Secrets and secret thoughts have power over me. I have to bring them to the light of consciousness and empathy if I want to weaken there power/stronghold over me.
All of these thoughts are what led to my last relapse. I had 5 years and I gave it away and went on a 3 year binge and almost lost my life. I've got 9 years now, and I have dug deeper and figured out the rules I have to live by in order to not fall into these toxic thought patterns.
@@PutTheShovelDown My best advice for getting sober would be to chase sobriety like I chased drugs. If something isn't working or helping me how I need it to, I don't keep going back for more. I find something stronger, I find something better, and I find things that are going to help me in the long run. I also learned that I am capable of mucking up my own life without drugs, but when I add drugs into the mix everything goes to shit quick. My favorite coping skills I still use: When I feel like throwing it all away and jumping back into the deep end- I go to grandmas or my step moms. Or I call one of them on the phone. I read from one of my survival books (these are the books I've found along the way that I've underlined and written notes in and keep on my bookshelf.) I journal or dump write, usually in a notebook app on my phone. I tell my people that I'm struggling- putting it out there helps them to help me. and my favorite: I call it car wash therapy. I take my car to the car wash. I pay for the longest cycle and once I'm inside I put on a song I know all the words to and then I turn it up as loud as it will go and get lost for a few minutes and then usually end up scream crying the ending before breaking out in sobs. Then of course I drive off like nothing just happened feeling much better for the experience with a shiny clean car.
I'm thinking of using is way down the line for a relapse. So many little pieces that bring your mind toward using again. By the time you use again you've lost the battle way before.
I've seen relapse in everyone of these situations , And heard it come from the addicts mouth ! My son has now said after 6 months clean and in a addiction boot camp that he had to stay around clean and like minded people and places , I do feel this will be the biggest mind thought that will keep him in long term recovery and the longer the stronger ,And feeling that haveing places with strong support system is a must is a good strategy! I've seen clean people fall to low points and high points , being just to happy can be just as easy to relapse due to loseing focus on people ,places ,and things ! And of course the lows ,learning new skills to realize nothing stays the same forever ,so haveing the strategy plan for in case things go wrong in life is so very important ! This is a great video for all to hear !
Debbie here from New Zealand. Really appreciate your videos, they bring comfort & assist with the "Why?" For the last 3 years, my partner & I have been on that addiction roller coaster ride with my stepson. I'm proud of how we are still together as being part of a blended family brings extra complications. My career was in Mental Health & Addiction so I understood the need for honesty, boundaries & appreciate that rescuing/ enabling isn't helpful. With the family I sometimes came across as the hardnosed, possibly the uncaring Step Mother. My stepson, especially when drunk, is vitriolic about me (someone has to take the blame, right?) Because of my experience and less emotional attachment than his Father, I tuned into the deception, the "saying what we want to hear", when no one else noticed I recognised the first signs of drinking. I insisted my stepson leave after a night of violence in our home (first aggressive episode) . The endless relapses under our roof was taking its toll on our mental wellbeing. The journey isn't over, as my stepson doesn't fully engage with services for any length of time. Ive probably only got 10% of hope left that he can overcome his addiction, which makes me sad. Future focus is on supporting my partner and my stepson's children.
Hi Debbie from New Zealand, You're right, It's particularly complicated being a step parent in this type of situation! Not sure if you saw this video, but your situation reminds me a little of this families situation. ruclips.net/video/NxLY96Kh65A/видео.html
Thank you again for these great topics. Especially today's topic. Even though sobriety is my new normal, I feel it is still important to not wear myself down by being in the places or doing old behaviors. I recognize that I did have a problem and I could always go back to that life if I'm not careful. So I'm proactive nowadays and I watch these videos and really feel safe in this space. I also love all the love videos where other people in our group ask great questions and is so supportive to each other. They are great and I feel comfortable sharing as well. Thank you and all the people here! Yours are awesome!
