They tell you to date for love with beings that aren't even capable of love. The amount of people that think that stress, trauma and pain is love is ridiculous. Men love what they invest in.
@Alixir1228 I've experienced it and seen it. Sheraseven and The Universe Guru helped me tremendously with dating and understanding the psychology of men.
@salsipuedes8425 Males aren't capable of love because they are operating out of their animal nature: instant gratification, dominance, ego, lack of self control. Men are capable of love because they operate from a higher nature: discipline, logical thinking, delayed gratification, control of self. When one loves themselves they can love others. People living in their lower nature are so stuck in survival mode that they can't think outside of themselves and how their actions affect people.
I recently had a revelation that to be in a relationship with a man that keeps hurting you is actually a form of self-harm. So this is spot on. I hate trauma bonding.
Absolutely- people don’t think of it that way - it repeats trauma and it also impacts the others who watch you go through this trauma over and over again. We have made psychological trauma the default; we end up emotionally drained and raw. Our mental health is precious.
What do you do however when that harmful relationship is with your brother? I've been trying to move out for the longest time and Godwilling I will soon, but my God, some days I honestly don't know why he was put on this earth in the condition he is in. His narcissism forces me to literally live numbly and against myself everyday.
@@LogarAccwell and thats the sad truth because a lot of us have experienced men who actually think like that. they think after doing what they think is the hardest thing ever, THE BARE MINIMUM, that they’re entitled to sex…and if they don’t get that, they’ll leave.
This became easy for me when I redefined love for my personal standards. Love is when a man takes care of me. Love is when a man invests in me. Love is when a man is eager to make my life easier. Love is when a man is emotionally available and loyal. Absolutely no settling.
@@weshouser821 It's not about leeching, it's about going for guys who are compatible with lifestyle you have or want to have (currently are building on).
Over and over again I have tried to be the "cool" girl who never wanted to be a gold digger or really even accept anything from a man because I just wanted real love. Men don't love women the same way as we love them. They love what we do for them, and what we can bring into their lives, so we need to do the same instead of pouring endlessly into them. They will walk all over you. They will not respect you if you do not fend for yourself and treat it as the transactional negotiation that they see it as. BUT... There is maybe 1/10,000 men that will actually treat you like a human being AND a woman, not their mom, and will be respectful of you, work with you, and see you as their best friend. You guys will be a team. Hold onto that man for dear life and treat him well.
I love you sm and I'm 17. The spoiled girlie support group has helped me set standards and expectations at a young age and I'm grateful to have this youtube community. I don't have a sister , ur like a sister from another mother to me.❤
This times infinity. If a man cannot make my already easy life easier, I’m not interested. What does that mean? - You don’t need or want my money to improve your financial station. - You don’t need me as a free psychiatrist to “heal your trauma” - You don’t need me as a free nurse to take care of you due to your poor lifestyle choices - You don’t need me as a free housekeeper because you can’t do basic adult tasks like cooking, cleaning, budgeting, meal planning, doing the laundry, and taking care of your health. - You’re a provider and protector If my life is easier, I easily fall in love with the guy. If my life becomes more difficult (“struggle love”), I easily dislike the guy, and I tell him to take a hike.
@@randomusername3873you obviously didn’t read or understand what she’s saying. She’s not dating a man who will make her life MORE difficult. There are a ton of men that do use relationships to get free labor. She’s just saying that if she’s already successful and can do all of that for herself then the man she gets with will have to be an equal or even better. All adults, male or female, should be able to cook, clean, do laundry, take care of their health and have their finances in order. Those are basic life skills. She has great standards for herself.
when i first heard "marry for money, stay for love" i was offended but now it just seems like the most thing all women should know. you can love anyone... I would want my daughter to do this, i wouldnt want her to struggle
if you cant see the marilyn monroe quote in the thumbnail its one of my favorites, "if a girls spending all of her time worrying about the money she doesnt have, how is she going to have anytime for being in love?"
Phrases I finally no longer parrot, listen to and accept: "Relationships are hard work." "Marriage is constant work and compromise." "You have to work hard / xyz requires hard work and discipline and sacrifice...!" No. I´m done. I worked my @$$ off in all aspects of life for 4 decades (school, competitive sports, jobs, finances, looks and weight loss, relationships, marriage, child rearing). I have had enough of "hard work", suffering and sacrificing and struggling. Nobody and nothing is getting hard work out of me anymore. Now, if it isn´t easy and breezy, if it doesn´t work out immediately and effortlessly, and if I´m not getting far more out of a situation or person than I have to put in, then I walk.
Ya a lot of jaded women and men who worked way too hard at shitty jobs for so long to finally “ earn their keep” get annoyed at me for expecting the same money for doing things I actually enjoy and am good at. Like just cause you were foolish and didn’t listen to your heart, don’t punish me for wanting to listen to mine. Truth is we should not have to abuse our bodies just to earn our keep in this world, that sounds just like being in an abusive relationship if you ask me
This Date for Lifestyle episode makes sense. I noticed that a lot of people who were interested in me while I was single were mentally unattractive and undesirable to me because they just didn’t have the values I valued; couldnt communicate at the same intelligible level I did; didn’t seem to have a path in life they were proud of. They were destitute in their soul and spirit and just looking for someone to fill the emptiness in their life. My father lacked purpose in his life despite the purposefulness my mother radiated with. She was a go getter. We wouldn’t have a lot off the things and opportunities we did without her. When he got older and thought his purpose was freedom, he left the kids and family to have a gf…who later burdened him with family and kids again-a responsibility he ran away from. I wish my mom found or finds someone with her same dreams and purpose. This episode is also interesting. It made me think of how tribal women wouldn’t think of marrying for ‘love’-lets call in arbitrary infatuation-it would be unthinkable. It’s the same as marrying for debt versus marrying to build assets. The contemporary world has progressed to the point where people don’t even think about their survivability anymore.
Amen to this comment. Marriage has always been about a strategic partnership. Not just I like hanging around you. I’m called crazy for believing not marrying for “love”. Whatever that means.
@@Grace-jb7me There has to be love involed, for me at least, but if the values/commitment/long-term plans and stable finances are not there I`m out. I wouldn`t marry out of pure love either, there`s gonna be a LOT of evaluation going on prior to me walking down the aisle.
You write very well. And I’m sorry your father is a directionless man. I’m 40 and single and I always had in my mind that I could be the best #2 to a great #1 - your mother was the purpose and vision so #1 in your family.
aaaa yes i love your comment, i actually felt like somethings wrong w me when i saw all my friends falling in love in college, while me not finding anyone attractive (even if i did, it faded off pretty quick), when my friends asked me what kind of boys i liked, i just said someone who studies hard and my friends were so disappointed lmao. NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE. i said that bcoz i thought knowledge/degree=money=a great lifestyle. moreover I have high standards for me (i work really hard and am pretty ambitious too!) so i naturally have high standards for my partner tooo AND I WOULDNT SACRIFICE A GOOD LIFESTYLE just for experiencing a short romance!
