Win Verbal Conflicts With Hot Heads (Step-by-Step Guide) | Jocko Willink
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- Опубликовано: 5 окт 2024
- In this new video, Jocko Willink, co-author of the NY Times #1 Bestseller, "Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win", provides a guide on how to win verbal confrontations with large egos.
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Taking the time to role play and pre plan for a crucial conversation is a game changer when success is the desired goal. Detachment is a super power and most of the time we make much better decisions following a plan and pivoting when necessary then we do relying on emotional decisions and winging it in the moment.
When progress is the priority, it always helps to plan!💪🔥🙌
0:21 SMEACD - Situation, Mission, Execution, Admin & Logistics, Command & Signal, Debrief
0:27 Situation
0:39 Mission
0:44 Execution
1:05 roleplay tip 1:46 take responsibility
2:09 de-escalation mirroring tip
3:09 Debrief
4:20 summary
In aviation - hang glider pilot here - we are taught to: "Plan the flight and fly the plan." Especially as a beginner.
My 16 year-old daughter was super stressed today entering a new high school district, trying to get into advanced classes. She needed them to keep on track for her goal of getting to the Naval Academy. But the district curricula were not the same, and they were going to shove her in the middle classes. She was stressed more than I'd ever seen her.
So as we sat in the district office waiting for a meeting with the Chief of those reviews, the kid and I went over The Plan: goals and methods to reach them. We practiced the discussion and approach, and agreed she was going to lead the discussion. Her stress level immediately dropped and she got that sense of "calm before action".
No circumstance changed in that moment - she had not made any advance (yet). But having a plan meant she owned her future, regardless of outcome.
No cliffhangers: the meeting did not happen because the chief got pulled into a meeting with the superintendent. So we drove ten miles to meet with the school principal instead, where we executed The Plan. The Principal called the Chief, and put her neck on the line to let my kid in. My daughter got all the classes she needed. Last minute, too. School starts tomorrow (the district was the delay).
Point: Planning works even if the execution is delayed, or outright fails. Planning gives you detachment and control. Planning helps you adapt and gives you agility.
I did this once.. Rehearsed it in my head for 3 days. Did everything like I said but when you're dealing w/ a narcissist that shares your last name, nothing I did mattered.
It's quite remarkable how transferable the skillsets Jocko learned in the military are to real life. It's even more remarkable that it doesn't mean approaching life like some heartless machine, but actually doing exactly the opposite - being a more conscious human.
Failing to prepare is preparing to fail
My older brother is a retired marine and he would tell me this when I was very young.
That's an outdated saying that has been proven inaccurate
@@leannladd3216 Nothing inaccurate about doing better when you plan. Sometimes you aren't able to but you should still do your best to plan.
Preparing to prepare is failing to fail
No 2 situations are the same and often in life there's no time to for rehearsal.
"If you're always ready, you don't need to get ready."
-Mohammad Ali
NEVER BACK DOWN, NEVER GIVE UP & NEVER QUIT.!!!
Jocko never fails to teach me something.
A lotta hyperbole, there was an unruly, and underperforming employee. It was portrayed as acquiescing because she had a bad temper. The temper which was probably a mitigating factor. Something that should have been addressed before termination was imminent. She was enabled early on. Then was coddled when the time for honest assessment arose. Her progress should have been monitored, disciplining as it digressed. Leading to termination.
This is my favorite format so far. Excellent video, thank you!
We'll make more content like this. Appreciate the support.
Agree @@EchelonFront
Great video, great teacher, thank you Jocko
The ambient nature sounds in the background create such a serene and calming atmosphere. Truly the perfect platform to share such tranquil wisdom.
Great advice here. “Feel, Felt, Found” is so powerful. I know how you feel, I have or would feel the same way, and this is what I’ve found to be true.
Good Evening, Echo.
learned this in my dialectical behavior therapy. Such an eye-opener.
Can you please expound on you theraputic exsperience please.
I have to talk to my boss and deliver bad news?
Good.
Right on @TheScottish-cj4yi
I work in customer support. I am totally using this approach to my calls hereon out.
Writing down before my meetings, excellent advise, have never done that before.
