Just because somebody craps on you doesn’t necessarily make them your enemy. Anyone who pulls you out a crap doesn’t necessarily make them your friend.
“When you’re hiding your insecurities, everyone can see them. When you open them up and expose them to everyone they disappear”. This is so true. What we resist persists.
You didn't get it, he didn't ask you to be vulnerable he asks you to be ok with it and don't give a fk,if you didn't let it hurt you people have no power over you to use it against you @@user-zr6pl6nb6z
@@user-zr6pl6nb6zoh my.. 😂😅 That was hilarious, but also sucks brotha. If this is true, try to acknowledge what happened in that moment and try to embrace it. Don’t feel bad bc of what happened. Try to remind yourself that you actually took that first step towards improving and how that’s what matters the most.
One of Jordan Peterson's concepts I live by is, every person who stands in front of you, knows things you do not know. I have been in the aviation industry since 1980, and even today, when a young college engineer hires in, I try to live with that idea in mind. Each of us knows things the other doesn't.
Former professional firefighter here (Canada). Great talk. So accurate. Through my career I worked with hundreds of men and was under the leadership of many. I ran into every personality under the sun as you can imagine in a career like that. Big city department, lots of action. 100 years of tradition. Despite the wild variance of personalities I can list a few things that come to mind that were consistent between the best leaders, despite their personality differences. The best leaders: 1. Knew their job very well, and took that seriously. (We had to trust our officer 100 percent in that world, we all wanted to go home to our families after shift. Big responsibility). If you screw this part up and are incompetent, we literally don't care how, "cool" you might be. Job number 1, know your job. 2. They did not feel the need to give orders for orders sake. It's tempting to make a bunch of guys do what you say, but the best leaders avoided making work that wasn't necessary. 3. Had the crews back. The best ones always protected us from any public or city scrutiny for maybe a mistake or something like that. They were like a Father figure. Doesn't mean you wont get spanked or yelled at (I've had my share of spankings and yellings) haha. But that was out of love, not hate. No matter how mad they got, they never left your side or threw you under the bus. 4. They took responsibility when things went wrong. They never ever pointed at the crew because they knew it all started from the top. After that we would follow the chain of seniority down the line making sure everyone knew what role they played in the mistake. Ruthless accountability. And of course invariably it always ended with us turning to the rookie and explaining to them that literally everything is there fault, including every problem in the world. Which always ended in laughter (if you know you know). 5. Humility (often shown through humor). Literally almost every great leader I worked under had some sort of sense of humor (not all, but damn near close). Humor is an interesting window into a persons' attitude. After seeing so much I truly think there is a direct link between humor and confidence. If you can't make fun of a situation, or better yet yourself, you might be a bit too tightly wound. Even better, was the ability to lighten the situation with a comment when things might be going south or getting harry. It really calms the crew and is reassuring. I could keep going but I'll stop there. As for the "bad leaders." They almost always seemed to be the guys that looked like they got wedgies in high school. Once they get a stripe on their shoulder, it's payback time. Some would come in hot right through the door in the morning before you could get your first coffee in. They needed to make sure everyone knew, "The boss is here." Yuck. The crew would look around at each other with the look of, "and here we go with this guy." Every person on the job knew about this person, talked about this person, and didn't like this person. They were radioactive. And every single one of them had a, "less than flattering" nickname given to them behind their back. DON'T BE THAT PERSON. Hope this was helpful or insightful for any future leaders or current leaders. Cheers (from Canada).
Appreciate your thoughtful comment. I gained exp just reading and listening to what you had to say. I'm a prior service combat veteran and I completely understand your angle with leadership. Good or bad leaders can make or break teams and situations!
My dad was always insecure. Looked pathetic at times. We were never close. He woke me up at midnight one night when he couldn’t sleep; I was 14, and he spilled everything- the divorce, feeling inferior at work, and not knowing what to do about anything. For the first and only time we bonded. I respected him, saw him as human, and felt love for him that night. He learned things about me he never knew too.
My father-in-law had a great comment when I was complaining about a pretty high tradesman bill. "You are not paying for what he does, you are paying for what he Knows". Absolutely true! Good video thanks.
Back in the days of steam there was a factory that owned a glitchy engine. They contracted with a mechanic to fix it. He walked around the machine for a few minutes, took out a small hammer and tapped the engine at a particular place. It sprung to life and went on purring like new. He sent them a bill for $100 for his 15 minutes of work. The accountants at the factory balked at the amount he charged and asked him to itemize his bill. He sent back a revised bill: $10 for tapping machine with hammer. $90 for knowing where to tap.
I've found that self-taught people are generally more knowledgeable, better, and more insightful than people who learned stuff by just taking classes. This is because they have a strong genuine interest in the subject, and they not restricted by the rules and boundaries academia often places on students.
if teachers taught their students how to research, encouraged self confidence, the importance of practical applications, how to inquire, how to interact with the world, how to extrapolate, how to inspire and how to spur their imagination, the US would be in a better place - but ideology, mediocrity and teaching to the test are what passes for instruction today
I’ve found that I prefer neurosurgeons that have taken classes. Just to be sure… I’m all for diy, I love to learn by myself. But come on, there’s a level of specialization that requires years of training. And no SEAL is a self made SEAL, they go through schools all throughout their careers.
@@gregoirepainchaud Of course doctors have to go to school, but I've learned a ton about the brain and brain surgery just from being interested in it. The best is when people do both, learn on their own and go to school. Some fields absolutely require that you go to school, but a lot don't.
I have found that Self taught people are really good at certain specific areas, but overall they usually have gaps in their knowledge. Or they don’t have a correct understanding of something. Going to school holds you to a certain standard and forces you to study each area that is required that otherwise you would’ve ignored.
I should've clarified that although everyone can teach you something, it's not always something good but sometimes that's the best thing you can learn from someone, what not to do.
"They will remember this mistake I made forever and will always think about it when they see me" vs "They won't remember my mistake because nobody cares about me" two sides of depression/anxiety coin ☠
Holy Shit, Jockos example is literally me! I work in IT. I am one of the few that does not have a degree but I have a decades of experience. That experience landed me a job that, when I showed up on day one, I knew that I would be fired in 6 months or less. I knew that I could not do the job. That was 5 years ago. I am still there. In the words of my manager "everything that I need you to do is already on your resume. You do not have a skill issue, you have a self confidence issue." So, I continued to give it my all. I work day in and day out Masters and PhD grads. I am thankful for the Blessing of the hard work that came before it and I am thankful for the hard work that I have now. I am ever thankful to the Lord for the blessing of my job.
I have a Nephew that was recruited by MS after he codeveloped the GO instruction manual. Going good till CV19. Lost millions on hotel bookings for thousands of attendees that could no longer make it. He runs the FE and BE on the AI dev if I catch his meaning. AI is only a threat as long as it can power itself. So, you better know as much as you can, because when the sun flashes again, you will know everything needed to survive in a post apocaplyptic world. It has happened before enough times to know one is coming and only a handful survive. In one generation, the things will happen again to "Cleanse" the Earth and let a few seedlings start again.
@@Steel75093 My brother is an IT guy and he has a master's degree. However, he works alongside other IT techs that have no college education. IT is a field where it certainly seems that the most important thing is what you know and what you can do, rather than having a college education.
Well maybe in theory, but not in practice. Just because you inquire doesn't mean the other person is going to dispense their knowledge. It is called siloing, where they know something and you'd like to learn but they refuse to share, even if you offer a trade or bribe.
I found that at work, clearly stating when I don’t know something or that I am ignorant about a topic has earned me respect. Being honest and forthcoming when I get defensive allows me to get my point across and reach a solution much quicker.
Yeah. Ignorant and insecure people will try and hide that which makes it more work for you because you both have to manage/interrogate them to confirm what they need to know and then teach them what they need to know after that. Most people don't care that you didn't know a thing and love to teach you about something they know.
It's not unheard of though for certain people to see that as weakness and take advantage. Sometimes insecurity is warranted - it's an instinct telling you you're not safe. And a lot of the time you're not.
@@Tireledhwen I’m saying it from the other side - for decades I’ve had ‘humility’, and it leads to being a people pleaser, and a SIMP. I’m speaking as a reforming Simp, just discovering his RIGHT to assert himself and stand up for his deeply desired level of dominance. Bullied in childhood, which has stayed with me all these years, so I hope you forgive me when, personally speaking, I say “FU** humility.” It’s time to be an assertive beast.
@@JohnM...Maybe you weren't doing it correctly. Perhaps you've been too submissive instead. Maybe mistaking what humilty actually is. You can have too much humility I guess and that lead some with no humility to take advantage. I wouldn't let this push you too far the other way, just try to find balance and don't let arrogant people push you impose their will. Not always easy.
