dude can't even drive. lmfao op a literal risk to themselves and people around them. go ahead risk life for some sort of high horse and op can get themselves killed, but yea, stick it to the step parent
In a slightly less terrible case, she might want to trigger a seizure so she can play hero and "mom" by taking care of him afterward. I'm thinking of that nurse that injected babies with insulin so she could "rescue" them.
Story 2: She found out she could provide for a stay-at-home mom for her kids! One who does all the housework! And she pays that person wages and doesn't whine about how she spends that money! The kids DO have two parents. If she gets back with that loser ex, she'll be a single mom again with an extra child to take care of.
Exactly! Unless she’s a doctor who is working in a cure for epilepsy, which I doubt, it’s none of her business. Even if she was, still doubtful, it would be for OP to ask.
@@lorilancaster5917 she sounds like she want to know the triggers for the epilepsy, so she can trigger it and can claim ' see you need to live here so I can care for you'
It seems to me that the chores are fairly even. And who gives a kid $1,000 a month allowance? No wonder she won't get a job and wants more money. At 24?
I almost had sympathy for the stepdaughter until OP brought that up with the allowance. OP isn’t obligated to give her anything just like husband isn’t obligated to give to her son.
And that one commenter saying "the chores will be there when he moves out." Well...yes and no. No, because HE'LL be the one generating trash. When you live alone, you make a lot less than a family makes. He's already feeding himself and earning. He'll be fine. The princess, on the other hand...
I can’t stop laughing at the boyfriend who drones on, because that’s my husband 😂 my husband is very intelligent and a engineer, but unfortunately I had to teach him, when someone asks a question, they don’t need a background story to go with the answer. I remember when our daughter was learning algebra and he was helping her, explaining the formula, everything was going great, until he decided to give a history of mathematical formulas, going back to the Greeks, she was just starring blankly and i said “ just answer the question” 😂
Oh my God, I'm married to your husband! My husband is the same! I've had to stop him from talking about the background of history, when helping our kids with their homework..😂 oh,and have had to tell him that please don't talk to me about it all, because my brain hurts😂 I love that he's so clever& intelligent,and find it attractive,but I can't listen to philosophy daily..
Sounds like they're neuro-atypical and this is a common trait of what we (us neuro-atypicals, and yeah we tend to be engineers or something highly skilled like that) call infodumpng. AKA being excited enough about interests to want to share it with everyone. It's not out of "loving the sound of their own voice." It's literally because they love the subject, they love you, and want to share. It's their love language. Wish _my_ husband shared like that, I might actually know when the family event coming up is and what time. All I know is that there is one 😂
@@impishrebel5969 so people can drone to me without me being bothered, I might understand just 50% but I don't mind, I usually can give a summary like 'peter has been rude to coworker x, you might wanna have a talk to him' lol
My dad is like that. I used to hate it when he helped me with math, because he would explain three different ways to do the problem. I was like "Dad, can we just focus on the book's method? You're confusing me. "
it's literally his gf ofc he thinks she's interested in what he's saying, especially since she never voiced her grievances. Also she calls every conversation that she refuses to engage into lecturing. Talking abt what he likes; engines ? Lecture. Ask for help & then hearing an explanation of how it works & why it broke so she can learn to fix it herself ? Lecture. Instead of sharing her feelings where he can explain that he doesn't mean to condescend just sharing & her than she feels bored or bad, she straight up said "look idgaf abt what you have to say" Loving gf for sure. Girl sounds like a meathead who doesn't even like the guy. Like break up already instead of refusing to communicate in other ways than tuning him out & putting him down.
The first story You are so not the idiot. Your evil stepmother definitely broke your picture and finger wean on purpose because she wants you out of the house so she can have your dad all to herself. Please do not move back in to your horrible dad's house.
I don't think she wants OP out, I think that it's total control she's looking for, over everyone & everything in Her House! If you want to have a relationship with your father, you Will play by My rules! Do you want something else of your mother's to get broken? She played strategy games as a child. OP only played for fun games!
Last story: I was prepared to say YTA...Right till the end, she is getting paid $1000 a ninth to do like 20 hours of chores and doesn't have a job or pay any rent. She is n ever going to grow up with that deal.
Hell, I'd do those chores for $1K easily and I'd be damned happy about it. I'm so broke that would be life changing for me to have that in addition to one of my other jobs.
I'm not sure if OP and her boyfriend are compatible if he loves to talk at her and she can't stand it. I know someone who does this and you can either tolerate it or you can't.
Lecturing BF: he seems to be like those youtube tutorials that turn to be 30 minutes about the history of - insert problem you want to solve - and a 3 minute solution.
S2. He "provides"??? Maybe financially. But, he certainly never nurtured. He didn't nurture his marriage, his spouse or the children HE created in tha marriage. OP is doing the right thing. The STBXH and anyone that supports him can kick rocks!!!
story 1: the new wife is a cluster of Bees Narcissist with Main Character Queen Bee "you shall have no other -gods- wives/mothers before *ME* " type. OP's dad is afraid to be alone and sold his soul to a "Demon in the Sack".
Story 1: LOOOL “you should be thanking me for snooping through your room and breaking things that belonged to your mother” What an awful person. NTA Op, i’m not even gunna touch on your father giving away your medical info thats just…awful
Story #2: Tell him and family to go to hell!! But be careful!! His family maybe telling those kids anything. They will use the kids and try to alienate them against you.