I agree with the need for role-playing or table topping the upcoming discussion. However, never promise a marginal employee a future opportunity. Also, keep the discussion simple. Stay in control.
Deescalation through validation ❤
Dang. More of these!
One of the most important things that pilots say is that the more stressful, hectic and dangerous a situation becomes, the calmer they get. That requires a lot of practical training/simulations so to rehearse and know exactly what and how to deliver a crucial message in such a corporate conflict is a good preparation and strategy to succeed.
New series. Legit.
I really appreciate these vids. They are great aids.
Sounds like a “development” area has been identified for Jamie and regular one-on-ones should be checking in on any progress that has been made. Don’t fail Jamie by dancing around or sugarcoating performance issues. Help Jamie overcome them.
Yes. I’ve really tried to do that.
But everything you describe requires a lot of work, time, and energy. Therefore unlikely to happen.
I seriously wish I could make it to one of these! Such good detailed information! Love this format too! 🤙🏼
Ya, tell the person that you just fired that you shouldn't have a job there either. That joke should smash...
Yeah, "you have to lose out because of my mistake, wouldn't it be funny if it happened to me too lol" Rules for thee but not for me!
Nobody got fired dummy lol
Man that one is gold!
Thanks sir.
i cant beleive you through little jamie under the buss here with that role play (: jamie stay strong!
Is there a next video diving into Admin & Logistics + Command & Signal???
We'll add it to the list to make
Sage wisdom. Love it.
We have a system, Compose Rehearse Perform.
As a repoman in Atlanta twenty years ago, I always expected things to devolve...
Because sometimes, they do...
My problem is that it's still dishonest. You aren't sparing 'Jamie' from having her feelings hurt down the line and it'll be an even bigger insult/injury/shock to her after you've been yet another person too polite to just tell her the truth and give her a moment to reflect. Just do it as kindly as you can and if she's mad -- well, she's not going to hurt you unless she's truly unhinged (and if she is, then why are we trying to be so diplomatic), so why obfuscate the real reasons? Reality always wins.
They don’t give a about jamie
@@michaelhowell5872 then why not just tell her straight?
I agree. Hearing from an honored veteran about rehearsing to play a role seems really petty.
This is borderline sociopath behaviour.
@@rickjones641 well said and one other thing to think about is how different a spec ops unit is from a office. In a spec ops unit your #1 commodity is your own image/reputation. A commander can't be embarrassed.In an office either the employee does her job or the problem goes to HR.
@@idsavo All of you, please take into account that here we are talking about giving an information that the project will be canceled. And there is always a REASON why. Would you allow to go with e.g. shitty project which will ruin your company's budget only because somebody cannot swallow rejection and stamps its feet like little girl after saying "no candies today"?
Just like @michaelhowell5872 said - we don't give a F about Jaime, because she is not a REASON.
good advice, but you can only pull this once. try doing it twice on same employee or another employee that heard about it. he's gonna see through it and problem just got bigger
You need to get involved with me. Ground works. I need advice
LOL, Americans: Need a navy seal to tell a colleague they are being an ass at work...
The amount of effort involved with this is insane to me. "Jamie" needs to be fired or transferred to another department. Seems like there would be a lot of opportunity for that to happen.
She needs coaching at least lol
Maybe therapy
The sad truth is that if these “Jamie’s were men they would be fired on the spot. The world is full of Jamie’s, they are commonly called Karens. They are harder to fire because they whine and act like victims whenever someone tries to hold them accountable. I have seen adult women denigrate, other associates in front of management in profanity laced tirades without a single hint of disciplinary consequences.
Jamie may be your top performer who just has a short temper
@@woodwarddlw
You might be right but if everyone is walking on eggshells around them the whole team can suffer and grow less and less effective. Some people no matter how qualified, and intelligent are just sociopaths that can only work alone.
I couldn't make it through the video- I was thinking the same thing.
"Jamie" needs to understand her role or fuck off.
Take it from a union rep who's literally agreed with management 2 or 3 times in about a thousand meetings/confrontations.
