Cats at least purr and offer comfort. This guy is totally useless. No idea why she's taking care of a manchild who thinks she's his mommy. Also, I completely support getting a cat. I have 12 and I love them.
I agree, if it were me I’d be standing outside the room with my wine I’d be too nervous to have it anywhere near the wedding dress bc anything can happen.
The last comment in the first who claims human kindness, that guy has a warped twisted reality. Honestly people are so delusional on Reddit that they excuse bad behavior and say be the bigger person means keeps taking all the punches and if you strike back then you’re the one who’s wrong. And he’s probably lying when he said that he would do this for his worst enemy.
I’m thinking that person must have been one of the step grandparents who were upset that OP wouldn’t look after the children they came to look after instead of taking turns visiting in the hospital
@@lorilancaster5917Nah probably just one of the "But FaMiLy" m0r0ns who would say the same thing about a sibling hooking up with another siblings partner and not forgiving them
The "tag team" comment was nearer the mark. One parent could have gone into visit for an hour, come back, and other parent go to hospital for an hour. Why did they both need someone else's unqualified kid to babysit their grandkids? And to be honest, it's very rare for a male teenager to be able to keep his mind on someone else's needs for a straight ten minutes; which puts very small kids in danger. That's why most babysitters, of that age, are female. Any stories of older boys taking care of younger siblings is just that; siblings. Everyone really knows one another. Unfortunate circumstances sometimes land on young men, and many rise to the occasion, but without prior experience, it's not safe, particularly with that reluctant attitude. (which is normal for what has gone on before).
IKR. Reading this I’m going, sister get your submissive ass out of that relationship. Kick that bum out, move because he WILL stalk you and if he shows up…. Restraining order!
S1 NTA. Where was the step monsters human kindness when she was hoping OPs sister would be homeless so OP would be forced to stay and be free babysitting?
First story: To the last commenter, if you like being a lapdog for people who wouldn’t spit on you if you were on fire thats your prerogative but that doesn’t make OP T.A. for refusing to take it.
I'm asking myself, where was this "human kindness" when OP's Dad left? Or when the stepmother didn't allow any pictures and wish that the sister becomes homeless? This commenter is trying the holier-than-thou-card and had never been in this situation themselves. Must be nice to live a carefree life.
@@Allmight_KittyYou realize it’s not for them, right? It’s for the kids who aren’t guilty of anything. And while OP doesn’t want a relationship with the kids, it’s more than a little callous to leave children alone during an emergency. * Boundaries are good… generally. But putting children at risk is not something I’d be okay with. * You can be a vegan and say, “I don’t want anyone to bring meat into my house,” but it’s insane to say, “While I am staying with you for the weekend, you can’t have meat at your house.” * Maybe I’m crazy, but I don’t think my comfort is more important than someone’s safety.
The kids were with their grandparents when the dad took his wife to the hospital. Dad could keep them informed of her status. The OP doesn't need to show "grace" to a man who continually allows him to be abused by his new famy.
@@crawdaddy1234 you are not crazy but definetly too nice. Not OP's Circus, not OP's monkeys. Granted OP could have waited for the grandparents to take over babysitting but Dad could also have listened to his child instead of "forcing" OP to live with them. Daddy dearest reaps what he sowed.
My family sneaks grape juice on little bottles. For the kids. But the kids only get juice if someone other than the bride wears white. Idk if there's a different good reason
Wedding Dress story: I have a feeling that anyone who brings a glass of red wine near a wedding dress before the reception starts is a stupid at best and a malicious idiot at worst. Add on the sister making comments complaining about the OP for weeks just shows that it was more likely malicious than not.
And then to call OP selfish for not giving her the money to go on a honeymoon? WTAF?! Like, woman, you ruined my wedding dress and expect me to pay for you to go on a vacation? Have you lost what little is left of your mind?!
Words of wisdom to OP: Sue her for the dress. If it can’t be cleaned, sue for the entire price of it new. She and her second husband can save up for the honeymoon that she will never get from the first marriage because she needs to pay off the judgment.
Story 3: Emma isn't bright, even *if* it were an accident why would she expect OP to pay for her honeymoon? OP has to replace her dress, Emma is lucky OP hasn't taken her to court to pay the cleaning/new dress. Also if the parents have such an issue with OP not paying *they* can! Smart bet is they're why Emma knows about the "surprise".
Story 1: NTA. Dad was a deadbeat to OP, then he forced OP to live with him, then his whooah is an abusive POS. OP owes him not one thing. F that commenter advising "human kindness" to OP's abusers. Be a doormat on your own time.
A good rule of thumb for those types of stories is generally "not being a saint doesn't make you the ahole". Would OP helping the family be a fantastical thing to do? Sure, but OP doesn't have to be a saint to those who have done nothing for them.
OP is 17, how can Dad force him to be in his house? Just run away and make his life hell. Hell soon tire of trying to force OP back so he can have a free babysitter.
I agree. Their comment is absolutely disingenuous and they are making it just to show their 'moral' superiority. I was once a 17 year old and I can guarantee that if I was in OP's situation, I would have done the exact same thing he did.
Not your job to babysit his new family. Boom. Go to the judge on your own. Make notes on the horrible things she said. You need out & sis should get support. Where is your survivors/dead parent benifit (SS) you are due???
Why in the world would this girl, or any woman, _want_ to be with a guy that doesn't have a job. I mean, it would be a bit different if he had a job when they met and then after they were together for awhile something happened and he lost his job or something but to get with a guy who has no job when you meet him who then continues to have no job for the first year you are together, 2 years, 3 years, and 4 years....oh..my bad, he DID have a job for a whole week and then had the audacity to actually admit he quit after one week because they told him to do something that he did not want to do!! What a freaking loser! How did they even "date"? She just paid for everything? This girl must not have one single ounce of self esteem or self worth.
S1: last commenter - you are an AH! You really think her parents would've come back. BS on that. Tell dad he's not a father his wife and kids mean nothing to you and never will. He hopes they all end up homeless for what is crappy wife said.
The first thing I thought when they said "I would do that even for my worst enemy" was a compound word that starts with "bull" and ends something much less nice. Yeah, right...Dig you being all generous and caring....for the benefit of random internet readers.
S1: I didn't need to hear anything beyond daddy never paid child-support. What a raging hypocrite he is, screaming at OP for abandoning family! I hope OP can get away from him and his bish wife soon.
Story 3: Take her to small claims court. It was deliberate. Even if it wasn't she owes you for it. But it totally was. Don't give her a cent. Actually give her exactly one cent and tel her it's more than she's worth
Last story. In some states guardians can give drinking permission to their minors. My parents let us on special occasions. In another case my little brother got absolutely smashed at a house party we were all at once. I was over 21. I got pulled over for going 2 mph over the sped limit by a hypo (I was going down hill 😅.) I was in the clear, passed the sobriety test and they called my dad. I'm not my brother's keeper and though my dad tried to make it my fault my brother actually stood up for me and told my dad I'm not his keeper and that I had been responsible by not choosing to drink and provided a safe way home. My brother faced his own consequences and had to do community service. In context my dad let my brother drink more at our own house than he allowed me so it was also the consequences of my dad's actions too. If rather younger people deink in a safe environment with safe people than sneaking out with sketchy and ill intentioned people.
Eh, I mean, that's when the legal guardian/parent is involved. If 19 goes to brother and OP's house, and cops get called, both OP AND her BF could get into some shit. In my state, it's punishable by a $500 fine and potentially a year in jail to supply someone under 21 alcohol. Second time it happens, it's classed as a felony. I wouldn't care if lil bro came over, but I'm not gonna go to jail or have to pay a fine because someone got the bright idea to supply alcohol to a minor.
