cool girls ALWAYS finish last - reacting to mom without a christmas gift for 10 years
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- Опубликовано: 28 сен 2024
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In this episode, Elle explores the concept of the "cool girl" narrative, drawing from the viral video of a mom whose Christmas stocking was overlooked for years. She discusses the pitfalls of being a "cool girl" or a "pickmeisha," including the risk of living a life that isn't in alignment with who you truly are. Elle highlights the importance of self-assertiveness and setting high standards in relationships. She also delves into how women are objectified in the games men play with each other, and encourages listeners to view themselves as the prize. The episode concludes with a reminder that being high maintenance and materialistic can serve as protection for women.
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"Men do not talk to women they do not find F-able". Truer words have never been spoken. They will actively ignore you as if you do not even exist. I always remember that after my glow-up.
How do you know that? Did they stop ignoring you after your glow-up?
@@gurgesater9933 yes. Absolutely.
I try to ignore most people because it's rare when people ignore me 😅
💯💯💯
Right?? When I was ugly, all my friends were female, the boys back then didn´t even talk to me in a normal friendly way. Once I got pretty I had soo many male friends and acquaintances and every time all their asses vanished after a short time (or after they got rejected). Rate of female friends was always stable and I´ve got some of them for 20+ years.
I once mentioned to a man I was talking to on a dating app that i have a disability. Later when I asked for a zoom call before meeting him in person, he said “as a disabled person, you are of lesser value as a partner, so you shouldn’t be making demands.” 😂 🤦♀️
It was so kind of him to tell you he’s an ass before wasting your time and meeting you 😊
@@JasminMiettunen exactly… the best thing he did the whole time we talked.
How is he accusing you of “making demands” when you just asked for a simple FaceTime call? Literally what an absolute tool. At least you’re out of that situation because it would’ve turned into a manipulative or borderline abusive relationship
@@Young4eva121 No doubt… being that resistant to my just wanting to see his face was a major red flag in itself, but the “demands” thing on top of it was really bizarre 👀 it’s a blessing when the mask slips right away.
@@Young4eva121a for sure abusive situation
Everytime I've threatened breaking up with my boyfriend, he treated me way better. Sending me care packages, offering to pay for my hotels when traveling etc. My sister who modeled professionally and is an engineer, recently left a marriage where she was paying all the bills for the last year AND all the housework to a man she treated like a delicate little babt. Elle is right ladies, men only love what they struggle for.
@@stayingdisciplined1456 When did she say she needed all of her bills paid? Did you miss the point?
@@stayingdisciplined1456She is already bringing a lot of values in her boyfriend's life obviously. Why else would he struggle to keep her in his life? Cause unlike you, he acknowledges it and therefore paying for her lifestyle is the least he can do. Obviously it won't get into your head, you're here trying to police women as if money is the only valuable thing in the world. Good luck getting a good life mate
Threatening to break up with someone constantly is really toxic tho…although I agree with what you’re saying..this relationship seems toxic on your end from what you’re saying
@@stayingdisciplined1456the fact is women still give value when the man is paying all the bills by doing housechores and child care. When women are the breadwinners the men contribute nothing into the relationship except abuse or they cheat with other women with your own money. Why should she suck it up when he's contributing nothing into the relationship? She's better off on her own. Men only suck it up because they need women for their resources. Thats why a man will never leave a relationship even if he's unhappy or tired. It's the same reason why her boyfriend keeps paying for stuff when she threatens to leave. If she was really the problem in the relationship or at least if he was secure in himself to be alone he would let her go🤣🤣🤣
@@stayingdisciplined1456funding a woman’s lives is not a struggle when u want a stay at home wife. Thats the whole point, so that you enjoy paying her dreams too not just a role that is just work.
ITs the PARADOX of life:
1. Suffer first via being called, "gold-digger, materialistic, stuck up" and live a life of luxury later...vs.
2. Being a cool girl (having immediate ease) and suffering later...
THIS!!
