Transition Detransition. Wearing a costume I cannot remove
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- Опубликовано: 27 июн 2022
- My blog and contact.sam-kaye.com/
The hollowness of false identity
Catharsis
Forgiveness and loss
Healing
Emergence into reality
Managing the unreality of transition
Emotional caregiving for others during the disruption of transition/detransition
Desecration of the sacred
Soul, the dwelling place of God
Being seen
My backup channel www.bitchute.com/channel/XtF6... Please subscribe 
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Sam, thank you for your beautiful sharing. Your thoughts on forgiveness in this and other videos are really good and helpful. I agree with you; once we see the gift in any clarity at all, asking for forgiveness is the response. it is not a morose guilt ridden experience but a natural response to the experience of Love (and as St. John tell us, God is Love). There is a sweetness to the sorrow because it rs rooted in truth. as well, I think the asking of forgiveness comes forth not as a plea and a faint hope that we will receive it, but because we are confident that forgiveness is given already. These are some of my thoughts after listening to your reflection (all the way through lol). once again, I thank you.
Thank you Phillip, you put it beautifully. I'm still finding the language that feels right.... and I do struggle sometimes... this is perfect, we are already loved and forgiven so completely. This love is the love that has helped me heal.
Thanks for watching til the end .
Waking this morning , the first thought that came to me was that in asking for forgiveness, I feel relief, as though I am home at last.
Hi you should contact melissa dogherty on the eastern mystic she came out of the new age and can help you. Eastern spiritually will confused you further as you want the truth not something false. 😢
Hi you should contact melissa dogherty on the eastern mystic she came out of the new age and can help you. Eastern spiritually will confused you further as you want the truth not something false. 😢
Also contact Doreen virtue on contemplative pray and all the danger off it. ❤
@@Call-Me-Sam Do you know where I can find effective proana comunities/guides/tips?
Being kept out of things and activities reserved for the opposite sex made me change my gender. I can never escape being born female and I don't want to. I'm 70 and going thru another transition back to female very slowly and privately. Cheers for your videos. They help me greatly.❤
Interesting. What would be your advise to a person like me; Born as a girl, now 52 years of age and still in doubt to use testosterone or not?
@@carinagomezfernandez7473I would advise you to look at the serious health implications of testosterone use in females
You can't go "back to being female", you never stopped being female.
@@carinagomezfernandez7473what do you hope to achieve by destroying your health at 52?
Transitioning as a result of childhood trauma seems to be an emerging reason, Blaire White now thinks that's why she/he transitioned. Thank you for your honesty. I am sure it will help others. You are dealing with this with such dignity. You chose the path you thought best given the hand you were dealt. It is your unique journey that has made you who you are today. It sounds like your village is very fond of you, not just because you are 'different' but because they respect you. Stay strong x
Thank you so much for your lovely comment.
See you are disrespecting someone,Blair ,that lives as a woman by calling her a she-he. That s why some people dont speak out because it makes you disrespect all trans women as if we were all the same. Stanley.
@@msnzbody3712 I am sorry, that you feel disrespected. Some souls choose to resolve their trauma in this lifetime. And for some it doesn't feel like trauma at all. You cannot please everyone without losing yourself. Btw people pleasing is a result of trauma. Please listen to your inner wisdom and feel your worth and self respect, so that you are not depending on the respect of others. God may bless you.
@@hineinindeinsein3362 Correlation is not causation. Not everyone with trauma will transition, not everyone who needs to transition will be because of trauma.
Detransition stories are important but it does not provide proof that gender dysphoria does not exist. For many of us it is the right treatment.
@@ExNihilo634I hear you. I appreciate, if you name a few causes that are not related to trauma. I am willing to learn every day.
“ forgiveness is just so absolutely vital. Otherwise the bullies are still bullying you but your doing it for them” . Wow! Light bulb moment for me.
Lovely to see the detransition community have a voice.
This voice should be JUST AS LOUD!
Sam, someone else commented a year ago that your honesty and eloquence are powerful, and I feel exactly that way too. You are discussing something that is so deep and so personal, and also relevant to what is happening in our cultures. I think that some people find it difficult to keep watching you because, in part, they are not comfortable looking into themselves in the deep way that you have done and continue to do. You deserve much praise for sharing. Your words are valuable. Perhaps you should consider writing a book. Your words are worthwhile. You are worthwhile.
Thank you. This morning I needed to hear this
I agree Elizabeth. Sam is wonderful.
I agree. Ot so many are ready to face themselves. But Sam could still be sowing seed in them for future healing.
Dear Sam, you are just so wise and can express yourself so well. This is your gift, to share with the younger generation that are so confused, your experiences and a certitude of hope. This is a task God have given you. We all have different lives and different paths and different duties towards humanity. Yours is so great now as the younger generation needs a person like you to make a sense of what they are feeling. God bless you. God bless you.
I’m a 62 yr old straight “cis” woman and I like to continuously educate myself; I have a great-niece who thinks she’s Transgender. I honestly believe she is doing this because it’s the latest fad. She just turned 23, but her mentality is more like that of a 14 yr old. I don’t think she truly understands all that is involved in transitioning. My gut tells me that one day, she is going to regret this. I wish she would sit down and watch your videos. I really appreciate you sharing your pain and experiences so publicly. I hope you have a good support system around you, with people who love you. I wish you the very best of all that is healing and comforting for you.
