lgbt exclusionists & asexuality
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- Опубликовано: 29 сен 2024
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If demi-romanticism was the norm, celebrity crushes literally would not exist
Idk how to read this... I'm confused by what point is trying to be made
@@bakugoukacchankatsuki6434 demiromantics have to know someone for a while first to develop a crush.
Celebrity crushes are developed with people someone doesn't know personally. (I've never had one before so that's the best I can describe it accurately.) The two contradict each other.
EXACTLY! When I've told people about my sexuality/romantic orientation (which I've been doing less and less as I find out that people still don't want to accept ace people/the ace spectrum), there are way too many folks who'll be like, "Uh, no, that's normal, that's how everyone feels." then turn around and start talking about how they hooked up with some cute person they'd never met before for a one night stand and intend to never speak to them again. Like, I'd absolutely love it if that's how everyone was, but they're very clearly *not.*
Are you telling me that celebrity CRUSHES are real?? Like not just aesthetic attraction?????
I've had so many people say being demi is normal when I describe it and then talk about how hot some TikToker is and how they would totally sleep with them or make out with them etc. Like.... hello????
nothing says pride and loving yourself and community more than bullying people in your community and trying to push them out, acting exactly like the people you hate lol the amount of times I've been called "straight person in denial" being aro/ace
Ding ding! Right on the money!! 🎉
gods, once there was this kid i wanted to be friends w in highschool. he was openly trans, smth i wish i couldve been lmao, but he considered all aro/ace ppl to be straifht. that we didnt deserve to be in the community unless we were trans. even tho it wasnt directed at me, i identified as aroace at the time(still on the spectrum, jus have a more specific word lolol) and felt rly discouraged. id alr dealt w friends who couldnt except me as who i was(outside of sexuality/gender identity, it was mostly about how i acted. i now realized it was the ADHD and Autism that turned ppl away from me, idc now bc i have friends who accept me now). i wanted friends who would accept me fully, so i gave up on tryna befriend him.
I feel you.
Or being told you're playing hard to get 😢
@@Astr0_Man 🫂
Seeing queer people literally telling other queer people to go to conversion therapy is astonishing in all the worst ways. I'm usually a huge yapper but I'm honestly speechless rn.
Watching this video was a rude awakening for me as I had no idea that this was a thing or was happening! I'm demisexual and didn't know what this was until recently. It was strange when I was doing research on this term and found that I was reading about myself. So far I've only told one person about this, which is someone I'm interested in.
@@vyliad the oppressed are trying so hard to oppress others is genuinely embarrassing honestly
you know it is bad when a yapper is left speechless
@@Caroline-qj7fq yeah yo uwouldnt believe how common this is. I'm an exmuslim, a minority within a minority, and I'm given death and torture threats allll the time from muslims
anyone who tells anyone to go to conversion "therapy" ain't never had no conversion therapy. It ain't what it's cracked up to be believe you me.
Lord I have a RANT about that common “Demisexuality is just being normal” Yeah, it’s normal, but is it common? Hell no. I came up a realization when I still thought I was demisexual (now classify myself as asexual) that demisexuality wasn’t the “norm”. It’s the *ideal*. It’s what a majority of stories are made up of: Getting the girl after going through tons of drama that pushes you together, two characters going on a world shattering adventure and eventually realizing that their only solace is each other, developing a connection that spans life times. Demisexuality is the ideal, but rarely is it a reality.
Yes, it's often misunderstood. People may wish to be together with someone they know, but before I got together with my husband at age 34, I could not say if I was hetero or homo or pan (and still don't know) because I never felt attraction to anyone. I never felt the wish to have a relationship. People who say "I'm demi, too, because I don't want one night stands" usually still know whom they are attracted to.
I just don't fall in love. For me, love is a conscious decision.
Yeah, I’m demisexual but not demiromantic or aromantic. Like, I literally cannot experience sexual attraction unless there is a strong emotional bond. I always grew up loving those romantic stories because it’s how I felt. It was like the sex pressure was lifted from every interaction.
@@nriamond8010 Thank you for explaining! I’m not aromantic and I’ve been wanting to learn more p, so thank you, this is very helpful!
Exactly. I came to realize I was demi (only after learning it was a thing) because I’ve honestly never really liked many people. I mean I was aware enough I wasn’t like everyone else when I’m 20 and only have liked 3 people in my whole life. To be fair one of those people I started crushing on shortly after meeting her, but to be fair I swear she was the funniest person I’ve meet in a long time. Bedsides that for me the two other people I started crushing on for the first person, around 2 years after meeting them, and for the other guy 6 years after meeting them.
@@Femtoisbackandbetter my comment was about how a lot of books act as if Demisexuality is the common reality instead of it being a minority, so… I’m not even sure how your comment relates 😭
The irony of including trans people, who are fighting for bodily autonomy and self-determination, and then excluding intersex people like myself who are fighting for… bodily autonomy and self-determination. Genuinely how does excluding anyone help the cause when it’s always a bottom-up struggle? 😭
Right? I have the same reaction when I see people huffily scolding trans advocates for "roping in" intersex people when using their struggles to bolster and elaborate on the case for trans rights, when the ultimate goal here is to create a high tide that raises *all* boats.
@@Femtoisbackandbetter are those organs needed to keep you alive? Are they important is having nutrients? What if they don’t plan of using those organs as they essentially serve no function?
@@Joe-iq1bu did I say they’re used to “fix” a case? No. I’m only pointing out the issue with the other person logic.
@@Joe-iq1bu the Hippocratic oath refers to not doing any harm to patients, mainly. Is having breast reduction surgery a violation of the oath? What about circumcising? Gastric bypass? All those are often healthy organs being mutilated. What harm is it doing?
@@mariachi3217 it’s hilarious seeing you put two questionable surgeries next to one that isn’t 😂 gastric bypass isn’t damaging or removing tissue. The other two yes break the oath
The fact that groups like this exist prove being ace is a discriminated minority.
Ace pride! 💜🖤
@@TheAzul_Indigo that’s like saying men are a discriminated minority because women’s group exist
@@albertfralinger2711 i think what this person meant to say is if a large group exists dedicated to actively poop on another, smaller group of people, that makes the smaller group of people discriminated. if women get together to poop on men, it's also discrimination.
@@albertfralinger2711 i don't think men are considered a minority
@@Lucas-ro2wm I dont think so either. I'm using that example to show the flawed logic in the original comment
@@albertfralinger2711 but that comparison doesn't really make much sense. being ace is a minority that gets discriminated against by a large portion of society. being a man isn't a minority, so they literally can't be a discriminated minority. some men, such as trans men or black men, are a discriminated minority, yes, but not men in general
Aroace person here, I've tried to change myself desperately. as a guy people find it hard to believe that we exist. I've tried a relationship once because she said she's asexual...turns out she wasn't, I tried to change that part of myself, but I'm on the very end of the spectrum and very sex repulsed. Throughout the relationship I also realized I'm also aromantic. And I was heartbroken. It sucks. Seeing everyone around you fall in love and saying you're the problem. And then having lgbtq people also turn their backs on us.. Apparently we just don't fit anywhere. Great.
For what it's worth friendo, there's nothing wrong with you and you don't need to be changed or fixed, you're fine as is. Don't let the trolls (there are a few of them lurking here) get you down, you're stronger than them anyway.
Edit: one has already replied to me, charming. Just remember friendo, you're worth more than them and you're stronger than them.
@@weatherman1504 none of your kind is “strong” 😂
Stay strong ❤
@@Joe-iq1buDunno. Sounds pretty strong to be unashamedly yourself in a world that tries its hardest to fit you in a box that can't hold even a single person.
@@TwiliPaladin cries about not wanting to “fit in a box” then immediately gives itself 12 labels
I figured out I'm demi romantic asexual after 25 years of marriage and 3 children. I am so grateful for a wonderful loving and understanding husband. You totally are lovable and deserving of love.
@claudiamcfie1265 your poor husband 😂 someone needs to buy that man a drink
@@Femtoisbackandbetterback foul beast, back I say
@minniemirthful never :) don’t project your animal behavior onto me
@@minniemirthful lol, just ignore them there just a bot looking for the attention their parents won't give them, they Literally have 100+ comments on this channel alone it's really sad
@@pooie-l4tthis person has a lot of spicy comments on this channel
I'm ace... and more than once this fact has been understood as 'so I can just bully/coerce you into sex'. Enough times that I've basically given up on trying to find a partner. Its deeply alienating to be seen as something to wear down and break into someone else's idea of 'normal'. A hard-wired lack of interest, if not visceral disgust with sex, is seen as a boundary to wear down and erase. What I am absolutely not and will never be comfortable with does not matter more than someone else's gratification. Its just not worth the effort of trying to get someone to understand what I fundamentally Do Not Want, ever. Because the odds are vanishingly slim that they'll understand, instead of thinking 'oh, so I just need to press harder'.
I am lonely. But I will not compromise. Better to be alone, than not seen for who I am.
I personally love my singleness, but I absolutely feel for you and others who want that kind of companionship. 💛
Relatable honestly. My exes were very “beg until I give into sexual activity” type people.
ive been through that as well. if i say sex makes me uncomfortable/sick, that is not an invitation to keep pestering.
singleness is so much more peaceful.
❤
I'm nonbinary and asexual (sex-repulsed specifically) so I get excluded _constantly_ from the community. It's so disheartening that our own community tries to oppress us just as much as the cishet community.