You deserve to know important stuff like this? Well let's just remember what happens to my important stuff, when you have anything to do with it😠!!! The answer is No! You're lucky my dad has autonomy, because if up to me, you would have nothing to do with him🖕!!!
S1 - If OP’s stepmother plans to have kids with his dad, she may want to know his medical problems to determine what genetic issues might be coming from his paternal side. But she doesn’t need to discuss it with OP. His father should be getting any pertinent medical details from OP and then discuss it with his wife and/or genetic counselor. If OP’s step mother is just being snoopy, OP’s dad should shut it down immediately.
The lecturing bf cracked me up. My son (20) regularly does this. He listened to this laughing the whole time. He said I just want to share. We regularly fight about this because he goes on and on about sht I just dgaf about. The difference is he doesn't whinge and complain when I tune him out.
Story 1# So the second wife went into her stepdaughter's study room and under the cleaning somehow only 2 things broke and that was a picture and figurine from OP's own mother, there must have been plenty more fragile objects there that could have been broken but only those very specific personal objects where broken out of everything else, that sounds to me that those where not broken by accident but by purpose, her next words that OP should be "honored" that she even took more then a second glance at those very specific objects only confirms that she wants to replace OP's mother. The more greater fact to me is that OP's father not only found it not strange that a picture and a figurine from his late wife was the only things broken out of everything and his first solution was to replace the figurine like it was no big deal seems to show what he truly thinks about the whole thing, him blurting out his daughter's personal medical information to his second wife only further push the idea that he prefer to sweep it under the rug and play "happy family".
Las story the commenters missed the point. OP does have a problem with the daughter’s behavior, she is trying to fix it, the Father is the enabler. And Clearly the son is doing the most with his time and shouldn’t be expected to do more chores than he has
@@velvety2006 spaces don't change, though. It's not like it's double the workload when you are a 2-person household, more like 1.5 the workload you can share with 2.
I'm wondering if the boyfriend might not be undiagnosed adhd or autistic. My boyfriend and I go on lore dumps with each other and even if they're not always interesting I would never just tune him out and he wouldn't do the same with me
That might be the case, yes. At the least worth looking into. But I disagree that it's bad form to tune someone out, sometimes, you really don't have the time or the mental energy to listen to someone droning on. And yes, I know I can be too much of a lecturer, too, they even called me the professor when I was younger. It's not something inherently bad, but it's not something I should be forcing upon others either.
Boyfriend “lecturing” story: Funny how the boyfriend is “lecturing” OP, but OP is simply sharing information with him. OP reminds me of an ex I used to have. She would talk for hours about the politics of her friend group, but would literally leave the room any time I talked about something I was interested in. She genuinely believed her interests were objectively important and interesting and that mine were “boring and nerdy”. There’s a reason she’s my ex, and if OP keeps it up she’ll be one soon too
it's literally his gf ofc he thinks she's interested in what he's saying, especially since she never voiced her grievances. Also she calls every conversation that she refuses to engage into lecturing. Talking abt what he likes; engines ? Lecture. Ask for help & then hearing an explanation of how it works & why it broke so she can learn to fix it herself ? Lecture. Instead of sharing her feelings where he can explain that he doesn't mean to condescend just sharing & her than she feels bored or bad, she straight up said "look idgaf abt what you have to say" Loving gf for sure. Girl sounds like a meathead who doesn't even like the guy. Like break up already instead of refusing to communicate in other ways than tuning him out & putting him down.
The boyfriend lecturing his girlfriend story. What is with people on Reddit that always demand that people just sit there and listen to unpleasant ongoing conversations that no one wants to hear?
Because in a relationship, any relationship, you have to talk about things that don’t matter, so they talk about the things that matter. Ive listened to countless hours of conversation with my kids about gaming. I’ve never gamed in my life, but I listen because it’s important to them. They’re now teenagers and in between the meaningless conversations, they come to me with really tricky situations that most teenagers would not talk about. I’ve also listened to my husband’s work stories for 20 years, I’m not interested but I give him my time because I respect him and want him to feel cared about. If it interests him, it’s important to me. . He listens to my stories, that he also not interested in, because I also deserve his time.
@ it’s one thing to talk about things you’re not interested in but another to lecture someone all day long. Like literally just get to the point and be done with it. It’s not just a ongoing conversation if the fact that the boyfriend treating his own girlfriend like an idiot and man’s planing different things to her
@@Symphonia30I think that she’s taking it as a lecture, when he may just be interested in teaching her about things that can help her. He might even be neurodivergent. We like over explaining things to help people understand how to help themselves.
Story1: NTA. I'd go as far as to say "You're the reason I moved out. I want absolutely nothing to do with you. Go eff yourself and leave me alone". Then I would block her on everything.She didn't "accidentally" break stuff involving his mom while snooping in his room. She wants to have some sort of power over him. Ooh, another point, he could call her the goblin queen and tell her she has no power over him. and THEN block her. and tell the dad that she needs to back off and he will not talk to her.
Story 3: YTA. I'm a "hardcore feminist" and even I can see the misandry here. Men are allowed to info dump without it being mansplaining or condescending. This man wants to tell his girlfriend about all the cool things he knows. He likes sharing. He might be on spectrum trying to share his special interests with someone who is supposed to love him for him. Maybe he thinks car engines and VPNs are cool and wants to share that with his partner. Her lack of interest in the things he finds interesting is also a lack of interest in him. It hurts when your partner doesn't like you for you.