@@Brit626 It's the same in mine. And I think the commenter forgot, that just because they are brothers, does not make the brother a legal guardian. Siblings are the last people you want in charge of your other child, especially if they are BOTH going to be drinking.
@@Dancer_Of_Boreal I didn't forget how guardianship works. But if the parents know about it then 🤷🏼♀️. Also, it depends on the type of sibling and what they're doing. If they're gonna have a few beers and watch movies or play video games that's a hell of a lot better than the absolute batsh!t stuff the bros I grew up with could get themselves into. I'm not saying the OP should feel comfortable about it if she's not but everyone acting like a 19 year old should/would/and won't ever ever drink is absurd. I mentored a lot of young adults under legal drinking age when I was in college and the first thing I always did was give them my number and tell them if they were ever somewhere they wanted out of or needed a ride because they were too intoxicated I wanted them to call me. I'd rather them be safe than lecture them about making poor decisions.
Exactly and it shouldn’t be hard since OPs name and not his are on everything since she’s the one who pays. He does not love her and at this point I don’t think OP does as well
She was shocked😂😂😂😂 I hope OP leaves her. This isn't the only thing his wife did. If he's ready to walk out on her, he already has one foot out the door to begin with.
She seems to be a foolish busy body who OP is already fed up with. Instead of questioning why her husband doesn't trust her enough or instead of getting solid evidence to expose her SIL, she just ran her mouth...she is the epitome of 'loose lips, sink ships'...its unfortunate that OP has so much contempt for her that he is allowing their ship to sink.
Sister had an affair and claims she really regrets it? The fact that she hasn't told her husband yet proves she doesn't regret it, because she doesn't want to be held accountable for her actions.
3:53 OP recognizes her bf is garbage, and sees all his flaws, but I still can't blame her entirely for not [yet] kicking him to the curb (he can sleep in his car). She was 16 dating an 18-year-old. He groomed her, and I wonder if any adult tried to prevent this. He shaped her to be his caregiver and feel guilty for not fulfilling this role. And he's definitely spending his days visiting all his other "mommies".
Story 1: A 17 year old should have his views taken into account. He should also be able to get CPS interested in his parentification. Story 2: WHY is OP with this selfish idiot? Boot him out and change the locks. Story 3: If this was me I would go NC with sister and parents until grovelling apologies are given.
Emotion affair sis story: If the husband finding out is causing the divorce, then it's the actions of the sister that caused the divorce. I'm looking at OP weird for hiding this from the husband. That's a red flag for me.
"I would do it for my worst enemy" Okay dude. Who's your worst enemy and WHY are they your worst enemy (gotta make sure it's equivalent to nearly 18 years of neglect, not just Karen taking your yogurt from the fridge a few times). Now go to them and see what "grace" you can offer for whatever trouble they might be having, then you can come back here on that high horse you were sitting on.
The sister's affair story: I am honestly appalled by OP's attitude towards his wife. When the sister told OP about the affair, he shouldn't have decided to keep it a secret. He should have given his sister the ultimatum, that either she should confess to her husband or he would. He did not once think about his brother in law. If a person is willing to keep someone else's affair a secret, then that says a lot about their own integrity. The husband had every right to know, and OP is a morally corrupt person for keeping this secret. If anything OP's wife should be threatening divorce instead of OP, because when he has shown he is willing to keep someone else's affair a secret, then he has shown that he can't be trusted to remain faithful himself. I bet that if OP was the one who was cheated on then he would want to know, instead of having the people closes to him keep it a secret.
9:55 Add to the fact that OP's wife just realised that if OP's willing to keep a secret about his sister having an emotional affair years ago (That's what OP says happen) but she know looking back thinking if OP has every lied to her and his sister covered for them.
It wasn’t physical and only lasted a month. I would have stayed out of it. It sounds hugely overblown. It’s very vague too. Was this a crush? Was the other person even aware she considered it an emotional affair? The wife knew OP didn’t want her telling his sister’s business and did it anyway. Now she’s crying over her kids’ stability but didn’t think anything of blowing up SIL’s family. It’s not like this dragged on for months or years and never got physical. OP’s wife is a gossiping busybody. If my husband had a crush on a coworker and never touched her, then realized he crossing lines and chose not to go through with an affair, I’d rather not know. Adultery is another story, and that’s not what happened here. She hurt BIL and blew up their life for no good reason.
@@user-xd6nc6rg7bthere was a story here few days ago about an OP who was out at lunch and witnessed his BIL out with a woman and who lightly kissed her. He told his pregnant SIL (wife's sister) and nuked the marriage. He got not the AH, and was cheered for exposing the BIL. Here, wife exposes her SIL, and get YTA and accused of being a drama queen.
@ Kissed on the cheek? On the lips? Context matters. An emotional affair with no physical contact, maybe one sided, isn’t the same. It’s a problem, but it sounds like the SIL stopped before it crossed that line. Are we talking about dates or just chatting too much at work? It’s very vague. It’s not about the gender of the person who was involved, it’s about the situation and how far things went. Or didn’t.
1. Funny how that last commenter says he would show “human kindness” to his worst enemy, that sentence alone is hypocritical. 2. How is op going to type all that out and not see the red flags? 3. FAFO 4. Eh, 2 things. I don’t care about cheaters. But the wife is a whole other case. She claimed it was a mistake and will never do it again? How come she doesn’t hold that same standard to sis? 5. Both of them are weird.
Story 4: Yes, cheating is bad. But that is not the story here. OP's wife broke his trust: HIS. That is something that is not easily repaired and that is the story of THEIR marriage. The commenters in the story are totally missing THIS fact.
@@mflax4331 that’s the thing though, in every other case, people will say “tell their partner they cheated”. Why is this case so different? But thats besides the point, I was pointing out how the wife’s statement of “it was a mistake, I’ll never do it again.” Was almost a 1 to 1 replica of every cheater’s mantra.
@@vincentlucario5450 For me cheating is lying and I hate liars and lies. I do understand OP to support his sister, but I don't condone what the sister did. OP was not obliged to act on behalf of his sister. OP's wife had no business betraying her husband's trust or talking to BIL. In my POV the wife betrayed OP as his sister betrayed her husband. And thus: yes, both actions are the same - trust was broken in both events. The responsibility to tell the husband was with OP's sister. Nobody else.
@ do you also consider all shovels to be spades as well? How did the wife break op’s trust when she has a very clear stance on cheating? Wife never lied, that’s the biggest difference. Honestly the fact the op is more than happy to keep a secret like cheating, says a lot about op.
Agreed. I still feel like it was not something that should've been kept secret, though. It's the kind of issue that only hurts the relationship more the longer it takes to be revealed.
@@Eppon6 It wasn't OP's wife's place to tell the husband. If his wife had cheated on him, yes, someone needed to tell the husband so he could get checked for STD's, some of which can be fatal, but you don't get an STD from an emotional affair.
@@bunnyslippers191 I totally agree. OP's wife never should have done that. I just wanted to add that she wouldn't have been able to if the sister was decent enough to be honest to her husband about the slip-up since it wasn't as bad. Now the OP's wife just made it into a bigger issue than it ever had to be if they were just decent people. Dirty secrets like that have no place in a proper relationship. If your partner will be upset to know it, let them know it because they'd just be MORE upset if the secret is kept for longer than it had to be.
Ehh, disagree. A person having an EA is giving time and energy to someone outside of the relationship, and they're doing it, because they are trying to make the EA into a physical affair. A cheater never stops with 1 chip. You aren't actively working to heal your relationship if your working on bedding someone else.
