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It started as friendship, I caught feelings, told him how I feel, he seemed not to be sure taking things to the next level, I decided it's best to have no contact and move on, blocked him everywhere, 4 months later he came back saying he was ready to start something serious, now we are in a relationship, and he Is such an amazing partner. In short don't be afraid to say what you want, you might just get it
I had a lovely first date 10 days ago and for some reason the guy didn't follow up for a 2nd. for the first time in my life, I didn't take it personal. I realized that I healed. it's such an immense blessing. no relationship or person beats being healed and whole in ourselves. once we get this done, the right person will come along and the connection will benefit us both. wishing it to everyone.
I love the reaction you had to him not following up. So uplifting and gave me hope to be able to do and feel the same when/if a man doesn’t fit into my life again🙏🏾
I said no to someone, even though I liked him, because I felt he was not ready. I didn’t take his reactions personally after I said no, because like you I have healed. It’s about doing what’s right and best for you. The funny thing is, when you do the right thing, it ends up being the good thing for everyone in the end.
Honestly the way you talk is so “clean” like you don’t put anyone down, your not negative, your not mean spirited, or overly emotional. Your communication is so beautifully balanced… I really notice that and appreciate that, rare form of intelligence imo
@@TuneinR reality doesn’t mean to be rude. I can tell someone something without being rude because it’s not synonymous with being real. Everyone just has different methods of telling the truth.
Don't chase. Glow up and do your own thing. If they want to come back, they will. Otherwise you still are flourishing in other aspects of life and are free to meet other people. ❤
I was chasing and didn’t even realize it. I did everything I could to save my marriage and it completely devastated me. I’m finally healing now after my divorce. You have been so helpful, thank you.
Hugs to you!!! You fid what you were supposed to do... probably giving more than you even thought you could. There'sno shame in that. Hey, it'shis loss Sis! Happiness is the best revenge ❤
I just want to say that when I'm feeling sad about my situation I come to your page and it really helps me see with logic and breathe through it. Thank you Stephan
The less I stop caring, the more he seems to come around. I don't like feeling like I have go follow a 10 step program to keep a man interested. I just want to be secure enough to be myself around him. But as soon as I let my guard down around men, the more they seem to pull away. It's frustrating to feel like for a man to be interested I have to seem uninterested. 🙄
Never chase a man that doesn't want you! Forcing a man to be with you will never work! I'm adjusting to being single and healing now it's hard but I think of the pros and cons of the man that left me and it's more cons then pros so it helped me get more over him.
Loved this. I spent years and years and years with guys orbiting me and chasing me and when I get feelings they ghost me but then when I move on and forget about them...they come back. They liked the attention I gave them because I never had boundaries. Now I'm healing after too many times of doing this. It broke me so bad. This whole time I truly thought they really had feelings for me and this is why I struggle with dating now and not knowing what's normal and not. All this "attention" they gave me was for THEIR own good, not mine.
Even if he wants to pursue, we have to learn to respect his reasons for not doing so. We can’t see into his head, and the reason doesn’t have to be "valid" to us to actually be valid.
"Dont do potential, Do reality!" Man that hid hard! I've done that in every relationship... always trying to force the best of them out, but overlooking/reality/red flags!
When a man do the chasing, it tells me that he finds me valuable not because I view it as myself as an attention seeker. It only tells me that he took time out of his busy schedule to pursue me and show that he is genuinely interested in me. If I am already in love with him or have a crush on him, it increases the chance of me accepting him into my life. When I love, I love hard and when he chases me, it's easy for me to open up and tell him how I feel. You got it wrong, men are supposed to pursue and chase. He is designed to ask, and it's up to the woman to deny. When a man chase and pursue the woman, it shows her that he finds her interesting and most of all important and valuable. As a 48 year old experienced woman, that's how a lot of women feel secretly. It's also a major turn on to a lot of women when men do the chasing and pursuing. Just keeping it 💯❤️
I did everything to get him back to the point I was drained. The humiliating part was when I found out he was focusing his attention on other things and women. Now I realized he wasn't meant for me and I stopped chasing him like I just don't see him the same. Life has been great so far and my relationship with God is progressing!
I felt like you were talking to me this whole time. I was dealing with a man from my past (from when I was 18 or so) I’m 31 now and I thought this would be a second chance for us. we were consistently together for a year(and when I sat together I basically mean a situationship )and nothing.. he never asked me to be his girl and I didn’t know what the hell was going on so last month I sat down with him and I embraced my vulnerability…. After all he said he didn’t want a relationship but that he loved me (w.e the hell that means) and he had other things to focus on. I felt like it was a dagger to my heart I was in denial for like a week and thinking to myself I don’t wanna be alone. And then it hit me. WTH am I doing not loving or respecting myself and staying around for this bull. It’s been a little over a month now and even tho it’s been hard I know I did the right choice by walking away I hope to move on from this soon 🙏
Focus on you. Your growth or career or personal development. Have fun discovering yourself. You'll be just fine and you won't think of it as a negative but a positive because you're free for the right man. Pray for direction. When the man God has for you comes you won't have to ask if he's the one; he'll make it known. Many Blessings😇
It takes courage to walk away from someone like Stephen said ‘a man that is not pouring the same love into you that you were pouring into him.’ In other words it was not reciprocal. Can’t have a one sided relationship, that’s not from God. God is the best matchmaker, trust Him and be patient. It may take awhile before you see your right guy, because you need to heal from this one, completely. Again be patient and trust God’s timing, He will come through for you, and you will experience the best love story of your life 🌸
I was raised to never chase after no man except for GOD!! With that being said, I wouldn’t want a man to chase after me either, I believe in having a genuine connection with someone and if we both don’t feel that genuine connection, then it’s best if we move on.
