Is S/he a Narcissist? Use These TESTS! (Compilation)

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  • Опубликовано: 24 ноя 2024

Комментарии • 89

  • @elainesmith5313
    @elainesmith5313 Год назад +85

    Prof. Sam!! You are the funnest Narcissist I ever listened to. I love your dry humor!!! Thank you !!! So enjoy listening to you teach!!! My life has been littered with Narcissism All my life. From my Mother to the Mother in Law.
    And finally married one who had an entire family of .......or a cult of Narcissist .I am now 70 yrs old. My Narcissist life partner died 1 YR ago.
    His sexual addiction rendered him with a sexually transmitted disease (HPV). Which developed into throat cancer and eventually killed him along with Covid 19. So sad but a blessing to me. His infidelity was of the Serial variety . Many ..many partnets over a 45 yr period. I have been through therapy for narcissist abuse. I am now healed and moving forward in N.C. You are a great help with the mommy deal. Really helped me understand what role I played over the years. Thank you much!!

  • @sheilalopez3983
    @sheilalopez3983 Год назад +50

    I have always called narcissists emotional vampires. They have no emotions of their own so they suck them out of you. That sums up my old marriage and that's all I'm going to say about that, draw your own conclusions, or not. I'm waaaay past that now, what a nightmare that was.

    • @mygirldarby
      @mygirldarby Год назад +12

      Narcissists have emotions. They will steal your ideas and personality traits if they find them valuable though. Narcissists have deep emotions in several areas. They're certainly not devoid of them like a psychopath would be. Even a psychopath has some limited emotions, like they can feel rage. I'm going through a divorce (he left me when I got sick), from a narcissist...at least I now believe him to be a narcissist. It's a nightmare. He had "mortification" when he left, so I don't think I will ever see him again. It was a 25 year marriage and he is trying to ruin me financially. It's hard for me to fight back because I'm healing from surgery and still not well. He wants everything and is trying to have me removed from our home by the end of the month. I have nowhere to go, little money, no job, and I need another surgery. It's devastating.

    • @Incogneet
      @Incogneet 5 месяцев назад

      @@mygirldarbyI hope you managed to get your life sorted? Understand the pain of this 🙏

    • @Wulf82
      @Wulf82 3 месяца назад

      ​​@@mygirldarbyYup narcissist have emotions bc they usually have huge fragile Ego's easily triggered or in their feelings. However what they usually lack is crap such as empathy & accountability + most likely self awareness

    • @maximum360
      @maximum360 Месяц назад

      A covert narcissist is somewhere between being a cunning vampire that secretly feeds on their victims long without their victims being aware of it and John Carpenter's "The Thing".

    • @sheilalopez3983
      @sheilalopez3983 Месяц назад

      ​@@mygirldarbywhere in this statement are his emotions, you just proved my point. You're still not seeing him for what he is. Admit this to yourself and you'll be better equipped to put up a fight.

  • @mommakimmins5554
    @mommakimmins5554 Год назад +50

    I was so trauma bonded to my first long-term ex boyfriend that I'm still casual friends with him. I have no romantic feelings for him anymore, and will never be romantic with him again. Yet I can't let go of him completely. I hate that I've handed over that kind of power to him, and I'm trying to take it back. I've stopped texting him happy birthday and merry Christmas.
    I still remember him telling me when we were 15 that he was the only man for me. That I could search the world over for someone else, but I would be searching for him. I would find men with aspects of his personality, but they wouldn't be all him, which would leave me feeling unfulfilled. That manipulation drove me back to him for many years after I should have left him behind.
    He was somewhat right. My husband of over a decade does some have similar positive traits. He lacks, however, my ex's abusive and self victimizing tendencies, among other negative traits. But I guess I'm unfulfilled, haha. Joke's on him I feel genuine happiness and mutual respect in my marriage. Something I never felt with him.

    • @MonolithicBaby-tz3uk
      @MonolithicBaby-tz3uk 9 месяцев назад

      Hes the man you really loved , is called alpha widowed. A woman will regret her whole life if she couldnt maintain her alpha. It only happens once

  • @sheilalopez3983
    @sheilalopez3983 Год назад +23

    I have to hand it to all the social services people; the psychiatrist, psychologists, counselors, attorneys and doctors and other professionals that have come forward to help where they've seen a need. Thank you !

