Psychological effects of being gaslighted
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- Опубликовано: 28 авг 2024
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People who say you can't blame someone else for your failures, have never been through gaslighting from narcissistic abuse.
Indeed. Esp from childhood where not only parents butextended family too are narcissistic
amen
My own big brother became an alcoholic because of my mother's intense narcissistic abuse my mother is still holding him hostage he has no life outside this woman I try to save him but his mind is so scrambled from so much abuse I feel so bad 😭😭😭😭
Absolutely!!
I am just getting my head above the water after generations of abuse.
At 70, I feel my life is nearly over and I have not followed my dreams; and no longer have the energy.
@tfkdandsvkc My brother is a alcoholic and a druggie. The only way he became free from my mother was when she discarded him after he had nothing left to give her. Then she died.
Continuous gaslighting makes us foggy brained, develop ocd, adhd over time. All our senses get numb.
Yes, this is exactly true. My sister has clinically diagnosed OCD, I have generalized anxiety disorder and ADHD. Thanks mom! 😢
That's where my OCD came from.
Wow, that's true. It's so insidious that you don't even notice over time, kind of like a grooming.
You can't become ADHD, it's genetic, you have to be born with it. But I will point out that in my psychology courses does state that it can cause bipolar to manifest, which is very similar to ADHD traits.
@@AddALittleSagewait really .. so maybe it was given to us by our parents and they just haven’t been diagnosed … and since there is a high likely hood that they are in fact a narcissist … the chance they think anything is wrong and maybe to get it checked out .. will be very low
Until you fully understand what is happening to you, gaslighting is such an abusive tactic. The frustration dealing with a gaslighter not only affects your psychological health but physical health as well.
I get physically ill when my sister approaches.
@@montanabirdmommy I get it now. They were checking all along to see if their gaslighting was “working”. How insidious and awful.
I think it affects gut health
@@nmc1859 yes!! I think so too. I've read it can also cause auto immune disorders
2 words for a future series- Myers-Briggs.
I am INFP.
yes, i was a target, 40 year narc relstiobship ,33 yr marriage.
out 15 years now and am an artist and author now. was not b4.
radical acceptance
u have helped so much after i had healed, wish i didnt have to have had to figure it out alone, but proud i did. u have notarized all my decisions. ty
It's really hard to live in the moment, you're constantly living in the past and worried about the future.
Spot on. My parents now elderly did a right number. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. His rages and aggression, her contempt and disdain. Then they expect you to be around as an adult child. I never realised why I felt sick and anxious being around them, I'd be blocked out my childhood mentally and was feeling the emotions in my body. I've lost 5 years of memory from 2-7 years old. My mother won't fill in the gaps which irritates me
Agree
Agreed ❤️🫂🥺
The reason I’m learning to accept solitude.
It's a profoundly healing space. Just being able to get away from my gaslighters and have some peace has been so, so good for me. Wishing you well.
The hardest part for me, I wish you all the best ❤
Same here ♥️
me too
Me too
lying.. cheating.... also sadly stealing. saddest thing I heard was, "they simply do not care."
It took me until the smear campaign to finally understand they truly do not care and everything is intentional. Very hard to accept BUT one of the best things to realize. We all can use some more self love ❤️
no they don't care at all.....
@@Limonaidthey are the opposite of what they pretend to be
I’m 60 and on the other side. At 59 I went no contact with my mother and her main flying monkey my sister. The highlights were panic attacks that landed me with a psychiatrist diagnosed - free floating anxiety with secondary ocd and secondary anorexia. I almost died all while keeping a marriage intact and raising two boys all the while being threatened by my mother that I better not dare blame my parents for being sick. Oh and I had already been diagnosed five years before with multiple sclerosis.
Today I am 60+ have a strong 39 year marriage, two daughters in law who text me first and a beautiful granddaughter.
Everyday I have to remind myself it’s my job to be healthy it’s not my job to try and get anybody else healthy.
Good for you. My Mom had MS, so I understand. My father was a Malignant Narcissist. So, I was a child in that enviornment.
