Love love love this episode! Especially the very practical example Dr Buqué gave of giving ourselves time to react to a triggering situation in a more considered way. It sounds so logical and simple but when you’re in a stuck state of limbic system activation like I am, I often feel like everything is constantly coming at me and I forget that I don’t have to provide snap reactions that my caregivers demanded of me as a child. In fact, it’s reminded me that I have continued practicing a lot of “have to” behaviours that are artefacts of my childhood but are now just maladaptive. I’ve done some schema therapy, ACT etc so have awareness of some of the more obvious maladaptive behaviours like saying yes to everything or socially isolating myself when I fear rejection from someone. But not giving myself time to think is one I hadn’t identified before. I’m definitely going to get her book (I’m hoping for an audiobook version for my ADHD brain 😆). Forrest, I also appreciate you asking for practical examples during these interviews, which I see you do very often, because it’s especially helpful for my neurodiverse brain. I also find your voice very soothing and non-judgemental/not intimidating. I hope you’d consider recording some guided meditations at some stage 😄🪴 p.s you, your father, Dr K and Patrick Teahan have helped me so much more than my 20+ years of on and off (bad) therapy. So thank you!!
Dr. Mariel Buqué...👍 At least in the UK, we have the NHS. The problem is it has been chronically underfunded since 2010, and there is now a long waiting list for free therapy. This has been since the 2008 crash and right-wing government imposing austerity. This year - every indication that a centre-left party will win overwhelmingly. Your recaps Forrest are always also very helpful.
I have seen the impact of my Grandma's trauma on the entire family line, but never realized how that is passed down even genetically! It totally makes sense though. I so dearly wish I had learned this stuff years ago, or that I had delayed having kids until this information came out. I could have done so much more to heal myself and them.
I’m at work right now listening to you and I had a moment of a lot of releasing old past thoughts and emotions when your guest said that rocking is a way of soothing!! I would hide in the closet and rock myself away until falling a sleep in the closet. I would get yelled at when I would do the rocking on the couch because I would make my siblings spill something or because we had guests over and they would ask why I was rocking and if something was wrong with me, so I grew up being so traumatized of someone finding out of the family finding out I would do this every day watching cartoons or after getting hit by parents or siblings or if I was overly excited about something, and that was the only way I could fall asleep up until I was 21 years old and that was because my husband caught me doing it, and that’s a whole new different situation, but yes, thanks to this video now I know I was soothing myself 😢😢 That makes me feel bitter sweet
Wow this is so relatable thank you for sharing your experience of being a child who needed to self through rocking motion. And I too still have urges to hide in a closet, although I have no memory of being forced to sit in one. It just seems safe there. I also shake my feet in bed and my partners have asked me to stop shaking the bed, lol.
Wow! It’s rare that I’m online right after you posted, Forrest. Happy new year! So grateful for your videos. Also wanted to tell you and your dad that as someone who never had the kind of parental figure (or any safe adult) as a kid, it’s really lovely to watch how you two converse and collaborate. Esp as someone who often need a blueprint to figure out what a secure attachment looks like, and who are now struggling to parent two young children while trying to heal from my own complex trauma, it’s so helpful to have role models to aspire to. Not sure if you have anything on this but an idea in case it resonates - but I am struggling to find deep dives online about how to parent in a healthy way while dealing with triggers and flashbacks that come up because my children gives me perspective on how vulnerable and innocent I was when I was abused, while grieving for what I would have liked to have experienced (watching their interactions with their loving father), and then struggling with emotional burnout - guilt (for all the times I screw up as a mother) and managing my own reactivity due to my emotional flashbacks etc. sorry that’s a massive one and I’ve watched a number of episodes that cover some of these topics, just not sure if there’s one about how to parent when you are struggling with your own mental health and don’t have a blueprint to fall back on. 😅😅
Just saw your comment and wanted to tell you about a podcast here on RUclips you might find helpful. It’s Dr Gabor Mate and his son Daniel, called ‘Hello Again’ and it’s about their experience together as father and son, all the difficulties in their relationship, all the mistakes they made and how they are still working on getting it right. They co-authored Gabor’s last book and are currently writing a new one on the subject of parenting and the relationship between the parent and the adult child. I’ve read all his books and have been working on myself for a few years now - I had a very traumatic childhood - but what I found best is when my grandchildren start screeching and screaming, or spilling and smashing things, where I would normally yell or sometimes even feel a surge of anger, I now try to remember how I felt when this happened to me at their age and think of how I would have liked my parents to react. These were accidents and I always longed for kindness, so that’s how I try to react now - first thing out of my mouth is ‘are you ok’? When it’s screeching I now join the party and just yell with them - not at them! Stops them dead every time and we usually end up laughing. Best of luck - you’re aware of it and that’s more than half the battle! 👏🏻
This was wonderful as are all of the Being Well Podcasts. They have helped me a LOT with my own personal healing. Thank you for all the work done on these, Forrest, Rick and your guests.
