Autism ended our relationship
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- Опубликовано: 17 окт 2024
- In this week's video, we talk about how Dylan's diagnosis of Autism affected our relationship and the many things we learned about ourselves and each other through this journey. Also, how we finally got back together!
We hope that this can help families out there in some way xx
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high functioning autism, autism and marriage breakdown, Aspergers marriage therapy, Aspergers spouse anxiety, codependency and autism, Aspergers feeling empty, Asperger partner, neurotypical and Aspergers, Asperger partner support group, dating a man with mild Aspergers, Aspergers attachment to mother, success stories Asperger's syndrome, parenting adults with autism, autism effects on relationships, autistic adults friendships, autism and marriage patterns,
My son has autism and he was nonverbal until about 4 yrs old and didn't get fully potty trained until 5yrs old.I sent him to therapy for speech and occupational therapy and it helped I cried and I prayed alot and now he is almost 8 and I cant get him to stop taking,its a all day long thing but I love it.Dont give up hope God works miracles and my son is living proof of that. He functions good with kids now but at first he wouldn't pay them any mind and wouldn't make eye contact but he is doing it now to God be the Glory.hang in there things will get better,take baby steps and enjoy the small moments.
This comment brought me to tears. God bless u
Thank you
You give me hope
@@donttrip2599 yes there is always hope. I developed a closer relationship with God in that time and spent many days crying and praying and asking for help and God showed up and showed out. Hang in there.
❤️🙇🏻♀️ Amén
My son was diagnosed at age 3. He is an Aspect and high functioning. The older my son became, the less the symptoms became due to early intervention. He is now 25 years old. He is living at home. He went to college for 2 years . He had a 3.4 average but could not handle the social aspect of college. He is currently learning to drive, we found a company that works with individuals that need extra help. He hopes to find a job. It has been a long hard journey. Blessings to all who have children that have different needs.❤
Hope he loves to drive !!
Beautiful 😍 gives me hope my son high function he is 5
Thank you for the hope you gave me. My husband and I just adopted my daughters son , now mine and we are just finding out that he has autism. He will be 3 in April, and I'm terrified. So thank you again.
@@tenanichols8021 interesting story, wish you the best
whatchumean he a aspect?
My son is now 24. He is severely autistic and is about 2 years old mentally. He will never be independent. He will never have a partner or children. His quality of life is practically nonexistent. He can't be alone for a minute. He has no interests or hobbies...no attention span. It us a nightmare to try to spend time with him because he has mania in addition to autism, so he can become aggressive. He spreads poop at night. What I'm trying to say is that it is incredibly hard. People without a child affected with severe autism can understand how hard this is.
My ex husband and I did divorce. He now has full custody of my son because I cannot physically manage him. Autism affects the ENTIRE family and most families don't survive it. I'm so impressed by this beautiful family. They are just so loving and dedicated. God bless you!
Heart breaking, there needs to be support for families. I don’t think most people are equipped to handle this. I’m so sorry your going through this.
Donna: My heart goes out to you! Your situation is so unique and people need to know the consequences of this level of autism.
Your story is important to know and while you might be sensitive about what happened, parents of autistic children need to know your story to be able to understand the possible dimensions of extreme autism.
God bless you and your family and know that understanding your story is important to know if you have an autistic child.
Unfortunately a lot of the wider society, even autistic people themselves, don’t often talk about or relate to or even recognise that there are severely autistic children or adults. All the best to you and your family
24 is a good age to do a relinquishment if your hubby needs to. I've worked in disabs all my life and was a coordinator so i used to manage people moving from home to care. Many people leave their child at a respite and disappear for a couple of months so the govt has to listen and get them a room. sad but true. (Australia) I have known one Mum to come back and get her child years later and they are happy at home now. You really need the help of proffs who have round the clock shifts. You need to go home at the end of the shift, not just keep going. Sorry for your ongoing grief. People who shot down how hard it is are very disappointing.
I'm sorry, I also suffer from autism and it stopped me being independent or having any kind of fulfilling life. Worst is that there are parents out there claiming that autism is "positive" and needs to be celebrated. Bull fucking shit.
I completely understand. I was like her. My wife was like him. I took it out on her because I saw it as unfit care to not address the autism and therapy. I made the mistake of putting my son above my wife. It's still a journey but we're together and love one another. My wife is now my priority and as she became more capable, my son received the benefits. I came to realize that my wife is my son's biggest supporter, caretaker, and champion and I have to be hers in order for her to fulfill those roles.
love this thank you for sharing x
That is a beautiful realization!
Keep up the good work both of you
Oh your comment made me cry , beautiful person you are.
God bless . Never give up
I used to wish so desperately to never get a child with a disability. Everyone around me acted like it is the worst thing that could ever happen to you. Today I know quite a lot of people with a disability. They certainly struggle with some things, but they can do other things, or do it in a different way. And most of them are happy. We tend to measure happiness with success, with wether or not you find a partner but my autistic aunt is very happy with making candles every day. Now I wish to have a happy child.
I started crying 10 seconds before Andrew started crying. I can't imagine what he was going through. I started teaching children with autism this year, and I have learned so much from your channel.
Amanda Ramaesela Thulisile Oh thank you for your sweet comment as I was so motional and hard to talk about x
What have you learned??
Autism parents here. We can feel every single word you guys said. We still disagree with each other on things but we are getting better on listening and understanding. The best thing we can give to our kids is “mommy and daddy love each other”.
How the human life can be so harsh, painful and difficult, but yet also so fragile, joyful and beautiful.
