If it's public speaking that really trips you up, we just published an AMAZING article on Grok Nation about how to find your voice even if you have shyness or anxiety. Check it out! groknation.com/relating/public-speaking-find-your-inner-power-voice/
Mayim Bialik honestly thanks for saying that last bit at the end. I struggle with this too and I always feel guilty and shameful. I was considering taking medication but what you said really touched me. This is who I am and this is apart of me. So thank you.
The article that was published on Grok Nation on public speaking was wonderful indeed. I find myself a lot having shyness and social anxiety in public settings, including when I have to speak in public. When it comes to coping with social anxiety, I try my best to think positive and to know that no matter what insecurities I have I know that there are certain people who have faith in me giving me that boost of confidence I need. Thanks for posting!
Tiff4nyNicol3 Not everybody feels they need it. It is an issue of degrees too: I take my med because of it combined with depression episodes that feed each other. Some people are very resilient and are self aware enough that they may not ever need it. Therapy has helped that part for me a bit. The med just helps me recognize when I need to start regaining control and maintain an even keel in everyday overwhelms.
Mayim Bialik I have migraines, depression and anxiety. I have been using this unit called CES Ultra. To say I was skeptical is a HUGE understatement because it’s such a simple idea. It stands for cranial electrical stimulation. But let me tell you, it’s made such a difference in my life. It’s amazing. I’m not going to go into how to use it and how it works because I’m already writing too much but here’s the web site if anyone wants to learn more about it cesultra.com.
For me, it's just his horrible feeling of dread just to talk to people. I feel like if I lend my voice, give an opinion, or even state a preference in something mundane, I'm open for attack. I'm going to be insulted and shamed for what I feel and/or think. Consequently, I don't want to talk to people, so I just let them prattle on and nod my head. Meanwhile, feelings of frustration and anger build up, while my brain is screaming at this person, "Why can't you just shut up?!"
Same. I did this too and I think this might be the reason I developed something that looks like selective mutism. But it has gotten better over the past few years. I’m still scared to say my opinion and most of the time I just add a “yes” or another verbal form of agreement to my nod. So luckily it can get better with time
I know exactly what you mean - looking forward to going out but then you get the insult/ridicule/whatever that you know is probably going to happen at some point but it's still a shock when it happens that it completely ruins your evening anyway, and lasts for a long time after. It's usually completely unnecessary and unjustified so infuriates you for a lot longer than it probably should. Now I'm older it's easier to just stay home.
It's also very important to realize that social anxiety can differ for many people; it should actually be seen as a spectrum disorder. So someone can have severe anxiety before an event, find avoidance tactics, sobbing parties and still make it to the party and have fun without medication; there are also MANY people who simply cannot go to these events. Or those who do but have to leave very soon after. Or those who also suffer from severe anxiety once the event is over, going over and over and over and over about what happened, how you said things, how you looked, how you smiled, did you talk enough, did you smile enough, were you kind, were you mean, were you ... Good luck to us all.
As a person with pretty severe social anxiety I greatly appreciated this video. I just have an intense fear of larger social gatherings even with my own family. I dread being asked the surface level questions "what's new with you?" "are you in college?" "What do you do for work?". I have an intense fear of being judged negatively by people and I am incredibly sensitive to negative criticism. These questions often make me feel like I'm being interrogated and often judged by what my current situation in life is and I hate it. It is so bad that I will often avoid many social gatherings or events for those reasons or leave one I would already be present for. I have very few people who I really open up to and tell everything to and I have struggled with this my whole life. Sometimes I just have to force myself to go and get out of my own head but it is like nails scratching a chalkboard it makes me so uncomfortable. I met another person at my job who also has social anxiety and it just feels so nice to have someone who relates to me.
Is it social anxiety if you say "yes" to an event and then immediately dread it and start getting more nervous as the event gets closer to the point where you want to find an excuse not to go? While at the event you feel incredibly awkward and can't wait to leave. After, you can't sleep because you go over every conversation and action because you are sure you looked like an idiot and that others think you are _________(fill in the blank).
I do that all of the time when I have to go out where I have to interact with people. I keep rethinking what I said and think how stupid I must of sounded and why didn't I say something else. I work at home which is great because I suck dealing with people because of my social anxiety, dread the day when I have to go back out to work outside the home. Dread having to go to any social event because I stress so bad about it before and then even more so afterwards with all of the what if's then after it 's the why did I do or say that. I always thought it was just because I was shy, until I started hearing from others with social anxiety and now I know it's not just shyness because even with people I know I still go through the same thing.
Cheri definitely, yes. I used to do the same thing all the time. Now it's only sometimes. It's hard, but try to focus on the positive and the things that went well. Even if it's only little tiny things like "hey, I went" or "I actually said hi to someone" or whatever may seem little to you but is still positive.
It is comforting to know that someone as awesome and powerful as you also suffers from this. To me the hardest part is people, friends and family not understanding, assuming I am faking or exaggerating matters. I self talk, self soothe a lot like a mother would sooth her child. I avoid situations that will bring on panic attacks , but that makes me feel like my own prisoner. It’s not easy but I deal with it the best I can. In the end it’s a lot of pretending to be ok, acting in fact. I act on a daily basis, on a stage called life.
My family and friends don’t understand me either they think I exaggerate and you are right I fake my way through life. The worst are my stage frights that come with it. I dread public speaking
I think it's important to point out that social anxiety doesn't manifest itself the same way for everyone. The distinction you made at the beginning of the video is important - too many people think that experiencing any anxiety in a social situation means they have social anxiety disorder which is false. But I'd say that what you then provided as what is social anxiety is a really personal look. I think sharing our personal experiences is valuable but there are many ways social anxiety can manifest, many ways it can effect people and present itself. It isn't limited to how it makes one person feel or act. For instance, not everyone with social anxiety will have fits or rocks back and forth. I think it is fantastic that you share what you are going through. Especially as someone in the public eye, sharing your experiences with life's challenges is powerful. But it's important that when you are sharing your own experiences, you make that distinction clear in order to avoid invalidating someone else's experience. It would be a shame to cause someone to assume that they don't have social anxiety because theirs doesn't affect them in the same way yours affects you. As someone with social anxiety disorder I am grateful for you lending your voice, thank you. I would just urge you to be careful that you aren't making potentially damaging generalizations. If you are going to define social anxiety, don't limit the definition by your own experience. If you want to share your experience, don't present it as the definition of what social anxiety is.
Awesome perspective. A lot of people do generalize normal, healthy anxiety as social anxiety or a clean house as OCD. But generalized anxiety disorder,OCD and agoraphobia are clinical definitions that make typical daily functioning very difficult. It does indeed look different for everyone, and disrupts typical functioning in many different ways almost always involving avoidance in some form. Thanks for sharing some about what it looks like for you. I'm so glad that real people are putting a face to mental health disorders.
This was my exact thought when she was defining social anxiety. I do also think it can come in varying degrees for people as well, but social anxiety does cross a boundary between introvertedness/not wanting to be very social versus making them emotionally anxious, etc. You worded this very nicely as well, and I definitely agree with you.
I have a very dear friend with SA she is the sweetest nicest ppl I know... I look at how truly lovely, kind and generous she is and am so sad that she has such a struggle in owning that... I often wish she could see herself through my eyes and be fearless. I know her struggle is real and I am happy to hold her arm and reassure her they aren’t looking/laughing/judging and that I am proud to be with her
My method of handling social anxiety is drag. I basically dressing up as someone else makes any insecurities not matter. No one would be judging you. They would be judging a character. It completely frees me up. And that confidence is slowly creeping into my everyday life making social settings a little bit easier to deal with. (Just a little)
This is literally the first time I’ve ever commented on a RUclips video...I have social anxiety and it makes life so frickin hard sometimes. I seem to have it the worst with acquaintances or people that I only sort of know. I’m fine with strangers, and I’m fine with close friends (although even then I get anxious) but the in-between stage is the worst. Especially if it’s important that I get to know those people and that they like me (ie my boyfriend’s family). I just wish I could be consistently myself in front of everyone but I can’t. I don’t know if it’s some sort of subconscious sabotage or if it’s a shitty positive feedback loop, but it’s always worse during times of stress. Thanks for the beautifully honest video, it really does help to know we’re not alone 💛
Ditto! Acquaintances/people I recognize from high school are the worst for me. I feel like I should remember their name, and even if I do, how do I start that conversation? Should I? Will talking to them make them uncomfortable? How long is appropriate to say hi? Will my face get firetruck red if I talk to them?
OMGosh Mayim....so encouraging to know I’m not the only person on EARTH who avoids the shower (pre-social situation)!🙈 Thank you for sharing! FYI- Dealing with this S*** DOES make you bold and fierce and strong!💪💪💪
For me, it’s an act of avoidance. Procrastination. I know I still have to do the thing. The event, the meeting, the whatever the thing that I’m dreading is...but, by putting off that shower, I don’t have to think about the dreaded thing for 5 more minutes. And then 5 more minutes. And so on..... until I’ve avoided The Thing so long that I have nearly no time left to prepare myself for this ultimately unavoidable experience. I end up going feeling awful about myself, my appearance, my “laziness” and my “weak will”. And then, not only does the social situation create stress but I literally beat myself up mentally the entire time. Avoidance is a huge coping mechanism.... unfortunately it’s probably not all that healthy in the long run. I know it causes me to be way too hard on myself and WAY more unkind to myself than I would ever be to another person. Not that that was Mayim’s point, just my own personal experience. I was thrilled to hear that she overcame her anxiety and actually ended up having a great time! That means there’s hope! Lol Now if you’ll all excuse me, I have to go take a shower... 😉🚿😂
Jennifer I always end up showering way to early and then being ready to leave 2-3 hours to early and then panicking to the point where I’m soaked in sweat anyway...
cimulu Oh no! Isn’t it funny how many of us can experience the same anxiety and yet react in totally different ways? Whatever our personal coping method we can all understand and support each other. And once we identify a harmful pattern in our lives we can take steps (often BABY STEPS in my own case!) toward more healthy choices.
Hmm, my social anxiety at its worst was like this: Imagine walking into a room with 4 people. You sit down. Your heart is racing as if you are chased by a flock of lions. All your muscles are tense. You have a cold sweat. You are filled with fear and you have tunnel vision. And your face is burning red. Intense fear. Just by sitting in a room with 4 other people. Everyone else with "social anxiety" seems to have extremely mild problems.
I have never heard someone else explain the showering thing like that, I have extreme social anxiety and panic disorder, and one of my ways of coping sometimes is "I just won't shower today, then I don't have to go out or answer the door". I loved this video, to know someone as famous as you had the same issues was eye opening. Thank you, Mayim. I've been a fan of yours since the start of Blossom and have always looked up to you ❤️
Charmaine Hardy this would not work for me since i shower every 4 days in the winter and every 2-3 in the summer!! Ok sometimes every 4 days in the summer too...
Thank you for speaking about this and embracing it as one of the things that make you the amazing person you are! No plugging the ears for me. Instead it's a little reassuring pat or consoling rub on the arm for me while repeating "you're ok..... you're ok". Or sometimes while actually having to communicate with someone when the anxiety tries to drown me, wringing my hands and either talking tooooo much about nothing or staring mutely like a complete crazy person! Lol I absolutely adore your videos and your real discussions. A lot of them, especially the one about being different and nerdy, hit close to home for me. Thank you for giving us "weirdos" a voice and making people realize that these are the kind of traits that sometimes hinder us but, for the most part, make us special, fun, interesting, endearing, and awesome.
