Capitalism is not a great system. People shouldn't have to struggle financially and depend on creepy dudes to survive. I don't think that's the entire issue here, but nobody should have to scrape by not being unable to take care of emergencies. I know several social workers and shrinks who say they can't help their clients because their problems can only be solved with more money. We honestly need a retooling of the entire field of psychology, psychiatry, and social work.
Single motherhood is lonely and it's tough to not have an ally in life in general but especially as a parent. Sharing intimacy with another person creates a sort of "imprinting" situation, especially for a woman and a woman who needs an ally. The hope gets up that you just might not have to do life alone anymore, you just might have met your person. And any gifts to help out (such as money) or helpful actions just increases all of the above. But then there are red flags. Once imprinted, once vulnerably exposing yourself, once having a glimmer of hope, and with time continuing on (time: creating a "history"), it's not easy to walk away--it's sort of like having identity stollen. If you walk away, you can't get those pieces of yourself back; the other person has those pieces now. As time goes on further, it's hard to admit, "I made a huge mistake." So then, there is the desperation to try to change the person to attempt to make the other person not a mistake. My last relationship, for 5.5 years, was this. And this cat-and-mouse game was how my family of origin was, including my holding out hope for love and caring. I repeated those relationships in partners. Additionally, these types of relationships act out a sort of self-punishment, with the other people providing our deep emotional pain experience from the outside (while we do it from the inside)--even if it's subconscious. Yes, as an empath, it's easy to see people's authentic Selves underneath their dysfunction, corruption, and trauma. But we have to protect that gift, protect our hearts, and save it for the right person. We have to trust our intuition and not let old messages take over (about how wrong we are for needing what we need, wanting to give what we want to give, about how something is wrong with us, that we can't see what we know is there, etc.) To let go of my last ex, I've had to get myself to finally believe that person will never change, will never heal. And I was absolutely wrong for ignoring all the red flags that were there from the start. I was wrong for moving forward with such a person. And I had to allow the "identity" (pieces of me) that this person has of me to die away, cut my losses and start again with humility and self-care. And be willing to be incredibly lonely (and even terrified sometimes). I won't settle again. I know that for sure.
Walk away put yourself first. A guy who calls you trash and garbage is showing you disrespect ,it tells you who he is. Walk away ,show a standard and respect for yourself
Great video! As soon as she began describing the man, I saw red flags. It gave me the chills and flashbacks of my previous relationship of which I’m still recovering from. Learning boundaries is essential. I wish I knew about them when I was younger. I ordered your book “What the Heck Is Self Love” I can’t wait to get it in the mail and start reading it!
The problem with single moms is that they’re used to being that, - a mom. They’re used to being the psychologist for her kids and listener and doer. This is a grown up MAN, it’s not her job to raise him, admonish him, grow him up, help him like he’s family too soon and be patient as if he was one of your kids. She’s already a good person - she doesn’t need to prove anything to him. Or compete with an ex. Red flag two- always talking trash about the ex on dates with a new potential partner. That’s bs. They shouldn’t need to do that. That’s not bonding or opening up. That’s sympathy fishing and making her have empathy for him before she really needed to and perhaps mixing it up with love or affection.
Sadly, some people need to hit rock bottom until they finally look up to get help. She realizing she’s codependent is one thing…the next step is for her to seriously seek counseling. And what she doesn’t realize is that she’s equally as unhealthy as he is.They’re birds of a feather until one or both get counseling and heal. It takes many years, sometimes even decades for some people to learn self love.
New subscriber here. So glad I found your channel. Anyone who would call you trash has no respect nor cares about you in any way no matter what he says afterwards. From what she says about him, it sounds like verbal abuse, which, if continued, can lead to more serious abuse. She has to not even think for one second of getting back with him. I wish her all the love and support that she may need in her journey to help and love herself.❤
Jonathan you are so Correct.... I spent years with a toxic guy. Tell Rachel: you Cannot get the time back. I wrote down what I didn't like about Losing that time. I felt stupid also. BUT.... continuing to try and change him or hoping/praying he will change: NOT going to happen. Trying to change the past is a waste of time. He moved on, and it took me months to regain my confidence and truly love myself again. Best of luck Rachel, but LISTEN to Jonathan, he is giving you the best advice.