Thank you for this. I think we’ve all battled some insecurities and dealing with that becomes an insecurity in itself. So many times I’ve seen people talk about how disgusting insecurity is but never get into actual actions or mindsets to get through and over them. Solid stuff.
The thing with having not having an ego is that you have to be around people who appreciate and admire the humbleness. Way way way too many times in my life, I have witnessed the person with massive ego get far more than the person without it. They get the girls, have the clothes, have the car, have the group following and eating out of their hand, etc. While the humble person is in the corner with nothing. You can argue the morals or the virtues of it, but you do have to understand that we live in reality, and unfortunately, the loud, annoying, flashy person does get more a lot of the time.
Unfortunately ture but do they keep what they get as well? Have seen it many times that the ones who were loud and got what everyone around them wanted lost it not too far down the road and everyone turned their backs on them
Quite the contrary. It depends on the short term or long term perspectives. I'm Armenian and Armenians are known for their egos. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I "had" a large social circle growing up, being that we have very tight knit communities. Everyone knows each other. All the guys I was friends with had a complex where they would make heavy comments. They would act tough, loud and flashy (Cars, watches, outfits). They would get all get attention from the pretty girls and envy from the other guys. They would basically do as they wished and no one could say otherwise. I got catastrophically humiliated and sh*t on basically while I was in this social circle because I loved to work hard, exercise, saved my money, dressed plainly, talked plainly, always grateful for people, humble. I was dating this girl and I had asked her if she wanted to take the next step and basically she told everyone and they laughed at me in public and made fun of me for being humble. She cussed me out in the car for even thinking I had a chance, after we dated for like nearly 2 years. Literally, my life's course changed after these events. I was at my lowest point. This was around the 2007 when social media hadn't taken off yet. Fast forward, I'm 40 now. I have a pretty wife who respects me, I have great kids, I have a very respected degree, I make decent money, I've been told I look young for my age. I'm training to become a reserve police officer. I've saved enough to start my own business and grow my already high net worth. The one commonality amongst these group of brash, loud, flashy, egotistical, "ALPHA" (LOL) types, is that they are never genuinely based on reality. They always have substance abuse issues (pills, alcohol, cigs, weed, etc...) and they always go under because they have to use the substance to keep their energy levels or inflated egos. It always catches up to them 100% of the time. Being humble and grateful and maintaining extreme ownership is key for the long term view. I always play to win.
Everyone has an ego. It's not a question of whether you have one or not. It's part of our design. Some are more driven by ego than others but we all have egos. The one who says they are humble are the least humble in the group
@@dnbanb Everyone has an ego, right. Keeping it in check is the key. I would never let my ego drive me, only my vision. That is the difference. You may think humble people have egos but it's their clear vision bud. Not blind rage that's guiding them.
@@SevA-p7z all humans have egos, bud. Humble people recognize that and will be the last person to say they are humble. Big egos are a necessity in some respects. Rarely do you find someone that is at the top of their field and humble. Especially in a high testosterone environment like sports or Navy Seals.
After undergrad I was fortunate to be put in my place quickly, and that opened up my mind to respect the folks with experience, regardless of their education. I learned 100x more from that crew of electricians and mechanics than any book or prof can teach you. To this day I continue to learn from the folks that operate the systems I help to influence. The ability to ask questions instead of jumping to conclusions is an amazing skill that is tough to hone.
"Don't let insecurity manifest itself or it will manifest itself." I'm a new COO, operations guy, and I lead technical dev meetings. I freely admit their DB jargon is outside my purview, but it doesn't change how I feel but I suck it up and keep going like I know what we're talking about. All I know is, they know and that's what's important.
He is right I’m 32 and until I went for my high school diploma I felt like everyone knew I didn’t have it and that people looked down on me for not having it but it was just my own insecurity that was causing my issues most didn’t know that I didn’t have it and no one cared that has helped me a lot realizing that no one cares what you do or don’t know they only care if you can get the job done
at the end of the day I firmly believe that anyone who wants to truly learn can and will and you don't need a degreee or anything like that to tell you you're someone important every human being is important we all are created in the image of God.
Great talk. Reminds me of a quote by Florence Scovel which I discovered first as a tattoo: “There is an old saying: "No man is your enemy, no man is your friend, every man is your teacher.”
Extreme ownership is: I don't like Jocko typically, but man if this isn't excellent advice. I have a newfound respect for Jocko. Got to call balls and strikes and this is a home run. God humbles the proud, and he humbled me using a man I didn't fully respect. Thank you for sharing this wisdom.
Reminds me of a startup job I had. Just me and another developer. I was self taught and my degree wasn’t business. He learned in a classroom and had a computer science degree. We found we each had strengths. He taught me a lot of technical stuff and I taught him a lot of practical stuff. We both had someone to learn and share.
Beautifully described someone I work with. Very difficult to work with bc if an idea isn't HIS, it's idiotic, shot down, doesn't know what they're doing, etc.. Won't speak up in meetings, but pops off behind everyone's back. Looks like such a little man but he's a legend in his own mind.
What a fascinating talk. I've been in computers for 25 years and don't have a degree. Not very insecure though. Not having a degree has been one of the better things to happen to my career because it has forced me to be constantly learning in order to maintain my competence. Love it.
Proverbs 27:2 CEV Don't boast about yourself- let others praise you. this verse comes to mind, i was always trying to prove myself and it was always backfiring
@@Oozy9Millimeetah What would He say about me? I have for 60 years sought all that I could learn. I speak with others to see where they may need my efforts. They ask "What do you do ?". I return :what do you need? I have many skills, and seek if I may be useful. Many means hundreds. List 100 skills and they say I need something else. If I don't know, God has blessed me with the same mind as everyone else, but I like using mine and looking for each and every sign of God. He keeps me strong. And ready for the eventuality of our Lord's return. End of the age is nigh. If you believe in the Son, you better proclaim His name Daily. "How may I know you to My Father, when you know not Me to the world?"
@@bryanst.martin7134 you remind me of the ever moving goal post of God, like it's not enough to get your own ass of the 🔥 now you must humiliate yourself and tell about sky daddy to others 😆... even when God has only misery served on your plate.... sure mock me for the embarrassment of actually reading the Bible and realizing that life is 💩 and everyone is going to be tortured in 🔥 like Jesus came up with the idea of going through the suffering so he could rule it all.... not a bad deal, many normal people have suffered more and are in h3ll right now.... it's all 💩 and no one likes God, but they have to or else....
Its funny. I respect the wisdom of that proverb, but for me personally, since I have no care or thoughts for boasting (except to offer this tiny comment), I don't give a damn what anyone thinks of me or how I'll be remembered. Only Christ gets to judge me and it is the only verdict that matters to me.
These words are so eye-opening for anyone who wants to evolve as a human being. Even for a guy like me, I can apply these ideas to an organized gaming environment where we are working as a team and on different skill sets and levels, but trying to succeed and carry out a common goal. I tend to get frustrated and once I come to my senses I always revert back to what can I do to help the group and play overall better. The best part about insecurities, is we all have them. Thank you for the insight and knowledge.
This is spot on! It’s my biggest blind spot which ironically I can diagnose but difficult to admit. My chronic need to prove to the world is a residual of feeling inadequate due to being abused as a child & questioning why my father left me holding the bag at 15. I went on to play college football, onto the NYPD & now own & operate a successful business. I’m married to a beautiful woman & we have an amazing 18 year old son but I constantly self sabotage when my insecurities take over. You just reminded me how to check myself & realize I have been in the wrong room for a bit thinking I’m the smartest. Unreal how great of a speaker you are. Your accomplishments & beliefs resonate. Thank You!
Hope you find your peace, man. Similar route. Tried to go Pro. Then worked w First Responders. You try to be humble but squeakier people get the opportunities. So now I just be me. And if people say "but at least he was nice and willing to help" then so be it.
My old boss should watch this video. Anytime someone came up with ideas he didn't help to create or facilitate, he would say things like "What does he know? My ideas are better."
I've told people like your boss, if you was so smart you'd be working at NASA. But your not! Your working here with all the dumb people. They shut up really fast.
well, are they demonstrably effective and consistently reliable? if so, why let anyone else rock the boat? its his business. youre not entitled to input, but you are entitled to quit.
We have a guy in my work like that. He decides how we proceed with jobs. I've learned the best way to get him to follow our ideas, is to suggest it in a way that he can make it seem like his idea. I don't care about credit for good ideas, I just want to get the job done in the best and easiest way.
I've been in IT for 25+ years and I am constantly learning new things. The lightbulb clicked for me when I realized years ago that, no matter how smart or experienced a person is, NOBODY knows EVERYTHING. Having this attitude has helped me so much in my career and like Jocko says, those who have an ego problem stand out like a sore thumb and nobody wants to help or work with them.
