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I agree I only work one job but I don't have kids if you teach yourself to live on a tight budget and live alone that works too if you live in a large city then you won't have to deal with anyone but yourself you can spoil yourself that way if you find a room that's clean but affordable and never have to have anyone in your business ever again..I know sometimes why people want what I have its because some of them have no clue how to obtain it themselves because there so caught up in there emotions and over shopping that they started neglecting all there bills and debt but if they worked a job and lived alone this can sometimes attract wealthy men too because you didn't exactly excel but your not so stupid that you would sleep outside just to save money or work three jobs. When do they have time to sleep even?
New subscriber. Love your content, style, vibe, bestie phrase.. so beautiful! The big resistance I’ve always had to bring my own dream girl, is all the toxic examples of entitled arrogant materialistic women throughout my life. So my associations with being this are all so so negative. It’s still a big block. I’d love if you could do a video on this issue. . That’s why I’m so happy to find the channel of an intelligent, sensitive beautiful girl, someone I can admire and connect to.. giving this advice. Thank you.
Speak a fact right here girl! I had a glow up over the summer and suddenly all the guys want to slid to my dms, like blockity block them😂. My glow ups are for me not for your attentions
One time my job had a payroll issue and did not pay out my vacation time on pay day-As you could imagine how this impacted my paycheck. My then husband did not offer to give me A DIME to hold me over until my job sorted out the issue. He had trained me so well to not ask for money that I ended up calling up my mom for help. My mom basically lost her shit and was like “why is YOUR husband not taking care of this?” This was the beginning of my realization of the scam I was programmed into.
@@sparklyunicorn5431 He would never offer and he was one of those ‘nice guys’ who would passive aggressively help you and hold it over your head months or years down the road in an unrelated argument. He did call me gold digger twice for expecting him to get out of his low paying job because HE was pressuring me to have his kid. Like, little boy bye. No legacy for you. ✌🏼
of course you strugglet together... It's partnership, in bad times and good times! Wth? You should struggle for each other and do your best. Wh is he supposed to be the only one that struggles so she lives a nice life? One day he kicks you into the sand and goes for someone who accepts him, loves him and supports him as well. Why do you want him to suffer when you could change the situation for the better for both of you?
I remember my ex saying “The love you want. I don't want to give you it. It will mean more time. And I want to invest it into other things.” Well Chile…I BOUNCED!
"Where there is no pride, there is no shame." If he's not proud of being a provider, then he won't be ashamed of asking you to pay 50/50, even if you're earning less, sick, pregnant, laid off, ect. He's either a protector, or he isn't!
I got laid off recently and my ex still wanted me to pay 50/50. And low cost activities that I planned weren't enough. Made me feel like shit, but I realized, he was just an unappreciative asshole.
Those are the abusive situationships women are avoiding. That's why there is a "male loneliness epidemic". The good men have relationships, they're married. It's the mysoginists who are having issues finding a 50/50 tradwife girlfriend !
@@Souro-pz6yc every man I know who is loved on by his partner and gets ‘the big piece of chicken’ is a good dude who treats her right, but if this chad nonsense is what you need to tell yourself to be ok being alone, I support you.
Im extremely lucky because it was my bf who taught me that i dont have to pay for shit and he loves spoiling me😌 he's also a student and earns just basic stipend, so yesterday i just told him how i should try doing part-time along with my college (im doing 2 degrees btw) and this man legit had a breakdown and asked me "What terrible thing have i done that you feel that way? I feel like ive completely failed as a man if my girl feels like she has to "repay" or feels "indebted". Im so sorry i made you feel that way. What can i do to be better?" LIKE??!!! MAN'S 22😭 IF HE CAN DO THAT YALLS MUCH GROWN UP MANS CAN DO BETTER SHUSHHHH
woaw! please repost this message everywhere possible so that more women see it... I have also been lucky with generous providers in my happy relationships. The unhappy one was the ONE where he had nerve to say it costs him to come to visit me...and he started the relationship, loser. But your guy is a King, sis.
@@mpch6298 i mean yeah I wish more ppl knew what they could achieve but I don't think reposting will do it lol ppl may think it's spam. On top of that i believe in the evil eye so I want to keep most parts of my relationship private 😌
yess girl i love it for you, that is a true generous man! Myself I'm 20 and I struggle with the concept of a provider man and what should I require, cause I don't want to be unrealistic, especially as this concept is rather new to me... So thank you for setting the example for us!
@@nalbinalbii888 nah nah she referred to women as Females yet males as men. If you're gonna degrade us to gender then go ahead and be uniform with it. If you use female you better use male as well. It's kinda strange that I've never heard "males" being a commonly used term anywhere despite them shoving their noses everywhere....speaks a lot🤷🏻♀️
8:20 OMG YOU HAVE TRUE ENLIGHTENMENT. Men DO enjoy struggle. They DO love solving problems and being tough in bad situations. They really do! Every time I've ever had a flat tire, a man appeared magically out of nowhere to change it for me before I could even pull out the spare from the trunk! Back when I was an 18 year old fetus, I was going to hire a guy to do a car repair and when I mentioned it at work, a coworker offered up her husband to do it half price. Then, when I got to her house, her husband fixed it outside in the FREEZING COLD and dark and wouldn't even take the full payment! We sat in the warmth and keke'd while he STRUGGLED. I felt soo bad at the time but she was chill about it. Looking back, she was older and wiser, and she knew men love that sort of thing, and she had her man well trained! I want one like that lol
So I guess we just pay attention to how they face struggles and challenges that arise. If they make it your problem [to solve], b1tch & moan and would rather you struggle with it alone instead; because it’s beneath him. He’ll sap you of everything we’ve eagerly poured away to him. He neither has nor wants to offer anything in return. So I guess we’ve become ‘the helpers’ the knights in shining armour and they’re now the damsels-in-distress-with-daddy-issues, ‘the helped’. who we’re expected to save and protect; and want to reproduce with?! The glass has been shattered and my mind, blown!
As soon as a man says "50/50", I immediately assume I've been friendzoned and move on. "50/50" is never truly 50/50. Women always take on more emotional and house labour compared to men, yet women are still expected to work full time and pay half the bills. So it ends up being 70% women and 30% men input in that type of relationship. Yeah, no thanks. I'd rather be single then be in that situation. I am sticking to my rum and motorbike ❤🥃🏍 Excellent video lovely! Thank you. ❤
I disagree. The healthy couples usually seek the best, most practical labour division so I disagree that somehow women always have it 70% and men 30%. Andnif you say "ohh, the couples like these don't exist, yadayada", I literally know the relationship which is really equal (50/50 doesn't mean equal). My parents have a very healthy relationship and they always seeked the most practical house labour division which means my father cooked dinners (he worked on shifts morning-afternoon-night, then he changed his job and currently works on 12/2 so he spends a lot of time at home), did the washing (before we moved and got the washing mashine), did the ironing, hang out the laundry, mowed the lawn, if sth had broken, he would have repaired it. On the other hand, my mother took care of me, drove me to my krav maga and dance classes and did more cleaning stuff (like cleaning the windows, vacuuming), cleaned after our pet with me, ironing, also did the garden stuff... Actually, they did lots of labour together, sometimes cooked together when I was younger, they played with me together... They really are couple goals.
I once saw a video of a woman and her boyfriend. Some men in the comments find that the woman is not as attractive as the boyfriend, and so they insult her saying: "This is the type of girlfriend who pays for everything while you look for the one" So they really have admitted that they use women this way. We can choose to not be with a person who use us this way!
He's actually not Mr. Krabs. Remember when he was dating Mrs. Puff? Showered that woman with gifts because he could not help it. He got mad at SpongeBob for not keeping him on his budget. It's not like he was in some serious financial issues. Mr. Krabs has money. He was just stingy, but he never treated Mrs. Puff like that.
"You don't need a rich man, you need a generous man". Wow so true. I have a friend who married a man who comes from a wealthy family but he was so stingy with her! He didn't want to spend money on a wedding so they ended up eloping. She was always begging him to hurry up and marry her and at the end he gave her no wedding!
That's not even possible in my case. We are having two weddings as we are an interracial relationship. One wedding in the UK and one in Nigeria. My fiance asked me to marry him twice once in front of a castle and once in front of my parents. He had to ask for permission first. My fiance loves me sooo much its crazy. I'm getting the dress, the fairytale Everything. This guy doesn't sound like a good guy. He basically just married her to shut her up.
My ex was this way. When I had no money in my bank account due to registration fees for my car, he wouldn't give me a single dime. My boyfriend now will always pay me back, with a little extra, if I buy him something he asked me to get for him. I work at a grocery store where only myself and my spouse can get the discount, so if he wants something, I have to buy it for him. But he will reimburse me, no questions asked except to confirm if the payment went through. Generous men will always win out.
A guy I unfortunately agreed to go on a date. The guy tried to go 50/50 on a date he asked me on. I told him “oh I thought this was a date”,and he got angry and said “you’ve never done 50/50 on a date?” And I said “no I wasn’t raised that way but I can do 50/50 it’s just not a date” so he paid the whole meal begrudgingly and then berated me for 15 minutes (while I waited for a separate order I paid for to take home) about how “all his friends go 50/50 on dates” and “I blindsided him” and “I took his consent away”. All I could think is how was he not embarrassed making this scene in public?
When a date goes bad I have sometimes just paid the whole tab myself, followed by immediate blocking. Just to show the cost of one plate of food is not anything to make a deal about, I don’t gaf. Plus I don’t like the attitude if they think in”owe them” something for literally the price of a plate, gross.
How rude of him. Even if a family member or friend INVITES you to a meal, they're supposed to pay. If he didn't want to pay, he shouldn't have invited you. He comes from a low life family if they never taught this to him.
I heard from a divorce attorney recently that marriage is the most significant legal decision you will make other than death. It's okay to proceed with caution, girlies.
@@sunfish4095 In regards to living in a place that allows common law marriage, it can be worse for victims of domestic v!0lence because their @buser uses common law marriage to trap them, even though it’s not a legal marriage, if that makes sense to you.
@@MillennialMountainMama Yes, it's very important to differentiate between someone who is actually confident, competent, protective, charismatic and has true leadership from an abusive, insecure, narcissistic and controlling person. They can easily be confused with one another and present the same on the surface. One is weak false masculine and the other is healthy authentic masculine.
When I was in my pick me era, i would get tricked by words. The man would tell me I was his dream girl, the best woman he'd ever met, the coolest, blablabla... But their actions wouldnt align. And I would drive myself crazy trying to get them to act like I was their dream girl, because they were saying I was. And I did start out as my own dream girl, but didn't have the discernment to suss out actions from words. Then my self esteem got wrecked and it took a full decade to come back around to loving myself. So, just something to keep in mind i guess.
Dude isn't even Eugene Krabs. Because even Mr. Krabs with his cheap ass...spoiled the living SHIT out of Mrs.Puff! Explained why to SpongeBob, also. He knows the deal...women are the reason he screws over the employees!😂😂😂
My parents trained me to not ask for money. To always be the good student (and maybe then you'll deserve something nice, maybe just maybe), and anything nice you needed you had to fend for yourself. This woman has been trained from childhood to put up with this, I can see it in her.