Fascinating interaction. She's obsessed with making him change (power struggle) AND then she sucked JA into her trip by wanting him to tell her what to do (how to end it), and then JA became obsessed with trying to make her see her insanity clearly (trying to change her). OMG, my head hurts. This is a classic example of why coaches are NOT therapists. This girl needs deep therapy and no amount of coaching will "fix" her. She has no boundaries. The amount of abuse she's willing to take is astounding.
I know women who have lived her life like she does. They complain about the chaos 24/7, but they choose chaos willingly. I can't have empathy for that.
I don't claim to be a therapist, and if you heard what I said at the end, she needs therapy. My passion is to encourage personal development, self-help, spiritual practices and therapy.
Hi! I’m doing fairly well. I watched parts of this video. It’s hard to watch yourself on video. I appreciate Jonathan’s advice and also from his viewers. It never gets old. Love yourself first.
@RachelAnn777 so good to hear Rachel.😊 Yes, that took courage, you were brave to share and when we are the one in the middle going through it we cannot always see what others see. Many years ago I was in a couple situations myself staying way to long putting up with trash and I just needed to go through it, get hurt and saw it later for what it really was but it took time, everyone is different. Wish I learned earlier in life but at least I learned👍
Yes yes yes!!! Meeting with an honest therapist is how we heal. I did for 3 years. Then I go back when I need it. Why did you chose someone that would treat you in a manner that you don’t like?
Before I read the books and had some psychotherapy for my own issues, I still didn't think it was cool to criticize exes. I thought it was "mean." Like the mom to your kids, someone you need to have a relationship with post divorce for the kids? I didn't get it. Once you get more self actualized you start to see the criticism as them being stuck. Not actualized themselves. Took me years to understand that😢
She needs help. Wanting to go into a dating app so soon after this experience??? 🤔 Taking money from a man??? 🙄 Then furious because he asked for the money... Come on!
Rachel you’re expecting champagne from a guy who’s on a beer income. He has no ambition and the fact he is staying with his Mum at 50 years says a lot too. Your are expecting so much from a guy who’s probably doesn’t know how to properly ‘chase’ a woman. If you don’t put yourself on a pedestal then no guy will put you there. Self care is paramount as Jonathan has said
Rachel finally said the most important thing: "I'm codependent." her behavior is textbook codependent and I only say that because I am a recovering codependent. There is great hope for you Rachel !! the most important thing you can do to change your future relationship is to change your relationship with yourself first meaning get yourself in therapy so that you can become self-aware, learn about your pathologies and childhood programming and in invest in your recovery. then you will be ready to date and not have to stress out over what you already know. Invest in you.
Jonathan, I just got done watching Coffee with the Dog. (Dogs). It was interesting to say the least, it’s refreshing sometimes to listen to a group of men together.
The dude was bad news from the start. He was a bit manipulative and gas lighty. Instead of arguing with him, or getting him to see the error of his ways. She should seek a better suited partner.
The first mistake they made was helping each other out of financial issues...... Never would I loan money or receive money in a relationship that is so young. 5 months...... Way too soon for little or big financial favours. That's just my opinion, I know others will think differently and that's ok.
learn how to have boundaries and don't be wishy washy. It's not hard to tell a person you're not at the same relationship maturity and you will not allow him to call you garbage and should go your separate ways I feel she's not ready to date.
Wow it’s interesting to see the spectrum of comments on here from one end to the other. I am a very deep person and I can see through a person when they care and when they are mean spirited. Jonathan is caring and helpful but his viewers leave a lot to be said. Quick to judge me. Stop and take a good look at yourself in the mirror. You just might find you need to remove the speck from your own eye. To those who showed kindness and support, I wish the same comes back to you 100 fold
You Jonathon you right she is not done with him!!! 🥲🥲🥲 If he called her trash ….. Why is she still in his life garbage??? Especially if he is an addict!!!! Girl!! Wake up!! My last 3 yrs of 15 yrs of relationship and 7 yrs of marriage end up with his tragic death of unknown reason, however everybody knew , including NJ caps how his life ended up!!! Please tell this girl to erase him from her life!!! Just wasting time economy!!! According to my knowledge she is desperate, 3 kids, looking for ???? I guess u Jonathan know !!!
