Talking insomnia #88: The gradual fading of George's struggle.
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- Опубликовано: 19 янв 2022
- In this episode George shares how for him, it took some time for the things he learned on this channel to sink in and for things to get easier. More than anything else, he now see that it was his attempts at controlling sleep that led to his difficulties sleeping.
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Are you thinking of a new career helping the world sleep better? Would you like to pay forward by helping those still struggling? Are you looking for a coaching niche with few knowledgeable coaches and a vast unmet need?
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The 1:1 Zoom based program is for you if you like to connect one on one with someone who has been where you are now.
For more about these programs here: www.thesleepcoachschool.com
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Do you like learning by reading? If so, here are two books that offer breakthroughs!
Set it & Forget it by Daniel Erichsen
www.amazon.com/Set-Forget-rea...
This is Natto by Daniel Erichsen
www.amazon.com/This-Natto-rea...
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Not sure where to start? Check out these playlists!
This is natto - the perfect place to start learning!
• This is Natto - Start ...
Success stories - if you need hope and inspiration, this is for you.
• Success stories
Insomnia insight - a list of every single episode.
• Playlist
Talking insomnia - guests with trouble sleeping or experts share their stories / tips.
• Talking insomnia
Hypnic jerks, hypnic awareness and other common issues.
• Hypnic jerks and more.
Fatal insomnia - for those concerned about ffi and sfi.
• Familial and sporadic ...
Speed bumps - when you think you had a setback or “relapse.”
• Talking insomnia #55: ...
Unrefreshing sleep - when you always feel tired or exhausted.
• Unrefreshing sleep
The self coaching model
• The model
Best!
This content does not constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, and should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or other qualified healthcare providers. 
Развлечения
Hi Daniel and Team,
Your youtube channel is truly amazing. You know you have made a huge impact to someone’s life. Thank you for existing! I just wanna share my story that by watching most of your videos for like almost 3 months (on and off) and by reading mostly of your advice in the comments section this helps me towards to a better sleeping, I can even sleep now if I want to. 😍 I think what really helps me is the Fearless method and Set it, and Forget it. So when the mind is telling me that I’m afraid to do this or that, I intentionally do it instead. I think what inspires me the most was Alina’s story.
I remember the time when I play hard to get to my sleep, that was when I’m watching and enjoying my favorite Netflix kdrama and I feel sleepy that my eyelids are starting to become heavy, what I did was the opposite I decided not to sleep yet.. When it takes me sometime to fall asleep, or when sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night I no longer consider it as a speed bumps or a problem its kinda normal for me and my brain doesn’t just react to it anymore.
Now I am no longer afraid or thinking about sleep. However, if there are any thoughts that pops up in my mind about sleep, I just let them pass by and I don’t react to them, and I noticed it eventually fades. It’s all about working on our thoughts. Teaching our brain that we are no longer our thoughts, and don’t believe in everything we think. It’s not easy and there is no quick fix. I have to rewatched and reread some of the advices in your videos that for me it didn’t make sense right away. It was a STEP-by-STEP process I say.
For everyone who are struggling right now I feel you, please don’t lose hope and don’t give up. It’s a painful experienced many times that I also couldn’t stop crying. Please know that “YOU CAN’T REALLY LOSE YOUR ABILITY TO SLEEP” it will never happen.
Rowela, this is incredibly nice to read 😊! I’m so glad to hear how easy things have become, how helpful the channel has been… and thanks so much for sharing these words of wisdom! It means so much!
Thanks for the encouragement and keep sharing your insights with people, that’s how change will happen 🙏🙂!
I love it that George can now laugh about his pointless sleep efforts. I do laugh about the lady who wore Lucky Pyjamas to bed in hopes of catching better winks, but that is not good laughter. 😢 Like George, I too have read Matthew Walker’s musings on the nature of sleep, I too believe sugar erodes human health, and I too have survived shift work in a gym. Thank you for your testimony, George…! 🙏
Daniel thanks for these videos. Thanks to the people who are opened to sharing their experiences. I just wanted to also say, your book has truly helped me. Stay blessed 🙌.