So I only use one arm due to a stroke I had when I was three years old. What also came with that was I wear a leg brace and an outside shoe lift. No big deal at all, I actually enjoy being different! But one thing that I cant stand are my facial twitches that often come up when talking to new people or even family, it doesn't really matter what we are talking about but when these twitches happen I look away immediately, I cant help it, maybe that part is just a long term habit or maybe that's part of the stroke, but I do turn away or look down when these are happening. But I hate that because I feel like it is a "sign of weakness" or that people think "I am lying"... I feel like they think that I am insecure and maybe I am a little, or a lot.. I don't think there is anything that I can do about it though. I feel like police would watch me or wonder what was up if I couldn't carry on a conversation without this happening. Dave was spot on, the more I think about it the more it happens, haha Thanks if you read this comment ~Jeff
@@edwardfinn4141 Thank you sir. I appreciate that! Always something to work on, as hard as it is though, it is kind of exciting when we notice that we are improving! Thank you again! ~Jeff
This is top advice right there. I will download it as audio, so that I can listen to it when necessary, meaning, more often than I would like to admit.
Not only do you LOOK like a "confident, squared away person that's willing to learn and be humble", but you actually ARE a confident, squared away person that's willing to learn. Imagine that!
Insecurities are rooted in the ego, but the moment that the ego has the light of awareness & acceptance shine on it that bit of ego is diminished. The ego can only thrive in the darkness of denial.
He’s not insecure because his staff doubts him.. he’s insecure because of previous experiences he’s had. You are seeing him now in his final form as boss. You didn’t see all the times he got mistreated or over looked.. pretty simple stuff
For real. I'm tired of this whole "You're egocentric " spiel. I WISH people didn't care but they do. And they are waiting for you to feel happy and secure so that they can pounce and fuck with you.
How many times has he had a chance to prove himself? If you prove yourself time and time again, then why should you be worried? Someone who makes mistakes and grows from them should be capable of saying, "Yeah, I remember that time that X looked down on me and thought I was wrong, and then I X why I was in fact correct" and then just keep going. Now, you're the type who just let people run you over even when they were wrong, I can see why you might become insecure.
Yes. When you’ve been mistreated and made to feel inadequate in certain situations you become like a resentful, angry shelter cat when those situations arise again. It’s encouraging to me that people are beginning to understand this
This whole comment section is on point. I also agree with what Jocko is saying too, though. Because when you accept it, it looks like it’s not even a thing. But if you get angry it draws attention to whatever last action spurred the anger, and it causes the person to go “whoa. huh…it was when I said…well that made him angry so therefore…” so I agree with all points here. Glad to see people are starting to deconstruct how this happens AND what to do about it. I think understanding is even better though.
I work in IT with a 1 year diploma. I learned a long time ago its best to sit down, keep your mouth shut and observe and listen. When it's your turn to give input or try to fix something, its ok to admit if you don't know something... but when you do know, the best thing to do is just get the job done and walk away without drawing additional attention to yourself. If you are good at what you do, people will see it. There is no need to tear down others or to blow your own horn.
Not always, Some whom are affluent and come from a powerful family background (for example) can hold the cards and yield power whether they are right or wrong.
This is the problem with our system An AUTHORITY has convinced us… Through their CONTRIVED “Common Sense” that there must be VALIDATION from an authority to tell you the MEANING of everything This is how the authority controls us It does everything it can to make us insecure and shows problems or danger where there is none So we look for validation instead of trusting our own mind and our own instinct It makes people afraid to shine their light at the risk of others trying to humble them The only ones that try to humble you are the ones who have already humbled themselves… by allowing an authority to tell THEM what things mean… For what Jocko says is perfect logic… IT’s a matter of trusting your own discerning mind over some outside authority and some controlling sense of the common…
My boss told me that even though I have 14 years experience more than her…. She has schooling and that makes up for it. 🤔. Mmm ok. But she flaunts it….but doesn’t Share it as a team player.
@@BassGoThump : Yeah, but all in THEORY. that's SCHOOL. ( now go to the real world and see whether or not all that schooling will fit with everyday applications).
Experience is very important, no question. Although, in many professions if you don't have at least an undergraduate degree you will only rise so high within that organization when you hit the ceiling career wise. Experience and education together will get you further in most places than either alone. And a degree isn't just passing tests. It also shows you can think and communicate effectively.
The guy with or without the degree, the one that has the actual experience, mechanical or otherwise in the specified field in question, will always be the one I’m asking questions and trying to learn from. If the you’re good with books I’ll see you at the library.
I work in finance. The only folks that try to use their degrees as a flex are the PhD’s. I lost count of how many I’ve disregarded by telling them they’ve been out of school for over a decade or more, they aren’t professors, and this isn’t Uni. None of the MBA’s, Undergrads have ever flexed in my 25 year career, but man some of those PhDs are stuck mentally at 26. 🤓
@enduraman1 Worked closely with doctors my entire career. There are some absolutely amazing surgeons. But around 25% are complete sociopaths. You have to keep that bell curve in mind with all of Academia.
Excellent video!!! My ego is so distorted daily and this is the cure. Though sometimes I forget and make a bigger fool out of myself but this is it! Thanks Jocko!
From Paul in the New Testament: “esteem other men around you higher than yourself” that puts you in a framework to learn and grow, instead of becoming a target because of an unchecked ego
Well, maybe, but with the caveat that even if he is higher (in some regard) than you, he is still mortal, still flawed and needs to check his ego as well. We are all equally worthy and unworthy. No one enters heaven but through Him.
100% agree with this. 35 years in a Fortune 300 corporation. No one cares except that you can do your job. Also, you can learn something from almost everyone, almost.
@@ericsierra-franco7802 Agree, it's difficult. I got in through the union workforce, and ended up in management. There was good and bad in that decision.
I go to a boxing gym, and recently someone new to the gym started showing up, and one of the last times I went I was hitting the bag and they started staring at me and they suddenly stopped me and started trying to tell me how to hit it better, they also teased me before it he said "hit it like you mean it you little bitch!" Instead of taking it personally, I smiled his way, didn't pay much attention to it and kept on it. When he was giving me instruction in front of everyone else in the gym, it admittedly was a bit annoying and obtrusive to me, especially the way he did it, but I simply said- "Thanks man! What's your name? Cool!" And kept on my way. Because very honestly, I don't really care about what this person has to say, I'm not there to talk to people I'm there to get the workout in and have some fun in sport. But reacting in a crass manner would just come off as terribly petty and immature, so I say my thanks, take his advice into consideration and move on.
Spot on my friend, this is applicable across disciplines, I work in healthcare and have for 20 years and was advised by my mentor decades ago, lose your ego and you'll learn along with the new folks you train. It is very true and very effective.
I can confirm this story. No one cares about their collegues degree or lack of degree, because they see their performance. But some people who don't have degrees are the ones who take that personally.
I have to counter this though, the field I work in is constant judgement and comments. People talking down about others because they have a lower degree or no degree, which then causes the opposite back at them. I see it weekly, i've been working on myself to block out all these comments and just work/work harder and just try to learn new shit daily to be a better person and worker.
You have to intentionally fight and speak against that. In my field/workplace the employees were fostering envy by sarcastically saying “it must be nice” every time someone got a good assignment. I hated it and I intentionally started congratulating people and making positive comments that showed I shared their joy when they received good assignments. I did that as an everyday employee, not someone in management or leadership. I haven’t heard “must be nice” in years Come up with some positive things to say that encourage these people and use them so often they come out of your mouth as a reflex. You have the power to change your entire field.
I've had sooo many insecuruties for most of my memorable life. And I've had so many revelations about the world around me during this video as I'm working through it.
Oh wow, I wasn't expecting this to hit so close to home. I'm a self-taught software engineer, too. You really hit the nail on the head, companies value diversity of backgrounds because each type of engineer brings something unique to the team. The software industry is very special in that the technology and tools are constantly evolving and changing, so it doesn't really matter how you obtained that initial foundational knowledge.
This is so so accurate!! Seen this guy, worked with this guy & even been this guy. I recently started a new job after 15 years with experience but starting fresh. I changed my attitude to this approach but am seeing it in coworkers toward management on my new job. It obvious & its weak. I really really loved this.
Another thing I noticed, is that in a room full of men, the one that talks the loudest and most and the one that is obsessed with muscle gains and appearance etc is usually the most insecure. Meanwhile the quiet guy with modest clothes, who works smart and has made a comfortable healthy life for himself , is usually more dominant. Sometimes you reach a point in life where you just don’t feel the need to SHOW everyone what you have , sometimes masculinity is silence and peace
I needed that. I'm totally insecure even tho I know people think I'm great at my job and I don't know how to stop projecting it. But that video will help. Thanks a bunch!
