Bringing Back INTIMACY with 10 Simple Habits // Wife Talk
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- Опубликовано: 3 окт 2024
- We've been married for nearly 5 years and by now, that initial spark is long gone.I've been practicing these 10 simple habits to bring back that fire and passion in our marriage and have been pleasantly surprised by the results!
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#wifetalk #marriage
When I was 22 year old I met the man I thought I would spend my life with. We had a son and then 6 weeks later poof he was gone. He died unexpectedly in a skydiving accident. He left for work one day and never came home. Fast-forward 10 years, I got a second chance at a soul mate. I try to remind myself to soak it all in. Life is short, stop complaining about the little things. Hug him tight when he leaves for work every day, sniff his pillow when you make the bed, just pick up the stupid clothes on the floor and be grateful you have a hunny to wash clothes for! Just enjoy it all because it passes so fast!
This...brought tears to my eyes. ♡
Truth!
Tears tears tears
@@dominiquegray3494Thank you. You are wise, indeed.
Absolutely ❤
Believe it or not, we men are watching too! Trying to figure out how to get our wives either back, or attract them again! I love my wife, and want nothing more than to feel like she still loves me! We'll see.❣️
Me two,have u had any luck?
Haha i,m also watching bro
I feel the same way bro! Your not alone. I learned to put things away for my self worrying i will made her mad if I don’t. 😢
We got this kings 👑
I Second this! As a man we forget that women are completely different. We are to serve our wives! That means, protect, provide, and love!
I bought a small laundry basket for my husband to dump his “I’ll wear them tomorrow clothes”. It looks cleaner & he still gets his own pile. Happy medium.
Alyssa Kaye I love this!
I love this idea!
What if it still ends up on the floor next to his hamper??? 😅😅
Alyssa Kaye good idea!!!
I did this as well! I'm less irritated lol
i'm not even married or in a relationship, but i'm still watching this :P
Girl same!
Haha same
Kudos for the Video! Sorry for chiming in, I would love your opinion. Have you considered - Millawdon Varied Nights Trick (Have a quick look on google cant remember the place now)? It is a good one off product for learning intimate questions to make your relationship stronger minus the hard work. Ive heard some unbelievable things about it and my old buddy Taylor after many years got astronomical results with it.
Nice Video clip! Forgive me for the intrusion, I am interested in your initial thoughts. Have you ever tried - Millawdon Varied Nights Trick (Have a quick look on google cant remember the place now)? It is an awesome exclusive guide for learning intimate questions to make your relationship stronger without the headache. Ive heard some super things about it and my m8 at last got astronomical results with it.
Great video content! Excuse me for butting in, I would appreciate your opinion. Have you heard about - Millawdon Varied Nights Trick (Have a quick look on google cant remember the place now)? It is a good one off product for learning intimate questions to make your relationship stronger minus the normal expense. Ive heard some amazing things about it and my BF at very last got amazing success with it.
Nice video, I'm still struggling with the end of my 7-year relationship. My significant other, who I considered to be the love of my life, left me a month ago, and I can't seem to shake the constant thoughts of him. Despite my efforts to bring him back into my life, nothing has worked, and I feel frustrated and hopeless. I've tried to move on, but my heart still longs for her, and I don't see myself with anyone else. I apologize for sharing this here, but I just can't seem to stop missing him.
It's hard to let go of someone you love; I went through a similar experience when my 12-year relationship ended. I tried everything to get him back, and eventually I had to turn to a spiritual counselor for assistance.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
“Bring back intimacy” is so cute.
Unless you married an avoidant.
If you do, from day one it will be a challenge. to find connection.
I’m 64, and we are getting there. We are mastering the dance of desire, that is masked with fear, and anger.
I know this doesn't relate but that sweater with your glasses and that extremely flattering haircut is just so beautiful on you😍
Thank you 😊
Olivia Madsen I totally agree!!
The clothes thing was definitely a problem for a while. Ugh especially dirty socks. But instead of going around picking up after him I stopped caring. Eventually he ran out of socks and realized he needs to clean up after himself.
if my boyfriend runs out of clean underwear, he’d rather bare ball it until i do the laundry instead of doing a load himself. it really is frustrating.
Loved this video!
My husband is considered an essential worker and as you can imagine he has had a loooong week at work. So a few nights ago I made a cake, picked up dinner from one of our favorite restaurants, did my hair and put and dress on me and my 2 year old daughter. Surprise date night! He walked in and cried a little bit 🤣♥️
Callie Schmidbauer the addition of dressing your daughter is too precious! Love it!
