Your ability to sit down and share all these rather difficult moments of your life with so much humbleness and honesty, is nothing short than extraordinary. Very dignified - Keep going man, you know it's an everyday decision, this is only the beginning of the wonderful life God has planned for you. Thank you for helping me staying strong fighting my own fight.
Wow. Thank you so much for that. I am so excited about my life today. I appreciate you so much for watching these videos and sharing your thoughts. You inspire me, so it goes both ways ❤️❤️🙏
The grief at 15:51 is so palpable, and even though it will likely hurt both of you for a long time, admitting and understanding what was happening when your wife found out is so powerful. I'm sorry you're in so much pain, but I'm proud that you've accepted that particular story in a way that seems to genuinely empathize with your wife - not feeling bad over your guilt but over her loss of her support system. It's rough on you, but it's a good, good sign that you are going to beat this. I've been around with opiates a few times, it really sucks esp as a professional, there's so much more work to concealment. But that's just a good reason for me to stay away! Luckily my chronic GI disorder cannot handle most drugs, when your guts just scream if u take an opiate, it does tend to discourage it lol! I'm even terrified of shrooms, so hard to digest lol.
I just finished CNA certification. I have 2.5 years sober and am so freaking grateful I get to do this work. I remember all the times I landed myself in the hospital in active addiction and it's cool to be on the other side now taking care of people. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You're on a hero's journey.
I am a mom with little kids who got sick and was in the hospital for a bit. The best person there was the cna. At first I was slightly weirded out that he was a guy but omg…he made all the difference in the world to me. He was so happy and kind and made the biggest difference. You are super important. Do your best and don’t let those witchy old ladies get you down. They don’t know they are a total pain in the ass. 😜 😜
My son, 38 a heroin addict since age 15, survived several overdosis..on 26 July 2023 he relapsed, ovedosed and suffered brain anoxia, not sufficinet oxygen to the brain, too long unconscious, he lost his short term memory...his wife and kids are gone, we now have a grown up confused child we take care of. He is my son so we dont give up. Dont hate the addict. No one is born and dreams of becoming an addict...addiction is real, it takes over the mind, soul and destroys. Wishing you recovery, heroin is the devil. I love my son, I hate heroin.
This breaks my heart. I am so sorry that you have had to endure such suffering. I am the same age as your son (soon to be 38). This really cuts me to the core. I wish there was something I could do. My heart goes out to you and your family ❤️❤️
Depends on what they do while they are under the influence. There are things someone in those circumstances does that I won’t forgive. Ever. I don’t care if they get better. They lost family privileges after what they did.
Internal Medicine nurse for 5 years and addiction almost ended my career completely. As it was starting to become obvious I was unhealthy to other staff members. I never took or stole from or injured patients but I could have. This is the first time I’ve ever shared this as I’m typing. Two months ago I luckily had another chance to get my license back. In the mean time I’ve been working as a nursing aid. Which is hard on me seeing nurses doing the job I love everyday. But I go to work everyday and try my best to smile and use the pain of loosing my dream job to get it back. This weekend I will retake the nursing exam. I have been completely sober for 6 months, and will take the test this Sunday. Watching videos like this made it possible 💖
You are totally gonna be the best nurse for having gone through what you did. You have the power of true compassion on your side. I have total faith in you! You will kill it. Thank you so much for sharing this. We are all rooting for you! ❤️❤️❤️
@@MsRotorwings I took a year off after I was let go, and did not pay for my license for that year, so I have to reapply. I’m from Toronto, Canada and here we have to take 2 exams, the jurisprudence exam and the NCLEX. I just have to redo the jurisprudence one because they changed it since the first time I wrote it. 🥲
I appreciate your honesty. This is a trigger for me. I too was an RN 26 years ago (wow it's really been 26 years 😭). What's most important is I've wanted to be a nurse my entire life. I think I was about 10. My favorite shows were Marcus Welby MD, and Emergency 911. When I'd go with my mom to the hospital to visit her friends I LOVED the smell. One hospital had a program called Candy Stripers. You had to be 14 and would do things like pass ice etc. Couldnt wait until I was 14. It took me many tries to get to nursing school. I would take all the prerequisites at night one class at a time. I'll cut to the chase. After just 4 years of nursing I had a badly infected tooth. That started my addiction. If I had only known then I would have never taken one. Following that I had a bad case of shingles. Working at the hospital I was diverting but my patients still got their meds (I'm not going into how I did it) I was eventually caught and was suspended for 3 months. I had to do random pee tests. Got caught not doing them in time because I would wait a day or 2 and just give an excuse as to why. Eventually i was suspended for 3 years. One of the worst parts were I never tried to get them. Pills were too important and I could never stop using. So much time had passed that I felt like I'd never get them back anyway so why try🤷🏼♀️. Back in the late 90s there no such thing as Suboxone and addiction wasn't prevalent like it is today. I felt like I would only be judged and that I'd never find a job given my past. I've been off them for 12 years. When I say I think about it every day I mean EVERYDAY. Many times more than once a day. Its something I will never go away. I get a physical reaction when i think about it. My 31 year marriage ended because of it. When people say "just stop" they have NO idea how how hard that is. Even when you've chosen addiction over your dream you've had since you were a little girl. Only us addicts know what we've been through and the guilt we carry. Thanks for putting your story out there. And hey, if you ever want to have a guest on...I'm the one 😂😂😂
I have 14 years off heroin and alcohol, thank God! 🙌🏻 I have a questions...HOW did you stop using when there was no suboxone (detox put me on it)?? Was there anything that helped the cravings? Thank you for sharing! I'm happy you are here, and I'm proud of you for getting clean 12 years ago. Be proud of yourself! ❤ sending you hugs 🤗
As a retired RN I need to say, “there but by the grace of God go I.” Nursing is a wonderful yet extremely stressful profession. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. May the rest of your life be blessed and beautiful!
(Self harm warning) I wasn’t addicted to drugs or alcohol, but I struggled with self harm addiction for 10 years. I started when I was 8, it was minor thing, but spiraled very quickly into daily routine, spending hours doing it, $20 a month for new tools, teaching myself how to do stitches, massive infections, and muscle depth wounds. At my worst, my clean blades were taken away. I could not go more than 2 hours without harming because I would go into full panic attacks. I ended up desperately searching the dumpster for blades. I found one, it was rust covered and probably had more diseases than I want to know. I used it for three weeks. I didn’t care what happened in the long term, I just wanted that momentary relief. That relief that got harder and harder to reach every time. I was admitted into a psych ward for three months after my worst wound because severely infected and lead to permanent nerve damage in my hand. I’m lucky I didn’t lose my forearm with the amount of tissue death. Now to anyone wondering, why would you do this to yourself?? It was the only way I could cope with my mental state. If I had physical pain, it would distract me from the mental pain. I’m 19 now, I’ve been 90% clean for the past year, I’ve only had a few relapses. Being medicated for my OCD and ADHD has been literally lifesaving. Thank you for talking about your own struggles and for being honest and candid. You’re not alone, so many people understand in one way or another.
Please try and optimise your physical health, at the very least vitamin D and lots of vitamin C and the best nutrition you can. If you can manage walks in peaceful and beautiful places that is also healing. May love be your foundation and strength.
Thank you for your honesty. As part of the addiction recovery community in San Diego, I believe it's important for the general public to understand the dynamics of addiction and the ways it manifests. It's only through knowing people who have succumbed to the disease, and then come back, that we can truly understand this disease and conquer it. God bless you.
It is also possible to use responsibliy. There is a black doctor that is a really smart PHD and everything and he uses Heroin. He just limits himself and has it under control. Some times people just take to much too often and need to dial it back a bit.
I hope you're being fully honest. Recovery means total abstinence and restitution. If you harmed anyone during your drug fueled days, have you made restitution? Seems that far too many recovering drug addicts miss this important responsibility when exposing their addiction journeys on social media. Worse, potential employers could decide against hiring you, so if you wish to be hired, do not use social media and incriminate yourself. 450 thumbs-up will not guarantee employment and the permanence of your public 'recovery' record on RUclips or FaceBook could make your life more difficult.
Your channel will definitely help someone. Please believe that. I was a registered medical assistant, doing my Dream job!!!! First one in my family to graduate high school, first ti graduate college. I absolutely loved my job. I should have gone to prison for forging opioid prescriptions. This was before they were electronically filled. In and out of rehab 5 times. Some were filthy, disgusting places, some were posh resort like. My final time was when I was in a car accident and nearly killed my granddaughter. I'm now 7yrs clean. It will take one day at a time, sometimes literally one hr at a time. It can be done. REMEMBER THIS......DO IT FOR YOURSELF, NO ONE ELSE. YOU WILL UNDERSTAND LATER AS TO WHY.
I was a D/A counselor and also HEAVILY addicted to Oxy's, Xanax, and Fentanyl. I also ended up in Prison & had to rebuild my life from the ground up. It's possible and my life is way better today. Been clean for over 10 years now.
That's awesome, good for you. Glad you're doing so well after all that addiction. I know the fentanyl is mixed with tranq in certain places today. Tearing peoples bodies apart. Maybe even worse addicted to be today than ever before. It's brutal to see what drugs and addiction are doing to people. Did prison help you get clean? Someone I was once friends with is in jail as of 2 days ago, fentanyl and crack addict. He tried to not show up for court, but they got him recently. He has all kinds of larceny and theft type charges pending, and maybe a drug charge as well. I haven't talked to him personally in years. He violated probation, and also a condition of the court and won't avoid prison this time, he has before since his father is a cop, but not this time. Do you think his chances of getting clean in prison are good? You did amazing and got clean, so I was curious about your opinion, thanks.
Very happy for you things are better. It took a lot to become a DA, sorry you had these life obstacles. I can’t wait to be in a way better position. I was on oxy for a long time while working for the government and working on a PhD. I ruined a lot. I’m trying to build it back now.
@@itiskismet8286 Thanks! My life was a mess. You can do it too! It didn't help that I had multiple doctors willing to give me anything I wanted. I'm also a college graduate with a degree. Addictions doesn't care who you are or what you do. I looked clean cut & spoke well but that was all part of my manipulation when I was using. Keep going! It will get better!!!
Interesting. Thank you for your testimonial. My mother was a RN head nurse in Texas. She was brilliant. She worked 16 hr shifts six days a week. I caught her self injecting narcotics one day while I accidentally walked in on her She died an alcoholic and a junkie. She was an amazing nurse She was a horrible mother. My two older brothers died of heroine overdoses in their thirties. I am 63 year female. I have made peace with my mother. May she Rest In Peace.
I lost my son to an accidental overdose in 2016. The biggest eye opener to me was that rehab really offered no answers. Never addressed the reason he started using in the first place which of course was trauma. I'd love to hear about how you dealt with your core reason for using. He was an awesome musician and had such a bright future. You are so blessed to have such great support in your life.
I’m so sorry for your loss sending you hugs & prayers 🙏🤗🥰 i can only say that trauma is a main reason ppl start using but, some trauma could be small to some of us or it could be terrible abuse. I guess what I’m trying to say is Some trauma is silent. I hope you remember all the good about your son💖
I think that is the biggest flaw in the way our society thinks about addiction. It’s a chronic illness, and it’s going to need chronic, lifelong treatment and management. This idea of going away and coming out transformed after 28 days is just not the way it works. The insurance companies need to get on board with science. I’m sorry about your son and I hope you are able to smile when you think of him and that you are also taking care of yourself.
I am so sorry for your loss I too lost my 24-year-old son in 2017 to fentanyl overdose he had been to rehab twice and sober, living for quite a while but at home he just couldn’t get anywhere. He had just gotten his drivers license. He was so close to getting his GED I watched him struggle but I felt I could only do so much. It felt like everything and everyone was against him. He couldn’t get anywhere. I just kept telling him he had to keep moving forward just keep going. Ultimately he didn’t make it. 😢🙏hugs from Ethan’s mom
Same with one of my friends who got addicted to heroin- rehab never got down to the core of WHY she was an addict. And she had been to rehab 3 or 4 times.
I am an ICU nurse and I have seen addiction many times over the years from nurses. Two of those good nurses died, one from a fentanyl overdose, and the other from suicide. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story. I know it will help addicts and those trying to understand addicts.
I received my RN license at 6 years sober.. and subsequently I work in substance abuse (with no intention of doing so when I was in nursing school). How life works out! 12 years sober now and full of gratitude for the life I’ve been given. God bless you and those who suffer from substance abuse in the medical field. We do recover!
You would make an exceptional addiction counselor or something similar. The way you describe what you’ve gone through has given me a deeper understanding of how an addicted mind functions. It’s clear to me that you have done an immense amount of inner work, and you should be so proud of yourself for that! You’re a great story teller and I think you can help many people come to terms with their own. “I’ve been able to distill humanity down to two types of people; those who blame and those who take responsibility” Bedros Keuilian
I agree that he would make a great addiction counselor. He could even specialize in helping nurses and other health care professionals. I believe he has great potential for a beautiful life ahead.
I'm addicted to alcohol. It's so hard to admit this but I am so proud of you. Opening up leaves a person vulnerable. Talking about it is so hard. Ty for sharing your story. I hope your you stay clean ❤
Watching my 35 year old son drink himself to death. Should of never let him move in. I feel worn out & depressed just being around him. He lives here for free, (doesn't pay rent like he promised), and doesn't really respect me at all. 😞
If this isn’t something you’ve already considered I would highly recommend looking into naltrexone. I severely struggled with alcohol addiction for close to 9 years with multiple attempts along the way to get it under control, which would never last. Taking naltrexone was the only thing that truly helped me to break out of the cycle of cravings and inability to stop drinking and one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. From my experience with medical professionals and researching online it doesn’t seem like this is a super common treatment recognized for alcohol abuse and I really hope it becomes better known in time and is able to help others the way it has helped me. I’m really sorry for what you’re going through, and wish you the very best ❤️
@@smileyone1612I feel you same here with 40 yr old daughter with a 5 yr old. I feel my GD needs me too much as her Dad was very violent to my daughter. Poor little thing is in the middle. It be better if I had custody & tell the parents to just go fix themselves. Maybe I wouldn't be soo exhausted listening to the parents BS & could focus on the child.