I wish I could hear this as an affirmation every day to remind me while I improve myself. Ego is like a drug in some ways. Its the easy choice to a simple mind. Thank you for sharing this
"You don't have to prove how tough you are, you don't have to prove what a dynamic leader you are, you don't have to prove any of that stuff, and in fact any time you try to actively outwardly prove that, everybody is gonna see that as an insecurity, and its gonna make you look weak, because you are". Wise words Jocko should say into a mirror. Shame his dad didn't say it to him.
Sometimes you have to accept things for what things for what they are. The more you do that the less insecure you’ll be. You have more control than you think my friend.
I decided years ago to try to do every single thing I thought I couldn't do. What I learned is the only thing holding us down is yourself. You learn by doing! Make mistakes and learn.
In life we all know deep down what the right thing to do is, invariably it’s the hardest. Worrying if people respect you or not is pointless. Respect yourself. That’s the main thing. And respect, like all emotions is subjective. Learn what you can from these younger ones and share what you’ve learned along the way. Asking one of your colleagues to show you how to do something they know how to do and you don’t is not weak. It will build rapport and confidence. Losing your shit and being a knobhead to people will eat you alive. A good leader involves the group and delegates based on strengths. Hey to know your new people. But do not go for drinks.
in summary, humility defeats insecurity - mike rowe for president with jocko as veep - these 2 americans understand people and have solutions for problems
I have been an unlicensed plumber for 17 years and am respected by all who encounter my work. I am paid the same or more than most journeymen and I train most of the apprentices to a high degree of competence. School would have been nice but life got in the way and I refused to let that stop me. I know what I know based on experience, curiosity and intuition and have even invented tools that i use daily to make my work more efficient. The paper is just the paper most of the time and in most skill sets. Your mindset and endurance is up to you. Change to succeed and get the hell out if your own way!!
Women don't care for guys that manifest insecurity. I know, because I have manifested insecurity in various ways all my life. It is subtle and, for me, it has taken time for me to become more aware of what I have been doing. Thanks for taking time to share your knowledge.
The older I get the more thankful I am for everything my Grandpa taught me. He and my Grandma raised me for the first few years of my life so we had a very different relationship than I did with my other set of Grandparents. He retired long before I was born . They lived on acreage in the country . Didn’t watch television often . Couple hours per week tops so they had plenty of time to do what needed to be done. They grew their produce. They’d always have a cow. He’d buy a calf for very little .One that would feed a family for a couple days and raise it til full grown then turn it into their more choice meat than they could eat in a year. He clears some wooded areas for garden space and make his own lumber . Enough to build projects and add to his supply on hand for repairs or projects like the rifles he would make using some of the beautiful wood he’d cut . He forged all of the metal parts. Turned old axels into gun barrels, grew and made the tobacco he smoked in his pipe usually once in the day while working and once at the end of day . Whenever I’d go there I’d pop in the house to say hi to Grandma and she’d tell me he was in the shop which he was. Figuring out to make something that he hadn’t made before. As expected he taught me to work hard and take pride in what I did . But what I appreciate so much more is he made me inquisitive about how everything works and instilled a need to take on project constantly . Teach myself how the best people to make something do it and how to repair everything that can break in my life, my house, garage etc . But the best lesson he taught me was when I asked him if he’d ever done anything like creating something that escapes me at the moment but he replied” I reckon men are making these somewhere so if he can do it I can to and it never failed him and that’s the best lesson Papa ever taught me
By owning the plausible ignorance, you have great opportunity to learn and level up. I've experienced this a lot as a software engineer that came from a (digital) fine arts background. I learn a lot from CS graduates I work with! Next level! ➕💯
Not everyone you fight is your enemy, and not everyone that helps you is your friend. - Mike Tyson
That quote is thousands of years older than tyson
@@CorbinB-Rax i heard it from Tyson , so i will give him credit
Great quote !
Just because somebody craps on you doesn’t necessarily make them your enemy. Anyone who pulls you out a crap doesn’t necessarily make them your friend.
Tyson is a safe but didn't coin that.
“When you’re hiding your insecurities, everyone can see them. When you open them up and expose them to everyone they disappear”. This is so true. What we resist persists.
Wrong. I tried that once and they used it against me.
You didn't get it, he didn't ask you to be vulnerable he asks you to be ok with it and don't give a fk,if you didn't let it hurt you people have no power over you to use it against you @@user-zr6pl6nb6z
Like the last scene of 8 Mile
@@user-zr6pl6nb6zoh my.. 😂😅 That was hilarious, but also sucks brotha. If this is true, try to acknowledge what happened in that moment and try to embrace it. Don’t feel bad bc of what happened. Try to remind yourself that you actually took that first step towards improving and how that’s what matters the most.
@@Gray.1063 I don't think so. I stick to myself now. I'm the only one I can count on.
One of Jordan Peterson's concepts I live by is, every person who stands in front of you, knows things you do not know. I have been in the aviation industry since 1980, and even today, when a young college engineer hires in, I try to live with that idea in mind. Each of us knows things the other doesn't.
Jordan the drug addict who is peddling a genocide right now?
Humility at it's finest
"Every man I meet is my superior in some way, in that I learn of him"
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
True, but sometimes they know things that are factually untrue, or physically impossible! 😉
Good advice.
Former professional firefighter here (Canada). Great talk. So accurate. Through my career I worked with hundreds of men and was under the leadership of many. I ran into every personality under the sun as you can imagine in a career like that. Big city department, lots of action. 100 years of tradition. Despite the wild variance of personalities I can list a few things that come to mind that were consistent between the best leaders, despite their personality differences.
The best leaders:
1. Knew their job very well, and took that seriously. (We had to trust our officer 100 percent in that world, we all wanted to go home to our families after shift. Big responsibility). If you screw this part up and are incompetent, we literally don't care how, "cool" you might be. Job number 1, know your job.
2. They did not feel the need to give orders for orders sake. It's tempting to make a bunch of guys do what you say, but the best leaders avoided making work that wasn't necessary.
3. Had the crews back. The best ones always protected us from any public or city scrutiny for maybe a mistake or something like that. They were like a Father figure. Doesn't mean you wont get spanked or yelled at (I've had my share of spankings and yellings) haha. But that was out of love, not hate. No matter how mad they got, they never left your side or threw you under the bus.
4. They took responsibility when things went wrong. They never ever pointed at the crew because they knew it all started from the top. After that we would follow the chain of seniority down the line making sure everyone knew what role they played in the mistake. Ruthless accountability. And of course invariably it always ended with us turning to the rookie and explaining to them that literally everything is there fault, including every problem in the world. Which always ended in laughter (if you know you know).
5. Humility (often shown through humor). Literally almost every great leader I worked under had some sort of sense of humor (not all, but damn near close). Humor is an interesting window into a persons' attitude. After seeing so much I truly think there is a direct link between humor and confidence. If you can't make fun of a situation, or better yet yourself, you might be a bit too tightly wound. Even better, was the ability to lighten the situation with a comment when things might be going south or getting harry. It really calms the crew and is reassuring.
I could keep going but I'll stop there.
As for the "bad leaders." They almost always seemed to be the guys that looked like they got wedgies in high school. Once they get a stripe on their shoulder, it's payback time. Some would come in hot right through the door in the morning before you could get your first coffee in. They needed to make sure everyone knew, "The boss is here." Yuck. The crew would look around at each other with the look of, "and here we go with this guy." Every person on the job knew about this person, talked about this person, and didn't like this person. They were radioactive. And every single one of them had a, "less than flattering" nickname given to them behind their back. DON'T BE THAT PERSON.
Hope this was helpful or insightful for any future leaders or current leaders.
Cheers (from Canada).
Well said.
As for the toxicity. Small man syndrome strikes again.
Good luck Canada.
Appreciate your thoughtful comment. I gained exp just reading and listening to what you had to say. I'm a prior service combat veteran and I completely understand your angle with leadership. Good or bad leaders can make or break teams and situations!
@@cameronjohn604 you described the bad leader perfectly. Definitely small man syndrome incarnate
You’re a real life superhero. Thanks for everything you have done for your community!! 🙏
My dad was always insecure. Looked pathetic at times. We were never close. He woke me up at midnight one night when he couldn’t sleep; I was 14, and he spilled everything- the divorce, feeling inferior at work, and not knowing what to do about anything. For the first and only time we bonded. I respected him, saw him as human, and felt love for him that night. He learned things about me he never knew too.