His wife is a sh*t stirrer. Going behind his back and betraying him like that is more of a betrayal and, frankly, would be a deal-breaker. Asking him to consider the consequences of his reaction when she didn't consider the consequences before she acted is the height of hypocrisy.
St1: ask your dad if he's so angry because he sees himself in you? And if so be great if you could pay that backlogged child support for my college fund. Never to late to grow up dad! Also I'd sue him when your 18 for the backlog. He owes it to you and your sister. He doesn't get to just abandon kids he helped create because he didn't feel like trying. In some states you can do that. Good luck.
Story 1 - Well bully for that last commenter! Maybe they should babysit OP's sperm donor's and his toxic wife's kids the next time they need someone to watch them. OP needs to go to the court himself and tell what the stepmonster has been saying and doing. Story 2 - OP needs to dump the dead weight ASAP. And make sure he doesn't sabotage her BC and babytrap her. Story 3 - Sister is stupid and/or short sighted. Why would she still expect OP to pay for her honeymoon after destroying her wedding dress? If the parents are so worried about her not going on her trip, then they can pay for it instead. Story 4 - OP's wife had no right to tell BIL about the emotional affair years after it happened. If it were happening right now, then yeah, he has the right to know. However, since it was over ages ago, and sister did the work to fix herself and her marriage, so telling him now only serves to hurt both of her ILs and destroy their life. OP's wife has destroyed his trust in her, and for that reason, he's right to want to divorce her. Story 5 - I'd be thinking hard about this relationship. OP's fiance wasn't "running it by her" like the one commenter says. He was telling her, then pitched a fit when she said she'd like to be included in the decision on who to invite over. The mask over his controlling tendencies is starting to slip. It's their shared home, and it's common courtesy to check in with your partner and make sure they're OK with the visitor. OP's concerns about supplying alcohol to someone under age (if in the US) is also equally valid.
Last comment on the 1st story you said that okay should have been the bigger person and looked after the half siblings while long enough for the stepmother's parents to go to the hospital. Well what if they decide to stay until the baby is born? Then play the song baby is born time to go home and not return to relieve Op of the responsibility of caring for the half siblings? If he were to have done that then it would have made both dad and stepmother super happy and they would have embraced OP thinking he's finally finally accepted them as his family which he doesn't
Story 1: "I would do it for my worst enemy." Want to play a game? It's called BS! When you think someone full of S#+ just call out BS! BS! I CALL BS! 😂
Idk why she was trust someone who complained constantly about your wedding around your wedding dress. Bitter people always try to make others feel as bad as themselves.
I would say to my dad I don't owe anybody anything. The only person that owes is you owe mom how many years of child support. I'm acting like a little boy how would you know that. You weren't around when I was a little boy. You know you don't get to ignore me my whole life don't support me and then come back when I'm almost an adult said hey son just be family. That ship sailed a long time ago. And that woman that you're married to that you're expecting me to have so much concern for. It's nothing to me. She's not my family she's your family. And that woman has done nothing but being nasty to my sister and not even let me have a picture of my mother in the house. And you want me to feel bad for her. You got a family now why don't you just leave us alone.
Story1: NTA. Too bad OP was probably too upset to flip it back around on his dad to point out that the dad left OP's mom when she was pregnant, didn't pay child support, and wasn't there for OP growing up so why the eff should OP be there for kids who aren't even his? The dad is the one who set the example and the only reason OP lives with him or even sees him is bc his mother died. I hope he can get out of there asap. The judge who made OP stay is an idiot. Also, OP should sue for the back child support when he's 18 just like his sister did.
What is with these women who put up with the losers they get with. she can tell you what's wrong but see it for herself? I'm a 77 year old Lady no losers ever for me. Maybe this does not sound very nice but you only have one life to live, why would you live like that.
Dress story, NTA. Send Emma the bill for cleaning the dress. She deliberately ruined your dress. You don't owe her anything. You know she did it on purpose.
Story 2. That mooch of a bf has ruined my life by me being saddled with listening to his story from his burdened gf!! 😮😮😮😮 Whhhaaatttt!? Not 1 cent towards bills because he's too lazy to work?? Nooooo
Story2: NTA to the bf but YTA to yourself for not dumping that useless mooch. He's not a man, he's a child and he thinks you're his mommy. I'd say to give him a breakdown on how much you spend supporting him but he won't care. He's too selfish. Kick him out. I hope he's not on the lease. But give him 30 days notice or whatever is legal where you are to get out bc he won't ever change. He's too immature and selfish. He wouldn't have a roof over his head, food to eat, utilities, internet, etc if you weren't paying for it. He is an ungrateful pos.
Story 1 - the last comment is hilarious 🤣, people suffer everyday and OP isn’t expected to help, why should he help his dead beat father and his affair partner?
1st story- NTA you op doesn't owe them anything. Those ESH asking for op to stay while they visited are naive thinking that the family members would come back.
Dude your sister's marriage is on the rocks cause she cheated. If you want to leave your wife cause she told your BIL the truth you hate her anyway. Leave that woman alone.
S1 - Had the ILs not been there, I would have blame OP for not being human in such a situation. However, the children had adults to watch over them so he's fine for going to his sister. Frankly, I would have gone to the sister anyway permanently under this environment. What is the judge going to do? Put a 17 year old teenager in jail? The way I was as a teenager, my thinking would be "have at it then", I'm not staying with this "stranger".
Story 1: I don’t like parents who treat their children like live in help. In addition, I don’t know what your dad expected from you. He abandoned you, never bothering to build a relationship with you, yet he expects you to build a loving relationship with his new family. Oh, and ignore Mr. Human Kindness’s remark. The in-laws could have taken the grandkids with them to the hospital. You don’t owe anything to the stepmother who won’t even allow you to have a picture of your mother in her house!😠 Story 2: Why are you with this bum? He doesn’t have a job and you financially support him, while suffering from his verbal abuse. Why? Please dump this guy and get into therapy ASAP!😢 Story 3: That was no accident on the part of your sister. She’s jealous of you. Don’t pay for her honeymoon and go low contact with her🙁 Story 4: Think of your kids? Why didn’t your wife do that. Your sister made a mistake and is now on the brink of divorce. Your wife made a mistake and is also on the brink of divorce🙁 Story 5: I do think that your partner shouldn’t be encouraging his 19 old brother to drink😟
Actually wife should have divorced OP instead of apologizing...if he is ok with sis cheating he won't care to be loyal to his own wife...given OP's reaction what else he is hiding from wife...may be his own affair?
Buy a new dress either the honeymoon money. Make sure you give her a big picture of you in not the wedding dress. Only wedding picture she gets. Same with mom
I'm so, so tired of this argument, it's the same one people give as an excuse when they close rank to protect abusers, because "it's a private matter, it's not your place". It's a cope out, when people do terrible things they should not expect the people around them to help shield them from the terrible consequences. People are entitled to life changing information that concerns them. Denying them that to protect someone who has wronged them is ridiculous.
Comment on story 1:..."I would do it for my worst enemy." Well, that's you. Not everyone is like you. Pat yourself on the back! I am with OP. Sorry, not sorry!
That first comment in the last story obviously does not understand drinking laws. It does not matter if it’s under someone’s supervision minors should not be drinking. And if they do something destructive or get sick the person who supplies the drink would be held liable.