Story 1: I don’t believe that the stepmother broke those things in OP’s space “accidentally”. She’s seems like one of those people who can’t bare the fact that their partner had a life before they met them!😠 Story 2: This man locked his children out of the house so he could have space. When you left him to take of the children and the house while you were on a work trip, he did a lousy job. Why would you take him back? He doesn’t want to be a husband and father😢 Story 3: You handle this situation by dropping him and getting a better partner!😒 Story 4: Let your husband handle the situation with his daughter, explaining that he needs to urge his 24 year old daughter to get a job. Meanwhile, instead of doing your son’s chores for him, tell him to figure out a way to work chore time into his busy schedule😏
1) Sorry OP has to deal with this condition and an awful stepmom. She had no business going into OP's private space without his ok. I think it's good OP decided to move out. She is not to be trusted. Shame on dad for telling OP to just brush this off, and for telling his wife his personal info he did not want shared. NTA. 2) STBX was a worthless husband and father. No one needs to be given any explanation from OP and good for her getting this dead weight out of her life. 3) ESH, OP for not wanting to learn, and him for not stopping if she says she is not interested. They are not compatible and should go their separate ways. 4) She is 24, not going to school, not working, still living at home free of charge and being given $1000.00 per month form her father and complains doing a few chores. Her father is way too indulgent and is not doing her any favour to be dependent instead of making her way in the world. This is a husband problem.
It's so pathetic when the new spouse is intimidated by a dead spouse! Get a grip on reality!! WHY?? What a ugly soul to do that to a child of a deceased parent. UCK to the new wifey and SHAME on Dad for no SPINE!
YTA - don't ask for his help if you are not willing to listen to how to avoid it happening again. It's annoying to have to be the go-to when the asker could have checked Google.
Story 3: Wow there's some wild takes here. OP asked her boyfriend to help her with the internet issue. Boyfriend starts trying to explain to her what the issue is (presumably so she can at least attempt to fix it herself if the problem comes up again) and she ignores him. If, say, the vacuum cleaner was broken and she was trying to tell him how to fix the issue so he could help with chores and he was blowing her off y'all would be screaming about weaponized incompetence. I don't see how this is any different. I've lived with people that refuse to try and fix basic internet and tech issues. It's pretty annoying to be the unpaid on-call IT. OP is TA in my opinion
Ok, if he was doing that then it would understandable, but from I can tell, he’s just droning on when he has the chance to. I mean take the car engine for example, if he wanted to “teach” someone about important features of an engine, why does he do it to someone who doesn’t drive and presumably doesn’t use a car? The vacuum is an irrelevant point since if you were going with a 1 to 1 interpretation, op would be telling him about random stuff about the vacuum even after the problem was fixed. The situation you pointed out and op’s situation are different in that in your situation, the 10 min lecture on vacuums is omitted while in op’s case, it’s very much prevalent. ESH
To the gf who hates to listen to her bf share interesting knowledge. Don't ask him to fix things for you anymore!! It's freaking rude that you just want him to do it, with zero willingness to learn the inner mechanisms of whatever it is so you can try to do it yourself next time. Independence is hot, exhausting your bf using him for everything you're too lazy to do is not.
I'm autistic. I used to do this very thing. My late husband gently explained how it looked & felt to others. I immediately stopped doing this because my intention was never to make someone feel small or not smart. Now I ask if someone wants an explanation before I launch into one. I remodeled our house almost entirely by myself. I fix my own car as I raced for years starting when I was really little. My current hobbies include metal sculpture (plasma cutting, grinding & welding) & the restoration of mostly vintage electronics (Nintendo, old Apple or IBM computers, Atari, Genesis & most Sony items) but I can do more modern electronics if someone cracks a screen or they need a replacement battery or something. My late husband didn't do all of these things so I knew more about them. I'd never have made him listen to an explanation about which welding techniques are better with each material if he didn't ask. If I was replacing his brake pads & drums, I'd ask if he'd like me to explain so he could pick or if he'd just like me to use my best judgement. He ALWAYS told me that my best judgement was what he wanted. Know why? He asked for help. He didn't ask for a lecture or an info dump that would make him feel not as smart. He was incredibly smart, just in different areas than mine. He was the youngest DON (Director of Nursing) in our state & taught infection control classes to medical staff & various corporations in a 3 state area. I could never. Boyfriend is actually the rude one.
@@tazhienunurbusinezz1703I don't mean this to be rude but it kinda sounds like you were the the handyman in the relationship. It might just be a difference of opinions but I think it's more rude to want someone to fix stuff that breaks and not even bother learning anything about how to fix it or prevent another break. In OP's case she might have messed up something because of her VPN but she didn't want to be bothered with learning how. She just wanted bf to fix it and shut up. Maybe it's a matter of tone or maybe OP takes it personally but the VPN thing makes me think it's not just the bf that's rude here.
@@tazhienunurbusinezz1703 No OP is in the wrong here. Instead of explaining it to him like your husband did she shuts him down. She immidiately goes to I have no interest in what you have to say. Also assumes that he's doing it because he thinks she's dumb. Why even stay with a guy if you feel that way?
Lecturing boyfriend is like a preening peacock, this lecturing is his way of showing his tail feathers to show you how brilliant he is. I don’t think he means to make OP feel like she is dumb, he just wants to show off for her. Unfortunately, it’s a huge fail and instead of learning his lesson and finding a different way to ‘preen’, he goes off and sulks cos the ‘peahen’ isn’t interested in him.