I am assexual and avoid men, I wonder what men think of me
I’ll take being a gold digger any day
@@MayaMaya-tj7kw They probably admire you because they cant have you
I never considered being called spoiled, materialistic etc suffering. I took it as a compliment and just leaned into that. In high school my friends voted me “most likely never to work a day in her life”. That was my persona. I was never cool
Former cool girl here, I buy my own gifts after several holidays like this poor Mom. I hand the dude a list of ideas, but get what I really want myself. I'm already doing all the mental and invisible labor for the whole family. I'm starting to look after my own mental health. Fellow ladies, give the same energy he gives you. This is not a mistake; men KNOW what they are doing.
I'm trying to understand the cool girl mentality...so whenever something upset you, you wouldn't speak up??
@@sandiipants21Yes
BESTIE, WAKE U P!
Please, remember that you only live once... So if so - why would you suck it up what sucks just for the sake of repeating the pattern when... You literally have one lifetime to make decision to be it a Happy Time...
BESTIE
WAKE
U
P🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
For real WAKE UP.. why settle now and then once you get 15 years down the line you’ll be on the new version of Tik Tok talking about how you should’ve let sooner.. you’ll be exhausted and depleted.. but hey what do we know ?
So real 😭
Dont sacrifice your mental sanity to be a “cool girl”
*don't sacrifice your self respect and dignity to be socially acceptable, a.k.a a "cool girl"
Im glad younger women are having these conversations. I had no guidance.
My mum didn’t, either. I talk to her about all of these things and she agrees with me. I want to be the first woman in my maternal family to do things right. My half-sister is already living the spoiled girlie life, and I admire her for it! ❤
Same. It took me waaaaay too long to "get it"
"It is apparent that not enough men are lonely." I cackled because it's true. And enough men know how to mask bad behavior to lure women in.
It’s SCARY how the woman in the video was smiling and laughing… she was terrified of offending him.
Which just shows how belittled he made her be and how used she is of being unseen and underapprecisted and became okay with that...
I hope that she will have the courage and realisation of it and will leave him one day...
But also, the fact that the man was not embarassed or moved in any way by the neglection of his wife, a mother of his children...
Damn.
She must mean nothing to him:(
Right? His thoughts were “ooh, here’s a chance for content.”
@@Zuzzammayes, that is the point. I’m glad you caught that.
@@MoonFoxSassy YUPP. I mean,sadly a lot of evil/bad/unethic stuff is being filmed for the sake of makeing money out of it, instead of treating it with all seriousness.
I think that the 'cool girl' phenomenon stems from people-pleasing and lack of self-esteem. As a girlie who's recovering from this mindset I can attest that being 'cool' will only leave you resented and bitter, because you see the people getting all the things you want and you want to play the 'I'm not like other girls' game! Besties wake up and don't negotiate your worth! 💗
Cool women are enigma. It is not cool to be a people pleaser. I am cool because I do the things I like to do. People think I am cool because I am truly myself.
@opticalraven1935 In the context we refer to 'cool girls' here is as girls who do not want be truly themselves and be seen as 'cool' (they will agree with everything and let everything slide). But reality they are not being their authentic self like you. In that case you totally should keep being cool! 💛
💖
@@opticalraven1935cooo girls are doormats
@@canesugar911 That's a pickme girl. They tolerate whatever bullshit men throw at them.
This Gen Xer is learning sooooo much from you! Grew up with a narc parents and ended up with abusive gross men when I was insanely hot, smart, and talented. They sucked the life, youth, and beauty right out of me!
Now it’s time to claim all that for myself! ❤
GIRL I feel you!! But i'll bet you have got a ton of life, youth and beauty in you yet :) go get it!!!
Go get that bag bestie!!! 💖
OMG same ❤ you go, girl!
❤
Girl, if my friends can give me christmas gifts, birthday gifts, black friday gifts, give me money when I ask them, I expect more from my man!
Men bonding through stress is so true... In all my former relationships I was always there 100 per cent, giving my all double even when I got nothing, trying to understand the other person, thinking love is supposed to be selfless and was treated like shit and was even cheated on.