  • @dorthy739
    @dorthy739 Год назад +12

    Good morning from the USA 🇺🇸
    I look forward to today's conversation.
    Thank you so much for sharing knowledge and empowering a large community that would otherwise be in the dark.

  • @SonalRamnathkar
    @SonalRamnathkar Год назад +17

    Never got an apology from my ex. All offences were jokes.

  • @RS-ww8jo
    @RS-ww8jo Год назад +10

    He’s definitely a narcissist no doubt in my mind. Very dark cruel, mean, hateful, betraying deceptive discard. Very drunk and heartless too

  • @Techsnobs
    @Techsnobs Год назад +4

    I believe your very accurate about that point system.

  • @charlottebuck6907
    @charlottebuck6907 Год назад +9

    My Narcissist said he was here to help humanity and said he had spiritual downloads...I think he heard voices sometimes

    • @samvaknin
      @samvaknin  Год назад +17

      Hearing voices is psychotic, not narcissistic.

    • @charlottebuck6907
      @charlottebuck6907 Год назад +5

      Oh he didn't just have "spiritual downloads", it was the rest of his behaviour that points out to him being a narcissist, so can he be both?...I googled it, apparently you can have both. 🤯

    • @samvaknin
      @samvaknin  Год назад +8

      @@charlottebuck6907 You can.

    • @charlottebuck6907
      @charlottebuck6907 Год назад +3

      @@samvaknin thank you ☺️

  • @lisawinland7023
    @lisawinland7023 Год назад +29

    My ex I believe had his disorder in check until 7 years ago his family exposed him and wrote him out of a Will. He went full blown malignant narc and it's been getting worse . He's completely delusional, has out of body experience, was supporting another woman on my dime, and dresses in a most bizarre way now. It's very sad.

  • @vibrantluck
    @vibrantluck Год назад +29

    Getting to echo the title of Unicorn because I find I fit the 5 traits irresistible to a predator has lightened the load of responsibility I feel both of the times I heard these. I have really appreciated gaining a language for my experience with entraining by a man I believe is an anti-social serial killer who had spent six months grooming me to be a partner-predator. Did I outsmart him and escape, or did he let me go? Your instructions on No Contact were important to me leaving him as I was emerging as a psychopathic preserver of Myself. I have listened to the sound of your melodic voice probably more than I should as your lessons soothe me and point me toward other areas I sometimes get curious about. Your lessons on nothingness and ambivalence dilemmas have really helped, especially the self-state model since I definitely experienced a brainwashing and more distinct switching around an overwhelming trauma bond addiction. I'm still trying to find appropriate help and struggle about positive feelings for the predator. One of the videos I can't recall the title of included instructions for the victim to list all the bad things they had done and read it three times a day. I'd like to find that advice again. Also, I need a therapist who knows about this kind of psychological attack and these subjects, someone more specific to these circumstances as the ones I've tried meeting so far haven't offered a lot of confidence about brainwashing and deprogramming. I appreciate your work and hope that your life in Budapest will bring bright times and allow you to continue sharing these topics with the public, especially since your words have encouraged me so much when I needed them the most.

  • @darubaru
    @darubaru Год назад +63

    Yes this is what i have been waiting for... I gotta decide first if i am a full fledged narcissist or merely a narcissistic borderline codependant! Then find out the truth about the people i am attracted to. Let's see. Thank you!

    • @prathameshborkut5340
      @prathameshborkut5340 Год назад +6

      So what are you?

    • @digitalninja85
      @digitalninja85 Год назад +27

      Well the first sign that you aren't is that you are willing to admit this possibility. Usually this is impossible to even to consider for a narcissist. Well, in my experience at least.

    • @darubaru
      @darubaru Год назад +1

      ​@@prathameshborkut5340 Still listening to it...

    • @darubaru
      @darubaru Год назад +11

      Feels like i am narcissistic for sure, definitely dependant and very happy to hang around the borders... The problem is that i am totally aware of all that crap, most of it at least.

    • @darubaru
      @darubaru Год назад +4

      ​@@digitalninja85 Thank you.