I've never used it, but I've always thought that Kratom seems like a very risky gateway drug. Is there anything else about that aspect you'd like to expound on?
@@scytheviper2748 Kratom made me lose my hair, made my anxiety 50 times worse, I would wake up in the middle of the night and have to dose just to get rid of the withdrawal symptoms, which were shaking, sweating, nausea, horrid anxiety, restlessness/skin crawling, etc. It made me lose sex drive, made my intestines so screwed up because it constipates you, it made me irritable, it made my skin like yellowish almost, it made me lose a ton of weight because of gut problems caused by taking it daily, I could go on and on. It should definately be illegal everywhere IMO.
Thanks for sharing Brian, i can sense the beautiful and sensitive soul you are, which will help you immensely im sharing your story and helping others. I am fellow recovering meth and heroin addict, now a Psychiatric nurse with lots of beautiful things in my life i owe to sobriety, God and my own hard work. I pray your own recovery brings you much future joy and love and God bless you for being so brave in telling your story... your story will touch many others im sure.
Veterinarian has the highest number of su i c de of any profession as of 2024. No doubt many are accidental. Combine the stress of the profession, there are many, with access to the medicine cabinet, it's a difficult thing. Glad you made it through.
I am not an addict myself however my Dad was actually a heroin, meth, crack pretty much every substance you could think of addict. For years I failed to understand why. He had a mental health disorder but I failed to understand the psyche of an addict and I truly lacked empathy- as a teenager when this was all happening I just thought “he can just stop using, it’s his choice”. It is so easy for a non addict to say that and I know now that it is never ever that simple. My Dad passed away a couple of years ago, and watching your videos helps me to understand, I am so glad that you’re still here to tell your story. You are truly helping so many people, this brought me to tears, thankyou. Please be proud of yourself you have come so far, good luck on your journey.
Man I’m so sorry :( .. I have an issue myself and I’ve been in a car accident I caused, with my kids in the car and. I permanently disabled my ankle :/.. but I kept using .. I’ve been doing good lately but man the desire to use is so overwhelming and being stressed having my two smalls kids is always an excuse I try to give myself .. but I’m really really trying :( and I’m doing it for them.. I don’t want them to speak of me in past tener for sonething I’ve caused like the car accident :( .. I am sorry that you lost your father , I hope you can say a little prayer for me I’m really struggling I hate the way it’s so stuck inside of my brain .. I literally dream about scoring :( xo take care
@@melissamartinez3593 Thankyou. But I am so proud of you for at the very least trying, it has to start somewhere the journey of recovery will be hard, but your kids need you and I promise they will be so grateful for your efforts in the future. Right now it seems hard but you won’t look back in a couple of years time when you’re healthy and your kids are safe with you.
Your empathy and understanding of addiction, even when it directly hurt and affected you growing up with your dad, is just so refreshing and nice to read. If all non addicts had your compassion and understanding, what a difference it could make in helping addicts all over the world ❤
My son started using everything in high school. Iv drug user, pills n heroin. He overdosed once n his friends did cpr n after he started breathing they left him. He called me at 3am n said he can’t keep breathing. I found him n he was in the hospital for 3 days. I married a dr and he went through all the classes so he could prescribe medication to help my son . Thank God. My son is now 33, 3 kids just bought a house on property and engaged to his kids mom. He never got arrested for anything thank God. A lot of his friends are dead or in prison or are just wasting their lives it was the hardest years of my entire life when he was using. I loved him n all my kids so much I couldn’t do tough love. I kept him really close to me so I wouldn’t loose him. It worked. He’s a good young guy man . I thank God everyday for protecting him n giving him the strength to save his life.
I’m sorry no one has answered your reply perhaps if you put the persons name and this symbol before it, @ they will get back to you. I do not have an answer, but I hear your concern.
I was put on consent pretty early on for failing a drug test. That was 10 years ago. My entire life flipped upside down, changed my life completely. My marriage also ended. It was the best thing that happened to me. I didn’t see it then but I do now.
I was a charge nurse in the ICU one night about 9-10 years ago when I heard a loud thump like a body hitting the floor. Panicked I ran from room to room thinking a patient had fallen out of bed. All the patient were in bed. I had nurses running around and then it hit me, the sound came from the staff bathroom in the back hallway. I ran to the bathroom and knocked on the door, no answer, attempted to open the door, it was locked. I couldn’t figure out who was in there. I started to hear some movements. Ran to the crash cart looking for the emergency key. Found the key, opened the door, found a new nurse still on orientation ex military officer, on the floor who had been injecting propofol to get high. He came so close to never waking up again. He had been doing it frequently apparently. Started with opioids but apparently once it gets too hard to steal opioids or the opioid addiction gets too much, they switch to propofol. Most common in ICU and OR staff. Up to this point I didn’t even know propofol could cause a euphoric response. But the catch is once you chase the euphoria, it’s just before unconsciousness. I was sooo angry and sad. Looking back he would disappear quite a bit and then show up and have these crease marks on his face in the shapes of little squares. I thought he was disappearing to sleep and it was from his keyboard. Turns out it was from the little tiny porcelain tiles on the bathroom floor. That’s how often he was doing it. Never being exposed to addicts I had no idea . Later I finished my NP and went to work at the State prison and really got my introduction to addiction. But I will Never forget that first time.
@@dohabandit That's just messed up. Addiction is no excuse for that, no excuse for ANYONE to do that ever. That's cruel. Sorry that happened to you, that's awful. Special place in hell is right.
I met surgeons, DEA agents, teachers, cops...so many others. Addiction touches every job and every class. Drug addiction is hard to wrap your head around if you have never felt it. You think to yourself "why don't they just stop?" It's not that easy. I was clean for over 10 years ..then I got into a very bad motorcycle accident where they had me on pain killers every 4 hours and morphine shots 2-3 times a day. I spent a week in the hospital and then 3+ months needing to be waited on for everything I needed to do and physical therapy. I thought I was rock solid in my sobriety....this wasn't a broken finger that I nursed to get meds....I had no choice but to take them. I relapsed. I am now clean for about 1.5 years. A split second can change your life forever.
So so sorry. To kick it once is a.great feat. Twice. Man you are awesome. Stick to it. I know. I've relapsed three times six years this January '24. Why doesn't she just stop. Why don't I stop. Shit if we knew there'd be no drug addiction. Kudos to you buddy. Motorcycle accidents are the worst too.
@@kathyfrancis9229 that's the million dollar question " why don't they just stop"...if only we knew! It is possible though. It's hard but it's worth it in the end. I hope your journey is a success!
One thing I have found about the "working" drug addicts where they can go to work and function reasonably normally they tend to work high stress jobs it just I find " working" addicts then to be in high stress jobs and sometimes especially in physical labor jobs some of the better workers especially if you are willing to push past the fact they are addicts (used to work tree trimming and that company was considered on of the best companies in terms of price and quality for the employees good pay and decent benefits and they didn't drug test every because 50% were full blown addicts and then the other 1/2 smoked pot and drank In moderation I liked it at the time as I could smoke pot at work and nobody cared one guy was ripping meth lines off of his saw the other had a canteen full of vodka it was so dangerous yet for nearly 20 years nobody got seriously hurt
I am in the medical field and I am addicted. I had 9 years of sobriety from opiates and all other substances. I started this job and i am always exhausted both emotionally and physically. So my addict brain said hey lets go and get something to wake up. Sooo yeah that one decision had made my life one where i only think of how to get more. I DO NOT want to live like this. My Fiance is so affected and full of so much worry and concern over this addiction. He is not aware that I haven't stopped. I am so full of shame and I so want to be free of this noose around my neck. I appreciate ur story.
30 year veteran nurse here - bravo to you for sharing your story. Wishing you continued strength in the better days ahead. Addiction is real; recovery is possible.
I scrolled into this channel, listening to this man. his story is profoundly heartfelt. Within days he lost his immediate family, then soon afterwards went to prison. What’s truly amazing about this is how he put himself together, paid the consequences, and now he’s giving back what he’s has been given to others. Creating his channel and sharing his story with others. Kudos!
Nurses are amazing and I want to say thank you to all of them! I was dx Type 1 in 1977, so my whole childhood was nurses and hospitals. My mom’s best friend from high school was a nurse and let me practice giving her injections! In 2021 I fainted and broke my neck and lost all function below the collar bone. Nurses are simply some of the best people I have ever met. Thank God I never have had an addiction problem, but my mom is 36 years sober and my husband is 13 years sober.
You are an empath my friend.... most addicts are. Its a blessing and a curse. I dont have an addiction but I follow your page because the mental health aspect of it I find interesting and also the real and raw emotion. Most people cant share such a private and profound part of their life so openly to where the audience feels it. Well done on your recovery and channel.
I blatantly saw ER nurses switch my morphine to saline. The second time was just this past January when I was very ill with a ruptured colon obstruction. Nobody believed me until four horrible, long hours later when I was transferred to my room. I want to be angry at you, but I can't. You are sincere and intelligent. You also did not steal from patients. I understand the addiction process better. You don't plan on this! Im glad you are doing so well.
Wow! How horrific! I don't worry about pain control anymore because I drink a tea, leaf and water, not extracts. Even stopped my iv and it worked better. I've had 8 yrs free.
I've had pharmacists do this with my pain medication. I started counting them as soon as I got them because I was always short. So when I counted them, 15 were missing. They wouldn't do anything, telling me I've already left. My only option is to sit right there at the counter and count them.
I am opiod dependent. I dont say addict anymore because i dont abuse them like i use to. Anyway. I use to run out of my meds early and id go to the hospital to try to get a few to get me through. I ran into a nurse who was so kind to me, he said i understand sweetie, i couldn't make it through the day without mine too. I'll never forget him. He treated me like a human.
i wish you nothing but a happy and safe life and i hope if opioids stay in your life that youre doing them in regards to your personal health and safety. and i hope more people show you their compassion in time.
Well there is a big difference between dependency and addiction. If you are actually using the medication for pain then you should not let other telling you are a addict. Basically a true addict cannot control their doses. For example people are dependant on food but someone 600 pounds is addicted to it. Addiction is a mental illiness and the addict uses the substance or behavior to feel emotional better. Well there is nothing wrong with a glass of wine. The problem is when we just want to numb our life instead of living or tolarating it. When things are going well people have better things to do then be high or drunk all day. Another things you have to watch out for is many people may get off the drug and find another addiction. I known a lot of drug addict that ended up getting assicted to exercise. At first it was good and then they got into body building and since they like how they felt and look and got obsessed with that. One thing addicts want is more. One is never enough. So the person may peak with their natural body or they want to speed up the process and then they get into steriods. But if you want to see some in action of a addictive personality, it is Mike Liddell. First he was addicted to meth, then fame as Mr PIllow now he's addicted to Donald Trump and the 2020 election as falls down to a different bottom. Rudy Giuliani is an alcoholic and Trump is a speed addict so lots of people are addicted to something. In fact I think we are all a little addicted to something.
My mom was dependent on T3s for years. She just couldn’t make it through the day without a pill… or a few. I always called her an addict. At the end she had cancer and i understood she needed it then and I wish I had treated her better during that time. Thank you for your comment. I will never call her an addict again. She was just dependent. ❤
Your addicted honey. Please get help before you end up like me. I statement on opiods and then more. Fourty years and I'm worn out tired and worse. I have nothing.
Fair play for sharing your story. I've been battling with heroin addiction for 8 years. Currently on a methadone script so I don't crave the heroin anymore.. High five to you dude. Keep on keeping on dude. X
I love how you say that when you’re addicted, you don’t think about what’s going to happen in the future. You just focusing on the moment you’re in, right now. Let me just do what I need to do right now and I’ll deal with the rest later. It’s so true. That’s exactly what being addicted is.
I have chronic severe depression and your message about needing to get better for yourself really made an impact on me. I’m the same way; I feel like I don’t deserve to be selfish in any way because I already feel selfish and I absolutely hate myself for the way I am. I don’t have any compassion for myself so for now I was telling myself that the illness has affected so many people around me that I was telling myself that I owe it to others to get better, that I need to get better for everyone around me. I hope to get to where you are at mentally to be able to want to get better for me. Thanks so much for being brave and vulnerable, and as a result imparting this very powerful message.
I also had severe chronic debilitating depression for most of my life. I ended up with an inflammatory bowel disease and changed my diet to a whole food plant based one that was gluten, dairy, preservative and refined sugar and sweetener free… it was very challenging at first but it turned out that not only did it help my gut but also my brain and my asthma too. The inflammation and toxicity in my body massively decreased and nutrients increased and I have not had depression now for 8 years. My energy levels are also so much better and I even want to exercise now which helps even more with my mood. Hope this info helps you.
I appreciate that. It’s very difficult not to have judgement for people who are in addiction. Even after everything I’ve been through and everything I have put others through, it is still difficult today for me to not be judgmental towards people close to me who are in active addiction. I am honestly surprised at myself when I am finding that difficult. So it’s really really hard. I am glad that you found this helpful. Thank you 🙏
Brian, I am a recovering alcoholic/addict, sober over 10 years. I GET IT. We start for one reason or multiple reasons, which is voluntary. But for those of us with the genetic propensity and/or a traumatic past then takes over, at which point it's no longer voluntary. It takes that moment of clarity that makes us face ourselves and know that there's another way to live. Some people, of course, never get to that moment, so it's jails, institution, and death. Anyway, thank you for sharing your story. You'll have helped at least one person and probably more than one.
