I am 59 and just found out what scapegoating abuse is all about. I finally have an answer for what I’ve been experiencing. Survived a ten year heroin addiction. But, I made it. I said goodbye to my family last year and I’m starting to finally heal
Pete Walker is a living saint. I wish his wisdom and understanding on cptsd is wider known. I wish I had the understanding of what was happening to me when I was younger.
Hi. I'm nearly 60. I mirror your comment. I hope there's still time to heal, to move forward and to experience a lifetime of love. To love and be loved. I'm doing the work I need to.Thanks to Pete Walker and others like him. Praying 🙏 for you all. ❤
53 here.. mother was borderline personality disordered living nightmare. Confusion and ZERO ability to remember anything I learn or do and the fear it causes me to feel at work has now got me thinking about early retirement with only 16 years pension which would leave me skint for the rest of my life and my quality of life would plummet. CPTSD has made my life unbearable.
I'm 61, and only recently discovered that I've been suffering from cptsd for all these decades. 6 years ago the fog started lifting for the first time. I feel so cheated and out of time.
Pete’s book saved me. I read it in my early 60s after abandonment by the then narcissist in my life, and in reading it I found myself. It has taken me a while to reach me but he gave me a path along which I am still travelling but now I am enjoying the journey. I was the fawner, handmaiden, problem solver trapped in repeated narcissistic relationships. I am now practicing self love and care, lots of creativity and caring for my body so that I can finally recover from MECFS. Thank you Pete 🙏🏼❤️
I completely relate to all that. Every human should get Pete’s book. It’s my Bible. You wouldn’t believe what my copy looks like at this point. I walk with you.
I am the same cfs for 28 years never knew it was because of my narcissist mother and narcissist sister. I am finally grieving for all the years of abuse. Going to cut away from these toxic taking users. Finally love myself.
@@lynnglass57559, and finally cut off from narc family, including the malignant narc I was married to for 25 yrs. Grieving my losses and trying to move on with my children
This book changed my life and healed me. It described my struggle with CPTSD perfectly and it felt like this book spoke to my struggles in many levels. Thank you, Pete Walker for writing this book.
Everyone should pay attention to this man, he should be famous. His book is so accurate and life changing everyone should read it because let’s face it: Almost everyone has bad childhood experiences
I've taken diary and write down all the painful memories. I cried for hours. My conclusion was that there's no way I can undo it, there's no justice for little me, no consequences for those who hurt me and I need to accept it. And that acceptance of the pain and injustice that happened to me helped me. I felt my heart melting. There's a long way to healing but I finally made the first step.
I understand. Let go of the courtroom in your head. It will never help you. Never go back to those people and put yourself first now. See a good therapist and get Pete’s book. Those are my suggestions. I am with you as we walk this new path at our own pace.
I am 44 and Im a fight and fawn type. I just discovered this mans work. I have 3 coping addictions: Food, cigarettes and weed. Food was used as a child, cigarettes as an adolescent and weed as an adult. I bought the book and its coming today through Amazon. I listened to videos on his book to kind of get a jump start yesterday and already I have stopped smoking weed and ate normally yesterday to just see how my body feels using a few exercised Ive learned from him to combat emotional flashbacks and it works. I am sooo grateful to have found his work. I will continue to break this cycle. God bless this man.
Pete Walker’s work has had a profound impact on my life. I see a therapist that knows him personally and uses his therapeutic approach. It has changed my life, changed the way I understand my own inner experience, and has healed so much pain. Thank you Pete, from the bottom of my heart 🙏🏼❤
I'm so greatful for your book. It even makes me think I might not be such a shit I think I am. And hardly anything make me feel this way nowadays. You make this world a better place. ❤ The worst thing about trama is, it can break you and you begin to repeat that cycle of abuse, but this time not as victim but as a perpatrator. But you can go another way and try to break this chain and help other sufferers. Like Chiron, wounded healer. It's so deeply ... humane? And I don't use this adjective often as a compliment 😂. Nor am I often so deeply mooved. You touch that soft spot and make me human again. Just like in that Rumi motto of your book: When inward tenderness Finds the secret hurt, Pain itself will crack the rock And, Ah! Let the soul emerge.
I think one thing that held me back as a child and even into adulthood was the fact that I would feel mortified if friends, neighbors, teachers would find out I am not worthy of kind treatment from caregivers and that I'm a fraud - I'm pretending to be from a good family, but I'm really not loved. - if they find out what a bad person I am, these people might even treat me bad too.
You’re not a bad person. Bad information was implanted in you and I know it’s hard to release it, but the FIRST thing you have to change is the language you’re using. You’re a good person, you’re worthy and valuable. Don’t give up on your healing. Life is beautiful.
I also feel that to some degree. I think it's us identifying with the wicked inner critic. The critic is truly harsh, bad and deserves to be punished; not our true selves. Everytime this thought process occurs acknowledge the identification with the critic and his evil nature and remember that you are not him.
Pete's work has changed me on so many levels. At first, I knew what a flashback was because it happened at certain times in my day (morning when I wake up terrifying myself). But as I continued to meditate and follow the practices he provides, I found that a majority of my day is actually playing out in a flashback. (I'm a high functioning Four F'r, ha,ha!) It's no wonder I have asthma and other heath disorders - how could I not? Like seriously, how could I NOT have health issues. Thank you, Pete, thanks for all you've done to help so many of us!
@@christinap.3743 I hope to read the book one day, I have it, but have put it off because no doubt it will piss me off.. part of me will wish I could have known better and done something about life at the time it was happening.
Dear Pete Walker, your book is one of my all times favorites and helped me so much. Thank you very much for your work. I am about to reread it and start writing Down my story because I believe that it Will be therapeutic (not for anyone Else to see) God bless you ❤🤗
I absolutely obsessed about running away all the time as a teen and did when I was getting yelled at, until I felt better then returned. I moved out at 17 (from my Catholic parents) and never went back. I struggled, I starved, I made poor choices until I decided to join the Air Force after high school and that was the BEST decision I ever made for my life ❤
I have spent most of my life dreaming of running away..childhood group home for ten years, a 15 year marriage and in my marriage now to a classic narcissist 😢 Im trying to find what helps
@@ImreadyforJesus Do it! It’s time to make yourself happy, but just remember- you’re still taking YOU with you so, in the process, YOU need to learn that lesson and grow from the inside out. I love you and am praying for your happiness ❤️
This is so relatable. I am a textbook fawner. I calmed my alcholic narcissistic father down and was my enabler mother's therapist. I hate them both but I am trying to forgive. I was also called gifted and precocious which is funny. Literally becoming my parents slave is so messed up.
Your post was timely. I wasn't my narc's enabler, yet my elder daughter was my emotional dump, and the younger one was his gold btwn. I was feeling guilty about pushing him away, but I'm glad he's gone after 25 yrs. Btwn the two of us, our abuse would have caused the children to leave home for good. Now we are all healing
WOW! So many nuggets of truth. "The majority of emotional flashbacks are coming from the nasty way you are talking to yourself. You are just reenacting the criticism, not giving yourself a break, just totally being against yourself."
It’s just amazing that I lived more than half my life believing I was just no good. I was bad and flawed only to find out it was your family doing it to you all along. I struggled my whole life In everything I did. Relationships, jobs, drugs you name it. Then when it’s all said and done to heal you have to give up your family to stop the abuse. Then you’re all alone and your left out of the will. Lol, this is a horrible thing to happen t0 any person and you hve to educate yourself and heal yourself because the metal communities and all the doctors and in the dark ages.
Thank god for RUclips videos or I’d be dead now. I am older and just learned what happened to me. I went no contact fast once I knew I was the family scapegoat. My brother who hated me I mean hated me from infancy until present day got his last shot at me. My Farther’s narc wife hated me and my daughter because we were close. She refused to allow us to come see my dying father. My family of course didn’t defend or stand up to her. I voiced my disappointment with my father for the first time ever and my brother called me trailer park trash. That was his last shot at me and I’m 59 yrs old.
I got some help from daily practice from crappy childhood fairy. That is free. I paid for a year of support and got kicked out. We are not alone. SA is my current safe, free space.
I'm only a few minutes in but already I want to comment. I never heard before of people who believe in healing the trauma first. I've been seeking treatment for 15 years, and every time, I was rejected and told that I should heal my addiction first. So I tried addiction treatments, but none of them worked because I was completely overwhelmed in those groups despite my best efforts. I was punished and blamed over and over again. The result is 15 years of failure, and no treatment for trauma whatsoever. I'm getting seriously discouraged. But hearing this, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm not inadequate, I couldn't heal addiction this way, not without healing trauma at the same time. I managed to stop drinking many many times, but I wasn't better. In fact, every time I managed to stop drinking, I was miserable, and it was never good enough to get treatment. Whatever I tried was never good enough, and I tried it all, I knocked on all doors, doctors, therapists, I went to meetings, I tried on my own many times, I stuck with medication with awful side effects. It's almost as if, in order to be eligible for treatment, you have to be already healed. I never lied about my addiction, because I thought I shouldn't lie to people who are supposed to help, but I thought many times since then that maybe it would have been wise to lie.