No one believes this
@@permabulk1454 I do. 🤷♂️
beautiful moment between you and your father.. definitely believe this 🙏🏽🕊️
Why would you say that. You don't know everyone to say that. Also it's hardly a hero point they are trying to portray@@permabulk1454
@@permabulk1454Damn dude lol. I hope it's true. I'd kill for an experience like that with my weak father.
Be humble
Ask for help
Hold judgement
Be consistent
Admit mistakes and faults
VISiON
CReatIVITY
PassION
Well said
Did no american ever 🤣
I work at Winnie hut Jr I want to make a change
How does this cult work
My father-in-law had a great comment when I was complaining about a pretty high tradesman bill. "You are not paying for what he does, you are paying for what he Knows". Absolutely true! Good video thanks.
When you realize why they killed Jesus you will learn the problem with what that man said to you. Knowledge belongs to no one.
My second dad said that to me on Friday
You should get the degree... You should get the 25 years of experience
You're paying for both, but yea it's still a good rule of thumb
Back in the days of steam there was a factory that owned a glitchy engine. They contracted with a mechanic to fix it. He walked around the machine for a few minutes, took out a small hammer and tapped the engine at a particular place. It sprung to life and went on purring like new. He sent them a bill for $100 for his 15 minutes of work. The accountants at the factory balked at the amount he charged and asked him to itemize his bill. He sent back a revised bill: $10 for tapping machine with hammer. $90 for knowing where to tap.
I've found that self-taught people are generally more knowledgeable, better, and more insightful than people who learned stuff by just taking classes. This is because they have a strong genuine interest in the subject, and they not restricted by the rules and boundaries academia often places on students.
if teachers taught their students how to research, encouraged self confidence, the importance of practical applications, how to inquire, how to interact with the world, how to extrapolate, how to inspire and how to spur their imagination, the US would be in a better place - but ideology, mediocrity and teaching to the test are what passes for instruction today
Say it again for the back of the class
I’ve found that I prefer neurosurgeons that have taken classes. Just to be sure… I’m all for diy, I love to learn by myself. But come on, there’s a level of specialization that requires years of training. And no SEAL is a self made SEAL, they go through schools all throughout their careers.
@@gregoirepainchaud Of course doctors have to go to school, but I've learned a ton about the brain and brain surgery just from being interested in it. The best is when people do both, learn on their own and go to school. Some fields absolutely require that you go to school, but a lot don't.
I have found that Self taught people are really good at certain specific areas, but overall they usually have gaps in their knowledge. Or they don’t have a correct understanding of something. Going to school holds you to a certain standard and forces you to study each area that is required that otherwise you would’ve ignored.
Every single person on this planet can teach you something no matter how much you know or think you know.
Or what not to do learning from mistakes people made so I can make new mistakes to learn from!
tell that to my gf
"Psh. Whatever. I'm a Master in *MY* craft. You can't tell me anything."
Acted every fake "alpha" literally ever.
A lot of it is stupid crap
I should've clarified that although everyone can teach you something, it's not always something good but sometimes that's the best thing you can learn from someone, what not to do.
Humility is a virtue. You will be far less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do.
One time, long ago, I heard Oprah say something very similar. To this day, it is the only thing of value that I've ever heard from her.
@@thomast8539 lol I agree
@@thomast8539 David Foster Wallace coined the phrase, she was likely just quoting it.
"They will remember this mistake I made forever and will always think about it when they see me" vs
"They won't remember my mistake because nobody cares about me" two sides of depression/anxiety coin ☠
Oprah? 🤢
Holy Shit, Jockos example is literally me! I work in IT. I am one of the few that does not have a degree but I have a decades of experience. That experience landed me a job that, when I showed up on day one, I knew that I would be fired in 6 months or less. I knew that I could not do the job. That was 5 years ago. I am still there. In the words of my manager "everything that I need you to do is already on your resume. You do not have a skill issue, you have a self confidence issue." So, I continued to give it my all. I work day in and day out Masters and PhD grads. I am thankful for the Blessing of the hard work that came before it and I am thankful for the hard work that I have now. I am ever thankful to the Lord for the blessing of my job.
That’s awesome brother
I have a Nephew that was recruited by MS after he codeveloped the GO instruction manual. Going good till CV19. Lost millions on hotel bookings for thousands of attendees that could no longer make it.
He runs the FE and BE on the AI dev if I catch his meaning.
AI is only a threat as long as it can power itself.
So, you better know as much as you can, because when the sun flashes again, you will know everything needed to survive in a post apocaplyptic world. It has happened before enough times to know one is coming and only a handful survive. In one generation, the things will happen again to "Cleanse" the Earth and let a few seedlings start again.
@@Steel75093 My brother is an IT guy and he has a master's degree. However, he works alongside other IT techs that have no college education. IT is a field where it certainly seems that the most important thing is what you know and what you can do, rather than having a college education.
You should be fired for being the typical Gen Z Oscar Mayer weenie of today!
Congrats man. You overcame adversity by rising to the occasion daily.
Ego causes the greatest social problems on earth 👌
ignorance causes more.
@johnnynephrite6147 Ya know what, you're fuckin right 👊
@@johnnynephrite6147That's your ego talking mate 😂
@@Future-Classic-Cars its your ignorance talking clown.
Performative compassion is coming up fast behind it.
If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.
Dan Bongino says that often.
Tell that to a teacher
I'm not the smartest person in my head
Why you in a room with a bunch of idiots? Very true
@@audryskelecius9948If they were actually smart then they wouldn't be working a job where they're complaining about how much they earn.
Everyone is a teacher, every experience is a lesson; you pick and choose what you keep and discard.
Well maybe in theory, but not in practice. Just because you inquire doesn't mean the other person is going to dispense their knowledge. It is called siloing, where they know something and you'd like to learn but they refuse to share, even if you offer a trade or bribe.
@@thomast8539
Even an interaction with an ignorant person, is a learning experience. You teach whether you know it or not.
I found that at work, clearly stating when I don’t know something or that I am ignorant about a topic has earned me respect. Being honest and forthcoming when I get defensive allows me to get my point across and reach a solution much quicker.
Yeah. Ignorant and insecure people will try and hide that which makes it more work for you because you both have to manage/interrogate them to confirm what they need to know and then teach them what they need to know after that. Most people don't care that you didn't know a thing and love to teach you about something they know.
It's not unheard of though for certain people to see that as weakness and take advantage. Sometimes insecurity is warranted - it's an instinct telling you you're not safe. And a lot of the time you're not.
It's called a hostile work environment. It's everywhere in varying degrees. Blue collar man's man jobs are the worst for this.
"When you hide your insecurities, everyone can see them." Brilliant.
Should I wear my hair in a ponytail if I have a big forehead
Or they imagine the worst when the real insecurity is minor by comparison.
Humility is a good trait to have. Evreyone is insecure about something.
Stumbled on this accidentally. Watched the whole video. I definitely learned something. Totally worth my time.
You think you are better then me!?..... 😂 Oh I mean.. ok this guy may know something I don't .. cool 😎
So?
Humility, gentlemen.. is a MIGHTY and HOLY thing to possess. For few men can.
Humility is weakness - it allows others to trample all over you.
@@JohnM... Whatever you say lmao Don't stub your toe ;) Bless your heart
@@Tireledhwen I’m saying it from the other side - for decades I’ve had ‘humility’, and it leads to being a people pleaser, and a SIMP. I’m speaking as a reforming Simp, just discovering his RIGHT to assert himself and stand up for his deeply desired level of dominance. Bullied in childhood, which has stayed with me all these years, so I hope you forgive me when, personally speaking, I say “FU** humility.” It’s time to be an assertive beast.
@@JohnM... Yeah.. Need I remind you of the word meek? Goes hand in hand with humility. And I am very meek.
@@JohnM...Maybe you weren't doing it correctly. Perhaps you've been too submissive instead. Maybe mistaking what humilty actually is. You can have too much humility I guess and that lead some with no humility to take advantage. I wouldn't let this push you too far the other way, just try to find balance and don't let arrogant people push you impose their will.
Not always easy.
Thank you for this. I think we’ve all battled some insecurities and dealing with that becomes an insecurity in itself. So many times I’ve seen people talk about how disgusting insecurity is but never get into actual actions or mindsets to get through and over them. Solid stuff.
The thing with having not having an ego is that you have to be around people who appreciate and admire the humbleness. Way way way too many times in my life, I have witnessed the person with massive ego get far more than the person without it. They get the girls, have the clothes, have the car, have the group following and eating out of their hand, etc. While the humble person is in the corner with nothing. You can argue the morals or the virtues of it, but you do have to understand that we live in reality, and unfortunately, the loud, annoying, flashy person does get more a lot of the time.
