I can't even imagine my life if I hadn't figured out the truth and had a community of people confirming everything that I went through because more or less we all went through the same thing
I work at restaurant and what u say is true brother, everyday we meet narc in restaurant, loud voice , commands not requests, complaining, asking free stuff, no patience, seeking for unnecessary attention ect ect... These narc are everywhere Most of time i feel sad for their families, bcz i can see how embarrassing to go to eat with narc family member.. it literally feels like dealing a child. And someone who has no heart. To the survivors, love ❤ and healings , we can all heal ourselves.
You also described a certain two races of people… (I’ve been in the industry 25 years over several states) and the TWOOOOO races in question….. you can know by asking any professional server. One race loves sports the other loves IT jobs. Both races habitually acts narcissistic DEMONIC when in restaurants…. Because they… are. So remember kids. Genetics plays a huge role in character toooooo
I always chose a seat where I would face him only and my back to the other people. Simply because I was always accused of wanting attention from people. Even if I had to wear a blindfold I would still get accused. I dreaded going out. I would get the silent treatment upon returning home. 3 years divorced now. I eat alone. I find it difficult to eat in front of other people. But my life is peaceful now. 🙏
This was my narc experience. Always being accused of “lusting” after someone. I trained my eyes to look only at him or my food or the ceiling. 3 years was enough.
It's really something when the person "showing" the chef only knows how to cook TV dinners and popcorn(and still screw it up). The hypocrisy is off the charts! Clown world
I absolutely despised going out in public with my ex husband, he ALWAYS sent his food back and then refused to pay for it. It was so humiliating. Plus he always asked if what I was eating was “on your diet”. All the while buying me clothes as “gifts” that were too small to shame me for eating something that wasn’t on my bodybuilding diet that he forced on me. Thank you for sharing this with people, what you are saying is true and real. I never thought I could escape my ex husband, but if I can do it I know you can as well. You aren’t alone! ❤❤❤
Me too. My ns was never happy with his seat or server or food..I hate going out with him.. now he has a terminal and we never go out anywhere together to eat ( I’m so glad!) when I get out now is by myself and I’m so happy I’m by myself! For a little while at least.
He carried large bills and would give then to younger waitresses. He would get angry stomp to the car while I would shirk my shoulders and follow after.
Whatever I ordered in a restaurant my husband would end up angry saying his was rubbish and he should have ordered what I ordered (Envy. The man had meal envy). Made me feel guilty for enjoying my meal. Narcs are envious of everything.
When I dated a man who I later realized was Narcissistic, he dressed up by his standard and took Me out to dinner at a nice restaurant that serves his national cuisine. Not knowing that I’d been there severally, he sat stiff and pompous and actually talked down on Me to the extent of telling Me that I’ve never eaten at a nice restaurant like that. Well, I didn’t eat there that evening to suffer indigestion from his abusive talk, I discreetly told him off, then left.
The thing we need to understand about narcisssits and othe personality disorders is that .....they do not see the world the way we do. And our best bet is to just leave and start healing. You could spend twenty years and not get through to someone hell bent on destroying your mental peace. Best to make peace. Take what is owed to you and stay gone.
Early on my narc was so rude to a waitress about the syrup selections in an IHOP that the waitress burst into tears. I didn't know what was going on, he was usually such a nice guy, so I brushed it off and I gave her a 150% tip and profusely apologized. Little did I know that was a classic red flag. This was actually his true self coming out.
When you said that a narcissist wants to create a hellish place in a place where it should have been about healing and being happy... I trembled. That was my MIL. She had this almost obsessive way about going to the church and being in time for the church and never being late. Even if this meant for our family, with two young children and my health problems, that we would be screaming and fighting to be there on time. And then we would be obliged to not even make the most miniscule sound because "what would people think of us and of our children's behaviour". I didn't even care, children younger than four are naturally susceptible to talk or move during a mass, especially if everything is moving slowly and is boring for a child. But this scrutinizing way of dissecting our behaviours afterwards while treating us like dolls that had to stand and turn in a specific way, made me so angry and reactive of being in church that I resented the place. All while it's an actual place about healing, releasing, being open, happy and forgiving. It just destroyed the experience for me...
Every single one of these happened in my last marriage. It’s tough for me to watch him chase down his next victim. She will unfortunately find out for herself.
My narc husband would abandon us at the table and walk around the place to see if he knew anyone to talk to. If so, he would chit chat with them and ignore who he came to the restaurant with in the first place.
Sometimes they may also flirt with the waiter or waitress infront of you or during a phone call just to make the other person "Feel a certain way". All this has to be expected when you're with a narcisssit. Don't expect normal behaviour like mutual respect,adult conversations,or harmony when you're out and about with them. If you want to live a happy life, there's only ONE option. Cut contact.
Both my Mother and my Grandmother would belittle servers in Restaurants. I can't tell you how many times I would apologize for them or change the direction of the abuse with a joke or something to lighten the mood. Going out for a meal in later years with my Mother usually meant stomach issues for me and anxiety prior to going.
A narcissistic relative would do the following at restaurants: 1. Flirt with staff 2. Flirt and converse with other patrons. 3. Talk extra loudly for everyone in the place to hear. 4. Comment loudly on totally inappropriate subjects to embarras you. 5. Always order the most expensive items on the menu and then not eat them. He would tell you the extra food he will give to his dog. 6. Let you pay the full bill and telling you to leave a generous tip. 7. When leaving he will walk past every table while flirting or making rude inappropriate comments. 8. He would wear the loudest clothes and jewelry he had to stand out in the crowd.
And when the flirting would be going both ways, Didn't you wonder why it seemed that nobody else but you perceived that you were in a relationship with the person, that should have been exclusive? Instead the narcissist emitted "I'm single to mingle" vibes 😮
just so everyone knows, there is no blame into choosing to cut off this kind of family member...no matter what degree. The amount of discomfort you would dodge...for you own mental health. Love yourselves in that way!
The covert narc I knew always cheerfully and enthusiastically suggested going out to a restaurant because it was a family member's (son, daughter, husband) birthday. They were even willing to pay for it (often being generous) - but, right on cue, once we were all seated at the table in the restaurant their mood would become sour, sullen and silent. Everyone would then become concerned for their welfare, asking 'Are you OK? Do you feel unwell? Can I get you anything etc. etc', with the result being that the entire event was focused on this one person. After multiple incidents (over years) of this behaviour, I finally figured out it was a deliberate attention-seeking strategy (like a toddler throwing a tantrum, only a silent one) and I refused to accept any further offers of 'It's so and so's birthday soon, let's go out for lunch/dinner'. I didnt want to waste time or energy being in this person's 'audience' anymore.
Lawd, I had to deal with a covert narc who did exactly the same! If I asked what's wrong, soon he would blow up and say "nothing is wrong, would you stop? What face, I'm not making a face! Do you have to create a scene anywhere we go?" and if I tried explaining what face and how concerned it made me, he'd add, "I'm fine! If my face is upsetting you, then just ignore me!" then he would get back on his phone and watch tiktok. If I did proceed to ignore him and calmly enjoyed my food, watching people around - or worse, my own phone! He'd blow up too! The calmer I stayed, the more agitated he would get and he couldn't help from complaining that "I just didn't give a f. about him", that I was just there for the "free meal"... while he was the one who had countless excuses why it was "my turn" to pay when the bill came - and he waited until the server was standing there before uttering such statements... Reflecting on it all now, I can't believe I tolerated such behaviour that long... and sad that nobody was there to tell me this wasn't loving behaviors. At all. 😔
It's been over 2 years since I left this abusive relationship. To this day, I haven't been out to a restaurant since. Thank you again, Danish, for your expertise and understanding.