It’s like asking someone with a broken leg to walk without crutches. Heal the pain from trauma, get yourself doing and feeling better, learn healthier coping mechanisms and you will likely have less of a desire to over so it with mood altering substances. I’m still early on in healing CPTSD. It’s been four years since I started trying to figure out why I had yet another incredibly toxic intimate relationship and quit another decent job. Having things go poorly eventually led me to learning about CPTSD. Im not where I want to be but with the knowledge of what went wrong I have started to do things differently. I still have a lot of wreckage to clean up but I’m not repeating my unhealthy cycles as badly anymore. I can’t believe it’s taken so long to make such little progress but I’m definitely getting better ever so slowly.
I spoke to a very kind man who worked for the mental health organisation I was trying to access, I explained that I've had addiction issues and he advised to not say anything about it because instead of being treated like a victim of abuse, I'd instead be treated as an addict first and foremost, that I wouldn't get any help for my trauma until I was 'clean'. To say I was shocked was an understatement. At least I got lucky and spoke to the right person first... Now I know how the system works I'm appalled at the state of the whole thing
This is why traditional 12 step treatment has such a poor track record. How many times is trauma mentioned in traditional 12 step treatment programs? Zero. After my son had graduated from 8 treatment programs and relapsed every time and eventually died I learned so much about how the treatment industry needs a complete overhaul. It is hard to believe that it is even legal. I made some assumptions that were totally incorrect such as I assumed that there were standards of care and a monitoring board as exists for hospitals. I therefore assumed that these programs had an acceptable success rate because if they were failing they would be sanctioned and eventually closed, but there is no one following up on treatment centers. When I learned that 95% of treatment centers all offered the same community based 12 step program available for free without going anywhere, and yet they charge into the thousands of dollars per day knowing they are making empty promises. And when you fail, these programs tell you that it is working for everyone else. I was naive a decade ago because I believed going to treatment would cure addiction, and if anything some of the programs only made everything worse because they caused more trauma. I could not believe that with all the time and money we had given them to treat my son he got no trauma treatment, almost no therapy. Instead he got to pet a horse and swing on a trapeze neither of which did anything to address the reasons he used drugs. Can you imagine if the treatment for diabetes, heart disease or cancer was thousands of dollars per day with very limited coverage by insurance, and the antiquated gold standard of treatment hasn't been updated or modified since 1939 even though it is only helping 8% of participants? No one would tolerate that for anyone else, but addicts are treated like throw away people instead of some of the most amazing, empathic, and creative people among us.
I'm going to get Pete's book. He's speaking my language and I think this would absolutely help me on my journey. Within a few months of my father's death, the gates began to open. I learned that being abused was what was wrong- not with me but what was done to me. I'm changing the tape I lived with for 5 and a 1/2 decades. He's been gone for 4 years. I'm still healing and have a ways to go. That's ok because I'm on the right path now, and he can't get to me.
Putting a name to the Critic and the Abandonment Melange has been incredibly helpful to me in defeating them. I can name it, know what's happening, and deal with it much faster than I could before - THANK YOU.
When you hear him describe what’s been in your head for years! Very comforting. 😊 How many people in this comment section sat in the principal’s office or psychiatrist’s office while your parents lied and said everything was good at home and then you’re labeled as having a learning disability or the classic “chemical imbalance”.
When I wasn’t even at the half of the book (cptsd), I thought ‘this has done so much more for me than all the other therapy (even emdr) has ever done for me. Thank you so much Pete!
Thank you for this. I listened and stopped multiple times because everything was making so much sense and this video alone helped me release so much pain. It really put things in perspective for me. The thing pete said about going for the pain, I’m never going to forget that. It’s a completely new concept for me that pain can actually be my healing light if I’m brave enough to work through it and feel it out. And this talk gave me the courage to tell myself that yes of course I’m brave enough. I got through the traumatic childhood and I’m still here and that’s gotta count for something.
This fellow Pete Walker is extremely clear in describing the content of his book....psychoeducation being a very important part of it....and he talks about this. Really a magnificent interview! So helpful!!
I read his book and it helped me so much! Also his articles on his website. Before I discovered his work, I was diagnosed with PTSD but I felt something was missing. It was through him I first discovered CPTSD and I felt that what he said was describing my symptoms exactly. It's been 10 years since then and I'm much better (although it's still a struggle at times).
I have felt every one of these at one point or another... Anger as a child, teen and into my 20s . . It felt more like cancer, killing me & stealing energy at that point... My first escape was books!! B4 drugs, I escaped through literary fiction, fantasy... Ummm... I never wanted medication 4 anything... Until I lost my shit completely at 17.. I'm 44 now.. I didn't know I was traumatized until I was 35... LoL... I tried many times 2 get help... I had no idea what was wrong with me, aside from the never ending DREAD that just stayed one day at 17... It lasted over a decade... I was told I was depressed... Like, oh really!? That doesn't explain why I'm watching myself at events, like a flippin movie and nothing feels real & I'm trippin out... Thinking, is this how I'm going to be from now on? Meanwhile, someone important I care about, is trying to communicate with me and I don't even realize it because my brains in outer space, with no anchor home, watching me standing there and I realize, shit .. I'm supposed to say something... Act normal, ur fine, everything is ok! It's far from it, but I don't know how to express that I've lost my mind to people I hang out with daily! This was 97.. so things are different now.. there wasn't awareness like there is 2day.... All of the different types of disassociation, disregulation, these words are all newer-ish to myself... And B4 there was freeze and fawn, I called it deer in headlights... Because that's what I did... Did I always, absolutely not... Idk.... I've lost it completely, psychotic episodes many times since... And u never loose it the same way twice... I thought I was good, I've already lost my mind, that was the worst and scariest thing I could think of happening 2 me as a kid .. soooo... It was definitely that, but years later I figured, that happened, now what? Still no clue what the heck is going on in my brain or why... Then something would shatter whatever protection id managed to scrape up & id be shattered, different than last time and Everytime, I loose something of myself.... The last time, my sister passed away... It's been 14 years almost and I've been totally numb with crippling anxiety, which makes no sense to me ... Because I feel a lot of nodda, but that stayed! Uggg .. I'm annoyed with myself, for not having any disire to life, ambition, drive, motivation... It all died and it hasn't come back... I didn't even realize for about 18 months, that I had no idea who I was! Like I just forgot everything about myself, that I like to read, cook, paint, dogs, recycled, upcycle... I was just existing on autopilot until it occured to me that this is more than grief & depression... How do u forget who you are!? It's soooo wild! I get it, to an extent.. I don't feel the guilt and shame I did as a kid, not for a long time... I actually worked through that... I realized I was miserable and didn't know hot to be happy, when I made a passive aggressive comment to a very very good friend... I think she got an awesome job, and when we hung up, I asked myself, WHAT THE F IS WRONG WITH U?! And I answered myself... Ur a miserable twat waffle, you hate yourself & want to die and have no idea how to be happy... What?! I was 28... Prolly a little late 2 recognize this... But it jarred me.. I had a son who was 7 at the time... I never cared after 7th grade, what people thought... I knew it was bad, so I gave them reasons 2 hate me, being that they did it Anyway.. but I had friends and didn't need people who didn't like me in my life, f them and I couldn't care less If they're an authority figure, because they were wrong about me and I paid for their judgement, abuse and just lack of noticing how flippin messed up and sad if a child I was.. not that I admitted that to myself even .. I WAS MAD! If I was mad, I wasn't sad and I won, they didn't hurt me... Tee-hee 🤭... That was my rational then... But every year u never cry, doesn't just dissipate into the ether... Its all bottled up inside... That's why it's important to cry... All the tears we never thought to cry... Or denied, whatever the reason... Anger is pain... And it turns to rage and it will kill u if u don't squish it! So... My kidd opinion was the first person's opinion, I ever gave any Fs about... I thought that if I died, he'd hear some horrible things, cuz I wasn't very nice.. and then I stumbled upon a quote... What u see in other people is what u see in yourself... So I used that to catch any negative thoughts I had, like always, about every1... And think something positive about them instead... And it became natural 4 me to see what's beautiful in people.. even when they themselves cannot see it... Whatever... That was the first major change I needed to make... Accountability for the crap id done that was wrong & I didn't want to be that person... So guilt has been a major teacher for me personally.. I raised myself and did a horrible job... So, I learned things the hardest ways possible, everything and Everytime... I'm grateful that I have the capacity to accept that I'm not perfect and change tho... Self love.. F THATS SO SO SO hard... I've been on stuck as a hermit, recluse for 14 years almost and Im in therapy... I actually like my therapist a lot... I just hope there's a way to activate the parts of myself that feel completely dead... Like I murdered who I was and she's straight up dead dead dead .. that's how it feels... Because I'm not anything like who I ever was... I haven't been sexually active in a decade and the thought makes me nauseous... What the heck!?
Thank you so much, I sat in the rooms of AA dying inside for over 10 years because even saying the word trauma in the rooms is considered "therapy speak" and is lookes down on.