I am now 67, and a retired Critical Care Specialist Nurse.
So, from all of my knowledge and experience, I am sending you a fist bump for making a great life for yourself with all of those challenges.
From my heart I am sending you a hug!❤
I love the beauty of this story. Thank you for sharing. Bless you.
I also had anorexia out of that panicked place to be “perfect” and be as small as possible (figuratively and literally) to evade being the target, the one blamed and shamed. Other health issues joined and it all damn near killed me. Therapy and going no contact breathed life back into my life. I got a degree in psychology, along with certification as a trauma informed myofascial release therapists to help others return to themselves after trauma & abuse. Us scapegoats can heal and rise out from those ashes like no other🌱🙌🏼🥰.
I still need those reminders that I don’t have to blame myself for other peoples choices and that I’m worthy of love and respect. I’m a bit freer everyday. I truly love the community and life I’ve created.
I’m 61 and just gone no contact with my dad, found it so hard, since then he has been blackmailing using my mum, who died last august to get me to continue doing his garden (mum loved her garden) my husband does it as he doesn’t want me anywhere near him, now he has put a nasty note through my door, I just want him to leave me alone. My brother is no better definitely an enabler.
@@karenhowe7087 get a restraining order against him so he can't come on your property.
If I said the sky was blue but someone else said no, it is green. They would never get me to agree with them but I would spend a tremendous amount of time thinking about it.
If its your parent, you as a child, would absolutely agree but also know its blue.
How messed up is THAT??
I would be the one looking out the window🤣
@@jenster29 This. Oh, this.
The other day talking to my oldest sis, she said, referring to our youngest sister, "If she said the sky was blue, I would not believe her." That struck me funny, but it's true.
Yeah. If someone told me the sky was green I’d roll my eyes, say yeah okay and walk away, but
Gaslighting is never a one off and it’s so insidious.
It’s horrible.
I refer to the narcissistic tactic of gaslighting “psychological warfare “!😢
The media has been using it on us since they modified the Smith-Mundt Act 2013 to allow domestic propaganda. People say "They wouldn't do that now". Why would they legalize something they would never do? They're laughing their asses off at us. The public rationalizes away all the insanity and blameshifts onto their neighbor, as the "news" told them to. Many people turn into flying monkeys for the "news". It's a crazy thing to witness. Things started becoming insane at the time, all around the world. Ah, that is "climate change" causing that. Definitely not a bunch of war mongering criminals doing it. Nah! Impossible. TV said so! They have the experts with the science!
Yes! I feel Narcissistic Abuse is Spiritual Warfare, where the bully is hell bent on killing your spirit.
yass!!!
@@pbird1638
my mother and ex husband literally tore apart my family.....you can't understand unless you have been subjected/trapped in and by these evil people.
Yes my mother and my narcissistic husband destroyed my life they were the only people I had and they fought over hooked control me like it was a contest between them. Until I found out what they were doing my whole family died my brother than my mother so now all I have is my daughter and she the only normal person in my life
Painful experience, mine was my ex husband and his daughter. My heart goes out to you. ❤
yess there are evil people!!!!
Same. I no longer talk to my older daughter because of her step-father, my ex. The betrayal is too difficult to handle being around these people.
My mom and ex husband managed to destroy my family. He's been out of the game for a while when even he couldn't stand her cruelties and my daughter (between 2 sons) has more than picked up where the aging and the absent have left off. I'm almost 56. I wish I had moved 500+ miles away 20 years ago 🫤 I only made it 110 miles away- not far enough. It's all over but the crying now. These people are tangible evidence of the evil that walks among us
You have a greater chance to succeed in life, when you're raised by healthy parents. When you start going to school you'll be better equipped to handle toxic people.
Exactly! Healthy parents are there for you when you need to ask or learn about something, when you have doubts, or when you simply need guidance, all of this can never be given by narc parents
The cognitive dissonance is a nasty form of child abuse that makes a child seem like a slow learner in my experience as a teacher. Being patient and believing in the underlying abilities of victims of gaslighting is a huge help to allow someone to reach their potential, I believe.
