dysregulation = emotional, unstable, "crazy".....what i've dealt with my whole life. Called "sensitive", "weak", "crybaby". I'm 51 right now and still struggle with the dysregulation, but getting better.
Same..by the people closest to me.. you realize how self absorbed they really are. Always shamed for being too sensitive, I've never felt understood and eventually started numbing myself in non recommended ways. As soon as my parents realised it may be because of them that my nervous system was out of control, they chose to ignore it (my hands visibly shaking at 16 yo,) they took me to the doctor's but it was one visit and nothing was done because the doctor asked if I feel pressured by my parents/mom and she was in the room. Only now it makes sense. We're not as abnormal as we were led to believe..what a relief knowing it's cptsd and seeing how it's all interrelated!
I'm always wondering why therapists can't teach you practical stuff like this. Talking about my feelings is a nice thing, but I also need advice for my daily life. Thank you Anna for doing such a great job! 💕
Should be taught in high school-this knowledge Ms. Crappy Childhood Fairy knows; also should teach people how to raise small children as well as other useful life skills. Anyone who knows how to take what she says and put it into books should step forward now and make a book series.
Therapists do cover this but it depends on why you are there, goals, etc. You are the center so if there is something you wanna talk about please do! They are there to help. If they are not a good fit, fire them and find one that is a better match. You only have 1 life and you are worth it!
I find during the "blank/numb" or "spaced out" times, having an animal around helps! Little puppy face asking for attention and love cuts right through it, like a hammer breaking through the ice wall and I can feel good things again 😍 Animals are such gifts 🐶🐱💕
Pretty revelatory to see decades of private difficulty recognized & acknowledged as a diagnosable reality. I always thought of my dysregulation as 'driving a wobbly car where the controls never work properly - you never know how the gas pedal or gear shift or steering wheel will respond'. Alot of shame & humiliation when you can't control _you._
There is a book called growing up again, another called , ‘homecoming, championing your inner child. There’s another, matrix reimprinting using eft which shows you how to do visualisations to kind of rewrite your history. Even ,’Bridge across forever’ by Richard Bach where he goes back in time to meet his young self.
I’m so TIRED of dysregulation! 60 years! Also, autonomic seizures, vomiting, dissociative episodes where I become catatonic. I didn’t know why…. If only I had had help when I was young. Keep up the good work! The effects years abuse and torture will follow me to my death. It doesn’t have to be that way…
Same age and same thing for me. I'm broken. My reactions are reflexive and I can't control them no matter how hard I try or how much insight I have into my own behavior. I'm left with maintaining "the mask" as best I can, which is exhausting.
I am also your age. You have much more severe symptoms than I do, but I just focus on today and making it as centered and peaceful as possible. Hugs to you!
The catatonic phase - aaagh! With everyone giving me impatient looks suggesting that I'm being deliberately lazy. There's a total absence of energy to be able to get up and do something, anything.
I'm 73 and had a very small stroke last year. The neurologist recommended exercise, so I got back into the gym. I do weight training and walking on an inclined treadmill 2-3 times a week. I do each rep smoothly and slowly, and I work until the muscles are exhausted. I sense this has benefits that go beyond just building strength and endurance. I notice I tend to feel more relaxed and sleep better, especially when I focus on doing various jobs smoothly and calmly, not trying to be too perfect. My problem has always been social anxiety and panic attacks more than CPTSD, I think, but after a week or two of doing all this I felt like I was getting into a groove--as if my body rhythms generally had gotten more regular.
I have found regular physical activity to be quite regulating. I think the fact that you are interacting with the world, plus getting some of the fight/flight energy out really helps. Even simple things like rhythmic movements can help, regardless of deregulation. It is like...the body likes the rhythm.
I completely agree with you! When I feel myself losing my temper, I go clean the kitchen counters or floors. It’s physical, repetitive, and gives me a small sense of accomplishment for doing something useful.
I'm 76 and find I still NEED to walk or jog my 4 hilly miles nearly daily. It takes time, but makes my day go more efficiently and happily. If I don't exercise, I drift around with no schedule or plan. I have ADHD, introvert (feel more comfortable home alone for days at time in spite of feeling lonely or bored), struggle to shop for myself (even online), deep feelings constantly but keep a pleasant, blank face and struggle to communicate, etc etc. All this and no awareness of childhood trauma, yet silently endured an abusive marriage for 5 years, so I assume some childhood "training"???
It’s very hard to stop when you’re in it. I’ve noticed I often go through 2-3 weeks of being “off”. I just cannot get going. I feel like eating straight brownies all day every day lol. And ong yes the clumsiness and hand writing is so me I can’t believe that happens to others too! This has obviously hurt my life A LOT. I haven’t achieved anything career/ education wise. Now as a SAHM I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to live my dreams (always wanted to be an attorney). But this dysregulation, associated memory issues, and awful family that caused this in the first place (only went no contact this year and I’m so much better already) really held me back. I’m 30 and really having a crisis of identity now that life is finally stable after a decade.
30 is very young I am 42 and I have managed to do that this year, I am compassionate with myself though. I'm sure you have reached something, this trauma make us believe we're losers, losers for whom, there's always something to be grateful.
Never give up achieving your dreams because of age! I went back to school to get my degree finally at 34. Just keep plugging away, even if you can only go part time. 30s is still young, plenty of time to accomplish what we want in life!
At least you're young enough to still pull something cool off, even if it's not becoming an attorney (not too late for that!). I hope you can find a way. I struggle with similar stuff though, I really struggle to make my talents shine, even though I am confident in them.
I get lost during an emotional flashback. Completely lost while driving. Also, forget things. I feel the dis-regulation but fail to acknowledge what is happening. Especially when it comes out of the blue. Thank you for this reminder. Man, it does NOT go away :(
It's even clearer now - neurological dysregulation. "The emotions, the memories, the patterns, the relationship problems - all of this depends on your nervous system having a basic level of regulation." My nervous system was out of whack for decades; and started to dysregulate at the moment of my childhood trauma. I am thankfully past the need to discover/understand my past. Being mindful and present today is a new and welcome chapter for me. Yet I do value adding to my knowledge of cPTSD, its causes and its effects on us. In this way I will ensure that my own neurological issues stay balanced. I have not become dysregulated for months now. I know that if/when that happens, I will quickly see the difference in myself...and remove myself from the immediate circumstance to reregulate. This is a totally new and wonderful world. I now have a voice that I can depend upon.
@@Lachlans-i2s - It is the most difficult thing I will ever do. Opening Pandora's box of my past trauma and all of the ensuing emotional upheaval was self torture. Yet I did it willingly, knowing that I had to allow repressed feelings to heal in the light of new information regarding my history. Six years of talk therapy never even scratched the surface; and was for me a total waste of time and money. My epiphany came one day as I questioned the possible origin of my trauma, and found it. We have a natural inclination to heal ourselves once we begin to do so. One powerful influence on me has been the book: "Letting Go" by Dr. David Hawkins Every page is a gift to humanity. Another has been finding this channel. Anna and her team are the real deal! She/they have a gift for getting to the root of an issue, and guiding us toward healing. Our lives are finite. This is my last chapter. I swore on my 'epiphany day' that this would be my best life...and it is starting to be! We can all do this. I hope the rest of your journey is a good one!
@@rlud304 - Simple solutions are often the best. No, it has not been a quick or easy fix. However, some things just click...when we are ready to accept them. The imbalance we experience must be challenged and made right. Please read my response to Monk Mind for my longer answer. Good healing.
Thank you. I wish I had known about this years ago. I experienced this all the time and I never understood what it was. Note that sometimes hugging does not help dysregulation. Growing up my mother never hugged or touched me, and I spent all my time alone in my room comforting myself after my parents' abuse. So now if I'm dysregulated, I hate being touched, it actually irritates me and makes me worse. I just need to be left alone and I can get back to normal. Going for a long walk helps me a lot as it gets me back into my body again.
I also feel uncomfortable if I'm touched but because of the opposite, my mother hugged me but she didn't protect me so that contact felt empty and I rejected it.
I am a special education teacher. It is common for students with special needs to become disregulated. I can tell when it is happening and what to do to help them reregulate. It took me years to figure out that i was also becoming disregulated at work when stressful things happened. I just thought that i had undiagnosed ADHD. For me trying to focus was like trying to do paperwork during a rock concert. There was so much noise in my head it was impossible to do anything. I now know when the noise gets too loud i stop, take a deep breath, and refocus. Sometimes i have to give myself permission to come back to that task later.
Real ADHD is very different from the dissociation and trauma noise of CPTSD - in ADHD our senses are heightened and our brains are overactive 24/7, even during sleep, since birth. We take in all of the sounds and can’t “tune out” any of the small ones at all, and actually get panicked when in silence. Our brains and senses are hyperactive and need to be stimulated constantly, lol hats also why we get extremely anxious if we don’t stim. I imagined a special needs teacher would know a bit more about neurodivergence, I guess I was wrong. No one can understand us except for another one of us, of our specific type of brain mutation.