My ASD son is almost 29 years old and I still struggle with the situation, I'm still grieving the son that I dreamed of having. Don't get me wrong, I love my son and I'm very protective of him, I have given up on my own dreams and goals just to fully dedicate my life to him. But in some situations such as mine (with absolutely no support from anyone), a grieving heart will never, never heal. We learn to accept and embrace what has been given to us, but still, we are living a life we did not expect to live.
My boy is a bit younger but I can so relate and feel every word you wrote! Sad😢
I completely understand. I am autistic myself and hate it. I would be endlessly dissapointed, if my child was heavily autistic too.
Please don't mind my question. I'm a mother of autistic child too. I just wanted to ask if you have any therapy. Did it not work or something. I'm scared hence asking
My son was diagnosed with autism when he was 2.5 y.o., at the time 1995/96 there were no internet, so little resources. We made friends with the occupational therapist, psychologist, physiotherapist etc, got some photocopied reading materials, and got to work. We worked very hard everyday with earning a living and giving him all the support he needed. In short, he was able "recover" from a lot of the traits and long story short he graduated with a 2nd class honours degree in International Affairs and is working as a writer today. He is 27 this year. Everyday I keep my fingers crossed but so far we have allowed a lot of his own space. Today I have switched my own job from engineering to working with the special needs. The journey is very fulfilling.
KEPLER go easy - don’t judge - we’re all parents and we’re all learning together. Peace out ✌🏽
thank you for your reply. i have removed the last comment i dont want any judgemnt here its all about support and understanding here. x
Autism isn't a disease. Your child dosen' have to recover from anything.
@@shabnamrafique3638 Yea, they don't need to recover when they are level 2 or 3 ASD, meaning they need to live in a living facility for the rest of their lives so they don't die.
Mine also. At same age.
So raw, open and honest. What great parents!
thank you so much , wasnt easy to film . Andrew was not comfortable at all but i am pleased he did it so others can relate x
Coming Home to Autism
Wow he did remarkably well in this video for not being comfortable! Thank you guys for making this video. My 2 year old is autistic and it has been rough on our marriage at times. We're both still getting used to this new reality.
@@isabellehaythorne1426 BAM! There it is
@@isabellehaythorne1426 did you watch the video? The whole thing? It says autism didn’t break us up and in fact the video is titled that to show people this is not the case. It’s to try to educate that it’s not a diagnosis it’s the people . In fact dylan kept us together he made us better people .
@@JAPelicano1 you obviously didn’t watch the whole video did you? How we say categorically it was not the autism it was nothing in fact dylan, kept us together he has made us better people.
Myself and my wife as of today are about to spend the weekdays apart and swap at the weekends. By watching this video, this is exactly the same in our life. I have just recently been diagnosed with ADHD and have struggled the whole time with my boy who is an ASD. We have grown apart and I am struggling with this and then came Covid-19 , being in Melbourne/Au with all the lockdowns has broken me. I hopefully can pull through like you have and get my family back together. Really great video.
Struggling dad
Please hang in there 🙏🏽
🫂
I hope you managed well ❤
How did everything wind up?
I respect this family more than words can say! I wish more people could be more honest and selfless like these folks! I pray that they will be able to minister to many who aren’t able to process their feelings and struggles in detail they way these two have.
I'm a single mom of a 3 year old and I have no support and people don't understand how hard it is going it alone but I'm absolutely so proud of my child for how far he's come. Having someone, even if its a complete stranger, means a lot, thank you for understanding! Its wonderful to see such great co parenting.
I wish you had support. I note you wrote this 6 months ago, hope all is well.🧚♂️☘🇮🇪
@@finolaomurchu8217 no i dont have support. Thank you for your concern.
Hi how are u getting by ?
Oh my goodness!! I can relate with your story because I have felt exactly the way you both felt. I rejected the fact that my daughter had autism, I felt I was the only one that could look after her, I was ashamed to let people know I have a special needs child and that sent me to being depressed and actually felt like taking my life. Until I accepted my inadequacy and sought help, it was difficult to cope. It affected my relationship too and my husband left. I was called a witch that I was the one that put a spell on my child. It’s more difficult accepting autism withIn the black African community. I am now sharing my journey on RUclips channel just like you guys but trying to help remove the stigma within the African community and trying to help BAME members. Thank you guys.
Lady EstHer Jay thank you for sharing your story . I have heard it’s so hard if I can help in anyway please do let me know x
Coming Home to Autism I am just happy you’re sharing your experiences with us all and it feels to me we are all in it together. Thank you guys.
Bless you sister. I would like to follow you on RUclips because I support anyone who tries to remove the stigma
@@ladyestherjay may Gods favor always be upon you and your family.
@jennifer Auld amen. Thank you so much!
We were so close to separating, but we didn't. I thought my autistic twins did get us closer to each other as much as they drove us apart. We are Muslims and I was also angry even though i would hide it, It could have been easier if everyone was aware but i was judged alot and heard a lot as what I have to do to make thier autism go away. If my husband wasn't stronger than me in dealing with this and even protecting me from verbal attacks from people who wasn't autism aware i don't know what would i have done. I can say we are together because after God my husband kept us together at a time I was giving up. We are in a good place now.
I have three autistic kids. All of them are totally poles apart, youngest is non verbal. It has strained our marriage and lack of family support almost got us separated. Asian culture needs a great understanding to include special needs children/individuals within the society. I am so glad that many of us has stayed together and toggled along the beautiful challenge.