I went for years too. Blaming & digging what I have done to others. Ended up in Sue It Cide Anonymous. I don't belong there either and they let me talk. Ideation of dying was with me at 1st drink. Still there 40+ years later. I am NOT alone. I am talking about this honestly at meetings. I was told don't ever say that, you'll scare the new comer.
I so agree with healing trauma first in revovery. I couldn't stay sober for 35 years and i dealt with a big portion of the truama and i was able to put the dope down and walk away, never looking back. That was 4 years ago. I continue to heal myself. I don't think it's ever 100% resolved.
C-PTSD is an inside job- with help and coaching. I am have what they call lived experience. At age 72 I can see clearly the impact of various episodes on my life's course. Interludes of embracing "codependency theory" helped me understand my own impulses- and to avoid others who wanted to help, or change me- in ways that I was not ready for.
Am 72, diagnosed past year with C-PTSD. I picked up Bradshaw's book at library back in the 90s but was afraid to read it and do the work. Wasn't ready to acknowledge that those I loved and adored could do so much damage to me. It's my mission to all the beautiful, smart, amazing inner children that still reside inside to love them unconditionally, forever. All the best on your journey to heal.
I've learned that I have a very strong flight response.. and I always need to be busy and always in a state of "doing".. and yes I can only fall asleep when I am to the point of exhaustion. While this is burdensome to some areas of my life, it has also been beneficial to my ability to complete graduate school as a single parent.. I know there is a fine line of working and 'overworking' however I feel most grounded when I am 'doing' and as long as I'm 'doing' well in areas of my career, I do not see harm in that as long as I am aware of my symptoms and strive for a work/life balance.. but I also recently learned that my inner critic response pattern is strongly 'perfectionistic'.. pair the perfectionistic inner critic with a flight response disposition and that is one recipe for disaster.. but I am aware of these things now and am in a space to be able to manage them to the best of my ability as an adult complex trauma survivor.. thank you, Pete for your work in the field
Oh this reminds me I want to make a catharsis list, there are certain pieces of media I’ve always connected with that let me have that kind of “for me” cry and it would be nice to have them on hand in a pinch
Interestingly there is great overlap with Karen Horney's theory of neurosis, she didn't specifically state it in terms of trauma but actually gave an incredibly accurate description of developmental trauma - how it begins early in childhood, how it unravels and evolves - just that it was named 'neurosis' back then. Oh and the 'Fawning' response was also there, discussed at length and described in minute detail (only named differently - "the compliant solution")
Do you know in which Karen Horney’s book developmental trauma could be named as neurosis? I worked a lot of years with therapists from Horney’s school and was never able to make them understand what was I going through. Suffered a lot of gaslighting from them but still used the word neurosis a lot. I understood perfectly the ongoing trauma that my “neurosis” was creating but they never understood how I just couldn’t “stop” the “neurotic” behavior so gave me the classic more Freudian outlook of “it seems that you enjoy this suffering, otherwise why you’ll keep at it”… Morons.
@@allnargles It's her final big work, "Neurosis and Human Growth" (although some good pointers can be found in some of her earlier work like "Self-Analysis"). I'm quite surprised by the approach the therapists took with you, normally it's not the neurosis that causes the trauma but the other around.
I feel like I have moved through every single one of these types throughout my life. As soon as one stops working or Ive exhausted myself I'll go to another. I over achieved early on in life and attracted narcissistic personalities and took uppers. Which led to exhaustion, depression and addiction to pain relievers. I never feel comfortable in my body. Im 42 years old and still havent figured it out.
I feel like I’m fawn then fight, but the fight is always at me. Like, when I’m fawning nothing else exists, meeting other people’s needs feels good and right and doing anything to upset their expectations means I am inherently a bad person and wrong and am in danger of my life, I’m in a state of anticipation and notice and execution with little access to myself, I will have limited access to my own memories or visualizing the future and even remembering things I am extremely knowledgable on will seem out of reach unless I have a tangent or connection to cue me in on, it’s such a malaise state that was a fantastic way to put it. But also, when it doesn’t work, when I try my hardest to not upset someone and they still get upset anyway, I explode inward, a barrage of “what did I do wrong? What did I do to deserve this pain? I tried so hard to be good why am I still being attacked how do I fix this?” Like I never get angry at the other person. I get angry at myself for not completely putting the other person at ease. I get mad at myself for not making myself clear enough, for not approaching it with enough tact or kindness, *I must be the problem here* and then I have to stop myself from trying to overexplain or justify or ‘make’ the other person understand because that’s a whole ass other trap to get into that just makes them feel aggressed and misunderstood so that will just drive up the shame even further yayy
Im just finishing your complex PTSD book, the last 10 pages. Thank you. I'm going to start it again when I'm finished. I like reading these type books at least twice if not three times.
Covid made me feel infinitely more connected to people, everyone stayed in touch more and people came together across distances more. It's strange to mourn the loss of an era that included so much death and illness at the very same time. But for those who were already struggling with social isolation and chronic health issues that curtailed energy for social outings, suddenly we were not weird or alone - we were normal.
It is because you are a human being. We have an automatic nervous system. When that system defaults to anxiety, depression etc, the nervous system is stuck in f/f/f/f. The coping mechanisms developed. It’s deep.
This video has done something very deep for me it has set me free from the negative mental shackles I’ve been held in for over 24 years. everything has been put into perspective I am thankful and appreciative! THANK YOU
I think this one of the best interviews yet with Pete. Really impressed, inspired. This has made me realize what iv been missing on this mission to recovery. I made some progress that was really something then its like a few steps back and it seemed like that was a one time thing. But hearing this encourages me to give it another go like its the first time doing it. "Fairness is a fundamental part of initimacy" 37:14 - wow that just hit the nail. Iv been onto the farn response understanding how narcs cant fawn : be fair, compromise from his book. So been using it as a system to make boundaries with narcs but fact that its core piece to connection! That just explains a lot. It even explains why iv been the way iv been to ppl that habitually practise unfairness to me. Damn. Im in the teaching industry and there is nothing worse than a narc as they will act like there goal is to learn, even believe it but there action is manipulate, that is no1 goal and it all them, nothing personal. But also key to stopping them in their tracks...
I didn't know I had abandonment wounds until I heard Pete explain what it was. Not being special ( my brother was my mother's golden child ) and I had no one to go to for my emotionsl needs. I remember being sexually molested at home by an older cousin, but couldn't tell either parent about it. I also became a fawner, a doormat and people pleaser, my mothers personal slave, denied possibilities, ended up marrying a narc and my abandonment wounds got triggered each time he threatened to leave, by the absence of intimacy and emotional availability in the 25 yr marriage. How do I even begin to heal?
When I was young, although my mum was bipolar, my dad was a narcissist. I prayed that man would die. He walked out when I was a teenager, and we begged my mum to change the locks she wouldn't. At 66, I now have an understanding of what we as a family were undergoing. I don't know if I will ever recover. My doctor even admits she doesn't know if there are counselling services for CPTSD. SO I watch RUclips to understand myself and grieve for a wasted life.
HE~~~~IS~~~~BLOWING~~~~MY~~~~MIND! I want to make affirmative tapes that copy what he is sayin to his inner critic AND PLAY THEM to MINE! As if I have him as a BACK-UP!
I'm experiencing alot of the things that spoken about during this video. 12 step program is helping me look at my people, places and things. Now that I surrender to alot of the steps to flow thru my life is much better. But im just seeing the true light at the end of the tunnel. I know my life has more depth so I'm going yo keep digging.
This information has changed my life And as I listen again on Thanksgiving 2023 I am so thankful I didn't believe the cv19 propaganda. My precocious Inner Child rebelled. Asked the big Question "Is it True?", or in my family "REALLY????". I was fooled. Not fooled anymore. I am liberal & see the scapegoating of the trumpers or rightwing just as bad as family shit. I walked away. #WalkAway. I may have lost my fake friends but have that inner child back. I won't leave her. Great Book, more is being revealed.
It’s so overwhelming. When I try to apply that technique for the inner critic that’s all I’ll be doing. My thoughts are so caustic and hateful towards myself that I have to be vigilant all the time. And I can’t be because it’s exhausting. Then it all comes back and I start over, only to get overwhelmed again. After years of trying to find healing I am at the point where I am giving up. I can feel it happening and it’s terrible.
I was stalked for three years by a person that did not ever meet me... he was obsessed and dangerous. I tried to hide this from the people that I love most. I thought that I might be responsible... although I did not know why. I did not want my children and grand children to be harmed by this person. THREE years day and night... I tried to keep this from them. My life has been destroyed. I am now 73 years old ... I am totally isolated!!!
Is it possible that at bottom of many (the majority of?) society's ADHD, BPD, SUD, etc diagnoses we have societally is actually undiagnosed CPTSD? The reason I ask should be obvious to anyone who's thought about these things and/or who took seriously what Pete Walker says discusses in the first quarter of this video.
This is exactly what I believe. BPD, NPD, ADHD etc are just manifestations of trauma or CPTSD. Depending on on how you act out the trauma depends on what diagnosis you get. But beneath it all, it’s CPTSD
NPD is different level. You can work to recover from/minimize CPTSD, how one recover from NPD, to be who? 3 year old? There's nobody there beneath the mask of false self. Walking, talking zombie, the child that mentally and emotionally died due to early abuse.