We just don't exist, obviously
LGBT excluders when someone says they don't feel the same conventional style of attraction that's normalized by society: :D
LGBT excluders when someone says that people being excessively sexual and in your face about it makes you a little uncomfortable: >:(
"tries to oppress us just as much as the cishet community"
gay oppression: killed in the streets for existing
ace "oppression": we dont want you in our club
jeez man youre right i seriously dont see what i was thinking you CLEARLY have such tough struggles and DEFINITELY should sit with us!!
@thelittlestpika yesss the left eating their own 😂
@@Femtoisbackandbetter Says the one who probably loves genocide.
Just a quick note 2S stands for Two Spirit which is an indigenous identity recently getting more recognition and has been tacked onto the acronym (but usually I see it as LGBTQIA2S+ not what the way that one meme had it).
While I still don’t mind LGBT+ obviously it’s really great that the longer form does include more and raises awareness because people will be like “ok what does the ___ stand for?” Which opens up a learning moment where you explain.
Also it’s nice to be seen as a Native American transman who really does vibe with the Two Spirit identity.
EDIT: Awesome to see you covered this near the end. Appreciate your respectful defense!
Also omg “inclusion is hurting us” when it literally only means more people get helped, like the resources go to a limited amount of people regardless and based on the charities or etc’s policies either it’s through greatest needs basis or randomly, means no one is taking away from anyone by needing help and getting it??? Crazy.
Also completely ignores the huge known overlap between a lot of the non sexual or gender identities and being queer.
ESPECIALLY the Homeless people point! Yeah you mean the population of people that disproportionately affects queer people? It’s really weird because there IS intersectionality, there are many organizations that focus primarily on supporting Queer POC and/or Disabled folk because they are extra unsupported in day to day life. This take is so weird on all accounts.
In Canada I usually see the 2S at the start
❤
The whole "ace people dont face systematic oppression" has me laughing very hard because let me tell you if I have to talk about my bedroom activity in a medical setting (every few years GP visit, getting the pap smear, half of urgent care or ER visits) EVERY time it has resulted in the doc either not believing me, asking if I was in a cult, or them going from professional to straight up mean. Unless I lie, of course.
Pro tip for fellow aces mid 20s or later, esp the virgin ones: just say its been a few years if they ask the last time you did anything. Its long enough ago they wont assume you are pregnant or anything but recent enough the worst they'll say is "yeah we all have dry spells anyways..." It has made a night and day difference.
Should we have to lie? No. But the world sucks at times and this is one of those little white lies that makes your life easier.
I am not sure if it's safe to lie, meaning if they think you are not a virgin they might use some medical invasion that could potentially break the skin there and be painful for you (for example, for ultrasound they do stick the thingy inside that is kinda big). In my country, doctors have the standard question "Do you lead a sex life?" (it's phrased in a super neutral way but the subtext, as I learned, is "are you a virgin or not" and asked to know what kinda medical actions they can perform) and I kinda have to explain every time that no I don't, for many years (like in your suggestion), but not a virgin, so it will be uncomfortable, but they can do ultrasound etc.
The fact doctors sexualize their patients is vile, but true, and I feel only asexuals notice it.
I'm lucky in that my GP has been my GP for 20 years and at this point just goes "Still not sexually active?" "Yup" and we move on.
I'm GrayAce, and I've been told by other Ace people that I'm not Ace because once in a blue moon, when Jupiter and Mars are aligned and it's a thunderstorm outside I will initiate sex with my partner. And the number of times I've been told that I just haven't had good sex or just need to get laid is why I just stopped telling people irl. I went to a sexologist because I thought I was 'broken'. I'm so glad that she assured me that I'm not and just asexual and that, it's fine to be so. I was a teen in the late 90s and early 0s. Asexuality was the but of a lot of jokes and not a real thing.
I also enjoy reading explicit and very graphic smut in my fiction, same as how I like horror movies. It's not real life and fantasy.
I'm demisexual and I initiate sex with my partner occasionally, yet I'm still a part of the ace community too. Cause guess what? Asexuality is based off of sexual attraction, NOT your willingness to have sex with someone. And, just like demisexual, gray ace means you can be attracted to people sometimes. We just play the attraction game with slightly different rules. And we're both still Ace. With the capital A. "Good sex" or "getting laid" will never change that because the basis of those and sexual attraction are two completely DIFFERENT things. You are still Ace. You are under that umbrella, just like me. And no amount of exclusionists trying to move the goalpost can change that.
One of the most important things I have learned since discovering my asexuality is: you're the only one who can label yourself. No one else can give you a label, or take it away. They can't say you're 'not ace'. They don't have the authority. Only you can decide what fits you best, and if you say it's ace, that's good enough for me.
I remember feeling ‘broken’ beginning at a very young age because I never had crushes, and my friends beginning around grade 1-2 did. I made them up. Never felt a shred of attraction/felt repulsed by the idea of sex the second I learned about it; and to be honest, at 34, still am. So I’m a little younger than you, but grew up in the 90s and 00s too, and didn’t know asexuality was a thing until just a few years ago when I randomly found a book in my library’s ’New and Noted’ section about it. And realized it was a thing, it was okay. And I wasn’t broken.
@@MusikGirl23 Sadly enough, it was yet another time when I was googling "why am I broken" when I first found out asexuality was a thing. It's so common for us to feel like that, it hurts my heart.
ikr it’s so annoying, i can only interact with the idea of sex from the third person, never mind having sex with some else, but apparently that still doesn’t count. anything less than a sexless emotionless robot isn’t enough for them
All of the aces have been summoned!
We took a break from invading Denmark to come say hi
I think that's worth 14 points if your playin blackjack
As a demiro/greyace it is annoying to be constantly erased because they say I'm just gay or something, while I'm over here still with zero clue what attraction even is
DemiPan where and I something just say I'm Gay joking about the fact that I'm non straight
If you don't know what attraction is at all are you sure you're gray and not just straight up asexual? Gray would imply you've felt it at some point
I realised I was ace about a year ago and I don't think I've ever not had to explain it or noticed it being included in any posts generally about pride. I have never felt comfortable to include myself under LGBTQIA banner because I didn't think I counted. I am ace but I am not aromantic, instead heteroromantic. Including myself or even discussing pride felt like it would be disingenuous. I know it's not but that's how it feels. It feels like being ace makes you invisible on both sides
And tbh the lack of conversations about asexuality is probably the reason it took until I was 29 to realise that's what I was feeling. I've seen 1 single ace character on tv (Spooner in Legends of Tomorrow). She thought she was broken until someone told her what asexuality was
Todd from Bojack Horseman is ace can only. He even has a sweet arch were he starts an ace dating app and starts dating an ace bunny girl when they both bond about how they like Romance and not sex. Yeah, Todd is kind of an idiot like Fry in most of the show, but his asexuality is handled pretty well in the later seasons
YOU. ARE. VALID.
No "If's" not "But's". VALID.
@@WraithReaper09FAX📠
Them: All gender and sexualities that are different than heterosexuality are valid and beautiful! Be queer!!
Me: Heyo, I’m aroace and don’t experience romantic or sexual attraction, therefore I do not experience the average heterosexual experience
Them: Freak.
Me: huh
I am ace and I have cptsd inluding sexual trauma and for me the trauma is THE reason I didnt realize I was ace until I was 28. Being told my entire life that I had to like sex for so many reasons made me keep trying anything I possibly could to "kickstart" my sexuality and it NEVER worked. Im not ace because of my trauma, my trauma is why I didnt know I was ace sooner.
This, I didn't realize something else was wrong until I had an epiphany that not one time in my whole life had I ever seen a 53xy person 😅
A quick Google search cleared things up, lmao.
The section about grappling w your identity really spoke to me. It’s been awful lately trying to work through my sexuality, and its unifying to “struggle together” with other humans
im pansexual, im demiromantic, and im genderfluid. im currently in the healthiest, happiest relationship of my life and its in a heterosexual relationship. what in the universes good name are these people talking about?? i didnt even know there was this much exclusion and disrespect towards people outside of LBGT that are LITERALLY PART OF THE QUEER COMMUNITY. this is genuinely mind blowing, thank you for covering these topics Kiwi ♡
One time, my friend found out I was asexual, and she thought something was wrong because she never had ever heard of it, and said I needed therapy I think because she thought it was a trauma thing lol
you're valid, and your indentity is not something you need to fix!!
@@Arandopersonupstairs thank you ^-^
@@victoriadipasquale1201 no problem!!
❤
Saying that some people should go to therapy just because other sexuality sounds kinda familiar
Marriage rights for ace people are also threatened btw. In many places the legality of a marriage still includes consummation. Yes, really. Wales and the UK for example, and many US states too. So if an ace couple doesn't have sex because they fall on that end of the spectrum, then their marriage doesn't count legally. That's f-ed up.
I don't see how it can be enforced. No one knows if a couple has had sex or not. It can't be proven.
I FEEL THIS SO MUCH!!! I've known that I am ace for years now and sometimes I get struck with insecurity about it. I am so grateful to have such a wonderful partner who loves and understands me as I am
As a straight asexual trans person, it is absolutely baffling how many queer people invalidate me.
Welp I guess according to these post I don't exist or only partially exist because I'm Bi-romantic & ace. I still remember being told I'm just being indecisive for being bi & then on top of that being treated like something was wrong with me for being ace while being told I just haven't found "Mr. right" despite literally never having the feeling of sexual attraction in my entire life towards anyone I've ever dated nor people I had a crush on. To me the "argument" that we need to have therapy or that we don't exist just makes me think of homophobes & transphobes who are attacking the lgbtq+ community every single day & the nonsense they are using to justify bullying people for not being cis & straight. Like just because I don't feel sexual attraction doesn't mean it doesn't exists because it absolutely does. It's that I personally don't feel it along with me looking at someone & finding them hot or cute but never having that sexual attraction & could potentially want to date them after I get to know them
Pan girlie here, it's honestly weird seeing 'friendly fire' from other people in the same community as us, aimed towards ace/pan/bi people. Like bro we're just trying to exist and mind our own business, yet they can't mind theirs... And even if you don't understand an identity there's no need to act like the human embodiment of athletes foot.