You alone on this one, but it's a turn on for a real woman like me to have a man chase the shit out of me!!! It excites me that he find me that valuable enough to take time out of his busy day to chase the shit out me!!! I honor your opinions but different strokes for different folks!!!😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😜😜😜😜😜😜😜
OMG this has so many spot-on truths!!! When he said, “Are you chasing love or attention,” That just smacked me between the eyes l!! Love listening to this man
About "the right person at the wrong time"... If he is the right match for you, you should not push to make things happen and try to convince him. He should see your value despite his "unfortunate circumstances". If he does not, it is because he is not sufficiently into you, let's not find excuses
This happened to me but I am a woman. He wanted to be together when my life was falling apart. I broke up with an ex of 5 yrs. A very close family member died who practically raised me. I discovered the narcissism of my mother and my whole clan supporting it. My life was literally built on lies. Had no job and money. Left to care for my grandpa whos also a narc and an uncle with down syndrome. This reasoning of yours is so entitled and selfish and inconsiderate of men's suffering. You put so much pressure on men like theyre Gods who cant have valid weakness. I mean yes, most of them suck but there are valid reasons that it might really just be a wrong time. I hope you don't go crazy on self-respect and self-love that its morphing into self-entitlement and grandiosity. Its obviously what you have here
I felt very identified with "right guy wrong time". I experienced it myself recently and after watching this video I firmly believe this experience was a wake up call. After talking about it with friends and family, I realize that chasing my "right guy" when it's the "wrong time" can hurt us both. I really hope another chance with my "right guy" comes around, i really do.... but if it's not the case, I wish him and me happiness and love even if we are not together. Thanks Stephan, I'm very grateful to you
If you don’t address the issues the issues will be the very reason this relationship doesn’t work…! Don’t be afraid to question and take your time!! Being impatient has hurt me more than anything- narcs pursue/ and they make you feel amazing- until they don’t.
I dated someone who was older then me recently, during covid. They took such care of me and did things for me that I wasn't used to - never had a man that was a leader but he was. Until he started criticizing MY LOOKS -- I accepted everything about him, his weight, his mental issues, his crazy family! He wanted to put me down and make me feel like I was unattractive - my feet, my ears, my butt, my gutt - and trying to make me feel downright stupid --- it was like a constant battle and IQ test. He needed so much attention from outside women when we went out... I kept telling him I didn't like these things - eventually I left him alone. 8 months ago. I'm glad I listened to this.......I think I am just missing the things we used to do together and lonely. I don't miss someone trying on purpose to make me feel like shit and put downs! He has never apologized or tried to come back in 8 months. 😒
My current situation...same point I don't wanna loose him but after listening to this...have come to realize am holding on to what I will never have...Thank you so much❤
Stephan, everything you said is right on! I saw the red flags early on, in my first two abusive marriages, but because my emotions and attachments were involved, I ignored them. It cost me a total of 20 years of heartache and danger. The sad thing is, I thought I heard from God both times, but looking back, I didn’t. It’s so easy to get deceived. Just take your time, ladies, and don’t rush anything! I’ve learned God never pushes us into anything. He’s so patient with us! Let’s give ourselves the same grace! If you suspect anything, don’t ignore it! Pray about it and seek out wise counsel! God bless you, sir, for speaking out about this! 🙏
14:14 I Love everything you said about Right person Wrong timing! I also believe that as soulmates we cross paths to help each other heal and grow… and then when the time is right we will unite again to fulfill our divine marriage. ❤❤
I find it weird how everyone tells each sex to not chase the other. It's becoming apparent that we should be talking about healthy, upfront communication instead of strategies and tactics to seduce each other and make them hooked.
No man deserves to be chased by any woman because she will be chasing for rest of her life!!! You make perfect sense, Stephan! I am teaching even young girls these important tactics and wish I would have been taught this...believe me, I learned!!! Gb
just stopped this video with 4 minutes left, just to listen to your ebook "The man God has for you " literally amazing .... as someone who is kind of going through a breakup and understanding the error in saying the wrong prayer and realizing "an inconsistent action is a consistent answer". *Chefs kiss * 10/10 recommends.
@@joygiwamogorewa369 Of course it's not going to be easy, you just need to try. No Contact helps you keep your dignity, take it one day at a time and most importantly, ask God for strength everyday.
This was right on time! I’m going through a divorce now after seven years of marriage! In the beginning he chased me… once I gained more independence financially he became jealous and abusive! I have left him alone..now he’s stalking and chasing me again! Which is weird because he should have been growing with me instead of against me! With it only being my second relationship I looked over the red flags 🚩 as if he loved me! I can see clearer now and choose not to be a victim to domestic violence💜
It must have been meant for me to come across this video today. I needed to hear this. Thank You for waking me up. You would think a guy who is 52 would be Mature at that age but CLEARLY some of them just don't grow up. I can say as crazy as this sound i didn't realize i was chasing this man. So now i've pulled all the way back and realized exactly what you said. He just probably wasn't the one anyway. It's funny when you step back and open your eyes how everything becomes alot more CLEAR to you. STAY SAFE EVERYONE. MAY GOD BLESS US ALL 🙏🏽 🙏🏽.
Your so right! I went thru this. my ex had potential but wasn’t a good fit. it was a blessing she left. I have nothing but blessings. i let it go after a few months after the breakup. I realized I’m a catch. I worked on my healing and my deeper issues. I feel so much lighter and have attracted much better suiters.
❤Jesus wants me to give and Recieve in a relationship with him. It's a job both have to give and receive but they both have to understand this. It's a connection. Just not through one person. Both have to have the connection❤😊
You're actually right sir, as a woman, I have to consult God first and find out what He wants me to do before I go into a relationship. I'm saying this because I just realized through this video that in my own case, I allowed my emotions to control me rather than asking God for directions , But now I've learnt my lessons Thank you so much Mr. Stephan, God bless you for bringing up this topic .
The best video I have ever heard in dating. This has explained so many things to me. Gosh! There are so many detailed nuances to why women get attracted to the wrong men. Thank you Stephen. God bless you 🙏🏼
Anyone else feel like they just heard an excellent sermon? This man is preaching! : ) When's the offering? Another spot on message. It hit home and I had a couple of "ouch" moments, but it's all for my betterment and growth. Love this!
Admiration is for insecure people appreciation is for secure people. Validation is our job in order to have a true relationship you have to be secure enough to create a meaningful bond or you will be whoever you’re with.