For the feeling thing.. Holotropic breathwork works like nothing else. The results are off the charts addictions HEALED poof gone in a couple sessions.
We have a lonely country. People stay away from ea other like the plague. We have an epidemic of loneliness, the medical profession is in the dark ages when it comes to trauma and you can’t find a therapist. So tell me this, what are my chances of ever having a productive life when I can barely hold down a job.
Refreshing to hear a more balanced perspective on ClownShoes-19. A population traumatized by their own families is ripe for deliberately administered mass trauma. (Did family narcissism develop in response to prior mass trauma?) Luckily the solution remains the same for any level of that fractal, regardless of whether it was the chicken or the egg first -- know thyself.
given the lack of professional governance in many countries, I have trouble believing that all of a sudden the competence necessary to create such a plot emerged. I tend to believe in a chain of worsening incompetence in that regard
Pete mentioned that people in flight mode can mimick aspergers. I self diagnosed with mild autism but now I don't know. I stim 14 hours a day. Any advice?
I have a strong flight response and I also resonate with autistic signs/symptoms. I am an adult and have never been diagnosed so this makes me think it is the flight response activation in my neurological system that is the reasons for my presentations
I am autism- ADHD and I recently got diagnosed with CPTSD. I am a flight-fawner, and in childhood i was flight-fight-freeze acting out, hyperactivity and emotional shut down. Now I take all my autism/adhd stuff with a pinch of salt, and since focusing primarily on treating my cptsd using Pete’s work and the work of others (highly reccomend crappy childhood fairy’s daily practice), I have noticed a HUGE difference. I still have autism/adhd symptoms but i am way more confident and it’s not a shamed problem where i have to hide myself or worry about affecting others. I became way more compassionate and self-aware in a v healthy way. I also must add that I stim too, but when i do i am usually triggered in a flashback or 4 f mode. So its been a tool for awareness! ❤
I have a neural pathway that flashes on this, "My needs are not going to be met, my needs are not going to be met, "on repeat. Age 46 Jacob's ladder style
Core Transformation is a book about NLP specifically for rewiring. You can borrow it through your local library and apply it to yourself. Or, if you can afford, have somebody apply it to you. But it works either way =)
Today I heard myself say "my ex ra**d me". I think it's the first day of a new life. I really have forgotten what he did to me... I just had severe Ptsd... and then it just came out of my mouth.
I ran away from home at 16 because I thought my mom was too strict and didn’t love me because she never said she did nor showed any type of affection. I never felt safe once I was sexually and mentally abused as a kid.
Why isn’t just called PTS . Why must, Disorder be attached. I have known for 40 years that I have PTS but I will never attach the disorder bit. It’s like telling prisoners of war that because they are/where prisoners ,It’s their fault now that you’re going through all this bullshit, you now have to ware the badges of being disordered.
Disorder has a negative connotation to you when in reality it’s a word to define a common set of symptoms caused a particular thing or set of things. The thing in this case being PTS. So ptsd is a known set of symptoms shared by people after (post) experiencing traumatic stress. It doesn’t have to carry a negative connotation unless you assign that to it. And calling it PTS doesn’t describe the symptoms, it only names the cause.
@@jond7382 No, the word literally means "out of order." Something that is not the way it should be. This implies that people with a disorder are not the way they should be. I would suggest that PTS is a natural and normal response to extreme violence, and therefore people with PTS are not in any way disordered. They responded appropriately to the extreme situation they were put through. This doesn't mean PTS is something to accept and cling to (who the hell would want to), but it avoids the common stigmatisation and blaming of victims that is implied in the language. We should instead say that violent behaviour is a disorder, to which healthy people respond by developing PTS. But that would be inconvenient for the people who rule society through extreme violence, wouldn't it? Can't have honest language around violence in a militaristic oligarchy.
The disorder comes later when you are safe but still actively going through the same emotions and feelings and thoughts. PTS would be for the initial reaction and then PTSD for the life long disorder that the original trauma can cause. That's the way I see it
@@danieldanton1129 Still. It apportions blame on the suffering persons by informing them that they are disordered. And by the same token will feel guilt. That’s how I see it . But thanks for your input.
accept the fact this world is not safe there are lots evil selfish greedy ppl some even pretend to be a kind person someone they are not but there are still loving caring kind ppl. i have learn my lesson to not give love or care about ppl don't love themselves anymore. if u wanna give love to the world just donate to food bank give change to homeless ppl. the past is the past u can't change the past u r not a kid anymore u r safe. a happy life is made up of love peace and joy. if no one loves u love yrself any external love from others r blessings. to have peace just stay away from any narcissists. to have joy find hobby that u enjoy to do it's very lucky if u love yr job that's a blessing. wish everyone a wonderful happy life filled with love peace and joy.
You need to go to the work of Dr David e Martin or Del Big trees the highwire cuz cooties was The largest psychological operation never pulled on mankind the patents speak the truth of the invisible boogie man. I navigated my estranged nasty abusive late husband through the hospital system During that entire ordeal both of us in our 60s refused to mask navigated hospital last 3years refused to go along with it Most people who were in the scapegoat roll caught the truth of that at the beginning. Take care of yourselves and do it really good everybody cuz they have several more pathogens patented & the truth behind the propaganda Same thing with the George Floyd thing.Come on wake up every one this was funded by politically connected eugenics billionaires trying to turn us against each other .Oklahoma & 7 other states attny. have already filed charges against pfizer as of October It was actually on the oklahoma state website 2wks ago!
Do you have a video for 13 year-old? Her mother died from an overdose 2 years ago. She is suffering. How do I reach her? I also have severe CPTSD. Isolation has worked for me. Well sort of. Now I have to take care of my own grief and pain to be able to help her be safe in her body and her mind. HELP
5:20 Fawn Response Gifted child, belonging by being helpful, servile, becomes codependent, susceptible to narcissistic people "Trauma of the Gifted Child" book
I'm fight flight or freeze it's usually fight and then freeze and be stuck in Perpetual depression until the next fight put on always trying to figure out the flight
I feel so loved when Pete says, "It's not fair, it shouldn't have happened." Thank you for seeing us and saying that.
I once had a doctor tell me I had a chip on my shoulder, and I have an ACE score of 8 out of 10.
Yes❤
Agreed, 100% the same feeling. Pete is brilliant and his book has done so much to save my life.
I am 59 and just found out what scapegoating abuse is all about. I finally have an answer for what I’ve been experiencing. Survived a ten year heroin addiction. But, I made it. I said goodbye to my family last year and I’m starting to finally heal
For all its worth, I will pray for you.
Keep forging. Keep healing. You’ve got this!!
That's incredibly inspiring, bless you ❤
Wow. You are amazing. I found out about scapegoating also and realized it wasn’t me all this time. Same with you.
This comment gives me enormous strength. Makes me feel less alone. Thank you so much. We are powerful beyond measure!
Pete Walker is a living saint. I wish his wisdom and understanding on cptsd is wider known. I wish I had the understanding of what was happening to me when I was younger.
Me too but we got in’
I feel the same
Well it's not to late.
The Tao of Fully Feeling saved my life, Pete. You are a blessing unto this world. Thank you so much for your work in this field.
I am 64. CPTSD developmental trauma stole my life, left me frozen in fear 24/7. But the borderlines Love to keep me as company.
Hi. I'm nearly 60. I mirror your comment. I hope there's still time to heal, to move forward and to experience a lifetime of love. To love and be loved. I'm doing the work
I need to.Thanks to Pete Walker and others like him. Praying 🙏 for you all. ❤
I'm 62. Similar experience
53 here.. mother was borderline personality disordered living nightmare. Confusion and ZERO ability to remember anything I learn or do and the fear it causes me to feel at work has now got me thinking about early retirement with only 16 years pension which would leave me skint for the rest of my life and my quality of life would plummet. CPTSD has made my life unbearable.
I'm 61, and only recently discovered that I've been suffering from cptsd for all these decades. 6 years ago the fog started lifting for the first time. I feel so cheated and out of time.
Pete’s book saved me. I read it in my early 60s after abandonment by the then narcissist in my life, and in reading it I found myself. It has taken me a while to reach me but he gave me a path along which I am still travelling but now I am enjoying the journey.
I was the fawner, handmaiden, problem solver trapped in repeated narcissistic relationships. I am now practicing self love and care, lots of creativity and caring for my body so that I can finally recover from MECFS.
Thank you Pete 🙏🏼❤️
I completely relate to all that. Every human should get Pete’s book. It’s my Bible. You wouldn’t believe what my copy looks like at this point. I walk with you.
I am the same cfs for 28 years never knew it was because of my narcissist mother and narcissist sister. I am finally grieving for all the years of abuse. Going to cut away from these toxic taking users. Finally love myself.
@@lynnglass57559, and finally cut off from narc family, including the malignant narc I was married to for 25 yrs. Grieving my losses and trying to move on with my children
This book changed my life and healed me. It described my struggle with CPTSD perfectly and it felt like this book spoke to my struggles in many levels. Thank you, Pete Walker for writing this book.
the interviewer had to throw in there identity politics when Pete is generously sharing so much eye opening information with us.