More like a spoiled brat, $1000 a month from dad, no job, not going to collage, lives a home for free but only has to do what sounded like 3-4 chores? If that’s all i had to do i wouldn’t be complaining
I would tell the new stepmom. Honey I got your number and I have no interest in calling it. And I would say to Dad you know you had no right sharing that with her. I appreciate if you keep my private life just that private thank you
Story 3: YTA. I know that personality type. It's fixative. He's likely just that interested and thinks pouring over details would spark the same interest in her. It won't. That's for him to realize. Just as it's for him to realize they're better off separate. The amount of venting she's likely done to him about things that don't interest him, won't make it into her post either.
Minimum, ESH. Keep in mind, this is a reoccurring issue and while dude was ok before op told him about her issue with his monologue, afterwards that’s when he became an A. Op told him that she wasn’t interested. Op: TA, for not recognizing that this is a clear personality thing. Him: for insisting to go into greater details than what was asked or necessary. When I ask where’s the bathroom, I ain’t looking for an explanation of how plumbing works.
@@vincentlucario5450 He’s not an AH for doing to her what she did to him. She doesn’t care about his interests and doesn’t want to listen to him talk about them? Fine. But that means he no longer has to pretend to care about her interests or listen to her talk about them. Fair is fair
When someone is acting like they're orating the wisdom of the ages, I tend to zone out, too. Explain then move on, don't just stand there and pontificate on crap you think I ought to know. If I think it's important to me, I will make it a point to learn about it.
Start 3. It sounds like he just like to share information. Which might be why he repeated ops words back to her when she was sharing things. But even if he is annoying when he does it. She literally asked him for help and then didn't wanna listen to what he did/how he fixed the VPN. What if he's not there next time she needs help? Frankly if op gets annoyed at info dumping, they need to break up, because this is a compatibility thing. She sounds like she doesn't like him/isn't happy.
@@ghostdragon5735yeah that was some kind of transatlantic reach going on. If Amina was under paid, she would’ve left. It sounds like OP pays and treats Amina well. Heck! Having Amina basically managing the fort may help why ex wants OP back.
@@lorilancaster5917 Even low pay may be worth it for a place to stay and a job she can do with her kids in tow. Lots of moms are desperate for work that can be done while also caring for their kids, because daycare is so expensive it's often not worth working.
Talking story-YTA. Do you even love him? What type of an AH tells a partner they are not interested in a topic? how RUDE. She seems to only use him and when he wants to talk she cuts him off. Imagine if HE did that to her. He would be called names
Yta or ESH in "lecturing" story. I have doubts lecturing as in talking down, scolding her ect vs giving a lecture on whatever topic . But breaking up is best. As a married man I guarantee op just talked at bf when he had negative interest
Husband lecturing story NTA 1 OP is NOT askingg about VPNs!!!!! 2 He IS lecturing her. If you're getting heated over explaining shit NO ONE asked you about YES you are lecturing them 3 You are NOT helping someone by bringing up said crap no one asked about.
Lecturing BF sounds autistic. I'm leaning towards YTA because a) it sounds like OP's very first attempt to discuss this problem was really hurtful and abrupt, and b) OP literally asks him for help and then gets on his case for trying to explain what he's doing to help her.
Story 1, this is why the world is moronic, and people are idiots right here. Proof op there's a house, would rather put himself in life and death situations just to prove something to his stepmom dumb as hell.
last story yta.. my son doesn't want an allowens because he works and know we try to save. yeah that is a lie he gets an allowens in food and housing cost. he doesn't live at home and most people than pay for their own housing and food. why the hell does he have to do chores when he lives somewhere else??? And step is just a trustfund baby..
If The Stepmother busted a picture and figuring from My Mother, she'd be requiring extensive dental work shortly after.
My first thought when the new stepmom asked OP about his illness was she was looking for ways to trigger his seizures. With luck, he may die from one.
sadly makes sense, she gets all his resources and gets everything from the will
Mu first thought too. She wants to trigger his epilepsy for sure.
Oh please. You can just Google it.
dude can't even drive. lmfao op a literal risk to themselves and people around them. go ahead risk life for some sort of high horse and op can get themselves killed, but yea, stick it to the step parent
In a slightly less terrible case, she might want to trigger a seizure so she can play hero and "mom" by taking care of him afterward. I'm thinking of that nurse that injected babies with insulin so she could "rescue" them.
Story 2: She found out she could provide for a stay-at-home mom for her kids! One who does all the housework! And she pays that person wages and doesn't whine about how she spends that money! The kids DO have two parents. If she gets back with that loser ex, she'll be a single mom again with an extra child to take care of.
Story 1: Dad's whooah deserves NO information regarding OP's health.
Exactly! Unless she’s a doctor who is working in a cure for epilepsy, which I doubt, it’s none of her business. Even if she was, still doubtful, it would be for OP to ask.
@@lorilancaster5917 she sounds like she want to know the triggers for the epilepsy, so she can trigger it and can claim ' see you need to live here so I can care for you'
It seems to me that the chores are fairly even. And who gives a kid $1,000 a month allowance? No wonder she won't get a job and wants more money. At 24?
I almost had sympathy for the stepdaughter until OP brought that up with the allowance. OP isn’t obligated to give her anything just like husband isn’t obligated to give to her son.
And that one commenter saying "the chores will be there when he moves out." Well...yes and no. No, because HE'LL be the one generating trash. When you live alone, you make a lot less than a family makes. He's already feeding himself and earning. He'll be fine. The princess, on the other hand...
