Her principle of "don't bring outside food to a family dinner" supercedes a likelihood of someone dying? Even if I hated the person, I would just not invite them to my house, rather than that
If OP's mom doesn't want to make something that is safe for her DIL to eat, then she shouldn't be offended when DIL brings something for herself. OP's mom wasn't careful and contaminated DIL's food. And she makes foods knowing DIL is allergic to it. So how is that ok but DIL bringing safe food wrong?
And it seems like her only excuse is that it’s rude. Lady do you know what’s rude? Causing someone to have an allergic reaction due to cross contamination and still not taking the issue seriously!
The mom is just trying to make it look like the DIL is trying to cause problems. And it’s working because the rest of OPs family are being jerks about it. The mom sucks.
@@lorilancaster5917 Yeah, it's also incredibly rude to serve only food you know one or more of your guests cannot eat. The lesser of the two "rude" options is to allow the guest to bring a meal they can eat if the host cannot or will not provide food they can eat. Being attentive to food allergy issues was drilled into my head since my cousin had numerous allergies as a kid (he's outgrown most to all of the food ones). He thankfully wasn't anaphylactic with his allergies but would be severely sickened (coming out both ends) if he ate an allergen. I pretty much always check with guests or make sure there's an ingredient placard if I'm bringing a dish.
If I were the allergic wife, I'd sit without anything to eat and watch people unblinking as they shovel food into their mouths. Make it so uncomfortable they'll shut their obnoxious mouths about her allergies. And I just read a mystery where peanuts were used as the murder weapon.
There was one time when my mom had dysentery and had to go to a banquet with her tour group. The tour leader had gone to the manager hours before the banquet to tell him that the sick lady needed something mild like plain rice or chicken soup. He refused to notify the chef, so near the end of the banquet the chef came out to demand why my mom wasn't eating anything. Upon being told that she was sick, he immediately rushed into the kitchen and started to make a pot of rice for her, which was served to her one hour AFTER the banquet ended. Since tourists were the only income that town had, everyone was bending over backwards trying to make it up to my mom...particularly after the tour leader pointed out that the company could pull that town off their tour.
I would so watch those horrible people eat. I would lean forward and follow every trip the fork or spoon made from mom's plate to her mouth. If I could cry on cue I would try having tears in my eyes, too. "OMG, I am soooo hungry. I envy people that can eat at your house instead of just watch." I would lay it on thick with a trowel. 😂
I love this idea. Smile sweetly, maybe knit. When asked, just shrug and say, "Well, I'd rather not ruin your evening by having to call an ambulance or possibly dying. Aren't we lucky that we don't have grandkids yet? Children sometimes inherit the same health conditions of their parents." Let that thought hang in the air while rising above with malicious compliance.
in story 1 the mother in law is the AH. allergies can and DO kill. shellfish is one of those. I have allergies, and while mine are mostly mild, I don't mess with some of them. they can have very painful reactions. good on hubby for standing up for his wife, nice shiny spine on wife for the compromise.
Any food allergy can be deadly, and any allergy that was not deadly previously can turn deadly at any point. That’s any food allergies are very serious.
Story 1) OP's wife brought her own dinner. Mom never had to cook a separate dinner for OP's wife, but she complained. They should AT LEAST be able to bring their own food. And the Family can quit piling on.
S3 - my biggest question with this story is who buys a wedding gift that is specifically and only for the bride? That is ridiculous. The wedding gift is for the couple. They only need to check the registry to buy an appropriate gift. And OP needs to wake up. The common dollar value for a wedding gift is usually equal to what the cost is of having you as a guest. Of course for those with limited income, you buy the gift you can afford. Since OP’s wife is stay at home, leaving the sole income on the husband’s shoulders, the bonus is best put in the bank for emergencies.
As someone with a very restricted diet for medical reasons, shellfish, peanuts, soy and celery are some of the EASIEST freaking things to NOT use. Make your own sauces without these things in it and leave celery out of the soffrito. They are very easily not missed in a diet. Know what's hard to avoid? Sugar, milk, garlic and gluten.
Soy is easy to leave out of home cooking, but DANG if it's not in EVERYTHING these days. Unexpected things, like hamburgers. I once went on an Allergen Reduction Diet for a few months, wherein I avoided Gluten, Dairy, Corn, Soy, Nightshades (potatoes, tomatoes, peppers), Citrus, Apples, and probably a few others I'm forgetting, plus dropped to just rice, chicken, tuna, veggies and fruits for a few weeks first. I couldn't eat practically *any* food I'd normally eat that wasn't prepared at home, 'cuz if it doesn't have Gluten or Dairy then it's got Soy or Corn. I learned a lot about what I'm consuming, and the experience, though frustrating, was ultimately a good one and made me feel better overall (likely just the reduction in processed foods more than any specific ingredient). I'm thinking of repeating it. Also, yeah, Garlic is ubiquitous.
@@cheekyftoro8962 Most people don't need to limit salt except for those few people whose blood pressure is so high the exttremely limited rise in blood pressure from extra osmosis would be an issue and are told to by doctors. Salt is a necessary nutrient. The whole "salt is bad" thing is a myth based on poorly done studies that were since debunked by more research research but were less publicized.
Eh idk soy is in basically everything in the US for seemingly no reason. My friend has a soy allergy and has a heck of a time finding places or even groceries that don’t have it.
Story 1- when I started dating my husband I told my parents he’s a vegetarian and our family is a big old meat eaters. My mom took them time to learn what he could eat, have to read labels and cross contamination, so he doesn’t get sick. My father then made a pantry shelf to store his food and freeze space, all this for someone I was dating for three weeks 😂 my parents like to feed people and there’s no way someone coming to their home, couldn’t eat and they made sure half of wedding food was vegetarian. Now this was the 80’s and most people would just roll their eyes at someone not eating meat, most restaurants were steamed vegetables or mashed potatoes.
I have family with celiac and I try my best to make things they can have. But I'm an exchef so I understand how to do proper cleaning and separate their food from ours. As in I use no pasta around my sauce until I sanitize and make tge gluten free pasta in a brand new disposable pan for her. Like my lasagna. I make the rice and garbanzo/ lentil pasta for them first and make their whole pan of lasagna first and I even cook it in my smaller countertop oven(it used to be in our camper) then once im sure theirs is safely our of the way and can't be accidentally cross contaminated do I start the pasta for the regular one. So far they've never had a reaction. But several things we will also eat the gluten free substitute so the whole family can eat together. Like brownies with the rice flour turn out nice enough my grandkiddos don't care. We also do a meat free meL occasionally and people don't really realize how many things can be totally vegetarian. It doesn't hurt to try and cater at least one lovely home made item for those of us with allergies or diseases. It's part of being a good host.
The more I said it to myself while listening to these wacky-ass tales, the more and more I genuinely LOVE the name Wren. It is strikingly beautiful! Seriously, OP's parents, inlaws, and whomever else has an issue with this can go take a long walk off a short pier. ..... Dorothy?! Nope.
Story 2: How scummy does a person have to be to face the possible imminent death of their child and guilt trip your other kid? F the commenters. No means no. He's not obligated to be their emotional support human.
Take your wife, (after she has had a full feast at home,) to sit and stare longingly at an empty plate all dinner long, and when Mom serves the peanut butter pie with celery dessert, let one long slow tear course down one cheek before offering a quick shaky smile of "apology" to her hostess.
Yes, I like your menu. Add creamed shellfish and soy dumplings. Why not. Seriously, how difficult is it to NOT use those four ingredients to make dinner??? My real concern is that because of MIL's ignorance, wilfully so, certain items like cups, glasses etc. could very well be contaminated enough to cause issues. OP has the right idea. Stay clear.
The bonus story: It said a portion of his wifes rent, not his wifes portion of the rent, which sounds like that was before OP and her were dating/living together.
We have a friend who has some weird autoimmune response thing to certain foods - more than allergies. She sends me a lists of what is currently forbidden and I will make a meal without those ingredients. Not that hard.
@@hebisuna When you have a lot of dietary restrictions it becomes a good idea to learn to cook so you can customize your food. make a pumpkin pie with nutmeg, allspice, cardamom, and mace.
NTA - "I don't see what the big deal is" Um... Have you ever been around a very sick young child? It's extremely traumatic and not something that should be forced on anyone, much less a teen who's essentially a stranger to the child! Asking OP if they'd not feel bad when she dies is absolutely disgusting.