  • @mygirldarby
    @mygirldarby Год назад +3

    I like the mbti too. I don't like the way the internet has ruined it. People will take the test over and over to get the "unique" personality type, or they will just lie about it. It is annoying. They dont get that this test is more than a fun little quiz. I first took the mbti in 1996 and knew nothing about it at the time. I was shocked and felt so validated once I knew my type. It told me why...why I experienced life the way I do, why i feel the way I've felt in life. It also pointed to my issues and what I should work on. It changed my perspective in so many ways and caused me to do a deep lifetime dive into mbti and Jung. I'm able to type others I know and I'm right most of the time. That wouldnt be possible if it was the same as astrology and horoscopes. My type has not changed since 1996. I have taken the MBTI about 7-10 times since 1996, and I'm always the same type. It hasn't changed in a few other close family who have taken it over the years either. The mbti has an esoteric quality, which makes sense because of its origins, and it is much more than a personality sorter.

    • @hiloknowsall7462
      @hiloknowsall7462 Год назад

      Really? The internet has and society at
      Large should destroy the MBTI- it is baseless, and the extreme investment people place in a so called “psychometric” measure…any measure of personality which is so multifaceted and dimensional than the MBTI can ever hope to offer.
      Scientific method eschews the use of forced choice responses…which every single question on the MBTI is. Horoscopes are exactly the same as the MBTI - unverified, lacking rigour; mentioning jung without any notion that she stole his core personality disposition work without credit or attribution it deserved is a testament to her and daughters bankrupt ethical / and academic prowess, introvert/extrovert were conceptualised by Jung and are indeed the only accurate dimension proffered by by him ? Why? Because he was reticent and rigorous about truth,
      MOr the unwillingness to speak on things in which he wasn’t expert: introverted/extroverted that’s it.
      MBTI, but for the ignorant whom perceive it as something more than simple “fun” / have drunk the kool-aid. Btw the reason you get the same results or similar does not confirm validity in any form - it’s that you are 100 💯 primed to answer the same in subsequent retests.
      Perhaps if you really wanted to know who you are and why you are the way you are you would perform due diligence and not place yourself into the SPECIOUS boxes 📦 that the mbti offers. Do yourself a favour grab horoscopes for next month / year -
      Redact which zodiac the predictions / insights are for and come back and tell me that ALL OF THEM didn’t apply.
      MBTI is a wolf in sheeps clothing it sounds specific but if you critically analyse it for a moment you realise how vague and universal they are…but seducing in their specious and facile categorisation. People are better than the MBTI and its bullshit boxes. Wake up

  • @СветЛания
    @СветЛания Год назад +11

    Здравствуйте. Вам Привет из России. БлагоДарность Вам за Знания, которые даёте. Очень Доступно и Интересно.😀🙏 Не все умеют переводить, поэтому мы слушаем вас на других каналах, но с переводом.

  • @sicobain
    @sicobain Год назад +12

    I think I'm married with a narcissist man. I met him online, we got married, I paid for the visa to live in his country, after all i have spent to change my whole life to stay with him, he was not good enough to have sex with me, this makes me feel so uncomfortable, frustrated and disappointed because I always wanted to have my husband to make love and so on. I tried to give a suggestion for blood test to check his testosterone, stop drinking too much alcohol but he was completely violent with me and I had an anxiety crisis. To him im neurotic about this and he is happy with his games, living under gov money, living in a dirty house and sleeping until late everyday.

    • @ayeelaura
      @ayeelaura Год назад +16

      run as fast as possible or the wasted years and denying your own needs will break you

    • @burningproblem
      @burningproblem Год назад +12

      Run!

    • @tpolishgal
      @tpolishgal 8 месяцев назад +1

      ​@@ayeelauraGet out ASAP...Please, it is not you. Disappear like a ghost and never contact him. Go to your trusted family members and trusted friends, even if there is nobody, run like hell.

  • @StefanTutuianu-m4k
    @StefanTutuianu-m4k Год назад +8

    Hey Sam, your mind and expertise is fascinating. I came to know a lot through your book and videos. I'd love to see more positively charged towards growth videos rather than rumination and I'd like to remain a subscriber since you are a role model to me. All the best!

