the issue with feeling petty/uncomfortable with another person impregnating your partner is an issue for trans and cis people. A lot of cis guys feel extremely uncomfortable and unhappy if they can't provide sperm for their partner so maybe you could check out forums usually used by cis guys about this topic and see how they cope/get through this issue and accept the fact someone else has to be the one to provide the sperm ?? Either way you've talked about a really important topic again so thanks for sharing! Hope you're feeling okay
Patricia Fluegel I only used petty because he did. I don't think it's petty at all, I think it's a very valid issue but I understand where the confusion comes from and I apologize
Personally, ever since I have memory I've NEVER wanted to have kids in that way. The very thought terrorizes me. If I ever manage to stand kids (another thing I can't do) and want children I'm already sure that I'd adopt. Hysterectomy to me is more of a relief and something that would lessen my dysphoria. But I can understand why you don't want hysterectomy and it's fine.
Aaron, you are defiantly NOT alone on this. I feel the same ways you do. I hate for ppl to tell me, well this would be better for you cos it was for me. We have to do us. Be us. You do what feels right for you.
Even though I've never wanted children- biological or otherwise- I do feel slightly sad at the idea of that option being taken away from me. Knowing that I do have that option, even though I am 100% certain I will never use it, provides a certain comfort, but once that options gone, its gone.
So many people don't get how fucked up it is that we are expected to be sterilized. I want to carry my kids after being on T for a couple years (and then of course coming off) and like I'm so terrified of telling my doctor/therapist about it because I'm worried they won't think I'm "trans enough" or some bullshit and will stop prescribing me T. Like this is how my body is able to have kids and I don't get dysphoric from the thought of using it in that way, so why wouldn't I? (I 300% get why people would be dysphoric/uncomfortable with carrying. Obviously, I'm not saying that people should carry because they have the ability to)
I do not remotely understand or relate to this (don't want kids, will likely have hysto) but I 100% respect you or anyone else doing with their bodies whatever they want. Your reproductive organs and rights belong to you and this makes you no less of a man!
One thing that makes me extremely dysphoric about the whole biological kids bit is that when I'm older my future partner and I can never accidentally conceive. I guess you could say most kids are accidents and most of the time it's a pleasant surprise, and just knowing I'll never be able to have that is rough. Also knowing that we can never really go through the very special process of trying for a baby like cisgender couples do is troubling too. Instead of just simply getting in bed and having sex we would have to go through all these expensive hoops like looking for a kid to adopt or finding a donor... I always thought I would like my future partner to carry a child but now that I've heard you break it down ("some guy's sperm being in them")... that does rub me the wrong way as well hahaha. What really bothers me deep down more than all of those things though is that no matter how I have my kids in the future, they'll never biologically be mine. It's a depressing thought.
Definitely not alone in this. I have always been extremely dysphoric about the mere thought of pregnancy. Yet I am somehow also really attached to the fact I *could* produce life if I wanted to. Luckily for me I don't want kids, but I've thought about this stuff plenty.
I'm non binary and I carried my child. I didn't know at the time that I was nb, but I'm so frustrated when people situate carrying a child as inherently feminine. Much love, your perspective is so valid.
Hello 🌱 I'm glad you brought up this conversation 😊 unfortunately I had to have a hysto & ovary removal from PCOS. I also have thought I would adopt if I wanted kids, there are way too many who need good, loving homes! I have some pretty nasty genetics that I don't want to pass to a kid, so I am OK with my hysto. It was NOT forced on me, I actually begged for it due to all the pain that it caused me. Bless you Aaron, you do what's good for YOU! AND, there are ways to splice eggs together these days, you might be able to have a bio kid with someone either way, genetics have come a long way from "sperm & egg only" options ☺
I feel the exact same way. It was actually one of the first things i thought about when coming out as trans. I just want to be able to have my own kid and see a bit of myself in the eyes of my child. It hurts..
I sort of want to freeze some eggs just in case, but I refuse to A) put off going on T any longer than I have to, B) go on oestrogen in order to make more eggs, or C) go through the intrusive process of harvesting the eggs. So I guess I'm not going to be able to do it. I just really hope that I don't end up regretting not having any of my own genetic material when I get to an age when I might want to have kids :-/
this is 3 years old but i've been on T for over 5 years and just recently had my eggs frozen. totally worth it, it only takes a few months break, and you've got them for life!! T will NOT diminish your egg count. my egg count was above average for both cis females and ftms! lol the nurses were impressed, apparently most of the office knew who i was by the end of it all cause i was "the talk of the town" haha
I feel the exact same way. It breaks my heart; I've always wanted to be a dad who had biological children. not to say that fostering or adoption is not an option, or that it's not as "real", it would just be nice to have an option that isn't super expensive and/or super dysphoric. so I feel you
I'm infertile because of a birth defect and even though bio kids, or any kids, where never part of my plans for the future it feels weird sometimes. Our situations are very different, I know that, I just want to share that it's not bad or strange to feel that way about being/becoming sterile. Personally, I feel bad because I'm an only child and my parents won't be having grand kids because of me. It stings. I hope you find a fitting solution and mindset dude. Good luck, you're never alone!
I feel you man. I was going to get my eggs frozen before I start T but there's no way my parents or me could afford it and the thought of not having a choice if I want to have kids in the future is awful
I’m a trans man who doesn’t want to be impregnated because I’d much rather be the one impregnating. A lot of people hear this and think we all think this way, or have the same levels of dysphoria. The main thing that bugs me about the thought of ever getting pregnant is going off T for 9 months with estrogen redominating and finishing my initial puberty. I started T at 18, and only this year have I started to feel like the war in my body is over. With that, my beard is finally filling in where it resisted for years. The female genetic code in my family codes for enlarged hips, breasts and areolas and I was fortunate to start T before it could hinder me from ever passing, like some dudes. You can get bottom surgery without a hysterectomy. And kaiser, at least, may tell you you shouldn’t get a FULL hysto to protect your bones. You could always freeze your ovaries, and have them transplanted into your partner or have the embryo/egg cell implanted into your partner. I know it sucks, dude, but with good insurance the process shouldn’t cost much. Eggs, ovaries and embryos can be frozen well over a decade, from what I’ve heard.
God, I think about this all the time. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks of this because I want hysto, but not the inability to do certain things with people. I talked about this with my girlfriend, and it made me feel bad because it sounds like she'd want to carry a child instead of adopt, so I suggested getting genetic material from a cis guy in my family so it'd be related to me. It's still another guy's sperm though , which makes me feel dysphoric and also sorry for my girlfriend because she's dating me, a trans man, and she has to deal with that, too. I hope science finds a way to make trans men impregnating someone with a uterus possible later on, though.
Im nb and my boyfriend is ftm trans. I want to carry kids but my boyfriend agressivly doesn't want to have a kid and has told me that if I had one he would want me to have an abortion. And that really hurts. Idk but I feel you I have bottom dysphoria and idk what I would do if I had to sterilize myself. I couldn't handle that
Francine Smith no I love him and he loves me also we're like really young so maybe as we get older we'll change or....move on. But he is amazing and this is one of the only things we agressivly disagree on but thank you for your input :3
I understand how you feel. In my case, honestly I don't want kids at all. I want to be sterile. But I have met a few transguys that don't want to have a hysterectomy. I can assure you that you are not alone. You do you.