@Amy I have worked with kids too- what's good for them is good for us! I use the re-regulation tools I learned for first graders all the time :) -Cara@TeamFairy
Yip, hey it me, over here trying to heal from childhood PTSD from neglect, abandonment, sexual/emotional/and physical abuse aged 0-17. Watching this made me get teary. I feel understood and seen, and I’ve never had such relation to someone else’s description of this. I don’t want this way of brain function, and I have been working very hard to get better. Recognising and respecting yourself and these reactions, and viewing yourself and these moments with compassion. Thank you.
"Recognising and respecting yourself and these reactions, and viewing yourself and these moments with compassion" This really helped me, thank you! I'm always likely to feel immense shame for the slightest 'mistake' or feel there's something wrong with me (growing up with narcissistic mother) , so this is a good reminder and to others, to love ourselves and work with ourselves with compassion instead of ripping apart ourselves on top. Self reflection is good, but not to the extent of being unkind to ourselves.
I’m also so clumsy when I’m disregulated. I also hate on myself a lot! Telling myself I’m useless and stupid and ugly. I then want to hole myself up in my room . However I’m a mum and I can’t, so my brain just constantly tells me everything that I’m doing wrong. Thank you for this insight about being dysregulated. I will try not to be so hard on myself!
I recently dicovered this channel and I only wish we had this back then when I was young. It took me decades to figure all this out on my own before the interenet. At least I am doing things completely differently than my mother with my daughter. So something good came out of my CPTSD. There is no turning back time, we can only do better today!
The first time I thought about deep seated trauma was when my Dad called and my wife noticed my deep voice rose an octave. Having been insulted and regularly demeaned by Dad I started dwelling on what first caused my fear of my Dad. Finally remembered one of my first memories when I was 2 standing up on the car seat when Dad took his hounds one at a time down into a nearby gully and shot them. I heard their dying bark and Dad returned to the car crying because he loved his dogs. My childhood brain must have felt if he killed the dogs he loved he might kill me too. I know people reading this have had much worse physical trauma than me growing up and I hope they found counseling like me. The best help that was a turning point for me was a couple of years attending the Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families meetings. With ADD (no hyperactivity for me, dammit) and real help available about childhood trauma it's easier to understand why my life perspective is so different from most people.
I think a lot of people have gone through trauma that is not so obvious. It becomes more subconscious, and it's harder to see the root cause of our pain later in life. Your story shows me how important it is to explain to children when something violent happens, even if it's not directly to them. Thank you for sharing, and I'm glad you are getting the help you need to process it all. Good luck with everything!
Why would he shoot his own dogs?Was he a psychopath?! Animal death and cruelty is one of my triggers. So even reading your comment disturbs me greatly. 😔
I am going to my first ACA meeting Wednesday. AA hasn’t worked for me because I feel like a child inside all the time, makes it hard/impossible for me to have relationships with other adult men. Sponsorship has never worked; I can’t (yet) consistently show up as an adult in my healing. Or relationships. Or career.
Most people have had a crappy childhood. Some more than others. I got burnt as a child. I was isolated for 6 weeks after skin grafts were done. I have all your symptoms. It's nice to have some advice on how to cope with the issues. Keep up the good work.
My description of dysregulation is that my brain is turned inside out and thorns are jabbing the exposed, tender brain. It's as if my brain is everywhere but calm. Hardly surprising, 15 years ago I was given a false diagnosis for bipolar II. All based on my account of being irritated when depressed or aroused. Thankfully, I got a C-PTSD diagnosis a few years ago and, for the icing on the cake, ADHD this year. Getting the connection between C-PTSD and ADHD (largely thanks to Gabor Mate's books) has been very helpful.
Terrific description, and thank you for making this so relatable for a wider audience. It's the kind of description you could send to a partner or close friend to help them understand. As someone in recovery from BPD, I've experienced dangerous-level dysregulation, and we do carry around prescribed medication for emergencies, but I know that many people watching this won't. It's true as you say that being able to name it while it's happening is a massive step. A few extra handy techniques from DBT are: - similar to your cold shower tip, filling a bowl with iced water (water + ice cubes) and holding your face and breath under the water for around 30 secs. (There's science behind why this one is so effective). - hard, hard cardio exercise - a physical activity that forces you to use all points of focus esp balance - eg an inverted yoga pose, roller-skating etc
Very powerful! Depending on the need, I bounce around all of my favorite narcissist abuse life coaches. Some days it feels good to say, yeah! that's what he did to me! Then I feel vindicated and heard. I cycle back to you when I need to stop pointing fingers and focus on what I can do to understand what happens when I'm triggered. I look to you when I feel brave enough to peel off more layers and heal my childhood wounds. You challenge me to admit and accept without guilt & shame that my reactive abuse IS abuse, and I owe it to myself and my family to rein it in. I often repeat that the victim sometimes becomes the perpetrator. While the narcissists that wounded me deserve my wrath, being angry just covers the pain. Time to feel the pain and that's it's part of me and not some separate entity.
What a beautiful testament to your growth. Glad you're able to find moments of strength where you take steps forward. There are times where we need to talk about feelings and feel heard... but then, we take steps forward. We're cheering for you. - Ashley, Team Fairy
Yesterday I got dysregulated from yet another dysfunctional interaction with F.O.O. I was having a hard time getting to sleep and was just about going to reach for my Xanax or CBD, when I thought of your marching. Too tired to get up out of bed, I did it laying down moving my arms, and legs while saying, "Right, Left, Left, Right" out loud. Before I knew it, the alarm was going off. 😊 And I was less dysregulated. 😁
My brain stops functioning so I can't perform basic work duties like computer work etc. Then get criticized by colleagues and bosses then brain shuts down even more 😑🤯
So my childhood trauma was emotional neglect it’s hard to like validate I have “real trauma” bc I’ve been told a lot I don’t have trauma by “medical professionals”. But I did have one therapist who diagnosed me with CPTSD bc of emotional neglect in childhood and an unstable mother
I feel numb/frozen when I get dis-regulated, like I'm in a parallel world. I get angry and blurry eyed. But I now try to catch myself out. Self soothing really helps. And changing the way you want to react before it happens so you know what to do. Learn the signs when it comes.
This video is SOO helpful! I often become extremely disregulated when my partner feels overwhelmed / overstimulated. She can become “angry” during this time. I know it’s not because of me and it’s ALSO her trauma/disregulation. It causes me to shut down and feel paralyzed. It triggers my childhood trauma of my mom who struggled with addiction and her unpredictable behavior. I’ve had such a hard time changing this about myself and it’s caused my partner hurt as well. I want the change and i WANT to be better. I’m learning how to pull myself out of that moment so I can heal & be better help my partner as well. So thank you for this!
I believe my nervous system was so chronically irritated/inflamed my whole life, that the battle with fibromyalgia & chronic fatigue syndrome evolved into an autoimmune disease. This is borne out by recent research. It accounts for injuries in every body system and symptoms similar to concussion. In fact, I believe severe, chronic trauma is a concussive injury that never fully heals. This, imo, accounts for some of the brain’s lack of full development in some areas, the emotional lability, memory issues, etc etc. I do see hidden gifts, compassion. Insights, quick assessment of complex situations, etc. So many natural instincts that helped in my career as a chaplain. But, all the above are my worst weaknesses in my personal life. I’m so grateful I was led to a career that gave me the opportunity to succeed, to feel capable and productive. It also taught me, as part of our training, to watch for triggers, over identification, projection, etc. this helped me to understand that every person has these behaviors and experiences to some degree. In myself, with CPTSD, it’s more extreme and requires constant management. The challenge has always been to transfer these professional skills to my personal life. Very difficult. For me, the key is finding ways to step back, to intentionally try to get into the professional mindset that helps me get out of emotions to reason and problem solving faster. Many years ago my genius former psychiatrist confirmed that the whole goal is to keep narrowing that gap between unconscious reaction to conscious response. Accepting that initial reaction as normal for everyone to some degree has really helped in managing it. It helps me to keep in mind what activities calm me and who is a trusted person I can reach out to for support. I hope that everyone here is on the road to healing as much as we can and appreciate all your help along the way. 💕🌷💕
This all hits home like you wouldn't believe! I had this happen once during an all-day job interview. I had been fine all day, then they took me to lunch. I suddenly crashed, and could simply not communicate anymore. I was so aware of it, but flattened out and couldn't even talk. I didn't get the job. I wish now I had gone to the bathroom and taken breaths. Thank you!
You have put a name to what ails me…I’m still amazed at your introspective breakthroughs, spoken in a mere few minutes of a video. Years of therapy, unnecessary medications, didn’t work for me as well, yet you understand and express these real mental health brain injuries. Only one who’s been through it can fathom I believe. Relieved to know I’m a perfectly, imperfect human due to my dreadful undeserved lifetime of trauma, which led to bad decisions only reinforcing that low self esteem. More importantly, at this point, I commend you for inspiring courage, and continued resilience to find our happiest possibilities during this short stay called life. 🌸
Thank-you for using yourself as an example. I have been experiencing this for some time. Didn't realize there was a word, but dysregulation describes it perfectly. 🙏
Your video came at just the perfect time. I felt dysregulated last week, and I could not figure out what happened. It was like having an out of body experience. And thank you for the tools to combat that feeling should it arise again. I appreciate you!
