The Key To Dealing With Social Anxiety
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- Опубликовано: 4 окт 2019
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Today I'm going to show you how to overcome social anxiety by internalizing what's called the "Spotlight Effect". This simple concept combined with 2 actionable steps was my key to overcoming social anxiety. Hopefully this can be a cure / treatment for some of your social phobias.
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“People don’t pay a lot of attention to you”
I pay a lot of attention to other people, I always assumed it was the same for everyone
Yeah i think this is because of social anxiety. thought the same indeed
Same my guy
But can you vividly remember 90 percent those thoughts and do you think about those people 24/7.
THIS!! I judge people too often that I think they judge me too 😔
@@robotmaster4515 I don't think about them 24/7, but I do bring them up in conversations later during the day (yes, I'm THAT judgemental). I also vividly remember 90% of them, which makes it easier for me to think about them and talk about them. Still trying to work out on that attitude, in return I always think people are judging me the way I judge them.
This makes me feel so stupid for worrying so much.
You're not alone 💚
Ikr
Elf Machine
Same here bro
Its not atupid. We cant read other peoples minds. So we just focus on our own.
Growth mindset, nothing remains the same and everything can change
Social anxiety is not just the fear and paranoia of being judge by others. It's also the fear of everyone assuming things on you, assuming your actions and thinking, the fear of everyone putting you in a box. It is very aweful overthinking that a lot. You make irrational things when social anxiety hits you. And everything you say and act is always planned in your head so you don't get to embarass your self. And after interracting to people you get depressed thinking it was not the right response. You them think they'll gonna hate you, dislike you, look down on you, disrespect you, judge you, weirded on you, laugh at you, get away from you. Social anxiety is not as easy as you think it is humiliating and physically mentally draining. If you think you knew someone who have social anxiety please dont give them a hard time. ❤️
This right here 😔
U just speak my mind
Im kinda glad theres someons liks me, i hope everyone is doing fine ❤
I usually don’t really looks down on my self until now
You said it perfectly
"Life is just too short to care what others think"
Anxiety: everyone judges you
Me: actually, nobody cares about me
*anxiety left the chat
*depression joined the chat
My thoughts exactly 😂👍
😂😂
Matthew Rowe 😂😂😂😂
In my opinion better to be depressed than have social anxiety hahahha
Agreed
being too aware of my own thoughts gives me anxiety
Same here
I really feel that😩
Meditate. Look up his videoen on meditation. And start. It will fix it
Pipeblau theyre not really your thoughts
@@adunnou2075 what is it then
The worst part is when you have social anxiety and fear people judge you, and its actually true they judge you cause u hear them 💀
Yeah, people are actually very judgmental. When you ignore them they suddenly become unimportant.
Sometime you need to leave such stupid thought and focus on something important ☝️
It's hard to not have that spotlight effect and develop social anxiety when you've been bullied because then all you can do is think about what others think. This was the case for me and I didn't get over my social anxiety until about two years ago.
How did you eventually got over it??
I used to be bullied like bad in elementary school(even if it’s child or not) that caused me have social anxiety, till I went to middle school and saw my “bullied” goes to the same middle school as me, even sometimes he just looks at me and talks about me to his friends.
@@amandawar6864 you can’t get over it, it never really goes away, but they learnt to manage it I guess
@@idonthavealife4615 no, believing in yourself is the first secret to success ...
@@amandawar6864 Over a year later and they still have not responded on how they got rid of it...
me: nobody cares bro
also me: okay but what if they do
Faded Echos , don’t you mean me?
There's always the chance of making the main influencer of an group uncomfortable, but that's not even common. School bullies tend to put the spotlight mindset, too.
If they u do, then u better not care. SIMPLE
Mikail Mooraj harder than it looks dude
@@avery6691 I understand, I had tht slight issue a long time back but as time goes by & u remain in public areas surrounded by people u get used to the 'spotlight' moment which hardly lasts 30 secs bec people go back into their own world. Its something U can get over if u really put urself out there, go with the flow & embrace it.
feel like im an alien trying to reach human standards to be accepted. lmfao
yuh
Same 😭
Haha i thought that i was the only one.
Hahaha 😂😂😂
haha yes
This video and comments are very interesting! I would like to share how I overcame my social Anxiety too! So basically I changed schools. What I had observed in my previous school was if you give your first expression to be extroverted they all assume you're extroverted. Unfortunately I was young, shy and timid, gave them the wrong impression and it was really hard to overcome the social anxiety because they all thought I was like that. In the other school I faked being an extrovert non-shy and easy to talk to, because they didn't know who I was! AND you won't believe that faking it got me very far. I now have more than 10 friends I can trust and also I am no more scared about what anyone thinks of me! I can give out public speeches about worrying too! Trust me You gotta fake it till you make it! I couldn't even ask someone to stop hitting my chair in the previous school because I thought everyone is assuming I am a socially anxious person, I can't speak up. But in my new school I am scolding someone who is talking bad about my friend! Look at the progress!! :D.