Thank you for sharing your vulnerability with such grace and clarity.
Sending you love and prayers.
Thank you
Please do not use the slur "cis". That word was literally created in the 90's to be a slur against heterosexual people. Men and women do not need to be qualified. We are men and women.
Trans people are the ones who require a qualifier.
There is nothing you can do, best to just be there for her and love her
Thank you for your sharing. I am the mother of a 20 year old transgender son. He started transitioning 4 years ago, at that time I realized I needed to get on the "bus" if I was going to be a part of the journey with him and have been a big part of his support in all that has meant. Do I feel 100% confident that this journey is the TRUTH with a capital T for him? No. But all I feel I can do is trust that this is his journey and I will love him through it. He may come to an understanding of deeper reasons for needing to make the choices he is at some point. I do think that no one would choose this path because it's easy. All we can do is love each other. That's gods way. There is no forgiveness needed. Just love.
RIGHT ON❤❤❤
It's mutilation!! Read the true research!! It will shorten his life and bottom surgery is a lie. Any good parent would never support such sicko crap!!!!!!
A man can never be a female, period!!! As well as the reverse. It's idiocy!!
How can you have been through so much in your life and still be such a soothing person. It's your honesty I think, it's disarming and touching. ❤❤❤
Thank you for your point on becoming your own bully. I have seen it in myself - I internalised the cruelty shown me by others. To learn to be kind to yourself and to shed self-hatred is a long but beautiful journey.
It is indeed. I think that through the grieving process there is acceptance of what happened and the clear seeing of how it affected us... and who we became in our own inner dialogue. .As the grief cleanses us of the self protection of illusion, we gradually realise that what happened wasn't really about us, it wasn't our fault.
Being cruel to ourself is a way of finding control in a situation where we feel we have none. Self blame is easier than feeling the intense fear and heartbreak beneath it all.
Thank you for commenting
Everything you say is so profound. I crave to be as well-spoken as you someday, Sam. Thank you for creating these videos.
I am a 64 yr old lady in California..and I "watched to the end" cuz you are so compelling and so skillful at articulating your journey. Self awareness EXPLOSIONS..and BLOOMING... 🌱..look at all you can do.🏆#winning
PS..I SEE YOU, Loud and Clear 🌬️🕊️👀
18:59 "If someone gives you a gift, of unimaginable richness and beauty, do you hang tinsel on it, do you take a knife to it?"
Thank you, Sam. Your videos are enlightening and thought-provoking. May they reach those who need to hear your hard-earned wisdom.
Thank you.
I have only seen two of your videos and I am one of the 20% who listen to the end. Your videos are compelling and full of deep wisdom. Your courage to share your story with others is really a very beautiful thing. God forgives all and guides us everyday to become whole and to help others grow by being authentic to ourselves. Thank you for your perspective and insight.
Thank you Sam! I’m a Christian and am so thankful for your channel. You are reaching more people than you realize. God is using you to help all of us. I so get the wearing of masks. I’m in my fifties and realized that was what I had to do to white knuckle it through life. I’m just now addressing all the childhood trauma. Thank you for sharing your journey. I am one of the 14%!
Thank you. Yes, we all wear masks, if only we believed in ourselves as much as God believes in us. We are worthy.
I wish that I could share this with my child who is in the process of a transition, but they don't wish to hear anything other than words that agree with their own specific point of view, and anything other than that is considered bigotry, hate, selfishness, and lack of support. I just want them to think about what happens when they get to where they think they need to be and realize that they won't find more peace or happiness after transitioning unless they work on being at peace with who they originally were. I am stuck because I can't express my fears, or even just basic thoughts to them, and all I have ever wanted was for them to be happy, so I just have to take a seat in the back, and hope it all works out for them, no matter what. I wish you all the peace and understanding you need and seek through your own journey. Thank you for being willing to share your own experiences
Hi Deborah. I'm sorry, my heart goes out to you. Your situation is familiar to me. Many parents have reached out over the years . It is heartbreaking but as you already know there is little that you can do when the power of the idea of transition is just so inviting . Escape, control, transformation all of which are short lived and eventually the deep inner work must be done.
Just being there as support is vital.
Thank you for your comment and kind words of support.
@@Call-Me-Sam Thank you, Sam
I am 2.5 years into the same situation with my middle kid. I was fully willing accept just not believe her "reality" I chose not to go along with her social transition and it has been extremely isolating because to many members of society this is mot loving my daughter. The estrangement has been the most severe agony I have ever experienced. I cried out to God to fix the situation but he did not (At least I can't see what He is doing). I have struggled with trusting Him for the past 2.5 years and can't believe I'm saying this but realize I need to forgive my daughter as God didn't do this to her or me. What you said about needing to ask God to forgive you for harming the great gift he gave you in your body was very powerful. Thank you for the great care you take in making your videos and I am so thankful for you (and Shape Shifter, and Veera) for beautifully being who you each are and sharing your journey.