You are quite experienced with this topic. Many thanks for your video. I have more days of sobriety than I ever imagined. Today I know that it never will be safe for me, I'll never get the diploma 😂. By the way, I'm an alcoholic. Drinking again would be like taking back the problem, flushing my life down the drain. Making the decision, not to be able to drink set me free of all these questions and doubts about drinking. Skipping events that may be harmful to me is a good way.
In my recovery, I’ve had instances where I’ve been able to use just one day and then put it down right after one use and be sober again for a while. My relapse warning thought would be, “oh, maybe I can just use right now while I’m feeling so terrible (sick, in pain, etc.) just to get perhaps and hour or two of feeling good, and then go back to working the steps tomorrow.” At that point, I think, “I’ve done this (pick up and put down in 1 day during tong-term continuous sobriety) before, it’s no big deal. Nothing terrible has happened yet.” And then I have that mental relapse where I might reach out to someone who might be connected to a connection or someone I know has relapsed. The “plug” might not work out, and I don’t get the drug, and I just keep going with my life without it. I’m scared because I know what it did to my life, and I know I never want to go back to that, and I feel stronger in myself than I ever have. I don’t know how to get these kinds of thoughts to stay out for good.
Speaking to #7, in my lifetime, my person has only made it past 30 days sober twice. Once when I was too young too remember, and I'm not sure it lasted a year. The 2nd time through a court-ordered rehab where he made it over a year for the first time since about age 13. Otherwise, he's had some success between life-threatening binges and detox cycles for a few weeks. Just about 2 months ago he said he was completely over it and actually got sick at the sight of the stuff so he felt like he was over it forever lol. It was hard for me not to laugh. He doesn't trust that I know his cycle. I have experienced when he has gotten squirrely between 2 and 4 weeks at least 20 times, but he refuses to prepare for when he always will have that attitude that keeps him from being successful for more than a few weeks. I don't know if there's a way to get through the delusions and magical thinking. I have just been working on detatching because it is hard to see the destruction, and hear about his crazy version of his history (particularly how great of a parent he believes that he has been). Also, he can get really nasty in various points on his cycle or just generally impossible to carry on a converstion with, and I don't deserve that negativity in my life.
Even if he's failed a million times before it's not helpful to bring that up when he's saying he wants to do better. We call that change talk, and it's a good thing. You want to reinforce that he does have the ability to stop. I realize that feels un-natural, but it's a much more effective technique.
@@PutTheShovelDown I hear that. Generally if I say anything at all, say he has gotten past his first few days of detoxing again and he's starting to feel great. He chalks up the last month or several months as a "little slip" and now that he's back on the wagon, all he needs is for whatever job opportunities to come to fruition (that's his sobriety plan even though his employment or lack thereof has never helped him to drink any less). So I generally ask if he has a plan to keep it going... an accountability system or partner in place this time already or needs help making a plan. Since he willed his way through a detox (when he physically couldn't drink another drop because he ran out of money for the month or couldn't keep anymore down), he still doesn't think he needs any accountability of any kind. He doesn't need a local sponsor, a program, any systems set up to where he has to be somewhere different than sitting alone with his thoughts a block away from a liquor store with no committments to anyone or anything. By the time we have a talk like this, the change talk is gone. He feels he already beat his lifelong battle and it is behind him, which happens about a week before he gets squirrely and he starts his next life threatening binge. Right now he's still in a binge. Sitting on his apartment floor with nothing but his laptop, his cup and some blankets because a month ago he had movers put everything in storage. It makes me feel like a terrible kid to let him live that way, but he's doing it all to himself and there's really nothing I could do unless I wanted to fight him in court to be his guardian, which sounds like a miserable time to me. I'm not willing to make that sacrifice right now.