Wow, nice to hear, All the other comments are so demotivating. But I cant change schools at the moment. Thanks for sharing your story.
I noticed that too. I tend to act how people perceive me and not how I really act.
@@T_i_n_c_a_n you're literally me!! Y'know when people tend to think I am a confident person I act like that in front of them but when I see an old colleague who's informed about my social anxiety I immediately go back in time stuttering and being nervous.
Help me 😢
That is just such a wonderful change though I wish I could've done the same from home or any environment I am in and I know we're complete strangers but I'm very proud to hear someone break a bad cycle in their life especially when it comes to mental help ❤🎉
Honestly, the bigest problem for me is that I know everything... I am aware that all of those anxiety thoughts are just in my head... I am aware that it is not like that in riality and I can watch 1000 videos about overcoming anxiety, but I still can't fix it... I now that it is completely normal that other people will talk and think something about me and that it can't hurt me but I still have anxiety! That's the worst feeling ever... I fell like I'm trapped in some cage and I can't escape. 🤷🏻♀️
exactly.
i feel exactly the same as you:(
Omg same :(
but it will get better if you get out of your comfort zone it's really difficult but you can do it
Trust me even i was really anxious while talking in public but now i can talk with them a little bit :)
@@namjoonstolejiminsjams I ' m working on it and I hope or, even better, I am shure that one day it will help... Thank you for advice it really helps that someone knows how I feel❤️
Biggest fear for people with social anxiety: public speaking
Honestly its scarier than life threatening situations
Sadly yes
Only if there are people that I know there
True
Right?? Life threatening situations are almost fun in comparison
So true
A lot of people just say "stop being shy"
But you actually bothered to do research and properly represent us.
Thank you!
The True Blue Blur ikr
I used to get that a lot then one day I started talking and not caring what others think now they wish I’d be quiet again hahha
you make it sound like some oppressed minority
@@nicolovespanda
I mean it kinda is , lol
@Amia Brackettwork hard and keep on doing ur job and ignore such insecurities it happens with every1 which will fade away once u start achieving what u wanted.......i wasted mý time in typing only bc i can relate to it
Something I thought about to get rid of my social anxiety:
There's two sides of yourself, one side that's anxious and awkward and one side that's however you act around friends/family. Just show the side you act like around friends and family whenever you start to feel anxious.
Not saying this will work but it got rid of it for me.
But idk how to act like that around my friends. It’s like I’m a completely different person
What if your family is the reason you act anxious and awkward?
Bad idea
@@ng2861 then just tell them. Talk to your mom she cares for you.
@@esther9210 fr
a huge factor of my social anxiety was social judgement until I realized judging others made me fear of being judged. therefore, my social anxiety is near non existent nowadays.
Being with friends also helps to get rid of social anxiety because we create a seperate small dome of comfort when we are with friends.
Bold of u to assume I have even friends to hang out with lmao
@@lovepeaceisneverguaranteed7385 Haha
Wait, which friends? 🤔
While I agree to an extent on that, I think being with friends whenever we’re in a social situation might act as a safety behaviour and might make us rely on them to ‘cope’, but having trusted friends in these situations does help make us feel less anxious, but in the long run it’s not gonna help us fully overcome our social anxiety :/
Shamima
Exactly. Friends aren’t going to be everywhere with you, they aren’t going to do your job interviews with you and work the same places as you, etc. Also, friends can decide that they don’t want to be your friends anymore. Therefore it’s important to learn to rely on yourself so you’re alright no matter what
I cured my social anxiety recently. A few months ago, I got myself a gym membership, but because I was so afraid of being judged, I'd go in there and just half-ass my work outs. This went on for a while until a morbidly obese fella walked in. I glanced at him and thought to myself "Jeez...I'm glad I didn't let it get this bad. I have faith he'll make it". I finished up my workout and I had already forgotten all about the guy until I saw him again in the locker room. That's when it hit me. Despite the fact that this man stands out in a bad way, everybody is too busy worrying about themselves to actually waste their time judging others. After that day, I started leaving my comfort zone more often and now everytime I feel anxious, I think about that guy at the gym. Life is much better now, I met new people and I'm making more friends, I feel guilty yet relieved to see how much I was missing out on the past few years.
Edit: I'd also like to point out that strength training was one of the biggest factors to overcoming this, I highly recommend that people with social anxiety start exercising regularly.
Get jacket apple, GET JACKET, LIFT THOSE WEIGHTS!!!
I got a hym membership but i donr go because of social anxiety so that's interesting
@@dankhnw8
Just push through it my friend. Half ass it like I did to start, baby steps yknow. At the end of the day, a half ass workout is better than no workout.