Thank you for sharing your story, it so sad. He or she is without sin, then cast the first stone. No not one. Please don’t be ashamed my dear. The scenario about the mother and child. As a parent you call a time out, but Thank again for sharing. 🙏
🙏thank you Dr Buque! i recently went thru a major amount of trauma which triggered two months of replaying CPTSD, and literally forgot these tools (as a Natural Therapeutic Specialist, i spent decades using & teaching many of these tools with my clients, & must now be reminded they exist ). i will be looking for that book.
Thank you this amazing the rocking the dr shared was so good also the point about the 2 second pause very helpful. Your questions were very on point thank you
This was an excellent episode. I appreciate your creating it and am now reading Dr. Buque's book. Very insightful information shared in this episode and the book. Thank you.
A famous Irish writer once said "life is not about finding yourself, life is about reinventing yourself " you will be doing archeological dig for the rest of your life" we had enough exploitation.....😮
Thanks, this was lovely. I'm with you, very materialist but also aware many "not scientifically proven" things can help people. I think there may be a through line of shamanic practices that just help people get out of harmful mental ruts.
The homeless need this more than anyone. Pity it's not available to them. People with a roof over their head and food in their tummies, can get over just about anything with gratitude.
I’m not sure you understand the difference between a person who is homeless and homelessness. The majority of homeless people are so because they chose it - they gave up their struggle with life, with trying to be accepted, to do the right thing, to behave in the way society expected, to live the life society expected them to live. What if you are living the wrong life? We all only get one, but the majority of people are just playing a part, and more and more are struggling to do so as society becomes even more toxic - we’re drinking more, buying more, eating more, we can’t get enough ‘stuff’. Piles and piles of junk that end up in landfills, polluting the earth. It is only when you let go of all your attachments that you can connect with your soul and find the true meaning of life. I have never had the courage to give it all up, to live the life I was meant to live. The homeless person has. And he/she is the last person who would read a ‘self-help’ book. Homelessness on the other hand is a societal problem and the people who are seeking a home are not in the same category as ‘homeless’. All their energy is going into that task, while their life is slipping by. But everyone can have a home, even if it is just a tent, a shed, a caravan. Shelter is all that is needed, food is always provided. Unlike parts of the world who are experiencing dreadful famine, all because of our greed in the developed world. I disagree with you, it is not the homeless who need to read this book, it is the people in power, who make the decisions that affect us all.
Please keep in mind that not everyone who is adept in softer skills needs to go into psychology. If we're not careful, we will educate and place out of financial/logistical reach most of our emotionally intelligent individuals. Society needs balanced people building roads and bridges, flying planes and driving busses. 😊 Almost leaving my long term regular Joe job, my god somehow helped me to see I am needed there to be available closer to the ground. My metaphorical title is foundational stone. If there's no one nearer the "bottom", how can anyone there reach an offered hand?