Omg feel so grateful right now to know about that term : Emotionnal Dysregulation. Everytime i got huge emotions waves it's like things get blurry and I barely can remember what I said during an episode.
I've had therapy over the years, but listening to you, is describing me to a tee...At 63 I struggle daily to be normal, but I've tried to be a good person and help others...Thank you..
I’ll try these techniques next time. I, at least, now have the awareness that I’ve been triggered when it happens but other than remove myself from the situation (whenever possible), nothing has helped so far. Breathing, smelling lavender, cold water in my face.. has not helped. My only coping skill, if you can even call it that, is knowing that it’ll pass and surrendering to the fact that my brain has been hijacked. I also have a rule to not take any action, no calling, no texting, no personal interaction..cause I at least have the insight to know that my judgment is extremely compromised while I’m in that state. Thanks for such a helpful video. I will try some of the techniques, especially the ones that might help me get back into my body.
Well I'll tell you what going to a Catholic grade school in the 1950's was very traumatizing. The nuns were mean as snakes and didn't have any sympathy for us sweet little boys and girls. My first contact with a nun was in 1955 - I had just gotten off of the school bus and walked into the first grade class for the first time a little later than the other kids. A 8th grade girl was standing at the door when I walking in and she said to me "Oh, you are so cute" and I took off my coat. The nun across the room screamed at me and said "SIT DOWN". After that she picked on me all of the time and made me feel so awful. I went from a friendly, relaxed, eager to learn little girl into a passive child who did not listen anymore. And I was smart too but this nun did a number on me.
Sometimes when I get dysregulated I get very sleepy, particularly when in my car in a “trapped” space because it’s my only escape, so I have to be careful so I don’t fall asleep and/or wreck. Only recently realized that’s what is happening - that I’m in ultimate “freeze” mode, aka total shutdown.
I have experienced this since my childhood. There was no one who traumatized me or abused me and yet I have all these symptoms. When I was about 9 years old, I developed emetophobia because of all the kids in school that would throw up and everyone would freak out. I was worried it would happen to me too, and the anxiety made me feel nauseated. Being a little kid, I couldn't tell the difference between being anxious and actually having to throw up. At the same time, my mom who had been a stay at home mom went back to school to get her master's in teaching. She wasn't around for me as much, and I stopped eating. I have abandonment issues now as a 29 year old that I've had to reconcile in my relationship. I'm much better now with the anxiety and haven't gone through a period of not eating in a while. But recently when my fiancé was out of town, and I couldn't get in touch with him, I cried for a day and a half. I felt cut off from everything that stood for my emotional security. The emotional distance paired with the physical distance was unbearable. But I learned from that and explained to my fiancé what happened. I'll admit he thought I was wayyy overreacting, and looking back, I totally was but it felt so real and hurtful. Like I had just been forgotten about and no one was going to show up for me.
Very good video. Also, high stomach acidity is associated with emotional dis-regulation. GERD. Stomach ulcers. Good idea to eat proteins at every meal, so that the acidity decreases and the so needed proteins are absorbed. Even coffee in AM should be with milk or the powdered peptides we can get from the store, with 22 amino acids and essential minerals. This uses the acidity and prevents dis-regulation during the day. Side effects: tones the face by the collagen we ingest! Try it. It has no taste but the effects on the face are visible in 1 week. 1 scoop in the morning coffee is what it takes... Thank you!
@@ravenraven966 yes. Vital proteins with collagen peptides. ( costco). I use the unflavored one. I asked a plastic surgeon if I am imagining things on my face getting younger and less obvious festoons and she said she recommends it to her patients for the collagen! :).
B VITAMINS!! needs to be added to your list :) A complex b vitamin is essential to helping regulate too. When we are stressed it depletes our body of b vitamins, they are so important. And yes collagen peptides is great! it also helps rebuild the stomach lining which helps things like leaky gut/digestive issues :) which then in turn will help the mind! (gut-brain axis.. for anyone with anxiety issues throw in probiotics too) x
Wow! God is good. I am grateful for you and to run across this video by total coincidence. This is the missing link in my recovery. It explains why going to therapy and talking about the past in detail only dysregulates me more and makes me much worse! Thanking God for you!
Sometimes I think my expression is off when someone is telling me something sad or stressful going on in her life...like my expression isn't matching the empathy I'm feeling inside for the person. Often I'm conscious of whether I'm "acting right" while in public. It's so exhausting.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Two years into retirement, I look back on things, and can let go of many regrets over my actions. Yes, I'm responsible for them, but I was not responsible for my wiring to be fried by age 7.
Dysregulation - I had a lifetime of that. I knew something was wrong with me but I didn't know what it was. It was horrible living in this body with all the flood of emotions and fear.
I get disoriented. I feel like out of balance. I gurgle through my words and I forget things. I feel scared and ungrounded in those moments. Mindfulness practice helps a lot in those moments. Just breathing to accept it is happening, helps me be kind to myself in those moments. I tend to be harsh on me if I screw up, as my dad was harsh if I made a mistake. It’s my biggest flaw, as I have to find ways to be kind to others too, when they screw up, without letting them walk on me.
Such great video content and emotional regulation tools, Anna! You are such a gem! I have woke up disregulated every day, for 4 years now, since my husband died. I have to do diaphragmatic breathing every morning. That helps a little.
Just found your work today. I am in the field and study many medical things, but it's so different to tell a patient about something versus doing it for ourselves. Thank you for your content. You break it down very well.
I listened to this one so many times…I recognize this as a super awesome re-upload. It has helped me so much with my adopted children….well, also, my husband and my birth children. Thank you :)
I love the attention you pay to the brain,people need to know how to see it in the clear light of day so they can understand it when it's going wrong. My legs get week and I look for a chair. My response has been to change my approach to things over time, identify the things about myself that cause me to see my actions to reflect badly on the various roles I play, break apart the reasons I'm programmed to see it that way and to forgive myself for the humanness I share with everyone. It hasn't worked in the moment though.
Thank you SO much for this reminder. Awareness of dysregulation and learning how to become regulated is where it all needs to start. ❤️🙏grateful for you my Fairy Godmother🧚
Why is there such an urgent feeling to over explain my decisions? And THANKNYOU for sharing simple things to help during an episode. You are likely saving lives 😎🎼❤️
My parents nicknamed me “Grace” bc of my constant stumbling when I was a child. I was “out of it” bc of numbness from experiencing my parents dysfunction. I always want to run away during or after conflict.
I think when I'm not having success in my hobby of model car building I get quite dysregulated like I did today. Makes me wonder if I'm in the right hobby for me...But I get a lot of joy out of when I build a model.kit successfully.....I guess I'm at a crossroads ...
Thank you so much !!! I got exactly the same experience of people thinking I don't care about them when I get dysregulated, because I look and sound numb. For me, dysregulation expresses itself in the form of helplessness and a kind of paralysis where everything (really everything) is too hard to do or think about. And it can last as long as a week. Now that I know about it, I am able to see it when it happens and soothe myself back to calm, thanks to you and to my daughter who has made me realise it.
Anna, thank you for being here! You have been a very special blessing in my life 🙏 ❤ 💛 teaching me how to get more out of life with all of this information and strategies. You're the best!
You know, I’ve healed so very much over many years and you always validate that I’m doing the right things. I have not had a COTSD event for well over a year 👍 However..😂 I had a doozy this last weekend, that completely blindsided me! It was a cascading event, I was rushed by someone, I dog/ house sat in an old home full of antiques that triggered fragrance, then their dog lunged at an old lady in a dangerous manner that completely frightening me! Who boy!😳😬 Never had fragrance triggers but it was an underlying stressor, that I did recognize because I was completely uncomfortable there. But, it put some huge puzzle pieces together for me and I was able to truly see things from my childhood even clearer. My brain feels like jello in full vibrating mode!!! My nervous system was shot for more than 24 hours, but it was truly important information for my soul!!! Whew! Hopefully I don’t have that again!!!😅😳😬😰
New sub:) I found your channel yr through therapy in a nutshell ) Don’t know how I have not seen you before I watch so many videos on the topics you talk about ! Just glad I found you now:) great work ❤
For me I call it Trauma Intoxication. I have explained it to people by asking them how they felt the first time they ever got drunk. That same dissociating feeling happens to me. I feel like I am in a bubble, looking fine on the outside but inside my face feels weird, mouth goes numb, ears ring sound becomes muffled, emotions well up and I want to run.
first off, thank you! this is such a super helpful guide, and it really helps me to know that my intuited solution of stepping away was not, in fact, selfish dramatic behavior. it was me seeking out my own sense of internal regulation. it's a relief to know that, to have it corroborated by someone who actually knows what they're talking about (instead of my toxic af FOI). my question is, how do you deal when you're stuck back in your childhood home again with the super dysregulated person who hasn't done *any* of this kind of work, and who perceives attempts to establish boundaries as rejection? who keeps trying to "manage" me the way they did my entire childhood, by ignoring my pleas for space and constantly overwhelming me with their need for company, for sympathy, for admiration and my absolution of all the things they did or allowed to happen that fucked me up? whose understanding of "a good day together" involves us watching hours of whatever TV show she wants to watch, without any conversation about it afterward, just my mindless stimulation to eat away the day. who sulks if I need to spend time by myself to recuperate and then guilt trips me about not spending enough time with them. ....I know that's a lot, but there's only so many times I can reasonably excuse myself to the bathroom. could you maybe do a video on like, conversational scripts one might use in a pinch? I think I might also be on the spectrum, and navigating those delicate moments, especially when I'm overwhelmed.....I tend to spit out all the bad stuff, and it can get really bad between two people with few deescalation skills between them. I just really could use some kind of conversational flow chart to work off of,to script my own true answers and responses in advance, bc in the moment I either escalate things badly or revert to a rather pathetic version of myself in order to "keep the peace." thank you so much for your work.