Kristen! I’m so very glad to read this 😊 so happy they’ve helped and thanks for this encouraging comment. I’m so grateful on my end for all the guests, truly priceless.
Hello coach Daniel. Thanks for another great video. Sounds like George is doing very well on his recovery. I have some questions of my own. I've been doing better these last three months. As a matter of fact I slept every night October, November, and December. As I've stated in other comments, I have trouble 99% of the time on work nights Sunday night being the worse. I keep a journal now which is very helpful, and noticed that, I was still having some trouble those three months with pressure to sleep building on Sunday night. I was still sleeping, but only maybe a couple of hours.
I did not have a sleepless night until this Sunday(which was the first in four months). I didn't think too much about it as that is what you taught me in your books, but last night I did not sleep either, and that has brought on a lot of fear again. I was doing so well, and now these huge speed bumps are here. I have not had two sleepless nights in one week since May of 2021. The only sleep efforts are my white noise machine, and in the past two weeks I started doing mindfulness meditation. I know your thoughts on the meditation that if we are not sleeping we will be checking to see the meditation is working an in turn causing more problems. I'm not doing it necessarily for sleep, but for my anxiety in general. I don't know if I should stop or stick with it. As for the noise machine, I use it mainly to drown out the noise from the highway near my house. So yes it's for sleep, but also to not hear the cars and trucks. Can this be considered a sleep effort? Should I turn it off, and just get used to the highway noises?
One last thing. I read right before I go to be in a chair about 10 feet from my bed. I can be so tired that the book almost falls from my hand, but as soon as I get in bed my hyperarousal wakes me right back up. I believe you called this "ninja hyperarousal". I then lay there, and my brain starts to monitor when I'm going to fall asleep. Which of course makes me not fall asleep because I'm thinking about sleep. I used to read in bed before my insomnia problems. Should I start reading in bed again? Will that help the ninja arousal? I went to work Monday with no sleep, but today I used a vacation day, I'm just too exhausted. My boss doesn't care, but I really was hoping to start rounding the corner where I use my vacation days for real vacation days.
Hi Sean! Thanks so much for the encouragement and you know, I super appreciate the questions! This said, it’s hard to answer in the comments to longer ones so I’d say either ask questions one by one here or send this to Open class and then we can reply in video 👍!
Super helpful video, thank you! Like George, I've been here since 2020 and your videos have helped me a lot. I'm still yoy-ing admittedly but for the most part, I've let go of the anxiety and need to control. I no longer worry or try to control my sleep (for many months now) and I sometimes have good nights (6.5-7 hours before I wake up/start fragmenting) and bad nights. I no longer have problems falling asleep which is a major relief. I do find that my REM sleep still seems to be quite fragmented (towards the end of the night, I'm in and out of dreams with brief awakenings throughout) and I don't have sleep apnea so I just can't seem to move past this. I only really think about my sleep on the mornings after bad nights but briefly. So I just don't understand why I'm still stuck. I am still blaming my trigger event admittedly, and sometimes wondering whether the reason I'm stuck is because there's still something wrong physically with me because of that trigger. It's such an impossible cycle to break sometimes. At my best, I would say I got to about 90% back to normal (I was working in the office, exercising everyday, generally feeling good) so I definitely have seen the impact of letting go. But even at my best, I was never "fully" recovered so there's that bit of anxiety telling me something's still wrong. It's such an incredibly frustrating cycle to be in because sometimes I'll have a good night, tell myself i'm on the path to recovery, then a stretch of bad nights and start wondering again, then a random good night and so on and so forth. The cycle just won't end even though for the most part, I've stopped thinking about my sleep. It's so funny, as I write this, I see that clearly I am still subsconciously worried about my sleep (even though Im not conscious of it) and I suppose that answers my question lol.