@@JonathonAslay I did survive till the end of her talk !!! Like u said 100% was about this dude !! Was she realizing that she was talking garbage and took her almost an h to end up with no any new lesson about her needy life requirements!! She wasted ur time and her time !!!
Honey, if he loved you, $400 would mean absolutely nothing to him.
A very empowering video. I like how Jonathan guides her to move on.
She shouldn't take a check from a person that only knows for 5 months! Never!
She needs a sugar daddy...
Why not?
Capitalism is not a great system. People shouldn't have to struggle financially and depend on creepy dudes to survive. I don't think that's the entire issue here, but nobody should have to scrape by not being unable to take care of emergencies. I know several social workers and shrinks who say they can't help their clients because their problems can only be solved with more money. We honestly need a retooling of the entire field of psychology, psychiatry, and social work.
I would, Men should support women financially.
@JessicaPolman-i2p if is a husband sure if not, why? And only after 5 months!? That's puts us down!
Single motherhood is lonely and it's tough to not have an ally in life in general but especially as a parent. Sharing intimacy with another person creates a sort of "imprinting" situation, especially for a woman and a woman who needs an ally. The hope gets up that you just might not have to do life alone anymore, you just might have met your person. And any gifts to help out (such as money) or helpful actions just increases all of the above.
But then there are red flags. Once imprinted, once vulnerably exposing yourself, once having a glimmer of hope, and with time continuing on (time: creating a "history"), it's not easy to walk away--it's sort of like having identity stollen. If you walk away, you can't get those pieces of yourself back; the other person has those pieces now. As time goes on further, it's hard to admit, "I made a huge mistake." So then, there is the desperation to try to change the person to attempt to make the other person not a mistake.
My last relationship, for 5.5 years, was this. And this cat-and-mouse game was how my family of origin was, including my holding out hope for love and caring. I repeated those relationships in partners.
Additionally, these types of relationships act out a sort of self-punishment, with the other people providing our deep emotional pain experience from the outside (while we do it from the inside)--even if it's subconscious.
Yes, as an empath, it's easy to see people's authentic Selves underneath their dysfunction, corruption, and trauma. But we have to protect that gift, protect our hearts, and save it for the right person. We have to trust our intuition and not let old messages take over (about how wrong we are for needing what we need, wanting to give what we want to give, about how something is wrong with us, that we can't see what we know is there, etc.)
To let go of my last ex, I've had to get myself to finally believe that person will never change, will never heal. And I was absolutely wrong for ignoring all the red flags that were there from the start. I was wrong for moving forward with such a person. And I had to allow the "identity" (pieces of me) that this person has of me to die away, cut my losses and start again with humility and self-care. And be willing to be incredibly lonely (and even terrified sometimes). I won't settle again. I know that for sure.
She is not ready sadly, to work on herself or let him go
Indeed
Your right
This sounds like such a crazy, toxic situation.
Walk away put yourself first. A guy who calls you trash and garbage is showing you disrespect ,it tells you who he is. Walk away ,show a standard and respect for yourself
Exactly
Great video! As soon as she began describing the man, I saw red flags. It gave me the chills and flashbacks of my previous relationship of which I’m still recovering from. Learning boundaries is essential. I wish I knew about them when I was younger. I ordered your book “What the Heck Is Self Love” I can’t wait to get it in the mail and start reading it!
The problem with single moms is that they’re used to being that, - a mom. They’re used to being the psychologist for her kids and listener and doer. This is a grown up MAN, it’s not her job to raise him, admonish him, grow him up, help him like he’s family too soon and be patient as if he was one of your kids. She’s already a good person - she doesn’t need to prove anything to him. Or compete with an ex. Red flag two- always talking trash about the ex on dates with a new potential partner. That’s bs. They shouldn’t need to do that. That’s not bonding or opening up. That’s sympathy fishing and making her have empathy for him before she really needed to and perhaps mixing it up with love or affection.