Unfortunately ture but do they keep what they get as well? Have seen it many times that the ones who were loud and got what everyone around them wanted lost it not too far down the road and everyone turned their backs on them
Quite the contrary. It depends on the short term or long term perspectives. I'm Armenian and Armenians are known for their egos. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I "had" a large social circle growing up, being that we have very tight knit communities. Everyone knows each other.
All the guys I was friends with had a complex where they would make heavy comments. They would act tough, loud and flashy (Cars, watches, outfits). They would get all get attention from the pretty girls and envy from the other guys. They would basically do as they wished and no one could say otherwise.
I got catastrophically humiliated and sh*t on basically while I was in this social circle because I loved to work hard, exercise, saved my money, dressed plainly, talked plainly, always grateful for people, humble. I was dating this girl and I had asked her if she wanted to take the next step and basically she told everyone and they laughed at me in public and made fun of me for being humble. She cussed me out in the car for even thinking I had a chance, after we dated for like nearly 2 years. Literally, my life's course changed after these events. I was at my lowest point. This was around the 2007 when social media hadn't taken off yet.
Fast forward, I'm 40 now. I have a pretty wife who respects me, I have great kids, I have a very respected degree, I make decent money, I've been told I look young for my age. I'm training to become a reserve police officer. I've saved enough to start my own business and grow my already high net worth.
The one commonality amongst these group of brash, loud, flashy, egotistical, "ALPHA" (LOL) types, is that they are never genuinely based on reality. They always have substance abuse issues (pills, alcohol, cigs, weed, etc...) and they always go under because they have to use the substance to keep their energy levels or inflated egos. It always catches up to them 100% of the time. Being humble and grateful and maintaining extreme ownership is key for the long term view. I always play to win.
Everyone has an ego. It's not a question of whether you have one or not. It's part of our design. Some are more driven by ego than others but we all have egos. The one who says they are humble are the least humble in the group
@@dnbanb Everyone has an ego, right. Keeping it in check is the key. I would never let my ego drive me, only my vision. That is the difference. You may think humble people have egos but it's their clear vision bud. Not blind rage that's guiding them.
@@SevA-p7z all humans have egos, bud. Humble people recognize that and will be the last person to say they are humble. Big egos are a necessity in some respects. Rarely do you find someone that is at the top of their field and humble. Especially in a high testosterone environment like sports or Navy Seals.
After undergrad I was fortunate to be put in my place quickly, and that opened up my mind to respect the folks with experience, regardless of their education. I learned 100x more from that crew of electricians and mechanics than any book or prof can teach you. To this day I continue to learn from the folks that operate the systems I help to influence. The ability to ask questions instead of jumping to conclusions is an amazing skill that is tough to hone.
Thats called wisdom.
Yep. I know people that are way better and never went to college. Certain things you can't teach.
"Don't let insecurity manifest itself or it will manifest itself." I'm a new COO, operations guy, and I lead technical dev meetings. I freely admit their DB jargon is outside my purview, but it doesn't change how I feel but I suck it up and keep going like I know what we're talking about. All I know is, they know and that's what's important.
Jocko's got a lot of wisdom. To be a man of his stature, and yet humble. Great dude.
He is right I’m 32 and until I went for my high school diploma I felt like everyone knew I didn’t have it and that people looked down on me for not having it but it was just my own insecurity that was causing my issues most didn’t know that I didn’t have it and no one cared that has helped me a lot realizing that no one cares what you do or don’t know they only care if you can get the job done
at the end of the day I firmly believe that anyone who wants to truly learn can and will and you don't need a degreee or anything like that to tell you you're someone important every human being is important we all are created in the image of God.
Great talk.
Reminds me of a quote by Florence Scovel which I discovered first as a tattoo: “There is an old saying: "No man is your enemy, no man is your friend, every man is your teacher.”
AMEN, I NEEDED THIS , DURING THE WEEK MY INSECURITIES SHINED LIKE THE SUN, THANK YOU I WILL TAKE THIS LESSON FORWARD.
Extreme ownership is: I don't like Jocko typically, but man if this isn't excellent advice. I have a newfound respect for Jocko. Got to call balls and strikes and this is a home run. God humbles the proud, and he humbled me using a man I didn't fully respect.
Thank you for sharing this wisdom.
Reminds me of a startup job I had. Just me and another developer. I was self taught and my degree wasn’t business. He learned in a classroom and had a computer science degree. We found we each had strengths. He taught me a lot of technical stuff and I taught him a lot of practical stuff. We both had someone to learn and share.
This never happened
Beautifully described someone I work with. Very difficult to work with bc if an idea isn't HIS, it's idiotic, shot down, doesn't know what they're doing, etc.. Won't speak up in meetings, but pops off behind everyone's back. Looks like such a little man but he's a legend in his own mind.
What a fascinating talk. I've been in computers for 25 years and don't have a degree. Not very insecure though. Not having a degree has been one of the better things to happen to my career because it has forced me to be constantly learning in order to maintain my competence. Love it.
I love watching Jocko giving his Point of View. Whilst being a young man experiencing the real world & small problems we magnify in our daily life.
Proverbs 27:2 CEV
Don't boast about yourself- let others praise you.
this verse comes to mind, i was always trying to prove myself and it was always backfiring
@@Oozy9Millimeetah What would He say about me? I have for 60 years sought all that I could learn. I speak with others to see where they may need my efforts. They ask "What do you do ?". I return :what do you need? I have many skills, and seek if I may be useful. Many means hundreds. List 100 skills and they say I need something else. If I don't know, God has blessed me with the same mind as everyone else, but I like using mine and looking for each and every sign of God. He keeps me strong. And ready for the eventuality of our Lord's return. End of the age is nigh. If you believe in the Son, you better proclaim His name Daily.
"How may I know you to My Father, when you know not Me to the world?"
@@bryanst.martin7134 you remind me of the ever moving goal post of God, like it's not enough to get your own ass of the 🔥 now you must humiliate yourself and tell about sky daddy to others 😆... even when God has only misery served on your plate.... sure mock me for the embarrassment of actually reading the Bible and realizing that life is 💩 and everyone is going to be tortured in 🔥 like Jesus came up with the idea of going through the suffering so he could rule it all.... not a bad deal, many normal people have suffered more and are in h3ll right now.... it's all 💩 and no one likes God, but they have to or else....
@@bryanst.martin7134 he'd say your an disappointment
Its funny. I respect the wisdom of that proverb, but for me personally, since I have no care or thoughts for boasting (except to offer this tiny comment), I don't give a damn what anyone thinks of me or how I'll be remembered. Only Christ gets to judge me and it is the only verdict that matters to me.
Amen brothers!
What you focus on, you magnify.
Its such a release to just own my insecurities. Hiding them is like a carrying a literal weight but it doesnt make you stronger. Good stuff Jocko.
These words are so eye-opening for anyone who wants to evolve as a human being. Even for a guy like me, I can apply these ideas to an organized gaming environment where we are working as a team and on different skill sets and levels, but trying to succeed and carry out a common goal. I tend to get frustrated and once I come to my senses I always revert back to what can I do to help the group and play overall better. The best part about insecurities, is we all have them. Thank you for the insight and knowledge.
‘Boy it takes some courage to open up’ 😅 felt that
This is spot on! It’s my biggest blind spot which ironically I can diagnose but difficult to admit. My chronic need to prove to the world is a residual of feeling inadequate due to being abused as a child & questioning why my father left me holding the bag at 15. I went on to play college football, onto the NYPD & now own & operate a successful business. I’m married to a beautiful woman & we have an amazing 18 year old son but I constantly self sabotage when my insecurities take over. You just reminded me how to check myself & realize I have been in the wrong room for a bit thinking I’m the smartest. Unreal how great of a speaker you are. Your accomplishments & beliefs resonate. Thank You!
Hope you find your peace, man. Similar route. Tried to go Pro. Then worked w First Responders. You try to be humble but squeakier people get the opportunities.
So now I just be me. And if people say "but at least he was nice and willing to help" then so be it.
I think it's a daily task to remained truly centred within ourselves, especially when there is childhood trauma and abuse involved.
You have all that stuff and you're going to whine?
@@user-zr6pl6nb6z who’s whining? I’m admitting my propensity to self sabotage. Did you eat paint chips as a child?
@@anthonyr.calvanico5066 Is that insult another manifestation of your inadequacies? Seems you haven't learned a thing, genius.
My old boss should watch this video. Anytime someone came up with ideas he didn't help to create or facilitate, he would say things like "What does he know? My ideas are better."
I'd ask him..."if your ideas are better, what aren't the smart people using them?"
Yes, this happens all the time with Management.
I've told people like your boss, if you was so smart you'd be working at NASA. But your not! Your working here with all the dumb people. They shut up really fast.
well, are they demonstrably effective and consistently reliable? if so, why let anyone else rock the boat? its his business. youre not entitled to input, but you are entitled to quit.