You are so right on! I've been told I look so cold, but I was just dying inside, or I'd look for a place to run too. I never understood why I felt that way until I can across your videos. Thank you so very much for your videos!
When I am dis regulated, I’m disassociate… It’s like I’m watching myself and I’m saying “hey you’re acting weird“ but I just keep watching myself do it… The only thing that seems to bring me out of it or at least keep it from escalating, is if the other person is mildly but not over or under responsive to me. Especially if they’re using a lot of neutral short phrases and I’m not getting any reactions that feed my behavior. Other than that if I’m alone I just eventually fizzle out of it. But it is so embarrassing when I’m in that state to watch myself and be aware that I’m acting in a way that I can’t stop. A lot of what you’re saying makes sense but it’s really hard to put it into practice. especially because of the disassociation. And this can go on for days after a trigger. Followed by a lot of other little tiny aftershocks. I love your channel by the way it makes so much real sense. Thank you so very much.
Thank you for all the tips. I've become more aware of my emotions and disregulation the last couple of years. It's a work in progress but I feel like I'm getting better. Especially since I removed my narc family from my circle.
When this happens to me, I kinda just zone out and become quiet, kinda like day dreaming. Working out seems to help keep me focused, surprisingly. I haven't as of yet found a way outside of working out, but I'm experimenting.
Is there any chance you're having some panic inducing dreams? And/or are you one to go to bed with 101 thoughts/worries or daily stresses ravaging your brain? I ask because I was suffering the same, waking dysregulated often in the very early a.m., it was suggested by my therapist that I may be prone to panic/anxiety attacks while sleeping. I occasionally still deal with it, but have found it helpful to physically tire myself (I do evening chores "with a purpose" to reset for the following day as I have a family), "brain dump" in a quick journaling and sometimes short breathing or meditations to calm my brain. It took practice, but has been helpful when addressing it this way over time. I hope this is helpful, if I'm off the mark I apologize for the rambling💜
What If it just doesnt Work? I know so much about the Problems I delt with, about dysregulation, about techniques to Better it, and still it's never really over.
Never and always statements are not true. That is emotions tricking us. Things can grow into good and not always be this way. I felt at peace for one full day once and to know that is possible gives me hope
I get so hurt n emotional but also so angry, my ex n daughter said I Hulk Out. Chronic fatigue didnt stop it just made the come down unbearable n painful. Peoples reactions when im gutted and heartbroken is ‘ur a very angry person’ then ‘ pull urself together’ and ‘ur poor ex’! They misread me, feels like an attack, so I cut them out. I’m begging for help but now accept I must look angry. I can’t get people to listen to me or they pull a face. Iv thought im better off alone but if it’s the brain thing then I can work with that I think. I hold my breath, my nose goes numb, head throbs, prickling under my skin, but also weird sensation like im me and im watching me n saying ‘ohhh sh*t!!’ Like my rational side sees the storm coming but can only spectate from the side. Just writing this n i can feel my heartbeat in my ears, feel dizzy, feel extra ‘acid’ (adrenaline) coursing through me which hurts n makes me feel wobbly n sicker. 48 n first time it hasn’t scared me! Thank u for ur vids, u n Patrick hve really helped me. I didn’t know CPTSD existed till I saw ur vid n i score so high on the test its so good to finally know. 💜💜💜🦇
When your abusers just died. The woman half denied abuse even a few weeks before death. No validation. I was not a daughter I was a prisoner/slave/punching bag (verbally), I was overweight and she never let me forget it. She lost weight by weight loss surgery. I did not. I was worthless. I would never amount to anything, never have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. Lots of times I wished my real mother had aborted me rather then put me up for adoption to a woman who could never have kids and for a reason.
My mom died when I was 5. I would get told all the time not to cry because it would make my dad sad. I also looked and had simular habits as my mom. I was told this made my Dad sad. I couldn't change how I looked.
"Stamp your feet"... so brisk walking or jogging IS accomplishing more than burning calories!! I'm 76, still at it nearly daily, and couldn't explain why on earth I keep at it, but it changes how I manage the rest of the day. Thanks 👍BTW also long recovered carb addict - never met a carb I didn't like and want a whole lot more of, but now I treat like poison! In spite of eating keto/carnivore and IF I fight constant cravings and urges to just put something in my mouth... I rarely feel satisfied. 😢
Thanks for your information. One other way to help reregulate is through using pure essential oils like Lavender essential oils which is the fastest route to affect the brain. Also ones like Lavender if it is pure- look for the Latin name (Lavandula Angustifolia) has a calming and relaxing effect. Also it’s not very expensive. You can smell it directly from the bottle or buy a roller bottle which has a carrier oil so it can go directly onto your skin. But please read the safety advice on the bottle.
EMDR and other somatic approaches are extremely helpful in achieving regulation. Look for a therapist who works somatically as well as verbally. C doesn’t mean childhood. CPTSD can be developed at any age, such as when one is in an abusive relationship as an adult.
dysregulation = emotional, unstable, "crazy".....what i've dealt with my whole life. Called "sensitive", "weak", "crybaby". I'm 51 right now and still struggle with the dysregulation, but getting better.
Same..by the people closest to me.. you realize how self absorbed they really are. Always shamed for being too sensitive, I've never felt understood and eventually started numbing myself in non recommended ways.
As soon as my parents realised it may be because of them that my nervous system was out of control, they chose to ignore it (my hands visibly shaking at 16 yo,) they took me to the doctor's but it was one visit and nothing was done because the doctor asked if I feel pressured by my parents/mom and she was in the room. Only now it makes sense. We're not as abnormal as we were led to believe..what a relief knowing it's cptsd and seeing how it's all interrelated!
At one point my mom thought I was cursed lmao (she still might). I guess that's easier to accept than accepting you negatively impacted your child
I'm always wondering why therapists can't teach you practical stuff like this. Talking about my feelings is a nice thing, but I also need advice for my daily life. Thank you Anna for doing such a great job! 💕
Because then their prey gets better and escapes.
Your welcome
They just want money money like accountants,doctors and lawyers!
Should be taught in high school-this knowledge Ms. Crappy Childhood Fairy knows; also should teach people how to raise small children as well as other useful life skills. Anyone who knows how to take what she says and put it into books should step forward now and make a book series.
Therapists do cover this but it depends on why you are there, goals, etc. You are the center so if there is something you wanna talk about please do! They are there to help. If they are not a good fit, fire them and find one that is a better match. You only have 1 life and you are worth it!
You are for C-PTSD what Dr. Ramani is for Narcissistic Abuse.
I'm very grateful!
Thank you so much.
You're so welcome. Thanks for watching. - Ashley, Team Fairy
Agreed!
agree
I agree!!!
Narcissistic abuse also one of the causes of cptsd
That’s why I preferred being alone, it takes a really special partner to understand this without getting tired of it!
The nervous system disregulation is the most challenging part of coping with trauma. I'm glad you touched on this
Thanks for watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I find during the "blank/numb" or "spaced out" times, having an animal around helps! Little puppy face asking for attention and love cuts right through it, like a hammer breaking through the ice wall and I can feel good things again 😍 Animals are such gifts 🐶🐱💕
That's exactly why I want another one!
It’s called dissociation, I’ve had it since the first grade.
Awww!
@@winxclubstellamusa disregulation
Animals stress me out the most. It’s so disheartening when people dismiss my feelings about it. Animals make things worse for me. Especially cats.
Pretty revelatory to see decades of private difficulty recognized & acknowledged as a diagnosable reality. I always thought of my dysregulation as 'driving a wobbly car where the controls never work properly - you never know how the gas pedal or gear shift or steering wheel will respond'. Alot of shame & humiliation when you can't control _you._
That last sentence... 😑
Listening to these videos just makes me cry. I wish I could just hug childhood me and be what he needed
That childhood you is still in there. It is never too late to reparent your inner child.
It takes talking, tears, and time.
@@amarple424 ❤️❤️
@@Leftatalbuquerque ❤️❤️
There is a book called growing up again, another called , ‘homecoming, championing your inner child. There’s another, matrix reimprinting using eft which shows you how to do visualisations to kind of rewrite your history. Even ,’Bridge across forever’ by Richard Bach where he goes back in time to meet his young self.