Now I'm in an 8 year relationship where I am just my true self and say no, so many times, and do not ever bend to his whims, and he just bends over for me and does 200 per cent. I am treated like a queen everyday just by being myself and saying no and making him work hard for it.
Yes!!!
I said no many times in my previous relationshit and got cheated on and emotionally abused precisely for not bending over to every whim... I think it has more to do with the person than with how we act. People are responsible for their own behaviors... say no to an entitled, abusive man and they will resent you.
Why didn’t I meet you 10 years ago. EVERYTHING YOU SAID IS TRUE.
Young girls, please listen to it and don’t make mistakes what we already made. It will be almost impossible to fix your life when you already set in this situation and have family and kids.
Yes, young girls, please listen to her. I can tell from personal experience that you will spare yourself some pain that way.
and partners of "cool girls" are NEVER gonna change! they're gonna feel "betrayal" and that you no longer "love them" anymore, cause you don't want to be their doormat and actually be treated with respect. You live once, live it for you!
Fax
Seeing her face, smiling through the pain was enough of a warning for me. I am mentally reminding myself it's okay to spend money on myself and expect that treatment from those in my inner circle- it's a standard
The description of a cool girl sounds like self-abuse, allowing it to be inflicted on someone or yourself doesn’t matter it’s self-abuse. I’m the prize and it weeds out the losers, saves you time
yeah, i don't understand the cool girl mentality... I'm usually very sweet and playful with my husband. but if he happens to do something inconsiderate or insensitive (which is not often haha), I'll call him out on it immediately. he'll apologize and do better next time. it's better to resolve issues as soon as possible than to say nothing, play the cool girl, and let the resentment fester until you can no longer hold it in one day.
thats great that you guys have healthy communication! That was definatly something lacking from my last relationship
BebeJane, I'll help you understand. It comes from childhood when you're either hit, yelled at, ignored, belittled, or punished when you express a need/want to your caregivers. You learn that honest communication and asking for things is not safe or acceptable. You learn to reassure everyone that you don't need or want anything. It's very, VERY hard to unlearn that, even when you're actively trying because you're drowning in toxic shame and believe "it's not okay to be me, or to feel what I feel, or want what I want." It's not a game like Scrabble, it's a very painful internal struggle that eats away at your heart. Signed, a Recovering Cool Girl
@@shimmeringchimps3842 this explains so much about me tbh,
Gold Diggers are rewarded with Birthday, Christmas, Just Because, and Valentine's Day Gifts. The luxury of being a stay at home wife/mom because your masculine husband love to provide for his family. Shopping, Spa Days, more pampering.
Pickme's are rewarded with: Pay for the date he asked you out on, single motherhood, OOPS yeah I forgot today was your birthday but I'll make it up to you later (shocker, he never does or will) oh and more paper clips with balls of lint yay!
Yeah, but if he's with you knowing that you're with him for the money, he can easily replace you with someone similar and younger after a while. We see this happen all the time.
@@iridescentraindrops I mean the other men do it to the pickmeishas too they use them for years (for sex, Money,free labour etc) then replace them with a younger woman. lol. Love is also important but it's not the only thing.
My point is they do it all women it.
@@chrzig554 Then why bother with men at all? I don't get what's in it for women. It seems we can lose in every scenario.
@@iridescentraindrops
Make him put things in your name, & invest in your career.
He funds the first years of your business, he teaches you to invest, he buys you property.
Win.
My dad married a gold digger and does ALL that stuff for her to KEEP HER QUIET while he is still out cheating on her…..
That stocking video is heartbreaking! She just laughs it off, I'm taking all flowers and gifts no way will I give it all again to receive nothing. We set the standard
Im a gen xer and this was my life. Please ladies, and girls, LISTEN TO THIS. I was never happy, until I divorced and cut all men out of my life. I am teaching my daughters (God blessed me with NO sons), very differently.