I do have social anxiety. Just talking on the phone makes me panic. I stay home 98% of the time because the thought of being around people makes my anxiety go through the roof, even if I want to go somewhere usually I won't because I just can't deal with it. I've done the putting off showering thing too. And when time came to go, I ended up staying home, I just couldn't bring myself to go. I wasn't always like that, when I was younger I loved going out but my anxiety has gotten so bad over the years I actually developed panic disorder. Now I'm extremely reclusive. I hate that, but I just can't seem to quit being that way. Ugh....
It takes a number of factors, a really grounded friend, psicologist (conductist, so you see progress from day one), and some of them you look for them other come to you by almost luck. To me, it helped to move to a place where I have a very good friend that also struggle with it but he helped me by talking and sharing, and helping me to find a job, not to mention meditation or my psicologist. But some of this things take time. The key (and it is not easy) is to find new habits, be able to break the loop (because that loops resonate at some moment in your head, and then it ends up into something more difficult to escape). There are exercises to confront your fears, to learn to accept the limits, and of course it is not easy, but really, it is possible. For example, you can make a list of some things that give you social anxiety, and put them in order, and try the one that gives you the less anxiety, then you can write down the situation, and just write down what worries you, then you need to do it (you can prepare yourself better, write in a paper what you want to say, set a time limit), then you need to compare what actually happened with what you wrote. This is a way to check our distorted thoughts. Keep trying there are a lot of methods, some works better than others, some suits you, you are the only one who can say of it really works or not. Knowing how to breath, even in front of other people always help And remember that learning is not a linear process, but sometimes there are moments you feel you are back in the starting point but is not true you are improving slowly, and you will have more and more moments of less anxiety. And find people you can share this things. But please I'm just a person in internet, trust your good intuition. I also find I interesting some apps like calm or simplehabbit but just look for meditation for anxiety. All the best!
U so describe myself to a T, many yrs I never left the house, ended up quitting school, like u it just came on one.day, it sucks bad, panic attacks r.the worst... but I try to make myself get out once a day even if it's to one of my parents house or just a.ride... I feel for u..
I don't go out unless my husband or son is with me, like you I take no medication, but I am getting to the stage where i might have to go down that route, that you for posting your video, i feel better knowing I'm not alone
I have social anxiety and this is so spot on! I always feel better when around complete strangers, but terrified around acquaintances. If I could go without taking medication for mine that would be great, but I don’t think I would be able to really socially interact at all if I stopped taking it. Thank you for explaining what social anxiety really is for the rest who don’t understand!
Thank you so much for sharing your own personal issues. Showing yourself vulnerable and how you fight or cope with that will help a lot other people. You're an inspiration. Thank you Miss Bialik.
I have severe depression situational anxiety and panic attacks. I feel so proud if I can shower dress and arrive at events, but at 62 if I can’t that’s ok too.
I have social anxiety. I was feeling awful about my face and the fact that I wear glasses and how awful I am. And then I sat down and watched The Big Bang Theory. I thought about how much I love Amy and Leonard and think that they still look awesome even though they wear glasses. And then I felt a bit better for a while. Also this video made me feel a lot less alone. So thank you, Mayim 😊 ❤
Oh gosh. Thank you for talking about this. Thank you for always making us realise that we are not alone. That someone as awesome as you sometimes struggle with a lot of things too. You are a beacon, a light, an inspiration. Thank you, Mayim ❤️
I have terrible anticipatory social anxiety as well. It's the strangest feeling getting so worked up and panicked and then getting to the event and realizing that I'm actually fine. I've been trying something Grace Helbig mentioned when she was on your channel, and it's telling myself that anxiety can just be misplaced excitement. Idk if it's working but I went on a weekend trip with two new friends that I barely knew so there's that.
Being so uncomfortable at social events, it’s like being on fire but then when you leave you feel so disappointed in yourself because everyone else looks happy but you can’t cope with it. Also trying to explain to people what it’s like. They just don’t get it
i also agree this is a good idea to make a video pointing out the good things even though sharing things about your negative things helps others i think you should do one on the good things
Social anxiety isn't a "bad part" of her it simply is a part of her... Something she has to overcome... And a lot of her "good parts" come from her having social anxiety and learning to adapt to it.... Her compassion and understanding for other people and her passion for helping and unshaming mental health are all "good things" about her and that come from her having all of these parts of her.... So to me, she is talking about her good parts... Because overcoming is good and beautiful and that's what I see here. 🙂
Having social anxiety is not a bad thing, as someone else here pointed out. She is bringing about awarence. Talking about it helps. I get tired of people that think talking positive about somehthing else helps. If you don't have it you have no clue what it's like to live with it. So stop and think the next time you think you have all the answers.
Surprised I stumbled across her channel. I've been struggling with this for many years now escalating to the point of being severe. My anxiety has pushed me to the life of a shut in but it's always nice to know you're not alone.
I don’t have social anxiety. I love to go to events and meet new people but I get sooo awkward and for some reason start saying words I’ve never said in my life like “jeepers” or instead of saying good morning (which would be appropriate) I say “goodnight” I’m like seriously! 🙄 Rachel, act normal. Lol. It’s so frustrating and I can’t even imagine how hard it is to have social anxiety. That’s a whole other level.
Are you shy? Or an introvert? Bc those things would cause a little bit of nervousness with new people, but nowhere near the level of social anxiety. Social anxiety is debilitating. It makes it so approaching someone is unthinkable, and you practice your sentences in your head before saying them, and if you mess up, you mull over it the rest of the night. It keeps you from going to the bathroom bc no one else is going, or ordering a drink because you might order something they don’t have. Every thing is more difficult when it involves other people, even when those people are family or friends. Please don’t worry about me. :)
Ugghhh social anxiety.... Over the years I've just stopped doing things or having friends so I don't ever get invited to anything anymore. It's easier this way. The neighbors next door sometimes say we should BBQ together or they invite us over for a bonfire and I can't even do that I make myself extremely busy during that time that they want us to come and then the next day I say oh I'm so sorry I needed to do this this and this for my kids while thinking to myself they don't buy that they just think that you're a terrible person so then I avoid them for a while.
MamaLynns HouseofLightandFreedom Been there too 🙈 my neighbour eventually stopped inviting me over. I can’t blame her. I dodged her invitation so many times. It’s terrible. One day I’m sure I’ll get better at it.
You are being brave and strong every time you go out even with all the anxiety. I believe that this is even strongest than not having social anxiety and going to the world
I’m so glad you mentioned how “free” you were able to feel because there were mostly surrounded by strangers. I explained this to a Doctor I was seeing back in 2007 but he didn’t get it.
Well.. my anxiety is inhibiting me from landing any kind of job because I'm too afraid to interview. So... I have been taking medication. I need it to move forward with my life.
kizzy DONT THINK DO !!!!! YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE CHOOSING TO MASTER OUR THOUGHTS TAKES WORK BUT CAN BE DONE you can do anything you put thought and action towards.
I have struggled with social anxiety since I was a teenager. I hear where you are coming from when you mention that you like being social it’s just that it can be awkward, and it can feel uncomfortable. Now that I am 50 I feel like it has gotten easier as I get older. I engage in a lot of social situations, but I don’t always feel good about it. When my husband and I walk into a public place I would rather that he walks in the door first so that everyone is not staring at me. Thank you for putting this in perspective.
You are very brave to share this story with us. Than you. My boyfriend has anxiety and sometimes is challenging for me to understand why he behaves the way he does. He is not very good expressing his thoughts or emotions so your video really put in perspective and help me understand better what he might be experiencing :) Thank you
Fina Garcia as a guy who has social anxiety I struggle dating even though girls think im cute.usually im very akward and make ppl feel uncomfortable. Its cool that you are trying to understand what he's going through. More ppl should do what your doing
When you have people you love and miss terribly, and want so, so much to spend time with... but the thought of walking out the door and actually socializing...or even calling on the phone...or even texting...causes vertigo and hyperventilation, nausea, and throat-closing terror...that's (my personal version of) social anxiety. I had a decade of therapy and that worked pretty well, but eventually I had to get medication. But now I can function. Well, most of the time :-) Thank you for bringing attention to this, and pointing out what social anxiety actually is.
I love when people talk about things like this. I have GAD and it makes you feel like you are so unfit to function in this world. Going to my doctors appointment brought me to tears on my floor last month. I medicate for a lot of things, chronic pain and depression. But not this. Because even though the anxiety is a horrible feeling the numbness of anxiety medication makes every other moment less enjoyable.
K O'Shea Just wondering if my theory/intuition is correct- Did your parents or teachers or classmates(like in young age) told or showed you behavior that you are not good enough or unfit for world? I highly recommend the book- 'You can heal your life' by Louise Hay
Hita Desai this doesn’t apply to me too much as I developed everything along with fibromyalgia. I believe that not being able to control my body has lead to massive anxiety about not being able to control anything. But thank you for the recommendation, always good to read something new.
First line treatment for anxiety is actually the exact same drugs as first line treatment for depression. So even though you think you are not treating it, it may be getting treated subconsciously. I hope this helps you feel less anxious.
Thank you so much for this video! I struggle with social anxiety and it brings out the real truth about myself in such a vicious way. The horrble part is wanting to go to certain events - my pre event happenings are eerily identicle to what you described. The good I take from this is I am proud to battle this in my own way -without meds but I do attend counseling sessions. This is honestly me, conquering one part of my own self. I am grateful to people who trully love me and cheer me on. Thank you for talking about this. It made a part of me that is so painful seem not so horrific. Please keep the videos coming, your humor is refreshing.
Even tho. i can't relate to some of your videos, i still find it so helpful especially when i have friends that have experienced things like this and i always recommend your videos whenever they need advice bc i don't really know what to say to them since i haven't experienced it. They always thank me for it but tbh they should be thanking you. Keep it up Mayim! 🙌
Normally people don't understand when I say, that I have social anxiety actually they think that I'm crazy or something and told me control yourself and when I watch this kind of videos is really comfortable because I know, I'm not alone and there's more people like me. ❤️
Yes, i'm here. And i'm in horrible state , because i just cried in front of my teacher and classmates when i talk about my problem about social anxiety (the teacher told to me to open up my problems , so i did but i got sensitive when i talk about social anxiety.) Now i feel humiliated, pathetic and embarrassed. I don't know how to face them tomorrow at school. (I'm 19 btw)
Jeez, I really love you. I was having a difficult time a while ago, and frankly still am. I went to the doctor, which I RARELY do. I told her what was going on: my husband had filed for divorce, and my son was having drug/legal problems, and things were just hard, THE FIRST THING THE DOCTOR SAID WAS DO YOU WANT A PILL? Frankly, I was pissed. She did not ask about my diet, my daily habits, or weather I was sleeping alright, or anything. All she said was, DO YOU WANT A PILL? So I left the doctor, came home and started researching what I could do naturally to help. Diet is a big part, exercise, and signing the freaking divorce papers. No pills. I truly was angry, and I truly think there is something wrong with this. You are awesome, glad I found your channel, please keep making videos. Love You.
Alexandra Lettau did you find a solution? I am not trying to tell you what to do, because everyone is different but eating right, sleeping properly and exercising regularly are what is helping me get through this time in my life. I exercise at least every other day, at least a walk or a swim, I eat a huge salad every day and try to stay away from sugar, and if I feel like my brain is running and worrying too much I do take a generic over the counter sleep aid, often just HALF a tablet will get me to sleep, and that is not all the time. I also take A LOT of vitamin B6 I think it is. I make sure I go outside in the sun for at least 20 minutes a day, and I just started taking St. John's Wort, it is a dietary supplement that is supposed to help also. What do you do to help yourself? What works for you?