This is spot on for me! 🤗Thank you for allowing God to use you in such a profound way, concerning relationships and issues. I so needed this. I just finished reading, Power of a Praying Woman. I'm seeking God for His guidance and direction. As I want God's will for my life. 🙏❤
Your message inspired me to seek Guidance and Direction from GOD. I know GOD have a plan for me. I don't know what his plan is for me but i'm here for it. You can't go wrong when you have a Relationship with GOD. STAY SAFE EVERYONE. MAY GOD BLESS US ALL 🙏🏽 🙏🏽.
I'm not even going to lie. I got mad at this is one! 😂 Everything was so true. Stephan you hit the nail on the head! When I think of my past relationships, I understand that even my phone calls and just "checking on him" is chasing him. He's asking people about me, but he's totally out of my realm. He needs to grow up because I'm past the ridiculousness.
This is so true 😢. Unhealthy attachment is draining my energy. I admit that I just want to win his attention the same attention he gave when we first met then he kinda shifted. I feel so down and disappointment and wanted to win him back because of that thought that I love him but now I realized I just want his attention. Thank you Stephan.
I'm saying. But they'll be the loudest ones claiming they can't find a "down" woman. We just want to love and be loved. I hope he speaks on the fact that It started at home. When I was growing up the female children were groomed to be wives and homemakers, while the male children were encouraged to be needy narcissistic whores. It sucks the double standard today because now that women are taking a stand, we're not feminine and acting different. This problem is also huge in the Africa American communities. Everyone seems to hate us, including our own men. Lord help us. In my humble opinion.
Honestly, this is exactly what I'm actually struggling with right now. I'm chasing a guy who doesn't even have my time just because I like him and really want to be with him . But I know with this video, I'll be able to get over it
Stephan ... I listened to you for weeks now. You build me up. You crack me down. You are like a guardian angel on my shoulder (🥵) and this is the most significant lesson I have learned from you. I feel almost reborn. Thank you for being in my life, for free, because I could not afford your coaching IRL, US-Italy, I have to go on and have to Trust the Universe-God to help me holding on and doing whatever is necessary to get the best version of nyself and then see what God sends me. You are important to me, thank you for being there for me. ❤
He asked me out on a date. He made his intentions clear,and we spent 4 hours just chatting and rekindling our friendship and making plans for the next few times we're gonna hang out together. THE NEXT DAY, he didn't text me, I HAD TO TEXT FIRST. Lol. Canceled.😊...until God gives me some sort of Word or confirmation, I am ABSOLUTELY NOT BUDGING. My toxic ex, however, texts EVERY SINGLE DAY without fail. I'm not falling for that either. Not responding.
The man that I want is not receptive to my interest, and men that I don’t want are around ! So I see the the reality on the other side helps me face I wouldn’t want someone to be avoiding me! Still working on it……..🤦🏾♀️
Thank you for saying these things because I know I'm not crazy. There should be no chase. It should be mutual between two people. If it's not time to move around
I’m so grateful and Thankful I’m no longer chasing him. His reality is nothing he don’t have nothing going for himself no home no car I met him when he was 46, now he’s 64…I walked away to let karma in!!!
Ladies stop believing that everything you do is wrong and it is what makes a man react as he does. The true answer is that a man is not for you. Love always lifts, builds. Anyone that you have to figure out how to love them is not for you. Most men are not for you. Live for you
When I reached 24yrs old I noticed that I had no interest to chase a man, even if I'm attracted to him. When I was 19...I did. I did get him but the connection still failed. So now that I'm older....NO!! Chase no man👎 And I also notice it's hard to impress me. Miraculously, there is this one man I'm attracted to but he will never know until the right time. We do communicate but never talked about that. No rush! So ... let's see.😊
I asked out this man to coffee and he said yes so fast and showed so much interest he even offered to drive to me and said he was looking forward to seeing me. Then he canceled day before and then didnt hear from him for two weeks. He later hmu and told me he just got out of a relationship and isn't looking to jump into anther one but he said he still wants to hang out with me. I told him I dont mind hanging out as friends but I wish he would've at least put effort into talking to me more. I told him to contact me next week bc im busy this week and he said ok but other than that I never hear from him,
Thank you so much for this video. I was in a toxic marriage for more than a decade… I recently met a man who gives me love and is a great lover… I however can’t get past the fact that he’s broke and I get lazy man vibes - I feel like I almost became blinded by his potential… listening to this now it makes a lot of sense - coz when I take away the fantasy I get to my senses and realize that I’m not ready to be with a broke man.
Geez... I thought I was being picky by having ended up with a broke man. I saw his potential and was in love with his life experiences, but the reality of the present is that I want a financially secure man, or at least one who can take care of himself.
25:37 Thanks for bringing this up! Yes this might sound scary but I also believe that if I'm not going to say this at the right time, I will regret a lot in the future. I want to be at peace, so whether or not its a yes or no I must bring this up. And if he tries to use that as an excuse to play, build boundaries. Men are not dumb, some would test your boundaries to see if you are a FWB/girlfriend/wife material. Staying firm and true to yourself is the key ❤
Agreed, they will for sure test your boundaries to see how much they can get away with ie. FWB/girlfriend/wife. Likewise they will very rarely break their 'boundaries' & expect you to accept theirs but won't accept yours.
I got caught up in this situation due to me having past Abandoment Issues. When I realized this I got out of it. I thought I knew him bc we had been associates since I will like 13. I should have know from our first conversation bc he was still talking about the same stuff we talked about back then lol. Lesson learned NEVER AGAIN.
This was so good. Thankful I listened all the way to the end. Patience is the answer I believe. And keep digging deeper into healing while going slowly.