This is exactly my mindset. I am not dating for love, I am filled with love. If I ever marry again it will be because it will improve my lifestyle and he financially invests in me, my life and business. I love men for what they can do for me, because they are the doers and they love giving to me 😊❤
“I am not dating for love, I am filled with love” ABSOLUTELY that right there! This is why it’s so important for us women to truly learn to love ourselves first and foremost. You won’t be begging for love from a man, that is why women end up in bad situations with men because they DON’T love themselves. When you realize you have all the love within you, you will date for the lifestyle to complement that ❤
I used to have struggle love one after another. So much stress and anxiety trying to make it work. And then one day I realized , that just because I can endure stress doesn't mean I should!!
*As someone that learned this lesson the hard way, I just want to say thank you. Women have been programmed to do more while accepting less. Not anymore, now that women are putting themselves first!💃 New subbe here.*
Ugh this is so true!! Also marry for the lifestyle you want, marriage is the lifestyle you choose, so choose wisely. I'm also so sick of the "sacrificial" mindset some girlies love keeping, that if you choose a lesser man, your relationship will somehow be more stable... ex: going for the ugly broke dudes thinking you have fewer competition, therefore a more "stable" relationship...". It doesn't work that way girl! You'll never see men settling for the lesser girls. They either feel too out of their league to take action toward someone great, or they go for it. The same scenario fits for applying for jobs. Most girls would downplay what they're good at while most guys would go for whatever they may get, whether they fit the descriptions or not.
Thank 👏🏾 you 👏🏾!!! I wish people would stop acting like being with a man that is broke or ugly is going to provide a more stable relationship. Those with nothing to lose are the most dangerous. People act like rich men/handsome men will treat you bad, but the truth is that people are people. Some handsome and rich men will be bad, just like some ugly and broke men will be bad.
I think it`s more abt what you prioritize and would want in a husband. I surely do not like rich-rich people, most of them are hyper self-absorbed and cannot handle a normal conversation. I`d say know yourself, know your priorities and date with intent. Don`t date just to be taken, if he`s no good rather invest that time in getting some certificate which you can splosh on your CV and raise ur salary. Sacrificial mindset is hell. But dating rich boys for the lifestyle is hell as well, esp if you have morals and are down to earth. Most hyper loaded people didn`t get loaded just cuz they`re super smart and work hard...let`s not forget that.
@@Remember_the_Time THIS. I've seen some of my besties stay with men who aren't even good to them, but refused to break up thinking "oh but he's not like other guys, he's more practical, so what if he doesn't buy me dinner on my birthday?" Girl, I as your bestie even buy you dinner, buy you a present and planned an event on your birthday!! Truth is, if they're not good to you, there's really no point. Why stay in a relationship always making excuses for these men who barely delivers anything at all?
From the front of the class here: i had a trauma bond relationship for 8 bloddy years because "but i love him". But i am SO GLAD that i finally found the courage in myself to realize that "its no love when he makes you suffer!" I'm out of this since 4years and i feel better than ever! I'm finally in my emotional self sustained era. Started dating again and slowly i understand that I WAS ACTUALLY NEVER IN LOVE WITH MY EX! I thought "it's no love if he makes you suffer" ment that HE don't loves ME, but while this is true for sure, i realized that *I* didn't love him all along. Slowly it dawns on me that love, REAL LOVE, is built on a base of feeling *safe and abundant* within yourself and with each other. ❤️
Don’t come for Disney! The men in those movies were hunks. 😂Cinderella is the perfect example of woman who was feminine and virtuous marrying a man who could love her and provide.
"We date for lifestyle, not love. so we can experience the fullness of love It's a manifestation of self love coz u only allow things, people & situations that love u back " 💕
This is single-handedly the best dating advice on the internet right now. I think my mother has been happily married for almost 27 years because she married for lifestyle, which gave her love and gave me a great loving home
You just keep bringing it with every video! I'm an old married lady whose dating days are behind me and I still love watching your videos. It gives me so much hope for the next generation and I am here cheering all of you on. Thank you for spreading the word. I often get asked what I think the biggest issue is with marriage these days and why so many people are getting divorced and usually my answer is because people marry for love and that always shocks people but it's true.
Acts of service and direct deposits are the only love language for women everywhere. Eliminate words from your love language and you will separate the wheat from the chaff. Life becomes so much easier. Bonus tip: stop texting with men. Period. Stop phone conversations beyond 20 minutes. And what's left? What he actually does! What he actually gives! And how much he really wants to be with you. Your eyes will clear. ❤
Hi Elle! I found you about 2 weeks ago during a low point and your videos have changed my life. I've been single for a couple years and in college for 5 and a half, trying to foster my best future life for myself. Despite doing my best, I still keep falling behind, I'm still burnt out, and my mental health and self-worth still suffers. Through your videos, I learned another way in which I've been devaluing myself, my work, and stretching myself too thin trying to keep up with the male model of perfection in my field. I am a recovering no nuance nelly/pickmeisha and I make sure to sit up front. You only say facts, thank you for helping me and so many others recover from the brainwashing of 2010's Girlboss Feminism. It was so ingrained, I didn't realize how I was sabotaging myself and how ignorant I was, and I think others may be in the same headspace. You're truly a gift, and so is the Spoiled Girly Podcast. 🧡
Elle I love you. I really want a rich lifestyle and I genuinely don’t think the guy I’m dating can do that for me. I’m studying to be an engineer, I have the education and career. He’s not showing up the way I need. Words are sweet but actions are nonexistent hahahah. Trauma bond huh?
Dear Sister - You have the engineer chops to design a getaway vehicle-get in it and GO! Head out for a destination called-Mr. RightLifeStyle. Don’t stop for a cheeseburger along the way, and stay wide awake until you get there.
@@minka5738 I think I am going to hear him out tonight and see why he wasn’t showing up the way I need him to and then if the reason isn’t good enough I’m leaving him. He had kind of put off the talk for a while so I’ve had enough of the anxiety and stress it’s happening tonight now that he has no excuses
I don`t think a - rich - lifestyle should necesarily be your only goal, I think people need balance and going only for the money won`t make u happy long-term. BUT engineers get paid very well and you`re one of the few girls in your cohort I suppose. Should be easy to get a guy. Engineers are much more reliable than e.g. investment bankers or doctors. They also work a bit less than those. Don`t give a sh1t abt words and just observe his actions. If he does not take you out, isn`t a clean guy, no clear career goals/proper education - LEAVE and don`t look back.
@@z.k.7330 yeah he’s got so many things going on in his life he has no capacity to take me out or express that he really wants to. He also today has been literally avoiding texting me so I’m over it tbh. Once he wakes up and we talk I just need to reevaluate everything because it hurts that he frequently goes with his friends but not me.
"The reason we date for lifestyle and not love is because we love ourselves enough to do that." Nothing but facts, You are impacting generations by speaking into womens lives. Lovee being apart of the Spoilt girlie support group!!!