Same, raised to ask for nothing, doubt my own perspective, be no trouble...... and they judge me for being long term single. I'm lucky that'svhow things panned out
id say this was a bad upbringing...i already told my nieces when a man loves you they will give you the life you want dont ever go 50/50 they understood i hope they bring it till they are adults
A non generous man that's using you, your energy and your labor, will require you to conform yourself to his standards..... But won't invest his own time, labor or money into maintaining the standards he expects from you! Your fitness, skin care, hair care, style of clothing etc....are ALL expected to be kept up to HIS standards.... without any contributions from him..... And while you're working 3 jobs, struggling to pay the household bills, car insurance, medical insurance, food and the very BASIC necessities..... YOUR "beauty maintenance" is NOT a necessity, and therefore YOU are greedy, shallow and actually SELFISH, if you even suggest spending money on yourself for your appearance! And then AFTER years of struggling, working your ass off, sacrifice, going without for the sake of "FAMILY" he then decides to cheat.... But ONLY because he's not satisfied with your appearance.... And he says it's "completely YOUR fault because YOU let yourself go so.....what did you expect?“ I've seen this happen to several friends of mine!
Princess men will drain you dry. Don't give them any more than you already have. Don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy. Don't go down on a sinking ship.
Yes exactly. I've always said this abt those who want SAHW/M's. If you expect the beauty standard, you are also expected to give her the allowance to maintain it. It offends so many of these types of men who simply want a maid to go 50/50 on the rent.
My ex use to complement other girls manicured nails and I felt bad cause I couldn't afford get my nails done so for his bday I got my nails done to surprise him and he acted like he didn't even notice. We broke up because he actually stole my debit card and took $200 from atm. When I caught him and confronted him he only paid me back $100 and when I refused to be with him he wanted me refund the $100...make it make sense
Oh, MANNNNNNN, my ex husband would oohle women in public and then tell me he just thought *I* would look good in that dress, etc. The week I met him, he asked me if I ever wanted to do something with my hair. He complained about the “potato sack” clothes I wore the whole time. But, babe… do you think there was EVER any money for me to go clothes shopping? Shoe shopping? Please. He desired a woman he couldn’t afford, and settled on me.
If he’s not spending on you, he’s spending on someone else or just himself (sprinkle sprinkle). Don’t ever procreate with someone like that. Don’t ever give someone like that the gift of children. He should feel honored to spend his money on you. Also, it’s your birthright that he does. If not, let HIM feel the sting of being alone. 50/50 is a slap in the face and no one is going to convince me it’s not.
This comment. Yes. When my mom was younger and was with my deadbeat "father" she was working for him, while he was drinking, smoking, bets (losing lots of money) after i grew up he started beating us, had lots of affairs even with my godmother (i know its disgusting). Now he s with someone else in another country, i visted him back in 2017 and i saw how much better he treats his new woman compared to my mom, she calls him out on his bs also, his money is hers, her money is hers. That was a wake up call.
Amen to that about he's spending it on someone else! I literally had an ex who took his own damn sister on a shopping spree and spent like a grand on clothes for her to level up but never offered to take me on a shopping spree.
I recently heard a woman talking about something so fascinating; she said that women are like crystals that have access to this amazing sphere of life-giving energy. It literally thrums in women (and really thrums in women who are open and receptive to it). Men don’t have access to this energy. And so men love to keep women around them, or go from one woman to the next, often overlapping them, to drain that crystal dry. A toxic man just goes on and on draining and discarding women, and the more receptive you are to that charging female energy that comes from the source, the more in danger you are of being drained by these toxic women eaters. The smart, abundant, generous man, however, will always help replenish a woman because he is deeply grateful for her source energy. He knows the good thing he’s got and invests heavily in her and all the women in his life (mothers, sisters, aunts etc). Be very careful which type of man you surround yourself with. Personally, I spent more time with fantastic soulful, in-tune women, animals and nature, and I am much happier for it. This is everything.
Here is the hard truth: the man who doesn’t want to show her his finances, so that they can budget, is doing this because if he shows her his finances she will see that he has more than enough to help her with bills, and plenty left over to give her extra for beauty care and take her out. She will see she never had to struggle with three jobs in the first place. And he will be exposed. He will no longer have any excuse to grumble about the $10 she asks for sometimes, for a legitimate expense. She will know how truly ungiving he’s being and it will become obvious he doesn’t value her, and so he hides his finances and tells himself he’s saving it cuz she’ll just “waste it” on their life together. SHE should hide her finances and tell him she only makes half of what she makes, and see if he steps up
Time stamp 13:50 Best quote “This is 8 to 10 hours of sleep per night plus afternoon naps.This is a regimented skincare routine ……low stress life style always on do not disturb “ Girl!!!! Preach
Yesss OMG! Girl I sleep somewhere around 7 hours per night and when I work from home, which is 3 days per week, I always take 1-1h30m naps. I do that on the weekends too. And it feels so good. I can’t imagine excluding naps. Sleep is one of the most important and impactful part for general wellbeing and health, outside and inside.
She knows that she deserves more. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t be on TikTok asking this. The guy she is with is just trying to confuse and gaslight her into thinking that she is wrong for wanting to be provided for. He lowkey knows he is supposed to provide for her because he chastises her for having 3 jobs. But he doesn’t like her enough to help her. She is honestly better off by herself with the kids. Why is he there if he’s not helping?
This reminds me of my little sister, she was working 2 jobs and her boyfriend at the time kept getting fired because he didn't wanna go to work. So my sister covered the bills as much as she could but eventually got evicted. I let my sister move in with me but not the boyfriend (long story I hated this guy) and not long after she finally broke up with him. Edit: This guy was so much of a financial black hole that when they broke up my sister was able to quite her second job.
I think some of us take offense for not being some of these mens dream girls. But really, their dream girl is a literal pickmeisha, so consider it a compliment, lol.
Honestly it doesnt really matter, any man that treats women that are less attractive to him like crap is disgusting. Even if he treated me like his dreamgirl I would be appalled.
It kinda hurts watching this cause, my mom is pretty much in the same situation as this woman. Working 3 works, taking care of the house and the children, not being able to afford the things she wants. Pretty much a single married woman, who was baby traped after knowing him for 3 months. 35 years later, it keeps being the same. He would start a fight everytime my mom asked for help with anything, money, house chores, not even wanting to carry the 20 litros waterbottles, so now she goes far and beyond to avoid asking ANYTHING for him, yet she provides for him, constantly calling him his 4th child. She raised my brother to be exactly like him: now he is 32, with no work, no nothing, just sucking on my mom's money. Yet me and my sister were raised to be able to be both parental roles, both provider and housekeeping, so "we don't have to depend on men, you just can't count on em". Wich is is sickening. Your videos have helped me a lot about how to phrase what l don't want in a man. I wish someone have talked to my mom about his things, told her how value she is and not to settle with trash. She normalizes this behavior cause otherwise, is recognizing she made a mistake marring him. Cause it's the same mistake her mother did. In a country wete machismo is the rule, I sure know I won't be marrying the wrong man.
Omg that’s awful! I wish people would learn from these mistakes of others sooner and ourselves so we can live free and empowered! My husband jokes that men are good at only a few things and lifting heavy objects for women is one of them. He says “bzzz bzzz yes my queen!” 🐝 👑 and goes and lifts the heavy water bottles etc for me 😂
Me and my sister had the same exact experience with my mom! Its so messed up! Im really happy that I found Elle's videos, she's amazing at teaching women like us to value ourselves
Wow you literally described my exact situation right now.... Even down to the teaching 4 daughters (4 other useless boys) to be completely and utterly independent mean whilst the boys rest in their feminine energy and are encouraged to pursue what they like... to be useless in the house and not even do the BBMLE jobs such as taking the trash out or any heavy lifting. My father goes to his one job for a few hours then rests for the entire day whilst my mother scrambles around working multiple shifts per day (which she uses to pay 99% of Everything, no pennies left for her own self) and still taking care of the household and employing her "girls" to do the same as well... household duties, helping with rent/bills, providing mental and emotional support, assistance with paperwork/ emails/ car issues/ house repairs/ Literally any issue that arises in the house, tending to every tedious need (even the BBMLE things that my father should and could but would never do for her such as massages, gifts, dinners. Like what!!) SO Yeah basically my sisters and I are not only co- parents's to my mother and her 5 other dependants, but we are also co-husbands who fill in the void of her Severely BBMLE, manipulative, guilt-tripping, soft-hearted, easily triggered husband... Lovely.. I'm so grateful that I discovered people like Elle and Shera7, and also just like you I will not be making the same mistake as my mother. I'm a spoiled girlie who is now in full receiving mode ready to receive.
True- men with no gold talk so much trash about gold diggers… gold diggers are SMART… rich men always pick gold diggers! Who know their worth & invest in their beauty & passions … because the men know it makes them look rich to have a beautiful girl on his arm!!! ❤❤❤
I know a lot of women who are in bad relationships but are struggling to leave because they make excuses, give him chance, feel guilty, feel attached and so on.. we need to have a tutorial on how to be in the mindset and the steps to take to be mentally prepared for a breakup.. it would be great to hear your take on it, also many women go into relationships without any idea of what to do if things went bad, I believe its also one of the reasons. Thanks again Elle.
A lot of ladies don't understand that making good decisions for yourself isn't always pleasant and you don't always have to be happy about a decision you make especially if it's for the right reasons. Make the decision, accept it, don't look back and move forward.
Honestly it’s just having self respect. There is no tutorial imo. In the moment it feels bad but it’s not going to get better. Feelings aren’t logical, they attach to what’s familiar. When ppl understand that it’s easier to take the move(s) you need to make.
Definitely, I’m actively trying to shake off my desperate, people pleaser, nervous energy. Even tho I’m technically a triple threat. I have no idea how a confident woman carries herself and asserts herself in everyday situations. Like how does she respond when someone calls her beautiful? How does she elegantly decline seggs after the first date? How does she respond to sexist ‘banter’ from male colleagues. How does she harness her feminine energy when the cheque comes, to allow him to show her if he can step up or not. does she slowly reach for her purse. Or maybe show genuine surprise & confusion at the idea of 50/50 being brought up? How does she show she’s thankful when men do give her what she deserves? Like I’m getting it, but whenever I try to imagine how me, as a spoiled girlie would respond & conduct herself I can get over the ‘coming across as a heartless b1tch’ thing. Or should I just allow myself to get comfortable with that uncomfortable, possible consequence? Would love if Elle roll played a ‘spoiled girlies in the wild’ series, for us neurodivergents. Her tiltok reaction clips & examples help a lot.
You need a man who tries to give you whatever he can - the worst is a lazy and unambitious man who puts you down for your ambitions (and maybe cheats on you behind your back bc he has too much time).
Ladies, listen up: you should never live with a man, have a baby with a man, marry a man who puts you in a situation where you need to "ask for money". Only ever give up your freedom in that way for a man who can and will support you in the way that you need and desire, whatever that looks like for you. In that situation, you should not NEED to work, but you can CHOOSE to work. It's never worth being with a man if you have to support yourself. If you're going to support yourself, just be alone and don't have babies. Your life will be much easier that way. Having babies and being married, these are not things that inherently benefit women ok so you should only do them in beneficial circumstances. This is not just for your own sake but for the sake of your future children. Trust me, you will be much better off, happier and healthier staying single into middle age than being a middle-aged mom trying to divorce her selfish good for nothing husband and realising that even when she divorces him, she still needs to deal with him FOREVER because of the children... Just get a cat ok.
My boyfriend always treats me like I walked off a cloud. He calls me his world and treats me like I'm the center of his universe. I also love that he is open to receiving the love that I, as a lover girl, want to give. My love language is gift-giving and quality time, so I adore giving him things and spending time with him, but he meets me step for step and then some. Besties, we can all have it.
"They were so happy when you didnt have boundaries because they were harvesting from you." Yep-exactly!!! They were harvesting indeed. Thank you for a Great video!
I always feel „light“ and very feminine when I am with masculine men. I am not stressed and in the present moment. It doesn’t even have to be a romantic partner. I just like being with masculine male friends or family members. For me it’s very stressful to even talk to men that are ONLY in their feminine and receiving energy.