I sincerely believe a huge part of defeating social anxiety is just practice, meaning simply to talk to as many people as you can and learn to be comfortable being yourself, kind of wished improvement pill would have put more emphasis on that topic.
Samuel Velazquez I try do that, but I always get this look that says “you’re kinda awkward” when I talk to people, no matter how confident I try to be and it makes me so sad man
I learned about the spotlight effect in middle school, a long time ago. I felt better and thought that most people would not notice my mistakes. However, I've had MANY people tell me before that they HAVE indeed noticed my negatives, and they go out of their way to point this out, unprovoked. So I'm really starting to doubt how true the spotlight effect actually is.
Same
Most people don’t care but there are still people who do, if you are unlucky you could end up having your fears confirmed
People dont realize how severe and tricky it can be, i can have long conversations without social anxiety with one person with whom i feel comfortable. but ina crowd i am not even able to function properly, i feel like the whole world outside has just stopped for a moment to look at me and judge me, what works for me is that i start looking at people and when i find out theyre just minding their own business, i get relieved but still i just want this thing to end. its making alot of problems in my life.
Sometimes when i have anxiety i just keep saying to myself that ‘nobody cares’ repeatedly, kinda helps
Or I’ll just imagine that they were all my siblings
stormvenom 😹😹
Same and it works everytime
@@stormvenom2062 woah
That's weirdly cool😂
I tried doing this but I can't seem to ignore the spotlight effect. However I cant blame the video for it. I can only blame myself because no matter how hard I try I can never approach a stranger or even acquaintances (I don't have friends so that is completely out of the question). Only time will tell what destiny has in store for me.
One thing that helps me beat social anxiety is whenever i feel watched or judged by someone, i imagine in my head that the roles are reversed. That the other person “watching” me is worrying about what i might be thinking about them, and i on the opposite side am the confident, anxiety-free person that is just living life care free.
This is a great trick and I do it every time too 👍🏻❤️
HAhah that sounds funny, you don’t have an ego? Do you?
I can’t do this truck much because my body just shakes and I really wanna know how to stop it
@@_Bleh_83 I understand, you just have to pretend that everyone around you likes you, then you’ll feel better
@@wooden_foot8354 welp in Monday I will go on stage for an activity so I hope this will help
MAN I LOVE YOU!!!
I used to be hated but now I'm social 😭💓💗
I just got an episode of social anxiety but watching this video immediately calmed me down, thanks a lot! It's nice to know that people don't judge every details of our actions.
I kinda found out about this myself I realized that I don’t care when people do something embarrassing so I just presumed everyone thinks the same
Good idea😅
Same
when i see someone do something embarrassing, i quickly divert my eyes and pretend i didnt see it so as to not make them feel bad or more embarrassed
@@alex-bz6bh Same as you! That means you're a really empathic person😇
Same. I also have this additional thing where whenever I start to feel embarrassed, I change perspective so that I'm thinking from the other person's point of view. Kinda surprised that that's a mental exercise lol
To be honest though, the anxiety comes from the fact that people are watching you *at the moment*
How do you stay calm knowing you're currently in the spotlight?
Imagine people nacked
Just take comfort in the fact that 90% of them are gonna forget about you in 5 minutes
That’s what I struggle with.
Yeah true👍
Whenever you are in the spotlight, what helps me is realizing most people ARE NOT criticizing me or judging me. In this case of they guy walking in class late, people were simply just looking up and observing and then they immediately dismissed it.
honestly, as someone who has social anxiety, the best advice i can give someone is to practice talking to people whenever possible. it doesn't have to be a big interaction and it doesn't have to be that long, take it in very, very small steps. start by taking someone you know and are comfortable talking with and try ordering something from a restaurant or take out from a fast food place. it's ok if you can't say anything at first, have the person you're with say your order instead. the more you keep trying to say your order, the more you'll be comfortable with saying it and then at some point, even if it's a long time away, you won't need to go with someone and you can do it by yourself. also try just saying hi to people at your work, or at school and once you're comfortable with that, try making light conversation, like complimenting someone's outfit or asking "how are you". i know this might not help everyone, but it did help me somewhat so far so i'm hoping this can help someone else.
I'm so glad I learned this from experience. I remember in freshman year I used to be self conscious about everything I do, but then I started to realize that people kept forgetting about the stuff I tried to point out that would have happened the day before
One thing I think you should have mentioned is: In the event someone DOES remember the negative event you were in and picks on you for it, most of the time, it's because they're projecting their problems onto you. People who have a more positive outlook on life will generally empathize and/or simply shrug off what you went through, whereas people with a more negative outlook on life will try to pull you down to their level. Don't let these few jerks get you down!