This is true. I don’t want to date men who doesn’t have any hobbies/trips etc and want me to be their only source of entertainment. Too much pressure . I don’t mind make a man’s life better but please don’t place all stakes on me, otherwise I would want to run away😅
sometimes i wonder why i've never been in a relationship. i used to feel a lot of insecurity, asking myself questions that assumed i was the problem. i really like this video. when i look at myself and consider all that i've done in my life so far, i realize have very big dreams and clear goals that i've worked so hard to make into my reality. my future partner will have to match my lifestyle in order to make me happy, and i'm glad that the universe has made sure no one not up to my standards has ever swayed me. thank you for this video :)
Men understand this perfectly well, I can't tell you how many times a man called me “bougie” asked how much my nails costs etc. after showing interest. They will tell proceed to tell a woman she is high maintenance and go find a woman whose lifestyle they can afford to maintain…which only requires providing the bare minimum. That's the majority of men but not all so yes, if he can't maintain your lifestyle or provide the lifestyle you want move on from him!
I’m 31 now, watching your videos have changed my life. Remaining in my feminine energy, has made me attract people into my life that are giving me princess treatment. From family to friends dating etc I’m happier 😊 Elle you look beautiful ❤ Thank you x
As a Muslim I 100% agree with you. Muslims typically seek potential spouses by looking if their align with the same level of faith, economic background and lifestyle in general. It leads to a successful, long lasting marriage because you already match each other’s core values and beliefs.
I love everything you say. But damn, believing that this man, who is a good man, who fits my lifestyle, who is single, who is not a cheater... It's hard ngl. It's my biggest struggle in this spoiled girlie path
It's not wrong to date for love. But you need to have high standards in love. What's bad is having low standards for love, not necessarily dating for love per se. I don't want to date just for lifestyle & wealth either. Both love & high standards for the tangible (wealth & lifestyle) & intangible qualities are a must.
theres a saying in french: "vivre d'amour et d'eau fraîche" which means "we will live off of Love, and fresh water" is all a man could offer a woman in the past....... idk i think we are past that, we need more yes we do, wake up girls!!
I’ve always found the idea of dating for “love” that is specifically geared ONLY towards women to be absolutely RIDICULOUS. Especially since “Love” is not some fixed concept and is different in the eyes of every single person. The problem I had when I came to this realisation was: “Ok, don’t date for love, but date for what then? Money? Beauty?” None of these answers seemed to fit. And then your video came on my feed. And suddenly everything clicked - like OF COURSE date for lifestyle, how didn’t I think of this before, of course you will grow to love a man and he will grow to love you when you have shared values, goals and way of living! Thank you, Elle! ❤ I needed the reminder! ❤
I love how empowering these videos are. This is how I’ve always felt and the last ten years of relationship and career advice felt maddening. Sitting in my spoilt girlie energy is the best.
Yeah this is sage advice! It sounds wrong and guys will call us gold diggers... But that's just nowhere near as bad as finding yourself reading your children's bedtime story by candle light, all sharing the same bed under a ton of blankets hoping to stay warm through the night, because you have no electricity... And by "candle" I mean emergency "candles" I made out of apples, twine and cooking oil!!!
I want to change your message a bit, like this: "You date for love. Love towards the other person and yourself." Yes, you love them, but you also love yourself. If you ever have to choose between them and yourself, I hope you make the best decision.
Your classic look and your long hair remind me of the old school japanese noblewomen in those gorgeous kimonos. I'm so glad you don't dye or do damage to your hair and you let your natural beauty shine.
You are literally getting better and better with every video. I think this was your best yet and as a 28 year old with way more experience with BBMLEM and now in my sprinkle sprinkle era... Everything you said is true. Keep it up! xxx
The men lifestyle does become the woman’s lifestyle especially if she wants to have kids. Choose wisely girlies 💕 “Whatever his lifestyle is, whatever his belief system is, it will be yours too” 🎉
Thank you so much for saying that and this is exactly how I feel. I have a friend that kept telling me that it is love that matters, not money, but from my own experience I learned the hard way. Dating for love is a deceptive message as in the long run there is no love without a match of lifestyle. Because it's human nature - if the man can't provide the lifestyle the woman won't respect him and the man can't feel proud of himself.
i just got out of a 5 year relationship (i`m 21) and i learned that the hard way. i obviously fell in love with him when i was young and didn`t know what i wanted from life, or from him. I just liked him. And now that i`m studying and have goals i really want to reach i realized that our idea of life and our future was completely different. i would never date someone who isn`t as determined as i am and doesn`t have his own goals and purpose in life.
'pay 50/50, we're equal now', everytime someone pulls this, I just think if you cant go 100% on me (1 person), how can I trust you to go 100% on the kids, their lifestyle, education and a roof on their head, what if I pass away while the kids are growing, who will put the other 50, I am not bringing a life into the world trusting your 'words', show it or get wiped out of the gene pool. great job Elle🎉
i’m a hopeless romantic but as years went by.. the guys I met were one worse than the other. At this point I might just settle for someone who provides for me financially.
i wanna sincerely thank you for your content. i'm well educated on philosophy and psychology hence i can appreciate how much value you're contributing to us women with those vids. creating new traumaless ways of being will benefit not only us but also generations after us. let's change the game besties!!
I’m studying Computer Science with a minor in Mathematics so I can become a developer in the tech industry, making money and doing my passion. I also have plans to get my masters afterwards and get a two years associates after that. And yet, all the men I meet either live with their parents with no job, no stable income, works a $10 an hour job, and has no motivation for any academic or GENUINE financial income. I know God sends me His toughest battles but mannnnnn see 😮💨❤
Same but I`m doing Finance. It`s honestly not worth it. Lots of them are even proud of their "chill" lives and low salaries, which I`d call being lazy. I don`t want millionaires but c`mon now
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now, we’ve lived together for half a year. What attracted me to him is the fact that we have the same vision and view on life, the same goals. He has ambition and one of his biggest goals is the same as mine. The this is that he definitely has some avoident attachement, and when I voice something I don’t like he just get in this flight or fight response. He is aware of it and recently started an online course to improve this. But it’s hard. I wonder if I should stay or not. I am really happy with him the majority of the time
Avoidant attachment is running from relationships when activated by love or closeness. He is probaly conflict avoidant or passive. If you are not happy walking away will often make them change
He basically just ignores me completely whenever I want to talk about something, or he gets really defensive. Basically whenever I feel a bit sad or disappointed, he immediately feels attacked, even when I stress that it’s not him doing everything wrong, but just me having an emotion. But yeah I decided to break up with him. He keeps hurting me by ignoring when I want to talk, or even cursing/using hurtful words to me, and then not apologising for it.
Wait so I know it wasn’t mentioned but because Taylor is in the thumbnail it’s making me think of why Travis and Taylor work so well. They share the same lifestyle! They’re both at the top of their game and are comfortable sharing the limelight and supportive of each other’s careers. Taylor and Joe might have been in love, but Joe most definitely did not share the same desire for her lifestyle or ability to reach her level of success. This video helps me to see how he was bringing her down. In the end, Joe couldn’t love all of Taylor because he didn’t support and align with the lifestyle she wanted for herself. I think this example might help people to understand how the concept can work in a real (ish) world scenario!
Thank you, this was an amazing video. I have been involved in struggle love since I was 15 and I just turned 40. I have always been the rescuer, the caretaker, the one who could see the radiant light and potential in someone else. I have spent over $200,000 on helping men in their lives. Whether it was education, rent, cars, moving into new homes, trips, wardrobes, presents, food and more. I have never once gotten closer to my goals, wants, needs or desires in any of these relationships including 2 marriages. It's devastating to see myself now at 40, in debt, without stability, single and broken hearted from people who did nothing but take from me my entire life. Now I don't want to be with anyone and I am isolating, feel worthless and alone.