I’ve experienced a lot of the things you mentioned in this video! Thank you for talking about this and being on our side. There’s so many misconceptions about the ace spectrum and what you’re doing is helping so much. I hope it can help people like me who struggle with their identity.
I’m asexual. I’ve just never really felt the same towards attraction and sexuality as most other people in my life. I’ve never looked at someone and thought, “they’re so hot. I would love to have sex with them. They make me feel turned on.”
When I realized I was ace, I started telling my friends and family. They didn’t react very well to it. My dad was super confused and told me it didn’t make any sense. He said I was too young to call myself asexual and I would grow out of it. My mom immediately freaked and told me not to put that label on myself. She said she hates labels and they’re so restrictive. One of my best friends told me that asexuality was ridiculous and that I just haven’t met the right person yet. She said I was going to be the first to have sex out of my friend group.
I despise these online “exclusionist” groups. They’re incredibly toxic and harmful. Back then I tried to join the online asexuality groups on Tumblr since my friends and family weren’t very accepting of me. I was supported on those groups, but I ended up seeing so much “ace discourse.” People would comment and say things like: “you’re not valid. You’re not oppressed enough. You’re not part of the LGBT+ community. The A stands for Ally. You’ll find someone eventually and then you’ll no longer be asexual. Stop pretending.” All of the negativity I saw online and from the people in my life stopped me from being proud of my sexuality. Even now that I’m an adult, I struggle with shame for being ace. I don’t really talk about it and I’m afraid to tell people.
As someone whose labels aren’t in the acronym thank you for this video (aroace, agender, omni :D)
I hate that the only people I ever hear stuff like "oh, you aren't actually ace. You just haven't had the right person yet", are people who would doubtless think it absolutely insane and disgusting to say the same sort of thing to a gay guy about liking women.
I'm demi-aromatic: I smell good but only after applying deodorant
The amount of people whove joked "I could fix her" genuinely hurts :,) Im happy. Im not something to be fixed.
Exactly, you're fine as is. I really don't get these people. For what it's worth, you're a better person than any of these garbo trolls.
It took me a hot minute to realize part of the reason I liked my favorite book series was that it followed a character with no romantic or sexual interest. Another book by the same author included a prominent character named “Ace” whose name was revealed to be based on him being asexual (he later had kids so I’m guessing demi)
If anyone is interested , the series is “The Virus Within” by crystal scherer, and Ace is from “A different virus” both are set in a zombie apocalypse
I few months ago (June i think?) a part crossed my Tumblr dash. It was an ask from one of those exclusionists saying something along the lines of "prove to me that ace people are oppressed and ill accept them under the umbrella". The answer was... a lot of good evidence, links to receipts included. One thing i learned is that in like the 60s when the first lgbtq+ rights movement was happening, ace was considered under the bi umbrella. They had equal attraction to men and women (eg none in this specific case) so they were bi. Another thing was corrective rape happening to ace people, and another was this thing from ancient China about women attracted to women living together, and also with women attracted to no one. It was super interesting!
Pansexual here. I like to say I'm attracted to ~vibes~ not gender.
As an acespec panromantic, this Facebook page would hate me so much 💀
see, im a queer trans girl, im not on the ace spectrum. i also really dont understand it, it really confuses me. especially demi-sexual and grey-sexual. but i dont have the urge to make degrading memes about it to bring people down.
this has been a really good conversation and tbh I really rarely see people talk about these really specific issues so I just really appreciate that. your content has honestly really helped me to put less pressure on my own relationships even just conceptually because there is so much that just doesnt matter as long as we're safe and happy
Sorry for making so many comments but I hate when people act like being aro/ace/aroace is not lgbtq+ but in a world where sex and romance are so pushed in every piece of media, nothing is quite as queer as not having those feelings
My most recent date... 8 years ago... I told them I might be ARO/ACE and wanted to go slow... we were living on opposite ends of the state.
3rd date we planned to meet in the middle and they surprised me with just one bed in the hotel... they were kinda put off about me not wanting to have sex.
They tried to be friends after, but they won't talk to me, now.
Omg!! As a bi/panromantic ace, it took me well into adulthood to realize other people were being serious about looking at people and “wanting to climb them like a tree”.
I remember being like 15 and wondering why I didn’t have a crush on anyone and wondering if I was broken somehow. I didn’t know what being ace was until like 2 years into college.
I love this video and now I have a new book series to look into!
As there are actual laws on the books that advantage being in official committed relationships, being ace and poly both meet the very definition of systemic oppression, unless you’re disabled and then being married is an issue, but all that means is being disabled also mean you have sexuality rights issues that need to be addressed through activism. And the larger the group asking for those rights to be addressed the more resources that go into righting those systemic wrongs. If you’re an lgbt activist and not also against racism, religious discrimination (as in freedom to be any religion and freedom from religion because this term has been widely misused as freedom to discriminate), and ableism you’re not an effective activist because the issues intersect far more than they deviate. Basic decency is not a finite resource.
Your questioning about if you being asexual would still be the case of you were not traumatised is so relatable.
I’m a DID system; and i identify as Genderfluid (Host being androgynous) I learnt that Alters can be formed as Opposite sex etc due to abuse from certain genders and your brain thinking that maybe a different gender could handle it better… if I wasn’t so sexually traumatised into thinking “I was safer if I wasn’t a women” would I still have identified more feminine?
The hostility towards aromantic and/or asexual people was everywhere on tumblr 10 years ago, it's exhausting. I thought it died down within the last few years, maybe I just curated my dash right.
everybody who had any genuine worries about aro/ace inclusion left when they realized the entire discussion was pointless since the ace community largely wasn't interested in the things Exclusionists were protecting. The people who stuck to the label were just xenophobic dummies tbh.
@@SiennaBlossom420what even were the exclusionists trying to protect?
@@lindabcarpentersings LGBT friendly/specific shelters, community grants (esp. for college), etc. Basically any finite resource tagged for folks who experience systemic homophobia or transphobia.
wow kiwi, i wasnt expecting to relate so much to your story and your experience. the way you talked about "where does trauma end and i begin" and "it feels good, it's just boring" felt like thoughts and experiences i know so well but have never had the words to express. i feel like i need to show this to everyone, thank you 💜🤍🩶🖤
Hey ace, aro and aroace folks!💚 Reminder that you are lgbtq+ and you are valid.💚✨
16:26 I'm a POC ace person and lemme tell you how uneducated and insensitive that post was 🙄🙄🙄
I'm trans and trying to get a hysterectomy but when you tell people that you don't want kids because you're ace and just don't see yourself going down that path, wanna know the response I get? 🙃🙃🙃 "Give it time. You'll meet the right person one day."
As an aroace, I'm so happy to hear you cover this
Me too! We are excluded from lots of lgbtqia+ spaces because they “don’t understand our orientation therefore it doesn’t exist” which is a bad mindset to have. You don’t have to understand it, but you can still support it. I think it’s like a cishet person saying they don’t support because they don’t understand. We are just as oppressed as the entire community.
@@WhyAreAllTagsTaken exactly! What's funny is that we're excluded from both lgbtq+ spaces as well as cishet ones. From the first one because we're "not queer" and from the latter because we're too queer for them... Either way, both think we need therapy... And yet somehow still wanna claim we're not oppressed like make it make sense...
Ditto! Glad to see someone stand up for us, 🖤🤍💜💚🤍🖤
Same!
Look at us! All the aro/aces banding together ❤
“love is love” includes ALL types of love. if it’s only platonic, that’s okay.
Wow! Well said!! 🎉
and if they dont feel platonic love thats ok too ❤️
Hell yea
"only platonic" is already so weird, like why is the love of a mother for her child seen as kess valueable, then the one to her husband? Stable romantic relationships are those, where there is not just sexuall and romantic attraction, but platonic too!
@@neptune11111 but there are limits to this, right???
The easiest way to explain to someone how asexuality and aromanticism works is by saying "The way a gay man feels about women is the same way aroace people feel about everyone."
i’m using this omg
I’ve used this example before, but people just still don’t seem to understand 😭
@@FuzzyBaloney They just wanna be a hater then because I doubt it could be explained in an easier way 😭
@@station12a Yeah, they just don’t think it’s possible to not be attracted to someone
With the amount of misogynistic cis gay men there are, this is not a good comparison imo
I'm asexual, but not aromantic. The amount of people who equate love with sex BLOWS MY MIND!
Partly thanks to this, I've been told my entire life that I'm broken and need fixed. I didn't realize that this was a valid sexuality until a couple of years ago. I've never felt more comfortable with myself after finding out and started using it as my label :)
This. Absolutely this.
Yes. I'm acespec but I'm panromantic. For me romance and love is about closeness and emotional bonding. It has 0 to do with sex. For me romance is everything and sex is nothing.
I'm very much aromantic but allosexual.
It took me till 35 to figure it out, because everyone keeps saying love and sex are the same thing.
Very much not true 😂
@@FrostedFrills for me i never really thought about it until i was about to turn 30 and it was like why are all my high school friends now married with kids and im a single Pringle. I don’t mind being single just annoyed by the questions and looks for never having a relationship and I’m over 30 now…
demisexual alloromantic here. the whole "sex is a critical part of a romantic relationship" thing is very very disturbing to me. i think if you both enjoy it and it's a fundamental bonding activity between you two personally, great. for one of my partners our relationship is like that. but my other partner, it's writing. our relationship doesn't operate properly unless we get habitual writing time together, and we get grouchy and distant.