👌👌
Your comment is so interesting to me ... and rungs true! I clearly remember being in kindergarten thinking” I’ll never learn to tie my shoe,” “learn all those letters,” learn my phone number,” etc., etc. I always thought I was BORN a slow learner. THANKS!!
We just need to step back and realize that gaslighters are liars. It really is as simple as that. Do you trust a liar? No, because they've given you no reason to believe them. Do you waste your energy arguing with a liar? No, because you know that all they'll do is lie. Do you devote your life to try changing a liar into someone honest and worst being in relationship with? No you do not. We're stupefied by how simple it really is.
Have you experienced long term, regular gaslighting?
You can't differentiate what is reality and what is their bullshit. it has nothing to do with taking a step back. You cant see the need for it, and if you did you wouldn't believe it
37 and I basically gave up on me in childhood. Autoimmune, anxiety, panic, not able to function in my day to day, never used my degrees, and married yet another narcissist. I'm out now and working on healing, but I just learned to blame myself for not being enough, not being loveable, being a POS. So so so hard
You are loveable and worthy of love. NEVER FORGET THAT. Our God builds up and our enemy THE DEVIL WANTS TO TEAR US DOWN
You're more resilient and courageous than you give yourself credit. I'm so very proud of you beloved. We're healing with you too. Wishing you a kind and gentle recovery and life🙏❤️🫂☀️🎁💐
So true. Gaslighting cause me to doubt my sanity, distrusting my ability to mentally form a cognitive thought and subsequently adapting obsessive compulsive traits. I'm 25 years after divorce. I'm so grateful to live without the mental chaos of gaslighting and it's related self-doubt.
Yes, yes and yes... It is exhausting and emotionally draining
YES!!!!!! I second-guess myself on EVERYTHING!!!
Thanks Doc. I thought I was crazy. I moved to Houston in 84. 23 alone working for the big oil co. I had a brand new apt. and it was scary. I did not know I was so scared but I checked my locks over and over.
I have worked hard at trusting my own mind and it works well. Its slow but for the last 765 days I have been sober and benzo free. I feel great and you have helped Dr Ramani.
We Do Recover! 🙏🏻❤️💪🏼
Congratulations on your sobriety! That's an amazing accomplishment.
This random internet stranger is very proud of you for putting yourself first and overcoming your addiction. High five.
I'm so proud of you.. BENzo's really mess with your memory
When you are gaslighted, there is no GPS in the world that can help you navigate your way back to reality.
It makes you think you’re the crazy and you become hyper vigilant.
I disagree. The light out comes when you stop listening to the gaslighters.
@@montanabirdmommyit was a joke
@@Ultramowing Where was the joke? It’s somewhere in the Bermuda Triangle… lost with my faith in humanity.
❤ I’m on my healing journey and I highly appreciate you and your work Dr.
💯
Oh Yes! I find myself validating everything! I feel I have to have proof of everything
The law only needs proof and reasonable doubt; with narcs, you need proof beyond all doubt and they will still doubt it!
@@rayeannebrewer1458 And even with proof sometimes it's an uphill battle to be believed because "they would never do that, they're not like that...".
💯 Yes 42 years of second guessing myself and double checking. I thought my need to have everything perfect within the home, as a mother and wife was my daily aim. I did a 3 year degree on advanced social science in 2007 and felt the full force of gaslighting from husband and 2 daughters. I had amasing doctor and university lecturers who saw something in me who kept inspiring me to complete. My husband worked at.the university also and tried to have me kicked out because students protected me. I took twice as long to complete assisignments and much anxiety and tears but I refused to believe I was stupid. I passed and felt proud of myself standing up on the podium. I am single have not communicated with family since. I chose my sanity over second guessing mself and adult children who used me as an ATM machine. I have inner peace finally.
Absolutely. I spend a ridiculous amount of time rehashing conversations. I can’t believe she said that… she’s said that a million times… it’s gotten so bad that I was getting medicated for it. My narcissist has end-stage cancer and the knob is on 11. There’s an end in sight. Now I’m starting to wonder what I’ll do with all my free time!