@@minabee369 Some people have to protect their OWN hearts. Only one of those kids will live with that trauma. It does not go away, but you want to sentence someone to 50, 60 years of dealing with the after effects. THAT is heartless, if you ask me.
@@JayeEllis That is seriously some idiotic reasoning. Protecting your heart my ass. Ostracizing some sick kid makes their pain makes you feel uncomfortable is disgusting. These kids deserve love too. Also I've been around sick kids. It's not some horrible traumatic sentence you make it out to be. Being around sick kids actually normalized it for me. If you spend your time avoiding everything that makes you uncomfortable you're only going to make anxiety worse.
Sick step-sister. NTA. That 2nd commenter sounds like a narcissist. So what there are vacations! OP should pretend to be a sibling that "loves" this girl just because she's sick and vacations are offered? That's some sick thinking! OPs dad and step-monster are AHs. Their marriage, their sick kid, THEIR problem. Neglecting 1 child(OP) for any reason IS no defense. 2Gs on a gift? ETA. The wife because she has not done anything to protect herself in a marriage where OP "holds the purse" and OP for not recognizing that being a SAHW IS A JOB!, it's a full time job. If OP had to pay for a nanny, a cook, a housekeeper and bang-maid, he'd already be broke, and wouldn't be able to afford any "hobbies". Jerk.🤨
Years ago I was working on writing a novel, and my main protagonist was named Wren. I thought I was being original. A few years later I came across Corridor Crew's VFX channel, in which one of the creative visual effects artists is named Wren. I was both amazed and impressed. Having the name in the story here is equally cool.
All of those grandparents can kick rocks! OP and her husband never knew "Dorothy", and asking your child to name their baby after a deceased infant (that wasn't even technically born) is macabre! If those GPs want another "Dorothy" so bad, they should get a pet rock and switch custody every weekend 😂😂😂
@realbadger Agreed. Although, as an adult, knowing how badly Judy Garland was treated, the Wizard of Oz isn't all that enjoyable for me. Being an adult shatters so many illusions😕
@MizMorgue1 One thing that helps me maintain it as my lifelong favourite film was Margaret Hamilton and I becoming friends in the last years of her life...
Shellfish, peanuts, celery and soy? THat's easy to accommodate!!! Celery is a pretty common "hidden" ingredient, but dish won't loose much if you leave it out. All the others, you have to go out of your way to include them into meals, unless they are having Asian food every single time
To be honest, if i meet someone with severe allergies I would ask them to bring their own food every time not because I don't wanna cook for them but because I would be afraid I would do accidentally do cross-contamination at least until they taught me a few dishes that are safe for them.
The problem is when these ingredients are ubiquitous in most processed food these days. Garlic or onion powder is even worse. Soy sauce is used as an umami enhancer in quite a few meat dishes like hamburgers or sausages. Yes, you can easily avoid them when cooking from scratch, it's not nearly as easy when using any prepackaged meal ingredient, though. You can't use mashed potato mixes, sauce packages, canned foods... without really checking every label very carefully.
I think the bigger question is why isn’t the wife working in the friend lawyer story? And why is a friend bankrolling Op’s wife’s lifestyle? That’s my take of this. Two grand for a necklace is insane. There’s just so much questions going on in this story to really jump to conclusions that OP is the unreasonable one there needs to be an update here.
I was thinking the same thing. If OP can spend money on his hobbies then they can afford childcare and wife can work to help with other expenses and pay back her friend
Yeah. Instead of a necklace, OP's wife should offer to pay for lunch once in a while. Or to have the friend over for a home-cooked meal. Or any of the other things OP suggested. While his "my money" thing sucks, he's not wrong about it being crazy to spend so much on *one* piece of jewelry.
wait... it is RUDE of OP's wife to bring something she CAN eat, but it is also rude to expect OP's mother to cook an additional meal the wife can eat ? so what's OP's wife alternative ? to STARVE ?
The idea is to force her to eat the food that hurts her and smile like nothing is wrong because the family doesn't want to deal with the reality of someone with food allergies. They don't like she's not like them and they can't have the ideal family dinner. But denying or ignoring reality doesn't make it go away and OP is forcing them to accept that fact by not going to their dinners at all.
And to always cook meals that contain foods that wife is allergic to? I don’t know if anyone who loves celery to where it has to be in every meal. Yes I know she has other food allergies.
@@lorilancaster5917 celery powder is one of those ingredients you really have to watch out for in processed foods, unfortunately. Like with garlic powder, onion powder or soy sauce, you'd be surprised where you can find it. Many people don't cook completely from scratch, the vegetables might be canned, the sauces from a package, the burgers and sausages are almost always prepackaged... And allergens are present in almost all of them.
S1 they should go..... but fill up on food secretly b4 they go, then sit and stare at everyone eating... husband, too, in solidarity with his wife. "I couldn't possibly eat when there isn't isn't for "wife".. make everyone as uncomfortable as possible. Then see what they have tsay.
Same here. And good on OP for being a stand-up guy and making it clear to Mommy and her little a**-kissing minions that his wife's safety is more important than their pettiness.
Forced relationships with half siblings story : NTA OP. Not at all. You are a teenager now and your views count. Pretty soon you're going to be the free babysitter and expected to parent your father's children when he loses interest again. Refuse to visit with them on grounds that you want to concentrate on your studies. You do not owe them anything, even your time. What they are doing to you is abuse. Ask your mum to go to court for back child support. That money is yours and is owing to you and you will need it if you want to go to college.
Gift story: I may get scolded but I would say OPs not the AH. For starters when the friend helped pay his wife’s part of the rent, they may have been during a time where OP and spouse weren’t living together but she told her about it. Second, OPs wife can get a job if she wants to spend 3k for a necklace for a friend that she may or may not want. Lastly, if OPs wife was a real friend, she would’ve stopped letting her friend foot the bill for things. Absent father story: along with filing for child support, I hope OPs mom will request a different judge. Name story: I hope OP and spouse put the grandparents in a time out to let the fact that the baby has a name sink into their thick skulls. I’m also curious to know why they are harassing a new mom about this and not suggest this when she was pregnant?
While I agree that a $2000 gift is worth a discussion, I'm not really liking his attitude about 'his' money. It is not, it's theirs. He's also very dismissive about his hobbies, and even if they don't get the necklace, it's a good exercise for them to make. I agree that $2000 is too much of a wedding gift, but I'm not really liking his motivation here.
8:42 wife doesn't have a dime of spending money or any money to herself. It might be a lot to spend on a gift but this isn't really about the gift is it? It's about her not being able to spend any money.
Could y'all please stop accusing every woman who doesn't agree with you "internalized misogyny". Ffs everything is not about men. She definitely stupid, but it's not even about misogyny. Just stupidity.
@@brigidtheirishbut that might not have been the reason. They might have been expecting a boy, and it took some time to readjust when it was a girl. Or they already had a girl, and wanted to use the girl baby name they had chosen, too. I mean, if I expected Chinese takeaway, but they bring my favourite pizza, I'm also going to need a minute to fully appreciate the pizza. No disrespect to pizza, btw, but I was expecting chicken and broccoli wok. OP's mother was kind of an AH for mentioning it decades later, and went completely off the rails after that, but I would be careful assuming it was because of misogyny. Not saying it wasn't, just that there are other possibilities, too.
The money spent on her portion of rent was from before she married OP. If it's spent only on the bride, that's not a wedding present. Wedding presents are for couples. Taking 2k of a 3k bonus for a necklace is ridiculous. This is not household budget money. This is money earned for exceptional work - Work that the wife did not do. He still has to pay taxes for that extra money, too. They need to divide household responsibilities so she can work. Then they can divide bills and she can spend every other dime on her friend.
Yes, a 2000 dollar gift is too much when they don't make much, but it seems that he is considering his income only his. He has an expensive hobby, but hasn't even thought about allocating some money for SAHM, which isn't for groceries.
You need to send Dad a message those are your step kids. I'm glad you're having a nice time with them. Please stop trying to shove them on me. Look, in a couple years I won't be around anymore. So let's not get them get attached only only to have me not in their lives at all better it's better to have the distance then the disappointment.