100% experienced those plus more from my horribly narcissistic sister: 1. Showing up with several uninvited guests whom she has no intention to pay and having the wait staff scramble to accommodate them. 2. Loudly, laughing about inappropriate topics she interjects irregardless of children being present or other patrons within earshot. 3. Screaming,r laughing, or clapping if she hears a wair staff accidentally drop a glass, tray, etc. 4. Showing little if any manners while eating, such as picking her teeth with her fingers, etc. 5. Bringing children when the invitation specifically stated please make other arrangements, adults only. 6. At the end of the meal insisting she was not told about restaurant specials; was cheated somehow and deserves a free meal. Our mother brainwashed all my siblings to tolerate her and I just avoid her. Too bad I have to put up with her if I want to see my family.
My narc didn’t flirt with the wait staff but accused ME of flirting with them when I was just acting civilized and friendly. He berated me right there in the restaurant. This happened during our honeymoon. 😢
They love to make fun of and humiliat the waitress, they love to compare the waitress's appearance to yours, they love to start speaking about disgusting things and then when you say something they go like "ewww why are you talking about those things in the middle of supper", and search with his eyes all around to see if someone had noticed how 'cultured' and 'demure' he is and you're not. Flirts with everything that breaths but makes you feel obnoxious when you just smile politely to the staff. This was my 2.5 years on-and-of relationship with a narc.
Thank you for acknowledging social anxiety. Traumatizing experiences have made it difficult for me to "stand out" anywhere. Narcissist people close to you make you feel awkward, lost, and abandoned in public!!! At their most monsterous, they do exactly as described in this video, wow! They are such children controlling their environment with temper tantrums everywhere they go in public.😮
Never mind the restaurant, you should see how he is in the kitchen. My son in law won’t cook, but he can sure tell you how to cook the meal or say it wasn’t cooked right.
My man is always super friendly/flirtous/catering with certain women in the restaurant/public areas and it made me have some form of PTSD. He would literally go out of his way to accommodate women in front me and it made me feel really hurt, uncomfortable, and disrespected by him and sometimes the women would disrespect me due to how he treated me I could say more but it’s too much 😢
I went out for a pizza on my birthday with 2 narc who are siblings and all they were talking to eachother were people, dramas, deaths from their past, leaving me completely out of any general conversation. That was the last time I went out with them.
All my life experiences of family outings were always like this because of my mother.. No matter wherever we went, even if it was the nicest place in the whole city, she always had something bad to say about the place to ruin our mood.. It was always her who choose what to eat and where to go, no matter what everyone else was craving for... So many times we had to leave the place without eating because she didn't like the spot, or the cleanliness was not upto her liking etc etc... Even if we sat to dine, she kept calling waiters, that too addressing them in the rudest way possible to clean the table again or to wash the dishes again or to nag about literally anything... Everyone around us will look at us because she was always the loudest in the whole place.. There was always something wrong with her food no matter how costly it was... If anyone else dares to order a different thing, she kept shaming that person throughout the dining for ordering a different food when everyone else was happy eating what she ordered..
Thank you Danish for pointing out covert behaviours versus grandiose behaviours because sometimes it is very difficult to understand that the pitiful pity-party-playing narcissist in front of your very eyes is a full-blown predator from hell! 🥺🙈
I work as a waiter. Narcs are a hell to work with. *Constant complaints about everything *Demands free stuffs *1 narc messes so much it seemes there had been a few more custommers and worse if it brought it's flying monkies. *Somehow knows when the restaurante is the most shortstaffed and or having the biggest rush of custommers and still demands maximum service other custommers don't get *Femaleworkers will experience sexual harassment from narcs with narcs hands on waitress private parts Forgot to write: Regular custommers do these things as well, but never more than maximum 2 of the things on the list, once every blue moon. But a narc custommer does minimum 1 to all the mentioned above in every visit. Also: The absolute majority of custommers are really nice and sweet for real :)
Mine likes to go out and not order a beverage or food. I feel humiliated. Then he'll complain about how my food looks and the price. If there are other people at the table he will interrupt their conversation and turn everything to be about him. I've lost track of the amount of times I've approached waitstaff and tipped them quietly, out of shame and embarrassment. Being in the service industry is hard enough without having to deal with this echelon of BS
Hello Danish! I cannot give you enough words to describe your help in opening my eyes to see how toxic that the relationship was that I was in with that narcissist. I wish you a Happy and Healthy New Year ❤️🙏❤️🙏
Yeah mine started to shout at me in a restraunt when I was newly married just because I kept my hands up as I was tired. He thought I was trying to "entice" the waiter somehow. Beat that level of stupidity. And yet Mr know it all has done worse things that are not even mentionable. It's very hard to understand them and they can get under the radar sometimes. I'm preety sure if we knew they were narcisssits earlier on we wouldn't have pursued on with them ❤
Na he's G@Y and using that as an excse to manip you/others into thinking he's not. Pure projection/redirection. As a man who believes in traditional Eastern Philosophy of Multiple Wives... Not looking at your wife as someone important and showing love... Is weird to me. However, a man needs to be a man in order to do these things, and be able to acquire such fortune... So many men believe they are owed a wife/gf.... But have no clue how to be a man for that woman.
My former best friend took me out to a nice dinner for my birthday once and before I even put my fork down showing I was done eating all I could eat, without asking if I wanted them she said…Can I take your leftovers home to my husband? Huh? Had another friend who used to order multiple apps, 3 drinks to my 1, entree, dessert and coffee after dinner and would eat 1 bite of all the extras she suggested we order. Finally realized she was racking up the bill just for fun at a time when my funds were low just to see if I’d still split the check. They are also notorious for trying to convince you to order gluten if your gluten free. These people need to be corralled away from the sane people of society!
@MsRapture10 or put out with the horses to eat grass lol. Restaurants are generally more expensive than eating at home. Then, to irresponsibly order too much food is completely disrespectful. Where do these people learn their manners?
Luckily my mother was very good in restaurants. It was my brother’s narc wife who enjoyed flexing on the wait staff. She’d demand everything “on the side” and would throw a fit if she didn’t get her way. She talked to them like they were dirt. It was incredibly embarrassing because my family are all very respectful of people who are waiting on us because we appreciate their service, and this was just terrible behaviour. The last straw was when she chewed out a server at Olive Garden who hadn’t prepared a salad especially for her with the Italian dressing on the side. They tend to have those salads already made and waiting in the refrigerator. The person who delivers it just brings it to you, they’re not your actual waiter, so they have no idea what you’ve ordered because all they do is give you salad and breadsticks. She embarrassed my mother so badly, my mom told my brother she never wanted to lay eyes on her again and I don’t believe she ever did after that fiasco. Talk about a childish, selfish woman. 🤦♀️
He would go with me to the restaurant just to not eat nothing because they didnt gave him the food exactly at the time he wanted it Every time i had problems with him about food
My elderly father is always flirting with the waitresses calling them beautiful and why? eouw. He asks me can i get you a coffee, or a starter when we go out with family but I end up paying the bill. He complains about the table and wanted to move all 6 of us, after we got our food, to the window seat repeatedly shouting so loudly 'excuse me' and demanding to move.My teenage son had to tell why are you yelling calm down because he so embarrassed even though we all were. The waitress said shel ask the manager but then they quickly put someone else at window sat. After all it was only a table for 2, maybe 4, so staff would have had to move all tables n chairs to accommodate his request.we all said we happy here and we could see the view.
My ex is a covert narc.he sexually harassed me and i kept boundaries.until that point i was thinking he is the kidnest nicest person ever existed and continued to truama bond with him even after the boundary setting .this lead him to more manipulation and gaslighting and also me simultaneously understanding his behaviour.at one point i was thinking maybe he is exhibiting those behaviours out of hurt and anger or fear.then i clearly understood that despite being a covert narc he is fully proud of his male ego.broke the trauma bond,reported his sexual harassment and gaslighting.now god should take care
The one I dated took me out for my birthday, took his shoes off in the restaurant & then proceeded to go into the mens bathroom shoeless. Argued with the staff member & called him derogatory names as he was told about health n safety & to put his shoes back on. He came back & and the manager soon followed, telling him he was banned & wouldn't be served there again. He thought I would be banned as we were together. I told him I wasnt the problem & I could go without him. I stopped going anywhere with him after that incident. Not long after removed his belongings & him from my property.
