How Shy Women Can Meet Great Guys
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- Опубликовано: 16 июн 2024
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Follow me on Facebook here - / coachmatthewhussey
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In this week's episode of LOVELife, I take a question from Sarah on whether or not guys are turned off by a woman who is an introvert. The discussion we have may very well surprise you!
Video links at the end -
Why The Modern Man Won't Commit, And What You Can Do About It: • Why The Modern Man Won...
Am I Just A Rebound?: • Am I Just A Rebound?
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Website: howtogettheguy.com
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"Of course you will find someone who loves you for who you are, but you have to become who you are in order for that to happen. You can't just sit there and give in to all your insecurities and expect someone to love you for who you are, when it's hidden behind all of those fears." - I needed to hear that, thanks Matt.
That's like saying "you are not enough, you have to play the game a little bit"
Wow!! That’s perfect!!
@@lepetitchat123everytime you complain that he doesnt love me, ask yourself do I love myself? Am I happy 100% with myself? That will help.
I'm glad he makes the distinction between shy and introverted. Definitely two different things.
No there isn't. Shy is a synonym for introvert. Meaning it's the same meaning but different word.
I think i'm a bit of both
Shy=neurotic. Neurotics are ruled by fear. What they want is security.
You might want to check Jordan Peterson's videos on this.
Introversion is a different thing. There is a lot of correlation between the two, because if you are an introvert, you tend to be alone a lot more which leads to worse social skills than those supersocial people. My father is actually one of those who are introverted but not at all shy.
I'm also glad Matthew makes a distinction between the two here, because I saw another video of him (in front of a bunch of people) where he used the word 'introvert' in a place where it did not really belong and where "shy" should have been used. Which was pretty disappointing for a freaking relationship coach!
@@exnihilonihilfit6316 I used to be shy and an introvert. I'm less shy now but when I know and like someone, I talk A LOT. But being around a while bunch of people wears me out. For example, I went to a fair with my sister, niece, her friend and the friend's daughter. We were there for maybe 3 hours...but there were so many people and they were all up on me and it was loud. The next day, I just stayed home and in bed because I needed to recoup. 😂😂 I couldn't do it. It took a lot out of me.
Agreed! Many introverted people I know are very skilled conversationalist.
reminder: if you are shy and relying on a man to find you and come after you, you are putting yourself at risk to being found by an abuser who specifically focuses on getting a "shy" woman/girl to take advantage of. don't learn this the hard way!
BlackLamb with an attitude like that don’t even bother.
@@MauriceLeviejr What do you mean?
omg it's soo true... If you're shy and just wait the guys who will find you will be who want "shy girls" because they can do whatever they want with them
I learned it the hard way
When you're out try to not look shy ;)
@@doridobai6029 I think if shy people show that they still have boundaries it might 'scare' them away, they might see they cannot take advantages of you without consequences and find someone who is more submissive. cause they're evil.
I had a friend who was very shy and looked as if she could break very easily. I asked my former boyfriend, what he thought of her, as she always was very unfortunate with men. He said: I feel very uncomfortable in her presence because I fear I could hurt her by accident just being myself (even as he only was a random guy, not in a dating situation at all). So I thought that she was indeed attracting those guys who do not bother to hurt someone so vulnerable.
I think the biggest key is to have confidence, get some hobbies, and become what makes you happy. Whether or not you are introvert/extrovert.
ughh I hate you Matthew...this video was painfully accurate to me. I do use my shyness and introversion to make excuses about approaching men and being more social...I really want to change but it's hard!
Just like me!
saaaaaaaaame :'(
same
yeap same
VxNx I'm the same way
"You will find someone who will love you for who you are, of course you will, but you have to become that person for that to happen." = MIND BLOWN.
I'm someone who uses shyness as an excuse. I started messaging with a guy a few months ago and we recently progressed to texting daily, he brought up calling me and I started to internally panic because I 'don't like talking on phones'. He backed off and was sweet about it but I felt bad because I'm literally holding myself back and it frustrates me no end. We get on so well and can talk about anything - as long as it's typed - I'm just naturally quiet so I'm already anticipating awkward silences and the inevitable 'welp, he's gonna think I'm boring af'.
20 seconds of courage is what we all need - 20 seconds of courage to pick up the damn phone! x
i love this
Same.