The trauma argument is honestly stupid. We can literally use this argument for any queer person, like "Oh, you are not a real lesbian, you've just been traumatised by a man. You are not really gay you just have been traumatised by a woman. You are not really trans, you just have been traumatised because of your ReAl gender. Etc." Do they not realise they are using the same argument ignorant non-queer people use against them? Just because an ace person experienced trauma doesn't make their experience any less real or valid.
They probably realise it's the same argument, but they don't care because they're hypocrites and wannabe Mean Girls.
Heck, I think an equally-strong or even, potentially-stronger case could be made for cishets being products of their trauma, too!
Also, even if asexuality *was* caused by trauma - it doesn't change anything. Your lived experience stays the same, the problems you face in society stay the same, you're still effectively asexual. Doesn't matter why you fall under this umbrella, the outcome of that remains the same.
@@Femtoisbackandbetter , well, and according to evolutionary psychologists and biologists, so's being gay, which is why gay people (and other animals) exist in the first place.
In giraffes, homosexual coupling is actually observed more than heterosexual coupling. Die mad.
Also, our species has been to space and regularly watches cat videos from all over the word on a magical box that fits in your pocket; the "reeeee it's not naaaaatural and it makes Jesus saaaaaaad" ship has sailed.
@@Femtoisbackandbetter , are ya trying to convince us, or yourself?
"This page consists entirely of making fun of any identity outside of the LGBT acronym" Oof. That sounds fucked up.
I'm so used to broad, progressive queer spaces that I forget there are rigid conservative LGBTs who don't embrace everyone in our community
As a trans person I'm very familiar with LGB drop the T, but being reminded there are fellow LGBTs who don't acknowledge asexual, aromantic, pan, intersex etc people is always a slap in the face
It's always so hypocritical and disappointing when people demand liberation for themselves while throwing other people under the bus. TERFS, white feminists, wealthy people from marginalized identities, etc.
I was slapped in the face by white queer people when I found how racist some of them can be and proud of it too
its crazy to me they wanna "drop the T" considerin it was a black trans woman who started the riot that became stonewall 💀
we're supposed to grow as a community, not fall backwards. anyone that isnt straight + cis, or pedos are allowed to be in the lgbt. like even though trans people may be more accepted than aro, ace, or aroace doesnt mean they need to be excluded either. and the other way around.
"Intersex isn't even THAT many people" is dumb too, whether it's gatekeepers or anti-lgbtqia saying it.
Sex repulsed asexual here, i have no sexual trauma. My existence alone debunks their ideas on how asexual people are broken
Literally same here! It makes me nauseous to see/hear about it outside of a situation with my partner but no sexual trauma
Yeah I’m aroace and totally unsure what happened with that, but it was not trauma and it’s not like I just “turned ace” one day 😂
Unfortunately, a lot of people can’t accept something that they don’t understand, and I don’t have an explanation for them. :/
Same. I'm an extremely sex-repulsed asexual without sexual trauma.
Hi fellow repulsed Ace!
I know it's silly but I have questioned in the past if I was in a situation I don't remember to be this way.
Then I equate it to my being born hard of hearing.
It naturally never developed and nothing can be done about it.
At least my being ace won't get me in danger crossing a road.
It helps me think up stories not focused on screwy relationships and according to some allos that's boring. I call them boring.
Just silly that we have to put up with all the screwing in media, nevermind sponsored ads nowadays which I thought YT would punish......??????
Anyway, who's for a world of dragons?
Nice to see y’all here! I’m also sex repulsed without trauma. I just don’t get society’s obsession with sex🖤🩶🤍💜
“Was it really my fault?”
asked the Short Skirt.
“No, it happened with me too,”
replied the Burka.
The diaper in the corner couldn’t even speak.
-Darshan Mondkar
Victim blaming over clothing is so disgusting and invalidating. Your clothing has nothing to do with your trauma and it is not your fault.
That last line hits like a truck, it's wild that so many people STILL don't get that clothing, appearance, ages, don't stop abusive creeps 😔
That the issue NEEDS to be strictly controlled at the source, not the victims.
And that yes, everyone can in fact control themselves around anyone in any clothing. If someone is having trouble doing so, they have a sad issue of being out of practice of it that they need to work on.
The thing is, dressing modest gives you less looking and attention, as long as someone more interesting to look is there! the moment you are alone, it does not matter at all, the moment everyone dresses modest, a sliver or a wrist or ankle suddenly gets extreamly erotisised, and you get the exact same gross attention in a burka..... Its also always a crime if opportunity, literally no matter how you look, wrong place, wrong time, thats all it needs...
@@SingingSealRiana Which more people would learn this. I wasn't touched but I hsd serveral men well into their 30s tell me that my school uniform was "distracting", that the "shorts shows off a lot skin", or that "you shouldn't dress *like* *that* if you don't want comments *like that* ". I was 13; in my middle school unifrom.
@@SingingSealRianaYup. There's a reason SA is actually higher in the Middle East & even in the Amish community than in places where skimpy clothes, or even nude beaches, are common.
I always say we should ask what the purpetrator was wearing so we might be able to catch them easier
As an asexual person, the amount of exclusion I see from LGBTQIA+ groups is so frustrating
As a fellow ace i appriciate you very much
Genuinely what's their problem with aces and aros bruh
lgbtquiA like
@@Caroline-qj7fq Some people believe that because we might not have a same sex partner then we're not queer either bc they equate queerness 1:1 w homosexuality (which yes, duh there's some overlap but queer is much more of an umbrella term) or because they think we aren't "oppressed enough", despite the fact that you can't always measure oppression quantitatively and how oppressed you are in theory and in practice doesn't actually determine which societal groups you belong to. A lot of them are frustrated with their own position in society and the oppression that they face so they take it out on us and other members of the queer community that they view as "less oppressed", because they think they want what we have. Even though heteronormative societies are incredibly allocentric as well and even within puritanical cultures, sex and romance are an expected part of life, which if you don't partake in in the exact way that your heteronormative culture dictates, you can be punished for (ie. women should become mothers and wives, men should always want sex, reproduction and a nuclear family is the ultimate success in life, etc etc) sorry that got kind of long, hopefully your question wasn't entirely rhetorical? 😅
I have a friend who'll exclude themselves because she is cis and straight but on the ace spectrum and we'll all start going "nope youre one of us. June is your month too. No one gets put back in the closet in this house." And then aggressively (read:lovingly) send memes about garlic bread
I DID go the therapy about being asexual (well for other things as well, but it was brought up).
After two sessions the therapist explained that it doesnt seem that my asexuality was caused by any event or trauma and that's just the way I am.
Imagine that, your sexuality being a part of who you are? What is this madness?!?!
Gatekeepers: "You need therapy!"
Therapist: "Your asexuality is okay and a part of who you are."
Gatekeepers: "No, not like that!" 😂
Wish I could see one but I don't think some of them would be positive about LGBTQIA+
What blasphemy! /j
(That is actually super funny)
That's not the way you are...
@@KARMAZYNA Similar vibes to
Transphobes: "You're not trans! That's just sickness! You need to see a doctor!"
Doctor: "Alright, here are some hormone prescriptions you can take to help you feel more secure."
Transphobes: "No, not like that!"
I'm one of the non-trauma Asexuals. So when someone says something like "it's because of trauma" it doesn't phase me at all and if anything I find it funny. Be proud aces, you are not who you are because of your trauma; even if you were that still doesn't change who you are now.
I get to have a fun retort to that which makes the commenter cringe into themself like they are imploding: "oh no I knew I was Ace for YEARS before I got SA'd on a plane. The trauma from that just means I can't do window seats/middle seats when flying now haha."
I have no trauma.
The only thing mine gave me was better humor
Yasss bitch 💅✨️✨️✨️
The longest I've seen locally is LGBTQIA2S+, because I live in a region in Canada that is more aware of 2 spirit and trying to be focused on reconciliation.
Also, as an asexual person, I literally ALWAYS thought that saying someone was sexy or hot means they're pretty, or attractive, or a vibe. I had no idea that it was related to whether you were sexually attracted to someone.
PS. Proud of you for having the courage to introspect and think about a hard topic like this. I struggled a lot when considering asexuality for the same reasons you mentioned. I wanted a closeness and connection that somehow didn't happen during sex.
Fellow Canadian here and likely from around your area as 2 spirit is a frequently used term in my area.
Fellow Canadian, but I usually see it 2SLGBTQIA+ as recognition and respect of indigenous people being first in Canada
Genderqueer bi/pan here.
I've been advocating to make GSRM (Gender, Sexuality, Romantic Minorities) as the standard acronym. It's inclusive, makes it harder for the gatekeepers to pretend to be "logical," and still excludes paraphilias - as they're not considered "minorities" in this context.
YES! I never knew people were looking at others with sexual thoughts I thought it was just expressing how handsome, pretty or aesthetic someone was. It still confuses me that people can do that because I’ve never felt that before.
Same. When I learned that people actually look at others and immediately want to have sex with them, I was shook. I also figured out why I had such an easy time with purity culture as a teen in the church.
I'm 30. I'm asexual, I'm aromantic, I'm agender. I've been in relationships - sexual, romantic, and queer platonic - with people of all genders. I'm three years on T. There is no way anyone is looking at me and going, "ah yes, that is a Cisgender Heterosexual Woman." Yet there are still these odd little people on the internet who think that because I'm ace I must be a 14 year old late bloomer trying to feel special.