I just wanted to say thank you for letting us know about your social anxiety. Knowing that someone as accomplished as you are also suffers makes me feel less guilty about using an app to get my groceries because most days I can't people.
Actually, Social Anxiety is when you desperately desperately want to go to a social event but are too scared to go, but you really want to go, so you're up two weeks in advance because you're scared, and you practice going there because you don't want to be intimidated by the unknown bus route and you want to avoid the terrible agony of asking someone for directions, and then the day comes, and after you get dressed and do you hair and have an hysterical fit because you can't do it after all - you get out of the house, go all the way over there, reach the entrance... and then turn around and run back home in terror. And then you spend spend the next few months telling yourself you're a loser. That is what it means to have Social Anxiety. And I so wish meds worked for me. Unfortunately, they had zero effect. I think if meds help someone through this and it doesn't cause physical harm, then they should take it. It's brave to ask and receive help.
I relate to this so much! Also the horrible depression that comes with social anxiety. Letting family and friends down for not being able to go out to social events or going and then having a meltdown. Medication has no effect on my anxiety either. I've learned some coping skills but it's still the biggest struggle.
TheEntilza, I TOTALLY relate!! Ugh, the guilt! And no one understands and assumes you just didn't want to go (when it meant SO much TO go!), and why couldn't you just be "honest" or just let them know ahead of time if you weren't going etc!! I've pretty much stopped trying to have friends because I know I'm going to let them down and they're never going to understand. Until today, I didn't know there was a name for it, and I'm 56 yrs old.
Meds are not the solution. I really believe in CBT for this (Cognitive behavioural therapy). It means practicing changing your thoughts and then practicing changing your behaviour. If you keep thinking negative and guilty thoughts about yourself, then the behaviour likely will not change. If you feel so guilty about not entering the event even though you wanted, it will only feed the anxiety.
TheEntilza , you're absolutely right, it is brave to ask for help and be willing to receive it! I'm one of those who have done so, on several occasions, and I know I'm in a better frame of mind for doing so. Over the years, I've learned that, with some of these issues, medication is just not the best option. Cognitive Behavior Therapy has been helpful for me instead. If that's something you haven't tried, I highly recommend for you to look into options for a CBT therapist in your area. I find, when I have a social event planned, that if I spend too much time preparing for the event, it makes it worse for me. Obviously, some preparations are important to do in advance, getting your transportation route figured out and becoming comfortable with it, being one of them. Also, I've learned, if I choose what I'm going to wear ahead of time and just give myself only one optional choice for that day, it steadies my anxiety a lot. And, for me, the most important part occurs in the two or three days prior to the event. I don't think about anything related to the event, if something comes to mind, I just tell myself "thank you, brain, for sharing, but I'm focusing on being kind to myself right now and I've already made my plans", then I turn my mind to something I enjoy. I try to treat myself kindly for those few days; bubble baths, working on art projects, walking in nature or watching nature videos, listening to soothing music and taking time to get plenty of sleep. For me, that means I take naps and go to bed early. (I understand sleep can be a tricky thing for many of us, so I recommend listening to the RUclips channel, Soothing Relaxation. It has helped me, tremendously, with anxiety and insomnia.) Also, I plan a, specific, special treat for myself to enjoy after the event; to encourage myself to follow through with going to the event, no matter what I'm thinking or feeling in the moment, on that day. This may seem like a lot, and it is, however, it's allowed me to, actively, participate in more family gatherings and major social engagements in my life. I hope you find this helpful, in some way, and not overwhelming. Take heart and keep trying! It won't, necessarily, get easier. However, it does become more manageable and creates that accomplished feeling which comes from doing the hard things. May God bless you on your journey! :)
Andreea Pescar yes,therapy is the only thing that has helped me. I've struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life. I'm 33 and I have come a long way with my mental illness but I still battle daily with my social anxiety.
When u have extreme anxiety, sometimes you have no choice but to take.meds... it sucks it can really ruin n control ur.life... I'm so thankful of the.few friends I have who get it n understand me...
Mayim THANK YOU! I'm a person who has been very socially anxious all my 16 years, and I've never even seen a doctor about it. I totally agree with your stance on not taking medication. I have asthma and allergies that can get pretty intense, but I avoid letting the medication rule my life. I've never related to something so much!
Unfortunately I dont really deal with my social anxiety. I used to deal with it by drinking, in my twenties and even a year or so into my thirties, it was liquid courage that got me out and socializing. As I started moving away from those behaviors, I found myself isolating a lot more and saying "no" to more and more things. A few years ago I went vegan for ethical reasons which added a LOT more anxiety about social situations for a number of reasons. Docs have tried to push pills on me but I'm fairly pathologically averse to the idea of most meds so now I'm just trying to say "yes" when I can, and not beating myself up too much when I cant.
Hearing you say you didn't want to take a pill literally made me cry. I have been building up the courage to tell this to my healthcare provider for ages. Thank you for this bit of release.
I know a lot of people like tp avoid medication but in my own experience I tried so many things to deal with my social anxiety. So many alternatives to deal with. Mine is so severe I struggle to talk to people in any capacity. I finally started medication a couple years ago and I wish I had started it sooner because it has helped me so so much.
I was diagnosed with GAD when I was 3 and SAD when I was 6. I never took medication because I thought the anxiety was part of who I was and I needed to deal with it on my own. But by the time I was 19, I still struggled with it. So I started taking medication. It took a couple months to find the right one and the right dosage, but it's so much better now.
Breanna May thats good to hear! Ive had anxiety since a very young age as well, around age 5 or so. Didn't start any meds for it till age 19 and same thing-it took a lot of tries to find something i could tolerate. Im glad you found sonething that helps you!
Sounds more like depression and low self esteem to me. But perhaps that is because we are different people, and Mayim's case of social anxiety may be a lot like my chronic depression (which I wonder if it is even possible, but it could be). Not liking social events and being afraid of being around people actually is part of social anxiety. Not trying to deliberately disagree or anything, or make you feel bad, but maybe not the best idea to present misinformation as facts. And I'm not saying your whole video is misinformation- I'm just referring to your intro with your definitions. The rest of the video is super informative and I think its really important that you talk about these things.
Jasmine Woods Exactly what I was thinking. I like myself but I don't like to be around other people. They way I think and behave is so different from other people that other peoples reactions become mentally taxing to process. I guess I'm a bit like Sheldon in that sense.
Kai Marcad that's not social anxiety though. it really isn't. Beeing terrified of social meetings, and just not wanting to go because it's not your cup of tea and you don't want to engage with put her people are different things. In the US people tend to call everything social anxiety
Alissa Dem If we are talking about social anxiety disorder then no, I don't have it. Disorders are something that require treatment, in this case therapy. Dealing with people is difficult for me but not so difficult that I'm unable to function normally. Being absolutely terrified of something does that.
I have social anxiety too with depression, I am normally a strong person and I first perceived that as a failure. I was the complete opposite before, didin't mind the crowd and was full of energy. In the space of 2 years, I was feeling oppressed all the time, got severe panic attacks, insomnia, feeling sick in the crowd etc. I didn't want to admit it at first, and came to a stage where I needed to accept the fact that I couldn't get out of it alone and needed support. Then comes the stage where you ask yourself why this happened, what is/are the source(s) and do I have to make changes in my life, sometimes big ones, and have the courage to do it. This is where I am now. I want to be ME again. Don't be scared to speak out and express your feelings, keeping everything inside is destroying yourself little by little.
I avoid large gatherings. It means I often don't accept invitations but I feel better so it's worth it. When I have no choice but to attend, I find a small group of 2 or 3 people and stay with them so I can keep the rest at least 2 or 3 people away from me.
I hate large gatherings too. I'm happy in smaller groups where I know everyone or most people. Hubby has given up asking me to go to his work do's because I either end up with a "headache" or can't find someone to look after the kids. He now knows the real reason and is ok with it.
I don’t mind having people near me as long as it’s not just me, so I understand where you’re coming from. Someone sitting in the seat next to me stresses me tf out
I'm going through social anxiety and depression for two and a half years now, and i don't take any medications for this, I'm just living through this and actually I've understood my depression and social anxiety so much, that I can really calm myself in daily social occurrences and I've been doing and dealing with it way more better then before, It's not like I don't face misunderstandings and quarrels because of my this problem because it is obvious to be happened, but I'm so grateful to be brave enough to just go through it❤❤
You ARE bold, fierce and strong! Truly. You inspire so many women to embrace their full selves (warts and all) and to express themselves with intellect, wisdom and compassion.
Are you allowed to have social anxiety if you are a actor. Because of all the promotions and conversations and interviews you need to do for movies. If you are a actor you need to interact with people. I want to be a actress but I also have social anxiety.
You hit the nail on the head, Mayim. My whole life you are someone who I looked up to.To see you go through things that I do as well, and share them, makes me respect you so much more. I cope with my social anxiety by forcing myself to just do it or not thinking about it. Mind you, a lot of times it doesn't work,but for the few times it does, it's an accomplishment. It really does depend on the day and what's going on.
Coping techniques that have helped me- I have 2 "go to" dressy outfits that are comfortable, that I actually like & that are suitable for weddings, parties, etc. I have 1 "go to" hairstyle for the same purpose. When I put off getting ready until the last dreaded minute, having these things in place helps greatly.
Hey Mayim! I would also be interested in how your diagnosis was done. Have you also been checked on Autism and ADHD? Maybe you could make a video about how all these "disorders" are connected or how to seperate them from each other? Wish you all the best! 💖
I’m sharing this with my daughter. She’s 10 years old and struggled with this since the end of Pre-K. Been working with a therapist hoping to avoids meds unless it’s a last resort for her. You’re an inspiration and I appreciate your openness. 🙏
*currently avoiding the shower hoping it’ll mean I won’t have to go to work today* Gotta love working retail with social anxiety. Guess I’ll be a little icky today
thank you so much for making this video! you are such an inspiration to me! i have many chronic illnesses that I am still trying to deal with and i too have social anxiety i dont know about you but my anxiety is ten times worse at the grocery store. I literally feel like i want to just fly out of the store. do you ever get that and thank you thank you thank you for sharing your story because if it has helped me so much and given me strength! i adore you keep doing what your doing you are a wonderful actor mother and advocate for many!! xoxox
I missed one of my friends leaving parties as I walked into the bar and there were too many people and I couldn’t see anyone I knew and I got overwhelmed and had to leave ASAP. And now I’m struggling to ask my friend to be my Maid of Honour as It gives me anxiety that she might say no.
What this says to me is that - in your mind, it's overplaying every aspect of that evening that was planned. Who was there, what was there, how would they react to you and vice versa, and maybe a little bit of will they accept me. All of us have those feelings and thoughts but they can't rule your life to the point of disparre. I applaud you for NOT taking a pill and working it out.
Wait, are you saying that not everyone puts off the shower until the window to shower and still get to the event closes? That not everyone gets an ache in the pit of their stomach accompanied by some diarrhea when they have to keep their social commitments? That not everyone has to intensely contemplate how they will summon the energy to speak once they get to the event, and then can't be shut up once actually there? Hm, I thought that was everybody.