Been there. The narc passing will bring relief; I've never slept better since the 1970s. But I would reeeally be careful about voicing that relief, especially in a small town. And be ready for oddly reinvigorated flying monkeys.
Good luck with your journey and enjoy your new freedom.
@@RoughRanchHands Live your life the way you envisioned it might be. Best wishes on your new life.
I dont care anymore..to keep me sane..i do ME!
Me too I take care of me and my daughter that’s all I care about
I don’t care anymore either. My life is better without it. I know it’s never going to change so I’m not wasting any more time with it.
Thanks, the whole world and especially the USA needs this guide right now. >.>
We have been gaslighted as a society for very long
trust me, it's not only USA, Belgium here, and how i 'met' other people in virtual worlds and in YT, i've seen this in every country (that i met), sadly... good we can trust each other here & share (such horrible) experience, big thanks to Doc
Yes, selfdoubt takes away chance after chance, sadly. It is a spiral that keeps life opressed and anxious, manipulated and gaslighted by narcissistic people.
Let the healing begin.
There’s some major widespread societal gaslighting taking place now, and many people including myself are suffering the same effects as someone in an interpersonal relationship with a narcissist.
Yes, I didn't realize me second guessing whether i let the garage door down, turned the water off, got my phone, got the right keys let alone have them at all, etc., it was from the gaslighting...
The bigger, vague, but very powerful gaslight that actually sunk my ship..."Everyone Agrees With Your Mother."
It didn't matter that her world was unreal and sort of insane...they had adopted, so Mom had to be some kind of Saint; and everyone agreed that I had to show gratitude and submit to all.
I knew darned well it was unreal and insane, I knew it was all gaslight and future faking. But the BIG gaslight was, the Rest of The World coerced me into it.
I knew it was insane, and I made all my coping devices and skills stretch for as along and as far as I could.
There were times in my life when I wondered if I was the only sane person in a sea of idiots, thugs and despots.
Family is the worst.
Yes. Unfortunately you just described my life and my internal struggles.
Thank you for explaining what true gaslighting is. Thank you 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I had what I call the hamster wheel syndrome. I always thought there was something more I needed to be doing just to keep the trains running on time. It was maddening. It’s beginning to go away now that we’ve been apart for three years.
Thank you for caring so much, making the videos to letting us know and continue by letting us know
🔥🔥inefficiency experienced by survivors, who are quick to self blame to avoid conflict! Dr Ramani hails another pioneering discovery 🏆
Thank you so much 🙏🏻
This is validating beyond words. Thank you Dr. Ramani 🙏
I just want to thank you for being my online doctor! Your insight and advice really helped me with my narcissistic family!❤️🙏🏾
This channel has helped me so much. And i hardly listen to it, but every time i do it hits hard and makes me cry.
Dr Ramini I am proud of what you are doing, I appreciate your school of life teachings to advise us.
4 years ago at age 54 I was poised to become a music major at the local university. I had zero support from my family. I backed out. The program was not only for performance but also for audio engineering but I had zero confidence. I’d been awarded a small transfer scholarship to boot. But I had zero support. Zero confidence. The music professor said he thought I could handle the program. But I had zero support. Zero confidence. Now I’m still working to learn music theory and production but it’s obviously a longer process but I ain’t quitting.
Boy, I felt that! Zero support, zero confidence.
I'm glad that you've decided to learn and do the things you love. Better late than not at all.
Random internet stranger is cheering you from the side lines. You've got this!
I'm glad you're not quitting. That's inspirational.
Good on you for not quitting. That's the most important thing. Rooting for you. A better opportunity will present itself soon.
My cousin behavior towards a married next door woman was so unsettling. He would help her any time with with everything, checking on her to make sure she is okay, spending time with her, showering her with presents despite of being told no help needed yet refuses to perform a simple task for a spouse when asked. The love bombing was so strong.
When the next door neighbor woman raises concerns he admitted that he is never happy and never loves his wife. I guess the spouse was confused enough to figure out was going on.