This resonated. Both childhood trauma and genetics at play here, it can indeed make for a terrible force- thankfully I chose therapy over drinking. Been sober about 20 years now, but it took a hard toll on me as a teenager. Sad to see how some of my friends didn't have the family support I did, and ended up in jail.
Yep. As sad as it is I couldn't quit drinking for my kids. Which is normal, but how sad for them to know that. And it is about fixing yourself in the moment. Hair of the dog to stop the shakes. Drink at lunch to fix the withdrawal headaches and then only buying enough for 2 drinks when you get home so you don't get hammered. Then drinking and driving to the store because that never works and you need more. Saving a drink for the bedside table for when you wake up at 3am you can get back to sleep. What a terrible life.
I came out of alcohol rehab a month ago and this all is too familiar to me. I found myself in this horrible loop - drinking at midday to beat the hangover from the day before, intending on just having 'enough' to stop the hangover and telling myself I'd stop drinking around 6pm, sober up and have an early night so I wouldn't be hungover the next day but by 5pm I was drunk and would buy more on the way home and in up in the exact same situation the following day. Such a terrible, terrible cycle.
Well done Brian! I couldn't listen as so close to my story but mine was alcoholbut same thing!! But i managed to save my nursing career! No rehab support here in UK so paid it all! Full support from me and i really want to open up and share my story however cannot as still in nursing! Will do one day! 😢 sending love from UK and i have been over to your friend's channel and the song is amazing! Full support xx
I am in a similar circumstance with the criminal justice system now. Things I want to share but don’t feel like I should do so until I am done with my sentence. Soon I will. Good for you for having the strength to get yourself help (and fund it yourself! That’s crazy!). You obviously have so much strength. I admire you. It’s so cool that you are communicating from the UK 🥰 I love that. Thank you for checking out Lindsay and the Cheeks! They are so great! (Joel is the guitarist wearing the hat 🙂). ❤️❤️❤️
@SmilesforMiles2024 I admire you for speaking up! Completely understand how you are feeling! Apart from your jail sentence, K didn't experience that but I know it's scary! Your doing amazing and you my inspiration! Keep going you will able to have a life once your tag is off! And yes I am in UK! I watch alot of USA youtube and you popped up so the algorithm is working!! I started my channel but nothing happened!! So don't bother with it! Keep in touch!
@@NurseJanice nothing happened for me for like 8 months. If you just keep posting it will work. You’ve got another sub from me. I’m going to go check out your channel! 🙂🙂
You are remarkably strong. Later never comes when we are addicted to ANYTHING. You're not alone and keep up the good work. You inspire my own journey of recovery.
I am so happy your video popped up. I am a retired Substance Counselor from a 180 bed rehab and detox and miss every day of working. You shared the path of addiction 100%. I am going to pass your channel on to others. God bless you and thanks for sharing.
This video popped up in my recommendations and I just subbed. I do not know an addict and have never been myself, but I just wanted to commend you on your courage to share your story. The pain in your voice while sharing your story and the ownership of your mistakes is so genuine. I'm wishing you all the best as well as any current or former addicts that you are able to help alonf your journey.
Brutally honest. I needed to hear this. My love and hope to you. I’m struggling. So far under anyone’s radar. I hate my poison yet make so many bargains with it and myself. Stay clean young man. Your future depends on it.
Really grateful to have found your channel about a half hour ago. This video hits deep on so many levels for me. Will def check out the song of the week now! Thanks for saving your buddy, Joel!
I was a Lead Pharmacy Tech for 7 years…. With an IV Fentanyl addiction… Was also hiding it from my partner at the time. So I can very much relate. I’ve been sober for a year now thanks to MAT recovery, after I almost died from sepsis. It really helps when people like us connect with eachother to keep eachother strong, it really is a day by day battle. Thank you for sharing your story💕 would love to speak with you!
I'm not in the medical field, but I do work in a major Detroit area hospital in the EVS department. The 1st time I got clean, I had 10 years. But now, I'm coming up on 4 years clean again and I am so grateful for it. It went from a legal pill prescription, to street pills, to heroin, to heroin and crack. I love you for sharing your story with the world ❤. Keep your head up 👊
First of all, how many times have you been told that you look like Jason Bateman 🤣😆I’m a nurse with a year and a half of sobriety. Man I gotta tell you how much it means to hear your story. For some reason it just hits home in a different way to hear it from another nurse. ❤
Thank you for sharing that story with us. You’re a very good story teller. I can tell it was really rough for you in spots to keep going.. but you did. I appreciate you. Have a great week.. hope to hear from you soon.
As a nursing student, I participated in a NA/ AA type meeting for health care workers. Nurses, doctors, dentists, all addicted and who had lost their licenses when they got caught. Mostly for diverging narcs. It’s more common than we think. One particular nurse told her story, she would go home and drink a whole bottle of vodka to relax. Then it got to the point she was going to the liquor store during her lunch break. Another one was saving little drops of Propofol for herself. We are under so much pressure. It’s vital to find healthy coping mechanisms. I understand and I support you ❤
I wish I could give you a hug 💔 This makes me so grateful you made it through this. My very close friend got addicted to meth and has gotten so bad and I don’t even know where she is or even know if she is still alive anymore because she has not lived in one place in so long and doesn’t have a phone or anyway to contact her. I’ve tried so long to try to find her but it’s like she disappeared. I guess when you sleep on peoples couches and use others phones and don’t have any social media it’s hard to find someone. She has been to jail once that I’ve found but after she got out she disappeared somewhere in Texas or Arizona. No one that knew her before knows where she is 😭 Her brother passed away and no one could contact her to tell her so she could come to his funeral. It’s so devastating because we have all tried to help her but she doesn’t what our help and doesn’t ever contact any of us in so many years. I miss her so much and I wish she could see this and have a break though but I can’t even send it to her 💔💔💔 I hope someone that is in her life now can help her and she will finally come out of the drug haze and she will contact me or someone that knows and loves her and she comes back. I’ve seen so much of her decline when I tried to help her when she moved in with me before she ran away to Texas or Arizona again and it just makes me so grateful that you are strong enough to stay sober and make a new life for yourself because I can see how difficult it can be once you go down the hard drugs road, because I also watched two of my cousin go through back issues and get on heroin after their doctors wouldn’t help them with the addiction that became of the pain medications they were prescribed and unfortunately they both passed away from heroin overdoses around 10 years apart. It was devastating to see my sweet Aunt lose her two only sons to heroin and not be able to stop it from happening. So you are an inspiration to me. Please stay strong and take care of yourself and if you need someone that has seen it from the other side and is empathetic, I’m her for you 💕
I appreciate you writing this so much. It is so sad, and so hard to watch. Even though I’ve been through it myself it’s still hard for me to watch other people in my life go through it, because there is so little I can do to help, even with all of the things that I have experienced. My heart goes out to you, your family, and your friend. I hope you find her. Thank you so much for sharing this with us all 🙏❤️❤️❤️
My partner’s grandfather (who was basically his second dad, he was very close to him) passed one week after his actual father had died, and on the morning of his funeral, I bailed & went to get high instead. I still regret it so much. I went to rehab a few months later, May 2022, and am still sober now. But man, all the things that you look back on later, thinking, “why wasn’t this enough to jolt me into changing?” I kept using after a DUI, numerous ODs, including one at work that I’m lucky didn’t get me fired. It’s never enough, until one day, it finally is. You explained addiction really well, for non-addicts. My partner always got so frustrated when I seemingly ignored my life falling apart, so I could go get high. I WAS worried sick about it, but my addict brain was also telling me, “get high first, then you can deal with this situation”. Obviously I didn’t deal with anything…once high, you dgaf about anything. And I’d do that every single day, always planning to do it one more time & stop. Ahhh delusion😂
Yep, that all sounds so familiar. lol. I guess addiction is pretty darn predictable when we are in it. We all do a lot of the same shit. Thank you so much for sharing that. It helps to read it. Sounds like we went through similar things. You are awesome. I hope you are doing well today :)
Hello my friend Brian!! Non addicts tend to refer to us as making these "choices" to be an addict. Well, no one "chooses" to be in a cult either. You're obviously getting something out of it thats pleasureable and works for you in the beginning. Usually coupled with a "i know too much about full blown addiction/cult involvement and it won't happen/i won't let it bc I'll see it first" type mindset. Its usually an insidious thing, until you find yourself in a place where you're like, "well i guess this is who i am now and what i do. It is what it is" "*shrug. (I was gonna put a lol after that, but it's not that kind of funny. Maybe a light inner chuckle based on shared knowledge and camaraderie) Have a great day Brian! Hugs
You said it perfectly. No one wants that life. I’m glad I went through it though now. It has given me so much, and gotten me in touch with people like you. ❤️❤️
Thank you for sharing your story ❤ loved what you said about your motivation for being clean was for someone else .. so important to have our sole motivation to be healthy be for ourselves
So far I have only watched the intro, so maybe I'll comment again at the end, but I cannot wait til the end to tell you how much I respect you telling this story. Just... I'm in awe. The courage that takes is astonishing. Thank you for sharing, I'm subscribing based on the first 30 seconds of one video.
We DO recover! Although our stories are a bit different, they are ultimately, all the same. Nurse here 🙋♀️ now I work with a doc doing detox meds and recovery. Working with newly sober people is my daily check. It's my purpose. When I tell a new patient that they will step over their dead mother's body to get to the drink or syringe on the other side, truer words are never spoken! I'm so glad to have found your channel and will pass it on to my patients as one of their "to do" items!
I appreciate your kindness. I feel the same way! I just want to soak up whatever I can that will strengthen my understanding and resilience 😊 great job staying on the path!
Man I know that's some crazy fkd up compounded trauma. But I would have been that spouse lying to her face, putting her in danger, stealing cash from her wallet, and feeling JUSTIFIED for everything I did, and not remorseful. 30 years of active addiction, you learn remorse is an energy drain, an unaffordable kind, and remorse becomes one more thing you throw away, with both hands. I got 3.5 yrs clean then relapsed after surgery 1.5 yrs ago. Got caught, convinced everyone I quit again even tho I only quit the program I was in, and haven't been caught again. It's different now though. Instead of heroin and meth it's fentanyl and meth. I'm scared af to kick fetty. It wasnt great last year, took me 30 days to piss clean and relapsed again *that* nite. 12 months and 2 weeks ago.
@@cleanserene6330 Wow, I cannot say that I understand but I certainly do not judge. It is a very long time of active addiction, you are lucky to be alive. Whatever you choose to do I wish you well.
Eeeek. This is so painful to watch. I hate when one of the members of our team falls into this trap. I know that nurses are only human, but so many of us try hard to be superhuman. So it’s very sad to see this. Thanks for being brave and leaving the bedside and thanks for being brave and sharing your story.
This video helped me to understand a lot, from the perspective of the mind of the addicted person, which is really helping to understand and forgive my ex, while also being certain that staying was no longer an option. I just broke up with my now ex-partner, who's struggling with addiction. We're from different countries, but at the time i'm working remote, so I spent months at his place and then travel back to Mexico for a few weeks/days to see family, friend, sort stuff out and then back to Colombia. Each and I every time i had to leave Colombia, even if it was for days, he relapsed. Each and every time i felt like shit for leaving him alone. Each and every time i was open to "offer more support", from changing therapists, to getting actual drug abuse rehab, in-patient, out-patient, getting a new psychiatrist, etc. Every time he "said" he wanted to get better for him, but then mentioned it was "also" doing it for me, and then his behavior made it look like I was the only reason he wanted to get better. I try not to judge him. Addiction is a horrible disease, it's something people struggling with cannot control on their own and they are on a quest for life to learn how to cope and live with that. I know this guy will make it, as well as I know I can't be there anymore. I don't want to, first and foremost, but I have the feeling me being there was also a negative effect on his journey to recovery. It pains me not knowing what he's up to, but I thrust God will keep him safe while he's able to learn to be safe my himself. If you decide to leave your family member or person near you struggling with addition, doing only because it's affecting you in many ways, as my relationship was affecting me. Don't do it as a "tough love" lesson, as a threat, as a way to "wake a person up" from their addiction. Do it because it's what makes sense to put youlself as your life priority. If you decide to stay, be sure to get yourself informed with videos like this: it makes coping easier. But also, understand the three Cs: You didn't Cause it You can't control it You can't cure it Lots of love. Miles, good luck. This video has helped me a lot. :)
My Friend I was a paramedic and lived that same guilt & shame ridden journey .... right down to my wifes father (a man I loved, admired and treasured) passing in an eerily similar manner. I felt every part of your pain on a cellular level. It is so hard to put into words the way I/we felt and still feel about the selfish nature of our actions ...... that said I felt every nuance of your experience. Much love to you brother and thank you for sharing your story so openly, truthfully & honestly. Much respect from a brother in Australia
Thank you so so much for being so open and willing to share your story. I always come across these kinds of videos when I need them most. I lost my mom in the thick of my addiction and then my dad 4 years later only a year into my recovery. It was two completely different experiences, but both hurt so much. I’m 5 years sober now, and I’m so thankful that I’ve made it this far. I struggle from time to time, and these stories always make me feel so much better.
Thank you so much for checking them out! I believe in them. They are so good. Joel is the guitarist in the hat. Haha. Forgot to mention that in the video.
Yea this is the authentic stuff. How you explained self care being the key to recovery, that is so it, but explaining it to others is so so difficult. You did a good job. But it's like the dark night of the soul/rock-rock-rock bottom we have to go through, without reaching out to others or substances, in order to be as isolated and desperate enough, for long enough, to choose life, and choose to take care of ourselves, it can't easily be passed on to others. They have to go through their own hell to get there often.
