Adult with Autism | Questions for Autistic Adults | 06
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- Опубликовано: 22 июл 2024
- I realised I hadn't done a video for a few weeks, so I thought it would be a good idea to do a Q&A based off questions found that have been asked to other adults with Autism...but from my perspective to help build a picture of my version of it, to see if it we have things in common...or if I am just an oddball all by myself!
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Omg yes! I’ve had that several times 🤦🏼♀️😂😂”everyone’s a bit autistic” so infuriating..ps. I like your style hoping your channel really takes off massively!
Thanks for that, appreciated :)
My aunt once said “Every guy is a bit autistic” and the worst part is, I know what she means. But it’s still offensive.
It's very offensive, and deeply undermining. There would be no reason to categorise Autism if everyone is that way...even just a 'little'. I know a lot of guys, the only ones I know who show Autistic traits, are the Autistic ones 👍🏻
Not boring at all...I love your delivery, humor, forthrightness, honesty...all of it. No pressure, but please don't forget to keep making videos...these are gold.
Thank you! Will do 👍🏻
I have only just discovered that I’m autistic. I never was comfortable staring into others eyes. No-one told me it was expected - perhaps people just accepted me. I always thought it looked very strange in films and TV programs. Basically, what I had been thinking of as me being normal was me being autistic. I had no idea.
@Mindful Divergence I’m subscribing to lots of channels - doing lots of research.
At my second assessment, when it was cut short and everything was knocked off to anxiety, I actually asked how they could explain my sensory problems and the doc literally told me that those problems weren't being taken into consideration, as not every autistic person has sensory issues, thus is not indicative of autism. As much as I understood that, it did my head in because SO many people on the spectrum do have sensory issues.
I find it odd that men are Gynecologists, and I find it odd that Neurotypical people assess potential Autistic people. If you don't have the tools, how can you 'feel' it. It isn't a case of just hitting bullet points, a lot of my Autism is in my emotion.
@@AdultwithAutism good parallel!!
You are a smart person. Your voice and sound control is quite pleasant. Thanks for putting yourself out there. I love it when someone can articulate these introspection realities we experience in a slightly humorous sarcastic way. So me. Me... no audience. Me... your audience. All good 😁
Thank you! 😊
I go shopping around 8pm too! It's the BEST time to go shopping because there's no one on the road, no one in the parking lot, no one in the store. The only thing I don't like about it is I get home around 9pm and don't have much time before bed to relax.
You are not boring at all. I find your videos refreshing and nice to listen to. 😁
Thanks Berenice, I appreciate your comments!
Thank you for this video. I can relate to so many things.
Neutral faces are the worst : before I knew I that I am autistic sometimes it was mental torture to try and figure out what they meant. But now I just accept to not understand what the person feels and it’s ok.
And yes, people talking about themselves when you tell them you are autistic... or those who already know everything about autism but don’t understand why you get a migraine or a vital need to be alone after a busy day...
Hi Anabelle, I struggle the most with people not understanding what I mean when I say I need to recharge. No humans!! At all!! But because its so far removed from what they need to decompress, they say I'm wrong... So then I need to decompress more! 😂
I havent been diagnosed.In my country is difficult to be believed when you are an adult and look like you are normal and function well.But when you spoke about finding proper words...oh that hit me so hard.I have so many things going on in my head but when i try to express them...i just can't do it.I can't explain it.I am a person that reads books,i finished school with normal grades,but when i try to talk its like i am illuterate.And this also applies i some degree, when i am writing sth.
I am always intrigued by the eye contact question because it is different for each autistic person and some, like myself, don't have any problem with eye contact at all. My psychologist actually remarked that I make very intense eye contact, not necessarily that I am leering at people but that I look like I'm "studying" when I make eye contact and she isn't wrong. I find that eyes are an exceptionally good barometer for telling the emotional state and a ton of subconscious thoughts in individuals. I may be terrible at reading body language like most autistic folks but body language can be faked. It is incredibly hard to fake human facial expressions and in particular the subtleties of eye expression.