Autism isn't understood in our community due to lack of knowledge. We definitely need to educate those who dont know of or understand that autism exists
Alhamdulillah, keep going the more love and patience you show the more rewards you will get Insha ALLAH. Ignore these so called professionals and ignorant people; they don't have a clue. They've actually contributed to the ignorance and stigma around Autism.
My daughter was diagnosed with high-functioning autism (Asperger’s) when she was 8 years old. I always knew she was quirky, but it didn’t occur to me that anything was “off” because she’s really intelligent, artistic, and a straight A student. She struggles socially, though.
It’s very common that girls get left behind with the diagnosis because they can mask it! They struggle though and need support too. So I’m happy that you got your diagnosis that can help her understand also x
Same with my daughter.
She is now self diagnosed at age 45.
I am sad that I was not educated about autism when she was young.
I really struggle trying to figure out how to help her with social skills because she tells me she doesn’t want friends. I don’t want to force her to be someone she isn’t and I don’t want her to miss out on the joys of friendship and to spend her life in loneliness.
@@ComingHometoAutism Not to dismiss the female autism issue that is highly topical, and very important, but as a very late diagnosis male, I am an example how males who do not fit the stereotype, can also go under the radar. The issue is that the late issue of female diagnosis (usually late), isn't considered as a possible indicator of missed diagnosis at large.
I got diagnosed at age 2.
My 11 year old son is nonverbal. Haven't seen or heard from his father is 7 years. When my son was 4, his father told me that he wasn't going to come around or "help" anymore until my son was potty trained and talking. Better that he is gone. No one needs that shittines around them.
You are a brave woman gbu
@@peaceseeker3907 ❤️
what an amazing mum you are, your right no one needs negativity around them.big love to you x
@@ComingHometoAutism Thank you. You too ❤️☺️
My question to you, did he get vaccinated or a shot after born???
This is so honest. The rawness and vulnerability is so real and heavy but at the same time feels like huge weight lifted. Thank you all for doing this and being one hundred percent real and open. 🙏🙌💙
You're so welcome!
Being an ASD mom myself you have truly spoken to me and how I am feeling. Thank you for being so open and being so strong. Autism is hard but we consider our sons autism his super power. Takes soooo much work to quit being negative and blaming yourselves. We are still in the early stages but trying to stay happy and positive. Your videos are such a huge support for me. Thank you!!!
You are both admirable in your self-awareness, honesty, and humility. I think you provide a really valuable video for any couple facing big challenges. Thank you for posting and for sharing some of your hard work. This is beautifully done.
3 Years on and still getting comments. You guys have done a fantastic job bringing so much to light,. I am a father of a beautiful 3 year old girl with autism. Loving her quirkiness has never been an issue for me. The reason for that is because of my older brother who sadly passed 6 years ago. He had severe ADHD among many many other troubles in life. However, because I grew up with his quirkiness I was given the blessing of not feeling the need to fit in. He taught me so much about how to see past social pressures by being himself entirely. I took so much of that to heart and when my daughter came I knew my brother's sacrifice of having a tough life would not go to waste. I was able to put aside judgements with ease. I know it can be hard, but I truly think as soon as you can get rid of that box that we "should" all fit in, things get a lot easier and even enjoyable. Autism is simply another way to live. And in the words of Temple Grandin's mother, Eustacia Cutler, "different, not less".
You guys made me cry. Thank you thank you for being so honest and teach us about the power of love. Now I understand more my cousin who is a single mom with an Autistic child. Hugs and blessings for your family 🙏🙏❤️
Incredible vulnerability. These stories need to be heard. Thank you!
My son is 9,5. Almost 10. I was a single mom even married to his dad so we divorced when my son was 4. I guess I was in deniel for some years, we never really bonded, my son and I, bad birthing experiance, a bad relationship with dad lead to a bad relationship with my son. Only when he turned 5 I started to read books and hunt down the internet about autism and started to understand him better. Really excepting what he has is still a process I believe. I feel the loss some days still, when I see parents speaking to children who actually answere.. Haha It's such a normal thing for most parents, they take it for granted and play on their phones while their children are shouting to have a look mum, what I'm doing.. but for some it would mean the world to hear a "Mummy, look!" from the child..
He isn't potty trained. He still speaks in his own language. It's a good thing me and his loving stepdad understand the language cause I've been around. I wouldn't have a clue how anyone else will understand him in the future. I worry about him. He has a 2 month old sister now. I hope she'll have a good heart for her brother in the future and look out for him when we are gone.
I cried so hard watching this. What wonderful people these two are. Each so valid in their feelings. What a difficult situation. I have to admit this is why I have decided to not have children. I’m aware of my own weaknesses…I don’t think I could handle it. I’m so impressed by her ability to be strong for her family and see her own areas of growth. God bless this family ❤️🙏🏽
I can’t express how much I appreciate the rawness and full transparency of this video, I could imagine it wasn’t easy. It seems both my husband and I mirror your EXACT experiences which reminds us we are not alone. I am so happy to see you both growing strong and continuing to help each other through the hardships. I have now subscribed to your channel as you are the first RUclipsrs I have related to so deeply, so thank you both! 🙏🏾🧡
I am sending you so much love, from Sacramento, CA. As a father and husband , I cried throughout this whole video. Thank you for your videos.
