Dumb Lawyer Quotes IRL but in Ace Attorney 3
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- Опубликовано: 2 авг 2024
- Sometimes, lawyers aren't always the ones saying the dumb quotes.
This time I sourced the specific case names for reference.
CASE NAMES
0:00 Tom Lundy, Sacramento
0:42 Michael Roman, Berkeley
1:11 Marcia Levine, Los Angeles, Gene Miller, Riverside, CA
2:18 Quin Denvir, Sacramento
2:38 Edward Novak, Phoenix. AZ
4:17 Scott Tilson, Minneapolis
4:31 Barry, Newman, DIxon, CA
4:46 Howard Price, Beverly Hills
5:27 Regina Zupan, Boston
6:39 Michael Gnither, San Fracisco
6:52 Anonymous Bosch, Florence, ID
7:26 Andrew Rubin, Santa Monica
8:07 Delgando Smith, Texarkana, TX
8:36 Don Holt, Florence. AL
9:31 Michael Frost, Seattle
10:06 Christopher Armen, Los Angeles
10:56 Marc Blesoff, Chicago
11:59 The most important part! 
Приколы
Listen to Klavier and subscribe with the bell (So you can be the first to see part 4 when it premieres 👀)
Looking forward to more. These are so freaking hilarious.
Man, where do you find these transcripts?
where do you learn this? your amazing.
@@tako-sensei6072 Oh, just check the Dumb Lawyer Quotes in Ace Attorney 2 pinned comment. I just binged the miniseries and found that.
@@ryanhernandez1877 :O ty
I think the only thing innacurate about this is that the judge has the most braincells in the courtroom
This all is real that means the real life judges had th most brain cells
I mean, he is the judge
@@HelghastStalker I think he meant in the Ace Attorney universe, not here.
Otherwise, most of the time, at the least the Old Man Judge is a no guts, dumb, turn passer.
I mean, fine example of this, during the Richard Hammond case, with Manfred Von Karma basically manhandling the judge.
@@ragnarokstravius2074 Also the judge allowed not only weapons and animals into the courtroom, but also the attorneys to be abused by said weapons and animals.
@@ragnarokstravius2074 Or, you know, ANY of Franziska von Karma's cases where she literally whips the entire courtroom, and Phoenix in particular.
"There's only one race. The human race."
*slap* "What about pregnant!?"
"Dont forget chocolate!"
I made this 1K likes
*Pregananant
Pregante
But what about Nascar!?
Also "Judge, may we have a break so I could have a smoke?" killed me
the judge's response is what kills me
Yeah... a "smoke". Sure...
@@Advokaiser what else would he do, its not like he can yknow, leave, its a short break
I'm not sure if the reporter reading it back would be funnier if it was completely deadpan or completely serious.
@@IrvingIV deadpan of course, especially with the voice of Raven from teen titans
"That's... remarkable" is code word for "how the h E L L"
I believe I remember reading an excerpt of that transcript and she later went on to describe that she wore different shoes but couldn't understand why that would be relevant to her height
R. pizzamonkey Truly facepalm worthy. And its not the lawyer fault?
@@nomblob5592 No this was a case where the witness was the idiot
R. pizzamonkey And here I thought PW cross examination is ridiculous enough. Real life witness is stranger than fiction
@@r.pizzamonkey7379 The height of heels of women's shoes and boots can vary a lot.
"how tall are you?"
"5'2 in the summer, 5'1 in the winter."
*confused confusing confusion*
appearently the witness wore different shoes in each season lol
Apparently the judge and attorneys had never heard of heels.
@@Rita-kx3yr height is usually measured without shoes on
@@Rita-kx3yr why would you measure your height while wearing heels???
@@Holocoasterr" Why?" is a great question! Well I'm assuming they wanted her height to determine her line of sight or maybe to compare it with the height of a passage or something else. In either case, giving the height you'd usually be at the time makes sense. The witness just used a shorthand for "5'1 but 5'2 in my usual heels". The confusion is understandable with how it was phrased though.
"Do you know what foreskin is?"
"No.."
Ohh boy.
“Judge, may we have a break so I could go get a smoke?”