This is why, strangely enough, Eastern nations emphasize eyes in their emojis and artistic representations for instance whereas in Western nations the emphasis is much more on the face as a whole and body language. I have a mental timer I keep in my head when I make eye contact with people that after x amount of seconds I need to look away or at the very least blink and consciously relax my expression so I don't confuse people but without question everyone that talks to me feels they have my full attention. But when I speak I make almost no eye contact whatsoever because I have to mentally organize my thoughts and words and I'm a visual thinker so I can almost see the concepts and arrange them on a whiteboard to be read like a teleprompter.
Sounds like you have a much better handle on it than I do. I once attempted to maintain eye contact with an employer after they said I never look at them, and therefore mustn't be paying attention. When I tried to look at them, they told me to 'stop staring at them'. I don't have the fortune of having the middle ground unfortunately!
Wow so enjoyed this video! Can’t wait to catch up on the others. I am Autistic and you expressed everything so well. Thanks for posting!
Wow. Your explanation of eye contact issues is exactly the way I manage. I hate the fake ness it is so exhausting.....
It really is, I can feel very tired just after a conversation because of the almost mathematical equations needed just to figure out how I look at someone, how to appear, how to respond...and then repeat when the conversion is back on their court. A simple chat isn't very simple!
Like your pragmatism about the choice of topics, and also a nice dialect which I cannot place. Good work, go on.
Dude, I am shocked how many of the same quirks and hypersensitivity things we share. Feels like a little brother I didn't know I had. So crazy.
I'm glad you could relate 👍🏻
That song is not ironic- it has stupid examples that are not irony. Maybe that's the point of the song? It's ironic that a song about irony isn't ironic at all? Ah idk, it confuses me too.
No, irony is a city planner stuck in traffic.
Ahhh, see I get that reference. Maybe I do understand it after all!
My son is 6 and autistic although to many people he’s “normal”. I’m looking for videos with deep personal experiences to help me understand him and see things from his perspective. I try to just be good parent and be patient but I want to be more for him. I really like your videos. Is there a chance you will do a video on your childhood?
I can do. Is there any topics in particular or just childhood in general? Being there, being consistant, and a beneficial structured routine based around his type of Autism are always a solid foundation for youngsters with Autism. I'm sure you're doing more than you realise 👍🏻
Thank you for your feedback. Yes I think childhood in general, but also your personal experience being a child with autism while not knowing you have it especially parents not knowing about it (I didn’t know until recently that my son is autistic). Also like a 101 on “what not to do” as a parent to an autistic child. Thank you so much
@@miamembrenoshephard8901 No problem. I'll look to maybe do it across a couple of videos and split the topics in future 👍🏻
Mia Membreno you are already on the right track. Watching videos of adults with autism will open your eyes and understanding vs any other source. That you desire to understand means you will be a wonderful advocate and parent for your child. Good in ya! Good luck. We are so fortunate today their is a platform for this sharing and those willing to do so.
Thank you for your encouragement!
I definitely think you're good at comedy, dude 😂🤣
I've been told I'm funnier if I don't try to be...never known if that's a compliment of an insult 😂
You quoting Alanis Morissette, with that beard and that voice (which I love by the way), something I didn't know I needed until now! Ha!!
Haha, can't beat a bit of Alanis.
@@AdultwithAutism I actually think alanis doesn't quite understand irony. The lyrics of that song are more like the other shoe always dropping.
I've heard the song isn't about irony which is...ironic? I think. Who knows!
(Finally watching from the beginning of your vids)
My boyfriend and I have been today 4.5 years. Only in the past 7 months have we lived close to each other... still 1 hr away. I've told him I'll never live with him and he's ok with that. Legit longest and most satisfying relationship I've ever had. Friends, same. Busy, live away a lil bit, so we don't see each other all the time but we text a couple times a month - week is something is going on - see each other every year or two, we're great!
It works a treat. My friends are few and far away. They need to see me as much as I need to see them, not often!
If you try to fit, it won't. If you live within your design, it's easier. The hard part is finding others who relate, but the key is always open and honest communication.
Life doesn't need to be a guessing game.
A bag of monkey's, yes.......... I couldn't explain it better. Amazing
Haha, it is the only way I can describe it.
@@AdultwithAutism I'm stealing it. I'll have my very first appointment with a psychiatrist at 50, in a couple weeks.