Another placed my order at a Chinese restaurant & then proceeded to call the people racist. Then, he left saying he had to go to a store. I promptly cancelled the order & got a refund apologised & left. The same man took me for a Pizza & expected me to eat/share what he had ordered for himself - a fish pizza🤮 Telling me he had no funds to pay for mine. I told him I would pay for mine when I returned from the rest room. When I returned he had paid for everything. I never went out to eat with him again after those experiences. He was yet another one who I had to block & go no contact bc of messed up behaviour.
Will order the most expensive items on the menu, take one bite or play with the food and definitely complain. They never pay. They can cause drama over a glass of water. Very embarrassing.
We as a family have suffered and witnessed at first hand all the behaviours you mentioned in the video 😢😢😮😮plus an argument or a verbal fight before and after going to the restaurant for a meal or any other journey which I have always found WEIRD 😮😮😮
Danish, that first sentence you said made me laugh! "Wherever a narcisist goes they carry their rotten self with them." The fact that I can laugh at that helps me to know that I am healing very well. Thank you for all you do.,
I have observed on family outings perhaps on vacation that my sister desires to be treated like a queen and spends much of her time in restaurants so she will be waited on and served, and she will act like she is the greatest thing around. Had friend that I went with to a restaurant, that when he got his food loudly declared that the same food at another restaurant was much better. The food wasn't that bad and I was embarrassed to be next to either of these types.
My narc ex used stupid or insulting "jokes" at the wait staff. I still don't know what his intent was. He told one bartender "here's a tip, buy a brain," after tossing a quarter across the bar. I gave her a twenty dollar bill and left.
Restaurants, supermarket cointer, flights, theaters, coverts will vent about it on their way home and drive like drunken asylum escapee holding their immediate family hostage.
I often question myself years after getting away from a narcissist who controlled me for nearly 30 years, wheen I listen to you it helps me to get things into perspective, your descriptions cause my memories to slot into place. I see my ex in your description, so much so that it feels like you actually know him!
My brother introduced me to some of the businesses and restaurants he frequents when I moved to his town. When I expressed dislike to some, he berated me and refused to speak to me for days. He works his mouth like he's swishing mouthwash, it's a nervous tick he exhibits just before flying into a violent rage. Sometimes physical violence. My mom explains his behavior as "a little selfish" . She did his homework in high school, and barely got him into the Army. He's got some developmental issues. He's adopted like me. I firmly believe he's a drug baby. He lived with our mom until she remarried after my adopted dad passed. He was 45 when he finally got his own place. He never married because" no woman was good enough." His own words.
I can relate to #3: (Covert narcissist) Talking very nicely to waiters, and asking them a lot of questions about the meals. This could take several minutes, and it was a routine I was always waiting to happen.
Even when they are paying they will run the waiter so much so they can't serve their other tables properly and then don't even leave a tip for the waiter and the other tables don't either because they were neglected. The last few people I knew who acted like this I told them straight up that I refuse to be seen in public with them based on their behavior.
They’ll arrive late so they get an outside seat so they can easily get up. The dodge the check with “my payment is my company.” They will monopolize the conversation.
Lol? Sunglasses meant to be worn during daylight. He fell asleep at the table? Extreme exhaustion? Maybe? And when he sat without making any conversations.. then tried to encourage to do so. See how he responds to it. Looks like both of you love to assume
I don’t care anymore. I call them out right then and there. If you’re rude to anyone in my presence I will make sure you know how awful you are in front everyone. You act a fool in front of everyone, I’ll show you fool. They get no mercy anymore.
👋Hi Danish. I'm so glad you explained this topic so well!!!!! I refuse to dine with any more narcissists!!!!! It's so embarrassing, especially if you've been a waitress/server before, which I was. I hope I never meet any more of these "types" in my life ever again!!!!! Even after going back to college & doing different work, they're everywhere!!!!! Love, Miss Janine🌴🧸💯💅🪐🆒️♏️🌌
My n mother will flag down the busy staff…anyone: hosts, bussers, servers, food runners…and treat them like they’ve arrived at our table for an interview to be her personal servant, asking increasingly inappropriate questions of them: what’s your name? Where do you live (whatt?)? How old are you? So…is this your *only* job…or do you go to school…orrr?” So embarrassing for everyone, and wasting their time. She will ask for food recommendations, then order none of them, snottily turning them down with a “ugh..NO.”(she already knew what she wanted to order anyway). Then she will sit at the table with a look of contempt, as we chat, banter, and laugh. (you know…normal human stuff). Stopping the natural flow to make everyone explain to her a topic or a joke. She never laughs. The most you’ll get is a “thatsss funny.” 😑 Then silence. Or she will pick up on one particular part of the conversation to use as an opportunity to shame someone at the table. At the end, at least one item has been argued off of the bill, and her tip is terrible. We have to secretly slip our server some extra cash.
My husband and I took his daughter out several times to nice restaurants (we pay). My step daughter would eat about a third of her meal (tendency to an eating disorder and very concerned about gaining weight). Then she would call over the waiter/waitress and make some complaint about the quality of the food. The staff would be full of apology and offer to replace the meal. She would refuse (place not up to her standards) and then suggest that it not be charged for, which she accomplished. She told us she does that frequently in restaurants and that was how she could afford to go to the higher end restaurants. It was a capital city so no shortage of fine dining so she never need worry about showing up twice. I was horrified and told my husband I would never dine in a restaurant with her again. The whole family were narcs and I divorced her father. What you said @ 8:35 is true. Whenever I said to my husband that I really like a particular restaurant and we should make that a regular place....we would NEVER go again.
Family dinners were a nightmare. She would oversee everyone’s order and then would order “off menu” because her food needed to be “bespoke” and then would complain to the waiter that it wasn’t to her liking.
Should add that narcissists love to arrive late if meeting you and others at the restaurant. Also frowning and negatively commenting at what you order. As well as asking you uncomfortable personal questions when they already know the answers just to watch you squirm.
My youngest sister was a hoot. She is a sociopathic narcissist. She was funny. Even the young male waiter wanted to date her. She was twice his age. My oldest sister is a mid to mid range type B narcissist. She got attention in a horrible negative way. This was way more embarrassing
My mum worked in a restaurant. So when we visited another restaurant she took it upon herself to clear the plates away and stack them on an empty table and then asked them for a cloth to wipe the table, all while our group was still eating, drinking and talking. The server was not amused
The worst and weirdest thing I experienced was the time I was really enjoying a delicious meal at a barbecue restaurant the narcissist picked and halfway thru the meal he felt "sick" and we had to leave immediately. Ruined the whole dinner experience and I never got to go back and enjoy the place.😟
Danish, for the time being I can’t escape the narcissists in my life. I used to be so hurt by the way they treated me (especially my mother). Knowing what I know now, when I find myself in situations like this, rather than get upset, I console myself thinking about how stupid they are and how stupid anyone agreeing with or validating them are as well. I just stare blankly and imagine the karma eventually coming for them…. Ok I guess it still hurts some, but I use it to fuel these other feelings. Idk if it is helping. It’s better than the pain and all I can do for now to console myself. Is this normal, Is it ok? Is there a healthier way? I hate my mother. People do not understand it. I can’t wait to go no contact-to never see her again.
my ex used to ask me what i would liké to eat (like hé was caring) and then would find a 1000 reasons why i should not eat that so much so that by thé end of his preach i would change my mind and say ...i dont want it anymore and we would go eat wherever he chose. It was soooo toxic. Hé would also fat shame me while eating and many times hé would eat his portion quick and then would focus on me eating still as if i would eat more than hé did knowing thé portions were thé same. Im so glad o had the strength to liberate myself from him. What a releaf!!!!!!! i still have my parents though...i hit thé jackpot personally with both of them being narcs. I try to ignore them when home, visit less, and just focus on myself. Still strugling with not giving too much info about my life but its definitely a must when you deal with this kind of beeings. Good luck everyone, stay grey and shine your light only upon who deserves it!