100% agree. Some people have a rough life or are going through something rough and try to make others feel the same. Can't let those people get to you.
Lol i thought it was cause they were entertaining themselves
Yup, you shouldn't feel anger towards them, you should feel bad for them. They are suffering more than you.
Just stop caring what others think, whats the worst that can happen? and, if someone judges you or laughs at you, just laugh at them back
Thats a tip
@@amigomichael3566 what if it’s your parents?
When your heart races, entire body breaks out in sweat, legs feel weak, and words start stuttering, it's kinda of hard to just stop caring
That's me...😥😥😥 I wanna go on meds to help me calm down. Especially when I start a new job, I'm very nervous all the time and make a lot of mistakes and get fired. It kinder ruined my life.
How to overcome it?
@@countrymusicfan9176 Don't take yourself too seriously
@@bukayosaka5695 bruh that is not a answer
@@alishaally1819 me too i just lost my job because of my adhd & social anxiety... How much worse can this get :(
I would like to thank this channel, i used to watch their videos along time ago, i was insecure and socially anxious, they have givin alot of tips and tricks that helped me or at the very least pushed me in the right way. I have gotten alot better to the point where I'm not shy at all and very confident in myself. I haven't been watching their videos in a long and seeing this in my recommended section reminded mof howfl far I've come
It's really hard to socialize when you have an anxiety and a stuttering. But I'm doing my best in life😊
We hear a LOT of people (on RUclips or otherwise) often telling us about this: to stop worrying about what people think because they really don’t care and we’re only wasting time and mental energy worrying about it. And even though I technically “know” it, I still often think “but what if in this case they do....” , so thanks for actually offering stepwise concrete tips as to how we can potentially change our mindset about this. I will try this now. Thank you.
@@deboyskyswuzzz it's going amazing, how about you
I thought it would be putting the shoe on the wrong side and seeing if anyone noticed lmao
Usually people don't care about what you do, but even tho they judge you, you don't have to care about what they think because you don't know them and i think that when you don't know someone you shouldn't worry about what he/she think of you or what he/she said to you, that's because they don't know you and they can't judge you correctly. Maybe you'll never meet again that person so where's the problem? :)
Just stop caring what others think, whats the worst that can happen? and, if someone judges you or laughs at you, just laugh at them back
Thats a tip
frr it hard to accept it
3:26 Have you ever looked at someone and thought, what is going on inside their head?
@@aliza8871 "tik tok sound" 🤦♂️
@@carljohnson7176
did they say that line came from tik tok
It is such a relief to find out that people are not *always* looking at me and judging every fricking activity I do. Thanks bro, you saved me.
this video answers the majority of my struggle with this so-called symptom. thank you for giving me throughout insight
When you said “Swapping shoes”, I was so afraid you were gonna ask us to perform some social experiment involving wearing different shoes on your different feet to realise that most people don’t notice or care.
The real thing was better phew.
Thanks for this video :)
Improvement Pill Oh wow! That sounds like a great possible follow up for the message of this video. And it would be nice to know more about the “EXTREMELY out of norm” things you did hehe
@@ImprovementPill I m interested.
had to mention, did this at school, literally noone even talked to me about it except one classmate, pretty much literally noone cares and its obvious cuz neither would i, if anything i would consider it interesting actually, and probably so would you
Same!!
@@ImprovementPill pls discuss that story to us too
When you have debilitating social anxiety, you eventually get to a point where you have to decide: “Am I going to live with this? Or am I going to take massive action and do everything in my power to get rid of it?”
Maybe it’s not one moment. I can’t really remember the moment where I asked myself that. I think it was shortly after my whole floor at college made fun of how awkward I was. Then, once I figured out how to overcome it, I took action...putting myself in more and more social situations every day.
I’m sorry u had to go thru that, but it’s crazy how the most hurtful moments are the ones that change us.
People don't understand us they don't think anxiety is a big deal but for us we're dying inside
That’s mindset is gonna take you to amazing places bro 🪐
(- -)
I cannot decide what I think of myself as a person, and I cannot decide to fix my sweating problem.
My issue, is that I despise myself, and cant look upon what I am.
That’s the point I’m at at this very moment in life
I actually realized this long ago, when I talked with my friends about something embarrassing I did in class a few days ago and they said they completely forgot, however I always have to remind myself to is after an embarrassing situation because I’m so focused on the stress of the situation
The idea that everyone is in there own head paying attention to there own things makes it way easier tbh every time I feel that anxiety I’m gonna remind myself no one’s paying that much attention no reason to worry about outside opinions
“People don’t really care”
Me: *Gives presentation in front of class*
Class: *Stares at me throughout the whole presentations and snickers at me afterwards*
Heheh the only people who will make fun of others are the ones who are harsh on themselves
LMFAOOOOOOOO
right?! like ive been told to my face how socially awkward i am so its sooo hard to believe they dont care 😂🥲
@@randompersony61 Exactly. take it like a champ. (least can take one like a champ). whats more stupid? being someone your not? sometimes its smartest thing can do. they gonna redicule you to the ground? who CARESSS. probably that people scared whats in themselves, so take it out on others. get some ARMOR. GET TOUGH.
get tough. (thats best thing I can say).