Been married 14 years. Prepare for marriage not wedding day. Date days.. love language..Put effort in your appearance. Marriage is about serving.. Also you get married for purpose. Do you know your purpose
That’s an amazing every day win!!! Such a good idea. A+ for you putting the time and effort in doing such a good thing.
do that more often, thats the man of the house
Wife plans a surprise date night!… I can’t relate.
Not married yet, but almost kind of engaged and I love to learn already now 🤭🤭💕 thank your for the tips!
1. Learn each other's love language
2. "make out"/ kiss for at least 30 seconds daily
3. Write a love note/text once a week
4. Say thank you
5. Go the extra mile
6. Stop nagging and deal with it
7. Stop thinking about what he isn't doing and start thinking about what he is doing
8. Communicate
9. Pillowtalk
10. Prioritize date night
Has he asked you yet?? 🌸
Look into Karezza 😊
I wish I did know all of this 😢😢😢
I kiss my wife as much as possible in our day! I kiss her in the morning! I
All day
Wow just found this comment haha! Been married for almost 2years now and have a 3 week old daughter 🥰🥰 hubby and I are even more in love now than before ♥️🙏
I needed this right now. Just last night my partner and I were crying and talking about how rough things have gotten and how we need to pay more attention to us and our relationship and voilà your video is in my feed after having a great day together. The icing on the cake. Thank you so much. 🙏❤️
Maddie Seigars God heard your prayers
My husband is the same with leaving his clothes on the floor, and I did the same I accepted it as one of his quirks. One day he had to work for a month out of the country so I was alone and to be honest I missed the dirty clothes on the floor, because it meant he wasn't there. And I realized one day he might not be here with me anymore and I'll miss the dirty clothes. So I embrace them.
Wow, this was a powerful message for me right now! I've been focusing so much on the negative aspects of my boyfriend I didn't even think how I would hate to do live without him
I heard similar advice early on in my marriage and when I remember it it has a huge impact on how I treat my husband.
Ashley nicole this made me want to cry it’s so wholesome
I wonder how high the pile of dirty clothes got when he was gone for a month without you 😅
This is beautiful. Thank you for this
I feel like in 7 years with my husband my number one advice for other couples is to never stop dating and to communicate.
Not married yet but in a long term relationship, these tips are truly life changing ❤️
OMG the quality and editing of this video it's so good! I love the extra effort you put in the intro
not married yet, however in a relationship. and showing appreciation for your partner in any way possible is something that is very important for me to do. however, life is busy and sometimes this tends to get pushed to the backround. so thank you, Delilah, for these helpful tips and this overall beautiful reminder!
Nobody is that busy…small things that take a matter of seconds count..no time is an excuse
I've been working on setting goals (daily, weekly, or long term) and verbalizing them with my wife. I've made it a daily goal to text her throughout my work day and since she works night shift, the goal there is to call her in the evening before I get ready for bed. This has been working great and long term, my goal is to maintain it all. Oh, and I'm look at potential date nights and scheduling them with her. Thank you for these reminders. I really liked the pillow talk and sharing who we've been talking to.
I think most wives can relate to husbands leaving their clothes on the floor 😂
Vain of my absolute life. 🤦🏻♀️
Actually my Boyfriend is annoied by my Clothes on the ground
OMG yes! :D why do they do that ?! Cannot
Hack: My fiance really wanted a vacuum robot. Now he has to pick everything up, otherwise it will eat everything up :D
My fiancé and I both leave clothes on the floor lol but we have moments we want to clean so it’s like... never mind I’m just an imposter. A teenager in an adults body and so is he. We just have moments it’s all clean and moments that we both just say forget it I’ll fold clothes when I’m dead. There is no happy medium lol. Chaos and cleanliness, it’s a slippery slope.
Yup, needed this!! The passed 8 months postpartum has not been kind to our relationship, unfortunately!
So sorry to hear! Have you come across the book Cupid’s poisoned arrow?
I’m 23 now, but I had my baby boy just as I turned 21. I’ve been with my significant other for 5 years now. I really love this video, no one tells you how you begin to feel out of touch with your partner after all of the things you’ve been through together. Although we love each other greatly, we do experience a lot of these problems. It’s nice to see a couple similar in age talking about these topics. I’ve been watching your channel for a while now-just before Eloise. Your content always blesses my soul. I thank God for the messages you send in every one!💙
This was such a great video. Pillow talk especially is one of the most important in our relationship. When we go a few days without spending time intentionally looking in each other’s eyes and being close, we don’t feel that “oneness”.