I had a child with leukemia and my husband and I went through pretty much the same emotions as the two of you. We also had another child and it was very difficult. My husband and I never got back together because leukemia eventually got worse by the year. Drs had told us our son would live approximately 9 months and God was good because he was with us for 6 ys and 2 months. His father could not face the illness and felt that I had to be the the one taking care of the children and he was the provider, but I found that nobody was taking care of me. Being a good parent is very difficult when everyone in the family unit is healthy, so just as the two of you found out, it can be very trying when there is sickness in the mix. I hope i have not gone on too much about myself, but i admire the two of you for working this out so your family is together. I will keep your family in my prayers.
hey there thank you for sharing your story and your heart break. i am sending you so much love
❤️
Wow! You are so brave and so generous sharing this so openly. The courage to work it out to the point you can be so clear is awesome to. Thanks for the awesome channel.
Bless you for your story and raw honesty and bless every parent who gets up every single day to love and get through the next day.
Yes it can happen....my husband and I broken up twice.... he's 17 yrs now.... our son....has taught us.... to be humble......our family still together.....
I was also told I was a terrible parent. I actually got told to use a sticker chart, as if I had t tried everything before we got a diagnosis for our daughter. I am very blessed that my husband and I have survived this journey together. It is such a difficult road that there is no map for that I will never judge another situation. I applaud you for showing us your tears! I feel you in a deep way! God bless you all!
sending you a big hug x your amazing dont forget it x
You can't know how happy it made me to hear that you got back together and that it worked out for you! I am always deeply saddened when I hear that a couple has split for whatever reason when they have kids together and seeing you both in love again and being willing to work on yourselves and your relationship, knowing that your children will grow up in a home where they are loved and have stability in their relationship with their family, is so incredibly beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing your story.
I cried several times throughout the telling of this story. I'm so soooo happy that their story has a happy ending. I really like the raw honesty about the status of their relationship and that the 2 were able to recognize that time apart would be good for them and hopefully moving forward they would have the tools to prevent the path to resentment. I don't have a child with autism but this retelling of their family's story helped me get a better understanding and I can completely relate to particular issues discussed for example the constant bickering about who's life is harder and how it's easy to get stuck in that cycle. It's a good reminder to break that cycle by recognizing your spouses equally important role in the family.
Thank you so much x
When you talk about it you relive it and that’s where the emotion comes from.
Teewriter o man. Exactly. This is hard to listen to.
it is x
sending you a big hug x
@@ComingHometoAutism can you tell about How Dylan had started talking late??? Wasnt he not even babbling?? Some sounds babies make after one year old???
Thank you so much for this no filter, say it like it is! I had tears streaming down my face as I watched this. I am a primary caregiver to a 3 year old non-verbal autistic granddaughter and I am struggling. I am so angry she has it, questioning how she got it(as no one in the family has ASD), questioning did we do something wrong, angry with my daughter who had her at 18 years old. I’m in the thick of it right now and everything you guys went through in the early years I’m in right now. Saying all that, what I can say with every frustration, every tear shed at the end of the day she is a precious soul and I love her more than life it’s self. Thank you for making me feel not alone with my feelings as I walk through this journey. So happy your family is whole again. ❤️
oh love wish i could give you a big hug. .it will get easier x
Coming Home to Autism awww thank you. ❤️.
This video is very touching. I too got divorced and have a good friendship with my X. My son has Aspergers Syndrome which is a high functioning form of autism. He never had speech issues but would not look you in the eye for years. Answering questions was difficult for him and at one point I thought he might be deaf. I went to many doctors that refused to diagnose him and it took a complete stranger to say to me, “I think your son has Aspergers”. Once I researched this I found that many of the symptoms were right on. I also became an advocate for my son. One day I was dropping him off at school after a doctors appointment and I opened the door to his classroom to hear every student say, “Oh no not Miles!” That day I took him out of the traditional school and found a non-public school for special needs kids. His journey began and today he is 25, in college earning a degree in Automotive, on a bowling league and has several friends, including those of his brothers, mine and his dads. We’ve come a long way and appreciate you putting your personal experiences together on this issue of Autism. Thanks!
thank you for sharing your inspitaional story and thats great you still have a good friendship with you ex. Even if you cant make it work romatically being good co parents is all that a child needs.. xox
Balling!!Thankyou for sharing that very intimate conversation, I'm very sure it will inspire many parents to look at themselves and reevaluate there relationships, we should all be treating our spouses as our best friends,and team work makes the dream work when it comes to raising our children, especially with additional needs,we cant do it alone x
thank you , poor andrew felt very uncomfortable but we felt it was important also. oxox
Thank you so much for being so open and honest!
I am broken. I have two boys, both with adhd and the oldest autistic, my partner also has adhd, and this mom has reached her limit. I am a shell of a person that I once was. My relationship on the brink, my autistic son breaking me down with his behaviors and unwillingness to follow rules or directions, a younger son with a mood of either meltdown or chatting your ear off and a partner who just doesn’t get it. I don’t know how much more I can take. Been crying all day when I stumbled upon this gem.
I'm right here with you, 9 year old boy, sweet as pie, kind spirit, but it gets hard, God comfort you, please seek the resources necessary,
Just said a prayer for you. It's not easy, but depending on where you are, you can get many resources. Speech therapy, Occupational Therapy, Marriage counselling. Try taking a break, if that's an option for you. Take a long walk in a park, go to a friend's house and sleep for the day... breaks help me a lot
@@wanjanjoroge update: ended my relationship first week of May and let’s just say most of the behavioral problems I was having with my children were because of my now ex! Since he has been gone, peace has been restored to my house and my children’s behavior improved ten fold. He was an abusive man and my kids were acting out in response to that. I know how to talk to and interact with my kids in ways that get results and that man was screwing up everything I was doing to help my kids. I’m so happy now. Thank you for your prayers. It’s very much appreciated.