10% is still too much. I want NO ONE to remember 😭💀
@@sxlllvxxaaa you're pretty, do u have instagram? I'm 18
@@jesuuukrito8464 oooof
😂😂😂
@@jesuuukrito8464 Lol
@@jesuuukrito8464 👀
I always be scared to try and make friends because people can be mean and I've always been afraid of rejection but this has helped me in some way it's just that school air hits different
Same
My grandpa said: you assume what others think, what you think about yourself. If you feel hot you ganna think people watching you bc they think you hot. If you feel ugly thats what you ganna think they think. So if your self esteem is high its ganna help fight it as well😘 you awsome
You just HAVE TO DO IT guys! I was so afraid to go skating today, although I bought this super expensive skates. Then I saw this video, went skating and now I feel sooo awesome.
Keep it going G
Just stop caring what others think, whats the worst that can happen? and, if someone judges you or laughs at you, just laugh at them back
Thats a tip
Can you skate? I can't I would fall flat on my face so that would be even more nerve wrecking!
@@ramitash94 oh yes I actually can, but I still need practice
Ahhh tomorrow I go to a big concert to see my favorite artist and I’m so scared my anxiety is bad and I don’t wanna feel uncomfortable throughout the whole show instead of enjoying it 😕
I feel anxiety watching this.
Start meditating, look up the benefits on this channel
69th like
RG is there something special about 69? What about 70? :) just wondering
@@MrBlodhund lol it represents bad luck, instability, and satanic stuff.
@Judy Ham nice
This is precisely on point to some of the situations experienced by ones around me, also explained very well in a new way to look at public embarrassment and social anxiety in general, thank you!
As an introvert by myself and by a little experience I can say that if You want youself to get included in something or just feel like you belong just talk without thinking what other people think of you just talk because nobody will gonna think of You bcoz they have their own shits to think of they don't even spend a single sec ond thinking of you so just do it......and one line I remember "if it doesn't matter in five years don't waste even 5 minutes thinking of that".......I don't know who will gonna read it 😂but if it really helps someone i'll be really happy
I realized that most of the things you say or do people will most likely forget about it the next day
I have social anxiety too, I've been struggling for all my life.
That's why I make videos and record my self to see my self on other perspectives.
So I can improve and Learn to speak and practice my English too 😄.
I'm glad I'm not alone.
Start recording your self guys 😄
Understand learn your self.
YOU CAN DO IT!! You are not that bad!
Did u even overcome social anxuety
It may amplify social anxiety even more making you realize that you really are awkward
ive had social anxiety since i knew how to talk to people. this was possibly one of the most helpful things I've ever seen for my social anxiety
THIS MUSTVE BEEN ON MY RECCOMENDED FOR A REASON. I just started at a new school and I sweat just thinking about talking to people. Thank you!!!
“I just want to be myself”
“YOU SUCK!”
my worst nightmare 😭😭😭
very very same nigga
That is because you might feel like you can't stand up for yourself, or that they are right. This leads to low self esteem. Yell back at them, "No, YOU SUCK!" After all they are 1/100 and what makes them right? Even if they were 3/10 (very unlikely that they would even care or dislike someone strongly enough for that) but they are still a minority and most people think you are decent or actually like you. Furthermore, everyone in the world that is doing something significant with their life will have many lovers and haters. It is the people who do nothing, who slip into the background of their meaningless lives that are "accepted"
Just stop caring what others think, whats the worst that can happen? and, if someone judges you or laughs at you, just laugh at them back
Thats a tip
@@amigomichael3566 you are so right. I’ve learnt somewhere that if a person hates you, no one ever said you can’t hate that person back. Just because that person hates you that doesn’t mean the person is better than you. You could be too great to bring out haters as well.
If a group you are in hate you, leave that group, if you know you are doing what’s right for you.
@@bingo567890 yee
The main problem with social anxiety is that you don't know how to control it. I often let anxiety just take over me and I become no longer in control. That's why meditation can really help ❤
I tried meditation but it did not work with my social anxiety.
@@sanzianagoglinache8696 for how long you've practiced meditation?
Fifteen minutes
"people dont look at you like you think they do, some dont even know i exist" This quote is what made my anxiety go away
This is one of if not the most helpful videos that I've come across on RUclips in the past few years. Thank you!!