“Yes, I think we could all use one.”
@@al_fletcher that lawyer was 100% a pervert and knew exactly what he was doing.
I7TUTHTUBFHGUH UTTHGHFYG I DON'T LIKE IT
“Do you know what a German helmet looks like?”
Now imagine a dick wearing a german helmet
i love the fact people, during a trial, started discussing their haircuts
It's so hard to believe that happened in a courtroom...
Im genuinely confused about that one. The other ones I can see how they could vaguely relate in context, but how does the hair discussion help either side of the case lmao
They were still in opening statements/remarks made before proceedings were to start but the reporter took it down anyway LMAO
You can look at the case. Maybe there was actual context to it
Imagine being murdered and seeing the court case of your killer and they're talking about their haircuts
Whenever I'm called to Jury, I hope I get to witness a situation as wild as these
I really hope you dont get called to jury never
@@genoteh9706 wholesome??
@@genoteh9706 if you tell them you know about Jury Nullification they won't call you to Jury.
@@DimitriSlobodianyk That's only if you intend to do it.
Can I use jury-null to abstain from jury-duty?
Imagine having such a good connection with Jesus that he tells you day-by-day whether to go to work or not
Hey g-man how's the weather?
Don't go to court this Wednesday, the vibes are straight up wack.
You're a real one, thanks chief.
🤣🤣🤣
"Hey lawyer your pretty cool. Dont go to the courthouse tommorrow." "Uh, thanks jesus."
@@bug1494 you make it sound like christ himself will shoot up a courthouse.
Some people are truly like that, all jokes aside.
The worst part is that it fits AA perfectly, but then you remember it was said irl
Не ожидала тебя здесь...
Except for 1:11
балдеж
@@janLilin if AA was rated M
@@thelastmlg2699 we're very lucky DD didn't have a rape case at least
Ok the Maya's height thing feels like it's straight out of Ace Attorney lmao
It does
Way to close to Ace Attorney.
It does.
And, I guess... it is? Since when her sister's spirit takes over her body, she DOES grow taller.
@@weebjeez omg
@@weebjeez wait, wait, does it mean that maya's possessed by mia all the time during summer??
Fun fact: Most people had a sphincter spasm during this video
Fun fact: some of them had bowel movements.
@@dracodeanglicus3857 how do you know? Did you smell their bowel movements?
How dare you post this while I'm watching this in the bathroom.
Not necessarily using it, but I was in one.
@@Bzorlan smelled like crap...
A who-?
“How did you know the teeth came from a dead man?”
“They weren’t moving.”
I’m hyperventilating.
I'm seriously wondering if they meant the body or the teeth, and i have now very mixed feelings about that
@@iota-09 I understood that as if he was talking about the teeth and I didn't question it
No you're not
This one legit made me pause for a few minutes cause I was laughing so hard and ended up choking on my own spit.
Imagine you're just takin a nap and a dentist comes out of nowhere and steals your teeth
Ah yes, the most notable of all duck-pheasant hybrids, the P H U C K
At least the prosecutor gives a phuck for the client
Phun fact: pacman was almost named puck man.
That was actually a clever pun ngl
I was hoping that the defendant was gonna say that under ruling of the wild-life preservation act, he can not be imprisoned, because he is a strange hybrid bird.
I don't give a P-H-U-C-K about ducks
Edgeworth: “No one would willingly have something inserted into their butt”
Apollo: “....uh yeah about that-“
Is a very Edgeworth quote too.
@@infernaldisdain8051 bold quote for a bottom
@@npc6817 You assume he'd have sex. He may have lost his perfect prosecution streak, but he'll never let anyone take his virginity.
@@infernaldisdain8051 "I never lost my virginity because I never lose" -Miles Edgeworth
@@npc6817 sounds like something manfred von karma would say but thats even better
“My client is described as chocolate.”
“How do you describe her?”
“Pregnant.”
I can only assume everybody in that court was a stoner or something.
He must be colorblind, because he doesn't see race.
It was in Minneapolis it makes sense
Being pregnant is a more distinct characteristic than being of color, I don't see what's wrong with this quote. In fact, most of these quotes probably sound, well, _sound_ in their original context.