I’m an elder millennial and this was also my life. She’s right girlies. Listen up and take notes:
if you had sons you could have raised them to be good men:-)
@@eri-zj8krthere's only so much you can do as a parent. It's up to them to not listen to outside peer pressures from the media and their friends
This is true. Peer pressure affects girls too, but boys are much likelier to make the dangerous decisions just to fit in.
@@eri-zj8kr bestie go raise a couple of children and then we'll talk. obviously parents need to teach their kids especially sons how to be good people, but one can't simply mold a perfect person out of a kid. kids go to school, interact with peers, consume media, go on the internet, and get influenced by a loooot of things besides their parents. (also some kids are just mean from the start idk) I've seen an example of that bc I practically raised my 2 younger brothers, and one of them is super nice and respectful, while other is kind of a dickhead. not a horrible person thankfully, but not a nice one either. they both were raised by the same people, with the same standards, they're only a year apart in age, yet they grew up to be so different. one of them was just influenced by the wrong crowd and turned out... like that.
My mum keeps telling me that I'm such a good cook, I'll make such a good hostess/wife/mother. Yet she was that, and she doesn't want to be married again because her first marriage and divorce was so traumatic. Yet she thinks that being this way will reward women.
I groan in annoyance when I realise I have to shop for food/clean/cook because it's a chore. I think of Christmases ahead and dread what my mother will expect of me. I DON'T WANT TO HOST CHRISTMAS PARTIES AND COORDINATE EVERYTHING AND BUY PRESENTS FOR EVERYONE. I DON'T WANT TO COOK FOR EVERYONE. I DON'T WANT TO DRAIN MYSELF LIKE SHE DID.
I'M seriously contemplating not bothering having children because I don't want to cater for everyone for the rest of my life. I saw my mother do it find she was punished for it.
You don't have to if you don't want to. You're a free woman. You can chose how you wanna live and not bother with Christmas at all. You can fly to a tropical island on Christmas if you so chose.
Our parents are a product of their time and oftentimes their own trauma and sh***y upbringing
My mother had not one, but two abusive alcoholics as husbands (my father was abusive towards her and her second husband was abusive towards me) and with her history of unworthy men she had the audacity to call me complicated, a bitch, unlovable and telling me that I'll end up alone. To which I usually replied "I'd rather die alone than have the kind of men you have". I still had quite a few sh***y partners myself cause my upbringig did leave a mark on me nevertheless...
Point is: our parents can be just screwed up people who don't know any better.
And even if you don't have the "high maintenance" look or career -- just don't entertain any men other than those who fit your standards. You can dress simple and live a modest life, and still only accept date invitation in high end restaurant, never anything lower than that.
Or tell them to buy your entire wishlist of books before they can call you. Be your very own kind of ✨gold digger✨
I tell people to buy me flowers while I'm alive because if I only get them when I'm dead then I'm haunting them. I get flowers all the time hahahahaha!
I'm 55 and identify all too well with the presentless woman. Don't judge her too harshly; she is trapped. He rubbed that empty stocking in her face. I would have reacted the way she did because if I didn't I would have been "punished". Manifestelle, keep preaching your message. It is correct.
the worst men I ever had was those materialist and high maintenance. Those dudes got in their princess receiving energy and GOT THIS from me and their are not ashame of it, they was PROUD. I look back and remember their reactions when asking for things and took my time and energy to serve them without EVER give me NOTHING back. Those was MEN unapologetic profiting from feminine energy, why would I be ashamed?!
Do not listen/ talk to further any man that tries to bargain down your worth.
Former cool girl who grew up hearing “all men want from you is s*x” from their birth giver and ended up internalizing very harmful dating advice. I’ve started setting boundaries with the men in my life and the responses have been revelatory. Whoever I end up with next will know from the jump that I have needs and I won’t be tolerating breadcrumbs.
God that husband should be ashamed of himself. That is YOUR WIFE bro. Who raised him?