Great stuff 😊😊😊
Thanks 👍🏻
The eye contact thing is quite complex I think. For me, I know that eye contact is important and I expect it from other people but I find that I'm not great at the timing, re when to look, how long to look for, being aware of when you might be staring. And an accidental stare can be the end of a conversation in fairly short order! Finally, I find it easier to process the conversation if not making eye contact or else I'm then busy trying to read and interpret the nuanced facial expressions. So overall, you can see how a conversation is already difficult before it has even begun!
Very true!
Liked the bit about reading facial expressions; you might find the one that isn't laughing is autistic and just doesn't emote the humour they feel. I forget to smile/laugh when masking quite often.
When I'm tired, I forget to use my body language when I'm talking, which throws people off
Omg I LOOOVE stand up comedy. I bet I would have laughed at your bits.
You'd have been the only one 😂
Hello, thank you for your work, it gave me ideas to try. Counting 3 seconds looking in the eyes is a good tip. When I look at someone, I 'm not able to hear or understand what is said, I exercise myself with TV journalists for exemple but it stays very difficult. And I hate when people look at me, even in family or friends, it' s like they might absorb me, it's difficult to explain. I said very sharply' stop looking at me ' at my first boyfriend.. End of the relationship.
I like when you explain that routine doesn't have be a prison. It's difficult because I can be very agitated when something doesn't stick to it. So a few months ago, in my list for the day, and the week (I looove lists) I have an item especially for something not planned or saying I allow myself not to stick to the list. It makes me less stressed.
Sensory overload is an everyday issue. Especially whin sounds, if I don't feel very well, it's a big trigger for meltdowns. Like if my brain exploses. Grocery store are less crowded during lunch time, or when it's close to the end of school, because people go to get their children. I'm also not able to socialize with more than one person, sometimes 2, even close friends.
Apart 'you don't look autistic' or 'but you can speak', or 'nowadays every one is a little autistic, it's trendy'. The worst is when doctors tell me '' hum, who told you that? ", or write in my file, '' asperger syndrom, but she is a psychologist '', as if it means I 'm lying or exagerating, auto diagnosed myself and find it cool.
And for me, no, I don't like to be autistic, of course it' a part of me, and it's not because I would want to be like neurotypicals, but because it's a never-ending suffering. It 's maybe because I am 53 and I feel it very long.
Hi Muriel, I can relate to a lot of your comment. It is hard, but it is the shift in balance that is needed to make sure you're important too. It took me many years to treat myself better, when I did, the Autism didn't get easier, but it became manageable as I made sure I looked out for my best interests instead of doing what I had always done and make sure everyone and everything else was okay first. When I did that, I felt it was never ending too. Hope all is well.
@@AdultwithAutism thank you for your answer, it makes sense. Looking things from a different angle can make a big difference, I was diagnosed very late, at 39, so it will take time to see things in a different way. But I am interested by your way to see things, and I will try. Thank you.
No problem. I'm still trying to figure it out too!
4:18 lol, right though? I think, ironically, that that *song* doesn't understand irony.
Haha, could be onto something there!
My dad used to say "you made your bed now lie in it" 🤔🤔🤔 im thinking why on earth would you make your bed just to lie in it, what a waste of time .
I find friendship hard, my only friend lives long distance away.
Haha, I know! Why ruin a freshly made bed 😂
Long distance friendship work much better for me. I'd rather miss someone instead of having them around too much.
@@AdultwithAutism Completely agree.
1. I'm not autistic, but here to learn 2. You're far from/boring 3. You're interesting 4. You'd definitely say i have a big bum 😂 5. I've watched a bunch of your vids & haven't found any offensive. But i don't have a filter, either!
Haha, many thanks 👍🏻
people can´t understand why I hate the smell of blown out candles ... finally someone who feels the same 😂
Eye contact for me is a strange one. I think I maintain it well. I like looking at people and observing them, so sometimes looking too intensely, BUT I look whilst they're not looking. I don't like having my picture taken, I feel like my soul/essence is being stolen somehow, very strange to explain and I don't particularly like being looked at. (As a child of course though I was constantly being reprimanded and yelled at to look at my parents/adults when they would speak to me, so there's that).