Lol. I love that "receiving" and "feminine" are linked here XD As a girl myself, I never ever don't want to receive anything from any man just because I'm a girl. I want to work for and get everything myself. Or together with him, if he is a good person. And i don't feel any less feminine because of that. And girls that want "provider"... you are hurting yourself. Istg they are the ones that always end up miserable in life after some time
@@palloravis395 honestly it depends on how to define provider, some men are narcs and after they manipulate you, insult you, etc they start giving money.. But in usual sense if a guy likes you then he will spoil you.
@@palloravis395 girl I described men that are feminine and always want to receive and those characteristics I don’t like in men. But if you like those characteristics in men go for it. Everyone can choose what they want in a partner 🙏🏻
@@EEfg-p6e It seems to me that in my previous comment I did not describe the kind of guy I like? The whole point of my statement was that girls should first of all focus on their own development, and not expect that they will always be saved by a prince on a white horse who will provide them with everything, because sooner or later they will end up miserable. I was also amused by the juxtaposition of the word "receiving" with something feminine
“We did not wake up like this” could be a whole video in and of itself. I don’t understand the obsession with wanting women to look and act a certain way “with no effort.” No one’s hair looks blown out without a blowout. No one has a 6 pack eating junk food all day. The list could go on. It’s so weird. Could you imagine if women were like “omg he has a 6 pack and is rich and he just wakes up like that!”
i was with my ex for 3.5 years. when we first met, i paid for everything to show off. he was always at MY house. moved him in. i got fired from my job and his advice was to move in with him and HIS MOM. i said absolutely not and got another job instead while working uber. he didn't offer to help pay rent until the 3 year mark. then he proposed on new years even though i specifically told him in the past to NEVER propose on a holiday. i told him to leave my house a week before my birthday after his temper tantrum from me asking him a simple favor. mind you, i was spring cleaning the whole house and lifting heavy stuff all day without his help. to this day, i never cried about. my only regret is wasting the last of my 20's with that loser. there's more to my story but i wish i'd done it sooner 😩
i got an even better job during that time and i have a feeling that my out-earning him also struck a nerve. i'd never worked with other men until then and the office space showed me what it was like to be around REAL men. they're quick to offer help, they dress well, and admire my abilities without feeling inferior. it was so refreshing and that definitely woke me up to how much better i can do. my attraction to my ex went downhill after that. i always initiated everything anyway. lost nothing, gained everything 😂
Ooh yes honey my kind of Sunday sermon!❤ Girl you have opened my eyes so much regarding my own worth. I was literally groomed by my deadbeat father to expect the worst treatment from men. He used to tell me when I was just a little kid "you're going to end up a superficial gold-digger like your mother." I luckily ended up marrying a man that was the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of my father, but I still had held on to these false notions about my role as a woman, wife, and mother. Now I am absolutely leaning into living my best spolied girlie life!
I am so blessed to have a man that stayed emotionally consistent when I went through my weight gain/ weight loss. He knew I was disappointed in myself and immediately reassured me I was beautiful so that I wouldn’t stay in despair. Now that he and I are slimming down, I know this relationship isn’t common. I hope every woman who reads this finds a man who always has your name as “Aphrodite” in his cell, is generous and takes you out when you don’t feel pretty, does face masks with you, and lets you cry in his arms when you’re down.
30:31 omg this, I always had the feeling that men with no gold """advising""" rich men made those broke men feel like they were on the same team and shared the same struggle, while rich men really couldn't care less
Before I separated from my husband I didn't have hardly any clothes or shoes, no socks or underwear. Nothing. It would be an argument when it was brought up because he said he needed that money to buy himself stuff for work and since I never left the house I didn't need to worry about it. Now my closet is full of clothes I have been able to buy for myself. But I couldn't have done that without my new man making sure I had time and space away from the kids so I could take care of myself. ❤ and he buys me gifts and when I ask for things he normally complies. He says I am so appreciative compared to his ex
13:49 fun story When Yves Montand cheated on his wife, Simone Signoret with Marylin Monroe she stopped dieting, she stopped doing her hair, her makeup everything. Woman was very vocal about it and WROTE A WHOLE BOOK ABOUT IT. Simone Signoret refused to divorce Montand. She drank a lot smoked even more. She said that she wanted to be the visual representation of what Yves had done to their relationship. Look it up kids. I remember when she died and the Marylin thing was all everyone could talk about.
When you said broke men are manifesting when they are complaining about golddiggers, I absolutely lost it 😂 you are so right!! Its always the broke ones acting like they have to guard their empty pockets 😂
BIG FACTS, As soon as you become someone else's idea of desirable the goalpost jumps ahead out of your reach. First, a woman is too skinny then she's too fat, then she needs more curves, or fewer curves but more bust, and the list goes on. The moment you become your own dream girl is the moment you begin attracting the life you want and the people that come with it. Often the person you are is greater than the person you were told to be.
I was brainwashed for so long into thinking I was weak or lacking for wanting a man who could care of me. It’s thanks to you that now I know that if I’m going to have a relationship with a man, I’m only asking for what I deserve. Thank you for making these videos because it’s like therapy and education all in one
Funny how standards changed... my grandma was not in a very happy marriage, but whenever now she talks about my grandpa and their marriage she talks about how he was getting her flowers frequently and would treat her for facials, nice skin care and make sure the watch on her wrist wasnt some cheap rolex knock-off, but one of higher quality - and many more things lol. Mind you, my granny is a verrrryyyy typical Taurus woman, so all those nice things make even more sense for her lol. In "return" she was managing their shop that they had together, made some smart financial and economic decisions. Everyone agrees that without her, he wouldnt have been so succesful. They really put their strengths together. Unfortunately he passed away a long time ago and now my granny is living her best life and does stuff with her girl gang :D she is over 80, but would think shes maybe early 70. She really doesnt look her age at all and is so healthy and fit that you can only feel jealous haha. But that comes down to life long active lifestyle and she had to follow a more low carb diet due to my grandpas sickness. Even though she is not an easy person, I love to have her in my life and see how some of these things really make a difference in longevity.
An emergency in the family happened and I had to get a flight, hotel, and rental car in a few days… he was verbally empathetic and sent flowers …but didn’t offer to help financially at all even when I said it was gonna be hard to drop that amount of $$ in a few days. Started to feel a bit of resentment because I wanted a partner yet I was still figuring it out on my own.
He really only wants her to not work the third job because he doesn’t want to care for their child. She said we both just started working nights. It sounds like he wasn’t working at all prior to that.
Thanks for making this content. Most popular dating practices and advice actively harms women as individuals and as a group. We need to prioritise and protect ourselves.
This is so true because I always was the type of person who wanted to help others but I had to realize that I can't help anyone until I help myself first. You have to be a little selfish first, order to be able to be selfless.
That guy in the tiktok video who was pausing awkwardly when the woman was asking him if she was his dream girl, yikes! I feel so sad for her and the guy seems like a loser if he's not automatically saying something along the lines of, "Yeah, you are, honey!"
Plus she is so stunning and he is just so.... whatever. idk her personality or life but we usually expect men dating women that pretty to openly adore their wives, he should feel like the luckiest man in the world. I have never cringed so hard at a relationship test before, I can only hope for her sake it is staged.
I have been in a financially abusive relationship from age 15-21. This is all true. I agree 100% with you. Especially from someone who has dealt with the lowest of the low and thought it was normal. If your "man" is making you pay more, he hates you.
I've grown in confidence ever since I got your channel. I used to spread myself so thin for people to love me, trying to be this perfect vision of kindness, but I always burned out eventually because I wasn't meeting my own needs. Now, I state my wants and needs (perhaps not perfectly, but certainly better than I used to) and I see how people I had a crush on become so unattractive to me once I see them from the perspective of who I'm becoming. And it's much better this way, because better to be calm and say what you want with class, rather than suffer in silence and explode at some point in future (guess we have inner spoiled girlies, even if we don't outwardly express them). I have learned to detach and leave from people or situations that do not serve me. A lot of things in life aren't obligations, after all. It gives you so much more energy to focus on what matters.
I once briefly dated a man, who had his mom living with him as she had fallen upon hard times financially. The time we dated was brief, because it didn't take me long to discover that he made his mom pay half of everything he did with the house. A new vacuum cleaner, a new granit kitchen top, his mom was expected to pay half of everything. On top of which his mom, in her seventies, was working like a maid cooking, cleaning taking care of his child. The day when I saw him putting down sandwiches with a note saying, his mom owed him 3 dollars for the sandwiches, I asked him why he did that. His answer was, that he didn't eat those sandwiches. It was the flagrant absence of shame that made me run from this man.
Taking a lot of this advice was the reason I went from a man who would happily take financial advantage of me, to a lover who bumps me out of line at the register to pay for my wine. ❤️
I know I'm not the target audience because I'm a lesbian in a healthy relationship, but I will say being in a relationship with someone who priorities you, your happiness, etc has been life changing. I highly recommend it. I'm in my first healthy relationship ever after being single for 5 years and one of the reasons is because I raised my standards of how I am to be treated in my romantic relationships. I knew based on past experiences how I didn't want to be treated by partners anymore. I made the changes I needed to make. One benefit of being single for 5 years before hitting the dating scene again was no one can use being single again as a threat against me. Being single isn't scary or a threat to me anymore.
Everyone should be full of themselves in that they live a fulfilling life and this person says “entitled” but all we ask is for respect and dignity as human beings. My husband actually cleans around the house and has provided for our household - we invest my income for our future. That’s wise, not entitlement.
It's true, we have fixed expenses to maintain the physical standards that men seek, as if we simply don't need to maintain all of this. OMG yes, and if any man complains about this or calls it superficial, it's because he benefits from your low self-esteem while he wants to try to have princess treatment with some deluded woman, wake up!!! thank u for this video
yes!! Maybe 2024 is inviting her to start anew - new job, new home (when she walks out on her crappy ass bf!) and new people around her, whether or not a new boo...
Sometimes the best self-care is to get a job that not only pays your bills it covers debt repayment and future savings a really really good job and doing whatever it takes to make sure you qualify for that that to me screams self-care the loudest
For me it's because she's able to recognize and verbalize the intersectionality of patriarchy, sexism, weaponized incompetence and the coloniser mindset of men, and how women can see it for what it is, and learn to take advantage of that f**ked up system anyway we can! I always KNEW/FELT deep down, there HAS to be a connection with all of THAT!!! But I didn't really know how to connect the dots myself! This knowledge journey has been just amazing ❤ And I just wish more women understood what she's talking about!!! Like while they're still girls in highschool!!!
So true, and more than just a dating coach. I'm married and have a great husband But still struggle with My self steem ( You know... Reasons) and Elle does help me with that
5:53 This. This beautiful lady I know is exhausted and stressed, and says what an angel her bf is for.. calmly telling her to calm down. Literally that. And she _praises_ him for that. 🤦♀ He could simply do a lot of the things she is overburdened with. But chooses not to. Instead tells her to suffer with a happier face. And amplifies issues between her and her kids too. It's sad.
"You don't need a rich man, you need a generous man." 06:50 Omg, hellz yeah. I have lived that vibe and it is SOLID. My man talks sweet and isn't made of money, but he is there for me! My ex had bank, but was NOT generous in any way. Please take this knowledge and apply it to your life, a generous man is miles better.
I still don't believe that at my old age of 33 I am a dream girl for any men. I failed so much in relationship and always got breadcrumbs. Last two years I am driving solo and unbothered by men, and it is way better to be alone than be with a man and live in anxiety for years then see him dumping you and getting married in 6 months and give to his dream girl everything. Be alone and learn self-awareness. It is tough and unpleasant but necessary.
@@StephanieWitmer-iq5pv Nah, not really. But I finally learn that I deserve respect and kindness which is something men do not give when you are a placeholder. So that is something that took me ages to learn and it really change my life for the better. I am alone but I am not begging for the below minimum.