Why are you calling your child "they", "them", "their"? Those are plural pronouns. Why not use your child's correct gender pronouns? This is part of the problem in this brainwashed society. Not saying you are, but I'm asking why do that?
@@diligent_seeker I used "they and them" mainly out of privacy for the child in question, but also because, frankly, I don't know which gender, at the current moment, to refer to this child as ... also, frankly, I never know where or when it's safe to use the actual pronouns without being burned at the stake. I have a lot of emotions and anger about the entire situation with this child, and it's more about HIM as a person, moreso than about the fact that HE no longer accepts that pronoun. HE micromanaged my words, twisted them, and turned them (the words) into something that wasn't even remotely close to what I said or meant. I'm a little worm on a big fuckin' hook at the moment, and have no one to talk to about it, outside of my husband, who's on that same hook, so we're both really at a loss. Neither of us are brainwashed, trust me. It's a learning process. As has been thoroughly relayed to me, I am a flawed human being, and therefore, I say wrong pronouns from time to time. I did not comment to start any kind of pronoun war, but just to thank Sam for their words, and express a bit of my frustration. That was all.
"What is de-transition? It is an acknowledgement of reality"
Wow Sam. Thank you for that statement.
As if trans people don’t acknowledge their reality.. hahah😂 and this is why it sucks because there is so much gaslighting and projection.
I have multiple close friends who have recently declared their personal identity as transitioning to the opposite gender. I see them in you. I see them mask themselves.
You’re so eloquent
Hugs. Our bodies are a gift ❤
The way you describe your self and your experiences is so interesting and your soft voice is soothing. In a way, you remind me of what I see in my 3 year old grandson. When he is expressive, I see flashes of his mother's and his father's faces blended together to form his unique face. I see different lights coming through you, too. I see masculine, then I see feminine and then I see masculine, etc. It is charming and charismatic to see this as your wise words flow. Thank you for sharing your journey, you inspire me.
I never feel special. but when you said that only 14% watch to the end of your videos, I felt wow, that makes me a bit special. :D
I want to comment much more often than I end up doing, because sooo many ideas come to mind. Too many, in fact, and then I don't know where to start...
And you are special.... no doubt in more ways that even you can imagine. Thank you for watching til the end.
Me too Liisa, you said it so well.
You have turned all of the days and years of your life into pure gold - thank you for sharing your light and wisdom with me
Sam, I appreciate your video. I pray that you have peace, and happiness, in your life. I'm 66, in NC,USA. and I guess we all continue to try to figure out life, no matter our age. Sending love.
when you said that you were never really here... wow, that hit me like the ton of bricks. it seems so many have felt that way, but those words sum it up perfectly. how can one feel seen when one doesn't even know who one is? which is the 'affliction' of most, i think. seems it's only in the light of godlove's redeeming grace that we are seen for who and what we truly are, because in that light we are revealed as children of light. it's only in that, in being ~seen~ by godwhoislove, that i finally know i am.
Dear Sam...You are so brave. God bless you. I will be praying for you! Childhood trauma is completely devastating. ...hard to understand if one hasn't lived it themselves. 🙏🙏🙏❤
I see a beautiful and complex life story when I look at you. I've been following you on and off for a while. On and off one of the 14 %. I appreciate your constant honesty and transparentcy. In some ways I'm in a time of transformation too and find it hard to connect with other people because of it. I think you enjoy being social more that I do and it hurts to hear this transformation getting in the way of that. I
can see that your experiences of having to helping people understand might weight on you but the world is different today. I hope you will find comfort and ease in your journey. You have done nothing wrong, Sam. life is just complicated for some of us.
Thank you Joen. I feel a deep sincerity in your words.
@@Call-Me-Sam I'm glad to hear that. Some days are hard. Be kind to yourself 💜
I watched to the very end, Sam. It was beautiful, thoughtful, vulnerable, profound, and well worth the time to stay with you. I have so much respect for you, I feel a deep sense of tenderness. I wish I could know you as a friend in real time in a real place. It would be an honor to walk along with you on your journey.
To me your voice is truly a breath of fresh air. You are incredibly wise and elegant. Thank you for sharing your journey. Hearing about your past pain coming out encourages me to also process and release my past pain. Thank you.😊
Thank you. I'm happy this video helped you. We have to let go, that is the greatest kindness we can do for ourselves. We are so reluctant though and the more we resist, the more we suffer.
I wish you peace .
Thank you Sam. Your words are so very poignant and descriptive. My grandson is currently, for 2 years now, taking hormones and dressing as a woman. He has not been able to express his feelings to me. I have learned from your videos, the most recent and this one, some of what he's experiencing. I pray he comes to know himself as well as you have done. Our essence is a beautiful gift, as you said. God is so very loving, I know forgiveness is there for you, for us all when we truly ask. Thank you for sharing your journey.
I find your videos absolutely fascinating and relatable to everyone.
I have been uploading videos to youtube for 16 years, my videos are not anything that most people would be interested in or super relevant topics,but over all regardless of what we upload, it's a low percentage of the viewers who stay until the end. People don't have the attention span or the focus to watch anything anywhere. I saw a couple of kids on their mobile phones texting friends while watching a movie at the theater the other day. My videos on here don't get much viewer retention, a lot less than yours. Just know that the precious few who do watch the whole thing will come away with a lesson. You have been candid and given a detailed account that not many people do when it comes to the subject matters you discussed. I am now subscribed to your content.