Re: Inviting someone over. NTA I think this might partially be a difference between extroverts and introverts, though sometimes it's also cultural (and yes, families in the same country have different specific family cultures in terms of how things are done). But basically, the friendly, more the merrier types seem to have no problem issuing invitations to the house and just expect their partners to be okay with it. Meanwhile, introverts are territorial sorts, and even with notice, they like to be consulted about who is going to be allowed on their territory. Like baby names, who gets to come to the house should be a two yeses/one no proposition. The home is a private space. Would it have killed the hubby to call or text his wife to run things by her. If you think you're going to look like you're getting permission and it will somehow undermine you socially, just frame it as "I have to check with the wife to make sure we don't have other plans. Just give me a second." No one wants to be double booked, after all.
Story 1: Ya that “ESH” commentor can screw off. Oooh i get it so Op should help the vile woman who told him he isnt allowed to have pics of his mom/sister in her home and the deadbeat POS who abandoned him… Right right… no Op is NTA and i admire his courage ngl
Story 4: NTA OP asked her to stop and she wouldn't. So the sisters emotional affair isnt ok, but OPs wife disrespecting her husbands wishes is. Wife is a fool.
it was an emotional affair that lasted only a month and she got counseling. I don’t know what kind of story book life everyone else lives, but this new emotional affair is the same as physical cheating needs to end. I never had an emotional affair, but I know it’s possible to feel attracted to someone and start keeping your distance to ensure it doesn’t develop into anything else. I was married to my husband for over 30 years before he passed away. One time we talked about it and I told him that it’s not that I’ve never been attracted, it’s that I’ve never been stupid enough to believe that you should be around the opposite sex if you start feeling attracted. People always believe willpower etc. But I say, why put yourself in that situation. Eventually something’s going to give. My husband said, he never thought of it that way. I don’t believe in cheating, but I also wouldn’t bash people over brief feelings that they didn’t act on. But I come from a time that we didn’t have phrases like “emotional affairs.”
An affair is physically hooking up. An emotional affair is having feelings for the hookup partner. She had a crush, hooked up, and then changed her mind. She is still a cheater.
@@lorisewsstuff1607 you are one of those people who can't be wrong and won't be inconvenienced by doing a Google search. So all I can say to you is bless your heart.
2nd story. You are the idiot, but you are the idiot for allowing your deadbeat boyfriend to abuse you. Dump the dead weight. You already pay for all the expenses. Wake up girl, you can do better.
Last story: the BF/fiance didnt 'ask' OP ... he matter of fact 'Told' OP ... 'My brother is coming over this weedend' not ' is it ok if brother comes over this weekend' ... No, OP is NTA
1) The way OP was/is treated by his shitty dad and evil step-mom I can understand why he is not invested in life with them and the step & half sibs. It is good OP will soon be 18 and can get away from them totally and permanently. OP NTA. 2) Why is OP putting up with and subsidizing this mooch ... is the sex that good? NTA for not coughing up this amount he is asking for, but for F's sake, she needs to kick him to the curb and get some therapy to figure out why she let herself get into this situation, and so she won't repeat it again in future with her next choice of boyfriend. 3) It is a shame the sis with whom OP thought she was very close is jealous and hateful. This was no accident. Good for OP for deciding not to pay for her sister's honeymoon. Shame on the parents to tell OP to indulge the nasty sister. NTA. Part of the money OP is keeping for herself can go towards getting her gown professionally cleaned and packed to safely store. 4) Sis cheating and she and OP hiding it from the husband/BIL, and now because OP's wife did the moral thing letting the husband know the truth after OP & Sis didn't keep their mouthes shut about their complicity he wants to divorce her. ESH, except for the BIL as far as I know from this. 5) Is that underage drinking, that's not good. If he is not considering OP in a way she feels he should, she should not marry or stay with this guy. NTA.
2nd story, why are you tolerating this crap. You are not his mother. Get sime self respect and read over what you just wrote. You are being used and disrespected. He is a freeloader.
LAST STORY OP'S NOT THE A.HOLE SHE MIGHT HAVE BEEN SCARED SOMETHING BAD COULD HAPPEN IF THE HUSBAND 'S YOUNGER BROTHER CAME TO DRINK AT THEIR HOUSE BCAUSE HE'S ONLY 19 +IN MANY PLACES THAT IS TO YOUNG TO DRINK ALCOHOL/ BUY IT. JUST TO GIVE THE OF BENEFIT OF DOUBT OP COULD SUSPECT THE HUSBAND'S BROTHER FOR SOME REASON OF SOMETHING BAD THE HUSBAND SHOULD UNDERSTAND OP .
Story #2: If you want someone that lays around all day, eats your food and judges you..GET A CAT!!
Right?
Thanks for making me lol😄
Cats at least purr and offer comfort. This guy is totally useless. No idea why she's taking care of a manchild who thinks she's his mommy. Also, I completely support getting a cat. I have 12 and I love them.
Haha, so true! Cats definitely have that judging stare down perfectly
Cats at least are cute and sometimes bring their "hunt" for you. That would make a cat more a contributor than the bf.
No one takes red wine around a wedding dress unintentionally.
Yeah. Let the parents pay for their golden child's honeymoon
The sis would be in a car accident the next day "accidents happen " :p
Exactly! Bringing red wine near a wedding dress is just asking for trouble
I agree, if it were me I’d be standing outside the room with my wine I’d be too nervous to have it anywhere near the wedding dress bc anything can happen.
It was on purpose. What an evil jealous sister.
The last comment in the first who claims human kindness, that guy has a warped twisted reality. Honestly people are so delusional on Reddit that they excuse bad behavior and say be the bigger person means keeps taking all the punches and if you strike back then you’re the one who’s wrong. And he’s probably lying when he said that he would do this for his worst enemy.
I’m thinking that person must have been one of the step grandparents who were upset that OP wouldn’t look after the children they came to look after instead of taking turns visiting in the hospital
@@lorilancaster5917Nah probably just one of the "But FaMiLy" m0r0ns who would say the same thing about a sibling hooking up with another siblings partner and not forgiving them
Wishy-washy mealy-mouth toxic positivity.
The "tag team" comment was nearer the mark. One parent could have gone into visit for an hour, come back, and other parent go to hospital for an hour. Why did they both need someone else's unqualified kid to babysit their grandkids? And to be honest, it's very rare for a male teenager to be able to keep his mind on someone else's needs for a straight ten minutes; which puts very small kids in danger. That's why most babysitters, of that age, are female. Any stories of older boys taking care of younger siblings is just that; siblings. Everyone really knows one another. Unfortunate circumstances sometimes land on young men, and many rise to the occasion, but without prior experience, it's not safe, particularly with that reluctant attitude. (which is normal for what has gone on before).
You nailed it. It’s always twisted when people manipulate narratives to make others look bad for defending themselves
2nd OP, please....20 is too young to have a 22 year old child, dump him back with his bio mom.
And they have been together 4 years. She's been his surrogate mommy from age 16, when he was a grown 18 year old who has since then had only 1 job.
IKR. Reading this I’m going, sister get your submissive ass out of that relationship. Kick that bum out, move because he WILL stalk you and if he shows up…. Restraining order!
S1 NTA. Where was the step monsters human kindness when she was hoping OPs sister would be homeless so OP would be forced to stay and be free babysitting?
First story: To the last commenter, if you like being a lapdog for people who wouldn’t spit on you if you were on fire thats your prerogative but that doesn’t make OP T.A. for refusing to take it.
I'm asking myself, where was this "human kindness" when OP's Dad left? Or when the stepmother didn't allow any pictures and wish that the sister becomes homeless? This commenter is trying the holier-than-thou-card and had never been in this situation themselves. Must be nice to live a carefree life.
@@Allmight_KittyYou realize it’s not for them, right? It’s for the kids who aren’t guilty of anything. And while OP doesn’t want a relationship with the kids, it’s more than a little callous to leave children alone during an emergency.