I feel bad that the little girl has so many serious health problems and doesn't have much opportunities to make much friends. But that doesn't excuse Op's dad and stepmom (if I got it right) for trying to force a bond. It only hurts the little girl when they lie to her that others have feelings for her it doesn't make things better. OP only visits dad once a month doesn't sound like dad really spends that time with OPm if parents are only asking OP to come so OP can help watch and babysitter then I probably would say no but if not would go just to make the kid happy at least one
13:56 bizarre how the grandparents all think they can decide what to name the baby. That’s wild. You can suggest, or request, but you don’t get to insist on ANYTHING. 😮. The last comment read was WAY OFF, not misogyny, more likely a narcissistic mother who doesn’t want “competition”. Every female is considered competition, for some women, even their daughters. Then there are the ones who try to live their lives over through their daughters. It’s unfortunate OP got hit with that stick.
I'm allergic to latex, but not celery. Pineapple, jalapeño and mushrooms, sure, but not celery. I used to go to school with a kid who was allergic to lettuce (or so the rumors went).
My husband and I spent many years on dual income with the understanding that, though he made more than I did, it was all "our income" to be spent on household, vacation, anything we jointly benefited from. BUT, any bonuses (incentive, reward, annual) was for the person who earned it themselves - their personal money to use as they wished - blow it all on whatever the person who EARNED the bonus wanted.
Ill stepsister story : NTA OP. Your dad married this girl's mum. You didn't marry your stepmother and her daughter. The girl's situation is sad, but is not your problem. Your father is trying to force you to bond when there is no reason for you to. How you feel is up to you. You can decline to go on vacations with the child if you want to. Your father and his wife are being AH's by telling you how to feel. At 17, you can decline to spend weekends with them anyway if you don't want to. You may want to spend them with your mates.
I'm sorry I'm a SAHM & your wife wants you to spend 2k on a wedding present? That's absolutely ridiculous. Nope most of that money should be spent on your family or into a savings fund. Maybe spend afew hundred but not damn near all your bonus no NTA
I love this idea I can with 0:33 just take a cooler of your most favorite smoothie meals with you wherever you go! With all these fancy smart cars you could have a cooler in your trunk and or front consul.!😊
It's actually NOT ridiculous that your wife wants to tally up how much you spend on yourself, and it IS a fair comparison to her having access to free spending money. Don't pretend it wasn't a joint decision that only one partner in the household would work. If you have one income in the family, it's not the breadwinner's to dole out as they see fit! That's financial abuse. You have the luxury of a partner at home to pick up the slack the rest of us poor schlubs have to do ourselves. There is value in that! I'm going to want to know why you don't both have an EQUAL amount of free-spend money as a line item in your budget? Do you know how much a SAH lowers their earning potential? She'd better have savings in her own name, too! Even my Grandpa knew it was his responsibility to make sure Grandma was taken care of if something happened to him. He faithfully invested in her name as much as in his own.
Yeah, I kind of agree with that commenter that said that a 2000 dollar necklace is too expensive, but he's controlling and that's worse. I mean, sure, spending 2000 dollars on a gift is worth a discussion, regardless of who brings in the money, but his reasons are borderline abusive.
@@barvdw Depends on where the money is coming from for me. If it's joint money, definitely discussion. If it's out of my free-spend cash, keep your thoughts to yourself. Not only his reasons, but his inability to see the inequity is very abusive.
@@JayeEllis well, it was 'his' bonus, but as a SAHM, she doesn't have an income for her own, of course. Definitely inequity here, and he's blind or unwilling to see it. Not every family works with personal spending money, but it seems that he has carved out some of his income for his personal enjoyment and doesn't allow his wife the same. That's at the very least inconsistent.
Story1: NTA. With some allergens just being in the same room it was prepared in can cause a fatal allergic reaction. Shellfish and peanut allergies can be fatal very easily. I feel sorry for OP's wife. Not going to dinners where his mom will essentially poison his wife is the right thing to do. I don't see why the Mom is so offput by the wife bringing something she can eat. It's not a restaurant with no outside food rules. It's not like she could eat what the mother cooks anyway and the mother isn't willing to accommodate her. This is a safety issue. The OP's family sound like terrible selfish people.
Oh boy, I have food intolerances, and I always offer to bring my own food if I'm visiting something. Even if they say don't worry about bringing something, I've always got safe snacks in my bag. Have to keep reminding grandparents I'm not on a diet to lose weight, it's a different health issue, but otherwise no one has ever been upset!
Regarding the story where OP's father was absent for most of his life and OP does not wish to spend time with Dad's new family, I know how I would get my way as a teenager. Judge or not no judge, I would simply walk away from the father's home. No judge is going to want to deal with a runaway constantly and will eventually cave. I have no doubt there are a few judges out there that will send me to a group home, but that is on them. I'm NOT going to go to a place I despite.
Story 3(? The 2k necklace one): Ignore the goddamn necklace for a second, does the wife have any financial freedom? Because OP seems to imply that she does not have savings of her own nor does she have access to a debit card. Just has access to a credit card so he can see all her purchases and it's apparently only for necessities. If she is currently paying rent that is not clear, but she also does not seem to have any money to spend on herself. Considering op's suggestion, instead of going to things that spend money was to just 'hang out'. Which kind of implies the reason the best friend keeps covering things is because op won't cover anything for his wife to have a life outside of being a mom and wife. Also this dude seemed like the type of dick bag who if she was to get a job would require her to pay half of child care and half the bills so she still have nothing at the end of the day. Look at this point the necklace is the least problematic thing in this relationship. Because apparently he has a bunch of money to spend on his hobbies, but she can't go to a restaurant. Like I don't think this woman has the opportunity to even save up for a gift for her friend, Much less anything Her husband doesn't deem necessary.
Thank you, I was wondering where this comment was! Is two grand a lot for a wedding gift when you're in the tax bracket OP describes? Sure, but honestly, that's the smallest problem with the relationship outlined in this story. I don't know how nobody else figured out that the friend pays for OP's wife when they go out because OP doesn't let his wife have any discretionary money of her own! So much wrong with this picture, and the wife wanting to thank her friend with an expensive gift is the least of it.
The last story with the baby name: I'd be telling these folks "just keep stomping your feet and acting like spoiled entitled children. My body, my rules. You don't always get what you want, that's life and you need to move on. No is no is no is no. And if you don't get it now, that's a you problem. Not mine. Stop trying to do so.
I’m allergic to strawberries, mushrooms and all onions except green ones, my mother has known this my entire life yet she would still put them in dishes and after I reacted would say, oh I thought it was ok if they were cooked, nope cooking doesn’t make me not allergic to them. In the case of strawberries her go to statement was always, oh I forgot you didn’t like strawberries, no, I’m allergic to them. People wonder why I’m no contact with her, the allergy situation and a million other reasons are why, I hate that woman.
When I was pregnant with my first son my mother had decided that his name was going to be Michael Andrew and she was going to call him Drew. His name is Michael Daniel. She didn't get to see him for the first year of his life.
I don’t like shell fish. My gf doesn’t like celery. We just don’t cook with it. Its not hard. The mom is being intentionally rude. She probably doesn’t think allergies are real
Story 1: NTA, And this is such a transparent attempt by the mother to bait a situation where only her precious son comes over and not the wife, I'm surprised nobody mentioned it. That is her obvious goal.
The first story immediately reminds me of the infamous coconut allergy story. I don't even know what MIL thinks she's playing at, but OP is right to shut that down before his wife gets killed by his mother's stupidity and lack of empathy.
It’s a bonus. Something extra. And her immediate thought is to spend most of it on something that isn’t even for _their_ household but for her friend who keeps covering *her* broke ass? (Seriously Friend paid the wife’s rent _twice?_ How stupid was OP to marry this chick 😒😒😒)
Never ever have I ever understood people that are so incredibly rude to make food but insist on people eating poison. If you are kind enough to make food then make it not poisonous for everyone. I would judge and be cynical of this person until the end of time.
I do think a 2k wedding gift is crazy but her friend has spent tons of money to help your wife and pays for things. It isn't ridiculous that your wife wants to do something nice for her friend this once. I think it is wrong to take advantage of the friend if it is doing expensive hobbies also half of that money belongs to wife. Can't remember if OP and wife have kids but if not I think the wife should find a part-time job or something there she can earn money too. Then she will have money if she wants to do activities with her friend and can pay her own rent
Why is everyone assuming that the rent payment was since marriage? It could have been before marriage, which makes sense. Why is the wife a stay at home wife? No mention of kids. If they don’t have kids,no she is not working as hard as op.