I am sorry and you can shift your life very fast around!!! Just believe in yourself and maybe get a good friend or a therapist ❤ you can date and find a good man at any age. I was also very low, back in time. Now my life is finally good 🧡 I changed my life, my limiting beliefes. Listen to your intuition.
Thanks for the testimony- right now - you may want to rebuild yourself and your purpose. Don’t isolate- volunteer or join others for an activity that is helpful for other or you to cultivate that sense of purpose. If you can afford a counselor, take a chance! 40 is a beautiful age with so much life ahead, take the time you need and get moving again!
Age is just a number. You seems like a very independent n strong woman. I think its time for you to MARRY YOURSELF and do everything you've done to those men to yourself. I wish for your glow up era 😇😎😘
That is very heartbreaking to hear. However, seeing how you are capable of giving, building and loving to such a degree, imagine what would happen if you invest all this energy in yourself. Imagine the person you could become, the life you could have. Imagine those things untill you get a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. Maybe write it down if you want. See the radiant light and potential within yourself.
Instead of fighting the patriarchy to not confine us to being degraded in our homes, we fought to join them by confining ourselves to their degraded in their workplaces. What we should have done is fought them by not participating in being confined by them in any way and teaching them to be more like women
If every girl and woman would listen to this video before selecting a husband we could reduce the divorce rate to nearly 0%. You're brilliant Queen! Keep speaking the Truth! ❤️
Thank you for sharing, most people are so confused about everything, even dating. Ex. Women wanting luxury dating broke men then wondering why they feel miserable or not "feeling like the main character", I feel like so much common sense is lacking nowadays and your channel helps a lot in people regaining it.
When you talk really close to the mic, I feel like you're talking to me directly in my room and being lectured from the big sister I never had 😭🙏 GIRL WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN! Keep these videos coming bc we ALL need this, every woman in every age it applies to bc it's never too late to get our shit together.
I wish that I could like this video 1000+ times!!! This info is so valuable for women of all ages! Listen up ladies!! Elle goes hard with the facts in this video!!!
Every woman I know that didn’t love the person they married ended up miserable. I’m middle aged and live in a wealthy area so I know people who did. Not infatuation, but true deep friendship and love for another person is crucial to spending every damn day with them for the rest of your life. And they have to feel the same way about you and treat you well. Marriage is hard. Both logic and love are needed.
Preach!! I tried to be the exception and uplift the man I loved… all for him to resent me for the work it takes to rise out of poverty to upper middle class in an unfair system. It’s not easy, it takes work, and he wanted me to just give it to him with minimal effort. I don’t have that power and even if I did I wouldn’t enable such entitled behavior
Your words of wisdom have opened up my eyes to a world of new experiences and self love. I hope you continue delivering your message 💕 From a recovering pickmeisha
Stopped talking to my "guy friend" today He disrespected my boundary and tried to waste my time (we had plans but he decided to spend time with a random guy he knew for 2 days, giving him a campus tour and expecting me to just wait without being notified) I decided that I'm too pretty and smart for that shit. So I stopped engaging altogether This video found me just in time
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*"If you love a man who's making you suffer, that's NOT love!"*
Period, queen sister!
Why didn’t someone tell me this years ago…
I know sis! I too learned the hard way. - But whatever. Now we know! So let's get that bag! 😉✨
@@C.C.369 yup, learned the hard way! Now that we know better, we can do better! Get that bag, bestie! 💅
Lord
They tell you to date for love with beings that aren't even capable of love. The amount of people that think that stress, trauma and pain is love is ridiculous. Men love what they invest in.
The first sentence !!! THIS !!!! Manipulation we go through.
This hurts to read... but you're right.
@Alixir1228 I've experienced it and seen it. Sheraseven and The Universe Guru helped me tremendously with dating and understanding the psychology of men.
Men aren’t capable of love
@salsipuedes8425 Males aren't capable of love because they are operating out of their animal nature: instant gratification, dominance, ego, lack of self control. Men are capable of love because they operate from a higher nature: discipline, logical thinking, delayed gratification, control of self. When one loves themselves they can love others. People living in their lower nature are so stuck in survival mode that they can't think outside of themselves and how their actions affect people.
Elle isn’t pregnant but she always delivers 🙏🥰
🫶🏽🫶🏽🥹
AHHHHHH YES
Bada pah! 😂
😂😂😂😂😂
GIRLLLLL LMAO 😭
I recently had a revelation that to be in a relationship with a man that keeps hurting you is actually a form of self-harm.
So this is spot on. I hate trauma bonding.
Absolutely- people don’t think of it that way - it repeats trauma and it also impacts the others who watch you go through this trauma over and over again. We have made psychological trauma the default; we end up emotionally drained and raw. Our mental health is precious.
What do you do however when that harmful relationship is with your brother? I've been trying to move out for the longest time and Godwilling I will soon, but my God, some days I honestly don't know why he was put on this earth in the condition he is in. His narcissism forces me to literally live numbly and against myself everyday.
@@nickyroseroshinijust ignore him and don't react to the stunts he pulls. They hate it when they can get a reaction out of you
🏆 ❤
Men date for sex, so women dating for lifestyle seems very reasonable to me 💅🏼
Yes! ❤
those seem kinda like two different sides of the spectrum tho, dating for lifestyle is sustainable and thinking in the long run while sex is.... sex
@@LogarAccwell and thats the sad truth because a lot of us have experienced men who actually think like that. they think after doing what they think is the hardest thing ever, THE BARE MINIMUM, that they’re entitled to sex…and if they don’t get that, they’ll leave.
That's true actually
this is so true!
This became easy for me when I redefined love for my personal standards. Love is when a man takes care of me. Love is when a man invests in me. Love is when a man is eager to make my life easier. Love is when a man is emotionally available and loyal. Absolutely no settling.
Wow, I LOVEEE this, the fact that we can redefine it as it fulfill us the most, and we can apply it to other things! Thanks so much ❤👏🏼👏🏼
how does that make sense though a man can just replace any of us noone is that special
Period!
I am screenshotting THIS !! 🙌
Yes ❤
"You are allowed to play life on easy mode." Love this so much.
"We date for lifestyle, not love, so we can experience the fullness of love." YES thank you bestie ❤❤❤
@@weshouser821 @therealmanifestelle could you delete this comment? A mansplainer has slipped into our SGSG ❤
@@weshouser821 It's not about leeching, it's about going for guys who are compatible with lifestyle you have or want to have (currently are building on).
@thebadstation8416 The women that “top men” want are also sharing their list with other “top men.”
Over and over again I have tried to be the "cool" girl who never wanted to be a gold digger or really even accept anything from a man because I just wanted real love. Men don't love women the same way as we love them. They love what we do for them, and what we can bring into their lives, so we need to do the same instead of pouring endlessly into them. They will walk all over you. They will not respect you if you do not fend for yourself and treat it as the transactional negotiation that they see it as.