*
Boundaries are good… generally. But putting children at risk is not something I’d be okay with.
*
You can be a vegan and say, “I don’t want anyone to bring meat into my house,” but it’s insane to say, “While I am staying with you for the weekend, you can’t have meat at your house.”
*
Maybe I’m crazy, but I don’t think my comfort is more important than someone’s safety.
The kids were with their grandparents when the dad took his wife to the hospital.
Dad could keep them informed of her status.
The OP doesn't need to show "grace" to a man who continually allows him to be abused by his new famy.
@ No, OP left BEFORE the grandparents arrived.
@@crawdaddy1234 you are not crazy but definetly too nice. Not OP's Circus, not OP's monkeys. Granted OP could have waited for the grandparents to take over babysitting but Dad could also have listened to his child instead of "forcing" OP to live with them. Daddy dearest reaps what he sowed.
OPs Dad: you abandoned your family!
What OP should’ve said: I learned from the best!
Or: like father, like son.
Or: not my kids, not my problem.
lol, when did he abandon his family he drove a truck driver to provide.
The kettle calling the pot black
Dad is barely family, let along the other folks. The kid went to his family.
Why is red wine ever even offered at a wedding?
I daresay she brought her own!
This wasn't even at the reception, this is before the ceremony. 100% she did it on purpose. And tough sh!t for the consequences.
My family sneaks grape juice on little bottles. For the kids. But the kids only get juice if someone other than the bride wears white. Idk if there's a different good reason
Wedding Dress story: I have a feeling that anyone who brings a glass of red wine near a wedding dress before the reception starts is a stupid at best and a malicious idiot at worst. Add on the sister making comments complaining about the OP for weeks just shows that it was more likely malicious than not.
And then to call OP selfish for not giving her the money to go on a honeymoon? WTAF?! Like, woman, you ruined my wedding dress and expect me to pay for you to go on a vacation? Have you lost what little is left of your mind?!
Words of wisdom to OP: Sue her for the dress. If it can’t be cleaned, sue for the entire price of it new. She and her second husband can save up for the honeymoon that she will never get from the first marriage because she needs to pay off the judgment.
The Opie should also sue The Emma for the cost of repairing/replacing the dress. Then there'd *really* be no honeymoon.
Story 3: Emma isn't bright, even *if* it were an accident why would she expect OP to pay for her honeymoon? OP has to replace her dress, Emma is lucky OP hasn't taken her to court to pay the cleaning/new dress. Also if the parents have such an issue with OP not paying *they* can! Smart bet is they're why Emma knows about the "surprise".
Story 1: NTA. Dad was a deadbeat to OP, then he forced OP to live with him, then his whooah is an abusive POS. OP owes him not one thing. F that commenter advising "human kindness" to OP's abusers. Be a doormat on your own time.
wanna bet dad just wanted op there so they could have a free babysitter
And the first thing about human kindness is that you give what you get. They haven’t shown OP any kindness
A good rule of thumb for those types of stories is generally "not being a saint doesn't make you the ahole". Would OP helping the family be a fantastical thing to do? Sure, but OP doesn't have to be a saint to those who have done nothing for them.
I’ve seen the comment in this story they’re just calling OP the one in the wrong because emergency excuse.
OP is 17, how can Dad force him to be in his house? Just run away and make his life hell. Hell soon tire of trying to force OP back so he can have a free babysitter.
Kick the guy out. He works nowhere and pays nothing. He's a mooch.
The guy in the last comment in story 1 is a damn lair he wouldn’t help his worse enemy at all he’s a liar and a moron
I agree. Their comment is absolutely disingenuous and they are making it just to show their 'moral' superiority. I was once a 17 year old and I can guarantee that if I was in OP's situation, I would have done the exact same thing he did.
That guy's not a liar, he's a doormat.
Not your job to babysit his new family. Boom. Go to the judge on your own. Make notes on the horrible things she said. You need out & sis should get support. Where is your survivors/dead parent benifit (SS) you are due???
SHOW HIM THE DOOR girl.
Wife needs to understand that you are filing for divorce. Do it. FAFO. Get your money & papers in order. Protect your credit now.
Why in the world would this girl, or any woman, _want_ to be with a guy that doesn't have a job. I mean, it would be a bit different if he had a job when they met and then after they were together for awhile something happened and he lost his job or something but to get with a guy who has no job when you meet him who then continues to have no job for the first year you are together, 2 years, 3 years, and 4 years....oh..my bad, he DID have a job for a whole week and then had the audacity to actually admit he quit after one week because they told him to do something that he did not want to do!! What a freaking loser! How did they even "date"? She just paid for everything? This girl must not have one single ounce of self esteem or self worth.
S1: last commenter - you are an AH! You really think her parents would've come back. BS on that. Tell dad he's not a father his wife and kids mean nothing to you and never will. He hopes they all end up homeless for what is crappy wife said.
The first thing I thought when they said "I would do that even for my worst enemy" was a compound word that starts with "bull" and ends something much less nice. Yeah, right...Dig you being all generous and caring....for the benefit of random internet readers.
S1: I didn't need to hear anything beyond daddy never paid child-support. What a raging hypocrite he is, screaming at OP for abandoning family! I hope OP can get away from him and his bish wife soon.
2nd story - what in the world did I just listen to, get a backbone and dump the abusive loser
Cheating sister story
Op is just as 🗑 as his sister is. I hope his wife knows she deserves so much better.
You don't sound like a good person.
Story 3: Take her to small claims court. It was deliberate. Even if it wasn't she owes you for it. But it totally was. Don't give her a cent. Actually give her exactly one cent and tel her it's more than she's worth
The dress sounds like it costs as much as a felony.
Last story. In some states guardians can give drinking permission to their minors. My parents let us on special occasions.
In another case my little brother got absolutely smashed at a house party we were all at once. I was over 21. I got pulled over for going 2 mph over the sped limit by a hypo (I was going down hill 😅.) I was in the clear, passed the sobriety test and they called my dad. I'm not my brother's keeper and though my dad tried to make it my fault my brother actually stood up for me and told my dad I'm not his keeper and that I had been responsible by not choosing to drink and provided a safe way home. My brother faced his own consequences and had to do community service. In context my dad let my brother drink more at our own house than he allowed me so it was also the consequences of my dad's actions too. If rather younger people deink in a safe environment with safe people than sneaking out with sketchy and ill intentioned people.
Eh, I mean, that's when the legal guardian/parent is involved. If 19 goes to brother and OP's house, and cops get called, both OP AND her BF could get into some shit.
In my state, it's punishable by a $500 fine and potentially a year in jail to supply someone under 21 alcohol. Second time it happens, it's classed as a felony. I wouldn't care if lil bro came over, but I'm not gonna go to jail or have to pay a fine because someone got the bright idea to supply alcohol to a minor.
@@Brit626 It's the same in mine. And I think the commenter forgot, that just because they are brothers, does not make the brother a legal guardian. Siblings are the last people you want in charge of your other child, especially if they are BOTH going to be drinking.
@@Dancer_Of_Boreal I didn't forget how guardianship works. But if the parents know about it then 🤷🏼♀️. Also, it depends on the type of sibling and what they're doing. If they're gonna have a few beers and watch movies or play video games that's a hell of a lot better than the absolute batsh!t stuff the bros I grew up with could get themselves into. I'm not saying the OP should feel comfortable about it if she's not but everyone acting like a 19 year old should/would/and won't ever ever drink is absurd. I mentored a lot of young adults under legal drinking age when I was in college and the first thing I always did was give them my number and tell them if they were ever somewhere they wanted out of or needed a ride because they were too intoxicated I wanted them to call me. I'd rather them be safe than lecture them about making poor decisions.