I, like you, face my fear head on. I even get up on stage and perform. I refuse to let my anxiety stop me from trying new things, meeting new people and just living my life to the fullest. When pannick starts to become overwhelming, I meditate and practice mindfulness. I always do breathing excercices before a performance.
Mayim, I do hope you read this -as I am another grateful fan of yours who is so THANKFUL for this youtube channel that you have created. For a long time, I wondered if I might have a true voice or platform or be visible, after all this time. Praise be - you have brought this forth......I am beyond grateful for your sage words of wisdom, you insight, you platform to speak openly, your capacity to be vulnerable, your wisdom overall...... just genius and at such ease..... Everything you say and send out to the universe - I know I AM JUST ONE AMONGST MANY IN THE UNIVERSE!!!! [what a bore!!!!]... ......to you I say, dear Mayim Bialik...... super trouper...... you are my/a super star..... Thank you for shining so bright
I have social anxiety and have for many years, I do all you have mentioned, I park at a shopping mall and can sit in the car for over 30 mins before I feel I can go shopping, and this is for just food shopping nothing else, I will sit in the car ( my safe place as I call it) for a lot of time before I go anywhere where there will be people or large crowds. I also when I walk start to breath heavy but it’s not cause I’m out of breath, more that I’m having a panic attack and I feel everyone is watching me, this is something I have learn to deal with and I don’t take medication for it as I don’t want to go down that road, it’s hard, and it’s frustrating at times, but .... it is what it is
I am indoors a lot due to having chronic fatigue but when I do have to go out I now mediate and try to keep my nervous system as relaxed as I possibly can and try to relax my body so that's not all tense as well. I try to meditate 10 mins everyday and 10 mins before sleep to get my body used to the practice. Mind work is my go to and watching my refined sugar intake as its too stimulating to the body. Good Luck x
gahh i do this too! i get all ready and try to mentally prepare myself, "its just the store! you can do it! you need to get food!", i drive there, and im terrified, sit in my car for a bit...sometimes ill muster up the courage to go in, sometimes ill just drive home. going outside is really hard, why do i really feel like everyone is watching and judging me? its only ever really bad when im alone, so i very rarely go outside alone- unless its to work or for an appointment. if i have to go to the store, i wait until one of my sisters has to go too and then i go with her. i really wonder what its like for normal ppl to just be able to go outside and not think twice about it lmao, must be nice
I've been trying to deal with it by exposing myself to situations that make me uncomfortable everyday, but I feel like when it gets reallllly intense and I can't seem to escape from it, I just have to forgive myself. There's nothing else I feel like I can do but be like, this is me and it's okay and we will be okay.
Whenever I have to go to a social event I avoid showering too. And say ‘I can’t come I didn’t shower, sorry’ My friends get angry because I always ditch them. I can’t deal with social anxiety.
Hard to believe someone as beautiful and outgoing as you are would suffer from this condition. You always seem like you've always got things together. My grandmother suffered from this problem. She rarely left the house, preferring to stay locked in.
The way you talk about wanting to live and experience yourself this way is how I cope with my depression. I like myself a lot when I'm not being upset with myself. I think it's important to experience ourselves warts and all.
I'm a black man, and there's been plenty of times that I thought it was ideal to leave mid haircut. I close my eyes to not see the clippers about to connect with my head. However, even when I do, I can still hear the buzzing from the clippers getting closer and my head does a little cringe/twitch movement.
Me when my mom touched my hair accept I talk to my self and say I hate buns over and over again cuz I do and I still take my brade out that my mom does for me 😅lol😅😅😅😅😅 sorry not sorry mom!
I just got back from having my hair cut that's why I'm watching this I had to fight so hard not to get up and run out mid hair cut the hair dresser was looking at me really strange.
Ooof! This hits me where I live. The anticipation, the pressure, the expectations...the rage & sadness. It's a daily struggle but I know it's a work in progress. Procrastination makes for a good but ultimately poisoned shield. Knowing I'm not experiencing this alone is comforting.
I didn't even go to my daughter's baby shower.. I feel so guilty😥...that's was my choice that day and I have to live with it. Stems from low self esteem and sometimes I just don't want to talk . But look at me here yapping away lol...
I have been trying to work on myself and one thing I say is...remember this event is not about me it's about someone I care about. How would I feel if they didn't come to my event?...wait a sec...if my daughter told me she had anxiety about coming, I'd tell her that's fine take your time ....I just want you comfortable and feeling secure. Isn't that was real love is?
I still feel guilty for not seeing my son receive an award over ten years ago. I did go but after a while had the crushing anxiety and felt like jumping out of my skin. It was in a large gym but I was so claustrophobic that I had to go home and still feel so bad about missing it.
I have social anxiety,and got at it's worst for the last few months, at the level that is hard for me to leave the house alone. But on the bright side, i am getting help.Thumbs up for talking about that!
I currently don’t take pharmaceuticals - found the side effects were worse and not worth any benefits. I have been taking several natural supplements like Ashwaghanda, Rhodiola Rosea, St. John’s Wort and many others. Nothing is perfect, especially when it’s period time, but I mostly feel like I can cope.
i deal wth social anxiety aswell and i use to be on tablets for it but decided to leave hem. i want to be in control of my own mind and i have come really far ... still have those off days and still want to go sit in a bathroom stall every now and then but i have accepted my reality and try improve myself everyday, i love your channel and love hearing all your advise. I watch you almost everyday and it has become part of my morning routines to just sit and listen to you. i learn alot and sometimes laugh alot. you are an inspiration xx
Thank you for distinguishing the difference between having social anxiety and not liking events. I do have social anxiety that I just cope with. It is exactly like you described especially before going anywhere. Anticipating getting ready and going anywhere makes me freak out before events. Including delaying getting ready, crying changing my clothes, everything you just described. And then once I'm at the wedding or the party, usually I'm okay in about 20 minutes or so after being there. It depends if I have someone there to support me. But my social anxiety is real. I wish I had a better way to deal with it.
I love this video... I've never heard someone elses story about social anxiety that sounds so much like mine. I haven't had a meltdown like the one you described in about 4 years, so I feel like I'm a little better now than I was. I definitely still have freak out moments in my head but I have gotten better about controlling them so they don't turn into total clothes throwing, ugly crying meltdowns. One of the ways I've helped myself is by accepting my social anxiety as a part of who I am. I'm very open about it with people that I'm getting to know and all of my close friends and my husband know about my issues and although they cant truly understand them, they get me. My best friend knows that she can't invite anyone else to a lunch we have planned unless I know them or she asks and she is absolutely OK if I say know. My husband knows that just getting me there is the battle so he just has to battle the crazy to the car. Lol and has no problem not letting my anxiety win. He never let me use that excuse. He has literally pushed me out the door to a girls night saying your fine, your going to have fun. My best friend has threatened to drag me out the house. At the same time though those same wonderful people have asked me if I'm OK if we unexpectedly find ourselves in a crowd and offered to leave with me if I feel uncomfortable. Knowing that with these people I'm safe, I can stay or leave and they love me anyway, they won't leave me stuck talking t a stranger.... They get me.... It makes me more ok going to social events... They are my safe people and for several years that's how I coped... I always had one of my safe people with me. Then as I began to gain more experiences with these people, they became less terrifying to me. I can do more Today without my safe person than I could 4 years ago. Now I'm not fixed by any means.... I still avoid large crowds and if I get on an elevator with people I don't know my skin crawls. But I can order at Starbucks now without wanting to die so that's nice lol. This is a little bit of a ramble and my anxiety wants me to delete it but I'm gonna post it anyway. Thanks Mayim for talking about social anxiety!
Mayim ~ Just found your channel yesterday! I am exactly like u.. EXACTLY. Same social anxiety responses. Once I'm there.. I'm good! But oh boy... getting to that point? SO HARD. It helps me somewhat to visualize me being comfortable, happy & confident at the event or place. You are absolutely refreshing for being so honest! You really are helping so many people! ♡ Much love ♡
I take depression meds every day and anti anxiety meds only as needed. Its a chemical imbalance so no i font think there will be a time i wont have to be on it
YOU have social anxiety?? That surprises me!!! I used to get panic attacks and it ruled my life for a long time but I was able to talk myself out of one and haven't had one since!!!! I still have anxiety but it's much better. Strangely , knowing someone like you has the same anxieties is comforting! You are one of those women who I have envied, full of confidence, funny and bubbly! Thank you for your posts!
I thought I had social anxiety because I can't never talk to people, like only if I've known them for years or if we're very close but if not, I literally can't put out any words cause I'm afraid that what I'd say is dumb or stupid and I just feel so awkward, and if I do talk to someone, later I keep repiting the conversation and thinking OMG That's so dumb why would I say that. Also I always get ready for events and then realize that I look ugly and I don't go when I already spent so much time trying to feel pretty. That has made lost many possible friends and good memories
That shower scenario is so crazy on point. I never even realized that is my go-to excuse for why it's always, perpetually "too late" to go anywhere. And I've lived with SA for a pretty long time (go figure). Thanks for the insight and I look forward to more.
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If it's public speaking that really trips you up, we just published an AMAZING article on Grok Nation about how to find your voice even if you have shyness or anxiety. Check it out! groknation.com/relating/public-speaking-find-your-inner-power-voice/
Mayim Bialik honestly thanks for saying that last bit at the end. I struggle with this too and I always feel guilty and shameful. I was considering taking medication but what you said really touched me. This is who I am and this is apart of me.
So thank you.
The article that was published on Grok Nation on public speaking was wonderful indeed. I find myself a lot having shyness and social anxiety in public settings, including when I have to speak in public. When it comes to coping with social anxiety, I try my best to think positive and to know that no matter what insecurities I have I know that there are certain people who have faith in me giving me that boost of confidence I need. Thanks for posting!
I think it's amazing that you open up like this.
On a different subject, where can I get a TARDIS shirt like that? 😀
Tiff4nyNicol3 Not everybody feels they need it. It is an issue of degrees too: I take my med because of it combined with depression episodes that feed each other. Some people are very resilient and are self aware enough that they may not ever need it. Therapy has helped that part for me a bit. The med just helps me recognize when I need to start regaining control and maintain an even keel in everyday overwhelms.
Mayim Bialik I have migraines, depression and anxiety. I have been using this unit called CES Ultra. To say I was skeptical is a HUGE understatement because it’s such a simple idea. It stands for cranial electrical stimulation. But let me tell you, it’s made such a difference in my life. It’s amazing. I’m not going to go into how to use it and how it works because I’m already writing too much but here’s the web site if anyone wants to learn more about it cesultra.com.
"Expectations are planned disappointments"
Hit me like a slap in the face
LOL....Only Mayim would say that.
"Expect the worst. Then you may be pleasantly surprised."
Me too
that's great, I need to remember that.
Yes I felt that in my soul
For me, it's just his horrible feeling of dread just to talk to people. I feel like if I lend my voice, give an opinion, or even state a preference in something mundane, I'm open for attack. I'm going to be insulted and shamed for what I feel and/or think. Consequently, I don't want to talk to people, so I just let them prattle on and nod my head. Meanwhile, feelings of frustration and anger build up, while my brain is screaming at this person, "Why can't you just shut up?!"
@John J thank you for this this wasn’t for me but GOD put this out here for everyone and I need to to read this keep spreading GOD word GOD bless
Same. I did this too and I think this might be the reason I developed something that looks like selective mutism. But it has gotten better over the past few years.