Do shadow work - don't date until you get your self-esteem up, because predatory men sense insecurity and low self-worth like a shark senses blood in the water 💧
@@briskettacos Absolutely, stop dating two years ago after long relationship ended by text and him moved with his dream girl like the next week. They are married now. Good for her in a certain sense, she probably had that energy. These two years were full of me taking accountability and trying to at least be self aware of my pick me energy. I do not plan to date ever againand plan to go to therapy soon to overcome loss of motherhood (I do not plan solo parenting). Plus I spend time with my sis and other younger women and I do not shy away on telling them my mistakes and issues as a warning signs. My sis learned so much and her friend too, her friend now got a guy who tells her she is the dream girl.
Your self esteem and self belief sounds very low. You need to accept yourself for who you are first and understand that it's perfectly fine to want what you want in life. I wish you the best ❤🤞
@@Tessy29k I still have some of my pick me energy, so best way to live for me is get rid of dating and romantic love and pursue self awareness and accountability. Even if I don't end with my personal dream, I will be healthy and not further traumatised. One day I will be okay.
Damn. This young lady, our host, is so smart and accurate. I can attest. I am over 50 years old and married a while now. If I say I need, my man, husband, will make it happen for me. Don’t trust these men, out here, that have excuses for you when you say you need them.
As a person who grew up with a financially abusive father: If a man refuses to contribute to the household and gets upset when you ask him to, that money is going to someone else. If he refuses to talk about money and disclose his finances, he’s funding someone else and doesn’t want you to know about it. Be it his mom, sister, addiction, hobby to escape from you, or some random girl (very likely a random other woman). If he’s not spending money to maintain the household you’re not the important woman. You are the maintenance servant. You are worth SO MUCH MORE than the maintenance servant. Men are very transparent about this as well. Don’t think he hasn’t thought about this in advance and made the choice to do this to you. He DID NOT DO ANY OF THIS BY ACCIDENT.
Omg omg the last girl was like so dreamy !!! I swear we have to start pretending we are bi and go after the girls that have guys that are treating them bad to make them feel that their girl is a babe that has options!!!
My mom’s husband is a rich man. A rich man who is extremely narcissistic. He treats her to nice dinner dates sometimes only to throw a fit about how much it costs. He pays the bills only to remind everyone around that he’s the boss and everyone is lazy. He gives her money only after he yells at her when she asks for some. She’s a stay at home wife who cooks, cleans, and takes care of him/the house. For the longest time I learned rich men are all evil. Only recently did my point of view change. Living a generous lifestyle of my liking requires wealth and I shouldn’t be ashamed of wanting it when we live in a world dominated by capitalism. Neither should I avoid all rich men like the plague, mainly the men*. This channel really helped me open my eyes to the fact there truly are good men out there who can be both generous and hard working. It has also helped me realize how important it is for me to maintain a high sense of self worth in a world built to destroy the confidence of women
I’m realizing now I was never my ex-husband’s dream girl. He was always pointing out how hot other women were, oblivious to the unfairness of my heavy workload, etc. When he left me for a younger woman, he went to see her in another country. We did our “breakup” in a long overseas call. When the phone bill came, the call was $100. He had the audacity to ask me to pay half!!! He was surprised at how I was no longer doing his bidding once he was off banging another woman! Now I am on my soft girl/spoiled girl/hibernation era. Losing weight, cooking healthy meals, doing yoga, home beauty treatments, nails, hair treatments, facials, etc. I’m really enjoying reveling in my own company and peace and quiet for the first time in my life. If someone recognizes me as the dream girl I am, fine, but I’m not in the mood to seek it out right now.
True ❤❤❤ time, space, & funds are required for beauty! Skincare, makeup, nails, time to workout, healthy food, time to sleep, flattering clothes, these cost! & are required to confer status to whatever man is dating you… “using you as a tool… to harvest these benefits from you” true! “When you are with a man, everything you’re wearing is attributed to him”
This point is so so true. Whenever I'm just out with my kids I'll throw on sweats or whatever comfy clothes and no one says anything to me. When I go out with my husband...I wear nice perfume, a little makeup, fix my hair, a bit more stylish outfit (nothing fancy tbh) and the looks that I not only get, but my husband gets are VERY TELLING. Most times we are out at least one man will make a comment to my husband (not to me) about his "beautiful family" and how he's a "lucky man."
This is so on point. Not only my mum experienced all of that, which hurts so much. Also my sister now and I’m tired from my toxic environment. I know, that this is not what my life is gonna look like. I got the ick from seeing the bf from my sister being this spoiled feminine man, which is so disgusting. Also from my job, my boss reduced my working hours, forgot my birthday and now wants to work me fulltime again cause the company is doing better, but if I cannot I should hire someone who replace me, because I’m working as a recruiter. I feel the ick, even I need the money, I don’t want to work fulltime anymore. Only cause it’s full remote, I’m doing few hours but then I’m planning to quit. We are a dream girl, we don’t accept foolish behavior in relationships and also not at work.
I'll be honest as a girl who doesn't regularly do hair and nails I never fully understood having a bf pay for them, but you explained it VERY WELL. And I agree. They benefit soooo much from women, mantaining looks is alot of wotk and money. If he's benefitting from that work, he can for sure help pay for it.
Hi! Fellow 29 yo spoiled girlie here. Actually - I only disagree with one thing - I pay for my own beauty products and I throw some money into our house, food and mutual savings, while keeping my own savings and having no lifestyle inflation above certain allowance i leave for myself. My husband gave me a pass to be a kept wife and would buy me everything, but I want to transcend it. I wanna be in constant recieving energy, but I also have an inner desire to make a lot of contribution. As an eldest daughter with stem degree, I want to also have a bit of providing function because that is my personal standard. I wanna send out the signal to me, my husband and my environment that not only am I a prize, but I'm also someone who will be able to provide when there is war, famine and market crash. But it's my peace of mind and financial alignment - yours could be different and that's valid. Have a great day and thank you for your content!
Omg you deliver when needed, almost fell into a love trap with a dude who doesn’t see me as his dream girl, but I’m a dream come true👑💅🏾 so I’m detaching immediately
Since we were 17 my man has been telling me I'm the woman of his reality AND his dreams. [Which I've never ever heard of the reality bit before.] And when it comes to money he's more than generous. Spoiled girls, find yourself a generous and genuine man! Correction, attract, manifest or pray for one. Never chase.
THIS Is Empowering... You are the Source of All their desires... Ladies make it a requirement for ppl to poor into you (NOT s3x ladies, raise thy standards) ... Be entitled... The Theme is: Malicious Compliance. Period Thank you Elle💫
![men* date OUT of their league then ruin women's lives [the paradoxical cycle]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/lFS1UmdWTQU/mqdefault.jpg)
![men* date OUT of their league then ruin women's lives [the paradoxical cycle]](/img/tr.png)
![how to reclaim feminine energy [from masculine and miserable to feminine and thriving]](/img/1.gif)
“Thank you to Aura for supporting me on my journey of wellbeing & sleep! Get started with Aura today for free & the first 500 people to use my link will also get 25% off + free trial to the Aura membership: www.aurahealth.io/manifestelle24
I agree I only work one job but I don't have kids if you teach yourself to live on a tight budget and live alone that works too if you live in a large city then you won't have to deal with anyone but yourself you can spoil yourself that way if you find a room that's clean but affordable and never have to have anyone in your business ever again..I know sometimes why people want what I have its because some of them have no clue how to obtain it themselves because there so caught up in there emotions and over shopping that they started neglecting all there bills and debt but if they worked a job and lived alone this can sometimes attract wealthy men too because you didn't exactly excel but your not so stupid that you would sleep outside just to save money or work three jobs. When do they have time to sleep even?
Well said
New subscriber. Love your content, style, vibe, bestie phrase.. so beautiful!
The big resistance I’ve always had to bring my own dream girl, is all the toxic examples of entitled arrogant materialistic women throughout my life. So my associations with being this are all so so negative. It’s still a big block. I’d love if you could do a video on this issue. .
That’s why I’m so happy to find the channel of an intelligent, sensitive beautiful girl, someone I can admire and connect to.. giving this advice. Thank you.
It is better to be alone than to be with a “man” princess that constantly takes. Either get yourself a man that appreciates you or stay alone.
EXACTLY
MAN PRINCESS 😂😂😂😂😂
Done
Man princess on the pea😊
He's saving up for his dream girl.
Men without money will think they have to have a woman but oh if a woman without beauty DARES to desire to be loved
Speak a fact right here girl! I had a glow up over the summer and suddenly all the guys want to slid to my dms, like blockity block them😂. My glow ups are for me not for your attentions
🔥🔥🔥❗Truth spoken!
All women have beauty. Don’t buy into beta male lies.
They're not ready for this conversation 😂. Women get cut by lies, men get cut by the truth.
Ikkkkkr
*”You will always feel like you’re not enough with the wrong man!!!!!”*
OMG that is so true!!!
or you will never feel appreciated by him! even if you know youre enough
True true true ❤
THAT PART!!!
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
One time my job had a payroll issue and did not pay out my vacation time on pay day-As you could imagine how this impacted my paycheck. My then husband did not offer to give me A DIME to hold me over until my job sorted out the issue. He had trained me so well to not ask for money that I ended up calling up my mom for help. My mom basically lost her shit and was like “why is YOUR husband not taking care of this?” This was the beginning of my realization of the scam I was programmed into.
Omg what, that's WYLD!! Would he tell you mean things when you asked for money? He would never offer?!?!
What happened after?
@@deadinside8781 I quietly saved up and separated almost a year later for related reasons.
@@sparklyunicorn5431 He would never offer and he was one of those ‘nice guys’ who would passive aggressively help you and hold it over your head months or years down the road in an unrelated argument. He did call me gold digger twice for expecting him to get out of his low paying job because HE was pressuring me to have his kid. Like, little boy bye. No legacy for you. ✌🏼
@@deadinside8781 I separated shortly after.
careful ladies, a good man will want to struggle FOR his woman, not WITH his woman - be safe out there
of course you strugglet together... It's partnership, in bad times and good times! Wth? You should struggle for each other and do your best. Wh is he supposed to be the only one that struggles so she lives a nice life? One day he kicks you into the sand and goes for someone who accepts him, loves him and supports him as well. Why do you want him to suffer when you could change the situation for the better for both of you?
A great quote I heard from Susan Winter… “Keep the dream, replace the person.”
Or: you better walk alone than with a fool😊
🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
yall are eating with the quotes
I like that, short but loud
I ❤ that I’m going to memorise it
I remember my ex saying “The love you want. I don't want to give you it. It will mean more time. And I want to invest it into other things.” Well Chile…I BOUNCED!
It was good you were honest so then he could be honest.
Yup, I said there is a communication problem, he goes on to not to do ONE THING to make it better. Boy, bye!
Well done for walking away ❤ You deserve the love you seek and I hope you find it not only in yourself, but in a loving man too. ❤
It’s preferable when they say it straight. It’s when they give you a riddle to solve with fake promises wasting your time and sanity.
Mine said the same thing! Then has a girlfriend the day AFTER we broke up from our 5 yr relationship
"Where there is no pride, there is no shame."
If he's not proud of being a provider, then he won't be ashamed of asking you to pay 50/50, even if you're earning less, sick, pregnant, laid off, ect. He's either a protector, or he isn't!
Beautifully put ❤
💯
I got laid off recently and my ex still wanted me to pay 50/50. And low cost activities that I planned weren't enough. Made me feel like shit, but I realized, he was just an unappreciative asshole.
Yup
Those are the abusive situationships women are avoiding. That's why there is a "male loneliness epidemic". The good men have relationships, they're married. It's the mysoginists who are having issues finding a 50/50 tradwife girlfriend !