BUT... There is maybe 1/10,000 men that will actually treat you like a human being AND a woman, not their mom, and will be respectful of you, work with you, and see you as their best friend. You guys will be a team. Hold onto that man for dear life and treat him well.
I love you sm and I'm 17. The spoiled girlie support group has helped me set standards and expectations at a young age and I'm grateful to have this youtube community. I don't have a sister , ur like a sister from another mother to me.❤
I'm 38... I wish I could have been as lucky as you to have this kind of advice at 17. Your dating future looks bright.
Hey spoiled girlies, age does not matter, for the lessons we learn together will last a lifetime ❤
I'm 17 tooo
I think young people should listen to her because she is wise . And just right about it all
I wish i had this at 17
This times infinity.
If a man cannot make my already easy life easier, I’m not interested. What does that mean?
- You don’t need or want my money to improve your financial station.
- You don’t need me as a free psychiatrist to “heal your trauma”
- You don’t need me as a free nurse to take care of you due to your poor lifestyle choices
- You don’t need me as a free housekeeper because you can’t do basic adult tasks like cooking, cleaning, budgeting, meal planning, doing the laundry, and taking care of your health.
- You’re a provider and protector
If my life is easier, I easily fall in love with the guy. If my life becomes more difficult (“struggle love”), I easily dislike the guy, and I tell him to take a hike.
@@randomusername3873you obviously didn’t read or understand what she’s saying. She’s not dating a man who will make her life MORE difficult. There are a ton of men that do use relationships to get free labor. She’s just saying that if she’s already successful and can do all of that for herself then the man she gets with will have to be an equal or even better. All adults, male or female, should be able to cook, clean, do laundry, take care of their health and have their finances in order. Those are basic life skills. She has great standards for herself.
Concise explanation 👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾. I love
when i first heard "marry for money, stay for love" i was offended but now it just seems like the most thing all women should know. you can love anyone... I would want my daughter to do this, i wouldnt want her to struggle
My great gran used to sat "its as easy to marry a rich man as a poor one" and "better to be an old man's darling, than a young man's slave"
I really can't love anyone
I disagree that you can love anyone.
All the picks me always get offended
Ew, what if he's richer but old and repulsive?
How are we supposed to be in love when we’re hungry, tired and worried about bills… yeah no.
if you cant see the marilyn monroe quote in the thumbnail its one of my favorites, "if a girls spending all of her time worrying about the money she doesnt have, how is she going to have anytime for being in love?"
Phrases I finally no longer parrot, listen to and accept:
"Relationships are hard work."
"Marriage is constant work and compromise."
"You have to work hard / xyz requires hard work and discipline and sacrifice...!"
No. I´m done. I worked my @$$ off in all aspects of life for 4 decades (school, competitive sports, jobs, finances, looks and weight loss, relationships, marriage, child rearing). I have had enough of "hard work", suffering and sacrificing and struggling. Nobody and nothing is getting hard work out of me anymore.
Now, if it isn´t easy and breezy, if it doesn´t work out immediately and effortlessly, and if I´m not getting far more out of a situation or person than I have to put in, then I walk.
Amen 🙏🏾
Ya a lot of jaded women and men who worked way too hard at shitty jobs for so long to finally “ earn their keep” get annoyed at me for expecting the same money for doing things I actually enjoy and am good at. Like just cause you were foolish and didn’t listen to your heart, don’t punish me for wanting to listen to mine. Truth is we should not have to abuse our bodies just to earn our keep in this world, that sounds just like being in an abusive relationship if you ask me
❤❤❤❤
Love this.❤
This Date for Lifestyle episode makes sense. I noticed that a lot of people who were interested in me while I was single were mentally unattractive and undesirable to me because they just didn’t have the values I valued; couldnt communicate at the same intelligible level I did; didn’t seem to have a path in life they were proud of. They were destitute in their soul and spirit and just looking for someone to fill the emptiness in their life.
My father lacked purpose in his life despite the purposefulness my mother radiated with. She was a go getter. We wouldn’t have a lot off the things and opportunities we did without her. When he got older and thought his purpose was freedom, he left the kids and family to have a gf…who later burdened him with family and kids again-a responsibility he ran away from. I wish my mom found or finds someone with her same dreams and purpose.
This episode is also interesting. It made me think of how tribal women wouldn’t think of marrying for ‘love’-lets call in arbitrary infatuation-it would be unthinkable. It’s the same as marrying for debt versus marrying to build assets. The contemporary world has progressed to the point where people don’t even think about their survivability anymore.
So much to glean from this comment, thank you 🙏🏾
Amen to this comment. Marriage has always been about a strategic partnership. Not just I like hanging around you. I’m called crazy for believing not marrying for “love”. Whatever that means.
@@Grace-jb7me There has to be love involed, for me at least, but if the values/commitment/long-term plans and stable finances are not there I`m out. I wouldn`t marry out of pure love either, there`s gonna be a LOT of evaluation going on prior to me walking down the aisle.
You write very well. And I’m sorry your father is a directionless man. I’m 40 and single and I always had in my mind that I could be the best #2 to a great #1 - your mother was the purpose and vision so #1 in your family.
aaaa yes i love your comment, i actually felt like somethings wrong w me when i saw all my friends falling in love in college, while me not finding anyone attractive (even if i did, it faded off pretty quick), when my friends asked me what kind of boys i liked, i just said someone who studies hard and my friends were so disappointed lmao. NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE. i said that bcoz i thought knowledge/degree=money=a great lifestyle. moreover I have high standards for me (i work really hard and am pretty ambitious too!) so i naturally have high standards for my partner tooo AND I WOULDNT SACRIFICE A GOOD LIFESTYLE just for experiencing a short romance!
This is exactly my mindset. I am not dating for love, I am filled with love. If I ever marry again it will be because it will improve my lifestyle and he financially invests in me, my life and business. I love men for what they can do for me, because they are the doers and they love giving to me 😊❤
Powerful ❤❤❤
Yes 😁❤ change the game girl
“I am not dating for love, I am filled with love” ABSOLUTELY that right there! This is why it’s so important for us women to truly learn to love ourselves first and foremost. You won’t be begging for love from a man, that is why women end up in bad situations with men because they DON’T love themselves. When you realize you have all the love within you, you will date for the lifestyle to complement that ❤
I’m so confused on this perspective but ok
@@jennah5990same
Let me tell you, I LOVED this video. My favorite thing that you said "I give you permission to live life on easy mode "
I used to have struggle love one after another. So much stress and anxiety trying to make it work. And then one day I realized , that just because I can endure stress doesn't mean I should!!
Golden. Love this ❤
*As someone that learned this lesson the hard way, I just want to say thank you. Women have been programmed to do more while accepting less. Not anymore, now that women are putting themselves first!💃 New subbe here.*
Ugh this is so true!! Also marry for the lifestyle you want, marriage is the lifestyle you choose, so choose wisely.
I'm also so sick of the "sacrificial" mindset some girlies love keeping, that if you choose a lesser man, your relationship will somehow be more stable... ex: going for the ugly broke dudes thinking you have fewer competition, therefore a more "stable" relationship...". It doesn't work that way girl!