@@Diwasho they are often rebuttals to preceived stupid. Or attempts to confound the other parties into saying something that incriminates them, provides something to hook onto to save a doomed case, or results in swaying jury or judge just enough to avoid an undesirable ruling.
After all as a defense, the goal isn't to convince the room. It's to convince one person enough that they can't rule guilty.
These often look to be defendants saying the crazy things. Hoping they plant some weird seed of doubt in a single mind. You only need to get one person to avoid a guilty ruling. The system relies on all or nothing rulings. All guilty or innocent.
Chocolate just means black???
If you ever thought that Ace Attorney had quotes that would never be used irl, you were wrong.
tbh, i might use them too.
Art imitates truth that is stranger than fiction.
...Or something like that?
Please bring the parrot!
@@diegodeluquev1433 That actually happened, too
Yes XD
Everyone's talking about the penis and foreskin thing but is nobody going to point out that the case at 2:39 has a guy that refrigerated his own semen?
And how Redd White is the perfect character for that line. Omfg.
in his OFFICE
So he has cum jars in his fridge?
@@veterayt6800 He was saving it for later.
Maybe it was being kept for the purposes of using it as a projectile at a later date? It is certainly a possibility.
Edgeworth: I am not acquainted with them.
[Doubt Intensifies]
It’s also klapollo, because Apollo is the one who mentioned that it happens
@@grosebud4721 are you kidding me
+
I WEEZED
We'll just have to aek pheonix to sustain that statment, if you know what I mean
"i am not acquaintanced with them" - miles edgeworth, desperately trying to hold the closet doors shut
That can be interpreted in a few ways
Phrasing
@@microwave8931 Both are gay, that's what matters.
"My client is neither a drunk nor a duck!"
ok fairs
"WHAT THE PROSECUTOR HAS DONE IN THIS CASE IS CREATE A HYBRID BIRD THAT IS A CROSS BETWEEN A PHEASENT AND A DUCK!"
How tf-
It's just a pre-amble to the follow-up of accusing the prosecution to be 'phucking' with the defendant. Honestly, it's a pretty clever line-up.
"how tall are you?"
"9cm when looking at you, 24cm when looking at your mom"
“Like, 4 or 5 levels right now my dude”
You are like a little baby. Watch this:
*P R E G N A N T*
No officer, it's "Tall, how are you?"
@@primordialsun "Gul'dan, and what, must we give in return?" ~your reply
You have to involve race in that?
"What sound did he make as he was coming"
"Could I ask the court reporter to read that last answer"
What a lad
That lawyer best be the best lawyer in the world if he can get away with that stunt and still get hired by people
Bailiff: I'll have what she's having.
*B O N K*
Chad move
Uhhhh
Nobody: What's your skin color?
Me: P R E G N A N T
My skin color is pregernet-
@@leavonderlieth5781 no its "pregnart".
my pregnant is skin color
@@jennibeanthesweetsqueen5245 pregnet?
@@santana7827 i mean PREGANTE!
"As of now, the message is going to be that you're going into custody."
Destruction 100
Ew, Reddit.
@@Hawkatana says "Hawkatana"
@@michaeledmunds7266 Yes.
@@michaeledmunds7266 Yes.
@@michaeledmunds7266 Yes
The "Did you smell the bowel movements?" really feels like an Ace Attorney moment, insisting on something that seems stupid at first but actually reveals that the witness knows more than they let on.
True. Because what if he were wearing someone else's pants?!
I never really thought about how the smell of post-mortem bowel movements influence murder investigations and trials... not sure i even wanted to, but oh well.
Love how the judge called out the attorney's "improper" question and then the attorney recovered.
"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, WHETHER HE WAS CIRCUMCISED IS *VITAL* TO THE CASE"
It kinda is?????
Don't wooosh me bro
@@schwellenangst1605 I'm not a redditor
But you should take a joke
@@schwellenangst1605 no
I don't understand how people don't see that it's actually important?
It does sound ridiculous of course. But like, it's clear why he wants to know
These videos have convinced me that the only non-realistic part of Ace Attorney is Maya getting possessed by Mia
Feels like these were ripped straight out of AO cases.