I made a similar experience. Talked to a guy daily for hours and I was scared af when it came to talk to him on the phone. For me it was also the issue that it was only my second language. So we started slow, I sent him a voice message and he was like "omg you sound adorable". That gave me a lot of confidence, so when we first talked on the phone it was a little awkward, but he didn't back off right away and gave me time. Just give it some time. I'm sure he likes you, otherwise he wouldn't have talked to you so much, so he'll also be patient to give you time to warm up. Fingers crossed for you!
I love everyone on this thread. I feel like you guys are my people💙 And yes, it only takes 20 seconds of courage. Us shy and introverted people need to learn to get out of our own heads sometimes.
I don't talk to guys on the phone that i have never met...that for me is weird...i'd rather make a date and meet them face to face...if he does't want to do that then he can go away.
The #1 easiest (but not fastest) way to gain confidence is to become really good at something, or at least become really invested in something.
Not only does this give you something to be proud of, and give you something to talk about, but it's also something that no one can ever take away from you. You are what you do -- and this doesn't only mean the work you do, but what you spend your time and energy doing.
How can you possibly be completely boring if you've got something you're great at, or something you're really passionate about?
Great advice :)
That's so true, ppl are usually amazed by my draws and that makes me open up so easy, even though idk how to deal with compliments.
Very great advice! I use to be deadly shy. It was really bad in middle school. Might sound silly but video games really opened me up. I found my ultimate hobby and I get so into talking about video games with anyone.
Now in college and I'm still 'shy' but I have no problems starting convos with strangers, classmates etc.
good luck to anyone that is shy and I hope you find your hobby that open you up as well.
+breemadness Say thank you simple.
I would give the same exact advice as a psychology student. Confidence is this thing we all have deep under but not a lot of people actually really understand what confidence is and how to get it.
People always say things like: " Just be yourself " - but that doesn't tell the person anything, it isn't a helpful advice. Because most people don't know what that means really, they don't know themselves. And being yourself isn't always enough as much as we'd like to tell ourselves that it would. Sometimes you need to work on yourself more to become that person everyone likes to hang out with and date but if that is the case then you set a standard to what you want to achieve and start working so that you meet that standard. That simple.
So the number one thing you need to do is to look into yourself, what you do good, what you could do better, what you do bad and what are the things you don't really think are important to you so that you do not waste time working on qualities that really do not bring out the best in you. So get to know yourself and respect your strengths as well as flaws.
After you understand yourself well enough, you can actually quite quickly also determine the person you are looking for as well. Often times I've read Tinder profiles for curiosity on how people represent themselves. One of the things that really has stuck out to me is when a person writes something along the lines of: " I want to find someone who is funny, confident, outgoing etc. " - this is a bad move because what it tells me when that is so generic is that there is a person who really does not understand themselves and doesn't really know what they are looking for in a partner and it even comes off as quite desperate too. Instant weak link there.
However if I see a profile saying that I like to watch movies or just something like that then it already tells everyone that you do know what you like and you do know the sort of person you would wish to date as well. A bonus right there and then.
So get to know yourself and play into the strengths of yours. Don't deny that you aren't perfect but don't give out the full show there and then and do not advertise the bad in you because it instantly makes you seem less confident, even if it was the honest truth. Just play into the strengths of you and try to relax as well. Just let go of the worry of peoples judgement and be confident in your value and talents to charm someone.
I personally? I am perhaps too confident because I see my friends facepalming in embarrassment when I publicly " break the social code " and do something abnormal, something that is playful.
I loved this, definitely what I needed to hear! The thing is that I can be BOTH, but I'm loud and talkative only if I've known the person for a while and some times people give up on getting to know me better, because they think I'm quiet, boring and introvert all the time...argh!
Oh me too. If I meet someone while my friends are around I'll be talkative and funny and loud, but if I'm alone it will take some time to break my walls.
Same! omg this is so me
Yaaaass!!! This issss soo meee. I actually need help with this.
This is me too!
same here!!!
you're right at the point I'm being lazy, not introvert
Super lazy...
Kyaiaia Kyaiaia 😂iogsetyiikn ,
MsRu3 విశాఖలో 😘
"it's okay to go with your nature but it's not okay to start avoiding things you're scared of because of that nature."
ah..that part of Matthew's personality is just totally the same as mine. I'm a home girl type, mostly. Love staying at home, reading tons of books, and enjoying myself there. But like what he said, you can't be like that all the time if you want to find out someone for dating, etc. Get out of your comfort zone sometimes can be thrilling, bring you some new adventures.