This is a very relevant message. It’s a lifetime of being dismissed and it’s generational. You can’t trust anyone in the family. Succession /Godfather - always a Fredo player in the mix. And you get stronger and accept your mistakes and commitment to your talents and say - eat it.. I 🏅 win 🏆!
Ya know you would never have been this awesome at explaining understanding or being able to empathize properly if you hadn't gone through it yourself ! Thank you !
If all of us narcissistic abuse survivers feel like imposters, so maybe none of us are. We must get up and fight no matter how much we feel incompetent and not expert enough, the narcissists and other toxic abusers want us to feel that way, so let’s not give them the satisfaction and put up a good fight regardless. Thank you for sharing your heart dr Ramani and for your validation . You are my super hero! ❤ God bless you ❤
I don’t care whether you’re an imposter or not, because if you are, you’re so good at it, that I feel truth and it’s helping me. ❤
Yes! At first I thought it was just a symptom of aging...but the stress of constant overthinking everything that is said and done...replaying it over and over....wears you down. It feels out of control~which sometimes makes you feel like youre making mistakes all the time.I understand shifting into perfectionism too.
Wow.
Thank you
I don't feel as "crazy" now....😢
When my son was little, we would walk half way to school and I would have a compelling instinct to go back and make sure I hadn't left the oven switched on. Even though I kind of knew I hadn't used it that morning, I still had doubts in myself.
After 10 years I managed to book a month holiday away from the narcissist... I Hope this experience will bring lightning in my life.im scared and excited at the same time
Yes, you described me accurately! Thanks for this description.
I think you would have been the best flute-playing chef on the planet, but I’m glad you’re here!!
Thank you for your thoughts on procrastination. I signed up for an online course recently that’s very important to me. Instead of breezing through it I’m making it more difficult and I’m trying to be perfect about it. I’m trying to make sure that I have everything right and down in my head before I move onto the next lesson. It’s like I’m saving it to savor it or something. I’m making things in my life harder and more complicated than what it has to be. Thank you for explaining to me why I do this.
I keep telling myself that this is very important and I need to get everything right.
I am constantly surprised every day coming here by how much there is to learn about the subject of narcissism / narcissistic abuse, as well as always trying to work on and better myself. Thank you and I want to be that person who joins the race and lives my life according to my plan, no one else’s. ❤
Thank you so much for sharing this compilation. It's all so true and heartbreaking, especially the potential lost and the ongoing pervasiveness of the self doubt and feeling like a tolerated imposter at best.
Yes I have been doing that. I use to not be that way but I find myself checking doors making sure I actually locked them. Getting into my car and then getting out and checking the doors again making sure I locked them .
You Rock, I don't know where I'd be without your videos and knowledge. ❤
Dr. Ramani Let me start by saying you have been the only light I have seen in my life for a long time. You saved my sanity. You often ask for suggestions and feedback, I have one. I worked in an environment for decades that was filled with narcs but one in particular set his sites on me. I knew nothing about narcissism so the effects on me were often devastating. What compounded the situation was the number of monkeys he was able to recruit. People I considered friends. Some from apathy (just did not want to get involved) some because they thought it might further their own agenda. I have been retired for nine years now and I started to reflect about what happened when that narc retired. Things calmed down but were superficial only. I was just grateful for the peace but the ghosts of the past lingered. I would like to see you discuss what happens when the narc leaves but the monkeys remain. The fuel is gone but as I said the ghost remain. I would appreciate anyone else's thoughts on this as well.
Thank you so much Dr.Ramani 🌷🌷🌷 I have noticed on my self that I am not capable to express my emotions also, I have a feeling when I am talking that people won’t understand me . I like to feel that I am invisible it makes me feel safe .
Your personal narrative touches , touches us. Thank you.
I got stuck with the clarinet too. I wanted a saxophone but the old dude who ran the music store told my narc mom that saxophones were not for girls. If I had a nickel for all the things I wasn’t allowed to do or discouraged from doing because the were “boy activities and not for girls “, I would be a rich woman.