@@eagle-wingedturtle201 I read her reply and your last reply. The program of the 12 steps has been the most crucial puzzle piece in my steps toward a happy life in long term recovery. Note, recovery is very different from sobriety. Recovery require self-reflection and learning the abilities and new habits to change your specific addictive patterns and behaviors. Sobriety is more like white-knuckling every second of the day and night and hoping and willing that you don’t pick up. That is what can be called a “dry drunk.” If I were you, I would try to find an AA meeting in the area - there is a full list for every city/ county on their website - just to take home some, what they call, “literature,” and inform the men of your father. I’m sure they would be willing and exciting to help and will know just what to do. That way, you can take some of the burden off yourself. There are helpful pamphlets, and most meeting have a printed out area-specific meeting schedule that is usually the most currently updated. I would buy a Big Book of Alcoholic Anonymous for your dad (just called the Big Book), they’re $9.50, and pick up a list of numbers (the meeting leaders usually have those ready or can make one in minutes) and just leave those two things for your dad (the phone number list and the big book). Maybe he’ll open it, maybe he won’t. Either way, you are an important piece to him ever seeing that where are people who have been where he is that are back loving lifting and finding true contentment, in recovery. But with his attitude, there will obviously be a lot of work needed, including working with other alcoholics, as well as with a therapist to see where his intense need to escape/ run from reality (by getting plastered) is really coming from, identify where it at all begin, and create a unique plan of action to best fit HIM. I hope this helps. Much love.
Do you have a video about how to support someone who is years into recovery? I have fallen in love with a wonderful man who has been clean 8 years. He works as an addiction counselor part time and recovers out loud. I just want to make sure I support him in any way possible. I have family with addictions but fortunately I do not personally have that battle. Thank you for your videos, I have learned a great deal.
Hi Utawna, it sounds like he’s in a good place, so I don’t think you should over worry. I don’t have a video on that. The only special instruction I would have it’s to always remember that he is an addict. If he starts to go backwards, he may try to convince himself and/or you otherwise. If you weren’t with him during his addiction, it may be hard to realize just how bad his addiction was.
I’m interested in your take. My thing is: I only set one year being alcohol-free. It’s getting close to 9 months now. I wanted to give myself one year of sobriety and the re-evalute the situation. It is much better. I still want to prove myself that I can drink in moderation. I don’t see much point to drink yourself under the table but the absolutely NO-NO policy is demonizing alcohol and takes the power away from me when they say in AA: “I have no control over it.” Is this a relapse monster?
My husband just started his recovery journey 5 days ago. He is doing a postgraduate program until next May, so another 7 months, so his goal is to stay sober until then (he acknowledges that he would not be able to finish the program, if he continues drinking). Then, he thinks he can try to "drink responsibly". His thought is that the past 2 years our life has been really stressful and that's what made his drinking so much worse. He believes that under normal circumstances, he would be able to control it. Can you tell more about your experience? Did you actually try drinking again? Thank you!
@@otiliafarris8475 hey there! So I kept my promise, and I was sober for a year. Then I tried alcohol again. First, it was easy and casual. But in 3-4 months my mind started the same games and I started binge drinking and it lead to a few very ugly dramas. Also, I went back smoking after 3-4 months of trying. It was not as uncontrollable because I was much more disciplined this time, but that few wild nights are horrible memories and I was all in all not in a great emotional state. And then I found out I am finally pregnant (we were "working" on it for more than 1,5 years and I was losing hope, to be honest). The moment I learned the news, no more alcohol, no more cigarettes and now I've been clean for almost 6 months now. So what did I learn? I thought 1 year of hard work is enough to fully rewire your brain... It wasn't. Is it impossible to be a "normal" drinker again? Not necessarily. Moderation is never going to be easy for someone who has an addictive personality and once has gone down the rabbit hole... But I believe people can change and neuroplasticity is a real thing. But I do not plan to go back "trying to drink normally" for a while. I do not miss it this time around, but I guess pregnancy changes a lot of things in you anyway. So my experience was so-so. But I keep on working on myself: excercise, therapy, balance and slowing down. These all helped. I wish you both the best! Let me know, how it goes!
My gf has been clean of heroin and crack for 4 yrs now, shes dwn to 5ml now, itll b 4mil nxt week, but once she hits 3mil shell just b cut off, she had a few lapses from june to sept last yr which was horrible for us both....the other day she told me (cos she was drunk) that she wanted to to get heroin JUST to go over n not wake up 😪😪 so im terrified now...so i think she mite have gone n done crack instead there was a lot of evidence..(dilated pupils, smell of insence, small piece of tin foil etc).....i dont want to ask her bout it, cos shell jyst threaten me that ill push her to relapse properly....