Everyone should pay attention to this man, he should be famous. His book is so accurate and life changing everyone should read it because let’s face it: Almost everyone has bad childhood experiences
L❤
அ😊😊 😂அ😊😂😊😂 😊😊😊😂அ😂😊😊 ?😊😂 இல் ஈ😊எரரண
🎉 2:25 ..
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I've taken diary and write down all the painful memories. I cried for hours. My conclusion was that there's no way I can undo it, there's no justice for little me, no consequences for those who hurt me and I need to accept it. And that acceptance of the pain and injustice that happened to me helped me. I felt my heart melting. There's a long way to healing but I finally made the first step.
I understand. Let go of the courtroom in your head. It will never help you. Never go back to those people and put yourself first now. See a good therapist and get Pete’s book. Those are my suggestions. I am with you as we walk this new path at our own pace.
Accept the challenge of existence
It is a hard journey and I am so proud of you and the steps you're taking! Keep going, it will get easier! ❤
I am 44 and Im a fight and fawn type. I just discovered this mans work. I have 3 coping addictions: Food, cigarettes and weed. Food was used as a child, cigarettes as an adolescent and weed as an adult. I bought the book and its coming today through Amazon. I listened to videos on his book to kind of get a jump start yesterday and already I have stopped smoking weed and ate normally yesterday to just see how my body feels using a few exercised Ive learned from him to combat emotional flashbacks and it works. I am sooo grateful to have found his work. I will continue to break this cycle. God bless this man.
🦋
Well? Howya doin' sister?
Pete Walker’s work has had a profound impact on my life. I see a therapist that knows him personally and uses his therapeutic approach. It has changed my life, changed the way I understand my own inner experience, and has healed so much pain. Thank you Pete, from the bottom of my heart 🙏🏼❤
WOW! Pete Walker is showing up in interviews! Thank you so much! Pete, happy to see you & hear what you have to say!
I'm so greatful for your book. It even makes me think I might not be such a shit I think I am. And hardly anything make me feel this way nowadays. You make this world a better place. ❤ The worst thing about trama is, it can break you and you begin to repeat that cycle of abuse, but this time not as victim but as a perpatrator. But you can go another way and try to break this chain and help other sufferers. Like Chiron, wounded healer. It's so deeply ... humane? And I don't use this adjective often as a compliment 😂. Nor am I often so deeply mooved. You touch that soft spot and make me human again. Just like in that Rumi motto of your book:
When inward tenderness
Finds the secret hurt,
Pain itself will crack the rock
And, Ah! Let the soul emerge.
Pete Walker is a gift to us all
I think one thing that held me back as a child and even into adulthood was the fact that I would feel mortified if friends, neighbors, teachers would find out I am not worthy of kind treatment from caregivers and that I'm a fraud - I'm pretending to be from a good family, but I'm really not loved. - if they find out what a bad person I am, these people might even treat me bad too.
You’re not a bad person. Bad information was implanted in you and I know it’s hard to release it, but the FIRST thing you have to change is the language you’re using. You’re a good person, you’re worthy and valuable. Don’t give up on your healing. Life is beautiful.
I also feel that to some degree. I think it's us identifying with the wicked inner critic.
The critic is truly harsh, bad and deserves to be punished; not our true selves.
Everytime this thought process occurs acknowledge the identification with the critic and his evil nature and remember that you are not him.
You weren’t born with an abusive inner critic. I wonder who deliberately groomed you to have those feelings?
I never put together before Pete just explained that, that my foggy head is part of depression. THANK YOU
Pete's work has changed me on so many levels. At first, I knew what a flashback was because it happened at certain times in my day (morning when I wake up terrifying myself). But as I continued to meditate and follow the practices he provides, I found that a majority of my day is actually playing out in a flashback. (I'm a high functioning Four F'r, ha,ha!) It's no wonder I have asthma and other heath disorders - how could I not? Like seriously, how could I NOT have health issues. Thank you, Pete, thanks for all you've done to help so many of us!
My much of my day is played out in flashback Wow! That hit home - you’re so right Christina and I only realised it once you said it.
Four Fs?
@@CinHalCedHerChance Four F’s is a reference in Pete Walker’s book. Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn.
@@christinap.3743 I hope to read the book one day, I have it, but have put it off because no doubt it will piss me off.. part of me will wish I could have known better and done something about life at the time it was happening.
@@CinHalCedHerChance ❤❤❤❤ Imagine you still have 50 more years. After all time is an illusion.
Dear Pete Walker, your book is one of my all times favorites and helped me so much. Thank you very much for your work. I am about to reread it and start writing Down my story because I believe that it Will be therapeutic (not for anyone Else to see) God bless you ❤🤗
I absolutely obsessed about running away all the time as a teen and did when I was getting yelled at, until I felt better then returned. I moved out at 17 (from my Catholic parents) and never went back. I struggled, I starved, I made poor choices until I decided to join the Air Force after high school and that was the BEST decision I ever made for my life ❤
I have spent most of my life dreaming of running away..childhood group home for ten years, a 15 year marriage and in my marriage now to a classic narcissist 😢 Im trying to find what helps
@@ImreadyforJesus Do it! It’s time to make yourself happy, but just remember- you’re still taking YOU with you so, in the process, YOU need to learn that lesson and grow from the inside out. I love you and am praying for your happiness ❤️
Healing as a marathon. The last man standing is us, never giving up on ourselves 💖
This is so relatable. I am a textbook fawner. I calmed my alcholic narcissistic father down and was my enabler mother's therapist. I hate them both but I am trying to forgive. I was also called gifted and precocious which is funny. Literally becoming my parents slave is so messed up.
Your post was timely. I wasn't my narc's enabler, yet my elder daughter was my emotional dump, and the younger one was his gold btwn. I was feeling guilty about pushing him away, but I'm glad he's gone after 25 yrs. Btwn the two of us, our abuse would have caused the children to leave home for good. Now we are all healing
WOW! So many nuggets of truth. "The majority of emotional flashbacks are coming from the nasty way you are talking to yourself. You are just reenacting the criticism, not giving yourself a break, just totally being against yourself."
Not true. My emotional flashbacks have no sound nor thoughts whatsoever.
@@emarekica not everyone’s are the same. So, not true in your case would be more accurate
Grieving is healing me.
Haven't been able to cry in over 3 years . 1thing that's caused problems. I'm told constantly that I have no empathy
It’s just amazing that I lived more than half my life believing I was just no good. I was bad and flawed only to find out it was your family doing it to you all along. I struggled my whole life In everything I did. Relationships, jobs, drugs you name it. Then when it’s all said and done to heal you have to give up your family to stop the abuse. Then you’re all alone and your left out of the will. Lol, this is a horrible thing to happen t0 any person and you hve to educate yourself and heal yourself because the metal communities and all the doctors and in the dark ages.
I almost gave up before the miracle. I was tired. Insane for doing the steps again & again when it was wrong tool.
Thank god for RUclips videos or I’d be dead now. I am older and just learned what happened to me. I went no contact fast once I knew I was the family scapegoat. My brother who hated me I mean hated me from infancy until present day got his last shot at me. My Farther’s narc wife hated me and my daughter because we were close. She refused to allow us to come see my dying father. My family of course didn’t defend or stand up to her. I voiced my disappointment with my father for the first time ever and my brother called me trailer park trash. That was his last shot at me and I’m 59 yrs old.
I got some help from daily practice from crappy childhood fairy. That is free. I paid for a year of support and got kicked out. We are not alone. SA is my current safe, free space.
I'm only a few minutes in but already I want to comment. I never heard before of people who believe in healing the trauma first. I've been seeking treatment for 15 years, and every time, I was rejected and told that I should heal my addiction first. So I tried addiction treatments, but none of them worked because I was completely overwhelmed in those groups despite my best efforts. I was punished and blamed over and over again. The result is 15 years of failure, and no treatment for trauma whatsoever. I'm getting seriously discouraged. But hearing this, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm not inadequate, I couldn't heal addiction this way, not without healing trauma at the same time. I managed to stop drinking many many times, but I wasn't better. In fact, every time I managed to stop drinking, I was miserable, and it was never good enough to get treatment. Whatever I tried was never good enough, and I tried it all, I knocked on all doors, doctors, therapists, I went to meetings, I tried on my own many times, I stuck with medication with awful side effects. It's almost as if, in order to be eligible for treatment, you have to be already healed. I never lied about my addiction, because I thought I shouldn't lie to people who are supposed to help, but I thought many times since then that maybe it would have been wise to lie.
It’s like asking someone with a broken leg to walk without crutches. Heal the pain from trauma, get yourself doing and feeling better, learn healthier coping mechanisms and you will likely have less of a desire to over so it with mood altering substances.
I’m still early on in healing CPTSD. It’s been four years since I started trying to figure out why I had yet another incredibly toxic intimate relationship and quit another decent job. Having things go poorly eventually led me to learning about CPTSD. Im not where I want to be but with the knowledge of what went wrong I have started to do things differently. I still have a lot of wreckage to clean up but I’m not repeating my unhealthy cycles as badly anymore. I can’t believe it’s taken so long to make such little progress but I’m definitely getting better ever so slowly.