He was raised by a struggle loving pickmeisha and a dusty
My fellow men really can't fathom how high maintenance WE actually are. I grew up with a single mom and she never hid how physically, mentally, and emotionally draining the job of raising me was. The idea that a married man with 5 kids could behave this way is completely unacceptable
A lot of men enjoy shaming women by pulling shit like this too. Like how did he not notice for 10 years? No way. He noticed, and a best didn’t care. At worst he was secretly enjoying how that must have hurt her. Most likely somewhere in the middle he noticed but jokes with his friends about how he bought himself a ‘well deserved’ case of beer with the money instead.
before hearing this term I thought my mom was a pick me, but she definitely fits here 😭 and it's so heartbreaking not being able to get through her and help her be a spoiled girlie :(
My boyfriend gave me so many gifts and its not even christmas yet. Gave me a cellphone we were not even dating. He worships me and i would never go for less than that. And if the treatment stop, we stop dating.
just realizing that my mom is a cool girl. i don't remember dad buying her a gift for their anniversary or her birthday... heck, she doesn't even like celebrating it anymore. and she doesn't like going out anymore bc she knows she's the one that's gonna pay and she says it like it's funny but honestly it's just sad. this just taught me to love her more...
As a “cool” girl on the other side of what she described. I hope she saves someone. It really does suck here. Have the highest effing standards in a man’s effort.
as the second oldest daughter i feel an obligation to always gift my mom well during holidays and bdays coz it was lacking somewhere else 💀 and herself as well, just being stuck in this giver role. never wanting or being able to spoil herself. i think my problem with the convo at 10:30 about accepting men objectify us and we have to play the game is that i don’t want to be with someone like that. aka i don’t ever want to be with a man.
It’s difficult to digest I know
But she’s telling the truth. I’ve lived it. We all believe “the man I marry will be different” in the end all men (heterosexual men anyways) default to this mindset. Unless they encounter something that causes them to DECIDE to make a radical change against this nature. It sucks to know but it’s sadly true.
There's nothing about gift-giving that HAS to be materialistic either. It's just our society usually has us thinking that gift = stuff. Hubby always gets me (us) spa weekend for Christmas, and I give some kind of city get away weekend. That's two weekends just for the two of us, best gifts ever (especially when you have kids). I'm from a slightly different society (Scandi) and I feel like these sexist stereotypes don't quite fit tbh. My partner never had to struggle for me. But I guess we should establish what struggle means here, because of course he had to put in effort. And I 110% agree that should be a given, that the person you're with puts some f*ing effort into it.
I prided myself on being cool girl and looking down my nose at high maintenance girls. They don't appreciate it. Like AT ALL! I read that book Why Men Love B's amd still managed to miss the point. 2 decades later it finally sunk in.
I'm so glad I'm a lesbian. Every time I see one of these videos I feel so sorry for yall 😭 like we def have our own issues but not 5 kids and 10 years with zero presents issues. The worst *talking stage* I've been in with a woman, she offered to pay for a 100+$ Uber to a party I wanted to go to for my birthday after talking for (at that point) about 6 days
I'm glad I found this video 😅 I feel less guilty on ghosting a guy who clearly saw me as a trophy to please his mother as I was fresh out of college and single back then. Never respected my boundaries and failed to listen to what I needed from him. Turned out he had no dating experience and I found out about it from my dad after I got back from our horrible first date. I told my dad I will not go any further I don't have patience for someone who lacks experience, empathy, and basic listening skills.
At the end of every video you post, I find myself saying "Period!". You're so right and the more you bring to our attention, the better our chances at a happy life get. Thank you for bringing this to our attention, I love the Spoiled Girlie Support Group! 🧡
That’s why the movie Gone Girl was so popular because despite the protagonist being a murderer and maybe sociopath, she took her power back and that’s why I loved the movie.
When my long term boyfriend did not buy me a Christmas gift after 6 years together... I developed severe anxiety. I was upset. I pulled away. I started to freak out. Then he noticed I wasn't myself anymore... He dumped me. Great!