What is your advice, I have been with an addict for 2 years, he has never went more than 2 months. He works out of town 2 on 2 off and ends up always finding all the addicts at camp and goes out after we get off the phone and lies, he has stole from me, cheated on me and I have lots of resentment and lots of doubt and I am now 5 weeks pregnant and terrified, is there an ultimadum or something I can do. I don't want a baby to have to go through this and have a stressed out mom.
When your loved one is in early recovery and does things that are hurtful or inconsiderate, like saying they will call and then they don’t, should you just let it go? My tendency is to point it out and that it hurts my feelings, but when I do this, he just lashes out and it devolves into him saying go f yourself (also hurtful). But maybe I just need to suck it up while they are in early recovery and let this stuff go, including him telling me to go f myself? I want to give him what he asks for … as I don’t need this in my life. But on the other hand, maybe I am just being “needy” to expect him to follow through and being hurt and saying so, when he doesn’t. I honestly want his recovery to work for him and I don’t want to be the reason he relapses.
Hi Stacy, It doesn't sound like calling him out is helping him (OR YOU!). It's very natural to want them to acknowledge what they've done, but calling out past wrong doings is only going to make him defensive.
The #1 MOST effective Relapse Prevention Tool: 1️⃣ruclips.net/video/NhaLlmX_YFQ/видео.html
Secrets and secret thoughts have power over me. I have to bring them to the light of consciousness and empathy if I want to weaken there power/stronghold over me.
All of these thoughts are what led to my last relapse. I had 5 years and I gave it away and went on a 3 year binge and almost lost my life. I've got 9 years now, and I have dug deeper and figured out the rules I have to live by in order to not fall into these toxic thought patterns.
That’s awesome, Amanda! What is your best advice for others trying to get sober?
@@PutTheShovelDown My best advice for getting sober would be to chase sobriety like I chased drugs. If something isn't working or helping me how I need it to, I don't keep going back for more. I find something stronger, I find something better, and I find things that are going to help me in the long run. I also learned that I am capable of mucking up my own life without drugs, but when I add drugs into the mix everything goes to shit quick.
My favorite coping skills I still use: When I feel like throwing it all away and jumping back into the deep end-
I go to grandmas or my step moms. Or I call one of them on the phone.
I read from one of my survival books (these are the books I've found along the way that I've underlined and written notes in and keep on my bookshelf.)
I journal or dump write, usually in a notebook app on my phone.
I tell my people that I'm struggling- putting it out there helps them to help me.
and my favorite: I call it car wash therapy. I take my car to the car wash. I pay for the longest cycle and once I'm inside I put on a song I know all the words to and then I turn it up as loud as it will go and get lost for a few minutes and then usually end up scream crying the ending before breaking out in sobs. Then of course I drive off like nothing just happened feeling much better for the experience with a shiny clean car.
Also. I have learned so much about recovery and addiction from you and your channel and I want you to know how much I appreciate you.
I'm thinking of using is way down the line for a relapse. So many little pieces that bring your mind toward using again. By the time you use again you've lost the battle way before.
Totally agree
I've seen relapse in everyone of these situations , And heard it come from the addicts mouth ! My son has now said after 6 months clean and in a addiction boot camp that he had to stay around clean and like minded people and places , I do feel this will be the biggest mind thought that will keep him in long term recovery and the longer the stronger ,And feeling that haveing places with strong support system is a must is a good strategy!
I've seen clean people fall to low points and high points , being just to happy can be just as easy to relapse due to loseing focus on people ,places ,and things ! And of course the lows ,learning new skills to realize nothing stays the same forever ,so haveing the strategy plan for in case things go wrong in life is so very important ! This is a great video for all to hear !
