because he couldn't see me.... he could only see and relate to who what he perceived was reflective of himself that was a part of me. And my attempts to "love" him as a non-narcissistic person, and his raging interaction style used with me was extremely damaging and it impaired my ability to recognize healthy love.
Thus I connected to a partner much like him. I would say if a parent would not want the child to connect with someone like themselves, perhaps what they're giving is not necessarily love but something else.
My ex say don't see his son cos Im not nice.... But he love him. 6 Years boy never see his dad and I don't know what to say to him.... Don't want talk bad about dad but? Im lost with that 🤷🏼♀️
you don't have to talk bad about him. just explain it to him. in necessary terms.
Bump for the algorithm.
Thank you
Let's just be fr. I have 2 sons by a narcissist and our first child hes all about our second child is disabled and he knows in his heart that my 2nd child is his son but because hes handicapped he swears someone elses dna mixed in please make that one make since lmfao but fr it hurts my feelings hes sm into our 4yo then our 3yo because he is disabled and this has been bothering me sm! Can I just say thank you for giving me a way to vent about it 💜 I love that you own your shit (hes not there yet) personally I think if he doesn't soon I'll have to leave it's been 10 years and I didn't know what a narcissist was until 4 years ago and it's been a battle fr but thank you for letting me vent I appreciate you sm just for being honest thank you!!!!!
I believe my ex loves our daughter. He just doesn’t have the ability to allow her to be herself. He doesn’t like the things she’s into; he didn’t care until she got into soccer. I know he loves her though .
I would love for you to address if a parent creates PARENTAL Alienation. My son and I where very close(only child) but my Ex and his family created a world that I was toxic. My son is estranged 5 years now as is my whole side of my family. Now is that love?
No!!! My sister's ex did the same thing to her and it is absolutely evil.
Could you do a video abt sex with the narcissist? Do y’all feel emotions during or after sex? Do y’all feel feeling of love at all during sex? Or lust?
So you have a part in you that is mad at him for having a healthy developmental childhood because he isn’t parentified?
I pray they do!
🙋🏽♂️🙏🏽
My ex narc walked away from his step son after being in his life from the age of 2.5 in diapers yep dropped him without even a good bye ! Never ever asked to see him and he had a decent relationship with my sons dad so he could of went through him to take him to lunch or see him … he’s a cold hearted selfish demon
Great video today!
Thank you
@@MentalHealness you're most welcome. I appreciate and respect what you're doing for yourself, your family, and others. Well done, Sit, we'll done!!
*Sir. Well done, Sir. God bless!
All parents struggle with these exact same things bc kids are so self absorbed & narcissistic 😂😂 but in time they stop those behaviors (we hope) but this Video is wonderful ….
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ⭐️REALNESSSSS⭐️ My Cousin😉
No problem!! cuz
Bruh.. Don't listen to that damn lady.. She making blanket statements, because she's as big as a damn blanket. 😂
You're a good person. I don't mean that as an insult. You're doing what the 99% isn't doing. You're also doing way more than alot of NON NARCISSIST. We appreciate you and your honesty and the help you're providing. You're doing the right thing despite it being hard at times. We understand this and we admire you a LOT for you, your efforts, and the legacy you're leaving behind.
We are all very proud of you. Your mental fortitude despite your fears, is what we all aspire to one day have as well, so we can walk this world with confidence despite its obsticles. Thank you very much for your help, your time, your videos, and your one on one's that you provide to us, despite how overwhelming and repetitive it can be for you at times.
May you live long and prosper, and success always find you, stay with you, just as your words and helpful ways have stayed with us.
We appreciate you ever so much brotha. 💪
I follow you on tik tok
my dads a narc but he does love me to death but the way he acts i don’t know how to deal with it or calm him down
I’m booking an appointment with you
let me know
You are not a narcissist by far
I admire your willingness to be open and share your life, emotions and experiences being a person who has been diagnosed with NPD. NPD does not define you. It’s just a part of you that you are bravely and courageously trying to get help for. Blessings to you and your good work!!!🙏😊
Thank you