I’m still scared to say my opinion and most of the time I just add a “yes” or another verbal form of agreement to my nod. So luckily it can get better with time
Yep!
I know exactly what you mean - looking forward to going out but then you get the insult/ridicule/whatever that you know is probably going to happen at some point but it's still a shock when it happens that it completely ruins your evening anyway, and lasts for a long time after. It's usually completely unnecessary and unjustified so infuriates you for a lot longer than it probably should. Now I'm older it's easier to just stay home.
Nailed it!
It's also very important to realize that social anxiety can differ for many people; it should actually be seen as a spectrum disorder. So someone can have severe anxiety before an event, find avoidance tactics, sobbing parties and still make it to the party and have fun without medication; there are also MANY people who simply cannot go to these events. Or those who do but have to leave very soon after. Or those who also suffer from severe anxiety once the event is over, going over and over and over and over about what happened, how you said things, how you looked, how you smiled, did you talk enough, did you smile enough, were you kind, were you mean, were you ... Good luck to us all.
She has a P. H. D. She does not need an explanation.
Vicky Manson you describe me exactly in the last part of comment; I over obsess about what I could have and should have said or not said 🥺😖
So very much agreed about it being a spectrum disorder. Thank you for saying this.
So true
This is something i realized recently
As a person with pretty severe social anxiety I greatly appreciated this video. I just have an intense fear of larger social gatherings even with my own family. I dread being asked the surface level questions "what's new with you?" "are you in college?" "What do you do for work?". I have an intense fear of being judged negatively by people and I am incredibly sensitive to negative criticism. These questions often make me feel like I'm being interrogated and often judged by what my current situation in life is and I hate it. It is so bad that I will often avoid many social gatherings or events for those reasons or leave one I would already be present for. I have very few people who I really open up to and tell everything to and I have struggled with this my whole life. Sometimes I just have to force myself to go and get out of my own head but it is like nails scratching a chalkboard it makes me so uncomfortable. I met another person at my job who also has social anxiety and it just feels so nice to have someone who relates to me.
Social anxiety is about judgement of people. When I meet someone who seems non judgemental, I feel relaxed around them. It doesn't happen often.
I relate to you friend. I dont even attend any social gathering because of the fear of being judged.
Is it social anxiety if you say "yes" to an event and then immediately dread it and start getting more nervous as the event gets closer to the point where you want to find an excuse not to go? While at the event you feel incredibly awkward and can't wait to leave. After, you can't sleep because you go over every conversation and action because you are sure you looked like an idiot and that others think you are _________(fill in the blank).
Cheri Yes.
Yup, this is almost exactly what it's like for me.
Yep
I do that all of the time when I have to go out where I have to interact with people. I keep rethinking what I said and think how stupid I must of sounded and why didn't I say something else. I work at home which is great because I suck dealing with people because of my social anxiety, dread the day when I have to go back out to work outside the home. Dread having to go to any social event because I stress so bad about it before and then even more so afterwards with all of the what if's then after it 's the why did I do or say that. I always thought it was just because I was shy, until I started hearing from others with social anxiety and now I know it's not just shyness because even with people I know I still go through the same thing.
Cheri definitely, yes. I used to do the same thing all the time. Now it's only sometimes. It's hard, but try to focus on the positive and the things that went well. Even if it's only little tiny things like "hey, I went" or "I actually said hi to someone" or whatever may seem little to you but is still positive.
It is comforting to know that someone as awesome and powerful as you also suffers from this. To me the hardest part is people, friends and family not understanding, assuming I am faking or exaggerating matters. I self talk, self soothe a lot like a mother would sooth her child. I avoid situations that will bring on panic attacks , but that makes me feel like my own prisoner. It’s not easy but I deal with it the best I can. In the end it’s a lot of pretending to be ok, acting in fact. I act on a daily basis, on a stage called life.
Here's the thing: Mayim is smart and sensitive. She thinks a lot. A lot. This makes her pretty awesome, but also anxious. They go hand in hand
My family and friends don’t understand me either they think I exaggerate and you are right I fake my way through life. The worst are my stage frights that come with it. I dread public speaking
I think it's important to point out that social anxiety doesn't manifest itself the same way for everyone. The distinction you made at the beginning of the video is important - too many people think that experiencing any anxiety in a social situation means they have social anxiety disorder which is false. But I'd say that what you then provided as what is social anxiety is a really personal look. I think sharing our personal experiences is valuable but there are many ways social anxiety can manifest, many ways it can effect people and present itself. It isn't limited to how it makes one person feel or act. For instance, not everyone with social anxiety will have fits or rocks back and forth.
I think it is fantastic that you share what you are going through. Especially as someone in the public eye, sharing your experiences with life's challenges is powerful. But it's important that when you are sharing your own experiences, you make that distinction clear in order to avoid invalidating someone else's experience. It would be a shame to cause someone to assume that they don't have social anxiety because theirs doesn't affect them in the same way yours affects you.
As someone with social anxiety disorder I am grateful for you lending your voice, thank you. I would just urge you to be careful that you aren't making potentially damaging generalizations. If you are going to define social anxiety, don't limit the definition by your own experience. If you want to share your experience, don't present it as the definition of what social anxiety is.
courtvega absolutely!
Awesome perspective. A lot of people do generalize normal, healthy anxiety as social anxiety or a clean house as OCD. But generalized anxiety disorder,OCD and agoraphobia are clinical definitions that make typical daily functioning very difficult. It does indeed look different for everyone, and disrupts typical functioning in many different ways almost always involving avoidance in some form. Thanks for sharing some about what it looks like for you. I'm so glad that real people are putting a face to mental health disorders.
yes i completely agree, i was thinking the same thing while watching
This was my exact thought when she was defining social anxiety. I do also think it can come in varying degrees for people as well, but social anxiety does cross a boundary between introvertedness/not wanting to be very social versus making them emotionally anxious, etc. You worded this very nicely as well, and I definitely agree with you.
Fiona Jackson Check out Kati Morton's page.
I have a very dear friend with SA she is the sweetest nicest ppl I know... I look at how truly lovely, kind and generous she is and am so sad that she has such a struggle in owning that... I often wish she could see herself through my eyes and be fearless. I know her struggle is real and I am happy to hold her arm and reassure her they aren’t looking/laughing/judging and that I am proud to be with her
My method of handling social anxiety is drag. I basically dressing up as someone else makes any insecurities not matter. No one would be judging you. They would be judging a character. It completely frees me up. And that confidence is slowly creeping into my everyday life making social settings a little bit easier to deal with. (Just a little)
you are SLAYING
Thank you for sharing… the thought of hiding behind something has crossed my mind too. Hope, you are doing awesome.
This is literally the first time I’ve ever commented on a RUclips video...I have social anxiety and it makes life so frickin hard sometimes. I seem to have it the worst with acquaintances or people that I only sort of know. I’m fine with strangers, and I’m fine with close friends (although even then I get anxious) but the in-between stage is the worst. Especially if it’s important that I get to know those people and that they like me (ie my boyfriend’s family). I just wish I could be consistently myself in front of everyone but I can’t. I don’t know if it’s some sort of subconscious sabotage or if it’s a shitty positive feedback loop, but it’s always worse during times of stress. Thanks for the beautifully honest video, it really does help to know we’re not alone 💛
I hope you're doing better!🙂
Ditto! Acquaintances/people I recognize from high school are the worst for me. I feel like I should remember their name, and even if I do, how do I start that conversation? Should I? Will talking to them make them uncomfortable? How long is appropriate to say hi? Will my face get firetruck red if I talk to them?
OMGosh Mayim....so encouraging to know I’m not the only person on EARTH who avoids the shower (pre-social situation)!🙈 Thank you for sharing! FYI- Dealing with this S*** DOES make you bold and fierce and strong!💪💪💪
Jennifer Sweet I know right? My mother thought I might be possessed by demons, seriously. I do wash but I hate the shower.
TerriD D if you don't like to shower you didn't get the point
For me, it’s an act of avoidance. Procrastination. I know I still have to do the thing. The event, the meeting, the whatever the thing that I’m dreading is...but, by putting off that shower, I don’t have to think about the dreaded thing for 5 more minutes. And then 5 more minutes. And so on..... until I’ve avoided The Thing so long that I have nearly no time left to prepare myself for this ultimately unavoidable experience. I end up going feeling awful about myself, my appearance, my “laziness” and my “weak will”. And then, not only does the social situation create stress but I literally beat myself up mentally the entire time. Avoidance is a huge coping mechanism.... unfortunately it’s probably not all that healthy in the long run. I know it causes me to be way too hard on myself and WAY more unkind to myself than I would ever be to another person. Not that that was Mayim’s point, just my own personal experience. I was thrilled to hear that she overcame her anxiety and actually ended up having a great time! That means there’s hope! Lol Now if you’ll all excuse me, I have to go take a shower... 😉🚿😂
Jennifer I always end up showering way to early and then being ready to leave 2-3 hours to early and then panicking to the point where I’m soaked in sweat anyway...
cimulu Oh no! Isn’t it funny how many of us can experience the same anxiety and yet react in totally different ways? Whatever our personal coping method we can all understand and support each other. And once we identify a harmful pattern in our lives we can take steps (often BABY STEPS in my own case!) toward more healthy choices.
Hmm, my social anxiety at its worst was like this: Imagine walking into a room with 4 people. You sit down. Your heart is racing as if you are chased by a flock of lions. All your muscles are tense. You have a cold sweat. You are filled with fear and you have tunnel vision. And your face is burning red. Intense fear. Just by sitting in a room with 4 other people. Everyone else with "social anxiety" seems to have extremely mild problems.
You described it perfectly do you use any medications to help cope with your anxiety i need help or tips
I have never heard someone else explain the showering thing like that, I have extreme social anxiety and panic disorder, and one of my ways of coping sometimes is "I just won't shower today, then I don't have to go out or answer the door". I loved this video, to know someone as famous as you had the same issues was eye opening. Thank you, Mayim. I've been a fan of yours since the start of Blossom and have always looked up to you ❤️
Charmaine Hardy this would not work for me since i shower every 4 days in the winter and every 2-3 in the summer!! Ok sometimes every 4 days in the summer too...
Uh, I think in a parallel universe, you're my best friend.
Same lmao
Thank you for speaking about this and embracing it as one of the things that make you the amazing person you are! No plugging the ears for me. Instead it's a little reassuring pat or consoling rub on the arm for me while repeating "you're ok..... you're ok". Or sometimes while actually having to communicate with someone when the anxiety tries to drown me, wringing my hands and either talking tooooo much about nothing or staring mutely like a complete crazy person! Lol I absolutely adore your videos and your real discussions. A lot of them, especially the one about being different and nerdy, hit close to home for me. Thank you for giving us "weirdos" a voice and making people realize that these are the kind of traits that sometimes hinder us but, for the most part, make us special, fun, interesting, endearing, and awesome.
I do have social anxiety. Just talking on the phone makes me panic. I stay home 98% of the time because the thought of being around people makes my anxiety go through the roof, even if I want to go somewhere usually I won't because I just can't deal with it. I've done the putting off showering thing too. And when time came to go, I ended up staying home, I just couldn't bring myself to go. I wasn't always like that, when I was younger I loved going out but my anxiety has gotten so bad over the years I actually developed panic disorder. Now I'm extremely reclusive. I hate that, but I just can't seem to quit being that way. Ugh....
Elizabeth UnicornMom me too :-(
Same
It takes a number of factors, a really grounded friend, psicologist (conductist, so you see progress from day one), and some of them you look for them other come to you by almost luck.
