@@madj7152ehhh people change chances are he feels bad about it, it’s worth going on a few date with him to see if he’s legit . You can always leave again. But men who don’t get second chances tend to bottle it up for someone else. So yes he deserves another chance. Disney gave us a delusional view of relationships. People need to endure more we leave @ the slightest thing.
I want my ex back because we have a 3 year old boy together,, but i do not need her back. 8 years together. She moves on so quickly, lightening fast, living and sleeping with someone else all within a month right after our breakup.
@@urmomsfavtoy1159 i thinking that's what happen. It will have been a year ago next month,, still a little traumatized by it. Found out they have known each other since childhood. There happy and engaged. All unicorns and rainbows for them.
Even if he comes back, I cannot take him back. It hurts so much but it’s not possible for me to accept him back. I would never feel trust or safety in the relationship after being left.
This might help. Even though im a year late but. Everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have. The things they do and say is a reflection of them. I confidently say this even though i am in the middle of no contact with no certain outcome available to me. Dont be so hard them. They didnt have the tool, resources or even mental health help like a therapist.
@@Wanderingsamurai_life it’s ok, I go to therapy and continually get emdr and I feel a lot better. As far as being hard on them or not….some things are unforgivable. If a person destroyed your life and you almost died, it’s ok not to forgive. It doesn’t mean I carry resentment around with me anymore. My ex is the clinical definition of a sociopath. He’s dangerous. It’s not a matter of being hard on him or not. It’s a matter of survival and moving on and never allowing toxic ppl like that into one’s life ever again. Now I know what to look for. I value the lessons I had to learn the hard way, but he didn’t teach me those lessons. I learned them myself. I’m not grateful to him in any way. He’s just a garbage person. Some ppl are just trash and it’s ok to throw them out and never see them again. I don’t resent garbage, I just remove it and never see it again. 🤷♀️ it’s not as if I don’t care. I learned in therapy that it’s ok to accept that I still have love for that person buts it’s the unconditional love for another human being who I had once bonded myself to. (Notice I didn’t say “we bonded” because ppl without empathy don’t really bond, they just “attach”). I’m done feeling bad about having loved him. And I’m so happy I never have to see him again. Side note: my ex did have rss like therapy etc. He has all the rss and more. But ppl in the cluster b group of the dsm-5 such as narcissistic personality disorder, sociopaths and psychopaths, are very hard to treat because they don’t realize they have a problem. They are in denial. They tend to “play along” in therapy and don’t really do the work necessary to reach their core self and core needs. It’s very sad but they’re often so destructive, that I think most will agree, they don’t deserve much sympathy when they really just continue to make poor choices. They are still in control of themselves. It really does come down to poor choices. Even for them. Even for me. Even for you.
Same ,, im acually crying , not cos he doesn't want me ( again ) and this is a 6 Yr relationship,,,, im crying cos I no my higher self is acually telling me,, im not allowed to go back 😢,,, crt do it any more xx
I won't take back someone who allowed to build an emotional attachment with some other guy behind my back and jumped to the other relationship. Lying, and betrayal is something not worth returning to. It's just sad a person can destroy over 7 years of relationship.
Going through that now..6 years together. Have a 4 year old.. she became a stranger basically over night...Shits tough.. How you holding up these days?
Guys / woman. Read this closely. Take it directly to heart. If you were dumped or a dumper , it is not your fault. Relationships run their course. You both still love and care about eachother that's a promise even if one person gets mad at the other etc. Whatever the reason of the breakup. As long as neither was physically or verbally abusive and you weren't a pos in general that's all you can do. When it's over between you two (currently my situation after a 14 year relationship) the only thing you can do is not talk. If you're the dumpee what you don't want to do is be a stalker and push her. Make a couple of attempts on the beginning to reconcile , if she or he doesn't reciprocate, that's when you walk the other way. Furthermore, your breakup will literally feel like you're dying. You won't be able to eat , sleep and there will be pain in your heart. This is what happens when your heart gets broken. Just a reminder. Take each day one day at a time.
Shes dating someone else. In the meantime ive worked on my health, and wealth. Ive made major progress in muscle growth, self care, and committed myself to my career. I can tell my market value has increased just by my daily interactions. Women literally openly flirting with me, now my ex is constantly texting me. Few years ago i wouldve done anything, LITERALLY ANYTHING to be in the position im in right now with her. But, now? I want give myself to someone more deserving.
By the time you’ve grown, you will need some very good reasons to actually take them back. Have they grown? Do you trust them again? Good communication without judgment is key here. But when someone hurts you so insanely much by leaving (unless you are a foul individual) do you want to take that risk again? Just thinking out loud here…
There was a time when I didn't think a dumper had any remorse until I had to do it myself, and I hated myself for hurting someone who was only trying to reach out for somebody special. I thought they were callous, or cowardly.
Don't be naive about breakups. When someone quits on you, there is no going back and its just that f***ing simple. If it wasn't good then, it will not be good now. And, odds are, it will be even worse. Treat yourself to some self respect, never speak to anyone who betrays your trust. EVER.
some dumpers have no remorse. If they do, they're just realizing the pain they've created. Carry on, you will both get over one another eventually. Learn the lessons and bid farewell.
That video game analogy makes perfect sense. I did 30 days NC then I reached out to my ex first. I didn’t do the internal growth. So when the opportunity came he was open/receptive to getting back together but still had a lot of reservations. I pushed too hard and he pulled away again. Now I’m back in NC all over again (day 24). I’m feeling more secure this time around (so I’m making NC indefinite). I don’t plan on reaching out first this time. In our last convo I told him that I still loved him, but I would respect his decision. If he decides to reach out first this time around we can talk, but if he doesn’t I’ll just move on. I’ve done enough.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I would advise you to never contact your ex during no contact or have a set date where you have to contact them as that will never work out as you might end up contacting them too early. You have to move on and make them contact you. They have to go through the grief as well as if not, they will never learn and will give you for granted
@@himjk7534 we got back together for awhile & things were great, but he unexpectedly called things off again. We’ve been broken up for about 8 months now. We started talking and flirting again for a couple of months but I put an end to that two weeks ago because I want more than he’s ready to commit to at this time. He reached out to me yesterday, but things are the same. No change. I think we both have a hard time letting go.