Great ideas. But no plan survives first contact with the enemy ;)
I’m not fully convinced because of military seal mindset and training that my freedoms are being protected more so. Things are going to get ‘hot’ but when a domestic person that is weak gets into it with you take the higher ground. Always. In the long term, what is it that you offer that will help? Temporary satisfaction? How confident is a seal that everyone else will fall in line even if you eat humble pie when your wrong? Listening to a trained fighter is great for survival but for long term overall wellness not so much. I respect the discipline but can’t bring myself to be included in this mentality. There’s no platform for the military. It endless monetary controls but our hearts and minds see through it.
All this mission control and role playing is to avoid be embarrassed. Just deliver the news. No need to care about her reaction or being worried about how it will make you look.
Disagree, prep will help the person delivering the news anticipate scenarios and help prevent the conversation escalating. Nothing to do with avoiding embarrassment.
@@mtb71 I really disagree. Let them escalate, let them blow their top. When you are focused on controlling their reaction, you waste time correcting the problem. Your job is to deliver the news in a calm but firm manner, where they go with it is up to them. Too many managers are so obsessed with their own image they're afraid to say vital feedback.
Not if you want to keep an employee on your side. Today to many people are out for themselves, and not the whole team.
'Premeditatio malorum', as the stoics said a couple of thousand years ago...
Is it normal to be a "hothead" if you're constantly shadow banned in your SUPPOSEDLY correct (compatible) code/algorithm??
Oh woe woe Jaime's cryin'...VH
we have the same knees
Hey jamie, listen i have this project here wich fits you perfect. You mind jf Le finish this current project and we start prepping your project.
There should be a Jock GI Joe made
THANK YOU ALL
Heh, Typical management would never givs too much staff to the project but too small and then punish staff for not delivering quality on time. I would hear something like this: "you do not deliver as others so this is what you have asked for. I am ashamed that you continued not delivering as others for so long keepeing me in blurry state that eveyrthing is ok. I am so disappointed. Tell me, for how long you wanted to keep this status quo?". Management is always right, management never makes bad decisions, management is infallible. Welcome to world of global enterprises :).
But in order to do this, you have to get to know people to understand any weaknesses. You cant just come up to someone you know nothing about and expect the situation to turn out in your favor.
Jocko: "You have the flank the hot head with judo to win the verbal conflict"
Usually, Fred is the one that gets the talking to...Jamie must have really had a tough go on this project.
Pretty soon it’ll just be you and Dave over there and everybody else will have split. Because you never back down, even when you should. Leading by example, recognizing individuals’ grievances and offering them some kind of redemption and resolution is what keeps your team together. Otherwise, there will come a day when you’ll be wondering why you can’t find good people anymore or why nobody wants to work.
Solid.
Seems like your beating around the bush; most of the time you should be genuinely honest with the person and let them know their deficiencies and help them improve vs coming up with an excuse to pacify them so you can avoid conflict.
I agree with you that you shouldn’t ignore under performance. However, It’s the specifics of this case. It’s not that they were deficient, it’s that they over manned the project.
If you follow enough of Jocko stuff, you’ll see he doesn’t beat around the bush and placate staff.
If they were incompetent or unethical etc. then the advice would be tailored differently. E.g. Hey Jamie, we’ll be pulling you off the project. I made a big mistake here, we’ve given you stuff you haven’t done before, and it’s just too much. That was our mistake, and we need to get you aligned up on those things your skills are tailored for. We want to get you realigned and getting after these activities, and we’ll be there to support you on this one to make sure you can get it done. Etc.
Make it about you and your own failings, means you can own it and take control.
Genius
Smart
If it’s that hard for a boss to deliver an employee bad news, they shouldn’t be the boss
What if hot-headed Jamie is my boss and I'm the employee
The person failed his/her task. You are the boss and must tell her that, but somehow you are afraid of her emotional reaction. You tell her and she attacks you verbally (by the way you do nothing about her misbehavior). You say it was your fault and not hers, nonetheless the one who is loosing her job is she not you anyways. Yes, great working place.
I don’t get if Jamie is being cut off the project for her bad temper or because her poor results or just because other reasons.
If Jamie is being cut off because bad temper or because underperforming you here are actually avoiding to address the real issue. Is it really a good option? Who are you doing a favour to by omitting honest feedback?
Jamie def keeps these goons in check 🤣
"before you talk to HER..." 😅
ofc it is always HER
I thought it was ridiculous that in this a scenario the person who was an “emotional hothead” was a woman. :(
Make sure you're a manager of competence before you try this at home folks!