Thank you. Yes, I worry for the minds of the young, their attention is a commodity and their minds will suffer.
Thanks, Sam. Blessings on your quest for acceptance and serenity. One of my affirmations is, "I am beautiful because I am loved. I am beautiful as I am because I am loved as I am. I am beatiful now because I am loved now. God loves me totally. God loves me now." It is a painful process, but it is worth it.
SAM I know this may sound strange. I am new to your channel. This is the second video Im watching.
And i feel compelled to say this.
YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN FOR THIS. YOU ARE UNIQUELY EQUIPPED TO HAVE GONE THROUGH EVERYTHING YOU HAVE. AND GUESS WHAT? IT WASNT FOR YOU. YUP you heard that correct. THIS TESTIMONY OF AN OVERCOMER IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE CENTURY. You have gone thrrough this and have come out on the other side TO HELP DETRACT AND SAVE ONLY THE LORD KNOWS HOW MANY OTHERS WHO HAVE CONSIDERED OR WALKED THIS PATH IN ANY SHAPE FORM OR FASHION. THE LORD SELECTED YOU FOR THIS and He will Get the Glory for your Story. YOU WILL HAVE BEAUTY FOR YOU ASHES. YOU ARE RISING WITH THE NEWNESS OF CHRIST. YOU ARE AN EXAMPLE OF PURE LOVE AND RESTORATION. REDEMPTION AT THE HANDS OF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST. GOD BLESS YOU FOR ALL THE DAYS OF YOUR LIFE. 💕🙏💙🌹🌹🌹💕
An amazingly honest and beautiful person. Thank you for posting.
Thank you, Sam! What a quote to end on. I'm touched by your story and by your call into faith. I'm 33 -- and learning that solitude is gift rather than a curse and that God is deep enough to meet me in the deepest places of my soul.
Hello, Dear Sam. I am a newcomer to your channel. I have had the privilege the last couple of days to view a few of your vulnerable and heart felt talks. I have posted a couple of times. Thank you for replying so promptly as well. I appreciate so much how you describe your experience and the depth of your process in mind heart and body as you de-transition. I have had my own version of what I will call an identity complexity experience that has required me to seek and acknowledge the truth of complex and confusing developmental issues that contributed to a life time of emotional pain and suffering, mostly alone. My struggle has been mostly personal within myself so I have been spared the public dynamics that you describe in this video that I can appreciate can be so complex to navigate.
The dream you describe was dramatic and sobering for me to absorb. Dreams can have so much meaning for us to validate and help us to identify feelings and sometimes deep emotions we may have concealed even from ourselves. I am inclined to want to reach out from my heart warmly to little boy you, Sam, in the dream with compassion acceptance and respect. Not just for the little boy but also for the wise and compassionate man you are as expressed in this video. I kept on hearing how grief was such an integral aspect of
healing complex/relational trauma. I finally found the path to connecting with and releasing a lifetime of grief. That has been such a meaningful part of my own ongoing healing.
I appreciate your quotation from mystic Julian of Norwich. It reminds me of one of my favourite Scripture verses. Found in Colossians 1:27. [the ApostlePaul] wrote it, “To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.” The forgiveness and love Father God offers us when we reach out as you describe, is so profound and personal that Christ Jesus by His Spirit comes to indwell us. The reality of Christ in me the hope of glory, validates my worthiness and belongingness to God not only in this life but beyond. Other humans may not understand our journey. I am discovering that even so it is Father God's loving approval that can be so life affirming and personally validating no matter what our earthly struggle may be. I consider myself, if I may, to be joining you on the path towards loving self acceptance and the discovery of the truth of personal identity with you. May there be an abundance of the ongoing Blessings of Loving-kindness, Joy and Peace on your journey, Dear Sam.
It never seizes to amazes me how the Bible has given us all truth and our answers for our pain. I pray you are doing well, we all are going through the same struggle, even if it looks different, to be whole with Christ. We know if we can get to Heaven we will all be whole there. My struggles have been drugs and self love. 10 years clean and still working on my brokenness. We all have a different path. I have a nephew who is going so confused. He is In misery living like he is a woman. You help me to understand and relate more to what healing would look like for him. I can’t accept him like he is for my own peace and walk with Christ. Pray he comes to knowledge of truth as you have. I want his salvation for him so badly.❤
Ah Sam, your honesty and eloquence are powerful. I feel for you and I really respect how you're speaking about this. I hope you're doing ok.
Thank you
Your videos are helping me so much…I can’t express how healing listening to you speak about your journey is. Thankyou for your vulnerability and openness. Please consider writing a book one day, your story and process is so powerful ✨🙏✨
I just found you. So glad. And I do stay to the end. I'm now 83 and only in the last several years have found my true self. Yes, tons of abuse and invisibility in childhood, which I carried into adulthood. I look so forward to viewing all your videos. I'll comment again. Thank You, Joy
Sam, beautifully honest as always. Thank you for another wonderfully heartfelt video. Love and light from Delray!