@@hammadvasim6466 lol we stopped talking a year ago. He reached out a month ago randomly, but I did not respond. I’m dating someone else now. He’s in the past now 🤷♀️
Im an avoidant, im just terrified of relationships. I'm always nostalgic about my single days. I just dont feel we ever have regret either, life moves quickly for us
The shifts in energy in a dismissive avoidant. The are emotional phobics so it feels good to them. Theyre parents didn't teach them to resolve conflict. Give them space. If it takes months move on but if they show up at that time ; they found out your moving on and are nervous they made the wrong decision.
1 month in now, up and down but overall very good progress. Getting to the closer point of stabilising in the headspace of I don't care anymore and excited for the future.
I am having dumpers remorse for the past 10 months. I dumped my ex because I was more of an option than anything else. Always being last on her list. I believe she is also a covert narcissist. Which I don’t understand why in the world, I even keep thinking about her. I know that if we would ever get back, I could not get back because of knowing how she treated me. She is now seeing a married man which has lowered my expectations of her even more. And yet I keep thinking about her, I don’t understand why. I’m having a hard time moving on and she is doing just fine. But I feel that this does not make me a narcissist.
It's very normal you feel that way after a break up with narcissists and toxic people it's the Trauma Bound I understand your pain Look for it on Google or RUclips You could listen as well to Sam Vaknin
That happened to me. I saw my ex and we talked for a hour and a half catching up. It felt like we were together again. Said bye and the next day she told me she wanted me to move on.
I was the dumper a couple of months ago and I regretted it almost immediately. I was suffering from a great deal of physical pain from sciatica which caused a lack of sleep and a lot of pain medication that barely touched the pain. I groveled but he didn’t accept me or want to reconcile. I’ve since had back surgery and the difference in myself has been night and day - I’m me again, except I’m heartbroken. I feel bad for hurting him. We’ve been talking again on text for a few weeks now but he doesn’t seem to want to see me. It’s killing me. He even sends pictures of him like he used to and we have been watching Start Trek together every week (from our homes, so cyber-dates). I don’t know if I should hold out hope for us or just let him go. I’m confused. I still love him.😢
You should talk openly to him. It seems like both you dont address the elephant in the room. Acting like everything is fine but dont talk about the important things in a relationship.. Communicate how you feel and understand where hes coming from. Talk about what both of you need to do to make this work again..
@@pabl1to33 update: we’re taking things slowly right now. We have a date set-up for tomorrow night. He asked me to have patience with him because he’s caregiver for his Dad with Alzheimers (really bad) so he has a lot on his plate. We had a nice date a couple weeks ago too. We’re getting closer again. Thank you for your input. Cheers!
@@revelationx9852 it went well for 2 weeks and she flip flopped on me again and said we should just be friends I said sorry I'm not accepting that! Goodbye she started to beg and pleed I said sorry I won't be demoted from fiancé to friend
I broke up with my DA again out of emotion. I love him but feel that he sabotaged our relationship. I felt remorse about 6 weeks in. He refuses to talk to me now and I’m miserable. I’m an AP and wanna communicate and problem solve and he is punishing me with the silent treatment.
I hate to be the one who deals with dumper’s remorse. I only broke up with him because it’s becoming toxic between up😢. I don’t want us to hurt each other longer to the point that I’d hate him. I genuinely love my ex and I miss him
He us so sure about the breakup that I am fully blocked everywhere ( hard block) and he called me a lot of things including toxic, manipulater and with a victim mentality and a lier, I ended up in therapy and healing now but I think it's safe to say that he us seriously serious about the breakup after being together for 6 years
i was called the same too. not to mention controlling and posessive well all in fact she was the one who cheated in the first place and begged for me not to leave.
I supported my X despite her insecurities and cold 🥶 attitudes. We had an argument. She left me. I tried to win her back. Pointless. She blocked 🚫 my cellphone and I blocked her. It's been 6 to 7 months. My X haven't hovered me yet. I moved on. No more eggshells.
I actually cut it first. She pulled me back in, wrote me a long letter. We reconciled. Then she dumped me 1 month later (day after my birthday). It seemed more protective. I'm the first guy to meet the parents. The first guy she let in close. First guy she said "I love you" to. Severe unhealed avoidant. I didn't resist the breakup. Accepted it on the spot. Stayed no contact going on 4 weeks
Don't fool yourself waiting and expecting that things will change after some time (NC). There is no guaranty. Even she comes it will never be the same. You just lost precious time waiting "for broken car to be fixed". Move on and do the best of yourself to gain new better option. It's just around the corner.
i never regret when i dumped someone, because i never truly loved that guy... but when i was dumped this time, i dont know and not sure there will be a regret for him but what im sure is... we truly loved and cared eachother and somehow we still do....