If your wife is milking that rich doctor, that's the calculation you need to make. Calculate the financial value of that friendship and compare that to the price of a necklace.
The bonus story. I highly doubt anyone telling this guy to drop 2 grand on a wedding gift would do the same themselves. Let's not pretend like 2 grand is nothing on a single income family.
It's tough seeing how your mom's initial resistance to accommodating your wife's allergies has created tension, especially after things had been good before. Hopefully, with better understanding and clear communication, your family dinners can get back on track.
Wife and 2K wedding gift: The wife can go get a job and raise that amount in several months (since Hubby covers everything else). That’s what the wife should do. Spending 2K of a 3K bonus is reckless and stupid. Especially when there is a single income and they presumably don’t have any disposable income. 🤦🏽♀️ Plus the wife would worry about her friend’s irresponsible spending (she has no job), or think she lied about being broke.
I'm sorry I really feel bad for the child. But these weekends are for you and your dad. And that should be the top priority. When you get older and have nothing to do with your dad because there's no bond there. I hope he doesn't complain because it's all his fault. As a parent I totally empathize with this woman and her child. But she married a man with children and those children have a right to have 101 time with their father when they only see him once a month. You realize when you get to be 16 and 17 and you're working and you can't be bothered. Are your way in college. He's going to be whining cuz you don't have time for him. But what he doesn't realize is he's not giving you the time you need now. God bless the young girl I pray she gets a heart transplant. But she's not your responsibility and there is no bond there.
Baby name story NTA. However, I will admit while listening to the story and hearing the name OP chose that my first reaction to the name Wren was to think “are you going to have a Stimpy too?”
Friend Gift Story: Uhhhh are we sure the wife isnt going to build this friend an art room in their house? The red flags are neon and as bright as the Vegas Strip
S1, so mum just doesn't like the wife. Period. She can't have this both ways. Either she goes and is served a safe meal, brings her own, or you don't attend. No ifs or buts
First story : NTA at all OP. Your wife could lose her life if she has a bad reaction to a known allergen. Your mother is being deliberately obtuse and putting your wife's like at risk. You could eat before going to these 'dinners', but it seems the meal may be a large part of the time and you and your wife would either have to sit watching others eat or sit alone for the duration. Probably best just to do something more interesting with the time rather than expect your wife to put up with your hostile mother. You could always go to your in-laws instead each time.
I was a stay at home mom… groceries is not fun money! Taking kids shopping for groceries is not a fun trip out of the house! Should that woman’s spend $2000 on a necklace oh heck no.. I also have relatives with money and they would never want me to reciprocate that way. A small gift is appreciated. But that husband, holy buckets! He is an idiot. He wants to give his wife an “allowance” 😳what an A$$… he is the idiot!
That isn’t even a hard combination to work with. I can only think of like 5 meals that need celery. You know what features none of those allergens? Basically everything Italian. Shut up and make a nice lasagna, mom. But nah, imma make peanut soy shellfish garnished with celery apparently, because I’m a normal person!
OP mother is in the wrong she’s allergic to the things you’re making at least try to make food without those it’s possible, and if she’s not gonna cook something that her daughter-in-law can’t eat, she should not be upset when she hurt daughter-in-law brings her own food.
NTA you don’t have a relationship with this girl stepmom is trying to quilt you because if there you can take care of her daughter and she gets a brake step mother needs to fail her entitlement down and your dad needs to remember who his really child is before it is to late do not get guilted into being her support human
The last comment on the last story was wrong, i was deathly afraid of being a mom to a girl, because i grew up with only women.. And it was horrible.. i was so afraid of being like my mom, so i wanted only boys.. i went through therapy for this, and now have an amazing 15yr old daughter, that's like my little best friend,but still her daddies girl! I didn't have a dad, so i get to see how special a relationship between father&daughter is! I'm so happy we had her! But it wasn't misogyny that made me fear having a girl, it was the abuse I went through at home,as a kid, that made me so scared... So the comment really irked me!!
Original: "They had all boys." Your Version: "They all had boys." These are not equivalent. The original says that all the children born were boys. Your change says that each family unit had at least one boy, but might also have had girls. Since the issue is that the family didn't have female children, the original is the correct version.
Here's what I'd say you've got to name your kids. Now we get to neymar's. If you want a kid named Dorothy might I suggest you guys get pregnant and have another kid. And if you try and call my kid Dorothy you won't see it. No is a complete sentence. End of discussion.
S1: geez your mother is a huge AH.. I think you should stop visiting them at all.. I cook all the time and never use shellfish, celery or soy.. Its a pretty easy thing to do...S2: I think 2k on a gift for your wifes friend is crazy. I also think you treat your wife as a free housemaid who deserves no money of her own.. Your wife should STOP being a SAHM and get a job and get some hobbies and force you to xare for your own damn kids sometimes..
![Seungmin "그렇게, 천천히, 우리(As we are)" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kAzmhLHePqU/mqdefault.jpg)
Her principle of "don't bring outside food to a family dinner" supercedes a likelihood of someone dying?
Even if I hated the person, I would just not invite them to my house, rather than that
Exactly! Prioritizing a rule over someone's safety is just absurd. If accommodating isn't possible, it’s better not to invite them at all
If OP's mom doesn't want to make something that is safe for her DIL to eat, then she shouldn't be offended when DIL brings something for herself. OP's mom wasn't careful and contaminated DIL's food. And she makes foods knowing DIL is allergic to it. So how is that ok but DIL bringing safe food wrong?
And it seems like her only excuse is that it’s rude. Lady do you know what’s rude? Causing someone to have an allergic reaction due to cross contamination and still not taking the issue seriously!
Its passive aggression. She is purposefully TRYING to make her ill.
The mom is just trying to make it look like the DIL is trying to cause problems. And it’s working because the rest of OPs family are being jerks about it. The mom sucks.
@@lorilancaster5917 Yeah, it's also incredibly rude to serve only food you know one or more of your guests cannot eat. The lesser of the two "rude" options is to allow the guest to bring a meal they can eat if the host cannot or will not provide food they can eat.
Being attentive to food allergy issues was drilled into my head since my cousin had numerous allergies as a kid (he's outgrown most to all of the food ones). He thankfully wasn't anaphylactic with his allergies but would be severely sickened (coming out both ends) if he ate an allergen. I pretty much always check with guests or make sure there's an ingredient placard if I'm bringing a dish.
Power move
If I were the allergic wife, I'd sit without anything to eat and watch people unblinking as they shovel food into their mouths. Make it so uncomfortable they'll shut their obnoxious mouths about her allergies. And I just read a mystery where peanuts were used as the murder weapon.
There was one time when my mom had dysentery and had to go to a banquet with her tour group. The tour leader had gone to the manager hours before the banquet to tell him that the sick lady needed something mild like plain rice or chicken soup. He refused to notify the chef, so near the end of the banquet the chef came out to demand why my mom wasn't eating anything. Upon being told that she was sick, he immediately rushed into the kitchen and started to make a pot of rice for her, which was served to her one hour AFTER the banquet ended. Since tourists were the only income that town had, everyone was bending over backwards trying to make it up to my mom...particularly after the tour leader pointed out that the company could pull that town off their tour.
I would so watch those horrible people eat. I would lean forward and follow every trip the fork or spoon made from mom's plate to her mouth. If I could cry on cue I would try having tears in my eyes, too. "OMG, I am soooo hungry. I envy people that can eat at your house instead of just watch." I would lay it on thick with a trowel. 😂
siting there and reading a book while they eat haha
That’s such a vivid picture! Making it obvious can be a powerful way to address people who don’t take allergies seriously.
I love this idea. Smile sweetly, maybe knit. When asked, just shrug and say, "Well, I'd rather not ruin your evening by having to call an ambulance or possibly dying. Aren't we lucky that we don't have grandkids yet? Children sometimes inherit the same health conditions of their parents." Let that thought hang in the air while rising above with malicious compliance.
in story 1 the mother in law is the AH. allergies can and DO kill. shellfish is one of those. I have allergies, and while mine are mostly mild, I don't mess with some of them. they can have very painful reactions. good on hubby for standing up for his wife, nice shiny spine on wife for the compromise.