Thanks for this. I just paused this video and messaged my husband to let him know how grateful I am for all his efforts. It's really the small things that matter. After 2 years of marriage I forgot all the sweet things we did for each other. We need to make a conscious effort to keep the spark going.
I've been married 13 years (really, really happily married) and I agree with most part of your video but picking up his clothes silently from the floor let me say I don't think is a good way, I think that with time this kind of situation may lead to frustration. What if he keeps doing it, and then he starts with another anoying thing, and you just keep "fixing" his mess? I think the secret of a good marriage is both doing their best to make the other person as happy as possible, so in your situation I would talk to my husband and say: ok, I clean the house and I do the laundry (he does LOT of other tasks at home every day) and just throwing your clothes on the floor makes me feel you don't respect the part of the job I do, plus I'm also tired, plus my back also hurts, so please stop, if you want we can put a bin there so you can throw your clothes directly there so I can take it for laundry next day. I don't know but negotiation with your partner and setting a deal makes the relationship cleaner. After 13 years I can't throw him anything cause we settle everything, even the smallest, and we make an effort everyday to make the other as confortable as possible. I think the key is that both of the partners achieve this thought: "she/he makes my life nice and easier, I'll go and do the same!"
Thank you for this! I didn’t quite agree with her outlook in the video on that, but some comments felt so aggressive about it being wrong. This makes so much more sense! 💕
We will be married 11 years and yes after 3 kids I have felt that the spark is gone and it’s more like yay he is home to help me instead of me wanting to serve him. Thank you for the reminders Delilah!!
It’s all about service for others!
My husband and I do “Cheeseball Friday” and every Friday we send one another an incredibly cheesy text telling the other how we feel and what we appreciate about the other as well as how proud we are of each other. I look forward to these texts and even more so look forward to the butterflies in my stomach feeling when I see a text from him through the day💕 I always try to think of it this way: You never know how much time you have with one another and I’d rather spend that time blissfully in love and happy than holding a grudge. It’s best to let things go, unless of course it’s something that is going to build and build due to other underlining issues. That’s a different story of course.😊
I've been with my husband for 17 years, we married 7 years ago and our love just gets stronger. We do share love languages. We are finally having a baby, and I expect big changes. Looking forward to seeing us grow and get pushed to our breaking point, we really need this challenge. By the way, most people have more than 1 love language. My husband and I both have physical touch but I also have quality time and he has acts of service.
Interesting to hear your perspective. My husband and I have been married 30 years and are recently empty nesters. We are having lots of fun together rekindling and reconnecting. I’m focused on letting go of past stuff and paying more attention to him. He’s slowly coming around! ;)
This video came at the PERFECT time ❤️ my boyfriend (soon fiancé 😉) were just talking about how we didn’t feel connected with one another. I’ll definitely be using these tips! THANK YOU
I’m getting married next month, and this is a nice reminder of some things to prioritize as we enter into this new phase of our lives! Thanks for sharing ☺️
My husband love language is physical touch and he’s a kisser. I’m not so the kissing 30 seconds is a great idea! My husband so good to me so he deserves the kisses.
Have you come across the book Cupid’s poisoned arrow?
I really needed to hear this today! I’ve been married almost 2 years now and my husband and I have a newborn. And I can definitely tell that the original “spark” has diminished. I will definitely be trying these to get that back with him. Just watching the video with each tip I could think of something he does for me or what I could do for him❤️ Love your channel and this style of video. Would love to see more sit down videos like this!
Did it get better???
I'm not married but I've been in a relationship for coming up on 3 weeks. We've had a tough go lately, and I absolutely loved this video. Thank you Delilah! I'd love to see more of these intentional videos on self growth/ spousal growth or family growth:)
This seemed very genuine and overall very sweet. Wow. That sort of voluntary service reasonability and empathy rare in in many modern marriages. Whatever kind of magic your relationship is founded on that feeds yalls trust and love its amazing and hope it stays strong and inspirational.
Hello fellow RUclipsr i recommend you to Dr James he helped me stopped the abuse of my narcissist and manifested my specific person I strongly advise you seek help from him...
Send him a message on Whatsapp
Great video! These tips are key to keeping a marriage in tact and fresh. Been married for 38 years and are always working to keep things smooth. You've doing a great thing in summarizing and explaining the importance of emotional intimacy. Thank you! Wonderful to have come across your video!
The love notes suggestion really struck a chord, thanks Delilah. My grandparents, who have since passed, wrote each other notes in the last decade of their relationship and Im remembering how much they made my grandmother happy
Some of these feel like common sense, and then there are some where I went.....”oh yea, that common sense I forgot about.” So helpful and uplifting. Thank you
My wife and I traveled a lot when we got married! Disney’ cruise! Until we were in our‘late 20’s we started getting in adoption! We adopted two girls! Thank you 🙏 so w for sharing your story
I love that last line "never ever stop dating your spouse" love that!