There’s no shame in it. Many of us got addicted. Many. Just most people are too ashamed to talk about it. I’m proud of you for speaking out. I speak openly too.❤
While extremely sad, this was a great video. You have a lot of insight and self awareness. I’m sure it’s been said below but you would make an incredible counsellor. Wishing you all the best!
Probably the best presentation of what life as an addict is. Thank you for your courage to share. 13 years sober, my life as an alcoholic addict was insane. A friend I met in a recovery group was an ICU nurse busted on the job. So although nursing is not my story, I have given this a good deal of thought. New subscriber. I look forward to watching your other videos.
Not an addict but working my way out of wanting to take my life, I had to learn to want to survive for me, not anyone else. That was a huge turning point for me. Wanting to live for me.
Psalm 34: 17-20 When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken. Christ Jesus saved me from suicide, His yolk is easy, His love kind. I pray you ask Him to reveal Himself to you!
I have 3 adult kids in their mid 20’s that have mental illness and it’s been hard I wish I could take their depression and anxiety away. I’ve been supporting them and being understanding always. I had post partum depression when I was pregnant once and therapy really helped me. I wish you the best
Congratulations on six months sober. I am on year 9 of a pain pills never did heroin thank god. I am 56 and was doing pain meds on and off since I was 20. So happy to be sober!
Someone who just lost my husband in a Icu after 3 weeks. This truly pisses me off. I stayed with him the entire time because, I don't trust medical staff. This truly proves my point. I feel for your addiction and your families experience. My family has been effected too. While my husband was in the hospital my niece died from a fentanol overdose.
Umm. Sorry for your loss, but sweeping generalizations about some of the hardest working ER and other high pressure med staff is rather sad. I’m sorry you endured such sad loss and circumstances. But your comment feels sort of misguided or misdirected here. I’m glad he’s showing up and sharing. It reminds us that people are human and quite flawed.
@@TallGrass44she was being brutally honest about her feelings and is still grieving. Everyone needs a safe place without judgement when it comes to such a dark, sensitive subject. It's tough to imagine having the love of life pass away and hear such tragic stories because there are a lot of patients who lose their life or life long suffering from the caretakers we trust to save them. No shade or judging from me I just can openly see both sides. We need to respect everyone's opinion even if we don't like the response ❤
my worst day clean is always better than any day using!! my addiction turned me into a person that i would never want to meet!!! addiction is a disease it is certainly NOT a choice. thanku for your story.
Bro, I just came across your channel randomly and have only watched this video so far but I gotta say you are doing amazing! I wasn’t a nurse, but I did deal with having to balance a job & my addiction. I know exactly exactly how you felt every step of the way down and the inevitable house of cards that came crashing down on you. Thankfully, and miraculously, I was one of the very, very small percentage of opiate addicts That got clean and stayed clean on their first try. That was five years ago, but I often remind myself that I am still an addict and will always be an addict even if I never use again. This video was very uplifting knowing that there was someone out there that went through the exact same thing I did balancing work and addiction. Thanks very much for posting.
Lawyers and medical professionals have a very high rate of addiction. I think it's partly stress, or it might be the people who are drawn to these professions. In any event, it's something to be alert to, both in one's self, and loved ones, so hopefully there can be a diversion into treatment as soon as possible. Stories like we hear in the video are so valuable. Hopefully, it reduces stigma, and more folks receive the support they need.
Thanks for the open honesty. Millions go through life making mistakes--big ones and smaller ones. You owned up to it and will be a better person for it. You sound articulate, seem very intelligent and with a good set of morals at this time. Welcome back to a beautiful world, I know you'll create from here on out. Drugs are drugs-- once anyone gets hooked ( "Saints" included), it's with my hope they'll be like you and leave all that behind. The Best Life to You!
@@MusicalMe123 The way you type this makes it seem like doctors and nurses are not responsible for their mental health, and realizing they need to get support as well. Yes, there needs to be an incredible amount of education throughout management to be able to implement guidelines that protect the state of being as healthcare workers, but with the 'crazy amount of weight on their shoulders' should come an impeccable responsibility to knowing when you're a risk to the humans you serve. Addiction CAN happen, but that is no excuse for someone to put others in harms way and it is a complete disregard to human life. You can't argue that.
@@abunchahooey With the state of healthcare and the way things are, patients with chronic illnesses and even terminal illnesses are more willing to die at home in pain then have to go and fight for the care they need in the hospital. The way you put this is makes it seem like it's okay that people are afraid of the hospital and it's only a matter of time that when a person needs a hospital - they will be more than grateful but unfortunately, the statistics show otherwise.
@@SerenitywithLawna-Merry Well, there are so many ways impaired people can effect your life, being specifically afraid of going to a hospital due to the possibility having an addicted nurse is stupid. And I have to laugh at your “impeccable responsibility” comment. I’ve been a nurse for 17 years and while most of my colleagues over the years do feel patients deserve their best, it’s just not realistic to expect altruistic behavior from any profession. Also had to laugh at your “needs to be an incredible amount of education…to implement guidelines…comment. What world are you living in? 😂 Of course we aren’t expected to come to work high, but despite what your statistics say, management’s job is to corral enough warm bodies (your healthcare team) to take care of the ever increasing influx of patients who present to the hospital with several co morbidities and chronic illnesses than ever before, not “educate” us that we shouldn’t be coming to work impaired and fretting over our state of mind. 🙄 You seem to like to hear yourself talk about stuff you have no personal knowledge in, so let me help you out. I’d be a heck of a lot more scared of the fact that seasoned and experienced nurses are leaving healthcare in droves due to short staffing and lousy pay than if one may be addicted. The newbie nurses who would rather scroll TickTock on their phone than review your chart are the ones you need to be blathering on about.
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your heart. I spent 22 years on a very dark path, so i know where you're coming from. I love you, and i am very proud of you
I am 11 months clean from fentanyl. The struggle is real. I hate what I became and what I put everyone through. My job is to stay clean and carry the message to others than recovery is possible. God bless you my friend 🙏
I was a drinker, never drugs. I got pancreatitis and ended up in the ICU in excruciating pain. I was on dilautid while hospitalized and was still in pain. I went to rehab a few months later to get sober. Saw someone who I knew I’d seen before but couldn’t place. One day I overheard her talking about losing her nursing career over diverting pain meds. It rushed back to me. She had been one of my nurses. She stole my meds and did not care I was in the worst pain of my life because I was expected to die. She looked at me a few times and I think she recognized me. We never spoke. Suppose to forgive but I’m not there yet.
So glad you're owning everything so well. It really sucks you had to lose everything to get better. It's very obvious you're a loving soul and you have a lot of shame and guilt. It hurts my heart to see your pain. It also makes me happy to see the raw emotion from you. Some addicts lose empathy and feelings. Play the tape to the end if you're ever wanting to relapse. Seeing where it's going to take you will help. You're making all of the right decisions now and that's what matters. 💯🌹
Thank you for sharing your experiences and your feelings. You have been through so much trauma. Your tears are a necessary part of healing. Feeling emotion, the good and the uncomfortable are a necessary part of living without masking them. I totally agree you must get clean for yourself. My Godson who was also a blood relative of mine, overdosed intentionally on a fentanyl/ heroin mix. He had been in and out of rehab many times. Six months prior to his death, his wife had overdosed on heroin. This left him with their 3 year old son. This sweet little boy found his mother dead in bed. He thought she was sleeping. His little self thought she might feel better if she had cereal and milk. He tried to feed her, and when she didn't respond, he called his Daddy and said "Mom won't wake up." He called 911 and rushed home. He felt so sorry for what his son had been put through. You might think his son would be a reason to succeed in getting clean. I arranged for him to go to detox. I was hopeful, but to be honest he felt such guilt and shame, and had experienced so much abuse and trauma, prior to his addiction. I had a nagging doubt because his addiction affected his body, mind, and spirit. As I dropped him off at detox, I hugged him and told him I loved him unconditionally. He hugged me back. He then said, "I want to quit heroin but heroin chases me. I love you Aunt Nancy." He completed the detox but never followed thru with the rest of the program. Because of restrictions on phone calls, that was the last time I talked with him. He went back to heroin and the streets. About 5 months after his wife's overdos I got a call that he had overdosed and died. That was 3 years ago. I still miss him. I understand the battle he fought. I appreciate you sharing your story. They may recognize themselves or a friend or family member through your story. You are giving back to others who are suffering. 🌸🌷🩷
Thank you for sharing- im glad you've been able to stop using-i stopped in 2007 @ 45- 4 yrars ago i got a huge inheritance and have blown it on impulsive purchases & obtaining a gambling problem- now im 50k in debt & 63 yo- working again & am very disappointed in myself but proud i didnt off myself & leave my husband w/ a financial mess- ill clean it up in 3-4 years & then decide how to proceed-
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
Your ability to sit down and share all these rather difficult moments of your life with so much humbleness and honesty, is nothing short than extraordinary. Very dignified - Keep going man, you know it's an everyday decision, this is only the beginning of the wonderful life God has planned for you. Thank you for helping me staying strong fighting my own fight.
Wow. Thank you so much for that. I am so excited about my life today. I appreciate you so much for watching these videos and sharing your thoughts. You inspire me, so it goes both ways ❤️❤️🙏
@@SmilesforMiles2024 👊🏻🙏🏼
The grief at 15:51 is so palpable, and even though it will likely hurt both of you for a long time, admitting and understanding what was happening when your wife found out is so powerful. I'm sorry you're in so much pain, but I'm proud that you've accepted that particular story in a way that seems to genuinely empathize with your wife - not feeling bad over your guilt but over her loss of her support system. It's rough on you, but it's a good, good sign that you are going to beat this. I've been around with opiates a few times, it really sucks esp as a professional, there's so much more work to concealment. But that's just a good reason for me to stay away! Luckily my chronic GI disorder cannot handle most drugs, when your guts just scream if u take an opiate, it does tend to discourage it lol! I'm even terrified of shrooms, so hard to digest lol.
I totally agree
Your blessed ...not many people survive heroin let alone meth...nothing short of a miracle! Praise Jesus❤
I just finished CNA certification. I have 2.5 years sober and am so freaking grateful I get to do this work. I remember all the times I landed myself in the hospital in active addiction and it's cool to be on the other side now taking care of people. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You're on a hero's journey.
Congrats! So happy that you’re overcoming the horrible cycle of addiction. You should be very proud of yourself. Be good to you ❤
Healthcare is the worst profession for recovering drug addiction people. Healthcare is very toxic, and triggering for recovering addicts.
I am a mom with little kids who got sick and was in the hospital for a bit. The best person there was the cna. At first I was slightly weirded out that he was a guy but omg…he made all the difference in the world to me. He was so happy and kind and made the biggest difference. You are super important. Do your best and don’t let those witchy old ladies get you down. They don’t know they are a total pain in the ass. 😜 😜
My son, 38 a heroin addict since age 15, survived several overdosis..on 26 July 2023 he relapsed, ovedosed and suffered brain anoxia, not sufficinet oxygen to the brain, too long unconscious, he lost his short term memory...his wife and kids are gone, we now have a grown up confused child we take care of. He is my son so we dont give up. Dont hate the addict. No one is born and dreams of becoming an addict...addiction is real, it takes over the mind, soul and destroys. Wishing you recovery, heroin is the devil. I love my son, I hate heroin.
Thank you for sharing, you are a loving mother bless you ❤
This breaks my heart. I am so sorry that you have had to endure such suffering. I am the same age as your son (soon to be 38). This really cuts me to the core. I wish there was something I could do. My heart goes out to you and your family ❤️❤️
Bless you x
Depends on what they do while they are under the influence. There are things someone in those circumstances does that I won’t forgive. Ever. I don’t care if they get better. They lost family privileges after what they did.
Oh, my! What will become of your son as you age and can no longer care for him? This is truly a sad situation.
Internal Medicine nurse for 5 years and addiction almost ended my career completely. As it was starting to become obvious I was unhealthy to other staff members. I never took or stole from or injured patients but I could have. This is the first time I’ve ever shared this as I’m typing. Two months ago I luckily had another chance to get my license back. In the mean time I’ve been working as a nursing aid. Which is hard on me seeing nurses doing the job I love everyday. But I go to work everyday and try my best to smile and use the pain of loosing my dream job to get it back. This weekend I will retake the nursing exam. I have been completely sober for 6 months, and will take the test this Sunday. Watching videos like this made it possible 💖
You have amazing qualities to offer the world. Thanks for being a nurse - you will be back!!
Why would you need to retake the NCLEX? Has your license been revoked for more than 8 years?
You are totally gonna be the best nurse for having gone through what you did. You have the power of true compassion on your side. I have total faith in you! You will kill it. Thank you so much for sharing this. We are all rooting for you! ❤️❤️❤️
@@MsRotorwings I took a year off after I was let go, and did not pay for my license for that year, so I have to reapply. I’m from Toronto, Canada and here we have to take 2 exams, the jurisprudence exam and the NCLEX. I just have to redo the jurisprudence one because they changed it since the first time I wrote it. 🥲
@@SmilesforMiles2024 Appreciate your support 🙏🏽 thank so much for posting the videos you do! You’re a very inspiring person.