It wouldn't be an XO video if it didn't end on a completely ridiculous comment.
I thought I was the only one who noticed this too LOL
S 2- op, yta for staying with this leach. Dump your dependent.
Exactly and it shouldn’t be hard since OPs name and not his are on everything since she’s the one who pays. He does not love her and at this point I don’t think OP does as well
How much red flags does OP need to know that this is not a great guy to be around?
This guy is trash. Send him to the garbage can and live your best life. Get therapy and respect yourself.
Red wine is no accident
She was shocked😂😂😂😂
I hope OP leaves her.
This isn't the only thing his wife did. If he's ready to walk out on her, he already has one foot out the door to begin with.
She seems to be a foolish busy body who OP is already fed up with. Instead of questioning why her husband doesn't trust her enough or instead of getting solid evidence to expose her SIL, she just ran her mouth...she is the epitome of 'loose lips, sink ships'...its unfortunate that OP has so much contempt for her that he is allowing their ship to sink.
Sister had an affair and claims she really regrets it? The fact that she hasn't told her husband yet proves she doesn't regret it, because she doesn't want to be held accountable for her actions.
She didn’t physically cheated. It was emotional and she stopped it
She did not have a physical affair. People need to mind their own business and use discernment.
Emma is unhinged
Story 2...love doesn't pay the bills...kick him out. And in the future don't move in with ppl who don't have a job
"Why are you with him/her?" I think that would be a phrase redditors should ask themselves before asking anyone else what to do.
3:53 OP recognizes her bf is garbage, and sees all his flaws, but I still can't blame her entirely for not [yet] kicking him to the curb (he can sleep in his car). She was 16 dating an 18-year-old. He groomed her, and I wonder if any adult tried to prevent this. He shaped her to be his caregiver and feel guilty for not fulfilling this role. And he's definitely spending his days visiting all his other "mommies".
Story 1: A 17 year old should have his views taken into account. He should also be able to get CPS interested in his parentification.
Story 2: WHY is OP with this selfish idiot? Boot him out and change the locks.
Story 3: If this was me I would go NC with sister and parents until grovelling apologies are given.
Emotion affair sis story: If the husband finding out is causing the divorce, then it's the actions of the sister that caused the divorce. I'm looking at OP weird for hiding this from the husband. That's a red flag for me.
5:16 honey, this is financial abüse. Get out now, it will get wørse.
St 2: YTA. 4 years? And he has a job for a week? And your still with him? That’s a you problem
If you cover for a cheater you are no better than a cheater
"I would do it for my worst enemy"
Okay dude. Who's your worst enemy and WHY are they your worst enemy (gotta make sure it's equivalent to nearly 18 years of neglect, not just Karen taking your yogurt from the fridge a few times). Now go to them and see what "grace" you can offer for whatever trouble they might be having, then you can come back here on that high horse you were sitting on.
The sister's affair story: I am honestly appalled by OP's attitude towards his wife. When the sister told OP about the affair, he shouldn't have decided to keep it a secret. He should have given his sister the ultimatum, that either she should confess to her husband or he would. He did not once think about his brother in law.
If a person is willing to keep someone else's affair a secret, then that says a lot about their own integrity. The husband had every right to know, and OP is a morally corrupt person for keeping this secret. If anything OP's wife should be threatening divorce instead of OP, because when he has shown he is willing to keep someone else's affair a secret, then he has shown that he can't be trusted to remain faithful himself. I bet that if OP was the one who was cheated on then he would want to know, instead of having the people closes to him keep it a secret.
This wasn’t a physical affair, but ok.
9:55 Add to the fact that OP's wife just realised that if OP's willing to keep a secret about his sister having an emotional affair years ago (That's what OP says happen) but she know looking back thinking if OP has every lied to her and his sister covered for them.
See a part of me thinks the wife didn't tell the bill from the goodness of her heart, but just to create drama and for that esh.
It wasn’t physical and only lasted a month. I would have stayed out of it. It sounds hugely overblown. It’s very vague too. Was this a crush? Was the other person even aware she considered it an emotional affair? The wife knew OP didn’t want her telling his sister’s business and did it anyway. Now she’s crying over her kids’ stability but didn’t think anything of blowing up SIL’s family. It’s not like this dragged on for months or years and never got physical. OP’s wife is a gossiping busybody. If my husband had a crush on a coworker and never touched her, then realized he crossing lines and chose not to go through with an affair, I’d rather not know. Adultery is another story, and that’s not what happened here. She hurt BIL and blew up their life for no good reason.
@@user-xd6nc6rg7bthere was a story here few days ago about an OP who was out at lunch and witnessed his BIL out with a woman and who lightly kissed her. He told his pregnant SIL (wife's sister) and nuked the marriage. He got not the AH, and was cheered for exposing the BIL. Here, wife exposes her SIL, and get YTA and accused of being a drama queen.
@ Kissed on the cheek? On the lips? Context matters. An emotional affair with no physical contact, maybe one sided, isn’t the same. It’s a problem, but it sounds like the SIL stopped before it crossed that line. Are we talking about dates or just chatting too much at work? It’s very vague. It’s not about the gender of the person who was involved, it’s about the situation and how far things went. Or didn’t.
1. Funny how that last commenter says he would show “human kindness” to his worst enemy, that sentence alone is hypocritical.
2. How is op going to type all that out and not see the red flags?
3. FAFO
4. Eh, 2 things. I don’t care about cheaters. But the wife is a whole other case. She claimed it was a mistake and will never do it again? How come she doesn’t hold that same standard to sis?
5. Both of them are weird.
That dude is probably lying in the first story when he said that he would do it for his worst enemy
Story 4: Yes, cheating is bad. But that is not the story here. OP's wife broke his trust: HIS. That is something that is not easily repaired and that is the story of THEIR marriage. The commenters in the story are totally missing THIS fact.
@@mflax4331 that’s the thing though, in every other case, people will say “tell their partner they cheated”. Why is this case so different? But thats besides the point, I was pointing out how the wife’s statement of “it was a mistake, I’ll never do it again.” Was almost a 1 to 1 replica of every cheater’s mantra.
@@vincentlucario5450 For me cheating is lying and I hate liars and lies. I do understand OP to support his sister, but I don't condone what the sister did. OP was not obliged to act on behalf of his sister. OP's wife had no business betraying her husband's trust or talking to BIL. In my POV the wife betrayed OP as his sister betrayed her husband.
And thus: yes, both actions are the same - trust was broken in both events.
The responsibility to tell the husband was with OP's sister. Nobody else.
@ do you also consider all shovels to be spades as well? How did the wife break op’s trust when she has a very clear stance on cheating? Wife never lied, that’s the biggest difference. Honestly the fact the op is more than happy to keep a secret like cheating, says a lot about op.
Oh my god, an emotional affair you get therapy for and stay away from is NOT the same as infidelity.
Agreed. I still feel like it was not something that should've been kept secret, though. It's the kind of issue that only hurts the relationship more the longer it takes to be revealed.
@@Eppon6 It wasn't OP's wife's place to tell the husband. If his wife had cheated on him, yes, someone needed to tell the husband so he could get checked for STD's, some of which can be fatal, but you don't get an STD from an emotional affair.
@@bunnyslippers191 I totally agree. OP's wife never should have done that.
I just wanted to add that she wouldn't have been able to if the sister was decent enough to be honest to her husband about the slip-up since it wasn't as bad. Now the OP's wife just made it into a bigger issue than it ever had to be if they were just decent people.