" haveing the strategy plan for in case things go wrong in life is so very important !" Love it, Love it, Love it! 🤩🤩🤩
Debbie here from New Zealand. Really appreciate your videos, they bring comfort & assist with the "Why?" For the last 3 years, my partner & I have been on that addiction roller coaster ride with my stepson. I'm proud of how we are still together as being part of a blended family brings extra complications. My career was in Mental Health & Addiction so I understood the need for honesty, boundaries & appreciate that rescuing/ enabling isn't helpful. With the family I sometimes came across as the hardnosed, possibly the uncaring Step Mother. My stepson, especially when drunk, is vitriolic about me (someone has to take the blame, right?) Because of my experience and less emotional attachment than his Father, I tuned into the deception, the "saying what we want to hear", when no one else noticed I recognised the first signs of drinking. I insisted my stepson leave after a night of violence in our home (first aggressive episode) . The endless relapses under our roof was taking its toll on our mental wellbeing. The journey isn't over, as my stepson doesn't fully engage with services for any length of time. Ive probably only got 10% of hope left that he can overcome his addiction, which makes me sad. Future focus is on supporting my partner and my stepson's children.
Hi Debbie from New Zealand, You're right, It's particularly complicated being a step parent in this type of situation! Not sure if you saw this video, but your situation reminds me a little of this families situation. ruclips.net/video/NxLY96Kh65A/видео.html
Thank you again for these great topics. Especially today's topic. Even though sobriety is my new normal, I feel it is still important to not wear myself down by being in the places or doing old behaviors. I recognize that I did have a problem and I could always go back to that life if I'm not careful. So I'm proactive nowadays and I watch these videos and really feel safe in this space. I also love all the love videos where other people in our group ask great questions and is so supportive to each other. They are great and I feel comfortable sharing as well. Thank you and all the people here! Yours are awesome!
Probably the best video on this topic
Wow! Thank you!!!! 😁😁😁
Awwww thanks 😁😁😁
You are quite experienced with this topic. Many thanks for your video. I have more days of sobriety than I ever imagined. Today I know that it never will be safe for me, I'll never get the diploma 😂. By the way, I'm an alcoholic. Drinking again would be like taking back the problem, flushing my life down the drain. Making the decision, not to be able to drink set me free of all these questions and doubts about drinking. Skipping events that may be harmful to me is a good way.
Great insight!
My favorite part is she said is if it’s left in the dark, it’s growing
In my recovery, I’ve had instances where I’ve been able to use just one day and then put it down right after one use and be sober again for a while. My relapse warning thought would be, “oh, maybe I can just use right now while I’m feeling so terrible (sick, in pain, etc.) just to get perhaps and hour or two of feeling good, and then go back to working the steps tomorrow.” At that point, I think, “I’ve done this (pick up and put down in 1 day during tong-term continuous sobriety) before, it’s no big deal. Nothing terrible has happened yet.” And then I have that mental relapse where I might reach out to someone who might be connected to a connection or someone I know has relapsed. The “plug” might not work out, and I don’t get the drug, and I just keep going with my life without it. I’m scared because I know what it did to my life, and I know I never want to go back to that, and I feel stronger in myself than I ever have. I don’t know how to get these kinds of thoughts to stay out for good.
Great insight Maz! I'm glad you're paying close attention to those types of thoughts😎
One of my biggest triggers is certain TV shows where there is using and manipulation
Totally relatable!
You are always on point! Really appreciate all your hard work.
Your awesome I've been battling it for 16 yrs.
Love your videos 💕✨
Speaking to #7, in my lifetime, my person has only made it past 30 days sober twice. Once when I was too young too remember, and I'm not sure it lasted a year. The 2nd time through a court-ordered rehab where he made it over a year for the first time since about age 13. Otherwise, he's had some success between life-threatening binges and detox cycles for a few weeks. Just about 2 months ago he said he was completely over it and actually got sick at the sight of the stuff so he felt like he was over it forever lol. It was hard for me not to laugh. He doesn't trust that I know his cycle. I have experienced when he has gotten squirrely between 2 and 4 weeks at least 20 times, but he refuses to prepare for when he always will have that attitude that keeps him from being successful for more than a few weeks. I don't know if there's a way to get through the delusions and magical thinking. I have just been working on detatching because it is hard to see the destruction, and hear about his crazy version of his history (particularly how great of a parent he believes that he has been). Also, he can get really nasty in various points on his cycle or just generally impossible to carry on a converstion with, and I don't deserve that negativity in my life.