It was awful shellfish of her to put her dil at risk.
Any food allergy can be deadly, and any allergy that was not deadly previously can turn deadly at any point. That’s any food allergies are very serious.
Story 1) OP's wife brought her own dinner. Mom never had to cook a separate dinner for OP's wife, but she complained. They should AT LEAST be able to bring their own food. And the Family can quit piling on.
S3 - my biggest question with this story is who buys a wedding gift that is specifically and only for the bride? That is ridiculous. The wedding gift is for the couple. They only need to check the registry to buy an appropriate gift. And OP needs to wake up. The common dollar value for a wedding gift is usually equal to what the cost is of having you as a guest. Of course for those with limited income, you buy the gift you can afford. Since OP’s wife is stay at home, leaving the sole income on the husband’s shoulders, the bonus is best put in the bank for emergencies.
That’s for her friend. Let OP’s wife do that for her
As someone with a very restricted diet for medical reasons, shellfish, peanuts, soy and celery are some of the EASIEST freaking things to NOT use. Make your own sauces without these things in it and leave celery out of the soffrito. They are very easily not missed in a diet.
Know what's hard to avoid? Sugar, milk, garlic and gluten.
Salt salt is a nightmare to limit
Soy is easy to leave out of home cooking, but DANG if it's not in EVERYTHING these days. Unexpected things, like hamburgers. I once went on an Allergen Reduction Diet for a few months, wherein I avoided Gluten, Dairy, Corn, Soy, Nightshades (potatoes, tomatoes, peppers), Citrus, Apples, and probably a few others I'm forgetting, plus dropped to just rice, chicken, tuna, veggies and fruits for a few weeks first.
I couldn't eat practically *any* food I'd normally eat that wasn't prepared at home, 'cuz if it doesn't have Gluten or Dairy then it's got Soy or Corn. I learned a lot about what I'm consuming, and the experience, though frustrating, was ultimately a good one and made me feel better overall (likely just the reduction in processed foods more than any specific ingredient). I'm thinking of repeating it.
Also, yeah, Garlic is ubiquitous.
@@cheekyftoro8962 Most people don't need to limit salt except for those few people whose blood pressure is so high the exttremely limited rise in blood pressure from extra osmosis would be an issue and are told to by doctors. Salt is a necessary nutrient. The whole "salt is bad" thing is a myth based on poorly done studies that were since debunked by more research research but were less publicized.
Eh idk soy is in basically everything in the US for seemingly no reason. My friend has a soy allergy and has a heck of a time finding places or even groceries that don’t have it.
@@laurenc4138 not in homemade food made with whole ingredients.
Story 1- when I started dating my husband I told my parents he’s a vegetarian and our family is a big old meat eaters. My mom took them time to learn what he could eat, have to read labels and cross contamination, so he doesn’t get sick. My father then made a pantry shelf to store his food and freeze space, all this for someone I was dating for three weeks 😂 my parents like to feed people and there’s no way someone coming to their home, couldn’t eat and they made sure half of wedding food was vegetarian. Now this was the 80’s and most people would just roll their eyes at someone not eating meat, most restaurants were steamed vegetables or mashed potatoes.
I have family with celiac and I try my best to make things they can have. But I'm an exchef so I understand how to do proper cleaning and separate their food from ours. As in I use no pasta around my sauce until I sanitize and make tge gluten free pasta in a brand new disposable pan for her. Like my lasagna. I make the rice and garbanzo/ lentil pasta for them first and make their whole pan of lasagna first and I even cook it in my smaller countertop oven(it used to be in our camper) then once im sure theirs is safely our of the way and can't be accidentally cross contaminated do I start the pasta for the regular one.
So far they've never had a reaction.
But several things we will also eat the gluten free substitute so the whole family can eat together.
Like brownies with the rice flour turn out nice enough my grandkiddos don't care.
We also do a meat free meL occasionally and people don't really realize how many things can be totally vegetarian. It doesn't hurt to try and cater at least one lovely home made item for those of us with allergies or diseases.
It's part of being a good host.
The more I said it to myself while listening to these wacky-ass tales, the more and more I genuinely LOVE the name Wren. It is strikingly beautiful!
Seriously, OP's parents, inlaws, and whomever else has an issue with this can go take a long walk off a short pier.
..... Dorothy?! Nope.
I too am confused, if OP's wife is a SAH, why would she be paying half the rent?
Maybe she was working once and not anymore now? Idk. That part wasn’t too clear.
I was thinking that OP was bringing up incidents prior to them marrying.
@@lorilancaster5917 yeah that must be it, though oddly worded for sure. 😆
From how OP put it, I think that rent was from before they were married.
Yes, confusing on the rent, but if they don't bring in that much money its ridiculous to but a 2,000 gift for someone.
Story 2: How scummy does a person have to be to face the possible imminent death of their child and guilt trip your other kid? F the commenters. No means no. He's not obligated to be their emotional support human.
Nor OPs sister whom never met the family. I hope OP brings this up to his mom and hopefully they can get a different judge
@lorilancaster5917 He's 17. Depending on when he turns 18 it's pointless. He can actually just decide not to go and it would be okay.
@@lorilancaster5917 I wonder if this an attempt to get more alone time with Dad while op deals with the sick kid
@@velvety2006 probably when it should be the reverse
Take your wife, (after she has had a full feast at home,) to sit and stare longingly at an empty plate all dinner long, and when Mom serves the peanut butter pie with celery dessert, let one long slow tear course down one cheek before offering a quick shaky smile of "apology" to her hostess.
Yes, I like your menu. Add creamed shellfish and soy dumplings. Why not. Seriously, how difficult is it to NOT use those four ingredients to make dinner??? My real concern is that because of MIL's ignorance, wilfully so, certain items like cups, glasses etc. could very well be contaminated enough to cause issues. OP has the right idea. Stay clear.
The bonus story: It said a portion of his wifes rent, not his wifes portion of the rent, which sounds like that was before OP and her were dating/living together.
We have a friend who has some weird autoimmune response thing to certain foods - more than allergies. She sends me a lists of what is currently forbidden and I will make a meal without those ingredients. Not that hard.
fellow celery allergy sufferer! didn't realize it wasn't "spicy" to other people until this year
Do you have any reaction to it aside from burning like a hot pepper? Is it a dangerous allergy or more of an annoyance.
kinda itchy! like when I touch bananas which is another allergy. far from my worst one tho (cinnamon, which causes throat swelling and a rash)
@@hebisuna Oh, the cinnamon one sounds awful just because it is used in so many baked goods it would be harder to avoid than celery or bananas.
@@ImaNerdANDaGeek I miss pumpkin things
@@hebisuna When you have a lot of dietary restrictions it becomes a good idea to learn to cook so you can customize your food. make a pumpkin pie with nutmeg, allspice, cardamom, and mace.
NTA - "I don't see what the big deal is" Um... Have you ever been around a very sick young child? It's extremely traumatic and not something that should be forced on anyone, much less a teen who's essentially a stranger to the child! Asking OP if they'd not feel bad when she dies is absolutely disgusting.
Some of you people are totally heartless. Thank goodness you're not the majority.
@@minabee369 Unfortunately, I know from experience. Wanna pay my therapy bills? What's your frame of reference?
@@minabee369 Some people have to protect their OWN hearts. Only one of those kids will live with that trauma. It does not go away, but you want to sentence someone to 50, 60 years of dealing with the after effects. THAT is heartless, if you ask me.
@@JayeEllis That is seriously some idiotic reasoning. Protecting your heart my ass. Ostracizing some sick kid makes their pain makes you feel uncomfortable is disgusting. These kids deserve love too. Also I've been around sick kids. It's not some horrible traumatic sentence you make it out to be. Being around sick kids actually normalized it for me. If you spend your time avoiding everything that makes you uncomfortable you're only going to make anxiety worse.
Sick step-sister. NTA. That 2nd commenter sounds like a narcissist. So what there are vacations! OP should pretend to be a sibling that "loves" this girl just because she's sick and vacations are offered? That's some sick thinking! OPs dad and step-monster are AHs. Their marriage, their sick kid, THEIR problem. Neglecting 1 child(OP) for any reason IS no defense.