We have a guy in my work like that. He decides how we proceed with jobs. I've learned the best way to get him to follow our ideas, is to suggest it in a way that he can make it seem like his idea. I don't care about credit for good ideas, I just want to get the job done in the best and easiest way.
I've been in IT for 25+ years and I am constantly learning new things. The lightbulb clicked for me when I realized years ago that, no matter how smart or experienced a person is, NOBODY knows EVERYTHING. Having this attitude has helped me so much in my career and like Jocko says, those who have an ego problem stand out like a sore thumb and nobody wants to help or work with them.
So I only use one arm due to a stroke I had when I was three years old. What also came with that was I wear a leg brace and an outside shoe lift. No big deal at all, I actually enjoy being different! But one thing that I cant stand are my facial twitches that often come up when talking to new people or even family, it doesn't really matter what we are talking about but when these twitches happen I look away immediately, I cant help it, maybe that part is just a long term habit or maybe that's part of the stroke, but I do turn away or look down when these are happening. But I hate that because I feel like it is a "sign of weakness" or that people think "I am lying"... I feel like they think that I am insecure and maybe I am a little, or a lot.. I don't think there is anything that I can do about it though. I feel like police would watch me or wonder what was up if I couldn't carry on a conversation without this happening. Dave was spot on, the more I think about it the more it happens, haha Thanks if you read this comment ~Jeff
It’s time we fight through our insecurities man. Let loose!!!
Bravo to you for facing and working on your problems.
I think it’s Like every acquired skill, practise working on it , and you will improve .
@@edwardfinn4141 Thank you sir. I appreciate that! Always something to work on, as hard as it is though, it is kind of exciting when we notice that we are improving! Thank you again! ~Jeff
This is top advice right there. I will download it as audio, so that I can listen to it when necessary, meaning, more often than I would like to admit.
Learning, performance, and results are what counts!
I’m not jealous of success
I’m inspired by it
I love Jocko. He has so much great advice, and seems like a genuinely good dude.
It’s simple message, ownership of ego.
The death of ego
God bless Jocko.
I mean everybody. Your family and mine. And all ours that are listening and taking this stuff to life. (Heart)
Not only do you LOOK like a "confident, squared away person that's willing to learn and be humble", but you actually ARE a confident, squared away person that's willing to learn. Imagine that!
Insecurities are rooted in the ego, but the moment that the ego has the light of awareness & acceptance shine on it that bit of ego is diminished. The ego can only thrive in the darkness of denial.
He’s not insecure because his staff doubts him.. he’s insecure because of previous experiences he’s had. You are seeing him now in his final form as boss. You didn’t see all the times he got mistreated or over looked.. pretty simple stuff
For real. I'm tired of this whole "You're egocentric " spiel. I WISH people didn't care but they do. And they are waiting for you to feel happy and secure so that they can pounce and fuck with you.
Exactly. I’ve been through it too. Takes some time to get past it
How many times has he had a chance to prove himself? If you prove yourself time and time again, then why should you be worried? Someone who makes mistakes and grows from them should be capable of saying, "Yeah, I remember that time that X looked down on me and thought I was wrong, and then I X why I was in fact correct" and then just keep going. Now, you're the type who just let people run you over even when they were wrong, I can see why you might become insecure.
Yes. When you’ve been mistreated and made to feel inadequate in certain situations you become like a resentful, angry shelter cat when those situations arise again. It’s encouraging to me that people are beginning to understand this
This whole comment section is on point. I also agree with what Jocko is saying too, though. Because when you accept it, it looks like it’s not even a thing. But if you get angry it draws attention to whatever last action spurred the anger, and it causes the person to go “whoa. huh…it was when I said…well that made him angry so therefore…” so I agree with all points here. Glad to see people are starting to deconstruct how this happens AND what to do about it. I think understanding is even better though.
I work in IT with a 1 year diploma. I learned a long time ago its best to sit down, keep your mouth shut and observe and listen. When it's your turn to give input or try to fix something, its ok to admit if you don't know something... but when you do know, the best thing to do is just get the job done and walk away without drawing additional attention to yourself.
If you are good at what you do, people will see it. There is no need to tear down others or to blow your own horn.
Telling others they are weak and insecure is a attempt to not look weak and insecure yourself!
Yeah this is lame.
@@back2nature608 I would agree.
Not always, Some whom are affluent and come from a powerful family background (for example) can hold the cards and yield power whether they are right or wrong.
Wow! I'm watching this video while alone, and am feeling humbled. I love this! Thank you
This is the problem with our system
An AUTHORITY has convinced us… Through their CONTRIVED “Common Sense” that there must be VALIDATION from an authority to tell you the MEANING of everything
This is how the authority controls us
It does everything it can to make us insecure and shows problems or danger where there is none
So we look for validation instead of trusting our own mind and our own instinct
It makes people afraid to shine their light at the risk of others trying to humble them
The only ones that try to humble you are the ones who have already humbled themselves… by allowing an authority to tell THEM what things mean… For what Jocko says is perfect logic… IT’s a matter of trusting your own discerning mind over some outside authority and some controlling sense of the common…
You cannot "BUY" experience. flat out. Regardless of all the wall paper.. that's just a testament of doing good in school and passing tests.
^which is an experience in itself
My boss told me that even though I have 14 years experience more than her…. She has schooling and that makes up for it. 🤔. Mmm ok. But she flaunts it….but doesn’t Share it as a team player.
@@BassGoThump : Yeah, but all in THEORY. that's SCHOOL. ( now go to the real world and see whether or not all that schooling will fit with everyday applications).
Doing *well in school 😂
Experience is very important, no question. Although, in many professions if you don't have at least an undergraduate degree you will only rise so high within that organization when you hit the ceiling career wise.
Experience and education together will get you further in most places than either alone.
And a degree isn't just passing tests. It also shows you can think and communicate effectively.
The guy with or without the degree, the one that has the actual experience, mechanical or otherwise in the specified field in question, will always be the one I’m asking questions and trying to learn from. If the you’re good with books I’ll see you at the library.
I work in finance. The only folks that try to use their degrees as a flex are the PhD’s. I lost count of how many I’ve disregarded by telling them they’ve been out of school for over a decade or more, they aren’t professors, and this isn’t Uni. None of the MBA’s, Undergrads have ever flexed in my 25 year career, but man some of those PhDs are stuck mentally at 26. 🤓
PhD’s are the top 1%. They’ve earned the right to flex. They’re not always right, but I’d listen to them. I guarantee you’ll learn something.
@enduraman1 Worked closely with doctors my entire career. There are some absolutely amazing surgeons. But around 25% are complete sociopaths. You have to keep that bell curve in mind with all of Academia.
Top 1% in terms of what exactly..@@enduraman1
MDs are the real deal…PhDs don’t know anything and are typically a bit nuts
Literally posts an insecure comment about people being PhDs, the irony here.
Excellent video!!! My ego is so distorted daily and this is the cure. Though sometimes I forget and make a bigger fool out of myself but this is it! Thanks Jocko!
Keep getting after it.
This is excellent. Even the quotes are gold!
A quiet man is strong and secure.. his actions are his words.. being confident and secure speaks for itself
From Paul in the New Testament: “esteem other men around you higher than yourself” that puts you in a framework to learn and grow, instead of becoming a target because of an unchecked ego
That means to help others.
Well, maybe, but with the caveat that even if he is higher (in some regard) than you, he is still mortal, still flawed and needs to check his ego as well. We are all equally worthy and unworthy. No one enters heaven but through Him.
@@thomast8539 Jesus our brother and master washed Judas’ feet
Big facts ALL AROUND
This is some of the truest best advice out there when it comes to dealing with ego and insecurities
This is Gold 👊🏽
100% agree with this. 35 years in a Fortune 300 corporation.
No one cares except that you can do your job. Also, you can learn something from almost everyone, almost.
@@Old_Sailor85 Yes, but you may not get your foot in the door without a four year degree.
@@ericsierra-franco7802 Agree, it's difficult. I got in through the union workforce, and ended up in management.
There was good and bad in that decision.
I go to a boxing gym, and recently someone new to the gym started showing up, and one of the last times I went I was hitting the bag and they started staring at me and they suddenly stopped me and started trying to tell me how to hit it better, they also teased me before it he said "hit it like you mean it you little bitch!" Instead of taking it personally, I smiled his way, didn't pay much attention to it and kept on it. When he was giving me instruction in front of everyone else in the gym, it admittedly was a bit annoying and obtrusive to me, especially the way he did it, but I simply said- "Thanks man! What's your name? Cool!" And kept on my way. Because very honestly, I don't really care about what this person has to say, I'm not there to talk to people I'm there to get the workout in and have some fun in sport. But reacting in a crass manner would just come off as terribly petty and immature, so I say my thanks, take his advice into consideration and move on.