The biggest challenge and only question worth asking is "Am I being true to myself?" cause as you said most people are too self-absorbed anyway. Being true to yourself is also the only way to attract the people you naturally get along with instead of forcing you to fit in groups where you don't have great chemistry.
👌🏽 I remember when I found my now long time girlfriend we both talk about how right before we met each other we told ourselves F it to actually looking for a relationship or person to be with and instead focus on bettering ourselves and doing the things you feel are right for you. Then we met a couple months later. Crazy world.
I have really bad social anxiety and it bothers me when I blush or start sweating and I'm too scared to tell my parents or the doctor that I have symptoms of social anxiety 😞
Same :(
I already told my parents that I have social anxiety and my mom just says things like "come on stop being ridiculous" or "you have to get over it" or "how are u gonna get anywhere in life if u don't talk to people" and ngl I kinda agree with her but its just so hard to get over it
i always thought i was the macho man in the family that never talked about his emotions, i realised that this is a real mental issue and it need to be taken care of, you shouldn’t hesitate about asking for help, mental health comes before everything. i was scared of what my father would say, but surely they will understand u as they want the best for u
@@ikernavas9204 My brother was diagnosed with social anxiety and my dad said the only way it's gonna stop is if he gets a punishment.Thats why I don't want to tell my mom or dad.
@@xoo.elysee im really sorry to hear about that, what i would recommend is meditation, (rising higher meditation channel is a great one), it would help u and ur brother relieve your minds, if u practice multiple times a week u would see big differences. i usually meditate for 10 minutes before going to bed.
My problem is, I already know this but it still doesn't get any better
Same :(
It's hard. It still gets better over time.
same here (:
I discovered this in my own, and knew that in my head I was making situations seem bigger than they actually were, but like the guy says in the video, nobody cares, they’re probably just thinking of something else, I was so anxious and insecure, that whatever I heard a group of people laughing behind me or by me, I would start thinking “are they laughing at me?” then I would look towards them, and they weren’t even looking at me, so it’s all just your mind having more control over you than you over it, but it is something that anybody can overcome.
Heres my story:
I got social Anxiety when I got to grade 7. I went to a new school which was french emmerson and I had no friends, I was scared to talk because I was scared I'd be judged. The whole year I barely talked and was picked on a few times. Then grade 8 came around I switched schools again this time with my old friends in a english school . I still didn't feel comfortable talking and I would always be alone, then I met a friend I could talk to her perfectly fine. But when we entered class I was scared I'd be called on and I was scared to be in group projects. Now in grade 9 I'm still the same even when I go out with my sister and help her clean. My sister is always talking to people and I'm just so quiet because I feel sick even thinking about saying Hi
The weird think is in elementary to grade 6 I was a social butterfly :(
and had a lot of friends and loved to talk.. I also get a lot of depression I feel like I'm useless and ugly. My family doesn't understand and usual just ignore me or try to talk to me but it never seems to help. My sister told me I should try to start convo first so when me and my sister went to volunteer I tried but it was like my mouth was dry and I wanted to puke, I felt under pressure.
오빠Bangchan try to find someone who is going through something similar. You’re not alone and you will figure out how to socialize.
@@Thegangsta00711 Thank you for taking the time to read this, I will try my best to have the courage. You really encouraged me to know I'm not alone !
오빠Bangchan no problem. I have dealt with really bad social anxiety since 7th grade, people look at me and expect me to be confident but the truth is I am probably traumatized from events that happened to me as a kid. I have made improvements, I’m 21 now but yes, trust me I have met a lot of people who have opened up to me about social anxiety and we share experiences.
오빠Bangchan lol just don’t be shy 😂
I talk a lot so if I can’t make a conversation and keep it going for forever I’m not comfortable
I'll tell you from experience, it's not some black magic. I used to be socially anxious and awkward, then I had to work in my town's office during summer holidays with my classmate and it helped me a ton. The people working there were super nice and friendly. I was doing many tasks but mainly took care of printer and had to copyprint documents for strangers a lot. In no time I got way more social and confident and extroverted.
As with any fear the best solution is exposure therapy. Find a job or hobby where you interact with people a lot like at supermarket, cinema or coffe shop. With how many customers you'll be talking with daily you'll get used to talking with people and start to care less about fuckups.
Start meditating
That works until you get yourself in a toxic working environment, then after that bad experience your to scared to even bother with another job thinking it might be the same because there is always a chance it could be.
@@neverstoprunning9527 You are describing a static working environment with the same old faces every day so you worry about your colleagues reactions to your perceived awkwardness and it makes your anxiety worse where you have to go back and face them every day. If you go to work at a supermarket to use Chads example it works out better for you as you're interacting with different people every day, mostly strangers, so if you mess up it's not so bad.