100%
Rachel, I hope you are doing better and this person is gone.
Sadly, some people need to hit rock bottom until they finally look up to get help. She realizing she’s codependent is one thing…the next step is for her to seriously seek counseling. And what she doesn’t realize is that she’s equally as unhealthy as he is.They’re birds of a feather until one or both get counseling and heal. It takes many years, sometimes even decades for some people to learn self love.
Exactly
New subscriber here. So glad I found your channel.
Anyone who would call you trash has no respect nor cares about you in any way no matter what he says afterwards. From what she says about him, it sounds like verbal abuse, which, if continued, can lead to more serious abuse. She has to not even think for one second of getting back with him. I wish her all the love and support that she may need in her journey to help and love herself.❤
Jonathan you are so Correct.... I spent years with a toxic guy. Tell Rachel: you Cannot get the time back. I wrote down what I didn't like about Losing that time. I felt stupid also. BUT.... continuing to try and change him or hoping/praying he will change: NOT going to happen. Trying to change the past is a waste of time. He moved on, and it took me months to regain my confidence and truly love myself again. Best of luck Rachel, but LISTEN to Jonathan, he is giving you the best advice.
Fascinating interaction. She's obsessed with making him change (power struggle) AND then she sucked JA into her trip by wanting him to tell her what to do (how to end it), and then JA became obsessed with trying to make her see her insanity clearly (trying to change her). OMG, my head hurts. This is a classic example of why coaches are NOT therapists. This girl needs deep therapy and no amount of coaching will "fix" her. She has no boundaries. The amount of abuse she's willing to take is astounding.
Even therapy won't fix masochism and self-hate.
I know women who have lived her life like she does. They complain about the chaos 24/7, but they choose chaos willingly. I can't have empathy for that.
@@DiamondsRexpensive You have perfect relationships?
I don't claim to be a therapist, and if you heard what I said at the end, she needs therapy. My passion is to encourage personal development, self-help, spiritual practices and therapy.
@@JonathonAslay Agreed. She's not even coachable. You did your best. At 52 yo, it's scary to think this is where some people are.
This video was already posted/aired several weeks ago, duplicate, I hope she is doing much better now.
December 30th
Hi! I’m doing fairly well. I watched parts of this video. It’s hard to watch yourself on video. I appreciate Jonathan’s advice and also from his viewers. It never gets old. Love yourself first.
@RachelAnn777 so good to hear Rachel.😊 Yes, that took courage, you were brave to share and when we are the one in the middle going through it we cannot always see what others see. Many years ago I was in a couple situations myself staying way to long putting up with trash and I just needed to go through it, get hurt and saw it later for what it really was but it took time, everyone is different. Wish I learned earlier in life but at least I learned👍
Yes yes yes!!! Meeting with an honest therapist is how we heal. I did for 3 years. Then I go back when I need it.
Why did you chose someone that would treat you in a manner that you don’t like?
Move on Rachel, he's not worth your time!
He sounds like a user. I’d move on. 🚩
Definitely
I agree comes to a point to choose yourself
Indian Giver? Ouch... Really? That's all I need to know about this person.
Big red flags. 😢 dont date dudes who talk shit about their exes. Five months seems like enough time for this guy. Cut the cord.
Agreed
Before I read the books and had some psychotherapy for my own issues, I still didn't think it was cool to criticize exes. I thought it was "mean." Like the mom to your kids, someone you need to have a relationship with post divorce for the kids? I didn't get it. Once you get more self actualized you start to see the criticism as them being stuck. Not actualized themselves. Took me years to understand that😢
She needs help. Wanting to go into a dating app so soon after this experience??? 🤔 Taking money from a man??? 🙄 Then furious because he asked for the money... Come on!
Taking money from him then telling him she needs space 😬😬😬 sounds to me like she was the problem too
Great Live Jonathon❤ & guest Rachel ❤ Yes good adwize in chatt❤
How could this be live? It was on last night
Rachel you’re expecting champagne from a guy who’s on a beer income.
He has no ambition and the fact he is staying with his Mum at 50 years says a lot too.