So grateful for your insight. This is helping me let go. I have the one. We went to elementary school together. Dated a few times in high-school after not seeing each other for a few years and ended up on the same flight during Xmas break. Then reconnected 24 years later on FB, when I was going through divorce. Dated for about 8 months, but I wasn't ready. Then met a mutual friend of his from childhood in a different state, completely rare situation. Then reconnected again but I had been in a failing relationship. So again, bad timing. We stayed in contact but then he tragically lost his father. Whom he was close to. Bad timing again on his end. I've shared my feelings and I'm now leaning back. He's introduced me to his mom and a neice at different times. But now has disappeared. I guess I just need to lean back. ❤
Great viedo!! I do believe in right person wrong timing. Some people just have to sort out stuff In there Life first, a couple years later they will be ready and able to put 💯 into the relationship rather than saying they are ready at present and not able to put 💯 that's maturity to me .
You could have dropped the mic and ended this video after that first point… “Does he/she properly fit in that persons life?” That’s the question of the year‼️
I found this video today and THANK YOUUUU. I’m going to keep coming back to this whenever I get the urge to reach out to him. Y’all I’m so sad and heartbroken over a situationship that lasted 2 months. Im about to tell y’all about it to avoid texting him lol. I ended things with him a few days ago because he was emotionally manipulative and wouldn’t consistently do the bare minimum things that I asked for. I care for him so much but ended it because I know I deserve better. But now whatttt, I’m so sad and hoping he reaches out saying he’s sorry and ready to commit to me 😭😭😭
I feel men should pursue but the woman has to also be welcoming… Abigail and Ruth both did pursue the man and were successful but I always say seek God for direction!
God Bless You! Stephan...right person, wrong time happens not only for women; but also for men who have not healed. ❤Peace and Love, Minister Hanifah Hightower, Detroit
❤ Get your copy of "The Man God Has For You" today! CLICK HERE 👉 www.themangodhasforyou.com 👈 Women everywhere are calling this book a blessing to read.
I've got it and read it 🙏❤️
Sooooo….True….*:*!Thirsty and desperation is so unattractive……🌸💕🌸💕🌺
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Wow, everything he's said I needed to hear, thank you
“I don’t believe in chasing. I believe in 2 ppl running towards each other in an equal effort to build a healthy and amazing relationship”
Absolutely
@@livwithnewinsight Amen
That’s beautiful 🎉
Yes!
Never works that way
I agree as woman we sometimes chase a man who actually don't deserve us to even chase him.
Thank you for sharing I appreciate that 🙏
@@MeetStephanSpeaks your welcome
💯💯
Women shouldn’t chase any man. The woman is the catch
❤️
A man should be a leader , a leader gives you clarity ❤
Most definitely!
Amen... especially when you know what you want in life and you also have a standard and expectation.
Agreed. This is my frustration. I give you every opportunity to be honest. We are adults. Let's just communicate openly even when it hurts.
@Eileen Kovach Honesty is very important when you start getting to know each other.....Amen
Amen!❤
Don't date somebody's potential, date their reality..🎯
💯
Word
🙏🏾 ❤love this comment!
Absolutely 💯 ❤❤
Yes. You can’t change them
It started as friendship, I caught feelings, told him how I feel, he seemed not to be sure taking things to the next level, I decided it's best to have no contact and move on, blocked him everywhere, 4 months later he came back saying he was ready to start something serious, now we are in a relationship, and he Is such an amazing partner. In short don't be afraid to say what you want, you might just get it
How did he come back when hee blocked lol
Do you have kids?
No
Sometimes they come back saying all this but actually want to hit it n quit it
@@redefinedliving5974 😂 same thought while I was reading it
I had a lovely first date 10 days ago and for some reason the guy didn't follow up for a 2nd. for the first time in my life, I didn't take it personal. I realized that I healed.
it's such an immense blessing. no relationship or person beats being healed and whole in ourselves. once we get this done, the right person will come along and the connection will benefit us both. wishing it to everyone.
Thank you for sharing your experience! Hopefully, it will help others learn from it. I appreciate that 🙏
I love the reaction you had to him not following up. So uplifting and gave me hope to be able to do and feel the same when/if a man doesn’t fit into my life again🙏🏾
I said no to someone, even though I liked him, because I felt he was not ready. I didn’t take his reactions personally after I said no, because like you I have healed. It’s about doing what’s right and best for you. The funny thing is, when you do the right thing, it ends up being the good thing for everyone in the end.
Beautifully said ❤
You didn't take it personal yet here you are commenting about it 😂🤡
Never chase people.
💯 yes!
facts 😊
Rule n1 ✅
Honestly the way you talk is so “clean” like you don’t put anyone down, your not negative, your not mean spirited, or overly emotional. Your communication is so beautifully balanced… I really notice that and appreciate that, rare form of intelligence imo
You hate reality😂😂😂😂
@@TuneinR reality doesn’t mean to be rude. I can tell someone something without being rude because it’s not synonymous with being real. Everyone just has different methods of telling the truth.
*You're
Don't chase. Glow up and do your own thing. If they want to come back, they will. Otherwise you still are flourishing in other aspects of life and are free to meet other people. ❤
A real woman do not chase a man! It's the man job to seek the woman God has for him! Amen!🌹🌹🌹🌹
Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate hearing from you ❤️
lol 😂
What is your definition of a 'real' woman?
@@jaycee685 A real woman do all things in truths! With no sneakyness running in her blood! Amen!🌹🌹🌹🌹
What’s a fake woman. I don’t understand when men say a real woman
I was chasing and didn’t even realize it. I did everything I could to save my marriage and it completely devastated me. I’m finally healing now after my divorce. You have been so helpful, thank you.
Glad I could help 🙏
Hugs to you!!! You fid what you were supposed to do... probably giving more than you even thought you could. There'sno shame in that. Hey, it'shis loss Sis! Happiness is the best revenge ❤
I love your videos, they just be too long
I listen when I’m at the gym. I will listen to another sometimes because I put SERIOUS work in. Listening during a commute could work too.