Hi San! So glad you found this helpful and that the channel has been of value 😊 and yes, you answered yourself! And you know when we simply have this awareness, when we see clearly that our problem solving IS the problem.. it automatically leads to less and less struggle 🙂
Hi Daniel. Thanks for all the help you have given. I will say I am about 90% improved where my sleep challenges are concerned. However, I find that if I have a challenge during the day, my insomnia seems to return along with the anxiousness. It will last for a few days. with all the skills Ive learnt, it is not as bad as it was before, but it still is a presenting problem. This was never the case before. My thinking is that, the body or mind or both seems to have found a new pathway and is using it. how do i get over this
Mystie, I’m so very glad to hear how much easier things are! This is wonderful and thanks to your willingness to learn and courage and kindness, this is heart work, well done 😊
Now, it sounds to me as if you may be in this common place we call the final hurdle.
Do tune in to this episode, and let us know if it shows the way and answered the questions!
ruclips.net/video/ML5kbdJ90s8/видео.html
Hi there.
Thanks so much for these videos. I had a question that I couldn't find an answer to in this video or others. I know you have said that there isn't a casual link between insomnia and life longevity, but in terms of health issues coming up, my insomnia seems to cause acid reflux, upset stomach, stomach pains, increased tinnitus, headaches and migraines, among other things. Should we not worry about these symptoms?
Hi Lena,
Anytime so glad you’re here! I would say this, nothing here is medical advice, of course always check with your doctor when you are concerned about your health, this said, our emotions can take so many physical expressions.
Check out episode 322, it covers this to a large extent!
Awesome video. Thank you🙂
I wake up at 4am every night ( look at my watch) ..habit for many years, Difficult to sleep after that 😟
I'm ready to sleep again at 7am when. its time to get up.
What to do??
Hi Rosie and thanks! I think you’ll find a lot on this channel that can help.
Two things that immediately come to mind as I read his is two concepts that really helps to know about, Swiss awakenings and Surrender sleep. Let’s take a look!
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Swiss awakenings
It is very common to wake up at the exact same clock time every night OR after the exact same amount of time and regardless of when you fell asleep. Sometimes you know because you checked the clock and sometimes you just feel like he was the exact same time or same amount of sleep.
For example you wake up at 3:47 AM every night or you wake up exactly 3 hours after you fell asleep.
What is important to know is that we all wake up multiple times, actually multiple times per hour, when we sleep.
Someone who has not struggled with sleep will not react to this because being awake is not a threat. So they will not remember that they woke up many times!
When on the other hand the brain has started to think that being awake at night is a threat and it can alert you when you wake up so that you wake up completely and you also remember the following day!
Sometimes you may have randomly noted what time it is and then because of the circadian rhythm the brain has started to think that at this certain time something important happens and it’s important to be awake. This can keep you waking up and remembering at the exact same time every night!
Similarly the brain can think that after a certain amount of sleep something happens that you need to be aware of because at some point you woke up after three hours (for example) and thought “this is odd”!
The key here is just to be aware of the above and also to not know the time. What can be more tricky is to not subconsciously make estimates of the time or how much you have slept. But what you can do is cast doubt on whatever the brain come up with!
When the brain suggests that you woke up at this exact time or exactly this amount of time after you fell asleep then you can just meet this with “but you don’t know that!”
This way you are reinforcing to the brain that you’re not really taking it seriously when it is making these suggestions or tries to point something out to you that it thinks is important. And with time it will try to convince you that something important is going on less and less!
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Surrender sleep
It is very common to only fall asleep just as the sun is about to rise. And this really happens because there’s less pressure.
In the evening when you go to bed, or when you’ve woke up in the middle of the night, you often feel pressured to sleep or just sort of hope that you will sleep. Which keeps sleep from happening. The later and later it comes, the less opportunity you have to sleep - the more pressure you feel to sleep. And then you stay awake!
But finally in the early morning when you sort of give up, you have given up on sleep, then it happens easier. Because then there’s no pressure.
The thing is, we can “give up” on controlling sleep much earlier, and then we fall asleep easily.
Hi Daniel! Another great video, that actually reminded me to ask you a question I've been wanting to ask for a while: What do you think of these polyphasic sleep cycles? Any thoughts on them? I know they are usually focused on productivity, but do you think it can help those who have trouble sleeping?