I’m demi. I didn’t find out until I was 22 (last year) when I developed feelings for my now partner. We had to be best friends for 2 years, have amazing platonic chemistry, spend a lot of time with each other as friends, be doing the same degree in the same year as each other in order to meet, have similar enough but different interests to each other, have the same life plans in some ways but also our own, etc… in order for my brain to develop feelings for him. So specific. Due to my brain being that specific, I truly believe that yeah, especially for all intents and purposes I was aroace until that point, some people’s brains just are not going to feel those emotions… at all. I hate that more people don’t just get that. We don’t deserve to be treated that way.
I'm aroace too! And 32. And I still get "One day you find a right man" bullshit😅 yeah right 👍
triple A battery! you're all valid
You got that triple A! Nice 😊
@@Femtoisbackandbetteractually i'm the walking DSM-5 case study, hi
whenever people say demisexuals and demiromantic people "are just normal", I think about all the times I have been laughed at whenever I explained I struggle with dating because it takes me a while to get interested in someone, sometimes even years, without using any labels and such to explain that.
When I tell people that the last time I have been interested in someone was years ago, after one year of friendship, they laugh say that's weird and unusual, and I should just try and date people without liking them anyway (?) I've even been recommended talking about this in therapy or checking a doctor for that which is uuuuuuuuuuh not a thing people recommend to stuff they consider normal.
(I do talk about it in therapy, but my therapist is chill and understands I don't need fixing)
If being demiaroace is just "being normal and not into hookup culture", then why the fuck do the people around me have this reaction when I share my experience with them? Even when I don't use any labels and jargon associated with queer identities?
god same. I guess I would technically fall under the grey ace label but I usually just say I’m bi, and people really can’t understand what I mean when I explain why dating is really hard for me because sexual and romantic attraction does not come easy (and dating apps are completely pointless).
people are all “but aren’t all normal people demisexual/demiromantic” while completely forgetting that if everyone was actually demisexual, sex wouldn’t sell and p*rn wouldn’t exist
Yeah people saying its completely normal is wild, like
is it? is it really?
the last time I was sexually attracted to someone (that wasn't a fictional character) was TWELVE YEARS AGO.
Is that a normal, everyday experience? To go over a decade without encountering a single human being you wish to be sexually active with?
Because it's extremely rare for me to find someone who relates to my experiences, but apparently it's super common according to these people
Makes me think the people saying this are just actually also Demisexual/demiromantic and don’t realize it yet lol or totally dont understand what is meant by those terms
"just try and date someone you dont like"
my brain just exploded guys, too much stupid :(
Why do people feel the need to hate on people for their identities? You'd think they'd grown out of it by now.
Maybe some people just want to hate.
@@Scatscar1985That isn’t a valid thing to indulge though.
@@rosieg6989They don't care about that
@@rosieg6989pretty sure the reply wasnt saying that was a valid thing
It’s probably more about people trying to make themselves part of a group that wasn’t meant for them.
Summoned me (ace)
❤
real af
How did you survive akainu?
I see youre ace and a spiderman same?
(are we the same person)
🤝
Popping in as another aroace person to say YEAH THE EXCLUSION IS SO STUPID AND HORRIBLE, and also that it’s how I lost my high school friend group (they decided at some point that my identity and that of some of our other friends was NOT in fact queer, so that including ace or aro in the umbrella category was “homophobic”)
Thats wild, sorry that happened
@@haventpickedanameyet2527 Thanks 💖 It was awful but I’m doing a lot better all these years later, and in knowing how wrong they were.
My ex-college friend group was cool with me being ace, but hated the fact that I was aro. One “friend” called me heartless and cold-hearted, also she invalidated an experience of mine by insisting that everyone had done that. (“That” being thinking I had a crush on any guy I got close to in elementary school because I didn’t know what the difference between having a crush on someone and wanting to be their friend and no one would *fucking* tell me the difference!) When she said that someone else in the friend group said he never did that, but not in a way to stick up for me, but in a, “ew, don’t lump me in with this freak,” kind of way. My best friend at the time tried to convince me to still get in romantic relationships (I’m romance repulsed) and to “not let the label hold you back from having real relationships.” It literally took me three months of explaining my orientation to him to get him to understand that I don’t want a romantic relationship because I’m aro, not that I thought that I can’t have a relationship because I’m aro. He still didn’t understand and thought that it was weird/ridiculous, but at least he stopped trying to convince me not to label myself as aromantic.
@@InquieteNightshade Big yikes to the people in your life who kept insinuating you were a freak for being aro 💀 I know I’m in the aroflux group (the grey area), but personally, I find relationships in general difficult to deal with and keep healthy because I’m also neurodivergent, and it feels like even with other neurodivergents I’ve had as friends, if anything goes wrong in our friendship, I’m the only one blamed and taking the blame, and they never take it for themselves or recognize relationships of all types take more than just one person to maintain. (I’ve gotta be like level 2 autistic + ADHD and been friends with people who were more like level 1 autistic and/or only ADHD, and it’s frustrating being the person who’s always “in the wrong” “because it really is a problem with you” when no, it’s actually that I’m too neurodivergent for even you neurodivergents, and you don’t like that??? Makes wanting romance mixed in seem like the worst idea possible.) So I totally get you on that too. It’s been so hard to “convince” these ignorant people around me my whole life WHY I struggle with relationships romantically - I’m acearo AND I’m neurodivergent. It’s like I’ve been predestined to fail 🤦🏼♀️ Everyone got The Handbook On How To Be™️ and I didn’t even know there was one, in metaphor terms.
@@InquieteNightshadenice to see others with romance-repulsion especially. It's one of the things people especially easily write off as immaturity or træuma response or selfishness or antisøciality.
As an older aroace, is it not systemic discrimination when youre labeled as weird/strange/anti social when you dont get married?
Those movies with the trope of the crazy old lady whos crazy because she never got married?
What about that shit?
What about how every single thing ever is about romantic relationships and every fictional character ever HAS to have a romantic relationship for some reason?
Kids being called broken bc they wont get boyfriend/girlfriends in highschool.
People who dont see the systemic discrimination are just willingly blind.
100% correct. It's misogynistic, cause you "refuse" procreation and "making a family." Queerphobia is expanded misogyny, so aro/ace is inherently queer. Liberation for us all!
@@holy.diever ur valid :3 (also if someone called femtoisbackandbetter responds, they're a sad troll, who doesn't view us as humans, don't respond to them. they've been going around comments ♡)
I LOVE YOUUU. people need to understand that aroace spectrum is frowned upon in society especially in more conservative countries/areas. we need to be included, not excluded because people don't even see aroaces as valid
Oh yeah. Ive been told that i must be an incel just bc im a he/him asexual too i forgot to mention that fun one lol
@@holy.diever I don't think you are, but I don't know you so I won't make any judgement. But sorry you have to go through that.
As a response to the homophobic baker meme, there is that viral video of an old man saying: "If a gay man wants to marry a gay woman I am fine with that." That just proves how homophobes will "forgive" you If you are able to hide your queerness.
Conversion therapy, as you say, is equally traumatic for ace folk. I wish people understood that.
What gets me as a bipolar, generalized anxiety, and in recovery from anorexia person…is that even psychiatrists/counsellors don’t always accept asexuality as normal/a thing.
So true, and it can often get internalised into us subconsciously. Growing up in a pretty liberal, sex positive household, I actually felt a pressure to try ""fix"" this no matter what it took, without even being directly told to.
And in hindsight, that was horrifying, I was preparing myself for a life of essentially not actually consenting to things, not being content and lying to whatever likely innocent partner I rope into the performance of allosexuality, but constantly needing to present myself as happy. Or having to work hard to prevent the inevitable cruel assumptions as to why I'm single. Even when not formally forced into conversation therapy, we're pressured by expectations to try convert ourselves.
We're not in a society that is just fine with us being around as we are yet, and that needs to change. It looks like it's slowly changing at least
so true. I tried to bring it up to my therapist for context on past friendship struggles (had a lot of broken friendships by their crushes) and the therapist kind of brushed past it, I'm scared that she's just being polite about not agreeing? Idk??
It used to be in the DSM as part of a condition that affects libido, I think only being noted as separate from it as a valid orientation around 2013.
I appreciate the fact that she mentioned if you get recommended for conversion therapy because I didn’t even think about that until just now. One of my ex-therapists said that me being ace/aro was a side effect of my trauma and that we could “fix” that. I asked her, “would you say that to a gay person?” To which she replied, “no, but we’re not talking about hetero attraction vs homo attraction we’re just talking about attraction, and you just said that you don’t experience that. That sounds like trauma to me and we can fix that.” I knew that that was fucked up, but it never clicked for me that that counted as conversation therapy, or at least the offer of conversation therapy until just now.
Forcing sexual contact on me, even when it's a partner, causes a massive fight then flight response and I get very angry. Like pure anger and rage. I'll keep it on check when it's a partner, but sometimes I also just don't like to be touched. During those times, even platonic contact will do that. Like I'll have to ask my kids to please not hug me for a bit, I'll let you know when you can again. Like FORCING sexual contact onto someone that doesn't want it, is NOT okay. EVER.
Demisexual does seem to always confused people, because they're like, well everybody needs an emotional connection.
The point is, first. I am not sexually attracted to people just because they are pretty or handsome. That is the difference lol
Estetic attraction and sexual/romantic attraction are completly different, BUT IT'S SO HARD TO EXPLANE TO PEOPLE
@@madfox2208 EXACTLY!!!