I’m surprised by this scenario. Jamie sounds like she is out of control, and I don’t understand why Jocko is bending over backwards for her.
It's a sign of experience. I've been in relationships like this, where the girl goes pretty much insane over small things. You have to have maximum emotional control and slowly bring in the opposite energy. You descalate, then turn the energy around slowly after giving the negativity enough space, without crossing any red lines of unacceptable behaviour, and then work then interaction to the emotional state where you want it to be. It's not easy. The second you lose your own emotional control, it's an avalanche unleashed. Working with women on teams is totally different from fighting the enemy on the battlefield. And guess what, most women these days I've seen are crazy roller coasters, and you've got to be prepared for it.
@@srinitaaigaura in my experience you can’t fix crazy. Jamie should be demoted to a roll that is more aligned with her skill set or should be let go. No drama, no escalation, just walking papers.
SMESC
For those that care, I have a gender-neutral alternative, that doesn't sound forced, for "manned", "overmanned" and "undermanned": "staffed", "overstaffed", and "understaffed". There are probably a few more variations. If you find this useful, you're welcome. If you don't, sorry for wasting about a second of your time.
Man up Larry
This guy gets high on his own voice!🤣😂
Her.
what a strange head shape this dude has 🤣
It is a head befitting of a SEAL
His momma still walks funny from it.
Boy, that Jamie is a real problem 😂 All joking aside, this is very helpful!
👌🏼
This is good stuff.....practice makes perfect and rehearsing and scripting the message is smart. Also, when someone starts getting pissed, let them vent and hear them out. When they get done, they will respect you for listening, even if they don't like the bad news you are telling them.
So to diminish ego we accept responsibility for our own mistakes and to diminish others ego we accept responsibility for their mistakes too? Ok.
❤❤❤❤
Just common sense
That's weak - never go for de-escalation instead go for maximum escalation, only this way you get feared and respected !!!!
444❤
YOU are a cucumber that just came out of the fridge
You are not there to be right
You have zero attachment to the outcome
You can walk out right now and you don’t give a damn
You are there ONLY for the truth
Integrity says
All cards on the table both parties
If they don’t put their cards on the table
Put them on the table for them
Sit back and let them explain their position in infinite detail
Keep asking questions to get more and more detail
After you have let them exhaust everything that they’re going to say
You have all the ammunition you need
And you have already won
Because when you go
You have all the data
And all the logic
And standing in front of you
Is a hothead
Ready to blow up
YOU WIN 👁️
Notice he keeps saying "she" in this example.
everything is easier when you look like an actual Space Marine. man come on...
This approach to people managing is o clinical and kinda sociopathic
So lie?
"Jamie, I'm taking you off the project because you're a hot head, you're a weak link and no one likes working with you.
Questions? Queries? No?End of chat."
Maybe the rest of the group is full of incompetent ass-kissers. Ever think of that angle?
is it automatically a she or just in this case :D
I smile at them and ask if they like pee pee or poo poo.
+
Wtf? Just let Jamie escalate as much as she wants and then fire her for conduct. If someone requires this much planning to take direction from management they can feck right off.
No one has time at a real job to do all this
You make the time.
These are menial jobs, not real jobs
Its all about time management Jamie. We're sorry, but @ConsiderFirstCnE and @mastodon24 are now leading the project.
As Jocko would say, "These are lies you are telling yourself." If you're that busy as a manager that you can't take a couple minutes to gather your thoughts before delivering bad news to a subordinate, you aren't delegating enough stuff to your team.
A woman who gets emotional?! 🤣
What's going on with his voice on this one, is he using a special tool on his podcast because his voice here sounds ridiculous
What is that sugar coated lie you are chewing on ????
Example is a little misogynistic 😅
It will never happen!
I am supporting Donald Trump for president
Which makes me a republican!
I stand with Israel 🇮🇱
Which makes me human and quite clever actually
I am betting on a winner.
Gif is on Israel side too
"Never back down" is a stupid philosophy.
The problem is the idiots in the world dont listen to this. Its all about them so these things dont work with the general public, especially in corporate settings
+