Who gives a 24-year-old _any_ allowance?
A 24 year old is NOT a kid!
I can’t stop laughing at the boyfriend who drones on, because that’s my husband 😂 my husband is very intelligent and a engineer, but unfortunately I had to teach him, when someone asks a question, they don’t need a background story to go with the answer. I remember when our daughter was learning algebra and he was helping her, explaining the formula, everything was going great, until he decided to give a history of mathematical formulas, going back to the Greeks, she was just starring blankly and i said “ just answer the question” 😂
Oh my God, I'm married to your husband! My husband is the same! I've had to stop him from talking about the background of history, when helping our kids with their homework..😂 oh,and have had to tell him that please don't talk to me about it all, because my brain hurts😂 I love that he's so clever& intelligent,and find it attractive,but I can't listen to philosophy daily..
Sounds like they're neuro-atypical and this is a common trait of what we (us neuro-atypicals, and yeah we tend to be engineers or something highly skilled like that) call infodumpng. AKA being excited enough about interests to want to share it with everyone. It's not out of "loving the sound of their own voice." It's literally because they love the subject, they love you, and want to share.
It's their love language.
Wish _my_ husband shared like that, I might actually know when the family event coming up is and what time. All I know is that there is one 😂
@@impishrebel5969 so people can drone to me without me being bothered, I might understand just 50% but I don't mind, I usually can give a summary like 'peter has been rude to coworker x, you might wanna have a talk to him' lol
My dad is like that. I used to hate it when he helped me with math, because he would explain three different ways to do the problem. I was like "Dad, can we just focus on the book's method? You're confusing me. "
it's literally his gf ofc he thinks she's interested in what he's saying, especially since she never voiced her grievances.
Also she calls every conversation that she refuses to engage into lecturing. Talking abt what he likes; engines ? Lecture.
Ask for help & then hearing an explanation of how it works & why it broke so she can learn to fix it herself ? Lecture.
Instead of sharing her feelings where he can explain that he doesn't mean to condescend just sharing & her than she feels bored or bad, she straight up said "look idgaf abt what you have to say"
Loving gf for sure.
Girl sounds like a meathead who doesn't even like the guy.
Like break up already instead of refusing to communicate in other ways than tuning him out & putting him down.
The first story
You are so not the idiot. Your evil stepmother definitely broke your picture and finger wean on purpose because she wants you out of the house so she can have your dad all to herself. Please do not move back in to your horrible dad's house.
I don't think she wants OP out, I think that it's total control she's looking for, over everyone & everything in Her House!
If you want to have a relationship with your father, you Will play by My rules! Do you want something else of your mother's to get broken?
She played strategy games as a child. OP only played for fun games!
Last story: I was prepared to say YTA...Right till the end, she is getting paid $1000 a ninth to do like 20 hours of chores and doesn't have a job or pay any rent. She is n ever going to grow up with that deal.
Hell, I'd do those chores for $1K easily and I'd be damned happy about it. I'm so broke that would be life changing for me to have that in addition to one of my other jobs.
Story 2- I agree with the commenter that said to marry Amina. She sounds incredible.
I want to marry amina too.
Me too!
I'm not sure if OP and her boyfriend are compatible if he loves to talk at her and she can't stand it. I know someone who does this and you can either tolerate it or you can't.
And the bf in the story won’t change. He loves to criticize but doesn’t want a taste of his own medicine.
I think there’s a difference between talking to/with someone, and talking at someone.
My husband LOVES to talk , I have never told him to stop talking. That is rude. Sounds like op just wants him around to use him
@@lorilancaster5917 OP never mentioned him criticizing her, just boring her.
@@ettinakitten5047 he criticizes her whenever she asks him to stop.
Lecturing BF: he seems to be like those youtube tutorials that turn to be 30 minutes about the history of - insert problem you want to solve - and a 3 minute solution.
And what he talked about afterwards wasn’t even related to OPs problem
S2. He "provides"??? Maybe financially. But, he certainly never nurtured. He didn't nurture his marriage, his spouse or the children HE created in tha marriage. OP is doing the right thing. The STBXH and anyone that supports him can kick rocks!!!
She's 24. She should be doing even more chores than she does for 1000 a month.
10:15 the lecturing thing is TMI for some people. Not everyone can process everything. It doesn't sound like it's going to work for them
story 1: the new wife is a cluster of Bees Narcissist with Main Character Queen Bee "you shall have no other -gods- wives/mothers before *ME* " type. OP's dad is afraid to be alone and sold his soul to a "Demon in the Sack".
Story 1: LOOOL “you should be thanking me for snooping through your room and breaking things that belonged to your mother”
What an awful person.
NTA Op, i’m not even gunna touch on your father giving away your medical info thats just…awful
Story #2: Tell him and family to go to hell!! But be careful!! His family maybe telling those kids anything. They will use the kids and try to alienate them against you.
Then that will be lawyer time
1k a month for an allowance and that is all she has to do around the house?! Wtf
She does not deserve to know important stuff because she's not important. OP definitely needs to stay away from her. She might off him, too.
You deserve to know important stuff like this?
Well let's just remember what happens to my important stuff, when you have anything to do with it😠!!! The answer is No! You're lucky my dad has autonomy, because if up to me, you would have nothing to do with him🖕!!!
S1 - If OP’s stepmother plans to have kids with his dad, she may want to know his medical problems to determine what genetic issues might be coming from his paternal side. But she doesn’t need to discuss it with OP. His father should be getting any pertinent medical details from OP and then discuss it with his wife and/or genetic counselor.