My heart is with you. Thank you both for sharing such a private moment. It truly shows what amazing Parents you are again at raw your emotions are!
This was my inaugural video into your story and autism journey. My wife shared it days after we received our son's initial assessment (the second, and thus confirmatory one, came a week later). It was timely -- that could have been part of our story. It was also a turning point in our marriage -- it help us tell each other, we want to help our son together.
This makes me so happy x
As a speech therapist, thank you so much for sharing your story. You are helping so many families know they are not alone in this and that their feelings and reactions to a diagnosis are 100% valid.
Denial is definitely where we all go, i am blessed that the diagnosis only made us stronger. My husband and i have been together for 13 years. I pray families stay together for times like these. 80% is a huge number, i never knew that. But its So nice to know you got back together.
❤️
Thankyou from a childcare worker who sees this denial up close and personal. I'm done in as a result of feeling used and dismissed but have a new perspective. Keep trying everyone.
I had 3 children with no disabilities but have experience working with autistic kids, and witnessed the high divorce rate within those families. So happy to see this happy ending. This couple is just beautiful, deserve each other and I hope can help others in the same situation. It’s the loss of a dream with the birth of a disabled child but life can get better like this family has learned.
You all are doing it… REAL. Most couples don’t. Thank you and Bless you.
So great to hear parents opening up about this! I am in the process of earning my BCBA and it is so wonderful to hear your perspective. I want to understand what the parents are going through. Thinking of you both today
thank you for taking the time to comment
Thank you for taking interest to help other children and families. ❤
Two loving emotionally intelligent parents .. I wish you all the best ...
As a mother of a 9 year old with autism I am thankful for this video. 🙏🏽 at this point we are working with our son and trying help him to make friends.
Your story reminders me how my husband was badly treated but I was healed with my anger and my husband is most loved, valued and cherished now.
I love how honest and raw this is. You guys are amazing parents. Dylan is so very lucky.
thank you so much
I just got this on my feed and what a wonderful blessing. Grateful for this realness in their journey as parents . This is so common struggle for many parents with ASD.
I loved watching this episode. Tara and Andrew you spoke from your hearts. I felt so many emotions watching you both speaking and sharing your stories. I am so proud of you both, you’ve come so far and I know it hasn’t been easy. You’re an inspiration to us all ❤️
I love your video. I love how open and honest you are and I especially love that you were able to get back together. Your family is beautiful. I don't have any children but I am Autistic. The biggest advice I want to give you is to first, keep doing all the healthy things to support your marriage and your friendship and second, it is great that you are talking to Autism professionals and to other Autism parents, keep doing that but definitely make it a point to regularly talk to Autistics as well. It is vital that you get to know some of us and allow us to help you understand Dillon from an Autistic perspective. You will find that there are many Autistic people who really passionately sincerely care about helping the Autistic community and we are always happy to help parents understand their children better by sharing our knowledge and experiences. No one understands his or her condition better than the person who is actually living it.
But I am so happy that your beautiful family is doing well. Thank you for posting this video.
Maili Tedd thank you for taking the time to comment and for your lovely words xox
@@ComingHometoAutism You are so welcome. Please let me know if you ever have questions. I am happy to help. And have a beautiful mother's day tomorrow. 💜
Thankyou.Im great Grandma .It was a beautiful video,and it made me cry .My great granddaughter has autism. What a shock to us all.Will I ever be able to understand. I'm an old lady,had life very very hard ,but to tell you the truth is don't think I will ever ever ever understand. I read books,I have a very open mind.but to see my grandsons face and how he deals with it is amazing when he is with his child.This is the sad part for me even though my mind is open,I am embarrassed angry and think I'm too old to fully accept the situation. Thankyou for this lovely video ,and I hope it helps many people.
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I'm so glad you are together. And on the same page. I wish you will keep this way. You will be challenged again along the way. Do not give up.
It's good that you had balance in your relationship so that you were able to choose. That was not my case. My husband was narcisistic , had moved us out of my country, I had to switch to English which I did not comand and we had 3 little boys 5, 4 and 2. The journey has been painful and still is. We are divorcing just now, after 25 years.....
Oh dear, such a gracious couple and their honesty is heartwarming. God love and bless y’all.
Thank you so much xox
Thank you both for such a raw and real look into what a marriage goes through when dealing with autism. My son is 2 and in early intervention. This has definitely put a strain our marriage. Much like yourself I tend to push my husband away and take on everything myself. I finally had to let my husband take on some responsibility and help more. I have him be involved more with sessions so he can feel like he has a role in helping our son. Thank you for sharing your experiences and helping spread awareness to so many families going through similar situtions.
Ashleigh Huerta hey there that’s great your letting your husband take on more responsibility as it will also take some of the pressure of you hugs x
Been married 31 years 3 kids on spectrum. Our oldest son diagnosed 4 yrs old then our 4th child at 5 years old then our baby boy at 3 years old. Hubby and I haven't always seen eye to eye on handling meltdowns. But I know because of our strong faith and trust in God it makes our relationship work. I thank God for my husband he's amazing and it took me to learn to listen to him and understand he's hurt also. He would always assure me and say your not in this alone. I'm here in this fight with you. I had to learn to let him be dad. Let him get his experience let him see that I appreciate his advice. Just like I was learning he has to also. I can't do this alone.
So happy you stayed together. Beautiful family.