I spoke to a very kind man who worked for the mental health organisation I was trying to access, I explained that I've had addiction issues and he advised to not say anything about it because instead of being treated like a victim of abuse, I'd instead be treated as an addict first and foremost, that I wouldn't get any help for my trauma until I was 'clean'. To say I was shocked was an understatement. At least I got lucky and spoke to the right person first... Now I know how the system works I'm appalled at the state of the whole thing
@@danieldanton1129 That is good advice.
This is why traditional 12 step treatment has such a poor track record. How many times is trauma mentioned in traditional 12 step treatment programs? Zero. After my son had graduated from 8 treatment programs and relapsed every time and eventually died I learned so much about how the treatment industry needs a complete overhaul. It is hard to believe that it is even legal. I made some assumptions that were totally incorrect such as I assumed that there were standards of care and a monitoring board as exists for hospitals. I therefore assumed that these programs had an acceptable success rate because if they were failing they would be sanctioned and eventually closed, but there is no one following up on treatment centers. When I learned that 95% of treatment centers all offered the same community based 12 step program available for free without going anywhere, and yet they charge into the thousands of dollars per day knowing they are making empty promises. And when you fail, these programs tell you that it is working for everyone else. I was naive a decade ago because I believed going to treatment would cure addiction, and if anything some of the programs only made everything worse because they caused more trauma. I could not believe that with all the time and money we had given them to treat my son he got no trauma treatment, almost no therapy. Instead he got to pet a horse and swing on a trapeze neither of which did anything to address the reasons he used drugs. Can you imagine if the treatment for diabetes, heart disease or cancer was thousands of dollars per day with very limited coverage by insurance, and the antiquated gold standard of treatment hasn't been updated or modified since 1939 even though it is only helping 8% of participants? No one would tolerate that for anyone else, but addicts are treated like throw away people instead of some of the most amazing, empathic, and creative people among us.
I'm going to get Pete's book. He's speaking my language and I think this would absolutely help me on my journey.
Within a few months of my father's death, the gates began to open. I learned that being abused was what was wrong- not with me but what was done to me. I'm changing the tape I lived with for 5 and a 1/2 decades. He's been gone for 4 years. I'm still healing and have a ways to go. That's ok because I'm on the right path now, and he can't get to me.
From Nlp I learned to externalise the inner critic in a funny voice. It takes the power out of it.
Putting a name to the Critic and the Abandonment Melange has been incredibly helpful to me in defeating them. I can name it, know what's happening, and deal with it much faster than I could before - THANK YOU.
When you hear him describe what’s been in your head for years! Very comforting. 😊
How many people in this comment section sat in the principal’s office or psychiatrist’s office while your parents lied and said everything was good at home and then you’re labeled as having a learning disability or the classic “chemical imbalance”.
When I wasn’t even at the half of the book (cptsd), I thought ‘this has done so much more for me than all the other therapy (even emdr) has ever done for me. Thank you so much Pete!
Thank you for this. I listened and stopped multiple times because everything was making so much sense and this video alone helped me release so much pain. It really put things in perspective for me. The thing pete said about going for the pain, I’m never going to forget that. It’s a completely new concept for me that pain can actually be my healing light if I’m brave enough to work through it and feel it out. And this talk gave me the courage to tell myself that yes of course I’m brave enough. I got through the traumatic childhood and I’m still here and that’s gotta count for something.
Anna Runkle has a RUclips channel called Crappy Childhood Fairy that is also very helpful.
@@MichelleLovesJesusshe is not a good source at all.
It definitely counts for something
@@Gemmarose9012when you say something like that, why don't you give a reason?
Pain is the royal road to a Higher Power.
How is that happens,it's painful like my heart breaking to accept reality, really hard
This fellow Pete Walker is extremely clear in describing the content of his book....psychoeducation being a very important part of it....and he talks about this. Really a magnificent interview! So helpful!!
I read his book and it helped me so much! Also his articles on his website. Before I discovered his work, I was diagnosed with PTSD but I felt something was missing. It was through him I first discovered CPTSD and I felt that what he said was describing my symptoms exactly. It's been 10 years since then and I'm much better (although it's still a struggle at times).
Thank you both for an excellent presentation on a very important subject. Great to see Pete Walker in person and love his book!
The "fawn" response made much more sense to me personally when I thought of it as an "attach" response.
You guys doing this here on RUclips because the lifesaver in regards to the isolation we're all experiencing from COVID. Thank you so much 🙏🙏💞💞
I have felt every one of these at one point or another... Anger as a child, teen and into my 20s . . It felt more like cancer, killing me & stealing energy at that point... My first escape was books!! B4 drugs, I escaped through literary fiction, fantasy... Ummm... I never wanted medication 4 anything... Until I lost my shit completely at 17.. I'm 44 now.. I didn't know I was traumatized until I was 35... LoL... I tried many times 2 get help... I had no idea what was wrong with me, aside from the never ending DREAD that just stayed one day at 17... It lasted over a decade... I was told I was depressed... Like, oh really!? That doesn't explain why I'm watching myself at events, like a flippin movie and nothing feels real & I'm trippin out... Thinking, is this how I'm going to be from now on? Meanwhile, someone important I care about, is trying to communicate with me and I don't even realize it because my brains in outer space, with no anchor home, watching me standing there and I realize, shit .. I'm supposed to say something... Act normal, ur fine, everything is ok! It's far from it, but I don't know how to express that I've lost my mind to people I hang out with daily! This was 97.. so things are different now.. there wasn't awareness like there is 2day.... All of the different types of disassociation, disregulation, these words are all newer-ish to myself... And B4 there was freeze and fawn, I called it deer in headlights... Because that's what I did... Did I always, absolutely not... Idk.... I've lost it completely, psychotic episodes many times since... And u never loose it the same way twice... I thought I was good, I've already lost my mind, that was the worst and scariest thing I could think of happening 2 me as a kid .. soooo... It was definitely that, but years later I figured, that happened, now what? Still no clue what the heck is going on in my brain or why... Then something would shatter whatever protection id managed to scrape up & id be shattered, different than last time and Everytime, I loose something of myself.... The last time, my sister passed away... It's been 14 years almost and I've been totally numb with crippling anxiety, which makes no sense to me ... Because I feel a lot of nodda, but that stayed! Uggg .. I'm annoyed with myself, for not having any disire to life, ambition, drive, motivation... It all died and it hasn't come back... I didn't even realize for about 18 months, that I had no idea who I was! Like I just forgot everything about myself, that I like to read, cook, paint, dogs, recycled, upcycle... I was just existing on autopilot until it occured to me that this is more than grief & depression... How do u forget who you are!? It's soooo wild! I get it, to an extent.. I don't feel the guilt and shame I did as a kid, not for a long time... I actually worked through that... I realized I was miserable and didn't know hot to be happy, when I made a passive aggressive comment to a very very good friend... I think she got an awesome job, and when we hung up, I asked myself, WHAT THE F IS WRONG WITH U?! And I answered myself... Ur a miserable twat waffle, you hate yourself & want to die and have no idea how to be happy... What?! I was 28... Prolly a little late 2 recognize this... But it jarred me.. I had a son who was 7 at the time... I never cared after 7th grade, what people thought... I knew it was bad, so I gave them reasons 2 hate me, being that they did it Anyway.. but I had friends and didn't need people who didn't like me in my life, f them and I couldn't care less If they're an authority figure, because they were wrong about me and I paid for their judgement, abuse and just lack of noticing how flippin messed up and sad if a child I was.. not that I admitted that to myself even .. I WAS MAD! If I was mad, I wasn't sad and I won, they didn't hurt me... Tee-hee 🤭... That was my rational then... But every year u never cry, doesn't just dissipate into the ether... Its all bottled up inside... That's why it's important to cry... All the tears we never thought to cry... Or denied, whatever the reason... Anger is pain... And it turns to rage and it will kill u if u don't squish it! So... My kidd opinion was the first person's opinion, I ever gave any Fs about... I thought that if I died, he'd hear some horrible things, cuz I wasn't very nice.. and then I stumbled upon a quote... What u see in other people is what u see in yourself... So I used that to catch any negative thoughts I had, like always, about every1... And think something positive about them instead... And it became natural 4 me to see what's beautiful in people.. even when they themselves cannot see it... Whatever... That was the first major change I needed to make... Accountability for the crap id done that was wrong & I didn't want to be that person... So guilt has been a major teacher for me personally.. I raised myself and did a horrible job... So, I learned things the hardest ways possible, everything and Everytime... I'm grateful that I have the capacity to accept that I'm not perfect and change tho... Self love.. F THATS SO SO SO hard... I've been on stuck as a hermit, recluse for 14 years almost and Im in therapy... I actually like my therapist a lot... I just hope there's a way to activate the parts of myself that feel completely dead... Like I murdered who I was and she's straight up dead dead dead .. that's how it feels... Because I'm not anything like who I ever was... I haven't been sexually active in a decade and the thought makes me nauseous... What the heck!?