To me, it helped to move to a place where I have a very good friend that also struggle with it but he helped me by talking and sharing, and helping me to find a job, not to mention meditation or my psicologist. But some of this things take time.
The key (and it is not easy) is to find new habits, be able to break the loop (because that loops resonate at some moment in your head, and then it ends up into something more difficult to escape).
There are exercises to confront your fears, to learn to accept the limits, and of course it is not easy, but really, it is possible. For example, you can make a list of some things that give you social anxiety, and put them in order, and try the one that gives you the less anxiety, then you can write down the situation, and just write down what worries you, then you need to do it (you can prepare yourself better, write in a paper what you want to say, set a time limit), then you need to compare what actually happened with what you wrote. This is a way to check our distorted thoughts.
Keep trying there are a lot of methods, some works better than others, some suits you, you are the only one who can say of it really works or not. Knowing how to breath, even in front of other people always help
And remember that learning is not a linear process, but sometimes there are moments you feel you are back in the starting point but is not true you are improving slowly, and you will have more and more moments of less anxiety. And find people you can share this things.
But please I'm just a person in internet, trust your good intuition. I also find I interesting some apps like calm or simplehabbit but just look for meditation for anxiety.
All the best!
U so describe myself to a T, many yrs I never left the house, ended up quitting school, like u it just came on one.day, it sucks bad, panic attacks r.the worst... but I try to make myself get out once a day even if it's to one of my parents house or just a.ride... I feel for u..
This is exactly me, every word. It sucks but at the same time it's nice to know you're not the only one.
I don't go out unless my husband or son is with me, like you I take no medication, but I am getting to the stage where i might have to go down that route, that you for posting your video, i feel better knowing I'm not alone
I have social anxiety and this is so spot on! I always feel better when around complete strangers, but terrified around acquaintances. If I could go without taking medication for mine that would be great, but I don’t think I would be able to really socially interact at all if I stopped taking it. Thank you for explaining what social anxiety really is for the rest who don’t understand!
I just love her. She’s so real.
That’s the spirit! Don’t let satan take over! 😤
Thank you so much for sharing your own personal issues. Showing yourself vulnerable and how you fight or cope with that will help a lot other people. You're an inspiration. Thank you Miss Bialik.
I have severe depression situational anxiety and panic attacks. I feel so proud if I can shower dress and arrive at events, but at 62 if I can’t that’s ok too.
I have social anxiety. I was feeling awful about my face and the fact that I wear glasses and how awful I am. And then I sat down and watched The Big Bang Theory. I thought about how much I love Amy and Leonard and think that they still look awesome even though they wear glasses. And then I felt a bit better for a while. Also this video made me feel a lot less alone. So thank you, Mayim 😊 ❤
I'm the opposite. My anxiety destroys me if I do not know anyone.
Oliver Kuiz exactly. One of the reasons I am on medication.
Oh gosh. Thank you for talking about this. Thank you for always making us realise that we are not alone. That someone as awesome as you sometimes struggle with a lot of things too. You are a beacon, a light, an inspiration. Thank you, Mayim ❤️
I'm having more and more difficulty just leaving my apartment!! Even just to go grocery shopping, or take a walk... 😢
I have terrible anticipatory social anxiety as well. It's the strangest feeling getting so worked up and panicked and then getting to the event and realizing that I'm actually fine. I've been trying something Grace Helbig mentioned when she was on your channel, and it's telling myself that anxiety can just be misplaced excitement. Idk if it's working but I went on a weekend trip with two new friends that I barely knew so there's that.
Being so uncomfortable at social events, it’s like being on fire but then when you leave you feel so disappointed in yourself because everyone else looks happy but you can’t cope with it. Also trying to explain to people what it’s like. They just don’t get it
Mayim you should make videos about good things that you like about yourself.
i agree! you should do it, Mayim!
I agree ... how could Mayim not think Mayim is great? She is!
i also agree this is a good idea to make a video pointing out the good things even though sharing things about your negative things helps others i think you should do one on the good things
Social anxiety isn't a "bad part" of her it simply is a part of her... Something she has to overcome... And a lot of her "good parts" come from her having social anxiety and learning to adapt to it.... Her compassion and understanding for other people and her passion for helping and unshaming mental health are all "good things" about her and that come from her having all of these parts of her.... So to me, she is talking about her good parts... Because overcoming is good and beautiful and that's what I see here. 🙂
Having social anxiety is not a bad thing, as someone else here pointed out. She is bringing about awarence. Talking about it helps. I get tired of people that think talking positive about somehthing else helps. If you don't have it you have no clue what it's like to live with it. So stop and think the next time you think you have all the answers.
Surprised I stumbled across her channel. I've been struggling with this for many years now escalating to the point of being severe. My anxiety has pushed me to the life of a shut in but it's always nice to know you're not alone.
I don’t have social anxiety. I love to go to events and meet new people but I get sooo awkward and for some reason start saying words I’ve never said in my life like “jeepers” or instead of saying good morning (which would be appropriate) I say “goodnight” I’m like seriously! 🙄 Rachel, act normal. Lol. It’s so frustrating and I can’t even imagine how hard it is to have social anxiety. That’s a whole other level.
I think that MILD social anxiety. Where you just get reasonably nervous around (new?) people. Also, the behavior you described is cute, own it :)
good night 😂 that's awesome 😂
I think I have that problem it’s really annoying. After I get back home I will be thinking about all the things I have said and be unhappy
Are you shy? Or an introvert? Bc those things would cause a little bit of nervousness with new people, but nowhere near the level of social anxiety.
Social anxiety is debilitating. It makes it so approaching someone is unthinkable, and you practice your sentences in your head before saying them, and if you mess up, you mull over it the rest of the night. It keeps you from going to the bathroom bc no one else is going, or ordering a drink because you might order something they don’t have.
Every thing is more difficult when it involves other people, even when those people are family or friends.
Please don’t worry about me. :)
Jeepers geewhillikers!
💯 truth. Procrastination is my main “ tell all “ when I know its going to be bad.
Ugghhh social anxiety.... Over the years I've just stopped doing things or having friends so I don't ever get invited to anything anymore. It's easier this way. The neighbors next door sometimes say we should BBQ together or they invite us over for a bonfire and I can't even do that I make myself extremely busy during that time that they want us to come and then the next day I say oh I'm so sorry I needed to do this this and this for my kids while thinking to myself they don't buy that they just think that you're a terrible person so then I avoid them for a while.
MamaLynns HouseofLightandFreedom Been there too 🙈 my neighbour eventually stopped inviting me over. I can’t blame her. I dodged her invitation so many times. It’s terrible. One day I’m sure I’ll get better at it.
Sara Rey ❤️ it's gotta get better ❤️ stay strong ❤️
You are being brave and strong every time you go out even with all the anxiety. I believe that this is even strongest than not having social anxiety and going to the world
I’m so glad you mentioned how “free” you were able to feel because there were mostly surrounded by strangers. I explained this to a Doctor I was seeing back in 2007 but he didn’t get it.
It makes all the difference, doesn’t it?
Heavy breathing before you can enter any reunion... avoiding the panic attack that it could turn into! Thank you for this one so so much!!!!
Expect Nothing,
Appreciate Everything.
Well.. my anxiety is inhibiting me from landing any kind of job because I'm too afraid to interview. So... I have been taking medication. I need it to move forward with my life.
kizzy DONT THINK DO !!!!! YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE CHOOSING TO MASTER OUR THOUGHTS TAKES WORK BUT CAN BE DONE you can do anything you put thought and action towards.
Talk with your psychiatrist/ therapist. They can prescribe medication such as beta-blockers or antidepressants. they really can help!
Mayim is like that friend with whom you'd like to spend an afternoon talking about life and sipping some tasty heart-warming beverage.
I have struggled with social anxiety since I was a teenager. I hear where you are coming from when you mention that you like being social it’s just that it can be awkward, and it can feel uncomfortable. Now that I am 50 I feel like it has gotten easier as I get older. I engage in a lot of social situations, but I don’t always feel good about it. When my husband and I walk into a public place I would rather that he walks in the door first so that everyone is not staring at me. Thank you for putting this in perspective.
You are very brave to share this story with us. Than you. My boyfriend has anxiety and sometimes is challenging for me to understand why he behaves the way he does. He is not very good expressing his thoughts or emotions so your video really put in perspective and help me understand better what he might be experiencing :) Thank you
Fina Garcia as a guy who has social anxiety I struggle dating even though girls think im cute.usually im very akward and make ppl feel uncomfortable. Its cool that you are trying to understand what he's going through. More ppl should do what your doing
When you have people you love and miss terribly, and want so, so much to spend time with... but the thought of walking out the door and actually socializing...or even calling on the phone...or even texting...causes vertigo and hyperventilation, nausea, and throat-closing terror...that's (my personal version of) social anxiety. I had a decade of therapy and that worked pretty well, but eventually I had to get medication. But now I can function. Well, most of the time :-) Thank you for bringing attention to this, and pointing out what social anxiety actually is.
I love when people talk about things like this. I have GAD and it makes you feel like you are so unfit to function in this world. Going to my doctors appointment brought me to tears on my floor last month. I medicate for a lot of things, chronic pain and depression. But not this. Because even though the anxiety is a horrible feeling the numbness of anxiety medication makes every other moment less enjoyable.
K O'Shea Just wondering if my theory/intuition is correct- Did your parents or teachers or classmates(like in young age) told or showed you behavior that you are not good enough or unfit for world?
I highly recommend the book- 'You can heal your life' by Louise Hay
Hita Desai this doesn’t apply to me too much as I developed everything along with fibromyalgia. I believe that not being able to control my body has lead to massive anxiety about not being able to control anything. But thank you for the recommendation, always good to read something new.
First line treatment for anxiety is actually the exact same drugs as first line treatment for depression. So even though you think you are not treating it, it may be getting treated subconsciously. I hope this helps you feel less anxious.
Thank you so much for this video! I struggle with social anxiety and it brings out the real truth about myself in such a vicious way. The horrble part is wanting to go to certain events - my pre event happenings are eerily identicle to what you described. The good I take from this is I am proud to battle this in my own way -without meds but I do attend counseling sessions. This is honestly me, conquering one part of my own self. I am grateful to people who trully love me and cheer me on. Thank you for talking about this. It made a part of me that is so painful seem not so horrific. Please keep the videos coming, your humor is refreshing.
Even tho. i can't relate to some of your videos, i still find it so helpful especially when i have friends that have experienced things like this and i always recommend your videos whenever they need advice bc i don't really know what to say to them since i haven't experienced it. They always thank me for it but tbh they should be thanking you. Keep it up Mayim! 🙌
Normally people don't understand when I say, that I have social anxiety actually they think that I'm crazy or something and told me control yourself and when I watch this kind of videos is really comfortable because I know, I'm not alone and there's more people like me. ❤️
Yes, i'm here. And i'm in horrible state , because i just cried in front of my teacher and classmates when i talk about my problem about social anxiety (the teacher told to me to open up my problems , so i did but i got sensitive when i talk about social anxiety.) Now i feel humiliated, pathetic and embarrassed. I don't know how to face them tomorrow at school. (I'm 19 btw)
I'm sorry to vent to you btw, because things just happened today and i feel devastated.