Thank you Carol X
❤ I love you, Sam! Thank you for sharing, so honestly and beautifully, your journey...you are a gift from God a a treasure in this difficult, confusing time in our world. May God continue to heal and lead you on in acceptance,peace,love, and joy! ❤🙏
Thank you for taking us with you. I enjoy your process of thought and I am grateful for it
Thanks Krissy. The journey seems as though it is only just really beginning .
Psalm 139 The Lord God created you and He will uphold you in His mighty right hand .
Such valuable testimony regarding pain, and forgiveness of self and others.
The points you bring up at the 25:00 min mark regarding the dissonance experienced in detransition or coming into truth and the experience of others acceptance or understanding of such a process is really great to hear you speak on.
Outside or worldly validation, vs the recognition of how and who and what we are which does not require worldly validation as it just is.
Our living bodies are constantly transforming and changing just thru the passage of time. That is just the reality of our bodies and indeed much of it is painful but it is not all there is. Of course it certainly can be difficult to remember that sometimes.
Gratitude to you for your sharing of yourself and your thoughts.
I only discovered you today.And i've watched three videos so far. I'm
A straight female never thought of transitioning.I'm also in my fifties.
I love the realisations you're coming to and how self-reflective you are about needing to decorate your body with tattoos and then damaging it by cutting pieces off. I love howl straightforward you speak ...saying things that I've always thought too about tattoos. & transitioning, but you don't often hear people say these things.
I also love that you're making the connection to God and asking for forgiveness.And crying and working on your soul. You're actually doing the inner work, similar to what AJ Miller teaches. I'm not sure whether you've heard of him.. or have just discovered this process of getting into emotions by yourself.
Either way I applaud you for your honesty & courage. You have such a beautiful Soul.
A few years ago I discovered that an old close friend that I'd had and lost contact with.
Who was make four forty years has gone tge same way you did. It was shocking to me & I had to grieve the loss of him, because he is full into the illusion he's created about his outward appearance. I also grieve for him because I know one day he's going to have to go thru tge realisations you're having... even if that happens after he dies & enters the spirit world shocked by being very Male. He's an Athiest, so I can't talk to him about anything God or Soul. I know he must have a lot of emotional pain in him that caused this change...but he is super intellectual, not emotional. He wants nothing to do with me if I don't accept his illusion...which I can't for all the reasons you're voicing.
So I want to say thankyou for voicing what I know is under these types of decisions & please know that you're not just helping detransitikners, but also, a once very close friend of a transitioner, struggling to understand HOW he can believe his new lifestyle.
Also I watch your videos to the end. 😊
Thankyou again, you're helping a wider variety of people than you probably expect. You've made me a subscriber...👏👏😊🩷
When I see your videos I’m moved to pray for you. Lord God, our gracious and all-loving Father, please bless Sam. Continue to shower your love and peace on him. Give him your wisdom ever more.
What you say is so important and it could help so many other children or people like you .God bless you. I will pray for you 🙏🏻
Repentance(you didn’t say that but it’s on my mind)…divine love…dissociation….pain with meaning… coffee…. So much to relate to ☕️ 🥰 thank you for always sharing honestly. So valuable when it springs from realness and growing from the place where self meets pain and love. Hi Roxanne.
Redemption is also on my mind quite a bit. Thank you for being here. x
Love the new photo on your icon. Beautiful.
I see you and I hear you, Sam. And while listening to your words I felt that you are a very very loveable and remarkable person. Thank you so much for telling us about your journey. Love and light from germany❤
Hi Sam, Thank you for sharing your story and for introducing to me the concept of "radical acceptance" (of oneself) I needed to hear that and I am going to make it my mantra; incorporate it in my thinking. Its powerful and such a compassionate way to go through this world vs how I normally do. Thank you ❤
so true, ive also always struggled with the fact that no one will really see me the way i see myself, they will never have seen everything ive seen and understand me completely, or even close to it. i think youre right that understanding that and truly accepting that are different things. "see this!" is the game we all play
Thank you ! A powerful and wise reflection. Lovely to hear such intelligent LOVE !
Wow! Only 14%? This is the 2nd of ur videos I've watched 100%. So compelling, insightful & inspirational. Thank u so much for ur honestly & sending much love ur way. All the best on ur journey
Sam, you are so eloquent and engaging…keep going! I send you positive energy for your healing evolution!🥰🥰🥰
You express yourself so well! Yes I had to take a break but came back to listen to the end. I liked when you said that you couldn’t take people with you on the journey. Made me stop and evaluate if I was trying to do that in my life. Moving forward in healing does often mean leaving others behind.
I just watched one vid that i came across now and im very interested in ur story. Im learning and understanding alot. Im not clear on the depth of ur message but im still new and listening. Regardless of the “reason” specifically that is the cause the feelings I believe many can relate. Unfortunately we do not speak abt our pains and confusions. However, once we connect with anyone we heal, to speak, and feel visa versa the magic happens. Its very difficult to live as humans in a world of madness which wasn’t the plan to be in distress. ThankQ for being here, knowledge is power and I wish you all the very best on ur healing journey. And i see and hear ur beauty. Hugs and love 🤗🌹♥️🕊️🙏🏽💫
Thanks for posting this. It was deepky needed u are right we are wearing many costumes
Wow - just came across your channel. How unbelievably powerful your voice and message are! You need to be heard by people considering transitioning. The spiritual aspect is another interesting dimension. Although not religious, I was brought up with knowledge of the Bible and to live those core values.