(also: it's *esthetic or aesthetic and *explain (sorry i just had to ok))
@@parpar.ahk.00 😅sorry, english is not my first language
@@parpar.ahk.00 visual attraction maybe? Idk if aesthetics is a subsection of that or broader in this context.
That’s pretty common in other cultures. Be it visually or what they do, not being attached by those things is a common experience but it’s often so mundane or inconsequential that it’s like a whisper in the wind.
I want people to know that I was nearly drugged and raped due to aphobia and misandry (they often coincide for ace men, as men are expected to be incredibly into sex).
Note: Yes, I was ace long before this horrible interaction. The trauma didn't turn me ace, but it was a result of me being ace.
Aphobic actions can be so bad...
Jeez, hope you're okay man
There is actually asexual discrimination in marriage laws. A lot of states have something called "Marriage Consummation Laws", which means if you don't consummate your marriage (do the sex), it isn't valid. If you marry an allo person, they can divorce you for not consummating, for not doing your marriage duties of sex
That crap completely dashed any hopes I had of one day walking down the aisle. Finding out who I am as a person was grounds for divorce was devastating beyond words.
I'm in my 30s now and realize it's probably for the best, but it still ruins my day whenever it comes to mind. 😢
@@5und43Marry another ace then 😉
That's what I'm thinking of!
@Uragan00829 I know, right? Where do you even find them, though? 🙃
@@5und43 Not all states have them. The Ace Couple did a podcast episode on marriage consummation laws, and they have a spreadsheet with states that do and don't have them. But yeah, this is the kind of thing that's just kinda devastating to learn about
@@5und43 I met my partner on Discord randomly I dunno 😭
Just from the title alone boy oh boy do I have stories. Reasons I don't use twitter harassment for being demisexual and saying that my sexuality isn't caused by trauma.
@@Femtoisbackandbetter Nah it was the death threats and the suicide videos. But thanks for the concern.
Being Aphobic is so odd like im literally not doing anything and you're mad wtf
Right?? Like, genuinely people are mad that I'm just. On my own. They see me struggling with Amato normative systems like cost of living, and think I made the problem???
I went through a period of identifying with asexuality and my goodness people are so mad over it for no reason. Like I'm literally just living my life and playing video games why r u mad???
them: Youre gonna die alone with your cat
me: Okay? Dont threaten me with a good time
How dare you be happy with yourself 😤
The fact that it’s 2024 and people still believe in this 2013 tumblr bullshit makes me really sad. I’ve been told that asexuality is just a phase since I was 18 when I first started identifying as it when I learned what it is. I’m 26. I’m still ace
ur sexuality is not a phase, I hope ppl tell you this more, your identity is valid!!!
@@Arandopersonupstairs you’re a wonderful person, thank you 🥹
@@sami3927 np!!1
@@Femtoisbackandbetter leave them alone and go figure out something better to do, please. you don't know this person.
As a person who has been aroace longer than I've known that queerness was a thing, I stand by you.
As an aroace person, I have been lucky to not come across much hate. Some older coworkers that insist ‘oh you’ll find the right guy one day’ but that’s about it. I just don’t understand exclusion of a group that literally just wants to chill?
Right they’re literally just vibing
Imagine a group of omnivores that just want to chill in a vegan group. Doesn’t really make sense, right?
@@albertfralinger2711 Are you trying to insinuate that aroace people don’t belong in the community? Because you’d be dead wrong buddy. They’re just as part of the community as lesbians or bisexuals are
@@albertfralinger2711 If you’re talking people, that happens all the time. If you’re talking other animals, omnivores have a chance of wanting to… partake in the vegetarians. Which is quite literally the opposite problem of having an asexual person in a group of other orientations. So I don’t really see the connection here.
@@alleyoliver3315I’m talking people. Omnivores have no business being in a vegan group
Why can’t we (LGBTQIA) all just get along and not exclude anyone?
Guess they wanna feel special I guess, there's literally no reason to gatekeep the LGBTQ+ community
Yeah, seriously. What's the big deal anyway? Who cares if the person is not attracted to anyone, I don't understand the anger and disregard to them. They're chill asf.
there are some people who seriously think the "weird" identities are the reason queer people as a whole are oppressed, and punch down in an attempt to prove they are "one of the good ones"
something about "when education isn't freeing, the dream of the oppressed is to become the oppressor."
@@SplatPaintz Exactly! I'm ace, and the main thing anybody would notice about me would take a long TIME of observing me _to_ even notice: That I don't date, or ramble on/complain about my love life. But I do talk about a TON of other stuff, so you'd have to be deliberately stalking me to even _see_ the LACK of one thing, that I don't do.
What is people's problem with others NOT doing something, in a way that doesn't hurt them at all? Look, even if I was super-straight, I wouldn't've had kids. Chill.
We should just use queer, the acronym always starts infighting
I think it's weird not to like believe asexuality is real? What?
I mean, I'm on the asexual spectrum and regularly question if it's real 😂
It's really hard to prove a negative, even to yourself
@@NatilraI think that's why there's such a common experience among Aro/Ace people thinking they're bi or pan first.
"I feel zero attraction to any genders"
"Well, 0=0, so that must mean I like all genders equally, so I must be bi/pan."
Lo and Behold, a LACK of attraction to everyone is NOT the same as being attracted to everyone. Who woulda thunk it?
@@thesaltycat9493yep, I thought I was Pansexual for years because I thought 0+0=0 meant I liked all genders equally. It took years to learn I was ace and possibly on the aro spectrum. A RUclipsr called Jaiden Animation did the same thing. Made me feel less alone to find someone else who went through the same thing
Unfortunately, a lot of people consume misinformation on us AS their intro to us. There are many myths about us, often coming down to, a quote from a harmful House MD episode, that we're "dead, sick, or lying"
A lot of people decide that the easier info to consume, the idea that we're just some undeserving group trying to harm other queers, is preferred over the accurate, true but not mainstream enough info they'll have to learn to actually accept us.
That yes, we CAN exist outside of allo orientations, and WITHOUT inherently having trauma! That yes, it does make sense, that we can have a split attraction model differentiating romantic and sexual attraction.
That no, it isn't some libido disorder, libido doesn't actually define us at all (though it can be more common than average to have lower libido in our communities)
It's like the luckily now less common ordeal bi people deal with, that no it isn't just one or the other, or some sort of weird perversion, it's just both.
Though, even those unfortunate stereotypes are still sometimes around.
@@fallenking578 Yeah, I know her! That video was extremely validating when it came out, and I appreciated her so much for making it and standing by it, even with all of the threats and horrible things said to her because of it. And I appreciated her friends standing by her side when people started invalidating her experience, because having loved ones say, "no, your experiences ARE real" is so important.
If a person is ignorant enough to say "asexuality = celibacy" I'mma just assume they're the same type of person to use "bi-het" unironically
Oh no, what is “bi-het.”
@@chasetoyama8184 it's what people call bisexuals in a heterosexual relationship to insinuate that they're not actually queer
@@jasminevysoren no. Oh no. That’s so bad
Oh, yes... "pick me" and "im not like other people" walking stereotypes
chat who's gonna tell them pansexual nonbinary genderqueer omnisexual cupioromantic xenogender users etc EXIST
When the exclusionists show up in the comments, this one will make 'em all shrivel up like raisins :]
I was just barely playing a GAME in which there are at least two major, canon (not only THOUGHT to be that way by the fans) non-binary characters! They're both theys, and they're both....well I was gonna say they're both awesome, but actually one of them is quite annoying. But they're THERE!
(It's "I Was a Teenage Exocolonist", a wonderfully-written hard-sci-fi/freaky meta mystery/life/raising-sim that would make conservative heads EXPLODE. Highly recommended!)
🤚 me
Someone summoned a pansexual nonbinary genderqueer?
dream blunt rotation honestly
I’m aroace and I let out a gasp of excitement when I saw this.
Sometimes I feel like I’m not really a part of lgbt, because either no one knows what asexuality is, or they don’t support it.
If the aro and ace labels didn’t exist, I’d still have the same lack of romantic and sexual attractions. Our feelings are real.
YOU'RE APART OF IT, LOTS OF LOVE!!
@Leslie.__. needing to be apart of a community is what NPCs do 😂 stop being so obsessed with group labels
@@Femtoisbackandbetter so why do straight people feel so offended if they’re called anything but straight?
hi fellow aroace! have a great day :)
“Fuck Gender roles” until someone associates themselves with none sexual/romantic attraction or use symbolism to help explain who they are as a person. (Xenogenders as an example) People are so stuck in their internalised gender stereotypes and how their labels that the moment you step out of line you’re not like them anymore, and they’ll call it out as a bad while not realising their doing the same thing that the people who pushed them away from the community. They also refuse to understand and continue to say I’m overreacting that I’m not being hated on while hating on me… *HMMM WHERE HAVE I HEARD THIS BEFORE*
As a younger aroace person, I’m kinda tired of being told that either I’m trying to get attention or that I just don’t understand sex so I probably when in a frustrated ranty mood because it’s so frustrating trying to explain to people who’s heads are the equivalent of brick walls in the walmart parking lot
Omg- I'm so happy you talked about sexual asexuals. People never understand its a spectrum and try to tell me (asexual) how to represent asexuality. Thank you so much for talking about it. People never want to listen to me about that. Especially because im also aromantic and polyamorous. I explain for me it would be multi-person QPR and they're like, "So... Friendship." No not friendship its more, MORE. I just appreciate this video because I've been getting a lot of transphobia towards me lately in addition to the anti asexual/aromantic stuff (I am agender lol, they/it).