Trust me if he truly loved you, he will contact you. Only the ones that really loved you will contact if you give them lots of space to think. No contact worked for me before. My recent ex broke up with me and I know she loves me…… but I think I screwed up by being needy so in my case no contact will help cuz I’ll look more independent
Enjoy the free time..Get to know your self and become comfortable being alone. They always come back. The question is do you really want to be with someone who plays head games and is constantly emotionally unavailable and hurts you with absolutely no remorse. Because they will absolutely leave again
For me, I'm just sad because I knew that my heart wasn't in the right place, but we had developed such a strong friendship underneath. So it wasn't just the relationship, I was losing my best friend. But breaking someone's heart and being able to keep that friendship is absolutely not possible. I know I wouldn't be able to stay friends if the roles were reversed. At least not for quite some time. I cry a lot and am feeling the melancholy. Breaking a loved one's heart and knowing you may never see them again is devastating, and I've had a few "Did I make a mistake?" Moments. But ultimately I just wasn't "in" love anymore, I knew it was more than just a typical "lull" that occurs in a longterm relationship, and even if we did get back together, he'd never trust me fully again. He'd have that seed of doubt - "When is she gonna fall out of love and break my heart again?". That's not fair. So yeah. I agree with the no contact rule. It helps you come to terms with things and get yourself sorted in terms of where you're going next. When you KNOW for sure that your heart isn't where it should be, you nave 2 options. 1) break their heart, and 2) drag them along and waste everyone's time. Regret is normal. But going back is likely going to result in a toxic cycle - people's hearts are not yo-yo's. You need to let go. Or at the very least, take a few years to live, reflect, and grow. Never act on impulse/heat of the moment. Always make sure you're 100% certain when you make a big decision to break up or to reach out/get back together.
I am anxious who dated an avoidant anxious. I dumped him 3 times. He dumped me the third time I returned. Text book coupling of weirdos. But the sexual chemistry was insane.
My X left me for a rebound guy after a few years together. I don't think 🤔 she will come back. Besides, she will have to apologize were she's not good at. She would have to take off her mask.
I wonder what the statistics are of how many dumpers that actually go through these stages and how many just feel relief after breaking up and just move on with their life?
Here’s my case…. A few months ago we got into it over his wrong doing and he didn’t talk to me for 17 days. I thought that’s ok sometimes space can be a good thing. But now anytime we fight over anything, he will want to not speak for WEEKS. 3 times so far within 4-5 months he has done this … the 2nd time he went 20 days then the last time he went 21 days. We got into a fight a few days ago and he is wanting to not talk to me for awhile. It’s like he doesn’t want to communicate period . Nothing at all. He just wants to not speak about the issue, not talk for 3-4 weeks, then come back & act like he didn’t just do that & when I bring it up when he comes back he tells me to get over it or don’t talk to him. Idk what to do bc he is being coming comfortable with space from me . It’s like We’ll talk for 2 week then we get into a little argument then it’s space. We have become horrible. I’m having crazy crazy resentment issues for him bc he thinks he can treat me how he wants and I’m always gonna be there. He doesn’t fear losing me, he doesn’t seem to care about me at all . He takes me for granted while I chase after him like a little kid. But when he comes back he tells me how he misses me and all this. On top of everything he seems to be looking around for other women it’s it clear by his actions & the jokes he makes that he is looking for someone new. He follows over 3000 girls & only 400 ppl follow him…: he goes to the club every single weekend, he jokes constantly about wanting something new. It’s really getting to me bc if he keeps looking he is gonna fine what he’s looking for eventually & it’s gonna ruined us completely. I need advice
I'm literally in that same predicament, we fight over how his actions and the way he talks to me, how he does things that clearly show he don't care, he turns it around on me and then disappears. At this point now he got upset over a picture I posted of me and my Guyfriend (who he hates) that took me out dancing when I was single (during a breakup and something I had been wanting to do FOR YEARS that he was to scared to do) and even thou I told him it right away after we got back together cuz I don't like not being honest, NOW he's flipping out over it, calling me all sorts of names and yelling and shouting at me and trying to break my vehicle, says it's over but then once I left he tried saying he says he's sorry that he knows I deserve better blah blah blah, but honestly? I think we should be done. No man if he loves you should leave you for weeks at a time. I told him I hate how he does that to me, but he still does it and now we're not going to be talking again. But I'm set on not going back. I think you should do the same. It's better to be lonely and single then to be lonely in a relationship. I'm going to church and trusting God with my future. I think it would be good for you to do the same, get back into your hobbies, do things that make you happy. I'm sure they'll both be back but we shouldn't keep letting them back in when they keep walking out so easily.
Let him go, he’s not worth it and you deserve a lot more. It’ll be very hard at first as you care about him and you want him in your life but you will get better trust me
Sorry, but you need to wake up. You are in a dream state and not thinking clearly. You have a belief inside you that you dont deserve better and thay you wont find someone who will truly love you. Hes behaviour is child like and you should not tolerate this. Its time to focus on yourself and grow as a person. There are man out there who will give you exactly what you are looking for. You are wasting time when you could have someone that truly loves and supports you. I pray that you wake up to life.
Oh my... I am very sorry to tell you, but you have to let him go! Completely. His treatment of you is terrible. Do not reply to him anymore. You have to love yourself enough to not accept this anymore. Please, be strong.
CAN SOME HELP ME ?My gf dumped me just over 3 weeks ago, we went out for 18 month. It was pritty good till about the last week and she even said she loves me as she was dumping " i need to put myself first" is what she said. her friends dont like me i think they had a hand in it. she may have been flirting with someone else at work i but i have no proof. Her mum said she has been happy so far. ( her parents liked me) i was her first in the sack and longenst relationahip. i met her once after two weeks and we had a good 10 minute chat. but she sent me one text thst it was good to see me this was a week ago. i want to give her space for a month. can someone give me some advise. it hurts me bad, i wanna move on but i find it really hard. She is anxous personality. i mean classic
I’m going through a breakup too mate , currently 6 weeks of no contact, what I can is “if it’s meant to be , she’ll comeback “ if she doesn’t then slowly try to move on yeah , all the best bro
@@frankib8620 just do no contact bro & hope for the best , I’m doing it too it’s not easy at first , I’m feeling slightly better but I do feel sad but not as much anymore , time is the cure for u both to reconcile or to make u feel better and move on , maybe they’ll come back to us we won’t know , Just do no contact and hope for the best if it doesn’t turn out the way we want , I wish you all the best in life brother
Im doing my best to do no contact. Whats difficult for me is we have 2 boys together. So i cant go complete NC but she reaches out everyother week to see how im doing. I keep it short and respectful and try not to ask about her too much. I ask how she is doing just to recepicste when she ask how i am doing. If its a text i keep it one or two words ex: im well, work is busy. Weve been in NC for a month today. Next weekend we planned to meet up however the meet up was a set date from when we started NC wish now maybe im thinking wasnt a good idea. However ive grown since then by s lot, still have a way to go but i can handle what ever happends. Any advice from anyone??