When I'm setting my biological clock I kind of end up going through these cycles accidentally, like right now, and I usually wake up so refreshed, it's amazing. It's a shame it's very difficult to maintain.
For example, I'm now sleeping on a 1h30 cycle about three times a day. I feel like I wake up better, in addition to remembering all my dreams. But obviously I feel tired faster, but sleep also comes faster. So I'd like to know your thoughts on this, if possible in a video, if it's not already on the channel.
thank you again, Daniel. 🙏🏻
Thanks Jonathan! And also, this will be a nice insight episode, I’m going to record it next week! Look out for it. My immediate thoughts are that you know, when we look at something as a problem, that’s often the issue. At the same time, I think the idea that all humans slept in two periods in the past, I have come across some data that I think puts this in question. More to follow!
Hey Daniel is it a sleep effort if I use blue light glasses? I've been watching your channel and reading your books lately, but I'm still unsure on sleep efforts. I used to take CBD gummies and magnesium, but since I've started reading your book I've stopped. They would help me relax, but not neccesarily put me to sleep. Also, is waking up at the same time that important? I'm usually always out of bed by 7:30am, but I feel like I can sleep for longer. I'm also trying to take naps, but it's been pretty difficult so far. Any advice?
Hi Nathan!
Let’s take a look at these one by one!
Firstly, how do we know if something is a sleep effort?
The way to know if you had intent to make sleep happen or not you can tell basically by how you feel thinking about it beforehand or how you thought of it afterwards.
If you think of something you would like to do for example listening to a podcast at night and that gives you a little bit of anxiety feeling, there’s probably intent. Because you have a hope that it will make you sleep and also a fear of “what if it doesn’t work”.
If you think of something you would like to do for example again listening to a podcast and you feel a sense of relief, then there’s probably no intent. Because you’re stepping away from trying which is liberating.
Another good way is to ask yourself how do you think of it afterwards. If you think “that didn’t work” or “I didn’t sleep despite” or “I did this but I still didn’t sleep” - then you also know there was intent.
If you on the other hand don’t make any connections between what you did and how you slept, there was no intent!
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Secondly, how important is it to have a consistent rise time?
The reason that it is helpful to get up about the same time every morning is that it keeps you from chasing sleep.
When someone has never had any trouble sleeping they really don’t have any relationship with sleep or being awake at night. It’s not on the radar at all.
When you start having trouble sleeping what happens is that sleep seems to escape you and becomes something you really desire/crave/long for. Being awake at night becomes something the brain thinks of that as a threat and something that you try to get away from.
This is the narrative that keeps Insomnia going.
So when you have a night when you slept a little and you simply want to get some more sleep because it would feel good, then it’s really no problem sleeping in!
On the other hand, when you have a night when you little and you’re craving some more sleep, you just want to maximize how much sleep you get, you’re trying anything you can to get some more sleep, in this scenario it is not good to sleep in because you’re reinforcing that narrative that is keeping insomnia going.
So what matters is truly the intent. If the intent is to maximize how much sleep you get and you’re chasing sleep, it’s best to get up.
If you feel really tired however and you just want to sleep a little bit extra so you feel better, go ahead, enjoy!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thanks your reply really helped me
As for your use of blue-blocking glasses, I personally no longer use them. However I will probably use them again. Just as I plan to continue brushing my teeth, lifting heavy things and eating foods I believe to be healthy, so too do I intend to implement anything I view as a LIFE HACK (as opposed to a sleep effort). Almost none of my LIFE HACKS can be expected to promote better sleep, but oh well. I hope this helps…? 🤔
Hey there!
Im making some progress with my sleep. I sleep better last weeks, its not the way it was but now i mostly sleep 1 night, then 1 night not a allot and this repeats Itself i donr have much anxiety anymore and Just accept every feeling and though that appears.
I still wonder why i still feel foggy almost every day until te evening comes. Even after a good night of sleep i feel foggy. I assume that can dissaphere once my sleep is improves more?
Im more positive about the future so im happy with the steps i already took!
did you experience this?