Oh, oh! To add an asexual character to the list!! Alastor from Hazbin Hotel. There are some other asexual characters within Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss, but hes stated explicitly so in the show. The others were revealed through pride merch ^^
Most of my own characters are on the aroace spectrum, too ^^
I hear the "if you're not sleeping together isn't that basically just friendship?" way too often and honestly it just makes me sad for their partners. Like, if you genuinely believe that your partner is just a friend you sleep with then you're probably not a very good partner to them. There's a reason allo people distinguish between "friends with benefits" and romantic partners.
@@SirPhysicsMan I hate that 😭💔 like dude there's more to relationships than sex. There definitely SHOULD be more to a relationship than sex.
@@SirPhysicsI'm sorry I'm just confused. I always thought that being a partner was just being friends with having sex. I'm not trying to judge I'm just confused as to the difference between platonic and romantic love. As an autistic person it confuses me. I hope I'm not being mean by asking by the way.
Wasn't it theorized that Alastair is aromantic as well as ace? Like, because of hints in the pilot episode that I can't remember off the top of my head
@@bakugoukacchankatsuki6434 A lot of fans suspect him to possibly be aro as well, but I don’t think it was confirmed. At least as far as I know. If he is, that’d be pretty cool tho ^^
Exclus say they want "the LGBT" when in reality it's "LG, occasionally the B if they act the exact same as the LGs"
in my experience they don't want the Ls if they're "too butch" or "too femme" either and not the Gs either bc "all men bad!!1!"
I am aroace, and this topic hits very close to home. (Tumblr war flashbacks.) Thank you for covering it.
Straight people are attracted to the opposite sex... I have a libido, sure, but I am attracted to no one. Therefore, I am not straight. I don't understand why this is so hard to grasp. Though, I suppose a part of it is because so much of the world is sexualized.
I remember mentioning I was ace in college, and people would come up to me to ask questions about it, because it was the first time they'd really heard of it and it might? Apply to them? And I would give my honest opinions -- for example, one girl really just sounded like she didn't want to have sex with her boyfriend sometimes, but she was attracted to him, and that's obviously a-okay! It's okay to not always want sex! -- but I also always said and say if labeling yourself as ace (or grey, or demi, or whatever) makes you more comfortable and happy right now, go for it. If you later realize straight or gay or pan or something fits you better, great!
I sorta rambled asdfl basically, if you're aro and/or ace-spec (and obviously any other type of queer) my table is very queer, so very gay, it's getting everywhere, and you can sit with me.
I left Tumblr about two years ago and my mental health is so much better because of it. The hate I found on that site really got to me.
@@Ebrill_Owen I haven't been on tumblr for a long while, or most other social media, and it helps SO much. I'm glad you left and are doing better. 🧡
❤
Terfa have literally said that ace exclusion was the first steps towards becoming a terf
Makes sense why my ex-friend acted out when I talked about my asexuality. She was a terf, too. One of the reasons we stopped being friends.
@@HazooToo I'm so sorry, that sucks :(((
Like, that TERFy entitlement to gatekeep is infuriating. To start pinning the problems on innocent people who also need the space, it's like they crave the radical stances and glory for them, without the actual work of directing the energy at the issues we're all struggling under.
A lot of exclusionism does originate from terfs trying to divide and radicalize people. Some recent discourses that come to mind are the "bi women w/ straight bfs at pride" and the "trans men aren't discriminated against". You'll often see terfs spreading this kind of thing. It's so tiring how many people fall for these over and over again...
@@lilpetz500 They seem to believe that "respect and dignity" are finite resources, and that if they give some to trans people or ace people, they won't have enough for themselves. That if they acknowledge anyone else has struggles, they lose the right to complain about theirs. It's sad.
@HazooToo lmao men can’t be women
I used to think aroace people don't really belong to LGBT+ community, because what oppression could they possibly face? not like they seek marriage equality or any law changes, which brought the original four together.
then I encountered LGBT exclusionist actively harassing those people and I realized how similar we really are. the same way gay people struggle with the expectations to marry the opposite gender, aroace people struggle with expectations to marry at all.
and you would expect someone who's heavily stigmatized and mocked and harassed to have a little bit of understanding and readiness to widen their mindset, since we need the whole world to change their mindset about us.
(speaking as a nonbinary lesbian)
"Not knowing where the trauma end and I begin" that hit HARD. That is what I struggle with now. Trying to figure out how much is 'broken' is what it feels like. What do I have to heal/fix/change to be 'whole'.
Your words triggered something in my brain, and I'm grateful for it. I have a phrase to work with now.but also thank you for being another positive voice in my head.
the amount of cis gay people i had on my recommended going like “leave the lgb out of trans issues!!” is astounding
the way they genuinely dont cate about trans issues because it doesnt affect them is mind boggling because TRUST one day it will be YOU in the same situation
it's not even "one day" it WAS a day! We would not have the rights we have if not for the POC trans women.
Intersectionality, folks.
They can be gay and idk maybe trump supporters or trans exclusionariess.
Same as to why so many people are against policies that hurt others but do nothing for them as they don’t know why it’s even important to speak against.
Im pretty sure it happens regardless of the time era humans live.
@@jupiterials because they do not want to be included with the clear dsm5 cases
@@Joe-iq1bu again your use of dsm5 as some sort of label is clear you have very little knowledge in anything
@@augustuslunasol10thapostle sorry I don’t respect dsm5 examples
Asexuality is just as much part of the LGBT as any gay or lesbian. Asexuals can be bi gay lesbian. I wonder if they are excluded, too. I am Ace and aro, and i count myself as part of LGBT. They are putting the sigma and discrimination on the asexual community as the discrimination that was inflicted on them. I always love your videos
❤
i’ve seen so much exclusion on tumblr it genuinely makes me sad. i’m demisexual and . augh. man. it sucks i genuinely feel bad for all my fellow people on the aro/ace spectrum. and yeah. aro/ace bi, gay, lesbians exist and people get mad about that. ESPECIALLY allo aro/ace people.
@cosmic-courtroom You can't say gai or lesbian asexuals are part of the LGBT but not aromantic asexuals. There are also asexual transgender people, are they excluded because they are asexual or are they included because they are transgender. The conservative lesbians and gaya are excluding gay and lesbian asexuals
There are a lot of people who started telling me that I was "just a lesbian the whole time" after I started dating my girlfriend. And guess what? Yeah, I do identify as a lesbian now (I identified as queer before), BUT I was, still am, and probably always will be DEMI-SEXUAL. I identified that way 2 YEARS before I started dating my girlfriend. We only started dating because we were friends first because, guess what? That's literally how my sexuality works. I don't experience sexual attraction to people I don't know. In fact, my lack of attraction is so strong that the only person I've ever been attracted to is my partner, and she will probably be the only person I'm ever attracted to. I honestly am probably somewhere on the aro spectrum too because I also can't feel romantic attraction to people I don't know (although it's less extreme than my lack of sexual attraction).
Yet somehow, before we started dating, I was just a "straight person in denial", and now that we are dating it's, "well you were obviously just a lesbian in denial the whole time". Even though I STILL don't experience sexual or romantic attraction to anyone other than my girlfriend.
Edit: So yeah, we are excluded too and it's one of the most frustrating things I've ever dealt with.
@@thesaltycat9493 asexual lesbians are equally valid in the LGBT as any other lesbian
No one talks about purity culture and asexuality and the harm it does. As a male raised to believe that ‘normal men’ think about sex every 10 seconds and I was supposed to be lusting all the time. As someone who rarely thinks about sex I felt broken for so many years and got into sexual relationships I didn’t cause there was shame in a woman having a higher sex drive than me.
I agree that purity culture does harm, but asexuals don't do harm by simply not having sexual attraction. Asexuality isn't about libido or how much a person is having/thinking about sex. It's only feeling little to no sexual attraction. It shouldn't be equated to purity culture because asexuals don't choose to not have sexual attraction; being unsupportive of sexual behaviros or lack thereof is a choice and is harmful.
i think what John is saying is that purity culture is harmful, and it interacts negatively with asexuality, not that that are the same thing (or that they are both harmful)
@@lunareclipse9916 They're not saying being ace is harmful, they're saying they were discriminated against and made to feel broken and worth less because of purity culture and the patriarchy enforcing gender norms.
I’m so sorry that people and society made you feel broken. I know you know this, but society is broken, you are whole. You are loved.
You'd think that purity culture would LOVE asexual people and view them as so enlightened that they're on a plane where they're literally *incapable* of committing one of the seven deadly sins, but no, instead they view them as freaks for not having to suppress their nonexistent desires in the first place.
The pan thing is so weird to me.
The "I don't understand you so I'm pretending you're not real" thing, that I'm used to (quite basic human behavior), so I get why being ace or aro blows their mind, but with pan people they say they don't belong in the community and aren't valid. Then proceed to say they're "just bi". But they think bi people do belong in the queer community. So it's like, "you can sit with us but only if you wear pink on wednesday".
They really just want people to conform and don't like if they use less mainstream/palatable labels and it's so entirely antithetical to everything the lgbtq+ community has always stood for, it's baffling.
How do they not see the hypocrisy is beyond me.
I didn't hear the word demisexual until after i was married. Made my young adulthood make so much more sense. No trama, btw. Just how I am wired. Important to talk about it.
Similar on my end I think... I was married before learning that you could be romantically attracted without being sexually attracted. I just thought that since the love was there, I could just fix the sex part later. Didn't know that it wasn't something that needed fixed because that's just who I am. It took many years into the marriage to discover that.