Yeah, they do.
@Eric Lee Ace OH!-tourney, because the plot twist make you go OH!
Attorney Online, you witnesses
@@gokentopower4481 The case-making site or the RP tool?
@@BroudbrunMusicMerge Nono, he said it looks like one of the random cases you might get in AO, the game itself
I think that's what he meant
I have no idea anymore
For some reason, Gumshoe sadly declaring "There is no button..." Made me cackle like a madwoman.
Very in character.
Because Gumshoe wouldn't have enough money to replace his button.
I didn't even realize we segregated our prison populations by whether or not they have AIDS. Guess you learn something new, whether it be true or not, every day.
I also learned today that we have prisons for fishing and hunting
Sounds awful but then you think of the frequency of prison rape
@Tyler Vincent he was racist because he didn't want to get aids?
@Tyler Vincent Then how do you know it?
@Tyler Vincent so you like nascar?
"Do you wear corrective glasses?"
"..............." *awkward zoom*
"There are three of you?"
I mean, that's pretty relatable.
How would that even work?
You see double when brain can't put left and right eye tohether, but how would you get 3?
@@Karak-_- He might also be drinking...... maybe.
@@Karak-_- he's seeing the holy trinity: father, son and holy layton
This man has control over the youtube algorithm and i could not be happier.
Agreed
yes
Yeah, but does he control his sphincter spasms
@@thelyric2751 😳😳😳
@@thelyric2751 I wonder if he got a haircut...
10:57, two things:
1- I’m surprised she actually did that
2- I hope the second round was said with the most serious flat voice she could pull off
Sexual harassment at the workplace
Did you smell his bowel movements?
(Cornered starts playing)
That broke me lmao
“i’m 5’2 in the summer and 5’1 in the winter” is so in character for maya
The attorney knew exactly what he was doing when asking the reporter to read back the moans 💀
First time I come across one of these...just when you think "Ace Attorney is an exageration, there's no way real life court can be this chaotic or insane"...
Ace Attorney series do portray how the most ideal lawyers can excel through the most ridiculous of cases but real life cases has always been this stupidly laughable at best.
I will devote my life to law school if it means I can witness this shit happen in real live courts.
SAME!
Don't need a law degree. Most court cases are open to the public. You could just pop on over to the courthouse tomorrow if you wanted.
If you went to law school, there are chances that you're not just witness it. You're the one who does it 😂
Jesus christ, the one from 2:39 to 4:17 could almost perfectly fit into AA somehow. It's so insane and such a shit web of lies that it just works.
If you tone it down I could perfectly see this as some bizarre dlcs case where White is trying to take custody of a child that may or may not be his for the money only. Because tax write of if you have a child. Mr white is the kind of man to do that.
"Of course, I always keep a jar of my own semen in my office mini-fridge, for JUST SUCH AN OCCASION!! _I sUrE hOpE nO oNe StEaLs It!!"_
@@agiar2000 That begs the question though.. He set this up as a huge publicity scandal. Now the problem is wither or not we give him a guilty or not guilty verdict.. Since He definitely ruined somenoe's life for this court case and somehow its still not his own.
@@agiar2000 This guy canonically has a golden desk supported by naked statues of himself. If any character in the entire AA series has such a mini-fridge, it's going to be him.
Okay the sperm donor guy being Redd White of Bluecorp. is just SO fucking perfect tho, I’m losing my shit that’s exactly how he talks
Ha wasn't one though.
So many of these are from California. I can't say I'm surprised tho.
California has 1/8th the US population. It stands to reason it would have 1/8th the number of court cases.
@@General12th but its the most chaotic
Im surprised its not Florida with the most chaotic court cases. With Florida man and such.
@@BlurryNova Florida has all of those news reports because the law is so lax on what the news is and isn't allowed to report. In the sheets, though...
And yes I just called courtrooms "the sheets"
I'm Californian and can confirm
That last case, omfg. She could have just said moans or heavy breathing. But then, on top of that, he asked the reporter to read it back! Hilarious
3:00 -4:00 Mr Red White trying to get child support of a kid that may not even be his own for the tax write of 2020 colorized.