Most likely not. My dad is a narc but he is only in control of the block function on social media. They will happily never contact you ever again thinking they have control over the relationship. Its kind of domestic abuse really.
We had a nasty breakup and I told him to never call me again after he hung up on me.......but now I miss him; I want him to call.......but I will never ever ever call him; do he will have to be the one to call!!!!!!
Hey Dezy, I think you need to consider what you want more, you told him not to call you so he may not ever reach out in fear of an angry response. I would suggest that you reach out via text in a friendly way so that he can see you are now open to communication.
All these videos on YT assume the dumper is the Avoidant. There has to enough of us who've cut off Avoidants due to their inability to communicate. Anxious people CAN walk away. Or maybe I'm just super Secure - but in any case, the dumped are the Avoidants.
No, women don't leave a man easily. We usually exhaust ourselves before leaving.. But if we leave, we do not come back.. It is because at the back of our minds, we did everything and we are finally not going back.
@@glaimynnecadungon1643 what if she said she still loved during the break up. she could have just said i have no feeling for you. also lets not forget the " friends" will hype her to do it.
He will feel the dumper's remorse after the honey moon period of this new rebound relationship is over..but the remorse is inevitable because of the quality of efforts/love/uniqueness you bring on is the thing which he will miss the most..but it may take usual than more time if he is with someone else..
I been trying so hars to manifest contact from her (dumper fa) and what happens, an ex from 10 years ago hits me up! Wrong one universe wrong one! 🤣🤣😭😭🤣😭
Hey Chris, question for you, why does my ex (dumper) keep posting similar things as me? Like if I post something, she posts shortly after with a very similar thing. We’ve been broken up for 7 months
Dang man that kinda weird did you figure out why? I would say block her that way she has to look for you instead of trying to reach you through her little indirect signals
Quite clearly, she thinks about u and wants ur attention. That's why she does it. May be she also wants to again start relationship with u but is not approaching directly as, she fears rejection from u now and her ego is coming in way.
If it takes a year for someone to realize they’re missing out on a positive, healthy well rounded relationship..I don’t want em
Seriously wtf. After a year just getting into the loss phase? Fuck out of here . Ain't nobody got time for that 😂
Nope. My ex was abusive so I dumped him. I will never regret my decision.
@@madj7152all of these videos are assuming that the relationship was healthy
@@madj7152ehhh people change chances are he feels bad about it, it’s worth going on a few date with him to see if he’s legit . You can always leave again. But men who don’t get second chances tend to bottle it up for someone else. So yes he deserves another chance. Disney gave us a delusional view of relationships. People need to endure more we leave @ the slightest thing.
Well Said.... LIFE is TOO SHORT....
They always come back, Don’t stress!!!! Just Relax.
I want my ex back because we have a 3 year old boy together,, but i do not need her back. 8 years together. She moves on so quickly, lightening fast, living and sleeping with someone else all within a month right after our breakup.
@@guitarpeot123 she for the streets bro
@@guitarpeot123 she was cheating bro that’s why
@@urmomsfavtoy1159 i thinking that's what happen. It will have been a year ago next month,, still a little traumatized by it. Found out they have known each other since childhood. There happy and engaged. All unicorns and rainbows for them.
they’re talking to someone new though :(
Even if he comes back, I cannot take him back. It hurts so much but it’s not possible for me to accept him back. I would never feel trust or safety in the relationship after being left.
I know what you mean. I’d rather be single than take this person back just to get hurt again
This might help. Even though im a year late but. Everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have. The things they do and say is a reflection of them. I confidently say this even though i am in the middle of no contact with no certain outcome available to me. Dont be so hard them. They didnt have the tool, resources or even mental health help like a therapist.
@@Wanderingsamurai_life it’s ok, I go to therapy and continually get emdr and I feel a lot better. As far as being hard on them or not….some things are unforgivable. If a person destroyed your life and you almost died, it’s ok not to forgive. It doesn’t mean I carry resentment around with me anymore. My ex is the clinical definition of a sociopath. He’s dangerous. It’s not a matter of being hard on him or not. It’s a matter of survival and moving on and never allowing toxic ppl like that into one’s life ever again. Now I know what to look for. I value the lessons I had to learn the hard way, but he didn’t teach me those lessons. I learned them myself. I’m not grateful to him in any way. He’s just a garbage person. Some ppl are just trash and it’s ok to throw them out and never see them again. I don’t resent garbage, I just remove it and never see it again. 🤷♀️ it’s not as if I don’t care. I learned in therapy that it’s ok to accept that I still have love for that person buts it’s the unconditional love for another human being who I had once bonded myself to. (Notice I didn’t say “we bonded” because ppl without empathy don’t really bond, they just “attach”). I’m done feeling bad about having loved him. And I’m so happy I never have to see him again.
Side note: my ex did have rss like therapy etc. He has all the rss and more. But ppl in the cluster b group of the dsm-5 such as narcissistic personality disorder, sociopaths and psychopaths, are very hard to treat because they don’t realize they have a problem. They are in denial. They tend to “play along” in therapy and don’t really do the work necessary to reach their core self and core needs. It’s very sad but they’re often so destructive, that I think most will agree, they don’t deserve much sympathy when they really just continue to make poor choices. They are still in control of themselves. It really does come down to poor choices. Even for them. Even for me. Even for you.