A big YES. Used to have no self confidence and memory damaged.. Thank Your for your videos on You Tube dear Doctor Ramani. ❤️
I get that, I didn't think memory loss was real until I found out a third family member lived with us for 5 years until I was 7 or 8. I have zero memory of this! I didn't find that out until I was 57! Makes total sense now because they were my supporter and I started having nightmares some time after they left but never knew why. I never knew why I felt close to them when I was older. My parents toxic, they were my lifeline but they moved out. 5 years of a black hole in my memory. I never knew it was a real phenomenon
Wow! Thank you Dr. Ramani for this beautiful message today. Omg!!!! I needed to hear this today. Bless you for all you do in this world to help people. ❤
I have that impostor syndrome. Thank you so much Dr Ramani, peace and blessings to everyone 🙏
It seems you are speaking directly to me. Thank you! I will watch again.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani! Powerful video!
Wow totally needed to hear this right now. Makes sense with all the self doubt self blame perfectionism questioning double checking etc..that I struggle with and work thru. Have dealt with so much gaslighting and emotional abuse that it all makes sense. Learning to trust support praise and validate myself again. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
My narcissistic on and off gf was really good at gaslighting. What a pro. She gaslighted me so hard I would call my mom and friends after an argument to tell them what happened, so when she would try to gaslight me they could recount the events and I could prevent her from gaslighting and distorting the way things went. Her gaslighting so good that when I caught her cheating on me, through pictures of her own phone, I sent them to myself. She denied it being her even tho it was pictures of her on her own phone. I sent the pictures to myself. She called me a psycho for sending the pictures to myself and asked why I did it. I told her “so you won’t gaslight me the next day into thinking I didn’t see what I just saw”.
Why are you still with her? You obviously aren't married to her
Yep. Mine was taking my stuff and selling it. Family heirloom jewelry, expensive kitchen equipment, inherited China etc. He kept telling me I was crazy. So, I baited my bedroom. He took the bait. When I told him someone had been messing with the stuff in my room, he started the usual "you're crazy" routine. When I told him I had baited my room he was absolutely speechless. He immediately got on the phone with the people he had sold the stuff to in an attempt to get it back.
@Sarah Stockholm syndrome I guess. I know at the end of the day it’s my decision to let her back in but it’s also hard to give up on someone who used to be your favorite person. But I’m making my way out. She’s done so much to me the charm is practically nonexistent
@@MarioLopez-yj6snyou are in a trauma bond.
The sooner you can break free the better and don't let her Hoover you back in
That sounds very difficult and upsetting to deal with, I’m sorry that you went through that.
Dr Ramani, you are the empowered Indian mother I never had. Thank you 🙏🏼 ❤
Yes Dr.Ramani, nagging doubts all the time...buried under all the negativity
One of your best video, thanks for sharing 🙏✨
This is all so true; the double checking, the second guessing, the quest for reassurance, the perfectionism, the confusion, and in my case major indecisiveness.
If it helps, it does get somewhat better. Takes a long time and it doesn't go completely but you will start to feel more empowered and trusting within yourself. I had a really awful therapist at one point awful he did me a LOT of harm but one good thing I took was that things I do, that I am 'good enough'. Find yourself there in it, say to yourself 'that's, it's, I'm good enough'. You know why, because it's true. When my house is am tip and im feeling bad with my chronic illness my mother's voice springs in about what am tip it is. Then I do one small job, just cleaning some dishes or something and I say to myself 'well done, you're really poorly, that's good enough' ✌
While trying to figure out my new normal life as a widow, I fear my vulnerability may have opened myself up to more narcissistic abuse among my family members. I expressed I need emotional support, less negativity and combativeness, and some time to think about where and what I want out of my new unwanted life without the love of my life. It wasn’t received well. I should call more, move closer to family, visit more, i’m grieving too long. All the judgements and comparisons.
I feel every argument puts me two steps back from progressing forward in my healing of losing my spouse. I feel in constant fight or flight mode.
Your video helped me see I waste so much time ruminating, give them way to much real estate in my brain but I don’t know how to stop it.