🙌💯🔥🔥🔥💯🎯
Exactly!!!!
It’s men who don’t believe they need to adapt and actually provide a good quality environment to their partner.
This is not true. Nice guys finish last. It is the chads and tyrones who are married!
@@Souro-pz6yc every man I know who is loved on by his partner and gets ‘the big piece of chicken’ is a good dude who treats her right, but if this chad nonsense is what you need to tell yourself to be ok being alone, I support you.
Im extremely lucky because it was my bf who taught me that i dont have to pay for shit and he loves spoiling me😌 he's also a student and earns just basic stipend, so yesterday i just told him how i should try doing part-time along with my college (im doing 2 degrees btw) and this man legit had a breakdown and asked me "What terrible thing have i done that you feel that way? I feel like ive completely failed as a man if my girl feels like she has to "repay" or feels "indebted". Im so sorry i made you feel that way. What can i do to be better?"
LIKE??!!! MAN'S 22😭 IF HE CAN DO THAT YALLS MUCH GROWN UP MANS CAN DO BETTER SHUSHHHH
woaw! please repost this message everywhere possible so that more women see it... I have also been lucky with generous providers in my happy relationships. The unhappy one was the ONE where he had nerve to say it costs him to come to visit me...and he started the relationship, loser. But your guy is a King, sis.
@@mpch6298 i mean yeah I wish more ppl knew what they could achieve but I don't think reposting will do it lol ppl may think it's spam.
On top of that i believe in the evil eye so I want to keep most parts of my relationship private 😌
Wowowo that great ❤
This kind of men everyone deserves 💅😇
yess girl i love it for you, that is a true generous man! Myself I'm 20 and I struggle with the concept of a provider man and what should I require, cause I don't want to be unrealistic, especially as this concept is rather new to me... So thank you for setting the example for us!
Girrrlll if you don’t marry this man!!!!
3 jobs and boyfriend. More like 4 jobs and one is an unpaid internship “you females” said everything I needed to know on why she’s in that situation.
Mind you she can refer to her "boyfriend" as a man though.
He has so much time to cheat on her
He's also very likely spending money on other women
tbh it's just a word, and if we don't hear anything else about her values and thinking it's wrong to make presumptions
@@nalbinalbii888 nah nah she referred to women as Females yet males as men. If you're gonna degrade us to gender then go ahead and be uniform with it. If you use female you better use male as well. It's kinda strange that I've never heard "males" being a commonly used term anywhere despite them shoving their noses everywhere....speaks a lot🤷🏻♀️
@@itshazzybee yeah true
8:20 OMG YOU HAVE TRUE ENLIGHTENMENT. Men DO enjoy struggle. They DO love solving problems and being tough in bad situations. They really do! Every time I've ever had a flat tire, a man appeared magically out of nowhere to change it for me before I could even pull out the spare from the trunk! Back when I was an 18 year old fetus, I was going to hire a guy to do a car repair and when I mentioned it at work, a coworker offered up her husband to do it half price. Then, when I got to her house, her husband fixed it outside in the FREEZING COLD and dark and wouldn't even take the full payment! We sat in the warmth and keke'd while he STRUGGLED. I felt soo bad at the time but she was chill about it. Looking back, she was older and wiser, and she knew men love that sort of thing, and she had her man well trained! I want one like that lol
You will definitely have one like that. ❤
So I guess we just pay attention to how they face struggles and challenges that arise. If they make it your problem [to solve], b1tch & moan and would rather you struggle with it alone instead; because it’s beneath him. He’ll sap you of everything we’ve eagerly poured away to him. He neither has nor wants to offer anything in return. So I guess we’ve become ‘the helpers’ the knights in shining armour and they’re now the damsels-in-distress-with-daddy-issues, ‘the helped’. who we’re expected to save and protect; and want to reproduce with?! The glass has been shattered and my mind, blown!
I would like to know more about your time as an 18 year old fetus.
She didn't have him "well trained," he's not a dog. If you respect a man in a feminine way he will tend to repay that in a masculine way.
@@bluegoose777 agreed.
As soon as a man says "50/50", I immediately assume I've been friendzoned and move on.
"50/50" is never truly 50/50. Women always take on more emotional and house labour compared to men, yet women are still expected to work full time and pay half the bills. So it ends up being 70% women and 30% men input in that type of relationship.
Yeah, no thanks. I'd rather be single then be in that situation. I am sticking to my rum and motorbike ❤🥃🏍
Excellent video lovely! Thank you. ❤
Friend zone. Yes! Thank you
Exactly- it says “I’m not going to break my back to make your life easy!”
@@Lafemmefutileit's says you are Not Worthy of effort on My part. And goes downhill from there. No sir.
Not 70% - 30% split, more like 90% - 10% where the woman does most of the labor (emotional, physical, parental, administrative).
I disagree. The healthy couples usually seek the best, most practical labour division so I disagree that somehow women always have it 70% and men 30%.
Andnif you say "ohh, the couples like these don't exist, yadayada", I literally know the relationship which is really equal (50/50 doesn't mean equal). My parents have a very healthy relationship and they always seeked the most practical house labour division which means my father cooked dinners (he worked on shifts morning-afternoon-night, then he changed his job and currently works on 12/2 so he spends a lot of time at home), did the washing (before we moved and got the washing mashine), did the ironing, hang out the laundry, mowed the lawn, if sth had broken, he would have repaired it.
On the other hand, my mother took care of me, drove me to my krav maga and dance classes and did more cleaning stuff (like cleaning the windows, vacuuming), cleaned after our pet with me, ironing, also did the garden stuff... Actually, they did lots of labour together, sometimes cooked together when I was younger, they played with me together... They really are couple goals.
I once saw a video of a woman and her boyfriend. Some men in the comments find that the woman is not as attractive as the boyfriend, and so they insult her saying:
"This is the type of girlfriend who pays for everything while you look for the one"
So they really have admitted that they use women this way. We can choose to not be with a person who use us this way!
He's actually not Mr. Krabs. Remember when he was dating Mrs. Puff? Showered that woman with gifts because he could not help it. He got mad at SpongeBob for not keeping him on his budget. It's not like he was in some serious financial issues. Mr. Krabs has money. He was just stingy, but he never treated Mrs. Puff like that.
That’s right! He couldn’t stop spending money trying to make her happy!
Even his daughter is spoiled rotten, fyi.
SpongeBob thread #2!💀😂
IKRRRR
Even a stingy man will change his mind for his lady. That sounds like something to keep in mind for the future.
"You don't need a rich man, you need a generous man". Wow so true. I have a friend who married a man who comes from a wealthy family but he was so stingy with her! He didn't want to spend money on a wedding so they ended up eloping. She was always begging him to hurry up and marry her and at the end he gave her no wedding!
damn
That's not even possible in my case. We are having two weddings as we are an interracial relationship. One wedding in the UK and one in Nigeria. My fiance asked me to marry him twice once in front of a castle and once in front of my parents. He had to ask for permission first. My fiance loves me sooo much its crazy. I'm getting the dress, the fairytale
Everything. This guy doesn't sound like a good guy. He basically just married her to shut her up.
@@Tessy29kNigerian here. Girl, I know what you mean.😊
My ex was this way. When I had no money in my bank account due to registration fees for my car, he wouldn't give me a single dime.
My boyfriend now will always pay me back, with a little extra, if I buy him something he asked me to get for him. I work at a grocery store where only myself and my spouse can get the discount, so if he wants something, I have to buy it for him. But he will reimburse me, no questions asked except to confirm if the payment went through.
Generous men will always win out.
That’s essentially what happened to me, my ex husband is a brokie rich boy
A guy I unfortunately agreed to go on a date. The guy tried to go 50/50 on a date he asked me on.
I told him “oh I thought this was a date”,and he got angry and said “you’ve never done 50/50 on a date?” And I said “no I wasn’t raised that way but I can do 50/50 it’s just not a date” so he paid the whole meal begrudgingly and then berated me for 15 minutes (while I waited for a separate order I paid for to take home) about how “all his friends go 50/50 on dates” and “I blindsided him” and “I took his consent away”.
All I could think is how was he not embarrassed making this scene in public?
When a date goes bad I have sometimes just paid the whole tab myself, followed by immediate blocking. Just to show the cost of one plate of food is not anything to make a deal about, I don’t gaf. Plus I don’t like the attitude if they think in”owe them” something for literally the price of a plate, gross.
50/50 BS = Abuser
Girl this is literally like a verbal punch in the face 😮
Consent away😂😂😂😂😂😡😤🥱
How rude of him. Even if a family member or friend INVITES you to a meal, they're supposed to pay. If he didn't want to pay, he shouldn't have invited you. He comes from a low life family if they never taught this to him.
I heard from a divorce attorney recently that marriage is the most significant legal decision you will make other than death. It's okay to proceed with caution, girlies.
Also be careful if you live in a common law marriage place. Red flag if he starts calling himself your husband or of the blue.
@@TheActualRedYes, I agree ☝️ I went through this! It was a fake marriage!
Why? What are the legal liabilities?
@@sunfish4095 In regards to living in a place that allows common law marriage, it can be worse for victims of domestic v!0lence because their @buser uses common law marriage to trap them, even though it’s not a legal marriage, if that makes sense to you.
@@MillennialMountainMama Yes, it's very important to differentiate between someone who is actually confident, competent, protective, charismatic and has true leadership from an abusive, insecure, narcissistic and controlling person. They can easily be confused with one another and present the same on the surface. One is weak false masculine and the other is healthy authentic masculine.
When I was in my pick me era, i would get tricked by words. The man would tell me I was his dream girl, the best woman he'd ever met, the coolest, blablabla... But their actions wouldnt align. And I would drive myself crazy trying to get them to act like I was their dream girl, because they were saying I was. And I did start out as my own dream girl, but didn't have the discernment to suss out actions from words. Then my self esteem got wrecked and it took a full decade to come back around to loving myself. So, just something to keep in mind i guess.
Im the same but not with men, with friends...
So many toxic friend stories however Im doing better lately as I cut off the toxic ones
We've all been here....SOOOOOOOO GLAD that the age of ♒️ is the age of INFORMATION EXPOSURE 🥰🥰🥰🥰
FREE ALL THE GIRLIES!! ❤
Me too, with both ”friends” and partners. So grateful to know better now
Dude isn't even Eugene Krabs. Because even Mr. Krabs with his cheap ass...spoiled the living SHIT out of Mrs.Puff! Explained why to SpongeBob, also. He knows the deal...women are the reason he screws over the employees!😂😂😂
His daughter Pearl was spoiled too and was never afraid to ask 🩷
I ❤that you used a SpongeBob reference here! You are so right though!
😂😂
And his daughter pearl
BRO I GOTTA SCREENSHOT THIS, THIS IS SO TRUE
My parents trained me to not ask for money. To always be the good student (and maybe then you'll deserve something nice, maybe just maybe), and anything nice you needed you had to fend for yourself. This woman has been trained from childhood to put up with this, I can see it in her.
Me too ! At least I never fell into the same trap with a man and have no kids yet.
Same, raised to ask for nothing, doubt my own perspective, be no trouble...... and they judge me for being long term single. I'm lucky that'svhow things panned out
Yea i want to be alone :)
id say this was a bad upbringing...i already told my nieces when a man loves you they will give you the life you want dont ever go 50/50 they understood i hope they bring it till they are adults
A non generous man that's using you, your energy and your labor, will require you to conform yourself to his standards.....
But won't invest his own time, labor or money into maintaining the standards he expects from you!
Your fitness, skin care, hair care, style of clothing etc....are ALL expected to be kept up to HIS standards....
without any contributions from him.....