Outgoing women get first dibs. introverts are overlooked unless they are drop dead gorgeous or they possess some physical features men desire. The world is cruel.
confident not cocky get noticed positively, you control your happiness not the shallow society .Try dancing at home or a zumba class it's a mind healer to think outside the box.
You're not a victim. I relate to you because I'm shy and average-looking too, but that doesn't mean I'm at the mercy of society's standards or dating is hopeless. Lots of guys think shyness is cute. Also, I've made a concentrated effort to improve my personal style and appearance, since I'm insecure about my looks- it's worked. I've actually noticed that putting more effort into my appearance really has affected how noticeable I am to men, as well as how confident I feel. In fact, I just started dating a guy and he thinks I'm great- little ole' me! I met him by volunteering with Special Olympics (I'm neither outgoing, nor athletic, btw). I think that if, as shy women, we can put on a cute outfit and get out of our rooms, our comfort zones, we are already empowered and increasing our odds for success. So while I agree that people who are social and sexy have the best chance of dating, it doesn't mean the rest of us are lost. I'm sure you have great qualities, just get out there and play them up.
Deena Jones same for guys
Deena Jones I feel like being an attractive introvert is problematic; I've been told that we're unapproachable because people assume that we're bitches because we're keeping to ourselves ... and then there's the infamous resting bitch face lol
Literally anything else Amazing comment!
He is so true. I was also very shy to meet any guys, but one day I took a ballroom class in my college, and I had to dance with 15 different guys every week.Over a few weeks I felt more comfortable with these guys and I even got asked out a few times. I always thought I had to look a certain way to get guys attention, but my attitude that was high on endorphin from dancing worked too.
being shy ive found guys find me to be stuck up and the b word, without ever speaking to me cause apparently i just look like that...kinda unfair to be honest.
You probably have resting bitch face and are unapproachable. Body language and attitude can put people off before they even speak to you.
Saying this because I was like this too.
Yeah people usually get their first impression off appearances. It can be hard to let yourself out more( I know this all too well) , but we kind have to even if for just a little for others to want to approach.
I'm someone who suffered from social anxiety for years and have tried different methods to heal and move foward. Personally what I've learnt is that force Isnt always a good way to deal with anxiety. If a person is anxious in a social situation there's a deep inner child emotional asking for recognition. To repress it and Constantly do it anyway might work temporarily but it eventually catches up, and comes back stronger. From experiance I found forcing extroversion to be a non helpful even damaging way to heal.
Healing is from the Inside out. I've discovered that anxiety comes from repressed or unprocessed personal insecurities and fears.
It's an inner issue.
For me it comes from being too critical of myself and then being afraid that others do the same and affirm my own self abuse.
Or it comes from fear of rejection because I myself reject the week parts of myself.
So to heal from shyness and I security. It works most permanently in my opinion from the inside out. Feel the feeling. Don't be afraid to feel the fear and do it with love. Let yourself feel afraid of belonging and then tell yourself something loving like I'm my own friend and am worthy of love. Starting with my own. Eventually this self love and acceptance will permeate you so deeply. That the relationships will reflect that inner connection. Be your own friend no matter what and you won't be afraid of others anymore.
Always more Compassion to self will make shifts.
Audelia Schwab absolutely agree. I struggled from the anxiety for a long time. I even dated the guy (and being very anxious). And that was horrible experience. And the problem wasn't in him or his behaviour. All struggle was in my head. After break up I did all methods for recognising my problems and wounds. Yes, it were a lot of critics, pain, unexceptence inside and so on. I tryed cognitive psycology methods, meditation, relaxed practices, sport and all these things helped me a lot. I became calmer, less anxious, less shy and even more extraverted. So I can totally agree with you. It's better work with yourself first and then find love.
Audelia Schwab your so right
I agree. I used to be my own worst abuser. But at some point, I changed how I talk to myself. When I have anxiety, fear, or start torturing myself replaying mistakes…I say “it’s okay, baby girl.” Or “I love you, baby girl.” It’s helped me a lot.