You'll never see men settling for the lesser girls. They either feel too out of their league to take action toward someone great, or they go for it.
The same scenario fits for applying for jobs. Most girls would downplay what they're good at while most guys would go for whatever they may get, whether they fit the descriptions or not.
Thank 👏🏾 you 👏🏾!!!
I wish people would stop acting like being with a man that is broke or ugly is going to provide a more stable relationship. Those with nothing to lose are the most dangerous.
People act like rich men/handsome men will treat you bad, but the truth is that people are people. Some handsome and rich men will be bad, just like some ugly and broke men will be bad.
I think it`s more abt what you prioritize and would want in a husband. I surely do not like rich-rich people, most of them are hyper self-absorbed and cannot handle a normal conversation.
I`d say know yourself, know your priorities and date with intent. Don`t date just to be taken, if he`s no good rather invest that time in getting some certificate which you can splosh on your CV and raise ur salary.
Sacrificial mindset is hell. But dating rich boys for the lifestyle is hell as well, esp if you have morals and are down to earth. Most hyper loaded people didn`t get loaded just cuz they`re super smart and work hard...let`s not forget that.
@@z.k.7330 Valid points!
@@Remember_the_Time THIS.
I've seen some of my besties stay with men who aren't even good to them, but refused to break up thinking "oh but he's not like other guys, he's more practical, so what if he doesn't buy me dinner on my birthday?" Girl, I as your bestie even buy you dinner, buy you a present and planned an event on your birthday!!
Truth is, if they're not good to you, there's really no point.
Why stay in a relationship always making excuses for these men who barely delivers anything at all?
And I can tell you, the ones that aren't all that cute still cheat.
As a 41 year old woman!!! I love your message, delivery and strength to speak the truth! And nothing but the truth! 🗣️ Get that bagggggg bestie!!!
I'm 59... and I agree! ❤
It is true that is harder for a woman to date after 30? Honest question not trying to be rude
@salsipuedes8425 Nowadays the dating game is a shitshow, irregardless of age. Personally, I have no problem attracting men of all ages.
@nat0528 you look great for you’re age😍and I’m a woman . I turned 29 on November 7 🥳☺️
@@LUCKYME_777 Thank you-) Happy belated birthday 🥳
I’m glad people are finally talking about this, don’t date/marry for love or potential, do it for the money and lifestyle.
Is that what she means?
15:40 you can *grow* in love when you marry for lifestyle. You end up with both because he earns your love. Win win.
Kate Millett said
Love has been the opium of women as religion for masses. While we loved, they ruled.
From the front of the class here: i had a trauma bond relationship for 8 bloddy years because "but i love him".
But i am SO GLAD that i finally found the courage in myself to realize that "its no love when he makes you suffer!"
I'm out of this since 4years and i feel better than ever! I'm finally in my emotional self sustained era. Started dating again and slowly i understand that I WAS ACTUALLY NEVER IN LOVE WITH MY EX!
I thought "it's no love if he makes you suffer" ment that HE don't loves ME, but while this is true for sure, i realized that *I* didn't love him all along.
Slowly it dawns on me that love, REAL LOVE, is built on a base of feeling *safe and abundant* within yourself and with each other. ❤️
If you choose to love a broken person, it's best to love them from a distance.
Don’t come for Disney! The men in those movies were hunks. 😂Cinderella is the perfect example of woman who was feminine and virtuous marrying a man who could love her and provide.
You have a point. Now I have different perspective to Cinderella
Girlie saw a way to escape abuse and live a life of a literal princess in a kingdom that wouldn’t bring her harm and she ran with it! As she should!
Being the damsel in distress is actually a good thing -- provided that we know how to treat the situation to our advantage.
@@letyv9071as she should
@@bloodmajesty414it’s not a good thing but if unfortunately you’re in that situation, you can always find a way out❤
A mans heart follows his investment. If he doesnt invest in you, he doesnt love you
"We date for lifestyle, not love.
so we can experience the fullness of love
It's a manifestation of self love coz u only allow things, people & situations that love u back " 💕
This is single-handedly the best dating advice on the internet right now. I think my mother has been happily married for almost 27 years because she married for lifestyle, which gave her love and gave me a great loving home
❤❤❤
You just keep bringing it with every video! I'm an old married lady whose dating days are behind me and I still love watching your videos. It gives me so much hope for the next generation and I am here cheering all of you on. Thank you for spreading the word. I often get asked what I think the biggest issue is with marriage these days and why so many people are getting divorced and usually my answer is because people marry for love and that always shocks people but it's true.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Acts of service and direct deposits are the only love language for women everywhere. Eliminate words from your love language and you will separate the wheat from the chaff. Life becomes so much easier. Bonus tip: stop texting with men. Period. Stop phone conversations beyond 20 minutes. And what's left? What he actually does! What he actually gives! And how much he really wants to be with you. Your eyes will clear. ❤
Love the bonus tip
"You are allowed to play life on easy mode " 🌸💮
I really needed to hear that 🙏
Hi Elle! I found you about 2 weeks ago during a low point and your videos have changed my life. I've been single for a couple years and in college for 5 and a half, trying to foster my best future life for myself. Despite doing my best, I still keep falling behind, I'm still burnt out, and my mental health and self-worth still suffers. Through your videos, I learned another way in which I've been devaluing myself, my work, and stretching myself too thin trying to keep up with the male model of perfection in my field. I am a recovering no nuance nelly/pickmeisha and I make sure to sit up front. You only say facts, thank you for helping me and so many others recover from the brainwashing of 2010's Girlboss Feminism. It was so ingrained, I didn't realize how I was sabotaging myself and how ignorant I was, and I think others may be in the same headspace. You're truly a gift, and so is the Spoiled Girly Podcast. 🧡
I learnt this when I was staying in incompatible relationships due to "love", when I really craved a LIFE
Elle I love you. I really want a rich lifestyle and I genuinely don’t think the guy I’m dating can do that for me. I’m studying to be an engineer, I have the education and career.
He’s not showing up the way I need. Words are sweet but actions are nonexistent hahahah.
Trauma bond huh?
Dear Sister - You have the engineer chops to design a getaway vehicle-get in it and GO! Head out for a destination called-Mr. RightLifeStyle. Don’t stop for a cheeseburger along the way, and stay wide awake until you get there.
Break up with him and engineers get paid well! If you want to attract a rich man take care of yourself not that guy. Just my advice
@@minka5738 I think I am going to hear him out tonight and see why he wasn’t showing up the way I need him to and then if the reason isn’t good enough I’m leaving him.
He had kind of put off the talk for a while so I’ve had enough of the anxiety and stress it’s happening tonight now that he has no excuses
I don`t think a - rich - lifestyle should necesarily be your only goal, I think people need balance and going only for the money won`t make u happy long-term.
BUT engineers get paid very well and you`re one of the few girls in your cohort I suppose. Should be easy to get a guy. Engineers are much more reliable than e.g. investment bankers or doctors. They also work a bit less than those. Don`t give a sh1t abt words and just observe his actions. If he does not take you out, isn`t a clean guy, no clear career goals/proper education - LEAVE and don`t look back.