Jeez, I really love you. I was having a difficult time a while ago, and frankly still am. I went to the doctor, which I RARELY do. I told her what was going on: my husband had filed for divorce, and my son was having drug/legal problems, and things were just hard, THE FIRST THING THE DOCTOR SAID WAS DO YOU WANT A PILL? Frankly, I was pissed. She did not ask about my diet, my daily habits, or weather I was sleeping alright, or anything. All she said was, DO YOU WANT A PILL? So I left the doctor, came home and started researching what I could do naturally to help. Diet is a big part, exercise, and signing the freaking divorce papers. No pills. I truly was angry, and I truly think there is something wrong with this. You are awesome, glad I found your channel, please keep making videos. Love You.
Paula Ellis How true! I had the same experience
Alexandra Lettau did you find a solution? I am not trying to tell you what to do, because everyone is different but eating right, sleeping properly and exercising regularly are what is helping me get through this time in my life. I exercise at least every other day, at least a walk or a swim, I eat a huge salad every day and try to stay away from sugar, and if I feel like my brain is running and worrying too much I do take a generic over the counter sleep aid, often just HALF a tablet will get me to sleep, and that is not all the time. I also take A LOT of vitamin B6 I think it is. I make sure I go outside in the sun for at least 20 minutes a day, and I just started taking St. John's Wort, it is a dietary supplement that is supposed to help also. What do you do to help yourself? What works for you?
I just wanted to say thank you for letting us know about your social anxiety. Knowing that someone as accomplished as you are also suffers makes me feel less guilty about using an app to get my groceries because most days I can't people.
Actually, Social Anxiety is when you desperately desperately want to go to a social event but are too scared to go, but you really want to go, so you're up two weeks in advance because you're scared, and you practice going there because you don't want to be intimidated by the unknown bus route and you want to avoid the terrible agony of asking someone for directions, and then the day comes, and after you get dressed and do you hair and have an hysterical fit because you can't do it after all - you get out of the house, go all the way over there, reach the entrance... and then turn around and run back home in terror. And then you spend spend the next few months telling yourself you're a loser. That is what it means to have Social Anxiety.
And I so wish meds worked for me. Unfortunately, they had zero effect. I think if meds help someone through this and it doesn't cause physical harm, then they should take it. It's brave to ask and receive help.
I relate to this so much! Also the horrible depression that comes with social anxiety. Letting family and friends down for not being able to go out to social events or going and then having a meltdown. Medication has no effect on my anxiety either. I've learned some coping skills but it's still the biggest struggle.
TheEntilza, I TOTALLY relate!! Ugh, the guilt! And no one understands and assumes you just didn't want to go (when it meant SO much TO go!), and why couldn't you just be "honest" or just let them know ahead of time if you weren't going etc!! I've pretty much stopped trying to have friends because I know I'm going to let them down and they're never going to understand. Until today, I didn't know there was a name for it, and I'm 56 yrs old.
Meds are not the solution. I really believe in CBT for this (Cognitive behavioural therapy). It means practicing changing your thoughts and then practicing changing your behaviour. If you keep thinking negative and guilty thoughts about yourself, then the behaviour likely will not change. If you feel so guilty about not entering the event even though you wanted, it will only feed the anxiety.
TheEntilza , you're absolutely right, it is brave to ask for help and be willing to receive it! I'm one of those who have done so, on several occasions, and I know I'm in a better frame of mind for doing so. Over the years, I've learned that, with some of these issues, medication is just not the best option. Cognitive Behavior Therapy has been helpful for me instead. If that's something you haven't tried, I highly recommend for you to look into options for a CBT therapist in your area. I find, when I have a social event planned, that if I spend too much time preparing for the event, it makes it worse for me. Obviously, some preparations are important to do in advance, getting your transportation route figured out and becoming comfortable with it, being one of them. Also, I've learned, if I choose what I'm going to wear ahead of time and just give myself only one optional choice for that day, it steadies my anxiety a lot. And, for me, the most important part occurs in the two or three days prior to the event. I don't think about anything related to the event, if something comes to mind, I just tell myself "thank you, brain, for sharing, but I'm focusing on being kind to myself right now and I've already made my plans", then I turn my mind to something I enjoy. I try to treat myself kindly for those few days; bubble baths, working on art projects, walking in nature or watching nature videos, listening to soothing music and taking time to get plenty of sleep. For me, that means I take naps and go to bed early. (I understand sleep can be a tricky thing for many of us, so I recommend listening to the RUclips channel, Soothing Relaxation. It has helped me, tremendously, with anxiety and insomnia.) Also, I plan a, specific, special treat for myself to enjoy after the event; to encourage myself to follow through with going to the event, no matter what I'm thinking or feeling in the moment, on that day. This may seem like a lot, and it is, however, it's allowed me to, actively, participate in more family gatherings and major social engagements in my life. I hope you find this helpful, in some way, and not overwhelming. Take heart and keep trying! It won't, necessarily, get easier. However, it does become more manageable and creates that accomplished feeling which comes from doing the hard things. May God bless you on your journey! :)
Andreea Pescar yes,therapy is the only thing that has helped me. I've struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life. I'm 33 and I have come a long way with my mental illness but I still battle daily with my social anxiety.
When u have extreme anxiety, sometimes you have no choice but to take.meds... it sucks it can really ruin n control ur.life... I'm so thankful of the.few friends I have who get it n understand me...
Mayim THANK YOU! I'm a person who has been very socially anxious all my 16 years, and I've never even seen a doctor about it. I totally agree with your stance on not taking medication. I have asthma and allergies that can get pretty intense, but I avoid letting the medication rule my life. I've never related to something so much!
Thank you for being you. People pretend always, but you found the cure, being true to yourself, you. God bless you.
Unfortunately I dont really deal with my social anxiety. I used to deal with it by drinking, in my twenties and even a year or so into my thirties, it was liquid courage that got me out and socializing. As I started moving away from those behaviors, I found myself isolating a lot more and saying "no" to more and more things. A few years ago I went vegan for ethical reasons which added a LOT more anxiety about social situations for a number of reasons. Docs have tried to push pills on me but I'm fairly pathologically averse to the idea of most meds so now I'm just trying to say "yes" when I can, and not beating myself up too much when I cant.
Hearing you say you didn't want to take a pill literally made me cry. I have been building up the courage to tell this to my healthcare provider for ages. Thank you for this bit of release.
I know a lot of people like tp avoid medication but in my own experience I tried so many things to deal with my social anxiety. So many alternatives to deal with. Mine is so severe I struggle to talk to people in any capacity. I finally started medication a couple years ago and I wish I had started it sooner because it has helped me so so much.
Rainwing Silver I know what you mean.
I was diagnosed with GAD when I was 3 and SAD when I was 6. I never took medication because I thought the anxiety was part of who I was and I needed to deal with it on my own. But by the time I was 19, I still struggled with it. So I started taking medication. It took a couple months to find the right one and the right dosage, but it's so much better now.
Breanna May thats good to hear! Ive had anxiety since a very young age as well, around age 5 or so. Didn't start any meds for it till age 19 and same thing-it took a lot of tries to find something i could tolerate.
Im glad you found sonething that helps you!
Hearing you describe how you feel.... step by step, that's me. It's mentally and emotionally exhausting for sure!
I didn't understand the difference, knowledge bomb dropped. Thanks
Sounds more like depression and low self esteem to me. But perhaps that is because we are different people, and Mayim's case of social anxiety may be a lot like my chronic depression (which I wonder if it is even possible, but it could be). Not liking social events and being afraid of being around people actually is part of social anxiety. Not trying to deliberately disagree or anything, or make you feel bad, but maybe not the best idea to present misinformation as facts. And I'm not saying your whole video is misinformation- I'm just referring to your intro with your definitions. The rest of the video is super informative and I think its really important that you talk about these things.
Jasmine Woods Exactly what I was thinking. I like myself but I don't like to be around other people. They way I think and behave is so different from other people that other peoples reactions become mentally taxing to process. I guess I'm a bit like Sheldon in that sense.
Kai Marcad I'm the same way.
Kai Marcad that's not social anxiety though. it really isn't. Beeing terrified of social meetings, and just not wanting to go because it's not your cup of tea and you don't want to engage with put her people are different things. In the US people tend to call everything social anxiety
Alissa Dem If we are talking about social anxiety disorder then no, I don't have it. Disorders are something that require treatment, in this case therapy. Dealing with people is difficult for me but not so difficult that I'm unable to function normally. Being absolutely terrified of something does that.
I have social anxiety too with depression, I am normally a strong person and I first perceived that as a failure. I was the complete opposite before, didin't mind the crowd and was full of energy. In the space of 2 years, I was feeling oppressed all the time, got severe panic attacks, insomnia, feeling sick in the crowd etc. I didn't want to admit it at first, and came to a stage where I needed to accept the fact that I couldn't get out of it alone and needed support. Then comes the stage where you ask yourself why this happened, what is/are the source(s) and do I have to make changes in my life, sometimes big ones, and have the courage to do it. This is where I am now. I want to be ME again. Don't be scared to speak out and express your feelings, keeping everything inside is destroying yourself little by little.
I avoid large gatherings. It means I often don't accept invitations but I feel better so it's worth it. When I have no choice but to attend, I find a small group of 2 or 3 people and stay with them so I can keep the rest at least 2 or 3 people away from me.
I hate large gatherings too. I'm happy in smaller groups where I know everyone or most people. Hubby has given up asking me to go to his work do's because I either end up with a "headache" or can't find someone to look after the kids. He now knows the real reason and is ok with it.
I don’t mind having people near me as long as it’s not just me, so I understand where you’re coming from. Someone sitting in the seat next to me stresses me tf out
I'm going through social anxiety and depression for two and a half years now, and i don't take any medications for this, I'm just living through this and actually I've understood my depression and social anxiety so much, that I can really calm myself in daily social occurrences and I've been doing and dealing with it way more better then before, It's not like I don't face misunderstandings and quarrels because of my this problem because it is obvious to be happened, but I'm so grateful to be brave enough to just go through it❤❤
You ARE bold, fierce and strong! Truly. You inspire so many women to embrace their full selves (warts and all) and to express themselves with intellect, wisdom and compassion.
Are you allowed to have social anxiety if you are a actor. Because of all the promotions and conversations and interviews you need to do for movies. If you are a actor you need to interact with people. I want to be a actress but I also have social anxiety.
You hit the nail on the head, Mayim. My whole life you are someone who I looked up to.To see you go through things that I do as well, and share them, makes me respect you so much more. I cope with my social anxiety by forcing myself to just do it or not thinking about it. Mind you, a lot of times it doesn't work,but for the few times it does, it's an accomplishment. It really does depend on the day and what's going on.
Wow. It was great to hear someone super smart dealing with social anxiety. Story of my life. :(
Coping techniques that have helped me- I have 2 "go to" dressy outfits that are comfortable, that I actually like & that are suitable for weddings, parties, etc. I have 1 "go to" hairstyle for the same purpose. When I put off getting ready until the last dreaded minute, having these things in place helps greatly.