If OP’s step mother is just being snoopy, OP’s dad should shut it down immediately.
Nope!
OP's medical information is not that witch's business
She's thinking about having a baby? She needs to know DAD'S medical history NOT OP's !!!
Last story - NTA, the step daughter is pathetic at 24, no job, no education and 1k allowance 🤦♂️.
The lecturing bf cracked me up. My son (20) regularly does this. He listened to this laughing the whole time. He said I just want to share. We regularly fight about this because he goes on and on about sht I just dgaf about. The difference is he doesn't whinge and complain when I tune him out.
Story 1#
So the second wife went into her stepdaughter's study room and under the cleaning somehow only 2 things broke and that was a picture and figurine from OP's own mother, there must have been plenty more fragile objects there that could have been broken but only those very specific personal objects where broken out of everything else, that sounds to me that those where not broken by accident but by purpose, her next words that OP should be "honored" that she even took more then a second glance at those very specific objects only confirms that she wants to replace OP's mother.
The more greater fact to me is that OP's father not only found it not strange that a picture and a figurine from his late wife was the only things broken out of everything and his first solution was to replace the figurine like it was no big deal seems to show what he truly thinks about the whole thing, him blurting out his daughter's personal medical information to his second wife only further push the idea that he prefer to sweep it under the rug and play "happy family".
Last: YTA then...NTA now!!
Las story the commenters missed the point. OP does have a problem with the daughter’s behavior, she is trying to fix it, the Father is the enabler. And Clearly the son is doing the most with his time and shouldn’t be expected to do more chores than he has
also, it's pretty different to keep a one-person household clean compared to a 4 person one
@@velvety2006 spaces don't change, though. It's not like it's double the workload when you are a 2-person household, more like 1.5 the workload you can share with 2.
That last story; who tf said op was the ah?? Like how tf- anyway
I'm wondering if the boyfriend might not be undiagnosed adhd or autistic. My boyfriend and I go on lore dumps with each other and even if they're not always interesting I would never just tune him out and he wouldn't do the same with me
That might be the case, yes. At the least worth looking into.
But I disagree that it's bad form to tune someone out, sometimes, you really don't have the time or the mental energy to listen to someone droning on.
And yes, I know I can be too much of a lecturer, too, they even called me the professor when I was younger. It's not something inherently bad, but it's not something I should be forcing upon others either.
Boyfriend “lecturing” story: Funny how the boyfriend is “lecturing” OP, but OP is simply sharing information with him. OP reminds me of an ex I used to have. She would talk for hours about the politics of her friend group, but would literally leave the room any time I talked about something I was interested in. She genuinely believed her interests were objectively important and interesting and that mine were “boring and nerdy”. There’s a reason she’s my ex, and if OP keeps it up she’ll be one soon too
it's literally his gf ofc he thinks she's interested in what he's saying, especially since she never voiced her grievances.
Also she calls every conversation that she refuses to engage into lecturing. Talking abt what he likes; engines ? Lecture.
Ask for help & then hearing an explanation of how it works & why it broke so she can learn to fix it herself ? Lecture.
Instead of sharing her feelings where he can explain that he doesn't mean to condescend just sharing & her than she feels bored or bad, she straight up said "look idgaf abt what you have to say"
Loving gf for sure.
Girl sounds like a meathead who doesn't even like the guy.
Like break up already instead of refusing to communicate in other ways than tuning him out & putting him down.
Step Mom isn't entitled to anything of yours or about you.
2:16 what a step monster
The boyfriend lecturing his girlfriend story. What is with people on Reddit that always demand that people just sit there and listen to unpleasant ongoing conversations that no one wants to hear?
Then break up?
If you can’t handle that your partner likes to talk about things they find interesting. Break up.
Because in a relationship, any relationship, you have to talk about things that don’t matter, so they talk about the things that matter. Ive listened to countless hours of conversation with my kids about gaming. I’ve never gamed in my life, but I listen because it’s important to them. They’re now teenagers and in between the meaningless conversations, they come to me with really tricky situations that most teenagers would not talk about. I’ve also listened to my husband’s work stories for 20 years, I’m not interested but I give him my time because I respect him and want him to feel cared about. If it interests him, it’s important to me. . He listens to my stories, that he also not interested in, because I also deserve his time.
@ it’s one thing to talk about things you’re not interested in but another to lecture someone all day long. Like literally just get to the point and be done with it. It’s not just a ongoing conversation if the fact that the boyfriend treating his own girlfriend like an idiot and man’s planing different things to her
@@Symphonia30 she used the word lecture. It sounded to me like he was just talking.
@@Symphonia30I think that she’s taking it as a lecture, when he may just be interested in teaching her about things that can help her. He might even be neurodivergent. We like over explaining things to help people understand how to help themselves.
Story1: NTA. I'd go as far as to say "You're the reason I moved out. I want absolutely nothing to do with you. Go eff yourself and leave me alone". Then I would block her on everything.She didn't "accidentally" break stuff involving his mom while snooping in his room. She wants to have some sort of power over him. Ooh, another point, he could call her the goblin queen and tell her she has no power over him. and THEN block her. and tell the dad that she needs to back off and he will not talk to her.
Boyfriend lecture: This guy sounds neurodivergent.