I am so better off to be single. I was I had been single sooner. :)
Hi girlies!! I am so grateful for this mindset change, you all are amazing 🥰!!
i really needed to hear this. ever since i was a kid i was a people pleaser and was scared that speaking up for myself or asking for things would make people mad. the only way i could get people to like me was to be chill and low maintenance because it has to pay off eventually, right??? like one day people will see how much i do for them and how little i ask for in return and it will be worth it. its okay if my friends just use me to vent but are never there for me when i need them or even invite me anywhere! its okay that i have to beg my partner to do something over and over again but they never put in the effort to change! its okay that i take on extra work because my manager will notice and reward me! 🤡 NO‼️ its literally NEVER worth it. they will see you as nothing but a door mat and they will keep taking and taking until there is nothing left. we shouldn’t have to beg for effort, we deserve more than the bare minimum and if we don’t put ourselves first no one else will!!!
I relate to this so much. It’s so painful giving your everything for nothing in return. I hope you’ve learned to love yourself and not let people walk over you. 🙏
I'm a nerd girl, I need to be comfy and entertained.
I am bashful when someone gifts me something but I take it.
My grandmother would take me and my brother Christmas shopping for my mom to pick out her stocking gifts and "Santa" gifts. Grandma knew what was up.
Don't be an accessory to someone else's life. You will fall out of fashion.
I am new here, and I am the opposite of a spoiled girlie and I want to change that for 2024. I just got broken up with and I need a change as what I have and am as of right now is just not it. Much love to all the girlies
Good luck Lady, it all is going to be fine, it is all for the best ❤
All the best wishes for you! May you glow up beautifully!
repeat this with me
I'm an entitled gold digger, I deserve the best and always the most from every situation, person, thing and all ❤
I'm a mom of 2 from 2 different men. I had this realization and it hurts. But I'm changing because you're correct. I hated being the "cool girl".
“You need to be ok with being an entitled, spoiled, gold-digger” lol!! You’re so right but the way you said it was hilarious!
I had a prof who was the embodiment of a "cool girl". I can't help but wonder if she put up that persona because she's had an insanely difficult life. She'd try her hardest to maintain the cool girl persona, but her bitterness, anger, & frustration would easily show through (not that I blame her), but it is exhausting to watch her hold up that crumbling facade instead of getting the help she needs.
manifestelle here to save us from the red pilled men
I was a bitch and a cool girl depending on the topic and the time. Honestly sometimes I was a cool girl because sometimes it felt easier to be the cool girl than get into whatever was bothering me. I thought it was fine, because I was still pretty adamant about a lot of my boundaries and how Im to be treated and people generally saw me as the bitch. Turns out not so. Every bit of those add up over time and you end up with a pile of chunks of you chipped away. I think a lot of women and girls get some cool girl in them because they just feel like they dont have the spoons to get into dealing with it and its easier to ignore those inner gut feelings but eventually it builds up.
So I want to say- even if you feel too tired to deal with it, try. If you still feel like its too much right now, thats ok. Make a note of it, and make sure to comeback to it when you do. You have the right to talk about something that bothered you when youre ready, just because you didnt react that way in the moment doesnt make it over. I thought it over, and I thought it was ok but its bothering me are fine words to say.
Great words of wisdom ❤
i once watched one of your videos (it was my first oneof you) and i was like tf why is she talking trash but now this is my forth video of you and your speaking facts . and i still remember last year for christmas my moms BF got her nothing but my mom got him something really expensiv that he really really liked, i was so sad and felt bad for my mom but he did not even apologice even his friends thought it was not cool....
Ive had to be the "cool friend / daughter" where ive put others needs before my own. I know in that sense i am flawed, but I REFUSE to let this play out in any relationship with a man.
Y'all I am from Poland and... Americans (girlies) are SO WOKE (!) in comparison to my country... Dusties and "independent not needing flowers or a man paying for her" girls are all over the Facebook...
This channel is the best source of information and EDUCATION towards my improvement, and seeing positives - I am so grateful Elle, for these videos that u make.
And also the way you deliver those facts is flawless and really High Value❤
I feel that! most men in slavic countries suck, so I'm so happy that I found this channel as a slavic girlie
@@pigeondance Western men are not so much better. 🤣 I have found at least slavic men are a bit more protective and chivalrous. Western men can be liberals and dusties, wanting a 50/50 "cool girl" because for them it takes less effort..