Thank you. I wish I had watched this before my 15-year relationship ended 😢. We'd still be together
Great advice! I've been married two years and we lived together a year before that (I know, not super biblical, but we are growing in faith together). I absolutely love being married to my husband but in the very beginning, oh my gosh I thought our problems were insurmountable, but now I can't even remember what they were. And what changed was, I read The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle and it totally changed my nagging behavior and my own mentality about my discontentment, like you were saying. I really recommend it! She has a ton of practical tips for what to say in situations and how to approach things and she's such a genius.
My boyfriend does that exact thing!! “I’ll wear it tomorrow” LIKE NO
Authentically Abigail it’s a guy thing I think. My boyfriend also does this, but I never pass his side of the bed so it’s “out of sight out of mind” for me lol
I do it as well, and I'm sorry 😅
Get a separate basket for them! A “not quite clean, not quite dirty” basket. If they’re taking up space anyway, there’s space there for a basket, right? 😂
My boyfriend says the same thing 😭
My boyfriend used to do this too haha :) the solution for us here was to get a ladder shelf kinda thing where he would put his clothes :) so they are on there instead of the floor :)
Downloaded this for when I need a reminder. I’ll also straight up ask him if he feels loved, understood and taken care of. That usually brings a healthy conversation of where we are at in our relationship
So helpful! I have only been married 3 weeks and it's so helpful to know these things early on
Congrats!!!🎉🎉
My husband and I do a lot of that already. We leave little messages on our mirrors for eachother (he’s definitely more consistent). I try to make him/buy him tasty treats whenever I’m out and about. We hug for at least thirty seconds as well a day as well. It’s the little things in life.
We always say thank you on everything and that is something my husband taught me while we were dating. I didn't understand why we had to say thank you for doing the dishes or making food because someone has to do it and it's for both of us, so why the need. But over time when one of us forget to say it (because we are tired from our newborn daughter), the other one remembers it in a sweet/funny/kind way and it even becomes a game or a joke. We have been saying thank you to each other I don't know how many times per day for more than 7 years and it's a great habit to have the fortifies our love
I am 13 years old but I just love to learn for my future😁💙
Sorry ,I am portuguese so my english isn't the best 😅
I'm also portuguese, your english is perfect 😄
I love to watch these videos too for my future! It’s all good! 😀
Never apologize for your second-language! ;) I am Brazilian and I moved to Canada, I used to apologize too, but don't do it
Your English is good, I'm learning Portuguese
Thank you for this great thought-trough list. I'm married one year now and I don't feel like the spark has faded, but it's a good reminder to never sneakingly let it get to that point. And even if, I can still get it back. I tell my husband that I live him like 10 times a day. Seems exessive but I just need to because he does so much for me and I appreciate him so much.
Love those advices! My favorite is pillow talk because I do start them all the time! 😅 But for almost a year we didn’t have them in our bed because we are bed sharing with our baby. Although, we do them outside our bed now most of the time laying on a couch or even on a floor. 😅 The only thing I would add. Postpone a talk with husband when emotions are out off control or angry... something that might lead to a fight. Wait, ask husband to wait till calm down and then talk.😊
as much as your vlogs bring me joy i absolutely love these sit down videos! you have such good advice and i really enjoy the mix of content on your channel
Thank you. I needed this. And I’m so glad you mentioned to start off small. I was about the do them all at once and felt overwhelmed. Pillow talk hit me hard ❤️
I bought a small dishwasher machine for our bedroom for all of those "I'll deal with that tomorrow" cups and dishes. The place looks a lot cleaner and we lived happily ever after.
Love this Video!
I am not married but I am in a relationship. I suffer from OCD and it worsens my relationships and I worry all the time. I got better and I try to better my communication with him now.
I agree mostly with you. But I will never clean up after my boyfriend! No matter what it is. If it's not walking inside with dirty shoes or not leaving clothes lying around. I will not take the role of his mom. He's a grown up man, he can do that alone. I ask him, to pick them up once or twice, I do not nag about it. If the clothes pile up, I will not put them away for him. He does it eventually, without me telling him because it will bother him after some time too.
The rest of your tips are definitely worth trying! 😉
You’re a great wife. May God bless you and your husband and your children and your marriage.