I appreciate your honesty. This is a trigger for me. I too was an RN 26 years ago (wow it's really been 26 years 😭). What's most important is I've wanted to be a nurse my entire life. I think I was about 10. My favorite shows were Marcus Welby MD, and Emergency 911. When I'd go with my mom to the hospital to visit her friends I LOVED the smell. One hospital had a program called Candy Stripers. You had to be 14 and would do things like pass ice etc. Couldnt wait until I was 14. It took me many tries to get to nursing school. I would take all the prerequisites at night one class at a time. I'll cut to the chase. After just 4 years of nursing I had a badly infected tooth. That started my addiction. If I had only known then I would have never taken one. Following that I had a bad case of shingles. Working at the hospital I was diverting but my patients still got their meds (I'm not going into how I did it) I was eventually caught and was suspended for 3 months. I had to do random pee tests. Got caught not doing them in time because I would wait a day or 2 and just give an excuse as to why. Eventually i was suspended for 3 years. One of the worst parts were I never tried to get them. Pills were too important and I could never stop using. So much time had passed that I felt like I'd never get them back anyway so why try🤷🏼♀️. Back in the late 90s there no such thing as Suboxone and addiction wasn't prevalent like it is today. I felt like I would only be judged and that I'd never find a job given my past. I've been off them for 12 years. When I say I think about it every day I mean EVERYDAY. Many times more than once a day. Its something I will never go away. I get a physical reaction when i think about it. My 31 year marriage ended because of it. When people say "just stop" they have NO idea how how hard that is. Even when you've chosen addiction over your dream you've had since you were a little girl. Only us addicts know what we've been through and the guilt we carry. Thanks for putting your story out there. And hey, if you ever want to have a guest on...I'm the one 😂😂😂
Well said.
I have 14 years off heroin and alcohol, thank God! 🙌🏻
I have a questions...HOW did you stop using when there was no suboxone (detox put me on it)?? Was there anything that helped the cravings?
Thank you for sharing! I'm happy you are here, and I'm proud of you for getting clean 12 years ago. Be proud of yourself! ❤ sending you hugs 🤗
What makes a person start using drugs?
@@doracampos2088 It can be a million different reasons such as boredom, curiosity, depression, anxiety, peer pressure, avoidance, etc.
@@doracampos2088 I think the glorification of drugs in Hollywood, and the music industry played a role.
As a retired RN I need to say, “there but by the grace of God go I.” Nursing is a wonderful yet extremely stressful profession. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. May the rest of your life be blessed and beautiful!
(Self harm warning)
I wasn’t addicted to drugs or alcohol, but I struggled with self harm addiction for 10 years. I started when I was 8, it was minor thing, but spiraled very quickly into daily routine, spending hours doing it, $20 a month for new tools, teaching myself how to do stitches, massive infections, and muscle depth wounds.
At my worst, my clean blades were taken away. I could not go more than 2 hours without harming because I would go into full panic attacks. I ended up desperately searching the dumpster for blades. I found one, it was rust covered and probably had more diseases than I want to know. I used it for three weeks. I didn’t care what happened in the long term, I just wanted that momentary relief. That relief that got harder and harder to reach every time. I was admitted into a psych ward for three months after my worst wound because severely infected and lead to permanent nerve damage in my hand. I’m lucky I didn’t lose my forearm with the amount of tissue death.
Now to anyone wondering, why would you do this to yourself??
It was the only way I could cope with my mental state. If I had physical pain, it would distract me from the mental pain.
I’m 19 now, I’ve been 90% clean for the past year, I’ve only had a few relapses. Being medicated for my OCD and ADHD has been literally lifesaving. Thank you for talking about your own struggles and for being honest and candid. You’re not alone, so many people understand in one way or another.
You’re a warrior 🩵
My daughter also self harmed and after 2 years finally was treated for ADHD and it totally changed things. I’m glad to hear your doing better! ❤❤❤
So much suffering. Hang in there sweetness!
Please try and optimise your physical health, at the very least vitamin D and lots of vitamin C and the best nutrition you can. If you can manage walks in peaceful and beautiful places that is also healing. May love be your foundation and strength.
Praying for you
That was so moving. You may not be a nurse anymore but you are still helping people. Thank you so much for sharing that!
Thank you so much for saying that. It really motivates me. I appreciate you a lot ❤️❤️🙏
@@SmilesforMiles2024You can still have a great career - e.g., in the addiction/recovery arena (if you want one)
Thank you for your honesty. As part of the addiction recovery community in San Diego, I believe it's important for the general public to understand the dynamics of addiction and the ways it manifests. It's only through knowing people who have succumbed to the disease, and then come back, that we can truly understand this disease and conquer it. God bless you.
Thank you so much for this. I appreciate it so much. I have a feeling that you are someone who has helped many. Keep it up! ❤️🙏🙏
5 years clean from cocaine, 6 years clean from opiates. WE DO RECOVER! I'm proud of you, and thank you for sharing your story.
I'm clean and sober now for
32yr
im so proud of you, keep it up man
Thank you so much for the kind words and encouragement 🥰 5 years! You’re awesome! I’m proud of you too.
It is also possible to use responsibliy. There is a black doctor that is a really smart PHD and everything and he uses Heroin. He just limits himself and has it under control. Some times people just take to much too often and need to dial it back a bit.
I hope you're being fully honest. Recovery means total abstinence and restitution. If you harmed anyone during your drug fueled days, have you made restitution? Seems that far too many recovering drug addicts miss this important responsibility when exposing their addiction journeys on social media. Worse, potential employers could decide against hiring you, so if you wish to be hired, do not use social media and incriminate yourself. 450 thumbs-up will not guarantee employment and the permanence of your public 'recovery' record on RUclips or FaceBook could make your life more difficult.
Your channel will definitely help someone. Please believe that. I was a registered medical assistant, doing my Dream job!!!! First one in my family to graduate high school, first ti graduate college. I absolutely loved my job. I should have gone to prison for forging opioid prescriptions. This was before they were electronically filled. In and out of rehab 5 times. Some were filthy, disgusting places, some were posh resort like. My final time was when I was in a car accident and nearly killed my granddaughter. I'm now 7yrs clean. It will take one day at a time, sometimes literally one hr at a time. It can be done. REMEMBER THIS......DO IT FOR YOURSELF, NO ONE ELSE. YOU WILL UNDERSTAND LATER AS TO WHY.
All crying is healing. Never apologize for your tears. Let the river run. Thank you for your courage to be transparent and vulnerable.
You explained addiction better than anyone i know. Wow. Smh. Glad you're doing well
Thank you so much for saying that. It means a lot to me. I always feel like I’m not explaining myself well 😅
I was a D/A counselor and also HEAVILY addicted to Oxy's, Xanax, and Fentanyl. I also ended up in Prison & had to rebuild my life from the ground up. It's possible and my life is way better today. Been clean for over 10 years now.
That's awesome, good for you. Glad you're doing so well after all that addiction. I know the fentanyl is mixed with tranq in certain places today. Tearing peoples bodies apart. Maybe even worse addicted to be today than ever before. It's brutal to see what drugs and addiction are doing to people. Did prison help you get clean? Someone I was once friends with is in jail as of 2 days ago, fentanyl and crack addict. He tried to not show up for court, but they got him recently. He has all kinds of larceny and theft type charges pending, and maybe a drug charge as well. I haven't talked to him personally in years. He violated probation, and also a condition of the court and won't avoid prison this time, he has before since his father is a cop, but not this time. Do you think his chances of getting clean in prison are good? You did amazing and got clean, so I was curious about your opinion, thanks.
Very happy for you things are better. It took a lot to become a DA, sorry you had these life obstacles. I can’t wait to be in a way better position. I was on oxy for a long time while working for the government and working on a PhD. I ruined a lot. I’m trying to build it back now.
@@itiskismet8286 Thanks! My life was a mess. You can do it too! It didn't help that I had multiple doctors willing to give me anything I wanted. I'm also a college graduate with a degree. Addictions doesn't care who you are or what you do. I looked clean cut & spoke well but that was all part of my manipulation when I was using. Keep going! It will get better!!!
You are amazing
Proud of u ❤
Interesting. Thank you for your testimonial. My mother was a RN head nurse in Texas. She was brilliant. She worked 16 hr shifts six days a week. I caught her self injecting narcotics one day while I accidentally walked in on her She died an alcoholic and a junkie. She was an amazing nurse She was a horrible mother. My two older brothers died of heroine overdoses in their thirties. I am 63 year female. I have made peace with my mother. May she Rest In Peace.
Damn. You truly never know what other people have experienced.
sending you peace and love
Wow..i'm sorry
❤
What the hell!?!? That is no life for anyone. May your soul forever be peaceful, truely. That is insane for someone to experience.
I lost my son to an accidental overdose in 2016. The biggest eye opener to me was that rehab really offered no answers. Never addressed the reason he started using in the first place which of course was trauma. I'd love to hear about how you dealt with your core reason for using. He was an awesome musician and had such a bright future. You are so blessed to have such great support in your life.
I’m so sorry for your loss sending you hugs & prayers 🙏🤗🥰 i can only say that trauma is a main reason ppl start using but, some trauma could be small to some of us or it could be terrible abuse. I guess what I’m trying to say is Some trauma is silent. I hope you remember all the good about your son💖
So sorry for the loss of your son. Another unfinished life ❤ 🙏
I think that is the biggest flaw in the way our society thinks about addiction. It’s a chronic illness, and it’s going to need chronic, lifelong treatment and management. This idea of going away and coming out transformed after 28 days is just not the way it works. The insurance companies need to get on board with science. I’m sorry about your son and I hope you are able to smile when you think of him and that you are also taking care of yourself.
I am so sorry for your loss I too lost my 24-year-old son in 2017 to fentanyl overdose he had been to rehab twice and sober, living for quite a while but at home he just couldn’t get anywhere. He had just gotten his drivers license. He was so close to getting his GED I watched him struggle but I felt I could only do so much. It felt like everything and everyone was against him. He couldn’t get anywhere. I just kept telling him he had to keep moving forward just keep going. Ultimately he didn’t make it. 😢🙏hugs from Ethan’s mom
Same with one of my friends who got addicted to heroin- rehab never got down to the core of WHY she was an addict. And she had been to rehab 3 or 4 times.
I am an ICU nurse and I have seen addiction many times over the years from nurses. Two of those good nurses died, one from a fentanyl overdose, and the other from suicide. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story. I know it will help addicts and those trying to understand addicts.
I received my RN license at 6 years sober.. and subsequently I work in substance abuse (with no intention of doing so when I was in nursing school). How life works out! 12 years sober now and full of gratitude for the life I’ve been given. God bless you and those who suffer from substance abuse in the medical field. We do recover!
RN's are overworked and underappreciated, hope your experience is good though.
@@bipolarkeyboardour experiences are a mindset. I don’t feel overworked and under appreciated
@@vbuksa well said, i agree completely.
Your wife went through so much. I truly hope she is okay and living her best life now.
You would make an exceptional addiction counselor or something similar. The way you describe what you’ve gone through has given me a deeper understanding of how an addicted mind functions. It’s clear to me that you have done an immense amount of inner work, and you should be so proud of yourself for that! You’re a great story teller and I think you can help many people come to terms with their own.
“I’ve been able to distill humanity down to two types of people; those who blame and those who take responsibility” Bedros Keuilian
I agree that he would make a great addiction counselor. He could even specialize in helping nurses and other health care professionals. I believe he has great potential for a beautiful life ahead.
Oh absolutely!!!
Thank you for sharing your story. I am 16 years sober and totally relate to literally your whole story. Please keep sharing. ❤
It takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable. I want you to know that I see your strength and growth since then. Keep up the good work in your recovery!
Your kindness means the world to me. Thank you so so much for taking the time to say that. I appreciate you so much ❤️❤️🙏🙏🙂🙂
Awesome story, one day at a time. I'm coming up to 14 years sober from Booze, thanks to AA and God.
Happy 15th year!! I'm claiming it in Jesus name!!
Sweet! I'll have 16 years next Thursday. Thankful for the fellowship and 12 steps. ❤
Congratulations 🦄❤️🩹🙏🏼💕‼️
I'm addicted to alcohol. It's so hard to admit this but I am so proud of you. Opening up leaves a person vulnerable. Talking about it is so hard. Ty for sharing your story. I hope your you stay clean ❤
Please try today to take better care of your precious self.
I hope you can kick it someday. I’m 2.5 years sober, and it’s so much better on the other side. Sending you positive vibes ❤
Watching my 35 year old son drink himself to death. Should of never let him move in. I feel worn out & depressed just being around him. He lives here for free, (doesn't pay rent like he promised), and doesn't really respect me at all.
😞
If this isn’t something you’ve already considered I would highly recommend looking into naltrexone. I severely struggled with alcohol addiction for close to 9 years with multiple attempts along the way to get it under control, which would never last. Taking naltrexone was the only thing that truly helped me to break out of the cycle of cravings and inability to stop drinking and one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. From my experience with medical professionals and researching online it doesn’t seem like this is a super common treatment recognized for alcohol abuse and I really hope it becomes better known in time and is able to help others the way it has helped me. I’m really sorry for what you’re going through, and wish you the very best ❤️
@@smileyone1612I feel you same here with 40 yr old daughter with a 5 yr old. I feel my GD needs me too much as her Dad was very violent to my daughter. Poor little thing is in the middle. It be better if I had custody & tell the parents to just go fix themselves. Maybe I wouldn't be soo exhausted listening to the parents BS & could focus on the child.
12 year ER nurse here, discovered Kratom initially as well, then moved on to other drugs. Would love to talk with you! Sober now for 5 months 😊
I've never used it, but I've always thought that Kratom seems like a very risky gateway drug. Is there anything else about that aspect you'd like to expound on?
@@scytheviper2748 krotom is really bad for the liver.
Kratom got me off narcotics. Saved my life.