You put my exact thoughts into words, and it also pisses me off when people say that I'm abnormal or "not trans then" for not wanting a hysto or wanting to keep my fertility. I know I don't really want kids and if I do I can adopt but the ability to have a child is my right as a human being and i know myself enough that if I got a hysto I would me emotionally traumatized from the thought of having that ability, that right, ripped away from me. I keep continuously being asked by my family if I'm going to get a hysto and I honestly tell them to fuck off or it's really none of their business or that that's my decision if/when I ever even want to have kids.
i feel this SO HARD! being a "mother" has always been something i wanted so deeply, and while realizing im trans was an amazing moment, it was also heartbreaking to realize that some of the things i wanted, while still possible, were going to be much more complicated now. it really through my whole future for a loop, and im still trying to put the pieces back together.
I understand your perspective. It's not that you necessarily WANT to utilize those parts, but you don't want the ability stripped away from you. You want the agency over your own body to say if/when you want certain things removed. It makes a lot of sense, even if the thought of explaining it is overwhelming.
Oh thank god someone said it. I feel the same way. Like I just saw a couple announcing they're having a baby yesterday and ofc I was happy for em but I also got sad because I know I will never ever experience it like that. Like I already feel robbed of that experience because I'll never have sperm of own so how can people expect me to get a Hysterectomy, taking away the last straw basically to have biological kids at all. Like when I get sad I think okay at least in case I end up w a partner who can produce sperm, I can get a surrogate mother to carry a baby made from my eggs and my partners sperm so it'll still be a baby from the two of us. So that's why I don't want a Hysterectomy. You described it so well, like the thought of literally being sterile is absolutely traumatic, at least to some people like me so I'm glad you talked about it. I also think it's important that it was mentioned that trans men can carry babies too, it's not an option for me though because I'm hella dysphoric.
I feel the same exact way! I carry a lot of guilt because my siblings are adopted, but my parents silently really want me to have bio kids. Also, I want to avoid surgery down time. I'm over a year post top surgery and I'm still getting over the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.
Thank you for making this video. I've been on T for a year and 9 months and everyone is trying to push me into a hysto. I don't want one. First for me carrying a child isn't completely off the table but I don't know, also I just want my organs to stay in place inside my body. But I feel like people want to force this surgery more often than top surgery. And you're not alone in the dysphoria for bio kids. I've done a lot of crying over this and that's why I won't get a hysto. Sending love your way ❤
Yes! The act of carrying a child is such a beautiful thing that I have never attached it to being female. It's the literal creation of life. And the two reasons I am alright with never wanting to have a child is the nauseous feeling pregnant people go through and how I would rather adopt all of my children.
I completely understand the fear of being sterile and some people just don't get that. Personally I find having a uterus is a threat to my own safety, so I want I gone I don't even consider it a part of my body. Btw, love you, your such an inspiration. :-)
Thank you so much for making this video. It helped me a lot to hear someone talk about this as I feel the same way. It's always been on my mind and it's a lot to deal with. I completely understand all of your opinions regarding this. You are an amazing person. I've watched all of your videos and they have been a huge help for my transition. Thank you once again. -Noah-
im a trans guy 2, i wonder how i would feel about my hysto if i didnt already know i cant carry a kid- i have been diagnosed with endometriosis for awhile & while that doesnt mean i cant get pregnant- ive been told it will likely be much harder for me and i wouldnt mentally be able to handle fertility treatment. i have the same feeling about sperm donation because i also deeply want that experience of being able to impregnate a woman i care about with my own sperm. i will be getting my hysto & endo removal surgery in a year so that i wont need to be on hormone blockers indefinitely to prevent severe pelvic pain. i dont feel upset about the surgery because i wont be losing anything- i already cant have kids. its understandable that you feel upset aaron because for you a hysto would be letting go of the possibility of biological kids.
I remember learning about early menopause as a ten year old and then wished every day that it would happen to me. But I can totally understand why people don't want to be sterile and why bottom surgery and hysterectomies and not being ready for it. Don't think you're alone out there. I've met so many other trans people that feel pressured to get bottom surgery and hysterectomies and really don't want to because they want to have bio kids or to pass their genetic material to someone.
I’m a 23 year old cis female & want my tubes tied. Always have. (11+ years) Hysto requires supplemental hormones & I’d like to avoid that if possible. I get the same surprise and opposite responses from doctors and therapists. The response of, “are you sure?” And, “you’re so young! Don’t you want a family?!” It sounds like just another way of gatekeeping.
I hear you man. It's terrifying. I can't have kids anyway (medical stuff from when I was a kid) and when I identified as female, friends and teachers would be horrified. Everyone tiptoed around it. Once I came out as trans, most closest friends would even say "How lucky are you!" And it's like, I'm still upset about, it's still something that makes me really sad, but now that "it was gonna happen anyway" nobody cares but me.
I don’t feel that way but one thing I learned from my experience growing up and how certain expectations put on me felt is that I don’t think anyone should be made to feel judged or wrong for any way they feel because we are all different. ‘Normal’ is just a word to justify someone wanting everyone to fit in their personal idea of how the world should work. I can totally understand how you must feel. It makes sense. Plenty of people feel strongly about being able to pass on their genetic material and have a child who is their flesh and blood, and there is nothing about being trans that would change if you are one of those people. Also a lot of men feel ‘less of a man’ if they can’t father child. Again, being trans doesn’t make feeling that way any less valid than it is for men who have other reasons for not being able to father a child. I’m sorry so many people don’t seem to be capable of understanding that.
ever since I was young I've not liked kids and I've dreamed of having my uterus removed. but recently, I've been having these weird feelings. like wanting to father a child? but I can't see myself being pregnant. in my mind it's always me getting someone pregnant?? but it confuses me. I don't want kids, I would be a terrible father. I don't want to ever be pregnant. but does having these, fatherly feelings. mean I'm not ready or don't want a hysto?
I never wanted and at this point likely will never have children. I am ok with that. But it's crazy to me that people assume that you would want a hysterectomy and even expect you to have it. For cis women that don't want children to be sterilized profilactily they need to jump through a bunch of hoops and are often denied the surgery even if they pay out of pocket, because the patriarchal system assumes we can't make these decisions for ourselves and will regret it. Even if there are valid reasons for it like medical or genetic problems. But it seems like for trans men and developmentally disabled people it's super "easy" to get it done, not cool for either group.
TW anatomical terms: First off, I am a stealth trans guy 4 years on T. I felt this way before I got my hysterectomy, so my surgeon let me keep one of my ovaries. Got everything besides 1 ovary removed. The surgeon advised me that egg extraction will be an option for me in the future if it is something I want (I am also planning on getting lower surgery within the next few years). I'll get a scan every couple years to make sure it stays healthy (but T doesn't cause ovarian problems and 90% of ovarian cancer originates in the fallopian tubes anyways). Also, I live in California, USA. Just thought I would float this option, because some surgeons do offer it (at least where I live).