Maybe the best video ever about the effect of long-term narcissistic abuse. Thank you, Dr. Ramani
After learning and healing from 17 years with a narcissist, and seeing the emotional damage done to my now teenage son, helping him heal the best I can, I'm finally finding emotional healing and strength. I believe God led me to the carnivore diet, and although I'm not perfect with it, the peace I have is truly a gift from God. Amen!! ❤
THANK YOU FOR PUTTING A NAME ON IMPOSTER SYNDROME! You are valued, loved, articulate, honest, true, and sincere. I very much appreciate your research and words. Thank you from my thinking, feeling heart!
Thank you for your transparency in giving us examples from your life. There are so many things about me that I thought were broken parts of my personality, but now I see it's from childhood trauma. You are breathing new life into me.
Thank you for being so transparent and honest about your own struggles even today. I’ve been feeling like such a failure for being 49 and still struggling with issues from how my parents treated me.
Divorced and left the passive aggressive covert narcissist June 2017. Living alone with many animals. It has taken 7 years to trust myself
I'm no longer living in perfectionism prison. I accept and live one day at a time happy in the knowledge that I'm pretty much in charge of my life
I run a business which himself never thought would take off. Started with one hour weekly in 2013. Now teaching 16 hours weekly. Group fitness and dance instructor
Thank you for being there for me Dr Ramani. I'm now in a position to help others and through you, maintain some kind of mental health
Absolutely when I was in a depressing relationship. Lots of gaslighting.
very depressing...
One of your masterpiece videos, Dr Ramani!
Thank you for being vulnerable, you un-gaslighed many people with this video.
I thank my higher power for giving me the opportunity to listen to you, and pray for your well-being. Please continue to enlighten this world with your wisdom!
Yes! The stress it causes and a waste of time. Energy consuming!
I feel drained too
I recognize myself in all of this. The self-doubt. The sleeplessness and anxiety that have gotten worse over the years. The perfectionism when it comes to my work along with a resigned ineffectiveness in everything else. The procrastination and difficulty in making even small decisions sometimes like what to wear. The inefficiency, the underachievement, living my whole life alone, at 57 now, without a partner. The low-level obsession/compulsion (a therapist once told me he saw a little bit of that in me, but not enough to make a diagnosis of OCD). And the outbursts of anger at all of this, because I know my life should be better, that have made me feel that I was the narcissist.
I have watched every single video you post, but this one had me in tears the whole way through. Thank you, deeply 🙏
This video wow it made me sad because the psychological effects are exhausting
When I travel I loose enjoyment from checking….id, money, etc. I never have lost anything. I understand this! I ❤your videos. Thanks!
I am you Dr living in another part of the world 😄 we could have been raised by the same family! I learned about the imposter syndrome just today.. thank you so much for your service ❤ Talking to thousands of us and healing us from far away 🙏🏽 God bless 🎊
You realize that you should and can blame the narcissist. Also realize this however: you are living with the feeling that that creates within you. Ask yourself if that is a feeling that you wouldn't like to have eventually at a minimum.
16:38 despite my emotional failures, I am so proud of the positive parenting & support I have given raising my boys.
The dr. Is right, it matters what home a human is raised in and I have given that life advantage to them ❤
You’re telling my story. This has been my life after 30 years married to one and being raised by one thank you for what you do here it’s a great addition to regular therapy EMDR EFT and everything else that we do to you.
I went back to school & narc husband says, “you look cute when you study” & “you better finish after spending all that money on this…”. He second guesses my ability & competence & for years I believed him! No recognition when I completed & got a good job. He is so insecure, he doesn’t even know where I work. He cannot recognize my achievements. Now I have my own money, finally, and am moving out soon into my own apartment.
You opened my eyes Dr. Ramani.
Thank you.
The more videos I watch, the more I understand about myself. Thank you for these!
My Psychological Effects Of Being Gaslighted Where!
1/ I Had Feelings Of Powerlessness
2/ I Had Feelings Of Confusion
3/ Isolation
4/ Disorientation
5/ Low Self Esteem
Narcissistic Abuse Has Destroyed My Life!!