@@scytheviper2748 Kratom made me lose my hair, made my anxiety 50 times worse, I would wake up in the middle of the night and have to dose just to get rid of the withdrawal symptoms, which were shaking, sweating, nausea, horrid anxiety, restlessness/skin crawling, etc. It made me lose sex drive, made my intestines so screwed up because it constipates you, it made me irritable, it made my skin like yellowish almost, it made me lose a ton of weight because of gut problems caused by taking it daily, I could go on and on. It should definately be illegal everywhere IMO.
@@minini5571 yeah, until you realize you’re addicted to kratom now
Thanks for sharing Brian, i can sense the beautiful and sensitive soul you are, which will help you immensely im sharing your story and helping others. I am fellow recovering meth and heroin addict, now a Psychiatric nurse with lots of beautiful things in my life i owe to sobriety, God and my own hard work. I pray your own recovery brings you much future joy and love and God bless you for being so brave in telling your story... your story will touch many others im sure.
ANYONE can become an addict, but not everyone will get and stay sober.
I hope you stay strong in your recovery journey! We do recover. ♡
Nonsense….not anyone can become an addict.
@marydumois4242 quite literally yes anyone can.
@@marydumois4242 Anyone has the potential to become an addict given the right circumstances. That's probably a better way to put it.
I was in veterinary medicine for 35 years and I carried the keys to the drugs. Not a good situation for an addict. So glad I'm not dead. And you too!
Veterinarian has the highest number of su i c de of any profession as of 2024. No doubt many are accidental. Combine the stress of the profession, there are many, with access to the medicine cabinet, it's a difficult thing. Glad you made it through.
@@Raelven wow. Interesting. Hopefully I can start forgiving myself one of these days soon. Thanks ♥️
@@nancyjones6780you are already forgiven sister... start loving yourself to ❤️🩹 get better💁🏼♀️
@@Raelvenoooooo😮ion
Omg, you would’ve had access to barbiturates (what do they call pentobarbital in vet circles? Green dream?)
I am not an addict myself however my Dad was actually a heroin, meth, crack pretty much every substance you could think of addict. For years I failed to understand why. He had a mental health disorder but I failed to understand the psyche of an addict and I truly lacked empathy- as a teenager when this was all happening I just thought “he can just stop using, it’s his choice”. It is so easy for a non addict to say that and I know now that it is never ever that simple. My Dad passed away a couple of years ago, and watching your videos helps me to understand, I am so glad that you’re still here to tell your story. You are truly helping so many people, this brought me to tears, thankyou. Please be proud of yourself you have come so far, good luck on your journey.
Man I’m so sorry :( .. I have an issue myself and I’ve been in a car accident I caused, with my kids in the car and. I permanently disabled my ankle :/.. but I kept using .. I’ve been doing good lately but man the desire to use is so overwhelming and being stressed having my two smalls kids is always an excuse I try to give myself .. but I’m really really trying :( and I’m doing it for them.. I don’t want them to speak of me in past tener for sonething I’ve caused like the car accident :( .. I am sorry that you lost your father , I hope you can say a little prayer for me I’m really struggling I hate the way it’s so stuck inside of my brain .. I literally dream about scoring :( xo take care
@@melissamartinez3593 Thankyou. But I am so proud of you for at the very least trying, it has to start somewhere the journey of recovery will be hard, but your kids need you and I promise they will be so grateful for your efforts in the future. Right now it seems hard but you won’t look back in a couple of years time when you’re healthy and your kids are safe with you.
@@lilyyy45 thank you so much ! Your words mean more to me than you will ever know
@@melissamartinez3593 good luck on your recovery! i believe in you. dont give up you got this.
Your empathy and understanding of addiction, even when it directly hurt and affected you growing up with your dad, is just so refreshing and nice to read. If all non addicts had your compassion and understanding, what a difference it could make in helping addicts all over the world ❤
My son started using everything in high school. Iv drug user, pills n heroin. He overdosed once n his friends did cpr n after he started breathing they left him. He called me at 3am n said he can’t keep breathing. I found him n he was in the hospital for 3 days.
I married a dr and he went through all the classes so he could prescribe medication to help my son . Thank God. My son is now 33, 3 kids just bought a house on property and engaged to his kids mom. He never got arrested for anything thank God. A lot of his friends are dead or in prison or are just wasting their lives it was the hardest years of my entire life when he was using. I loved him n all my kids so much I couldn’t do tough love. I kept him really close to me so I wouldn’t loose him. It worked. He’s a good young guy man . I thank God everyday for protecting him n giving him the strength to save his life.
I’m sorry no one has answered your reply perhaps if you put the persons name and this symbol before it, @ they will get back to you. I do not have an answer, but I hear your concern.
I was put on consent pretty early on for failing a drug test. That was 10 years ago. My entire life flipped upside down, changed my life completely. My marriage also ended. It was the best thing that happened to me. I didn’t see it then but I do now.
I was a charge nurse in the ICU one night about 9-10 years ago when I heard a loud thump like a body hitting the floor. Panicked I ran from room to room thinking a patient had fallen out of bed. All the patient were in bed. I had nurses running around and then it hit me, the sound came from the staff bathroom in the back hallway. I ran to the bathroom and knocked on the door, no answer, attempted to open the door, it was locked. I couldn’t figure out who was in there. I started to hear some movements. Ran to the crash cart looking for the emergency key. Found the key, opened the door, found a new nurse still on orientation ex military officer, on the floor who had been injecting propofol to get high. He came so close to never waking up again. He had been doing it frequently apparently. Started with opioids but apparently once it gets too hard to steal opioids or the opioid addiction gets too much, they switch to propofol. Most common in ICU and OR staff. Up to this point I didn’t even know propofol could cause a euphoric response. But the catch is once you chase the euphoria, it’s just before unconsciousness. I was sooo angry and sad. Looking back he would disappear quite a bit and then show up and have these crease marks on his face in the shapes of little squares. I thought he was disappearing to sleep and it was from his keyboard. Turns out it was from the little tiny porcelain tiles on the bathroom floor. That’s how often he was doing it. Never being exposed to addicts I had no idea . Later I finished my NP and went to work at the State prison and really got my introduction to addiction. But I will Never forget that first time.
Propofol
line breaks.
@@dohabandit yeah, really sorry 😞. I really really hate to see patients suffer.
@@dohabandit That's just messed up. Addiction is no excuse for that, no excuse for ANYONE to do that ever. That's cruel. Sorry that happened to you, that's awful. Special place in hell is right.
How horrible for everyone
I met surgeons, DEA agents, teachers, cops...so many others. Addiction touches every job and every class. Drug addiction is hard to wrap your head around if you have never felt it. You think to yourself "why don't they just stop?"
It's not that easy. I was clean for over 10 years ..then I got into a very bad motorcycle accident where they had me on pain killers every 4 hours and morphine shots 2-3 times a day. I spent a week in the hospital and then 3+ months needing to be waited on for everything I needed to do and physical therapy. I thought I was rock solid in my sobriety....this wasn't a broken finger that I nursed to get meds....I had no choice but to take them. I relapsed. I am now clean for about 1.5 years. A split second can change your life forever.
So so sorry. To kick it once is a.great feat. Twice. Man you are awesome. Stick to it. I know. I've relapsed three times six years this January '24. Why doesn't she just stop. Why don't I stop. Shit if we knew there'd be no drug addiction. Kudos to you buddy. Motorcycle accidents are the worst too.
@@kathyfrancis9229 that's the million dollar question " why don't they just stop"...if only we knew! It is possible though. It's hard but it's worth it in the end. I hope your journey is a success!
More like "Why did you ever start in the first place?"
One thing I have found about the "working" drug addicts where they can go to work and function reasonably normally they tend to work high stress jobs it just I find " working" addicts then to be in high stress jobs and sometimes especially in physical labor jobs some of the better workers especially if you are willing to push past the fact they are addicts (used to work tree trimming and that company was considered on of the best companies in terms of price and quality for the employees good pay and decent benefits and they didn't drug test every because 50% were full blown addicts and then the other 1/2 smoked pot and drank In moderation I liked it at the time as I could smoke pot at work and nobody cared one guy was ripping meth lines off of his saw the other had a canteen full of vodka it was so dangerous yet for nearly 20 years nobody got seriously hurt
I am in the medical field and I am addicted. I had 9 years of sobriety from opiates and all other substances. I started this job and i am always exhausted both emotionally and physically. So my addict brain said hey lets go and get something to wake up. Sooo yeah that one decision had made my life one where i only think of how to get more. I DO NOT want to live like this. My Fiance is so affected and full of so much worry and concern over this addiction. He is not aware that I haven't stopped. I am so full of shame and I so want to be free of this noose around my neck. I appreciate ur story.
Please ask for help! You need to be assessed by a behavioral health specialist immediately. Pick up the phone and talk with them. Good luck 👍
You will destroy your career, your family, and your life if you don’t confront this now. Get involved with your local union and go from there.
❤🫂 as cliché as it sounds...you aren't alone. And you matter. And You Can find a different way to live.
Your fiancé may not know now but he will know, but denial is also an issue for addicts and their families/loved ones.
I pray you heal !! We are rooting for you !!
30 year veteran nurse here - bravo to you for sharing your story. Wishing you continued strength in the better days ahead. Addiction is real; recovery is possible.
I scrolled into this channel, listening to this man. his story is profoundly heartfelt. Within days he lost his immediate family, then soon afterwards went to prison. What’s truly amazing about this is how he put himself together, paid the consequences, and now he’s giving back what he’s has been given to others. Creating his channel and sharing his story with others. Kudos!
What’s so tragic is this RARELY happens…. ❤
Former opiate addict here… there’s NO reasoning at all with addiction. Your story touched my heart. Much love 💕
Nurses are amazing and I want to say thank you to all of them!
I was dx Type 1 in 1977, so my whole childhood was nurses and hospitals. My mom’s best friend from high school was a nurse and let me practice giving her injections!
In 2021 I fainted and broke my neck and lost all function below the collar bone.
Nurses are simply some of the best people I have ever met.
Thank God I never have had an addiction problem, but my mom is 36 years sober and my husband is 13 years sober.
You are an empath my friend.... most addicts are. Its a blessing and a curse. I dont have an addiction but I follow your page because the mental health aspect of it I find interesting and also the real and raw emotion. Most people cant share such a private and profound part of their life so openly to where the audience feels it. Well done on your recovery and channel.
I always wondered if anyone else picked up on the many addicts are empaths thing! lol Ty for posting ur comment ❤
I blatantly saw ER nurses switch my morphine to saline. The second time was just this past January when I was very ill with a ruptured colon obstruction. Nobody believed me until four horrible, long hours later when I was transferred to my room. I want to be angry at you, but I can't. You are sincere and intelligent. You also did not steal from patients. I understand the addiction process better. You don't plan on this! Im glad you are doing so well.
Wow! How horrific! I don't worry about pain control anymore because I drink a tea, leaf and water, not extracts. Even stopped my iv and it worked better. I've had 8 yrs free.
Im sorry to read this. Similar was done to my daughter during cancer treatments. They target the needy & weak
I've had pharmacists do this with my pain medication. I started counting them as soon as I got them because I was always short. So when I counted them, 15 were missing. They wouldn't do anything, telling me I've already left. My only option is to sit right there at the counter and count them.
@@kendrakkhalilieh1616that’s not true, they should have inventory carefully checked,and be able to check that! Covering their asses.
That’s very generous of you not to be angry. I would have made a formal complaint. No excuse for this.
Brutal honesty. Heroic honesty. Super appreciated
You're 100% right.
You core motivation for achieving and maintaining sobriety has to be yourself and no one else.
I am opiod dependent. I dont say addict anymore because i dont abuse them like i use to. Anyway. I use to run out of my meds early and id go to the hospital to try to get a few to get me through. I ran into a nurse who was so kind to me, he said i understand sweetie, i couldn't make it through the day without mine too. I'll never forget him. He treated me like a human.
i wish you nothing but a happy and safe life and i hope if opioids stay in your life that youre doing them in regards to your personal health and safety. and i hope more people show you their compassion in time.
Stop lying to yourself. If you are dependent, you are an addict. Please seek professional help.
Well there is a big difference between dependency and addiction. If you are actually using the medication for pain then you should not let other telling you are a addict. Basically a true addict cannot control their doses. For example people are dependant on food but someone 600 pounds is addicted to it. Addiction is a mental illiness and the addict uses the substance or behavior to feel emotional better. Well there is nothing wrong with a glass of wine. The problem is when we just want to numb our life instead of living or tolarating it. When things are going well people have better things to do then be high or drunk all day. Another things you have to watch out for is many people may get off the drug and find another addiction. I known a lot of drug addict that ended up getting assicted to exercise. At first it was good and then they got into body building and since they like how they felt and look and got obsessed with that. One thing addicts want is more. One is never enough. So the person may peak with their natural body or they want to speed up the process and then they get into steriods. But if you want to see some in action of a addictive personality, it is Mike Liddell. First he was addicted to meth, then fame as Mr PIllow now he's addicted to Donald Trump and the 2020 election as falls down to a different bottom. Rudy Giuliani is an alcoholic and Trump is a speed addict so lots of people are addicted to something. In fact I think we are all a little addicted to something.
My mom was dependent on T3s for years. She just couldn’t make it through the day without a pill… or a few. I always called her an addict. At the end she had cancer and i understood she needed it then and I wish I had treated her better during that time.
Thank you for your comment. I will never call her an addict again. She was just dependent. ❤
Your addicted honey. Please get help before you end up like me. I statement on opiods and then more. Fourty years and I'm worn out tired and worse. I have nothing.
Fair play for sharing your story.
I've been battling with heroin addiction for 8 years.
Currently on a methadone script so I don't crave the heroin anymore..
High five to you dude.