Wow I can 100% relate…just finally got a divorce and getting my healing if not better than ever
I just want to say that when I'm feeling sad about my situation I come to your page and it really helps me see with logic and breathe through it. Thank you Stephan
Same here...*sigh*
Stephan is a Gift of Prose to help us figure things out and build our Self Respect!
same. 😢
Took the words right out my mouth🥺🥺🫶🏾
I agree
Right man wrong time..wrong man right time...story of my life. Praying 🙏 for another experience now of right man, right time
Same
The less I stop caring, the more he seems to come around. I don't like feeling like I have go follow a 10 step program to keep a man interested. I just want to be secure enough to be myself around him. But as soon as I let my guard down around men, the more they seem to pull away. It's frustrating to feel like for a man to be interested I have to seem uninterested. 🙄
I know exactly what you mean! This has happened to me, too.
It's a hard lesson. But I learn. I toss the same energy. I don't waste my energy on people who don't return the same. Simple as that.
Go to God, trust God, put it in God’s hands… This is the mantra I need to hear 24/7! Thank you…😊
My pleasure ❤️
Never chase a man that doesn't want you! Forcing a man to be with you will never work! I'm adjusting to being single and healing now it's hard but I think of the pros and cons of the man that left me and it's more cons then pros so it helped me get more over him.
Indeed, it really helps when we embrace that!
I'm there with you. Two years post divorce from a 26 year entanglement. Working on my healing. I hung on too long and waited for him to file.
@@yotajames4145 sorry to hear that
@@MeetStephanSpeakshey speak what's your view on zodiac sign in respect to relationship
Loved this. I spent years and years and years with guys orbiting me and chasing me and when I get feelings they ghost me but then when I move on and forget about them...they come back. They liked the attention I gave them because I never had boundaries. Now I'm healing after too many times of doing this. It broke me so bad. This whole time I truly thought they really had feelings for me and this is why I struggle with dating now and not knowing what's normal and not. All this "attention" they gave me was for THEIR own good, not mine.
I'm sorry to hear about that. I pray that you heal from all that you have been through and be able to keep moving in faith 🙏 ❤️
@@MeetStephanSpeaks thank you! Truly grateful for your channel and wisdom
I can relate to this😢😢😢.
Now you know, it'll get better from here. YOU are coming home to yourself. ❤
Definitely understand and learned from that experience as well. I'm still healing and it will get better from here!
Even if he wants to pursue, we have to learn to respect his reasons for not doing so. We can’t see into his head, and the reason doesn’t have to be "valid" to us to actually be valid.
Ego Trip 101… They don’t want you, but they need you to keep wanting them.
As a fearful avoidant, this message is required and appreciated as a reminder/harsh reality 🙏🏾
I'm happy this has been helpful to you 🙏
@@MeetStephanSpeaks Stephan, does prepare a green tea and cup cake for a guy I’m interested means I’m chasing him???
"Dont do potential, Do reality!"
Man that hid hard! I've done that in every relationship... always trying to force the best of them out, but overlooking/reality/red flags!
When a man do the chasing, it tells me that he finds me valuable not because I view it as myself as an attention seeker. It only tells me that he took time out of his busy schedule to pursue me and show that he is genuinely interested in me. If I am already in love with him or have a crush on him, it increases the chance of me accepting him into my life. When I love, I love hard and when he chases me, it's easy for me to open up and tell him how I feel. You got it wrong, men are supposed to pursue and chase. He is designed to ask, and it's up to the woman to deny. When a man chase and pursue the woman, it shows her that he finds her interesting and most of all important and valuable. As a 48 year old experienced woman, that's how a lot of women feel secretly. It's also a major turn on to a lot of women when men do the chasing and pursuing. Just keeping it 💯❤️
Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate hearing from you ❤️
💯my sentiments exactly! 🥰
I did everything to get him back to the point I was drained. The humiliating part was when I found out he was focusing his attention on other things and women. Now I realized he wasn't meant for me and I stopped chasing him like I just don't see him the same. Life has been great so far and my relationship with God is progressing!
Anybody else yell at their phone listening? 😂 Yeah my feelings a lil hurt but since it hit I know I was meant to hear this. Thank you sir.
I felt like you were talking to me this whole time. I was dealing with a man from my past (from when I was 18 or so) I’m 31 now and I thought this would be a second chance for us. we were consistently together for a year(and when I sat together I basically mean a situationship )and nothing.. he never asked me to be his girl and I didn’t know what the hell was going on so last month I sat down with him and I embraced my vulnerability…. After all he said he didn’t want a relationship but that he loved me (w.e the hell that means) and he had other things to focus on. I felt like it was a dagger to my heart
I was in denial for like a week and thinking to myself I don’t wanna be alone. And then it hit me. WTH am I doing not loving or respecting myself and staying around for this bull. It’s been a little over a month now and even tho it’s been hard I know I did the right choice by walking away
I hope to move on from this soon 🙏
Focus on you. Your growth or career or personal development. Have fun discovering yourself. You'll be just fine and you won't think of it as a negative but a positive because you're free for the right man. Pray for direction. When the man God has for you comes you won't have to ask if he's the one; he'll make it known. Many Blessings😇
@@rxgirl9609 thank you for your words. That’s exactly what I’ve been doing
Good for you girl! 💜🌹💪😘
Praying for you 🙏
It takes courage to walk away from someone like Stephen said ‘a man that is not pouring the same love into you that you were pouring into him.’ In other words it was not reciprocal. Can’t have a one sided relationship, that’s not from God. God is the best matchmaker, trust Him and be patient. It may take awhile before you see your right guy, because you need to heal from this one, completely. Again be patient and trust God’s timing, He will come through for you, and you will experience the best love story of your life 🌸
Seeing the “potential “ or the “one day wager” is a dangerous place to be. Speaking from experience.
Thank you for sharing your experience! Hopefully, it will help others learn from it. I appreciate that 🙏
I was raised to never chase after no man except for GOD!! With that being said, I wouldn’t want a man to chase after me either, I believe in having a genuine connection with someone and if we both don’t feel that genuine connection, then it’s best if we move on.