Thank you! Finally someone who understands that shy and introverted are not the same! Feel like I have to explain this to every person I meet... because no one seems to comprehend that I'm actually an introvert. Despite the fact that I can be the life of the party, am not shy and have no problem speaking my mind. But all things in moderation, I need my alone time *and a lot of it* to recharge . ... Or heads are gonna roll. 🤷♀️
I love your honesty. We as a culture need to hear brutal honesty at times to wake up from the positions we try to hold ourselves in that are counter productive to the goals we are trying to achieve.
Matt gives great advice-- but I'm starting to notice he enjoys throwing around the word "Lazy" a lot. I promise you Matt, not everyone who is looking for a different route is trying to be 'lazy' about it. She simply wondered if guys do or don't like mellow women, or if she has to change who she is in order to be loved. Her question got answered and all, but chill out with the 'lazy' label, it's not always the answer. There's other possibilities.
Foxy-Lu true but 9 times out of 10 we can be resilient to change and we’re very narcissistic
I still think that it's not "don't let introversion define you", but "don't let shyness define you". I think it's important for an introvert to be proud of their introversion, because admitting that and being cool with it is part what builds your self confidence. Introversion doesn't mean that you don't go out and meet people. It just means that when you do have a relationship, you'd try to make it a really meaningful one. By the way, I find that having a friend I'm comfortable with when I meet new people helps me open up, because what often happen when I meet new people all by myself is I'd be too alert and guarded because I feel like I have to look out for myself.
You blow my mind Matthew! Your ability to put words on the things so many of us are feeling, is just amazing. Thank you so much!
Sarah is just me and Matthew stabs me few times with the core of my dating problem lmao
this is so right. i'm introvert and shy. the question Sarah asked is always on my mind and this is truly helpful. the fact that, which i never wanted to admit is that i'm lazy and i'm afraid to put myself out there. i felt lonely and want a boyfriend but at the same time, they won't reach me if i'm still here, doing nothing. so yeah, great advise.
Owh , his voice and accent , such a wise and wonderful man with a great mind , HE.ACTUALLY.UNDERSTANDS.WOMEN : )
Not all Introverts are shy and not all shy people are introverts. The non shy Introverts are not fan of the spotlights but not out of shyness but because they become overwhelm by a room full of people. We can socialize and interact but it leaves us drain we prefer small groups to large crowds or a book at home to a party. Shyness is born out of fear of the public's opinion because you care too much what others might say. DO NOT FEEL ASHAMED OF BEING AN INTROVERT! Sir Issac Newton, Albert Einstein, Marcel Proust, Dr. Seuss, Rosa Parks and even J.K Rowling were Introverts. Introverts can do great things without being in "outspoken and social".
My Question is...how do I make my personality work for me without changing how and who I am? How do I attract guys without become an extroverted person(because I can't that's too much socializing for me.)?
Wise words.... Couldn't have said it better. I'm introvert myself btw and loving it!
PsychoCat FromHell I hate that society keeps trying to change us or make us feel bad about who we are.
+saintvsbadass I'm sorry I cant speak my mind on this becaus of how I feel about society. My advise is to NEVER change for society, If you really want to change do it for yourself or loved ones. But why change? Love who you are, there are so many good things about being introvert. Most people who talk too much say the dumbest things, to me it's mostly smalltalk. I'm a better listener and observer, there's so much going on in a group of people if you can read between the lines it cracks me up!
Amen. Preach!!
saintvsbadass
I don't think the answer was on core. If your a deep introvert. Strong Introvert you don't need to become extroverted to find love.
I think it's a matter of belief confidence in self and self love that attracts your lover. Not trying to be something your not.
People love Introverts. The shift is in seeing your Introversion as something beautiful and then that allows and attracts others to see it as beautiful too.
Don't need to do extroverted things to attract the right person just need to be comfortable in your skin. With who you are and believe that somekne else can love that.
Well time stop waiting for a guy to bring out the best in me, I'm gonna start doing that for myself ^^ Also thank you Matthew for clearing up being shy vs introverted!
He is so I d zx GC
Exactly, but introvert believe Quality over Quantity.
Hi Matthew your content is gold! You speak and deliver the truth in a peaceful way with humbleness and attentiveness, you are also very intuitive, a man of love and has so much knowledge about human relation. Thanks for sharing your gift with the world it truly makes people come alive and even heal. I'm grateful for your work 🙏
this might be a life changing video for me, can't thank you enough! Its like I knew all of these things but you really brought it so life and got me thinking about it on another level! Wow this video might save me from more years of letting fears hold me back! Thank you again!