Keep on keeping on dude. X
I love how you say that when you’re addicted, you don’t think about what’s going to happen in the future. You just focusing on the moment you’re in, right now. Let me just do what I need to do right now and I’ll deal with the rest later. It’s so true. That’s exactly what being addicted is.
I have chronic severe depression and your message about needing to get better for yourself really made an impact on me. I’m the same way; I feel like I don’t deserve to be selfish in any way because I already feel selfish and I absolutely hate myself for the way I am. I don’t have any compassion for myself so for now I was telling myself that the illness has affected so many people around me that I was telling myself that I owe it to others to get better, that I need to get better for everyone around me. I hope to get to where you are at mentally to be able to want to get better for me. Thanks so much for being brave and vulnerable, and as a result imparting this very powerful message.
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I also had severe chronic debilitating depression for most of my life. I ended up with an inflammatory bowel disease and changed my diet to a whole food plant based one that was gluten, dairy, preservative and refined sugar and sweetener free… it was very challenging at first but it turned out that not only did it help my gut but also my brain and my asthma too. The inflammation and toxicity in my body massively decreased and nutrients increased and I have not had depression now for 8 years. My energy levels are also so much better and I even want to exercise now which helps even more with my mood. Hope this info helps you.
Thank you so much for sharing. Stories like these help me have compassion instead of judgement towards those in addiction
I appreciate that. It’s very difficult not to have judgement for people who are in addiction. Even after everything I’ve been through and everything I have put others through, it is still difficult today for me to not be judgmental towards people close to me who are in active addiction. I am honestly surprised at myself when I am finding that difficult. So it’s really really hard. I am glad that you found this helpful. Thank you 🙏
Brian, I am a recovering alcoholic/addict, sober over 10 years. I GET IT. We start for one reason or multiple reasons, which is voluntary. But for those of us with the genetic propensity and/or a traumatic past then takes over, at which point it's no longer voluntary. It takes that moment of clarity that makes us face ourselves and know that there's another way to live. Some people, of course, never get to that moment, so it's jails, institution, and death. Anyway, thank you for sharing your story. You'll have helped at least one person and probably more than one.
This resonated. Both childhood trauma and genetics at play here, it can indeed make for a terrible force- thankfully I chose therapy over drinking. Been sober about 20 years now, but it took a hard toll on me as a teenager. Sad to see how some of my friends didn't have the family support I did, and ended up in jail.
Yep. As sad as it is I couldn't quit drinking for my kids. Which is normal, but how sad for them to know that. And it is about fixing yourself in the moment. Hair of the dog to stop the shakes. Drink at lunch to fix the withdrawal headaches and then only buying enough for 2 drinks when you get home so you don't get hammered. Then drinking and driving to the store because that never works and you need more. Saving a drink for the bedside table for when you wake up at 3am you can get back to sleep. What a terrible life.
@@CitKat657 Oh yeah. I remember standing outside the bottle shop at quarter to nine in the morning with those 15 mins feeling like an hour.
I came out of alcohol rehab a month ago and this all is too familiar to me. I found myself in this horrible loop - drinking at midday to beat the hangover from the day before, intending on just having 'enough' to stop the hangover and telling myself I'd stop drinking around 6pm, sober up and have an early night so I wouldn't be hungover the next day but by 5pm I was drunk and would buy more on the way home and in up in the exact same situation the following day. Such a terrible, terrible cycle.
Well done Brian! I couldn't listen as so close to my story but mine was alcoholbut same thing!! But i managed to save my nursing career! No rehab support here in UK so paid it all! Full support from me and i really want to open up and share my story however cannot as still in nursing! Will do one day! 😢 sending love from UK and i have been over to your friend's channel and the song is amazing! Full support xx
I am in a similar circumstance with the criminal justice system now. Things I want to share but don’t feel like I should do so until I am done with my sentence. Soon I will. Good for you for having the strength to get yourself help (and fund it yourself! That’s crazy!). You obviously have so much strength. I admire you. It’s so cool that you are communicating from the UK 🥰 I love that. Thank you for checking out Lindsay and the Cheeks! They are so great! (Joel is the guitarist wearing the hat 🙂). ❤️❤️❤️
@SmilesforMiles2024 I admire you for speaking up! Completely understand how you are feeling! Apart from your jail sentence, K didn't experience that but I know it's scary! Your doing amazing and you my inspiration! Keep going you will able to have a life once your tag is off! And yes I am in UK! I watch alot of USA youtube and you popped up so the algorithm is working!! I started my channel but nothing happened!! So don't bother with it! Keep in touch!
@@NurseJanice nothing happened for me for like 8 months. If you just keep posting it will work. You’ve got another sub from me. I’m going to go check out your channel! 🙂🙂
@@SmilesforMiles2024 thank you!!
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I can totally relate to your story. Today, I am clean & Sober 28 years. We are so blessed.
You are remarkably strong. Later never comes when we are addicted to ANYTHING. You're not alone and keep up the good work. You inspire my own journey of recovery.
I am so happy your video popped up. I am a retired Substance Counselor from a 180 bed rehab and detox and miss every day of working. You shared the path of addiction 100%. I am going to pass your channel on to others. God bless you and thanks for sharing.
Can't you do some voluntary work in that field if it's your passion? ❤️
I was an RN for 40 yrs. Hats off to ICU.and ER nurses. I worked mainly in psych. You are a brave guy. Best of luck to you❤
Wow, more heroes please as that thousand yard stare of a psyche patient can be pretty unnerving.
This video popped up in my recommendations and I just subbed.
I do not know an addict and have never been myself, but I just wanted to commend you on your courage to share your story.
The pain in your voice while sharing your story and the ownership of your mistakes is so genuine.
I'm wishing you all the best as well as any current or former addicts that you are able to help alonf your journey.
Brutally honest. I needed to hear this. My love and hope to you. I’m struggling. So far under anyone’s radar. I hate my poison yet make so many bargains with it and myself. Stay clean young man. Your future depends on it.
Really grateful to have found your channel about a half hour ago. This video hits deep on so many levels for me. Will def check out the song of the week now! Thanks for saving your buddy, Joel!
I was a Lead Pharmacy Tech for 7 years…. With an IV Fentanyl addiction…
Was also hiding it from my partner at the time. So I can very much relate. I’ve been sober for a year now thanks to MAT recovery, after I almost died from sepsis. It really helps when people like us connect with eachother to keep eachother strong, it really is a day by day battle. Thank you for sharing your story💕 would love to speak with you!
I'm not in the medical field, but I do work in a major Detroit area hospital in the EVS department. The 1st time I got clean, I had 10 years. But now, I'm coming up on 4 years clean again and I am so grateful for it. It went from a legal pill prescription, to street pills, to heroin, to heroin and crack. I love you for sharing your story with the world ❤. Keep your head up 👊
First of all, how many times have you been told that you look like Jason Bateman 🤣😆I’m a nurse with a year and a half of sobriety. Man I gotta tell you how much it means to hear your story. For some reason it just hits home in a different way to hear it from another nurse. ❤
Wow, your story had me on the edge of my seat. As a recovering person I related to so much. You fell into my feed and I’m so glad you did. New sub.
Thank you for sharing that story with us. You’re a very good story teller. I can tell it was really rough for you in spots to keep going.. but you did. I appreciate you. Have a great week.. hope to hear from you soon.
Thank you Jen. I appreciate you too. As always, I’m so happy to see you here 🥰
As a nursing student, I participated in a NA/ AA type meeting for health care workers. Nurses, doctors, dentists, all addicted and who had lost their licenses when they got caught. Mostly for diverging narcs. It’s more common than we think. One particular nurse told her story, she would go home and drink a whole bottle of vodka to relax. Then it got to the point she was going to the liquor store during her lunch break. Another one was saving little drops of Propofol for herself.
We are under so much pressure. It’s vital to find healthy coping mechanisms. I understand and I support you ❤
I wish I could give you a hug 💔
This makes me so grateful you made it through this.
My very close friend got addicted to meth and has gotten so bad and I don’t even know where she is or even know if she is still alive anymore because she has not lived in one place in so long and doesn’t have a phone or anyway to contact her. I’ve tried so long to try to find her but it’s like she disappeared.
I guess when you sleep on peoples couches and use others phones and don’t have any social media it’s hard to find someone. She has been to jail once that I’ve found but after she got out she disappeared somewhere in Texas or Arizona. No one that knew her before knows where she is 😭
Her brother passed away and no one could contact her to tell her so she could come to his funeral. It’s so devastating because we have all tried to help her but she doesn’t what our help and doesn’t ever contact any of us in so many years.
I miss her so much and I wish she could see this and have a break though but I can’t even send it to her
💔💔💔
I hope someone that is in her life now can help her and she will finally come out of the drug haze and she will contact me or someone that knows and loves her and she comes back.
I’ve seen so much of her decline when I tried to help her when she moved in with me before she ran away to Texas or Arizona again and
it just makes me so grateful that you are strong enough to stay sober and make a new life for yourself because I can see how difficult it can be once you go down the hard drugs road, because I also watched two of my cousin go through back issues and get on heroin after their doctors wouldn’t help them with the addiction that became of the pain medications they were prescribed and unfortunately they both passed away from heroin overdoses around 10 years apart. It was devastating to see my sweet Aunt lose her two only sons to heroin and not be able to stop it from happening.
So you are an inspiration to me. Please stay strong and take care of yourself and if you need someone that has seen it from the other side and is empathetic, I’m her for you 💕
I appreciate you writing this so much. It is so sad, and so hard to watch. Even though I’ve been through it myself it’s still hard for me to watch other people in my life go through it, because there is so little I can do to help, even with all of the things that I have experienced. My heart goes out to you, your family, and your friend. I hope you find her.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us all 🙏❤️❤️❤️
My partner’s grandfather (who was basically his second dad, he was very close to him) passed one week after his actual father had died, and on the morning of his funeral, I bailed & went to get high instead. I still regret it so much. I went to rehab a few months later, May 2022, and am still sober now. But man, all the things that you look back on later, thinking, “why wasn’t this enough to jolt me into changing?” I kept using after a DUI, numerous ODs, including one at work that I’m lucky didn’t get me fired. It’s never enough, until one day, it finally is.
You explained addiction really well, for non-addicts. My partner always got so frustrated when I seemingly ignored my life falling apart, so I could go get high. I WAS worried sick about it, but my addict brain was also telling me, “get high first, then you can deal with this situation”. Obviously I didn’t deal with anything…once high, you dgaf about anything. And I’d do that every single day, always planning to do it one more time & stop. Ahhh delusion😂
Yep, that all sounds so familiar. lol. I guess addiction is pretty darn predictable when we are in it. We all do a lot of the same shit. Thank you so much for sharing that. It helps to read it. Sounds like we went through similar things. You are awesome. I hope you are doing well today :)
Hello my friend Brian!! Non addicts tend to refer to us as making these "choices" to be an addict. Well, no one "chooses" to be in a cult either. You're obviously getting something out of it thats pleasureable and works for you in the beginning. Usually coupled with a "i know too much about full blown addiction/cult involvement and it won't happen/i won't let it bc I'll see it first" type mindset. Its usually an insidious thing, until you find yourself in a place where you're like, "well i guess this is who i am now and what i do. It is what it is" "*shrug. (I was gonna put a lol after that, but it's not that kind of funny. Maybe a light inner chuckle based on shared knowledge and camaraderie)
Have a great day Brian! Hugs
You said it perfectly. No one wants that life. I’m glad I went through it though now. It has given me so much, and gotten me in touch with people like you. ❤️❤️
@@SmilesforMiles2024 🥰🥰🥰
I really appreciate your vulnerability. I can hear how difficult it is for you to speak openly about your life and what you have been through.
Thank you for sharing your story ❤ loved what you said about your motivation for being clean was for someone else .. so important to have our sole motivation to be healthy be for ourselves
Yes. Gotta take care of ourselves. THEN we can really be there for others 🙂 Thank you so much for watching and commenting 🙏❤️❤️
So far I have only watched the intro, so maybe I'll comment again at the end, but I cannot wait til the end to tell you how much I respect you telling this story. Just... I'm in awe. The courage that takes is astonishing. Thank you for sharing, I'm subscribing based on the first 30 seconds of one video.
We DO recover! Although our stories are a bit different, they are ultimately, all the same. Nurse here 🙋♀️ now I work with a doc doing detox meds and recovery. Working with newly sober people is my daily check. It's my purpose. When I tell a new patient that they will step over their dead mother's body to get to the drink or syringe on the other side, truer words are never spoken! I'm so glad to have found your channel and will pass it on to my patients as one of their "to do" items!
I'm in recovery so I soak up anything I can that may help me on my journey. I thoroughly enjoyed your story. I appreciated your gut level honesty.
I appreciate your kindness. I feel the same way! I just want to soak up whatever I can that will strengthen my understanding and resilience 😊 great job staying on the path!
Your poor wife, lost her Mum, lost her Dad and lost her husband.
True bummer.
Man I know that's some crazy fkd up compounded trauma. But I would have been that spouse lying to her face, putting her in danger, stealing cash from her wallet, and feeling JUSTIFIED for everything I did, and not remorseful. 30 years of active addiction, you learn remorse is an energy drain, an unaffordable kind, and remorse becomes one more thing you throw away, with both hands.
I got 3.5 yrs clean then relapsed after surgery 1.5 yrs ago. Got caught, convinced everyone I quit again even tho I only quit the program I was in, and haven't been caught again. It's different now though. Instead of heroin and meth it's fentanyl and meth. I'm scared af to kick fetty. It wasnt great last year, took me 30 days to piss clean and relapsed again *that* nite. 12 months and 2 weeks ago.
@@cleanserene6330 Wow, I cannot say that I understand but I certainly do not judge. It is a very long time of active addiction, you are lucky to be alive. Whatever you choose to do I wish you well.