This only should be done when your partner loves you back equally, or is equally willing to do the same. I feel like if you are in a negative relationship and your partner is not treating you right, you shouldn't do all these things. I mean yeah you shouldn't be together with that person, but if you are searching for ways to improve I don't believe that this is the best way in every relationship
I'm not married yet but almost engaged and I found this video really insightful. Your voice is so soothing to listen to, if you ever consider podcasting in the future that would be awesome. xx
Few things I do to serve my partner/efforts I make for our relationship:
- Cook his favorite meal for his lunchbox
- Prepare his coffee every night for the next morning (he wakes up super early)
- get him a magazine whenever I cross a bookstore
- put on a dress : I know he loves it
- saying thank you, for being part of my life
- let him know that I will always be there for him and will support him
What does he do for you?
I like your name!!! Is that your real name?! I've never met another victory!!!
It's funny how everyone in the comments is going off about their husbands leave their clothes around. I am just as bad as my husband with leaving my clothes on the floor. I dont mind picking up his clothes along with mine. I find great satisfaction from him coming home from work and having our room and house picked up.
SAME! Finally!! Thought I'd never find another person not mad about the clothes haha I really don't mind and if I'm truly honest with myself, I'm worse than he is about it!
Same:)
My husband is so messy and I have ocd lol. I'm in a constant state of distress but he's my soul mate 😅😭😭😭😭
I have learned also that, taking on
90 % of the relationship makes things so your not disappointed especially in areas that shouldn't matter, clothes, dishes, etc.
Just do it, out of habit. Trust me, it comes eventually
All of these are really good tips. Me and my boyfriend have been together going on 11 years, got together when we were 14. We also have two children. We do all of these and I feel closer to him with every year that passes.
These are lovely and I hope you get to fully feel how much your husband appreciates it.
Just a note for any out there that might be taken aback by the clothes on the floor thing. I know, it's frustrating. I'm not taking away from that. Just know that your husband might *shock horror* think something you do is frustrating too and be doing the same thing with you. I hope that helps.
Not married but in a LTR, my biggest struggle especially during lockdown times is remembering that the cleaning and cooking I do isn’t something I do for him it’s something I do for us and for me. He works and I’m laid off so we’ve both struggled with this idea that we do more than they do but making chores about me and my needs has helped a lot with that
I'm not even married but I LOVE this! It's so important to be intentional in the way you live your life!
These are really real. I too have learned these things in my long term relationship and they are huge game changers. Solid advice.
Love love this! Being on lockdown definitely puts everything in a different perspective. I will make more effort and go the extra mile my husband is the best I'm so blessed .
We're getting some cube storage for the clothes situation. I have a cube storage on my side I like to put my used but not dirty clothes, and we're getting one for him as well. He doesn't throw them on the floor, but he puts them on an empty bookshelf and it looks junky. The cube storage is a good medium between being organized and having easy access to the clothes. We do a similar thing with leftover containers. They sit on different shelves with dividers, partially stacked, with their tops under or on top. Finding your style of organizing is very important! My husband is very organized, and we were able to buy (mostly from goodwill) plastic drawers, dividers, baskets, for our items that work for us.
We're getting some cube storage for the clothes situation. I have a cube storage on my side I like to put my used but not dirty clothes, and we're getting one for him as well. He doesn't throw them on the floor, but he puts them on an empty bookshelf and it looks junky. The cube storage is a good medium between being organized and having easy access to the clothes. We do a similar thing with leftover containers. They sit on different shelves with dividers, partially stacked, with their tops under or on top. Finding your style of organizing is very important! My husband is very organized, and we were able to buy (mostly from goodwill) plastic drawers, dividers, baskets, for our items that work for us.
My partner travels for work, so he’s gone a lot. And I’m pregnant with our first. I’m starting to get into the habit of leaving little notes in his backpack, sometimes I’ll leave an ultrasound picture with it and tell him his “girls love and miss him”. He works nights, so he sleeps during the day and I try to send him little texts often as well to wake up to. I just try to make sure he knows he’s still in my thoughts and is loved and cherished, even when he’s across the country. I feel like we’ve gone back into a honeymoon phase and it’s really sweet. We’re high school sweethearts
I'm a husband and i appreciate your tips.