I’m so TIRED of dysregulation! 60 years! Also, autonomic seizures, vomiting, dissociative episodes where I become catatonic. I didn’t know why…. If only I had had help when I was young. Keep up the good work! The effects years abuse and torture will follow me to my death. It doesn’t have to be that way…
I am so glad you are here now!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Same age and same thing for me. I'm broken. My reactions are reflexive and I can't control them no matter how hard I try or how much insight I have into my own behavior. I'm left with maintaining "the mask" as best I can, which is exhausting.
I am also your age. You have much more severe symptoms than I do, but I just focus on today and making it as centered and peaceful as possible. Hugs to you!
Poor thing I send you good
The catatonic phase - aaagh! With everyone giving me impatient looks suggesting that I'm being deliberately lazy.
There's a total absence of energy to be able to get up and do something, anything.
I'm 73 and had a very small stroke last year. The neurologist recommended exercise, so I got back into the gym. I do weight training and walking on an inclined treadmill 2-3 times a week. I do each rep smoothly and slowly, and I work until the muscles are exhausted. I sense this has benefits that go beyond just building strength and endurance. I notice I tend to feel more relaxed and sleep better, especially when I focus on doing various jobs smoothly and calmly, not trying to be too perfect. My problem has always been social anxiety and panic attacks more than CPTSD, I think, but after a week or two of doing all this I felt like I was getting into a groove--as if my body rhythms generally had gotten more regular.
One step at a time, big air hugs
the body needs that stuff whatever sorta activity you feel good to go back to normal again yes
I have found regular physical activity to be quite regulating. I think the fact that you are interacting with the world, plus getting some of the fight/flight energy out really helps.
Even simple things like rhythmic movements can help, regardless of deregulation.
It is like...the body likes the rhythm.
I completely agree with you! When I feel myself losing my temper, I go clean the kitchen counters or floors. It’s physical, repetitive, and gives me a small sense of accomplishment for doing something useful.
Yes! The gym is my medicine. I feel so much better. I also listen to David Goggins and his motivation really helps me.
agree
I'm 76 and find I still NEED to walk or jog my 4 hilly miles nearly daily. It takes time, but makes my day go more efficiently and happily. If I don't exercise, I drift around with no schedule or plan. I have ADHD, introvert (feel more comfortable home alone for days at time in spite of feeling lonely or bored), struggle to shop for myself (even online), deep feelings constantly but keep a pleasant, blank face and struggle to communicate, etc etc. All this and no awareness of childhood trauma, yet silently endured an abusive marriage for 5 years, so I assume some childhood "training"???
It’s very hard to stop when you’re in it. I’ve noticed I often go through 2-3 weeks of being “off”. I just cannot get going. I feel like eating straight brownies all day every day lol. And ong yes the clumsiness and hand writing is so me I can’t believe that happens to others too! This has obviously hurt my life A LOT. I haven’t achieved anything career/ education wise. Now as a SAHM I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to live my dreams (always wanted to be an attorney). But this dysregulation, associated memory issues, and awful family that caused this in the first place (only went no contact this year and I’m so much better already) really held me back. I’m 30 and really having a crisis of identity now that life is finally stable after a decade.
30 is very young I am 42 and I have managed to do that this year, I am compassionate with myself though. I'm sure you have reached something, this trauma make us believe we're losers, losers for whom, there's always something to be grateful.
Never give up achieving your dreams because of age! I went back to school to get my degree finally at 34. Just keep plugging away, even if you can only go part time. 30s is still young, plenty of time to accomplish what we want in life!
At least you're young enough to still pull something cool off, even if it's not becoming an attorney (not too late for that!). I hope you can find a way. I struggle with similar stuff though, I really struggle to make my talents shine, even though I am confident in them.
I get lost during an emotional flashback. Completely lost while driving. Also, forget things. I feel the dis-regulation but fail to acknowledge what is happening. Especially when it comes out of the blue. Thank you for this reminder. Man, it does NOT go away :(
I used to love driving. That was my go to stress relief.
It's even clearer now - neurological dysregulation. "The emotions, the memories, the patterns, the relationship problems - all of this depends on your nervous system having a basic level of regulation." My nervous system was out of whack for decades; and started to dysregulate at the moment of my childhood trauma. I am thankfully past the need to discover/understand my past. Being mindful and present today is a new and welcome chapter for me. Yet I do value adding to my knowledge of cPTSD, its causes and its effects on us. In this way I will ensure that my own neurological issues stay balanced. I have not become dysregulated for months now. I know that if/when that happens, I will quickly see the difference in myself...and remove myself from the immediate circumstance to reregulate. This is a totally new and wonderful world. I now have a voice that I can depend upon.
That sounds like heaven how'd u do it
Okay. So you just re-regulate? Just like that? If it was that simple, none of us would have struggled in the first place.
@@Lachlans-i2s - It is the most difficult thing I will ever do. Opening Pandora's box of my past trauma and all of the ensuing emotional upheaval was self torture. Yet I did it willingly, knowing that I had to allow repressed feelings to heal in the light of new information regarding my history. Six years of talk therapy never even scratched the surface; and was for me a total waste of time and money. My epiphany came one day as I questioned the possible origin of my trauma, and found it.
We have a natural inclination to heal ourselves once we begin to do so. One powerful influence on me has been the book: "Letting Go" by Dr. David Hawkins Every page is a gift to humanity. Another has been finding this channel. Anna and her team are the real deal! She/they have a gift for getting to the root of an issue, and guiding us toward healing. Our lives are finite. This is my last chapter. I swore on my 'epiphany day' that this would be my best life...and it is starting to be! We can all do this. I hope the rest of your journey is a good one!
@@rlud304 - Simple solutions are often the best. No, it has not been a quick or easy fix. However, some things just click...when we are ready to accept them. The imbalance we experience must be challenged and made right. Please read my response to Monk Mind for my longer answer. Good healing.
So clear. Thanks Mom..
Thank you. I wish I had known about this years ago. I experienced this all the time and I never understood what it was. Note that sometimes hugging does not help dysregulation. Growing up my mother never hugged or touched me, and I spent all my time alone in my room comforting myself after my parents' abuse. So now if I'm dysregulated, I hate being touched, it actually irritates me and makes me worse. I just need to be left alone and I can get back to normal. Going for a long walk helps me a lot as it gets me back into my body again.
I also feel uncomfortable if I'm touched but because of the opposite, my mother hugged me but she didn't protect me so that contact felt empty and I rejected it.
See, I'm just the opposite. My mom never hugged me or said she loved me BUT, I love getting hugs!
I am a special education teacher. It is common for students with special needs to become disregulated. I can tell when it is happening and what to do to help them reregulate. It took me years to figure out that i was also becoming disregulated at work when stressful things happened. I just thought that i had undiagnosed ADHD. For me trying to focus was like trying to do paperwork during a rock concert. There was so much noise in my head it was impossible to do anything.
I now know when the noise gets too loud i stop, take a deep breath, and refocus. Sometimes i have to give myself permission to come back to that task later.
Real ADHD is very different from the dissociation and trauma noise of CPTSD - in ADHD our senses are heightened and our brains are overactive 24/7, even during sleep, since birth. We take in all of the sounds and can’t “tune out” any of the small ones at all, and actually get panicked when in silence. Our brains and senses are hyperactive and need to be stimulated constantly, lol hats also why we get extremely anxious if we don’t stim.
I imagined a special needs teacher would know a bit more about neurodivergence, I guess I was wrong. No one can understand us except for another one of us, of our specific type of brain mutation.
Also, the term ADD isn’t used anymore, it’s ADHD their either primarily hyperactive or primarily innatentive.
@Amy I have worked with kids too- what's good for them is good for us! I use the re-regulation tools I learned for first graders all the time :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you it was as if I wrote this I thought I has ADHIK.
Thank you for articulating this in this way. This is EXACTLY HOW I’ve felt my entire life! Good luck from NY😻
Yip, hey it me, over here trying to heal from childhood PTSD from neglect, abandonment, sexual/emotional/and physical abuse aged 0-17. Watching this made me get teary. I feel understood and seen, and I’ve never had such relation to someone else’s description of this. I don’t want this way of brain function, and I have been working very hard to get better. Recognising and respecting yourself and these reactions, and viewing yourself and these moments with compassion. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing, glad you're here!
-Calista@TeamFairy
yes your explanation is very helpfull
"Recognising and respecting yourself and these reactions, and viewing yourself and these moments with compassion" This really helped me, thank you! I'm always likely to feel immense shame for the slightest 'mistake' or feel there's something wrong with me (growing up with narcissistic mother) , so this is a good reminder and to others, to love ourselves and work with ourselves with compassion instead of ripping apart ourselves on top. Self reflection is good, but not to the extent of being unkind to ourselves.
Thank you your comment hits.
I’m also so clumsy when I’m disregulated. I also hate on myself a lot! Telling myself I’m useless and stupid and ugly. I then want to hole myself up in my room . However I’m a mum and I can’t, so my brain just constantly tells me everything that I’m doing wrong. Thank you for this insight about being dysregulated. I will try not to be so hard on myself!