Thank you.
I do think that you have chosen this very intense and difficult path so that you can feel every ounce of emotion associated with it, in order to be a light for others to follow in your footsteps in this dark time on earth. Continue being your beautiful light, dear soul - let it shine, you are a living testimony just being who you are and being open about it.
I have seen your more recent video in the woods, so precious, honest, raw, eloquent. Shine your light. You are appreciated.
Thank you
Thank you so much for sharing your painful life story.
lol Thanks for the "second cup" warning You are funny.
I just saw your latest video and your channel for the very first time.
I'm just here to give you a hug.
Thank you for telling your story- I know you will
help save so many lives and souls. Bless you.
your reflections are truly kicking my ass, thank you ❤️🙏🏻
Thank you for sharing your story, Sam. And welcome back to reality. Sometimes we need a break from it to cope, I don’t blame you.
Thanks Nat
Thank you for your testimony, so needs to be heard in the school system.
I'm so glad you're re-reading Revelations of Divine Love. When I suggested her writings last time I was not surprised when you answered that you were familiar with her already. I could just tell you were the kind of person to appreciate the writings of the Christian Mystics, a spiritual journey is at the heart of so many of their writings and I can see you are on your own, as am I in my own way.
I prayed for you, and I will continue to. This journey of yours may be hard, but then they say anything that is really worth it is, dont they? Such a glib thing to say i know, but there is truth in it. But fear not, you will come out of this on the other side. As Julian wrote, "all shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well."
Thankyou for letting us accompany you on this journey Sam.
Thank you so much for your payers. I shall revisit Julian again. Re reading books that have helped a long the way, it is always interesting to see how much more the words reveal to us as we change.
Sam, I'm here for your journey, friend.
Hugs.
Best to you and y'all Sam. Thank you for sharing your lightening of beeing with me.
Thank you
Good morning from Australia , four am coffee nice to meet you ! Thankyou for sharing your story ❤
Thank you for sharing. So much of what you talk about resonated with me.
i love your dog in the back
Im still here, loving it 💯💫that was beautifully written. Awe, perhaps your mission was to experience all of this for everyone else! And not to beat yourself up, again not familiar with your whole story front het he start , but u /we are born innocent and what is done to us while a child is NOT our wrong. It does take alot of innerwork to know that. Awe hugs again i enjoy listening to you very much ❤God knows our hearts more than we do, i see ur true heart also! Trust and know that there is not a reason to constantly feel all of the “negative” towards yourself- God knows and your are safe to love you and all that is 💫🌹just be
Thank you
Hello Sam, Your gentle honesty is beautiful, and important in the midst of much (understandable) anger and noise. I watched to the end and this is for you ….
“For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
*as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.*
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.”
❤️🔥
Sam! Everyone needs a Sam in their lives. Ive always loved that name. I just tonight discovered your lifes work which you so generously share in these vid posts. I relate to admire and enjoy your authenticity, wisdom, honesty, commitment to self. Have you heard of Pete Walker - ‘The Tao of Fully Feeling’ and CPTSD: From surviving to Thriving”? I think you will dig his message and relate to him actually, he is a therapist but also a survivor and shares his own journey on recovering/grieving and the MANY stages thereof! Your message is sweet and refreshing, like a bottle of Coca Cola, ‘Ain’t nothing like the real thing, baby!
Thank you once again for sharing, Sam. I am glad to be in your niche :-)
That final quote by Julian of Norwich really resonates with me.
I believe that all of us have a part of the self that wants to experience our human lifetime in the body just as it is. That part is going to feel pain and regret over any modifications or mutilations to our bodies. I also believe that there is a part of us that wants to honor our journey through life exactly the way it has been and now is and therefore does not regret. Neither cancels the other out, but it can be hard to feel both parts fully when their experiences are so opposite.
I see the trans/detrans conversations falling into the trap of choosing one part at the expense of the other. On one side it is all celebration, acceptance, and no regrets, and the other it is only the opposite. I do believe that we sometimes need to step so fully into one part that we lose track of the other in order to feel it, but ultimately what our whole selves want is the presence and integration of all parts of the self and a surrender to the multiplicity of our experience.
That's my perspective on detransitioning and my impression is that there is resonance with where you are coming from. I want integration and I am willing to allow one part to take over for a time if it needs to, but I always want to return to surrender to all of me and to all of God and Reality.
Wonderfully insightful, thank you. For some time I have been feeling a shift towards that surrender to multiplicity, a gentle letting go of judgement and definition, and , ultimately that journey towards surrender begins and ends in God.
I do feel comfortable as I am but perhaps I also feel guilty. When I think of my choice , I ask whether it is an affront to God. It certainly seems a result of being in the world and the complexity of carnality, fear, desire, the need for comfort etc..
The sensory world can be overwhelming but nothing offered here fulfils in anywhere near the same way as a spiritual life, this is what continues to draw me away from attachment.
Annika, lovely comment, thank you again.