WOW as a wife married for almost two years I can relate to this soo much. We just recently noticed we do not invest as much as we used to. These tips will be soo helpful! Thank you very much. God bless you. Love all your content btw but this is one of my favourite videos. Live from Austria
Thank you. Ive been married to my wife for 14 years and number 8 is imperative. Also dont hold resentment, communicate from the heart what your needs are, we all have needs. Try to hypothetically take up your spouses side in a disagreement and this will defuse or shorten arguments. we all have different upbringings and that should be respected. Our upbringing forms the way perceive things. The past is the devils playground . Look to the present and future. Fyi try this , power your phone off before you go to sleep and put it in another room. i did this for three nights and a saw a huge improvement in the quality of my sleep. On the fourth night i did not sleep good and i woke up and looked over and my wifes phone was on her night stand. since doing this i no longer have dreams that im at work all night long. And its gotten to where i noticed my sleep suffered one night where , my phone wasnt powered of and it was still in the next room. i just use a old phone for my alarm that is not connected.
Very nice. I already implement these things into my relationship with my fiance and so does he. It does make a huge difference. We were both in bad relationships before we found eachother. I think our past experiences make us that much more grateful for eachother. One line that I would add to this video is "We're friends first." It is important to be friends with your significant other. This will be important in the long term. It takes the pressure off and transforms a spouse from being superman or superwoman back into a person. I think this holds true for now as well while the world is in isolation.
I agree with cuddling naked. It’s comfortable, connecting, and intimate. It may lead to lovemaking or just falling asleep together. (Married 38 years)
We try to kiss each other goodnight every night and we kiss each other before he goes to work... I try to cook his favorite foods for him and he brings home my favorite takeout the nights I don't cook. It can be hard to keep up the excitement of being married after awhile but it's so worth it to keep trying...
I’m getting married in August and want to go into it as prepared as possible, this was so helpful! 💗😘
look up Erotic blueprint, that's also a "love language"
Good luck 👍 💓
Thank you for this video! Marriage is so important and I love to see how strong you two are together! ❤️💪🏽
I am 72.5 years old, and grieving our relationship; have been for couple years. In that time weve et anything,everything come between us. So, today I asked myself/the Lord" What can I do about this?" Typed in "how can I win back the passion of my wife?" You were the first result; and thankful for the 10 items you mentioned. Keep up the good work!
Wow! This is so sweet.
20 years of marriage here, this is very helpful ❤
I'm not in a relati9onship but I still enjoy watching such films. I find it very helpful for my future relationship. I have learnt that talking about emotions and everythingin life is very important in relationship. Thank you Delilah!
the learning your love languages thing sounds like something you should figure out before getting married.... but of course, things like this change all the time, and it's important to continuously be aware of and figure out and be in communication about, so yes, I agree with you
The clothes on the floor is such a conversation 😂😂😂 I intentionally bought a 4 compartment laundry basket with wheels🙂🥰 and it is working to keep clothes out of site.
we both used to put the clothes on the floor not just him.
Some of the best advice what Delilah talked about is: every day when you wake up, think about what you can do for your spouse/partner, ask yourself what you can do to make them have a better day. The little things really do add up. And if you need something, always always discuss that. If you don't, you'll end up holding it in and resenting your partner for not meeting your needs (emotionally, physically, help with things, whatever it is.)
And I've found that just doing little tasks for him so he doesn't have to makes him feel really loved and appreciated. Like, if he's laying down after work and worn out, I'll plug in his phone so he doesn't have to get up and do it, and he loves chocolate milk, so I'll make him some before he even asks for it and it seems to be a good way to show him I care. Just try to anticipate what they might need and try to do it before hand. For example, setting out his/her clothes in the morning (maybe this wouldn't work as well for a wife since most women don't want their husband choosing their clothing lol), do their laundry and hang it back up or whatever.
saying "thank you" is really important!
If you searched this video I highly encourage marriage on the rock by Jimmy Evans. I almost read the entire book (well listened on audible) in one day. Hands down the best marital advice I've ever gotten from a book.
A man right here, looking for this exact advice. I'm a single man, but got a dream of a girlfriend, and can't get enough of her. Today had the talk with her on what she's feeling seeing I've noticed a huge change in her body language. We have complications in our relationship cause of her x. They have kids together. Totally get along with her kids, just not him. Anyway ask what's up today and she says I don't give intimacy and she needs it in a relationship. Everything else is great I just don't do it cause I don't know it. Never had a girl I care for as much as her and my past relationships they have not showed intimacy with me. So was Totally clueless. Had ideas on what I have planned, but came here first pick and you nailed us. I am now watching for ideas to save me and her. Thank you for the advice and will be watching for more!!
Great tips. I will be watching it again with my husband 😂 We also have 2 little kids so I soooo understand what you are talking about! Thanks for the reminder ❤
Only 35 seconds in and just have to say, the quality of your videos is amazing!
Hi Delilah!! What a great video!! I’m 23 years old and have been married four and a half years as well, I have three children all under four and I’m a stay at home mom. Your videos are so interesting and entertaining!!