You alone on this one, but it's a turn on for a real woman like me to have a man chase the shit out of me!!! It excites me that he find me that valuable enough to take time out of his busy day to chase the shit out me!!! I honor your opinions but different strokes for different folks!!!😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😜😜😜😜😜😜😜
I most definitely 👍🏽 will not be doing this! I’m not chasing no man 👨🏽. 💯💯💯
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤ 🙏
OMG this has so many spot-on truths!!! When he said, “Are you chasing love or attention,” That just smacked me between the eyes l!! Love listening to this man
I have finally learned my lessons.... to stop doing this because the guy wasn't worth it at all
About "the right person at the wrong time"... If he is the right match for you, you should not push to make things happen and try to convince him. He should see your value despite his "unfortunate circumstances". If he does not, it is because he is not sufficiently into you, let's not find excuses
This happened to me but I am a woman. He wanted to be together when my life was falling apart. I broke up with an ex of 5 yrs. A very close family member died who practically raised me. I discovered the narcissism of my mother and my whole clan supporting it. My life was literally built on lies. Had no job and money. Left to care for my grandpa whos also a narc and an uncle with down syndrome. This reasoning of yours is so entitled and selfish and inconsiderate of men's suffering. You put so much pressure on men like theyre Gods who cant have valid weakness. I mean yes, most of them suck but there are valid reasons that it might really just be a wrong time. I hope you don't go crazy on self-respect and self-love that its morphing into self-entitlement and grandiosity. Its obviously what you have here
I felt very identified with "right guy wrong time". I experienced it myself recently and after watching this video I firmly believe this experience was a wake up call. After talking about it with friends and family, I realize that chasing my "right guy" when it's the "wrong time" can hurt us both. I really hope another chance with my "right guy" comes around, i really do.... but if it's not the case, I wish him and me happiness and love even if we are not together. Thanks Stephan, I'm very grateful to you
Girl!!! I'm in the same boat. Right guy, wrong timing!!
If you don’t address the issues the issues will be the very reason this relationship doesn’t work…! Don’t be afraid to question and take your time!! Being impatient has hurt me more than anything- narcs pursue/ and they make you feel amazing- until they don’t.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback ❤️ 🙏
I dated someone who was older then me recently, during covid. They took such care of me and did things for me that I wasn't used to - never had a man that was a leader but he was. Until he started criticizing MY LOOKS -- I accepted everything about him, his weight, his mental issues, his crazy family! He wanted to put me down and make me feel like I was unattractive - my feet, my ears, my butt, my gutt - and trying to make me feel downright stupid --- it was like a constant battle and IQ test. He needed so much attention from outside women when we went out... I kept telling him I didn't like these things - eventually I left him alone. 8 months ago. I'm glad I listened to this.......I think I am just missing the things we used to do together and lonely. I don't miss someone trying on purpose to make me feel like shit and put downs! He has never apologized or tried to come back in 8 months. 😒
Narcissist is his name.
He's a sad, old person, and alone, now that's pathetic! Know your worth 🫶
My current situation...same point I don't wanna loose him but after listening to this...have come to realize am holding on to what I will never have...Thank you so much❤
You deserve better. Stop settling for less.
I did it because I was the one in the wrong . I was willing to go to the ends of the earth to make it right. He is worth it .
Stephan, everything you said is right on! I saw the red flags early on, in my first two abusive marriages, but because my emotions and attachments were involved, I ignored them. It cost me a total of 20 years of heartache and danger. The sad thing is, I thought I heard from God both times, but looking back, I didn’t. It’s so easy to get deceived. Just take your time, ladies, and don’t rush anything! I’ve learned God never pushes us into anything. He’s so patient with us! Let’s give ourselves the same grace! If you suspect anything, don’t ignore it! Pray about it and seek out wise counsel! God bless you, sir, for speaking out about this! 🙏
I'm happy this has been helpful to you, don't forget to share so that others can receive love, healing, and clarity ❤ 🙏
@@MeetStephanSpeaks Exactly! I’ve shared your videos with a couple of my other female friends. Thanks for taking the time to respond! God bless you! 🙏
14:14 I Love everything you said about Right person Wrong timing! I also believe that as soulmates we cross paths to help each other heal and grow… and then when the time is right we will unite again to fulfill our divine marriage. ❤❤
This explains me perfectly. I needed to hear this. I just decided to face reality and ended this situationship.
Glad I could help 🙏
SAME!! Just ended a year and a half long situationship😢
o man its so hard, but how prevalent is this? why? I hate it!!
I find it weird how everyone tells each sex to not chase the other. It's becoming apparent that we should be talking about healthy, upfront communication instead of strategies and tactics to seduce each other and make them hooked.
OMG! This! We have to fix this!
Right??? 😊
No man deserves to be chased by any woman because she will be chasing for rest of her life!!! You make perfect sense, Stephan! I am teaching even young girls these important tactics and wish I would have been taught this...believe me, I learned!!! Gb
just stopped this video with 4 minutes left, just to listen to your ebook "The man God has for you " literally amazing .... as someone who is kind of going through a breakup and understanding the error in saying the wrong prayer and realizing "an inconsistent action is a consistent answer". *Chefs kiss * 10/10 recommends.
Thank you. Chasing is what I’m doing right now and I’m devastated. It’s all cleared now. Thank you
Same here. It's so so hard to make the decision to step away. 😭 I need strength o Lord
@@joygiwamogorewa369 You need to walk away now, else it's going to hurt more if you give it more time.
@@damilolasowunmi3507 thank you have done that. Now I'm battling with the temptation of going back. Gosh! Not so easy!
@@joygiwamogorewa369 Of course it's not going to be easy, you just need to try. No Contact helps you keep your dignity, take it one day at a time and most importantly, ask God for strength everyday.
@@damilolasowunmi3507 yeah. Thank you so much for the encouraging words ❤️
This was right on time! I’m going through a divorce now after seven years of marriage! In the beginning he chased me… once I gained more independence financially he became jealous and abusive! I have left him alone..now he’s stalking and chasing me again! Which is weird because he should have been growing with me instead of against me! With it only being my second relationship I looked over the red flags 🚩 as if he loved me! I can see clearer now and choose not to be a victim to domestic violence💜
It must have been meant for me to come across this video today. I needed to hear this. Thank You for waking me up. You would think a guy who is 52 would be Mature at that age but CLEARLY some of them just don't grow up. I can say as crazy as this sound i didn't realize i was chasing this man. So now i've pulled all the way back and realized exactly what you said. He just probably wasn't the one anyway. It's funny when you step back and open your eyes how everything becomes alot more CLEAR to you.
