When I used to visit my borderline/antisocial/narcissistic sister she would cancel whatever plans we had made and then criticize that I seemed to happy, say she couldn’t tolerate my high energy and then demand I leave immediately in front of my teenage nephew.
5:35 - Very interesting. I feel this is why repeated & prolonged betrayal trauma causes such significant mental and emotional disturbances in survivors. These kinds of sadistic boundary violations are not only experienced by the individual but modeled through the therapist/teacher/parents' behavior as "normal" -- or even "ideal".
IMHO in order to get their needs met in controlling and punitive ways, people with anxious attachment style tend to use Aggressive and sadistically punitive, Passive-aggressive, covert, fragile, hypervigilant or paranoid boundaries. In order to avoid loneliness or to close the distance between the other person, they tend to become controlling which further drives the other person away because people want to maintain their autonomy and dignity.
Ah yes, I know this one. A dismissive avoidant levied wild and random accusations at me as I silently recovered from major surgery, went in for the discard. I asked for an opportunity to talk about why he was suddenly mistreating me. He said no, he was setting a boundary, completely blindsiding me. We'd been friends for years, never a problem, but he was hiding a deep resentment of the intimacy forming between us. He used "boundaries" as a protective mechanism to justify his cruelty.
@@reginawilkes5100 I'm sorry to hear :( Well, we can be glad for our own accountability and learning. I'd hate to be like the people who do these things, and use their behaviour to try to be a better person. A life spent running from reality is no life at all, nothing to be jealous of, nothing to pity.
When people have boundary issues just set and maintain your own. If they don't adhere to that, walk away. Imposing boundaries is never wrong. If someone wants to close themselves off with their own rigid boundaries, that is their right. No one owes you compromise of their boundaries. Set your own and move on.
The interesting question is why someone does not notice when the boundaries are not respectful. And - perhaps, with another person, the person with "sadistic boundaries" might function well bc. they are being put in place.
This sadistic character gets upset if he sees you laughing.
When I used to visit my borderline/antisocial/narcissistic sister she would cancel whatever plans we had made and then criticize that I seemed to happy, say she couldn’t tolerate my high energy and then demand I leave immediately in front of my teenage nephew.
5:35 - Very interesting. I feel this is why repeated & prolonged betrayal trauma causes such significant mental and emotional disturbances in survivors. These kinds of sadistic boundary violations are not only experienced by the individual but modeled through the therapist/teacher/parents' behavior as "normal" -- or even "ideal".
IMHO in order to get their needs met in controlling and punitive ways, people with anxious attachment style tend to use Aggressive and sadistically punitive, Passive-aggressive, covert, fragile, hypervigilant or paranoid boundaries. In order to avoid loneliness or to close the distance between the other person, they tend to become controlling which further drives the other person away because people want to maintain their autonomy and dignity.
You have an excellent ability to describe mental health issues in a way that anyone can understand them. Thank you Sam Vaknin.
Ah yes, I know this one. A dismissive avoidant levied wild and random accusations at me as I silently recovered from major surgery, went in for the discard.
I asked for an opportunity to talk about why he was suddenly mistreating me. He said no, he was setting a boundary, completely blindsiding me. We'd been friends for years, never a problem, but he was hiding a deep resentment of the intimacy forming between us.
He used "boundaries" as a protective mechanism to justify his cruelty.
My ex-husband did the same. 😢
@@reginawilkes5100 I'm sorry to hear :( Well, we can be glad for our own accountability and learning. I'd hate to be like the people who do these things, and use their behaviour to try to be a better person.
A life spent running from reality is no life at all, nothing to be jealous of, nothing to pity.
When people have boundary issues just set and maintain your own. If they don't adhere to that, walk away. Imposing boundaries is never wrong. If someone wants to close themselves off with their own rigid boundaries, that is their right. No one owes you compromise of their boundaries. Set your own and move on.
Indeed 👍
Thank you so much Dear Sam Vaknin ❤
thx for the videos i always watch them before bedtime, so interesting!
Yes. Yes. 🙏🏽☀️
Thank you :-)
The interesting question is why someone does not notice when the boundaries are not respectful. And - perhaps, with another person, the person with "sadistic boundaries" might function well bc. they are being put in place.
Than you prof. Vaknin
Thank you
Thank you so so much ❤
Is people going after MARRIED people is going against Boundaries
CORRECT?
I think the video might be truncated
This is basically scotland