Even if he's failed a million times before it's not helpful to bring that up when he's saying he wants to do better. We call that change talk, and it's a good thing. You want to reinforce that he does have the ability to stop. I realize that feels un-natural, but it's a much more effective technique.
@@PutTheShovelDown I hear that. Generally if I say anything at all, say he has gotten past his first few days of detoxing again and he's starting to feel great. He chalks up the last month or several months as a "little slip" and now that he's back on the wagon, all he needs is for whatever job opportunities to come to fruition (that's his sobriety plan even though his employment or lack thereof has never helped him to drink any less).
So I generally ask if he has a plan to keep it going... an accountability system or partner in place this time already or needs help making a plan. Since he willed his way through a detox (when he physically couldn't drink another drop because he ran out of money for the month or couldn't keep anymore down), he still doesn't think he needs any accountability of any kind. He doesn't need a local sponsor, a program, any systems set up to where he has to be somewhere different than sitting alone with his thoughts a block away from a liquor store with no committments to anyone or anything. By the time we have a talk like this, the change talk is gone. He feels he already beat his lifelong battle and it is behind him, which happens about a week before he gets squirrely and he starts his next life threatening binge. Right now he's still in a binge. Sitting on his apartment floor with nothing but his laptop, his cup and some blankets because a month ago he had movers put everything in storage. It makes me feel like a terrible kid to let him live that way, but he's doing it all to himself and there's really nothing I could do unless I wanted to fight him in court to be his guardian, which sounds like a miserable time to me. I'm not willing to make that sacrifice right now.
@@eagle-wingedturtle201 I read her reply and your last reply. The program of the 12 steps has been the most crucial puzzle piece in my steps toward a happy life in long term recovery. Note, recovery is very different from sobriety. Recovery require self-reflection and learning the abilities and new habits to change your specific addictive patterns and behaviors. Sobriety is more like white-knuckling every second of the day and night and hoping and willing that you don’t pick up. That is what can be called a “dry drunk.” If I were you, I would try to find an AA meeting in the area - there is a full list for every city/ county on their website - just to take home some, what they call, “literature,” and inform the men of your father. I’m sure they would be willing and exciting to help and will know just what to do. That way, you can take some of the burden off yourself. There are helpful pamphlets, and most meeting have a printed out area-specific meeting schedule that is usually the most currently updated. I would buy a Big Book of Alcoholic Anonymous for your dad (just called the Big Book), they’re $9.50, and pick up a list of numbers (the meeting leaders usually have those ready or can make one in minutes) and just leave those two things for your dad (the phone number list and the big book). Maybe he’ll open it, maybe he won’t. Either way, you are an important piece to him ever seeing that where are people who have been where he is that are back loving lifting and finding true contentment, in recovery. But with his attitude, there will obviously be a lot of work needed, including working with other alcoholics, as well as with a therapist to see where his intense need to escape/ run from reality (by getting plastered) is really coming from, identify where it at all begin, and create a unique plan of action to best fit HIM. I hope this helps. Much love.
Do you have a video about how to support someone who is years into recovery? I have fallen in love with a wonderful man who has been clean 8 years. He works as an addiction counselor part time and recovers out loud. I just want to make sure I support him in any way possible. I have family with addictions but fortunately I do not personally have that battle. Thank you for your videos, I have learned a great deal.
Hi Utawna, it sounds like he’s in a good place, so I don’t think you should over worry. I don’t have a video on that. The only special instruction I would have it’s to always remember that he is an addict. If he starts to go backwards, he may try to convince himself and/or you otherwise. If you weren’t with him during his addiction, it may be hard to realize just how bad his addiction was.