And while you're working 3 jobs, struggling to pay the household bills, car insurance, medical insurance, food and the very BASIC necessities.....
YOUR "beauty maintenance" is NOT a necessity, and therefore YOU are greedy, shallow and actually SELFISH, if you even suggest spending money on yourself for your appearance!
And then AFTER years of struggling, working your ass off, sacrifice, going without for the sake of "FAMILY" he then decides to cheat....
But ONLY because he's not satisfied with your appearance....
And he says it's "completely YOUR fault because YOU let yourself go so.....what did you expect?“
I've seen this happen to several friends of mine!
Princess men will drain you dry.
Don't give them any more than you already have.
Don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy.
Don't go down on a sinking ship.
Yes exactly. I've always said this abt those who want SAHW/M's. If you expect the beauty standard, you are also expected to give her the allowance to maintain it. It offends so many of these types of men who simply want a maid to go 50/50 on the rent.
To make things worse he invests/spends on the woman he cheats with.
@@Mary-tx2eb if man is not wealthy then he must give all income to wife and she gives him an allowance from it. My opinion.
Yes! Thank You! 👏👏
"Don't get mad get paid" 🙌💯
💅🏽💅🏽
I need that on a t-shirt. 🥺
Future spoil girle merch?
@yohanna3600 she's got it on merch. I bought the sweatshirt ❤
This is my life motto ❤
I 2nd the spoiled girlie merch 💕
My ex use to complement other girls manicured nails and I felt bad cause I couldn't afford get my nails done so for his bday I got my nails done to surprise him and he acted like he didn't even notice. We broke up because he actually stole my debit card and took $200 from atm. When I caught him and confronted him he only paid me back $100 and when I refused to be with him he wanted me refund the $100...make it make sense
Oh, MANNNNNNN, my ex husband would oohle women in public and then tell me he just thought *I* would look good in that dress, etc. The week I met him, he asked me if I ever wanted to do something with my hair. He complained about the “potato sack” clothes I wore the whole time. But, babe… do you think there was EVER any money for me to go clothes shopping? Shoe shopping? Please. He desired a woman he couldn’t afford, and settled on me.
Gross 🤮
jesus avoid broke men in all essence of humanity
If he’s not spending on you, he’s spending on someone else or just himself (sprinkle sprinkle). Don’t ever procreate with someone like that. Don’t ever give someone like that the gift of children. He should feel honored to spend his money on you. Also, it’s your birthright that he does. If not, let HIM feel the sting of being alone. 50/50 is a slap in the face and no one is going to convince me it’s not.
This comment. Yes.
When my mom was younger and was with my deadbeat "father" she was working for him, while he was drinking, smoking, bets (losing lots of money) after i grew up he started beating us, had lots of affairs even with my godmother (i know its disgusting). Now he s with someone else in another country, i visted him back in 2017 and i saw how much better he treats his new woman compared to my mom, she calls him out on his bs also, his money is hers, her money is hers. That was a wake up call.
Also i have lots of trauma and i dont want ever to get married or have children. It sounds like a nightmare to me personally
Amen to that about he's spending it on someone else! I literally had an ex who took his own damn sister on a shopping spree and spent like a grand on clothes for her to level up but never offered to take me on a shopping spree.
@@KL-un8sf what makes you think I’m giving the losers in the trenches the time of day haha
Remember this ladies (and men if it applies):
It’s better to be alone and healing than in a relationship and suffering
Malicious men will put you into impossible situations where you don't win!💯
Oh yes! I have been there😢
I recently heard a woman talking about something so fascinating; she said that women are like crystals that have access to this amazing sphere of life-giving energy. It literally thrums in women (and really thrums in women who are open and receptive to it). Men don’t have access to this energy. And so men love to keep women around them, or go from one woman to the next, often overlapping them, to drain that crystal dry. A toxic man just goes on and on draining and discarding women, and the more receptive you are to that charging female energy that comes from the source, the more in danger you are of being drained by these toxic women eaters. The smart, abundant, generous man, however, will always help replenish a woman because he is deeply grateful for her source energy. He knows the good thing he’s got and invests heavily in her and all the women in his life (mothers, sisters, aunts etc). Be very careful which type of man you surround yourself with. Personally, I spent more time with fantastic soulful, in-tune women, animals and nature, and I am much happier for it. This is everything.
So accurate! Have to guard our precious, feminine energy and reserve it for those who are worthy of us and have been properly vetted
WE have a portal between our legs 🧘♀️ the Divine Feminine IS the Oracle to the Goddess 💜
sometimes I wonder if I still want to get with girls after watching this channel
9:10 "Man who don't love struggle want you to struggle instead. " Let that sink in.
Here is the hard truth: the man who doesn’t want to show her his finances, so that they can budget, is doing this because if he shows her his finances she will see that he has more than enough to help her with bills, and plenty left over to give her extra for beauty care and take her out. She will see she never had to struggle with three jobs in the first place. And he will be exposed. He will no longer have any excuse to grumble about the $10 she asks for sometimes, for a legitimate expense. She will know how truly ungiving he’s being and it will become obvious he doesn’t value her, and so he hides his finances and tells himself he’s saving it cuz she’ll just “waste it” on their life together. SHE should hide her finances and tell him she only makes half of what she makes, and see if he steps up
Or he is broke from a gambling or substance addiction.
Time stamp 13:50 Best quote “This is 8 to 10 hours of sleep per night plus afternoon naps.This is a regimented skincare routine ……low stress life style always on do not disturb “ Girl!!!! Preach
Yes 🙌
Yesss OMG! Girl I sleep somewhere around 7 hours per night and when I work from home, which is 3 days per week, I always take 1-1h30m naps. I do that on the weekends too. And it feels so good. I can’t imagine excluding naps. Sleep is one of the most important and impactful part for general wellbeing and health, outside and inside.
She knows that she deserves more. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t be on TikTok asking this. The guy she is with is just trying to confuse and gaslight her into thinking that she is wrong for wanting to be provided for. He lowkey knows he is supposed to provide for her because he chastises her for having 3 jobs. But he doesn’t like her enough to help her. She is honestly better off by herself with the kids. Why is he there if he’s not helping?
For real! Another lesson too is to protect your womb if these men have not proven themselves
Broke men are absolutely safe from gold diggers 😂😂😂I had to laugh so hard….. so true
theres literally no gold
“You’ll never be enough with the wrong man”
This reminds me of my little sister, she was working 2 jobs and her boyfriend at the time kept getting fired because he didn't wanna go to work. So my sister covered the bills as much as she could but eventually got evicted. I let my sister move in with me but not the boyfriend (long story I hated this guy) and not long after she finally broke up with him.
Edit: This guy was so much of a financial black hole that when they broke up my sister was able to quite her second job.
Love that you were there to be a life line for her to get rid of that bum and extra stress. Me and my twin sister are like that for eachother.
I think some of us take offense for not being some of these mens dream girls. But really, their dream girl is a literal pickmeisha, so consider it a compliment, lol.
And those men will cheat on pickmeisha with a Miss Ogre so don't bother
@@namkia205 Miss Ogre?
Honestly it doesnt really matter, any man that treats women that are less attractive to him like crap is disgusting. Even if he treated me like his dreamgirl I would be appalled.
It kinda hurts watching this cause, my mom is pretty much in the same situation as this woman. Working 3 works, taking care of the house and the children, not being able to afford the things she wants. Pretty much a single married woman, who was baby traped after knowing him for 3 months. 35 years later, it keeps being the same. He would start a fight everytime my mom asked for help with anything, money, house chores, not even wanting to carry the 20 litros waterbottles, so now she goes far and beyond to avoid asking ANYTHING for him, yet she provides for him, constantly calling him his 4th child.
She raised my brother to be exactly like him: now he is 32, with no work, no nothing, just sucking on my mom's money. Yet me and my sister were raised to be able to be both parental roles, both provider and housekeeping, so "we don't have to depend on men, you just can't count on em". Wich is is sickening.
Your videos have helped me a lot about how to phrase what l don't want in a man. I wish someone have talked to my mom about his things, told her how value she is and not to settle with trash. She normalizes this behavior cause otherwise, is recognizing she made a mistake marring him. Cause it's the same mistake her mother did. In a country wete machismo is the rule, I sure know I won't be marrying the wrong man.
Omg that’s awful! I wish people would learn from these mistakes of others sooner and ourselves so we can live free and empowered!
My husband jokes that men are good at only a few things and lifting heavy objects for women is one of them. He says “bzzz bzzz yes my queen!” 🐝 👑 and goes and lifts the heavy water bottles etc for me 😂
Me and my sister had the same exact experience with my mom! Its so messed up! Im really happy that I found Elle's videos, she's amazing at teaching women like us to value ourselves
My biggest fear :(
I'm so sorry
Wow you literally described my exact situation right now.... Even down to the teaching 4 daughters (4 other useless boys) to be completely and utterly independent mean whilst the boys rest in their feminine energy and are encouraged to pursue what they like... to be useless in the house and not even do the BBMLE jobs such as taking the trash out or any heavy lifting. My father goes to his one job for a few hours then rests for the entire day whilst my mother scrambles around working multiple shifts per day (which she uses to pay 99% of Everything, no pennies left for her own self) and still taking care of the household and employing her "girls" to do the same as well... household duties, helping with rent/bills, providing mental and emotional support, assistance with paperwork/ emails/ car issues/ house repairs/ Literally any issue that arises in the house, tending to every tedious need (even the BBMLE things that my father should and could but would never do for her such as massages, gifts, dinners. Like what!!) SO Yeah basically my sisters and I are not only co- parents's to my mother and her 5 other dependants, but we are also co-husbands who fill in the void of her Severely BBMLE, manipulative, guilt-tripping, soft-hearted, easily triggered husband... Lovely.. I'm so grateful that I discovered people like Elle and Shera7, and also just like you I will not be making the same mistake as my mother. I'm a spoiled girlie who is now in full receiving mode ready to receive.
True- men with no gold talk so much trash about gold diggers… gold diggers are SMART… rich men always pick gold diggers! Who know their worth & invest in their beauty & passions … because the men know it makes them look rich to have a beautiful girl on his arm!!! ❤❤❤
I know a lot of women who are in bad relationships but are struggling to leave because they make excuses, give him chance, feel guilty, feel attached and so on.. we need to have a tutorial on how to be in the mindset and the steps to take to be mentally prepared for a breakup..
it would be great to hear your take on it, also many women go into relationships without any idea of what to do if things went bad, I believe its also one of the reasons. Thanks again Elle.
A lot of ladies don't understand that making good decisions for yourself isn't always pleasant and you don't always have to be happy about a decision you make especially if it's for the right reasons. Make the decision, accept it, don't look back and move forward.
Honestly it’s just having self respect. There is no tutorial imo. In the moment it feels bad but it’s not going to get better. Feelings aren’t logical, they attach to what’s familiar. When ppl understand that it’s easier to take the move(s) you need to make.
There is a book "women have all the power, too bad they don't know it".
Definitely, I’m actively trying to shake off my desperate, people pleaser, nervous energy. Even tho I’m technically a triple threat. I have no idea how a confident woman carries herself and asserts herself in everyday situations. Like how does she respond when someone calls her beautiful? How does she elegantly decline seggs after the first date? How does she respond to sexist ‘banter’ from male colleagues. How does she harness her feminine energy when the cheque comes, to allow him to show her if he can step up or not. does she slowly reach for her purse. Or maybe show genuine surprise & confusion at the idea of 50/50 being brought up? How does she show she’s thankful when men do give her what she deserves? Like I’m getting it, but whenever I try to imagine how me, as a spoiled girlie would respond & conduct herself I can get over the ‘coming across as a heartless b1tch’ thing. Or should I just allow myself to get comfortable with that uncomfortable, possible consequence? Would love if Elle roll played a ‘spoiled girlies in the wild’ series, for us neurodivergents. Her tiltok reaction clips & examples help a lot.