@@Elisabetta.Scalisi Yeah, dusties are a worldwide phenomenon really. Western european countries are full of them too. At least slavic women are already kinda used to "securing their own bag".
@@Elisabetta.Scalisi well, you just described a slavic man. I am on a dating app and all of them are waiting for the woman to text them first. It is THIS BAD.
And if they text you First, they go with "good morning".
I have no words for how glad i am to see this channel grow!
Thanks for everything Elle, bestie! ❤
Stay blessed! ✨
Exactly this scene under the christmas tree happened to me once. His daughter got about 10 presents.
7:05 “not enough men are lonely” YES LMAO
I was never a cool girl, I read Why men love bitches and only agreed, but as a married mom, be careful not to slide into being the cool wife or "dependent", kind of a nanny, part of the furniture of his life. My husband decided we both should stop giving gifts to each other, and we did, because we were tired and already could buy whatever we need.
After a few years I said no, I want gifts. Give me potted plants, jewelry or indeed expensive kitchenware, because I loved cooking. I became uncool, and my birthdays and Christmases are much better.
i was a cool girl during high school…i was played with like a yo-yo. a man is never worth it, ladies.
we all deal with self esteem when young. honestly you dont start sorting your confident out (i mean real confidence based on competence and skills not arrogance) until late twenties. I consider myself lucky that i ripped out the bandaid in my early twenties. which means there is only up to go from there :)
@@beab8738 ty for the encouraging words! i’m happy to have left that persona far behind me now…that was well over ten years ago! i got to know and heal myself after that time in my life, but i wish i wasn’t socialized to be so yielding to boys.
The “cool girl” mentality starts with all those stupid advices from tiktok and instagram - “how to make him want you, how to make your crush like you, how to make your ex crawl back to you, how to talk and bat your eyelashes so he fell in love, 5 techniques to seduce men of your dreams” 😑 I never understood those.. like why I should change my behavior, personality, looks.. the way i freaking talk to get my crush ? If he doesn’t like me the way i am - i’m not interested in him✋ It’s mens job to attract and pursue, not womens😑
I feel sorry for my younger self NOT KNOWING THIS. now you have an access to all information there is so USE IT to your advantage!
so what do i do? i have a genuinely chill and forgiving personality but i always throw dudes away when they cross certain boundaries. my problem is they never believe in the boundary when i draw them even if i feel i dont give them a reason to believe im a pushover
Women do all, ALL the unpaid labour that is the foundation stone upholding the paid economy.
Because women's work is unpaid we NEED men to share their resources that are inequitably gatekept from us, as society's foundation stone of free labour.
Imagine if women went on strike from domestic/reproductive/care labour. It would be like a war zone by lunch time.
@@daffodil1017it has happened before in a country. They couldn't survive 🤣🤣
@@daffodil1017read Lysistrata
i relate to that tiktok so much as an eldest daughter. this christmas, my father didnt get my mother anything for Christmas and my mother expressed her disappointment that no one got her anything and i felt so bad that i took it upon myself to get her a new years gift instead. my father didn't get her anything at all, even after i asked him that we should get her something. he thought it wasn't a big deal. this is coming from the same man who asks her for money ever 3 business days, desnt pay fot anything, gets fussy when he *does* have to pay for something, and never helps around the house but doesn't have the decency to get her a christmas gift.
I was like 25 when I found out that my mom bought most of her own Christmas presents that were coded as being from my dad. Sad.
About that gift thing UGH I remember being in my last relationship having to ask and justify for gifts!! And I always showered with him with gifts - Glad we're over the man didn't even know how to write a CV 🤡
I was always the cool girl & I got treated like crap by all the guys I was with. I have learned better.
Me too. I literally watched an Adam Sandler movie while eating canned food with one of my loser exes. Alomst exactly like in the Amy Dunne monologue. I'm embarrassed of past me at this point. :-D
For me it started from my childhood. I've been raised or groomed like that since childhood now I'm realising it.