I have a question.... Do you think transition is in Gods plan ?
@@Call-Me-Sam - oh, what a big and real question. I've been thinking about it since I first read it yesterday, but what I keep coming back to is a counter question, what does "Gods plan" actually mean? When I was younger I used to believe that there is a God who plans and controls our lives, like an old man in the sky, but my understanding of God has grown and expanded significantly since then. I am not clear on how I relate to the concept of "Gods plan" from this new perspective.
A part of me is cautious since I myself have used the phrase "Gods plan" many times in my life to bypass the impact of a choice or an experience. However, I do believe that every step we have taken in our lives is a part of our path in this human incarnation. Whatever regret, harm, and suffering has come from any given step is something to process, to allow, to feel fully, to move through, to be witnessed, and to forgive, so that it can integrate and become a part of our sacred journey. Maybe that's what you also mean by "Gods plan", in which case I would say "yes".
Yes, if there is a plan it is for us to willingly choose truth and selflessness, no matter the temptation offered by worldly sensation, fear, or our drive to assuage that fear by seeking our own comfort and the illusion of safety..
The support of transition, I believe, is just another aspect of a system engineered to steer us away from truth.
Thanks Annika.
Thank you, Sam.
edit:
you are wonderful/beautiful.
😊 here to the end ,, beautiful words at the end ❤
So sorry, Sam, that you've experienced so much pain and sorrow in your life 😢 Sending positive energy and good thoughts your way
Bless you. Thank you Jasmine.
Thank you Sam 🙏
You are an amazing human soul. So very toyched by your story your journey. God loves u he created you and Im 100% sure he has forgiven you. You will be in heaven as you worked thru your amazying life. I feel so touched by your honesty. Nita from Ohio keep moving forward in love, peace Im humbled by you.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. To ler you know, I see you and hear you. I like the sound of your voice ❤
Sam, thank you taking courage first of all to do this journey. Second of all, sharing with us, with such honestly and clarity and humbleness. I am catholic, living on this beautiful planed for more than couple of decades. What you said about wearing the costume and forgiveness as so relatable to me and guess to all of us. Thank you:).
When I was listening to you, two great persons came to my mind. First - st. Paul, The Apostle. He wrote half of the New Testament and spread the faith throughout the world. But before, he was killing thousands and thousands of Christians. Second, saint Augustin. He lived his youth and young adults far away from God. This mother, St. Monica prayed for him faithfully for decades. When he came back to faith, he became one of the greatest doctors of the Church.
I strongly believe that your story since first minute of your conception is for something good. I believe that your courage to detransition and to share your story may help people. Don't get discourage that only 14% stay to the end of your videos. Do your thing and leave rest of it to God. May God keep you in his loving hands in every next moment of your life. May God give you daily grace in your journey.
Thank you again, Sam.
🙏
Dear Sam, I watch you because you are a deep thinker, brilliant and poetic. Because you have this incredible gentleness and compassion despite ( or maybe because of?) your harsh childhood.
I watch because in my extended family there are two fully transitioned people, and one 'they' who is struggling. In each case the people had harsh childhoods.
Two are furious with the world and one is precariously, happily treading this earth as a safe man now, and with many strictures for us to follow. One of the angry ones has divorced us all. Even those of us who are far away cousins and had no part in the childhood damage. Interestingly her father also divorced everyone and also changed his first and last names. My grandfather especially was quite brutal.
I am trying to understand and am learning from you as you figure your own life out. Everyone is different. But there are commonalities that apply and are good to ponder. Bless you Sam. ❤
You are so beautiful, inside and out, whether you are female or male. You have such a beautiful gift of expression. I hope you now love every part of you, modified or not, for the lessons it’s given you. I don’t believe in mistakes, I believe you chose this exact experience with God for the awakenings and experiences you’ve had. 🙏🏼❤️🌺 ps. I also changed my name to Maya (illusion) at the beginning of my huge healing/awakening journey 9 yrs ago. I had no idea how far down the rabbit whole I was going to go but now I truly know what the name represented.
Wonderful, yes , me too... naming ourselves was an invitation into the mystery.
Thank you, you are very kind to say such lovely things. For the last couple of days I've been trying to make a video talking about self acceptance/ discovery etc but also touch on self denial and self betrayal. Not easy to make sense of my thoughts so tend to just think aloud, sometimes it works , other times it is a long process of discovering and connecting with what ever wants to be said , emerging from deep within, beyond intellect , from heart.
I shall try again tomorrow.
X
@@Call-Me-Sam well it definitely takes courage so I applaud you ❤️ and yes all true art, gifts and beauty come from those deep places. I’m much better at writing 🙏🏼🫶🏼
I always stay til the end! I am curious - and perhaps you done’t wish to answer, but as a mom of a child who wishes to change their name - which I feel as if is a rejection of his maleness and a hiding from pain- so I’m not obliged to use it- I wonder why you have not resumed your birth name? No judgment - just curious… I’ve been here since the very first video and will continue to learn and grow with you- we are the same age and much of this is just that- coming into and integrating all of our selves - the many roles and personas we all inhabit - keep going Sam- you are doing a beautiful job of working through very difficult shit! I admire your courage - so very much!