The " Vegetarian " ! I make sure that she orders last. The fact has to be known by the questions that are asked about what item has what in it or how it's cooked. It's at this time that I head to the restroom. Just before we drive into the parking lot of the restaurant, the conversation has to be about them. This way, the impetus is established as that person is the queen 🐝 bee. We are the workers that buzz around her, catering to the conversation about her as we "excitedly " talk to her. Staff politeness and long converstions at the cash register with the staff are their must do affairs. I pay, and if the weather is cold,I say that I'll warm up the car and leave. If the weather is warm, I excuse myself, saying that I have to make a personal phone call. It's the " pits " with her. 🙄
My ex- husband, covert narcissist, was a trained chef and he wanted me to sit somewhere where he could keep an eye on the kitchen staff , and was being big headed telling me that they could do stuff to our food.
😆 Reminds me of my covered narcissist mother. One day in a restaurant, she said to me: "If I look around I wonder, how awful people shuffle food in their mouth sometimes." and I thought to myself, if she know, how awful she looks like, when she suffles her fries into her mouth, using her fingers (which nobody does in Cyprus)...it always reminds me of a cow. She puts her fries in front of her mouth, then gets her tongue out to grap it and woop...into her mouth. The other thing is, as you mentioned, she always, always find something to complain. Mainly the food. However, instead of complaining or else, she finishes her plate until there is nothing left (one would think she did like what she had) until, finally, to complain again "wasn´t that good". Needless to say that I stopped accompanying my mother into a restaurant. It is just embarrassing.
Then there's the combo food addict narc. You're dining together at a restaurant and before they even look at their plate and taste their food, they're staring at yours and asking to sample it. This happens even if you had suggested they order the fries or side dish or dessert; nope, they just want to 'taste' yours.
I made a friend at one of my jobs, and I quickly realized that she was a narc. She liked eating out with me, because she'd try every trick in the book to make me pay the bill! When I caught on to her and put my foot down, she'd try a different technique by suggesting "we" get appetizers... which she would quickly start devouring. I'd have to say "are you going to leave me some"? or straight up put my half on my plate... which she would then describe as "weird". Needless to say, I have the eternal satisfaction of telling that one off when I broke our "friendship" 👋🏼😁🪓
I refuse to eat anywhere near known repeated narcissist behavior. It gives them too many abilities to abuse people covertly. Flying below the radar. In the name of love and special occasions.. when you finally grow tired of dealing with dillussional behavior. .peace can be obtained
A covert narc I went to lunch with several times would always get a free meal by saying oh I can’t chew this or I should have ordered what she’s having and they would bring her another meal for free did it everytime soooooo embarrassing
My cousins would call and ask to take me out for a special lunch. Although they are very well off with 2 homes, they would take me to Subway. They would stand in front of me in line and order 1 sandwich to split. They would take 5 minutes to make sure that they added every free item to the sandwich. Then they would ask for 2 cups of water. Finally they would turn to me and say to order whatever I wanted. I have gone no contact.
My dad will get his ego filled at a restaurant by treating all the staff like they are his best friends and even leaving us all alone at the table so he can show the staff about what a great guy he is. He treats strangers better than his whole family. Even if the restaurants food is terrible.
I am the mother in law of an Indian guy ( Me and my daughter are Russians, I visited my daughter. We do not live together) and he and my daughter decided to go to an expensive restaurant. My son-in-law told me to eat at home before we go. I should not even go with them, or take my own credit card, I did not think straight at that moment. We came to the restaurant, he ordered for himself, my daughter ordered corn porridge for her. I was just sitting next to them with nothing and I was very uncomfortable and embarrassed. When they were done eating, he ordered for himself coffee, he did not ask us what we wanted. I felt insulted as their visitor. It has never happened to me before. My daughter saves every penny for him, when she is shopping. I think he is controlling her with everything including money spent on food. My guess is he is a covert Narcissist!
My date when he invited me out for dinner or lunch or any meal, he would always want us to order one meal for both and expect to share it. Ask for two plates and split it. But him being a man naturally ate more, and faster leaving less for me!, walking out of the restaurant, I was not satisfied and soon after I felt hungry. Then, If I suggested we place two orders because I want a full meal of my own- he'd expect me to pay for it!, he's clearly tight with his $. But does that make him a Narc?
My mother would refuse to sit near the kitchen she would make a huge scene. Also was rude with the waitress/waiter. When we would go out with family, they would always make a huge ordeal on who was going to pay the bill.
My husband covert narcissist actually he only once or twice in years took us to restaurants then we are not allowed to order but if we order then he can’t let us eat peacefully he will look at us talk badly about food and people around us, he will say you don’t know how to eat he will make fun of us, we can’t have more we make fun of how we eat
We went on a vacation and ended up at a restraunt that was fancy but was open for regular dressed people to come in as it was lunch time. We sat down and he asked for where the lavatory was. Never heard such a fancy word come out of his mouth even the waiter questioned what he was looking for. It was so embarrassing.
Another incident happened where we went to some BBQ restaurant for his company Christmas party. He choked on a piece of sausage. I had to give him the hymlich on him. He vomited all over the table. When we went to leave I thought he would have thanked me for saving him but all he said was that's great now you will hold that over me that you "saved me"
I experienced them all😂wirh my mom,my ex,mi ex,exs😂.thats why.i. done with these people!at least i know the padrons already😂 bless you Danish and have a great year🎉🎉🎉❤❤
Good info😂 he never let u eat what we want.v v true.always argue with the waiter n talk to the manager and complain that waiter did not serve good food
Mine would say we were going Dutch on the bill. Then he would order a lot of high priced food and tell me my half of bill which always included his food. I explained that was not going Dutch. I refused to eat out with him after that
Holiday Offer on My Best Selling Courses:
www.emotionalabuserecovery.com/blckfriday
Don’t you just love that we can finally discuss these issues that were hard to explain to people, without looking nuts. It’s so empowering.
yes. it is a God send. Narc families and siblings are HELL.
@ You’re not alone, I’m right here with you.
I'm with you , this is truly empowering 🌹
Yes! I love these outlets
I can't even imagine my life if I hadn't figured out the truth and had a community of people confirming everything that I went through because more or less we all went through the same thing
I work at restaurant and what u say is true brother, everyday we meet narc in restaurant, loud voice , commands not requests, complaining, asking free stuff, no patience, seeking for unnecessary attention ect ect...
These narc are everywhere
Most of time i feel sad for their families, bcz i can see how embarrassing to go to eat with narc family member.. it literally feels like dealing a child.
And someone who has no heart.
To the survivors, love ❤ and healings , we can all heal ourselves.
You also described a certain two races of people… (I’ve been in the industry 25 years over several states) and the TWOOOOO races in question….. you can know by asking any professional server. One race loves sports the other loves IT jobs. Both races habitually acts narcissistic DEMONIC when in restaurants…. Because they… are.
So remember kids. Genetics plays a huge role in character toooooo
Yes, and so embarrasing for the ones in the narc company.
I always chose a seat where I would face him only and my back to the other people. Simply because I was always accused of wanting attention from people. Even if I had to wear a blindfold I would still get accused. I dreaded going out. I would get the silent treatment upon returning home. 3 years divorced now. I eat alone. I find it difficult to eat in front of other people. But my life is peaceful now. 🙏
This was my narc experience. Always being accused of “lusting” after someone. I trained my eyes to look only at him or my food or the ceiling. 3 years was enough.
Imagine watching your narcissist go into a restaurant kitchen to show the chef how to cook something, I witnessed it, Oh my
I had that happen my friends and I had to drag him out before the police showed up
@@beverlybuckhorn9168😂😂
It's really something when the person "showing" the chef only knows how to cook TV dinners and popcorn(and still screw it up). The hypocrisy is off the charts! Clown world
My narcissist did the same thing, lol.