Thank you so much, I sat in the rooms of AA dying inside for over 10 years because even saying the word trauma in the rooms is considered "therapy speak" and is lookes down on.
I went for years too. Blaming & digging what I have done to others. Ended up in Sue It Cide Anonymous. I don't belong there either and they let me talk. Ideation of dying was with me at 1st drink. Still there 40+ years later. I am NOT alone. I am talking about this honestly at meetings. I was told don't ever say that, you'll scare the new comer.
Freeze response, that’s me. I still struggle with it. At least I’m aware now, thanks to Pete Walker’s work.
I so agree with healing trauma first in revovery. I couldn't stay sober for 35 years and i dealt with a big portion of the truama and i was able to put the dope down and walk away, never looking back. That was 4 years ago. I continue to heal myself. I don't think it's ever 100% resolved.
You are so right. I am certain there is no healing but there is good management of trauma. So proud of you! Keep going.
C-PTSD is an inside job- with help and coaching. I am have what they call lived experience. At age 72 I can see clearly the impact of various episodes on my life's course. Interludes of embracing "codependency theory" helped me understand my own impulses- and to avoid others who wanted to help, or change me- in ways that I was not ready for.
Thank you Dave. I have been seeking my entire life and this is were I am today at 66.
Am 72, diagnosed past year with C-PTSD. I picked up Bradshaw's book at library back in the 90s but was afraid to read it and do the work. Wasn't ready to acknowledge that those I loved and adored could do so much damage to me. It's my mission to all the beautiful, smart, amazing inner children that still reside inside to love them unconditionally, forever. All the best on your journey to heal.
Gosh, Pete Walker in the flesh (well, on screen). Thank you Sir, for all you have helped me with.
I've been diving back into Pete's books since being re traumatized last year. I take away something new every time I read them.
I've learned that I have a very strong flight response.. and I always need to be busy and always in a state of "doing".. and yes I can only fall asleep when I am to the point of exhaustion. While this is burdensome to some areas of my life, it has also been beneficial to my ability to complete graduate school as a single parent.. I know there is a fine line of working and 'overworking' however I feel most grounded when I am 'doing' and as long as I'm 'doing' well in areas of my career, I do not see harm in that as long as I am aware of my symptoms and strive for a work/life balance.. but I also recently learned that my inner critic response pattern is strongly 'perfectionistic'.. pair the perfectionistic inner critic with a flight response disposition and that is one recipe for disaster.. but I am aware of these things now and am in a space to be able to manage them to the best of my ability as an adult complex trauma survivor.. thank you, Pete for your work in the field
Oh this reminds me I want to make a catharsis list, there are certain pieces of media I’ve always connected with that let me have that kind of “for me” cry and it would be nice to have them on hand in a pinch
Why did this just seem like an interesting topic and here I am listening while cleaning and crying on a Thursday. Ok need to order this book
Thank you Pete for your work. It has changed my life!
Interestingly there is great overlap with Karen Horney's theory of neurosis, she didn't specifically state it in terms of trauma but actually gave an incredibly accurate description of developmental trauma - how it begins early in childhood, how it unravels and evolves - just that it was named 'neurosis' back then. Oh and the 'Fawning' response was also there, discussed at length and described in minute detail (only named differently - "the compliant solution")
Do you know in which Karen Horney’s book developmental trauma could be named as neurosis? I worked a lot of years with therapists from Horney’s school and was never able to make them understand what was I going through. Suffered a lot of gaslighting from them but still used the word neurosis a lot. I understood perfectly the ongoing trauma that my “neurosis” was creating but they never understood how I just couldn’t “stop” the “neurotic” behavior so gave me the classic more Freudian outlook of “it seems that you enjoy this suffering, otherwise why you’ll keep at it”… Morons.
@@allnargles It's her final big work, "Neurosis and Human Growth" (although some good pointers can be found in some of her earlier work like "Self-Analysis"). I'm quite surprised by the approach the therapists took with you, normally it's not the neurosis that causes the trauma but the other around.
I feel like I have moved through every single one of these types throughout my life. As soon as one stops working or Ive exhausted myself I'll go to another. I over achieved early on in life and attracted narcissistic personalities and took uppers. Which led to exhaustion, depression and addiction to pain relievers. I never feel comfortable in my body. Im 42 years old and still havent figured it out.
I feel like I’m fawn then fight, but the fight is always at me. Like, when I’m fawning nothing else exists, meeting other people’s needs feels good and right and doing anything to upset their expectations means I am inherently a bad person and wrong and am in danger of my life, I’m in a state of anticipation and notice and execution with little access to myself, I will have limited access to my own memories or visualizing the future and even remembering things I am extremely knowledgable on will seem out of reach unless I have a tangent or connection to cue me in on, it’s such a malaise state that was a fantastic way to put it.
But also, when it doesn’t work, when I try my hardest to not upset someone and they still get upset anyway, I explode inward, a barrage of “what did I do wrong? What did I do to deserve this pain? I tried so hard to be good why am I still being attacked how do I fix this?”
Like I never get angry at the other person. I get angry at myself for not completely putting the other person at ease. I get mad at myself for not making myself clear enough, for not approaching it with enough tact or kindness, *I must be the problem here* and then I have to stop myself from trying to overexplain or justify or ‘make’ the other person understand because that’s a whole ass other trap to get into that just makes them feel aggressed and misunderstood so that will just drive up the shame even further yayy
Im just finishing your complex PTSD book, the last 10 pages. Thank you. I'm going to start it again when I'm finished. I like reading these type books at least twice if not three times.
Pete would you also consider doing an interview re: your book the Tao of Fully Feeling?
Covid made me feel infinitely more connected to people, everyone stayed in touch more and people came together across distances more. It's strange to mourn the loss of an era that included so much death and illness at the very same time. But for those who were already struggling with social isolation and chronic health issues that curtailed energy for social outings, suddenly we were not weird or alone - we were normal.
Im trying to get EVERYONES perspective here..I am watching and most importantly LISTENING to these podcasts uninterrupted. PTSD is a real thing.
It is because you are a human being. We have an automatic nervous system. When that system defaults to anxiety, depression etc, the nervous system is stuck in f/f/f/f. The coping mechanisms developed.
It’s deep.
This video has done something very deep for me it has set me free from the negative mental shackles I’ve been held in for over 24 years. everything has been put into perspective I am thankful and appreciative! THANK YOU
I think this one of the best interviews yet with Pete. Really impressed, inspired. This has made me realize what iv been missing on this mission to recovery. I made some progress that was really something then its like a few steps back and it seemed like that was a one time thing. But hearing this encourages me to give it another go like its the first time doing it.
"Fairness is a fundamental part of initimacy" 37:14 - wow that just hit the nail. Iv been onto the farn response understanding how narcs cant fawn : be fair, compromise from his book. So been using it as a system to make boundaries with narcs but fact that its core piece to connection! That just explains a lot. It even explains why iv been the way iv been to ppl that habitually practise unfairness to me. Damn. Im in the teaching industry and there is nothing worse than a narc as they will act like there goal is to learn, even believe it but there action is manipulate, that is no1 goal and it all them, nothing personal. But also key to stopping them in their tracks...
I didn't know I had abandonment wounds until I heard Pete explain what it was. Not being special ( my brother was my mother's golden child ) and I had no one to go to for my emotionsl needs. I remember being sexually molested at home by an older cousin, but couldn't tell either parent about it. I also became a fawner, a doormat and people pleaser, my mothers personal slave, denied possibilities, ended up marrying a narc and my abandonment wounds got triggered each time he threatened to leave, by the absence of intimacy and emotional availability in the 25 yr marriage. How do I even begin to heal?
When I was young, although my mum was bipolar, my dad was a narcissist. I prayed that man would die. He walked out when I was a teenager, and we begged my mum to change the locks she wouldn't. At 66, I now have an understanding of what we as a family were undergoing. I don't know if I will ever recover. My doctor even admits she doesn't know if there are counselling services for CPTSD. SO I watch RUclips to understand myself and grieve for a wasted life.
HE~~~~IS~~~~BLOWING~~~~MY~~~~MIND! I want to make affirmative tapes that copy what he is sayin to his inner critic AND PLAY THEM to MINE! As if I have him as a BACK-UP!
Love you Pete … One of the best there is xxx
Pete walker is wonderful.
Excellent, excellent, excellent!! This helps me grow and soooo many others also.
I'm experiencing alot of the things that spoken about during this video. 12 step program is helping me look at my people, places and things. Now that I surrender to alot of the steps to flow thru my life is much better. But im just seeing the true light at the end of the tunnel. I know my life has more depth so I'm going yo keep digging.
This information has changed my life And as I listen again on Thanksgiving 2023 I am so thankful I didn't believe the cv19 propaganda. My precocious Inner Child rebelled. Asked the big Question "Is it True?", or in my family "REALLY????". I was fooled. Not fooled anymore. I am liberal & see the scapegoating of the trumpers or rightwing just as bad as family shit. I walked away. #WalkAway. I may have lost my fake friends but have that inner child back. I won't leave her. Great Book, more is being revealed.