The urge that many hurt people have to become healers is also very dangerous. There are a lot of therapists out there who never healed themselves and their patients end up on /r/therapyabuse
As a psychologist 👩🏾⚕️ I feel sad to realize that many downgrade pour work and is very undervalued and underpaid!! Many requirements but not enough support on financial nor respect for us professionals 😢
The people who need you most, very much by definition cannot pay you what you expect. Instead of changing society, the insurance industry, etc... We basically pit providers against clients
This therapist had a great message to share, BUT she said the word “actually” sooooo many times, I couldn’t concentrate on the message anymore. So distracting.
That’s obviously a trigger for you, and an opportunity to get curious about why, so you might discover something lurking from your past. I only discovered this recently myself and now welcome triggers so that I can trace their origin and give attention to something that needs to be cleared up. 99% of the time it’s a reaction from childhood - being scolded, criticized, abused, mistreated, neglected, humiliated, shamed - so many incidents in childhood that caused pain and feelings that could not be expressed. Kindness cures all - when you’re kind to yourself for all your failings, you can be kind to all others for theirs.
I absolutely loved our chat Forrest! Thank you so much for this and thank you everyone for your kind comments and feedback!
You are incredible
Forrest, you are a wonderful interviewer! 🙏❤
She is incredible
This woman is amazing, I could listen to her calming voice and wisdom all day 🙏❤ Thank you both for so many helpful insights.
Agreed, she is so soothing....
Wonderful conversation, thank you both ❤
This was so fantastic. I feel new levels of understanding and connection. More like this would be so great. ❤
Love love love this episode! Especially the very practical example Dr Buqué gave of giving ourselves time to react to a triggering situation in a more considered way. It sounds so logical and simple but when you’re in a stuck state of limbic system activation like I am, I often feel like everything is constantly coming at me and I forget that I don’t have to provide snap reactions that my caregivers demanded of me as a child. In fact, it’s reminded me that I have continued practicing a lot of “have to” behaviours that are artefacts of my childhood but are now just maladaptive. I’ve done some schema therapy, ACT etc so have awareness of some of the more obvious maladaptive behaviours like saying yes to everything or socially isolating myself when I fear rejection from someone. But not giving myself time to think is one I hadn’t identified before. I’m definitely going to get her book (I’m hoping for an audiobook version for my ADHD brain 😆).
Forrest, I also appreciate you asking for practical examples during these interviews, which I see you do very often, because it’s especially helpful for my neurodiverse brain. I also find your voice very soothing and non-judgemental/not intimidating. I hope you’d consider recording some guided meditations at some stage 😄🪴
p.s you, your father, Dr K and Patrick Teahan have helped me so much more than my 20+ years of on and off (bad) therapy. So thank you!!
Dr. Mariel Buqué...👍 At least in the UK, we have the NHS. The problem is it has been chronically underfunded since 2010, and there is now a long waiting list for free therapy. This has been since the 2008 crash and right-wing government imposing austerity. This year - every indication that a centre-left party will win overwhelmingly. Your recaps Forrest are always also very helpful.
She just radiates beauty from the inside omg! :)
I have seen the impact of my Grandma's trauma on the entire family line, but never realized how that is passed down even genetically! It totally makes sense though. I so dearly wish I had learned this stuff years ago, or that I had delayed having kids until this information came out. I could have done so much more to heal myself and them.
This was a great episode, thank you. I appreciated Dr Buque’s perspective.
Dr Buque I am now a huge fan and will strongly consider buying your book. You seem like a wonderful human and a great therapist.
Agreed.
Thank you so much!
I’m at work right now listening to you and I had a moment of a lot of releasing old past thoughts and emotions when your guest said that rocking is a way of soothing!!
I would hide in the closet and rock myself away until falling a sleep in the closet. I would get yelled at when I would do the rocking on the couch because I would make my siblings spill something or because we had guests over and they would ask why I was rocking and if something was wrong with me, so I grew up being so traumatized of someone finding out of the family finding out I would do this every day watching cartoons or after getting hit by parents or siblings or if I was overly excited about something, and that was the only way I could fall asleep up until I was 21 years old and that was because my husband caught me doing it, and that’s a whole new different situation, but yes, thanks to this video now I know I was soothing myself 😢😢
That makes me feel bitter sweet
Wow this is so relatable thank you for sharing your experience of being a child who needed to self through rocking motion. And I too still have urges to hide in a closet, although I have no memory of being forced to sit in one. It just seems safe there. I also shake my feet in bed and my partners have asked me to stop shaking the bed, lol.
