INFJ Relationship Problems (INTP)

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  • Опубликовано: 19 дек 2024

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  • @Skimmerlit
    @Skimmerlit  10 месяцев назад +1

    My stories are available on Amazon. Picking them up and leaving positive reviews would be a tremendous help to me. Thank you.
    Stories:
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    Merch:
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  • @__D10S__
    @__D10S__ 10 месяцев назад +22

    I can see how this behavior (chameleoning) can look manipulative, but I think it’s important to note that the INFJ has a really tenuous relationship with their identity in the first place. INTPs use Si to anchor themselves from their Ti-Ne. There is a chain of Si across time constantly reiterating a sense of self. Both Fi and Si (both being the two main cognitive functions involved in forming and maintaining a solid self concept) are in the back stack for the INFJ. There isn’t anything solid in that regard for us. In more ways than any other type, INFJs are pretty much empty vessels who absorb particular zeitgeists where they find themselves. So I can see how this can be disconcerting for an Si user, and especially a tert Si user. But the intention is very rarely to manipulate.
    (Im not entirely set on what I said, but I wanted to type some of my initial thoughts)

  • @giomar89
    @giomar89 10 месяцев назад +12

    you're extra lucid today. Which sounds even more impressing considering what you've been going through recently. Take care Skimmerlit!

  • @detonateinc
    @detonateinc 10 месяцев назад +33

    INFJ here, as I've grown older I've noticed that I've become more resistant towards people who are different from me/do not think the same way as me. Especially when it comes to dating, I may particularly forget my boundaries but I've grown to question my original values and stick by them closely. I have developed a system through visual expression or sharing my interests and addressing misalignments whenever possible. People have told me that I come off as aggressive or not wanting to submit to them but I think that in most instances people respect me for being clear in this way.

    • @mahakhatib27
      @mahakhatib27 10 месяцев назад +8

      Your exactly right. We are actually pretty sensitive about our beliefs and don't really like criticism as a result. I like how you verbalize any misalignment since its easier just to keep it inside. I hope we INFJ continue to grow and become more honest with ourselves and others.

    • @TreasureSeasons
      @TreasureSeasons 10 месяцев назад +5

      Yes boundaries were an issue when I was younger ❤

  • @oracle__21
    @oracle__21 4 месяца назад +7

    Infjs will probably never be fully understood and I'm starting to think they were never meant to be.

    • @CoranceLChandler
      @CoranceLChandler 3 месяца назад

      Do you think any personality type will ever be fully understood? Or even any person?

    • @oracle__21
      @oracle__21 3 месяца назад +3

      @@CoranceLChandler I don't doubt that. But I made this comment because a lot of people really do not understand infjs even at their base form. At this point, I'm starting to wish mbti didn't exist and that's a lot coming from someone who finally felt understood and didn't feel like I was weird for being the way I am.
      People act like they know but turns out in the end they know next to nothing and it's annoying. Only few people have ever gotten close to understanding who or what an infj personality truly is.

    • @Violet_Odorata
      @Violet_Odorata 2 месяца назад +3

      ​@@oracle__21 I think it's better for INFJs to let others ask questions and be curious about them rather than to listen to a third-person analysis of them.
      And I think that most of you prefer it to be this way anyway since you yourself spend a lot of time doing it. Outsider pov unfortunately will always be pale in comparison to what it is that you've discovered.

    • @oracle__21
      @oracle__21 2 месяца назад

      @@Violet_Odorata unfortunately

  • @hanspotterman3668
    @hanspotterman3668 4 месяца назад +3

    Infj(M) here. I am amazed at the accuracy in this video(for me). I was always sure i was doing something wrong but this just connected the puzzle pieces. This explains why my first relationship(another infj) worked "so well". We were both somewhat faking it which kept the harmony constant but little pet peeves got ignored. I am amazed that it lasted so long(almost 2 years). It wasn't even the reason we broke up. But this issue came to light only now when i am in a new relationship(intp). This video came to me in the perfect time. Just a few more weeks of this and i would have snapped. Now that i have a different perspective i finally feel like i know what to do. Thanks skimmerlit. You are right, infj-s are stupid. But also fuck you anyway. And i really hope you read your comments.

  • @Bobby_101
    @Bobby_101 10 месяцев назад +9

    Had an ISTP woman try to have closure for her abusive father through me. Painting his behavior on all men in general, then needing to play out a revenge fantasy. Everyone does this as long as they can put their abuser into a specific or even general group.