This really made my life easier..My mind is always filled with thoughts about me,"What they think about me",If i am looking good","I hope they don't notice that I am nervous","I hope they don't think of me as rude"...things like that..SO its same for others too, means they don't pay attention to others and to me...This really helped me ,whenever i get anxious or nervous , I always tell myself that "No one is paying attention to me","No one cares about others","They are busy thinking about their life"
BELIEVE ME THIS IS LIFE CHANGING.
2:02 first time I genuinely smiled in a while
I have been struggling with a social anxiety when I meet someone new at first I’m shy but then I come out of that shell and at the end I have a great time and we bond so it’s worth it trying to socialize and break out of that I used to not have much friends but I gained 20+ friends in less a year because I learned to love myself and socialize with other people without worrying so guys it’s worth it at the end
Omg yes I've been needing this video, you can't believe how many opportunities I've missed *just* because I feel anxiety thinking about social situations, and then my regret would drive me crazy all the time. Recently I've been trying to ease things by making myself just *think less* and I'm glad to see that it's something actually worth trying,
I absolutely love the idea of your channel and it helped alot so far, thank you for doing so! 💕
You sound just like me, I have so much regret because of social anxiety and I don’t know when this suffering with end honestly, I’m an educated and attractive 28 year old and I still can’t drive or have a job, how sad is that?
Just stop caring what others think, whats the worst that can happen? and, if someone judges you or laughs at you, just laugh at them back
Thats a tip
@@iloveart20101 similar to me, but I'm younger
Your video, I believe, portrayed this concern succinctly and clearly, with graspable and plausable interventions. Bravo and thank you to all involved.
Extremely helpful! I've known about the concept of "the spotlight effect", but I've never really "applied" it to my life efficiently. But with the tips, I think I get it now.
The best thing to cure social anxiety is to think that all people around you are blind 😂😂😂 just try it
Okay 😂
very tough to handle social anxiety but sometimes when we dont think about others that how they feel or react to us at that time we feel so normal that we forget about our social anxiety....
Okay 😂
😂😂😂🙏
I do this but
When i have to talk and they are actually looking at me, my voice becomes shaky and eyes become full of tears . And i bet they'll remember me as an awkward cringy dude.
I know this feeling all too well and it's definitely a sign of more severe social anxiety. You can get better though with the proper help don't give up :)
I took a public speaking class in college, and my teacher told me that you are your biggest critic. That helped me feel much more confident.
I hope you all get over it, i got over it a few months ago. I used to be so scared of looking at people and talking to them, i was so stupid back then. I overcame social anxiety!!! Im so relieved!!!!!!
how
So,
1) Become more aware of your own thoughts (meditation helps) 2:34.
2) Swapping shoes exercise = imagine what a stranger is thinking (realize that people pay less attention to you than you think) 3:16.
I’ve never clicked on a video so quick. I suffer from social anxiety and I loved how you explained the concept of the spotlight effect! Very well done!
My case is weird, I'm not afraid of public speaking, being in the spotlight, etc, but I CANNOT approach anyone for non formal reasons. It is scarier to me than anything I can realistically imagine
Same
I started following the Forwago workout sessions day after day and it hasn't just changed my body, but positively impacted my mental health and made me a new me
This is life changing for us- introverts, hope you're having a good day after you've watch Improvement Pill's video! 😊
Yeah! 😊
Not so life changing for me however I'm not sure if its because I am shy rather than introverted or its just me. However I cant blame the video for it. I can only blame myself because no matter how hard I try I can never approach a stranger or even acquaintances (I don't have friends so that is completely out of the question). Only time will tell what destiny has in store for me.
Introvert does not equate social anxiety.
Some of the world class leaders are introverts: Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Warren Buffet.
Him: no one cares
Also Him: study people and try to be in their shoes
Same thought haha
This helps you when you are anxious about others. But others dont think like that... because they don’t CARE about you..
i think what kills most of us inside is getting to comfortable with our thoughts and playing the outcome like it’s what really happened but in reality we won’t even know and you just have to accept that 👍
Remember that even if someone cared about what you were doing and negatively judged you for it, then usually nothing bad would happend.
It's not as big of a problem as anxiety tend to make it.
I have been struggling with high functioning anxiety for years now. I’ll definitely try the two steps!
How did that turn out? I'm in the same boat, I think.
my life has been changing because of this channel, so grateful that its here.
@@ImprovementPill i am subscribed since the days of cold shower videos. Almost 3 years later, i am still doing them regularly. This channel helped me a lot as well. Thank you for the good work.