Yet, the Trumpers were the ones who told all the “in denial” liberals…that the plandemic was propaganda.
Both sides equally scapegoat.
Thank you both so much ! 💖💐
Incredible book. Reading and re reading. So much information and so much making sense. Thank you.
It’s so overwhelming. When I try to apply that technique for the inner critic that’s all I’ll be doing. My thoughts are so caustic and hateful towards myself that I have to be vigilant all the time. And I can’t be because it’s exhausting. Then it all comes back and I start over, only to get overwhelmed again. After years of trying to find healing I am at the point where I am giving up. I can feel it happening and it’s terrible.
I was stalked for three years by a person that did not ever meet me... he was obsessed and dangerous. I tried to hide this from the people that I love most. I thought that I might be responsible... although I did not know why. I did not want my children and grand children to be harmed by this person. THREE years day and night... I tried to keep this from them. My life has been destroyed. I am now 73 years old ... I am totally isolated!!!
Is it possible that at bottom of many (the majority of?) society's ADHD, BPD, SUD, etc diagnoses we have societally is actually undiagnosed CPTSD?
The reason I ask should be obvious to anyone who's thought about these things and/or who took seriously what Pete Walker says discusses in the first quarter of this video.
This is exactly what I believe. BPD, NPD, ADHD etc are just manifestations of trauma or CPTSD. Depending on on how you act out the trauma depends on what diagnosis you get. But beneath it all, it’s CPTSD
@@juleslloyd9162
Agreed ❤
Yes. In the book he mentions at the beginning how the DSM-IV would be extremely thin if CPTSD were taken into account.
NPD is different level. You can work to recover from/minimize CPTSD, how one recover from NPD, to be who? 3 year old? There's nobody there beneath the mask of false self. Walking, talking zombie, the child that mentally and emotionally died due to early abuse.
I am just repeating prof Vaknin here.
For the feeling thing.. Holotropic breathwork works like nothing else. The results are off the charts addictions HEALED poof gone in a couple sessions.
Pete is right. Thank you, Pete. What can we do now about President Trump.
Your video is very interesting, but its level of sound is very low. So, please, pay attention to this aspect in the future. Thanks in advance. 🌹😇🌹
We have a lonely country. People stay away from ea other like the plague. We have an epidemic of loneliness, the medical profession is in the dark ages when it comes to trauma and you can’t find a therapist. So tell me this, what are my chances of ever having a productive life when I can barely hold down a job.
I have been screwed up by dr too. I am taking my life back also. And I am old.
This helped. Thank you
Thank you❤
Refreshing to hear a more balanced perspective on ClownShoes-19. A population traumatized by their own families is ripe for deliberately administered mass trauma. (Did family narcissism develop in response to prior mass trauma?) Luckily the solution remains the same for any level of that fractal, regardless of whether it was the chicken or the egg first -- know thyself.
Non existent illness, non existent danger.
Maybe Pete is a gov monkey like the rest.
given the lack of professional governance in many countries, I have trouble believing that all of a sudden the competence necessary to create such a plot emerged. I tend to believe in a chain of worsening incompetence in that regard
Pete mentioned that people in flight mode can mimick aspergers. I self diagnosed with mild autism but now I don't know. I stim 14 hours a day. Any advice?
I have a strong flight response and I also resonate with autistic signs/symptoms. I am an adult and have never been diagnosed so this makes me think it is the flight response activation in my neurological system that is the reasons for my presentations
I am autism- ADHD and I recently got diagnosed with CPTSD. I am a flight-fawner, and in childhood i was flight-fight-freeze acting out, hyperactivity and emotional shut down. Now I take all my autism/adhd stuff with a pinch of salt, and since focusing primarily on treating my cptsd using Pete’s work and the work of others (highly reccomend crappy childhood fairy’s daily practice), I have noticed a HUGE difference. I still have autism/adhd symptoms but i am way more confident and it’s not a shamed problem where i have to hide myself or worry about affecting others. I became way more compassionate and self-aware in a v healthy way. I also must add that I stim too, but when i do i am usually triggered in a flashback or 4 f mode. So its been a tool for awareness! ❤
I use stimming to dissipate anxiety now, on purpose. I thought I was aspire but apparently it’s cptsd
Great question. I think the same applies to me
I have a neural pathway that flashes on this, "My needs are not going to be met, my needs are not going to be met, "on repeat. Age 46 Jacob's ladder style
Core Transformation is a book about NLP specifically for rewiring. You can borrow it through your local library and apply it to yourself. Or, if you can afford, have somebody apply it to you. But it works either way =)
Today I heard myself say "my ex ra**d me". I think it's the first day of a new life. I really have forgotten what he did to me... I just had severe Ptsd... and then it just came out of my mouth.
How to we forgive ourselves for hurting others? And having so much deep regret and remorse? I’m suicidal everyday in this regard 😢😢😢😢
great info
I ran away from home at 16 because I thought my mom was too strict and didn’t love me because she never said she did nor showed any type of affection. I never felt safe once I was sexually and mentally abused as a kid.
I’m experiencing mania now after a couple of days of depression. I really don’t now how to control it. I get very irritated as well
The testing is so wrong, please correct it, so that People that dont know a lot from befor can understand, and not missunderstand and get confused ❤
Why isn’t just called PTS . Why must, Disorder be attached. I have known for 40 years that I have PTS but I will never attach the disorder bit. It’s like telling prisoners of war that because they are/where prisoners ,It’s their fault now that you’re going through all this bullshit, you now have to ware the badges of being disordered.
Disorder has a negative connotation to you when in reality it’s a word to define a common set of symptoms caused a particular thing or set of things. The thing in this case being PTS. So ptsd is a known set of symptoms shared by people after (post) experiencing traumatic stress. It doesn’t have to carry a negative connotation unless you assign that to it. And calling it PTS doesn’t describe the symptoms, it only names the cause.
@@jond7382 No, the word literally means "out of order." Something that is not the way it should be. This implies that people with a disorder are not the way they should be. I would suggest that PTS is a natural and normal response to extreme violence, and therefore people with PTS are not in any way disordered. They responded appropriately to the extreme situation they were put through. This doesn't mean PTS is something to accept and cling to (who the hell would want to), but it avoids the common stigmatisation and blaming of victims that is implied in the language.
We should instead say that violent behaviour is a disorder, to which healthy people respond by developing PTS. But that would be inconvenient for the people who rule society through extreme violence, wouldn't it? Can't have honest language around violence in a militaristic oligarchy.
The disorder comes later when you are safe but still actively going through the same emotions and feelings and thoughts. PTS would be for the initial reaction and then PTSD for the life long disorder that the original trauma can cause. That's the way I see it
@@danieldanton1129 Still. It apportions blame on the suffering persons by informing them that they are disordered. And by the same token will feel guilt. That’s how I see it . But thanks for your input.
I always felt PTSR (R as in response) was more appropriate
Genius
accept the fact this world is not safe there are lots evil selfish greedy ppl some even pretend to be a kind person someone they are not but there are still loving caring kind ppl. i have learn my lesson to not give love or care about ppl don't love themselves anymore. if u wanna give love to the world just donate to food bank give change to homeless ppl. the past is the past u can't change the past u r not a kid anymore u r safe. a happy life is made up of love peace and joy. if no one loves u love yrself any external love from others r blessings. to have peace just stay away from any narcissists. to have joy find hobby that u enjoy to do it's very lucky if u love yr job that's a blessing. wish everyone a wonderful happy life filled with love peace and joy.
You need to go to the work of Dr David e Martin or Del Big trees the highwire cuz cooties was The largest psychological operation never pulled on mankind the patents speak the truth of the invisible boogie man. I navigated my estranged nasty abusive late husband through the hospital system During that entire ordeal both of us in our 60s refused to mask navigated hospital last 3years refused to go along with it Most people who were in the scapegoat roll caught the truth of that at the beginning. Take care of yourselves and do it really good everybody cuz they have several more pathogens patented & the truth behind the propaganda Same thing with the George Floyd thing.Come on wake up every one this was funded by politically connected eugenics billionaires trying to turn us against each other .Oklahoma & 7 other states attny. have already filed charges against pfizer as of October It was actually on the oklahoma state website 2wks ago!
Do you have a video for 13 year-old? Her mother died from an overdose 2 years ago. She is suffering. How do I reach her? I also have severe CPTSD. Isolation has worked for me. Well sort of. Now I have to take care of my own grief and pain to be able to help her be safe in her body and her mind. HELP
If there was adequate emotional support, you will be ok. Often our parents did not have emotional safety let alone support. It is no one's fault...
5:20 Fawn Response
Gifted child, belonging by being helpful, servile, becomes codependent, susceptible to narcissistic people
"Trauma of the Gifted Child" book
So exhausting
20:21 feel safe (flash backs)
How can I get this book in Australia?
I literally cannot do the fawn response Im too angry inside
I'm fight flight or freeze it's usually fight and then freeze and be stuck in Perpetual depression until the next fight put on always trying to figure out the flight
what do you do when your critic .starts being an outer critic
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