Dirty secrets like that have no place in a proper relationship. If your partner will be upset to know it, let them know it because they'd just be MORE upset if the secret is kept for longer than it had to be.
Ehh, disagree. A person having an EA is giving time and energy to someone outside of the relationship, and they're doing it, because they are trying to make the EA into a physical affair. A cheater never stops with 1 chip. You aren't actively working to heal your relationship if your working on bedding someone else.
His wife is a sh*t stirrer. Going behind his back and betraying him like that is more of a betrayal and, frankly, would be a deal-breaker. Asking him to consider the consequences of his reaction when she didn't consider the consequences before she acted is the height of hypocrisy.
Defending your cheating sister and you punish your wife for having integrity.
St1: ask your dad if he's so angry because he sees himself in you? And if so be great if you could pay that backlogged child support for my college fund. Never to late to grow up dad! Also I'd sue him when your 18 for the backlog. He owes it to you and your sister. He doesn't get to just abandon kids he helped create because he didn't feel like trying. In some states you can do that. Good luck.
S 1- last comment- found the crappy father or entitled step mother. He owes you pos NOTHING
'Ditch this dude'? No .. more like 'ditch this leech'
Story 1 - Well bully for that last commenter! Maybe they should babysit OP's sperm donor's and his toxic wife's kids the next time they need someone to watch them. OP needs to go to the court himself and tell what the stepmonster has been saying and doing.
Story 2 - OP needs to dump the dead weight ASAP. And make sure he doesn't sabotage her BC and babytrap her.
Story 3 - Sister is stupid and/or short sighted. Why would she still expect OP to pay for her honeymoon after destroying her wedding dress? If the parents are so worried about her not going on her trip, then they can pay for it instead.
Story 4 - OP's wife had no right to tell BIL about the emotional affair years after it happened. If it were happening right now, then yeah, he has the right to know. However, since it was over ages ago, and sister did the work to fix herself and her marriage, so telling him now only serves to hurt both of her ILs and destroy their life. OP's wife has destroyed his trust in her, and for that reason, he's right to want to divorce her.
Story 5 - I'd be thinking hard about this relationship. OP's fiance wasn't "running it by her" like the one commenter says. He was telling her, then pitched a fit when she said she'd like to be included in the decision on who to invite over. The mask over his controlling tendencies is starting to slip. It's their shared home, and it's common courtesy to check in with your partner and make sure they're OK with the visitor. OP's concerns about supplying alcohol to someone under age (if in the US) is also equally valid.
Last comment on the 1st story you said that okay should have been the bigger person and looked after the half siblings while long enough for the stepmother's parents to go to the hospital.
Well what if they decide to stay until the baby is born? Then play the song baby is born time to go home and not return to relieve Op of the responsibility of caring for the half siblings? If he were to have done that then it would have made both dad and stepmother super happy and they would have embraced OP thinking he's finally finally accepted them as his family which he doesn't
Story 1: "I would do it for my worst enemy." Want to play a game? It's called BS! When you think someone full of S#+ just call out BS! BS! I CALL BS! 😂
Sue dear old dad as soon as you turn 18 for your child support
S2 - girl... dump the man. You're getting NOTHING from this man. Need to work on your self esteem.
Idk why she was trust someone who complained constantly about your wedding around your wedding dress. Bitter people always try to make others feel as bad as themselves.
I would say to my dad I don't owe anybody anything. The only person that owes is you owe mom how many years of child support. I'm acting like a little boy how would you know that. You weren't around when I was a little boy. You know you don't get to ignore me my whole life don't support me and then come back when I'm almost an adult said hey son just be family. That ship sailed a long time ago. And that woman that you're married to that you're expecting me to have so much concern for. It's nothing to me. She's not my family she's your family. And that woman has done nothing but being nasty to my sister and not even let me have a picture of my mother in the house. And you want me to feel bad for her. You got a family now why don't you just leave us alone.
Story 1: “I would do it for my worst enemy.” No, you wouldn’t. Quit lying. 😂
Story1: NTA. Too bad OP was probably too upset to flip it back around on his dad to point out that the dad left OP's mom when she was pregnant, didn't pay child support, and wasn't there for OP growing up so why the eff should OP be there for kids who aren't even his? The dad is the one who set the example and the only reason OP lives with him or even sees him is bc his mother died. I hope he can get out of there asap. The judge who made OP stay is an idiot. Also, OP should sue for the back child support when he's 18 just like his sister did.
Last story it’s not even about asking permission but asking do have plans I was thinking about having my brother over is common courtesy.
What is with these women who put up with the losers they get with. she can tell you what's wrong but see it for herself? I'm a 77 year old Lady no losers ever for me. Maybe this does not sound very nice but you only have one life to live, why would you live like that.
Story 2: YTA...To yourself. WTF why are you dating this guy. Seriously dump him and stop financing his lazy life.
Keep the kids. Give them all kazoos and paint balloons.
😅
Sue her for the cost of the dress
Dress story, NTA. Send Emma the bill for cleaning the dress. She deliberately ruined your dress. You don't owe her anything. You know she did it on purpose.
😂😂 not $1 towards a bag of rice🤣🤣🤣
Story 2. That mooch of a bf has ruined my life by me being saddled with listening to his story from his burdened gf!! 😮😮😮😮 Whhhaaatttt!? Not 1 cent towards bills because he's too lazy to work?? Nooooo
Last Story: YTA!!
Not
2k a month isn't even enough for a studio apartment these days.
bf of 4 years. why are you with him? he does nothing to help you. he is using you.
Story2: NTA to the bf but YTA to yourself for not dumping that useless mooch. He's not a man, he's a child and he thinks you're his mommy. I'd say to give him a breakdown on how much you spend supporting him but he won't care. He's too selfish. Kick him out. I hope he's not on the lease. But give him 30 days notice or whatever is legal where you are to get out bc he won't ever change. He's too immature and selfish. He wouldn't have a roof over his head, food to eat, utilities, internet, etc if you weren't paying for it. He is an ungrateful pos.
Story 1 - the last comment is hilarious 🤣, people suffer everyday and OP isn’t expected to help, why should he help his dead beat father and his affair partner?
1st story- NTA you op doesn't owe them anything. Those ESH asking for op to stay while they visited are naive thinking that the family members would come back.
Trust is trust. She broke your trust
“I’d do it for my worst enemy.”
I’ll take bold-faced lies for $1000, Alex.
Dude your sister's marriage is on the rocks cause she cheated. If you want to leave your wife cause she told your BIL the truth you hate her anyway. Leave that woman alone.
OP is a 17 year old child, not his father's do over family's babysitter.
S1 - Had the ILs not been there, I would have blame OP for not being human in such a situation. However, the children had adults to watch over them so he's fine for going to his sister. Frankly, I would have gone to the sister anyway permanently under this environment. What is the judge going to do? Put a 17 year old teenager in jail? The way I was as a teenager, my thinking would be "have at it then", I'm not staying with this "stranger".
S4 the cheating sis, i hope divorce court absolutely violates this guy. Only cheats defend cheats.