Bone marrow is considered "genetic material" now . Like i don't know much about it so idk about how it would work with trans guys but lesbian couples don't need a sperm donor cause they can use bone marrow in a lab (its obviously going to be expensive) and make a baby that way. Its really new science and stuff so idk but it is a successful thing so idk that's a thing that could work in the future.
Thanks for sharing and being honest. I'm 36, so bring on the Hysto for this old fart! ;) lol. But, good for you and to each their own!!! Glad to see you making videos more regularly Aaron. I listen to you and Chase on the audio podcast each week on my commute to work. Thanks for talking INTO the mic more so I can hear you. Have a good weekend!
Yo, bro! I feel the same about the biological kids. I really don't what kids, like at all, BUT I'm only 1 1/2 years older than you and I don't really know how I feel about being steril, like... I with I could just exchange my party with a transwoman's parts, she would be happy, I would be happy. But we all sadly know that this is just a dream. And you are so right about how everyone thinks you want to have a hysto, because, well... you are a man, right? But... the thing is, I for myself am really torn about this. One doctor says, it might be good to get one (especially since I have PCOS) but he also says that this should be really given a thought, because it is traumatic for the body and mind to handle it. I'm lost, at what to do... I don't even know if I want pahllo...
I had to have a hysto 7 years ago age 35 because I had cancer! Although I hadn't come out as trans then, I knew I was male. It really upset me that the decision had been taken out of my hands, for no reason of my own. It saved my life! But left me not able to have children. I had no hormones in my system after that until I started T 2 months ago!
Thank you so much for making this video. I feel exactly the same way about both parts of this video. I best relate to the second half currently because my partner talks a lot about wanting to carry her own baby one day and it's not just the hit to the ego with not being able to produce sperm that hurts me, but more the petty side of her getting to have her DNA involved in our child, but I don't. She's happy to adopt and I've always wanted to do that as well, but I wonder if deep down I want that in small part because that way, neither of us gets to share our genetic information with the child.
Ty for talking about this. I'm sure you're not the only guy who struggles with this. I guess I would say if you need it done for medical reasons because having it is causing health problems then yes have it done but for any other reason do what u feel is best for you, in this regard only you know what's best for you
thank you for this vid hunty, I wish I could have one done but I can't because of some of my pre-existing medical issues. I feel for you (not in not having my own kids aspect, never wanted any 0 x),but rather that people believe I'm not "man enough" when people find out I cant have bottom surgery, hell people have said I'm not trans enough also because I CANT have bottom surgery literally wtf(even if I explain to them it would kill me they still give me that side eye look saying "mhm" _-_) well anyways thank you dad sprout for talking about this subject
If deep down you don’t feel , then disregard the toxic masculinity. Seeing a man carry a child is one of the most beautiful things I’ll ever see in my lifetime. And I strongly believe that it’s going to revolutionise our culture in terms of fathers being more strongly involved in the parenting processes. Technically cis men also carry their children 😊
I had my top surgery in a clinic where they also offer a sort of two-in-one surgery containing both top surgery and hysto. I booked the combination because I was at that time unaware of the consequences of a hysto. I don't exactly regret doing it, since the chances of my actually carrying a child in the future would have been close to 0%, but it took me quite some time to get over the fact that carry some of my DNA. I would love to adopt or foster but yeah, it's definitely a source of dysphoria to me. (Side note: A lot of the guys at the clinic who only want top surgery without the hysto get questioned, as if it's just another random thing to just do as a transguy.)
Im a Pre-T trans man and really want to have my own kids. I wouldn't be opposed to carrying my own children too. I plan to do it before I transition. I plan to socially transition first.
I know exactly what you mean... I've just had my 2nd Appointment at the GIC and they asked me about having kids. I said that I've always wanted to adopt but it would be nice to have a biological child. Sometimes my fiance says not to worry because she can have kids but then they are hers and I feel like they will be mine... But not mine :/ I don't know. It's difficult.
What are your thoughts about recent sciencey fertility stuff where they produce sperm/eggs/whatever with skin cells or bone marrow or other tissue? Obvs the tech is a bit of a way off but things are advancing and means people who get hystos/end up otherwise sterile for whatever reason could be able to have bio kids sometime in the future. IDK i just havent much about it in this kind of discussion and could be nice to know that there are ways around it even if its 5000 extra hoops to jump through
I'm sort of the opposite of you. I want a hysto as soon as possible. I can't bear the thought of menstruation and gynecological exams. I plan to keep my ovaries though so that I am not dependent on hormone replacement (I'm worried about my future finances and insurance). I know that makes it much harder to detect ovarian cancer, but I don't have a family history, and I've had the HPV vaccine that guards against it.
I feel the same! I really don't want a hysto as I want to know the option of having bio kids is there. The idea of being infertile at 23 is also really upsetting to me.
Hey, I get definitely get that. I'm trans ftm, and people will talk to me about surgeries and I don't really want to have it for the same reasons you do. Just like not being able to have biological kids is one of the biggest things. Its just a thought I've had before, and I wanted to let you know you're not alone! Lots of love.
I wanted kids. So I had them pretty young, before deciding to come out. I carried, and got pretty bad depression each time. It was worth it, although makes life harder in some regards.
Plenty of cisgender men can’t have children either. Imagine how they feel. My aunt and uncle have been trying to have kids ever since they got married (20+ years ago), and now the doctors are saying there might be no hope. Adoption is so great, especially for people who can’t biologically reproduce. There are so many children starving for the love of parents. I’m gathering as much information as I can about the pros and cons of a hysterectomy for myself, which is why I watched your video, and I think you make a very valid point. I’ll take your thoughts into consideration. I’m only 25 so I still have a lot of time to think on it.
im having partial. hysto. for fibroids. keeping ovaries and cervix. i am trans male and heterosexual so for me the uterus is useless and strictly what is causing the dysphoria and pain obv periods etc. i dont care for kids or wnat them. not in my nature. i already had top surgery too, everyones transition and journey is different. thats the cool part. you do you and just be happy . if you dont want hysto then thats good for you. i also never took T because my voice was already deep and always passed as a teen so never felt i needed it.
I actually feel almost the opposite. I have been saying for the longest time I do not want any biological kids. For a long time I didn't want any kids, but recently I've thought that adoption might be my best bet. Like, adopting an older kid or something (I cannot deal with young kids around 5 and under for more than 5 minutes)
I agree. Honestly I wouldn't get a hysto if I didn't have endometriosis because it causes me so much pain and I found out that I am also infertile. It really bothers me that I cant have biological children. Not being able to produce sperm makes me want to jump off a roof. I feel like it really displeases the women and men that I am with. For some reason even though I mainly date cis men, but the thought of not being impregnate someone makes me the most dysphoric out of anything
I can relate in a way. I want to get a hysto because I am very dysphoric about being able to grow a human inside me. but I am still sad that I will never be able to have my own biological children and I don't even plan on having kids rn.