It's funny how i watched this video multiple times and it is just now i realize how i've only been the "read a book as a holiday" kinda person. I must learn to get out of my comfort zone a bit. Thank you Matt! Xx
Dude...so honest yet gracious! I love this!!
I relate to this woman so much. I know EXACTLY what she's talking about and what you said made SO much sense to me. Thank you for this video!
I can watch this guy speak all day! So much wisdom & empowerment right there! 😍
This video helped open my mind a lot. I realize now that I do label myself "shy" and "introvert" ALL THE TIME as I am painfully shy and uncomfortable around men. I avoid all social situations like a disease and hate leaving my house/comfort zone. I have PTSD after a horrible marriage/miscarriage and have scared so many guys off as I come across as "weak/no life/hobbies/etc etc". I just can't handle being hurt so badly again but want to find love. Catch 22.
+Yaelizaveta Eshtehardi “Elizabeth” Same here. You are not alone. If you don't like this, you can change it. I am going through the same thing. I'm 22, I barely have friends, well I do but due to distance I don't get to see them often, and I don't hang out to nightclubs or bars so it's very hard for me to socialise with people my age. But one day I woke up and decided to change this, I wrote everything I wanted to achieve and change, for example: read at least 1 book per month, do gymnastics everyday, try at least to socialise every weekend with acquaintances, etc... and so far I've been improving. Start step by step... for example by talking about the weather with the shop assistant, a neighbour, etc...
Don't worry, we all have insecurities. While we are doubting and criticising ourselves, the rest are doing exactly the same with themselves :)
Greetings from Argentina!
Yaelizaveta Eshtehardi am not shy when it comes to dancing people take my quietness for shyness
really insightful advice, thank you for posting this! i myself have been told im an introvert but never really felt like i should be categorized in one such way, so this rings really true to me and also encourages me to get out there more often and take some 'extrovert' risks in the social scene. great advice not only for meeting guys, but meeting new people in general :)
So happy for your success. I have a note book with your suggestions and you cross generations. Great job. Light and live.
Boy did I need this truth bomb in my life 😯 I love your ability to be simultaneously blunt and tactful--thank you!
great advice!
"you can't sit there and expect someone to discover ur insecuritues where it's hidden" 👍
Great, great advice and insights ! Thank you, Matthew, I learned a lot !
U became so intense while answering her queries.. Love the way you connect with people..😘
Damn you really said it about the hiding behind insecurities and letting fear dictate your life
Hell fing said, brotha. You are prob the absolute best counselors on youtube.
That was some great advice! Especially because it's more often the introverted guys who like introverted girls so you have to put yourself out there to get to know them!
***** Really? When I look around I most often see cliques of extroverted people, and groups of introverted people together, not really mixed.. Isn't it hard for you seeing they don't really 'understand' what it is like to be an introvert? I also have extroverted friends who don't always get why I don't want to talk 24/7 or hang out every day and that can get annoying.
***** That is definitely true! I often don't feel like hanging out, but my extroverted friends won't accept no for an answer so I usually show up in the end and have a great time! This is why we need both extroverts and introverts haha:)
You're right. I'm an introverted guy who likes introverted girls. 😊
EXTREMELY true. Labelling yourself an introvert really limits you cause it already sets you up for failure because you start telling yourself "oh going out isn't me, I'm an introvert".
You always give the best advice! Watching your videos is so encouraging :)
Great point about shy being different from introverted. I learned something new. Thanks for that gem.
Great tips! Watched quite few of your videos Matthew, you doing a great job, Thanks.
Matthew 3 years ago me and my best friend were wondering if something was wrong with us, was it that difficult to meet a decent guy? We thought we had the whole package and somehow we must have been doing something wrong or many things wrong because we just kept getting the same type of guys approach us. We almost gave up at some point. It was summer of 2012 when my friend found you online and we got hooked, watched your videos, went to a get the guy workshop with your dad, by the way he is amazing! I saw you in London last year(You are so real and humble and exciting)and guess what? We got the guys!!!Both of us have boyfriends for over a year now. Thank you for your wisdom! You rock!!! What I learned the most with you is to be bold and go for what I want and to develop my core confidence.Keep sharing your talent and brilliant mind with the world, you are amazing! You make a huge impact in people's lives, you did in mine for sure! For that I thank you!The handkerchief technique really works! It served me well 😀
😘God bless you😘
What's it that you learned from Matthew and you applied?