Thank you so much for your candidness. This is so difficult but also helpful to watch. I was married to an undiagnosed individual. I raised my son who is on the spectrum. Now independent and living on his own. Very proud of him.
I truly feel your struggles.
I also divorced and can relate to what you have described relationally.
God Bless and keep you both and your children always.
Anita Chakravorty thank you so much my friend x
Waohw. This dad loves loves loves his family and clearly adores the mom like can't make it without her type of love, like this life would suck without her but that she is here kind of takes the edge off and brings a breath of fresh air. This is love. This is real love. You are a lucky family for sure. A lot of understanding, love, and support. Thank you very much for sharing the honest truth about how much this can test a relationship.
❤️ thank you so much
This was incredible. Thank you so much for sharing. Praying that you continue to love and lean on each other above all else🙏🏾
Ndidi1st ✨ thank you so much
Wow. I fell upon your channel yesterday then hesitated before I watched this video because I didn't know there was a happy ending. Thank you! My husband and I have a 6 year old daughter with autism who was diagnosed about 18 months ago. We are in survival mode and have seriously been going through exactly what you both were talking about. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I get so frustrated with him and what I think is his denial. I'm in an autism bubble desperately clawing at anything to give my daughter a calm secure environment.
Watching this video helped me see my husbands side. I do need to let him in and to stop telling him what he's doing wrong (from my point of view). We also have a younger child to give our daughter a close sibling and yes, it was the best thing we ever did as well.
I'm so glad to have found your channel. I'm looking forward to watching more to find encouragement in this somewhat lonely journey.
thank you so much for sharing. i am so pleased that my video has helped even just a little x
This will no doubt help countless people. Bravo.
jorayna1 thank you x
32 years on I am still my daughter’s #1 career, I still have days when I explode with anger and resentment but I have learned to let myself have that “moment “, to not share the negative thoughts that will only be hurtful but rather to ask that my anger is acknowledged, then I can take a very much needed deep breath and get on with life. Tough times every now and again but the good by far outweigh the bad. Holding onto my marriage and reminding myself of what drew us together all those years ago helps get me over the hurdles. You two seem very strong and I wish you all the best.
Kerry Watkin I’m sending you a huge hug mama what an awesome job you are doing thank you for sharing x
Crying here. Our son is 16 now and he - and automatically asks we - struggles a lot. He has a hard time understanding relationships, friendships, but also becoming an adult human being. My wife and I have a hard time. Our marriage is on sgaky ground.
That has nothing to do with your son. That is you and your wife. Do not put that on him.
Your openness is greatly appreciated. I read somewhere how couple who have children with disabilities, a high percentage of them end their marriage. That didn’t make sense to me at all because if anything I would imagine you would need each other more, be stronger together and be forced to lean on each other. But sadly the opposite is true. I can understand the stress that would take a toll but life comes with stresses. Also I believe the relationship that divorce probably wasn’t strong enough to begin with and when tested, it fails. Wedding vows is for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health for better or worse, and that’s just for the couples involved I would never think your kids would be a reason to divorce. The further you are from faith, divorce becomes an easy way out. Beautiful family, second video I’ve watched and their channel has useful content for me. Thank you for sharing, this is like a marriage counseling session. May God Keep y’all in his Grace.
Mehret Gebrezgiabher thank you so much xox
I'm glad you found your way back to each other. 😁
thank you xox
A marriage is a special bond. Growing old together is a blessing. This blessing shows on your faces, in your words, through your voice : Heartwarming ❣️ (from a divorced mom with a bipolar son and two other grownups) I turn 60 in 2020 and looking back I feel enriched by my lifeexperiences. Life is Wonder-ful ✨.
Thank you so much for making this video. I wish it had been available when my children were young. It would have been so comforting to understand what I was facing. My sons are 28 and 30. They met all the milestones as babies and are both extremely bright and verbal. They were not diagnosed, but looking back, it is clear they are both on the spectrum, and I probably am too. My ex-husband was in complete denial that our kids had any special challenges, but I knew they were struggling. I was single handedly taking them to psychiatrists and therapists ( diagnosed as anxiety disorder, the eldest, and ADD and oppositional disorder, the youngest) and to classes about executive function skills and how to socialize while I was working full time. He thought I was crazy and creating problems that weren’t there. I was profoundly depressed and horrible to live with. We did not fight- we just walked around feeling resentful. When the youngest was in college, my husband left. He does now accept that both kids are neuro divergent, but can’t yet adjust his expectations and how he interacts with them, which makes me sad. However, I’m proud to say I have a great relationship with both- they know I have their backs, but that they need to help themselves as well. They have settled into jobs that they do well. I wish they had more friends and a better relationship with their father.
Autism is such a huge topic. Majority of my family and my husbands family are autistic. We never knew. I'm autistic with ADHD, my kids the same. I can't work so I'm financially dependant. Husband can't see the autistic traits in our kids because he's in denial. Autism IS a disability.
You both have evolved so much, and you both seem so understanding of each other, that I hope you 2 can get back together at some point.
My family and I are at a different stage. My husband and I just sent our Asperger’s kid to university this September. I am grateful everyday that my partner and I were very much on the same page. Don’t get me wrong, we have not always seen eye to eye and there were many times when we were more roommates than husband and wife, but from the start he and I attended doctor’s appointments together, saw professionals, took courses, etc. Although I am a trained teacher, I was not trained to deal with ASD. My husband has a job where his shift work means that he could spend more time one-on-one with our son than most dads. We were very lucky and are still learning. As our son got older, every time we finally felt we understood a behaviour, a new one would pop up. The advice I kept hearing was that we had to educate ourselves and become advocates for our son. Thank you for reminding parents that while supporting your child is paramount, without a healthy connection, things can very easily and quickly fall apart.