STAY SAFE EVERYONE. MAY GOD BLESS US ALL 🙏🏽 🙏🏽.
Same here hun. Praying for you 🙏🏾
May God bless you as well and may you receive the man who is truly best for you, the man God has for you 🙏
When you step back, your eyes open to the fact that you have been the one doing the chasing
Your so right! I went thru this. my ex had potential but wasn’t a good fit. it was a blessing she left. I have nothing but blessings. i let it go after a few months after the breakup. I realized I’m a catch. I worked on my healing and my deeper issues. I feel so much lighter and have attracted much better suiters.
❤Jesus wants me to give and Recieve in a relationship with him. It's a job both have to give and receive but they both have to understand this. It's a connection. Just not through one person. Both have to have the connection❤😊
You're actually right sir, as a woman, I have to consult God first and find out what He wants me to do before I go into a relationship.
I'm saying this because I just realized through this video that in my own case, I allowed my emotions to control me rather than asking God for directions ,
But now I've learnt my lessons
Thank you so much Mr. Stephan, God bless you for bringing up this topic .
The best video I have ever heard in dating. This has explained so many things to me. Gosh! There are so many detailed nuances to why women get attracted to the wrong men. Thank you Stephen. God bless you 🙏🏼
❤️ 🙂 Thank you for your feedback and may God bless you as well 🙏
Omg.. this really spoke to me.. I’ve been praying about a situation and asking God why… it was answered.. WOW !!!! Thank you ❤
My pleasure ❤
Let Go and Let God is truly the core of this message.
Chill - with God❤
Don’t chase the potential but clearly check into the reality of what is going on…. Brilliant.
Anyone else feel like they just heard an excellent sermon? This man is preaching! : ) When's the offering? Another spot on message. It hit home and I had a couple of "ouch" moments, but it's all for my betterment and growth. Love this!
Yes. I’m responding as I’m watching. Loneliness attention trying hard to prove I’m the one. Your channel has helped so much
I had just became a widow.
Glad I could help 🙏
Admiration is for insecure people appreciation is for secure people. Validation is our job in order to have a true relationship you have to be secure enough to create a meaningful bond or you will be whoever you’re with.
This is spot on for me! 🤗Thank you for allowing God to use you in such a profound way, concerning relationships and issues. I so needed this. I just finished reading, Power of a Praying Woman. I'm seeking God for His guidance and direction. As I want God's will for my life. 🙏❤
I'm happy this has been helpful to you 🙏
Your message inspired me to seek Guidance and Direction from GOD. I know GOD have a plan for me. I don't know what his plan is for me but i'm here for it. You can't go wrong when you have a Relationship with GOD.
STAY SAFE EVERYONE. MAY GOD BLESS US ALL 🙏🏽 🙏🏽.
I'm not even going to lie. I got mad at this is one! 😂 Everything was so true. Stephan you hit the nail on the head! When I think of my past relationships, I understand that even my phone calls and just "checking on him" is chasing him. He's asking people about me, but he's totally out of my realm. He needs to grow up because I'm past the ridiculousness.
Chase the word of God❤️It's a better outcome on any relationship or marriage 😊
This is so true 😢. Unhealthy attachment is draining my energy. I admit that I just want to win his attention the same attention he gave when we first met then he kinda shifted. I feel so down and disappointment and wanted to win him back because of that thought that I love him but now I realized I just want his attention. Thank you Stephan.
This is just TOO MUCH! Why can't people just communicate what they want? Life is too short for all of these games.
I'm saying. But they'll be the loudest ones claiming they can't find a "down" woman. We just want to love and be loved. I hope he speaks on the fact that It started at home. When I was growing up the female children were groomed to be wives and homemakers, while the male children were encouraged to be needy narcissistic whores. It sucks the double standard today because now that women are taking a stand, we're not feminine and acting different. This problem is also huge in the Africa American communities. Everyone seems to hate us, including our own men. Lord help us. In my humble opinion.
THIS MAN !! You nailed everything. EVERY SINGLE THING !! Thank you for helping millions of people
Same for her because if it's not reciprocated it's a sign that person is not for you
Honestly, this is exactly what I'm actually struggling with right now. I'm chasing a guy who doesn't even have my time just because I like him and really want to be with him .
But I know with this video, I'll be able to get over it
I am now dating someone whom it was the wrong time for (for him) from 24 years ago, so yes!! ❤
thanks stephan! I learnt that its important to be always OBSERVANT rather than holding back to avoid
Stephan ... I listened to you for weeks now. You build me up. You crack me down. You are like a guardian angel on my shoulder (🥵) and this is the most significant lesson I have learned from you. I feel almost reborn.
Thank you for being in my life, for free, because I could not afford your coaching IRL, US-Italy,
I have to go on and have to Trust the Universe-God to help me holding on and doing whatever is necessary to get the best version of nyself and then see what God sends me.
You are important to me, thank you for being there for me. ❤
This was the most beautiful and honest thing I’ve ever heard. He’s so right !
I haven't experienced right person wrong time, but I do believe in it.
He asked me out on a date. He made his intentions clear,and we spent 4 hours just chatting and rekindling our friendship and making plans for the next few times we're gonna hang out together. THE NEXT DAY, he didn't text me, I HAD TO TEXT FIRST. Lol. Canceled.😊...until God gives me some sort of Word or confirmation, I am ABSOLUTELY NOT BUDGING.
My toxic ex, however, texts EVERY SINGLE DAY without fail. I'm not falling for that either. Not responding.
The man that I want is not receptive to my interest, and men that I don’t want are around ! So I see the the reality on the other side helps me face I wouldn’t want someone to be avoiding me! Still working on it……..🤦🏾♀️
🙏 I hope you reaches the point of truly doing what is best.