Story 1: I don’t like parents who treat their children like live in help. In addition, I don’t know what your dad expected from you. He abandoned you, never bothering to build a relationship with you, yet he expects you to build a loving relationship with his new family. Oh, and ignore Mr. Human Kindness’s remark. The in-laws could have taken the grandkids with them to the hospital. You don’t owe anything to the stepmother who won’t even allow you to have a picture of your mother in her house!😠
Story 2: Why are you with this bum? He doesn’t have a job and you financially support him, while suffering from his verbal abuse. Why? Please dump this guy and get into therapy ASAP!😢
Story 3: That was no accident on the part of your sister. She’s jealous of you. Don’t pay for her honeymoon and go low contact with her🙁
Story 4: Think of your kids? Why didn’t your wife do that. Your sister made a mistake and is now on the brink of divorce. Your wife made a mistake and is also on the brink of divorce🙁
Story 5: I do think that your partner shouldn’t be encouraging his 19 old brother to drink😟
Story 4:
if the wife knew about OP helping cheaters hide their cheating, she probably would've left
OP hiding affairs isn't worth staying with imo
Last story, NTA. The bro is 19, legal drinking age is 21 in most states.
18 in most states.
Actually wife should have divorced OP instead of apologizing...if he is ok with sis cheating he won't care to be loyal to his own wife...given OP's reaction what else he is hiding from wife...may be his own affair?
Buy a new dress either the honeymoon money. Make sure you give her a big picture of you in not the wedding dress. Only wedding picture she gets. Same with mom
S2: is this rage bait? “My boyfriend uses me a a personal slave, atm, and emotional scapegoat. AITA?”
Hi XO!
It wasnt the wife's place. She could've had a discussion with Op and his sister and encouraged her to confess to her husband.
I'm so, so tired of this argument, it's the same one people give as an excuse when they close rank to protect abusers, because "it's a private matter, it's not your place". It's a cope out, when people do terrible things they should not expect the people around them to help shield them from the terrible consequences. People are entitled to life changing information that concerns them. Denying them that to protect someone who has wronged them is ridiculous.
Comment on story 1:..."I would do it for my worst enemy." Well, that's you. Not everyone is like you. Pat yourself on the back! I am with OP. Sorry, not sorry!
S5 - OP's fiancé should consider greatly about marrying OP. She isn't a keeper.
Selfish too bad no honeymoon and yes there is someone else stirring the pot. The mother , a cousin, ? Good luck finding the big mouth in your life.
That first comment in the last story obviously does not understand drinking laws. It does not matter if it’s under someone’s supervision minors should not be drinking. And if they do something destructive or get sick the person who supplies the drink would be held liable.
uh... some places allow minors to drink a bit under adult supervision. Germany, for instance
how about do some research before spouting bullshit?
@ I’m talking about the US genius
@@Symphonia30this poster is very likely from the UK, because living an hour away isn’t very far in US
Re: Inviting someone over. NTA
I think this might partially be a difference between extroverts and introverts, though sometimes it's also cultural (and yes, families in the same country have different specific family cultures in terms of how things are done).
But basically, the friendly, more the merrier types seem to have no problem issuing invitations to the house and just expect their partners to be okay with it. Meanwhile, introverts are territorial sorts, and even with notice, they like to be consulted about who is going to be allowed on their territory.
Like baby names, who gets to come to the house should be a two yeses/one no proposition. The home is a private space. Would it have killed the hubby to call or text his wife to run things by her. If you think you're going to look like you're getting permission and it will somehow undermine you socially, just frame it as "I have to check with the wife to make sure we don't have other plans. Just give me a second." No one wants to be double booked, after all.
S1- stepmonster is emotionally abusive, dad is a pos.
Last story: NTA. Having the brother over is fine, drinking with him underage at the apartment isn’t. OP would be legally responsible for it as well.
Story 1: Ya that “ESH” commentor can screw off.
Oooh i get it so Op should help the vile woman who told him he isnt allowed to have pics of his mom/sister in her home and the deadbeat POS who abandoned him…
Right right…
no Op is NTA and i admire his courage ngl
Story 4: NTA OP asked her to stop and she wouldn't. So the sisters emotional affair isnt ok, but OPs wife disrespecting her husbands wishes is. Wife is a fool.
it was an emotional affair that lasted only a month and she got counseling. I don’t know what kind of story book life everyone else lives, but this new emotional affair is the same as physical cheating needs to end. I never had an emotional affair, but I know it’s possible to feel attracted to someone and start keeping your distance to ensure it doesn’t develop into anything else.
I was married to my husband for over 30 years before he passed away. One time we talked about it and I told him that it’s not that I’ve never been attracted, it’s that I’ve never been stupid enough to believe that you should be around the opposite sex if you start feeling attracted. People always believe willpower etc. But I say, why put yourself in that situation. Eventually something’s going to give. My husband said, he never thought of it that way. I don’t believe in cheating, but I also wouldn’t bash people over brief feelings that they didn’t act on. But I come from a time that we didn’t have phrases like “emotional affairs.”
An affair is physically hooking up. An emotional affair is having feelings for the hookup partner. She had a crush, hooked up, and then changed her mind. She is still a cheater.
@lorisewsstuff1607 check the definition because it states an emotional affair is without physical consummation.
@arlee8308 in what dictionary and what context? An emotional attachment isn't followed up on. An affair is.
@@lorisewsstuff1607 you are one of those people who can't be wrong and won't be inconvenienced by doing a Google search. So all I can say to you is bless your heart.
2nd story. You are the idiot, but you are the idiot for allowing your deadbeat boyfriend to abuse you. Dump the dead weight. You already pay for all the expenses. Wake up girl, you can do better.
Last story: the BF/fiance didnt 'ask' OP ... he matter of fact 'Told' OP ... 'My brother is coming over this weedend' not ' is it ok if brother comes over this weekend' ... No, OP is NTA
❤❤❤
The last story: YTA
1) The way OP was/is treated by his shitty dad and evil step-mom I can understand why he is not invested in life with them and the step & half sibs. It is good OP will soon be 18 and can get away from them totally and permanently. OP NTA.
2) Why is OP putting up with and subsidizing this mooch ... is the sex that good? NTA for not coughing up this amount he is asking for, but for F's sake, she needs to kick him to the curb and get some therapy to figure out why she let herself get into this situation, and so she won't repeat it again in future with her next choice of boyfriend.
3) It is a shame the sis with whom OP thought she was very close is jealous and hateful. This was no accident. Good for OP for deciding not to pay for her sister's honeymoon. Shame on the parents to tell OP to indulge the nasty sister. NTA. Part of the money OP is keeping for herself can go towards getting her gown professionally cleaned and packed to safely store.
4) Sis cheating and she and OP hiding it from the husband/BIL, and now because OP's wife did the moral thing letting the husband know the truth after OP & Sis didn't keep their mouthes shut about their complicity he wants to divorce her. ESH, except for the BIL as far as I know from this.
5) Is that underage drinking, that's not good. If he is not considering OP in a way she feels he should, she should not marry or stay with this guy. NTA.
I'm 2nd yeah 😅😅😅😅😅
2nd story, why are you tolerating this crap. You are not his mother. Get sime self respect and read over what you just wrote. You are being used and disrespected. He is a freeloader.
Oh honey it's not just your sister's marriage is it in trouble.
LAST STORY
OP'S NOT THE A.HOLE
SHE MIGHT HAVE BEEN
SCARED SOMETHING
BAD COULD HAPPEN
IF THE HUSBAND 'S
YOUNGER BROTHER CAME
TO DRINK AT THEIR HOUSE BCAUSE HE'S ONLY 19 +IN MANY PLACES THAT IS TO YOUNG TO DRINK ALCOHOL/ BUY IT. JUST TO GIVE THE
OF BENEFIT OF DOUBT
OP COULD SUSPECT
THE HUSBAND'S BROTHER
FOR SOME REASON OF
SOMETHING BAD THE HUSBAND SHOULD UNDERSTAND OP .
Last story: Yes, he has to ask to have his brother over when said brother is a minor that is going to be illegally drinking.