Love everyone here. This channel has opened my eyes so much ♥️ glad we’re all growing together!
Spoiled girls club all the way 🥰🥰
I'm cool in common situation, but when someone try to do shitty behavior at my face, i'll become so cold and heartless 😂
Seeing cards and gift tags saying from/love, mom and dad…and it’s all in moms handwriting. Why write his name and let him cosplay a thoughtful and present parent?
That woman was smiling through the pain...
Even if that was a skit, he’s doing it in front of all his impressionable children that see and incorporate this
6:22 so true. Growing up I don't think I ever saw my dad get my mum a gift for Christmas. To be fair, she didn't get him anything either 😂. BUT compared to my dad, my mum cooked, cleaned and prepared gifts for me and my sister and she did that the WHOLE year too whilst working and running her own business. Once I was old enough and started working even just casual jobs I would splurge on her and buy her nice brand clothing and bags my dad would never spend on my mum.
I can't stop imagining some bro-dude in a tutu every time she plays that divine feminine energy soundtrack to describe them 😂
This is such valuable information and I'm always so grateful to hear your opinions and learn. Thank you!
My dad tells me this all the time. If men don't have money, they'll actively try to find money to spend on women they like via credit card, borrowing, etc. This is with any resource, time as well. If he really doesn't have money, he will try to find the time for you. He will spend his mental energy on you. If you demand less, you will get less. You will only have yourself to hold accountable if you want to be "nice."
That mom's empty stocking video is so sad. I'm sooo glad I can't relate.
When I was a kid I started getting my mom little presents pretty early in life because it made me sad her stocking was empty. Now my dad has stepped up his game in his old age and gets us both at least a few things for Christmas. But he was an awful husband for most of my childhood and it’s painful to look back on.
You always bring a smile to my face “sperm is cheap and abundant and the egg is the scarce resource. YOU are the scarce resource”
FACTSSSS❤
Thank you so much for the reminder, Elle! MEN should stay in their place… which is UNDER our well manicured FOOT and expensive pair of heels! ❤
Keep preaching sis
Miss girl I just got out of a relationship of three years and let me tell you YOU ARE CHANGING MY LIFE.
I was a cool girl ... never ever again
It’s like applying for and getting hired for a job beneath you and then getting upset you aren’t getting paid or valued. You applied and welcomed the terms and conditions and now you are getting what you asked for. Quiet simple
your videos have helped me so much in realising and tossing my internalised misogyny out! Will buy merch to support you and reinforce myself in a new way of thinking and being! Thank you so much for your insights and articulation Elle
I had to plan and buy everything for my moms birthday cause she always plans everyones birthday but when it was her birthday nobody wanted to do anything not even my dad she does so much for everyone and does everything in her power to make everyone happy even the smallest things like making our lunches so puts so much love and effort and noone even cares its only after i bought everything did my dad said "oh i was gonna do it anyway" my dad doesnt deserve my mom he neglects her in everyway he doesnt even look at her while she talks and is always ignoring her, seeing this made me realise that i NEVER EVER EVER want a man to treat me like that i hope one day she will have the strengh to leave him, he is a horriable father and a horriable husband
Hot girls have the power and don't need to capitulate to be chosen
i used to be the chill girl. never in my life. i need therapy and 5 business years to come to my senses and start to value myself
You can still be a “cool girl/person” but it’s so vital that you learn how to have self esteem for yourself and not take any shit! Don’t let people walk all over you or think that your partner disrespecting you is acceptable! IMO
I am loving the evolutionary biology interspersed in these! It really helps to put things in perspective and shine a light on these scams that have been run on us all for so long!
I can double like this. This was a full tea ☕
8:54 This part was so eye-opening for me! You're saving lives here, Elle. As always, your message is pure gold ✨❤️👏🏻
And look at her she’s just smiling and laughing hehehe girl no
Lol when he says
I thought you aren't like all the other girls
Haha um you're dating a girl
Was*
EX*