2Gs on a gift? ETA. The wife because she has not done anything to protect herself in a marriage where OP "holds the purse" and OP for not recognizing that being a SAHW IS A JOB!, it's a full time job. If OP had to pay for a nanny, a cook, a housekeeper and bang-maid, he'd already be broke, and wouldn't be able to afford any "hobbies". Jerk.🤨
Last Story: Tell them you pushed her out therefore what you says goes!! Plus I'm still laughing at "womb nugget "!!🤣
Years ago I was working on writing a novel, and my main protagonist was named Wren.
I thought I was being original.
A few years later I came across Corridor Crew's VFX channel, in which one of the creative visual effects artists is named Wren. I was both amazed and impressed. Having the name in the story here is equally cool.
All of those grandparents can kick rocks! OP and her husband never knew "Dorothy", and asking your child to name their baby after a deceased infant (that wasn't even technically born) is macabre! If those GPs want another "Dorothy" so bad, they should get a pet rock and switch custody every weekend 😂😂😂
@MizMorgue1 The only argument I might ever have regarding Dorothy would be as a _Wizard of Oz_ reference...
@realbadger Agreed. Although, as an adult, knowing how badly Judy Garland was treated, the Wizard of Oz isn't all that enjoyable for me. Being an adult shatters so many illusions😕
@MizMorgue1 One thing that helps me maintain it as my lifelong favourite film was Margaret Hamilton and I becoming friends in the last years of her life...
@realbadger ohhhhh...that's nice. That's a lovely memory to cherish🥹
Shellfish, peanuts, celery and soy? THat's easy to accommodate!!! Celery is a pretty common "hidden" ingredient, but dish won't loose much if you leave it out. All the others, you have to go out of your way to include them into meals, unless they are having Asian food every single time
To be honest, if i meet someone with severe allergies I would ask them to bring their own food every time not because I don't wanna cook for them but because I would be afraid I would do accidentally do cross-contamination at least until they taught me a few dishes that are safe for them.
The problem is when these ingredients are ubiquitous in most processed food these days. Garlic or onion powder is even worse. Soy sauce is used as an umami enhancer in quite a few meat dishes like hamburgers or sausages.
Yes, you can easily avoid them when cooking from scratch, it's not nearly as easy when using any prepackaged meal ingredient, though. You can't use mashed potato mixes, sauce packages, canned foods... without really checking every label very carefully.
@barvdw Good point, didn't think much in that direction, as I don't live in the US and indeed mostly cook from scratch
Story #1 - I think mil does it to have dil not come, but thinks hubby will come anyway.
Story 1- Wait so after hurting the wife (by accident I hope) instead of trying to do better she was like “fuck it”???? Man
Maybe she's either lazy, unempathetic or hates the DIL.
MIL has to go out of her way to make food that contains shellfish, soy, etc. So many options that don’t include it.
Wonder if the mom is Asian? Or grew up in an Asian country? It may sound exotic to us but it might just be Tuesday dinner for the mom.
I think the bigger question is why isn’t the wife working in the friend lawyer story? And why is a friend bankrolling Op’s wife’s lifestyle? That’s my take of this. Two grand for a necklace is insane. There’s just so much questions going on in this story to really jump to conclusions that OP is the unreasonable one there needs to be an update here.
I was thinking the same thing. If OP can spend money on his hobbies then they can afford childcare and wife can work to help with other expenses and pay back her friend
Yeah. Instead of a necklace, OP's wife should offer to pay for lunch once in a while. Or to have the friend over for a home-cooked meal. Or any of the other things OP suggested. While his "my money" thing sucks, he's not wrong about it being crazy to spend so much on *one* piece of jewelry.
Because she is at home with their child. If one person is caring for the children at home then the income from the other is joint
@ huh, they don’t have kids
@Symphonia30 OP wrote she is a SAHM. Stay At Home Mum. If she is a mum they have kids.
wait... it is RUDE of OP's wife to bring something she CAN eat, but it is also rude to expect OP's mother to cook an additional meal the wife can eat ?
so what's OP's wife alternative ? to STARVE ?
The idea is to force her to eat the food that hurts her and smile like nothing is wrong because the family doesn't want to deal with the reality of someone with food allergies. They don't like she's not like them and they can't have the ideal family dinner.
But denying or ignoring reality doesn't make it go away and OP is forcing them to accept that fact by not going to their dinners at all.
And to always cook meals that contain foods that wife is allergic to? I don’t know if anyone who loves celery to where it has to be in every meal. Yes I know she has other food allergies.
@@lorilancaster5917 celery powder is one of those ingredients you really have to watch out for in processed foods, unfortunately. Like with garlic powder, onion powder or soy sauce, you'd be surprised where you can find it.
Many people don't cook completely from scratch, the vegetables might be canned, the sauces from a package, the burgers and sausages are almost always prepackaged... And allergens are present in almost all of them.
S1 they should go..... but fill up on food secretly b4 they go, then sit and stare at everyone eating... husband, too, in solidarity with his wife. "I couldn't possibly eat when there isn't isn't for "wife".. make everyone as uncomfortable as possible. Then see what they have tsay.
Story one I would not go to their dinner, it is incredibly disrespectful to your wife. Allergies are not a choice, let mommy be a bitter cow.
Same here. And good on OP for being a stand-up guy and making it clear to Mommy and her little a**-kissing minions that his wife's safety is more important than their pettiness.
I can think of one ridiculously specific scenario where allergies would be a choice, but I can't think of a reason someone would want to risk it.
Forced relationships with half siblings story : NTA OP. Not at all. You are a teenager now and your views count. Pretty soon you're going to be the free babysitter and expected to parent your father's children when he loses interest again. Refuse to visit with them on grounds that you want to concentrate on your studies. You do not owe them anything, even your time. What they are doing to you is abuse. Ask your mum to go to court for back child support. That money is yours and is owing to you and you will need it if you want to go to college.
Gift story: I may get scolded but I would say OPs not the AH. For starters when the friend helped pay his wife’s part of the rent, they may have been during a time where OP and spouse weren’t living together but she told her about it. Second, OPs wife can get a job if she wants to spend 3k for a necklace for a friend that she may or may not want. Lastly, if OPs wife was a real friend, she would’ve stopped letting her friend foot the bill for things.
Absent father story: along with filing for child support, I hope OPs mom will request a different judge.
Name story: I hope OP and spouse put the grandparents in a time out to let the fact that the baby has a name sink into their thick skulls. I’m also curious to know why they are harassing a new mom about this and not suggest this when she was pregnant?
Gift story - wifey can get off her duff and get a job.
While I agree that a $2000 gift is worth a discussion, I'm not really liking his attitude about 'his' money. It is not, it's theirs. He's also very dismissive about his hobbies, and even if they don't get the necklace, it's a good exercise for them to make. I agree that $2000 is too much of a wedding gift, but I'm not really liking his motivation here.
8:42 wife doesn't have a dime of spending money or any money to herself. It might be a lot to spend on a gift but this isn't really about the gift is it? It's about her not being able to spend any money.
Could y'all please stop accusing every woman who doesn't agree with you "internalized misogyny". Ffs everything is not about men. She definitely stupid, but it's not even about misogyny. Just stupidity.
Yeah I wouldn’t call suing for custody of a baby just to rename him internalized misogyny. I would call that being an entitled b word.
I'd agree if the topic wasn't "women who don't want to have girls."
But it was about the gender, OP mother didn't like that she was born a girl.
@@brigidtheirishbut that might not have been the reason. They might have been expecting a boy, and it took some time to readjust when it was a girl. Or they already had a girl, and wanted to use the girl baby name they had chosen, too.
I mean, if I expected Chinese takeaway, but they bring my favourite pizza, I'm also going to need a minute to fully appreciate the pizza. No disrespect to pizza, btw, but I was expecting chicken and broccoli wok.
OP's mother was kind of an AH for mentioning it decades later, and went completely off the rails after that, but I would be careful assuming it was because of misogyny. Not saying it wasn't, just that there are other possibilities, too.
@@barvdw Are you *seriously* comparing babies to takeout?
The money spent on her portion of rent was from before she married OP.
If it's spent only on the bride, that's not a wedding present. Wedding presents are for couples. Taking 2k of a 3k bonus for a necklace is ridiculous. This is not household budget money. This is money earned for exceptional work - Work that the wife did not do. He still has to pay taxes for that extra money, too. They need to divide household responsibilities so she can work. Then they can divide bills and she can spend every other dime on her friend.