One thing that helps me get through my day is a quote Steve Harvey said saying that we should get used to the embarrassment
Someone once told me “everyone’s too focused on worrying about themselves to worry about each other” and that has helped me put myself out there more
People that suffer from SA often come across as arrogant, since they do not talk much. However the thing is, that people with this disorder often take themselves too important/serious in an unhealthy way ("everybody is gonna judge me/think negatively about me" - and so on). This is mixed with a overly strong perfectionism in social situations. So socially anxcious people can feel highly responsible for the feelings of others and their well being. Also they are too much in their own head and mind most times instead of shifting the focus towards others and their surroundings. It all boils down to a very low self esteem and caring not enough about the own needs. I suffered from it myself. Go and seek therapy, it helped me a lot and definately made more more difference than watching videos on the subject (and even talking to friends who might understand you, but do not know how to provide techniques to overcome it). For me being patient with myself and finding out things about me that i like helped a lot. The fear developed itself in order to protect me from harm, but it is irrational thinking. Learning to accept that you don't need this kind of protection anymore is crucial. You will only learn that nothing will happen to you, if you voluntary go outside and seek those challanging situations (depending on your indiviual anxiety level!). Wash, rinse, repeat. Find something that excites you and brings you joy to build self esteem. Meditation and exercise help, too. You have managed many things in life, worse than the dinner or the meeting that you have coming up next week. Finding compassion for yourself and your anxiety will help reducing it. Anxieties can be triggers that there is something within you, that wants to surface. Diving into it will not only make you understand yourself better but also provides the chance for unlocking new potential within you.
Tqsm 💜. When u said u have managed to overcome hard things in life more harder than luncheon or meetings. U made me laugh at myself, thank you so much i needed to hear it
I've recently discovered this too!
A few days ago one of my teachers asked my class to share our most embarrassing moment that we have experienced while in school.
In most cases the person telling us remembered the moment really vividly as if it has happened in the previous days but usually only 2-3 people remembered that embarrassing moment (out of 40) but even they we're not able to fully recall it but could just remember that it happened
I am struggling with social anxiety, and I find this video very helpful. I hope that one day I will improve once I use these techniques.
this is honestly the most helpful video I found about this topic,coming from a person who actually struggles with this
Live in the moment get out of your head be present and act on things rather than overthinking don’t think about what your going to say when people are talking just be present with life not in your head and work on yourself
I DON'T HAVE THE WORDS TO THANK YOU! This is EXACTLY why I needed! I have seen a lot of videos and stuff about how to deal with social anxiety, but none of them put it as clear as this, because it's true! The example you said about ourselves just thinking the most of time about ourselves is absolutely true and I just realized that thanks to you! Liked and subscribed!
I felt motivated and excited and focused and balanced while writing my last comment since I was actively engaged into something true and revealing but now only when I'm done describing my thoughts and actions and start to drift from one mystery to the next....the time I was occupied I felt selfless, now after the active engagement mixed w contemplation is over, I long for the next lapse in self awareness, to be free in one moment and a prisoner in the next is sometimes a hard pill to swallow
Using logic like this usually doesn’t work on anxiety driven thinking. This is based on the fact that the amigdala doesn’t have a language. Reasoning like oh just realize that most people aren’t thinking about you that much doesn’t remedy anxiety in the long run. A better excercise is to expose yourself to the scary situations more and more.
I ve been constantly reminding myself for few years now, that I'm not on the spotlight we meet people of all kinds where ever we walk into ,all worrying about their own troubles ...I think it's been a helpful thought process so far.
It could be because in our childhood someone that was meant to be a role model for us, who had a lot of influence on us, was watching our every move and judged us and criticised us too harshly.
We then internalised the feelings produced by it and thought that everyone thinks that way about us. We start thinking that everyone is the same as that person who did us wrong. Because they basically taught us subconsciously to fear the world and what other people think without knowing it.
Usually they did this so we wouldn't step out of line and make them look bad in front of other people. So in other words, even though they might not have anxiety, they too care what other people think to some degree even if they don't admit it.
This is exactly what my mom did to me.. she judged me so much for every move i made, i never felt confident with myself. Almost 30, and I’m still suffering because of it.
Not for me, nothing wrong in my education, I'm just like that
By the way thank you for this video I watch this right before going to the mall and it really helped I never thought about how much I think during social situations but you’ve helped a lot
I went to a group tour for the first time alone and realised id overcome my anxiety. Ive been working on it for yrs and i finally now just don’t care what others think. I was able to be myself, alone. I still made jokes and connected with people. I didnt feel embarrassed to be by myself even with everyone else being as a couple. I didnt feel weird or awkward. I was just present. Either that or i lost brain cells😂
Great share, totally agree that while we think that everyone judges us, the fact is most are just indifferent. They have their own problems to deal with to worry about yours
Sometimes, I really like to imagine that I'm in "someone's" perspective and looking at what they're looking. Usually lasts for a while and I'm off doing what I'm doing.
I swear this is really helpful, i have a huge social anxiety everytime someone looks at me i freak out! Like i always think people are judging me
this video is my daily reminder it really helps me with my social anxiety