Wow! It’s rare that I’m online right after you posted, Forrest. Happy new year! So grateful for your videos. Also wanted to tell you and your dad that as someone who never had the kind of parental figure (or any safe adult) as a kid, it’s really lovely to watch how you two converse and collaborate. Esp as someone who often need a blueprint to figure out what a secure attachment looks like, and who are now struggling to parent two young children while trying to heal from my own complex trauma, it’s so helpful to have role models to aspire to.
Not sure if you have anything on this but an idea in case it resonates - but I am struggling to find deep dives online about how to parent in a healthy way while dealing with triggers and flashbacks that come up because my children gives me perspective on how vulnerable and innocent I was when I was abused, while grieving for what I would have liked to have experienced (watching their interactions with their loving father), and then struggling with emotional burnout - guilt (for all the times I screw up as a mother) and managing my own reactivity due to my emotional flashbacks etc. sorry that’s a massive one and I’ve watched a number of episodes that cover some of these topics, just not sure if there’s one about how to parent when you are struggling with your own mental health and don’t have a blueprint to fall back on. 😅😅
❤ Appreciate your insight and honesty. May you continue to seek "wellness"
Just saw your comment and wanted to tell you about a podcast here on RUclips you might find helpful. It’s Dr Gabor Mate and his son Daniel, called ‘Hello Again’ and it’s about their experience together as father and son, all the difficulties in their relationship, all the mistakes they made and how they are still working on getting it right. They co-authored Gabor’s last book and are currently writing a new one on the subject of parenting and the relationship between the parent and the adult child. I’ve read all his books and have been working on myself for a few years now - I had a very traumatic childhood - but what I found best is when my grandchildren start screeching and screaming, or spilling and smashing things, where I would normally yell or sometimes even feel a surge of anger, I now try to remember how I felt when this happened to me at their age and think of how I would have liked my parents to react. These were accidents and I always longed for kindness, so that’s how I try to react now - first thing out of my mouth is ‘are you ok’? When it’s screeching I now join the party and just yell with them - not at them! Stops them dead every time and we usually end up laughing. Best of luck - you’re aware of it and that’s more than half the battle! 👏🏻
Thank you Dr. Buque for your work. I just found out about you.
Thank you for the interview! Not passing down my pain was one of my key motivations to start therapy
This was wonderful as are all of the Being Well Podcasts. They have helped me a LOT with my own personal healing. Thank you for all the work done on these, Forrest, Rick and your guests.
What a wonderful episode! ❤
Thank you both for this wonderful, illuminating podcast. I always learn so much and I appreciate your time and efforts. Blessings to you & yours.
Wonderful, wonderful episode, Thankyou.
I enjoyed this conversation. It came to me in perfect timing. Thank you both!
I really enjoy how you explain the conversation at the end. 🎉🎉🎉
Thank you for sharing your story, it so sad. He or she is without sin, then cast the first stone. No not one. Please don’t be ashamed my dear. The scenario about the mother and child. As a parent you call a time out, but Thank again for sharing. 🙏
🙏thank you Dr Buque!
i recently went thru a major amount of trauma which triggered two months of replaying CPTSD, and literally forgot these tools (as a Natural Therapeutic Specialist, i spent decades using & teaching many of these tools with my clients, & must now be reminded they exist ). i will be looking for that book.
Bought the audiobook before I even finished listening to this podcast. I really like her approach!
Thank you this amazing the rocking the dr shared was so good also the point about the 2 second pause very helpful. Your questions were very on point thank you
Forrest, thank you for this platform. First time seeing you; will look up other videos.
Thanks for today's episode. ❤
This conversation and reflection/summary are so helpful. Thank you both so very much ❤
Great conversations! Thanks for the interview.
This was an excellent episode. I appreciate your creating it and am now reading Dr. Buque's book. Very insightful information shared in this episode and the book. Thank you.