Yes, a 2000 dollar gift is too much when they don't make much, but it seems that he is considering his income only his. He has an expensive hobby, but hasn't even thought about allocating some money for SAHM, which isn't for groceries.
You need to send Dad a message those are your step kids. I'm glad you're having a nice time with them. Please stop trying to shove them on me. Look, in a couple years I won't be around anymore. So let's not get them get attached only only to have me not in their lives at all better it's better to have the distance then the disappointment.
I feel bad that the little girl has so many serious health problems and doesn't have much opportunities to make much friends. But that doesn't excuse Op's dad and stepmom (if I got it right) for trying to force a bond. It only hurts the little girl when they lie to her that others have feelings for her it doesn't make things better. OP only visits dad once a month doesn't sound like dad really spends that time with OPm if parents are only asking OP to come so OP can help watch and babysitter then I probably would say no but if not would go just to make the kid happy at least one
13:56 bizarre how the grandparents all think they can decide what to name the baby. That’s wild. You can suggest, or request, but you don’t get to insist on ANYTHING. 😮. The last comment read was WAY OFF, not misogyny, more likely a narcissistic mother who doesn’t want “competition”. Every female is considered competition, for some women, even their daughters. Then there are the ones who try to live their lives over through their daughters. It’s unfortunate OP got hit with that stick.
I'm allergic to celery....most people allergic to latex are
what happens If you eat it?
@phiakate Bad stomach ache diarrhea nausea and hives
I'm allergic to latex, but not celery. Pineapple, jalapeño and mushrooms, sure, but not celery. I used to go to school with a kid who was allergic to lettuce (or so the rumors went).
Latex is made from sap of the Pará rubber tree, I wonder if it and the celery plant are closely related.
@@DrgnLdyLizzie2001 Ever had figs? That's another involved
My husband and I spent many years on dual income with the understanding that, though he made more than I did, it was all "our income" to be spent on household, vacation, anything we jointly benefited from. BUT, any bonuses (incentive, reward, annual) was for the person who earned it themselves - their personal money to use as they wished - blow it all on whatever the person who EARNED the bonus wanted.
That works for dual income. The wife here is a stay at home mom. She doesn't have any income or bonuses.
So how is a SAHM gonna earn a bonus? 💀
Ill stepsister story : NTA OP. Your dad married this girl's mum. You didn't marry your stepmother and her daughter. The girl's situation is sad, but is not your problem. Your father is trying to force you to bond when there is no reason for you to. How you feel is up to you. You can decline to go on vacations with the child if you want to. Your father and his wife are being AH's by telling you how to feel. At 17, you can decline to spend weekends with them anyway if you don't want to. You may want to spend them with your mates.
I'm sorry I'm a SAHM & your wife wants you to spend 2k on a wedding present? That's absolutely ridiculous. Nope most of that money should be spent on your family or into a savings fund. Maybe spend afew hundred but not damn near all your bonus no NTA
I love this idea I can with 0:33 just take a cooler of your most favorite smoothie meals with you wherever you go! With all these fancy smart cars you could have a cooler in your trunk and or front consul.!😊
How can a wife cover 50% of the rent when she doesn’t have a job. Magic fairy money?
Story #3: NTA!! I would have told her let's tally up these bills instead!!
It's actually NOT ridiculous that your wife wants to tally up how much you spend on yourself, and it IS a fair comparison to her having access to free spending money. Don't pretend it wasn't a joint decision that only one partner in the household would work. If you have one income in the family, it's not the breadwinner's to dole out as they see fit! That's financial abuse. You have the luxury of a partner at home to pick up the slack the rest of us poor schlubs have to do ourselves. There is value in that! I'm going to want to know why you don't both have an EQUAL amount of free-spend money as a line item in your budget? Do you know how much a SAH lowers their earning potential? She'd better have savings in her own name, too! Even my Grandpa knew it was his responsibility to make sure Grandma was taken care of if something happened to him. He faithfully invested in her name as much as in his own.
Yes, this!
Yeah, I kind of agree with that commenter that said that a 2000 dollar necklace is too expensive, but he's controlling and that's worse.
I mean, sure, spending 2000 dollars on a gift is worth a discussion, regardless of who brings in the money, but his reasons are borderline abusive.
@@barvdw Depends on where the money is coming from for me. If it's joint money, definitely discussion. If it's out of my free-spend cash, keep your thoughts to yourself. Not only his reasons, but his inability to see the inequity is very abusive.
@@JayeEllis well, it was 'his' bonus, but as a SAHM, she doesn't have an income for her own, of course. Definitely inequity here, and he's blind or unwilling to see it.
Not every family works with personal spending money, but it seems that he has carved out some of his income for his personal enjoyment and doesn't allow his wife the same. That's at the very least inconsistent.
"Thongs she needs like groceries" Excuse me sor? Do you eat them too?
1:29 😮 that lady almost killed me there's no way in hell I would ever consume anything she ever cooked or gave to me ever again!
Thank you
Story1: NTA. With some allergens just being in the same room it was prepared in can cause a fatal allergic reaction. Shellfish and peanut allergies can be fatal very easily. I feel sorry for OP's wife. Not going to dinners where his mom will essentially poison his wife is the right thing to do. I don't see why the Mom is so offput by the wife bringing something she can eat. It's not a restaurant with no outside food rules. It's not like she could eat what the mother cooks anyway and the mother isn't willing to accommodate her. This is a safety issue. The OP's family sound like terrible selfish people.
Lol😂 Womb Nugget 😂😂😂😂❤
Oh boy, I have food intolerances, and I always offer to bring my own food if I'm visiting something. Even if they say don't worry about bringing something, I've always got safe snacks in my bag. Have to keep reminding grandparents I'm not on a diet to lose weight, it's a different health issue, but otherwise no one has ever been upset!
Regarding the story where OP's father was absent for most of his life and OP does not wish to spend time with Dad's new family, I know how I would get my way as a teenager. Judge or not no judge, I would simply walk away from the father's home. No judge is going to want to deal with a runaway constantly and will eventually cave. I have no doubt there are a few judges out there that will send me to a group home, but that is on them. I'm NOT going to go to a place I despite.
A vacation with someone sick isn't really a vacation.
Story 3(? The 2k necklace one):
Ignore the goddamn necklace for a second, does the wife have any financial freedom?
Because OP seems to imply that she does not have savings of her own nor does she have access to a debit card. Just has access to a credit card so he can see all her purchases and it's apparently only for necessities.
If she is currently paying rent that is not clear, but she also does not seem to have any money to spend on herself. Considering op's suggestion, instead of going to things that spend money was to just 'hang out'. Which kind of implies the reason the best friend keeps covering things is because op won't cover anything for his wife to have a life outside of being a mom and wife.
Also this dude seemed like the type of dick bag who if she was to get a job would require her to pay half of child care and half the bills so she still have nothing at the end of the day.
Look at this point the necklace is the least problematic thing in this relationship. Because apparently he has a bunch of money to spend on his hobbies, but she can't go to a restaurant.
Like I don't think this woman has the opportunity to even save up for a gift for her friend, Much less anything Her husband doesn't deem necessary.
maybe the friend covers everything because she wants to.
I just feel bad for the wife
Thank you, I was wondering where this comment was! Is two grand a lot for a wedding gift when you're in the tax bracket OP describes? Sure, but honestly, that's the smallest problem with the relationship outlined in this story. I don't know how nobody else figured out that the friend pays for OP's wife when they go out because OP doesn't let his wife have any discretionary money of her own! So much wrong with this picture, and the wife wanting to thank her friend with an expensive gift is the least of it.
Op is financially abusing hos wife
The last story with the baby name:
I'd be telling these folks "just keep stomping your feet and acting like spoiled entitled children. My body, my rules. You don't always get what you want, that's life and you need to move on. No is no is no is no. And if you don't get it now, that's a you problem. Not mine. Stop trying to do so.
I’m allergic to strawberries, mushrooms and all onions except green ones, my mother has known this my entire life yet she would still put them in dishes and after I reacted would say, oh I thought it was ok if they were cooked, nope cooking doesn’t make me not allergic to them. In the case of strawberries her go to statement was always, oh I forgot you didn’t like strawberries, no, I’m allergic to them. People wonder why I’m no contact with her, the allergy situation and a million other reasons are why, I hate that woman.