So he made you look like a loser and you smiled about it?
@@user-zr6pl6nb6z yeah that's exactly what happened dude
@@TheBanjoShowOfficial I know.
@@DG-lc6hc Is that what you've been programmed to state? Because it makes no sense.
@user-zr6pl6nb6z these strangers aren't worth a second thought I think the idea is
Spot on my friend, this is applicable across disciplines, I work in healthcare and have for 20 years and was advised by my mentor decades ago, lose your ego and you'll learn along with the new folks you train. It is very true and very effective.
I can confirm this story. No one cares about their collegues degree or lack of degree, because they see their performance. But some people who don't have degrees are the ones who take that personally.
@@BuckandOden the ones who lack college educations tend to be insecure about it.
The opposite csn also be true, those with degrees will not promote those withoht.
HR Departments sometimes set strict criteria to prevent from being sued.
Absolutely agree, being humble and realizing everyone can teach others something is huge
I have to counter this though, the field I work in is constant judgement and comments. People talking down about others because they have a lower degree or no degree, which then causes the opposite back at them. I see it weekly, i've been working on myself to block out all these comments and just work/work harder and just try to learn new shit daily to be a better person and worker.
You have to intentionally fight and speak against that.
In my field/workplace the employees were fostering envy by sarcastically saying “it must be nice” every time someone got a good assignment. I hated it and I intentionally started congratulating people and making positive comments that showed I shared their joy when they received good assignments. I did that as an everyday employee, not someone in management or leadership. I haven’t heard “must be nice” in years
Come up with some positive things to say that encourage these people and use them so often they come out of your mouth as a reflex. You have the power to change your entire field.
Talking down about others is a sign of insecurity.
Confused why this is in counter to jocko’s message? Seems like it adds up just fine.
I've had sooo many insecuruties for most of my memorable life. And I've had so many revelations about the world around me during this video as I'm working through it.
Humility trumps ego.
Amen brother 🙏🏼
Oh wow, I wasn't expecting this to hit so close to home. I'm a self-taught software engineer, too. You really hit the nail on the head, companies value diversity of backgrounds because each type of engineer brings something unique to the team. The software industry is very special in that the technology and tools are constantly evolving and changing, so it doesn't really matter how you obtained that initial foundational knowledge.
All of life is military to this guy
Because there are parallels that can be learned from both sides of that coin.
It spends the same way no matter what side is up.
in some ways all of life is military in fact you never know when and where shit pops off...
Thank you for the reminder that it takes a team to accomplish anything important
To go faster, go alone. To go further, go together.
This found me at exactly the right time. Great wisdom as usual.
It’s been my experience that even the tiniest bit of humility will take you so much farther then ANY measure of arrogance
My experience is the opposite.
This is so so accurate!! Seen this guy, worked with this guy & even been this guy. I recently started a new job after 15 years with experience but starting fresh. I changed my attitude to this approach but am seeing it in coworkers toward management on my new job. It obvious & its weak. I really really loved this.
Another thing I noticed, is that in a room full of men, the one that talks the loudest and most and the one that is obsessed with muscle gains and appearance etc is usually the most insecure. Meanwhile the quiet guy with modest clothes, who works smart and has made a comfortable healthy life for himself , is usually more dominant. Sometimes you reach a point in life where you just don’t feel the need to SHOW everyone what you have , sometimes masculinity is silence and peace
100%
I've noticed the opposite. The loudmouths and flashy ones get the respect, while the knowledgeable and quiet ones get shunned.
I needed that. I'm totally insecure even tho I know people think I'm great at my job and I don't know how to stop projecting it. But that video will help. Thanks a bunch!
This applies to all insecurity. Needed this.
I wish I could hear this as an affirmation every day to remind me while I improve myself. Ego is like a drug in some ways. Its the easy choice to a simple mind. Thank you for sharing this
"You don't have to prove how tough you are, you don't have to prove what a dynamic leader you are, you don't have to prove any of that stuff, and in fact any time you try to actively outwardly prove that, everybody is gonna see that as an insecurity, and its gonna make you look weak, because you are".
Wise words Jocko should say into a mirror. Shame his dad didn't say it to him.
This piece is probably my favorite commentary from Jocko Willink.
Now I'm insecure about appearing insecure!!!!😟
That's weird I seem confident sometimes with randoms in the street, then other times I appear insecure in front of pretty ladies.
Sometimes you have to accept things for what things for what they are. The more you do that the less insecure you’ll be. You have more control than you think my friend.
I decided years ago to try to do every single thing I thought I couldn't do. What I learned is the only thing holding us down is yourself. You learn by doing! Make mistakes and learn.
Projection is the beginning of a feedback loop. The reason why we all can't talk is because we're all projecting.
In life we all know deep down what the right thing to do is, invariably it’s the hardest. Worrying if people respect you or not is pointless. Respect yourself. That’s the main thing. And respect, like all emotions is subjective. Learn what you can from these younger ones and share what you’ve learned along the way. Asking one of your colleagues to show you how to do something they know how to do and you don’t is not weak. It will build rapport and confidence. Losing your shit and being a knobhead to people will eat you alive. A good leader involves the group and delegates based on strengths. Hey to know your new people. But do not go for drinks.
Insecurity is the boarder in between ego and humility… it can just as easily slide one way or the other….
Thank you for your service to this country and to men.
in summary, humility defeats insecurity - mike rowe for president with jocko as veep - these 2 americans understand people and have solutions for problems
Pure wisdom, simple and probably known by many, but always a good reminder.
I have been an unlicensed plumber for 17 years and am respected by all who encounter my work. I am paid the same or more than most journeymen and I train most of the apprentices to a high degree of competence. School would have been nice but life got in the way and I refused to let that stop me. I know what I know based on experience, curiosity and intuition and have even invented tools that i use daily to make my work more efficient. The paper is just the paper most of the time and in most skill sets. Your mindset and endurance is up to you. Change to succeed and get the hell out if your own way!!
Well done….keep givin’ er! Peace Be The Journey!
Agree to an extent. Acting all insecure and whiny will not get you more respect than standing your ground even if deep inside your feeling insecure
Jocko is in fullest, the best sense, the ideal leader. I wish Trump, Biden, Harris, Obama, Bush, Clinton, etc... would half a grain of this wisdom.
Politics exists for pathetic men to control people they cant survive without
I hate how dudes like this are a rare breed and honestly a dying breed......nothing but respect for this man 💯
This dude is a rare breed because we won Ww2 and the pathetic humans were allowed to corrupt our society. Si vis pacem parrabllum.
Women don't care for guys that manifest insecurity. I know, because I have manifested insecurity in various ways all my life. It is subtle and, for me, it has taken time for me to become more aware of what I have been doing. Thanks for taking time to share your knowledge.
Really important what they think.
The older I get the more thankful I am for everything my Grandpa taught me. He and my Grandma raised me for the first few years of my life so we had a very different relationship than I did with my other set of Grandparents. He retired long before I was born . They lived on acreage in the country . Didn’t watch television often . Couple hours per week tops so they had plenty of time to do what needed to be done. They grew their produce. They’d always have a cow. He’d buy a calf for very little .One that would feed a family for a couple days and raise it til full grown then turn it into their more choice meat than they could eat in a year. He clears some wooded areas for garden space and make his own lumber . Enough to build projects and add to his supply on hand for repairs or projects like the rifles he would make using some of the beautiful wood he’d cut . He forged all of the metal parts. Turned old axels into gun barrels, grew and made the tobacco he smoked in his pipe usually once in the day while working and once at the end of day . Whenever I’d go there I’d pop in the house to say hi to Grandma and she’d tell me he was in the shop which he was. Figuring out to make something that he hadn’t made before. As expected he taught me to work hard and take pride in what I did . But what I appreciate so much more is he made me inquisitive about how everything works and instilled a need to take on project constantly . Teach myself how the best people to make something do it and how to repair everything that can break in my life, my house, garage etc . But the best lesson he taught me was when I asked him if he’d ever done anything like creating something that escapes me at the moment but he replied” I reckon men are making these somewhere so if he can do it I can to and it never failed him and that’s the best lesson Papa ever taught me
Fuck!….this just made me realize how insecure I’ve been being!!😳
By owning the plausible ignorance, you have great opportunity to learn and level up. I've experienced this a lot as a software engineer that came from a (digital) fine arts background. I learn a lot from CS graduates I work with! Next level! ➕💯
With me it seems to be the opposite: I assume most people could care less about me.. but then I find out later I was the center of gossip 🤷🏻♂️
I can relate. Lol
Gossip says more about them than it does about you.