  • @TreasureSeasons
    @TreasureSeasons 10 месяцев назад +5

    Your voice is soothing. There's no logic to love but eventually I learned to know where I began and ended. The grass is greener where we water it together. Thanks for deciding to share ❤😂

  • @Yes_Hello2
    @Yes_Hello2 Месяц назад

    I always thought I was an INTP but lately I’ve been more confused than ever. The way you described the relationship thing is exactly what happened to me with the first time I ever liked someone. I basically got attached too easily, pretended to be someone I thought they would like, found out a truth about him that I knew I couldn’t live with but still decided to stay 🙄, was almost close to vanishing but at least I was smart enough to fix stuff rather than just running away.
    I put myself in a shitty situation, fkr the longest time hated myself and was frustrated without saying anything (only giving small hints or saying stuff every now and then) until I exploded. I don’t even know why I forced myself to go through that. It should be common sense not to be with people you know aren’t fit for you, yet there I was…

  • @camilla.callow8
    @camilla.callow8 3 месяца назад +3

    These comments are interestingly extreme in some ways. I guess when you see or touch a person in the raw its gotta do something. Great video !!

  • @emmahudson1053
    @emmahudson1053 2 месяца назад +1

    In my experience it’s a mask that stems from never believing you will ever be understood because you learned early on in childhood that the truth hurts people, you don’t like hurting others and that behavior ostracized you. For me Ti developed before Fe. And then you’re expected to accommodate for every one else’s needs and emotions. I for example spent my youth solving the conflicts/being a mediator for my family and feel like I had to parent my own parents in a way. That’s a mindset I carried in school too, where I aspired to “rescue” people who would never even lift a finger for me and unconsciously put myself in very toxic and dangerous environments. It was mentally straining too and only felt rewarding if they actually were receptive to my help but it was and is still something I struggle with because my emotions are more externally based and I truly feel like that’s an area where I excel in the most. People are fascinating, simply put. I think the combination of an agreeable personality, a suppressed individuality, disliking conflict and a calling to be helpful/useful makes that pattern hard to break. But surely something worth working on. I truly feel inspired, especially by intjs and intps because they are more interested in my thoughts and ideas and I don’t feel the need to compromise myself as much.
    Intjs especially have helped me tremendously in developing more assertiveness, confidence and brought stability to my life. They also force me to explore Fi in my strive for authenticity. In exchange I have helped them better understand people and hopefully made them less pessimistic about the world and human behavior.
    Joyce Meng has a wonderful video where she compares herself to an intj friend where she calls infjs “mendable bushes” in a way and explains why we are so fake. It really resonated with me.

    • @emmahudson1053
      @emmahudson1053 2 месяца назад

      To go even deeper, Jung explores the idea of masculinity and femininity in a manner that could even be related to the hermetic principles of gender. I think intj and infj are human representations of just that. Imagine Ni like an invisible spiderweb absorbing information about the world around you, connecting dots from thread to thread, event to event. That spiderweb being a more emotional landscape for infjs. Or like Jung calls it, the collective unconscious. The mask, encouraged by Fe might just be a way to in the most pragmatic way possible for the totality of people to implement the information you’ve gathered and externalize it. The mask is needed as a way to insert control because emotions are ultimately subjective and we like to take that subjective totality and implement it as something objectively to decrease the chaos that comes with subjectivity if that makes sense. For an intj, the web would be a more objective totality they would like to externalize by their use of Te i think

  • @jeremysiegel10
    @jeremysiegel10 7 месяцев назад +2

    Perfectly described my ex, she literally door slammed me and we were supposed to be married the next month. Complete 180 in the span of 3 days. Lovey dovey to cold shoulder to outright hostility and resentment just like that.
    I saved her life (literally) and so was so hurt by this but I guess she was never the person I loved in the first place, I just couldn't see it

  • @theburnboss
    @theburnboss 10 месяцев назад +1

    This and your video "definition as contract" has too perfectly summarized the reason my ex is now my ex. You're actually amazing at what you're doing! Keep it up.

  • @deviedorillo3689
    @deviedorillo3689 10 месяцев назад +3

    This was such an interesting video, Skimmerlit. I've dealt with a male infj before who believed is an intj and used "violence" and "harsh words" to show he's not a softie Fe user; he also had a mother wound(he believed she was entj) and that somehow made him obsessive towards me(I'm entj too). He reeked of façade and even though I tried to help him be himself, he "doorslamed"me and even tried to hurt me to show me he's real.
    Like... why?
    Infjs never make sense to me.