@@PutTheShovelDown thank you kindly! I've learned a great deal from him and he has been very understanding of my anxiety issues.
Thanks!
thank you
Welcome!
I’m interested in your take. My thing is: I only set one year being alcohol-free. It’s getting close to 9 months now. I wanted to give myself one year of sobriety and the re-evalute the situation. It is much better. I still want to prove myself that I can drink in moderation. I don’t see much point to drink yourself under the table but the absolutely NO-NO policy is demonizing alcohol and takes the power away from me when they say in AA: “I have no control over it.” Is this a relapse monster?
My husband just started his recovery journey 5 days ago. He is doing a postgraduate program until next May, so another 7 months, so his goal is to stay sober until then (he acknowledges that he would not be able to finish the program, if he continues drinking). Then, he thinks he can try to "drink responsibly". His thought is that the past 2 years our life has been really stressful and that's what made his drinking so much worse. He believes that under normal circumstances, he would be able to control it.
Can you tell more about your experience? Did you actually try drinking again?
Thank you!
@@otiliafarris8475 hey there! So I kept my promise, and I was sober for a year. Then I tried alcohol again. First, it was easy and casual. But in 3-4 months my mind started the same games and I started binge drinking and it lead to a few very ugly dramas. Also, I went back smoking after 3-4 months of trying. It was not as uncontrollable because I was much more disciplined this time, but that few wild nights are horrible memories and I was all in all not in a great emotional state. And then I found out I am finally pregnant (we were "working" on it for more than 1,5 years and I was losing hope, to be honest). The moment I learned the news, no more alcohol, no more cigarettes and now I've been clean for almost 6 months now. So what did I learn? I thought 1 year of hard work is enough to fully rewire your brain... It wasn't. Is it impossible to be a "normal" drinker again? Not necessarily. Moderation is never going to be easy for someone who has an addictive personality and once has gone down the rabbit hole... But I believe people can change and neuroplasticity is a real thing. But I do not plan to go back "trying to drink normally" for a while. I do not miss it this time around, but I guess pregnancy changes a lot of things in you anyway. So my experience was so-so. But I keep on working on myself: excercise, therapy, balance and slowing down. These all helped. I wish you both the best! Let me know, how it goes!
My gf has been clean of heroin and crack for 4 yrs now, shes dwn to 5ml now, itll b 4mil nxt week, but once she hits 3mil shell just b cut off, she had a few lapses from june to sept last yr which was horrible for us both....the other day she told me (cos she was drunk) that she wanted to to get heroin JUST to go over n not wake up 😪😪 so im terrified now...so i think she mite have gone n done crack instead there was a lot of evidence..(dilated pupils, smell of insence, small piece of tin foil etc).....i dont want to ask her bout it, cos shell jyst threaten me that ill push her to relapse properly....
What is your advice, I have been with an addict for 2 years, he has never went more than 2 months. He works out of town 2 on 2 off and ends up always finding all the addicts at camp and goes out after we get off the phone and lies, he has stole from me, cheated on me and I have lots of resentment and lots of doubt and I am now 5 weeks pregnant and terrified, is there an ultimadum or something I can do. I don't want a baby to have to go through this and have a stressed out mom.
When your loved one is in early recovery and does things that are hurtful or inconsiderate, like saying they will call and then they don’t, should you just let it go? My tendency is to point it out and that it hurts my feelings, but when I do this, he just lashes out and it devolves into him saying go f yourself (also hurtful). But maybe I just need to suck it up while they are in early recovery and let this stuff go, including him telling me to go f myself? I want to give him what he asks for … as I don’t need this in my life. But on the other hand, maybe I am just being “needy” to expect him to follow through and being hurt and saying so, when he doesn’t. I honestly want his recovery to work for him and I don’t want to be the reason he relapses.
Hi Stacy, It doesn't sound like calling him out is helping him (OR YOU!). It's very natural to want them to acknowledge what they've done, but calling out past wrong doings is only going to make him defensive.