  • @sakshikaura2024
    @sakshikaura2024 Год назад +12

    Thank you for the excellent content Prof Vaknin. The three R's method is the first of its kind that I've heard on identifying narcissism and I have watched hundreds of youtube videos on the subject. This is why I have been binging on your channel. Also, you have opened my eyes on the fact that I fulfill a lot of traits that narcissists look for. On the positive side, I am also the kind of woman who has the guts of exiting the shared fantasy. Blaming is still a struggle and a taking blame for everything was groomed into me years ago but therapy will help with that.
    I want to ask a question. I had a heated argument with my partner's narc dad in front of my narc and my dad and our two children. It was about whether I have a say in how to punish/discipline our daughter or not. It gave rise to a huge row and my narc hasn't talked to me for four months now. I get cutting remarks of course and shaming, as does our daughter. I know his dad berated him for not controlling me and my daughter (who takes after me and is defiant as well because she knows I am standing with her), passive aggressively of course, nothing direct for them. Could this have resulted in mortification or injury?

  • @sumquak
    @sumquak 9 месяцев назад +4

    The 5 attractive traits…wow. Quite eye-opening.

  • @Fururu333
    @Fururu333 Год назад +23

    Prof. Vaknin I have a question for you: are people who like kinky sex and/or are into bdsm (the dominant side) often narcissists?
    I mean… if someone is into that are they more likely to be a narcissist? Is bdsm a red flag? I don’t mean to kink shame anyone and studies I have read about it seem to say people who practice bdsm are healthy people, however my common sense says if there is a lust for power then there is probably an issue there. What is your opinion?

    • @samvaknin
      @samvaknin  Год назад +49

      Many narcissists like BDSM and kink, but only a small minority of practitioners of BDSM and kink are narcissists.

    • @Fururu333
      @Fururu333 Год назад +17

      @@samvaknin Thank you for answer. That is interesting.

  • @mauj2844
    @mauj2844 Год назад +16

    Hello 👋🏻. Prof Vaknin does a narcissist still lives in the fantasy even after the woman / unicorn has left him for another guy (no mortification) or not ? Thank you.

    • @samvaknin
      @samvaknin  Год назад +25

      The idealized introject is preserved, but the fantasy is gone.

    • @mauj2844
      @mauj2844 Год назад +4

      Thank you 🙏🏻. Does narcissist interact with that idealised preserved introject ?

    • @onedividedbyzero
      @onedividedbyzero Год назад +2

      @@samvaknin isnt the fantasy and idealized preserved introject ..the same thing?!

    • @samvaknin
      @samvaknin  Год назад +6

      @@mauj2844 Yes. Hence the hoovering. Search the channel.

    • @samvaknin
      @samvaknin  Год назад +10

      @@onedividedbyzero No. The introject is like an actor in a movie. The shared fantasy is the movie.

  • @LaraKatarina
    @LaraKatarina Год назад +8

    I love the Israelian series Shtisel love it so much. So beautiful language also

  • @Volpe05
    @Volpe05 Год назад +3

    I have a question. If the narcissist finds the 5 elements he is looking for and the romantic partner does not cause mortification does this mean she is really his partner for life like you say it did you mean that’s what he believes but evidently the discard will happen regardless?
    I ask because you have said narcissist always discards and leave or make the partner leave but in this video there is a “partner for life” possibility or am I taking the statement literally but it’s a fantasy that will end?
    Can a narcissist stay with someone for the duration as in 30 years or so?
    Sorry I have 3 questions but they are really connected to one idea. Thank you for your videos they are life saving!❤️

    • @samvaknin
      @samvaknin  Год назад +5

      Search the shared fantasy playlist.

  • @Mom_Luvs_Tech
    @Mom_Luvs_Tech Год назад +6

    How can you tell the shared fantasy phase from normal dating stages?

    • @samvaknin
      @samvaknin  Год назад +14

      By watching the relevant videos on my channel.

  • @darubaru
    @darubaru Год назад +11

    Currently, i feel and i was told by a friend who happened to be her ex that i am hanging out with a narcissist. She may not be a full fledged narcissist but definitely can be considered a pathological one. I live with my 9 year old boy. He (my kid) says he is not sure about her but cannot really be sure :) He seems hooked a bit. We live in a small island. She's kinda antisocial. Already have many people who she is in clear dispute. Well i am old enough and responsible enough not to waste my energy on this woman. Still somehow i feel like i can play with her in her terms. She is sexually attractive to me. She would be a total attraction if it was some 15 years ago... She is constantly trying to break my responsibility and my loyalty for my son. On the weekends she is unresponsive, but she keeps calling me weekdays when i am supposed to be sleping to wake up in the morning for my kid's school and so on... I can't believe although, i can smell her stink and i have a kid, that i am still chasing this kind of shit.... Help me!!!