  • @warmpolar2941
    @warmpolar2941 10 месяцев назад +10

    Do you study socionics? The infjs you describe sounds a lot like an EII, Fi in this case detecting the emotional needs of the other person and Ne generating a persona to fit that need. Ive only seen a handful of videos of yours, and it sounds like mbti is doing someone like you injustice, you should try socionics or vultology. You might like vultology more because you can map facial expressions and occular tension to a personality. A lot of the things you struggle to explain make much more sense in those systems.

  • @sarrachtioui8205
    @sarrachtioui8205 2 месяца назад +2

    I feel called out, but also, it's a wake up call to unfuck my relationships.
    PS: even I get annoyed by the INFJ online community at some point.

  • @daisy-wx7ro
    @daisy-wx7ro 10 месяцев назад +9

    what's with these absent intp dads fr why don't you like me dad

  • @ethereal_7
    @ethereal_7 3 месяца назад

    This is so great dude

  • @TehPaintman
    @TehPaintman 10 месяцев назад +2

    Completely off-topic question, but have you played Baldur's Gate 3 yet? I feel like a Myers-Briggs approach to exploring the game could be something that may be fun pursuing.

    • @Skimmerlit
      @Skimmerlit  10 месяцев назад

      I’ve been trapped in a house for months. I can’t stomp the landlord but won’t lower the difficulty. I miss Minty O’Hara.

    • @jessijay9665
      @jessijay9665 10 месяцев назад

      That sounds cool. I'd be interested in it.

  • @mahakhatib27
    @mahakhatib27 10 месяцев назад +1

    Thank you for making this video. I want to say that my biggest flaw as a INFJ is my sensitivity towards criticism. You touched on it in your video, but I want to go more in depth. My beliefs about myself and the world through the understanding of my religion (Islam), not MBTI, is what I value most. In the religion we keep our beliefs strong, and we tend to work towards a balance of helping others and helping ourselves. I think about what others feel and think so much that I start to lose sight of myself, and I get really hurt when these people say anything remotely negative about me or what I do for them. I need to be stronger and worry about myself more, rather than what other people say or think. It not anyone's problem but mine, and I shouldn't expect anyone to deal with it or to help me fix it. If you relate to this comment, do yourself a favor and take a good hard look at yourself and learn to accept the criticism and do something about it!

    • @mahakhatib27
      @mahakhatib27 5 месяцев назад +1

      @@theultimatedisciple7974 The person who gives you criticism has to be perfect from the sounds of it. I used to believe like you, but I learned that everyone is valid in their criticism, and you should at least hear it out. Also, you can't change people and ultimately the improvements have to come from the person themselves. We can aid them, but if they don't see any need to improve, then we just have to accept that. It was really nice to hear from you🙂

    • @mahakhatib27
      @mahakhatib27 5 месяцев назад

      @@AnnieTyzak True. I like to hear about them, regardless. Who knows, I might learn about a new type of thinking I would have never considered before.

    • @mahakhatib27
      @mahakhatib27 4 месяца назад

      @@AnnieTyzak Fair enough 😂

  • @mustafams2742
    @mustafams2742 10 месяцев назад +3

    Can u do for INTJ ?! ... thx

  • @gandadorf7886
    @gandadorf7886 10 месяцев назад +15

    Oh god not the unicorn, not the circle jerked introvert that is too cool for INFP but supposedly too empathetic for INTJ. The internet allstar, your neighborhood therapist for some reason, the unorganized judger, the mbtis gemini, the RAREST type despite evidence, the mysterio.101, probably believes in crystals having healing properties. I dont know, the internet covers this type already, not that interesting in my opinion. However since Skimmerlit is the one that made the video I watched it anyways and even liked the video. Skimmerlit is the one that can give a valuable lesson about garbage. So technical and meticulous that even the CIA cant figure out what he is up to, they are either thinking about recruiting or killing him.