I am glad you're still here. Our name is given but at some point we must be our own authority ( under God ) and naming ourselves is a kind of symbolic act.
In transition, naming myself felt powerful, exciting, transformative. This naming feels very different, I have no attachment to the name , no hope, no excitement but an acknowledgment of a new season of life beginning.
Thanks for your encouragement.. It's been a rocky road but definitely making progress .
The thought of trying to bring others along with you as you detransition is immensely heavy to me. You’re right not to take that burden on. I love your spirit and I sense that the removal of those implants will be momentous for you. I used to work as a therapist and I loved my work. But eventually I came to believe that unless my clients came to realise the truth of who they are in God they would never really be able to be healed. The transformation was just impossible without God. Your videos confirm that belief in me. I know I helped them to some extent, but without the knowledge and faith, without repentance and forgiveness we are lost. I don’t know how people get through life. Well…I do. It’s that ability to wear a costume isn’t it. Julian of Norwich has been a great solace to me too. I thought a lot about the ‘never being seen’ thing. I also felt very isolated as a child and to be truthful it is only my husband’s love and friendship that prevents that from continuing to this day. I am going to think now about how being ignored as a child can lead to that need to find and wear a costume. I certainly wore one from the age of about 7 until I entered therapy at about 35. After that I gradually let go of it. I don’t bother with it so much now, but it still comes out of the closet when I am required to be ‘social’, or if I have to do something that makes me feel afraid or out of my depth’. I don’t like the costume any more, in fact I detest it. But sometimes, occasionally, I still need it. And that’s ok. At least I can admit to it now, and laugh! God bless you. I love your thoughtfulness. ❤
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
i can tell you are arriving at a better place where sometime in the future you will look back and say 'Yes. I was getting better and happier.'. Congrats Sam.
Thank you
Thank you for your story
Take care Sam
Hi Sam, I really hope that you're doing well. You're so eloquent and I may not be able to fully understand your situation, but you have my empathy and I so wish that I could send you a hug across the miles. I was abused as a child and it does have an effect on your whole life. Who knows, I might have been in your shoes if my life had been a tiny bit different.
I’m FTM but haven’t transitioned - at 50 and married to a man not sure I’ll ever feel at peace as I hate the female bits - always have done. (This feel like the costume). Its all day every day and every part of my life feels like a mistaken assignment. I envy men born with the body my brain would feel at home again. Good for you to transition to male again, and your story is much hasher than mine.
I feel the same. And because of this I can't have a relationship with a man, not even a date
Thank you so much again for sharing your journey. Hugely thought provoking as always.
x
Thank you Kat. x
every living soul can relate to this message and word.
Thank you. Powerful !
I was meant to find you today. I see you, hear you and get it completely. I'm in a similar life state right now and it's lonely - so thank you.
I'm glad this helped.
@@Call-Me-Sam It did - thank you. I'm grateful that you can articulate some of what I can't.
Just working it out as I go 😊
Enduring Grace, A book of mystics. I loved this book. You might too❤️
Thank you, I'll take a look
Resonates so much...at nearly 50 years old I'm on the journey and it's very frightening..
I hear you. The more we feel, the more we can feel. It is painful and frightening but is the beginning of actually becoming real. Good luck .
Late bloomers are glorious to behold, and men are flowers too. What energy it has taken to unfold, as it does with spectacular flowers. Asking for forgiveness is not all you can do, and not all that you do. Speaking in your gentle voice is a life-affirming, generous action that has rippled out to me across the pond. My husband and I, childhood friends, married late in life. When I married him eight years ago, I thought I could cope with his gender dysphoria because he kept it hidden, as I kept my own Peter Pan artistic/religious delusions hidden. He wants to transition, and I have been in the hard process of healing from my own romantic and otherwise grandiose delusions that I had constructed from my isolating childhood. (My husband and I are well matched in this way.) He has just begun therapy and so has for the time being put aside his longing for implants. (At his age, I am not sure he could survive it.) This is not to say that his therapist doesn't support transitioning, but his inner journey has begun. I am on a retreat with mystics, separated from my husband for a month, missing him. He just told me that he misses me, and I didn't expect that. I am focused on learning to love myself during this time. Your voice is timely, answered prayer for me. For us. We are all connected.
I'm afraid that the idea of transition is extremely powerful, for most it is irresistible. The feeling of control and power in directing ones own transformation is an intoxicating illusion that will satisfy in many ways but ultimately bring small fulfilment . It was a childish game for me .
The corporeal is symbolic of something before form.... truth. That truth cannot be changed but can be obfuscated and denied.
My heart goes out to you.
Love
Sam
Thank you, Sam. I had put myself in isolation again for wearing the costume of an untellable story. I love my husband too much to "right fight" anymore, even subtly. And letting go of my selfiish false hope is very freeing. Your understanding reply is a tender mercy that will keep your courageous journey in my heart
Best regards and wishes,
Barbara.
Thank you Barbara. I wish you well.
I stayed to the end. God's blessings.
I am feeling the changes mind body soul ! I can't imagine what it must be like also going through all the changes both men and women experience after 40s early fifties feeling myself learning ,growing , realising ! I respect your strength ! Does this make sense? Hey it's early I'm half asleep ❤