So....if they made it so eggs could be made into sperm (I'm pretty sure they're studying it) and you could afford/were given means to store the eggs until you(+partner if you wish) were ready (anyone that feels similar to Aaron can reply obviously) would that make a difference in choosing to not have surgery? Just curious because I want to understand more about these issues. Thanks :)
Your not alone my dude, i just feel the same way about the topic of having a person who wants kids and has a uterus and not being able to get them pregnant myself, it makes me feel bad that im not able to do that and this person has to get a sperm donor and im just like ouch okay my soul
Hi, Aaron. I go through boughts of similar feelings. I want bio kids that my partner and I could both be the bio parents of. And sometimes it gets me really down that we can't do that. Plus, there is no garuntee that I have any level of fertility due to PCOS.
I've heard that you can use bone marrow as a "sperm replacement"? Maybe that's a myth. Also, they are working on getting two eggs to produce a child. So in a few years (and maybe now? Idk) you'll have options for bio kids with a partner who wants to carry. Although I imagine it'll be hella expensive.
Pretty sure that's a myth currently. They've been able to make eggs out of female (referring to sex) somatic cells but it hasn't been fruitful. I believe one day it will happen but as far as I'm aware it isnt currently possible.
I don't remember if you have said what exactly that has changed that is now recommended for you to get a hysto, if its something to do with your cervix or uterus could it be possible for you to not have the oophorectomy and keep them 'just in case' if your ovaries are not abnormal?
Your feelings are totally acceptable and you shouldn't feel crappy or weird about! I birthed two children before I came out as trans so I'm in a different boat, but I bet I'd feel the same way as you if I didn't already have my kids. I'm done with my uterus and don't want that damn thing at all!!! BUT that's not where you are in your journey and no one should take your feelings away from you! That desire to have a bio child isn't only a "female" thing. You're plenty "man" enough. You're a guy and that's that. You don't want to be sterile and that's totally understandable :)
I'm a cis woman, demisexual, so I dont know what it feels like necessarily to be in your position, but I can identify with the feelings of not wanting someone else's dna to be mixing with your partners. Maybe for different reasons, Idk, but a few years ago my BF was going to be a sperm donor and while I think thats a beautiful thing- I should preface by saying that I have fertility issues and I'm only 21. The likelyhood of me getting pregnant is very slim and ive had to battle with wanting to remove my ovaries (but in Wyoming\the US they wont do that if theres still and chanve of you bearing kids). ANYWAYS, when he sprung that on me I freakes out! And still to this day I could not handle the feeling of my partner mixing their genes with anyone else. Idk why... But it just bothers me. Anyways, just wanted to say thank you for putting out your perspective for EVERYONE who might be able to identify with your struggles and feslings
When I was younger this was something that was a big deal to me. I used to really want kids (even though the process terrified me) which, for better or worse, isn't as important to me anymore. That said, it still bothers me some as well (i.e. I haven't had hysto, not sure how I feel about it). As it stands now, I'm just hoping science starts winning real good in the next 10 - 15 years, and we get to the point where I could have sperm genetically engineered based on my body and have a kid with that if I want to go down that route (that kind of stuff isn't an ethical issue to me). I know the technology isn't far off, though I'm still worried there won't be enough interest in the scientific/medical community in helping trans people have kids. Maybe I should change majors and do some research.
I don't want kids but if I had to get a hysto I would still be sad because there's not that option and I'm smart enough to know that even though I don't want kids now I may want them later. I get it.
Personally? No. But my situation is different. Because I have a uterus, and I never plan on ever going on t, and it turns traitor once a month, and I'm not interested in carrying a pregnancy anyway? Nah. Not a fan of just removing the uterus, but being sterile itself? Honestly I wish I'd been born sterile sometimes. It would make things easier. But anyway! You're right, you're young (but like older than me that was weird) and if you don't want to get rid of that path to parenthood yet you're entitled to feeling shitty about it! Kinda sucks nobody can connect "cis woman losing her fertility" with "trans man losing his fertility and also furthering your impression of his transition". I feel you, dude.
I’m also certain I don’t want to carry kids, but I also definitely want to be the biological parent of my future children. There’s research going on with making a baby invitro with the egg of the mother and the genetic material of the second parent, but that would be years off. They’re just in the mouse trials now, but I’m hoping they get somewhere in the next 50 years!
About the feeling of crippling dysphoria when imagining your partner to get impregnated by a cis man: I share that feeling, for me it is so strong that when I am in a relationship, it consumes me. I do feel like I am ''man enough'' but as soon as it comes to sex and pregnancy I feel absolutely worthless and not good enough. The fact that I can't do something that both I and my partner want and therefore my partner will do it with somebody else because I'm unable to provide makes me feel like I want to die. I can't carry any kids anymore because I had to have a hysto for transitional reasons (I wouldn't have been able to get top surgery in Germany if I wasn't sterile) and I brashly said 'Yeah that's fine, whatever.' Turned out, it wasn't fine. I know that I didn't have much of a choice back then because I needed that topsurgery so bad, but being in a dead end road now is painful and I will have to deal with it for the rest of my life, so will by future partner/s.
Hey Aaron, I had a hysterectomy already..Im actually 1 year post opt. And I never thought about the stuff you said in this video...I mean never pictured myself being pregnant (its a very disturbing image for me) and I guess the way I see it is...if I cant provide the sperm then I dont want to be part of making a baby. Ive always just thought of adopting children..but if my wife DOES want to experience being pregnant and giving birth...I dont see finding a sperm donor as a problem...I mean its not like hes going to actually sleep with her..
Well, /now/ I'm starting to feel this way lol, I'd never even thought about that, especially that perspective of another man impregnating your partner... Like, it's fine if it's kids that aren't biological for either of us, there's no problem there. If it's biological for my partner but they already had the kid when I started dating them, that's fine too. But pregnant while I'm together with them? Yikes, I did not expect that to hit hard
The idea or just thought of me myself being pregnant fucks with me so damn bad. I dont know if i myself would get a hysterectomy though still more because i dont know what medical repercussions it might cause me. No seahorseing for me
For me, I definitely want to have bottom surgery and have no interest in having children but it scares me that if I have a hysto I have to always take T. Why this worries me is not because of de-transitioning but because what if there's a shortage? What if I move somewhere and it takes a while to get my T in or something? I'm kinda scared about the hormones thing tbh.
the issue with feeling petty/uncomfortable with another person impregnating your partner is an issue for trans and cis people. A lot of cis guys feel extremely uncomfortable and unhappy if they can't provide sperm for their partner so maybe you could check out forums usually used by cis guys about this topic and see how they cope/get through this issue and accept the fact someone else has to be the one to provide the sperm ?? Either way you've talked about a really important topic again so thanks for sharing! Hope you're feeling okay
Patricia Fluegel I only used petty because he did. I don't think it's petty at all, I think it's a very valid issue but I understand where the confusion comes from and I apologize
Personally, ever since I have memory I've NEVER wanted to have kids in that way. The very thought terrorizes me. If I ever manage to stand kids (another thing I can't do) and want children I'm already sure that I'd adopt. Hysterectomy to me is more of a relief and something that would lessen my dysphoria.
But I can understand why you don't want hysterectomy and it's fine.