Story 3: YTA. I'm a "hardcore feminist" and even I can see the misandry here. Men are allowed to info dump without it being mansplaining or condescending. This man wants to tell his girlfriend about all the cool things he knows. He likes sharing. He might be on spectrum trying to share his special interests with someone who is supposed to love him for him. Maybe he thinks car engines and VPNs are cool and wants to share that with his partner. Her lack of interest in the things he finds interesting is also a lack of interest in him. It hurts when your partner doesn't like you for you.
Story 2- if the husband had acted like a parent then they wouldn’t have gotten a divorce. PLAY STUPID GAME WIN DIVORCE KICK ROCK PRIZES!
Story 1: I don’t believe that the stepmother broke those things in OP’s space “accidentally”. She’s seems like one of those people who can’t bare the fact that their partner had a life before they met them!😠
Story 2: This man locked his children out of the house so he could have space. When you left him to take of the children and the house while you were on a work trip, he did a lousy job. Why would you take him back? He doesn’t want to be a husband and father😢
Story 3: You handle this situation by dropping him and getting a better partner!😒
Story 4: Let your husband handle the situation with his daughter, explaining that he needs to urge his 24 year old daughter to get a job. Meanwhile, instead of doing your son’s chores for him, tell him to figure out a way to work chore time into his busy schedule😏
1) Sorry OP has to deal with this condition and an awful stepmom. She had no business going into OP's private space without his ok. I think it's good OP decided to move out. She is not to be trusted. Shame on dad for telling OP to just brush this off, and for telling his wife his personal info he did not want shared. NTA.
2) STBX was a worthless husband and father. No one needs to be given any explanation from OP and good for her getting this dead weight out of her life.
3) ESH, OP for not wanting to learn, and him for not stopping if she says she is not interested. They are not compatible and should go their separate ways.
4) She is 24, not going to school, not working, still living at home free of charge and being given $1000.00 per month form her father and complains doing a few chores. Her father is way too indulgent and is not doing her any favour to be dependent instead of making her way in the world. This is a husband problem.
It's so pathetic when the new spouse is intimidated by a dead spouse! Get a grip on reality!! WHY??
What a ugly soul to do that to a child of a deceased parent. UCK to the new wifey and SHAME on Dad for no SPINE!
Story 1 - "I deserve to know." Hah. Just what has step-mom done to deserve anything from OP but contempt?
YTA - don't ask for his help if you are not willing to listen to how to avoid it happening again. It's annoying to have to be the go-to when the asker could have checked Google.
Story 3: Wow there's some wild takes here. OP asked her boyfriend to help her with the internet issue. Boyfriend starts trying to explain to her what the issue is (presumably so she can at least attempt to fix it herself if the problem comes up again) and she ignores him. If, say, the vacuum cleaner was broken and she was trying to tell him how to fix the issue so he could help with chores and he was blowing her off y'all would be screaming about weaponized incompetence. I don't see how this is any different. I've lived with people that refuse to try and fix basic internet and tech issues. It's pretty annoying to be the unpaid on-call IT. OP is TA in my opinion
Ok, if he was doing that then it would understandable, but from I can tell, he’s just droning on when he has the chance to. I mean take the car engine for example, if he wanted to “teach” someone about important features of an engine, why does he do it to someone who doesn’t drive and presumably doesn’t use a car?
The vacuum is an irrelevant point since if you were going with a 1 to 1 interpretation, op would be telling him about random stuff about the vacuum even after the problem was fixed.
The situation you pointed out and op’s situation are different in that in your situation, the 10 min lecture on vacuums is omitted while in op’s case, it’s very much prevalent.
ESH
First story how would step monster feel about disclosing her medical history because "we're family" and op needs to help look out for problems...
To the gf who hates to listen to her bf share interesting knowledge. Don't ask him to fix things for you anymore!! It's freaking rude that you just want him to do it, with zero willingness to learn the inner mechanisms of whatever it is so you can try to do it yourself next time. Independence is hot, exhausting your bf using him for everything you're too lazy to do is not.
I'm autistic. I used to do this very thing. My late husband gently explained how it looked & felt to others. I immediately stopped doing this because my intention was never to make someone feel small or not smart. Now I ask if someone wants an explanation before I launch into one.
I remodeled our house almost entirely by myself. I fix my own car as I raced for years starting when I was really little. My current hobbies include metal sculpture (plasma cutting, grinding & welding) & the restoration of mostly vintage electronics (Nintendo, old Apple or IBM computers, Atari, Genesis & most Sony items) but I can do more modern electronics if someone cracks a screen or they need a replacement battery or something. My late husband didn't do all of these things so I knew more about them. I'd never have made him listen to an explanation about which welding techniques are better with each material if he didn't ask. If I was replacing his brake pads & drums, I'd ask if he'd like me to explain so he could pick or if he'd just like me to use my best judgement. He ALWAYS told me that my best judgement was what he wanted. Know why? He asked for help. He didn't ask for a lecture or an info dump that would make him feel not as smart. He was incredibly smart, just in different areas than mine. He was the youngest DON (Director of Nursing) in our state & taught infection control classes to medical staff & various corporations in a 3 state area. I could never. Boyfriend is actually the rude one.
@@tazhienunurbusinezz1703I don't mean this to be rude but it kinda sounds like you were the the handyman in the relationship. It might just be a difference of opinions but I think it's more rude to want someone to fix stuff that breaks and not even bother learning anything about how to fix it or prevent another break. In OP's case she might have messed up something because of her VPN but she didn't want to be bothered with learning how. She just wanted bf to fix it and shut up. Maybe it's a matter of tone or maybe OP takes it personally but the VPN thing makes me think it's not just the bf that's rude here.