Talking about feeling like you’re missing out on something fits EXACTLY with my feeling about being aromantic. Like I can’t see a difference between romantic attraction and a close friend. It just doesn’t have any difference to me in the slightest. But does that mean I don’t envy that a little? No! Sometimes I wish I could feel this magical connection that somehow transcends others. It sounds nice. But at the same time it sounds so exclusionary? Man idk. I know this is more focused on sexual orientation and not romantic, but it made me think of it 😅
No frrrr the ace or around experience is having some small part of you be disappointed every time something happens and you feel .... Nothing. And you know that should have made you feel something, and you get reaffirmed that you are , in fact, not normal. "You'll find the right person" mentality is awful bc it just sets someone up to continually feel that disappointment.
Also , (side tangent) it's crazy how in that idea of "you'll find the right person" they'd rather believe that you for some reason feel nothing for anyone but a single person in the world over the idea that, maybe, you aren't feeling that feeling??? Like both are inherently against the norm but allos can't even comprehend not feeling anything ever.
I'm a grey romantic, asexuel lesbian.
I can't feel sexual attraction at all.
And I can remember the 2 or 3 times I felt romantic attraction in my life. No, that's not a typical attraction. No, not every person feels like that. If everyone would be like that, people wouldn't be constantly asking what is wrong with me.
(And people who think asexual folks aren't oppressed haven't hurt of "corrective" r*pe, generally conversion therapy, etc.)
There's LGB without the T.
There's LG without the B.
There's no end to the number of groups that think the line stops where THEY are, and everyone else is messed up.
I only support TQIA.
Martin Neimoller continues to be painfully relevant to this day. Bigots don't stop conveniently before reaching you, they keep going till there's nothing left but themselves.
As someone who is pan as well as on the aromantic and asexual scale all respectively its so odd how people gatekeep as if those are the norm and as if they don't get discriminated against. People are literally discriminating there in excluding them. They are queer and out of the typical
16:26 everything you said here, and even more so. "Corrective" r* happens to ace women as much as it does to lesbians, add to that the potential for partner violence too over not wanting sex...or being coerced into it to keep the peace, etc. Ace and aro people face discrimination in ways other queer people might not even think of. As you pointed out, there is so much irony in those people saying we aren't discriminated against...while actively discriminating.
It especially makes me sad to hear that stuff was coming from a bi person, because of all people they should know what it's like to be invalidated, repeatedly, it should be bi people, like how many times had they been told "oh you're just greedy" or "you're just straight with extra steps" or "you just want to be special" or "you just can't commit to being gay". All things I know I have heard either directed at myself or people I know when I told some people I was bi. The people who wouldn't date a bi person ("because they're promiscuous and will cheat" /s ), are probably the same people who won't date an ace person ("because they don't have a sex drive, and they are clearly needing to see a doctor...and they must be so boring" /s).
Asexual & Aromantic people lose relationships; work opportunities; family members; are kicked out of their homes; have medical personal invalidate them or try to pathologise their sexuality...hell, in the past some have been subjected to certain procedures and medication to make them "normal"; have people try to do "conversion therapy", whether just as a psychologic method or going to more traumatic extremes with corrective r*; "pray over us"; forced marriages; had their genuine marriages invalidated; and; been infantalised, etc. All the same things that other members of the queer family sadly experience, and probably a few others. At least if you tell someone you're a lesbian, gay, or bi now, most people understand what that means. However, the number of people who know what asexual, aromantic, and other aspec identities are, is probably much smaller; even though it's estimated about 1% of the population are aspec. So even if you do get up the nerve to tell someone you are ace or whatever, there is a good chance you then have to spend 30 minutes explaing what that means...only for them to reply with something like "oh, so you've got a low sex drive?", "Who hurt you?", "So you're straight," or "I bet I can change that"...or something else incorrect or inappropriate. Like no, Daphne, libido is nothing to do with sexual attraction, trauma does not cause asexuality, and no 'neither you or the right man' can change that. Men don't get a pass either, people either make jokes about viagra, call them incels, or decide they must secretly be gay but too scared to admit it, I read about an ace young man who's dad took him to a prostitute to "cure him".
Add to that, some people fail to understand that some ace people have sex and enjoy it, but some have the major ick for it & no interest in it at all. We also tell dirty jokes, like kink and dress sexy. Yasmin Benoit is great, she has been a loud voice for the ace community like 5-6 years or so. The criticism that she's faced quite a bit because she dresses sexy, imo, relates back to this infantalising view of asexual people, that we should all be these innocent little beans who dress ultra prim & modest, in a twinset & pearls, buttoned up o the neck, skirt hiding the ankles... and we can't even hear the word sex without blushing and , and the belief that if a woman dresses sexy then it is only to attract me, so in their minds why do you need to dress hot if you aren't looking to attract someone 🙄. smh. Aside from anything, she's a model, so she's professionally hot. Yasmin made a hashtag (ThisIsWhatAsexualLooksLike) out of pissing off acephobes & the like.
My overshare turn 🫣:
When I was in uni (in the UK), some 20+ years ago, I identified as bisexual, one of my best friend was also bi, together we co-chaired our LGBT society, we were the only 2 bisexuals in the society over 4 years. When we first took over, it was the LGB soc, and we couldn't add the T without a committee vote. That year - idk if it was the first time, or if it had been tabled before - we supported a proposal that was tabled by another uni at the NUS (national union of students) national "LGB" conference to "add Trans to the title & make it the LGBT". The deligates then voted, and it was rejected (it wasn't a large majority, but bad enough)... the response from the national committee chair was that "trans people were welcome to come to our society events but they had no intention of adding them to the acronym." I can't remember if it was the following year, or 2 years that it finally passed. That was in the early 00s. Bi people were still treated like we were just tagging along at the time, like we were merely tolerated, some people were vocal that they didn't want us there, let alone trans people. We bi people had our own mini symposium at the conference, there were only 20 of us in the room for it out of about 200 or more attendees. Ace people weren't even a footnote
In an ironic twist about 5-6 years ago I came across some stuff about asexuality and demisexuality, and I started to question a lot about my own misconceptions about my own sexuality. A lot of things clicked into place, explaining things I had done over the years. I came to the realisation that I am biromantic and demi-ace (heavy on the ace), I also later figured out I was pangender. During the pandemic I reconected with the friend from uni, and it turned out that he too had fairly recently figured out he was biromantic demisexual & genderqueer. It was kinda funny.
That was when I learned that the bi-to-aspec pipeline is more common than you would think. It has a lot to do with not really understanding the different kinds of attraction, personally, like you, I had no clue that people really looked at someone and thought "wow they're hot, I wanna f*", I thought it was just some myth pushed by adverts and stuff. And a crush to me was just the person I currently thought was the prettiest. I had thought I was bisexual since I was 17 years old, because I felt the same about both genders (at the time we didn't really have a concept of nonbinary)...as in...I didn't want to f* men _or_ women, but I found several men and women "pretty", and there were people I wanted to date & cuddle who were men and women.
So, I was in my 40s when I found out that asexuality was even a thing. 🤦 and I flashed back to a guy in uni who dumped me because I wouldn't have sex after 2 weeks of "dating", I liked him, he was cute and funny, I enjoyed cuddling and even kissing, but there was zero sexual attraction...and I just didn't want too. And it wasn't until I was reading about asexuality and demisexuality that I was like "...ooooh...now I understand why!" I had come out to my mum as bi when I was 20, her resoonse was...not great, but manageable. When I told my dad a few years later, he had kind of already figured it out, and he was amazing. I've not told my mum I'm ace, there deosn't seem a point, I'm chronically single and no desire to change that, and she has no problem with that, either. The only person I would have liked to talk it through with is my dad, but sadly he passed away a couple of years before I figured it all out. I just take comfort that he would have handled it the way he did the bisexuality, with support, good humour & dad jokes.
As an aside, I don't understand them opposing intersex ,who, regardless of which gender they date, there will technically be something inherently queer in it. And who have faced & still face some awful discrimination (eg things like genital "normalising" surgery as a baby). And nonbinary usually falls under the trans flag, so what is their objection there? 🤦
But then, what to expect from people who actively brag about gatekeeping a community, as if they were somehow appointed the high council who decides the validity of someone's queerness. They're an embarrassment. Imagine aligning your ideology to someone like Matt Walsh, Ben Shapiro, and their ilk. Ew. 🤢. Can't wait for the leopards to eat their faces when they decide that a bi person dating a person of the opposite gender is straight so therefore don't belong in the group. It makes me sad that people like that exist within the LGBTQ+ community, hopefully they're just a bitter tiny minority, though. Like, don't they have something more fulfilling and useful to do with their time & energy than post queerphobic "mean" memes?!
I think complaints about expanding the acronym are silly, but I do prefer GSRM (Gender, Sexual, and Romantic Minorities) to LGBTQ/LGBT+ because it is in itself expansive and inclusionary.
I hadn't seen that one before but I like how neat it is
Yeah the issue with adding to the acronym is that it will be as long as how many people exist outside of endo-allo-cis-het normativity which is way too many for an acronym not that many different flavors of those people exist
@@Natilrathe problem is when doying this you split the commu in two and will pose problem in the future it will create new division
Oooh I like this!
The one unfortunate thing is GSRM DOES exclude intersex. As being intersex isn't a gender sexuality or romantic attraction. Overall though it's better than LGBT
As a 38 year old asexual virgin I love my life! Mostly my autism makes me touch sensitive and dampens sexual/romantic feelings. And I’m fine with it living in a space that is wholly your own is sweet.
I'm aromantic and I really wish it was that easy.
Like, you could just go to a therapist and they could turn off my desire for physical intimacy, just like I have no desire for romantic intimacy.
But that's not how it works.
The Queer Kiwi bumping into Facebook groups reminds me of the virtues of never checking updates on it (unless it’s my birthday).