Aaron, you are defiantly NOT alone on this. I feel the same ways you do. I hate for ppl to tell me, well this would be better for you cos it was for me. We have to do us. Be us. You do what feels right for you.
male seahorses have babies why should it be any different with people
Even though I've never wanted children- biological or otherwise- I do feel slightly sad at the idea of that option being taken away from me. Knowing that I do have that option, even though I am 100% certain I will never use it, provides a certain comfort, but once that options gone, its gone.
So many people don't get how fucked up it is that we are expected to be sterilized. I want to carry my kids after being on T for a couple years (and then of course coming off) and like I'm so terrified of telling my doctor/therapist about it because I'm worried they won't think I'm "trans enough" or some bullshit and will stop prescribing me T. Like this is how my body is able to have kids and I don't get dysphoric from the thought of using it in that way, so why wouldn't I?
(I 300% get why people would be dysphoric/uncomfortable with carrying. Obviously, I'm not saying that people should carry because they have the ability to)
I do not remotely understand or relate to this (don't want kids, will likely have hysto) but I 100% respect you or anyone else doing with their bodies whatever they want. Your reproductive organs and rights belong to you and this makes you no less of a man!
One thing that makes me extremely dysphoric about the whole biological kids bit is that when I'm older my future partner and I can never accidentally conceive. I guess you could say most kids are accidents and most of the time it's a pleasant surprise, and just knowing I'll never be able to have that is rough. Also knowing that we can never really go through the very special process of trying for a baby like cisgender couples do is troubling too. Instead of just simply getting in bed and having sex we would have to go through all these expensive hoops like looking for a kid to adopt or finding a donor... I always thought I would like my future partner to carry a child but now that I've heard you break it down ("some guy's sperm being in them")... that does rub me the wrong way as well hahaha. What really bothers me deep down more than all of those things though is that no matter how I have my kids in the future, they'll never biologically be mine. It's a depressing thought.
Definitely not alone in this. I have always been extremely dysphoric about the mere thought of pregnancy. Yet I am somehow also really attached to the fact I *could* produce life if I wanted to. Luckily for me I don't want kids, but I've thought about this stuff plenty.
I'm non binary and I carried my child. I didn't know at the time that I was nb, but I'm so frustrated when people situate carrying a child as inherently feminine. Much love, your perspective is so valid.
Hello 🌱 I'm glad you brought up this conversation 😊 unfortunately I had to have a hysto & ovary removal from PCOS. I also have thought I would adopt if I wanted kids, there are way too many who need good, loving homes! I have some pretty nasty genetics that I don't want to pass to a kid, so I am OK with my hysto. It was NOT forced on me, I actually begged for it due to all the pain that it caused me. Bless you Aaron, you do what's good for YOU! AND, there are ways to splice eggs together these days, you might be able to have a bio kid with someone either way, genetics have come a long way from "sperm & egg only" options ☺
I feel the exact same way. It was actually one of the first things i thought about when coming out as trans. I just want to be able to have my own kid and see a bit of myself in the eyes of my child. It hurts..
I sort of want to freeze some eggs just in case, but I refuse to A) put off going on T any longer than I have to, B) go on oestrogen in order to make more eggs, or C) go through the intrusive process of harvesting the eggs.
So I guess I'm not going to be able to do it. I just really hope that I don't end up regretting not having any of my own genetic material when I get to an age when I might want to have kids :-/
this is 3 years old but i've been on T for over 5 years and just recently had my eggs frozen. totally worth it, it only takes a few months break, and you've got them for life!! T will NOT diminish your egg count. my egg count was above average for both cis females and ftms! lol the nurses were impressed, apparently most of the office knew who i was by the end of it all cause i was "the talk of the town" haha
Just want to say you look very handsome okbye
I feel the exact same way. It breaks my heart; I've always wanted to be a dad who had biological children. not to say that fostering or adoption is not an option, or that it's not as "real", it would just be nice to have an option that isn't super expensive and/or super dysphoric. so I feel you
I'm infertile because of a birth defect and even though bio kids, or any kids, where never part of my plans for the future it feels weird sometimes. Our situations are very different, I know that, I just want to share that it's not bad or strange to feel that way about being/becoming sterile. Personally, I feel bad because I'm an only child and my parents won't be having grand kids because of me. It stings. I hope you find a fitting solution and mindset dude. Good luck, you're never alone!
I feel you man. I was going to get my eggs frozen before I start T but there's no way my parents or me could afford it and the thought of not having a choice if I want to have kids in the future is awful
It's possible you can still have kids even being on T.
I’m a trans man who doesn’t want to be impregnated because I’d much rather be the one impregnating. A lot of people hear this and think we all think this way, or have the same levels of dysphoria. The main thing that bugs me about the thought of ever getting pregnant is going off T for 9 months with estrogen redominating and finishing my initial puberty. I started T at 18, and only this year have I started to feel like the war in my body is over. With that, my beard is finally filling in where it resisted for years. The female genetic code in my family codes for enlarged hips, breasts and areolas and I was fortunate to start T before it could hinder me from ever passing, like some dudes.
You can get bottom surgery without a hysterectomy. And kaiser, at least, may tell you you shouldn’t get a FULL hysto to protect your bones. You could always freeze your ovaries, and have them transplanted into your partner or have the embryo/egg cell implanted into your partner. I know it sucks, dude, but with good insurance the process shouldn’t cost much. Eggs, ovaries and embryos can be frozen well over a decade, from what I’ve heard.
God, I think about this all the time. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks of this because I want hysto, but not the inability to do certain things with people.
I talked about this with my girlfriend, and it made me feel bad because it sounds like she'd want to carry a child instead of adopt, so I suggested getting genetic material from a cis guy in my family so it'd be related to me. It's still another guy's sperm though , which makes me feel dysphoric and also sorry for my girlfriend because she's dating me, a trans man, and she has to deal with that, too.
I hope science finds a way to make trans men impregnating someone with a uterus possible later on, though.
Im nb and my boyfriend is ftm trans. I want to carry kids but my boyfriend agressivly doesn't want to have a kid and has told me that if I had one he would want me to have an abortion. And that really hurts. Idk but I feel you I have bottom dysphoria and idk what I would do if I had to sterilize myself. I couldn't handle that
Francine Smith no I love him and he loves me also we're like really young so maybe as we get older we'll change or....move on. But he is amazing and this is one of the only things we agressivly disagree on but thank you for your input :3
Drew McAuliff that sounds manipulative on yur partners side pal!
Hey Aaron, it's good to have you back and throwing out great videos so often now! I really appreciate these topics as well.
Right on the feels! I kinda feel the same way man, the thought of not having a kid that shares my genetics really fucks with me to!
This is basically what you and I were talking about in Vermont and it’s completely valid to feel that way and it’s not talked about enough
I understand how you feel. In my case, honestly I don't want kids at all. I want to be sterile. But I have met a few transguys that don't want to have a hysterectomy. I can assure you that you are not alone. You do you.
You put my exact thoughts into words, and it also pisses me off when people say that I'm abnormal or "not trans then" for not wanting a hysto or wanting to keep my fertility. I know I don't really want kids and if I do I can adopt but the ability to have a child is my right as a human being and i know myself enough that if I got a hysto I would me emotionally traumatized from the thought of having that ability, that right, ripped away from me. I keep continuously being asked by my family if I'm going to get a hysto and I honestly tell them to fuck off or it's really none of their business or that that's my decision if/when I ever even want to have kids.