@@Wanderingsamurai_life Thank you. This helped me a lot today
Same ,, im acually crying , not cos he doesn't want me ( again ) and this is a 6 Yr relationship,,,, im crying cos I no my higher self is acually telling me,, im not allowed to go back 😢,,, crt do it any more xx
Make them work for your validation when they comeback,
And never give them everything like what you did in the past,
Make the invest in you
Dont do that , im talking from experience, let em go, that hurts more.
The comedy of the universe is that just about the time your ex comes back is just about the time you don’t give a fuck about them anymore. 😊
Literally hahaha
I won't take back someone who allowed to build an emotional attachment with some other guy behind my back and jumped to the other relationship. Lying, and betrayal is something not worth returning to. It's just sad a person can destroy over 7 years of relationship.
This happened to me too 😢 he broke up and end up with a new perosn
Going through that now..6 years together. Have a 4 year old.. she became a stranger basically over night...Shits tough.. How you holding up these days?
You allowed you to build emotional attachments.. accept your part and you'll find something healthier
Guys / woman. Read this closely. Take it directly to heart. If you were dumped or a dumper , it is not your fault. Relationships run their course. You both still love and care about eachother that's a promise even if one person gets mad at the other etc. Whatever the reason of the breakup. As long as neither was physically or verbally abusive and you weren't a pos in general that's all you can do. When it's over between you two (currently my situation after a 14 year relationship) the only thing you can do is not talk. If you're the dumpee what you don't want to do is be a stalker and push her. Make a couple of attempts on the beginning to reconcile , if she or he doesn't reciprocate, that's when you walk the other way. Furthermore, your breakup will literally feel like you're dying. You won't be able to eat , sleep and there will be pain in your heart. This is what happens when your heart gets broken. Just a reminder. Take each day one day at a time.
Wow...this is deep. Thanks for taking the time.
I really need some help. I wish I can talk to someone. My wife left with my 4 kids
Lol. So false. It is the dumpers fault. Maybe they need to learn how to be logical and not act like a child out of emotion all the time.
Thank you for this.
I find drugs help
Shes dating someone else. In the meantime ive worked on my health, and wealth. Ive made major progress in muscle growth, self care, and committed myself to my career. I can tell my market value has increased just by my daily interactions. Women literally openly flirting with me, now my ex is constantly texting me. Few years ago i wouldve done anything, LITERALLY ANYTHING to be in the position im in right now with her. But, now? I want give myself to someone more deserving.
I think he actually got a kick out of hurting me.
So so cold.
By the time you’ve grown, you will need some very good reasons to actually take them back. Have they grown? Do you trust them again? Good communication without judgment is key here. But when someone hurts you so insanely much by leaving (unless you are a foul individual) do you want to take that risk again? Just thinking out loud here…
These are all good questions to think about during no contact
Never take them back.
There was a time when I didn't think a dumper had any remorse until I had to do it myself, and I hated myself for hurting someone who was only trying to reach out for somebody special. I thought they were callous, or cowardly.
at least they ve reached out. mine never did.
Don't be naive about breakups. When someone quits on you, there is no going back and its just that f***ing simple. If it wasn't good then, it will not be good now. And, odds are, it will be even worse. Treat yourself to some self respect, never speak to anyone who betrays your trust. EVER.
some dumpers have no remorse. If they do, they're just realizing the pain they've created. Carry on, you will both get over one another eventually. Learn the lessons and bid farewell.
That video game analogy makes perfect sense. I did 30 days NC then I reached out to my ex first. I didn’t do the internal growth. So when the opportunity came he was open/receptive to getting back together but still had a lot of reservations. I pushed too hard and he pulled away again. Now I’m back in NC all over again (day 24). I’m feeling more secure this time around (so I’m making NC indefinite). I don’t plan on reaching out first this time. In our last convo I told him that I still loved him, but I would respect his decision. If he decides to reach out first this time around we can talk, but if he doesn’t I’ll just move on. I’ve done enough.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I would advise you to never contact your ex during no contact or have a set date where you have to contact them as that will never work out as you might end up contacting them too early. You have to move on and make them contact you. They have to go through the grief as well as if not, they will never learn and will give you for granted
Any updates?
@@himjk7534 we got back together for awhile & things were great, but he unexpectedly called things off again. We’ve been broken up for about 8 months now. We started talking and flirting again for a couple of months but I put an end to that two weeks ago because I want more than he’s ready to commit to at this time. He reached out to me yesterday, but things are the same. No change. I think we both have a hard time letting go.
@@eggs3015 what now any further updates 🙄
@@hammadvasim6466 lol we stopped talking a year ago. He reached out a month ago randomly, but I did not respond. I’m dating someone else now. He’s in the past now 🤷♀️
Im an avoidant, im just terrified of relationships. I'm always nostalgic about my single days. I just dont feel we ever have regret either, life moves quickly for us
The shifts in energy in a dismissive avoidant. The are emotional phobics so it feels good to them. Theyre parents didn't teach them to resolve conflict. Give them space. If it takes months move on but if they show up at that time ; they found out your moving on and are nervous they made the wrong decision.
1 month in now, up and down but overall very good progress. Getting to the closer point of stabilising in the headspace of I don't care anymore and excited for the future.
I am having dumpers remorse for the past 10 months. I dumped my ex because I was more of an option than anything else. Always being last on her list. I believe she is also a covert narcissist. Which I don’t understand why in the world, I even keep thinking about her. I know that if we would ever get back, I could not get back because of knowing how she treated me. She is now seeing a married man which has lowered my expectations of her even more. And yet I keep thinking about her, I don’t understand why. I’m having a hard time moving on and she is doing just fine. But I feel that this does not make me a narcissist.