@@tazhienunurbusinezz1703 No OP is in the wrong here. Instead of explaining it to him like your husband did she shuts him down. She immidiately goes to I have no interest in what you have to say. Also assumes that he's doing it because he thinks she's dumb. Why even stay with a guy if you feel that way?
Lecturing boyfriend is like a preening peacock, this lecturing is his way of showing his tail feathers to show you how brilliant he is. I don’t think he means to make OP feel like she is dumb, he just wants to show off for her. Unfortunately, it’s a huge fail and instead of learning his lesson and finding a different way to ‘preen’, he goes off and sulks cos the ‘peahen’ isn’t interested in him.
11:44 is step daughters name Cinderalla?? This sounds like an ongoing toxic dynamic.
More like a spoiled brat, $1000 a month from dad, no job, not going to collage, lives a home for free but only has to do what sounded like 3-4 chores? If that’s all i had to do i wouldn’t be complaining
I would tell the new stepmom. Honey I got your number and I have no interest in calling it. And I would say to Dad you know you had no right sharing that with her. I appreciate if you keep my private life just that private thank you
Story 3: YTA. I know that personality type. It's fixative. He's likely just that interested and thinks pouring over details would spark the same interest in her. It won't. That's for him to realize. Just as it's for him to realize they're better off separate. The amount of venting she's likely done to him about things that don't interest him, won't make it into her post either.
Minimum, ESH. Keep in mind, this is a reoccurring issue and while dude was ok before op told him about her issue with his monologue, afterwards that’s when he became an A. Op told him that she wasn’t interested.
Op: TA, for not recognizing that this is a clear personality thing.
Him: for insisting to go into greater details than what was asked or necessary.
When I ask where’s the bathroom, I ain’t looking for an explanation of how plumbing works.
@@vincentlucario5450 He’s not an AH for doing to her what she did to him. She doesn’t care about his interests and doesn’t want to listen to him talk about them? Fine. But that means he no longer has to pretend to care about her interests or listen to her talk about them. Fair is fair
When someone is acting like they're orating the wisdom of the ages, I tend to zone out, too. Explain then move on, don't just stand there and pontificate on crap you think I ought to know. If I think it's important to me, I will make it a point to learn about it.
I stopped ready after the first sentence, keep your long opinions to yourself
@FrostLordOni Lol!
Hope you're having a wonderful day XO
No one in the states is having a wonderful day.
Hi XO, and everyone out there!
Marry ameana!!!!
Start 3. It sounds like he just like to share information. Which might be why he repeated ops words back to her when she was sharing things. But even if he is annoying when he does it. She literally asked him for help and then didn't wanna listen to what he did/how he fixed the VPN. What if he's not there next time she needs help?
Frankly if op gets annoyed at info dumping, they need to break up, because this is a compatibility thing. She sounds like she doesn't like him/isn't happy.
Accidents my ass. NTA!
Story 1 both ppl are dumb.
Is OP paying Amina enough? Sounds like she does much more than being a nanny and it sounds like she's a vulnerable person being exploited.
Don’t hurt ur self with that reach
@@ghostdragon5735yeah that was some kind of transatlantic reach going on. If Amina was under paid, she would’ve left. It sounds like OP pays and treats Amina well. Heck! Having Amina basically managing the fort may help why ex wants OP back.
Stop babying women, Amina can say “I want a raise”.
@@lorilancaster5917 Even low pay may be worth it for a place to stay and a job she can do with her kids in tow. Lots of moms are desperate for work that can be done while also caring for their kids, because daycare is so expensive it's often not worth working.
Talking story-YTA. Do you even love him? What type of an AH tells a partner they are not interested in a topic? how RUDE. She seems to only use him and when he wants to talk she cuts him off.
Imagine if HE did that to her. He would be called names
He did, in retaliation for her doing it, and she got mad.
@ettinakitten5047 just proves the point the wife is an AH
Yta or ESH in "lecturing" story. I have doubts lecturing as in talking down, scolding her ect vs giving a lecture on whatever topic . But breaking up is best. As a married man I guarantee op just talked at bf when he had negative interest
Husband lecturing story NTA
1 OP is NOT askingg about VPNs!!!!!
2 He IS lecturing her. If you're getting heated over explaining shit NO ONE asked you about YES you are lecturing them
3 You are NOT helping someone by bringing up said crap no one asked about.
lol then figure out how to fix it yourself.
marriage story hypocrite is laughable. My husband has to work and do all the chores, but op can hire help.
Story 1: NTA and block her.
Story 2: NTA and op is a sucker
Story 3: NTA and how is it op’s fault
Another Reddit "men are stupid and useless" story. It must be a day ending in "y".
Yep, the misandry is rampant, people just don't see it.
Lecturing BF sounds autistic. I'm leaning towards YTA because a) it sounds like OP's very first attempt to discuss this problem was really hurtful and abrupt, and b) OP literally asks him for help and then gets on his case for trying to explain what he's doing to help her.
Story 1, this is why the world is moronic, and people are idiots right here. Proof op there's a house, would rather put himself in life and death situations just to prove something to his stepmom dumb as hell.
last story yta.. my son doesn't want an allowens because he works and know we try to save. yeah that is a lie he gets an allowens in food and housing cost. he doesn't live at home and most people than pay for their own housing and food. why the hell does he have to do chores when he lives somewhere else???
And step is just a trustfund baby..