    • @darubaru
      @darubaru Год назад

      Then again, she produces honey and yoghurt and sells them in the local market and she keeps her big tits and butt covered not showing off with them, although she is selfish definitely, who is not? Is it her or me which is a narcissist? Or am i just plain horny?

    • @jasportugal
      @jasportugal Год назад +11

      Run, and dont look back, like you life depends on it. get a respectful person .

    • @xxkissmeketutxx
      @xxkissmeketutxx Год назад +13

      Maybe the attraction is that she makes life less boring. But you're old enough to know that drama turns to pain in the ass real fast. Do you want to laugh now and cry later?
      Narcs will ALWAYS be number One and Only.
      You know. YOU KNOW she's already trying to put it over your child, who didn't ask to be brought into the world, who NEEDS You so purely to be his rock, and teach him to navigate life.
      My narc ex couldn't care at all if his children ate from dumpsters so long as it doesn't reflect on him. All narcs are like this. Your son deserves better, don't fall for her foolishness. You got this 👍 💪

    • @darubaru
      @darubaru Год назад +3

      @@xxkissmeketutxx Thank you very much for your care. This means a lot. Good luck!

    • @xxkissmeketutxx
      @xxkissmeketutxx Год назад +2

      @darubaru you're very welcome. I hope you realised you and your son are better than that and are loving your best lives 💃🩷

  • @laurenjeangreenbean6301
    @laurenjeangreenbean6301 5 месяцев назад

    I have never had the same combination of types on mbti I felt I was lying to the tester even to myself no matter what I answered. Trauma seems to not be a factor in the factors.

  • @gerardolopez2575
    @gerardolopez2575 2 месяца назад

    The mbti is a flawed system for sure. C.s.Joseph’s four sides dynamics theory is a way better explanation/expansion on personality archetypes theory

  • @QueenBeeDigital
    @QueenBeeDigital Год назад +9

    I’m these traits 🤣🤣🤣
    And yes, they’re obsessed

  • @IgivemylifetoChrist
    @IgivemylifetoChrist Год назад +1

    So it’s good to create a feeling of mortification for their self awareness?

  • @ramonabell7048
    @ramonabell7048 Год назад +9

    "Unicorn" "Woman of his life" his unlimited infatuation for me....these are usually nice things to hear 🤦‍♀️
    Only time I haven't felt crazy for not taking on 100% ownership of the affair I walked away from 3 years ago though 😎
    Bout 25 minute mark, this video told the story of my going on 14 year marriage 😳

  • @uniquemind9967
    @uniquemind9967 Год назад +18

    Are narcissists attracted to prostitues?

    • @radzia1010
      @radzia1010 Год назад +5

      If pay why not.

    • @digitalninja85
      @digitalninja85 Год назад +19

      I don't think that attraction to prostitutes is a trait you should use to diagnose or reliably identify a narcissist. Some people like prostitutes, some don't. Some are narcissists, some aren't. I would look for other signs.

    • @darubaru
      @darubaru Год назад +6

      I am attracted to many of them. Anybody who is strong and outside of the social norms somehow attacts me! For a while... :)

    • @darubaru
      @darubaru Год назад

      But to me prostitutes have a non-sexual attraction. I like to be good friends with them. Some sex every now and then wouldn't hurt of course 😅

    • @jamesharper3140
      @jamesharper3140 Год назад +25

      I think NPD's are attracted to wounded people. Wounded people are in all walks of life but are more prevalent in specific walks. NPD's, I believe, are very selective and predatory. Like artificial intelligence, they learn through life experiences. I think they learn to identify physical/social/emotional traits associated with people they can dominate or satisfy their needs for narcissistic supply. So, I think NPD's understand they're more likely to be rewarded by looking in specific places. I'm still learning about them so if I'm off please don't hesitate to correct me.

  • @ohshiz4244
    @ohshiz4244 Год назад +5

    @ 20:00 wow