The handwriting changes!!! Sometimes it’s neat, usually not. For me this is a good clue
I recently dicovered this channel and I only wish we had this back then when I was young. It took me decades to figure all this out on my own before the interenet. At least I am doing things completely differently than my mother with my daughter. So something good came out of my CPTSD. There is no turning back time, we can only do better today!
The first time I thought about deep seated trauma was when my Dad called and my wife noticed my deep voice rose an octave. Having been insulted and regularly demeaned by Dad I started dwelling on what first caused my fear of my Dad. Finally remembered one of my first memories when I was 2 standing up on the car seat when Dad took his hounds one at a time down into a nearby gully and shot them. I heard their dying bark and Dad returned to the car crying because he loved his dogs. My childhood brain must have felt if he killed the dogs he loved he might kill me too. I know people reading this have had much worse physical trauma than me growing up and I hope they found counseling like me. The best help that was a turning point for me was a couple of years attending the Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families meetings. With ADD (no hyperactivity for me, dammit) and real help available about childhood trauma it's easier to understand why my life perspective is so different from most people.
I think a lot of people have gone through trauma that is not so obvious. It becomes more subconscious, and it's harder to see the root cause of our pain later in life. Your story shows me how important it is to explain to children when something violent happens, even if it's not directly to them. Thank you for sharing, and I'm glad you are getting the help you need to process it all. Good luck with everything!
I am so sorry you went through that as a child. My heart goes out to you. 🙏🙏
Why would he shoot his own dogs?Was he a psychopath?!
Animal death and cruelty is one of my triggers. So even reading your comment disturbs me greatly. 😔
I am going to my first ACA meeting Wednesday. AA hasn’t worked for me because I feel like a child inside all the time, makes it hard/impossible for me to have relationships with other adult men. Sponsorship has never worked; I can’t (yet) consistently show up as an adult in my healing. Or relationships. Or career.
Most people have had a crappy childhood. Some more than others. I got burnt as a child. I was isolated for 6 weeks after skin grafts were done. I have all your symptoms. It's nice to have some advice on how to cope with the issues. Keep up the good work.
My description of dysregulation is that my brain is turned inside out and thorns are jabbing the exposed, tender brain. It's as if my brain is everywhere but calm. Hardly surprising, 15 years ago I was given a false diagnosis for bipolar II. All based on my account of being irritated when depressed or aroused. Thankfully, I got a C-PTSD diagnosis a few years ago and, for the icing on the cake, ADHD this year. Getting the connection between C-PTSD and ADHD (largely thanks to Gabor Mate's books) has been very helpful.
Thanks for sharing!
-Calista@TeamFairy
Terrific description, and thank you for making this so relatable for a wider audience. It's the kind of description you could send to a partner or close friend to help them understand. As someone in recovery from BPD, I've experienced dangerous-level dysregulation, and we do carry around prescribed medication for emergencies, but I know that many people watching this won't. It's true as you say that being able to name it while it's happening is a massive step.
A few extra handy techniques from DBT are:
- similar to your cold shower tip, filling a bowl with iced water (water + ice cubes) and holding your face and breath under the water for around 30 secs. (There's science behind why this one is so effective).
- hard, hard cardio exercise
- a physical activity that forces you to use all points of focus esp balance - eg an inverted yoga pose, roller-skating etc
Very powerful! Depending on the need, I bounce around all of my favorite narcissist abuse life coaches. Some days it feels good to say, yeah! that's what he did to me! Then I feel vindicated and heard.
I cycle back to you when I need to stop pointing fingers and focus on what I can do to understand what happens when I'm triggered. I look to you when I feel brave enough to peel off more layers and heal my childhood wounds. You challenge me to admit and accept without guilt & shame that my reactive abuse IS abuse, and I owe it to myself and my family to rein it in.
I often repeat that the victim sometimes becomes the perpetrator. While the narcissists that wounded me deserve my wrath, being angry just covers the pain. Time to feel the pain and that's it's part of me and not some separate entity.
What a beautiful testament to your growth. Glad you're able to find moments of strength where you take steps forward. There are times where we need to talk about feelings and feel heard... but then, we take steps forward. We're cheering for you. - Ashley, Team Fairy
Yesterday I got dysregulated from yet another dysfunctional interaction with F.O.O. I was having a hard time getting to sleep and was just about going to reach for my Xanax or CBD, when I thought of your marching. Too tired to get up out of bed, I did it laying down moving my arms, and legs while saying, "Right, Left, Left, Right" out loud. Before I knew it, the alarm was going off. 😊 And I was less dysregulated. 😁
You got this!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Wow cool!!!
My brain stops functioning so I can't perform basic work duties like computer work etc. Then get criticized by colleagues and bosses then brain shuts down even more 😑🤯
So my childhood trauma was emotional neglect it’s hard to like validate I have “real trauma” bc I’ve been told a lot I don’t have trauma by “medical professionals”. But I did have one therapist who diagnosed me with CPTSD bc of emotional neglect in childhood and an unstable mother
If this message resonates and these tools help, you are right where you should be :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Every video gives me an "aha, not just me" moment. A big relief in itself.
Glad you're finding relief and support here. - Ashley, Team Fairy
This has changed my life Anna. Thank You for helping us 💜
You are so welcome!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I feel numb/frozen when I get dis-regulated, like I'm in a parallel world. I get angry and blurry eyed. But I now try to catch myself out. Self soothing really helps. And changing the way you want to react before it happens so you know what to do. Learn the signs when it comes.
This video is SOO helpful! I often become extremely disregulated when my partner feels overwhelmed / overstimulated. She can become “angry” during this time. I know it’s not because of me and it’s ALSO her trauma/disregulation. It causes me to shut down and feel paralyzed. It triggers my childhood trauma of my mom who struggled with addiction and her unpredictable behavior. I’ve had such a hard time changing this about myself and it’s caused my partner hurt as well. I want the change and i WANT to be better. I’m learning how to pull myself out of that moment so I can heal & be better help my partner as well. So thank you for this!
Glad you found it helpful. Thanks for watching. - Ashley, Team Fairy
I believe my nervous system was so chronically irritated/inflamed my whole life, that the battle with fibromyalgia & chronic fatigue syndrome evolved into an autoimmune disease. This is borne out by recent research. It accounts for injuries in every body system and symptoms similar to concussion. In fact, I believe severe, chronic trauma is a concussive injury that never fully heals. This, imo, accounts for some of the brain’s lack of full development in some areas, the emotional lability, memory issues, etc etc. I do see hidden gifts, compassion. Insights, quick assessment of complex situations, etc. So many natural instincts that helped in my career as a chaplain. But, all the above are my worst weaknesses in my personal life. I’m so grateful I was led to a career that gave me the opportunity to succeed, to feel capable and productive. It also taught me, as part of our training, to watch for triggers, over identification, projection, etc. this helped me to understand that every person has these behaviors and experiences to some degree. In myself, with CPTSD, it’s more extreme and requires constant management. The challenge has always been to transfer these professional skills to my personal life. Very difficult. For me, the key is finding ways to step back, to intentionally try to get into the professional mindset that helps me get out of emotions to reason and problem solving faster. Many years ago my genius former psychiatrist confirmed that the whole goal is to keep narrowing that gap between unconscious reaction to conscious response. Accepting that initial reaction as normal for everyone to some degree has really helped in managing it. It helps me to keep in mind what activities calm me and who is a trusted person I can reach out to for support. I hope that everyone here is on the road to healing as much as we can and appreciate all your help along the way. 💕🌷💕
This all hits home like you wouldn't believe! I had this happen once during an all-day job interview. I had been fine all day, then they took me to lunch. I suddenly crashed, and could simply not communicate anymore. I was so aware of it, but flattened out and couldn't even talk. I didn't get the job. I wish now I had gone to the bathroom and taken breaths. Thank you!
Thanks for sharing, glad you enjoyed :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
You have put a name to what ails me…I’m still amazed at your introspective breakthroughs, spoken in a mere few minutes of a video. Years of therapy, unnecessary medications, didn’t work for me as well, yet you understand and express these real mental health brain injuries. Only one who’s been through it can fathom I believe.
Relieved to know I’m a perfectly, imperfect human due to my dreadful undeserved lifetime of trauma, which led to bad decisions only reinforcing that low self esteem. More importantly, at this point, I commend you for inspiring courage, and continued resilience to find our happiest possibilities during this short stay called life. 🌸
Thank-you for using yourself as an example. I have been experiencing this for some time. Didn't realize there was a word, but dysregulation describes it perfectly. 🙏
Glad it was helpful!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Your video came at just the perfect time. I felt dysregulated last week, and I could not figure out what happened. It was like having an out of body experience. And thank you for the tools to combat that feeling should it arise again. I appreciate you!
Your presence in the community is appreciated as well :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
A friend of mine and I have a joke that Anna must spy on us because her videos are so on point with things we’ve discussed.