Some times I don’t sleep at all, or even if I sleep my sleep is very fragmented and I see many dreams. I also feel like im in a weird between sleep and wakefulness state( with many weird scenes) and this is preventing me from getting deep sleep:( I didn’t sleep for 2 nights in a row now, and I am very scared
@@juliaromerambrus8896 i think changing your relation with your toughs and feelings can make a change! I Just accept any though that random appears and i dont get frustrated on myself because that tough/feelings appears. Maybe you can watch some video's about "you are not your thoughs" that might help!
@@johnmonk3381 thanks for this answer man😁! And your actually right! Im very hopefull and love to hear from recovered insomniacs haha. Thanks for sharing your experience !
yes, me too!☺️ I do hope everything will be better
Hi please coach Daniel I been following your teaching and am really improving but I just got stuck with only 4h sleep every night what should I do and regain my eight hours or more hours because after waking up after those 4 hrs,I don't feel sleepy anymore and and before my insomnia issue,I can nap afternoon if am free but now I can feel like want to sleep but once I go to bed my mind won't shut down.and after wachting your videos I don't think about sleep anymore so why am I still not able to shut my mind and have a nap in the afternoon
Dear MM,
There were two things I thought about here. Firstly, yesterday I was in a coaching call and our client asked “what can I do about this plateau I’ve hit”. I said, ‘don’t criticize yourself for being on a plateau’. This can sound kinda hard and disappointing, but it’s what leads us to sleeping more and sleeping well.
When we try to improve, we have some struggle. When we are okay with the now, then we find peace.
Another thing - it can seem odd that you don’t think about sleep an yet sleep doesn’t happen. Let’s look at this:
It can often seem odd that you don’t sleep even though you’re not anxious. Of course it does because if anxiety was the reason you had trouble sleeping, then when it fades you should sleep right?
Here’s the thing, anything that makes us hyperaroused can keep sleep from happening. Imagine a kid before Christmas for example. They’re excited, not anxious.
You know what else can create hyperarousal? Curiousity! Or puzzlement, being bewildered.
So when you’re thinking “I’m not anxious so why am I not sleeping?” the answer is right there. It’s now the curiosity that’s keeping you awake!
A natural next question becomes, so how do I become less curious? Guess what, you probably already have. Because when you understand something, there’s no mystery and less for the brain to figure out.
But the best of all is that you’re less anxious. That may not seem like a big step right now because you slept little, but it is.
As the anxiety fades and you’re no longer puzzled, sleep will come to you!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 waou thanks for your time you take to help us.i can't say much may God reward you
when I sleep I can still hear everything around me it’s like my hearing won’t go off to the point I can’t hear anything does this mean I’m light sleeping or not sleeping
Hi Sam, when our brains think we are in some danger, it creates what is called a hyperarousal state. In this state, we are extra vigilant and we take notice of things like sounds that we wouldn’t have otherwise. When we learn about sleep, about hyperarousal, and we no longer are afraid, then that’s become peaceful again.
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 ok thanks for the comment so there is nothing to worry about with my sleep right cause I Track my sleep and it says I reach all my sleep stages so I guess I’m ok right?
There’s definitely nothing unusual in your comments here, these are things we hear about all the time here! And you know, tracking sleep itself very often keeps attention on something that happens peacefully all by itself without attention. So yes, not tracking often helps much 😊
@@thesleepcoachschool8192thank you
Funny, I too seem to have developed supersonic hearing. I can tell when my neighbors are having a bath or just a simple drink of water from the tap. 💧 => 🌊 Weird or what? 🤔
talk about all those things we see on youtube .. the alleged sleeo hack "polyphasic sleep"etc
Oh yes lots of stuff out there… in fact I’m going to talk about exactly this next week, my thoughts on polyphasic sleep!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thnks
My question is that why is the brain playing these games ???? How come you sleep perfectly for decades and in one week your whole world collapses ? And then you re just downhill from there. It shouldn't be insomnia it should be insanity.
Hi Norbi, I think it’s a safety system that can get confused, the intent is safety..
I’m wondering too if sleep problems might be cumulative, ie after a lifetime of stress, the brain kinda throws in the towel and says Enough Already…? 🤔