It's very normal you feel that way after a break up with narcissists and toxic people it's the Trauma Bound
I understand your pain
Look for it on Google or RUclips
You could listen as well to Sam Vaknin
Whrn I start no contact ...keep that going until ur last breath
FYI, my timeline has usually been 2 years after a really bad breakup. And this is from the most stubborn of exes so it can and does happen
My ex always reached me after 6 months…. Pretty annoying that they come back when you stop caring
What’s a really bad breakup ?? Please define that
Dont go back to anyone who doesnt appreciate your value
what if i cheated. my dumper is actually right. i cheated and i want her back
@@freehighlander-u2w😂
These stages are very familiar Ive noticed in my experience. . well done summarizing all of this.
That happened to me. I saw my ex and we talked for a hour and a half catching up. It felt like we were together again. Said bye and the next day she told me she wanted me to move on.
Same for me. I guess we gotta just stay no contact cuz talking to them doesn’t do anything
I was the dumper a couple of months ago and I regretted it almost immediately. I was suffering from a great deal of physical pain from sciatica which caused a lack of sleep and a lot of pain medication that barely touched the pain. I groveled but he didn’t accept me or want to reconcile. I’ve since had back surgery and the difference in myself has been night and day - I’m me again, except I’m heartbroken. I feel bad for hurting him. We’ve been talking again on text for a few weeks now but he doesn’t seem to want to see me. It’s killing me. He even sends pictures of him like he used to and we have been watching Start Trek together every week (from our homes, so cyber-dates). I don’t know if I should hold out hope for us or just let him go. I’m confused. I still love him.😢
You should talk openly to him. It seems like both you dont address the elephant in the room. Acting like everything is fine but dont talk about the important things in a relationship.. Communicate how you feel and understand where hes coming from. Talk about what both of you need to do to make this work again..
@@pabl1to33 update: we’re taking things slowly right now. We have a date set-up for tomorrow night. He asked me to have patience with him because he’s caregiver for his Dad with Alzheimers (really bad) so he has a lot on his plate. We had a nice date a couple weeks ago too. We’re getting closer again. Thank you for your input. Cheers!
You dumped *him*.
Be enough of an adult to stand by your decision.
Gives me hope my ex gf will miss me
I can say that to be true .. they do all come back ! Given the worst of situations .. 😛
@@Shivamchandra007 my gf left me after 7 years, we have a son together. She has not been back, it has been 9 months.
@@guitarpeot123 be love yourself buddy. There is no true love it's just a condition.
@@Shivamchandra007 I'm gonna take that to heart. Makes so much sense mr. Thank you..
@@guitarpeot123 live your life she's gonna regret it later.
@@Shivamchandra007 i like your wisdom brother.
I'm praying everyday all day that she comes back, I hope that my story will be successful 🙏
Updates?)
@@revelationx9852 it went well for 2 weeks and she flip flopped on me again and said we should just be friends I said sorry I'm not accepting that! Goodbye she started to beg and pleed I said sorry I won't be demoted from fiancé to friend
@@projectf025 good job my man.
@@projectf025youre a strong man
updates bro?
I broke up with my DA again out of emotion. I love him but feel that he sabotaged our relationship. I felt remorse about 6 weeks in. He refuses to talk to me now and I’m miserable. I’m an AP and wanna communicate and problem solve and he is punishing me with the silent treatment.
Stay TF away from avoidants!
Hey how are you feeling today?
Same situation
Chris, please do video on men who doesn’t want relationship/commit!
I hate to be the one who deals with dumper’s remorse. I only broke up with him because it’s becoming toxic between up😢. I don’t want us to hurt each other longer to the point that I’d hate him. I genuinely love my ex and I miss him
Then fix it.
I want my ex to suffer for what she did to me
🏆
Same
i hear you
My ex is getting so bad. I am doing no contact. He keeps texting not nice things to me & saying messed up things to friends.
The block button can be your friend.
He us so sure about the breakup that I am fully blocked everywhere ( hard block) and he called me a lot of things including toxic, manipulater and with a victim mentality and a lier, I ended up in therapy and healing now but I think it's safe to say that he us seriously serious about the breakup after being together for 6 years
He sounds like an emotional abuse
Wow. I was called the same literally word for word! Is there some manual they’re reading from? Twins and a marriage… she moves out next week.
Hey Nirmeen, how is it going now?
I’m going through same issue now after 5yrs of being together.
i was called the same too. not to mention controlling and posessive well all in fact she was the one who cheated in the first place and begged for me not to leave.
I supported my X despite her insecurities and cold 🥶 attitudes. We had an argument. She left me. I tried to win her back. Pointless. She blocked 🚫 my cellphone and I blocked her. It's been 6 to 7 months. My X haven't hovered me yet. I moved on. No more eggshells.
I actually cut it first. She pulled me back in, wrote me a long letter. We reconciled. Then she dumped me 1 month later (day after my birthday). It seemed more protective. I'm the first guy to meet the parents. The first guy she let in close. First guy she said "I love you" to. Severe unhealed avoidant. I didn't resist the breakup. Accepted it on the spot. Stayed no contact going on 4 weeks
Don't fool yourself waiting and expecting that things will change after some time (NC). There is no guaranty. Even she comes it will never be the same. You just lost precious time waiting "for broken car to be fixed". Move on and do the best of yourself to gain new better option. It's just around the corner.
Really enjoying your channel - thank you for the info!
i never regret when i dumped someone, because i never truly loved that guy... but when i was dumped this time, i dont know and not sure there will be a regret for him but what im sure is... we truly loved and cared eachother and somehow we still do....
Trust me if he truly loved you, he will contact you. Only the ones that really loved you will contact if you give them lots of space to think. No contact worked for me before. My recent ex broke up with me and I know she loves me…… but I think I screwed up by being needy so in my case no contact will help cuz I’ll look more independent
Enjoy the free time..Get to know your self and become comfortable being alone. They always come back. The question is do you really want to be with someone who plays head games and is constantly emotionally unavailable and hurts you with absolutely no remorse. Because they will absolutely leave again
Does that go for friends too?