When I was pregnant with my first son my mother had decided that his name was going to be Michael Andrew and she was going to call him Drew. His name is Michael Daniel. She didn't get to see him for the first year of his life.
I don’t like shell fish. My gf doesn’t like celery. We just don’t cook with it. Its not hard. The mom is being intentionally rude. She probably doesn’t think allergies are real
Story 1: NTA, And this is such a transparent attempt by the mother to bait a situation where only her precious son comes over and not the wife, I'm surprised nobody mentioned it. That is her obvious goal.
"where were you on MY big moments?" heeeeellllll no, I would not be there spiritually at all
The first story immediately reminds me of the infamous coconut allergy story. I don't even know what MIL thinks she's playing at, but OP is right to shut that down before his wife gets killed by his mother's stupidity and lack of empathy.
the $3K bonus story. so the wife cooks, cleans, does the grocery shopping, laundry, etc for FREE and the husband claims the money is his? good grief.
It’s a bonus. Something extra. And her immediate thought is to spend most of it on something that isn’t even for _their_ household but for her friend who keeps covering *her* broke ass? (Seriously Friend paid the wife’s rent _twice?_ How stupid was OP to marry this chick 😒😒😒)
It's amazing how offended people get over other people's allergies.
9:44 what were the dad and stepmom hoping to goes as for halloween, was it a happy family
Never ever have I ever understood people that are so incredibly rude to make food but insist on people eating poison. If you are kind enough to make food then make it not poisonous for everyone. I would judge and be cynical of this person until the end of time.
I do think a 2k wedding gift is crazy but her friend has spent tons of money to help your wife and pays for things. It isn't ridiculous that your wife wants to do something nice for her friend this once. I think it is wrong to take advantage of the friend if it is doing expensive hobbies also half of that money belongs to wife. Can't remember if OP and wife have kids but if not I think the wife should find a part-time job or something there she can earn money too. Then she will have money if she wants to do activities with her friend and can pay her own rent
Why is everyone assuming that the rent payment was since marriage? It could have been before marriage, which makes sense. Why is the wife a stay at home wife? No mention of kids. If they don’t have kids,no she is not working as hard as op.
If your wife is milking that rich doctor, that's the calculation you need to make. Calculate the financial value of that friendship and compare that to the price of a necklace.
The bonus story. I highly doubt anyone telling this guy to drop 2 grand on a wedding gift would do the same themselves. Let's not pretend like 2 grand is nothing on a single income family.
It's tough seeing how your mom's initial resistance to accommodating your wife's allergies has created tension, especially after things had been good before. Hopefully, with better understanding and clear communication, your family dinners can get back on track.
Wife and 2K wedding gift: The wife can go get a job and raise that amount in several months (since Hubby covers everything else). That’s what the wife should do.
Spending 2K of a 3K bonus is reckless and stupid. Especially when there is a single income and they presumably don’t have any disposable income. 🤦🏽♀️
Plus the wife would worry about her friend’s irresponsible spending (she has no job), or think she lied about being broke.
Mom is sadistic. She wanted to punish OPs wife so she told her she would cook, SPECIFICALLY so she could contaminate or be starved.
Gross as helll
8:38 Dose OP’s WIFE have a $2000.00 necklace? That’s insane
I'm sorry I really feel bad for the child. But these weekends are for you and your dad. And that should be the top priority. When you get older and have nothing to do with your dad because there's no bond there. I hope he doesn't complain because it's all his fault. As a parent I totally empathize with this woman and her child. But she married a man with children and those children have a right to have 101 time with their father when they only see him once a month. You realize when you get to be 16 and 17 and you're working and you can't be bothered. Are your way in college. He's going to be whining cuz you don't have time for him. But what he doesn't realize is he's not giving you the time you need now. God bless the young girl I pray she gets a heart transplant. But she's not your responsibility and there is no bond there.
Shellfish, peanuts, celery and soy. There are so many dishes you can cook for everyone without these 4 ingredients.
Baby name story NTA. However, I will admit while listening to the story and hearing the name OP chose that my first reaction to the name Wren was to think “are you going to have a Stimpy too?”
I will bet the sick kid bonded with the once-a-month step brother because he probably treats her like a normal person
No, no Dorothy. They're is a message being sent alright. Both sides are meddlesome and annoying AF.
Friend Gift Story: Uhhhh are we sure the wife isnt going to build this friend an art room in their house? The red flags are neon and as bright as the Vegas Strip
story 1: his mother is cruel and the rest of the family is too.
S1, so mum just doesn't like the wife. Period. She can't have this both ways. Either she goes and is served a safe meal, brings her own, or you don't attend. No ifs or buts
It's really weird how many of these videos have video of Catania, Sicily.
Story 1: NTA and op isn’t in the wrong . OP’s mother is entitled.
Story 1: she just don’t want the wife to come. And only wants her son. That’s my take
First story : NTA at all OP. Your wife could lose her life if she has a bad reaction to a known allergen. Your mother is being deliberately obtuse and putting your wife's like at risk. You could eat before going to these 'dinners', but it seems the meal may be a large part of the time and you and your wife would either have to sit watching others eat or sit alone for the duration. Probably best just to do something more interesting with the time rather than expect your wife to put up with your hostile mother. You could always go to your in-laws instead each time.
I was a stay at home mom… groceries is not fun money! Taking kids shopping for groceries is not a fun trip out of the house! Should that woman’s spend $2000 on a necklace oh heck no.. I also have relatives with money and they would never want me to reciprocate that way. A small gift is appreciated. But that husband, holy buckets! He is an idiot. He wants to give his wife an “allowance” 😳what an A$$… he is the idiot!
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So th3 wife can get a job. 2k is a crazy amount to spend on a wedding gift
That isn’t even a hard combination to work with. I can only think of like 5 meals that need celery. You know what features none of those allergens? Basically everything Italian. Shut up and make a nice lasagna, mom. But nah, imma make peanut soy shellfish garnished with celery apparently, because I’m a normal person!
❤❤ 2:03 NTA ❌♨️🚩
OP mother is in the wrong she’s allergic to the things you’re making at least try to make food without those it’s possible, and if she’s not gonna cook something that her daughter-in-law can’t eat, she should not be upset when she hurt daughter-in-law brings her own food.
NTA you don’t have a relationship with this girl stepmom is trying to quilt you because if there you can take care of her daughter and she gets a brake step mother needs to fail her entitlement down and your dad needs to remember who his really child is before it is to late do not get guilted into being her support human
Story 1: does OPs mom resent it when guest bring their own oxygen? Does that insult your oxygen?
2k gift- NTA. They RENT. She wants to spend the money on a gift? Maybe she should work part time.Plenty of mothers juggle being a mom and working
The last comment on the last story was wrong, i was deathly afraid of being a mom to a girl, because i grew up with only women.. And it was horrible.. i was so afraid of being like my mom, so i wanted only boys.. i went through therapy for this, and now have an amazing 15yr old daughter, that's like my little best friend,but still her daddies girl! I didn't have a dad, so i get to see how special a relationship between father&daughter is! I'm so happy we had her! But it wasn't misogyny that made me fear having a girl, it was the abuse I went through at home,as a kid, that made me so scared... So the comment really irked me!!
Original: "They had all boys."
Your Version: "They all had boys."
These are not equivalent. The original says that all the children born were boys. Your change says that each family unit had at least one boy, but might also have had girls. Since the issue is that the family didn't have female children, the original is the correct version.
The mother is being manipulative
Here's what I'd say you've got to name your kids. Now we get to neymar's. If you want a kid named Dorothy might I suggest you guys get pregnant and have another kid. And if you try and call my kid Dorothy you won't see it. No is a complete sentence. End of discussion.
S1: geez your mother is a huge AH.. I think you should stop visiting them at all.. I cook all the time and never use shellfish, celery or soy.. Its a pretty easy thing to do...S2: I think 2k on a gift for your wifes friend is crazy. I also think you treat your wife as a free housemaid who deserves no money of her own.. Your wife should STOP being a SAHM and get a job and get some hobbies and force you to xare for your own damn kids sometimes..
Story 3: Wife is a lunatic. Cue the misandrist pile-on.
„…Wife’s portion of the rent“
„she is a stay at home mom“
„I work hard for MY money“
Anyone else smelling financial abuse?