😂❤
This was a really good video. I felt like it really portrayed how one should be represented, if they want to attract good men/women with good qualities. Matthew, you always change my perspective, that's great. Keep up with the amazing videos! :)
Great advice Matthew! I had never seen it that way before. It's great to gain a new perspective. Thank you :)
Wow! This is advice I have been needing for a while. Didn’t think shy and introverted are different. Thank you so much for this Matt. It’s going to be very nerve racking for me to put myself out there but at least I tried and I do need to get past my insecurities 😅😊
Hi, can we connect?
Matthew! What a wonderful piece of advice!! Amazing. Thank you 😄
thank you Matthew! I'm a shy, re severed person but I only talk to people or do things in public when I'm comfortable. I sometimes try things I never did before but it's scary. this video helped tremendously.
omg he says so many right things I never really realized! I'm a little introvert, too, and it's so true that you have to go out and meet new people if you want to get to know new people haha 😁
I know that this man means well but there is just something about the way he speaks about women that just makes me want to cry.
+Haj mola he is too directl
+Maria Brandauer he is European, We are more direct ...even the shy ones ;)
Ohh my God this is so great
Thank you and Sarah
You guys meet me in the heart
❤️❤️❤️🙏
Great advice 👍 Thank you for your honesty; it's the icing on the advice cake.
I appreciate him calling her out. I needed that too
Wow Matthew thank you so much for helping out people who need you!
I like the fact that he is a little harsh with his answers like, "that sounds, to me, you being lazy". When he said that I thought, 'oh wow that was a bit harsh'. But then he went and explained himself. And as being a shy person, what he said made total and utter sense to me.
This really resonates with me on a personal level in terms of my personality. I have always been somewhat of an introvert and at social events like parties I'm not so much shy but uncomfortable. And I know that i need to be able to expose myself to those situations and be able to socialise. I need to go out more for my own sake HAHA
Matthew is just that perfect guy! So cute, fun, smart, wise and sexi. And that accent ❤! thanks for all the wisdom shared!
Wow! This is quality information. I'm so impressed, thank you 😊 what an intelligent, handsome man!!
Just to show my support for you and how grateful I am for your advices to women; You cured me in some kind of way. Really liked you :) Wish you all the best ❤️
awesome video! great advice for me! thank you Matt!!!
I might as well share my experience, I'm celibate as I haven't been able to let any one close because of past trauma. I've done so much work on myself and see a counsellor and would love to let someone in, in the near future and I know it will be based on communication amongst other stuff! I have put myself out there, not as much as the next girl but shouldn't compare! This video was great and it's true you have to put your self out there but there are people who get scared. I take it slow. I've been to concerts and holidays on my own and it gives you a buzz!
You are a genius.:D Thank you so much for your videos! :) And I agree with other comments, I am introverted and shy, but the key is to always try new things, to have hobbies and interests that you´re passionate about. And to be completely comfortable with yourself, that´s really important.:)
That was a great message of sharing with Sarah.
omg you hit the spot there!
I love your advice. So sweet and true.
Thanks so much for your point of view♢
great insight Mr. Hussey! Knowing oneself will lead to knowing what one likes... what one likes will lead to knowing what to do to earn what one likes. :)
I dated an extreme extrovert for several years who appreciated how me being an introvert at heart balanced our relationship. We’d regularly do things that they’d want to do and things I’d want to do. It was a balance. Over time, when we moved toward a long-term commitment (i.e. marriage) they grew to resent our fundamental differences in this area.
dang Matthew! You are impressive with your insights!!
I cannot believe how fucking good your advice is! Damn. Thank you so much. I really love being single and I watch because you have awesome advice for life! Improving my social skills is always helpful, no matter the setting or audience.