Trust me he thinks this every day he don’t need us thinking it too
And he probably feels more guilt for that than we will ever know
Eeeek. This is so painful to watch. I hate when one of the members of our team falls into this trap. I know that nurses are only human, but so many of us try hard to be superhuman. So it’s very sad to see this. Thanks for being brave and leaving the bedside and thanks for being brave and sharing your story.
This video helped me to understand a lot, from the perspective of the mind of the addicted person, which is really helping to understand and forgive my ex, while also being certain that staying was no longer an option.
I just broke up with my now ex-partner, who's struggling with addiction. We're from different countries, but at the time i'm working remote, so I spent months at his place and then travel back to Mexico for a few weeks/days to see family, friend, sort stuff out and then back to Colombia.
Each and I every time i had to leave Colombia, even if it was for days, he relapsed. Each and every time i felt like shit for leaving him alone. Each and every time i was open to "offer more support", from changing therapists, to getting actual drug abuse rehab, in-patient, out-patient, getting a new psychiatrist, etc. Every time he "said" he wanted to get better for him, but then mentioned it was "also" doing it for me, and then his behavior made it look like I was the only reason he wanted to get better.
I try not to judge him. Addiction is a horrible disease, it's something people struggling with cannot control on their own and they are on a quest for life to learn how to cope and live with that. I know this guy will make it, as well as I know I can't be there anymore. I don't want to, first and foremost, but I have the feeling me being there was also a negative effect on his journey to recovery.
It pains me not knowing what he's up to, but I thrust God will keep him safe while he's able to learn to be safe my himself.
If you decide to leave your family member or person near you struggling with addition, doing only because it's affecting you in many ways, as my relationship was affecting me. Don't do it as a "tough love" lesson, as a threat, as a way to "wake a person up" from their addiction. Do it because it's what makes sense to put youlself as your life priority.
If you decide to stay, be sure to get yourself informed with videos like this: it makes coping easier. But also, understand the three Cs:
You didn't Cause it
You can't control it
You can't cure it
Lots of love. Miles, good luck. This video has helped me a lot. :)
I hope you’re able to continue your recovery! You are a very good storyteller. Thank you for sharing your story.
My Friend I was a paramedic and lived that same guilt & shame ridden journey .... right down to my wifes father (a man I loved, admired and treasured) passing in an eerily similar manner. I felt every part of your pain on a cellular level. It is so hard to put into words the way I/we felt and still feel about the selfish nature of our actions ...... that said I felt every nuance of your experience. Much love to you brother and thank you for sharing your story so openly, truthfully & honestly.
Much respect from a brother in Australia
Thank you so so much for being so open and willing to share your story. I always come across these kinds of videos when I need them most. I lost my mom in the thick of my addiction and then my dad 4 years later only a year into my recovery. It was two completely different experiences, but both hurt so much. I’m 5 years sober now, and I’m so thankful that I’ve made it this far. I struggle from time to time, and these stories always make me feel so much better.
Thanks for your honesty and insight into an addicted mind. Your friend’s band is amazing.
Thank you so much for checking them out! I believe in them. They are so good. Joel is the guitarist in the hat. Haha. Forgot to mention that in the video.
Yea this is the authentic stuff. How you explained self care being the key to recovery, that is so it, but explaining it to others is so so difficult. You did a good job. But it's like the dark night of the soul/rock-rock-rock bottom we have to go through, without reaching out to others or substances, in order to be as isolated and desperate enough, for long enough, to choose life, and choose to take care of ourselves, it can't easily be passed on to others. They have to go through their own hell to get there often.
There’s no shame in it. Many of us got addicted. Many. Just most people are too ashamed to talk about it. I’m proud of you for speaking out. I speak openly too.❤
I love it!! Thank you for being open. It's so healing to be open and not concerned who is going to think what. I appreciate you!
@@SmilesforMiles2024 I appreciate you too!💞👍
Thank you so much for telling your story. I'm in tears, I relate so much. Thank you !!!
While extremely sad, this was a great video. You have a lot of insight and self awareness. I’m sure it’s been said below but you would make an incredible counsellor. Wishing you all the best!
Probably the best presentation of what life as an addict is. Thank you for your courage to share. 13 years sober, my life as an alcoholic addict was insane. A friend I met in a recovery group was an ICU nurse busted on the job. So although nursing is not my story, I have given this a good deal of thought. New subscriber. I look forward to watching your other videos.
Not an addict but working my way out of wanting to take my life, I had to learn to want to survive for me, not anyone else. That was a huge turning point for me. Wanting to live for me.
God Bless you.
Psalm 34: 17-20
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.
Christ Jesus saved me from suicide, His yolk is easy, His love kind. I pray you ask Him to reveal Himself to you!
I have 3 adult kids in their mid 20’s that have mental illness and it’s been hard I wish I could take their depression and anxiety away. I’ve been supporting them and being understanding always. I had post partum depression when I was pregnant once and therapy really helped me. I wish you the best
Congratulations on six months sober. I am on year 9 of a pain pills never did heroin thank god. I am 56 and was doing pain meds on and off since I was 20. So happy to be sober!
Someone who just lost my husband in a Icu after 3 weeks. This truly pisses me off. I stayed with him the entire time because, I don't trust medical staff. This truly proves my point.
I feel for your addiction and your families experience. My family has been effected too. While my husband was in the hospital my niece died from a fentanol overdose.
Umm. Sorry for your loss, but sweeping generalizations about some of the hardest working ER and other high pressure med staff is rather sad. I’m sorry you endured such sad loss and circumstances. But your comment feels sort of misguided or misdirected here.
I’m glad he’s showing up and sharing. It reminds us that people are human and quite flawed.
@@TallGrass44she was being brutally honest about her feelings and is still grieving. Everyone needs a safe place without judgement when it comes to such a dark, sensitive subject. It's tough to imagine having the love of life pass away and hear such tragic stories because there are a lot of patients who lose their life or life long suffering from the caretakers we trust to save them. No shade or judging from me I just can openly see both sides. We need to respect everyone's opinion even if we don't like the response ❤
You don't realize how many people need to hear your stories! Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing❤
Thank you so much Phoebe. You don’t realize how good it is to read your comment ❤️
my worst day clean is always better than any day using!!
my addiction turned me into a person that i would never want to meet!!!
addiction is a disease it is certainly NOT a choice.
thanku for your story.
Bro, I just came across your channel randomly and have only watched this video so far but I gotta say you are doing amazing! I wasn’t a nurse, but I did deal with having to balance a job & my addiction. I know exactly exactly how you felt every step of the way down and the inevitable house of cards that came crashing down on you. Thankfully, and miraculously, I was one of the very, very small percentage of opiate addicts That got clean and stayed clean on their first try. That was five years ago, but I often remind myself that I am still an addict and will always be an addict even if I never use again. This video was very uplifting knowing that there was someone out there that went through the exact same thing I did balancing work and addiction. Thanks very much for posting.
I’ve been in recovery since 1998 and it seems like I have met more NURSES in the 12 step rooms than any other occupation.
It’s such a stressful job. And you deal with traumatic stuff all the time. Need an escape.
Lawyers and medical professionals have a very high rate of addiction. I think it's partly stress, or it might be the people who are drawn to these professions. In any event, it's something to be alert to, both in one's self, and loved ones, so hopefully there can be a diversion into treatment as soon as possible. Stories like we hear in the video are so valuable. Hopefully, it reduces stigma, and more folks receive the support they need.
Yes. Depraved mindset . I shocked myself to the core
Thanks for the open honesty. Millions go through life making mistakes--big ones and smaller ones.
You owned up to it and will be a better person for it. You sound articulate, seem very intelligent and with a good set of morals at this time. Welcome back to a beautiful world, I know you'll create from here on out. Drugs are drugs-- once anyone gets hooked ( "Saints" included), it's with my hope they'll be like you and leave all that behind. The Best Life to You!
I’m already leery of hospitals. This story only intensifies that feeling.
Doctors and nurses carry a crazy amount of weight on their shoulders. Doctors and nurses are only human. Addiction can happen to anyone at any time.
Be leery all you want, but when you need a hospital you need a hospital. People who work in hospitals aren’t without flaws, they are human after all.
@@MusicalMe123 The way you type this makes it seem like doctors and nurses are not responsible for their mental health, and realizing they need to get support as well. Yes, there needs to be an incredible amount of education throughout management to be able to implement guidelines that protect the state of being as healthcare workers, but with the 'crazy amount of weight on their shoulders' should come an impeccable responsibility to knowing when you're a risk to the humans you serve. Addiction CAN happen, but that is no excuse for someone to put others in harms way and it is a complete disregard to human life. You can't argue that.
@@abunchahooey With the state of healthcare and the way things are, patients with chronic illnesses and even terminal illnesses are more willing to die at home in pain then have to go and fight for the care they need in the hospital. The way you put this is makes it seem like it's okay that people are afraid of the hospital and it's only a matter of time that when a person needs a hospital - they will be more than grateful but unfortunately, the statistics show otherwise.
@@SerenitywithLawna-Merry Well, there are so many ways impaired people can effect your life, being specifically afraid of going to a hospital due to the possibility having an addicted nurse is stupid. And I have to laugh at your “impeccable responsibility” comment. I’ve been a nurse for 17 years and while most of my colleagues over the years do feel patients deserve their best, it’s just not realistic to expect altruistic behavior from any profession. Also had to laugh at your “needs to be an incredible amount of education…to implement guidelines…comment. What world are you living in? 😂 Of course we aren’t expected to come to work high, but despite what your statistics say, management’s job is to corral enough warm bodies (your healthcare team) to take care of the ever increasing influx of patients who present to the hospital with several co morbidities and chronic illnesses than ever before, not “educate” us that we shouldn’t be coming to work impaired and fretting over our state of mind. 🙄 You seem to like to hear yourself talk about stuff you have no personal knowledge in, so let me help you out. I’d be a heck of a lot more scared of the fact that seasoned and experienced nurses are leaving healthcare in droves due to short staffing and lousy pay than if one may be addicted. The newbie nurses who would rather scroll TickTock on their phone than review your chart are the ones you need to be blathering on about.
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your heart. I spent 22 years on a very dark path, so i know where you're coming from. I love you, and i am very proud of you
I am 11 months clean from fentanyl. The struggle is real. I hate what I became and what I put everyone through. My job is to stay clean and carry the message to others than recovery is possible. God bless you my friend 🙏
It's a good job to have. I appreciate you for being here. God bless you as well!
OMG! Your story! My heart breaks for you! I hope you’re clean and sober. You seem like such a nice guy. I’m continuing to watch your video. Oh my.
I was a drinker, never drugs. I got pancreatitis and ended up in the ICU in excruciating pain. I was on dilautid while hospitalized and was still in pain. I went to rehab a few months later to get sober. Saw someone who I knew I’d seen before but couldn’t place. One day I overheard her talking about losing her nursing career over diverting pain meds. It rushed back to me. She had been one of my nurses. She stole my meds and did not care I was in the worst pain of my life because I was expected to die. She looked at me a few times and I think she recognized me. We never spoke. Suppose to forgive but I’m not there yet.
Sparring partners of equal weight in different positions in life... no bueno and you need to get over dude.
That is absolutely terrible. I’m so sorry you experienced that, you deserved better.
So glad you're owning everything so well. It really sucks you had to lose everything to get better. It's very obvious you're a loving soul and you have a lot of shame and guilt. It hurts my heart to see your pain. It also makes me happy to see the raw emotion from you. Some addicts lose empathy and feelings. Play the tape to the end if you're ever wanting to relapse. Seeing where it's going to take you will help. You're making all of the right decisions now and that's what matters. 💯🌹
Thank you for sharing your experiences and your feelings. You have been through so much trauma. Your tears are a necessary part of healing. Feeling emotion, the good and the uncomfortable are a necessary part of living without masking them. I totally agree you must get clean for yourself. My Godson who was also a blood relative of mine, overdosed intentionally on a fentanyl/ heroin mix. He had been in and out of rehab many times. Six months prior to his death, his wife had overdosed on heroin. This left him with their 3 year old son. This sweet little boy found his mother dead in bed. He thought she was sleeping. His little self thought she might feel better if she had cereal and milk. He tried to feed her, and when she didn't respond, he called his Daddy and said "Mom won't wake up." He called 911 and rushed home. He felt so sorry for what his son had been put through. You might think his son would be a reason to succeed in getting clean. I arranged for him to go to detox. I was hopeful, but to be honest he felt such guilt and shame, and had experienced so much abuse and trauma, prior to his addiction. I had a nagging doubt because his addiction affected his body, mind, and spirit. As I dropped him off at detox, I hugged him and told him I loved him unconditionally. He hugged me back. He then said, "I want to quit heroin but heroin chases me. I love you Aunt Nancy." He completed the detox but never followed thru with the rest of the program. Because of restrictions on phone calls, that was the last time I talked with him. He went back to heroin and the streets. About 5 months after his wife's overdos I got a call that he had overdosed and died. That was 3 years ago. I still miss him. I understand the battle he fought. I appreciate you sharing your story. They may recognize themselves or a friend or family member through your story. You are giving back to others who are suffering. 🌸🌷🩷
Oh, that poor, sweet little baby boy!! What happened to him?? 😢😭
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Thank you for sharing, for every person like you who is brave enough to share there are thousands going through the same struggle
Thank you for sharing- im glad you've been able to stop using-i stopped in 2007 @ 45- 4 yrars ago i got a huge inheritance and have blown it on impulsive purchases & obtaining a gambling problem- now im 50k in debt & 63 yo- working again & am very disappointed in myself but proud i didnt off myself & leave my husband w/ a financial mess- ill clean it up in 3-4 years & then decide how to proceed-