    • @mahakhatib27
      @mahakhatib27 10 месяцев назад +1

      Well, he earned a recruit in me that's for sure. I am sensitive to criticism and always look for a deep meaning in things that don't really have anything deep to begin with. My Islamic beliefs govern my life, not MBTI and I know I can get along and understand people if I put in enough effort to do so. Thank you for your comment☺

    • @Skimmerlit
      @Skimmerlit  10 месяцев назад +13

      It’s every day with this shit. Negative? Bad. Positive? Not positive enough. Discussing any other topic? You should discuss INFJs NOW. You’re discussing INFJs? Fuck you. Do you understand how many Discord INFJs have claimed old videos? For a while, any INFJ mentions equaled Discord shares and suspicious interference; I wonder what may be occurring here.
      Someone must’ve hurt you (not many people at once after using me together and then an entire community being carbon copies of them all and each other for YEARS); you’re making this up; you haven’t done any research; 16p says we’re the best; what you’re doing is literally hate speech. If I could disable my brain and never think about patterns in their behavior specifically, then I would never make any INFJ videos again. They’re stupider than INTJs and more obnoxious than INFPs. I don’t know how they managed it collectively. INTJs have an obnoxious streak; I’m beginning to think those are INFJs posing as INTJs. I’m fucking tweaking. I know exactly what will happen, yet I’m still shocked every time, every day, they can’t read and don’t shut the fuck up for ANY reason. You want essays about nothing? They got you. You want your oxygen taken? Boom. Your time feeling a little too valuable? Gone. It’s done. It’s done.
      It would be funny if a person’s, or in this case a group’s, inability to learn anything ever weren’t so distressing (and annoying).

    • @kokikokic9874
      @kokikokic9874 10 месяцев назад

      This INFJ unicorn shit is so annoying it makes me ashamed to be one. Especially those idiots who make us look even worse then we already do.

    • @haoding2706
      @haoding2706 10 месяцев назад

      "Skimmerlit is the one that can give a valuable lesson about garbage" lol so true.

    • @oracle__21
      @oracle__21 4 месяца назад

      Smh🤦 Imagine putting all infjs in such a pathetic box, doesn't get more irritating than that. What the actual heck?
      I'd rather banish myself to an unknown island than spend five seconds in the same breathing space as a human this condescending.
      At this point, I wish mbti wasn't mainstream and everyone would just fucking go about their daily lives without some rando psycho analysing ' my type' without actually ever hitting the nail on the head.

  • @gommito
    @gommito 10 месяцев назад +3

    I didn't need my dad anyway bruh

  • @espressocoffeeshine4346
    @espressocoffeeshine4346 10 месяцев назад +1

    So I as an INFJ ghosted a friend once because I was appalled by their attitude toward something. While you are correct in concluding that could have been worked out in a short period of time in theory. The friend didn't know what was wrong, so he could not have worked it out. I was acting on inverted intuition and it took me a couple of years to use my inverted thinking and define why I was appalled by him. So ya, it can be worked out quit easily, yet it takes time to sit down and logically work it out ourselves.

  • @LittleMew133
    @LittleMew133 10 месяцев назад +1

    I don't typically like other INFJ's actually; I find them rather ... slippery. Except for the ones with developed Ti or enneagram 5. In other words, not absolutely retarded and only able to get by, by playing social games. I like a strong thinker (don't care if Ti or Te) because they will sit down and work sheet out with me (like real men). Fe is just incredibly womanly avoidant. Don't get me started on Fi, which is just childish explosions without any logical reasonings.

    • @EH_888
      @EH_888 8 месяцев назад +6

      Functions have nothing to do with a person being reasonable or unreasonable nor can they be attributed to masculinity or femininity.

  • @yanamclaughlin
    @yanamclaughlin 3 месяца назад +2

    You sure you aren't working out mommy issues around some INFJ dame yourself? Yikes.

    • @Skimmerlit
      @Skimmerlit  3 месяца назад

      Too close for comfort? Who says “dame”?

    • @yanamclaughlin
      @yanamclaughlin 3 месяца назад

      Your obsessive hatred of one type reveals the ruffled feathers are yours. You need a vacation or something from being a brain in a vat.
      Who says dame.... I don't know man three raccoons in a trench coat

    • @Skimmerlit
      @Skimmerlit  3 месяца назад

      No, a poor imitation of a human who falls for bait says it. I would've assumed you'd been around the block enough times to know that one. Never acknowledge a question like that.

    • @yanamclaughlin
      @yanamclaughlin 3 месяца назад +2

      My goodness you are feisty

    • @Skimmerlit
      @Skimmerlit  3 месяца назад

      You don't like feisty?