@@z.k.7330 yeah he’s got so many things going on in his life he has no capacity to take me out or express that he really wants to. He also today has been literally avoiding texting me so I’m over it tbh.
Once he wakes up and we talk I just need to reevaluate everything because it hurts that he frequently goes with his friends but not me.
"The reason we date for lifestyle and not love is because we love ourselves enough to do that." Nothing but facts, You are impacting generations by speaking into womens lives. Lovee being apart of the Spoilt girlie support group!!!
This is true. I don’t want to date men who doesn’t have any hobbies/trips etc and want me to be their only source of entertainment. Too much pressure . I don’t mind make a man’s life better but please don’t place all stakes on me, otherwise I would want to run away😅
You never disappoint with these big sister advices . Thank you Elle ! ❤
Thank you bestie 🫶🏽
sometimes i wonder why i've never been in a relationship. i used to feel a lot of insecurity, asking myself questions that assumed i was the problem. i really like this video. when i look at myself and consider all that i've done in my life so far, i realize have very big dreams and clear goals that i've worked so hard to make into my reality. my future partner will have to match my lifestyle in order to make me happy, and i'm glad that the universe has made sure no one not up to my standards has ever swayed me. thank you for this video :)
Men understand this perfectly well, I can't tell you how many times a man called me “bougie” asked how much my nails costs etc. after showing interest. They will tell proceed to tell a woman she is high maintenance and go find a woman whose lifestyle they can afford to maintain…which only requires providing the bare minimum. That's the majority of men but not all so yes, if he can't maintain your lifestyle or provide the lifestyle you want move on from him!
She definitely makes sense. Like how can somebody not comprehend this?
I’m 31 now, watching your videos have changed my life. Remaining in my feminine energy, has made me attract people into my life that are giving me princess treatment. From family to friends dating etc
I’m happier 😊
Elle you look beautiful ❤
Thank you x
She’s spoiling us ❤❤❤
🫶🏽🫶🏽
I got married for love and it was one of the worst mistakes I ever made. Marry for lifestyle, don't make my mistake.
Girl I don’t think you understand how big of a positive impact you have on the girlies. ❤ Keep up the good work. We love and support you queen! ☺️
As a Muslim I 100% agree with you. Muslims typically seek potential spouses by looking if their align with the same level of faith, economic background and lifestyle in general. It leads to a successful, long lasting marriage because you already match each other’s core values and beliefs.
My favorite queen on the internet. Always spitting nothing but facts
I never thought that in the process of struggling as a woman to be successful in society beneath the surface it's the patriarchal motivation.
You are opening my eyes women are so conditioned now to not do what makes them happy💔
shes speaking truth girlies, take NOTES!!!
I love everything you say. But damn, believing that this man, who is a good man, who fits my lifestyle, who is single, who is not a cheater... It's hard ngl. It's my biggest struggle in this spoiled girlie path
It's not wrong to date for love. But you need to have high standards in love. What's bad is having low standards for love, not necessarily dating for love per se. I don't want to date just for lifestyle & wealth either. Both love & high standards for the tangible (wealth & lifestyle) & intangible qualities are a must.
I think you should rewatch the video.
@@sissi6013um
theres a saying in french: "vivre d'amour et d'eau fraîche" which means "we will live off of Love, and fresh water" is all a man could offer a woman in the past....... idk i think we are past that, we need more yes we do, wake up girls!!
6:51 - love the idea of "not claiming struggle" as a way to simplify our life.
And choosing *high-reward struggles* that will really move the needle.
Elle doesn’t drive for Pizza Hut but she always delivers
Males date and marry for the free labor women provide. SO why not?
Not only the free labor and our bodies but these days, access to our finances. It’s a sweet deal for them, not so much for us.
I’ve always found the idea of dating for “love” that is specifically geared ONLY towards women to be absolutely RIDICULOUS. Especially since “Love” is not some fixed concept and is different in the eyes of every single person.
The problem I had when I came to this realisation was: “Ok, don’t date for love, but date for what then? Money? Beauty?” None of these answers seemed to fit.
And then your video came on my feed. And suddenly everything clicked - like OF COURSE date for lifestyle, how didn’t I think of this before, of course you will grow to love a man and he will grow to love you when you have shared values, goals and way of living! Thank you, Elle! ❤ I needed the reminder! ❤
I love how empowering these videos are. This is how I’ve always felt and the last ten years of relationship and career advice felt maddening. Sitting in my spoilt girlie energy is the best.
Oh daaanng. You called out my homestead tech-bro delimmaaaaa.
😭😭😭
Yeah this is sage advice!
It sounds wrong and guys will call us gold diggers...
But that's just nowhere near as bad as finding yourself reading your children's bedtime story by candle light, all sharing the same bed under a ton of blankets hoping to stay warm through the night, because you have no electricity...
And by "candle" I mean emergency "candles" I made out of apples, twine and cooking oil!!!
I'd rather be "golddigger" (=a woman with standards) than a struggling single mother
I want to change your message a bit, like this: "You date for love. Love towards the other person and yourself." Yes, you love them, but you also love yourself. If you ever have to choose between them and yourself, I hope you make the best decision.
Your classic look and your long hair remind me of the old school japanese noblewomen in those gorgeous kimonos. I'm so glad you don't dye or do damage to your hair and you let your natural beauty shine.
You are literally getting better and better with every video. I think this was your best yet and as a 28 year old with way more experience with BBMLEM and now in my sprinkle sprinkle era... Everything you said is true. Keep it up! xxx
I see this as an official sign of the goddesses to enter my venus and lover girl era.
Yaas girl
I am so glad that I found your channel, in my country there is a saying: When the poverty knock on the door, the love is leaving through the window!
I was thinking about that same saying, and it comes to my mind many times when I'm watching Elle's videos.
The men lifestyle does become the woman’s lifestyle especially if she wants to have kids. Choose wisely girlies 💕
“Whatever his lifestyle is, whatever his belief system is, it will be yours too” 🎉
Elle congrats with the sponsorship in your video 💖💖💖
Loved a man who had no purpose for 8 years and he drained me to the point of exhaustion and threw me away when he couldn’t get anything else from me.
Dropping gems per usual. Hitting that like button with my spoiled girlie manicure 💅🏽 ❤❤❤
Thank you so much for saying that and this is exactly how I feel. I have a friend that kept telling me that it is love that matters, not money, but from my own experience I learned the hard way. Dating for love is a deceptive message as in the long run there is no love without a match of lifestyle. Because it's human nature - if the man can't provide the lifestyle the woman won't respect him and the man can't feel proud of himself.
Congrats on 100k! I saw it the other day and you're already on 101k. Keep revolutionizing and speaking the truth!
So true about sharing vision for shared relationships… Your makeup looks fab as always
OMG is this Elle’s first sponsor? I’m not sure, but I’m so glad she’s now getting sponsors! You deserve it, love. ❤️ Go, get that bagggg. 💅
I’m sharing these videos with my daughters when they are old enough, you are INCREDIBLE!!!
i just got out of a 5 year relationship (i`m 21) and i learned that the hard way. i obviously fell in love with him when i was young and didn`t know what i wanted from life, or from him. I just liked him. And now that i`m studying and have goals i really want to reach i realized that our idea of life and our future was completely different. i would never date someone who isn`t as determined as i am and doesn`t have his own goals and purpose in life.
