I can relate to fixing others when I was the first person I needed to be working on. I did this for a while when I was fully committed to social justice work and doing it all day everyday but was a major shit show in my personal life.
This was so validating for my own trauma. I think it’s so easy for people to say in their head “someone has it worse than me” or that the trauma they have experienced isn’t significant enough to feel what they actual feel about that given experience. Especially neglect. I also loved the discussion on how people will often say that our own trauma isn’t significant enough or just the fact that our society wants us to spin trauma in a positive perspective so we can be “survivors”. These conversations are so imperative to enable people to feel that their lived experiences are valid and they should be able to feel the way they feel about them without justifying anything. I’m here for the therapist talks haha. I’ve totally given up on therapy. These kinds of conversations are way more helpful than anything I’ve experienced during sessions, so thank you, from the bottom of my ❤️
The discussion on toxic positivity: yes. Holy wow, I get so frustrated expressing myself and then I get told what I’m going through is not that big of a deal. I feel totally gaslit and invalidated by that. Or people want to play the “I’ve had it worse” comparison game.
Content warning ⚠️ CSA, the criminal punishment system, and the shortcomings of the therapy system As a victim of abuse (both physically and emotionally) as a child, I’ve had a difficult journey with my mental health. This (and Kathrin’s video about prison abolition from the perspective of a survivor of csa) have been incredibly healing and validating of my experiences! I’m someone who’s had not been able to find a therapist who has clicked with me, due to the liberal establishment that exists in mental healthcare. I’ve also found it incredibly difficult to advocate for myself and to discuss my experiences, because I’ve already done so much work to understand my pain/abuse in the context of the broader systems of capitalism and colonialism, so going to therapy really felt like a step backwards in my journey. This isn’t to belittle therapy or people who find it helpful, but I do think it’s important to note. It’s also difficult for me to view therapy from a wholly objective lens knowing that it has a deeply racist and homophobic history of pain and violence against people like, which something that I cannot overlook when I’m in a room hoping that my experiences as a poor, brown, queer person will be validated by a cis, white, college-educated person. I felt there was kind of an inherent absurdity of that, considering that if I had been born like 2 decades early, and had expressed same sex attraction or my gender identity , I could have found myself in a conversion camp. Not to mention the fact that the American healthcare system is incredibly traumatic to interact with, and so needlessly complicated and reliant on the sale of pharmaceuticals. Thank you so much for sharing your stories and perspectives! This video (as well as your sex streams) have really helped to recognize some of the effects of my trauma and that my desire for sexual contact is actually a desire for Unalienated community, which is difficult to find under capitalism. Now that I have a clearer understanding of what I want, I can now work to bring that into my life in ways that make me feel empowered and healthy. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing ❤️ we need a network of anti capitalist therapists!! There are a lot of cool therapists on tik tok who talk about what to look for in a therapist, criticise conventional CBT etc
This is awesome - loving the collab! People trying to put a positive spin on things without your permission is called non-consensual lemonade-making - when life gives you lemons & someone else goes ahead & makes lemonade with them without you being ready for that. That, & unwanted advice-giving, come from a place of deep uncomfortableness on behalf of the person overstepping your boundaries here. They're motivated to fix things because they're struggling to manage their own discomfort, moreso than anything, & because they don't like seeing people in pain. Edit: Nic, I'd recommend searching the internet for the term 'covert incest', also known as 'emotional incest' - it sounds a lot like what you went though with your mum... it's when kids are made to take on an adult role too early, & shoulder the emotional burden of the adults in their lives. I definitely experienced it, & have been impacted greatly by it. Loving the discussion about the big-t vs. little-t trauma hierarchy that's so internalised in all of us... I've struggled with it too, & with validating my lived experience of childhood trauma & neglect. It's left me with grevious attachment wounds now that, as a nearly-40-year-old, I'm still struggling to mend, but I'm slowly making progress... Discussions like this are so valuable - I'm so grateful for the bravery & candour you both display. Another edit: Nic, have you heard of transference & countertransference? That may have been what was going on with your therapist. Whatever it was though, it was so not cool! I hate that you had to deal with that. There's so much to be gained through forming a beneficial therapeutic relationship with the right clinician, but the wrong one can be immensely damaging - I can attest to that, too.
I can relate to fixing others when I was the first person I needed to be working on. I did this for a while when I was fully committed to social justice work and doing it all day everyday but was a major shit show in my personal life.