HATE my photo being taken...which might sound silly as all my thumbnails are of me. But that was done purposefully to show that Autistic people generally don't like their photo being taken!
As an autistic adult, I can add some context to answer 1 about communication.
We can be easily misunderstood.
And our default is honesty, we state it as we see it.
example: if you ask us, “does this dress make my butt look big?” Than if it doesn’t, than we will say no. But if it does, than we will say yes.
Not because we want to be mean, but because we don’t even consider lying as a possible option, or if we are aware that it’s an option, we see it as more harmful in the long run to lie.
As for me I’ve seen too many bad endings (second and third hand) to every answer to that question that if I’m ever asked that in particular, I’ll just walk away without comment.
(I choose this example because I believe we all know it, and it should be easy for all parties to relate.
Please forgive me if I’m in error on that assumption)
If a backside looks big and I am asked if it does or not, I will give the accurate answer 👍🏻
Great video! The guy that does everything in 4's could possibly have OCD.
He could well do! Who knows!
My husband has an extremely neutral face and I am constantly asking him if he's mad or angry.
Spray him with a water hose...whatever that face is, it'll be anger!
@@AdultwithAutism HAHAHA !!!!
13:38 There is a book by Ziraldo a Brazilian Cartoonist called "Menino Maluquinho" that translating freely whoud be "The Nutty Boy". In it there is a illustration of him with monkeys in the place of a brain.
The kid is more of ADHD kind of diagnosis.
Haha, I still refer to it as monkeys in the brain.
7:29 im so hyper focused on people's faces so I know how to look and act. It's exhausting.
11:06 i like that my closest friends never talk to me. lol
14:00 sensory overload for me is like my ears and eyes are to full.
16:01 sounds like OCD 😅.
16:01 i get it. I'm fine being autistic. I'm not okay about it because the world doesnt have space for they way I am and I hate having to fake.
I will always be resentful that I have to mask. And it is only because I will get bad feedback if I don't 👍🏻
I always ask my partner.What is it.Is this sth bothering you?Are you mad?Are you mad with me?Because i dont understand anybody netrual...
I hear ya (no pun intended) about radar hearing!
😂
Omg the filter!!!!! I tell everyone I don’t have a filter mine was discontinued in 1975 and they never made any kind of replacement for it. Sorry I don’t work that way!!!! I just thought it was me.
Never made any kind of replacement 😂
I've just been diagnosed. It's awful
You're the same person you were before diagnosis, and it isn't going anywhere. You have to learn your Autism, know your traits, know your triggers, and with everything else in life, learn to manage it. When you control your Autism and not the other way around, things are much clearer. I hope it gets easier for you.
@@AdultwithAutism thankyou so much!
I hope you have come to terms with your diagnosis, For me getting diagnosed 5 years ago at the age of 42 was an absolute relief and answered a lot of questions I’ve always had about myself,from feeling like a complete misfit when I was a child , and also why my brain feels like it can almost shut down,and also all the other problems in between.luckily for me ,my autism has never stopped me doing what I have wanted to do,but it has made it very difficult at times. The things that have helped me understand my condition was doing as much research on autism as I could and also watching a lot of RUclips videos such as this one, and this helped me feel not so alone. I wish you all the best 👍
I hate people standing so close to me
It's getting worse for me the older I get!
@@AdultwithAutism Same here. This is why I LOVED the "six foot rule" during covid. I still, and forever WILL, exercise the six foot (or more!) rule. There is no need for people to be any closer than that. I avoid crowds like the plague.
If it makes you feel any better Paul, none of the things in that song Ironic were actually ironic. They were all just unfortunate things that can happen.
So the song Ironic wasn't about Irony? Isn't that...Ironic?
@@AdultwithAutism haha it is. Irony is the opposite of what you expect. There’s no expectation of any of the things mentioned to be happening. So it doesn’t work.
I'm going to have to listen to the song again now!
Bag of monkeys! Am having that! 😊
I'm still waiting for a better way to explain my mind!
Hello Paul! Found ur podcast on Spotify and im so glad I can see ur face now lol makes it so much better❤