The way the judge just confusedly says "What" at 9:04 just kills me 🤣
These were beautiful, I couldn't stop laughing at how dumb these sounded and how accurately these could fit in with Phoenix Wright
In Ace Attorney, just about every little, seemingly-unimportant detail is important to the case. Real lawyers can't rely on conservation of detail; they have to use their own judgement to guess whether or not a given detail will be important. And it's usually safer to ask than not to...
' and the same argument can be made as it would relate to drunks and that's exactly what the defendant is'
Are we just gonna ignore this lethal roast
section 69
P H U C K
that whole case is perfection
fucking owned
Bruh, Herr Forehead is really offended by someone else’s haircut
11:28 The poor reporter who had to transcribe that....
And then read it lmao
ngl, this is the funniest shit i have seen in awhile, good way to close off 2020
"Did something come out?"
"Yes."
"What color was it?"
WHAT
"What" isn't a color
"Did it look like it was wearing a german helmet or a turtleneck sweater?" excuse me while I go die from wheezing
This came out almost exactly when 2021 came in my timezone. Let's hope with this, we can leave stupidity and bullshit behind.
Ain't gonna happen, sorry. But hey, at least we can meme about it.
It will comeback tenfold
@@magnum155 Sorry, but that sounds highly negative, and I've got that already in my brain 24/7.
@@gratedshtick But maybe in a fun fun silly willy way at least? Poit
This is a sign that it's only getting worse.
Me, every five seconds: **softly** "don't..."
Also me every five seconds: **has to check pulse**
The fact that the case made by an AI is better than most of these is honestly disturbing...
Where
"Could you smell his bowel movements?"
"WHAT!!!"
Me: "That quote was from the Christopher Armin case in Los Angeles."
My Dad: "That was real? I thought it was from that attorney game you bought."
Me: "It's too hard to discern truth from fiction nowadays because they are equally absurd."
haha
10:56 holy shit, this is insane, i cannot believe this actually happened in the real world
“Could I ask the court recorder to read back the last 3 answers?”
I LOST IT LMAO
how can i find the transcript of these cases? i would love to see how some of the cases went afterwords lmao
edit: Found the book most of these are from "Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History" and also "Law and Disorder: Absurdly Funny Moments from the Courts"
its a shame it doesn't show how it goes after but maybe thats for the better
Ok, I don't care how much they cost, I'm going to Amazon. BRB
@@ZorkasIshmael only like $10 on kindle
@@connorhughes8291 Thanks for the info
Thanks!
One day I went to a library and there was this old book that was a translation of a 19th century book about funny French cases. And in France, the court also investigates the crimes, so it was all aboutthe investigations and the court days and it was great and I can't find it anymore, I shoul've stolen it. Anyway. Books about court cases are cool.
These have me convinced lawyers aren’t actually smart, just very good at arguing and investigating under the law
I love you
Entire segment of 8:53 had me crying
8:11 got me started
XD
Holy shit that was the best one
The judges FACE XD
I AM NOT ACQUAINYED WITH THEM
"Ah, ahh, ahhh, ahhhhh, AHHH, A HHHHHH HHHHHH, A HHH HH HHHHHH" - Goethe, my favourite quote from Faust.
That reminds me a case years ago in my country. The hitman was sentenced by "simple murder", but his lawyer speak like he comited assasination. The judge stop him and say: "you want your client 20 more years?" Oh boi, we laugh so Hard.
That last one....I can't believe he got away with that question...
_Thanks for keeping the fanbase alive. This is gold._
The idea of Phoenix, Edgeworth, and the judge smoking behind the courthouse like those kids from 80s movies behind their school amuses me
"That was a great start" killed me
People say court in real life is more serious but the fact that all these quotes are so fitting in the ACE ATTORNEY universe says a lot about real life lawyers.
11:52 why does that feel like something Edgeworth would say even tho he probably doesn't smoke?
Did the judge and prosecution SERIOUSLY think that anal sex just isn't a thing people enjoy recreationally?