My friend just told me no text and calls..
What if the regret stage comes in sooner ...like 3 month after break up they are already regretting..does it mean they gone through all this stages?
Omg. Does it always take this long?!
Excellent, very sensible. Thanks
Early Gang!!! Always love Chris's content always on point.
For me, I'm just sad because I knew that my heart wasn't in the right place, but we had developed such a strong friendship underneath. So it wasn't just the relationship, I was losing my best friend. But breaking someone's heart and being able to keep that friendship is absolutely not possible. I know I wouldn't be able to stay friends if the roles were reversed. At least not for quite some time.
I cry a lot and am feeling the melancholy. Breaking a loved one's heart and knowing you may never see them again is devastating, and I've had a few "Did I make a mistake?" Moments. But ultimately I just wasn't "in" love anymore, I knew it was more than just a typical "lull" that occurs in a longterm relationship, and even if we did get back together, he'd never trust me fully again. He'd have that seed of doubt - "When is she gonna fall out of love and break my heart again?". That's not fair.
So yeah. I agree with the no contact rule. It helps you come to terms with things and get yourself sorted in terms of where you're going next.
When you KNOW for sure that your heart isn't where it should be, you nave 2 options. 1) break their heart, and 2) drag them along and waste everyone's time.
Regret is normal. But going back is likely going to result in a toxic cycle - people's hearts are not yo-yo's. You need to let go. Or at the very least, take a few years to live, reflect, and grow. Never act on impulse/heat of the moment. Always make sure you're 100% certain when you make a big decision to break up or to reach out/get back together.
does this apply when they found someone new after a month of breaking up?
Dude i love starcraft!! Thats so crazy you talked about it.
IMPORTANT: THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO NARCISSISTS/JEZEBELS! Read that again
is true for women
I am anxious who dated an avoidant anxious. I dumped him 3 times. He dumped me the third time I returned. Text book coupling of weirdos. But the sexual chemistry was insane.
I'm not having them back
My X left me for a rebound guy after a few years together. I don't think 🤔 she will come back. Besides, she will have to apologize were she's not good at. She would have to take off her mask.
Chris do u have a video on building that internal and external growth to Keep them when they come back? You last comment at the End of this Video.
What is the long-term success rate for relationships after NC runs its course?
I wonder what the statistics are of how many dumpers that actually go through these stages and how many just feel relief after breaking up and just move on with their life?
I wish I hadn’t broken no contact even in the tiniest ways I have.
Here’s my case…. A few months ago we got into it over his wrong doing and he didn’t talk to me for 17 days. I thought that’s ok sometimes space can be a good thing. But now anytime we fight over anything, he will want to not speak for WEEKS. 3 times so far within 4-5 months he has done this … the 2nd time he went 20 days then the last time he went 21 days. We got into a fight a few days ago and he is wanting to not talk to me for awhile. It’s like he doesn’t want to communicate period . Nothing at all. He just wants to not speak about the issue, not talk for 3-4 weeks, then come back & act like he didn’t just do that & when I bring it up when he comes back he tells me to get over it or don’t talk to him. Idk what to do bc he is being coming comfortable with space from me . It’s like We’ll talk for 2 week then we get into a little argument then it’s space. We have become horrible. I’m having crazy crazy resentment issues for him bc he thinks he can treat me how he wants and I’m always gonna be there. He doesn’t fear losing me, he doesn’t seem to care about me at all . He takes me for granted while I chase after him like a little kid. But when he comes back he tells me how he misses me and all this. On top of everything he seems to be looking around for other women it’s it clear by his actions & the jokes he makes that he is looking for someone new. He follows over 3000 girls & only 400 ppl follow him…: he goes to the club every single weekend, he jokes constantly about wanting something new. It’s really getting to me bc if he keeps looking he is gonna fine what he’s looking for eventually & it’s gonna ruined us completely. I need advice
I'm literally in that same predicament, we fight over how his actions and the way he talks to me, how he does things that clearly show he don't care, he turns it around on me and then disappears. At this point now he got upset over a picture I posted of me and my Guyfriend (who he hates) that took me out dancing when I was single (during a breakup and something I had been wanting to do FOR YEARS that he was to scared to do) and even thou I told him it right away after we got back together cuz I don't like not being honest, NOW he's flipping out over it, calling me all sorts of names and yelling and shouting at me and trying to break my vehicle, says it's over but then once I left he tried saying he says he's sorry that he knows I deserve better blah blah blah, but honestly? I think we should be done. No man if he loves you should leave you for weeks at a time. I told him I hate how he does that to me, but he still does it and now we're not going to be talking again. But I'm set on not going back. I think you should do the same. It's better to be lonely and single then to be lonely in a relationship. I'm going to church and trusting God with my future. I think it would be good for you to do the same, get back into your hobbies, do things that make you happy. I'm sure they'll both be back but we shouldn't keep letting them back in when they keep walking out so easily.
Let him go, he’s not worth it and you deserve a lot more. It’ll be very hard at first as you care about him and you want him in your life but you will get better trust me
Sorry, but you need to wake up. You are in a dream state and not thinking clearly. You have a belief inside you that you dont deserve better and thay you wont find someone who will truly love you. Hes behaviour is child like and you should not tolerate this. Its time to focus on yourself and grow as a person. There are man out there who will give you exactly what you are looking for. You are wasting time when you could have someone that truly loves and supports you. I pray that you wake up to life.
Oh my... I am very sorry to tell you, but you have to let him go! Completely. His treatment of you is terrible. Do not reply to him anymore. You have to love yourself enough to not accept this anymore. Please, be strong.