😍😍😍 polyvagal theory and learning about the sympathetic/parasympathetic nervous systems and how to get them balanced is EVERYTHING! ❤️
Omg feel so grateful right now to know about that term : Emotionnal Dysregulation. Everytime i got huge emotions waves it's like things get blurry and I barely can remember what I said during an episode.
You're not alone! Glad you're here :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
I've had therapy over the years, but listening to you, is describing me to a tee...At 63 I struggle daily to be normal, but I've tried to be a good person and help others...Thank you..
So glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
I’ll try these techniques next time. I, at least, now have the awareness that I’ve been triggered when it happens but other than remove myself from the situation (whenever possible), nothing has helped so far.
Breathing, smelling lavender, cold water in my face.. has not helped. My only coping skill, if you can even call it that, is knowing that it’ll pass and surrendering to the fact that my brain has been hijacked.
I also have a rule to not take any action, no calling, no texting, no personal interaction..cause I at least have the insight to know that my judgment is extremely compromised while I’m in that state. Thanks for such a helpful video. I will try some of the techniques, especially the ones that might help me get back into my body.
Following a rule not to take action is VERY insightful and wise. I hope you pick up some more useful tools as well :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Well I'll tell you what going to a Catholic grade school in the 1950's was very traumatizing. The nuns were mean as snakes and didn't have any sympathy for us sweet little boys and girls. My first contact with a nun was in 1955 - I had just gotten off of the school bus and walked into the first grade class for the first time a little later than the other kids. A 8th grade girl was standing at the door when I walking in and she said to me "Oh, you are so cute" and I took off my coat. The nun across the room screamed at me and said "SIT DOWN". After that she picked on me all of the time and made me feel so awful. I went from a friendly, relaxed, eager to learn little girl into a passive child who did not listen anymore. And I was smart too but this nun did a number on me.
Sometimes when I get dysregulated I get very sleepy, particularly when in my car in a “trapped” space because it’s my only escape, so I have to be careful so I don’t fall asleep and/or wreck. Only recently realized that’s what is happening - that I’m in ultimate “freeze” mode, aka total shutdown.
Thanks for championing this dynamic for misperceived, chastised, forced contorted people.
I liked Mr Rogers too
I have experienced this since my childhood. There was no one who traumatized me or abused me and yet I have all these symptoms. When I was about 9 years old, I developed emetophobia because of all the kids in school that would throw up and everyone would freak out. I was worried it would happen to me too, and the anxiety made me feel nauseated. Being a little kid, I couldn't tell the difference between being anxious and actually having to throw up.
At the same time, my mom who had been a stay at home mom went back to school to get her master's in teaching. She wasn't around for me as much, and I stopped eating. I have abandonment issues now as a 29 year old that I've had to reconcile in my relationship. I'm much better now with the anxiety and haven't gone through a period of not eating in a while. But recently when my fiancé was out of town, and I couldn't get in touch with him, I cried for a day and a half. I felt cut off from everything that stood for my emotional security. The emotional distance paired with the physical distance was unbearable. But I learned from that and explained to my fiancé what happened. I'll admit he thought I was wayyy overreacting, and looking back, I totally was but it felt so real and hurtful. Like I had just been forgotten about and no one was going to show up for me.
Very good video. Also, high stomach acidity is associated with emotional dis-regulation. GERD. Stomach ulcers. Good idea to eat proteins at every meal, so that the acidity decreases and the so needed proteins are absorbed. Even coffee in AM should be with milk or the powdered peptides we can get from the store, with 22 amino acids and essential minerals. This uses the acidity and prevents dis-regulation during the day. Side effects: tones the face by the collagen we ingest! Try it. It has no taste but the effects on the face are visible in 1 week. 1 scoop in the morning coffee is what it takes... Thank you!
@@ravenraven966 yes. Vital proteins with collagen peptides. ( costco).
I use the unflavored one. I asked a plastic surgeon if I am imagining things on my face getting younger and less obvious festoons and she said she recommends it to her patients for the collagen! :).
@@ravenraven966 it's a puffy lower lid...
B VITAMINS!! needs to be added to your list :) A complex b vitamin is essential to helping regulate too. When we are stressed it depletes our body of b vitamins, they are so important. And yes collagen peptides is great! it also helps rebuild the stomach lining which helps things like leaky gut/digestive issues :) which then in turn will help the mind! (gut-brain axis.. for anyone with anxiety issues throw in probiotics too) x
Wow! God is good. I am grateful for you and to run across this video by total coincidence. This is the missing link in my recovery. It explains why going to therapy and talking about the past in detail only dysregulates me more and makes me much worse! Thanking God for you!
With Gratitude for All you do 🙏
You are so welcome!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Sometimes I think my expression is off when someone is telling me something sad or stressful going on in her life...like my expression isn't matching the empathy I'm feeling inside for the person. Often I'm conscious of whether I'm "acting right" while in public. It's so exhausting.
Thank You So Much. At age 62, this explains a whole lot of things.
So glad it was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Two years into retirement, I look back on things, and can let go of many regrets over my actions. Yes, I'm responsible for them, but I was not responsible for my wiring to be fried by age 7.
Dysregulation - I had a lifetime of that. I knew something was wrong with me but I didn't know what it was. It was horrible living in this body with all the flood of emotions and fear.
I get disoriented. I feel like out of balance. I gurgle through my words and I forget things. I feel scared and ungrounded in those moments. Mindfulness practice helps a lot in those moments. Just breathing to accept it is happening, helps me be kind to myself in those moments. I tend to be harsh on me if I screw up, as my dad was harsh if I made a mistake. It’s my biggest flaw, as I have to find ways to be kind to others too, when they screw up, without letting them walk on me.
Such great video content and emotional regulation tools, Anna! You are such a gem! I have woke up disregulated every day, for 4 years now, since my husband died. I have to do diaphragmatic breathing every morning. That helps a little.
So sorry for your loss. Sending you encouragement and support. We're here for you. - Ashley, Team Fairy
Just found your work today. I am in the field and study many medical things, but it's so different to tell a patient about something versus doing it for ourselves. Thank you for your content. You break it down very well.
I smiled when I talked about trauma. Smiling is connected to vagus nerve. 22 years on psych meds and still looking for someone to hold me.
You’re amazing. Bless you for your continued illumination in the darkness.
I listened to this one so many times…I recognize this as a super awesome re-upload. It has helped me so much with my adopted children….well, also, my husband and my birth children. Thank you :)
So glad you enjoyed :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I love the attention you pay to the brain,people need to know how to see it in the clear light of day so they can understand it when it's going wrong. My legs get week and I look for a chair. My response has been to change my approach to things over time, identify the things about myself that cause me to see my actions to reflect badly on the various roles I play, break apart the reasons I'm programmed to see it that way and to forgive myself for the humanness I share with everyone. It hasn't worked in the moment though.
An excellent life saving briefing. Outstanding!
Thank you for saying so!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you SO much for this reminder. Awareness of dysregulation and learning how to become regulated is where it all needs to start. ❤️🙏grateful for you my Fairy Godmother🧚
Why is there such an urgent feeling to over explain my decisions? And THANKNYOU for sharing simple things to help during an episode. You are likely saving lives 😎🎼❤️
My parents nicknamed me “Grace” bc of my constant stumbling when I was a child.
I was “out of it” bc of numbness from experiencing my parents dysfunction.
I always want to run away during or after conflict.
So glad you're here learning about the CPTSD symptoms :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you. Feeling low at the moment and what was said at the end about being your funky beautiful self. I didn't realise but I needed to hear it 🌹
You got this!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I know all about not being able to do things when I'm dysregulated. I'm in fact I'm very dysregulated today... 😢...
Glad you're here Thomas :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
The world is lucky to have you in it ❤
I think when I'm not having success in my hobby of model car building I get quite dysregulated like I did today. Makes me wonder if I'm in the right hobby for me...But I get a lot of joy out of when I build a model.kit successfully.....I guess I'm at a crossroads ...
Couldn't agree more Fairy. Thank you for your work to get these invaluable messages out there for people. 🙏💖
Your welcome, thanks for the support. Jack@teamfairy
Thank you so much !!! I got exactly the same experience of people thinking I don't care about them when I get dysregulated, because I look and sound numb. For me, dysregulation expresses itself in the form of helplessness and a kind of paralysis where everything (really everything) is too hard to do or think about. And it can last as long as a week. Now that I know about it, I am able to see it when it happens and soothe myself back to calm, thanks to you and to my daughter who has made me realise it.
Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy
Anna, thank you for being here! You have been a very special blessing in my life 🙏 ❤ 💛 teaching me how to get more out of life with all of this information and strategies. You're the best!
5:42 description of blocking. Wow! Yes. 😢
Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
You know, I’ve healed so very much over many years and you always validate that I’m doing the right things.
I have not had a COTSD event for well over a year 👍
However..😂
I had a doozy this last weekend, that completely blindsided me!
It was a cascading event, I was rushed by someone, I dog/ house sat in an old home full of antiques that triggered fragrance, then their dog lunged at an old lady in a dangerous manner that completely frightening me!
Who boy!😳😬
Never had fragrance triggers but it was an underlying stressor, that I did recognize because I was completely uncomfortable there.