Loved your video! Great stuff! I think during the pandemic, we did one night a week with no electronics, no tv, no phones. Instead we would put on our record player, put on a good song, and cook with each other and just talk all about how our day or week went, sometimes do a little slow dance, or rock out to some great music and then talk about our future goals we would like to accomplish doing the next couple of months.😁❤️. Good luck everyone. Marriage is not easy but it is very rewarding. Oh! And the 30second kiss it really works! I started kissing the hubby for a few more seconds and he started put his arms around me. Love hugs from my hubby..😁
I watched this with my husband and he got called out on a couple things lol! Great video Delilah!
Nice. And You were not called out on anything?
This is amazing!! All of our babysitters have moved away so we have an “at home” date night once a week after we put our son to sleep! I look forward to it every week and we always have the best time!
All of these ideas are amazing though. Thank you so much for making this video!! 💗💗
What a great video! We men are definitely watching
Generally good tips, but “stop nagging and deal with it” sounds like a real good way to build up resentment and hatred. It puts the burden of problem on one partner when both parties should participate in solving it. Whenever my partner and I have a disagreement, we have a “cool down” period and then discuss potential solutions together to address the problem. It’s worked for us so far and we’ve been together for 8 years. 💖
not married but have a girlfriend whom I love and want to build a great r-ship with. Your advice has inspired me. Thanks a lot.
The nagging 🤦♀️ hardest thing to change 😂
Especially during car rides 🤭 I’ve Come to realize that the reason I nag my husband when he drives is because I have fear. I was in My first car accident by myself where I was the driver and a person ran a red light and hit me on the drivers side. It wasn’t even that bad although both cars were totaled. I was by myself and it shook me up. I have to overcome that fear.
Passengers door I meant**
I actually am working on the EXACT same thing from a car accident I was recently in on the highway
I realize I'm not in any way your core demographic (single and middle-aged male), but I really appreciate coming across your video and channel. Some of these lessons apply even in non-marriage relationships. Years ago, one of my younger sisters pointed out that I (the eldest in our family) and our oldest sister reflected a high degree of our parents' very transactional love language (our parents were immigrants, somewhat isolated from their families early on by circumstances of geography, work, and school in the US). Things like: what did this person do for you? What *can* they do for you? What have you done for them? What is the dollar amount of the "trade balance" between the two of you?
The expression "gobsmacked" really suited me in that realization. I soon realized a lot of the uncertainties of identity or personal expression our oldest sister and I had dealt with for most of our lives stemmed from our vague sense of cognitive dissonance -- much of the American culture around us tended to idealize things that were NOT transactional relationships, so we were looking for forms of love language like quality family time, verbal expressions, etc (none of us were very good at physical expressions like hugs). As a kid up through college, I had often enviously observed some of my friends' relationships with their parents and wondered why I couldn't recreate that with my parents. Knowing that I was partly responsible out of habit for perpetuating the situation that I thought I wanted to get away from was important.
It's been many years since then, and while I've tried to maintain awareness of my transactional reflexes or to identify the basis of my or other people's expectations, it's still good to get new perspectives and reminders where I can. My actual dating relationship progress in this regard can charitably be called a work in progress, but I still appreciate any progress at all of course!
For some of the following points, I am a big believer in building awareness of our own and others' cognitive biases, and using mental hacks regarding our dopamine triggers to help reinforce building good habits in a sustainable way. I specifically came to this via understanding how the PC/video game industry has deeply mastered this control, and how gamification in education has tried to leverage this pre-existing and increasingly prevalent framework among students. Apologies to any reader who isn't a gamer, but if you are a gamer or are married to a a stereotypically male and emotionally less aware gamer partner, then I hope this may be somewhat useful. I realize it may sound like mansplaining, but my intent is to share my somewhat stereotypical male perspective that pedestalizes rational decision-making, in an effort to constructively and positively hijack that for better personal and relationship growth. Mental hacks, man. :D
The tips for daily makeout sessions, love notes, thank yous can be considered in aggregate a multi-pronged intentional offensive campaign that targets positive dopamine triggers. Just as World of Warcraft and etc MMOs condition players to desire "one more task" so that the player's brain gets to experience a new dopamine hit every 5-15 minutes (which studies have found can create effects similar to a psychological addiction or dependency on gaming), these relationship tips are similarly structured to provide a somewhat exciting and randomized arsenal of dopamine hits for our partner. The excitement of uncertainty and anticipation of not knowing which specific event will come next is not dissimilar to a lot of RNG-heavy (Random Number Generator) games like Darkest Dungeon or other rogue-like games -- and that excitement itself triggers additional positive adrenaline and dopamine responses.