I absolutely despised going out in public with my ex husband, he ALWAYS sent his food back and then refused to pay for it. It was so humiliating. Plus he always asked if what I was eating was “on your diet”. All the while buying me clothes as “gifts” that were too small to shame me for eating something that wasn’t on my bodybuilding diet that he forced on me. Thank you for sharing this with people, what you are saying is true and real. I never thought I could escape my ex husband, but if I can do it I know you can as well. You aren’t alone! ❤❤❤
Hi…!!! Where u from…? I read u did it. Did u..? Really..? Did u leave..? Is that even possible…? How?
Me too. My ns was never happy with his seat or server or food..I hate going out with him.. now he has a terminal and we never go out anywhere together to eat ( I’m so glad!) when I get out now is by myself and I’m so happy I’m by myself! For a little while at least.
Yo😢
He carried large bills and would give then to younger waitresses. He would get angry stomp to the car while I would shirk my shoulders and follow after.
Whatever I ordered in a restaurant my husband would end up angry saying his was rubbish and he should have ordered what I ordered (Envy. The man had meal envy). Made me feel guilty for enjoying my meal. Narcs are envious of everything.
When I dated a man who I later realized was Narcissistic, he dressed up by his standard and took Me out to dinner at a nice restaurant that serves his national cuisine. Not knowing that I’d been there severally, he sat stiff and pompous and actually talked down on Me to the extent of telling Me that I’ve never eaten at a nice restaurant like that. Well, I didn’t eat there that evening to suffer indigestion from his abusive talk, I discreetly told him off, then left.
The thing we need to understand about narcisssits and othe personality disorders is that .....they do not see the world the way we do. And our best bet is to just leave and start healing. You could spend twenty years and not get through to someone hell bent on destroying your mental peace. Best to make peace. Take what is owed to you and stay gone.
Early on my narc was so rude to a waitress about the syrup selections in an IHOP that the waitress burst into tears. I didn't know what was going on, he was usually such a nice guy, so I brushed it off and I gave her a 150% tip and profusely apologized. Little did I know that was a classic red flag. This was actually his true self coming out.
When you said that a narcissist wants to create a hellish place in a place where it should have been about healing and being happy... I trembled.
That was my MIL. She had this almost obsessive way about going to the church and being in time for the church and never being late. Even if this meant for our family, with two young children and my health problems, that we would be screaming and fighting to be there on time. And then we would be obliged to not even make the most miniscule sound because "what would people think of us and of our children's behaviour". I didn't even care, children younger than four are naturally susceptible to talk or move during a mass, especially if everything is moving slowly and is boring for a child. But this scrutinizing way of dissecting our behaviours afterwards while treating us like dolls that had to stand and turn in a specific way, made me so angry and reactive of being in church that I resented the place. All while it's an actual place about healing, releasing, being open, happy and forgiving.
It just destroyed the experience for me...
Sorry, to hear that. And then you had no peace during mass.
BTW. Was it at the T.L.M.?
Every single one of these happened in my last marriage. It’s tough for me to watch him chase down his next victim. She will unfortunately find out for herself.
That's one of the reasons I don't leave. I can't in good conscience allow another human being to feel the way I do because of him...
My narc husband would abandon us at the table and walk around the place to see if he knew anyone to talk to. If so, he would chit chat with them and ignore who he came to the restaurant with in the first place.
Yet imagine the delight of the familiar people he encountered.
Sometimes they may also flirt with the waiter or waitress infront of you or during a phone call just to make the other person "Feel a certain way". All this has to be expected when you're with a narcisssit. Don't expect normal behaviour like mutual respect,adult conversations,or harmony when you're out and about with them. If you want to live a happy life, there's only ONE option. Cut contact.
Both my Mother and my Grandmother would belittle servers in Restaurants. I can't tell you how many times I would apologize for them or change the direction of the abuse with a joke or something to lighten the mood. Going out for a meal in later years with my Mother usually meant stomach issues for me and anxiety prior to going.
My ex always chose restaurants with sports tv and always payed attention to the tvs instead of me or us when with our kids. Made me so mad!
A narcissistic relative would do the following at restaurants:
1. Flirt with staff
2. Flirt and converse with other patrons.
3. Talk extra loudly for everyone in the place to hear.
4. Comment loudly on totally inappropriate subjects to embarras you.
5. Always order the most expensive items on the menu and then not eat them. He would tell you the extra food he will give to his dog.
6. Let you pay the full bill and telling you to leave a generous tip.
7. When leaving he will walk past every table while flirting or making rude inappropriate comments.
8. He would wear the loudest clothes and jewelry he had to stand out in the crowd.
And make you pay for the privilege
And when the flirting would be going both ways, Didn't you wonder why it seemed that nobody else but you perceived that you were in a relationship with the person, that should have been exclusive? Instead the narcissist emitted "I'm single to mingle" vibes 😮
just so everyone knows, there is no blame into choosing to cut off this kind of family member...no matter what degree. The amount of discomfort you would dodge...for you own mental health. Love yourselves in that way!
@@carriecree1789 you are in a open relationship waiting to get dumped unwittingly with all npd person always.When you cant feel safe " leave".
Bossing the staff around, talking down to them,
The covert narc I knew always cheerfully and enthusiastically suggested going out to a restaurant because it was a family member's (son, daughter, husband) birthday. They were even willing to pay for it (often being generous) - but, right on cue, once we were all seated at the table in the restaurant their mood would become sour, sullen and silent. Everyone would then become concerned for their welfare, asking 'Are you OK? Do you feel unwell? Can I get you anything etc. etc', with the result being that the entire event was focused on this one person.
After multiple incidents (over years) of this behaviour, I finally figured out it was a deliberate attention-seeking strategy (like a toddler throwing a tantrum, only a silent one) and I refused to accept any further offers of 'It's so and so's birthday soon, let's go out for lunch/dinner'.
I didnt want to waste time or energy being in this person's 'audience' anymore.
Lawd, I had to deal with a covert narc who did exactly the same! If I asked what's wrong, soon he would blow up and say "nothing is wrong, would you stop? What face, I'm not making a face! Do you have to create a scene anywhere we go?" and if I tried explaining what face and how concerned it made me, he'd add, "I'm fine! If my face is upsetting you, then just ignore me!" then he would get back on his phone and watch tiktok.
If I did proceed to ignore him and calmly enjoyed my food, watching people around - or worse, my own phone! He'd blow up too! The calmer I stayed, the more agitated he would get and he couldn't help from complaining that "I just didn't give a f. about him", that I was just there for the "free meal"... while he was the one who had countless excuses why it was "my turn" to pay when the bill came - and he waited until the server was standing there before uttering such statements...
Reflecting on it all now, I can't believe I tolerated such behaviour that long... and sad that nobody was there to tell me this wasn't loving behaviors. At all. 😔
It's been over 2 years since I left this abusive relationship. To this day, I haven't been out to a restaurant since. Thank you again, Danish, for your expertise and understanding.
100% experienced those plus more from my horribly narcissistic sister: 1. Showing up with several uninvited guests whom she has no intention to pay and having the wait staff scramble to accommodate them. 2. Loudly, laughing about inappropriate topics she interjects irregardless of children being present or other patrons within earshot. 3. Screaming,r laughing, or clapping if she hears a wair staff accidentally drop a glass, tray, etc. 4. Showing little if any manners while eating, such as picking her teeth with her fingers, etc. 5. Bringing children when the invitation specifically stated please make other arrangements, adults only. 6. At the end of the meal insisting she was not told about restaurant specials; was cheated somehow and deserves a free meal.
Our mother brainwashed all my siblings to tolerate her and I just avoid her. Too bad I have to put up with her if I want to see my family.
My narc didn’t flirt with the wait staff but accused ME of flirting with them when I was just acting civilized and friendly. He berated me right there in the restaurant. This happened during our honeymoon. 😢
My God… your dreams of a romantic honeymoon must have been shattered. Are you still with him?