Might have been in a very conservative area
Edit: realised it was in Boston. I do not know what Boston is like. If it isn't conservative, it might have been a trial from a while back. If it's not, the judge and prosecutor could both be sheltered, I guess
@@raerohan4241 But that is ignorance to the point where they really shouldn't be judging or prosecuting anybody. You can't be a judge and not know about anal, considering that implies you also don't know anything about gay people who most practice it and also the rape of men is usually through anal. All of this is so basic and crucial even 20 years ago that it's ridiculous.
@@grandbean9031 Hey, it’s just speculation. I really don’t know any other realistic reason they might not have known. But whatever the reason, they didn’t know. And well, no one ever said the American legal system was perfect
@@raerohan4241 Yeah sorry if I sound angry at you. Just buffled at the overall idea.
@@grandbean9031 Do you really think they care about rape against men? Get a life. We men are, and perhaps always will be, fodder and machinery. Our own kin will turn away if we are wronged.
3:34 hol up, back up. Don't gloss it over as if it's normal for a man to have refrigerated sperm in his office's fridge 😭
Yeah that's for the home fridge.
You don't?
@@usernametaken017 You do?
@@nameless44421 duh
@@usernametaken017 Now I’m legit questioning if this is a normal thing to do
Starting to realize this series is WAAAAYYY more realistic than I thought.
11:20 Marc Blessoff(, Chicago)
Is a perverted genius :c
Yeah I really want to know if there's a recording of that XD
@@edulopes5502 go to horny jail _bonk_
10:56 I don't think it was coffee inside that cup.
Frigerated semen
Dahlia just went beyond super saiyan with that one.
6:35 Edgeworth going full ACE Attorney in this case
The Edward Novak case sounds cursed.
Not as cursed as the last one for sure.
What kills me the most about it is that in the duck scenario. BOTH LAWYERS HAVE DUMB QUOTES. It's a wild case.
11:32 this guy knew what he was doing and i wish i could reach that level of trollege
dude arguing over foreskin was weird
Law is
VERY DETAIL ORIENTED
XD
makes sense to be honest, but the way he worded it was weird
Agreed
I mean, which normal not weird person would say "if we left you alone in the courtroom you could spring a hard-on eight inches long, and you know it!"
@@waffles7z who said that?
@@waffles7z I truly wonder how that lawyer knows it would be eight inches 👀
11:22 I can't believe it was real
Literally just saw the first vids 4 hours ago. The algorithm is insane today
Sphincter Spasm
I am learning something new.
11:34 That's not dumb, that's genius.
How someone gains/loses an inch of height depending on the season is beyond me. And beyond everyone in the court.
I would guess either cold making your spine compress or (more likely) the footwear. But aren't winter boots usually taller than regular shoes tho?
@@sausagelynx aren’t you supposed to take your height with either the same footwear every time, no footwear, or subtract the height gained from the footwear?
@@thaias9654 Someone else commented that the discrepancy was indeed because of her shoes, and she didn't realise you're supposed to give your height w/o them or something
7:45 I love the pursuit music that comes on as soon as he said it
And the fact that it’s cornered 2004 variation, the very last thing you hear before you corner the killer of bridge to the turnabout in the climax of the entire trilogy just makes it exponentially funnier
The court demands you get a haircut!
Edgeworth WOULD say that though
[2:13]
10:04 man knew he would inevitably drop the soap. wanted to at least be healthy afterwards.
For 7:00, I think the lawyer was just trying to avoid an objection for asking a leading question.
Hilarious vid tho nice job!
What perfect timing! I was just recommended the previous ones!
Edgeworth thoroughly explaining his duck/drunk analogy and the judge simply responding with "what." is one of the greatest things I've ever seen.
7:40
I love how this is a genuine, bonafide objection worthy moment
i love that you put the chapters with the cases in the vid, its neat dude
Oh my God, the last one was... GLORIOUS!
I could use a smoke. Yes, we all can 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
My god, these are hilarious!
5:27 I can't believe they just, forgot gays exist 😂
Not to mention that some straight couples do anal too. Makes me wonder what world that prosecutor lives in.
@@Wintd1 Beverly Hills
@@Wintd1 boston apparently
+
Not to mention the judge was fine with it
4:27
Apollo doesn't see race.