Hi, can you do an episode on Misophonia, how it affects relationships, and coping mechanisms , please?
A famous Irish writer once said "life is not about finding yourself, life is about reinventing yourself " you will be doing archeological dig for the rest of your life" we had enough exploitation.....😮
What a delight!
Thanks, this was lovely. I'm with you, very materialist but also aware many "not scientifically proven" things can help people. I think there may be a through line of shamanic practices that just help people get out of harmful mental ruts.
This was such a great interview. Thank you both!
Where do I find a mental health professional like this?
Thank you so much for this talk. It was very insightful 🌸
Thank you!🙏
Video on repair processes among siblings, friends, or even learning what repair processes are (CPTSD is not a fertile ground for these scripts)
Incredible talk ❤ thank you both, ive learned so much today from this. Thank you , thank you.
I love this ❤ thank you for this video 💜
The homeless need this more than anyone. Pity it's not available to them. People with a roof over their head and food in their tummies, can get over just about anything with gratitude.
I’m not sure you understand the difference between a person who is homeless and homelessness. The majority of homeless people are so because they chose it - they gave up their struggle with life, with trying to be accepted, to do the right thing, to behave in the way society expected, to live the life society expected them to live. What if you are living the wrong life? We all only get one, but the majority of people are just playing a part, and more and more are struggling to do so as society becomes even more toxic - we’re drinking more, buying more, eating more, we can’t get enough ‘stuff’. Piles and piles of junk that end up in landfills, polluting the earth. It is only when you let go of all your attachments that you can connect with your soul and find the true meaning of life. I have never had the courage to give it all up, to live the life I was meant to live. The homeless person has. And he/she is the last person who would read a ‘self-help’ book. Homelessness on the other hand is a societal problem and the people who are seeking a home are not in the same category as ‘homeless’. All their energy is going into that task, while their life is slipping by. But everyone can have a home, even if it is just a tent, a shed, a caravan. Shelter is all that is needed, food is always provided. Unlike parts of the world who are experiencing dreadful famine, all because of our greed in the developed world. I disagree with you, it is not the homeless who need to read this book, it is the people in power, who make the decisions that affect us all.
❤
Please keep in mind that not everyone who is adept in softer skills needs to go into psychology.
If we're not careful, we will educate and place out of financial/logistical reach most of our emotionally intelligent individuals.
Society needs balanced people building roads and bridges, flying planes and driving busses.
😊
Almost leaving my long term regular Joe job, my god somehow helped me to see I am needed there to be available closer to the ground.
My metaphorical title is foundational stone.
If there's no one nearer the "bottom", how can anyone there reach an offered hand?
The urge that many hurt people have to become healers is also very dangerous. There are a lot of therapists out there who never healed themselves and their patients end up on /r/therapyabuse
Interesting...
As a psychologist 👩🏾⚕️ I feel sad to realize that many downgrade pour work and is very undervalued and underpaid!! Many requirements but not enough support on financial nor respect for us professionals 😢
The people who need you most, very much by definition cannot pay you what you expect. Instead of changing society, the insurance industry, etc... We basically pit providers against clients
This therapist had a great message to share, BUT she said the word “actually” sooooo many times, I couldn’t concentrate on the message anymore. So distracting.
Nahhh thats just a you Problem
Def a you problem. Glad you identified it, so can work on your nitpicking of others. Be kinder to yourself❤
@@brianleslie592 and maybe you could work on your passive aggressive commentary 😉
That’s obviously a trigger for you, and an opportunity to get curious about why, so you might discover something lurking from your past. I only discovered this recently myself and now welcome triggers so that I can trace their origin and give attention to something that needs to be cleared up. 99% of the time it’s a reaction from childhood - being scolded, criticized, abused, mistreated, neglected, humiliated, shamed - so many incidents in childhood that caused pain and feelings that could not be expressed. Kindness cures all - when you’re kind to yourself for all your failings, you can be kind to all others for theirs.
It's all about growth ❤@@Lallyintimeout