They love to make fun of and humiliat the waitress, they love to compare the waitress's appearance to yours, they love to start speaking about disgusting things and then when you say something they go like "ewww why are you talking about those things in the middle of supper", and search with his eyes all around to see if someone had noticed how 'cultured' and 'demure' he is and you're not. Flirts with everything that breaths but makes you feel obnoxious when you just smile politely to the staff. This was my 2.5 years on-and-of relationship with a narc.
Thank you for acknowledging social anxiety. Traumatizing experiences have made it difficult for me to "stand out" anywhere. Narcissist people close to you make you feel awkward, lost, and abandoned in public!!! At their most monsterous, they do exactly as described in this video, wow! They are such children controlling their environment with temper tantrums everywhere they go in public.😮
Never mind the restaurant, you should see how he is in the kitchen. My son in law won’t cook, but he can sure tell you how to cook the meal or say it wasn’t cooked right.
My man is always super friendly/flirtous/catering with certain women in the restaurant/public areas and it made me have some form of PTSD.
He would literally go out of his way to accommodate women in front me and it made me feel really hurt, uncomfortable, and disrespected by him and sometimes the women would disrespect me due to how he treated me I could say more but it’s too much 😢
Don’t be confused, his behavior says nothing of, or about you. It speaks volumes about him.
@ I solely agree with you. Thanks 💚
I went out for a pizza on my birthday with 2 narc who are siblings and all they were talking to eachother were people, dramas, deaths from their past, leaving me completely out of any general conversation. That was the last time I went out with them.
I have the same kind of siblings and they only got worse with age
All those behaviours!! Just vile.
All my life experiences of family outings were always like this because of my mother.. No matter wherever we went, even if it was the nicest place in the whole city, she always had something bad to say about the place to ruin our mood.. It was always her who choose what to eat and where to go, no matter what everyone else was craving for... So many times we had to leave the place without eating because she didn't like the spot, or the cleanliness was not upto her liking etc etc... Even if we sat to dine, she kept calling waiters, that too addressing them in the rudest way possible to clean the table again or to wash the dishes again or to nag about literally anything... Everyone around us will look at us because she was always the loudest in the whole place.. There was always something wrong with her food no matter how costly it was... If anyone else dares to order a different thing, she kept shaming that person throughout the dining for ordering a different food when everyone else was happy eating what she ordered..
Thank you Danish for pointing out covert behaviours versus grandiose behaviours because sometimes it is very difficult to understand that the pitiful pity-party-playing narcissist in front of your very eyes is a full-blown predator from hell! 🥺🙈
I work as a waiter. Narcs are a hell to work with.
*Constant complaints about everything
*Demands free stuffs
*1 narc messes so much it seemes there had been a few more custommers and worse if it brought it's flying monkies.
*Somehow knows when the restaurante is the most shortstaffed and or having the biggest rush of custommers and still demands maximum service other custommers don't get
*Femaleworkers will experience sexual harassment from narcs with narcs hands on waitress private parts
Forgot to write:
Regular custommers do these things as well, but never more than maximum 2 of the things on the list, once every blue moon. But a narc custommer does minimum 1 to all the mentioned above in every visit.
Also: The absolute majority of custommers are really nice and sweet for real :)
Mine likes to go out and not order a beverage or food. I feel humiliated. Then he'll complain about how my food looks and the price. If there are other people at the table he will interrupt their conversation and turn everything to be about him. I've lost track of the amount of times I've approached waitstaff and tipped them quietly, out of shame and embarrassment. Being in the service industry is hard enough without having to deal with this echelon of BS
Hello Danish! I cannot give you enough words to describe your help in opening my eyes to see how toxic that the relationship was that I was in with that narcissist. I wish you a Happy and Healthy New Year ❤️🙏❤️🙏
Yeah mine started to shout at me in a restraunt when I was newly married just because I kept my hands up as I was tired. He thought I was trying to "entice" the waiter somehow. Beat that level of stupidity. And yet Mr know it all has done worse things that are not even mentionable. It's very hard to understand them and they can get under the radar sometimes. I'm preety sure if we knew they were narcisssits earlier on we wouldn't have pursued on with them ❤
My narc used to tell me that I should be grateful he looks at other women. Otherwise, it means that he's either dead or gay.
Na he's G@Y and using that as an excse to manip you/others into thinking he's not. Pure projection/redirection.
As a man who believes in traditional Eastern Philosophy of Multiple Wives... Not looking at your wife as someone important and showing love... Is weird to me. However, a man needs to be a man in order to do these things, and be able to acquire such fortune...
So many men believe they are owed a wife/gf.... But have no clue how to be a man for that woman.
😳😳😳
I rather been perceived dead tbh. Even if it means that I please my spouse's feelings by putting my gaze down upon others
That one is not neccesarily narcissist. Just stupid.
He once asked me to get a phone number to girl he kept staring at. I was 8 months pregnant.
My former best friend took me out to a nice dinner for my birthday once and before I even put my fork down showing I was done eating all I could eat, without asking if I wanted them she said…Can I take your leftovers home to my husband? Huh?
Had another friend who used to order multiple apps, 3 drinks to my 1, entree, dessert and coffee after dinner and would eat 1 bite of all the extras she suggested we order. Finally realized she was racking up the bill just for fun at a time when my funds were low just to see if I’d still split the check.
They are also notorious for trying to convince you to order gluten if your gluten free.
These people need to be corralled away from the sane people of society!
@MsRapture10 or put out with the horses to eat grass lol. Restaurants are generally more expensive than eating at home. Then, to irresponsibly order too much food is completely disrespectful. Where do these people learn their manners?
Danish, you have an amazing talent for calling out the behaviors of different types. Excellent info! Thank You!
Luckily my mother was very good in restaurants. It was my brother’s narc wife who enjoyed flexing on the wait staff. She’d demand everything “on the side” and would throw a fit if she didn’t get her way. She talked to them like they were dirt. It was incredibly embarrassing because my family are all very respectful of people who are waiting on us because we appreciate their service, and this was just terrible behaviour. The last straw was when she chewed out a server at Olive Garden who hadn’t prepared a salad especially for her with the Italian dressing on the side. They tend to have those salads already made and waiting in the refrigerator. The person who delivers it just brings it to you, they’re not your actual waiter, so they have no idea what you’ve ordered because all they do is give you salad and breadsticks. She embarrassed my mother so badly, my mom told my brother she never wanted to lay eyes on her again and I don’t believe she ever did after that fiasco. Talk about a childish, selfish woman. 🤦♀️
He would go with me to the restaurant just to not eat nothing because they didnt gave him the food exactly at the time he wanted it
Every time i had problems with him about food
My elderly father is always flirting with the waitresses calling them beautiful and why? eouw. He asks me can i get you a coffee, or a starter when we go out with family but I end up paying the bill. He complains about the table and wanted to move all 6 of us, after we got our food, to the window seat repeatedly shouting so loudly 'excuse me' and demanding to move.My teenage son had to tell why are you yelling calm down because he so embarrassed even though we all were. The waitress said shel ask the manager but then they quickly put someone else at window sat. After all it was only a table for 2, maybe 4, so staff would have had to move all tables n chairs to accommodate his request.we all said we happy here and we could see the view.
A narcissist I used to be with always had to sit at the bar, because they would rather talk to the bartender and other people at the bar than me.
My narc father would treat the waiter like crap.
All of them Danish!! 🎯With the paying, I remember my sister always said she doesnt carry cash or that she forgot her wallet.
My ex is a covert narc.he sexually harassed me and i kept boundaries.until that point i was thinking he is the kidnest nicest person ever existed and continued to truama bond with him even after the boundary setting .this lead him to more manipulation and gaslighting and also me simultaneously understanding his behaviour.at one point i was thinking maybe he is exhibiting those behaviours out of hurt and anger or fear.then i clearly understood that despite being a covert narc he is fully proud of his male ego.broke the trauma bond,reported his sexual harassment and gaslighting.now god should take care
My narc brother would always wait until everyone was comfortable and having fun before he would go on a NARC WARPATH. And ruin the moments.