You are doing a tremendously brave job openly sharing the highs and lows of living with a child who is on the spectrum. Thank you to you both and your family. All the best.
thank you so much xxx
This both terrified and enlightened me, but its the honest reality of what may be in store for me. Your pain is valuable, and I appreciate you recognizing that and sharing with the world.
Thank you my friend x
Good for you for accepting there was a problem - but still staying connected. And then the two of you were able to find yourselves back to each other again - NOT as you once were - but as the NEW you as individuals that you evolved to. And as you evolved as an individual - then found each other again as a couple - but NEVER abandoning the fact that you will forever be that child's parent. I hope people are able to come by your wisdom and actually HEAR your message.
THANK YOU!
Thank you for taking the time to comment and such a lovely comment to x
Honestly, my son is now 5 and when in the process of his diagnosis, I did the same thing. Your story is Soo similar to my own, I cried when seeing your video. Like you said....it was just me and Adam and only I really understood him. I pushed my husband away and am now paying for it. We are separated and I don't know if we are really going to make it. It may be too late. He no longer wants to be with me because of my attitude/strong will. I've had to fight for everything/services my son has and my husband doesn't understand what all that took. I'm glad your relationship has worked out...pray for us. Thanks you.
lizzers2000 there is still chance. Perhaps he can watch this video and he may see his part in it too! Sending you love x
@@ComingHometoAutism thanks for the response. I will show him the video. Hopefully it will help us to understand each other more. Thanks again.
Tears rolling down my face. I have a very similar story. Wishing you well. You are such beautiful people and your children are lucky to have you xxxx
Maureen Cronin sending you a big hug and love x
Thank you both for sharing your story. I am blessed to have a wonderful partner who is very supportive and accepting. I am ADD/ASD 1 myself and we have an ASD 3 verbal daughter. We have a strong relationship and having a career revolving around children who have severe disabilities I have a better insight and understanding of Autism than most parents when their child/children receive a diagnosis. The relentlessness of it all is what causes us the most stress. The sleep issues, the social exhaustion and fall out from that, the fact that even really positive outcomes generally come with a meltdown so you feel "damned if you do and damned if you don't". The sensory issues, the problems that arise from this such as restrictive diet, huge problems with teeth and hair brushing. We find every day demanding, some more, some less so, but you never get a "day off". So we tag team to give each other the head space and recovery time we can. It impacts on family time and there is no couple time unless we sacrifice sleep and sanity, but we by necessity spend a lot of time in "survival mode". It's just the way it is.
thank you for sharing your story . your an amazing woman x
@@ComingHometoAutism awww.... Thank you 😍
My marriage broke down not because of my son's autism but for other reasons, but it was the best thing that could have happened. We are now neighbours and have a equal share in looking after the kids. Having a break from looking after a child with autism keeps your sanity and is nothing to feel guilty about. You have more patients and energy to give to your kids when you get time for yourself. My advice would be for any new parent with a autistic child is get all the support you can, always look after yourself, be grateful for all the little things in life and always remember you are doing an amazing job. Much love .xx
Thank you. Your husband made me cry. I could hear the honesty, the responsibility from both of you. That was critical I think to getting back together. Thank you. It's nice to see a real man here. You're both good people doing your best. God bless.
Thank you for taking the time to comment I hope it has helped somewhat x
I had to stop this video at 4 minutes. My eyes welled up with tears listening to dad describe what his experience was like. I have no doubt they are on the right track. They’re so willing to own missteps without blame. Their characterizations of each other is done with a palpable sense of mutual love and respect.
Again, these precious children are very fortunate to have a mom and a dad like these two individuals. I adore this family!
Oh now your making me cry thank you ❤️
Thank you so much for putting this out there! I needed this...your situation was my situation and our relationship was not able to be saved so thank you for understanding that not all can be saved but this gave me that finally someone else understands what my life was like...is like. For a small moment I was not alone.
I am glad you guys got back together. And how you have the children a chance. Proud of you and thank God
🥰
Thank you for being so candid. Much of what you both have said I see in our life and relationship.
sending you a big hug x
This is the best video of what is like for a family with a child with autism. Recently, my husband and I been dealing with problems similar to yours, it is only a few weeks ago that we got an official diagnosis that he has changed his attitude towards our son. Thank you so much for sharing your story💖
thank you for your comment and i am hope your doing ok? x
We have been working more in communicating what we feel. It gets tough at time but we try not to hurt each other and to actually bring the good in both but we must talk about the things that need improvement. He doesn't like or believe in therapy but at least we are communicating more often. Real talks have to happen at least once a week so we don't let it buildup to an unhealthy level of energy.
A father of an autistic child here. In answer to your question...
> Some similarities: focusing on the provider role was my natural first reaction as well. Later I also took up meditation for inner calm as well and taught it to my wife, in fact I combined three meditation techniques together (pure meditation, forgiveness and manifestation) and it helped a lot. Also learned to improve communications with my wife and we both became better people for it as a result. Also came to appreciate how valuable the 'becoming better people' part is in the overall context of the meaning of our lives.