Dating for love is also dating for compatibility. Do not date a long-term incompatible person.
'pay 50/50, we're equal now', everytime someone pulls this, I just think if you cant go 100% on me (1 person), how can I trust you to go 100% on the kids, their lifestyle, education and a roof on their head, what if I pass away while the kids are growing, who will put the other 50, I am not bringing a life into the world trusting your 'words', show it or get wiped out of the gene pool. great job Elle🎉
i’m a hopeless romantic but as years went by.. the guys I met were one worse than the other. At this point I might just settle for someone who provides for me financially.
i wanna sincerely thank you for your content. i'm well educated on philosophy and psychology hence i can appreciate how much value you're contributing to us women with those vids. creating new traumaless ways of being will benefit not only us but also generations after us. let's change the game besties!!
Hey Bestie!!!
Here before you hit 1M followers 🥰
-Proud Spoiled Girly
I’m studying Computer Science with a minor in Mathematics so I can become a developer in the tech industry, making money and doing my passion. I also have plans to get my masters afterwards and get a two years associates after that.
And yet, all the men I meet either live with their parents with no job, no stable income, works a $10 an hour job, and has no motivation for any academic or GENUINE financial income. I know God sends me His toughest battles but mannnnnn see 😮💨❤
Same but I`m doing Finance. It`s honestly not worth it. Lots of them are even proud of their "chill" lives and low salaries, which I`d call being lazy. I don`t want millionaires but c`mon now
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now, we’ve lived together for half a year. What attracted me to him is the fact that we have the same vision and view on life, the same goals. He has ambition and one of his biggest goals is the same as mine. The this is that he definitely has some avoident attachement, and when I voice something I don’t like he just get in this flight or fight response. He is aware of it and recently started an online course to improve this. But it’s hard. I wonder if I should stay or not. I am really happy with him the majority of the time
Avoidant attachment is running from relationships when activated by love or closeness. He is probaly conflict avoidant or passive.
If you are not happy walking away will often make them change
What is his fight or flight response like?
He basically just ignores me completely whenever I want to talk about something, or he gets really defensive. Basically whenever I feel a bit sad or disappointed, he immediately feels attacked, even when I stress that it’s not him doing everything wrong, but just me having an emotion. But yeah I decided to break up with him. He keeps hurting me by ignoring when I want to talk, or even cursing/using hurtful words to me, and then not apologising for it.
@@anotherzaynlove I'm proud of you for deciding that. He sounds impossible to have a ltr with.
Thanku!
This girl is life saver to me
this girl is hillariously sincere. i love it
Wait so I know it wasn’t mentioned but because Taylor is in the thumbnail it’s making me think of why Travis and Taylor work so well. They share the same lifestyle! They’re both at the top of their game and are comfortable sharing the limelight and supportive of each other’s careers. Taylor and Joe might have been in love, but Joe most definitely did not share the same desire for her lifestyle or ability to reach her level of success. This video helps me to see how he was bringing her down. In the end, Joe couldn’t love all of Taylor because he didn’t support and align with the lifestyle she wanted for herself. I think this example might help people to understand how the concept can work in a real (ish) world scenario!
Thank you, this was an amazing video. I have been involved in struggle love since I was 15 and I just turned 40.
I have always been the rescuer, the caretaker, the one who could see the radiant light and potential in someone else.
I have spent over $200,000 on helping men in their lives. Whether it was education, rent, cars, moving into new homes, trips, wardrobes, presents, food and more.
I have never once gotten closer to my goals, wants, needs or desires in any of these relationships including 2 marriages.
It's devastating to see myself now at 40, in debt, without stability, single and broken hearted from people who did nothing but take from me my entire life. Now I don't want to be with anyone and I am isolating, feel worthless and alone.
I am sorry and you can shift your life very fast around!!! Just believe in yourself and maybe get a good friend or a therapist ❤ you can date and find a good man at any age. I was also very low, back in time. Now my life is finally good 🧡 I changed my life, my limiting beliefes. Listen to your intuition.
Thanks for the testimony- right now - you may want to rebuild yourself and your purpose. Don’t isolate- volunteer or join others for an activity that is helpful for other or you to cultivate that sense of purpose. If you can afford a counselor, take a chance! 40 is a beautiful age with so much life ahead, take the time you need and get moving again!
Age is just a number. You seems like a very independent n strong woman. I think its time for you to MARRY YOURSELF and do everything you've done to those men to yourself. I wish for your glow up era 😇😎😘
That is very heartbreaking to hear. However, seeing how you are capable of giving, building and loving to such a degree, imagine what would happen if you invest all this energy in yourself. Imagine the person you could become, the life you could have. Imagine those things untill you get a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. Maybe write it down if you want.
See the radiant light and potential within yourself.
Instead of fighting the patriarchy to not confine us to being degraded in our homes, we fought to join them by confining ourselves to their degraded in their workplaces. What we should have done is fought them by not participating in being confined by them in any way and teaching them to be more like women
Elle is the ultimate Bestie!
I thank Ritual too because this video was so important!! Thanks for supporting her to create this content
If every girl and woman would listen to this video before selecting a husband we could reduce the divorce rate to nearly 0%. You're brilliant Queen! Keep speaking the Truth! ❤️
Thank you for sharing, most people are so confused about everything, even dating. Ex. Women wanting luxury dating broke men then wondering why they feel miserable or not "feeling like the main character", I feel like so much common sense is lacking nowadays and your channel helps a lot in people regaining it.
When you talk really close to the mic, I feel like you're talking to me directly in my room and being lectured from the big sister I never had 😭🙏 GIRL WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN! Keep these videos coming bc we ALL need this, every woman in every age it applies to bc it's never too late to get our shit together.
I wish that I could like this video 1000+ times!!! This info is so valuable for women of all ages! Listen up ladies!! Elle goes hard with the facts in this video!!!
Every woman I know that didn’t love the person they married ended up miserable. I’m middle aged and live in a wealthy area so I know people who did.
Not infatuation, but true deep friendship and love for another person is crucial to spending every damn day with them for the rest of your life. And they have to feel the same way about you and treat you well. Marriage is hard. Both logic and love are needed.
Preach!! I tried to be the exception and uplift the man I loved… all for him to resent me for the work it takes to rise out of poverty to upper middle class in an unfair system. It’s not easy, it takes work, and he wanted me to just give it to him with minimal effort. I don’t have that power and even if I did I wouldn’t enable such entitled behavior
Your words of wisdom have opened up my eyes to a world of new experiences and self love. I hope you continue delivering your message 💕 From a recovering pickmeisha
Stopped talking to my "guy friend" today
He disrespected my boundary and tried to waste my time (we had plans but he decided to spend time with a random guy he knew for 2 days, giving him a campus tour and expecting me to just wait without being notified)
I decided that I'm too pretty and smart for that shit. So I stopped engaging altogether
This video found me just in time
Big lessons learnt here. Date for the lifestyle you currently enjoy or aspiring to enjoy, that way, you will flourish in love ❤️