This was so validating for my own trauma. I think it’s so easy for people to say in their head “someone has it worse than me” or that the trauma they have experienced isn’t significant enough to feel what they actual feel about that given experience. Especially neglect.
I also loved the discussion on how people will often say that our own trauma isn’t significant enough or just the fact that our society wants us to spin trauma in a positive perspective so we can be “survivors”. These conversations are so imperative to enable people to feel that their lived experiences are valid and they should be able to feel the way they feel about them without justifying anything.
I’m here for the therapist talks haha. I’ve totally given up on therapy. These kinds of conversations are way more helpful than anything I’ve experienced during sessions, so thank you, from the bottom of my ❤️
The discussion on toxic positivity: yes. Holy wow, I get so frustrated expressing myself and then I get told what I’m going through is not that big of a deal. I feel totally gaslit and invalidated by that. Or people want to play the “I’ve had it worse” comparison game.
Content warning ⚠️ CSA, the criminal punishment system, and the shortcomings of the therapy system
As a victim of abuse (both physically and emotionally) as a child, I’ve had a difficult journey with my mental health. This (and Kathrin’s video about prison abolition from the perspective of a survivor of csa) have been incredibly healing and validating of my experiences! I’m someone who’s had not been able to find a therapist who has clicked with me, due to the liberal establishment that exists in mental healthcare. I’ve also found it incredibly difficult to advocate for myself and to discuss my experiences, because I’ve already done so much work to understand my pain/abuse in the context of the broader systems of capitalism and colonialism, so going to therapy really felt like a step backwards in my journey. This isn’t to belittle therapy or people who find it helpful, but I do think it’s important to note. It’s also difficult for me to view therapy from a wholly objective lens knowing that it has a deeply racist and homophobic history of pain and violence against people like, which something that I cannot overlook when I’m in a room hoping that my experiences as a poor, brown, queer person will be validated by a cis, white, college-educated person. I felt there was kind of an inherent absurdity of that, considering that if I had been born like 2 decades early, and had expressed same sex attraction or my gender identity , I could have found myself in a conversion camp. Not to mention the fact that the American healthcare system is incredibly traumatic to interact with, and so needlessly complicated and reliant on the sale of pharmaceuticals. Thank you so much for sharing your stories and perspectives! This video (as well as your sex streams) have really helped to recognize some of the effects of my trauma and that my desire for sexual contact is actually a desire for Unalienated community, which is difficult to find under capitalism. Now that I have a clearer understanding of what I want, I can now work to bring that into my life in ways that make me feel empowered and healthy. Thank you!
I so agree with this ty
Thank you for sharing ❤️ we need a network of anti capitalist therapists!! There are a lot of cool therapists on tik tok who talk about what to look for in a therapist, criticise conventional CBT etc
Another great episode, top quality conversation. Thank you both for sharing xx
Great work! These are very important topics that need to be discussed more often!
Once again, another fantastic show! So helpful and relatable.
This is awesome - loving the collab!
People trying to put a positive spin on things without your permission is called non-consensual lemonade-making - when life gives you lemons & someone else goes ahead & makes lemonade with them without you being ready for that. That, & unwanted advice-giving, come from a place of deep uncomfortableness on behalf of the person overstepping your boundaries here. They're motivated to fix things because they're struggling to manage their own discomfort, moreso than anything, & because they don't like seeing people in pain.
Edit: Nic, I'd recommend searching the internet for the term 'covert incest', also known as 'emotional incest' - it sounds a lot like what you went though with your mum... it's when kids are made to take on an adult role too early, & shoulder the emotional burden of the adults in their lives. I definitely experienced it, & have been impacted greatly by it.
Loving the discussion about the big-t vs. little-t trauma hierarchy that's so internalised in all of us... I've struggled with it too, & with validating my lived experience of childhood trauma & neglect. It's left me with grevious attachment wounds now that, as a nearly-40-year-old, I'm still struggling to mend, but I'm slowly making progress...
Discussions like this are so valuable - I'm so grateful for the bravery & candour you both display.
Another edit: Nic, have you heard of transference & countertransference? That may have been what was going on with your therapist. Whatever it was though, it was so not cool! I hate that you had to deal with that. There's so much to be gained through forming a beneficial therapeutic relationship with the right clinician, but the wrong one can be immensely damaging - I can attest to that, too.