I love that you've been making more videos! I know it's hard for you sometimes but they brighten my day so much!
i feel this SO HARD! being a "mother" has always been something i wanted so deeply, and while realizing im trans was an amazing moment, it was also heartbreaking to realize that some of the things i wanted, while still possible, were going to be much more complicated now. it really through my whole future for a loop, and im still trying to put the pieces back together.
Aaron you so passionate. Aaron you so awesome. Aaron I love that you’re uploading content regularly
I understand your perspective. It's not that you necessarily WANT to utilize those parts, but you don't want the ability stripped away from you. You want the agency over your own body to say if/when you want certain things removed. It makes a lot of sense, even if the thought of explaining it is overwhelming.
Oh thank god someone said it. I feel the same way. Like I just saw a couple announcing they're having a baby yesterday and ofc I was happy for em but I also got sad because I know I will never ever experience it like that. Like I already feel robbed of that experience because I'll never have sperm of own so how can people expect me to get a Hysterectomy, taking away the last straw basically to have biological kids at all. Like when I get sad I think okay at least in case I end up w a partner who can produce sperm, I can get a surrogate mother to carry a baby made from my eggs and my partners sperm so it'll still be a baby from the two of us. So that's why I don't want a Hysterectomy. You described it so well, like the thought of literally being sterile is absolutely traumatic, at least to some people like me so I'm glad you talked about it. I also think it's important that it was mentioned that trans men can carry babies too, it's not an option for me though because I'm hella dysphoric.
Aaron I'm so proud of you for your decision for not wanting to have hysterectomy.
I feel the same exact way! I carry a lot of guilt because my siblings are adopted, but my parents silently really want me to have bio kids. Also, I want to avoid surgery down time. I'm over a year post top surgery and I'm still getting over the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.
Thank you for making this video. I've been on T for a year and 9 months and everyone is trying to push me into a hysto. I don't want one. First for me carrying a child isn't completely off the table but I don't know, also I just want my organs to stay in place inside my body. But I feel like people want to force this surgery more often than top surgery. And you're not alone in the dysphoria for bio kids. I've done a lot of crying over this and that's why I won't get a hysto. Sending love your way ❤
Yes! The act of carrying a child is such a beautiful thing that I have never attached it to being female. It's the literal creation of life. And the two reasons I am alright with never wanting to have a child is the nauseous feeling pregnant people go through and how I would rather adopt all of my children.
I completely understand the fear of being sterile and some people just don't get that. Personally I find having a uterus is a threat to my own safety, so I want I gone I don't even consider it a part of my body. Btw, love you, your such an inspiration. :-)
i am so glad you are doing videos again. take care.
Thank you so much for making this video. It helped me a lot to hear someone talk about this as I feel the same way. It's always been on my mind and it's a lot to deal with. I completely understand all of your opinions regarding this. You are an amazing person. I've watched all of your videos and they have been a huge help for my transition. Thank you once again. -Noah-
No idea why my name got crossed out! Didn't mean for that to happen!
im a trans guy 2, i wonder how i would feel about my hysto if i didnt already know i cant carry a kid- i have been diagnosed with endometriosis for awhile & while that doesnt mean i cant get pregnant- ive been told it will likely be much harder for me and i wouldnt mentally be able to handle fertility treatment. i have the same feeling about sperm donation because i also deeply want that experience of being able to impregnate a woman i care about with my own sperm. i will be getting my hysto & endo removal surgery in a year so that i wont need to be on hormone blockers indefinitely to prevent severe pelvic pain. i dont feel upset about the surgery because i wont be losing anything- i already cant have kids. its understandable that you feel upset aaron because for you a hysto would be letting go of the possibility of biological kids.
I remember learning about early menopause as a ten year old and then wished every day that it would happen to me. But I can totally understand why people don't want to be sterile and why bottom surgery and hysterectomies and not being ready for it. Don't think you're alone out there. I've met so many other trans people that feel pressured to get bottom surgery and hysterectomies and really don't want to because they want to have bio kids or to pass their genetic material to someone.
I’m a 23 year old cis female & want my tubes tied. Always have. (11+ years) Hysto requires supplemental hormones & I’d like to avoid that if possible. I get the same surprise and opposite responses from doctors and therapists. The response of, “are you sure?” And, “you’re so young! Don’t you want a family?!” It sounds like just another way of gatekeeping.
I hear you man. It's terrifying. I can't have kids anyway (medical stuff from when I was a kid) and when I identified as female, friends and teachers would be horrified. Everyone tiptoed around it. Once I came out as trans, most closest friends would even say "How lucky are you!" And it's like, I'm still upset about, it's still something that makes me really sad, but now that "it was gonna happen anyway" nobody cares but me.
I don’t feel that way but one thing I learned from my experience growing up and how certain expectations put on me felt is that I don’t think anyone should be made to feel judged or wrong for any way they feel because we are all different. ‘Normal’ is just a word to justify someone wanting everyone to fit in their personal idea of how the world should work.
I can totally understand how you must feel. It makes sense. Plenty of people feel strongly about being able to pass on their genetic material and have a child who is their flesh and blood, and there is nothing about being trans that would change if you are one of those people. Also a lot of men feel ‘less of a man’ if they can’t father child. Again, being trans doesn’t make feeling that way any less valid than it is for men who have other reasons for not being able to father a child. I’m sorry so many people don’t seem to be capable of understanding that.
ever since I was young I've not liked kids and I've dreamed of having my uterus removed. but recently, I've been having these weird feelings. like wanting to father a child? but I can't see myself being pregnant. in my mind it's always me getting someone pregnant??
but it confuses me. I don't want kids, I would be a terrible father. I don't want to ever be pregnant. but does having these, fatherly feelings. mean I'm not ready or don't want a hysto?
I never wanted and at this point likely will never have children. I am ok with that. But it's crazy to me that people assume that you would want a hysterectomy and even expect you to have it. For cis women that don't want children to be sterilized profilactily they need to jump through a bunch of hoops and are often denied the surgery even if they pay out of pocket, because the patriarchal system assumes we can't make these decisions for ourselves and will regret it. Even if there are valid reasons for it like medical or genetic problems. But it seems like for trans men and developmentally disabled people it's super "easy" to get it done, not cool for either group.
TW anatomical terms:
First off, I am a stealth trans guy 4 years on T. I felt this way before I got my hysterectomy, so my surgeon let me keep one of my ovaries. Got everything besides 1 ovary removed. The surgeon advised me that egg extraction will be an option for me in the future if it is something I want (I am also planning on getting lower surgery within the next few years). I'll get a scan every couple years to make sure it stays healthy (but T doesn't cause ovarian problems and 90% of ovarian cancer originates in the fallopian tubes anyways). Also, I live in California, USA. Just thought I would float this option, because some surgeons do offer it (at least where I live).