> Some differences: despite the pressures we did not separate. From the beginning I had a close emotional relationship with my son and did not allow the ASD diagnosis to change that at all, though to be fair it helped that despite being non-verbal he could maintain eye contact with me and was always up for a laugh and a cuddle. I dropped all societal expectations and focused on his actual needs. I have a scholarly nature with academic publications and was fortunately able to take 3 months of work and read several hundred scientific journal articles on autism and took extensive notes to understand the major biomedical causes and cures of ASD, which to my surprise became reasonably clear (the latest knowledge spread across thousands of scientists vastly exceeds what our local doctor knows, I ended up educating him).
That’s great andrew did the same thing meditation was great for him thanks for sharing x
This is the most real video I have ever watched on RUclips. Thank you for bringing light to this very real common struggle when living with autism. Sometimes I feel like we have to do that “rah rah autism and understanding” thing and never talk about the dark times or places we go when we have a child diagnosed with...anything. I can’t pretend that my husband and I didn’t have some rough moments and times when I thought we weren’t going to last, but we realized along the way together, probably through all the screaming matches we had where dark ugly feelings came out, that ultimately we both wanted the same thing and that was the best life possible for our children. We eventually stopped looking at each other’s roles in that goal as what we were doing alone and started looking at it as our own part to achieve that goal. We both work outside the home so for me it felt like I was doing everything and he didn’t care at all. He’s in business. It was natural to throw himself into work to try to create a financial basis to the very unknown future. I’m a nurse, of course I would take over and manage the most important “patient” i would ever have in my life. Just talking about what we’re doing and why helps when we lose perspective on the others participation.
Thank you for being so honest and open. You two are fantastic parents and ALL your kids seem very happy and amazing. You see them. You see their true spirits. I am learning so much from the channel, and BOTH of you. I'm glad your relationship made it through all the stress after all.xoxo
Ohhh you two are just so beautiful! So young with so much knowledge and learning and growing. Keep up the love, all of your kids are so lucky to have you as their parents. xx.
Thank you so much for sharing, being real and honest, it is such a blessing and so very very helpful.
You are both lovely people thrown into chaos. Be true to your happiness. NEVER blame yourselves. Your dealing with a disease that isn’t understood, and is not predictable. You will survive in a new family dynamic. You are wonderful people, your children will be loved and fine.
thank you so much x
What a beautiful, strong family❤❤❤ My daughter is going through evaluation next week and I feel alone a LOT!!! My husband is still in denial. This is so helpful and inspiring. Thank you🥰
sending you a big hug , your not alone. always here if you want to chat x
@@ComingHometoAutism Thanks so much😘 You're amazing ❤❤❤
HairByKake&GrowItToo 83 what is the outcome of evaluation? How old is your little one now?
@@ravireddyism Thank you so much. And you hang in there and stay hopeful. My daughter is nonverbal as well. She smiles and laughs, but she never says a word. She also isn't walking yet and has difficulty getting us to understand what she wants. It gets hard at times and I get the blues because NO parent wants this for their child, but we have to be strong for them. She's definitely teaching me how to be more patient, prayerful, and faithful.
HairByKake&GrowItToo 83 my elder is autistic HFA but he is sweet and hardworking that people mistake him as NT kid but he is not . That’s the reason he was lately diagnosed but for my daughter everything is analyzed microscopic that is driving us crazy and restless. What three subtle signs that are just enough to look at at this stage?
I am a single mom. My daughter is now 7 years old and has just received her autism diagnosis. Her father has never really been around (hasn’t seen her since she was a year old). She was diagnosed at 11 months with SPD (sensory processing disorder). The road is long. It can be so incredibly difficult. I’m feeling really tired - AND a sense of relief that we finally have a diagnosis. Without the formal diagnosis school districts, and our society in general, don’t really make any accommodations for sensory sensitive kids even though so many behaviors and needs are the same. I’m finally feeling like I know where to find my community of people for support and I’m starting to focus a lot of my time and energy reaching out and getting the support because it’s been a very lonely road for me. Thank you for your channel and your videos. I plan to watch them all ❤
Beautiful incitefull and moving account of your your emotional journey. When my parents watched their 11 year old son die of cancer...they submerged themselves in blame and the 3 remaining children watched and listened from the top of the stairs. Interesting that we 3 never had children. As Julie said..you deserve to be so proud of yourselves as is everyone else fortunate enough to have you in their lives. xxx
thank you so much charlie xoxoxoxo
Thank you for sharing your story! My son was diagnosed August 23 2018. I can relate to you Tara....I feel as if I am putting me and my son in a bubble. Your video was extremely encouraging and I just sent my husband your RUclips channel so he can also listen in himself. Great insight and I am so thankful for people like you and your husband who are vulnerable enough to share your story to help others! I can guarantee you these videos will.
thank you so much. it helps when you realize that your not the only one doing this or husband isnt the only one not dealing with it. by being open and honest and having a community it helps us all feel connected x
Really great video. I admire your honesty and openness to sharing your struggle with others. I am glad the relationship has survived and appreciate the fact that you are still supporting those parents who don’t have that partner support.
thank you so much xox
Thank you for sharing your story with us. The autism journey could be quite difficult and it can affect relationships. Our son is 12 now and has ASD and we both for the most part do really good team work and support and encourage each other during difficult parenting situations with him. I’m glad you and your husband worked it out. 😄❤️
thank you xox
This is so honest. My respect for both of you.
Do you know how beautiful and special you both are?
Your honesty and willingness to look at yourselves under your circumstances for not only your marriage but your family is beyond huge. I am humbled and fortified by your story. Thank you from the bottom of my soul.
Thank you so much for your beautiful message it really means a lot