The one I dated took me out for my birthday, took his shoes off in the restaurant & then proceeded to go into the mens bathroom shoeless. Argued with the staff member & called him derogatory names as he was told about health n safety & to put his shoes back on. He came back & and the manager soon followed, telling him he was banned & wouldn't be served there again. He thought I would be banned as we were together. I told him I wasnt the problem & I could go without him. I stopped going anywhere with him after that incident. Not long after removed his belongings & him from my property.
Another placed my order at a Chinese restaurant & then proceeded to call the people racist. Then, he left saying he had to go to a store. I promptly cancelled the order & got a refund apologised & left. The same man took me for a Pizza & expected me to eat/share what he had ordered for himself - a fish pizza🤮 Telling me he had no funds to pay for mine. I told him I would pay for mine when I returned from the rest room. When I returned he had paid for everything. I never went out to eat with him again after those experiences. He was yet another one who I had to block & go no contact bc of messed up behaviour.
Will order the most expensive items on the menu, take one bite or play with the food and definitely complain. They never pay. They can cause drama over a glass of water. Very embarrassing.
We as a family have suffered and witnessed at first hand all the behaviours you mentioned in the video 😢😢😮😮plus an argument or a verbal fight before and after going to the restaurant for a meal or any other journey which I have always found WEIRD 😮😮😮
Danish, that first sentence you said made me laugh! "Wherever a narcisist goes they carry their rotten self with them." The fact that I can laugh at that helps me to know that I am healing very well. Thank you for all you do.,
I have observed on family outings perhaps on vacation that my sister desires to be treated like a queen and spends much of her time in restaurants so she will be waited on and served, and she will act like she is the greatest thing around. Had friend that I went with to a restaurant, that when he got his food loudly declared that the same food at another restaurant was much better. The food wasn't that bad and I was embarrassed to be next to either of these types.
My narc ex used stupid or insulting "jokes" at the wait staff. I still don't know what his intent was. He told one bartender "here's a tip, buy a brain," after tossing a quarter across the bar. I gave her a twenty dollar bill and left.
My narc almost always pays for going out, that way everyone owes him. He later throws it up that they owe him.
Restaurants, supermarket cointer, flights, theaters, coverts will vent about it on their way home and drive like drunken asylum escapee holding their immediate family hostage.
I used to tell mine to please not complain... I didn't want our food to get tainted/spit upon, etc. back in the kitchen b/c of his rudeness.
I often question myself years after getting away from a narcissist who controlled me for nearly 30 years, wheen I listen to you it helps me to get things into perspective, your descriptions cause my memories to slot into place. I see my ex in your description, so much so that it feels like you actually know him!
He ate the whole menu and lost his wallet convientky after being rude to the staff and criticising the food.Ive never seen anyone eat so much.
He ate with his demon 👿
My brother introduced me to some of the businesses and restaurants he frequents when I moved to his town. When I expressed dislike to some, he berated me and refused to speak to me for days. He works his mouth like he's swishing mouthwash, it's a nervous tick he exhibits just before flying into a violent rage. Sometimes physical violence. My mom explains his behavior as "a little selfish" . She did his homework in high school, and barely got him into the Army. He's got some developmental issues. He's adopted like me. I firmly believe he's a drug baby. He lived with our mom until she remarried after my adopted dad passed. He was 45 when he finally got his own place. He never married because" no woman was good enough." His own words.
I can relate to #3: (Covert narcissist) Talking very nicely to waiters, and asking them a lot of questions about the meals. This could take several minutes, and it was a routine I was always waiting to happen.
Even when they are paying they will run the waiter so much so they can't serve their other tables properly and then don't even leave a tip for the waiter and the other tables don't either because they were neglected. The last few people I knew who acted like this I told them straight up that I refuse to be seen in public with them based on their behavior.
They’ll arrive late so they get an outside seat so they can easily get up. The dodge the check with “my payment is my company.” They will monopolize the conversation.
My covert ex wore sunglasses in pure daylight and even fell asleep at the table. Often times when we sat he wouldn’t really speak to me
Lol? Sunglasses meant to be worn during daylight.
He fell asleep at the table? Extreme exhaustion? Maybe?
And when he sat without making any conversations.. then tried to encourage to do so. See how he responds to it.
Looks like both of you love to assume
@ sunglasses inside the restaurant? Falling asleep at a table is not etiquette at all. I would try to talk to him…. Nothing. so yeah.
Making a lot of noise, critism of the food, fights.
I don’t care anymore. I call them out right then and there. If you’re rude to anyone in my presence I will make sure you know how awful you are in front everyone. You act a fool in front of everyone, I’ll show you fool. They get no mercy anymore.
Big sis made an entire party change restaurants because she didn’t like the menu. Complete with hissy fit tantrum. In front of servers. Amazing.
👋Hi Danish. I'm so glad you explained this topic so well!!!!! I refuse to dine with any more narcissists!!!!! It's so embarrassing, especially if you've been a waitress/server before, which I was. I hope I never meet any more of these "types" in my life ever again!!!!! Even after going back to college & doing different work, they're everywhere!!!!! Love, Miss Janine🌴🧸💯💅🪐🆒️♏️🌌
My n mother will flag down the busy staff…anyone: hosts, bussers, servers, food runners…and treat them like they’ve arrived at our table for an interview to be her personal servant, asking increasingly inappropriate questions of them: what’s your name? Where do you live (whatt?)? How old are you? So…is this your *only* job…or do you go to school…orrr?” So embarrassing for everyone, and wasting their time. She will ask for food recommendations, then order none of them, snottily turning them down with a “ugh..NO.”(she already knew what she wanted to order anyway).
Then she will sit at the table with a look of contempt, as we chat, banter, and laugh. (you know…normal human stuff). Stopping the natural flow to make everyone explain to her a topic or a joke. She never laughs. The most you’ll get is a “thatsss funny.” 😑 Then silence.
Or she will pick up on one particular part of the conversation to use as an opportunity to shame someone at the table.
At the end, at least one item has been argued off of the bill, and her tip is terrible. We have to secretly slip our server some extra cash.
My husband and I took his daughter out several times to nice restaurants (we pay). My step daughter would eat about a third of her meal (tendency to an eating disorder and very concerned about gaining weight). Then she would call over the waiter/waitress and make some complaint about the quality of the food. The staff would be full of apology and offer to replace the meal. She would refuse (place not up to her standards) and then suggest that it not be charged for, which she accomplished. She told us she does that frequently in restaurants and that was how she could afford to go to the higher end restaurants. It was a capital city so no shortage of fine dining so she never need worry about showing up twice. I was horrified and told my husband I would never dine in a restaurant with her again. The whole family were narcs and I divorced her father. What you said @ 8:35 is true. Whenever I said to my husband that I really like a particular restaurant and we should make that a regular place....we would NEVER go again.
Family dinners were a nightmare. She would oversee everyone’s order and then would order “off menu” because her food needed to be “bespoke” and then would complain to the waiter that it wasn’t to her liking.
He would always say...."thank you for the great meal you bought me." as though I was not grateful..
I'll sit anywhere that I can have my back to the wall, lol.
Should add that narcissists love to arrive late if meeting you and others at the restaurant. Also frowning and negatively commenting at what you order. As well as asking you uncomfortable personal questions when they already know the answers just to watch you squirm.
Thanks for posting
My youngest sister was a hoot. She is a sociopathic narcissist. She was funny. Even the young male waiter wanted to date her. She was twice his age. My oldest sister is a mid to mid range type B narcissist. She got attention in a horrible negative way. This was way more embarrassing
My mum worked in a restaurant. So when we visited another restaurant she took it upon herself to clear the plates away and stack them on an empty table and then asked them for a cloth to wipe the table, all while our group was still eating, drinking and talking. The server was not amused
The worst and weirdest thing I experienced was the time I was really enjoying a delicious meal at a barbecue restaurant the narcissist picked and halfway thru the meal he felt "sick" and we had to leave immediately. Ruined the whole dinner experience and I never got to go back and enjoy the place.😟
Thank you for your valuable knowledge
100%! Thank you for putting these vids out. They help to put things in perspective. 🙏🙂
Danish, for the time being I can’t escape the narcissists in my life. I used to be so hurt by the way they treated me (especially my mother). Knowing what I know now, when I find myself in situations like this, rather than get upset, I console myself thinking about how stupid they are and how stupid anyone agreeing with or validating them are as well. I just stare blankly and imagine the karma eventually coming for them…. Ok I guess it still hurts some, but I use it to fuel these other feelings. Idk if it is helping. It’s better than the pain and all I can do for now to console myself.