Your are expecting so much from a guy who’s probably doesn’t know how to properly ‘chase’ a woman. If you don’t put yourself on a pedestal then no guy will put you there.
Self care is paramount as Jonathan has said
Real. Choose a loser and you get loser treatment.
Yes indeed we meet &greet our inner reflections😅❤ See inwarti ❤
This is insanely TRIE!!!!
Thanks for your videos
Glad you like them!
Who the F did I marry syndrome.
He couldn't come over (after 5 months) because she has 3 teenagers? Why?
I agree
Rachel finally said the most important thing: "I'm codependent." her behavior is textbook codependent and I only say that because I am a recovering codependent. There is great hope for you Rachel !! the most important thing you can do to change your future relationship is to change your relationship with yourself first meaning get yourself in therapy so that you can become self-aware, learn about your pathologies and childhood programming and in invest in your recovery. then you will be ready to date and not have to stress out over what you already know. Invest in you.
Exactly
Omg she keeps complaining but yet
“Indian-giver,” thanks.
Yes
Jonathan, I just got done watching Coffee with the Dog. (Dogs). It was interesting to say the least, it’s refreshing sometimes to listen to a group of men together.
Yes, I agree...
Thanks
Love i ur patient with her❤️❤️❤️👍👍
The dude was bad news from the start. He was a bit manipulative and gas lighty. Instead of arguing with him, or getting him to see the error of his ways. She should seek a better suited partner.
Hello 👋 from Colorado
The first mistake they made was helping each other out of financial issues...... Never would I loan money or receive money in a relationship that is so young. 5 months...... Way too soon for little or big financial favours. That's just my opinion, I know others will think differently and that's ok.
Hi Jonathon. I really enjoy and find things to learn from your hot/love seat videos. Do you have a playlist of all these videos on your channel? 🤗
Is the bio father in the boys life? One man taking on a 52 year old women with 3 sons, what does she expect? Duh !
One reason why she wants to be with him, one good excuse please
yip, been there...x
Yep!
learn how to have boundaries and don't be wishy washy. It's not hard to tell a person you're not at the same relationship maturity and you will not allow him to call you garbage and should go your separate ways I feel she's not ready to date.
Yes, all stupid ... I'm especially good at being stupid.
LoL don't be fooled by flowers
December 30th
Yes
She’s not listening
Ok so all about him is bad! So what's going on here?
Yes.
Wow it’s interesting to see the spectrum of comments on here from one end to the other. I am a very deep person and I can see through a person when they care and when they are mean spirited. Jonathan is caring and helpful but his viewers leave a lot to be said. Quick to judge me. Stop and take a good look at yourself in the mirror. You just might find you need to remove the speck from your own eye. To those who showed kindness and support, I wish the same comes back to you 100 fold
Do u know what is she doing for living!!! I w say that’s her main concept of keeping this dude on her life
That's sad 😔
What I’m seeing is you interrupting her.
That's common
@@JonathonAslay and occasionally required!
I have a guy I am disconnecting w and didn't answer his text. Is that ghosting? I feel like he uses me. I feel sort of bad about ghosting
I am still healing ❤️🩹! It’s been a couple of years!
Me too! You can’t jump from one relationship to the next! She isn’t ready to get out there. No way
You Jonathon you right she is not done with him!!! 🥲🥲🥲
If he called her trash …..
Why is she still in his life garbage??? Especially if he is an addict!!!!
Girl!! Wake up!! My last 3 yrs of 15 yrs of relationship and 7 yrs of marriage end up with his tragic death of unknown reason, however everybody knew , including NJ caps how his life ended up!!!
Please tell this girl to erase him from her life!!! Just wasting time economy!!!
According to my knowledge she is desperate, 3 kids, looking for ???? I guess u Jonathan know !!!
Yes
Can she afford to pay u for this garbage talk of her???🥲🥲
What?,
@@JonathonAslay I did survive till the end of her talk !!! Like u said 100% was about this dude !! Was she realizing that she was talking garbage and took her almost an h to end up with no any new lesson about her needy life requirements!!
She wasted ur time and her time !!!