But, it put some huge puzzle pieces together for me and I was able to truly see things from my childhood even clearer.
My brain feels like jello in full vibrating mode!!!
My nervous system was shot for more than 24 hours, but it was truly important information for my soul!!!
Whew! Hopefully I don’t have that again!!!😅😳😬😰
New sub:) I found your channel yr through therapy in a nutshell )
Don’t know how I have not seen you before I watch so many videos on the topics you talk about ! Just glad I found you now:) great work ❤
Welcome!
For me I call it Trauma Intoxication. I have explained it to people by asking them how they felt the first time they ever got drunk. That same dissociating feeling happens to me. I feel like I am in a bubble, looking fine on the outside but inside my face feels weird, mouth goes numb, ears ring sound becomes muffled, emotions well up and I want to run.
For me, this video describes almost my whole life. I appreciate your down to earth, practical advice and guidance. Thank you so much, Anna. 🙏
Glad it was helpful!!
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy she is thanking Anna.
first off, thank you! this is such a super helpful guide, and it really helps me to know that my intuited solution of stepping away was not, in fact, selfish dramatic behavior. it was me seeking out my own sense of internal regulation. it's a relief to know that, to have it corroborated by someone who actually knows what they're talking about (instead of my toxic af FOI).
my question is, how do you deal when you're stuck back in your childhood home again with the super dysregulated person who hasn't done *any* of this kind of work, and who perceives attempts to establish boundaries as rejection? who keeps trying to "manage" me the way they did my entire childhood, by ignoring my pleas for space and constantly overwhelming me with their need for company, for sympathy, for admiration and my absolution of all the things they did or allowed to happen that fucked me up? whose understanding of "a good day together" involves us watching hours of whatever TV show she wants to watch, without any conversation about it afterward, just my mindless stimulation to eat away the day. who sulks if I need to spend time by myself to recuperate and then guilt trips me about not spending enough time with them.
....I know that's a lot, but there's only so many times I can reasonably excuse myself to the bathroom. could you maybe do a video on like, conversational scripts one might use in a pinch? I think I might also be on the spectrum, and navigating those delicate moments, especially when I'm overwhelmed.....I tend to spit out all the bad stuff, and it can get really bad between two people with few deescalation skills between them. I just really could use some kind of conversational flow chart to work off of,to script my own true answers and responses in advance, bc in the moment I either escalate things badly or revert to a rather pathetic version of myself in order to "keep the peace."
thank you so much for your work.
Holy sh*t, I'm overwhelmed with how much all of this resonates... It's crazy... I finally feel understood, I wanna cry....
Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
You are so right on! I've been told I look so cold, but I was just dying inside, or I'd look for a place to run too. I never understood why I felt that way until I can across your videos. Thank you so very much for your videos!
So glad this message resonated :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
6:52 This is me! I deal with this all the time. Thank you for making these videos.
Thanks for watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy
O.M.G! I didn't realize how badly I needed to hear and understand this. Thank you.
Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you! This was so helpful! I’ve felt all these things at one time or another.
Really glad the content is helpful to you :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I appreciate how you focus on the more primitive aspects
I haven't tuned in in a while. Just wanted to tell you that you look great! Thanks for your content. Gonna binge watch a few.
I sure wish I knew about this before I had a kid, got married and then divorced... 😵💫
You're not alone!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thanks so much for your channel! I really like how you present information in your videos and I feel like I can gain control of my life more now.
Glad you're enjoying the style of Anna's videos. Grateful you're here. - Ashley, Team Fairy
When I am dis regulated, I’m disassociate… It’s like I’m watching myself and I’m saying “hey you’re acting weird“ but I just keep watching myself do it… The only thing that seems to bring me out of it or at least keep it from escalating, is if the other person is mildly but not over or under responsive to me. Especially if they’re using a lot of neutral short phrases and I’m not getting any reactions that feed my behavior. Other than that if I’m alone I just eventually fizzle out of it. But it is so embarrassing when I’m in that state to watch myself and be aware that I’m acting in a way that I can’t stop. A lot of what you’re saying makes sense but it’s really hard to put it into practice. especially because of the disassociation. And this can go on for days after a trigger. Followed by a lot of other little tiny aftershocks. I love your channel by the way it makes so much real sense. Thank you so very much.
Thanks for sharing! Sending you encouragement. -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you for all the tips. I've become more aware of my emotions and disregulation the last couple of years. It's a work in progress but I feel like I'm getting better. Especially since I removed my narc family from my circle.
thanks for the support, were cheering for you. Jack@teamfairy
Have you any idea how much of a relief it is to hear that other people experience the same symtpoms as me and I'm not alone.
I do know. We are all so glad to have found our tribe here!
When this happens to me, I kinda just zone out and become quiet, kinda like day dreaming. Working out seems to help keep me focused, surprisingly. I haven't as of yet found a way outside of working out, but I'm experimenting.
Wow! I often wake up dysregulated, how is that even possible. 😮
Is there any chance you're having some panic inducing dreams? And/or are you one to go to bed with 101 thoughts/worries or daily stresses ravaging your brain? I ask because I was suffering the same, waking dysregulated often in the very early a.m., it was suggested by my therapist that I may be prone to panic/anxiety attacks while sleeping. I occasionally still deal with it, but have found it helpful to physically tire myself (I do evening chores "with a purpose" to reset for the following day as I have a family), "brain dump" in a quick journaling and sometimes short breathing or meditations to calm my brain. It took practice, but has been helpful when addressing it this way over time.
I hope this is helpful, if I'm off the mark I apologize for the rambling💜
You help me understand myself !! Thank you so much !
So good to hear!
-Cara@TeamFairy
What If it just doesnt Work? I know so much about the Problems I delt with, about dysregulation, about techniques to Better it, and still it's never really over.
Consistent practice, I suggest trying this free course bit.ly/38JfzK1
-Cara@TeamFairy
Never and always statements are not true. That is emotions tricking us. Things can grow into good and not always be this way. I felt at peace for one full day once and to know that is possible gives me hope
I get so hurt n emotional but also so angry, my ex n daughter said I Hulk Out. Chronic fatigue didnt stop it just made the come down unbearable n painful.
Peoples reactions when im gutted and heartbroken is ‘ur a very angry person’ then ‘ pull urself together’ and ‘ur poor ex’! They misread me, feels like an attack, so I cut them out.
I’m begging for help but now accept I must look angry. I can’t get people to listen to me or they pull a face. Iv thought im better off alone but if it’s the brain thing then I can work with that I think.
I hold my breath, my nose goes numb, head throbs, prickling under my skin, but also weird sensation like im me and im watching me n saying ‘ohhh sh*t!!’ Like my rational side sees the storm coming but can only spectate from the side.
Just writing this n i can feel my heartbeat in my ears, feel dizzy, feel extra ‘acid’ (adrenaline) coursing through me which hurts n makes me feel wobbly n sicker. 48 n first time it hasn’t scared me!
Thank u for ur vids, u n Patrick hve really helped me. I didn’t know CPTSD existed till I saw ur vid n i score so high on the test its so good to finally know. 💜💜💜🦇
Glad you are here! Keep fighting for the healing you deserve!
-Cara@TeamFairy
When your abusers just died. The woman half denied abuse even a few weeks before death. No validation. I was not a daughter I was a prisoner/slave/punching bag (verbally), I was overweight and she never let me forget it. She lost weight by weight loss surgery. I did not. I was worthless. I would never amount to anything, never have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. Lots of times I wished my real mother had aborted me rather then put me up for adoption to a woman who could never have kids and for a reason.
Thank you so much! You must be an Angel 😇 to recognize myself is mind blowing Thankful to you!
Thanks for watching! -Calista@TeamFairy
My mom died when I was 5. I would get told all the time not to cry because it would make my dad sad. I also looked and had simular habits as my mom. I was told this made my Dad sad. I couldn't change how I looked.
"Stamp your feet"... so brisk walking or jogging IS accomplishing more than burning calories!! I'm 76, still at it nearly daily, and couldn't explain why on earth I keep at it, but it changes how I manage the rest of the day. Thanks 👍BTW also long recovered carb addict - never met a carb I didn't like and want a whole lot more of, but now I treat like poison! In spite of eating keto/carnivore and IF I fight constant cravings and urges to just put something in my mouth... I rarely feel satisfied. 😢
Found you today through Patrick Teahan licsw
Thank you
Well welcome to the channel! Glad that you're here . - Ashley, Team Fairy
Thanks for your information. One other way to help reregulate is through using pure essential oils like Lavender essential oils which is the fastest route to affect the brain. Also ones like Lavender if it is pure- look for the Latin name (Lavandula Angustifolia) has a calming and relaxing effect. Also it’s not very expensive. You can smell it directly from the bottle or buy a roller bottle which has a carrier oil so it can go directly onto your skin. But please read the safety advice on the bottle.
grounding is life 4 me.
EMDR and other somatic approaches are extremely helpful in achieving regulation. Look for a therapist who works somatically as well as verbally. C doesn’t mean childhood. CPTSD can be developed at any age, such as when one is in an abusive relationship as an adult.