Bone marrow is considered "genetic material" now . Like i don't know much about it so idk about how it would work with trans guys but lesbian couples don't need a sperm donor cause they can use bone marrow in a lab (its obviously going to be expensive) and make a baby that way. Its really new science and stuff so idk but it is a successful thing so idk that's a thing that could work in the future.
I'm cishet womn, so I can't say I feel the same, but I understand what you're trying to say and I think it's absolutely valid to feel that way.
We all support and love you. Thank you for sharing this. ❤️
Thanks for sharing and being honest. I'm 36, so bring on the Hysto for this old fart! ;) lol. But, good for you and to each their own!!! Glad to see you making videos more regularly Aaron. I listen to you and Chase on the audio podcast each week on my commute to work. Thanks for talking INTO the mic more so I can hear you. Have a good weekend!
Yo, bro! I feel the same about the biological kids. I really don't what kids, like at all, BUT I'm only 1 1/2 years older than you and I don't really know how I feel about being steril, like... I with I could just exchange my party with a transwoman's parts, she would be happy, I would be happy. But we all sadly know that this is just a dream. And you are so right about how everyone thinks you want to have a hysto, because, well... you are a man, right? But... the thing is, I for myself am really torn about this. One doctor says, it might be good to get one (especially since I have PCOS) but he also says that this should be really given a thought, because it is traumatic for the body and mind to handle it. I'm lost, at what to do... I don't even know if I want pahllo...
I had to have a hysto 7 years ago age 35 because I had cancer! Although I hadn't come out as trans then, I knew I was male. It really upset me that the decision had been taken out of my hands, for no reason of my own. It saved my life! But left me not able to have children. I had no hormones in my system after that until I started T 2 months ago!
Thank you so much for making this video. I feel exactly the same way about both parts of this video. I best relate to the second half currently because my partner talks a lot about wanting to carry her own baby one day and it's not just the hit to the ego with not being able to produce sperm that hurts me, but more the petty side of her getting to have her DNA involved in our child, but I don't. She's happy to adopt and I've always wanted to do that as well, but I wonder if deep down I want that in small part because that way, neither of us gets to share our genetic information with the child.
Ty for talking about this. I'm sure you're not the only guy who struggles with this. I guess I would say if you need it done for medical reasons because having it is causing health problems then yes have it done but for any other reason do what u feel is best for you, in this regard only you know what's best for you
I feel the exact same way. You're definitely not alone!
notification squad yeet
I can relate to feeling uncomfortable with having someone else's semen in my girlfriends belly. It really messes with my head when I think about that.
thank you for this vid hunty, I wish I could have one done but I can't because of some of my pre-existing medical issues. I feel for you (not in not having my own kids aspect, never wanted any 0 x),but rather that people believe I'm not "man enough" when people find out I cant have bottom surgery, hell people have said I'm not trans enough also because I CANT have bottom surgery literally wtf(even if I explain to them it would kill me they still give me that side eye look saying "mhm" _-_) well anyways thank you dad sprout for talking about this subject
Off topic but you have a nice cap on your head, man. Thanks for sharing your feelings and making videos.
I cant really empathize too well because I don't want kids, but if I do I want to adopt because there are so many kids out there that needs a home
If deep down you don’t feel , then disregard the toxic masculinity. Seeing a man carry a child is one of the most beautiful things I’ll ever see in my lifetime. And I strongly believe that it’s going to revolutionise our culture in terms of fathers being more strongly involved in the parenting processes. Technically cis men also carry their children 😊
I had my top surgery in a clinic where they also offer a sort of two-in-one surgery containing both top surgery and hysto. I booked the combination because I was at that time unaware of the consequences of a hysto. I don't exactly regret doing it, since the chances of my actually carrying a child in the future would have been close to 0%, but it took me quite some time to get over the fact that carry some of my DNA. I would love to adopt or foster but yeah, it's definitely a source of dysphoria to me. (Side note: A lot of the guys at the clinic who only want top surgery without the hysto get questioned, as if it's just another random thing to just do as a transguy.)
Especially the "HAVING to take hormones" gets me i also dont want to quit T. ever. But idk..
Im a Pre-T trans man and really want to have my own kids. I wouldn't be opposed to carrying my own children too. I plan to do it before I transition. I plan to socially transition first.
You are sooooooo NOT alone!!!!
I know exactly what you mean... I've just had my 2nd Appointment at the GIC and they asked me about having kids. I said that I've always wanted to adopt but it would be nice to have a biological child. Sometimes my fiance says not to worry because she can have kids but then they are hers and I feel like they will be mine... But not mine :/ I don't know. It's difficult.
What are your thoughts about recent sciencey fertility stuff where they produce sperm/eggs/whatever with skin cells or bone marrow or other tissue? Obvs the tech is a bit of a way off but things are advancing and means people who get hystos/end up otherwise sterile for whatever reason could be able to have bio kids sometime in the future. IDK i just havent much about it in this kind of discussion and could be nice to know that there are ways around it even if its 5000 extra hoops to jump through
I'm sort of the opposite of you. I want a hysto as soon as possible. I can't bear the thought of menstruation and gynecological exams. I plan to keep my ovaries though so that I am not dependent on hormone replacement (I'm worried about my future finances and insurance). I know that makes it much harder to detect ovarian cancer, but I don't have a family history, and I've had the HPV vaccine that guards against it.
I feel the same! I really don't want a hysto as I want to know the option of having bio kids is there. The idea of being infertile at 23 is also really upsetting to me.
Hey, I get definitely get that. I'm trans ftm, and people will talk to me about surgeries and I don't really want to have it for the same reasons you do. Just like not being able to have biological kids is one of the biggest things. Its just a thought I've had before, and I wanted to let you know you're not alone! Lots of love.
I wanted kids. So I had them pretty young, before deciding to come out. I carried, and got pretty bad depression each time. It was worth it, although makes life harder in some regards.
Right there with you, on everything. 100% agree.
You´re not alone!
Plenty of cisgender men can’t have children either. Imagine how they feel. My aunt and uncle have been trying to have kids ever since they got married (20+ years ago), and now the doctors are saying there might be no hope. Adoption is so great, especially for people who can’t biologically reproduce. There are so many children starving for the love of parents. I’m gathering as much information as I can about the pros and cons of a hysterectomy for myself, which is why I watched your video, and I think you make a very valid point. I’ll take your thoughts into consideration. I’m only 25 so I still have a lot of time to think on it.
im having partial. hysto. for fibroids. keeping ovaries and cervix. i am trans male and heterosexual so for me the uterus is useless and strictly what is causing the dysphoria and pain obv periods etc. i dont care for kids or wnat them. not in my nature. i already had top surgery too, everyones transition and journey is different. thats the cool part. you do you and just be happy . if you dont want hysto then thats good for you.
i also never took T because my voice was already deep and always passed as a teen so never felt i needed it.
I actually feel almost the opposite. I have been saying for the longest time I do not want any biological kids. For a long time I didn't want any kids, but recently I've thought that adoption might be my best bet. Like, adopting an older kid or something (I cannot deal with young kids around 5 and under for more than 5 minutes)
I agree. Honestly I wouldn't get a hysto if I didn't have endometriosis because it causes me so much pain and I found out that I am also infertile. It really bothers me that I cant have biological children. Not being able to produce sperm makes me want to jump off a roof. I feel like it really displeases the women and men that I am with. For some reason even though I mainly date cis men, but the thought of not being impregnate someone makes me the most dysphoric out of anything
I can relate in a way. I want to get a hysto because I am very dysphoric about being able to grow a human inside me. but I am still sad that I will never be able to have my own biological children and I don't even plan on having kids rn.