❤
Mine too
Wow, when you said "if i could just get it right"
I once wrote a poem (when I was still married) which included "when i don't say the right things.. maybe one day I'll do all the right things".
And the self doubt still creeps in even after several years. Thank you for making these videos, it's really made a difference.
I bought a medallion which I attached to my shoulder bag as a reminder and touchstone. It reads 'There once was a wise old woman who said 'F*** this shit!'.... and she lived happily ever after'....... and I do!!! Stay strong and on course peeps 'In writing the story of your life NEVER let anyone else hold the pen'. Stay alert and safe. God bless. x Biggest mistake in life.... thinking everyone was like me, policing and developing their inner self, they're not, they don't have the insight or courage to do this, they USE you to balance themselves emotionally. You do have this ability, use it and reject all those who don't.
When you listen to this after being educated about these things and from a simple perspective it sounds so familiar!! Unfortunately it describes things that went on with my parents. My dad said to just try and remember the good things about mum. I have recently been diagnosed with autism which might explain struggles in the past but I think even professionals aren't educated about these things much. The person who diagnosed me said I have problems with my memory. That's just life trauma. I have recently been learning about empaths which is a modern term but accurately describes all the struggles of the past, even addictions. Sorry if this is a long comment, I'm just really passionate about all this and focused on healing now. Thanks DoctorRamini! 😃
It's not my indecisiveness that gets me into trouble, but my decisions. The ones I make to cut my financial losses when I'm being coerced or blackmailed. The results have always been when I choose to save some money up front, I lose more in the long run. And those choices have always been to do something to appease someone who was abusing me.
I found myself second guessing myself a lot until it got to the point where it became more frustrating than having actually been Gaslighted in the relationship. I started trusting my instincts more and checked the Front Door just ONCE instead of five as I left my place. Simple daily routine tasks became doubtful until I faced my truth and trusted in myself. 🍒
Yes, even at almost 80 years old, I'm still full of self-doubt & confusion, after having been through Narcissistic abuse.
This makes a lot of sense. Been gaslighted majority of my life. Explains at one time I thought I had a bit of ocd I use to tap. I Still feel not good enough , I get it. Dr Ramani you insight into narcissistic abuse is fascinating- One hell of a demon to slay.
You save my life every single day. My heart still beats because of you.
Dr. Ramani you are the one that first made me aware of what I was going through when I saw you on a tv interview years ago about gaslighting. I started googling. Now that I know I have been accused of holding a grudge! No I have just figured it out! Thank you Dr. Ramani!❤️
We grow up being gaslighted until we don’t know who we are or what we think. We go to the trauma bonded narcissistic parental relationship to figure these things out. We question our reality, interpretations, perceptions, etc. We question our entire experience of the world and other relationships. We rely on the narcissist for the accurate assessment of our experiences because they’ve effectively shut our self-confidence down. We want to please them. They insult us and compliment us. They insist they see us for who we really are - special and that no one else can see or appreciate us for it. We believe them. We continue to rely on them. We feel horrible when they devalue and discard us. Small scale stuff: I can barely pick out an outfit without asking for reassurance from another. Big deal stuff: I never felt like enough. It’s more than frustrating, and maddening to learn after decades that what you thought was solid wasn’t at all as it seemed to be.
I have symptoms of OCD. Double-triple checking things. Obsessively organizing served a few purposes and I still do it. I realized it helped me ease my chronic anxiety. It’s something within my power to control. Overpacking for simple weekends away is a normal thing. What if I want to wear something else? What if I forget the “just-right-right- outfit?” What if I change my mind. What if I forget something? The effects live on. Undoing this indoctrination that began in childhood in adulthood is quite challenging. I talk this stuff out in therapy, but once a week isn’t enough. It takes so much more work than just therapy.
I constantly second guess what I have done, ex. locking the door, shutting the gate, getting the tag for my truck, etc etc... I have to stay super present in the moment in order to absolutely know I have done it. The damage from gaslighting is so frustrating!!
Omg you’re hilarious Dr Ramani!! I flip quarters myself … but I save found pennies, for good luck and all😅
YES!!! It's so hard to function, I second guess everything.