I disagree with this. As a very introverted person, I wanted a man who would understand that and give me my space when I need it. Going out to meet men in extroverted spaces guarantees that you're not going to meet those types of men-- quiet/introverted men aren't going to go out to bars or w/e. I met my amazing boyfriend online, where we bonded over books and video games and common interests. Perhaps that's what Matthew defines as "boring," but then I guess I want a "boring" person and relationship. Being introverted doesn't mean that you're not enthusiastic. Being introverted doesn't mean that you're shy and dull.
We've been dating for over a year now, and we've been continuously challenging each other and growing, without needing to force ourselves to go be someone we're not. I hate his point at the end, "you'll find someone who loves you for who you are, but you have to become someone different first." Complete BS. Obviously you shouldn't be insecure and shy; love yourself and be confident in yourself. But it's OK to be a self-confident introvert!
Well, he never specified bars or whatnot. He simply said that you have to put yourself out there in some way.
Meeting people only is also putting yourself out there.
I guess is like just getting out from our comfort zone. Like being proactive.
He is soooo on point
i really like that you being straightforward.
Loving the hair 😍
I'm so shy about meeting great guys, because dating is a slow process. I'm sick of being lonely and isolated along with being tired of being single, of course. Men have smiled at me without talking to me everytime I saw them on sketchy vehicles (e.g. Muni buses). What should I do? I'm not allowed to go anywhere with them. It's hard for me to stop being shy around men, because this is an emotional temperament that I was born with as part of my genetic code of traits.
Andrea Patane same as a guy
Andrea Patane
Start maybe appreciating. Seeing the beauty in your shyness. It comes with modesty at times. The ability to give others the spotlight. See it as beautiful and attract others who see the beauty in it too. Get Comfortable with you raw self with the flaws. Fears. And all of it. Speak about it. Let it be. See the beauty and the shadows as a part of what makes you you and what makes you attractive.
That's totally me. Great advice!
1000% big difference between shy and introverted great insight
this was so eye opening
You're a charming and wise guy !
It's very offending. My shyness is not a 'excuse' thing. It's me struggling with that pain. I know what I need to do for change, but it's hard. That's all.
I have a tendency to do the very same thing -I really needed to hear this.
thanks *****
Sarah, don't give in to the idea of "boring introversion". It's a cop-out. Just go out there and try new things. Trust me I'm an introvert as well, and a night out can drain me for 2 entire days. Just find the positivity in the interactions you have and draw it right into your everyday life. It's all about perspective! Best of luck! :)
Wow my mind is blown this whole video is so about me dammit Matthew hussey you are a genius
I’m 64 years old and I have been a widow for almost 5 years. I had forgotten how to flirt or be outgoing. I started using some of your advice about being approachable and today at the grocery store I had 3 different men chasing me all over the store and flirting. I decided to go from one end of the store to the opposite end and one guy had actually shown up there with a smile saying “we keep bumping in to each other.” This was not coincidental, so I gave him a big smile and said “ yes we do”. Nothing came of it, I didn’t really want it to because I was really experimenting. But he was was very attractive.
Really great advice:)
Thank you so much Matthew! :) I am so shy and this is so helpful! How will I ever meet my special guy if I don't become social than hanging out inside the library? I love these series so much.
I find it excellent. I am a shy person because I always thought that my capacities intimidate men and I was just hiding who I am because I felt too stalked (?)...or something like that. Sometimes, in a negative way. So...... maybe I lost my abilities of being just me and became to introvert and scared of people.. I was like that for too long and now I am rediscovering myself so thank ou for your video. It helped me to grow a lot.
I'm literally, a shy extrovert... yep can happen! Haha, though, Thanks to Matthew's advice, i was able to see my actions in another prospective and accept them in order to change to better, I really appreciate his advice
Hey! Love your videos! You've got a great charisma and I like your point of views. On the subject of shy vs introvert, you said in a previous video, that they are one and the same yet here you say it's not. I'm a bit confused now.
This just made my day
Great advice, thanks :)
Wonderful man & his advice :)
So this is why I got cheated a lot, cuz Im boring as hell haha... Better start learning how to be more extrovert.
I love this vids, awesome advices everywhere.
I LOOOOOVE you Matt!
"relationships are about light & shade." brilliant
shit, he's right...
Zinnia Quack I think that in every video 😅
Yeah. ..Probably..usually the way with him..:]..
I'm externally-introverted. I go out a lot but often solo. I also am the "3rd-wheel" in most social situations. The "3rd wheel" position has grown on me.
I loved your advice thank you!
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