Yes please ❤
You need a man who tries to give you whatever he can - the worst is a lazy and unambitious man who puts you down for your ambitions (and maybe cheats on you behind your back bc he has too much time).
❤❤
Ladies, listen up: you should never live with a man, have a baby with a man, marry a man who puts you in a situation where you need to "ask for money". Only ever give up your freedom in that way for a man who can and will support you in the way that you need and desire, whatever that looks like for you. In that situation, you should not NEED to work, but you can CHOOSE to work. It's never worth being with a man if you have to support yourself. If you're going to support yourself, just be alone and don't have babies. Your life will be much easier that way. Having babies and being married, these are not things that inherently benefit women ok so you should only do them in beneficial circumstances. This is not just for your own sake but for the sake of your future children. Trust me, you will be much better off, happier and healthier staying single into middle age than being a middle-aged mom trying to divorce her selfish good for nothing husband and realising that even when she divorces him, she still needs to deal with him FOREVER because of the children... Just get a cat ok.
Okay
Can a dog be good too? 😂❤
Thank you for your message
Cats are awesome ✌️
My boyfriend always treats me like I walked off a cloud. He calls me his world and treats me like I'm the center of his universe. I also love that he is open to receiving the love that I, as a lover girl, want to give. My love language is gift-giving and quality time, so I adore giving him things and spending time with him, but he meets me step for step and then some. Besties, we can all have it.
"They were so happy when you didnt have boundaries because they were harvesting from you." Yep-exactly!!! They were harvesting indeed. Thank you for a Great video!
I always feel „light“ and very feminine when I am with masculine men. I am not stressed and in the present moment. It doesn’t even have to be a romantic partner. I just like being with masculine male friends or family members. For me it’s very stressful to even talk to men that are ONLY in their feminine and receiving energy.
agree
Lol. I love that "receiving" and "feminine" are linked here XD As a girl myself, I never ever don't want to receive anything from any man just because I'm a girl. I want to work for and get everything myself. Or together with him, if he is a good person. And i don't feel any less feminine because of that. And girls that want "provider"... you are hurting yourself. Istg they are the ones that always end up miserable in life after some time
@@palloravis395 honestly it depends on how to define provider, some men are narcs and after they manipulate you, insult you, etc they start giving money.. But in usual sense if a guy likes you then he will spoil you.
@@palloravis395 girl I described men that are feminine and always want to receive and those characteristics I don’t like in men. But if you like those characteristics in men go for it. Everyone can choose what they want in a partner 🙏🏻
@@EEfg-p6e It seems to me that in my previous comment I did not describe the kind of guy I like? The whole point of my statement was that girls should first of all focus on their own development, and not expect that they will always be saved by a prince on a white horse who will provide them with everything, because sooner or later they will end up miserable. I was also amused by the juxtaposition of the word "receiving" with something feminine
“We did not wake up like this” could be a whole video in and of itself. I don’t understand the obsession with wanting women to look and act a certain way “with no effort.” No one’s hair looks blown out without a blowout. No one has a 6 pack eating junk food all day. The list could go on. It’s so weird. Could you imagine if women were like “omg he has a 6 pack and is rich and he just wakes up like that!”
i was with my ex for 3.5 years. when we first met, i paid for everything to show off. he was always at MY house. moved him in. i got fired from my job and his advice was to move in with him and HIS MOM. i said absolutely not and got another job instead while working uber. he didn't offer to help pay rent until the 3 year mark. then he proposed on new years even though i specifically told him in the past to NEVER propose on a holiday. i told him to leave my house a week before my birthday after his temper tantrum from me asking him a simple favor. mind you, i was spring cleaning the whole house and lifting heavy stuff all day without his help. to this day, i never cried about. my only regret is wasting the last of my 20's with that loser. there's more to my story but i wish i'd done it sooner 😩
i got an even better job during that time and i have a feeling that my out-earning him also struck a nerve. i'd never worked with other men until then and the office space showed me what it was like to be around REAL men. they're quick to offer help, they dress well, and admire my abilities without feeling inferior. it was so refreshing and that definitely woke me up to how much better i can do. my attraction to my ex went downhill after that. i always initiated everything anyway. lost nothing, gained everything 😂
Better late than never ♥️♥️
Ooh yes honey my kind of Sunday sermon!❤
Girl you have opened my eyes so much regarding my own worth. I was literally groomed by my deadbeat father to expect the worst treatment from men. He used to tell me when I was just a little kid "you're going to end up a superficial gold-digger like your mother." I luckily ended up marrying a man that was the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of my father, but I still had held on to these false notions about my role as a woman, wife, and mother. Now I am absolutely leaning into living my best spolied girlie life!
So happy for you. All love ❤🎀
13:49 you better say it 🗣️ ❤ This spoke to my inner being! Nothing less, I want what I want ❤
I am so blessed to have a man that stayed emotionally consistent when I went through my weight gain/ weight loss. He knew I was disappointed in myself and immediately reassured me I was beautiful so that I wouldn’t stay in despair. Now that he and I are slimming down, I know this relationship isn’t common. I hope every woman who reads this finds a man who always has your name as “Aphrodite” in his cell, is generous and takes you out when you don’t feel pretty, does face masks with you, and lets you cry in his arms when you’re down.
30:31 omg this, I always had the feeling that men with no gold """advising""" rich men made those broke men feel like they were on the same team and shared the same struggle, while rich men really couldn't care less
I just had an epiphany from watching this video. I've only dated haters!! OMG, NEVER AGAIN!!!
Before I separated from my husband I didn't have hardly any clothes or shoes, no socks or underwear. Nothing. It would be an argument when it was brought up because he said he needed that money to buy himself stuff for work and since I never left the house I didn't need to worry about it. Now my closet is full of clothes I have been able to buy for myself. But I couldn't have done that without my new man making sure I had time and space away from the kids so I could take care of myself. ❤ and he buys me gifts and when I ask for things he normally complies. He says I am so appreciative compared to his ex
13:49 fun story
When Yves Montand cheated on his wife, Simone Signoret with Marylin Monroe she stopped dieting, she stopped doing her hair, her makeup everything. Woman was very vocal about it and WROTE A WHOLE BOOK ABOUT IT. Simone Signoret refused to divorce Montand. She drank a lot smoked even more. She said that she wanted to be the visual representation of what Yves had done to their relationship. Look it up kids. I remember when she died and the Marylin thing was all everyone could talk about.
Red flag was a quote he made like you can have 3 affairs but after that it's cheating such a vile man
The Yves Montand - Simone Signoret story is even more sinister. He also groomed her daughter (his stepdaughter) that he raised since she was 4.
You explained this concept so well. Men show their commitment and regard through the time and money they give you.
Men INVEST in what they VALUE!
When you said broke men are manifesting when they are complaining about golddiggers, I absolutely lost it 😂 you are so right!!
Its always the broke ones acting like they have to guard their empty pockets 😂
Amen 🙋🏻♀️if he’s watching you work 3 jobs- he ain’t your boyfriend 🫰🫰
BIG FACTS, As soon as you become someone else's idea of desirable the goalpost jumps ahead out of your reach. First, a woman is too skinny then she's too fat, then she needs more curves, or fewer curves but more bust, and the list goes on. The moment you become your own dream girl is the moment you begin attracting the life you want and the people that come with it. Often the person you are is greater than the person you were told to be.
As someone who's growing up seeing my gramps and other uncle fights over who's paying the bill, dating scene nowadays just crazy
They swear they hate strong independent women and Love feminine women until the bills come along
I was brainwashed for so long into thinking I was weak or lacking for wanting a man who could care of me. It’s thanks to you that now I know that if I’m going to have a relationship with a man, I’m only asking for what I deserve. Thank you for making these videos because it’s like therapy and education all in one
And not get pregnant in " girlfriend " status. They have a child together. And he, at the time it seems had yet to engage or marry her...... 😮
Funny how standards changed... my grandma was not in a very happy marriage, but whenever now she talks about my grandpa and their marriage she talks about how he was getting her flowers frequently and would treat her for facials, nice skin care and make sure the watch on her wrist wasnt some cheap rolex knock-off, but one of higher quality - and many more things lol. Mind you, my granny is a verrrryyyy typical Taurus woman, so all those nice things make even more sense for her lol. In "return" she was managing their shop that they had together, made some smart financial and economic decisions. Everyone agrees that without her, he wouldnt have been so succesful. They really put their strengths together. Unfortunately he passed away a long time ago and now my granny is living her best life and does stuff with her girl gang :D she is over 80, but would think shes maybe early 70. She really doesnt look her age at all and is so healthy and fit that you can only feel jealous haha. But that comes down to life long active lifestyle and she had to follow a more low carb diet due to my grandpas sickness. Even though she is not an easy person, I love to have her in my life and see how some of these things really make a difference in longevity.
An emergency in the family happened and I had to get a flight, hotel, and rental car in a few days… he was verbally empathetic and sent flowers …but didn’t offer to help financially at all even when I said it was gonna be hard to drop that amount of $$ in a few days. Started to feel a bit of resentment because I wanted a partner yet I was still figuring it out on my own.
if you guys have no babies together and are not married - consider leaving.. For real.
He really only wants her to not work the third job because he doesn’t want to care for their child. She said we both just started working nights. It sounds like he wasn’t working at all prior to that.
Thanks for making this content. Most popular dating practices and advice actively harms women as individuals and as a group. We need to prioritise and protect ourselves.
thank you🤎
This is so true because I always was the type of person who wanted to help others but I had to realize that I can't help anyone until I help myself first. You have to be a little selfish first, order to be able to be selfless.
It's not selfish to fulfill your needs. 😌
That guy in the tiktok video who was pausing awkwardly when the woman was asking him if she was his dream girl, yikes! I feel so sad for her and the guy seems like a loser if he's not automatically saying something along the lines of, "Yeah, you are, honey!"
Plus she is so stunning and he is just so.... whatever. idk her personality or life but we usually expect men dating women that pretty to openly adore their wives, he should feel like the luckiest man in the world. I have never cringed so hard at a relationship test before, I can only hope for her sake it is staged.
And make that an enthusiastic yes!! This was so sad for her. Jeez
I have been in a financially abusive relationship from age 15-21. This is all true. I agree 100% with you. Especially from someone who has dealt with the lowest of the low and thought it was normal. If your "man" is making you pay more, he hates you.
that's so sad that her ""boyfriend"" is fighting with her about money
I wish I got this video 3years ago but eventually I left
🥹 thank you for sharing
I've grown in confidence ever since I got your channel. I used to spread myself so thin for people to love me, trying to be this perfect vision of kindness, but I always burned out eventually because I wasn't meeting my own needs. Now, I state my wants and needs (perhaps not perfectly, but certainly better than I used to) and I see how people I had a crush on become so unattractive to me once I see them from the perspective of who I'm becoming. And it's much better this way, because better to be calm and say what you want with class, rather than suffer in silence and explode at some point in future (guess we have inner spoiled girlies, even if we don't outwardly express them). I have learned to detach and leave from people or situations that do not serve me. A lot of things in life aren't obligations, after all. It gives you so much more energy to focus on what matters.
I once briefly dated a man, who had his mom living with him as she had fallen upon hard times financially. The time we dated was brief, because it didn't take me long to discover that he made his mom pay half of everything he did with the house. A new vacuum cleaner, a new granit kitchen top, his mom was expected to pay half of everything. On top of which his mom, in her seventies, was working like a maid cooking, cleaning taking care of his child. The day when I saw him putting down sandwiches with a note saying, his mom owed him 3 dollars for the sandwiches, I asked him why he did that. His answer was, that he didn't eat those sandwiches. It was the flagrant absence of shame that made me run from this man.