So....if they made it so eggs could be made into sperm (I'm pretty sure they're studying it) and you could afford/were given means to store the eggs until you(+partner if you wish) were ready (anyone that feels similar to Aaron can reply obviously) would that make a difference in choosing to not have surgery? Just curious because I want to understand more about these issues. Thanks :)
Your not alone my dude, i just feel the same way about the topic of having a person who wants kids and has a uterus and not being able to get them pregnant myself, it makes me feel bad that im not able to do that and this person has to get a sperm donor and im just like ouch okay my soul
My solution whas to anonymously donate eggs to childless couple's. Not an easy process to go through but it gives me peace of mind.
Hi, Aaron. I go through boughts of similar feelings. I want bio kids that my partner and I could both be the bio parents of. And sometimes it gets me really down that we can't do that. Plus, there is no garuntee that I have any level of fertility due to PCOS.
Ayyyyeee, you're rocking that facial hair!
I've heard that you can use bone marrow as a "sperm replacement"? Maybe that's a myth. Also, they are working on getting two eggs to produce a child. So in a few years (and maybe now? Idk) you'll have options for bio kids with a partner who wants to carry. Although I imagine it'll be hella expensive.
Pretty sure that's a myth currently. They've been able to make eggs out of female (referring to sex) somatic cells but it hasn't been fruitful. I believe one day it will happen but as far as I'm aware it isnt currently possible.
Hey the audio is all good now! Amazing video
I don't remember if you have said what exactly that has changed that is now recommended for you to get a hysto, if its something to do with your cervix or uterus could it be possible for you to not have the oophorectomy and keep them 'just in case' if your ovaries are not abnormal?
Your feelings are totally acceptable and you shouldn't feel crappy or weird about! I birthed two children before I came out as trans so I'm in a different boat, but I bet I'd feel the same way as you if I didn't already have my kids. I'm done with my uterus and don't want that damn thing at all!!! BUT that's not where you are in your journey and no one should take your feelings away from you! That desire to have a bio child isn't only a "female" thing. You're plenty "man" enough. You're a guy and that's that. You don't want to be sterile and that's totally understandable :)
I'm a cis woman, demisexual, so I dont know what it feels like necessarily to be in your position, but I can identify with the feelings of not wanting someone else's dna to be mixing with your partners. Maybe for different reasons, Idk, but a few years ago my BF was going to be a sperm donor and while I think thats a beautiful thing- I should preface by saying that I have fertility issues and I'm only 21. The likelyhood of me getting pregnant is very slim and ive had to battle with wanting to remove my ovaries (but in Wyoming\the US they wont do that if theres still and chanve of you bearing kids). ANYWAYS, when he sprung that on me I freakes out! And still to this day I could not handle the feeling of my partner mixing their genes with anyone else. Idk why... But it just bothers me. Anyways, just wanted to say thank you for putting out your perspective for EVERYONE who might be able to identify with your struggles and feslings
When I was younger this was something that was a big deal to me. I used to really want kids (even though the process terrified me) which, for better or worse, isn't as important to me anymore. That said, it still bothers me some as well (i.e. I haven't had hysto, not sure how I feel about it). As it stands now, I'm just hoping science starts winning real good in the next 10 - 15 years, and we get to the point where I could have sperm genetically engineered based on my body and have a kid with that if I want to go down that route (that kind of stuff isn't an ethical issue to me). I know the technology isn't far off, though I'm still worried there won't be enough interest in the scientific/medical community in helping trans people have kids. Maybe I should change majors and do some research.
I don't want kids but if I had to get a hysto I would still be sad because there's not that option and I'm smart enough to know that even though I don't want kids now I may want them later. I get it.
Personally? No. But my situation is different. Because I have a uterus, and I never plan on ever going on t, and it turns traitor once a month, and I'm not interested in carrying a pregnancy anyway? Nah. Not a fan of just removing the uterus, but being sterile itself? Honestly I wish I'd been born sterile sometimes. It would make things easier.
But anyway! You're right, you're young (but like older than me that was weird) and if you don't want to get rid of that path to parenthood yet you're entitled to feeling shitty about it! Kinda sucks nobody can connect "cis woman losing her fertility" with "trans man losing his fertility and also furthering your impression of his transition". I feel you, dude.
I’m also certain I don’t want to carry kids, but I also definitely want to be the biological parent of my future children. There’s research going on with making a baby invitro with the egg of the mother and the genetic material of the second parent, but that would be years off. They’re just in the mouse trials now, but I’m hoping they get somewhere in the next 50 years!
You do you Aaron.
About the feeling of crippling dysphoria when imagining your partner to get impregnated by a cis man:
I share that feeling, for me it is so strong that when I am in a relationship, it consumes me. I do feel like I am ''man enough'' but as soon as it comes to sex and pregnancy I feel absolutely worthless and not good enough. The fact that I can't do something that both I and my partner want and therefore my partner will do it with somebody else because I'm unable to provide makes me feel like I want to die. I can't carry any kids anymore because I had to have a hysto for transitional reasons (I wouldn't have been able to get top surgery in Germany if I wasn't sterile) and I brashly said 'Yeah that's fine, whatever.'
Turned out, it wasn't fine. I know that I didn't have much of a choice back then because I needed that topsurgery so bad, but being in a dead end road now is painful and I will have to deal with it for the rest of my life, so will by future partner/s.
Hey Aaron, I had a hysterectomy already..Im actually 1 year post opt. And I never thought about the stuff you said in this video...I mean never pictured myself being pregnant (its a very disturbing image for me) and I guess the way I see it is...if I cant provide the sperm then I dont want to be part of making a baby. Ive always just thought of adopting children..but if my wife DOES want to experience being pregnant and giving birth...I dont see finding a sperm donor as a problem...I mean its not like hes going to actually sleep with her..
I have had kids but if I haven’t yes I would feel like you Arron
Well, /now/ I'm starting to feel this way lol, I'd never even thought about that, especially that perspective of another man impregnating your partner... Like, it's fine if it's kids that aren't biological for either of us, there's no problem there. If it's biological for my partner but they already had the kid when I started dating them, that's fine too. But pregnant while I'm together with them? Yikes, I did not expect that to hit hard
I absolutely love your style/outfit
The idea or just thought of me myself being pregnant fucks with me so damn bad. I dont know if i myself would get a hysterectomy though still more because i dont know what medical repercussions it might cause me. No seahorseing for me
For me, I definitely want to have bottom surgery and have no interest in having children but it scares me that if I have a hysto I have to always take T. Why this worries me is not because of de-transitioning but because what if there's a shortage? What if I move somewhere and it takes a while to get my T in or something? I'm kinda scared about the hormones thing tbh.
I'm so happy you're back on RUclips omg yes❤️❤️❤️