Thank you for saying these things because I know I'm not crazy. There should be no chase. It should be mutual between two people. If it's not time to move around
I'm happy this has been helpful to you 🙏
I’m so grateful and Thankful I’m no longer chasing him. His reality is nothing he don’t have nothing going for himself no home no car I met him when he was 46, now he’s 64…I walked away to let karma in!!!
Unless you are dating a Narcissist and then you don’t see their reality immediately.🙄
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I appreciate hearing from you ❤
My ex-husband was a narcissist, and he did not drop his mask and show his true self for two years....... it was waaaay too late for me.
I’m afraid for myself for being with a man who does not love me as a person .but keeps me for other reasons .😮
I feel you, it definitely isn't an easy situation, but the focus needs to be on doing what is truly best 🙏
I love that you tell us to reach into our spirit. The clarity is wild!
@Stephan Speaks I resonated with the fact that trusting in The Heavenly Father and perhaps wait or be in the process is perfect!
You made me cry in this one! This spoke to my heart, everything you said is my story. Thank you for your wisdom.
We use to be together now it's long distance but he matches my Energy we mirror each other he's always giving me his time 😊 I hope that's a great sign
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
Ladies stop believing that everything you do is wrong and it is what makes a man react as he does. The true answer is that a man is not for you. Love always lifts, builds. Anyone that you have to figure out how to love them is not for you. Most men are not for you. Live for you
When I reached 24yrs old I noticed that I had no interest to chase a man, even if I'm attracted to him. When I was 19...I did. I did get him but the connection still failed. So now that I'm older....NO!! Chase no man👎 And I also notice it's hard to impress me. Miraculously, there is this one man I'm attracted to but he will never know until the right time. We do communicate but never talked about that. No rush! So ... let's see.😊
you nailed my life right now.... omg i am in tears listening to you,,,,, all so right
I love this and agree.... he may be the right person but the wrong time... chill it's happen🙏
I asked out this man to coffee and he said yes so fast and showed so much interest he even offered to drive to me and said he was looking forward to seeing me. Then he canceled day before and then didnt hear from him for two weeks. He later hmu and told me he just got out of a relationship and isn't looking to jump into anther one but he said he still wants to hang out with me. I told him I dont mind hanging out as friends but I wish he would've at least put effort into talking to me more. I told him to contact me next week bc im busy this week and he said ok but other than that I never hear from him,
😂
Thank you so much for this video. I was in a toxic marriage for more than a decade… I recently met a man who gives me love and is a great lover… I however can’t get past the fact that he’s broke and I get lazy man vibes - I feel like I almost became blinded by his potential… listening to this now it makes a lot of sense - coz when I take away the fantasy I get to my senses and realize that I’m not ready to be with a broke man.
Geez... I thought I was being picky by having ended up with a broke man. I saw his potential and was in love with his life experiences, but the reality of the present is that I want a financially secure man, or at least one who can take care of himself.
25:37 Thanks for bringing this up! Yes this might sound scary but I also believe that if I'm not going to say this at the right time, I will regret a lot in the future. I want to be at peace, so whether or not its a yes or no I must bring this up. And if he tries to use that as an excuse to play, build boundaries. Men are not dumb, some would test your boundaries to see if you are a FWB/girlfriend/wife material. Staying firm and true to yourself is the key ❤
Agreed, they will for sure test your boundaries to see how much they can get away with ie. FWB/girlfriend/wife. Likewise they will very rarely break their 'boundaries' & expect you to accept theirs but won't accept yours.
I got caught up in this situation due to me having past Abandoment Issues. When I realized this I got out of it. I thought I knew him bc we had been associates since I will like 13. I should have know from our first conversation bc he was still talking about the same stuff we talked about back then lol. Lesson learned NEVER AGAIN.
This was so good. Thankful I listened all the way to the end. Patience is the answer I believe. And keep digging deeper into healing while going slowly.
So grateful for your insight. This is helping me let go. I have the one. We went to elementary school together. Dated a few times in high-school after not seeing each other for a few years and ended up on the same flight during Xmas break. Then reconnected 24 years later on FB, when I was going through divorce. Dated for about 8 months, but I wasn't ready. Then met a mutual friend of his from childhood in a different state, completely rare situation. Then reconnected again but I had been in a failing relationship. So again, bad timing. We stayed in contact but then he tragically lost his father. Whom he was close to. Bad timing again on his end. I've shared my feelings and I'm now leaning back. He's introduced me to his mom and a neice at different times. But now has disappeared. I guess I just need to lean back. ❤
Great viedo!! I do believe in right person wrong timing. Some people just have to sort out stuff In there Life first, a couple years later they will be ready and able to put 💯 into the relationship rather than saying they are ready at present and not able to put 💯 that's maturity to me .
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that!
Yes RIGHT person Wrong time is so true❤❤❤
You could have dropped the mic and ended this video after that first point… “Does he/she properly fit in that persons life?” That’s the question of the year‼️
I found this video today and THANK YOUUUU. I’m going to keep coming back to this whenever I get the urge to reach out to him. Y’all I’m so sad and heartbroken over a situationship that lasted 2 months. Im about to tell y’all about it to avoid texting him lol. I ended things with him a few days ago because he was emotionally manipulative and wouldn’t consistently do the bare minimum things that I asked for. I care for him so much but ended it because I know I deserve better. But now whatttt, I’m so sad and hoping he reaches out saying he’s sorry and ready to commit to me 😭😭😭
Stay strong, its never easy but keeping you dignity should be your top priority. Ask God for strength.
You are a good human being. Always watch your videos. Thank you for sharing.
I appreciate that 🙏
I feel men should pursue but the woman has to also be welcoming… Abigail and Ruth both did pursue the man and were successful but I always say seek God for direction!
Speaking straight to my soul... when you touched on that point about guilt, that was it for me
Your brilliant advice always finds its wsy to me Exactly wen i need it! Thanku Stephan 4 helping so many women through the trials of dating.
The beginning of your video was a serious eye opener.
Glad to hear that, thank you for your feedback!
God Bless You! Stephan...right person, wrong time happens not only for women; but also for men who have not healed. ❤Peace and Love, Minister Hanifah Hightower, Detroit