Yuck what a bad son
Don't be with a man who hates you! You deserve LOVE not HATE 🙏🙏
Taking a lot of this advice was the reason I went from a man who would happily take financial advantage of me, to a lover who bumps me out of line at the register to pay for my wine. ❤️
I know I'm not the target audience because I'm a lesbian in a healthy relationship, but I will say being in a relationship with someone who priorities you, your happiness, etc has been life changing. I highly recommend it.
I'm in my first healthy relationship ever after being single for 5 years and one of the reasons is because I raised my standards of how I am to be treated in my romantic relationships. I knew based on past experiences how I didn't want to be treated by partners anymore. I made the changes I needed to make.
One benefit of being single for 5 years before hitting the dating scene again was no one can use being single again as a threat against me. Being single isn't scary or a threat to me anymore.
I'm so happy for you bestie ❤
@@dinosaur___7209 Awe thank you bestie ❤️
May God protect, defend, provide and give this girl successful loving life ❤❤❤ this advice is gold
@@ncar2160 Yayyyy!!! ❤️
Everyone should be full of themselves in that they live a fulfilling life and this person says “entitled” but all we ask is for respect and dignity as human beings. My husband actually cleans around the house and has provided for our household - we invest my income for our future. That’s wise, not entitlement.
@@ncar2160she's teaching women to stop being strong and independent.
She's teaching women to become more feminine
@@schuylergeery-zink1923 True, as woman we should not have to ask for respect as a luxury item in relationships
Is it entitled to kill the cycle of poverty.? 🤔
Woman you are lethal and I love it!
thank you!!
It's true, we have fixed expenses to maintain the physical standards that men seek, as if we simply don't need to maintain all of this. OMG yes, and if any man complains about this or calls it superficial, it's because he benefits from your low self-esteem while he wants to try to have princess treatment with some deluded woman, wake up!!! thank u for this video
“I have a good job, I make good money, I pay all my bills, but the problem is I have no money left over afterwards.” Girl, that NOT a good job! NOT!!!
yes!! Maybe 2024 is inviting her to start anew - new job, new home (when she walks out on her crappy ass bf!) and new people around her, whether or not a new boo...
Sometimes the best self-care is to get a job that not only pays your bills it covers debt repayment and future savings a really really good job and doing whatever it takes to make sure you qualify for that that to me screams self-care the loudest
I love Elle because of intelligent she in & how unique she is from these dating coaches♥️🙇
thank u bestie 🥹
For me it's because she's able to recognize and verbalize the intersectionality of patriarchy, sexism, weaponized incompetence and the coloniser mindset of men, and how women can see it for what it is, and learn to take advantage of that f**ked up system anyway we can!
I always KNEW/FELT deep down, there HAS to be a connection with all of THAT!!!
But I didn't really know how to connect the dots myself!
This knowledge journey has been just amazing ❤
And I just wish more women understood what she's talking about!!!
Like while they're still girls in highschool!!!
So true, and more than just a dating coach. I'm married and have a great husband But still struggle with My self steem ( You know... Reasons) and Elle does help me with that
5:53 This. This beautiful lady I know is exhausted and stressed, and says what an angel her bf is for.. calmly telling her to calm down. Literally that. And she _praises_ him for that. 🤦♀
He could simply do a lot of the things she is overburdened with. But chooses not to. Instead tells her to suffer with a happier face. And amplifies issues between her and her kids too. It's sad.
Mom - "Honey, you need a rich man."
Me - "Mom, I am a rich man."
That was a quote from Cher to her mother
"You don't need a rich man, you need a generous man." 06:50
Omg, hellz yeah. I have lived that vibe and it is SOLID. My man talks sweet and isn't made of money, but he is there for me! My ex had bank, but was NOT generous in any way. Please take this knowledge and apply it to your life, a generous man is miles better.
I still don't believe that at my old age of 33 I am a dream girl for any men. I failed so much in relationship and always got breadcrumbs. Last two years I am driving solo and unbothered by men, and it is way better to be alone than be with a man and live in anxiety for years then see him dumping you and getting married in 6 months and give to his dream girl everything. Be alone and learn self-awareness. It is tough and unpleasant but necessary.
@@StephanieWitmer-iq5pv Nah, not really. But I finally learn that I deserve respect and kindness which is something men do not give when you are a placeholder. So that is something that took me ages to learn and it really change my life for the better. I am alone but I am not begging for the below minimum.
Do shadow work - don't date until you get your self-esteem up, because predatory men sense insecurity and low self-worth like a shark senses blood in the water 💧
@@briskettacos Absolutely, stop dating two years ago after long relationship ended by text and him moved with his dream girl like the next week. They are married now. Good for her in a certain sense, she probably had that energy. These two years were full of me taking accountability and trying to at least be self aware of my pick me energy. I do not plan to date ever againand plan to go to therapy soon to overcome loss of motherhood (I do not plan solo parenting). Plus I spend time with my sis and other younger women and I do not shy away on telling them my mistakes and issues as a warning signs. My sis learned so much and her friend too, her friend now got a guy who tells her she is the dream girl.
Your self esteem and self belief sounds very low. You need to accept yourself for who you are first and understand that it's perfectly fine to want what you want in life. I wish you the best ❤🤞
@@Tessy29k I still have some of my pick me energy, so best way to live for me is get rid of dating and romantic love and pursue self awareness and accountability. Even if I don't end with my personal dream, I will be healthy and not further traumatised. One day I will be okay.
Damn. This young lady, our host, is so smart and accurate.
I can attest. I am over 50 years old and married a while now.
If I say I need, my man, husband, will make it happen for me.
Don’t trust these men, out here, that have excuses for you when you say you need them.
As a person who grew up with a financially abusive father: If a man refuses to contribute to the household and gets upset when you ask him to, that money is going to someone else. If he refuses to talk about money and disclose his finances, he’s funding someone else and doesn’t want you to know about it. Be it his mom, sister, addiction, hobby to escape from you, or some random girl (very likely a random other woman). If he’s not spending money to maintain the household you’re not the important woman. You are the maintenance servant. You are worth SO MUCH MORE than the maintenance servant. Men are very transparent about this as well. Don’t think he hasn’t thought about this in advance and made the choice to do this to you. He DID NOT DO ANY OF THIS BY ACCIDENT.
Say yes to generous men. A generous man will work overtime to pay for dates and gifts. I’ve experienced this firsthand.😊
Omg omg the last girl was like so dreamy !!! I swear we have to start pretending we are bi and go after the girls that have guys that are treating them bad to make them feel that their girl is a babe that has options!!!
My mom’s husband is a rich man. A rich man who is extremely narcissistic.
He treats her to nice dinner dates sometimes only to throw a fit about how much it costs. He pays the bills only to remind everyone around that he’s the boss and everyone is lazy. He gives her money only after he yells at her when she asks for some. She’s a stay at home wife who cooks, cleans, and takes care of him/the house.
For the longest time I learned rich men are all evil. Only recently did my point of view change. Living a generous lifestyle of my liking requires wealth and I shouldn’t be ashamed of wanting it when we live in a world dominated by capitalism. Neither should I avoid all rich men like the plague, mainly the men*. This channel really helped me open my eyes to the fact there truly are good men out there who can be both generous and hard working. It has also helped me realize how important it is for me to maintain a high sense of self worth in a world built to destroy the confidence of women
If a rich man doesn't give you a housemaid he doesn't care about you.
I’m realizing now I was never my ex-husband’s dream girl. He was always pointing out how hot other women were, oblivious to the unfairness of my heavy workload, etc.
When he left me for a younger woman, he went to see her in another country. We did our “breakup” in a long overseas call. When the phone bill came, the call was $100. He had the audacity to ask me to pay half!!! He was surprised at how I was no longer doing his bidding once he was off banging another woman!
Now I am on my soft girl/spoiled girl/hibernation era. Losing weight, cooking healthy meals, doing yoga, home beauty treatments, nails, hair treatments, facials, etc. I’m really enjoying reveling in my own company and peace and quiet for the first time in my life. If someone recognizes me as the dream girl I am, fine, but I’m not in the mood to seek it out right now.
True ❤❤❤ time, space, & funds are required for beauty! Skincare, makeup, nails, time to workout, healthy food, time to sleep, flattering clothes, these cost! & are required to confer status to whatever man is dating you… “using you as a tool… to harvest these benefits from you” true! “When you are with a man, everything you’re wearing is attributed to him”
This point is so so true. Whenever I'm just out with my kids I'll throw on sweats or whatever comfy clothes and no one says anything to me. When I go out with my husband...I wear nice perfume, a little makeup, fix my hair, a bit more stylish outfit (nothing fancy tbh) and the looks that I not only get, but my husband gets are VERY TELLING. Most times we are out at least one man will make a comment to my husband (not to me) about his "beautiful family" and how he's a "lucky man."
13:49 a swift rundown of the spoiled girlie treatments and maintenance. Nothing less in 2024, I’m speaking it into existence.
This is so on point. Not only my mum experienced all of that, which hurts so much.
Also my sister now and I’m tired from my toxic environment. I know, that this is not what my life is gonna look like.
I got the ick from seeing the bf from my sister being this spoiled feminine man, which is so disgusting.
Also from my job, my boss reduced my working hours, forgot my birthday and now wants to work me fulltime again cause the company is doing better, but if I cannot I should hire someone who replace me, because I’m working as a recruiter.
I feel the ick, even I need the money, I don’t want to work fulltime anymore. Only cause it’s full remote, I’m doing few hours but then I’m planning to quit.
We are a dream girl, we don’t accept foolish behavior in relationships and also not at work.
best of luck to you, Ria! GO for what you want and stay true to yourself! 💛
@@AmericanDreamer Thank you so much 🙌🏼✨
The one good thing from social media is all these women sharing their stories and getting support, waking up from other women 💖
I'll be honest as a girl who doesn't regularly do hair and nails I never fully understood having a bf pay for them, but you explained it VERY WELL. And I agree. They benefit soooo much from women, mantaining looks is alot of wotk and money. If he's benefitting from that work, he can for sure help pay for it.
Hi! Fellow 29 yo spoiled girlie here. Actually - I only disagree with one thing - I pay for my own beauty products and I throw some money into our house, food and mutual savings, while keeping my own savings and having no lifestyle inflation above certain allowance i leave for myself. My husband gave me a pass to be a kept wife and would buy me everything, but I want to transcend it. I wanna be in constant recieving energy, but I also have an inner desire to make a lot of contribution. As an eldest daughter with stem degree, I want to also have a bit of providing function because that is my personal standard. I wanna send out the signal to me, my husband and my environment that not only am I a prize, but I'm also someone who will be able to provide when there is war, famine and market crash. But it's my peace of mind and financial alignment - yours could be different and that's valid. Have a great day and thank you for your content!
Omg you deliver when needed, almost fell into a love trap with a dude who doesn’t see me as his dream girl, but I’m a dream come true👑💅🏾 so I’m detaching immediately
15:40 The fact that she said "you females" shows me how far removed she is from herself
I know right . I cringed so hard when she said that
Yes, that was cringeworthy.
Since we were 17 my man has been telling me I'm the woman of his reality AND his dreams. [Which I've never ever heard of the reality bit before.]
And when it comes to money he's more than generous.
Spoiled girls, find yourself a generous and genuine man! Correction, attract, manifest or pray for one. Never chase.
My grandmother used to always tell me “A Woman is a Man’s Glory”. Now I understand what she meant!
THIS Is Empowering... You are the Source of All their desires... Ladies make it a requirement for ppl to poor into you (NOT s3x ladies, raise thy standards) ... Be entitled... The Theme is: Malicious Compliance. Period
Thank you Elle💫