Hey Mayim! I would also be interested in how your diagnosis was done. Have you also been checked on Autism and ADHD? Maybe you could make a video about how all these "disorders" are connected or how to seperate them from each other? Wish you all the best! 💖
I’m sharing this with my daughter. She’s 10 years old and struggled with this since the end of Pre-K. Been working with a therapist hoping to avoids meds unless it’s a last resort for her. You’re an inspiration and I appreciate your openness. 🙏
*currently avoiding the shower hoping it’ll mean I won’t have to go to work today*
Gotta love working retail with social anxiety. Guess I’ll be a little icky today
I love you’re saying that social anxiety is one of them
thank you so much for making this video! you are such an inspiration to me! i have many chronic illnesses that I am still trying to deal with and i too have social anxiety i dont know about you but my anxiety is ten times worse at the grocery store. I literally feel like i want to just fly out of the store. do you ever get that and thank you thank you thank you for sharing your story because if it has helped me so much and given me strength! i adore you keep doing what your doing you are a wonderful actor mother and advocate for many!! xoxox
I have finally found someone who can explain what I feel but never can tell with words! Thank you 😊
I missed one of my friends leaving parties as I walked into the bar and there were too many people and I couldn’t see anyone I knew and I got overwhelmed and had to leave ASAP. And now I’m struggling to ask my friend to be my Maid of Honour as It gives me anxiety that she might say no.
What this says to me is that - in your mind, it's overplaying every aspect of that evening that was planned. Who was there, what was there, how would they react to you and vice versa, and maybe a little bit of will they accept me. All of us have those feelings and thoughts but they can't rule your life to the point of disparre. I applaud you for NOT taking a pill and working it out.
Wait, are you saying that not everyone puts off the shower until the window to shower and still get to the event closes? That not everyone gets an ache in the pit of their stomach accompanied by some diarrhea when they have to keep their social commitments? That not everyone has to intensely contemplate how they will summon the energy to speak once they get to the event, and then can't be shut up once actually there?
Hm, I thought that was everybody.
I, like you, face my fear head on. I even get up on stage and perform. I refuse to let my anxiety stop me from trying new things, meeting new people and just living my life to the fullest. When pannick starts to become overwhelming, I meditate and practice mindfulness. I always do breathing excercices before a performance.
Did youtube just read my mind?!
Miguel Nogueira Either that or your search history 😅
Mayim, I do hope you read this -as I am another grateful fan of yours who is so THANKFUL for this youtube channel that you have created. For a long time, I wondered if I might have a true voice or platform or be visible, after all this time. Praise be - you have brought this forth......I am beyond grateful for your sage words of wisdom, you insight, you platform to speak openly, your capacity to be vulnerable, your wisdom overall...... just genius and at such ease.....
Everything you say and send out to the universe - I know I AM JUST ONE AMONGST MANY IN THE UNIVERSE!!!! [what a bore!!!!]...
......to you I say, dear Mayim Bialik...... super trouper...... you are my/a super star.....
Thank you for shining so bright
I have social anxiety and have for many years, I do all you have mentioned, I park at a shopping mall and can sit in the car for over 30 mins before I feel I can go shopping, and this is for just food shopping nothing else, I will sit in the car ( my safe place as I call it) for a lot of time before I go anywhere where there will be people or large crowds. I also when I walk start to breath heavy but it’s not cause I’m out of breath, more that I’m having a panic attack and I feel everyone is watching me, this is something I have learn to deal with and I don’t take medication for it as I don’t want to go down that road, it’s hard, and it’s frustrating at times, but .... it is what it is
sounds like a type of agoraphobia? I have that too
familypeacelove how do you cope if you don’t mind me asking
I am indoors a lot due to having chronic fatigue but when I do have to go out I now mediate and try to keep my nervous system as relaxed as I possibly can and try to relax my body so that's not all tense as well. I try to meditate 10 mins everyday and 10 mins before sleep to get my body used to the practice. Mind work is my go to and watching my refined sugar intake as its too stimulating to the body. Good Luck x
gahh i do this too! i get all ready and try to mentally prepare myself, "its just the store! you can do it! you need to get food!", i drive there, and im terrified, sit in my car for a bit...sometimes ill muster up the courage to go in, sometimes ill just drive home. going outside is really hard, why do i really feel like everyone is watching and judging me? its only ever really bad when im alone, so i very rarely go outside alone- unless its to work or for an appointment. if i have to go to the store, i wait until one of my sisters has to go too and then i go with her. i really wonder what its like for normal ppl to just be able to go outside and not think twice about it lmao, must be nice
I've been trying to deal with it by exposing myself to situations that make me uncomfortable everyday, but I feel like when it gets reallllly intense and I can't seem to escape from it, I just have to forgive myself. There's nothing else I feel like I can do but be like, this is me and it's okay and we will be okay.
Whenever I have to go to a social event I avoid showering too. And say ‘I can’t come I didn’t shower, sorry’ My friends get angry because I always ditch them. I can’t deal with social anxiety.
I have admiration for you honesty and can total relate! Your realness is what i often go through
Hard to believe someone as beautiful and outgoing as you are would suffer from this condition. You always seem like you've always got things together.
My grandmother suffered from this problem. She rarely left the house, preferring to stay locked in.
I have be diagnosed with social anxiety. This is so tough! Most don't understand. You are helping me more then any ten, of my shrinks.
I really like your vlogs! I also have social anxiety and have experienced everything that you just talked about.
The way you talk about wanting to live and experience yourself this way is how I cope with my depression. I like myself a lot when I'm not being upset with myself. I think it's important to experience ourselves warts and all.
I'm a black man, and there's been plenty of times that I thought it was ideal to leave mid haircut. I close my eyes to not see the clippers about to connect with my head. However, even when I do, I can still hear the buzzing from the clippers getting closer and my head does a little cringe/twitch movement.
Me when my mom touched my hair accept I talk to my self and say I hate buns over and over again cuz I do and I still take my brade out that my mom does for me 😅lol😅😅😅😅😅 sorry not sorry mom!
I just got back from having my hair cut that's why I'm watching this I had to fight so hard not to get up and run out mid hair cut the hair dresser was looking at me really strange.
Ooof! This hits me where I live. The anticipation, the pressure, the expectations...the rage & sadness. It's a daily struggle but I know it's a work in progress. Procrastination makes for a good but ultimately poisoned shield. Knowing I'm not experiencing this alone is comforting.
I didn't even go to my daughter's baby shower.. I feel so guilty😥...that's was my choice that day and I have to live with it. Stems from low self esteem and sometimes I just don't want to talk . But look at me here yapping away lol...
I get it!
Amy Fasulo, TOTALLY understand!!
I have been trying to work on myself and one thing I say is...remember this event is not about me it's about someone I care about. How would I feel if they didn't come to my event?...wait a sec...if my daughter told me she had anxiety about coming, I'd tell her that's fine take your time ....I just want you comfortable and feeling secure. Isn't that was real love is?
Amy Fasulo, I don't know you, but I love you!
I still feel guilty for not seeing my son receive an award over ten years ago. I did go but after a while had the crushing anxiety and felt like jumping out of my skin. It was in a large gym but I was so claustrophobic that I had to go home and still feel so bad about missing it.
I have social anxiety,and got at it's worst for the last few months, at the level that is hard for me to leave the house alone. But on the bright side, i am getting help.Thumbs up for talking about that!
I currently don’t take pharmaceuticals - found the side effects were worse and not worth any benefits. I have been taking several natural supplements like Ashwaghanda, Rhodiola Rosea, St. John’s Wort and many others. Nothing is perfect, especially when it’s period time, but I mostly feel like I can cope.
April Baum I have tried ashwaghanda as well and it calms my nerves. It helps a lot.
i deal wth social anxiety aswell and i use to be on tablets for it but decided to leave hem. i want to be in control of my own mind and i have come really far ... still have those off days and still want to go sit in a bathroom stall every now and then but i have accepted my reality and try improve myself everyday, i love your channel and love hearing all your advise. I watch you almost everyday and it has become part of my morning routines to just sit and listen to you. i learn alot and sometimes laugh alot. you are an inspiration xx
Problem solved Covid 19 we all get to stay home!
Thank you for distinguishing the difference between having social anxiety and not liking events. I do have social anxiety that I just cope with. It is exactly like you described especially before going anywhere. Anticipating getting ready and going anywhere makes me freak out before events. Including delaying getting ready, crying changing my clothes, everything you just described. And then once I'm at the wedding or the party, usually I'm okay in about 20 minutes or so after being there. It depends if I have someone there to support me. But my social anxiety is real. I wish I had a better way to deal with it.
Sweet TARDIS shirt. 💙
I love this video... I've never heard someone elses story about social anxiety that sounds so much like mine. I haven't had a meltdown like the one you described in about 4 years, so I feel like I'm a little better now than I was. I definitely still have freak out moments in my head but I have gotten better about controlling them so they don't turn into total clothes throwing, ugly crying meltdowns. One of the ways I've helped myself is by accepting my social anxiety as a part of who I am. I'm very open about it with people that I'm getting to know and all of my close friends and my husband know about my issues and although they cant truly understand them, they get me. My best friend knows that she can't invite anyone else to a lunch we have planned unless I know them or she asks and she is absolutely OK if I say know. My husband knows that just getting me there is the battle so he just has to battle the crazy to the car. Lol and has no problem not letting my anxiety win. He never let me use that excuse. He has literally pushed me out the door to a girls night saying your fine, your going to have fun. My best friend has threatened to drag me out the house. At the same time though those same wonderful people have asked me if I'm OK if we unexpectedly find ourselves in a crowd and offered to leave with me if I feel uncomfortable. Knowing that with these people I'm safe, I can stay or leave and they love me anyway, they won't leave me stuck talking t a stranger.... They get me.... It makes me more ok going to social events... They are my safe people and for several years that's how I coped... I always had one of my safe people with me. Then as I began to gain more experiences with these people, they became less terrifying to me. I can do more Today without my safe person than I could 4 years ago. Now I'm not fixed by any means.... I still avoid large crowds and if I get on an elevator with people I don't know my skin crawls. But I can order at Starbucks now without wanting to die so that's nice lol. This is a little bit of a ramble and my anxiety wants me to delete it but I'm gonna post it anyway. Thanks Mayim for talking about social anxiety!
This is literally everyday of my life.
Mayim ~ Just found your channel yesterday! I am exactly like u.. EXACTLY. Same social anxiety responses. Once I'm there.. I'm good! But oh boy... getting to that point? SO HARD. It helps me somewhat to visualize me being comfortable, happy & confident at the event or place. You are absolutely refreshing for being so honest! You really are helping so many people! ♡ Much love ♡
I choose to take medication and its ok
Exactly, more tools in your tool belt for when you need it
How often do you need to take? Does a time come when one doesn't need to take medicines?
I take depression meds every day and anti anxiety meds only as needed. Its a chemical imbalance so no i font think there will be a time i wont have to be on it
Shelly Mcdonough
For how long you have been taking meds?
Just MEDItate instead
YOU have social anxiety?? That surprises me!!! I used to get panic attacks and it ruled my life for a long time but I was able to talk myself out of one and haven't had one since!!!! I still have anxiety but it's much better. Strangely , knowing someone like you has the same anxieties is comforting! You are one of those women who I have envied, full of confidence, funny and bubbly!
Thank you for your posts!
I thought I had social anxiety because I can't never talk to people, like only if I've known them for years or if we're very close but if not, I literally can't put out any words cause I'm afraid that what I'd say is dumb or stupid and I just feel so awkward, and if I do talk to someone, later I keep repiting the conversation and thinking OMG That's so dumb why would I say that. Also I always get ready for events and then realize that I look ugly and I don't go when I already spent so much time trying to feel pretty. That has made lost many possible friends and good memories
That shower scenario is so crazy on point. I never even realized that is my go-to excuse for why it's always, perpetually "too late" to go anywhere. And I've lived with SA for a pretty long time (go figure). Thanks for the insight and I look forward to more.