CAN SOME HELP ME ?My gf dumped me just over 3 weeks ago, we went out for 18 month. It was pritty good till about the last week and she even said she loves me as she was dumping " i need to put myself first" is what she said. her friends dont like me i think they had a hand in it. she may have been flirting with someone else at work i but i have no proof. Her mum said she has been happy so far. ( her parents liked me) i was her first in the sack and longenst relationahip. i met her once after two weeks and we had a good 10 minute chat. but she sent me one text thst it was good to see me this was a week ago. i want to give her space for a month. can someone give me some advise. it hurts me bad, i wanna move on but i find it really hard. She is anxous personality. i mean classic
I’m going through a breakup too mate , currently 6 weeks of no contact, what I can is “if it’s meant to be , she’ll comeback “ if she doesn’t then slowly try to move on yeah , all the best bro
@@mrisa4682 Tottaly, take it as a life lesson. we will find partners and take what we learned from the last one make it 100x better
@@frankib8620 just do no contact bro & hope for the best , I’m doing it too it’s not easy at first , I’m feeling slightly better but I do feel sad but not as much anymore , time is the cure for u both to reconcile or to make u feel better and move on , maybe they’ll come back to us we won’t know , Just do no contact and hope for the best if it doesn’t turn out the way we want , I wish you all the best in life brother
Im doing my best to do no contact. Whats difficult for me is we have 2 boys together. So i cant go complete NC but she reaches out everyother week to see how im doing. I keep it short and respectful and try not to ask about her too much. I ask how she is doing just to recepicste when she ask how i am doing. If its a text i keep it one or two words ex: im well, work is busy. Weve been in NC for a month today. Next weekend we planned to meet up however the meet up was a set date from when we started NC wish now maybe im thinking wasnt a good idea. However ive grown since then by s lot, still have a way to go but i can handle what ever happends. Any advice from anyone??
Had say most logical video out there
I hope she will come back, it's been a month 😞
did she?
A year lmao im well moved on and doing someone totally different by that time
🤮
Would my ex going from regularly checking my instagram stories to never looking at them be an example of an emotional wall?
Is it possible for a dumper to not feel dumpers remorse?
If he doesn't love you at the first
yes, if they are socio-paths...
all I can say if you walk away yes its definitely the right decision having no regrets what so every
Day 10 of nc and I actually don’t want him anymore
Does this apply to a narcissistic discard?
Most likely not. My dad is a narc but he is only in control of the block function on social media. They will happily never contact you ever again thinking they have control over the relationship. Its kind of domestic abuse really.
Never tell an avoidant or disorganised that you are fully committed. She will straight up dump you. 😭
Im so unreplacable and such a creative and adventurous person, my girlfriend will get bored soon. She will crawl back sneakily.
I reach out to him!
Would an advoidant say too clingy?
Yes
Interesting … we had no fights or any other drama!
We had a nasty breakup and I told him to never call me again after he hung up on me.......but now I miss him; I want him to call.......but I will never ever ever call him; do he will have to be the one to call!!!!!!
Hey Dezy, I think you need to consider what you want more, you told him not to call you so he may not ever reach out in fear of an angry response. I would suggest that you reach out via text in a friendly way so that he can see you are now open to communication.
@@chrisseitercoaching thank u......but he called yesterday 😂😅😂😂 30 days no contact....I was so happy but did not show it!!
@@dezyriquez5764 but you shouldn't ignore him, or he will think you don't want him anymore and then he probably really won't ever reach out.
@@dezyriquez5764 As a guy i can say if my gf called me i would be over the moon.
Scratch that..dont care now
no mistake I didn't want you in my life I would never regret leaving you.
All these videos on YT assume the dumper is the Avoidant. There has to enough of us who've cut off Avoidants due to their inability to communicate. Anxious people CAN walk away. Or maybe I'm just super Secure - but in any case, the dumped are the Avoidants.
Good insight
Does this really happen if you are the rebound? Hahaha
is it the same with women dumpers
No, women don't leave a man easily. We usually exhaust ourselves before leaving.. But if we leave, we do not come back.. It is because at the back of our minds, we did everything and we are finally not going back.
Yes my ex dumped me years ago and now she regrets it
@@glaimynnecadungon1643 You are speaking for yourself actually.
@@glaimynnecadungon1643 what if she said she still loved during the break up. she could have just said i have no feeling for you. also lets not forget the " friends" will hype her to do it.
@@glaimynnecadungon1643 cap women always boomerang tf back
I don't get how people spy on you when you don't have any social media accounts.
are the stages the same if they’re talking to someone new??
they might be in rebound
I wonder too ! He broke up and was seeing someone new 😢
What if they have a new gf less than 2 weeks after the break up
I just went through this and believe other woman was on the scene before he ended it with me.
@@family_things1013 same here
He was seeing someone beforehand
He will feel the dumper's remorse after the honey moon period of this new rebound relationship is over..but the remorse is inevitable because of the quality of efforts/love/uniqueness you bring on is the thing which he will miss the most..but it may take usual than more time if he is with someone else..
I am in the exact same situation.
I been trying so hars to manifest contact from her (dumper fa) and what happens, an ex from 10 years ago hits me up! Wrong one universe wrong one! 🤣🤣😭😭🤣😭
I wish this was true
Hey Chris, question for you, why does my ex (dumper) keep posting similar things as me? Like if I post something, she posts shortly after with a very similar thing. We’ve been broken up for 7 months
Dang man that kinda weird did you figure out why? I would say block her that way she has to look for you instead of trying to reach you through her little indirect signals
Quite clearly, she thinks about u and wants ur attention. That's why she does it. May be she also wants to again start relationship with u but is not approaching directly as, she fears rejection from u now and her ego is coming in way.
It’s just an excuse to sleep around
Soul ties😏
move on!!!! You are not a care taker for the unbalanced, emotional trainwreck!
I loved StarCraft. I got better at it. It was an awesome game.