Is this normal, Is it ok? Is there a healthier way? I hate my mother. People do not understand it. I can’t wait to go no contact-to never see her again.
Covert narc ex-friend would expect someone, anyone in our friend group to always pay for her meal. I don’t miss her at all 😬
my ex used to ask me what i would liké to eat (like hé was caring) and then would find a 1000 reasons why i should not eat that so much so that by thé end of his preach i would change my mind and say ...i dont want it anymore and we would go eat wherever he chose. It was soooo toxic. Hé would also fat shame me while eating and many times hé would eat his portion quick and then would focus on me eating still as if i would eat more than hé did knowing thé portions were thé same. Im so glad o had the strength to liberate myself from him. What a releaf!!!!!!! i still have my parents though...i hit thé jackpot personally with both of them being narcs. I try to ignore them when home, visit less, and just focus on myself. Still strugling with not giving too much info about my life but its definitely a must when you deal with this kind of beeings. Good luck everyone, stay grey and shine your light only upon who deserves it!
The " Vegetarian " ! I make sure that she orders last. The fact has to be known by the questions that are asked about what item has what in it or how it's cooked. It's at this time that I head to the restroom. Just before we drive into the parking lot of the restaurant, the conversation has to be about them. This way, the impetus is established as that person is the queen 🐝 bee. We are the workers that buzz around her, catering to the conversation about her as we "excitedly " talk to her. Staff politeness and long converstions at the cash register with the staff are their must do affairs. I pay, and if the weather is cold,I say that I'll warm up the car and leave. If the weather is warm, I excuse myself, saying that I have to make a personal phone call. It's the " pits " with her. 🙄
My ex- husband, covert narcissist, was a trained chef and he wanted me to sit somewhere where he could keep an eye on the kitchen staff , and was being big headed telling me that they could do stuff to our food.
Oh wow. Classy
He probably "did stuff' to people's food....they always watch for what THEY do!! Sick bass 💩's
They can, and probably did if he was being a condescending arse... 🫣🫡😅
😆 Reminds me of my covered narcissist mother. One day in a restaurant, she said to me: "If I look around I wonder, how awful people shuffle food in their mouth sometimes." and I thought to myself, if she know, how awful she looks like, when she suffles her fries into her mouth, using her fingers (which nobody does in Cyprus)...it always reminds me of a cow. She puts her fries in front of her mouth, then gets her tongue out to grap it and woop...into her mouth. The other thing is, as you mentioned, she always, always find something to complain. Mainly the food. However, instead of complaining or else, she finishes her plate until there is nothing left (one would think she did like what she had) until, finally, to complain again "wasn´t that good". Needless to say that I stopped accompanying my mother into a restaurant. It is just embarrassing.
Then there's the combo food addict narc. You're dining together at a restaurant and before they even look at their plate and taste their food, they're staring at yours and asking to sample it. This happens even if you had suggested they order the fries or side dish or dessert; nope, they just want to 'taste' yours.
I made a friend at one of my jobs, and I quickly realized that she was a narc. She liked eating out with me, because she'd try every trick in the book to make me pay the bill! When I caught on to her and put my foot down, she'd try a different technique by suggesting "we" get appetizers... which she would quickly start devouring. I'd have to say "are you going to leave me some"? or straight up put my half on my plate... which she would then describe as "weird". Needless to say, I have the eternal satisfaction of telling that one off when I broke our "friendship" 👋🏼😁🪓
I refuse to eat anywhere near known repeated narcissist behavior. It gives them too many abilities to abuse people covertly. Flying below the radar. In the name of love and special occasions.. when you finally grow tired of dealing with dillussional behavior. .peace can be obtained
A covert narc I went to lunch with several times would always get a free meal by saying oh I can’t chew this or I should have ordered what she’s having and they would bring her another meal for free did it everytime soooooo embarrassing
That sounds so familiar ,thank you Danish
My cousins would call and ask to take me out for a special lunch. Although they are very well off with 2 homes, they would take me to Subway. They would stand in front of me in line and order 1 sandwich to split. They would take 5 minutes to make sure that they added every free item to the sandwich. Then they would ask for 2 cups of water. Finally they would turn to me and say to order whatever I wanted. I have gone no contact.
My dad will get his ego filled at a restaurant by treating all the staff like they are his best friends and even leaving us all alone at the table so he can show the staff about what a great guy he is. He treats strangers better than his whole family. Even if the restaurants food is terrible.
I am the mother in law of an Indian guy ( Me and my daughter are Russians, I visited my daughter. We do not live together) and he and my daughter decided to go to an expensive restaurant. My son-in-law told me to eat at home before we go. I should not even go with them, or take my own credit card, I did not think straight at that moment. We came to the restaurant, he ordered for himself, my daughter ordered corn porridge for her. I was just sitting next to them with nothing and I was very uncomfortable and embarrassed. When they were done eating, he ordered for himself coffee, he did not ask us what we wanted. I felt insulted as their visitor. It has never happened to me before. My daughter saves every penny for him, when she is shopping. I think he is controlling her with everything including money spent on food. My guess is he is a covert Narcissist!
My date when he invited me out for dinner or lunch or any meal, he would always want us to order one meal for both and expect to share it. Ask for two plates and split it. But him being a man naturally ate more, and faster leaving less for me!, walking out of the restaurant, I was not satisfied and soon after I felt hungry.
Then, If I suggested we place two orders because I want a full meal of my own- he'd expect me to pay for it!, he's clearly tight with his $. But does that make him a Narc?
My mother would refuse to sit near the kitchen she would make a huge scene. Also was rude with the waitress/waiter. When we would go out with family, they would always make a huge ordeal on who was going to pay the bill.
My husband covert narcissist actually he only once or twice in years took us to restaurants then we are not allowed to order but if we order then he can’t let us eat peacefully he will look at us talk badly about food and people around us, he will say you don’t know how to eat he will make fun of us, we can’t have more we make fun of how we eat
We went on a vacation and ended up at a restraunt that was fancy but was open for regular dressed people to come in as it was lunch time. We sat down and he asked for where the lavatory was. Never heard such a fancy word come out of his mouth even the waiter questioned what he was looking for. It was so embarrassing.
Another incident happened where we went to some BBQ restaurant for his company Christmas party. He choked on a piece of sausage. I had to give him the hymlich on him. He vomited all over the table. When we went to leave I thought he would have thanked me for saving him but all he said was that's great now you will hold that over me that you "saved me"
My husband,would get up to smoke and not co.e back,or stay on his phone at the table
I experienced them all😂wirh my mom,my ex,mi ex,exs😂.thats why.i. done with these people!at least i know the padrons already😂
bless you Danish and have a great year🎉🎉🎉❤❤
Good info😂 he never let u eat what we want.v v true.always argue with the waiter n talk to the manager and complain that waiter did not serve good food
Very true Danish 🎉🎉
Mine would say we were going Dutch on the bill. Then he would order a lot of high priced food and tell me my half of bill which always included his food. I explained that was not going Dutch. I refused to eat out with him after that
Another tactic is speaking so softly that we have lean into them to hear..very manipulating..❤❤❤
Nice, I just typed a giant comment, and YT didn't even post it... NICE! wasn't fremoved, just wasn't evne posted. FKINg LOVE this site!
The noose tightens
All of them 😢😡
Always waits for someone else to pay the tab.