In one example of its worst shallow expression, the heavily Japanese-originated genre of dating sim games is guilty of overly simplistic reductionism -- in those games, the target female characters' relationships with the (assumed male) player are completely defined by only their numerical responses to such "events". I mention this in a cautionary way b/c a surprising number of guys in their teens to 30s I know are now at least casually familiar with this very transactional view of artificial relationships via games or anime/manga -- where this genre used to be much more unknown, niche, or derided when I was growing up in the 80s and 90s. I've also noticed an entire ecosystem of male-demographic social media content (targeting the erroneous concept of alpha males and recently something called sigma males, whatever that is) that predicates a lot of its content on assumptions of this kind of dopamine hacking being exclusively what is needed to win over women. Certainly from the 90s onward, early books or articles about "the game", how to be a player, neurolinguistic programming, etc have all relied on this concept to erase female independent thought and agency from the equation of dating (to wit, the claim is that if insecure man uses inputs of ABC, then the dating equation will eliminate risk and uncertainty to reliably output dating results of XYZ with the desired woman). Even if we rationally know it's not accurate, this media bombardment can still indirectly distort our frequency bias on an emotional level. Humans are risk averse creatures, and insecure men (or any insecure human) all the more so. And that makes us susceptible to any snake oil promises that feed our confirmation bias with easy answers about how to reduce uncertainty in a relationship. I mean, perish the thought that we guys should get out of our comfort zone, develop our stunted emotional awareness and communication skills, and actually engage with other people and partners in a healthy way, right? Haven't personally figured out many good mental hacks for this part yet, other than just doing it as much as possible with as many different people as possible. :P
From my male analytical perspective, we fall out of the little exciting habits after the initial honeymoon/limerance phase b/c humans have evolved to be very adaptable, and we quickly normalize new and exciting things in order to be somewhat proofed against sensory overload. Repeated special events are quickly absorbed into our baseline expectations -- our normalcy bias. So we have to induce a little positive cognitive dissonance by changing up the schedule: taking away some of these expectations momentarily to drag the baseline expectation down, then springing the old as new on our partner to whipsaw or rollercoaster them a little bit with excitement. Where I (and probably a lot of other males) fall down is that we often get lazy and we use these little "events" as a shorthand substitution for everything in a relationship (which is why simplistic male-targeted movie, media, or gaming entertainment can feed our confirmation bias, like the problematic content I mentioned above). So I have to remind myself that while these events and dopamine hacks can be useful, even somewhat necessary, in a relationship, they are not fully SUFFICIENT for everything in a healthy relationship.
On going the extra mile occasionally, that's a great and classic lesson from CRM especially when dealing with high touch, high income customers. When we can periodically exceed a partner's expectations, it reinforces their awareness of us and of the relationship as being above-average, beyond the norm for what we perceive in typical relationships. Going back to baseline normalization, exceeding expectations too frequently and too consistently can over longer timeframes raise the baseline expectation for normal behavior. And lead to burnout for those of us who have a hard time drawing boundaries or saying no. :P So as Delilah says, don't have to do it too often.
Keeping up a date night tradition is something I've valued in my past relationships, both for its presence and absence. After the roughly 1-year mark, I noticed that my date nights too often were deprioritized for other practical concerns.
All of the tips here are great, some of them I've heard before, but it's always good to hear them again. Anyway, I've already been too invasive with my huge text bomb. This video triggered a lot of thoughts I haven't often or recently visited, so I apologize for being tedious or too obvious to others.
I’m not even married yet, but I’m with the man I’m going to marry. I’ve watched this video many times and some of the things mentioned in this video have helped us get through things, like learning each other’s love languages, and communication. At some point I would LOVE a video about teen dating and that sort of thing. It would be simply splendid.
I’m a husband watching this, thank you!
OMG! My mother could probably relate to you about clothes on the floor. She's been picking up after my father for probably 60 years. I on the other hand detest throwing my clothes on the floor except for maybe socks in a designated location. I've never been in the military but I'm somewhat of a perfectionist and I believe everything has its place including my clothes.
You are right. We can't change people but we can change the way we react to people.
Thanks for this video -🎉 great advice . I would add… spend time to yourselves and do things you love to do separately. COVID forced most of us to live 24/7 with our partners without that personal escape. It’s healthy for both panthers to take time and enjoy things you love to do (or enjoyed doing before you met and did everything together only). Not only will you have those personal moments to yourself, but as the proverb goes… “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”